my-elegies

[my-elegies]

They keep reassuring me it will get better. I keep muttering "I'll be fine," but I stay awake all night. I only sleep 3 hours a day in the afternoon. Every now and then I feel my body shake from the sob it won't let out. Sometimes I feel like air doesn't reach my lungs. Voices are intolerable, but so is silence. I sit quietly at my desk, feeling my heart sinking in my chest. Every consoling word hurts like a stab wound. Their concern to me is violence.

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[my-elegies]

The door to my heart is always open for you But I can't sit here and stare at it anymore

In the depth of my heart I only have love for you But I can't waste my wishes on you anymore

-30/03/2024

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[my-elegies]

I stay awake while the sun comes up and the dark rooms lit up with the soft glow of morning light through the blinds. Everyones sleeping. My feets up on the dining tables. The phone on my hand but my minds on you. It's always on you. It's so quiet around here. If I close my eyes and can stop the Voices in my head, I think I could almost hear your voice.

-25/03/2024

#my writing

[my-elegies]

I haven't got soaked in rain in a while. I haven't hugged you since December.

[my-elegies]

Sometimes I wish I could be just selfish. Sometimes I just want to call you up and say : "hey I need you, please come around." But we both know I could never do that. We both know I would drown in this love and longing but can't ask you to love me back.

-20/02/2024

[my-elegies]

Most of my silent prayers are for you. You and I might be drowning in the same sea but of my wish came true, only one of us might survive and it won't be me.

-17/02/2024

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[my-elegies]

Do you think we can talk? You don't have to be alone just because you think you lost. I wish you would let me be there for you. I used to be the one that you turned to, the one you would hold on to. I miss being there for you. My heart aches to think your in pain all on your own. I hope you are ready to come back in to my arms, I promise I just want take care of you and nothing more. As long as you are breathing you are doing enough in my eyes. They hold no expectation for you, just adoration, that's all.

-13/02/2024

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[my-elegies]

The phone didn't ring and I'm hoping you forgot about me in your joy, and not that you don't know how to tell me about your grief. No one would understand how hard I prayed for this, the smile of triumph on your face, the peace in your life, your dream come true, even if I can't be there to see it. No one would understand what great loss it is for me to not see you win. I'm didn't lose you, but more than that I didn't want see you lose.

-12/02/2023

[my-elegies]

"hey I missed you today, and day before that and the day before that. I think I missed you all my life until you finally showed up and I'm gonna miss you forever if this doesn't work out between us. I know you have your reason and I have mine. But I wish that you could've put it all aside, just for a day. Spare five mins, just for me. I'm not mad, I was just hoping you still would like to remember me. I hope someday you'll get sick of being away, and realize this could've been so easy."

A letter I can't send -01/02/2023

[my-elegies]

I'm looking around trying to memories everything. Rain drops on the street. The cold takeaway cup in my hand, the caramel coffee taste on my tongue. The green taxi, the red meter light, the droplets of water against the window. I wanna remember these, I say to myself. But that's not true. I'm trying to focus on every minor details just so my mind can forget that around me there's no trace of you. Still I'm sure years after when I look back at the day i turned two decade old, I'll remember nothing but your absence.

-01/04/2024

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[my-elegies]

I miss you so much it's eating me alive

[my-elegies]

I hate how much things affect me. I hate how everyone goes on with life and focuses on what's important and I keep getting stuck in the void, being pulled down by paper weights. I hate how much I care.

Me at 15 had it right, even though she was so wrong. Loving people is necessary, she knew that it would ruin her. And it did. Even though if it was necessary for her to learn to love the world. I hope the world is better for it. Because I'm definitely not

[my-elegies]

I was thinking about death and my demise. what do I wanna achieve before time runs out for me? Well we never know when our time's gonna run out. I can say I want a great career, a loving family, someone to call my own and so on. But how do I know I wouldn't die before I even finish highschool? So what's the point of these dreams? What do I want to do if I don't wake up tomorrow? If I stop breathing in a minute what O want to say that I do with my life?

In my last moments of mortality, i want to tell myself, I did everything I could for the people I cared for. I wanna say I did everything to help everyone I can. I tried to make people feel a little at ease and to make them believe in humanity. I don't know if I could say I succeeded, but I wanna smile and say I tried.

-23/01/2024

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[my-elegies]

I miss you, you know? My ever so silent phone is set on high volume ever since you implied you might call. Every 15 minutes, my fingers some how end up opening your inbox on the screen. The box full of your letters are under my table right beside my feet. I pull one out once in a while, reminiscing of how we used to be. I sit at the balcony, in this 13 degree weather, late at night, shivering and thinking about what you could be doing. And when I sleep, I see hope in my dreams.

-21/01/2024

#my writing #orginal writing #chaotic academia #prose #poem #poems and poetry #spilled ink #spilled poetry #quotes #writers community #writers on tumblr #writers and poets

[my-elegies]

I bet you have the brightest smile. I like your writing 🤍

Oh my Thank you!! This did make smile very brightly <3

[my-elegies]

I turn off the lights and in the darkness of my room, I'm thinking of you. I wonder if you feel confused, feel us drifting away. Does it scare you? Or have you not noticed that the howling distance doesn't seem so loud anymore. The emptiness isn't so heavy. Something inside me has accepted the faith that maybe I'll have to walk away. Something inside me has realized it would be okay if we are not meant to stay. I'll love you all the same. From afar, I'll only send muffled prayers and well wishes on your way. For an eternity, I'll hold you in my heart even if I can't hold your hand. Even if fate steals you from me, It won't be able to erase the adoration in my eyes reserved only for you.

-16/01/2024

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[my-elegies]

You left and I couldn't stop you You said you'll come back and I pretended I believed you

-10/01/2023