love-carries-on

[love-carries-on]

goodnight may the spirits of all the stuffed animals youve ever owned protect you in your sleep

[love-carries-on]

*through gritted teeth* every day i choose to be kind *barely restraining myself from violence* i choose to have compassion *tamping down the vicious bloodlust inside me* i choose to care and to be kind and to love

[love-carries-on]

fucking dilfs from the back so i can smack their bald spot. and post

[love-carries-on]

Happy 10th anniversary Tumblr identification post!

Tumblr Code.

[love-carries-on]

NOOOOO

[love-carries-on]

Like Really Important PSA

TW: Death 

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This story is gonna be on a hiatus, like a serious hiatus. My momma died last week, we just had the funeral yesterday and with the upcoming plot for Deigo’s storyline, I just can’t do it right now. I promise I’ll try to update soon but I’m dealing with a lot right now. 

Take Care ya’ll! Be back soon!

#love carries on psa

[love-carries-on]

Chapter XV

TW: brief mentions of bugs

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The next day went on as normal, no meeting in the dining room with Virgil, no forcing him to write an apology, no frustration or pain. He floated through the day without a thought of what he had said to Patton or what he might say to anyone else. He thought maybe his trial was over but the next morning bright and early, Virgil woke him up and pulled him into the dining room. 

What now? 

Today, you apologize to Diego. His movements were as controlled as ever, even as he gestured towards the pen and paper on the table 

I thought I was done!

No, Patton was just easy mode, so that you could get the hang of it. 

What should I apologize for? There was an edge of agitation, or perhaps desperation to his signs. 

You decide, I’m sure you can figure something out. 

Roman let out a loud pained groan that was mostly show before flopping down at the table. He picked up the pen and began to chew on the end of it as he tried to think of what to write. 

I apologize Diego, because Virgil is making me and this is all I could think of because you seemed really upset about it for making fun of you for having an alter who was a little actually you have a lot of them and calling you a baby even when he wasn’t fronting anymore. I still kinda think you’re a big baby, especially considering how many alters you have that are children, it’s strange isn’t it. I said some things that really hurt you because you don’t like to identify with them. I still don’t think it’s that big of a deal but whatever It wasn’t nice of me and I hope you can forgive me. 

As soon as he was done, he reread his writing, making sure that he liked what it said. There were a few parts he had crossed out as soon as he wrote them, knowing that Virgil probably wouldn’t consider them part of a proper apology. 

So, I guess we’ll have to wait until Diego is awake to give him the apology. He signed very quickly, already fidgety with how long he’d been sitting there. He played with his hair a little, touching it quickly before pulling away.

He stood up, going over the fridge to look for something to eat. Heating up some rice for him and Virgil while pulling some vegan sausage out of the freezer and putting it on the griddle. He knew that eventually it will wake most of the members of the house to the smell of cooking. 

Twenty minutes in, after the rice had slightly cooled, the sausages were finished. He set the food down onto the table, looking down the hallway to see Diego, Logan and Patton hanging out vaguely in the hallway and the living room. 

“Breakfast.” He called to them, settling himself in his usual seat at the table.

The other three entered the room, getting plates and forks quickly and setting them in everyone’s normal places. Breakfast was served up and they ate in silence. Patton had opted out of  the rice, informing them that he hadn’t added rice to the list but the grains reminded him of little bugs and he didn’t like them. He did have a few pieces of sausage but he made pancakes instead. 

As soon as they were done, and with a little urging from Virgil, he approached Diego to talk to him. 

“Hey D, uhm, I want to talk to you for a bit, can you step into the dining room with me?” 

“Sure Ro.” He followed him, confusion clear on his face as he stuck his hands in his pockets. 

As soon as they were out of earshot of the other two, and with an encouraging nod from Virgil he read what he had written, leaving out some of the parts he had scratched out. 

“I’m sorry Diego, for making fun of you when a little alter is fronting. I know you don’t like to be referred to as a baby, or treated like a child, especially when you’re fronting because it makes you uncomfortable. And I made fun of you anyway. It was very cruel of me, and I hope you can forgive me.” He crossed his arms in front of him comfortably, hoping he’d said the right thing. 

“Well thank you Roman, that means a lot to me. I don’t know if I can forgive you just yet, but I appreciate your words.” 

Instantly, he reacted to his words. “But I- -” a look from Virgil stopped him in his tracks. “That’s understandable, I hope one day we can talk more about it.” It was a tactic Roman had seen Virgil use on Diego when they had gotten into disagreements. 

“I hope we can too.” There was a warm and encouraging smile on his face, like he truly believed that Roman was on the right path. It was truly heartening for him to see, to feel that appreciated. He smiled back. 

You did very well Roman. Virgil signed at him, a smile on his face and his eyebrows slightly raised to express his joy. 

Thank you. He was practically bouncing in place at the compliment. Who is next on the list? 

Either Logan or a person of your choice. His response took Roman by surprise, but Virgil didn’t want to force him to apologize to him, this was a learning exercise. 

 I think I want to apologize to my brother soon. It’d be nice to call him. As he signed, his hands dropped slightly and his expression became thoughtful. 

There was a wistfulness to his gaze, like he missed his brother somewhat. His eyes became clouded as he started to think about all the things that came along with his brother, The general frustration of having a twin that’s nothing like you, every good time they had shared, at band practice and karaoke night, and that feeling that always burned at the back of his throat. Before, he had labeled it as fury, or maybe even the beginnings of hate, but now that he could genuinely taste it, could feel it bubbling against his tongue with the same burning hot energy as every apology he’d uttered, he could tell that it tasted like shame and maybe even regret.

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Taglist(?)

@mayflowers07 @librowyrm @sunflower-of-steel

Also sorry for such short chapters, the next one is gonna be kind of important but most of Roman’s are gonna be somewhat short. 

#Love Carries On #Thomas Sanders #Sanders Sides #TsLogan #TsPatton #TsRoman #TsVirgil #TsDeceit #TsJanus #DLAMP #multichapter #poly #disabilityau #fluff #angst #adhd #autism #DID #HOH #Blind #Deaf

[love-carries-on]

Love Carries On: Chapter XIV

TW: None I think (?)

Sorry for the lack of chapters recently, my mother decided that she was the most important person in the world again and pulled a whole bunch of stuff that’s been really messing with my head, I promise that there should be way more chapters coming soon! Anyway

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Roman woke in the morning with an arm wrapped tightly around Patton. He sat up and fixed his hair, mulling over the events of last night. 

As soon as Virgil was gone, Roman went out into the living room to pace, he was nervous, because soon they’d be home and maybe they’d be mad at him and Virgil hadn’t told him what he was going to do. Roman couldn’t think of anything else to do but pace. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. The wall near the kitchen then the door. The wall near the kitchen then the door. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Hands to his pocket. Hands out of his pocket. Adjust his collar. Back to his pockets. Back and forth. Back and forth. Stop to push his hair away. Stop to readjust it again. He was just beginning to feel his legs tire when the door opened. 

He was turning to walk towards the door as it opened, and as it was pushed very strongly towards the wall he just had time to think thank god before he had an armful of sobbing Patton. 

“I’m sorry.” He muttered over and over into Roman’s ear, holding him tightly, as he cried. “I shouldn’t have left you, I’m sorry, are you okay? I thought you were going to do something stupid, I’m sorry.” 

He held him tightly, his eyes meeting Virgil, who was standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets. He shot him a panicked look. 

Apologize to him. Properly. He signed slowly, with the lazy intent of someone who was stating the obvious. 

After a few false starts and some half decent stutters, Roman cleared his throat and said. “I apologize Patton, for causing you to worry and for blowing up on you, it wasn’t right.” He wanted to add but you shouldn’t have lied to me but one look from Virgil was enough to quell that thought. 

“It’s alright Ro, really, it wasn’t your fault.” Patton held his face in his hands, and then after that they had all cleaned up and went to bed. 

Now, after getting dressed, Roman met Virgil at the dining room table. 

What are we doing today? 

Apologizing. I’m going to teach you that it’s okay to make mistakes by making you say sorry to everyone in the household for something, something big. 

Do I have to? Roman expressed his distress with a turning down of the corners of his lips and a narrowing of his eyes. 

Yes. Today is easy mode. Virgil serious about his plans, he had laid out  a piece of paper and a pen. You’ll be apologizing to Patton. 

How is he easy mode? 

Because he’ll forgive you regardless. He seemed dead set on making Roman write out his feelings and apologize, no matter how hard he thought it was. 

With a sigh, Roman sat down. He stared at the piece of paper, like it was taunting him, a frown on his face as he tried to focus. What do I apologize for? 

Just something. He shrugged at him, a sort of you can do it. Expression on his face. 

But for what? He was stressed about it, because what if he couldn’t apologize for anything because he was too stupid to do it. 

Maybe for the thing at Logan’s birthday? It was like he had been dwelling on this for months. 

Roman stopped to think about it, ready to question Virgil's thought process, but with a sudden jolt he realized he hadn't said sorry. 

Okay, I think I can do that. He signed hesitantly. 

He stared at the paper again, before picking up the pen and beginning to write. 

I don't see why I have to write this, it's so stupid Patton, I'm sorry I guess, whatever this is stupid  I apologize for what happened at Logan's birthday. Which was so long ago by the way I know you got upset for no reason at all because you overreacted and I know that everyone thinks I overreacted with what I said but I think that I I shouldn't have said what I did. Though maybe you should've just told me that you didn't like those things and it wouldn't have been a problem I had incorrectly assumed that you were trying to cause a scene for attention. I still think you are I don't know why I assumed this. Because this is what I would've done I had worked so hard on making sure that everything I had done would be perfect and the food upsetting you felt like a personal attack. It still does. Regardless, my actions were uncalled for. I'm sorry. 

He sighed as he finished, staring at the paper; the crossed out words full of bitterness and passive aggressive anger. The weirdly formal writing that he had done to correct it. He pushed his hair out of the way before turning back to Virgil. 

Do I have to read it to him or give it to him? He was hoping he'd just have to give it to him to read, because reading what he'd written would be salt in the wound of his already shredded pride. 

Read it. That's an important part. His signs were calm and controlled, clearly meant to remind Roman that he needed to do the right thing. 

Fine. His sign was snappish, perhaps a little angry. He folded up the paper and stuck it in his pocket. 

He stood up, pushing his hair around as he began to walk towards the living room in search of Patton. Patton was at the computer, squinting I'm concentration at the mahjong game in front of him. 

Roman cleared his throat. "Hey Patton?" 

Patton jumped a little, before pausing his game and turning towards Roman. "Can I help you Ro?" 

He shot Virgil a pleading glance, not wanting to read what was on the paper, but with a stern glance, he began to speak. 

"Pat, I'm sorry, err, I mean, I apologize. For Logan's birthday, I uhm, I shouldn't have." He paused and sighed, clearing his throat before he continued to read. "I shouldn't have yelled at you and made you cry. I know now, that, uh, that what I said was wrong. I had assumed some not so nice things about you, and that was wrong of me. I'm sorry." He sighed again, pushing his hair back as he tried not to sound too miserable. 

Patton stood immediately, throwing his arms around Roman in a tight hug. “Thank you Ro! That means a lot to me. Of course I forgive you.” He pecked him on the cheek as he pulled away, smiling at the pair of them softly. 

He sighed in relief this time, pulling away from Patton’s hug after a few moments. “Really? I’m glad.” He could get used to this feeling of fulfillment.

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Taglist (?)

@mayflowers07 @librowyrm @sunflower-of-steel

#Love Carries On #Sanders Sides #Thomas Sanders #TsRoman #TsVirgil #TsPatton #TsLogan #TsDeceit #TsJanus #Angst #fluff #multi-chapter #poly #dlamp #disabilityAU #ADHD #DID #HOH #blind #deaf #Autism

[love-carries-on]

Love Carries On: Chapter XIII

TW: Somewhat qestionable behavior

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Virgil dragged him into the kitchen, the place where most serious discussions took place. As soon as they were both standing in a clear space, Virgil began to sign, his lips turned down in a somewhat controlled frown. 

You really upset Pat with that. He thought you might’ve done something crazy. 

Roman sighed out loud, Well I didn’t, you don’t have to worry.

We wouldn’t have to if you would behave yourself. He crossed his arms after the statement, trying not to get angry for the sake of clear signing. 

I don’t need to behave, I’m not a child. He was clearly angry, his brows furrowed and eyes blazing. 

Yes you do. You need to behave like an adult, and right now you aren’t. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down so that he wouldn’t stroke the flame. 

Whatever. He began to walk away, but when Virgil didn’t stop him he whirled around. Why are you so mean to me? He signed it with as much force as he could, if he had been verbalizing, he might’ve screamed it. 

I don’t know what you mean. Roman you are acting like a child, a manipulative spoiled child. Virgil stepped back even further. 

Shut up. No I’m not. He knew that Virgil was right, but he didn’t need to say it, he didn’t need to hurt him like that. You’re being mean. 

Would you listen to anyone else besides yourself for a few minutes? Now his signs were getting forceful, but he stopped, wiggling his fingers with a slow movement. I’m not being mean to you, I’m trying to help you so that you don’t end up hurting someone you love. 

Fine. Roman shot him a somewhat spiteful glance and actually left, walking into the living room with heavy stomps. Virgil followed behind him carefully. 

Patton lied to me, and you're taking his side. Why don’t you just go back to them and leave me alone. He thrust Virgil’s coat off the hook at him.

I’m not taking his side. He refused to take the coat. He shouldn’t have lied to you - - 

Then why are you taking his side? 

Let me finish. There was exasperation in his signs. He shouldn’t have lied to you, but, you shouldn’t have reacted the way you did. 

I can react however I like because it’s my life. 

Virgil looked even more exasperated at his statement, still refusing the coat thrust at him. You’re right you do, but you have no right thrusting it all on to Patton and being mad at everyone else just because you didn’t get your way. Roman please, I’m not trying to upset you, I’m not trying to make you mad, but you hurt Patton and you’ve hurt all of us and you’ve never apologized. You make it everyone else’s problem when you’re hurt but it’s never yours if you hurt someone. It’s time you learn to think and start owning up to your mistakes. 

Get. Out. He threw the coat at him, shouldering past him to get to his room. Halfway down the hallway he heard the door close. He made his way into Patton and his room, slamming the door as he threw himself down on the bed. 

Why is he so mean to me? I didn’t do anything to him, besides Patton deserved it. He thought bitterly, kicking off his shoes so he could settle on the bed. 

Did he though? A passive aggressive voice whispered. What did he do to deserve it? 

“He hurt me and he lied to me.” He muttered out loud, unaware that he was responding to a voice in his head out loud. 

And? You shouldn’t hurt him back. 

Before he could argue his point and press onwards with his anger, there was a knock on the door, it opened slowly. Virgil walked into the room and sat down on the bed. 

What do you want? Go away. Roman signed it then turned away. 

Virgil reached out, grabbing his shoulder until he turned back towards him. I want you to listen to me. 

Why? You never listen to me. He hoped that his word stung. 

Roman all of us have to listen to you because you’re the loudest and you never let anyone else have feelings. There was little to no emotion on his face, trying to sign the words with factual movements. 

That gave Roman pause, he tried to think of a time when his feelings or his opinion had been ignored. There were very few instances, and all of them had ended in him getting mad and telling them that they hated him. Oh.

Exactly, you’re being unfair to the rest of us. 

Roman wasn’t ready to admit defeat, didn’t want to. It would mean that he had done something wrong and he would have to admit he wasn’t perfect. And what exactly do you want me to do about it now? 

Right now? Nothing, but when I get back from getting the others you could start with apologizing. And then tomorrow we’ll start more on what you could do. He kept his signs controlled and determined, trying to balance an expression between happiness and firmness. He stood up, heading towards the door. Do you want to come with? 

Uh, no. I’ll stay here. Roman didn’t want to have to apologize until the very last second. 

Virgil nodded very slowly, like he understood why Roman was doing what he was doing. Okay, see you when I get home. I love you. He signed the last statement with a soft smile, trying to express that even if they were fighting he still loved him with all of his heart. 

I love you. He signed back, his expression similar. 

With that, Virgil left to go get their other boyfriends and Roman settled himself on the bed, waiting.

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Taglist (?)

@mayflowers07 @librowyrm  @ellisnthere  @sunflower-of-steel

#Love Carries On #fluff #angst #multi-chapter #Sanderssides #TsSanderssides #poly #Dlamp #disabilityau #TsRoman #TsPatton #TsLogan #TsVirgil #Tsdeceit #TsJanus #ADHD #HOH #DID #Autism #Blind #Deaf

[love-carries-on]

I really love your series can I please get added to the tag list? 💛

You betcha!!

[love-carries-on]

can you add me to your tag list if it's not to much trouble?

Of course! I've never had a tag list before so this is a little weird for me but of course!!

[love-carries-on]

Love Carries On: Chapter XII

TW: Manipulative/questionable behavior

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Patton had barely gotten the guitar stored in the basement closet, when Virgil arrived home, with Roman in the front seat. They came inside, throwing their jackets near the coat tree, a look of excitement on their face. 

“Let’s get ready!” Roman clapped his hands.

 They had decided that each of them would go as a disney prince. Diego as Naveen, Roman as Eric, Patton as Kristoff, Logan as Charming and Virgil as Adam. Each of the costumes had been measured, designed and sewn by Roman so that they would perfectly resemble the movie, he was very excited to go out. Each of the outfits had been hung in Roman’s closet, wrapped in plastic to keep it from getting ripped or destroyed. He brought out the bags and handed them to each person in turn. Diego closed the door out of habit and they all stripped to change into their outfits. Logan had to be directed somewhat but soon he had everything on that he needed. 

Soon enough they were all dressed, and their hair was mostly fixed, with Roman adding a few touch ups to Logan’s hair. Then, they were ready to go. He grabbed his keys off of the nightstand, which thankfully Patton had remembered to return and went out to his car. 

With Patton in the front seat, the other three situated themselves in the back seat. Roman turned the key, and was about to back out when he stopped and frowned. 

“Did you guys go somewhere today?” 

Patton panicked, he didn’t want to tell Roman where they had gone, or that they had gone anywhere because otherwise he’d demand answers. “No.” he blurted out, keeping his tone fairly calm. 

“Are you sure? Cause there’s less gas in it than there was yesterday.”

“Maybe you read it wrong.” Even as he said it, he winced. 

“I know how to read a gas gauge. Now why are you lying to me?” 

“I’m not, we didn’t go anywhere.” 

“Yes you did!” He turned off the car and turned around. “Diego? Logan?” but neither of them would meet his gaze.  “Why are you lying?” 

“I’m not.” Patton crossed his arms, turning to face out the window.

“Fine.” Roman pulled the keys from the car, storming off back inside. 

Virgil opened the door, but instead of getting out and going inside, he walked back to his car, turning to patiently wait for them. They all got out, Getting into Virgil’s car. Virgil stopped to sign something to Diego, who interpreted for the rest of them. 

“V says, ‘while you shouldn’t have lied to him, he reacted like a baby, so we’re going out without him. If he texts me later and wants me to come get him, we’ll do that.’” 

“Are you sure V? I don’t want him to think we hate him, what if he’s mad at me?” 

Logan answered for him. “Then that’s his problem, you’re not in charge of other people’s feelings Pat. Besides, I doubt he hates you, you know how he is.” 

They headed for the city, mostly silent because Virgil had turned on some music and turned it up enough that he could feel the vibrations in the car. They were going bar hopping, a tradition of theirs that generally included very little drinking but a whole lot of dancing. Logan and Virgil would stick by one of their partners (generally Patton or Diego) while the other two danced by themselves, it was a tradition so that everyone could have a good time, except tonight, Patton’s mind was on Roman back at home. 

Roman had heard the car pull out of the drive and was currently sitting on the couch, his arms crossed. Why didn’t they just tell me where they had went? Are they keeping secrets from me? Why? Do they hate me? What if they hate me. Did I do something wrong? He didn’t want to think about them maybe hating him, so he turned on the TV and tried to relax. 

He hadn’t changed out of his costume, the white shirt surprisingly comfortable. He tried to distract himself, but all that was on his mind was what his partners were up to. I bet they’re having a good time dancing, and even as he tried to keep the thoughts in the mostly positive, with a hint of retribution they started to slip a little, They’re probably having a whole bunch of fun without me, and they’re probably talking trash on me and dancing without me, and dancing with someone new and what if they’re trying to replace me? And I bet they just hate me, and I bet they want me gone and they probably think I’m stupid and - -

He turned off the TV, and got up, pushing his hair back in worry and frustration. He yanked his phone out of his pocket, calling Patton. “Please pick up, please pick up, I need you to pick up.” 

After a few rings he heard the voice of one of his partners, and the sounds of a bar in the background. “Ro? Hello, can you hear me?” 

“Pat? Oh thank god you answered. You don’t hate me right? And you don’t think I’m stupid? You're not talking trash about me?” 

“What? No of course not Ro, I love you, we love you. Is everything alright?” There was a lot of worry in his tone. “Maybe we should come home, are you okay? Hold on, Virge is signing something and D is trying to translate.” 

There were mumbles from the other line. “Virge is asking if you want him to come get you so that you can party with us.” 

“Uhm, no. I just. . . stay on the phone with me?” Part of him just wanted the closeness of hearing Patton on the other line, but another part of him, a part of him that he was a little too in touch with wanted, to some degree, ruin Patton’s evening, keep him from dancing. 

“Virgil says that maybe he should just come get you.” 

“Tell him no.” 

“Why not?” 

Roman didn’t have a good answer. “Just leave me then, I’ll be fine.” He hung up the phone angrily. Why can’t they ever let me have what I want? It’s not like I was going to hurt him or anything. I- - his thoughts were cut off by the phone ringing. 

It was Patton. He ignored it. There were several more calls, but he ignored them too. He wanted them to feel guilty. The calls stopped after half an hour, which was fine with Roman, he was getting a little annoyed anyway, he wanted them to feel bad, but he didn’t want them to call him that much. 

After fifteen minutes, with not a peep from any of his boyfriends, not a reprimanding text, not another call, not so much as a peep, he started to feel a little worried. Surely they wouldn’t quit cold turkey like that. He turned up the sound on the TV to drown out his thoughts. 

Ten minutes after that, he became seriously concerned. He thought about texting them, or one of them, but he put that thought from his mind. He didn’t want to relieve them of their guilt too quickly.

Another five minutes passed and he started to get really seriously concerned. He couldn’t sit still, getting up, he grabbed his phone with the haste of someone grabbing a lifeline. He dialed Patton’s number, his finger hovering over the call button.

 Back and forth. He paced. Back and forth. To the wall, back to the couch. Touch the arm of the couch, accidentally kick the wall, linger on the couch, the wall. He was just about to press the button, when the door opened. 

He saw it out of the corner of his eye, and though it was a little difficult for him to hear, he saw it and it startled him, something moving when he didn’t expect it. He dropped his phone, and turned towards the opening door. 

It was Virgil, just Virgil. Virgil stepped into the living room, closing the door slowly. He stared at Roman, waiting for him to speak. He didn’t. 

He signed with urgency, or firmness, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes dark. We need to talk.

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taglist (?)

@mayflowers07

@librowyrm

#Love Carries On #multichapter #angst #fluff #tslogan #Tsroman #TsDeceit #TsJanus #TsPatton #TsVirgil #sanderssides #tsau #disabilityAU #poly #adhd #did #hoh #autism #deaf #blind #Dlamp

[love-carries-on]

PSA

So that research I mentioned is all for Diego’s arc, which I would like to address now. Diego’s arc is going to focus very heavily on childhood trauma, and because I’m a writer and that’s how writers are, part of this trauma is based in my own life, not entirely, and not without a little bit of editing, but his part of the story might be hard for me to write/post. It might also be very difficult to read. Mostly this post is to include trigger warnings (the chapters will also include trigger warnings but I wanted to get the major ones out of the way) 

Trigger Warnings include: child abuse, murder, blood, alcoholic parent, parents fighting, domestic abuse, PTSD flashback, crude language, mentions of alcohol in general

I think that might be all but I’ll edit it when I actually do all the writing so that I know what needs to be tagged 

#love carries on psa

[love-carries-on]

Love Carries On: Chapter XI

So sorry for the wait! I got a little caught up in the research for some upcoming chapters. The next chapter will be out soon, and it’s gonna be big!

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Patton rubbed his face as he sat up, blinking his eyes and reaching out with his other hand to try and locate his glasses. He slipped them onto his face, blinking a few times to adjust. As soon as he could see clearly he turned and looked at the clock on the nightstand. 1:00 pm blinked back at him. He was out of bed instantly, How did I sleep so late? Why didn’t anyone wake me up? He rushed over to the mirror to fix his hair, he didn’t reach for the comb, because whenever he combed his hair he hurt his head, so he pushed through it with his fingers, getting it to lay flat as best he could.

Then, he went out into the living room, finding Logan sitting at the couch with Stella at his feet and Diego at the computer, a word document open. Patton went into the kitchen, finding the remnants of spaghetti in the fridge. He dished himself some, heating it up in the microwave.  He ate in the dining room, his phone set out in front of him. He was  scrolling through a website that sold fidget toys. He was looking through them, trying to decide if he should hint to one of his boyfriends that this is what he wanted for Christmas or if he should just buy something for one of them and hope that they also bought him something he’d like.

He slid out of the website, switching tabs to look instead at guitars. He was thinking about getting Roman a guitar, because if he remembered correctly, Roman had played for many years, but in the move from College back home, his guitar had been damaged beyond repair. Patton’s main concern was the price of guitars, they could range well over three hundred dollars, and Patton was concerned that if he got something expensive for Roman his other boyfriends might feel left out. He pulled on his hair nervously.

“Hey D and Lo? Can you c’mere for a second?” He wanted to talk to them about helping to pitch in for a guitar as a shared gift from them all.

After a few minutes, he was joined by them both. “Yes Patton?”

“I was wondering if you’d like to pitch in to help for the gift I want to get Roman for his birthday. It’s sort of expensive and I don’t want to spend more on him than on you guys.”

“What are you thinking of getting him?”

“A guitar.” He showed them the one he had in mind, a dark wooded one, with a burnt in pattern of swirls and curls, many of them similar looking to musical notes.

“Interestingly enough, I was also considering getting him a guitar. I would be happy to pitch in.” Logan couldn’t see the guitar but the noise of approval from Diego and the excitement in Patton’s voice was good enough for him.

“I’d be more than happy to help.” Diego could already envision the excitement that he would feel upon receiving the gift.

“Awesome, we could go today!”

“Patton, do you know what day it is?”

“Uh, Friday?”

“Patton, love, it’s halloween.”

“Oh.” He looked at them both, feeling somewhat stupid for not thinking of that. “In that case, maybe we’ll go tomorrow?”

“There might still be time today.” Diego compromised.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course Pat, it’s an hour drive into the nearest city, and it shouldn’t take us long to get all of the equipment and the guitar. Of course you’ll need to hide it somewhere he won’t find it until Christmas, but it isn’t really that late. We should be able to return home before Roman and Virgil get home and require us to go out for Halloween.”

“Well then Let’s get ready to go!” He bounced up, collecting his empty plate and hurrying it to the sink before going back to his bedroom and getting changed.

He met Diego and Logan in the living room, having swiped the keys to the car off of Roman’s side table. Logan had Stella on her leash, and she was sitting at attention, having recognized that it was time to work.  They went outside, getting into Roman’s car and heading for the city. Logan was in charge of the radio, which led to mostly classical music, with an occasional talk show thrown in. It was a peaceful drive, and Patton enjoyed it immensely. It was sort of like taking a break from all the hustle and bustle of normal life.

After getting a little lost, they finally arrived at the music store. They got out, Diego holding the door open to allow Stella to get out. Logan took hold of her leash as soon as she was out, and they went inside of the building. The man inside the building was older, with a long beard and long hair. He smiled as they came in.

“Can I help you?” He looked between them, looking over the counter to smile at Stella.

“We’re looking for a guitar, an acoustic? And some extra strings because he’ll probably play it a whole lot. And - -”

“Hold on there kiddo,” He held up his hand and came around the counter. “Let’s find the guitar first, then we’ll talk about strings and cases and such.”

He showed them around the room moving past the pianos, electric guitars and other musical instruments. There was an entire corner dedicated to just acoustic guitars, and quickly, Patton and Diego started to look around it. There were a lot of guitars that looked pretty similar, mostly of a mid tone wood with black accents.

“Ooohh, here’s one Lo, it’s red in the center and it fades out to really dark, almost like black.”

Diego took his hand away from the one he had been touching. “Oh that one’s really nice! I bet he’d love it.”

The man got the guitar down for them and offered it to him. Patton held it out to Logan so that he could touch it. Then, he leaned down and held it out to Stella, partially as a joke but he wanted to see her reaction. She sniffed it and then sat back on her haunches, which Patton took as a show of approval.

“I think we’ll take this one.”

The guy nodded, “Alrighty, let me get a case for that, with a shoulder strap and I can get a few sets of extra strings, meet me at the front counter alright?” He walked away, heading for a door near the back of the store.

It was somewhat difficult to weave their way back to the front counter because he had led them back into the store away from it, but eventually they found it. As they sat the guitar on the counter, he came out of the backroom with everything in hand.

He rang everything up. “Your total comes to $410.88”

Patton had previously pulled off about two hundred dollars in total and with the contributions from Logan and Diego, they paid for the guitar. It was a bit of a struggle to figure out how to load the instrument, but after putting it in the trunk, and making sure that it was tucked securely back, they were homeward bound.

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#TsSandersSides #SandersSides #Multichapter #Fluff #Angst #Poly #DLAMP #Love Carries On #TsRoman #TsLogan #TsPatton #TsVirgil #TsDeciet #TsJanus #disabilityAU #ADHD #Autism #HOH #DID #deaf #blind

[love-carries-on]

Love Carries On: Chapter X

Tw: Questionable Mother-son relationship

Sorry for this dialogue heavy chapter

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 Patton’s breath caught in his throat, he hadn’t heard his mother’s voice in a very long time. He swallowed, and spoke, using french so that his mother would understand him. “Hey mom.” 

“Patton, my love, it’s so nice to hear from you.” 

“I have a question to ask you mom. Well not really a question, it’s sort of - -” 

“Just tell me.” 

“Well my partners think I should make a list of foods I don’t like. Isn’t that silly?”

She was quiet for a long while, and for a moment he was afraid she had hung up. “My love, you were always a special boy.” Special, she always used special, never autistic. “I thought perhaps you would grow out of it. Now I see I was wrong.” 

“Isn’t it silly that they thought that I should do something like that though?” 

“My darling, they’re just showing that they love you.” She paused for a long moment. “Perhaps I should have done that as well.” 

It was not often that Victoire Faucheux admitted her faults, but the way she had treated her son growing up was one that she could admit. Looking back on it, now, she realized how off putting her actions must’ve been for her only son. 

“My love, I am so sorry for how I acted towards you. It was wrong of me, I am a terrible mother.” There was so much sorrow in her voice that even Patton, who struggled without being able to see someone’s face understood. 

“No no mama, it’s okay.” He cringed to himself at the way his voice sounded, but he persisted. “It’s not your fault, you were right to try and make me normal.” 

“You can not change the way you are born.” her voice was soft, carrying across the line with the same gentle tone she might use when talking to a child. “And I should not have tried to. Perhaps you should do as they say and make a list. It might help you.” 

That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “I’ve got to go, I love you.” 

“I love you too.” She sounded slightly taken aback, but she hung up the phone. 

Patton sat down at the table, putting his phone back in his pocket, he was frustrated. It seemed that everyone was against him, even his own mother. He pushed his hair out of his face with a huff, looking around at the entire room with an anger tinted gaze. Stupid tiles and stupid stove, stupid table and stupid vase that doesn’t make any sense and stupid flowers. He was so into his passive aggressive rant that he didn’t even notice the door opening until he heard Logan’s voice. 

“Hello?” 

“In the Kitchen.” He called. 

He heard footsteps, three sets, two humans and one animal. He looked up to see Diego and Logan, with Stella at his side. 

“Patton are you alright?” Diego sat down next to him.

“I’m fine thank you.” Even as he said it he knew he sounded angry. 

“What’s got you forlorn hun?” Logan rested his hand on his shoulder, partially to navigate himself into a sitting position. 

He was silent, crossing his arms over his chest and turning to look down. He didn’t want to face either of them, especially not Diego, who could actually see him. 

“Hun?” Logan’s voice was even softer, his grip tightening in a comforting way. 

“It’s that stupid list you want me to write.” He exclaimed after a few more minutes of silence, leaning back in his chair so violently that he almost fell. 

“What’s wrong with it?” 

“I don’t want to do it. I’m not some kid that you have to care for because I’m incapable.” 

“We don’t think you’re incapable.” 

“Yes! You do!” He got up, shrugging off his hand and starting to pace. “You think that I’m silly because I cry about certain textures and you think I need to be taken care of and you go out of your way to make sure that I’m happy because you think I can’t take care of myself.”

“Patton, love, has it occured to you that we might do that because we love you?” Diego looked over at him, waiting for his response. 

“That doesn’t even make any sense.” He accused, stopping just long enough to shoot him a look. 

“We want you to write out that list so that you don’t get upset. We all love you very deeply and because of that we want you to be happy. Which is why we try to avoid textures you don’t like. We know you’re capable.” His voice was soft and reassuring, he tried to keep to many overwhelming emotions out of it, he wanted Patton to understand. 

“Really?” He looked at Diego for confirmation, and when he nodded his head softly, he came back over and sat down. 

“I’m sorry I freaked out, that was probably stupid of me.” 

“It’s okay to feel things hun.” Logan reached out to him again, knowing that Patton found comfort in touch. 

“I understand feeling like everyone thinks you’re incapable, but you aren’t. In fact, you’re so very capable, and that’s why we want to make this list, to help you become even more capable.” He paused to think about how to word his next thought. “This world wasn’t designed for us, and as such, we must find a way to adapt it to us. We shouldn’t have to change for the world, it is easier for it to change for us.” 

“Will you write down things with me? So that I don’t feel stupid doing it myself?” He looked at both of them with pleading eyes. 

“Of course hun, though I will not be able to add much,” Logan smiled in his direction. 

“That’s fine!” He turned to Diego for his assertion. 

“I will if it helps,” he got up. “I’ll get a notebook, once we’re done we can put the list on the fridge.” 

He came back a few minutes later, carrying a blue notebook, it’s cover hastily wiped clean of dust. He handed it over, along with a pen out of his pocket. Patton took both items, sitting them on the table in front of him and flipping open to a clean page, disregarding the pages of elegant cursive. 

He wrote a header at the top of the page NoNo foods. Then he stuck the pen in his mouth, idly chewing on it as he thought about what he wanted to list. There’s so many things I could put, how specific do I want to be? What if it’s something that I’ve eaten before because I didn’t want him to know that I didn’t like it? 

After thinking for a while he had compiled a list of things, both big and small: hard-boiled egg yolk, cooked beans, sauceless noodles, most meat, asparagus, cooked carrots he thought a little while longer, before handing the page over to Diego so that he could write out the things he didn’t like, and allowed him to write down Logan’s disliked foods, which included ‘very liquidy soups, anything covered in heavy sauce’ and ‘foods with gravy’

By the time they were finished, they had filled an entire page with things that were ‘NoNo foods’. Patton put it on the fridge, using a blue magnet. 

As soon as he was done, he went into the living room, quickly being joined by Diego (who went back over to his computer), Logan, who sat down next to him and flipped on PBS so that he could play a documentary and Stella, who laid down at their feet, her head resting on her paws. 

By the time Roman and Virgil came home, Patton was half-asleep in his spot. The door opening caused him to sit up intently, and he watched them both come in, smiling as they hung up their jackets and closed the door. Roman immediately went into the kitchen, and he could be heard loudly muttering to himself and opening doors to get out the ingredients. He went suddenly quiet for a few minutes, before the sound resumed. It was clear he had seen the list on the fridge. 

When dinner time finally rolled around, Patton was delighted to find that all of the restrictions on the page had been abided by. Roman had whipped up a thick stew of a mixture of vegetables, rice and noodles. Dinner went off without a hitch (a difficult thing to do) and everyone, especially Patton went to bed with a content heart. 

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Tag list

@mayflowers07

@librowyrm

#Love Carries On #tslogan #tsPATTON #TsRoman #TsDeceit #TsVirgil #multi-chapter #dlamp #poly #tsSanders Sides #disabilityAU #DID #HOH #Autism #ADHD #blind #deaf #fluff #angst

[love-carries-on]

Love Carries On: Chapter IX

Sorry this chapter is so short you guys, I’m working on a longer one! I promise

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After Logan’s birthday, things returned to the almost normal they were all used to, Roman and Virgil going to work, Diego, Patton and Logan staying at home, though now that they had Stella, Logan spent a lot more time outside or away from the house. Sometimes he’d go into town so that she could get some social training. Which left Patton and Diego to their own devices. Most of the day, Diego would sit at the computer in the corner of the living room and work on writing. He was trying to write a novel, though he never discussed the details with the others. Sometimes, Patton would check in on him to find him practicing ASL, his fingers moving in an imitation of the person’s on screen, his brow furrowed in concentration. Patton wanted to join him, but he was afraid that he would upset Diego. 

Patton on the other hand, was doing everything he could to just do stuff. He needed his mind to be constantly busy. He found himself cleaning a lot, or going out and surveying the garden for hours on end. Sometimes, he would count the plants he could see, or watch for animals. He did everything but think about that list that Logan had suggested. He felt like it would be stupid for him to do, or it would bother his other boyfriends. They hadn’t had any food slips, but several close calls with textures at the grocery store had led to near meltdowns in the aisles. He now had a mental list of items to avoid.  Roman had had to lead him through grounding techniques to help him. And even then he had gone home and had an overstimulation break down. 

Currently, he was rearranging the accent pieces on the dining room table for the third time today. He had first gone up into the attic to dig for a proper looking vase, he had grabbed a few of them, balancing them in his arms as he descended. He had thought about grabbing all of them, just to have it laid out for him so that he could see, but he changed his mind as he remembered how many were up there. 

In his arms he had a blue one, a black one, and a yellow one, but he wasn’t sure which one he wanted to put in. He grabbed the yellow one because it matched the kitchen walls and would stand out nicely against the walls of the dining room, the blue one would be a good contrast, and the black one was because halloween would be coming up soon and he wanted to start to transition the decor. 

He wished Virgil was here to help him, because Virgil’s eye for design rivaled his own and he could use that right now. With a frustrated sigh, he dumped the clear marbles he had into the blue vase, sticking the fake flowers he was holding (sunflowers to be precise) in and set it on the table. He didn’t bother putting the other vases back, setting them on the buffet table instead. 

He went into the living room to go talk to Diego. Diego was sitting at the desk, his hands resting on the keys. He wasn’t typing anything, just staring into the screen like he was waiting for the words to appear on their own. Patton tapped him on the shoulder. “Want to go for a walk or something?” 

“I’m working.” He muttered, writing a few words before stopping again.

Patton sighed and walked away. He didn’t know what to do, he was bored, very bored, but it wasn’t like he could do anything. In the back of his mind he could hear Logan’s voice Write a list, so that we know what upsets you. He ignored the voice, and got his phone out instead. 

Idly playing games in the kitchen didn’t distract him long, and after washing the very few plates and cups in the sink, and walking the length of the kitchen at least three times, he finally balled his fists up and did what he was so nervous to do. Walking back over to the sink, he picked up his phone again. Anxiously, he opened up to the dialing pad, typing in a number he hadn’t called in several years. 

His finger hesitated over the call button, but after taking a deep breath, he pushed the button. With his ear to the phone, he listened to it ring for what felt like an eternity. Just as he was giving up hope, a sweet, accented voice answered. 

“Allo?”

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@librowyrm

#Love Carries On #tslogan #tsroman #tspatton #tsvirgil #tsdeceit #ts Sanders Sides #multi-chapter #poly #fluff #angst #disabilityAU #autism #blind #deaf #HOh #ADHD #DID

[love-carries-on]

Writing Commissions

So obviously this blog is just for Love Carries On (you know the fic, it’s the reason you followed me) But! I have a writing blog, @thepanfanwriter and if you want to put in commissions for me to write you a fic (I’ll have a list of fandoms) you can be as specific or vague as you want, it can be for the characters here, characters from a fandom (once again I’ll have a list) literally anything you want me to write I probably could write for you! Since I’m working on some writing right now but I’m not exactly putting anything out I figured this might be a nice way for you to be able to see me write something other than just Love Carries On. There’s only one condition, and that’s that you don’t ask me to write another Love Carries On chapter, I would prefer to not have an inbox full of asks about the next Love Carries On chapter, I’m so thankful that you enjoy my writing that much, and that you like this story that much, but these are two different blogs and I hope for it to stay that way

#writing #commisions #oneshots #fandom #writingblog #requests #asks #love carries on psa