electronicwitchcollection - Tumblr blog

electronicwitchcollection · 2 months

Text

words to use when writing

Appetite:

craving, demand, gluttony, greed, hunger, inclination, insatiable, longing, lust, passion, ravenousness, relish, taste, thirst, urge, voracity, weakness, willingness, yearning, ardor, dedication, desire, devotion, enthusiasm, excitement, fervor, horny, intensity, keenness, wholeheartedness, zeal

Arouse:

agitate, awaken, electrify, enliven, excite, entice, foment, goad, incite, inflame, instigate, kindle, provoke, rally, rouse, spark, stimulate, stir, thrill, waken, warm, whet, attract, charm, coax, fire up, fuel, heat up, lure, produce, stir up, tantalize, tease, tempt, thrum, torment, wind up, work up

Assault:

attack, advancing, aggressive, assailing, charging, incursion, inundated, invasion, offensive, onset, onslaught, overwhelmed, ruinous, tempestuous, strike, violation, ambush, assail, barrage, bombard, bombardment, crackdown, wound

Beautiful:

admirable, alluring, angelic, appealing, bewitching, charming, dazzling, delicate, delightful, divine, elegant, enticing, exquisite, fascinating, gorgeous, graceful, grand, magnificent, marvelous, pleasing, radiant, ravishing, resplendent, splendid, stunning, sublime, attractive, beguiling, captivating, enchanting, engaging, enthralling, eye-catching, fetching, fine, fine-looking, good-looking, handsome, inviting, lovely, mesmeric, mesmerizing, pretty, rakish, refined, striking, tantalizing, tempting

Brutal:

atrocious, barbarous, bloodthirsty, callous, cruel, feral, ferocious, hard, harsh, heartless, inhuman, merciless, murderous, pitiless, remorseless, rough, rude, ruthless, savage, severe, terrible, unmerciful, vicious, bestial, brute, brutish, cold-blooded, fierce, gory, nasty, rancorous, sadistic, uncompromising, unfeeling, unforgiving, unpitying, violent, wild

Burly:

able-bodied, athletic, beefy, big, brawny, broad-shouldered, bulky, dense, enormous, great, hard, hardy, hearty, heavily built, heavy, hefty, huge, husky, immense, large, massive, muscular, mighty, outsized, oversized, powerful, powerfully built, prodigious, robust, solid, stalwart, stocky, stout, strapping, strong, strongly built, sturdy, thick, thickset, tough, well-built, well-developed

Carnal:

animalistic, bodily, impure, lascivious, lecherous, lewd, libidinous, licentious, lustful, physical, prurient, salacious, sensuous, voluptuous, vulgar, wanton, , coarse, crude, dirty, raunchy, rough, unclean

Dangerous:

alarming, critical, fatal, formidable, impending, malignant, menacing, mortal, nasty, perilous, precarious, pressing, serious, terrible, threatening, treacherous, urgent, vulnerable, wicked, acute, damaging, deadly, death-defying, deathly, destructive, detrimental, explosive, grave, harmful, hazardous, injurious, lethal, life-threatening, noxious, poisonous, risky, severe, terrifying, toxic, unsafe, unstable, venomous

Dark:

atrocious, corrupt, forbidding, foul, infernal, midnight, morbid, ominous, sinful, sinister, somber, threatening, twilight, vile, wicked, abject, alarming, appalling, baleful, bizarre, bleak, bloodcurdling, boding evil, chilling, cold, condemned, creepy, damned, daunting, demented, desolate, dire, dismal, disturbing, doomed, dour, dread, dreary, dusk, eerie, fear, fearsome, frightening, ghastly, ghostly, ghoulish, gloom, gloomy, grave, grim, grisly, gruesome, hair-raising, haunted, hideous, hopeless, horrendous, horrible, horrid, horrific, horrifying, horror, ill-fated, ill-omened, ill-starred, inauspicious, inhospitable, looming, lost, macabre, malice, malignant, menacing, murky, mysterious, night, panic, pessimistic, petrifying, scary, shadows, shadowy, shade, shady, shocking, soul-destroying, sour, spine-chilling, spine-tingling, strange, terrifying, uncanny, unearthly, unlucky, unnatural, unnerving, weird, wretched

Delicious:

enticing, exquisite, luscious, lush, rich, savory, sweet, tasty, tempting, appetizing, delectable, flavorsome, full of flavor, juicy, lip-smacking, mouth-watering, piquant, relish, ripe, salty, spicy, scrummy, scrumptious, succulent, tangy, tart, tasty, yummy, zesty

Ecstasy:

delectation, delirium, elation, euphoria, fervor, frenzy, joy, rapture, transport, bliss, excitement, happiness, heaven, high, paradise, rhapsody, thrill, blissful, delighted, elated, extremely happy, in raptures (of delight), in seventh heaven, jubilant, on cloud nine, overexcited, overjoyed, rapturous, thrilled

Ecstatic:

delirious, enraptured, euphoric, fervent, frenzied, joyous, transported, wild

Erotic:

amatory, amorous, aphrodisiac, carnal, earthy, erogenous, fervid, filthy, hot, impassioned, lascivious, lecherous, lewd, raw, romantic, rousing, salacious, seductive, sensual, sexual, spicy, steamy, stimulating, suggestive, titillating, voluptuous, tantalizing

Gasp:

catch of breath, choke, gulp, heave, inhale, pant, puff, snort, wheeze, huff, rasp, sharp intake of air, short of breath, struggle for breath, swallow, winded

Heated:

ardent, avid, excited, fervent, fervid, fierce, fiery, frenzied, furious, impassioned, intense, passionate, raging, scalding, scorched, stormy, tempestuous, vehement, violent, ablaze, aflame, all-consuming, blazing, blistering, burning, crazed, explosive, febrile, feverish, fired up, flaming, flushed, frantic, hot, hot-blooded, impatient, incensed, maddening, obsessed, possessed, randy, searing, sizzling, smoldering, sweltering, torrid, turbulent, volatile, worked up, zealous

Hunger:

appetite, ache, craving, gluttony, greed, longing, lust, mania, mouth-watering, ravenous, voracious, want, yearning, thirst

Hungry:

avid, carnivorous, covetous, craving, eager, greedy, hungered, rapacious, ravenous, starved, unsatisfied, voracious, avaricious, desirous, famished, grasping, insatiable, keen, longing, predatory, ravening, starving, thirsty, wanting

Intense:

forceful, severe, passionate, acute, agonizing, ardent, anxious, biting, bitter, burning, close, consuming, cutting, deep, eager, earnest, excessive, exquisite, extreme, fervent, fervid, fierce, forcible, great, harsh, impassioned, keen, marked, piercing, powerful, profound, severe, sharp, strong, vehement, violent, vivid, vigorous

Liquid:

damp, cream, creamy, dripping, ichorous, juicy, moist, luscious, melted, moist, pulpy, sappy, soaking, solvent, sopping, succulent, viscous, wet / aqueous, broth, elixir, extract, flux, juice, liquor, nectar, sap, sauce, secretion, solution, vitae, awash, moisture, boggy, dewy, drenched, drip, drop, droplet, drowning, flood, flooded, flowing, fountain, jewel, leaky, milky, overflowing, saturated, slick, slippery, soaked, sodden, soggy, stream, swamp, tear, teardrop, torrent, waterlogged, watery, weeping

Lithe:

agile, lean, pliant, slight, spare, sinewy, slender, supple, deft, fit, flexible, lanky, leggy, limber, lissom, lissome, nimble, sinuous, skinny, sleek, slender, slim, svelte, trim, thin, willowy, wiry

Moan:

beef, cry, gripe, grouse, grumble, lament, lamentation, plaint, sob, wail, whine, bemoan, bewail, carp, deplore, grieve, gripe, grouse, grumble, keen, lament, sigh, sob, wail, whine, mewl

Moving:

(exciting,) affecting, effective arousing, awakening, breathless, dynamic, eloquent, emotional, emotive, expressive, fecund, far-out, felt in gut, grabbed by, gripping, heartbreaking, heartrending, impelling, impressive, inspirational, meaningful, mind-bending, mind-blowing, motivating, persuasive, poignant, propelling, provoking, quickening, rallying, rousing, significant, stimulating, simulative, stirring, stunning, touching, awe-inspiring, energizing, exhilarating, fascinating, heart pounding, heart stopping, inspiring, riveting, thrilling

Need:

compulsion, demand, desperate, devoir, extremity, impatient longing, must, urge, urgency / desire, appetite, avid, burn, craving, eagerness, fascination, greed, hunger, insatiable, longing, lust, taste, thirst, voracious, want, yearning, ache, addiction, aspiration, desire, fever, fixation, hankering, hope, impulse, inclination, infatuation, itch, obsession, passion, pining, wish, yen

Pain:

ache, afflict, affliction, agony, agonize, anguish, bite, burn, chafe, distress, fever, grief, hurt, inflame, laceration, misery, pang, punish, sting, suffering, tenderness, throb, throe, torment, torture, smart

Painful:

aching, agonizing, arduous, awful, biting, burning, caustic, dire, distressing, dreadful, excruciating, extreme, grievous, inflamed, piercing, raw, sensitive, severe, sharp, tender, terrible, throbbing, tormenting, angry, bleeding, bloody, bruised, cutting, hurting, injured, irritated, prickly, skinned, smarting, sore, stinging, unbearable, uncomfortable, upsetting, wounded

Perverted:

aberrant, abnormal, corrupt, debased, debauched, defiling, depraved, deviant, monstrous, tainted, twisted, vicious, warped, wicked, abhorrent, base, decadent, degenerate, degrading, dirty, disgusting, dissipated, dissolute, distasteful, hedonistic, immodest, immoral, indecent, indulgent, licentious, nasty, profligate, repellent, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, shameful, shameless, sickening, sinful, smutty, sordid, unscrupulous, vile

Pleasurable:

charming, gratifying, luscious, satisfying, savory, agreeable, delicious, delightful, enjoyable, nice, pleasant, pleasing, soothing, succulent

Pleasure:

bliss, delight, gluttony, gratification, relish, satisfaction, thrill, adventure, amusement, buzz, contentment, delight, desire, ecstasy, enjoyment, excitement, fun, happiness, harmony, heaven, joy, kick, liking, paradise, seventh heaven

Rapacious:

avaricious, ferocious, furious, greedy, predatory, ravening, ravenous, savage, voracious, aggressive, gluttonous, grasping, insatiable, marauding, plundering

Rapture:

bliss, ecstasy, elation, exaltation, glory, gratification, passion, pleasure, floating, unbridled joy

Rigid:

adamant, austere, definite, determined, exact, firm, hard, rigorous, solid, stern, uncompromising, unrelenting, unyielding, concrete, fixed, harsh, immovable, inflexible, obstinate, resolute, resolved, severe, steadfast, steady, stiff, strong, strict, stubborn, taut, tense, tight, tough, unbending, unchangeable, unwavering

Sudden:

abrupt, accelerated, acute, fast, flashing, fleeting, hasty, headlong, hurried, immediate, impetuous, impulsive, quick, quickening, rapid, rash, rushing, swift, brash, brisk, brusque, instant, instantaneous, out of the blue, reckless, rushed, sharp, spontaneous, urgent, without warning

Thrust:

(forward) advance, drive, forge, impetus, impulsion, lunge, momentum, onslaught, poke, pressure, prod, propulsion, punch, push, shove, power, proceed, progress, propel

(push hard) assail, assault, attack, bear down, buck, drive, force, heave, impale, impel, jab, lunge, plunge, press, pound, prod, ram, shove, stab, transfix, urge, bang, burrow, cram, gouge, jam, pierce, punch, slam, spear, spike, stick

Thunder-struck:

amazed, astonished, aghast, astounded, awestruck, confounded, dazed, dazed, dismayed, overwhelmed, shocked, staggered, startled, stunned, gob-smacked, bewildered, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, horrified, incredulous, surprised, taken aback

Torment:

agony, anguish, hurt, misery, pain, punishment, suffering, afflict, angst, conflict, distress, grief, heartache, misfortune, nightmare, persecute, plague, sorrow, strife, tease, test, trial, tribulation, torture, turmoil, vex, woe

Touch:

(physical) - blow, brush, caress, collide, come together, contact, converge, crash, cuddle, embrace, feel, feel up, finger, fondle, frisk, glance, glide, graze, grope, handle, hit, hug, impact, join, junction, kiss, lick, line, manipulate, march, massage, meet, nudge, palm, partake, pat, paw, peck, pet, pinch, probe, push, reach, rub, scratch, skim, slide, smooth, strike, stroke, suck, sweep, tag, tap, taste, thumb, tickle, tip, touching, toy, bite, bump, burrow, buss, bury, circle, claw, clean, clutch, cover, creep, crush, cup, curl, delve, dig, drag, draw, ease, edge, fiddle with, flick, flit, fumble, grind, grip, grub, hold, huddle, knead, lap, lave, lay a hand on, maneuver, manhandle, mash, mold, muzzle, neck, nestle, nibble, nip, nuzzle, outline, play, polish, press, pull, rasp, ravish, ream, rim, run, scoop, scrabble, scrape, scrub, shave, shift, shunt, skate, slip, slither, smack, snake, snuggle, soothe, spank, splay, spread, squeeze, stretch, swipe, tangle, tease, thump, tongue, trace, trail, tunnel twiddle, twirl, twist, tug, work, wrap

(mental) - communicate, examine, inspect, perception, scrutinize

Wet:

bathe, bleed, burst, cascade, course, cover, cream, damp, dampen, deluge, dip, douse, drench, dribble, drip, drizzle, drool, drop, drown, dunk, erupt, flood, flow, gush, immerse, issue, jet, leach, leak, moisten, ooze, overflow, permeate, plunge, pour, rain, rinse, run, salivate, saturate, secrete, seep, shower, shoot, slaver, slobber, slop, slosh, sluice, spill, soak, souse, spew, spit, splash, splatter, spout, spray, sprinkle, spurt, squirt, steep, stream, submerge, surge, swab, swamp, swill, swim, trickle, wash, water

Wicked:

abominable, amoral, atrocious, awful, base, barbarous, dangerous, debased, depraved, distressing, dreadful, evil, fearful, fiendish, fierce, foul, heartless, hazardous, heinous, immoral, indecent, intense, mean, nasty, naughty, nefarious, offensive, profane, scandalous, severe, shameful, shameless, sinful, terrible, unholy, vicious, vile, villainous, wayward, bad, criminal, cruel, deplorable, despicable, devious, ill-intentioned, impious, impish, iniquitous, irreverent, loathsome, Machiavellian, mad, malevolent, malicious, merciless, mischievous, monstrous, perverse, ruthless, spiteful, uncaring, unkind, unscrupulous, vindictive, virulent, wretched

Writhe:

agonize, bend, jerk, recoil, lurch, plunge, slither, squirm, struggle, suffer, thrash, thresh, twist, wiggle, wriggle, angle, arc, bow, buck, coil, contort, convulse, curl, curve, fidget, fight, flex, go into spasm, grind, heave, jiggle, jolt, kick, rear, reel, ripple, resist, roll, lash, lash out, screw up, shake, shift, slide, spasm, stir, strain, stretch, surge, swell, swivel, thrust, turn violently, tussle, twitch, undulate, warp, worm, wrench, wrestle, yank

#writing #motivation

29K notes · View notes

electronicwitchcollection · 3 months

Text

Byakuya Kuchiki one shot

had a request for a Byakuya one shot. I can only apologise for how bloody long it is 😂

_______________________________

"Hi! Could I pleas request angst and fluff with byakuya? Maybe a lil smut ? the reader has lost her SO to a hollow attack and he comforts her? Thank you!!"

Prompt; The pain doesn't go away, does it?

__________________________________

Darkeness had settled over the Seireitei, bringing the crisp cool air of an autumn night with it. You sat on the cold, dewy grass, knees pulled up to your chest. Arms wrapped around them in comfort, you had propped your chin on top of your knee, blindly staring out to the rippling surface of the inky pond.

It had been three weeks since your husband, your best friend, soul mate had died. Three weeks ago you received the heart shattering news that your partner had died while on duty. He had been sent to one of the lower districts to cleanse the hollow reeking havoc there.

The mission had started easily enough, you were informed by your late husbands squad mate. They had located the hollow, dispatched it without fault. On their return home, however, another hollow had appeared, trying to make a meal out of some Rukongai kids. You didn't need to be told that your husband was the first one to react. Literally throwing his body inbetween the children and the hollows bloodthirsty teeth. Of course he did.

Tears stung your eyes at the mental imagery, shaking your head defiantly you willed away the thought. You didn't want that image of your husband. That of his last breath. You wanted the lopsided grin he always wore. His kind yet mischievous eyes shining back at you. His loud obnoxious laugh.

That's why you found yourself here. Why you've found yourself here every night since that awful day. Every night you would climb into your too big, cold bed, the empty space where your husband would never again lay next to you, holding you close, a stark reminder that he was gone. Really, truly gone.

Sleep cruelly availed you each night, plagued with the images of your husbands demise. So each night you wandered the Seireitei absentmindedly, always seeming to end up here. The pond in the 6th squads Baracks. It always has been a beautiful place. Serene and calming.

It's where you first met your husband. He had spotted you walking across the grass, delivering paperwork from your own captain. In an effort to gain your attention, he had loudly called you over, waving manically. You had made your way over, interested in what he wanted. His flailing about was amusing, his boyish good looks didn't hurt either. He later told you that he was shocked it had worked, hence why he began fisting his friends clothing, desperately shaking him, asking what he should do next. Which resulted in his friend pushing him into the pond.

Your lips curled up at the memory of him spluttering and coughing when he resurfaced. He had asked you for a date that very same night, you had been inseparable ever since. This pond became a special place for the both of you. It's where you had met. Taken romantic walks. Where you had your first kiss. The place he asked you to be his wife.

You felt close to him here, could almost feel his arms wrap them selves around you, almost hear his laugh in the wind blowing through the trees. Closing your eyes tightly, you breathed in deep. Trying to catch hold of that phantom feeling, desperately trying to hold on to that ghostly caress. A particularly strong gust of wind snapped your eyes open, forcing you out of your fantasy.

A stray tear escaped your eye, falling down your cheek. The trail quickly became cold with the wind blowing against your skin

"I miss you " you whisper out into the night, the pond becoming blurry in your vision as fresh tears replaced those that had fallen.

"LN-san?"

Startled by the deep voice you sprang to your feet, whipping around to see who had found you. Wiping at your eyes, you saw the serene face of your husbands captain.

"Captain Kuchiki" your voice broke with emotion. Clearing your throat you tried again "sir, my apologies, I'll just leave..."

Captain Kutchiki held up a hand, silencing you as he came to a stop next to you, looking out at his pond

"your apologies are not needed. You do not need to leave" that surprised you. The captain was usually quite protective over his pond, it had taken your husband weeks to convince his captain to let him propose to you here. You wrapped your arms around you, shielding you from the wind and the uneasy feeling deep in your stomach. You couldn't remember ever speaking to the Captain, how he knew your name was a mystery "it's a beautiful place to find some peace"

You nod numbly in agreement, unsure how to respond to that. You had no idea how to converse with the noble. He is possibly one of the most famous captains in the gotei 13. Head of the noble Kutchiki clan. Your husband had told you that his Captain suffered no fools, the man oozed authority and arrogance. Not someone you would normally keep the company of. The Captain seemed the complete opposite of your playful, loving husband

"I wish to offer my condolences" the Captain broke the silence, still staring out into the water. You tilted your head, acknowledging his words. His silky black hair danced behind him as the wind picked up. "Your husband was an excellent shinigami, His presence is sorely missed within my division"

"thank you" you smile softly, thumbing away a stray tear "it's comforting to hear I'm not the only one missing him "

With a curt nod the captain made his leave as quickly as he had appeared, Captains coat billowing behind him. You watched as he gracefully strode across the grassy landscape until the dark of night swallowed him up.

You didn't know then that that wouldn't be the last encounter you had with Captain Kutchiki at the pond.

——————————————————

Three months. Three long, painfully lonely months had passed since your husbands death. The aching grip of sorrow clenching at your heart hadn't eased in those few months. You cried less now, in public at least. You managed to get through your daily duties, assure your concerned Captain and colleagues that you were doing well. A prefect mask. As soon as you returned home though, the mask slipped and the pain returned. Your home no longer smelled like him.

There were no messily thrown uniforms on the bedroom floor. No cupboard doors left partly open ready to bang your head if you didn't notice in time. Your home was clean and everything in its place. it no longer felt like home. Its was cold and empty. It was so lonely. Night time was still the worst. Alone with your thoughts, every inch of your home screaming out at the lack of his presence .

After a long day of pretending, at night you no longer had the strength to ward off the emotions waiting to consume you. You missed him. Deep in your stomach you earned for him. Your heart felt as though every beat was a struggle. It felt broken. You had been managing to get some sleep. It was never as peaceful as it once was, but some nights you managed a full night. Tonight was not one of them

Today was your husbands birthday.

Birthdays between you were spent at home. Nothing lavish or over the top. Neither of you were the type. You'd make it special for eachother by ordering your favourite take away, snuggled up on the sofa together. Drinking your favourite sake you would reminisce your life together. At the end the night you joined together in a passionate love making, full of kissing and sweet confessions of love.

Which is why tonight you find yourself back at the pond, sat in the grass gazing up at the sky, you just couldn't bare to lay alone in your bed. The sky was clear tonight, millions of stars offered their comforting glow. You had wondered if one of them was your husband. He would be the brightest one, twinkling brightly as he watched over you.

A rustle of clothing had you turning back, eyes falling on Captain Kutchiki, his hand already up to stop you from rising. When he came to a stop , a little to your right, you returned your gaze up to the sky

"the stars are exceptionally bright tonight" the captain noted, not sounding as casual as he had probably intended.

"the moon too" your voice sounded emotional to your own ears. Apparently there was no putting that mask back on tonight

"Why is it, that this is the place you keep coming back too?" Captain Kuchiki asked, he didn't sound angry, more curious "it's not in your division, is the pond in the 13th not to your liking?"

"I feel close to him here" you say quietly, seeing him nod in your peripheral. You knew he would understand it was your husband you were referring. "its full of good memories"

"for me too." You turn your head to look at him questioningly. His grey eyes, softer than you had ever seen looked back at you "yours is not the first proposal this pond has seen. This is where I asked Hisana to be my wife"

That's right, Captain Kutchiki had also lost his spouse. Another person who shares the pain of missing the other half of their soul. You wondered what his wife had been like. Stories told she was beautiful, graceful and with a kind heart. You wondered if she had loved the setting of her proposal as much as you did, here at this pond. Two proposals, two marriages, two deaths. Two widows

"maybe this place is cursed" the words slipped through your lips before you realised you had said them out loud. Fingers covering your mouth you turned to look at the captain apologetically "forgive me. That was rude"

"it's fine. It's not a thought I've not already had" he replied, voice not giving away any emotion

"it's his birthday today. The first one where he's not here" heavens knows why you're telling him this. You've not spoken to anyone about your husband. Yet, with the man who had lost his wife, you seem unable to stop yourself "they say the firsts are the hardest"

"that's not true" Kuchiki said carefully, glancing down at you "they're all hard"

You looked at him then, really looked at him. His eyes were shiny, corners of his lips turned down, shoulders slumped almost defeated. He looked like he was carrying a painful burden

"how long as it been sir? Since you lost your wife?" You asked quietly. After a long pause you thought that maybe he wasn't going to answer. Not wanting to pry, you turned your gaze back to the stars

"6 years this spring" he uttered finally, surprising you

"the pain doesn't go away...does it?" You say. It wasn't really a question that needed answering. You knew the pain in your heart wouldn't leave. You knew there wouldn't be a day that you wouldn't miss him. From the look on the Captains face, mirroring your own, you knew he felt the same

"no, I'm afraid it doesn't" and with a barely noticeable nod, the captain left you to your thoughts.

"happy birthday my love." You whisper into the night sky, eyes fixating on the brightest star "I miss you"

——————————————————

You staggered and swayed through the 6ths divisions baracks. The blurry faces of shinigami as they passed you by payed no mind. You weren't even sure if they were real. Half empty bottle of sake swung sloppily at your side as you continued on your inebriated journey. Your feet heavily slapped the floor as you walked, the sound deafening. Shushing your too loud feet, you chuckled amused.

The pond coming into view spurred your pace, practically tripping over your own feet in your haste to get there quicker. Reaching the waters edge, you fall back heavily onto your ass, huffing at the abrupt halt to your fall, you could have sworn the grass was further away.

Taking a long pull from your sake, you don't notice when it spills over the side and down your front. The world begins to sway, corners of your vision blurring everything into dull colours. Trying to focus your gaze across the pond, picking something solid to focus on so not to slip into darkness.

You couldn't remember the last time you were this drunk. Back in your academy days probably. You never were much of a drinker, at least never to this state. The concerned looks from your colleagues today finally made you accept their invitation to go out for some drinks. Just two, you told yourself, then you can sneak away back home to be alone with your thoughts.

Two turned into three, which turned into five. The gripping pain in your heart had lessened somewhat. You could almost breath again. Five turned into seven and you were laughing. Really laughing. Finding your colleagues stories amusing, embracing their drunken embraces and toothy grins. You had almost forgotten about the anguish you felt every day. Until you remembered.

The guilt swallowed you. Dampening your mood dramatically. You had forgotten, if only for a shot while, that your husband was dead. What kind of monster does that?! Happily drinking and dancing and singing. Not a care in the world. You felt disgusted with yourself. Grabbing a bottle of sake from the table, you left, ignoring the calls from your friends as you stumbled from the establishment. There was only one place your drunken mind wanted to be

the sun was still setting. A sliver of light cast the skys in beautiful purples and oranges, rays making the ponds surface almost sparkle. Like the stars. Squinting your eyes in the harsh light, you look down into the bottle in your hand. Sloshing the liquid around absentmindedly. You wanted to feel that numbness again, if only for a moment.

Ignoring the wave of nausea, you down the rest of the liquid, dropping the bottle next to you as you cough around the burn. Alcohol laden brain was thinking of nothing and everything all at once. Closing your eyes you fall back onto the grass, waiting for slumber to pull you into the darkness

"it won't help". You didn't need to open your eyes. You knew who had come to join you out by the pond.

"it might" you slurred your words, cracking one eye open to see him standing above you, grey eyes focusing on the empty sake bottle besides you "seems to work for Captain Kyoraku"

"Captain Kyoraku is an emotionally stunted child, you would do well not to indulge in his bad habits" Kuchikis voice settled over you, it was deep and comforting. He may have been scolding you, you really couldn't tell when this drunk.

"I like the numbness." You shrug, though your voice broke in the middle. "I don't want to be in pain anymore" the whisper followed

"the pain will still be there. You can't drink away these emotions." You didn't want to hear those words, no Matter how truthful. You wanted ignorance and bliss. You just wanted your heart to stop hurting for long enough to get some decent sleep. "It will still be there in the morning, accompanied by a throbbing head I imagine"

An unexpected sob ripped through your throat, tears forming on your lashes "I don't want to hurt anymore" you cry out softly

"can you stand?" You don't even hear him anymore. Nor do you feel his large hand gently trying to guide you into a sitting position

"I miss you" you sob around a shivering breath, speaking out to the man who could no longer talk back. Could no longer comfort you, hold you "please don't leave me alone: I can't live without you"

You felt like you were falling, the ground suddenly pulled from underneath you. Opening your eyes startled, your hands came out to grab at something to steady you, falling on something soft. Furrowing your brows you realised it was the Captains white coat. He had picked you up and was carrying you bridal style away from the pond.

Alcohol didn't give you anytime to be embarrassed as it quickly pulled you into the sweet relief of darkness. The gentle footsteps and the subtle smell of something sweet and almost spicy lulled you into a deep sleep, head resting heavily on a strong chest.

——————————————————

It had taken you a little over a month to face going back to the pond. The morning after you last visit you had woken to a horrendous headache and your stomach doing flips. You had laid in bed wallowing in self pity, willing the embarrassing images of Captain Kuchiki carrying your drunk ass home and putting you to bed. You didn't even want to think about anything that you could have did or said that you do not remember. You were still baffled that he somehow knew where you lived

The pull of yours and your husbands special place was too strong however, so pushing down the embarrassment and shame, you came back. You needed to feel close to him. No matter the length of time your heart still called out to his, knowing it wouldn't call back. You had a rare day off, insisted by Captain Ukitake. Apparently news of your drunken night had reached his ears. You could see the concern in his kind eyes as he invited you to share some tea with him.

He was trying to get you to talk, to share your pain. You knew that. You couldn't share though, the pain was the only thing that still connected you to your husband. It was the only thing you had left. He smiled in understanding, but had insisted you take a day off to relax. So you came here. The pond was even more beautiful in the sunlight. It invited more memories of you and your beloved, the times you had shared here.

The seasons were changing, if the chill in the breeze was anything to go by. You imagined the pond water would be just as cold if you were to dip your feet in there. You wouldn't dare, you too had heard how protective Captain Kuchiki was over his koi fish. Your cheeks flushed at the thought of the Captain. Mortified came close to how you felt. A Captain shouldn't have to carry home a seated member from another division due to their poor drinking restraint.

A noble clan head at that. You must've embarrassed him too, degrading him to such a chore. No, you wouldn't be touching alcohol for quite some time. You should thank your lucky stars he hasn't banished you from returning. Something he could easily achieve. Not only could he order you as a captain, could even go to your captain, the kuchiki clan puts a lot of money into the 6th division. The land was legally his, and you would be trespassing.

You heard his approach this time, amazing how heightened your senses were when not on the edge of unconsciousness due to the numbing cloak of drunkenness. You couldn't imagine how far gone you had to have been not to feel his presence. The nobles spiritual pressure demanded respect even when relaxed. You look at him through your lashes, trying to gage his intentions. He didn't look angry, on the contrary, he looked almost.. happy?

"Im Relieved to find you sober, LN-san" he spoke carefully, surprising you as he chose to join you on the floor. You waited until he was sat in his perfect seiza position before responding, shifting your position to face him, you bowed deeply, speaking into the grass

"please accept my apologies Captain. It won't happen again"

"tea?"

You raised yourself up from the bow quickly, quirking a questioning eyebrow at the Captain, had you heard that right? You noticed for the first time the flask the captain held in his hand, two cups sat on top.

"oh" you couldn't help but mutter, you had heard him correctly. Captain Kuchiki placed the cups on the perfectly manicured grass between you before taking off the lid to the flask, letting the mesmerising steam escape as it danced into the air before disappearing. "Please sir, let me" you reach out to accept the flask from him, stopping him from pouring. Whilst you didn't regularly share tea with others of a higher status, you knew the customs. A higher up shouldn't pour the tea, and you couldn't get more higher up than captain Kuchiki.

Pouring you both a cup of the hot, translucent tea, the smell reached your nose. If the colour didn't give it away the smell would've. The robust almost grassy scent was familiar, something you indulged often, though not of this quality. Handing the first cup to the Captain, you bowed your head respectfully. His slender fingers ghosted over your own as he accepted, making you twitch your fingers back before pulling your hand away all together. Had it really been so long since you felt the touch of another person that it startled you so?

"thank you, LN-san" he broke you out of your thoughts. You watched as he brought the cup to his lips, taking a tentative sip. Prompting you to lift your own to your lips, blowing into the light green liquid to cool it before indulging yourself. You watched over the rim of your cup how graceful the man moved, like water; each movement was fluid yet powerful. Complete dominance in his actions. You couldn't help but compare him to your husband. Your husband was a whirlwind, all long uncoordinated limbs. Expressively flailing them around in everything he did. Graceful was not a word often associated with him.

Noticing the pause in conversation becoming awkward due to your memorising, you finally take a sip. Definitely a higher quality tea than you were used to. It was full bodied and delicious. You eagerly took another pull before lowering the cup to your middle, letting the heat deep through to warm your fingers

"it's delicious, thank you"

the captains lips quirked up at the sides slightly before he covered them with his own drink. "I'm glad to see your tastes go beyond that of cheap sake"

was he.. making a joke? How uncharacteristic. You send him a wary grin, happily accepting this over the scolding you deserved "I definitely won't be drinking like that again any time soon." You say in-between another sip of the delicious tea, he nodded in agreement "Im Sorry you had to carry me home"

"you do not need to keep apologising, I assume your suffering the follow morning was a sufficient enough punishment" his eyes caught yours over your shared drinks, gun metal grey shining with amusement before softening "how did you end up that inebriated?"

You sigh, settling back onto your ass to sit more comfortably. Really, how his legs could cope sitting in that position for so long was a testament to his strength. "I forgot about him" your soft words get caught in the breeze as you face the pond "just for a moment. I let my friends convince me to join them for a few drinks. After a while...just for a moment, I had forgotten that I should be sad. That my husband is dead..."

"and you drank to forget your guilt" Captain Kuchiki finished for you with a seldom nod. You watched as the ponds surface rippled with the breeze, lapping at the sides. Listening to the hustle of shinigami beyond the wall of the 6th, getting on with their daily work. Half expecting the Captain to finish his tea and silently leave, like he had all your other encounters, you decided Captain Kuchiki was someone you should stop being surprised at when he spoke lowly, just for your ears "I can still remember the first time I had forgotten."

You turn to face him at his words, his eyes were looking forward, out of focus, not seeing what was in front of him. Instead seeing vividly the memory he was sharing "I was tired. I had stayed late finishing an important document expected at the first the following morning. When I arrived home I called out for her. Asked if she would like some tea before bed" A small sad smile settled on his lips as he turned to you, holding your gaze as you held on to every word "when I didn't get an answer, I remembered. I never would get an answer"

You shared an understanding smile. The pain of longing for someone no longer here. How that painful scar reopened any time you thought you were healing. You were thankful to the Captain, taking time out of his clearly busy schedule to converse with you. Share in the pain you both feel. Even look after you when you were in no fit state to look after yourself . It made you wonder, if the Captain had anyone to help him? Did the captain have someone he could've shared these thoughts with at the time of his wife's passing?

Would anyone dare approach the proud noble, ask him to bare his soul, lay out his pain and suffering for others to see? Somehow, you couldn't imagine it. You couldn't imagine the stoic man crying to another. Perfect poise crumble away as he gave in to the grief. The fact that he had probably suffered alone, for so long and is still standing? A pillar of strength you so desperately needed in the storm of emotions you were drowning in. You were in awe. You hoped that sharing with you, to help you, helped him in some small way too.

"though they will never be forgotten." He added, voice sounding stronger as he held your gaze once more "you will have more and more times when he isn't in the forefront of your mind as time passes. It's the way it should be, the living going on living."

You nod. He was right, you knew that. You knew that realistically you can't Morn your husband all day every day for the rest of your existence until you two can meet again. There will come a time when the thought of your husband Doesn't immediately send you into a spiral of depression. Hours, days even weeks may go pass without thinking of him, too busy living your life to the best of your abilities, the way it should be. For now though...

"what did you do sir? When everything got too painful?" You ask, clearly alcohol wasn't the crutch you needed.

"I meditated, entered my inner world mostly." You could hear the honesty in his words. Maybe you should give that a try next time it all becomes too much "I also indulged in as many different types of tea I could find in this world and the world of the living"

another joke. Who was this man with the satisfied smile and where did he put the proud stoic captain? You grinned at him, an honest unforced grin "you didn't go the alcohol route? You saw how beneficial that was for me"

"Im surprised you had found any sake at all. I was under the impression Captain Kyoraku had drunk the Seireitei dry". He replied dryly

You held your tea further away from your body to avoid it spilling and burning you at the loud laugh that bubbled up from you. Fingers went to your lips to hush the unexpected laughing fit you found yourself in. Who knew the Captain of the 6th was funny? Dry and sarcastic, but you had always enjoyed that humour. His eyes glistened amused, pleased you had understood his jest.

You wiped away a tear, a happy tear for a change, brought on by laughter and not sorrow, and gave him a grateful smile. You hurried to finish your tea as he began to move, collecting his flask and cup as he stood. Standing along with him you offered back your now empty cup

"thank you. For the tea, and for speaking with me " you told him, choosing not to bow this time, but offer a genuine smile. A strong hand settled on your shoulder, giving it a small squeeze "next time it becomes too painful, try a hot cup of tea. Don't put yourself in a dangerous position again"

"I will." You nod, accepting the slight telling off. He was a captain, he couldn't let you get away with that completely "though I don't think I will find one in the shopping district as wonderful as the one you shared with me. You've spoilt me sir".

He graced you with a private smile and a slight raise in his eyebrows before he settled back into the dignified Captain everyone expected and strode away gracefully without a backwards glance

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The following morning you walked to work feeling lighter than you had in months. Your heat still ached. There was still the heavy weight of grief weighing densely in your stomach, but it wasn't as pressing today. You had a good sleep last night, you managed the whole night and had woken up feeling refreshed. The winters sun was bright, fighting against the frigid temperatures that winter brought. The heat it offered soaked into your thick black cloak, warming you as you hurried to the 13th offices.

Yesterday was a good day. One you sorely needed. You must remember to thank Captain Ukitake for gifting it to you. A day sat in the sun, at the pond had clearly done your soul some good. That or the time you spent with Captain Kuchiki, it was almost like he had neatly wrapped up your grief and anguish and placed it on your back. Still heavy and present, but a little more manageable to bare than the overflowing mess of hurt and regret that spilled through your fingers any time you tried to grasp it.

Following the corridor down to your office, you returned the smile of one of your colleagues, even wishing them a good morning. You caught the shocked expression flashing their face before they returned your greeting warmly. You obviously looked better than you had the last months.

Reaching your office you tug off your cloak, hanging it neatly by the door before making your way to your desk, smiling at the two who shared the office before sitting down. A small grey box sat in the middle of your neat desk, a stark white card sat folded ontop. Not expecting anything, you opened the card and began to read the crisp neat writing

for when things become to painful

was all that it said. Looking up you noticed your colleagues looking down at their respective desks, already immersed in their paperwork. Setting the card aside, you gently pry off the grey lid, setting it aside with the card. Sat in the box was a plump bag full of green tea leafs. Lifting it out you inspected the packaging, not recognising the design. You brought it up to your nose, inhaling deeply. The deep aroma filled your senses, making your mouth water at the memory of the delicious tea you were offered the day before .

Putting the tea to the side, you began to work on your daily duties. You hardly noticed eyes flicking to the package throughout the day, nor the small smile on your lips each time.

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Months had passed along with the changing seasons. Spring was in the air, slowly but surly chasing away the bitter frost of winter, bringing with it new life. The barren trees began sprouting vivid green, little buds nestled away waiting to bloom into sweet smelling flowers.

The months that passed seemed to rush by you. You still had bad days. The grief of loosing your husband would crush you suddenly, though you found healthier ways to deal with the hurt. The pond was still somewhere you frequented often, sometimes alone, but more often than not the Captain of the 6th would grace you with his company.

You had started to look forward to your encounters. Moving away from your shared loss you discovered you had quite a few more things in common. Tea, obviously was a shared indulgent and was often shared. Reading was another passion you each held. You had spent hours discussing the books you have read, some the other had read too. The ones not yet read were brought to the next encounter for the other to read.

Painting, you discovered was a passion of the Captain. When you had mentioned wanting to see some of his work one day, you hadn't anticipated the noble inviting you to his home. You had graciously accepted and joined the captain for dinner in his home, after a tour of the grand manor. Art filled the great rooms and grand corridors. The Captain pointed out which were done by his hand, beautiful art work that captivated your attention

He painted scenic landscapes mostly, with an interesting take of almost dream like colours. The pond was the main focal in a few of the paintings you had seen. One in particular caught your attention. It was the pond at night time. Two things caught your attention, the first being how dark the colours were. Not the usual green, blues and purples that had jumped off the paper in his previous work. Black, navy and grey made up this piece. It made the night dark and cold. Heavy almost, you could feel the sorrow in the picture

The second, was the figure of a woman standing in the centre of the piece. A dark silhouette, seemingly hugging her frame as she looked out into the water. It was the first piece he had shown you that consisted of a person

"is that your wife?" You had asked him, eyes raking over the painting at the delicate but deliberate strokes.

"no, its you" your eyes snapped to him at his reply, studying his profile as his eyes never left the painting.

"me sir?" You asked, looking back to the picture, noticing the hair length and proportions to the woman. After being told, you could see how it could be you, though you share a similar shape to many women here in the soul society

"does that offend you?" He asked, a note of trepidation in his usual apathetic voice

you shake your head softly, looking back to see him already staring at you, trying to gage your thoughts "not at all. I'm flattered, Captain Kuchiki. When..?"

"Byakuya" he cut you off, turning to face you fully "you are a guest in my home, there is no need for the formality, you may use my given name"

"Byakuya" you said, feeling how the name sounded on your tongue. "When did..? Why did you choose to paint this?"

"that first night I joined you at the pond. After I had left, something made me turn around. The image of you standing at the waters edge, wind blowing your hair around was hauntingly beautiful." You remembered that night. It was dark and cold, like the painting suggests. You remember wrapping your arms around you, keeping yourself together whilst trying to keep yourself warm. You looked at the painting again, hauntingly beautiful was the perfect way to describe the image"When I next sat down to paint, that image was the first to appear in my minds eye"

"you captured the moment perfectly". You praised, glancing at the art once more. A warm hand settled on your lower back, pulling your attention.

"come, let us enjoy dinner" Byakuya invited as he lead you down the hall, gentle hand guiding you

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You twisted and turned in your bed, blankets wrapping themselves around your legs limiting your attempt to escape. The nightmare you were trapped in was vivid, the scene of your husbands death clear in your mind. Pitiful whimpers left your lips as your husbands blood sprayed from his body, splattering over your face as you screamed.

Jerking upright in bed, a horrific shout ripped through your throat as you startled awake from the dream. A deafening crash of thunder rumbled through the skies, shaking the glass in your bedroom window as a crack of lightening briefly lit up your empty bedroom.

Breathing heavily, you kicked off the blanket constricting your freedom. A thin layer of sweat covered your trembling body, skin raising in bumps at the chill in your room. The room seemed as though it were getting smaller, walls trapping you in the space. Not thinking clearly you jumped out of bed and fled the room, not stopping to wrap up or put on shoes, you threw the door to your home open and darted out into the street

Punishing, cold rain fell heavily from the sky, soaking you instantly. Your hair stuck to your face as you gasped desperately, fighting to lessen the panic you were feeling. Another roar of thunder made you jump, snapping you out of your darkening thoughts. Not feeling the chill, you start running bare foot through the streets, only one place on your mind

You didn't know how long you were staring out to the turbulent pond, rain hammering down around you as the wind whipped harshly against your skin. The rain washed away the free flowing tears from your eyes, teeth chattering painfully, protesting the cold

"YN!" The shout of your own name hardly registered, you would have ignored it completely if two hands didn't grip your sopping shoulders, turning you to face the concerned Captain with a shake. "What are you doing?"

Byakuya had to shout to be heard over the raging storm. You looked up at him tearily, struggling with forming a sentence. He was drenched, sleek black hair void of his usual kenseikan was stuck to his elegant face. His sleep clothes covered by a gown, was clinging to his svelte form

His eyes scanned over you, looking for Injury. Not seeing any, he moved on hand to cup your cheek. The warmth of his hand seeped into your skin, highlighting how cold you had become "what's happened?"

"it's not fair" you wail around a sob as your hands come out to clutch at his clothing. Trying to hold on to something, anything as you spiralled "He's GONE and I... I just"

"shh" he tried to sooth you from your desperation "it'll be okay"

"no!" You shout back, pushing him from your hands in an effort to escape. He reached for you again, trying to grasp hold of your weakened arms flailing about, punching meekly at his chest. Thunder rolled around you, sharp crack of lightening sounded too close over head "no, it's not okay! He's dead and I can't stop seeing it! I see him every night, being ripped apart.."

the animalistic cry that tore from you startled him. Every shuddering breath screamed agony. Succumbing to your anguish, the fight left your body. With a small tug, Byakuya pulled you into his embrace. Strong arms wrapped around your shivering frame as you cried out into his chest. He waited patiently, head resting on yours, holding you close as you slumped into him, crying out your pain.

When the wailing quietened down into soft crying and shuddering breaths Byakuya pulled back slightly, catching a glimpse of your face. Eyes were reddened by your tears, your skin looked paler than it should be, shivers racked your body. You gazed back up at him, eyes begging, pleading for some of his strength.

"allow me to take you home?" It was a question you could tell he wouldn't be taking no for an answer. Nodding slightly, you tried to step away when his arms around you stopped you. Adjusting the placement, Byakuya lifted you easily into his arms, carrying you bridal style. Too weak to offer any Resistance, you tuck your head into his neck while a hand sneaked back up to his chest, holding on tightly to his clothing.

Eyes dropping closed, sleep threatened to take you in the gentle rocking of his sure footsteps. Raising your head slightly to wake yourself up, you realised it wasn't your home he was taking you to as The Kuchiki manor appeared before your eyes.

———————————————————

Byakuya entered his home, following the now familiar hallway that led towards his bedroom. The painting you had admired, the one with you at the pond, came into view briefly. Slipping through the door, carefully adjusting his hold on you so not to hit your head on the door frame, Byakuya sat you gently down onto a large western style bed. You sank softly into the mattress, aching body desperately wanted to climb into it for warmth.

"wait here a moment " Byakuya told you before walking across his room and into another door, that you saw held a bathroom. Looking around his bedroom you noticed how neat it was. There wasn't much in the way of decorations. The bed was the main focal point, something that surprised you. You would've assumed he had a traditional Japanese futon, judging by the rest of his home that you've seen.

The sound of running water caught your attention. Looking over you could see steam billowing out from the ajar bathroom door. Soft jasmine smell filling up the space. A moment later Byakuya walked out of the bathroom, looking dryer with a clean navy blue gown wrapped around him. His long damp hair was tied loosely at the nape of his neck. Coming to a stop in front of you, he offered a hand. Taking it in yours you allowed him to help you to your feet before following him into the warm bathroom.

"I prepared a bath. You need to warm up or you'll become unwell" he told you, dipping his fingers into the soapy water to test the temperature. Seemingly satisfied, he straightened to face you "take your time. There's towels there on the counter" he nodded behind you before turning to leave. Your hand darted out to catch his before he could leave, stopping, he looked at you questioningly over his shoulder

"wait" you croaked out, voice horse from the crying "please don't leave. I don't want to be alone"

you watched as his eyes flickered to you, then the bath and back, holding your breath, worried you had crossed a line. With a curt nod you let go of his hand, allowing him to close the bathroom door. After a moment of watching Byakuya stare at the bathroom door you realised he was giving you privacy to undress. Quickly peeling the damp sleep clothes off your body, you haphazardly folded them and placed them on the floor before stepping into the hot bath

A small hiss left your lips as the warm water felt scorching against your freezing skin. Sitting slowly to let your body adjust to the shift in temperature, you sat in the middle of the large tub, bringing your knees up to your chest and resting your head on your arms settled on top. A relieved sigh escaped as you closed your eyes, soaking up the warmth

"you can turn around now" you mumbled to Byakuya still facing the door. You opened your wavy lids, watching as he came to collect your damp clothing, depositing them into a hamper in the corner, before leaning against the sink counter

"I thought we had agreed you would no longer put yourself into dangerous situations" his words made you wince. Whilst he had his arms crossed over his chest, he didn't particularly look angry.

"I'm sorry" you mumble, trailing your fingers through the white bubbles floating on the surface "I wasn't thinking clearly, It just became too much, I needed to escape"

"in the middle of the worst storm we've seen the last three years?" Ok, now he sounded a little angry "that was foolish. Anything could have happened to you out there. It was only by chance I looked out my bedroom window at the lightening and spotted you "

"there's no one left to care if anything did happen" you say a little numbly, you had no more tears to cry that evening

"I care" your head whipped round to face him. Would he? You knew you had gotten closer over the last year, developed a strange friendship on the foundation of loosing a spouse. You would be sad if you suddenly couldn't see him again, but would he genuinely care if you were hurt? Yes, if the honesty shining in his eyes were to be believed. Captain Kuchiki was many things, but a liar was not one of them. Nor was he one to spin a tale in order to comfort someone.

"sorry" you breath again, actually meaning it this time. You watched as he sighed heavily, pushing off the counter to walk over to you. He rolled up his sleeves before crouching down next to you. Reaching over, Byakuya grabbed a cup from the side of the bath and filling it. You gasped as he poured it over your head, pulling the cold water from your hair as it trickled down your back. It took another three cups before the water ran warm again against your skin.

The pop of a lid and the sweet smell of almonds alerted you moments before you felt nimble fingers begin to wash your hair. The soothing scratching against your scalp had you dropping your head forward. Sighing deeply at the relaxing feeling. His fingers stopped only for a moment when a satisfied moan left your lips, before resuming in the careful washing.

"lean your head back" his strained voice snapped you out of your daze, quickly following the order. Tilting your head back to avoid soap getting in your eyes, Byakuya began methodically rinsing your hair, gently squeezing the strands of excess moisture when he had finished. You turn to look at him over your shoulder, sending him a small smile

"thank you"

"are you sufficiently warmed?" He always spoke so proper, even in an intimate setting as this one was. At your nod he rose gracefully, grabbing a fluffy white towel from the counter. Turning to face you he held it open, giving you privacy to stand up without flashing everything you had. Once you climbed out the bath and pulled the plug, Byakuya wrapped the towel around you, holding it closed with his arms around your back. You rested your palms on his chest, looking up into his grey eyes.

Your heart beat heavily in your chest as he leaned in ever so slightly, stopping himself before he followed through. Wanting to show your gratitude, you closed the distance, eyes fluttering closed as you kissed him sweetly. Afraid you read the signs wrong at his stiffening body, you were about to pull back when his arms gripped you tighter, pulling you flush against his body.

A sigh parted your lips, in which he took advantage, shyly slipping his tongue into your mouth to caress your own. A jolt ran up your body at the contact, the kiss was so unfamiliar to you, having only kissed one person the past decade, yet you sank into it easily. One of his hands smoothed over your back, sliding its way to the back of your head and grasping your hair lightly, changing the position of your head to his liking.

You both parted, each breathing heavily as you stared into eachothers eyes, searching for any regret. Not finding any, Byakuya gently kissed your forehead, mumbling into the skin "you must be tried. I shall go find you something to sleep in"

He released you to walk back into his bedroom. Sleep was the last thing on your mind at that moment, the kiss suddenly waking you fully. Taking a moment to centre yourself, you grabbed another towel to roughly dry your hair. Helping yourself to a comb you quickly brushed through your hair before following. Upon entering the bedroom, you saw one half of the beds blanket pulled back, ready for you to slide in.

Byakuya stood at the foot of the bed, white T-shirt in hand "I hope this will suffice" he said, holding out the offered garment. You nod with a shy smile, slipping it over your head before removing the towel. Placing it in Byakuyas waiting open palm, his nod to the bed had you climbing in, wrapping the blanket around you as he returned the towel to the bathroom.

You sat up on his return, noticing he was avoiding eye contact. "Sleep well" he muttered before turning to the door

"wait," you call out confused, speaking to his back as he didn't turn around, luckily he did stop walking "where are you going?"

"I was going to sleep in the spare room"

"don't be silly, come sleep in your bed" you insist, pulling the blanket back for him. The look he gave you over his shoulder was uncertain,

"YN, I don't think.."

"just get into bed, Byakuya" you told him, adding an almost desperate "please"

A another protest died on your lips as he continued on to the door, for him to only switch off the light. You laid down as he got into bed, snuggling into the fluffy pillow facing him. You noticed how far away he was from you, practically laying on the edge of the bed, staring up to the ceiling . You smiled into the darkness, reaching out to grab his hand. He jumped at the contact which widened your grin. Infamous Captain of the 6th being startled? Impossible

You tugged gently on his hand, pulling him towards you "you'll fall off if you stay over there" you whispered to him. You were pleased when he relented, Scooching closer to you, to also lay on his side facing you. Your hands stayed joined together between you. The darkness of the room made it difficult to make out his features, unable to see how he was feeling, you decided to bring up the elephant in the room .

"we can forget it happened, if you prefer" you say, regarding the kiss. Clearly he was struggling with it, you were surprised that you weren't.

"I don't want that" he admitted, shuffling closer to you, you could feel his breath ghosting your face.

"I don't either"

You could see Byakuya lean forward hesitantly, before closing the gap and bumping into your nose. You giggle as he ran a hand down his face

"I am sorry. It's just, it's been a while" he trailed off.

"it's okay" you sooth, the moon shining through the window illuminated his face just enough for you to make out where his features were, so you leaned in to kiss him gently. He reciprocated just as sweetly, not demanding more than you were willing to give. Sliding your body closer to his, your free hand cupped his smooth cheek, increasing the pressure of your lips.

Byakuya groaned deep in his throat, parting your lips with his own to explore your mouth with his tongue. His free hand settled on your waist, pulling you closer to him. His hand wandered as you kissed, gently caressing up your side, a burning trail left in its wake. You let your hand trail down from his cheek, easily slipping into the robe he wore. His breath hitched as your fingers made contact with his well defined chest. Smoothing over the soft skin you explored his chest, causing a slight jolt as you brushed over a nipple.

Byakuya deepened the kiss, lifting from the bed slightly to lean over you. Your hand traveled up to his shoulder, gently pushing the thin material away. Breaking away from the kiss, breath mixing between you as you panted deeply, Byakuya shrugged off the arm of his robe before doing the same on the other side. Pooling at his waist, secured by a knotted sash, his arms and chest were exposed. Your fingers tickled over his chest, marvelling at the smoothness. His pale skin was flawless, void of any blemishes.

Leaning down to capture your lips, Byakuya cupped the side of your neck, gently stroking your cheek with his thumb. Reaching up, your fingers found the tie holding his hair back, with a gentle tug you pulled it free, letting his silky strands cascade over his shoulders. A small moan escaped you, heat pooled at your centre as you pushed your thighs together craving friction at his answering groan.

"are you certain?" Byakuya spoke lowly, lips centimetres away from your own. You nod, teeth capturing your full bottom lip, teasing the skin there. You open your legs in invitation, creating space for him to fill, which he immediately slipped into at your verbal response

"please, I need you"

The back I've his fingers trailed down your cheek, following the slope of your neck, the path followed by tentative kisses. Tilting your head to the side to grant him more room, the intensity of those searing kisses increased. You wrapped your legs around his own, tangling your legs together under the blanket. His fingertips brushed up your thigh, tickling the sensitive skin with the hardened callouses formed from decades of training with a zanpakuto , slowly pushing up the hem of the T-shirt you wore. His hot breath ghosted over your neck, breathing deeply near the shell of your ear making you shiver in anticipation.

Trailing your fingers down his naked chest, you groaned into the room as he suckled on your pulse point, sending a wave of arousal through you

"Byakuya" you whine wantonly, "please"

His fingers grip the bottom of your top, pulling it slowly up your body and exposing your skin to the cool rooms air. Lifting slightly to aid in his attempt to pull it over your head and off you completely. Dropping it over the side of the bed, Byakuya surged forward to kiss you soundly, tongues meeting in a sensual dance. Your nails raked down his sides, hard muscles twitched under your fingertips. The sensation caused his body to jerk forward, his still covered arousal pressing against you. You followed the path to his gown, nimbly untying the sash holding it together and pulling it away completely, letting the garment follow your T-shirt.

You could feel everywhere his hot skin pressed against your own. A strong hand gripped hold of your hip, halting your squirming. Trembling slightly, the hand glided up your body, over the curves of your body to gently cup your breast. A shaky breath left his parted lips as he brushed a thumb over your hardened nipple, eliciting a addictive moan from you. You closed your eyes at the sensation, savouring the pleasure as he sweetly kissed his way down your neck, following the line of your sternum. When his hot mouth covered your nipple, sucking gently, you cried out.

Lavishing attention on your breasts, Byakuya pushed himself closer to you, letting you feel the weight of his arousal on your lower stomach. You reached between you, wrapping your fingers around him and gave an experimental tug. He hummed in approval around your nipple, the vibrations sending a shiver through you. His penis felt smooth in your hand, a decent length with a slight upwards curl. You brushed your thumb over the weeping head, spreading the moisture to slicken up the next downward stroke of your hand. Byakuyas hips surged forward, chasing the exquisite heat encasing his cock.

Removing himself from your breasts, Byakuya sat back on his haunches. His hands gently parted your thighs before removing your hand from his length. Bringing it up to his lips to leave a chaste kiss on your knuckles before setting it on your stomach. You jumped in surprise as one of his fingers brushed up the centre of your sex, teasing it's way through your folds and spreading the moisture already there. You squeezed your thighs around him, head thrown back into the pillow in pleasure. Carefully he inserted two fingers into your heat, torturously slow he began to pump them into your velvety walls, coating them with your arousal.

Your heavy breathing was loud to your ears, keening softly at the delicious feeling of being filled. Your hips gyrated subtly on his hand, seeking out more. The hand not caressing your inner walls held your hips in place with a squeeze. Mercifully he increased his pace, plunging into your wet depths with accuracy. You moaned loudly, arching your back and pushing your heaving breasts higher. Your fingers gripped the sheets beneath you, desperate to hold onto something as the pressure built in your lower stomach

Feeling your walls tighten and spasm around his fingers, Byakuya held himself over you, large hand planted on the pillow next to your head. His hair fell around you, a curtain of black encasing you both in a protective shield from the outside world. Your arms wrapped themselves around his back, nails digging into the flesh at his shoulders. Fingers expertly bringing you to the edge of euphoria, Byakuya watched as your face contorted in pleasure, ready to swoop in and swallow your guttural moan as you exploded around his fingers.

Your body shook with trembles, the aftermath of an intense orgasm. You lessened your grip in his shoulders, soothing away the indents made by your nails with the palm of your hands. Breathing heavily, you regained enough coordination to return his desperate kiss. Parting, you reached down between you, holding his own neglected erection and directed it to the opening of your twitching core. As soon as the head made contact with your dampened folds, Byakuya pushed his hips forward, sheathing himself into your velvety heat.

Byakuya lowered himself onto you, forearms supporting most of his weight as he buried his head into your neck, moist breath coating your skin as he savoured the tight grip you had on him. He groaned into your neck, kissing you lightly as you wrapped your legs around his own, trapping him deep inside you. You squirmed under him, aching for him to move. Byakuya sighed out your name, sounding like a prayer from his lips as he slowly began thrusting into you. The deliberate drag of his hardened length pushing into your wet heat had you clenching your eyes tightly.

Your moans mixed with his quiet groans in the otherwise silent room. He adorned your neck with loving kisses as he increased the power behind his thrusts, chasing after his building orgasm. Your hands mapped out the muscles in his back, moving under your palm with every thrust. The slapping of skin grew louder as he increased his speed. The need for cool air brought him out from the crook of your neck, choosing instead to watch your face contort in pleasure under him.

You open your eyes to meet his, already staring at you with unabashed desire. You manage a small smile before a particularly hard thrust had you seeing stars, mouth parted prettily as you choked out a moan. You lift your hips to meet his downward thrusts, pushing him into you to the hilt.

"YN" he whispered full of praise as he peppered kisses on your face. You wrapped your around around his sticky back, thin sheen of sweat covering you both.

"Byakuya " you groan, the tightening in your lower stomach becoming almost painful "please"

He captured your lips in a desperate kiss, thrusting into you in a punishing pace. The band snapped, a wave of pleasure washed over you as you sobbed out his name, breaking the kiss. The clenching of your inner walls gripped him in almost paralysing pleasure, his thrusts turned erratic and he pushed himself over the edge, following you into his own powerful orgasm. He stilled momentarily, breathing heavily through his nose, eyes squeezed shut in bliss. A few shallow thrusts followed as your spasming heat milked him of his ejaculate.

Heart rate steadily coming down, limbs heavy with exhaustion, Byakuya leaned down, kissing you softly. Slowly pulling himself from you, too sensitive to remain buried within you, he laid down heavily beside you, pulling you into his arms. You laid in silence, coming down from your high as you calmed your breathing. Byakuyas fingers drew patterns into the skin of your side absentmindedly, relishing in the post orgasmic glow. His fingers slowly trailed to a stop, arm hung heavily over your waist as his breathing evened out. You glanced up to confirm he had fallen asleep.

Blindly reaching down, you gather the blanket to pull over your rapidly cooling bodies. You turn slowly in his arms, looking out to the window. The storm had passed, the lightening sky told you day break was fast approaching. Exhaustion laid heavily on your eyes, sleep threatening to pull you under. Giving in, you close your eyes, the image of your husband flashing through them. Your heart clenched painfully until Byakuyas arm tightened around your middle, pulling you closer into his chest as he sleepily nuzzled into your hair. A content small smile graced your lips as you succumb to the pull of sleep

"forgive me, my love"

the last fleeting thought you had before you surrendered to the darkness

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