crabsticksforbreakfast

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Help! New York has stolen my boyfriend!

I haven’t written for a VERY long time, I know. The truth is, I tend not to need to when I’m happy, and happy I have been since I got together with my lovely S2 a year and a half ago. Of course there are difficult moments, especially when my brain does the thing and I get all anxious for stupid reasons, or he goes off script in some way and I don’t have a way to cope with it.

Right now, he is going off script, big time, and yes, I am struggling. Once I say what it is, some of you are going to say, “pffft, what the hell is the big deal”, but remember (a lot of people seem to forget) that each brain works differently. We all have our own fears and our own set of values that we assume other people share, or at least can understand.

So, what has he done? The answer is, he has gone to New York. Not forever (thank God), but it has sent me into a horrible spiral of anxiety, just as I knew it would when he very first told me about it. He has gone to support a school trip, and he will return on Tuesday. Here I am definitely sensing the “pfffft”, but hang on. Let me explain the many reasons why this messes with my brain.

My boyfriend and I are in some ways very similar creatures. We’re silly and childish with a weird sense of humour, we like being lazy and cuddling up together, we both LOVE music, we have similar views on life and what we want life to be, and we love going on adventures... together. Whether at home or away, I have become very used to having him at easy reach. We meet up every Wednesday after work for date night, and I stay at his parents’ house with him at weekends. When we go away, I drive us somewhere far away, deep in the countryside, usually, and we wander around together, totally content with each other’s company. I have a few friends, S2 has none, but we have never actually hung out with my friends or anyone else. It’s always just us, and I love that. He is my safe zone, my happy place. We always send each other morning texts with a precise amount of kisses, and after work, we text all evening until bedtime, often using the same phrases and bringing up the same in-jokes. It never gets boring, and I still get the same butterflies when his name pops up on my phone as I did in those heady and confusing days before we got together. I rely on our little routines to get through the day. I guess you could say I’m addicted to him and the way we do things - I’m addicted to being a part of a perfect pair, and not one thing in this world would tempt me to willingly walk away from that, even for a moment.

One Wednesday afternoon, I’d driven the forty minute drive from my work to his to pick him up. I don’t like the drive, but I do it whenever he asks me to (he usually catches the train and I collect him from a station closer to home) because I like to make things easy for him and because it means I can spend as much time with him as possible when he finishes late. When I pull up outside his school, I’m usually a little shaken as I’m a nervous driver and there are some scary roads on this route, and this day was no exception. When I saw S2, my little heart lit up and I gave him my usual greeting, a “helloooo”, a big grin and a kiss. We drove off into the town (more scary roads) and while I was driving, he told me something that could have easily made me crash my car - he had signed himself up to go on a school trip to New York during February half term. My heart sank, and these are the reasons why:

1. Half terms are the only times we get to spend any REAL chunks of time together. I didn’t want to miss out on this time that I enjoy so much. Looking forward to half term with S2 gets me through the term! As much as I love doing what I do, working in a school is exhausting and sometimes stressful. Even when we don’t go away on holiday, being with him is holiday enough.

2. We were meant to be looking for a place to live together. S2 had agreed to check out some caravans parks with me during February half term and I was so excited. I have always had two dreams in life. One is to be in a beautiful forever relationship with my perfect person - check! The second is to have my own home and move out of my mother’s house. I could see my dream on the horizon! And then it disappeared.

3. I felt hurt because his decision to go went against one of my own values - I would never, ever, choose to do anything when the alternative was spending time with S2. My friends all know that I will fit them in AROUND my timetabled S2 time. Even my own mother has (I think) finally come to terms with the fact that my weekends belong to S2, not her. When I have uni work, instead of doing it at weekends like I used to, I do some on my lunch break, and the rest in the evenings I’m not with S2. Any “fun” things wouldn’t even make it onto my agenda if it meant “fun, but without S2″. I felt so deeply disturbed that S2 was happily choosing to do something he didn’t actually HAVE to do at a time that he would have been with me. Even now, after knowing he has chosen to do this, I still stick to my values. Things have come up that have peaked my interest, but as soon as I’ve realised they are happening during S2 time, I forget about them. Someone could offer me an all expenses paid trip to Norway with guaranteed Northern Lights and my own little red cottage with mountain views and I’d still say no if it meant being away from S2. Priorities! I didn’t feel much like a priority when I heard what S2 planned to do...

So, feeling all of these things at once, but still trying not to crash my car, I went quiet. S2 noticed something was wrong and starting trying to ask me, so I started doing that annoying “woman” thing of saying, “I’m fine” when I really wasn’t fine at all. Realising it was about the trip, S2 started back-tracking, offering to pull out if I really didn’t want him to go. At this point, a whole bunch of other thoughts popped into my head, on top of the hurty feelings I mentioned above:

1. What the hell kind of bitch girlfriend would TELL her boyfriend he couldn’t do something he wanted to do? One of my all-time pet peeves is when people are controlling over their partners and try to impose rules on how they live their lives.

2. BUT I REALLY, REALLY didn’t want him to go! So how could I just lie and say it was fine when it felt like my heart was being jammed into a shredder? 

3. Even if I did pretend it was all good in the hood, how long would it be before my mask fell off and S2 saw how upset I really was about it? And what would happen then? Would it change anything? And if it did change anything, how bloody guilty would I feel about it?

So, in my usual painfully awkward way, I bottled it all up until we got to his house, and as soon as he mentioned it to his parents (who were really thrilled about it) I went into shut down mode, realising I was failing terribly at not crying in front of everyone and locked myself in the bathroom for a panic. After this, I tried to put on a brave face and cook dinner like a normal person, but I couldn’t, and S2 wouldn’t stop looking at my eyes and trying to get me to talk about what was bothering me. If you’ve read my blog, you’ll all be very aware of how difficult I find it to actually talk about my feelings to the person those feelings involve. I ended up turning into a pitiful, crying mess, forcing out each excruciating word, which made me cry even more. Somehow I managed to express some of what I was feeling and obviously this made S2 feel so bad he wouldn’t stop holding me and telling me or hinting at his secret plans that should really have stayed secret in order to make me feel better. What those plans were is a whole different blog post, so I won’t go into details! I mean, sort of knowing his intentions with me did make me feel good, but it still didn’t make me feel better about this New York trip. By the end of the evening, he had uttered the forbidden word (love!!!) so many times I was on quite a high, and he had also said enough to make me think that he probably wouldn’t be chosen for the trip anyway, so I pushed it to the back of my mind for a week.

The following Wednesday, I made the same journey to pick him up from work, and I had almost forgotten about New York. But then, at exactly the same point on the map as last time, he mentioned it again... and this time it was worse. He was actually going. I can’t actually remember how I reacted. I think I was kind of numb. I guess I’d thought about it enough and kind of expected it deep down, so I managed to appear OK. Obviously I was broken into pieces, but I was also so emotionally tired that it didn’t show. Feeling guilty, S2 directed me to a nice restaurant (where we’d gone on our first date) and pulled out all the stops to make me feel better. Again, all very nice, but it didn’t change the fact that he was going...

Because I actually value my relationship and don’t intend to start messing it up, I have managed to keep up my brave face until now. I got all through Christmas and my birthday without letting the dreaded NY monster take over me. S2 talked about it, but not so much that it triggered my anxiety, and things just kind of bumbled along smoothly. I tried my best to stop seeing his choice to go as a direct insult, and that was probably the way I helped myself the most. I also talked it out with Binbag and Skittles, who both completely understood my feelings and offered their services to cheer me up while S2 was away. Before their offers, my plan had been to sit under my duvet and cry for five solid days, so I was grateful, despite knowing exactly how my mind would be dealing with (or not) my situation. Little did I know exactly how hard it would be, or what complications would come along to make things even worse.

Yesterday at around 4PM, I parked up and saw that S2 had texted me. He was just getting on the plane and promised to email me when he got to New York. A part of me was freaking out because AAAAGGGHHHH IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING, but the promise of his email was something to cling on to. I kind of knew roughly how long the flight would be, so had a time frame in mind where I expected to receive contact. Good. I could just about cope with this. I went home, decided I needed a Chinese, ate the Chinese and sat around watching rubbish TV until I felt tired enough to go to bed. That was around 10PM. I had already made sure my notifications were switched on so I’d be woken up at some point within the next few hours by S2′s “I’m here” text. Ignoring my obvious niggling anxieties about his plane nosediving into the ocean, or being shot by Donald Trump upon arrival, I drifted off into a pretty deep slumber. 

Unusually for me, I didn’t wake up until about 4AM. At first, all I could think about was the weird dream I’d just had about trains and bicycles, but then it hit me. I hadn’t had my email! Surely he couldn’t still be on the plane? The flight would not have taken 12 hours, so surely he was already settled into his hotel and had had plenty of time to send me a quick email... Cue extreme panic! Cue sending myself copious nonsense emails to make sure my app was working! Cue desperately trying to Google something that gave me an indication of what had been going on with flights to New York! Cue taking to Facebook for reassurance from people who were definitely all still asleep! Cue crying, lots of.

The hours that followed were some of the most stressful and upsetting I have ever experienced. I don’t think I can even accurately explain what was going on in my head, but there was a lot of wildly swinging from “he probably just ran out of battery or can’t get WiFi” to “OMG HE’S DEFINITELY 100% DEAD AND I MIGHT AS WELL JUST JUMP OFF A BRIDGE NOW!” My brain was also giving me the horrible scenario of “maybe he just doesn’t really care all that much about you and decided not to contact you”. Great times. Great, tearful, wailing times, in the dark, all by myself!

I ended up posting in a travel group on Facebook I use frequently. I just wanted some kind words and reassurance, and I did get plenty. I also received some useful information/notions that I either didn’t know before, or hadn’t considered in my stressed-out state. They were:

1. Apparently WiFi in New York is terrible. Several said there aren’t really many free WiFi options available and they thought he probably hadn’t been able to contact me because of this.

2. There had been no reports of plane crashes or problems, so he was probably perfectly safe and alive. Several made a very valid point - if something had happened to a plane flying to New York, it would be all over the news in an instant.

3. Flights that long are tiring to the point he might have simply been too exhausted to make contact.

4. Being in charge of a group of kids, he might not have had the chance to grab his phone out of his pocket.

All of these ideas, as well as the many kind words and reassuring comments that people offered did help a little, but my brain was stuck so far into panic mode that it still wasn’t enough to calm me down and allow me to go back to sleep. I just needed contact. That was the only thing that could really help. And it wasn’t there.

A few hours later, time had moved forward while I had stayed still, and I received contact from S2′s mum, Diva, telling me not to worry, and this was just what S2 was like. But I knew differently! S2 was NEVER like that with me. There have been times when one or both of our phones have glitched out and contact has been lost, and I have spun off into a panic. S2 has learned that I need reassurance in these circumstances, so as soon as he realises something is wrong with the phones, he’ll get his mum to text me, or get on Facebook to message me instead. It stops me going crazy and assuming he suddenly hates me, which is a pretty common thing for me to do, unfortunately!

Anyway, so Diva’s comment didn’t really have the desired effect. In fact I started to question her mindset. Why wasn’t SHE worried that she hadn’t heard from him? Wasn’t that like a trademark thing for a mother to do? My mother worries about me if I go out in the next town and don’t contact her, so God only knows how she’d be if I jetted off to New York and didn’t touch base when I got there.

Another person we all used to work with ended up commenting too, and at first, her words were comforting. She echoed a lot of what was being said to me in the travel group. The problem was, other things were being said in the travel group that were triggering off other worrisome thoughts and giving me ideas, like, “you should contact the school/hotel to see if he has arrived”. I had tried Tweeting the school earlier, but unsurprisingly, no one was answering me at 4AM on the first Saturday of half term. So, the hotel... but what was it called? I don’t think S2 had ever told me the name of it, so I didn’t know what to look for. Thinking this was a great idea, I found one of Diva’s comments on my post and asked her if she new the name of the hotel. The first response came from the other person who’d commented and it shocked me. She all-caps shouted at me to “STOP IT” and basically told me off for even considering it, ordering me to just give up and get on with my life. Ummmm, well, I can’t really do that when I’m the most worried I’ve ever been, but OK!!! Then, even more to my surprise, Diva replied, ignoring my question, choosing instead to agree with the other woman. What?!?!?! His own MOTHER?!?! Refusing to help me, his loving girlfriend who she has always wholeheartedly approved of, find out if her OWN SON was still bloody alive?!?!?! I was stunned, mortified and livid all at once, and without even thinking, I snapped back, “So you won’t tell me?” deliberately omitting kisses for impact. As much as I felt well within my rights to question her mean decision, I immediately felt sick. The last person I needed to fall out with at this time, or any other, was my boyfriend’s mother. If she had taken an extreme dislike to me because of my snappy comment, my relationship with S2 faced a huge hurdle. He pretty much does anything his mum says, and most of our relationship takes place under her roof, so yeah, her hating me would kinda mess things up. Shit. I was halfway through composing a text to her, begging her to help me, but I didn’t want to make things even worse, and that’s when I fell into a pathetic crying mess. My mother was in the vicinity and heard me, so she came into my room. I was expecting her to be kind and comfort me, but instead she pretty much told me to man up and stop being stupid. Hurt and still deeply distressed, I told her to “fuck off”, which, again, made me think, “oh, shit”. She did immediately turn back to battle me, but I just cried and cried and wailed about how I needed her to be supportive, not to talk to me like I was pathetic. I don’t think she really got what I meant, but she refrained from continuing the argument and left. I cried solidly for hours after this, struggling to find comfort in anything anymore. Skittles had offered to meet up with me to cheer me up, and although I knew I’d enjoy seeing her, I couldn’t even comprehend being ready enough to leave me room. Plus, Diva was still ignoring me, so I was imagining all kinds of awkward and horrible scenarios that might occur between us. And through it all, I STILL hadn’t heard from S2.

Eventually, I was exhausted enough for a very patchy snooze, which killed about an hour, then I managed to drag myself into the shower, where I cried some more. By the time I was out, I was almost late for meeting Skittles. I hurriedly started trying to put my makeup on as the tears were still flowing. My mother was being kinder to me by this point too. I was so tired, my hands were shaking. And then, finally, it happened! AFTER 19 HOURS!!!!

S2 texted me instead of emailing, telling me that his data wasn’t working and that he was fine. The relief made me cry even more than the worry, and being so emotionally drained I could only manage to say that “I was so worried” and I was glad he was OK. He texted me a couple more times over the next hour or so while I was eating lunch with Skittles, and for a while I still couldn’t say anything apart from expressing how worried I had been. Diva had also texted me by this point, with kinder words, and I apologised for snapping at her.

I hung out with Skittles for the rest of the day, going back to her house to watch a movie. S2 continued to text me on and off, often with photos to accompany his words. I was better able to hold a conversation by this point, and even now as the evening is coming to an end here at home, I’m still in contact with him. I still don’t like the fact that he is so far away, that he will be there for days yet to come, and that there is likely to be a huge chunk of time I don’t hear from him when he is travelling home, but at least I know he’s not floating around in the sea, and his head isn’t mounted on Donald Trump’s trophy wall.

#boyfriend #stress #anxiety #travel #worrying #relationships #relationship #mental health

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Photography by dccitygirl

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Aster Twilight Heaven On Mt Rainier by Kevin McNeal

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The perfect lodge

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Longyearbyen , Spitsbergen, Svalbard

by Daniel Kordan

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I haven't posted in a while...

The reason for this? I'm happy, genuinely happy, for the first time in my life. I think that a lot of my internet use in times gone by has been a crutch. My blog, for example, was a place for me to vent and express my frustrations. Even when I posted about happy moments, these moments were usually part of an ongoing situation that had no predictable outcome. I was always waiting for a happy ending, and blogging about it allowed me to daydream, to plan, to justify why certain things were happening. Now I don't need to do this any more. I have my happy ending.

One of the situations I blogged about the most was my will they won't they romance with S2. For 10 months, I flitted between moments of extreme excitement and hope, and times of extreme confusion and loneliness. I knew there was something between S2 and I, but he often seemed resistant to actually making a proper move on me. The hardest time was after we'd been messaging and flirting for a few months, and then he suddenly "went weird" and we stopped talking. My heart was crushed because I'd been so hopeful that he would eventually be mine. At this point, this seemed impossible, and I didn't even know if that was what I wanted anymore. Of course that was all because I was hurt.

When S2 finally found out that he didn't have a job to come back to in September, I realised that I had to put the hurt behind me and try one more time. But this couldn't be a subtle attempt, this had to be a grand, obvious gesture that let him know once and for all how I felt and what I wanted. So, I wrote the mosbt heartfelt and emotionally honest letter of my life, telling him how I'd fallen for him and how much I wished that we had ended up together. I was honest about how hurt I was about our little falling out, and how difficult it had been to keep trying when he kept backing out of our plans. I wrote with the expectation of never seeing him again, and wished him well in his future, and then, just as he was about to walk out of my life forever, I slipped the letter into his back pack and left it to the hands of fate.

What happened next was something I could never have dared to dream of, not really. He came back to me. After a day and evening out (set up by some of my friends with the intention of getting us together) S2 and I ended up going off in my car. After chatting and nervously getting closer and closer, he finally kissed me, and a commitment was formed. He was mine.

Times were hard for just under a month, as his grandfather was dying. S2 shut off from me initially, and I didn't hear a word from him until one of my friends messaged him to tell him how worried I was. The day his grandfather died, he got in touch and we talked all evening. After that, there were a couple more weeks of silence until I finally built up the courage to make something happen.

I planned to go to his house at night and leave a package for him that showed him how much I cared and gave him a preview of what was to come. My plan fell apart, but in the best way. S2 messaged me as I was getting ready to set off on my secret mission. He claimed he knew nothing about it, and I am inclined to believe him. His family stayed up late that night, so I couldn't sneak over there without being seen. S2 wanted to see me, and another plan was made for me to come over a couple of days later when his family were out.

The morning of this day, I was terrified. It was the first time I'd have seen him since we kissed in my car, and I also knew that this would probably be the day I lost my virginity, at the grand old age of 29! I had to power through all of my many insecurities and my fear of the unknown, and I did it! It ended up being a beautiful day.

As I expected I did lose my virginity that day, and while I can't say it was a fantastic, magical experience, it showed me how tender my boyfriend was. It also showed me that I didn't need to hate my body. We spent hours wrapped up in each other's arms that day. I finally had my S2, completely and I was so happy.

Since that day, our relationship has gone from strength to strength. We've seen each other around three times a week every week since, usually staying at each other's houses at weekends. We've been away together twice, talked about living together, hinted at marriage, and we've just spent our first Christmas together. He has become the most prominent character in my life story and I could not be happier. He pleases me in every way. He is affectionate, generous, understanding and just as weird as I am. We're two peas in a pod. I couldn't want anyone else. This is the man I am going to marry and spend the rest of my life with - I always knew this deep down.

So, this is why I haven't blogged. I haven't needed to. There have been no questions I've needed to unravel, no moments of sadness or anger. I've just been enjoying my happy little bubble with the best person I've ever met. I'm so lucky that my biggest dream came true! He was worth fighting for.

#love #relationship #love story #boyfriend #first relationship #romance #love stories #happy #in love #sex #real love #the one #soulmate

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scorpo desire

Joshua Tree National Park, California

instagram

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Tried it. It worked!

Samebo

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My whole existence to be fair

Kitteh!

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Palindromes are hard. From Toothpaste For Dinner.

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Life

Left on read [OC]

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New print in the store.

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Now I’ve finally had some, I can confirm this to be true.

forehead kisses are the most wholesome kisses

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Moments from the other night

So, it’ll probably be a little while before I can really update you on everything that happened recently, but I’m absolutely bursting to share some moments from Wednesday night with you. S2 really is everything I’ve ever wanted, and how things were between us is exactly how I’ve always imagined it. He’s my dream come true. He makes my world spin.

Let me set the scene. It’s a rainy Wednesday night. I’ve been out with S2 and my wing-people since the afternoon in a town half an hour’s drive from home. I’ve just dropped Nem off at her house, and S2 has stayed in my car despite my having driven past his house 20 minutes ago. Once we’re alone, he suggests going back to the beach where we sat talking for hours one blissful night before Christmas. I stop by my house en route to get supplies - two water bottles and a pack of Polos. Then I’m back out the door and we head 10 minutes down the road to the beach car park.

The wind is howling and it’s starting to rain, but S2 wants to go for a walk on the beach. I agree to join him and head out into the rain without a jacket. Within minutes the rain turns torrential and we’re soaked through to the skin. We stumble back, blinded by the rain collecting on our glasses. I walk into a patch of stinging nettles and S2 teases me about being silly. Then we’re back at the car. We climb in and S2 apologises for making my passenger seat wet. I say it’s fine. My seat is no less soaked.

My legs are tingling. S2 offers to help, but says he’s not sure what I want him to do about it. I’m too shy to make a suggestion. He then tips his seat right back, and so do I, but mine is too far back. “You want to be at the same level as me”, S2 says, matter of factly, then helps me readjust my seat before helping me out of my saturated kimono. We locate my blanket from the back seat so I can hide my now quite revealed body. I’m only wearing a very skimpy dress, tights and boots.

S2 then asks if it would be more comfortable in the back. We clamber over and he removes his trousers. I donate the blanket to preserve his dignity, and we end up playfully fighting over the blanket which is just too small to cover us both. He pulls the blanket off me and says “if I pull it away it means you have to get closer”, so I do. Now we’re snuggled up together. S2 decides I should take my boots off, and upon my refusal, he grabs hold on my legs and wrestles them off me, tossing them into the front of the car. He then decides it’s time to tickle my feet, and tells me I’m no fun when I’m completely unaffected by the sensation. I lift up my legs and drape them over S2’s lap, then I rest my head on his shoulder. He begins to rub better my stinging shins, and his hand quickly travels to rest on my thigh.

Another car enters the car park and parks with its headlights shining right at us. We joke that he’s a dogger and wants us to join him. S2 then says something that completely takes my breath away.

“I’m not sharing you. I want you all to myself.”

He nestles into me. The car leaves. S2 put his face close to mine, then retreats, then comes back. Suddenly, his lips are on mine and I suddenly realise this is my first sober kiss. This is the first time I’ve kissed someone I actually love. His kiss is wet but I don’t mind. He uses tongue but I don’t mind. I can feel his teeth and the stubble on his chin. This is the best moment of my life.

After the kiss, we embrace, our faces tucked into each other’s necks. We plant little kisses on each other’s skin, then S2 begins the most important conversation we’ve ever had.

“So, you’ve done the hard part. Now it’s down to me to say yes. Do you want to ask your question again?”

S2 is referring to my 5 page letter to him that I snuck into his backpack on the most upsetting day of my life, the day I thought I’d never see him again. I confessed my feelings and explained what each moment we’d shared had meant to me. I didn’t actually ask him a question in the letter, but as I was being prompted, I nervously asked him to be mine. He kissed me again, then asked if that was a good enough yes. It was and we returned to kissing.

For the next few hours, S2 and I shifted into different positions, but never broke contact. We held hands, S2 kissing mine and making me feel like a princess. Our heads and faces became well acquainted with each other’s bodies. My fingers could not keep out of S2’s curly hair.

“You’re going to miss my hair when I get it cut.” He said, his face buried in my cleavage, which he had already covered in soft kisses. “Yeah, but I’ll still play with it when it’s spiky.” “What if I shave it all off?” He joked. “Then I’ll just play with your shiny bald head.” I laughed, then planted a kiss on his crown.

S2 playfully asked me to pull his hair out, which I refused to do. He offered to donate his hair to me so I could put it on a mannequin, before taking the idea back.

“Please don’t replace me with a mannequin.” He begged. “As if. I’d never replace you.” I said softly, twirling his hair. “If you must put my hair on something you can make a waxwork of me and put it in Madame Tussaud’s.”

We fell silent for a while, and I smiled to myself as I contemplated the fact that the man I’d loved for 9 months was now nestled into my chest. His arms were wrapped around my body. My body was under his.

“I can hear your heartbeat.” He said quietly. “Is it regular?” I asked, genuinely curious if he could hear it skipping beats. “It’s fast. I guess that means I’m doing my job properly.”

Eventually I decided I ought to let my mother know I wasn’t coming home. I reached into the front to get my bag and in doing so, I trapped a nerve in my neck. S2 promptly began to massage it better. His touch felt amazing on my virgin skin. No one had ever touched my like this before. I closed my eyes, soaking in the warmth of his hand. I laid back into him.

“I’m broken.” I said, burying my face in his shoulder. “I’ll fix you.” He said, nuzzling my neck. “I’ll fix you.”

There were times when we’d become uncomfortable so we’d change positions. No one tells you about the dead arms and achy backs that come with backseat romantic encounters! Sometimes, we’d simply sit side by side. S2 would slide his hand around the top of my thigh and I would wrap my arm around his, caressing it up and down. He would put his arm around me, pulling me in, stroking my shoulder and along my collarbone, his head resting on mine.

“You win.” He whispered to me, tickling my shoulder. “You win.”

We discussed the future. S2 invited me to check out a new theme park in Germany with him, and informed me that he was taking me to a footballs match so he could convert me. He asked me to move to Japan with him, and only seemed slightly put out when I said I would, but I needed to finish uni first. He called himself a prat as he laid on my lap. I helped him drink from my water bottle, joking that it was like feeding a baby. He told me it was practice. Looks like I’m having kids then!

After 5 hours of beautiful conversations and covering each other in delicate kisses, S2 decided he ought to go home before it was light. We clambered back into the front of the car and I drove him home. On the way he discussed our future in America, and I listed the restaurants I wanted to take him to. I went as far down his road as I could (roadworks) and we had a clumsy goodbye kiss before he got out. I drove home, grinning to myself. “I’m a girlfriend!” I kept saying to myself. “I have a boyfriend!”

The sun was just rising as I followed the twisting roads back home. As I walked to my house, I knew I’d never been this happy in my life. S2 was mine. I was his. Everything I’ve done in the last few months, and especially the last few weeks, has paid off.

#love #love story #love stories #first kiss #kissing #kiss #romance #boyfriend #girlfriend #first boyfriend #i love him

[crabsticksforbreakfast]

So...

I win! S2 is mine. I will spend some time updating the story, but I couldn't wait to tell you the ending. I got him. To anyone out there in love, take the risk, do the scary thing. Sometimes it pays off 💗💗💗

#love #love story #love stories

[crabsticksforbreakfast]

Not a subtle people, the Finns

[crabsticksforbreakfast]

Mazel tov. (via tettracat)