natasharomanoffslover

[natasharomanoffslover]

Masks off

Jennifer (JJ) jareau x Emily Prentiss

Tw: internalized homophobia

Summary: JJ has a hard time coming to terms with her sexuality.

___________________________________________________

It started off slow, so slow that she didn’t even notice at first. She just chalked it off as nerves.

JJ was tasked with briefing and showing around the new agent, Emily Prentiss. When there was four sharp knocks at her office door, she called out for the women to come in. Her heart dropped for a moment and her stomach clenched.

Nerves. It’s what she told herself. But when she looked at the way Emily’s lips moved up to make a obviously rehearsed smile or her eyes moved around the room taking in the new environment she couldn’t help but stare.

The way Emily’s shirt hugged her skin or the way no hair was out of place, it made JJ’s skin crawl.

It happened again when Emily started to speak Arabic. She was so smart and already caught the eye of Gideon, which was a hard thing to accomplish.

Again though, it had to be nerve. She just missed her friend. Elle was gone and now a new agent was in her spot. In her chair; at her desk.

That’s all. Obviously.

As Emily spent more time as a member of the team, JJ learned to suppress the feelings and Emily and herself became inseparable.

-

Every now and then the feelings and awkwardness would come back though.

After a tiring case they went up to their motel room, that they had to share. The motel rooms they shared is where JJ truly got to know Emily. The real Emily. Trip by trip JJ felt herself pulling pieces of Emily’s guard down.

It was around midnight and they both were wobbling around exhausted and probably smelly.

“I call showering first!” Emily exclaimed. JJ laughed and obliged.

The double bathroom doors were wooden with class stripes in the middle. JJ seemed to be more concerned about that than Emily did because when JJ looked up from unpacking her pajamas she saw a glimpse of Emily’s naked hip.

Immediately she looked away but the feeling in her stomach remained for a while.

-

It happened again on the jet when Emily fell asleep on JJ’s shoulder. At first it made JJ chuckle. Derek made a comment about how her neck was going to hurt when she woke up. Then it made JJ concerned. So she gently woke Emily up.

“Hey Em, put your legs up.” She whispered, as not the disturb her anymore then she’d already done.

Sleepily Emily did as she was told so her upper body fell to JJ’s lap. Looking at Emily it brought up feelings JJ had tried to suppress.

Now it made JJ uncomfortable. Looking at the women who always had a mask on, take that mask off made JJ’s stomach flip. Emily’s guard was down and she looked at peace.

JJ thought it was a beautiful picture.

-

She thought it was in her head. But then she caught Emily’s longing glances or the kind and thoughtful tasks she did that JJ never had to ask for.

Their hands touched a lot. To much to be accidental.

She found herself caring for Emily a exceptional amount. More than a normal friend. When Emily went into that basement and she got hit in the head with that piece of wood, JJ didn’t leave her side.

Wouldn’t even let her go home alone. She showed up to her apartment with take out and a hug. They spent the night watching movies and giggling. Their hands touched a lot then but the alcohol she’d drink prior prevented her from caring so much.

She actually forgot why she cared so much in the first place. Emily moved to snuggle closer as she got tired and JJ leaned down to kiss her nose.

Emily sat up. The last pieces of the mask protecting Emily from pain disappeared. Looking directly at JJ, Emily kissed her back. It was soft and sweet.

Soon they drifted off to sleep together. When JJ woke up she was alone. She couldn’t clearly remember what had happened last night (or that’s what she told herself at least) but she can remember the feelings she had.

Has.

No. It’s wrong. Not right, she thought. It’s gross and unnatural. When Emily got back from the bathroom, she immediately recognized the withdrawal so she matched the energy.

The morning ended awkwardly.

-

Eventually JJ met Will. She thought she liked him. She hadn’t thought about Emily in that way for a long time. She was just confused.

She loved Will, she realized that now and her and Emily were good. Best friends. Only.

Now she’s pregnant. JJ had always wanted to have kids. Everything was perfect. Will proposed and they went to a courthouse the next morning. Afterwards they had a small get together. Everything Was perfect, until she had to go and mess it up.

-

Emily and Reid were being held captive. JJ couldn’t function; she couldn’t breath or think. All she thought about was Emily.

They all heard her getting beaten and she thought she was going to be sick. When the building blew up she saw Reid stumble out and she hugged him tightly but Emily didn’t come out.

Reid and her walked forward, holding their breath.

JJ, who was not allowed to go farther than a few feet due to her very pregnant belly ran (to the best of her ability) when she saw a brunette women emerge from the rubble.

Derek reached her first and they walked over to where her and Reid were being held back.

Emily immediately embraced Reid in a hug, then turned to JJ.

Their hug was different. Intimate and long.

“Im so glad your okay.” JJ whispered in Emily’s neck.

-

It was that night she realized what she was. Who she was. It scared her to no end. It made her head hurt to think about the logistics and consequences of her stupid feelings.

She made a commitment, was starting a family. JJ laid next to her husband and she cried. When he asked what was wrong she lied. JJ knew she had to tell Will and she wouldn’t cheat on him anymore than she already is.

JJ went to go talk to Emily. It didn’t end well.

Once JJ told Emily how she felt, she broke out a huge smile. She cupped JJ’s face and leaned in to kiss her. Emily let go when JJ pulled away before she could kiss her. And embarrassed blushed creeped up Emily’s neck.

“When are you gonna tell Will?” She questioned, hopefully.

JJ looked back at her confused, “I can’t tell him.” She let go of Emily’s hands.

“JJ-“ Emily started.

“No Emily you don’t get it, I can’t.” Her tone raised.

“JJ then why did you tell me?” Emily too raised her tone. Before JJ could speak again she continued. “I’ve been waiting for you for nearly three years. Now you tell me you love me and want to be with me, but you can’t tell Will.”

“So why the hell did you tell me? Just to make me feel like more of an idiot for falling in love with a straight girl?!” Emily yelled.

JJ being pregnant and hormonal she felt her eyes water before leaving Emily’s apartment abruptly.

-

JJ gave birth to Henry and went to start her maternity leave with Will. She felt so guilty for the way she was. For what she was doing to Will and Emily but this break gave her time to gain perspective.

A few weeks in to her maternity leave, she went to visit the team. To show off the baby and see how her team was doing. Emily seemed to be okay around her. Her eyes swam with silent apologies whenever they made eye contact.

JJ snuck off with Hotch, leaving the baby with the rest of the group. In his office, she sat on his couch and he sat next to her.

“What’s wrong JJ?” He questioned.

“I um I think-“ she sighs cutting herself off. “My mom sent me to this Christian camp for girls when I was younger.”

“I didn’t remember why or what even happed until a few weeks ago. It was to brainwash queer girls into being straight.” She gaged the look on his face before continuing but when it was the same as it was before she kept going.

“She caught me with my friend, Aniya Anderson in the 7th grade and I thought being with a girl was unnatural and gross but..”

“But now all I wanna do is be with one.”

“Is there one in particular?” He questioned, a knowing look in his eyes.

“Yeah.” She whispered. “But I don’t know what to do because of Will and Henry. Hotch please tell me what to do.”

“Jayje, you already know what to do. And whatever you do the team and myself will support it. Including Emily.” He patted her shoulder, comfortably.

“I don’t wanna hurt him. Or disappoint her, I’m the only daughter she has left.” JJ found herself tearing up.

“You shouldn’t be hurt anymore also. Being with someone you don’t love and hating yourself will just end your marriage anyway. But it’ll be longer and more painful. You’ve got to think of yourself, not your mother.”

He knits his eyebrows together and adds, “if your mother doesn’t approve then do you really want her in your life anyway?”

JJ knows what she has to do now.

She shakes her head no. “Thanks Hotch.” She whips a few tears from her cheeks and stands.

“Now let’s go back before Derek drops him or something.” Hotch wraps a arm around JJ.

-

JJ tells Will that they need to talk. JJ’s head spins along with her stomach as the nerves threaten to eat her alive.

They sit on the couch, and already tears are escaping JJ’s eyes. Will places a hand on JJ’s cheek, tenderly.

“What’s the matter love?“ he says with a think Louisiana accent and the nickname makes JJ cry more.

She tells him the story of the church conversion camp and he lovingly rubs her back. She starts with an apology. So many apologies.

“JJ you’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” He kisses her cheek.

“I’m in love with Emily.” She just blurts out.

The silence is thick and painful.

Will looks stunned and hurt.

“I didn’t know, when I first met you, I truly thought I loved you romantically but I just.. I can’t. Will I’m so so sorry.” More tears fell from her eyes as she felt her mask peel off her skin. Completely showing herself to the world.

After a few moments of silence JJ begged wills to say something, anything.

“I’m sorry that happened to you JJ.. and I’m not mad I just.. I’m processing.” He looked at the wall in front of him and JJ felt the comforting hand he had on her shoulder vacate.

“We will work this out so Henry has two present parents… we can still be friends right?” Will chuckled before a few tears also escaped his eyes.

“Yes of course we will.” JJ engulfed him a tight hug.

-

Four sharp knocks on Emily’s door made her leave her couch to see who it was. She was surprised to see JJ.

JJ could only imagine how bad she looked. Her eyes swollen and red; her face puffy. Emily looked concerned and confused when she opened the door.

Once JJ was face to face with Emily she reached her hands to cup Emily’s face.

“My turn.” She whispered and leaned into kiss Emily. This kiss wasn’t as soft and sweet. It was desperate and hot.

Pulling way for air, Emily questioned JJ with her eyes.

“I told Will.” She said out of breath, close to Emily’s face, and still holding on to her as if she would float away.

“And?” Emily smiled,

“And I’m tired of pretending to be someone I’m not.” JJ pulled Emily in for another kiss, then both smiling though out it.

With time both women’s masks were fully removed, no longer hiding from each other. From themselves.

#internalized homophobia #criminal minds #hurt/comfort #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #will lamontagne #jemily #jj x emily #jennifer jareau x emily prentiss #gay #coming out

[natasharomanoffslover]

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[natasharomanoffslover]

guilty

Natasha x reader

TW: suicide attempt-ish, depression, and bad thoughts

Summary: The only way to end the constant pain was the sleep. That’s all you wanted, but luckily Natasha was there.

_______________________________________________

It was more than feeling an occasional sadness or seasonal depression. It was more like a bottomless pit of numbness.

You lied in your bed and wondered how you let it get this way. So bad, so fast.

“Just get up” you thought.

Your alarm was blaring, you had an important meeting that Natasha needed you to be at. You weren’t even sure what it was for but you knew Natasha was nervous.

When talking to you about it you could tell how anxious it made her so you promised that you would be there.

You can’t get up can you? Pathetic

There was that voice again. The one thing nobody told you about depression was the guilt. The over bearing, chest tightening guilt that you feel when you fail to do the simplest tasks.

You couldn’t shower.

Guilty.

You couldn’t brush your teeth.

Guilty.

You couldn’t do the paperwork fury had been hounding you about.

Guilty.

You couldn’t even find the energy to lift your arm to reach the bedside table. Then suddenly the sound stopped.

Natasha crouched down to look at you.

You probably smell.

Guilty.

“Hey, your still in bed?” She asked concern written over her face.

“Um, yeah.” You managed to rasp out.

“You feeling okay love?”

“I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

Liar

“okay. The meeting is at 3.” She smiled at you. She didn’t believe that you were okay but she didn’t speak on it.

“I’ll be there.”

Liar

You tried to give her the same smile but it ended up looking miserable. When she left you looked up at the alarm that said 2:15. You have 45 minutes to be out. It should be hard.

It shouldn’t have been hard but it was, it was so hard.

Natasha is going to hate you when you miss the meeting

Guilty.

There it was again the guilt. You felt like it was eating you alive. So on top of the outside of body numbness and the sadness you felt you were also guilty.

This pain in your chest and your heart and your head wasn’t going away, you knew that and there was nothing you could do to make it stop.

It’s never going away

Truth.

Your eyes filled with tears and soon they fell. The grey room racked with sobs and cry’s until you fell asleep.

You didn’t even remember going to sleep but you knew you did because Natasha came storming through the door.

“What the hell, Y/n!”

“What.” You jolted up and groaned as it was the first time in a while that you had sat up.

“You weren’t at the meeting. I needed you and what you were sleeping.”

“Oh fuck.” You rubbed your eyes and looked over to the clock that read 4:30.

You can’t do anything right

“Natasha I’m so sorry.”

Natasha just scoffed at you and walked out.

Guilty.

You couldn’t help but cry as the door slammed shut. Tears beamed down your face and you had finally walked to the bathroom.

You wobbled as you stood but you still got there and shut the door.

It was an unbearable feeling knowing that you hurt the only thing keeping you going. Your love.

Guilty.

Everything was overwhelming you, there were to many feelings and it all hurt your head. You just wanted it all to stop.

So without taking to much time your grabbed the sleeping medication in your mirror cabinet. Your hands shook.

Do it. Come on do it, we both know Nat won’t miss you. I mean look what you’ve become.

Do. It

Meanwhile in the living room Natasha had calmed down. She knew you weren’t feeling the best and she let her fear and anger cloud her judgment. She felt bad for shouting at you and went to apologize.

You sat on the bathroom floor with the pills in your shaking hand and tears streaming down your face when Natasha peaked her head into the bathroom.

When she saw you she immediately moved into the bathroom and smacked your hands away.

“Y/n! What- why?” She was speechless. She knew you were going through something but she didn’t think you’d resort to this.

Nat wrapped her arms around you tightly as if, if she let go you’d go for the pills. Instead you just sobbed. You violently shook as Natasha rocked you back and forth tears also glistening on her face.

“Im sorry, I- im sorry Nat. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for.” She kissed the top of your forehead.

“Come on let’s get you a shower and clean pajamas huh?” She suggested after your sobs turned to slow crying.

Natasha helped you up when she got no response.

She sat you on the toilet seat and prepared the warm water. When it was ready she knelt down to look you in your puffy eyes.

Before Natasha did anything she asked you first which you found redundant because it’s not like she hasn’t seen or touched anything before. She washed under your arms and your back, even your hair. Then she got you out and dried you off.

Natasha slipped a tee shirt over your head and you snuggled into her side.

“We’re gonna get you help love. Just you ca-” her voice broke, “you can’t do this again you have to talk to me.”

“I’m sorry.” You whispered.

“I love you so so much, y/n. That stupid meeting doesn’t even matter to me. Just you, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

You snuggled closer to her. “I love you.”

#soft natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #tw depressing thoughts #triggering themes #marvel #natasha romanoff #reader #suicide attempt #mental health

[natasharomanoffslover]

The stars

Hurt/comfort (Kinda fluff?)

Natasha x reader

Summary: You take Natasha stargazing, so she can relax.

28. Just go to sleep. I'll protect you.

_____________________________________________________________

Natasha had been stressed lately. Her nightmares had started back up again, so she had been scared to go to sleep, and because she couldn't sleep she worked. Natasha was cranky and sad, and you were unsure how to help.

Most days out of the week you coaxed Natasha to sleep then comforted Natasha when she awoke.

She spent all of her days either working or training and most of her nights awake, she was exhausted, so you concocted a plan. You had Steve schedule all of her work on top of yours, then you asked Tony and Wanda takes care of the gym.

Wanda created red energy and damaged some tiling in the ceiling making it sensible for Tony to shut down the gym until someone came to fix it.

Now Natasha had nothing to do except wallow in self-pity. It was late when you found Natasha in your room curled in bed reading a book.

"Hey, love." You smiled softly.

She put her book down to look at you, it seemed as though she barely had any energy left. "What's up."

"Can you come with me please?"

"Y/n, I don't feel like going anywhere right now."

"Please, it could make you feel better." You gave her your best puppy eyes.

She sighed and eventually agreed. You had driven Natasha to an empty field. She furrowed her brows at you.

"What are we doing Y/n?" Her tired eyes observed you questionably.

"Stargazing." Your smile grew wide.

You got out fluffy blankets and pillows then moved to the top of your car. Natasha climbs up after you. The pillows and blankets were all set up when Natasha laid her head on your chest. Wrapped in the blanket she watched the stars glisten and listened to your steady heartbeat.

"I wanted to come out here tonight, so you could relax. I know you've been going through a hard time and I know you don't want to talk about it, but you aren't alone love." You stroked her hair trying to provide a comfortable space for her to possibly open up.

"I love you." She replied sleepily.

You two talked and laughed for a while until it was silent. The both of you didn't need to be doing something or talking to be entertained, you just found peace and entertainment in each other's presence.

Natasha yawned quite a few times before you offered to drive back home. She shook her head.

"Natasha you need to sleep."

She shook her head. "I'm good. When I'm awake the nightmares don't come."

“Just go to sleep. I’ll protect you.” You kissed her hairline.

"I love you dekta."

"I love you too."

Natasha had been stressed lately, her nightmares had started back up again, so she had been scared to go to sleep, but with you by her side, she knew she would be okay.

#soft natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #stargazing #mentions tony stark #mentions steve rogers #mentions wanda maximoff #nightmare #reader

[natasharomanoffslover]

Saturdays am I right?

Natasha x Reader

Summary: You and your girlfriend, Natasha, went on a mission to arrest Harris Gates instead the both of you end up trapped in his basement. Saturdays right?

Hurt/comfort

22. “Please tell me what I can do. There has to be something I can do.”

__________________________________________________________

"It's Saturday." She hummed in your ear.

You heard Natasha's calm and even breaths as she stood behind you. Her arms wrapped around you and her head snuggled into the crook of your neck. Her warm breaths tickled your neck and the sun shone through your shared kitchen window made you keep your eyes closed.

Saturday was one of the few days your beautiful redhead had a day off, and you usually spent it curled up re-watching FRIENDS. You savored any domestic moment you had with Natasha as if it were your last.

"Mmm, Saturday." you inhaled and you smelt a musty, smell tinged with iron. You would describe the scent as a wet dog. Turning around you realized you weren't with Natasha and you weren't in your shared apartment. The realization hit you as to where you were.

You were groggy, and your head hurt then you remembered the events leading to you being held in this basement and what happened right before you had blacked out.

Immediately you sat up, instantly regretting this as your head pounded. It felt as though people were hitting your head with hammers. You kept moving and waited until the purple dots filling your vision disappeared.

"Natasha!" you scrambled on your knees to reach your girlfriend. The part of your pants that covered your shin felt wet, looking down you realized you were in a growing pool of Natasha's blood. You took her hand and shook it.

"Nat? Natasha, wake up. Please?" Your voice cracked.

Her eyes slowly flickered open, and you put both of your hands on the bullet wounds applying as much pressure as you could.

"Y/n?" She smiled vaguely. "The mission… I-"

"No, no, don't worry about the mission. The team will come soon."

"Gates?" She referred to the man who lodged the bullets in her chest.

"Dead." You turned your head to the man who lied lifeless. You had killed him almost immediately after he pulled the trigger. It only took a second for things to go from bad to worse as Natasha started coughing.

As she coughed blood spilled out of the holes in her chest. The blood didn't stop streaming even when she stopped coughing. Your hands couldn't contain the blood spewing from her.

"Y/n, stop." Natasha choked out.

"No, please tell me what I can do. There has to be something I can do.” Tears crept up in your eyes, and soon they streamed down your face.

"What can I do Natasha?" your voice came out horse.

"Hold.. my hand." her small whisper.

"No. Then you'll bleed out."

"It's.. okay. They won't-" Natasha coughed up blood before continuing. "Get here before-"

"Don't say that."

"Y/n/n hold.. my.. hand."

"No!" You didn't realize that you raised your voice until Natasha flinched away. Tears continued down your face causing your head to proceed to pound. "I'm sorry."

"Please."

You closed your eyes. Shaking your head you continued to try to keep the blood from completely emptying her.

Natasha didn't want to die but if she had to go she would really prefer to do so in your arms.

"Please Y/n/n." Her voice broke.

You were really considering holding her hand before you heard the basement door hit the bottom of the stairs.

***

You looked up at Sam and Tony with drooping, puffy, red eyes as they quickly approached you. Your suit is now replaced with a gray sweatshirt and sweatpants as it was previously covered in Natasha's blood.

"Y/n!" Sam grabbed your arms and pulled you into a hug.

Your head still ached, and now your vision blurred. Your ears rang as you tried to listen to what Sam was saying to you. Soon they led you into a bathroom where Tony and Sam helped you wash the blood off your hands.

You hadn't said anything since the rest of the Avengers came to get you. After Natasha's breathing stopped you stopped. You stopped crying, you stopped thinking, you stopped speaking, and you stopped feeling.

You should have held her hand.

You should have told her you loved her.

You should have done a lot that you didn't, and now she was gone.

It was a feeling that you had. She was gone and you knew it. You weren't even sure why the team all gathered around you in silence. All you wanted was to go home. You had no hope that this would be okay.

The team sat with you in the waiting room, Tony and Wanda both holding your hands until the doctor that had worked on Natasha came out. She was short, and her dark complexion contrasted nicely with her blue scrubs.

Her face looked tired as she gave you the news.

"I'm sorry, we did everything we could."

You slowly stepped back as you heard the team thank the woman who they called Dr. Bailey. Wanda walked up to you smiling with tears in her eyes.

Smiling? Why was she smiling?

"Y/n, it's okay. Nat made it, she's going to be okay."

You let go of a deep breath as you realized that Natasha was okay. Tears overfilled your eyes and your feelings started back up again. You could feel your exhaustion and relief and your fear.

"Can-can I see her?" you asked dryly.

"Yes, but only one person for now."

Everyone knew who would go. Doctor Bailey led you to Natasha's room where you saw a redhead hooking her up to a machine. Soon they both left the room leaving you alone with Natasha.

Finally, you gripped onto Natasha's hand as if it was the last time. As if she sensed your presents her eyes fluttered open.

"Y/n?"

"I love you." You squeezed her hand and smiled not trusting your voice anymore at that moment.

"Love you," she murmured back tiredly.

"It's Saturday," you mumbled.

"Saturdays am I, right? She mumbled back, sightly high off of medication. Your smile beamed at the redhead.

#hurt/comfort #natasha romanoff #reader #natasha x reader #angst with comfort #angst with happy ending #marvel

[natasharomanoffslover]

All grown up

Summary: SHIELD has information on Mila Petrov and the team goes to check it out, turns out Natasha knows this mysterious brunette from the red room.

Natasha x OC

Chapter 2: History

Part 1

___________________________________

Natasha led Mila into the tower's interrogation room. She had previously refused, but Mila had broken several bones of any other agent that even breathed in the direction of her personal space. Agent Campbell had offered to take her first, but she kicked his knee inward when he put hands on Mila's forearm.

You could see the bone sticking out as he screamed in pain. Mila rolled her eyes at his cries, she used this time to get out of her handcuffs. She broke her thumbs then put them back in place quietly. She kept a hold on the cuffs and when the second agent cautiously approached her, getting ready to grab her she punched his nose and crushed his foot with hers.

The other agents around backed up and Natasha walked up to her.

"Maybe you shouldn't," Tony said to Nat but trailed off when she reached the violent woman. Mila looked down and let her hair fall around her face and Natasha gently guided her into the interrogation room.

Mila stopped when walking into the room and Natasha let her. Natasha understood how closed spaces could be difficult, so she watched as Mila scanned the room. It was dimly light and small, the walls were gray and there was a metal chair and table attached to the floor.

They continued to walk in and Mila sat on the chair, Natasha took new cuffs from her back pocket and hooked one of the loops onto Mila's arm. Mila jerked her arm back and Natasha lean in closer.

Their breaths mingled with each other, and she pulled Mila's arm back.

"Stop it."

Mila let Natasha cuff her but as she began walking away Mila got out of them again. She set them on the table causing them to make a sound. Natasha spun her head around and Mila waved at her with a blank expression. Natasha knew it was no use in putting them back on. She had taught the smaller woman how to escape them, to begin with.

When Natasha left the room she saw the Avengers and Nick Fury waiting for her.

"There seems to be some history there," Sam said.

Natasha left the room, not replying to Sam's comment. Clint followed her out, they made their way to Natasha's room. Sitting on the bed the room was filled with silence, although it was comfortable Clint felt the need to break it.

"So, you do know her."

"Mila Petrov," Natasha looked up at the ceiling as she desperately tried not to remember her time with Mila or at the red room.

RED ROOM

Natasha looked around as she re-entered the red room. She was scared, all she wanted was Melina or Yelena. She had failed them. Melina told her that pain only makes you stronger, but she didn't feel strong, she was weak.

She was told to protect her little sister, but she had failed at that too. She was only six, how was she supposed to protect herself? There were so many things going on and too many people she couldn't keep Yelena in her arms, and now she was alone too. She tried to stay strong, but this was too much for her to handle, she felt her chest rising falling faster and faster, but she wasn't getting any air.

She managed to sneak away from the crowds of weeping girls and found an empty corridor. There was an open area below a staircase, and she crawled herself into it.

Melina was wrong, she had to be because this pain she felt wasn't making her stronger, in fact, she just felt weak.

Mila saw a girl with blue-tipped orange hair walk away from the group, which made her curious. She had never seen her before, actually, there were a lot of new girls coming in that night. It made her sad because she remembered her first night here.

She watched the mysterious colored-haired girl crawl into a gap in the wall. The girl was crying, rather loudly, and she didn't want to get caught. When Mila made her presence known to Natasha she flinched away into the furthest corner. Natasha wanted to fight off this new person in front of her, but she couldn't move.

Natasha cried harder at the thought of what this strange girl could do to her while in such a vulnerable state.

"Shhh." Mila put her finger to her own mouth trying to hush the cries.

"Ey, ey, vse v poryadke. Ty v poryadke." (Hey, hey, it's okay, you're okay.) Mila tried to place her hand on Natasha's shoulder, but she pushed her hand away.

"Ya ne prichinyu tebe vreda, ya obeshchayu." (I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise.)

Mila slowly put her hand on Natasha's shoulder. Mila didn't say anything else, but Natasha felt safe. She knew that this random brunette knew how she felt.

Soon Natasha's sobs died down and luckily nobody had come looking.

"Kak tvoye imya ?" (What's your name?) Mila asked.

"Natasha." She sniffed.

"I'm Mila." She smiled softly at her.

AVENGERS TOWER

Natasha looked at Clint, "you could say I know her."

#natasha x oc #all grown up #red room #chapter 2

[natasharomanoffslover]

All grown up

Natasha x OC

Summary: SHIELD has information on Mila Petrov and the team goes to check it out, turns out Natasha knows this mysterious brunette from the red room.

Chapter 1: Missing piece

___________________________________________________

The picture was old and ripped, and you really couldn't tell what was going on, but Natasha was sure of the smile of the small brunette. There was a missing piece of the picture, and She just knew that if she had the missing piece she'd be able to place the smile.

Clint saw the glint of remembrance in her eyes. "Do you know her ?" He asked.

She hesitated for less than half a second, no one even noticed, "no, what do we have on her ?"

She passed the picture on to Wanda, who sat next to her.

"Well not much actually, we know she's psychokinetic, and she's killed thousands, but that's it," Steve informs.

"Then why are we here, so early ?" Tony asked.

"There was word that she was going to strike this morning, so fury wanted to send some of us to check it out."

He flipped through a file and then continued, "Natasha, Stark, Bucky, and I will go to the target zone, behind a café in Lower Manhattan to see if the information is correct."

"Clint, Wanda, Bruce, and Vision, could you guys see if there's anything else on her ?"

Everyone knew what they were tasked to do, and they went their separate ways.

***

The brunette tapped her thigh anxiously waiting for the avengers to show up.

Mila felt claustrophobic in her dark-colored suit. She was hungry, she hadn't eaten anything in a couple of days, but she mostly wanted to sleep.

She was exhausted. Between the nightmares and the missions, Mila hadn't slept in eight days.

This was the longest she had gone without sleep, and it was starting to show. Her hard demeanor was slipping away, and her emotion started seeping through.

Knowing that Natasha was going to be there, knowing that her Natasha was there made her even more anxious.

She went over the plan in her head over and over until she heard a quinjet above her.

She immediately set into action running down an ally.

Her hand lit in fire as she released the flames. She found some random guy at the end of the ally. He fought but Mila was intensely stronger.

Mila pressed her pocket knife against his throat causing him to stop his annoying struggles. With her other hand, she drew up more flames.

"Move, and I'll slit your throat," Mila said in a deep stern tone.

"Hey, lava girl, that isn't very nice !" Tony shouted in front of the two.

"Why don't you put your weapons away," Steve shouted with his shield drawn in front of him.

Meanwhile, Natasha and Bucky slowly moved up from behind her.

Sensing that there was someone behind her, she threw out fire blocking their paths.  Halting their progression Natasha pulled out a gun.

"Don't," Mila instructed.

Natasha froze. She's heard that voice somewhere.

Natasha nodded her head towards Steve, and Bucky nodded understanding her signal. Natasha slowly made her way up to the front of the brunette while Bucky kept his guard up, staying as quiet as he could as he stood behind the semicircle of fire.

It wasn't until she was in front of her that she realized who this woman was. Mila looked at Natasha and Natasha only. She found herself getting lost in her green eyes all over again. 

"Put your weapons down!" Steve repeated. 

Mila obliged, and the random guy ran as fast as he could away from the scene. Bucky went up behind her, thinking he had the element of surprise, but he didn't. She turned around almost immediately. Bucky stiffened, thinking he knew her from somewhere.

She put her hands in the air and Steve put her in cuffs. Steve turned her to face the majority and Mila stared into Natasha's eyes. 

"That was easy enough," Tony stated, letting his guard down a bit more. Mila hadn't looked away from Natasha, there was a fire in her eyes. It was hungry and desperate for blood. Natasha shifted uncomfortably under Mila's gaze. 

"Let's go," Natasha said harshly. They all boarded the quinjet allowing Nat to go first and Steve and Mila to go last. Natasha stayed as far away from Mila as she could.

"You should cuff her feet to the stand," Natasha suggested as Steve sat Mila down.

"Isn't that a bit much, she did surrender," Bucky said.

"Just do it." Natasha rolled her eyes as she heard Tony mumble "Nike" under his breath.

They didn't understand the severity of the woman. They didn't know that if she wanted to everyone in the quinjet would be dead. Including Natasha. God, and she hated to admit it, but even Natasha had a fear of what the brunette could do. 

She had seen her skills, even though the pyrokinesis was new, she had seen her combat skills. She had watched as she single-handedly took out armed men, killed dozens on dozens of people without a second thought. Whether Mila knew them or not, nobody was safe around her. Except for one person, that one person being Natasha.

But she wasn't sure if she was that exception anymore.

#natasha romanoff #natasha x oc #all grown up #series #chapter 1

[natasharomanoffslover]

Fevers and trauma

You knew Natasha was very strong, you would expect nothing else from your girlfriend. And Natasha knew this, she took it upon herself to be your rock in every way she could be. For that, you will forever be grateful for her.

There were only a handful of times when she allowed you to be her rock. All during the night when you would hum her back to sleep after a nightmare. But now this was going to be added to the list.

You went to the training room where Natasha was supposed to be, but when you got there she was not. You waited for a while and eventually, she did. When she arrived her skin was pale, her nose was red, and she looked tired.

“Hey?” you asked skeptically as you walked towards her. “You feeling okay?”

“Yeah.” her voice was gravelly and dry.

You knew that she wasn't okay and Natasha knew you didn't believe her. This is why it took her by surprise when you said okay and started the training session. Natasha noticed that you took it easy on her and deep down she was grateful.

She felt like she had been hit by a truck. Several trucks. Her head was throbbing and her stomach and throat hurt. With every step, she took it felt as if she had an extra 20 pounds (ca. 9 kg). In all honesty, all she wanted was to lay in bed with you, but she kept hearing Madame B’s words.

“Widows don't get sick.”

And if a widow ever did, unfortunately, catch a cold or the flu there would be dire consequences, or they wouldn't be seen again. Natasha remembered the time when she was sick in the red room. She was about 13, and she was nowhere as sick as she is now, but it didn't matter to them.

They dragged her into a room where she thought they were going to kill her. Instead, they whipped her for it all the while making her repeat the mantra.

“Widows don't get sick.”

“Widows don't get sick.”

“Widows don't get sick.”

It was hours of the stinging pain until they sent her to the med bay where she got diagnosed with a common cold. She had to train more and harder than the other girls did for the 3 days she was sick. Natasha had associated illness with weakness, pain, and anger, so she took it upon herself to prevent getting sick after that. And she did a good job of it, this was the first time since then that she had gotten sick.

Quickly the fatigue caught up with her, so she called a time-out. She felt an urge to cough build up in her chest.

"Nat, do you wanna stop?" You asked, grabbing onto her hand. Covering her face with her free hand she coughed. You rubbed her back as it continued. You looked at her with concern before she quickly ran over to the nearest bathroom. Following her, you heard retching noises. You crouched down beside her, pulled her hair out of the way, and rubbed circles on her back until the vomiting stopped.

"I'm fine," Natasha reassured as her forehead hit the porcelain seat.

"Mhmm. Come on baby." You helped Natasha up, and reluctantly you got her into her bedroom. While Natasha brushed her teeth you came up behind her and placed a hand on her forehead.

"You're burning up Nat," you said in a scolding tone.

"It's not that bad. It's only a hundred and one."

"Nat!" You smacked her arm and left the bathroom. When you returned you had a thermometer, Tylenol pills, and orange juice. Natasha lay in bed shivering.

"Here take this." you gave her the pills.

"I don't need it, I'm fine." You knew how she felt about pills, but you needed her fever to go down.

“Please.” You said with the best puppy eyes you could muster.

Natasha reluctantly took the pills, and then you handed her the juice.

“Thank you.” You said satisfied. Your workload had been the same as it was before you knew Natasha was sick, so you had to leave. As much as you wanted to nurse your girlfriend back to health you had to go.

“Call me if you need literally anything okay?” Natasha nodded and you kissed her on the head.

“I’m not joking, sicky.”

“I know, I know.” As soon as you had closed the door she had moved to her desk to grab some files and paperwork. Sitting back on the bed she began to work.

“Widows don’t get sick.”

It had been several hours since you left Natasha. You were swamped with task after task and had no time to check up on her. You had trained recruits for most of the day and now all you had to do were reports. It was rearing 9 o’clock, and you were in the lab with Tony.

“Where’s Nat been, I haven’t seen her all day?” Tony asked suddenly.

“In bed, she’s not been feeling the best.” You responded as vaguely as possible, knowing that Natasha is a private person.

“How’s she doing?”

“That is a good question. I’ve literally had no time to check on her today. Hey FRIDAY?”

“Yes, L/n?”

“Could you tell me how Natasha doing?”

After a couple of beats, he responded, “L/n? It seems ms. Romanoff is in a bit of distress.”

Tony looks at you, and you respond with a nod of the head. You ran up to the elevator and click on the housing floor. It felt as the elevator went in slow motion before you made it to Natasha’s room.

Opening the door you see Natasha shifting in bed with papers and files sprawled around her. Her face was frowning and whimpers escaped her lips. She was mumbling something that you couldn't quite make out until you got closer. You went over to her and moved the work she had, to her desk.

"Widows don't get sick," she mumbled. Your heart pained for your fiery redhead.

"Nat. Nat honey wake up!" Natasha swung at you causing you to step back.

"Natasha!"

Nat jumped up, her chest heaving faster than it should be. "I'm sorry." Nat buried her head in her hands, trying to calm her feelings, but it was proven rather difficult with the throbbing migraine she had and nausea trailing along with it.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, her voice wavering.

You took in her appearance, she was tired, sweating, very pale, and obviously upset.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." you moved to sit beside her. Taking a breath you weren't sure what to say. Natasha's body language screamed that she didn't want to talk, but you couldn't stand to see natasha in pain.

"You can have a bad day Nat. You can get sick or cry, or take a day off just because. You are allowed to feel however you want, and I will still be here for you 100% of the time."

Slowly natasha looked up at you, tears beaming on her face. "I don't know what to do when I get sick. I was told that it was weak, and I feel weak now."

"Well first you can start by telling me what hurts, and I can help you."

"I have a migraine and feel like I'm going to throw up." She replied below a whisper. She felt small and she hated it.

This was out of natasha's comfort zone by miles, and you were incredibly proud of her. You said be you'd be right back, and you came back with a cup of coffee and a bucket. Natasha had cleaned up her face in the time you were gone, the uncomfortable expression stayed on her face.

“Scoot up some.” You said as you walked towards her. You placed the bucket down beside the bed and you held the coffee up. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“It helps, I promise, do you want some now or later?”

Natasha grabbed the cup and slightly smiled at you as a thanks. She took slow sips and scooted up.

“FRIDAY, could you change the color of the lights to green?” You asked.

You sat where Natasha was previously sitting as the once turned off lights turned into a green. She handed you the coffee cup and you put it on the bedside table. You gently pulled her backwards and her head laid comfortably on your shoulder.

She sighed contently, still in pain but in your arms it made her feel better. Your hands moved to her temples and began massaging them, making her moan in relief.

“I’m proud of you, Tasha.”

“For what?” She asked lowly.

“Everything.”

#natasha x reader #soft natasha romanoff #marvel #natasha romanoff #reader #hurt/comfort fanfiction #hurt/comfort

[natasharomanoffslover]

8 1/2 out of 10

You stirred out of your sleep when you heard a couple of soft knocks at your door. You groaned. You had just got back from a week-long mission and wanted to sleep.

Regardless you got up and walked to the door slowly, rubbing your eyes. You had on brown sweatpants and a white oversized shirt.

"Yes ?" You asked irritably not looking at who was interrupting your sleep.

"Y/n ?" Bucky asked softly.

At the tone of his voice, you looked up. He had on a black t-shirt and gray sweatpants. His long hair framed his face, slightly hiding most of it.

But you could still see his red eyes, and you saw how his chest raise and fell quickly.

"Nightmare ?" You asked knowingly. He nodded.

"How bad ?"

"8 1/2." he shrugged. He looked at you and your tired eyes. "I'm sorry, it's late. I'll let you go back to sleep."

He turned to walk away, but you grabbed his arm. Your brows furrowed. He's never admitted that high of a number before.

You turned around, walking back into your dim room, and grabbed your phone, keys, and wallet. Walking back to the door where Bucky stood confused you slipped on a pair of slides. "Come on."

He followed you as you walked to his room. "Grab your shoes we're leaving."

"Where are we going ?" he asked as he followed your orders.

"On a trip in our favorite rocket ship." You smiled. His face contorted in confusion causing your smile to widen.

In the car, you had every window down and music blaring. You had learned that this helped clear Bucky's head. It also helped wake you up.

"Where are we going !" Bucky shouted over the music.

"Huh ?" You asked as you turned down the music.

"Where are we going ?" His tone is lower now.

"Oh, that's a surprise."

"I hate surprises." He looked over at you.

"I hate being woken up at 2 in the morning." You said very obliviously joking.

"You think I want to ?" His sass coming back indicating he was feeling better. When you first met Bucky, Bucky and not the winter soldier, you never would've guessed he was a sassy person.

But as he grew more and more comfortable with you he started to show his more sassy side. He and Tony were nearly on the same level of sarcasm which you constantly point out.

"You know, I don't know, do you ?" Bucky slightly smiles at you.

You've pulled into an animal shelter and you saw Bucky squint his eyes at you.

"Those eyes are gonna get you hurt." You warned and he put his arms up in surrender.

The two walked into the store and breathed in the cold air. Your nose scrunched up when you smelt the animals, the air conditioner on blast wasn't helping either.

"It smells funky in here." You whispered to him.

He chuckled, "why are we here Y/n ?"

"Oh, oh Y/n!  Hello dear!" They turned their heads to see an older black woman walking towards them.

She was hunched over slightly but had a huge smile on her face. She was wearing a red dress with all kinds of flowers of different colors.

She wore glasses that hung down her neck and her gray Afro was large.

"Hi, Mabel!" You closed the space in between you two. Her eyes close as you embraced.

"I haven't seen you in a while Y/n. And who are you cutie pie ?" She directs her questions at Bucky looking him up and down.

Bucky blushed making you giggle, "You can call me Bucky. How do you know Y/n ?"

"Oh, I practically raised that child !" She shook her hand at him and walked behind the front desk, sitting down on her wheely chair she asked,

"what can I do for ya baby ?"

"I wanted to look at the cats again." You responded.

"Okay, is everything alright?" She asked spinning in the chair to look for the keys to the cat compartment.

You looked at Bucky then back at Mabel, "yeah, yeah everything's good."

"There's a new cat in there, by the way, be careful."

"Come on Buck." You waved him over and he awkwardly walked past Mabel. You noticed the distant look in his eyes again.

You sat down in a corner and let the cats walk over you. Your favorite one- who you named Red after Wanda- immediately laid on your lap.

She purred and extended her legs, getting comfortable. Bucky stood in the doorway stiffly.

"Come on Bucky." You patted the ground next to you. He came to sit with you.

Bucky looked at the other side of the room. He saw a white cat against the wall, stalking towards him.

"I think it likes me ?" Bucky said, the tone in his voice making you laugh.

"Of course she does. Name her." It took Bucky a moment, but he decided on a name.

"Alpine." You smiled as the cat- newly named Alpine- climbed into Bucky's lap. She rubbed against him and purred. Bucky stiffened at first but relaxed into the snow-colored cat.

He looked at Bucky, you could tell he was cold from the air conditioning. So with Red in your lap, you scooted closer to him.

You also noticed how tired he looked. The pain behind his eyes was more and more visible as he felt comfortable enough to show it.

"Bucky, it's gonna be okay y'know." You said leaning over, so your head was on his shoulder. He let out a shaky breath indicating to you that he didn't believe you.

You sat up straight, and he looked at you and his eyes shined with tears. You hated seeing him in pain.

You knew he wouldn't want to talk, so you decided to distract him.

"You wanna do something that will piss Tony off ?"

He closed his eyes trying to get rid of the tears.

"Of course I do."

"Come on and bring Alpine." You said your goodbyes to the cats and you both went to the front desk. Bucky looked at you with disbelieve as you asked Mabel for adoption papers.

"Y/n what are you doing ?"

"Do you like her?"

"Yes but-"

"And you said you wanted to do something that pisses tony off." Bucky smiles, and you continue to fill out the paperwork and say your goodbyes to Mabel. As you and Bucky get into the car you see him cradling Alpine with a smile on his face.

You didn't care tony would definitely chew you out for this or that you had no cat supplies, all you cared about was Bucky and how happy Alpine made him. You would convince tony to be okay with it, and you would buy cat stuff later that day.

While you glance at a beaming Bucky all you knew was that you made the right call.

#bucky barnes #bucky barns x you #nightmare #bucky x reader #marvel

[natasharomanoffslover]

Anniversaries

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: You might cry

"Stop! Please, please, okay I'm sorry Nat!" you giggled. Natasha laid on top of you, she kept you pinned down on the couch of your shared apartment, with her body weight as she tickled you.

"And why are you sorry, Malishka?" (baby girl) she said in a low disciplinary tone. There was a smirk on her face as she tried to contain her own laughter.

"That I called you soft." you huffed out in defeat. Natasha lent forward to kiss your forehead before letting you up.

"You're an angel," you said sarcastically as you got up. Nat went silent as you grabbed the DVD cabinet. You picked Monster's Inc.

"I'm no angel," Natasha said quietly but with a chuckle to mask the memories behind the statement.

You turned around to find Natasha lost in thought. Walking over to the ottoman to grab a blanket you lent over the fabricated seat to flick off the light.

Sitting back on the couch you kissed Natasha's cheek. It was clear that the sentence was deeper than she let on.

"You're my angel though." You said it so simply like it was obvious. Natasha had no choice but to believe it. Believe that maybe she wasn't a complete monster because of her past. You made her feel like nobody else had before. Special. Lovable. Understood.

Nobody had ever made her feel better about her past, not even a little, but you had. You managed to lift a little of the guilt off her shoulder and Natasha knew at this moment that you were the one.

She laid her head on your lap and watched the children's movie feeling safe and loved in your arms.

Natasha didn't know what she'd do without you. And luckily she didn't have to.

***

"Y/n?"

"Yes Natasha," you asked smiling. The two of you sat at a table in a restaurant, it was the anniversary of the day Natasha knew she wanted to marry you, so she took you out on a date.

"I have a gift for you."

"Oh, really what's the occasion?"

"There is no occasion, I just love you. "

You smiled as she pulled out a bracelet box. Your smile grew as you saw what was engraved on the charm. It said "Y/n and Tasha" in cursive.

It was the running joke in the tower that whenever someone sees you and Natasha together they call it "Y/n and Tasha time".

This started after Tony caught you and Natasha in the middle of having sex. It was mortifying to you and very irritating to Natasha but the rest of the team thought it was very entertaining, and they mocked the two of you relentlessly.

You laughed and looked up to Natasha.

"I love it."

***

"Oh, oh look Tasha!"

"What is it?" Natasha laughed.

"Butterflies!"

"What about them?"

"I love them! Come on." Natasha let you pull her towards the swarm of butterflies. The two of you were at a pride parade and Natasha is starting to realize how distracted you get.

Most of the butterflies flew away as soon as you got there and Natasha knew they would, so she felt taking them off the trail to look at butterflies was a waste of time, but the large smile on your face made it worth it.

There was one butterfly that stayed though. It was yellow and orange, and it landed on your shoulder.

"Look, Nat!" You whispered. You tried to stay still, but your excitement got the best of you, you bounced excitedly on your heels. Natasha was surprised that the butterfly didn't fly off.

But she was happy that it stayed because it made you smile.

***

It was the anniversary of the day Natasha knew, you were the love of her life and she wanted to spend every night with you. She was so nervous but also so ready to call you her fiancé.

She was planning on proposing to you that evening. It was going to be very romantic and intimate. You didn't like big things, and she knew you would hate it if she did a public proposal, so she planned on going to the pier as the sun started to set.

Natasha planned out her speech and was preparing in the mirror when she heard a light knock at the door.

"And whenever you're around me, I feel at home, so Y/n will-"

Your head popped into the door. You saw Nat in the mirror.

"What are you doing, love?"

"Oh, nothing, what's up?"

"We have a mission."

"What, I'm scheduled to not have any missions today, and so are you."

"I know, but it'll be quick. Cap said we were just going to scope out an empty HYDRA base to see if there's any leftover information."

Nat sighed and followed you out. So far it wasn't going as planned, but she still had all morning to prepare.

***

They both swept their respected sides of the building, finding nothing. They met up in the final room.

"You find anything?" Nat asked.

"Nope. After this, you wanna get ice cream?" You smiled.

"Sure," Natasha said looking at you. "Wait look." Nat pointed at the TV screen in the center of the room. There was a computer set right below it.

The pair walked over to the screens, defensively. There was a flash drive in the computer and Nat took it. They ran in sync together outside the building.

"Don't you think this was a bit too easy?" You asked as you slowed down.

"Maybe but we did it, so let's just get out of here and get that ice cream."

"Yeah." You still couldn't shake the feeling though you figured Natasha she what was best.

"What ice cream flavor do you want angel?" You asked as you took Natasha's hand.

"Mmm, strawberry of course."

There was a comfortable silence that fell between the two of you. Then you felt the ground beneath you shake a little.

"Nat wait did you feel that?" you stopped abruptly and took a firmer hold on Natasha's hand.

"Yeah, come on let's get out of here." You began to run hand in hand still before a large explosion went off separating you from Nat. All Natasha heard was ringing and all she could see was smoke.

"Y/N!" The first thing she thought of was you. You were the only thing on her mind.

"Y/N?!" She stumbled up to look for you but realized her leg was bleeding. There was a sharp glass lodged into her thigh. She ripped her suit pant leg and tied it around her thigh. She groaned as she tightened it.

The bleeding subsided and she began looking for you.

Your eyes flickered open. The first thing you noticed was the pain in your chest; you couldn't move, and your chest felt like it was slowly exploding.

The second thing you noticed was that you didn't know where Natasha was. You tried to call out for Natasha but the only thing that came out was blood, you tried again anyway though.

"Tasha?" you coughed up more blood and searing pain was shot throughout your body. You were terrified and all you wanted was Natasha, but you didn't know where she was or even where you were.

Natasha hurried to where she thought she heard your voice but didn't see you. Until she saw the shine of the bracelet she gave you.

She froze when she saw you, there was a large metal rod going through you and into the ground and blood was gushing out of you.

She quickly dropped to her knees beside you.

"Hey, hey, I'm here baby."

You flinched slightly at the sudden voice.

"Na- Nat?"

Natasha put her hand to her ear hoping her earpiece would still be there, but it wasn't. It must have gotten knocked out in the blast, so she looked for yours, but it wasn't in your ear either.

She let out a frustrated groan. Nobody was coming. You saw it in her eyes.

"No- no one's coming... are they?"

"Stop." She took your hand tightly. "They'll come. They'll- they'll come."

"Don't... cry." Natasha didn't even realize she was crying.

"You should… go angel, before another explosion." You continued.

"No, I'm not going to leave you." You knew she wasn't going to leave, but it was worth a shot.

"I'm scared." Your voice cracked.

Natasha let out a sob. "Don't be scared." She whispered. It's Y/n and Tasha forever, you'll be okay."

Your eyes started to close. "Open your eyes, Y/n!" Natasha saw how hard you were trying, but this was an inevitability. Nat looked around, nobody was there, but she desperately yelled anyway.

"Help! Help me, help! Help please!"

"Please stop yelling, Nat." She bent back down onto her stomach, gripping your hand. "I'm tired."

"I know, just stay awake for me Y/n."

"It hurts." you cried. Natasha wiped your tears.

"Do you remember the day we went to that pride parade?" Natasha asked her voice thick with grief.

"Mmm-mmm."

"Just think about that, baby."

"You know, it- it's fitting that you're here."

"Why?"

"Because you're my angel and i-i'm dying."

Natasha saw how much pain you were in, she knew what you were holding on for. Who you were holding on for. Her body felt like it was on autopilot and as she said the words that tore her heart into shreds.

"Y/n if- if you're ready, you can let go. It's okay. I love you, I love you so much."

"I love you... too." You closed your eyes. You weren't scared anymore.

Natasha sobbed as she clutched your hand and watched as your chest rose and fell for the last time.

Today wasn't supposed to end like this. It was supposed to be an in-and-out mission. You were supposed to be getting strawberry ice cream. You were supposed to say yes to her proposal. You were supposed to be her fiancé.

Today wasn't supposed to end like this.

***

Natasha likes anniversaries. Liked anniversaries would be the proper statement. She didn't like them anymore. Especially today. Today marked the anniversary of a mission gone wrong.

So Natasha went to the ice cream parlor and order two strawberry ice creams. She made her way to the cemetery where your body lay, cold.

"Hey, Y/n."

Natasha sat next to your stone. "Today sucks, everyone keeps looking at me like I'm going to break or something." She licked her ice cream cone. "I have your bracelet... Y/n and Tasha forever." She chuckled dryly.

"I miss you, I still can't believe you're gone. I was your angel, and now you're mine... literally. You know I never got to give you my speech." She paused even though she knew you weren't going to answer.

"Y/n, you've made me the happiest I've ever been. You lift me up, keep my secrets, comfort me, and love me no matter what the circumstances. I can't..." Natasha paused and wiped a few stray tears, she lingered in the irony before continuing.

"I can't imagine what I'd do without you and I never want to, you make me whole and whenever I'm around you I feel at home so Y/n, will you marry me?"

Tears streamed down her face as she now realized again that you will never give her an answer.

Natasha sat next to your stone eyes closed, licking her ice cream. She felt small gusts of wind. She opened her eyes to see a yellow and orange butterfly resting on her hand.

More tears fell down her face and she took this as a yes.

#natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #character death #marvel