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nonexistent-introvert · 1 month

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Lost

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count : 2.1k

content: Joel giving you life advice and assurance, him being your comfort.

A/N: It's been a hella long time, this may be a little too personal of a story but I have had a rough few months. And this was a little fic i wrote to comfort myself with my fav comfort character. Finally decided to post this in hopes that it may help someone ahaha.

“Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Ellie grew up pre-outbreak?” Joel’s eyebrows raised in curiosity. “Why the sudden deep question?” He questioned you back as he sipped on the steaming hot cup of coffee in his hand. You shrug, “Just a thought.”

Joel and you sat on his front porch, just watching the sunset over the horizon, a beautiful backdrop for Jackson’s village. He ponders your question for a while before sitting up in his chair, “You mean if she didn’t grow up during the outbreak, but before, when we didn’t have to worry about the infected?” He clarifies. You nod as you stare off into the distance, watching the various villagers go about their days. “I mean, she’s 18 this year. If life was normal she would probably be going off for college this year. Not- not going out for patrols and helping out around town, or even fighting for her life every time she’s out of Jackson.” You continue adding on. Joel hums, “College huh?” He lets out a small laugh at the thought of an education system. It had been too long since he had last heard about any form of education. “Mmm, she would probably be going off for college, like every other teenager back then, where she would figure out her life from there.” Joel hums as he imagines what it would be like in an alternate universe.

“Do you think she would be happier than now? If let’s say she had the chance to go to a college instead of fighting for her life.” You ask again. Joel places his mug down on the table separating the both of you. “Probably, I mean I never went to college properly but it would probably be better than fighting for your life.” You look at him as he answers, “You really think so?” Joel’s eyes widened and he let out another laugh, “Come on, who in their right mind would prefer our life now to back then?” You simply smile and laugh a little. “We only think that way because we had them to compare to, Ellie only knows life throughout the outbreak, she’s been fighting since she’s young, learning how to defend herself and survive. Even now at 18, she’s been doing the same things as she did since young, it’s a form of normalcy for her.” Joel turns his body to face you, “What’s your point exactly?” He asked, not quite understanding where you’re coming from. You meet his eye for a few moments, trying to search for the right words to voice your opinions.

“Becoming 18 was the scariest part of my life, and arguably the hardest part of my life too. That’s saying a lot since I literally survived 20 years in a stupid zombie apocalypse.” You laugh, and Joel gives you a judgemental look, he can list down a list of worse periods of his life compared to turning 18.

“Becoming 18 brought about so many changes in my life, I had to prepare myself for college, choosing a major, being in a completely new environment, new friends. I just felt so pressured and overwhelmed with everything. However for Ellie, ironically enough, she’s in a more stable environment than she has ever been. Jackson is the safest it gets around here, she can live a semblance of a normal life here, hanging out with friends, indulging in her hobbies, and doing typical teenage things. For someone go fought for their survival everyday, Jackson is practically a safe haven. Personally, I know 18-year-old me would have done anything for some semblance of stability back then.”

Joel just stares at you for a moment, he clears his throat upon noticing that you seemed to be getting a little emotional just thinking about it. “My life changed when I was 20, 18 wasn’t bad for me, I knew I wanted to be a musician so a music degree was the way to go but I had to drop out when Sarah’s mum got pregnant with her. I worked tirelessly to afford a wedding and eventually, our life together with Sarah, balancing college on top of multiple jobs would have killed me.” He shares with you, looking away as he realizes you’re trying to subtly wipe the tears that are forming in your eyes. “One moment I was a college student and then suddenly I was thrown out to the adulting world without any prior warnings, forced to adapt and overcome. Plus the pressure from both sides of the family regarding the pregnancy, fuck I thought I was gonna lose my mind.” Joel continues. “As much as I say that, it taught me to appreciate the small things in life, sure i have my regrets but seeing Sarah.. having Sarah turned out to be the biggest blessing of my life. No matter how much life hated me, it was easier every day when I see Sarah, she was the light in my world. It made all the shittty things I went through worth it.” He says confidently, you can see the pride shining in his eyes at the thought of Sarah. Your hands reach over to give his hand a little encouraging squeeze. Joel used to have trouble even talking about Sarah, but he had came a long way since then.

“I’m sorry I went on about my grandfather's story, it’s your turn.”Joel chuckles, he picks up his mug to take another sip of his coffee, you had always been a cheerful person, he was curious about how your life was at 18 for you to tear up just thinking about it.

You sat there silently for a few moments, then you inhaled deeply, trying to muster the courage to tell Joel. You never had the opportunity to share what you went through prior to this conversation with Joel.

“I didn’t have life as tough as you but I don’t know, I just felt so lost you know? I didn’t know what to do with my life.” You started, your body tensing up just at the memory of it. “I was so afraid of suffering in my chosen major if I ended up not liking it. I didn’t want to waste my time studying something I didn’t like. Then I spiraled and thought that if I chose the wrong major I would be condemned to a job or industry I hated. I couldn’t bear spending my time on a job that I didn’t like. I just felt so doomed and trapped at that point in time, I was so lost, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life.” Your words started to leave your lips at a faster pace, just the memory of it evoked some overwhelming emotions inside you. Joel moved the table separating the both of you immediately and shifted his seat right next to you. He revealed his bare palm to you, a soft invitation for comfort. You placed your hand in his immediately, letting out a sigh of relief when he held your hand tightly, giving your hand a few squeezes to ground you. “It’s okay, you’re fine now.” He murmurs softly. Silence fell over the two of you as you took a few steadying breaths and he patiently waited.

“You didn’t talk to anyone about this? About how lost you were?” Joel questioned, a worried look on his face. His hand still holding yours. You shook your head, “Not in detail anyway, I tried asking in general. My dad caught hints of how I felt, he just kept telling me about how it's normal to feel lost and that I’ll figure it out along the way, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling of anxiety.” Joel’s eyebrows furrowed, this made him wonder if Ellie or Sarah had ever felt anxious before and he had just never caught on. “I started spacing out a lot, I couldn’t remain in silence because if there wasn’t something to occupy my mind, it would go back to overthinking about the future. I knew I wasn’t in a good place, but I felt my feelings were invalid since there were people out there in worse situations than me. So, I- I just smiled a little bigger and laughed a little louder, trying to mask how I felt inside.” Joel lets out a breath at that, “No one should ever feel like their feelings are valid. Just because you’re in a better situation doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to feel that way. The feelings and pain you went through still affected you and hurt you, it was real.” Joel says firmly, a determined look in his eye. He firmly believed in that statement. You gave him a soft smile, “I just wished young me knew that, but knowing my stubborn ass, I would have continued to spiral anyways.”

Joel stretches his legs, letting out a grunt as he does so. “Have you ever thought of taking a gap year? To figure out what you wanted?” He suggested. “Thought about it, my dad didn’t like the idea of me wasting a year, he said the longer I waited the value of my grades loses and it would be even harder for me to get into college.” You answered. Joel let out a scoff, “It’s not a waste, it's better than you impulsively choosing a major and then regretting it for the rest of your life or even possibly destroying your mental health more trying to do well in something you found no joy in.” Yion shrugs, “At that point of time, I didn’t even want to commit myself to further studies, knowing me, I would have just settled for any job as long as it was stable even if it wasn’t the best choice financially for the long term.”

“There is no such thing as a stable job, every job has its own pros and cons. What matters is the fulfillment you get from it.” Joel answers. He would know, everyone around him didn’t like the idea of him becoming a musician because it took a stroke of luck to even do decently well and stand out in the industry but Joel knew for a fact that he wouldn’t enjoy anything else as much as he would being able to perform for people. It was the whole reason why he went ahead with his music degree. He would never know if it would turn out to be a choice he regretted since he had to drop out to support his family but until now, having the opportunity to study music was one of the best decisions he made. You sigh, “Well I felt like I had tunnel vision. I just saw myself on a path that led nowhere. Maybe I was in a bad place altogether too.” Joel hums in understanding. “You made it this far, even pulled through a whole apocalypse. Can’t say many people did the same. For someone who claimed they’re weak, you did make it 20 years in surviving an apocalypse. You laugh at the irony of it all, “Hm, turns out I did better when there weren’t many options. The only way to survive was to live, I didn’t have any other path to walk. The world narrowed it down for me.” Joel smirked, “Oh, how kind of them.” He replied sarcastically.

“So, do you think Ellie would be happier going off for college?” You asked again, linking back to the original question. Joel smiles, his eyes twinkling as the tangerine sunlight highlighted his features. “She would be happy as long as she finds the most suitable pacing for herself to move through life,” Joel concludes. “Life only seems fast-paced because everyone else moves at a fast pace but that doesn’t mean everyone can keep up. Determine your own pace and progress through at your own pace. It’s the only way you won’t feel stressed and pressured which tend to equate to you being content.”

Joel finishes his coffee. “Feeling lost is normal, it usually happens when you think you’re left behind and everyone is moving tenfolds faster than you. However, life was never meant to be some race to be the fastest, you could always set your own pace and continue moving forward. Being slower is better than pushing yourself past your limits and ruining yourself in the process.”

You look at him with admiration. Then you cleared your throat and laughed a little to lighten the tension. “Joel, that was really wise.” He looks over to you as he clears his throat too, trying to hide a small hint of a blush. “Heh, must be the old age catching up.” He murmurs.

You stare onward, looking at Joel and then to the various villagers of all ages living their lives in Jackson. You smile subconsciously.

Everything does work out in the end.

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nonexistent-introvert · 5 months

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Sparks

Pairing: Nanami Kento x f!reader

Word Count: 2k

Content: Hurt/comfort, takes place when nanami was still a salaryman

A/N: I am in mourning, this was supposed to be a full angst fic but I couldn't bring myself to continue the pain

Kento rubbed his eyes. The figure “22.34” on the clock in the office was practically the only other light source other than the glare of his computer screen. He closed the tabs on his screen, stretching in his seat. Another overtime, another missed dinner with you. His eyes glared at his desktop’s wallpaper, it was meant as a form of motivation but now it seemed to taunt him. It was a picture of Teluk Cempedak, a beach in Kuantan that he really wanted to visit.

Kento unlocked his phone while standing in the elevator. His heart sank when he was greeted with many missed calls and messages from you. His grip on his phone tightened slightly, meetings after meetings and then the never-ending work, it had slipped his mind to inform you that he was going to work late again. The messages got less frequent and he could almost feel your disappointment when he read your last text.

“You’re working late again, aren’t you? Please take care of yourself, don’t skip dinner. Come home soon.”

His finger immediately pressed on the call button, he let out a sigh when he was led to voicemail. You must have fallen asleep already. Kento leaned against the wall of the elevator, a small smile tugged on his lips at his own wallpaper. It was his favourite picture of you, from when the both of you took a short trip to Hokkaido from Tokyo.

=========

“Have you not been on a flight before?” Kento questioned, you have been bouncing on your feet with a wide grin on your face the whole time the both of you were at the airport. Your eyes darted in all kinds of directions, desperately trying to take everything in. You were like an excited child and he found it rather adorable of you. “Hmm?” You answered him while taking a picture from the window of the airplane seat. “You just seem very excited.” He said, a soft smile on his face as he admired you. “Do I?” You let out a laugh, “it’s just been a very long time since I traveled.” You explained.

Kento felt his heart skip when you looked at him. He couldn’t help but stare at your eyes which were practically sparkling at him. He loved your eyes, he loved hearing you talking about something you’re passionate about simply because of how your eyes would light up. However, the eyes that stared at him now, as cheesy as it sounded, were practically stars in the night sky. His smile got wider as he bent down to look through the small window. “If traveling brings you so much joy, why don’t you travel often then?” He asked simply out of curiousity. You shrugged, your smile fading a little. “Time. Time is always the issue isn’t it?” You let out a humorless laugh. Kento hums in agreement.

His eyes studied yours, a soft smile tugging on his features. “We should travel more often.” He says. He would do anything to watch your eyes sparkle with intrigue as you take in your new surroundings. Your face buried behind a camera as you tried to capture each and every moment.

You looked back at him, your eyes turning into crescents as you nodded excitedly. “Let’s travel the world Kento.” You laughed. He hums.

“Let’s.”

==========

Kento promised, at least he promised to himself that he would bring you around the world. He would do anything to see that sparkle in your eye.

It has been years since that trip, each year he only got busier. Engagements, business trips, and the promise of a promotion filled his schedule. He was climbing up the socio-economic ranks swiftly.

He should have known that there was no such thing as a free “lunch” in this world. He should have known the price was too much for him to bear.

The home he came home to was dark and cold. A slight breeze greeted him as he passed by the windows and into your shared bedroom. Kento’s steps were heavy with exhaustion but as he approached the door, he stilled. His fingers tingled with a familiar energy, a part of him that he tried so hard to suppress for the past few years came rushing back. Kento swallowed, cautiously swinging the door open. His trained eyes immediately spotted the inky black curse darting around in the shadows. The curse didn’t scare him, he knew that he was trained to deal with worse, trained till the point where sorcery was basically instilled as an instinct to him. What scared him was the frequency of curses surrounding you, like it was bred off your negative emotions.

With one swift action of his hand, the curse was exorcised. Kento let out a sigh of relief, his eyes falling to your sleeping figure on the bed. His heart sunk, watching as your shaking figure slowly relax, your grip on the sheets of the bed lightening. You didn’t notice him when you sat up, letting out a shaky breath. Adrenaline still pumping through your veins from the nightmare you had. Kento decided to make his presence known, his heavy steps alerting you of his presence. You rubbed your face and wiped the tears that were blurring your vision, turning around with a smile to say hi to him. Kento remained silent, leaning over you to turn on the lamp on your bedside table. In the warm light of the lamp, he got to see your face clearly. The red swollen eyes, the tear streaks that illuminated under the warm light and lastly, how the shine in your eyes was nowhere to be found despite the smile that was on your face. He clenched his jaw, how did it take him so long to notice? How many times did he just accepted your facade as it was?

You noticed how Kento’s gaze hardened, how his eyes scanned every feature of yours. You bit softly on your bottom lip, too embarrassed to face him. Too embarrassed to admit that you were crumbling without his company, that you were selfish and wished that he spent more time with you instead of being a slave to his corporate company,

You missed him, you missed how things were when he wasn’t obsessed with working. When he squeezed in small dates in between his little pockets of free time. Those were the words you didn’t tell him because you knew the reason why he was so motivated, so driven to work. It was all for the both of you.

But it didn’t feel that way. At all. The man who sat in front of you, with his sunken cheeks and eyebags and the lack of a twinkle in his eye was a mere shell of the man you had fallen in love with.

When did the youthful and carefree shine in both your eyes vanish?

“What’s wrong?” His hand reached out to tuck the loose strand behind your ear, his palm resting softly on your cheek. You tensed, wincing slightly. His touch was like the initial burn of warm water before you slowly relaxed into his touch. Kento felt the guilt eat up at him, how long has it been for his touch to seem unfamiliar?

“Kento…” your voice was hoarse and it only broke his heart further. You remained quiet after, not quite finding the right words to tell him. Then the tears fell again. His thumb proactively swiped it away, he swallowed hard. It hurts him to see you like this. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pull him closer, he’s quick to reciprocate, one hand going to the back of your head and the other to your waist. You buried your face in the crook of his neck.

“I missed you.” you muttered, your tears wetting his shirt. “I miss you.” you muttered again and again against his skin, like a prayer, for him to come back to you. Kento’s eyes widened, his heart skipping a few beats. “I miss you too.” He replied softly, leaning his chin against the top of your head.

How long has it been since he had you in his embrace like this? How long has it been since he unconsciously worked himself to the bone for both of your happiness when it was having the opposite effect on both of you? How long has he neglected you till the point where your negative emotions gave birth to the curses that kept you company without you knowing? How long have you been putting on a strong facade in front of him? The never-ending questions haunted him and cracked his heart. He was single-handedly ruining his relationship with you in the belief that he was doing better for you.

Kento held you tighter, the consequences of his actions catching up with him all at once. The tears that fell because of him and the relationship turning sour. He could only hope that he had the ability to fix it all. He could only pray that it wasn’t too late yet, that you would forgive him. “I’m sorry.” He says, cradling your face, his eyes baring into yours. Your vulnerable eyes turned into a look of understanding. You knew what he was apologising for, all the times he had neglected you, he’s sorry that you had to go through it all yourself, he wants to be there for you.

“I never blamed you.” You muttered softly into his chest, a huge burden lifted off his chest at your words. “You never did, but I shouldn’t have put you through that pain.” He says, his thumb drawing circles on your back. “You were supposed to be happy with me.” He added on, a slight edge to his voice like he was disappointed with himself. “I am happy.” You told him. Kento shakes his head, “I made you cry, I made you face the world alone. I should be there for you, you shouldn’t be suffering by yourself.” He says, his thumb wiping away the stray tears. “No matter how small or big the problem is, tell me. I want to bear it all with you.” Kento tells you. You held onto him tighter, he’s asking you to not put up a front for him. “You have enough on your plate.” You reply. Kento sighs, “There’s no such thing as enough when it comes to you. I want all of you, and that includes your problems and emotions. Don’t hide it from me.”

You made yourself meet his eyes, those brown eyes that you loved. “Then let me share your burdens. Let us work together, to travel the world.” You promised with a genuine smile on your face. Kento looked taken aback for a moment, then a soft grin tugged on his lips, his eyes crinkled ever so slightly.

It was like a flower bloomed in his eyes, the light in his eyes returned and his eyes turned into crescents as he grinned.

“Let’s.” He replied.

You brought it back, the same light from back then. You lit his world up again.

“I love you.” Kento confesses. You stare at him, a grin on your face as you press a chaste kiss to his lips. One that he thought was too fleeting for his liking. “I love you too, with all of my heart.” You told him. His heart lifted at your words and the shine in your eyes returned.

======

Nanami Kento had always been an overachiever. He wasn’t satisfied with just the shine of your eyes returning. He wanted to see the same excited look on your face as when the both of you traveled. He made it to work early that day and handed in his resignation letter.

When you woke up, you were surprised to see him still at home. Before you could question him, he said “Let’s go on a short trip. To Malaysia.” His heart soared when he saw the same childlike sparkle in your eye and the big grin that erupted from your features. The very same he had captured in the picture which he used as his wallpaper.

He didn’t have enough for a world tour yet, but he knows now that he has enough to make you happy and that was enough.

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nonexistent-introvert · 5 months

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Seat Partners 3

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x f!reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Content: Miguel being blunt, some apologies, and the overall study date. also flirty banter and Miguel letting his guard down

A/N: HELLO IM BACK. i wrote the front part like a month and more ago then continued it so if things dont connect as well im sorry, im kinda rusty when it comes to writing but ik if i procrastinated anymore ill never get back to writing. Also, idrk where im going with this series so... if anyone has any ideas...

part 1 part 2

The one thing that both you and Miguel can agree on when it comes to the library is that the study corner seats were the best. Those seats faced a giant window that showcased the streets outside and if you stayed long enough, would be rewarded with the breathtaking views of the sunset. Miguel was pleasantly surprised to see you make a beeline for those seats, most people tend to prefer the seats that were situated in the middle of the library since it was closer to the books and more facilitated group study sessions.

“I don’t study anywhere else other than here. If these seats were taken then you would never see me in here.” You whispered to Miguel when you noticed his gaze. He chuckled, “It’s my favorite seat too.” he replied. “Good view and people can’t distract me here.” He added on. “Ok mr popular.” You teased. Miguel has his fair share of admirers who would admire him whenever he is in the same room as any of them. Some even seem to turn into complete mush when he’s around. Miguel had a strong presence, a presence that demanded people’s admiration and respect. You had a weaker presence, someone who wouldn’t be noticed at first glance so you had zero trouble when it comes to being distracted because of someone’s gaze on you. Miguel shook his head, refusing to argue with you as he pulled out his revision materials, eager to consolidate his learning for the week. The silence in the library especially at this section of the library where most people were studying alone and the overall atmosphere was enough to motivate you to start studying too. The heads buried in books, the sound of pages flipping, and the sound of pens moving against the table acted as a sort of peer pressure to get anyone to start studying.

Your first study session with Miguel started. The both of you would do your own things, his eyes would fall onto your work every once in a while to check up on you and give you a few nods of encouragement. You picked up your phone, using it to search something up when you felt Miguel’s gaze on you. “I’m not using my phone I swear! I’m just checking something.” You defended immediately, noticing the disapproving look in his eyes. “I haven’t even said anything yet.” He merely replied, glancing over your shoulder and to your phone. You pursed your lips at him, “Actions speak louder than words you know?” He gave you a small smile. “Just making sure,” He leans back into his own seat. “Did I not mention that I would be your Google? Ask me anything you aren’t sure of.” Miguel repeats his words from the earlier lessons. “It’s a stupid question, common sense.” You shrugged, writing down the information on Google. Miguel crossed his arms over his chest, “If it’s common sense then why did you have to google it?” Miguel meant to encourage you to ask him questions you had but it seemed to have had a negative impact on you instead. “I’m an idiot that’s why.” You replied without missing a beat. The usual humour and playfulness in your voice are non-existent. The grip on your pen tightened while you put in more pressure to write the next few words. Miguel pinched his nose bridge, realising that you had interpreted his words the wrong way. “Ay coño” He muttered under his breath. “I didn’t mean-” He turned to you, trying to explain himself only to be cut off by a sheer “Never mind.” He opened his mouth to make his stand known but closed his mouth, realising that you had long shut yourself off towards him, the small furrow in between your eyebrows was enough to tell him that you didn’t want to continue that conversation any longer.

The air between the both of you shifted after that, at least it did for Miguel. There was tension in the air that Miguel just couldn’t ignore, he was arguing with himself over the matter of if he should explain his words. The words in the textbook were a blur to Miguel when every sentence he read would be interrupted by his inner turmoil and the regret weighing on his shoulders. So instead, he just kept sneaking glances at you, trying to see if you were in a better mood now.

He let out a sigh, running his hands through his hair as he bent over to pick up his bag, knowing that he would just be wasting his time in the library until he cleared his name. Miguel quickly found what he was looking for, a small pack of grape-flavoured chewy candy that he knew you liked. The same ones he saw you sneakily eating in class, the smell of grapes lingering on your breath when you talked to him was enough to give you away. Miguel told himself that it was because he wanted to try it when he decided to buy it upon seeing it in the convenience store despite refusing your various offers of the candy. Deep down, Miguel knew it was because you liked it, and he knew that it would cheer you up. Although he hasn’t found a way to offer it to you yet, he had imagined the smile on your face when he would take the initiative to give it to you. Miguel carefully placed it onto the table, pasting a post-it note onto the candy packaging with a single word on it. “Sorry.” and a small hand-drawn sad face next to it. Miguel exhaled, giving himself encouragement as he leaned over to you again. Miguel gently nudged your shoulder and passed you the candy, quickly returning to his work to hide how nervous he truly was.

A smile quickly replaced the confusion on your face. “For what?” You asked, referring to the apology. Miguel’s face burned with a light flush, “The words sounded better in my head, sorry, I meant that you can ask me any questions. You don’t have to necessarily turn to Google.” he slowly trailed off, stuffing his hands into the black jacket that he was wearing. You noticed the discomfort he was feeling at that moment. “You’re tempting me with the candy, no eating in the library.” You reminded him. Miguel looked to his left and then to his right, he sat straighter up in his seat. “Just eat one, and I’ll cover you.” His eyes drifted to the ceilings, looking for any surveillance cameras. You chuckled at him, “Miguel O’Hara! What happened to you abiding by the rules?” You jokingly teased him, knowing that he didn’t indulge in your offers of candy in class. “Hurry.” He simply says, head turning in all directions to keep watch.

The sweet familiar taste of grapes in your mouth made you hum happily. You kept looking at Miguel, a small smile forming on your lips. Seeing the smile on your face seemed to lift the guilt off his heart.

“You’re staring.” You laughed at him as you chewed on the candy. Miguel snaps out of his daze, turning away from you and back to his textbooks. A faint blush tinted his cheeks. You leaned back on your chair, “Have one.” You offered once again. He clicked his tongue at you, “No thank you.” Miguel busied himself with his notes, still avoiding your gaze. “Why did you buy it if you’re not even going to try it?” You questioned him. Your eyes narrowed at him, “Unless… you were planning on giving it to me already?” Miguel’s eyes snapped to yours, his eyes widened as he snatched the candy from your hand. Miguel cleared his throat as he popped one candy into his mouth. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Miguel asked, noticing the amused look on your face. Your eyes slowly drifted to the surveillance camera. You snickered when you watched the colour drain from his face.

“You’re such a bad influence.”

“It’s called having some fun.” You retorted.

=======

“You’re awfully quiet,” Miguel muttered. You walked next to him, your eyes distracted by the city lights in Nueva York. “Mmm, drained. My brain’s fried.” He chuckled lightly, “But don’t you feel productive?” You shook your head, Miguel seemed more energized than usual, more relaxed, unlike him in class. “Why do you seem less grumpy?” His signature frown returned immediately, “I am not grumpy.” You rolled your eyes at him, “Please do not tell me studying energizes you.” “Feeling productive energizes me.” He corrects. “Workaholic, no lifer, nerd.” You call him names, and he simply chuckles.

“I hate studying.” You told him. He hums, “Doesn’t take Sherlock to figure that out.” You shoved him lightly. “I can’t believe my first time studying with someone was with you, I never ever study with my friends.” You complained, he snickers. “Wow, I’m your first?” He gave you a teasing look.

“Don’t make it sound weird.” Miguel bites back the smile on his face. “Well, I hope you had fun on our first- study date,” he announced. You looked at him, laughing sarcastically in his face. “This is the reason why you’re single, if this is what you consider a date, let me tell you, it's horrible.” He shrugs, “That’s what you say for now, but you will keep coming back for more.” he says confidently.

#miguel o'hara imagines #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara fanfiction #miguel o'hara #spiderman #spiderman 2099 #spider man #spider-man #into the spider verse #spider verse #across the spiderverse #atsv miguel #spiderman atsv #miguel ohara #miguel x reader #miguel ohara x reader #miguel o’hara x you

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nonexistent-introvert · 6 months

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Hi guys it’s been awhile. The exam period is finally ending in one weeks time and I’ll finally have time to write again!!!

I recently got into jjk so I may be writing some fics for nanami bc I’m a simp for him

Feel free to drop any requests or anyth! I’ll get to it once I’m free

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nonexistent-introvert · 8 months

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Seat Partners 2

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x f!reader (Classmates AU)

Word Count: 1.6k

Content: Fluff, Miguel being petty, this was self-indulgent

A/N: goodbye, I have barely any time to write but I still wanted to put something out there, I'm gonna disappear for god knows how long again

part 1

Miguel tried his best to stay focused on the novel he was reading. Staying focused was never an issue for a goal-driven person like him but something was different today. He caught himself looking up at the clock every few minutes, anxious about something he couldn’t pinpoint himself either. His fingers tap lightly on the table in a rhythm while he stared at the clock, watching the hour hand make its way back to the top.

Many people poured into the classroom around this time. He was one of the only people who would come to class early. When the bell rang, Miguel’s eyes searched for a figure outside in the hallways to no avail. He sighed, staring at the empty seat beside him.

You were always on the dot, never late.

Did you fall sick?

Miguel forced himself to divert his attention back onto his novel.

============

You sat down with a sigh, running your hands through your hair. Miguel subtly glanced over to you from his seat. You had taken off your jacket which was wet, now hung over your chair while you leaned against it. His ears registered the heavy rain pounding against the class’s windows. Miguel played with the corner of his page when he realised that you were late because of the rain.

“Detention?” He asked, not looking up from his novel.

“Strike one” you corrected him with a scowl.

“It wasn’t my fault that the stupid bus didn’t come because of the rain. “ you complained. “And you got drenched.” Miguel continued for you. You shook your head, dropping your head onto the table. “Actually, I didn’t mind the rain. At least it was cooling.” You admitted. That caused Miguel to look up, a look of disbelief on his face. He didn't think anyone would like getting drenched. At that exact moment, a memory resurfaced in Miguel’s mind.

Miguel had witnessed you in the rain on multiple occasions. There was one particular reason why you caught his eye. Simply because while everyone was trying to evade the rain, running for their lives to the shelters. You walked at a normal pace despite the rain, you took off your glasses and stuffed them into your pockets, as though you were perfectly content with the fact that your clothes were slowly getting soaked through.

Then there was the other time when he watched you give up your umbrella to an old lady with her grandson from the class window. You smiled at them, waving goodbye to the little boy before walking into the heavy rain. The water was practically up to your ankles and yet, it didn’t seem to bother you. He then watched as the discipline master reprimanded you for being late, your fists clenched by your sides while you accepted your fate.

“Oh I forgot you tend to do that.” He looked back at his novel with an exhale. . You raised your eyebrows, giving him a skeptical look. Miguel cleared his throat, unwilling to elaborate on his comment. You stared at him further, a teasing smile on your face.

“Have you been looking at me?”

Miguel remained silent. You averted your gaze from him, maybe you crossed a line. “Ok, never mind-“

“I was staring at the fool who was willingly getting drenched in the rain,” Miguel replied. You grinned, over the last week, you have come to appreciate his replies no matter what they are. “The first time was curiosity. But the multiple times after that is kinda suspicious Miguel.” Miguel closed his novel, putting it aside to focus his attention on the conversation. “And how do you know that?” Miguel questioned. You narrowed your eyes at him. “You know that I tend to do that. That means you could have only formed that conclusion after you noticed it multiple times.” Miguel stared blankly at you, a small grin tugging on his lips.

“Ah, so you’re capable of logical reasoning after all.” You clicked your tongue in annoyance at his comment. He chuckled, “That skill will help you in math.” He teased. “Stop trying to change the subject Miguel, I must have hit bullseye huh?” You snarked. Miguel furrowed his eyebrows at you, letting out another sigh. “I saw you give up your umbrella to the old woman and her grandson.” He simply replied. You looked at him blankly, taking the time to recall what he was referring to. “That was years ago, like- two years ago.” The surprise was evident in your voice. You let out a laugh, “I didn’t even know you existed two years ago.” Miguel resisted the urge to roll his eyes, “I was in the same class as you.” He deadpanned. “Yeah, but we never talked. I forgot about your existence.”You replied bluntly.

Miguel had to physically swallow the lump in his throat. You didn’t need to be that honest.

===

“You’re so petty, Miguel.” You groaned, trying to peek at his notebook. Miguel was determined to cover his notes from you. “I was just being honest Miguel, We didn’t talk, how was I supposed to remember?” You defended. Miguel sat up straighter, his hand scribbling as he took down notes.

“I don’t exist to you anyways.” He said. You groaned out in agony, regretting your choice of words. Ever since you had admitted thast Miguel didn’t leave a strong impression on you he had been acting cold towards you just out of pure pettiness.

“Petty Miguel.” You decided to give Miguel a new nickname. “Thank you.” He simply replies, taking no offense to your nickname. You narrowed your gaze at him before you realised that he had misinterpreted your nickname for him.

“Petty! Not pretty!” You corrected. His eyes widen and he clears his throat in embarrassment. “You’re really not helping your case.” He retorts instead. You mutter something about his over-inflated ego while you look around class.

A grin appeared on your face as you glanced back at Miguel. He was still stubborn as ever, barely even sparing you a glance. You huffed at him, you didn’t need to rely on him. You leaned forward in your chair. “Oscar, Oscar. Can I borrow your notes?” Oscar passed his notes to you, scrawled on loose scraps of paper instead of an actual notebook. “Thanks, you’re a blessing.” You told him, taking his notes. Oscar chuckled, “Tell me if you don’t understand anything.” You nodded, the contrast in character between Oscar and Miguel was astonishing to say the very least. Oscar and you had become close friends since the both of you were constantly being paired up. “It must be fate.” Oscar always joked but it was hard to deny that fate didn’t have a play on this matter when the both of you just so happened to always be sitting near each other or randomly paired up together. You tapped Oscar’s shoulder again, pointing at a section on his notes and questioning him. You noticed Miguel’s head turn towards the both of you while Oscar tried his best to explain his words to you. “I can take it from here,” Miguel interjected, gesturing to the teacher who was eyeing the small commotion in your area. You clicked your tongue in annoyance at Miguel. “Don’t worry, I’m sure Mr. Top of the class can explain it ten times better than me,” Oscar reassured before turning back to face the front. You smiled back at Oscar while you looked at your notes, trying to make sense of it. “So, are you going to ask me any questions or are you just going to stare at the words and hope you magically get an epiphany?” Miguel started sarcastically. “Oh, are you talking to me now?” You feigned shock. “I made your grades my personal responsibility so I guess I have to make sure you’re doing alright.”

“Aw, should I thank you for offering me help now and making my grades your personal responsibility? I am so honored.” You said sarcastically. He rolled his eyes at you. “You’re welcome, my partner.” He quipped, playing along. Miguel tapped his pen on your table, “Now you treat me as your personal Google and ask me anything you don’t know.”

=======

“You’re free right?” Miguel’s voice reached you while you were packing up. You glanced at him suspiciously, first, he admitted that he paid attention to you, secondly, he was patient and cleared up many doubts you had, and now he was asking if you were free? “Let’s study together.” He said, trying to act nonchalant although you noticed him trying to avoid your eye. “It’s a Friday.” You groaned at him. “And?” “Fridays are meant for relaxing.” You told him. “The library is quiet and peaceful, it is perfectly relaxing.” He defended. You narrowed your gaze at him, “I don’t get a say in this do I?” He shook his head, his lips quirking upwards.” Nope.” he popped the ‘p’ in emphasis. You groaned, glancing at the door behind him, calculating the probability of you just running past him and home. “You can’t outrun me.” Miguel shut down your idea as though he could read your mind. As a last resort, you placed your palms together, “Please…? Just let me off this week, I’ll study with you next week.” You pleaded. Miguel chuckled at your antics. “Maybe if you get on your knees and beg me.”

Your face flushed at his words, why did you even contemplate doing it? Before you could drop to your knees, he pulled you out of the classroom with him by the handle on your backpack. “I’ll buy you food alright?” He offered instead.

“Fine.” You conceded. Your emotions are still in overdrive at his words.

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nonexistent-introvert · 8 months

Text

One Kick

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Content: One-bed trope, pure fluff. Based on the prompts: "You pushed me off the bed!"-"I'm sorry?" "I'm sitting in the dark. I like it."

A/N: For @pedrostories celebration! Congrats on 1k! I'm swamped with exams but I really wanted to participate in this, hence the inactivity. Just a drabble and it was kinda rushed.

“Joel.” You called out into the dark, rubbing at your eyes. Exhaustion and sleepiness were practically dripping off of you. He let out an annoyed grunt in response, his figure barely illuminated by the scarce moonlight that was lighting up the room. Joel’s eyes stared at your shadow that was dancing on the walls, ignoring the urge to go to you. “You’re injured,” he stated sternly. You could hear the silent scolding in those two words, he wanted you to rest and not move around. “I’m not dead.” You assured him. With how silent the night was, you heard the huff he let out at your words.

“What are you doing?” You asked as you fell limply onto the chair next to him. You flinched slightly at the creak that resounded within the walls. He looked over at you, folding his arms over his chest. “Sitting in the dark.” He deadpanned, then with a small smile he added “I like it.” You let out a chuckle at his words. In an apocalypse, night was the scariest part, you’re alone in the darkness, unsure of what lurks beyond the next corner. However, most of the survivors who had made it so far had learnt to enjoy the serenity that night brought, a huge contrast to daytime where everyone fought hard for supplies to survive.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” You asked with a curious tilt of your head. “Someone has to keep watch.” Joel replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world. You scoffed at his response, “The door is barred and the windows are nailed shut. It’s perfectly safe, there is no reason to keep watch.” You argued. “You’re injured, you can have the bed to yourself. I’ll just sit here until I eventually fall asleep.” Joel said, insistent on doing it his way. You stared at his unmoving figure, he was as stubborn as a mule. “I don’t need a king-size bed to myself, I barely utilize all the space of a single bed.” You told him while looking at the chair that Joel was sitting on. Joel’s head was leaning against the top of the chair, his whole body too big for the chair. He was using his legs to support himself up, you just knew that it was a matter of time before his legs go numb and he falls from the chair. From the months you spent with Joel, you knew better than to argue with him. You sat up on the chair, folding your arms across your chest as well. “Then I’ll accompany you.” You said, stifling a yawn right after. Joel frowned as he looked at you, his eyes drifting toward the bloodied bandage on your calf. “You're going to make your injury worse.” You closed your eyes, ignoring his words. “Have you never shared a bed before?” You teased instead, ignoring the stern tone of his. “I was married.” Joel deadpanned. “Then why won’t you just share the bed with me? I know you’re tired too Joel.” You shifted your chair to sit in front of him. “So why stick to the small chair that is definitely uncomfortable when there is a king-size bed?” Joel stared into your eyes, his eyes studying your every feature and yet he kept that poker face of his. It used to intimidate you but now with every passing second, your confidence only grew.

You threw a fist into the air in victory when Joel relented. He pressed on his knees for support, letting out a huff as he stood up. The moment Joel laid his back against the mattress, he felt all his muscles relaxing, thanking him. Joel was practically on the edge of the bed, he would fall if he decided to inch any closer to the edge. You simply sighed as you got into the bed, a considerable gap between the both of you.

It didn’t take long for the both of you to fall asleep.

Joel had an inkling that something bad was going to happen. He was still exhausted but his guts were telling him that something is wrong. Before he could truly pinpoint what was wrong, Joel felt a force against his stomach and he dropped to the cold hard ground. He let out a guttural groan, as his tired mind tried to put the pieces together.

His jaw drops slightly. Did you just kick him off the bed? He brushes himself off, standing up with a grunt. Joel towers over you, his discerning eyes trying to figure out if it was on purpose. You seemed totally oblivious as you turned to your side, sleeping soundly. A few soft snores escaping you.

====

“Do you hate me that much?” Joel turns to you at the sound of your voice. The morning sun now letting in some light through into the small apartment the both of you were seeking shelter in. “I know you still slept on the couch last night.” You stated, there’s a disappointed look on your face. He huffs, rolling his shoulder back as he massages his sore muscles. The blankets on the couch only served to prove your point.

“You kicked me off the bed!” He defended. His impatience caused by the bad sleep he had last night on the couch. “I’m sorry?” Your eyes widened in shock. “I woke up when I fell to the ground and decided at least I wouldn’t be kicked to the floor if I slept on the couch.” He responded sarcastically. “You’re lying.” You laughed, it was rather comedic. Joel was a stoned survivor and yet he was simply kicked off the bed by you. “It’s not funny.” He frowned, “Even with your injured calf you’re still pretty strong. You should be fine for the trek then.” He said. You chuckled, moving your leg around. “I told you I was fine, was a kick all it took to assure you?” You said, a playful tone in your voice. He narrowed his gaze at you, he remained silent as he packed his bag. “Maybe I should kick you more, to reassure you.”

He let out a small amused breath. “Don’t worry, I will not be sharing a bed with you anytime anymore.” He replied, a playful twinkle in his eye. You beamed, it was rare when Joel would allow himself moments where he seemed human. That he wasn’t void of positive emotions. “Joel! Come on, I know you find it funny too. Just smile! Like this!” You pushed your cheeks up, giving him an exaggerated smile. Joel chuckled lightly at your face, unable to resist the humor in this situation.

“A chuckle! That’s more than I’ll ever ask!” You celebrated. He shook his head in amusement, letting the grin on his face shine.

“Maybe sometimes you do need a kick, to knock that grumpiness away.” You suggested. “Don’t you dare.” He warned but there was still amusement in his voice.

It was moments like this when you treasured your time with Joel. Times of normalcy between the both of you. He gave you a sense of home when everywhere else was not.

Home was a person, not a place.

Even if Joel wouldn’t admit it, you were his home too. You’re the only person who can make him smile despite everything the apocalypse has put him through.

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nonexistent-introvert · 9 months

Note

THE BACK TO DECEMBER FIC FOR JAVI WAS FOUL 😫 I NEED 4-5 WORKING DAYS TO RECOVER OVER THAT ONE 🧎‍♀️ anyways if you accept fic requests can i request another speak now inspired fic for javi? it would be based of I Can See You… Like tell me that song isn’t Javi coded 🤓 I just know that song was written for him like the pining from the office romance and stuff 😩😩😩 ok ill shut up and i hope you have a great day/night and I hope you find a dollar or something in your back pocket ily

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Content: Javier notices you and sees you for who you are despite you thinking he would never. Based of well, this ask and the song!! VERY MILDLY SUGGESTIVE

A/n: I HAVE BEEN INACTIVE IM SORRY. I had severe writer's block and i was stressing because guess who procrastinated too much and is not very off track when it comes to work.

You brush past me in the hallway

And you don't think I, I, I can see ya, do ya?

I've been watchin' you for ages

And I spend my time tryin' not to feel it

“Excuse me.” the sound of your voice caught Javier off guard. He watched helplessly as you brushed past his shoulder and headed for your desk. A smirk formed on his lips, Javier stared helplessly at you. He met your eye contact too many times from across the office to know that you stared at him as much as he stared at you. “Who caught your eye now?” Steve patted his partner’s back, his eyes following Javier’s gaze. Javier turned his head away from your direction, focusing on Steve instead. “Nothing.” He shrugged. Steve sent him a knowing look, raising his eyebrows with a look of disbelief. “You have been awfully distracted, buddy.” Steve said. “I just got a lot of matters to handle,” Javier stated plainly before walking away.

Javier Peña had one rule, he never gets involved with coworkers.

Like a traitor, his eyes drifted to your workstation a few desks away from him. Your hand covered the lower half of your face as you stifled a yawn, your eyes fixated on the files before you. Your head slowly lifted from the files and your eyes instinctively found his. Your eyes widened ever so slightly upon meeting eye contact with him while you tried to look past him, pretending that you were trying to look at something in the distance instead. He chuckled softly at your antics. This happened between the both of you multiple times already. How did Javier know? Because he spent his time admiring you from afar too.

And we kept everything professional

But something's changed, it's somethin' I, I like

They keep watchful eyes on us

So it's best that we move fast and keep quiet

You won't believe half the things I see inside my head

Wait 'til you see half the things that haven't happened yet

Javier kept a poker face when he received news that he was being partnered up with you instead since Steve had to travel overseas for another mission. “Agent Peña” You greeted him while shaking his hand. “Javi.” Javier corrected you, he didn’t know what made him introduce himself with the nickname he only let the people closest to him call him but he continued to grin at you. “Right, Javi.” You repeated, testing his name on your lips. Javier had never felt his heart leap in his chest like this before. “That’s perfect cariño” He assured, his words falling easily from his own lips. Your cheeks turned pink at the nickname, while you cleared your throat.

“I look forward to working as your partner Javi.” You told him, your eyes turning into arches.

His heart fluttered in his chest at that smile.

====

“Coffee for you, hermosa.” Javier greeted while placing a cup of coffee on your desk. You hummed upon tasting the coffee. “Thanks, I need you to look through these files.” You replied casually to him with a smile. It had become a routine for Javier to buy you coffee before he headed for work after noticing how sleepy you get in the morning. Javier leaned down, his arm that was beside you bore his entire weight while his eyes scanned the files on your desk. His pointer finger tracing the words on the file. His body was incredibly close to you, till the point where his cologne engulfed you and yet it didn’t make you feel out of place.

If the both of you paid any mind to your surroundings, you would have noticed the stares of everyone in the office and the chatter that sounded around you as they stared at the both of you. The both of you have gone from only talking to work to buddies who drank together after work and had lunch together. It was a rare sight to catch one of you without the other. Things have changed significantly since the day you were assigned to be his partner.

“Are we up for dinner?” You asked him nonchalantly, Javier glanced at you, humming slightly as he thought about his plans for the night. “I promised to have drinks with Steve.” Javier groaned, “How about you join us?” He suggested instead. You grimaced at the thought, not because you had anything against Steve but because you didn’t want to intrude. Plus you doubted it would only be Steve at the bar on a Friday night, you weren’t keen on spending your night under watchful eyes, eyes who are constantly trying to guess if you were Javier’s latest plaything or if there was something more beneath the surface. You massaged your temples at that thought, you had enough headaches from the case, relationship issues seemed redundant at this point in time. Javier sighed disappointedly at your reaction.

“I’ll see you at your place then?” Javier’s eyes bore into yours, his eyes shining under the lights in the office. A small pout sat on his lips, his heart hoping that you would let him see you. “Mmm sure,” You agreed, you could never say no when he gave you that gaze. He grinned proudly. His hand subtly moved on top of yours, giving it a small squeeze. “Gracias cariño” Your eyes widened at his gesture. “W-what the” You replied flusteredly, Javier had never touched you in the office, he knew that you didn’t like the spotlight that was already above the both of you. “See you.” He simply said, giving you a small wave as he returned to his desk not that far from yours. You gave him a flabbergasted look, still taken aback at his actions.

If only you knew what was in Javier’s mind, what he truly wanted to do. Javier had to physically hold himself back and fight the urge to press a kiss to your forehead. It’s not like he hadn’t done it before, he always did it as a form of gratitude. Especially when you cooked him meals or brought him coffee when he drove you to work in the morning. He just never did it in public before, because he knew how much you hated the speculations and gossip that was already surrounding the both of you.

Deep down, he wondered if it was actually as bad as you made it out to be. Would it be really that dire if people thought that the both of you were together? The only speculations that he wanted to openly shut down were the ones that said you were his next plaything.

You were definitely more than that.

He wanted you to be more than a friend, although, he wasn’t sure if you felt the same way yet.

======================

I could see you in your suit and your necktie

Passed me a note saying, "Meet me tonight"

Javier has been loitering near your desk for the past 15 minutes, making frequent trips to the evidence room for no apparent reason since he always seemed to go in and come back with the same file in his hands. It was hard to focus when his frame kept drifting in and out of your hindsight. Especially when he’s in a full-on suit today for the meeting with the ministry. He wore a white button-up that was actually buttoned up properly, finished with a red necktie. The same tie you had picked for him, a gift for his birthday.

When Javier made his way back into the evidence room for the umpteenth time, you found yourself getting up from your seat, picking up a file on your desk that you had to return before following him. Javier’s breath hitched upon seeing you enter the evidence room after him, his entire body went stiff when your eyes locked with his. “What is so interesting here that you need to keep coming in here? I thought you were screwing someone in here.” you teased, your eyes scanned the room for any possible reason. Javier scoffed at your comment, a small laugh escaping him. “You know very well I haven’t done that for months now.” You shrugged at him, “You said you were going to quit smoking but I caught you multiple times smoking too so I don’t really know.” Javier flinched at your words. It was a poor excuse but he figured that smoking was the only thing that was keeping him sane in this job. “What’s stopping you from going back into your old ways?” You continued on, totally oblivious to his internal conflict.

Just like how you were totally oblivious to his feelings toward you.

You. Javier’s mind urged him to tell you. Tell you that you’re the reason he’s changing for the better. You’re the reason he wants to be a better person. He wants to be someone you can be proud of, he doesn’t want you to see him for the mess of a person that he is. A smoker who sleeps with a new girl every night, he didn’t want you to know him as that asshole.

Javier fiddled with the corner of the post it he had pasted on the file nervously. He has fiddled with it so much that the post-it note was losing its stick. His mind and heart urged him to just get it over with but he just couldn’t seem to move his muscles. “Are you ok?” You asked worriedly upon seeing the dazed look on his face and how he nervously chewed on his lip “I-I’m fine.” Javier shot a glare to Steve who had entered the evidence room as well. His glare was enough to make Steve stumble slightly, as though he could hear the string of curses Javier was throwing in his direction internally. “Did I walk in at the wrong time?” Steve asked, eyeing the both of you. You gave him a judgemental look before shaking your head. “Read this,” Javier muttered, pushing the file he had been holding into your arms. You let out a gasp at his sudden movement, your eyes following his figure as he strode out of the evidence room.

“What’s up with him?” Steve asked. Your eyes were fixated on the file he had given you. The bright green post-it note catches your eye instead.

“Meet me tonight. P.S. It’s a date.”

Your heart paced, a dreamy smile appearing on your face while you rushed out as well, leaving behind a dumbfounded Steve.

===================

Then we kiss, and you know I won't ever tell, yeah

And I could see you being my addiction

You can see me as a secret mission

Hide away and I will start behaving myself

Everything had gone wrong. There was an error in the reservations at the restaurant Javier booked, causing everyone to be served according to the ‘first come first serve’ policy. You claimed that you didn’t mind waiting but Javier knew you well enough to know that the unhappy crowd was already making you uncomfortable. You always went for lunch 10 minutes later just to avoid the crowd, he doubted that making you queue next to a bunch of unhappy customers would be fun for you. So, he settled for having pasta at some commonplace that was filled with students. Having affordable meals and student deals was very attractive to most broke college students in the area. Albeit the both of you looked very out of place, dressed to the nines while the others wore school-based t-shirts. However, you seemed content, much happier than when you stood outside the expensive restaurant. As much as you tried to hide it, he noticed the grimace on your face when you saw the outrageous prices on food that you don’t even like that much. He is a DEA agent after all.

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like that.” Javier apologised while he walked with you back home. His car just had to break down today too. His thumb played with the straps of the heels that you were wearing at the start of the date. Now, you were in slippers, bought from a random shoe store beside the pasta restaurant. He remembered the horror and panic that rose in him when you casually adjusted your heels to find out that the heel of your foot was bleeding from the friction. “Ah, shit.” You simply cursed with a grin, having long gotten used to being injured because of heels due to the number of events you had to attend. “It was fun.” You admitted genuinely, a carefree smile on your face as you walked with a bounce in your steps. His suit jacket had found its place around your shoulders instead while he walked with his white button-up whose first few buttons were now unbuttoned. The necktie you had bought him safely tucked away in the pockets of his suit jacket.

“I wanted it to be romantic,” Javier admitted, eyeing the flower stand on the street, contemplating whether it was too late to buy you flowers as an apology for how badly everything had gone. “Romance is subjective.” You simply replied, your grin shining in the night. He smiled back at you despite the growing regret in his heart. He should have planned better, maybe he should have had backup plans or something. “Can I be honest with you Javi?” Your eyes eyed him expectantly. “Yeah, of course. I hope you are.” He scratched the back of his neck nervously. What if the truth and honesty hurt him a bit too much?

“I wouldn’t have enjoyed the date you planned.” Javier flinched visibly at your words that seemed to stab him right in his ego. “Not because it’s bad or anything but as I said, romance is subjective.” You quickly explained, eyeing him for his reaction. Javier forced a smile despite the way his heart clenched. “The expensive restaurant, I was horrified by the prices. Might have lost my appetite just looking at how it would probably cost like a quarter or more of our salary. The cheapest thing there was a salad! Can you believe it? It almost costs 20 dollars for a bunch of green veggies.” You scoffed in disbelief. Javier chuckled, knowing your distaste for vegetables. “And if your car didn’t break down today, I would never have known about the amazing ice cream place that serves incredible soft serve.” Your eyes seemed to light up at the thought of the soft serve he had bought with you just minutes ago while the both of you walked back. “Plus, if I was in the expensive restaurant I wouldn’t have been able to take off those heels.” You gestured to the heels he was holding for you. “Oh, plus the affordable pasta? It was a win and I didn’t have to stress over which spoon or fork I should be using to eat it. I never did understand the need for the different sizes of cutlery they provided at those restaurants. You may think everything went wrong but I enjoyed this date more than anything.” You confessed, a shy smile tugging on your features as you looked at him. Javier couldn’t help the way his heart fluttered as you opened the door to your apartment. Time seemed to have passed so quickly with you. “Thank you, Javi. Honestly, you could have just asked me over to your home for this date and I would still enjoy it.” You leaned against your doorframe slightly.

At that moment, all Javier could see was you in all of your beauty. His heart threatened to leap out of his chest at all the overwhelming emotions you made him feel. His hand reached out to brush a strand of your hair away from your face. He was testing your boundaries, but you simply let him do so. He could be delusional but he swore that there was adoration in your eyes when you looked at him again.

Then he gave in to the intrusive thoughts in his head.

His hand caressed the side of your face as he slowly brought your face closer t his. Your breath hitched at his sudden movement but you tip-toed to better reach him and Javier finished the job by pressing his lips against yours.

You could have sworn there were fireworks going off, all the emotions finally being let out in one simple action. Your heart soared as you clutched onto the fabric of his button-up, wrinkling the material in your hands. You pressed yourself closer to him, Javier’s hand moved to your hips to push you closer to him, like a man fighting for oxygen to survive.

You were everything he liked about smoking and more. He felt his emotions slowly coming to a halt, everything seemed to slow down. A calm serenity overcame him as he focused on you only. Then his grip on your hips tighten as he searched for more of this emotion. Like you’re some kind of drug he was addicted to.

When he broke the kiss to catch a breath, you started laughing lightly, overwhelmed with happiness. Javier cleared his throat, straightening his posture, as though he hasn’t been melting into your touch just a few seconds ago.

I can see you waitin' down the hall from me

And I could see you up against the wall with me

And what would you do? Baby, if you only knew, oh

That I could see you throw your jacket on the floor

I could see you, make me want you even more

What would you do? Baby, if you only knew

That I can see you, oh, I can see you

“See you tomorrow cariño.” he said breathlessly. You bit on your lip, not wanting him to go just yet. Javier had already started walking backward, to his apartment that was just opposite from yours. He waved with a boyish grin to you, as though telling you that he was open to spending more time with you.

Javier had to force himself to walk away, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to leave if he stayed any longer in your company. His fingers subconsciously traced his lips, he could still taste the peach-flavored lip balm you had put on. His mind drifted to the various scenarios of what would have happened if he didn’t stop himself, things would have gone further. He would have you against the wall, he would remove the jacket that was around your shoulders and trace his lips on the curve of your shoulders. Javier shook his head, riding himself off those thoughts.

“I didn’t think you knew I existed before.” Your words from your dinner with him echoed in his head. You didn’t think he knew of your existence before you were his partner. How could he not? He noticed you the moment you were introduced to the department, especially being the rare few female agents in the building. The bright smile on your face was enough to capture his attention.

If only you knew that he sees you everywhere. His eyes are always on you the moment you enter the same room as him, if not, his mind would be thinking of you.

Javier definitely sees you for who you are, he also definitely sees you way too often than he has to, he just can't help how his eyes seem to drift to you every time. Even now, his eyes drank in the sight of you as you hesitantly closed your door. Ending the night for the both of you and hopefully allowing possibilities to blossom between the both of you.

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nonexistent-introvert · 10 months

Text

Seat Partners

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x f!reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Content: Highschool au, miguel is a nerd who plays soccer, fluff?

A/N: Inspired by a fanart of Miguel's yearbook photo by @/blueastriz on twitter . I had so much fun with this

You sighed inwardly as you searched for your name on the seating plan that was being displayed on the projector. When you finally did find your name, you inhaled, preparing yourself for your partner for the year.

Miguel O’Hara. You furrowed your eyebrows at that name. He wasn’t the worst person you could be assigned to sit next to for the rest of the year but he wasn’t the best either. This year would mark your fourth year of being in the same class with him. Despite that, you have never spoken a word to him before. Well, you had the whole year to cozy up to him anyways.

Miguel only briefly glanced up at his work out of curiosity to know who he was sitting next to. Not that it matters anyways, Miguel had the reputation of being silent. The kind of person who never spoke unless it was necessary, or about the work at hand. You let out a sigh as you put down your bag, you would actually lose your mind if you had to actually pay attention to the lessons now because Miguel didn’t seem like the type to entertain your comical remarks.

You sat down beside him, wrecking your head for a conversation topic. Miguel paid zero mind to you, his focus on the notebook before him where he was solving some math problems. You pursed your lips to prevent the groan from escaping you, you absolutely detested math. You watched enviously as the rest of the class talked among themselves, eager to get to know their partner.

“Quiet down.” Mr. Jones ordered, the whole room slowly fell into silence. Mr Jones cleared his throat, “There will be no change of seats unless there was a valid reason. This seating plan has been carefully thought out, being partners means helping each other out. Most of you will be sitting with someone whose strongest subjects are your weakest subjects and vice versa.” You glanced at Miguel from beside you, he was paying Mr. Jones no mind. His pen scribbling against his notebook as he solved yet another question. It was almost insulting sitting next to him. Miguel O’Hara, the straight A’s student and top of the class, next to you who was barely passing most of your subjects, your highest grade being a B.

“You’re staring.” You almost jumped at the sound of Miguel’s voice. You spun the pen in your hand, you never thought that Miguel would be the first person to talk between the two of you. “I hate math.” You told him, staring down at the equations in his notebook, free of errors. His lips quirked upwards but his eyes were fixated on his notebook. “It really isn’t that bad.” You scoffed at him, “I have literally never passed a single math exam.” You deadpanned. Miguel remained silent, his pen scribbling at a rapid rate again. You sighed, your first conversation with him ended in 3 sentences.

====

“What lesson is next?” You asked, mentally counting down the hours till school ended. “Math.” Your friend, Shannon replied. You cursed under your breath, an hour of not understanding anything. “You could always ask him you know? I mean Mr Jones encouraged everyone to seek help from their partners.” Shannon advised you looked at her like she was crazy. Before you could say anything, Miguel entered your vision. A towel around his neck while he casually leaned down to pick up his bag, stuffing the t-shirt he had worn to lunch to play soccer with his friends. He has already changed back into his white button-up, contrary to the other guys in your class who isn’t even back yet. Miguel picked up his spectacles case from his table and put on his rectangular glasses. It was shocking to witness his duality, how a simple glasses could turn him from the most skilled and charming soccer player in your school into the quiet nerd that most people knew. When Miguel met your eye contact, you gave him a forced smile. “Um, your collar.” You gestured to his collar. His hands traced his collar before adjusting the part that was still upturned. “Oh.”Miguel breathed out, “Thanks.” he muttered softly. Too bad the class was too noisy for you to hear him.

You were trying your best to stifle the third yawn that was escaping you. The numbers on the screen made no sense to you, you had zero idea how the angle at one side was supposedly equal to the angle on the other side of the figure. Miguel was the complete opposite of you, he sat up straight, his eyes scanning the diagram on the board while his ears took in every word your math teacher uttered. His pen scribbling against his notebook as he tried to better visualize the problem. You lazily doodled on the blank page in your notebook, not even daring to start a conversation with Miguel when he looks so focused. Most people would appreciate a distraction from the math but Miguel, he looked entirely invested in the lesson. He looked like he would snap at you or find you annoying if you distracted him from his favorite class.

The hands on the clock seemed to be frozen in time. You could have sworn time paused and no one noticed. You have been sitting in this lesson for what felt like an entire day and yet only 30 minutes have passed. Your vision has slowly lost focus and your eyelids were threatening to close anytime. You rubbed at your eyes tiredly, taking sips of water to try to stay awake and yet nothing seemed to work. Your hand held onto your pen and yet you still felt your head slowly dipping down, as though it was getting heavier by the second. Soon enough, you were drifting in and out of consciousness.

Miguel couldn’t help but be distracted by your movement from beside him. His pupils moved to the side, he was trying to avoid having to turn his whole head to look at you. He watched from the corner of his eye as your head tilted to his side, head falling dangerously near to his shoulder before you forced yourself awake and tried to sit up straight. Miguel used one of his hands to cover the lower part of his face, trying to hide the amused look on his face as he watched your head oscillate from left to right while you tried your hardest to stop yourself from dozing off. He quickly averted his gaze back onto the projector when you rubbed your eyes, running your hands through your hair before eventually lying your head on the table. Falling asleep soon after.

The sound of your name being called out and the knocking against your table startled you awake. Miguel was staring straight ahead, as though he was avoiding your gaze. “Now that you’re awake. Would you like to tell me how you prove that triangle ABD is an isosceles triangle?” You let out a string of curses under your breath. Standing up from your seat to answer your math teacher, Ms Jane’s question. “Give me a moment.” You replied, eyes squinting at the projector. You rubbed the back of your neck, you were definitely not equipped with enough knowledge to know how to solve this question. You glance over at Miguel, giving him a helpless look, hoping that he would get the hint and help you. Miguel met your eye and gave you a blank look. You wanted to scoff at him, helpful my ass. You glanced at the notebook in front of him, knowing that Miguel would probably be at least a few parts already ahead, you could search for the answer in his notebook easily, especially when everything was already so neatly labeled like answers out of an answer key.

Miguel noticed your antics soon enough, he closed his notebook. “Bastard.” You cursed at him, you’re pretty sure he heard you from the exasperated exhale he let out. “Um,” You looked back up at Ms. Jane, “The most obvious answer is that triangle BAC already looks like an isosceles triangle.” You answered with a confident grin. A few chuckles echoed in the class, at least you made some people laugh. “Very funny miss, remain standing for the rest of the lesson” Ms Jane snarked. Ms Jane looked over to Miguel who sat beside you. “Mr. O’Hara, would you like to help out your partner?” Miguel stood up, you rolled your eyes at him. What a brilliant way to showcase to the whole class how the both of you were on totally different levels. Miguel looked over at you.

“I’m sorry Ms Jane but I don’t have an answer for your question either. I haven’t managed to solve it.” Miguel lied. You looked at him with your jaw agape, knowing perfectly well that he was at least on the third part of the question already. So why did he lie? Ms Jane stared at Miguel, “Oh I see. Then I guess you would have to remain standing along with your partner.”

Miguel O’Hara was like a dice roll. You had zero idea what was going on in that mind of his while he stood beside you. His eyes fixated on his notebook, almost finishing with the last part of the question already. And yet, he lied. “Did you want to stand, get punished or-” You asked, jaw still slightly agape at his actions. Miguel looked over at you, giving you a half-hearted hum in response. You looked at him for a few more seconds before realizing that he wasn’t going to give you a direct answer, you doubted he truly processed your words.

When the bell finally rang, you sat back down with a sigh. Relieved to finally be able to rest your legs. Miguel did too, swiftly packing up his things from his table. “Why did you lie?” You asked again. Miguel stuffed his books into his bag, ignoring your question “I mean you could have just given me the answer that you already solved for, so why did you-”

“You wouldn’t have gained anything from me giving you the answer. You still wouldn’t have understood how to get the answer, definitely not how to solve for it in future examinations.” He answered like it was common sense. “Ok, goody two shoes. Then why did you lie?” “You would be doing wonders if you had as many questions about classes,” he remarked. You pursed your lips at his mocking remark. “Answer me.” You demanded. Miguel looked at you, pushing his hair back. “I didn’t want you to feel embarrassed for not knowing the answer. As much as you try to pretend that you don’t care, I know that you’re not immune to the opinion of others. People would laugh if you didn’t understand but they wouldn’t laugh if I didn’t get it too. Because, well, not to brag but I am at the top of the class.” Miguel stated bluntly. You scoffed, trying to hide the fact that he had hit the bullseye with his analysis. It was no wonder why some people found him egoistic and rude. He definitely had to sacrifice some of his EQ for the exceptionally high IQ he possessed. Miguel swung his backpack over his shoulder, “And you learned something today didn’t you? You’re a step closer to passing a math examination now.” he smiled at you. You felt your heart skip a beat at his smile, it wasn’t a big one, it was a really small one. “So you got punished in an attempt to make me listen to class?” You laughed, it was such a foolish antic. Miguel didn’t confirm nor deny the fact, he simply chuckled.

“See you tomorrow partner.” Miguel waved before striding out of the class.

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nonexistent-introvert · 10 months

Text

Back to December

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Content: Angst, breakup, apologies, miscommunication, based off back to December

A/N: In honor of Speak Now Taylor Version!!! Been listening to her on repeat. Pls listen to the song while reading for the full effect.

Javier should be happy, he had just taken down one of Cali’s godfathers, it was a dream for most DEA agents to do that. There was a celebration going on in the department for him and yet, he felt empty and anxious, the same kind of anxiety you get when you lose something close to you. He pushed his way through the crowd, stopping only briefly to force out a polite smile and shake some hands of the people who are congratulating him. Javier never liked the attention anyways, the congratulatory messages felt undeserving and insincere after hearing it for the umpteenth time.

“Start without me.” He replied to the various requests of wanting to toast him. Something was very wrong, he feels it in his gut. It was incredibly infuriating because Javier just can’t seem to pinpoint it

The epiphany hit him like a truck. Javier let out a shaky breath as he stepped on the accelerator in his car. A string of Spanish curses erupted from his lips, each one getting louder as he got more frustrated with himself. He couldn’t lose you.

Javier knew something was wrong the moment he stood outside his apartment. His gut telling him to just turn around and go enjoy his celebration, drowning himself in the alcohol before he could fully comprehend what has happened. Still, his determination to find out the truth was strong, giving him the courage to open the door even if he knew that he wouldn’t find you behind it. Javier strode through his small apartment, his heart sinking with every empty room. His eyes searching for you in desperation. Javier ran his hands through his hair, letting out another curse word in Spanish Your belongings that decorated his living space was long gone, the clothes that hung next to his were nowhere to be seen. Javier dragged himself to the comfort of his kitchen, needing the alcohol to numb the pain in his heart when he finally noticed the note with your handwriting, placed right next to the roses he had bought for you on his way home just a few days ago.

“I’m so sorry.” Three words and you were gone. Javier downed the alcohol in one go, letting the burn of the whiskey burn away the lump in his throat. His only comfort and reminder of you now were the roses in front of him, the only sign that being with you wasn’t all a figment of his imagination.

======================================

I'm so glad you made time to see me

How's life? Tell me, how's your family?

I haven't seen them in a while

You've been good, busier than ever

We small talk, work and the weather

Your guard is up and I know why

You fidgeted with your hands anxiously as you waited for Javier’s arrival. You weren’t sure if he would even show up. So seeing his broad shoulders enter the bar made you sigh in relief. He was wearing a white button-up with a tie, having long abandoned the black outerwear. Javier gave you a nod of acknowledgment while you smiled at him, “You still drink whiskey neat right?” You asked, gesturing to the whiskey you had already bought for him. “Yeah, yeah I do.” He replied, giving you a smile back in return. The tension rose in the air as the both of you enjoyed the drinks.

It had been 2 years. 2 years since you left the 2-year relationship with nothing more than 3 words.

“Thanks for coming.” You began. “How’s life?” You continued with the most basic of conversations. Javier's eyes met yours, hurt clouding his vision. The both of you have drifted to the point of talking about the usual common conversation topics. He tore his eyes away from you. “And Chucho, he doing ok?” You questioned further, trying to stop the silence from settling in between the both of you. Javier shrugged, “He’s good. I-I haven’t been back lately.” He admitted with a grimace and from the look on his face, you knew Javier was cussing himself out for not going back to visit him. Javier always blamed himself. However, you didn’t feel like you were the right person to be offering him comfort. “Work has been a little overwhelming,” Javier confessed, taking another sip of his drink. “I saw.” You nodded, “Um- through the news and all.” You inhaled, you weren’t sure if Javier cared but you figured he had to know. “I’m proud of you, you’re really making a difference.” Javier's eyes shot up to meet yours before he let out a laugh, “Am I?” He asked incredulously. Javier tried to ignore the pain in his heart, he had lost you to pursue this change in the world, was it really worth it? Javier shook his head, turning his head to the crowd in the bar instead. You knew him well enough to know that he didn’t need any other comments, he didn’t want to continue this conversation about his contributions.

It was small talk and curt replies. You clenched your jaw to stifle the ache in your heart. It hurts, it made it hard to breathe. Javier used to look at you with adoration and a soft smile, now he was avoiding your eye contact despite you trying your best to hold onto him. It was the consequences of your actions after all, you had to face it one day or another, or you could let the guilt and the possibility of ‘what could have been’ haunt you for the rest of your life.

You never knew that Javier being on guard around you would hurt you this much. It was only now did you realize how much he had truly opened up to you then. How much he trusted you with his vulnerabilities only for you to take it all for granted.

Because the last time you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind

You gave me roses and I left them there to die

The pained look on his face every time he met eye contact with you was enough to break your heart. He furrowed his eyebrows and clenched his jaw before averting his gaze away from you, as though it physically hurts him to look at you. Like a moth to a flame, no matter how much it hurts, Javier couldn’t help the fact that his eyes. would always search for yours. The note next to the roses, he could remember it like it was yesterday. He has replayed that memory so many times till the point it had burned itself into the lining of his mind, trying to find out what had gone so wrong between the both of you. He was sure everything was well, he was sure he gave himself fully to you. The withered roses he had came back to after burying himself in work was another cruel reminder that his relationship with you had came to an end.

==============

These days, I haven't been sleepin'

Stayin' up playin' back myself leavin'

When your birthday passed and I didn't call

Javier Peña never left your thoughts. He rarely did when you were with him and he never did when you left him. There were fragments of him everywhere you went, especially when it reached his birthday month. The memory of you packing up, of you breaking down on his couch the very same night before you finally mustered the courage to leave and not turn back. It was a rash and impulsive decision but if you gave it any other extra thought you would not have committed to leaving. The worst part of it all? The relationship would have destroyed you no matter if you had chosen to leave or stay with Javier and you didn’t want to drag him down into the wreckage. The problem was you, you didn’t want to fight, you didn’t want it to end in an ugly fight, so you left. Or maybe you were just too afraid to open up and face Javier. The word ‘maybe’, was what kept you awake at night. You would stare at the calendar on your desk, the date marked with “Javi’s birthday” was like a stab to your chest. You should call, at least wish him, and hope he isn’t overworking himself and that he had all three meals. You fidgeted with the pen in your hand, trying to put yourself in Javier’s shoes. Ultimately, you would come to the conclusion that it was unfair to leave him, only to reappear in his life on his birthday showing concern for him. You swallowed, forcing yourself to scribble out that reminder on your calendar. You didn’t need it anymore.

On the other side of the earth, Javier's fingers hovered over your contact number in a payphone booth. Curls of his hair have fallen onto his forehead and stuck to it because of the sweat. He missed you so much, he just wanted to hear your voice. Especially when he had just dodged a bullet and barely made it back to Bogota alive. Javier needed you.

But he still forced himself out of the payphone booth. You must have left for a reason.

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times

I watched you laughin' from the passenger's side

And realized I loved you in the fall

The most beautiful moments in your life were spent with Javier. It was hard forgetting such beauty. The times when he would drive you around his hometown, excitedly telling you all about his childhood and pointing out buildings. When his shoulders were less tensed and a smile graced his features easily in the comfort and safety of his hometown. When his laugh made your stomach fill with butterflies and your ears turn red. It was a simple memory but it carried so much beauty. That Javier was a different person compared to the Javier you see in Columbia. Maybe things would have turned out differently if he was always that Javier who was happy and not the version of him in Columbia who had a constant scowl on his face, a permanent wrinkle in between his eyebrows from frowning too much, and the asshole who pushed everyone away.

You loved it when the orange hues of autumn and the sunlight was paired together, highlighting his features, and making his smile even brighter than it already is. You preferred it more than a dim desk lamp that cast a shadow against his face as he worked tirelessly into the night. Sadly, that was the version of him you were more familiar with, the scene of him being overwhelmed with work was a more common sight than a smile on his face.

And then the cold came, the dark days

When fear crept into my mind

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

It felt like waking up from a dream when the both of you eventually returned to Columbia after Autumn. Chucho sent the both of you away reluctantly with various snacks he had bought from a local store. The keychain of a cow still hung from your home keys, a reminder of the ranch that Chucho owned, the ranch that Javier had grown up in.

During the winter, the nights were longer, making Javier’s absence even more apparent than it already is. You pulled another blanket over you, trying to fight the cold of the winter. Javier was always your personal heater, but he isn’t here with you. He rarely is. With nothing else to occupy yourself, you let yourself drown in your own thoughts. The overthinking induced fear, fear for your relationship with him. A fear that you didn’t even notice until it was too late, when it had already plagued your mind till it induced a ‘fight and flight’ response in your mind. Javier made promises, promises that you knew he tried his best to fulfill. Promises that he would spend all his time with you, preferably back in Laredo, and that he would leave this bloodbath known as the drug cartels. However, the cold only made the fear spread. The drug cartels were like the Hydra, slice its head off and another one grows back. The idea of Javier being able to leave this bloodbath seems like a fairytale. You only fear that the only way out would be at the cost of his life.

You knew, you knew that you were a weakness for him. Javier had admitted it to you before which is why he was very overprotective of you. If anyone came after you because of him, Javier would unleash all hell upon them. You too, wouldn’t forgive yourself if he had gotten hurt because of you. In his job, Javier couldn’t afford to have a weakness.

Javier had given all of himself to you. He needed you to know how much you meant to him, that he couldn’t live without you. This amount of love manifested itself as a weakness for him and you felt sorry that you didn’t have the capability to contain the love he had given you. It was the worst trade ever, all of his love only to receive a goodbye in return.

======

So this is me swallowin' my pride

Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night

And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you

Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time

You forced yourself to meet his eyes, those eyes that still made your knees weak. Your heart was pacing till the point that you could hear it thumping in your eardrums. You swallowed the pride that has stopped you from reaching out before, in fear of rejection.

“I really shouldn’t have done that. I'm sorry. I know I should have talked to you.” You paused, trying to find the words to convey your thoughts. You were never good with words. Javier downed his whiskey, staring down at the floor. Your fingernails dug into your skin at his indifferent reaction, you needed to go on despite how much it hurts to witness his reaction.

“I miss you Javi, I really do. If I could turn back time and make myself realize how much you truly mean to me I would. I would have chosen to stay.”

“Then why didn’t you?” Javier coldly questioned. It was at times like this where he was thankful that he was trained to keep a poker face so that you couldn’t see how much his heart is burning for you.

“I was terrified of losing you. Both figuratively and literally.” Javier frowned further at that, his eyes shining with a glint of curiosity and confusion. You rubbed the back of your neck, unsure how to phrase it for him.

“Your job, it carries some risks that I understand but matters just kept getting more and more dangerous. I was afraid that one day you wouldn’t be able to walk through your apartment door again. I was terrified that you lose yourself to the job, letting the haunting scenes and guilt haunt you till the point where you were too far gone.” You explained to him. To put it simply, you were too afraid to carry his burdens with you, too afraid of having to bear the weight with him. You didn’t think you could handle it when the shine in his eyes one day dimmed till the point of no return and he looked at you with eyes with no soul behind them. Javier downed another glass of whiskey, letting it burn down his throat, similar to how his heart burns.

“But the time I spent with you. I will never regret it. I go back to those times every time, missing you and hoping to experience it again.” You admitted, trying to blink away the tears that has formed in your eyes. You prayed that Javier takes your watery eyes as a simple reflection of light.

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile

So good to me, so right

“I miss you Javier, I really do. I miss seeing the smile on your face everytime your eyes meet with mine, and your tan skin that contrasted your bright eyes, making your eyes shine even brighter.” Your ears burned at the admission, feeling like a teenager confessing to their crush again. Javier had always given his best to you, he had always tried to do right by you. You were just too blinded by fear then to notice the obvious.

“Was this why you were crying that day when I found you?” Javier questioned again, his mind swirling with questions for you. Deep down, a pang of guilt wrapped around his heart, he must have missed out on something or done something wrong. He messed up like he always did. The worst part of it all was that he never noticed.

======

And how you held me in your arms that September night

The first time you ever saw me cry

Javier’s heart shattered when he saw your tear-stricken face. You were curled up in a ball on the bed, your hand trying to wipe at the never-ending tears while your whole body shook uncontrollably.

“Cariño,” He called out, “What's wrong? What happened?” Javier asked, hurriedly walking towards you. You immediately stood up from the bed, your back facing him, trying to hide the tears. “Fine.” You managed to croak out. Javier slowly approached you, not wanting to scare you away. “Please talk to me.” He pleaded. You shook your head, “It’s stupid, just an emotional scene on TV”

You turned around, facing him with a smile. His heart broke into a million pieces. He knew you were lying. You were smiling, the traces of the tears long gone. It terrified him how good you were at hiding your emotions. How many times have you simply just covered up those tears with the smile he loved so much and he just never noticed due to his exhaustion from work? Your eyes scanned him up and down before you fell into his embrace. Relieved to see him back in one piece. Javier was by your side again and that was all it matters. The thoughts that haunted you when you were alone vanished when he was with you.

That was the first time Javier had seen you cry. His mind was in a complete mess as he embraced you against him. Disappointment tugged at his heart, did you not trust him? Why did you have to hide your emotions from him? “Tell me what was the reason for this?” His thumb caressed your cheeks which had been covered in tears just a moment ago. You snuggled into the crook of his neck.

“I’m fine Javi, just an emotional scene on TV.”

Javier dropped the subject after, trusting that you would talk to him when you felt better. And yet you never did. However, his workload made it easy to forget that he has yet to find out the reason behind his tears. He didn’t pursue it then, maybe things would have been different if he had.

======

Maybe this is wishful thinkin'

Probably mindless dreamin'

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

You nodded glumly to his question. “Fuck” Javier breathed out, downing yet another glass of whiskey. The urge to stop him from drinking, from intoxicating himself for the better of his health was there, but you knew you didn’t have the right to anymore. Honestly, you could use the alcohol courage too, you were just afraid that you may black out before you finish what had to be done.

“I-” You started but close your mouth again, picking your next words carefully. You met his eyes again, a small happiness in your heart when you felt your heart pace, even after all the time apart, he still had the same effect on you. Glad to know that your feelings for him weren't from the past memories but for Javier himself.

“This is wishful thinking.” You thought out loud. Javier's eyes widened at your words. “What is?” He asked, swirling the whiskey in his hands. The glimmer of hope ignited in his heart, despite everything you had done, he couldn’t help that his heart still yearns for your love. You swallowed, taking a deep breath to calm your erratic heart.

“If you gave me a chance again, I’ll love you right this time.” The words were finally out.

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't

So if the chain is on your door, I understand

His silence only made your nerves worse. “I really wish I could go back and change how things ended between us but I know you can’t” You continued, fidgeting uncontrollably under the table.

When you met his eyes and saw the blank look on his face, your heart shattered into a million pieces. “I understand if you won’t. It’s ok.” You told him, forcing the lump in your throat back down. “I wanted to see you today to apologize, not to ask for a second chance anyways.”

“I’m so sorry,” Javier replied. Your heart combusted at his words, a ringing sound in your ears. It was the very same three words that you had told him when you left him. Now that you heard it for yourself, you finally realize that it hurts more than you had thought. You let out a laugh, feeling foolish to even think Javier would give you another chance. “I get it.” You grinned at him.

As much as Javier wanted to reach out to you and give you the chance to love him again. He couldn’t bring himself to know that he can’t give you what you want. That he can’t choose between you and the DEA. He couldn’t handle it if history was to repeat itself. He didn’t want to go through that pain again. He would rather feel lonely than compromise your safety and let you be his weakness again.

“Thank you for everything, Javier.” You smiled warmly at him, glad to finally lift the burden off your chest. Despite how your heart bled at the fact that the both of you were not going to be anything more. You deserved it. At least, you had the memories of your time together to accompany you.

But this is me swallowin' my pride

Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night

And I go back to December

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you

Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time

All the time

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139 notes · View notes

nonexistent-introvert · 10 months

Text

Alternate Reminder pt 2

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x f!reader

Word count: 3k

Content: Miguel sees you again, confessions, hurt with comfort. Read part 1 before this (it's better trust me)

A/N: I didn't expect part 1 to get such an overwhelming response so here's the long-awaited part 2. its 1am, i got carried away. not proofread im gnaa paass out

Part 1

It felt weird being a spectator to Miguel’s debriefs. Your legs swung below you while you were perched on a ledge. Miguel was standing a few feet away, giving a debrief to the spidermen that had tagged along for the mission. Peter was sneaking glances at you, his face dramatically emphasising how naggy Miguel was. Jess nudged him in the ribs, urging him to pay attention before Miguel loses his patience and snap, causing the debrief to go on for even longer. You chuckled lightly at his antics.

It was weirder to see Miguel again. The last time you had seen him was when you quit. His hair has grown longer, the ends curling like you remembered. His hands moved while he emphasised on certain points he was making. A smile formed on your lips when you saw him gesture to the buildings in the city. Undoubtedly, talking about the rules of multiversal travel. Especially the rule that Spidermen were not supposed to be spotted swinging around another dimension without their mask on. Despite sitting a few feet away, far enough to be unable to hear what Miguel was saying, his words that were drilled into your mind after several mission debriefs gave you a hint of what he was talking about. You shook your head, you were no longer a member of the spider society. It should be of no concern to you what they were talking about, In an attempt to distract yourself from them, you pulled out your phone from a compartment in your suit. The screen lit up to reveal the date and time.

Miguel’s birthday was 4 days ago. You furrowed your eyebrows at that thought. His birthday hasn’t bothered you ever since you quit. Maybe it was because he was standing in a few feet away from you which reminded you of his birthday. It wasn’t like Miguel was ever one for birthdays. You stared at the frowning Miguel.

Yeah, he definitely forgot his own birthday and spent it drowning in work in his lab. An amused grin crossed your features when you remembered the times you would remind him of his own birthday. Sometimes even bringing him a cake. Miguel would pinch his nose in annoyance, claiming that you were wasting his time. Every year without fail, you would appear at his office just to celebrate his birthday for him, just to get on his nerves. Until you quit that is.

To annoy him, that was the reason behind every action you did for him. The actions ranging from making him a coffee, celebrating his birthday. These actions weren’t annoying. The only thing that was annoying was the remarks that you made upon doing all this for him. Miguel is also the only person in the world who seemed to be allergic to sweet actions. A seed of doubt formed in your heart, was it really just to annoy him? Or was there something more?

Miguel trailed off, his eyes meeting yours. There was a genuine amused smile on your face while you stared at him. His heart skipped a beat, it’s been so long since he actually felt your gaze on him. Although you seem to be in a daze to notice that he was staring back at you. He wondered what you were thinking about. He envied whatever made you so happy. Jess cleared her throat, Peter tried to stifle the smile on his face as they noticed what caught Miguel’s attention. At the same time, you finally noticed the heavy pair of eyes staring back at you. You almost fell off the ledge you were sitting on, quickly averting your gaze away from Miguel. Miguel cleared his throat awkwardly before returning to his debrief. You suddenly felt self conscious of yourself as you quickly pulled your mask over your face.

You rid yourself of the memories and tried to stop your heart from fluttering. “You just reminded him of someone he loved” you repeated to yourself, reminding yourself that you would only get hurt, that you would only live in someone else shadow if you did let yourself fall.

Almost, there was a time where you were so close to falling for Miguel. You shifted uncomfortably at the thought. You were never good at expressing your won feelings and neither was he. Despite the constant annoyance and hatred the both of you had for each other, there were times where you would like to think that beneath all that was love. The kind of love you see in old couples, those couples who bicker over the smallest things but would give their life for each other. Your heart clenched, turns out it was all a lie. Those looks, those feelings you thought he reciprocated, it was for another version of you.

Yet again, the word ‘almost’ is the saddest word in the dictionary. It gives birth to hope and the question of ‘what if?’ and those constantly leads to the disappointment you were already so used to. You shook your head, it wasn’t right to say that you loved him but you almost did. Miguel O’Hara was someone you knew you could love if you let yourself, it was completely natural to think of a possibility where you would wake up next to him and spend the rest of your life with him. Forgiveness comes easily when you let yourself think of the possibility,but you would never let yourself have to live in someone’s shadow, you respected yourself more than that. The breadth of ambiguity makes your breath hitch in anticipation, like you’re awaiting a fall when you reach the peak in a rollerocaster. How could you let go of someone you never even had?

You snapped out of your thoughts when you felt Peter’s arm over your shoulder. “What got you looking like a sad puppy?” Peter laughed. You forced a smile for your friend, brushing your thoughts off. Miguel would never come back to your universe for you, you never would have to see him again and yet your heart aches.Seeing him once today was enough to undo the years of effort you had put into forgetting about his existence. Miguel O’Hara is indeed a powerful man. Jess appeared beside you, creating small talk with you. She quickly nudged Peter who clicked his tongue in annoyance, until Peter noticed who was standing behind Jess. “I guess I’ll get going now! I’ll visit you some time again!” Peter quickly unhooked his arm from over your shoulder, laughing nervously as he glanced at Miguel. “What-” You let out an exhale, wondering what had gotten into Peter while Jess drags him away.

Miguel’s mind went blank as he stood in front of you. The sunset that casted a golden glow onto your face was not helping things either as it highlighted all the features on your face. Upon noticing the huge shadow in front of you, you cursed internally. You should have left early. You watched as the spidermen slowly disappear into portals except for Miguel who still stood in front of you, also waiting till it was just the two of you.

“You came.” There was a hint of disbelief and surprise in Miguel’s voice.

“You called.” you replied without missing a beat. Miguel’s eyes widened at your response, he expected the ‘it was for work’ or that it was because the anomaly was in your own universe (of course you had to be there). Your response made his heart flutter, there was no sarcasm in your tone, only your true feelings. You swallowed, you were terrified at your own response. Knowing full well that you were being vulnerable in front of him. However, you couldn’t find it in yourself to deny how you felt about him. The excitement and anxiety that filled you when you stared at the call titled ‘Miguel’. How your breath hitched upon hearing his voice after years and how your heart lifted at the thought that he remembered you.

=======

It was foolish to invite him to your home. It was like walking straight into the lion’s den. Your home was your safe place and where you were most vulnerable. The late nights you spent patching yourself up, the grim reaper knocking at your door. The days where you broke down in the privacy of your home. Now, the man who already makes you vulnerable is standing here in your sanctuary.

Miguel’s eyes flickered from one corner to another, trying to absorb every detail of your home. A smile tugged on his lips, the places where you spent the most time at, were the messiest. The desk at your study reflected the one in headquarters. The shelves with books about science and technology were messily stacked and squeezed onto the shelves. The only shelf which contained storybooks was neat and tidy. Although there was a layer of dust slowly settling on the top of those books. The walls were decorated with pictures of you and your friends, one single picture of you and your friends from the spider society. Next to the photos were post it notes of tasks, reminders and various sketches of new designs.

“You can stop judging the mess now.” Your voice startled him, although Miguel didn’t show it. It was at the exact moment he noticed the jacket that was around your chair. It was his. You berated yourself for leaving it out. You tightened your grip on the plate in your hands. “Happy belated birthday, Miguel.” You diverted his attention away from the chair. Miguel’s eyes watered ever so slightly, he looked away from you. You remembered and maybe, you never stopped celebrating his birthday for him. Even if he doesn’t celebrates his own birthday, you made it a special day. “I didn’t expect this.” He told you, eyes still brimming with tears. “I just had some cake lying around. And- since you’re here, you reminded me.” it was another lie. On his birthday, your fingers would hover over his contact button, contemplating if you should just wish him. Then time passed and it got harder to reach out with every passing year. Yesterday, when he had called you informing you of the anomaly in your universe, you passed a bakery on your way home. It was an impulse purchase, you told yourself that you were craving for cake. Yet another lie, you couldn’t bring yourself to eat it. When you saw it this morning in your fridge again, you contemplated and stressed over how you were going to give it to him.

If it’s meant to be, the universe will pull it’s strings.

That was the conclusion you had came to when you left the house and now he stood in your home. Miguel was sitting in your dining room. You watched worriedly when he had to bend down ever so slightly to avoid hitting his head against the doorframe.”Do you not like the cake?” You asked, watching him stare at the cake. “I do.” He replied quickly, extinguishing that thought of yours. “It’s just been a while.” He admitted. Miguel picked up the fork, “Thank you.” He thanked before frowning.

“Do you always wear your mask at home?” He asked, knowing the obvious answer. Your eyes widened, touching the mask on your face. You laughed nervously, feeling more natural when you had your mask on while talking to him. It is also the reason why you didn’t notice Miguel’s eyes watering at the cake. “I don’t” You answered, plucking at the mask nervously. Miguel raised his eyebrows at you. “I’m making you uncomfortable.” He concluded. You sighed, pulling off your mask while you tried to smooth your hair down. Miguel’s gaze on your bare face made your heart tighten, knowing that you remind him of someone else. When you had your mask on, you could be sure that he was talking to you, and not her. “I’ll put it back on,” You said. Miguel’s hand reached out to stop you.

“You’re not her.” He stated firmly. You swallowed the lump in your throat. You weren’t her, you aren’t who he loves. Miguel took a bite out of the cake in front of him, trying to sort out his thoughts. “You’re more than just a memory to me.” Miguel confessed. You looked up at him and Miguel felt a pang to his chest. The hurt swirling around in your eyes. Did he cause it? You rubbed your face with your hand, using your hand to cover the pained expression you had. Why did you care? You had left with only hatred for the man before you, hated him for seeing his soulmate in you, hated him for treating you like the alternate version of you, hated him for treating you like a replacement. However, your heart ached, yearned and longed for him the longer you spent without him. Love was something that had no logical explanation. Magical was the only phrase that could describe such a beautiful yet painful emotion perfectly. Seeing Miguel in your home felt natural, like he always belonged here with you. His jacket still hanging from your closet and your chair. The coffee brand he had once recommended you was the one you drank everyday. It was no wonder why you never truly moved on, some part of him was always with you.

“You never did let me explain myself that day.” Miguel wiped his mouth with a napkin as he finished the cake. You felt your shoulders slump at the reminder of that day. “You and her may share the same name and face, but the both of you are polar opposites.” He started. Your heart cracked at the statement, he loved someone who was the opposite of you, he felt so far from you. “She’s really polite and responsible. Hell, she gets stressed easily and hates mess.” You gripped the chair you were sitting on till your knuckles turned white. “Miguel, I really don’t want to know.” You said sorrowfully. You weren’t strong enough to hear about how infatuated he was with an alternate version of you right now. Miguel looked at you, “Bear with me.” He said. You laughed at the irony of the statement. He used to bear with your antics and sarcastic remarks, now he’s asking you to bear with him. “You are messy and arguably rude, excuse my bluntness but you know it’s true.” The ends of his lips quirked upwards. “You’re incredibly carefree, always smiling and joking no matter the situation. People laugh when they are around you. Me and her, we got along really well because we were so similar to each other, but when it comes to you, me and you are complete opposites.” You glanced around your home, you were never good at heart to heart thoughts. It wasn’t any better that he was practically telling you how different the both of you were.

“Ok, you love her and I’m nothing like her. So you don’t see her in me. You can stop there now.” You mumbled, wanting to keep your heart intact for another day. Miguel let out a sigh, “You’re shit at this.” He rubbed his forehead. You rolled your eyes at him, your previous dynamic with him coming back naturally. “I’m not coming back to the spider society Miguel.” Miguel let out another disappointed sigh. “That’s not what I’m trying to do.” He assured. Miguel looked at you and he can’t help but chuckle lightly.

“You’re such an idiot.” Your jaw dropped dramatically. “You’re an idiot.” You shot back at him childishly. “You are so shit at coding, have you seen your own code? Considering you’re from the future too. And your slow ass platform, that doesn’t make you cool. It’s just stupid after the upteenth time.” You shot insult one after another. Miguel couldn’t help the baffled look on his face as he listened to you, completely in your element. Then he finally smiled again after a long while. He got you back, you were the person he remembered and fell for again. “I guess I’ll have to spell it out for you.” He started. “Yeah, maybe you should instead of talking in riddles by telling me about an alternate version of me.”

“You’re not her and you’ll never be. Because you’re you, the person I had fallen for despite everything. And because of my foolishness, I almost lost you. I’m sorry you even thought that I took you as a replacement. You never were, you always meant to me much more than that.” Miguel confessed. Your throat turned dry, the confession too out of the blue for you to confess. Minutes ago, you were still bruying yourself in self pity, that it was unrequited love between you and him. “I mean, we always had the weird dynamic that we hated eachother. But i could never hate you. When I thought you hated me, it was like my own personal torture. Cause I’m a fool for you, and the things you do. I refused to admit it because I was also afraid that I was projecting my feelings for her onto you. I was afraid of making myself vulnerable and going through the pain again. Amidst all my fears, I had pushed you away and lost you.”

“Fuckign hell Miguel.” You cursed at him, letting the tears fall from your eyes. “You made me go through a whole rollercoaster and I’m not even a fan of rollerocasters.” Miguel panicked, not knowing what to do. “I’m sorry, its ok if you don’t feel the same way. I just had to clear things up.” He rambled nervously. You shook your head, “You’re an idiot O’Hara. I can never hate you. I have fallen for you too.” You confessed, a blush taking over your features.

The euphoria in Miguel’s heart was almost too much to bear. He looked at you, the tears he kept holding back finally falling from his eyes. After all these years, he was finally happy again. He was finally given the chance to be happy aagian. Was the good karma from being spiderman finally working in his favor. Miguel leaned over the table, gently tilting your chin up as he kissed you.

Miguel didn’t mess up this time. He hasn’t lost you and he never will.

Falling for you is indeed his canon event.

tags: @notplutos @monaypo1 @mimooyi @xricly @spiritndrain @violetstyless @dhishkabob @laviedanslespetal @digipaw2-0 @dil-33 @sosograndii @butterflytyannie @4sat0ruu @1ts-okuyasuh3h3h3 @hoseokslefteyebrow @gracielukey @unavoidabledirewolf @loreleis-world @viriexo @cosmicmagicgirl @shadowqueen090 @idkneel-forloki @hannigramtampon@ironflowerpenguin@mfrnchsk@powethebowe@cookielovesbook-akie@shppliftin@lazy4teen@mrdockloverr@killerwendigo @biggiecheeze04 @spaceemeeatt2 ( i tagged everyone who left a comment)

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nonexistent-introvert · 10 months

Text

Hug Me (2)

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reaader

Word count: 3.5k

Content: Joel making amends. Angst, hurt with comfort. Read Part 1 for context. not proofread

A/n: WOO I just realized i reached 400 followers thank you so much, guys!! I'm also very exhausted, this was kinda messy.

Part one

The news of you returning to Jackson spread like wildfire throughout the small community. Especially when you brought back many supplies and resources. You weren’t planning on returning but when you stumbled upon the jackpot of resources, you figured that it was better off shared with the community. You would be a sitting duck if you ventured with that many supplies anyways, not to mention, it would be a waste if you only brought a fraction of the supplies with you.

Maria had kindly let you move back into your old accommodation. It made moving back easier, plus, you had grown attached to the tiny house you lived in. You fell back onto your bed, letting out a sigh of relief as you sunk into the comfortable mattress. The moonlight that shone into your room made your heart ache with a sense of familiarity. The times when you had been in the same position as now, your vision blurred with tears. The time when you would watch the moonlight slowly turn to sunlight.

You simply pursed your lips at the memory. It has become a distant memory now. You had reached a stage of acceptance when it comes to Joel. You figured it was what most people have said, it doesn’t always work out when it comes to relationships. Everyone tends to have their own heartbreak story, it was how people learn. You were thankful to Joel for the memories, the good ones and the bad ones even if it had destroyed you. Speaking of, you hadn’t seen Joel since you returned, it’s not like you have been actively searching for him. Spending your time keeping to yourself while you decorated your home that was too bare for your liking.

Did Joel move on? Maybe he found someone, a relationship that worked out. A woman who loved him and stood by his side. Honestly? You would be happy for him, but it would hurt ever so slightly. Just because there was a period of time where you would give anything to be that woman for him.

Joel was a figment of your past now. However, a small part of you will always care for him. After all, he will always occupy a place in your heart, because you had given him that place. There was no return or refund policy on that.

====

The mention of your name made his breath hitch. The news of your return had made it to him way faster than he expected. Ellie was the first to tell him, then he heard it from the town gossip and finally, Tommy had confirmed the news. His heart lifts at the fact that you were ok, that you didn't lose yourself out in the wild. However, he also felt torn down at the mention of you. Knowing that you probably still hated him. That he will never see that adoring look on your face again when you see him. Your tear-stricken face, your trembling hands, and the desperation in your voice while you tried to fight for the both of you. It still haunted Joel whenever he closes his eyes.

“This is your second chance, Joel! You can finally fix things up.” Ellie encouraged. Joel grunted, strumming on his guitar while on his porch. “There’s nothin’ to fix. We drifted. That what times does to ya.” This was the story Joel told anyone who bothered to ask. He didn’t want people poking their noses into the matter, also because he knew how much of an asshole he was to you. Ellie rolled her eyes at Joel, “You can fool everyone else but not me Joel. We both know that you fucked up and pushed her away.” Joel remained silent, plucking on the strings harder. “Instead of playing your guitar here every night and talking to the moon, how about you actually get your ass up and do something?” Ellie scolded, getting frustrated at Joel. Joel took a calming breath, “It's complicated.”

“It is not. You fucked up, she got hurt and left you. You’re a wreck because of your mistake. Now, she’s standing right in front of you again but you’re still too busy throwing a pity party for yourself.” Ellie snapped. Joel felt his patience thinning but deep down, he knew Ellie was right.

“What do you reckon I do huh? If I was her I will hate myself. So what am I supposed to do now?” The anger in Joel’s voice was evident but he had stuck to playing his guitar loudly and angrily to vent out his emotions. “Get her to forgive you then. Even if she no longer wants a relationship you still have the responsibility to make things right. Even if you have to get on your knees and leave yourself completely vulnerable. She’s the most fantastic woman I know Joel, she deserves at least that.” Ellie scolded, it was foolish and ironic to her, how she needed to teach Joel such a simple lesson. When you mess up, you ask for forgiveness and solve things. Isn’t that practically common sense?

Joel continued strumming to the late hours of the night. Having long lost himself to his own thoughts. Ellie is right, she always is. He had to do something. Your return was a second chance and he would not let himself make the same mistake of losing you again.

=====

Seeing Joel Miller at your door at 9.30am in the morning was not something you expected. Your eyes were bleary from having woken up just a few minutes ago. Your hand came up to shield your eyes from the sunlight that was forcing its way into your retina.

“Come in.” You beckoned, sleep still embedded in your voice while you stifled a yawn. Joel was a nervous mess however, he was always a morning person. Joel had woken up at 7am and had spent his whole morning planning how he was going to fix things with you. Eventually, bouncing around in anxiety in his own home was too much to bear which was the reason why he sat on your couch at 9.35am In the morning.

“You’re still a creature of habit right?” You handed him a cup of coffee which he happily drank. A grin forming on his lips, the coffee that you made was always perfect for him. The thought that you still remembered his preferences in coffee was enough to lift his spirits. “Heard you’re back,”Joel muttered while taking another sip from the cup. “I’m sitting next to you aren’t I.” You pointed out. He chuckled lightly. There was no evident tension between the both of you. Joel was tempted to just enjoy his time with you, not wanting to ruin the atmosphere by bringing up the sensitive topic. However, he knew that it was better to rip the bandaid off and get straight to the treatment instead of letting it have the chance to rot and get infected. He owed it to you to at least make things right instead of leaving it to be unresolved.

“I won’t beat around the bush.” Joel started, staring at you. “I want to resolve things between us, even if I took longer than I should have.” You sighed, “I figured.” You placed your mug onto the coffee table, stretching your limbs. “You couldn’t pick a better time? Maybe in the afternoon?.” You joked lightly, wiping the sleep from your eyes. He shook his head in amusement, “I’m sorry, I had to do it soon before I chicken out.”

“Joel Miller, chickening out! Who would have thought?” You teased, a smile on your face. Joel grimaced, “I have always been a coward, but you already knew that didn’t you?” He admitted. You frowned at Joel. “I don’t think you’re a coward.” You assured him. Joel simply shook his head, wiping his face with the palm of his hand. “I get scared easily. I’m terrified of losing people and forming attachments. That was why I pushed you away, and said some of the worse things I wished I could take back. I’m sorry.” Joel apologised once again. You took another sip of your coffee. “I- there’s no bad blood between us Joel. Honestly. You don’t have to do this.” You told him.

“But you deserve it.” Joel replied without missing a single beat. Your eyes widened at Joel’s words, you averted your gaze away. “I still don’t think you’re a coward.” You simply told him. Joel gave you a questioning glance. “First of all, a coward wouldn’t be here apologising.” You started, staring at the additional wrinkles that has appeared on his face in the time you were away. “After leaving Jackson, I got a lot of time to reflect on what had happened. Honestly? I get it. I mean we never established what we were so you had every right for acting like that I guess. I just fell for you too hard and too fast and that overwhelmed both of us.” Joel wanted to laugh, you fell for him. He never thought you would ever fall for him, maybe that was why he pushed you away so cruelly, because he never had the time to entertain the possibility of you reciprocating his feelings. “It wasn’t your fault, you tried to fight for us but I walked away from that possibility.” Joel insisted, your heart clenched. The phrase ‘us’ being uttered from him brought back memories. He once told you there was no such ‘us’ but now he’s using it to refer to the both of you. His eyes bore into yours, Joel wants you to listen to him. “So-um.” He fidgeted, wiping his palms against his thighs. “Give me another chance. Give ‘us’ another chance.” Joel asked.

The urge to tell him what he told you that day was unbearable. To show him how deep those words could cut. You inhaled a shaky breath.

“I can’t”

Joel's eyes flashed with disappointment as he looked away, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “I-I get it,” He told you, forcing out a smile. “I’m not willing to take the risk again Joel. It was hell the last time.” You admitted softly to him, folding your arms over your chest. “I hurt you really bad huh.” Joel sighed, leaning back on your couch. You smiled, looking at the man who had broke your heart. “Yeah, you did. If it didn’t hurt it probably meant I didn’t love you that much.”

That statement haunted Joel in his sleep. He tossed and turned on his bed. Sorting things out with you was supposed to make him sleep better, and provide an ending to the chapter that has gone on for too long. He was missing something. His body was on full alert, prompting him to do something.

Joel sighed, listening to the stairs creak under his weight. He poured himself a cup of water. “Why are you up?” Ellie’s voice made Joel flinch slightly. Ellie smirked, she would not let Joel live this down. “I should be asking you the same question.” Joel snarked. Ellie chuckled lightly, “So- you got her?” Joel shook his head, “I made a grave mistake, it was a miracle she even forgived me.”

“You didn’t try?” Ellie questioned, disbelief in her voice. “I got rejected.” He replied, not wanting to have this talk with her. “Then try again.”she replied like it was the most obvious in the world

“That’s not how it works Ellie.”

“I wouldn’t be encouraging you if it wouldn’t work.” Ellie said. “How did she reject you? Her reaction matters.” She continued. Joel pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. Is he really obliged to tell her how he got rejected? He was pushing 50 years old for gods sake. Ellie continued whining and he let out a defeated sign before repeating the exact words you said to him. Ellie’s eyes lit up, “Joel! You’re an idiot!” Joel almost snapped at her, he didnt need to add salt to the wound. “She isn’t willing to take the risk. That’s the only thing holding her back Joel. You just need to prove to her that she can trust you again.” Joel shook his head, “Stop giving me hope Ellie.” There was frustration in his voice. Ellie merely continued, Joel no longer scared her. “It’s true! The underlying meaning is that she is not denying that she still has feelings for you but she’s too afraid to let herself fall again.” Ellie adviced.

Ellie’s words was enough motivation to give Joel an epiphany. He had already made the mistake of letting you go once. Now, he will fight for you and prove to you that he will not make the same mistake twice.

======

A smile formed on Joel’s lips when he caught a glimpse of your figure. He was so excited that he fumbled a few notes on his guitar. Joel took a breath to calm himself down, glancing down at the fretboard to better position his fingers, hoping you would stop and talk to him about the music like in the past.

His chest tightened when you walked past his porch with a dazed look on your face. His music no longer brought you to him anymore. There were earphones in your ears, perhaps it was a sign that you really moved on, that he shouldn’t bother you anymore. “Hey.” Joel couldn’t help himself from calling out to you. The smile that appeared on your face was one out of politeness instead of the grin you used to give him. Joel’s mind went blank when you did stop in your tracks to take out your earphones, wondering the purpose of him calling to you. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and cleared his throat. “I was just wondering if you wanted to join me. ” Joel felt himself turning red, why was he so awkward? You shifted your weight from one foot to another. What could go wrong right? You nodded before settling on the chair beside him. The chair that Joel had started leaving out for you.

You were startled when Joel handed you the guitar in his hands. “Hold on, I have something for ya.” He reassured you upon seeing the panicked look on your face. You relaxed a little as you watched him return to his own home, trying your best to not ponder too much on what Joel had for you. Your fingers absentmindedly strummed the guitar you were holding.

You immediately halted your movements when Joel returned, feeling embarrassed for your lack of skill compared to him. Joel didn’t seemed to mind, his eyes shining with childlike excitement. He sat down, unzipping the guitar case that was once over his shoulder.

“For you.” Joel carefully held out a guitar for you. Your eyes widened, “What? Why?” Joel shrugged, “I said I’ll teach you guitar. You need one to learn.” You swallowed, not expecting Joel to remember that promise from years ago. You took the guitar from his hands, a grin forming at the sight of the guitar. You always wanted to learn the guitar. “Did you make this?” You asked, strumming the new guitar after giving his back. He nodded, “Just finished it yesterday” he announced proudly. “Shit, how can I repay you?” ‘Give me another chance’ was what Joel wanted to say but he figured that was too straightforward. Seeing the happiness on your face was payment enough for him. “You don’t need to. It was just some spart parts I had lying around.” It was a lie, Joel took weeks before he managed to scavenge the materials needed. You let out a squeal as you admired the guitar in your hands. “Thanks man. I fucking love you for this.” You blurted out in excitement. Not knowing the effects that it had on Joel’s heart.

“So, I guess I’ll be seeing you more often? For the lessons of course.” He clarified. “Anytime Joel, I’ll surpass you in no time.” You told him confidently. He chuckled at that. “I bet darling.” He drawled.

This was the first step to Joel righting his wrongs.

=====

“So,” Tommy started from beside you during patrol. “You and my brother?” He let out a teasing whistle after that. You simply hummed, “Friends.” Tommy let out an exaggerated groan. “We have eyes. Everyone knows.” You trudged along the path. “Know what?” “That you’re probably more than just friends.”

“We are friends.” You stated. Tommy side eyed you. “Yeah right, I bet Joel thinks that too.” He replied sarcastically. You nudged Tommy in the side. “He does.” His eyes furrowed at your response, he let out a laugh. “Are you playing dumb? Or do you really think that he treats you as just a friend?” Tommy asked. “We are friends.” You repeated again. Tommy scoffed at your response. “You’re blind.” He shook his head in disbelief. “He's trying to get you back. He wants to be more than friends.” Tommy stated plainly. You opened your mouth to argue but it was like deep down, you knew he was doing just that. You just preferred to be dense than misunderstand his intentions. You cursed lightly, your heart clenching at the thought of him. It wasn’t going to work out, you weren’t going to put yourself in that vulnerable position again.

====

“Joel!” You knocked against the wooden door. Your heart pacing against your chest. The door swung open, revealing a surprised Joel. “We need to talk.” Joel stiffened visibly, his mind running with all the possibilities. He moved to a side, inviting you into his home. “Would you like a drink?” Joel asked. You shook your head, trying to gather the words in your head. Joel rubbed the back of his neck, anxiety creeping up onto him.

“Everything you did for me, was it all just for another chance?”

Joel’s eyes widened at your words, his mouth opening before closing. His reaction was all you needed to know. All this time, you thought he was someone who could put the past behind him. Why can’t he understand how much he had hurt you? “Joel…” The disappointment in your voice made Joel’s heart shatter. He swallowed the lump in his throat. The next emotion was almost unrecognisable to him, it was pure fear. The fear of losing you again. “I can’t give you what you want.” You told him coldly. He closed his eyes, looking away from you. “Why?” He gritted out. “Do you really hate me that much? Why can’t you just give me another chance to prove myself?” He continued desperation in his voice. The desperation that mirrored yours almost a year ago. You clenched your jaw, trying to numb the pain in your heart. “It was not worth it for the heartbreak.” You spat heartlessly. Joel stumbled back at your words. “After everything. The past few months, hell even the years we spent together before that fight. I guess it meant nothing.” Joel muttered. You stepped closer to him, jabbing your finger into his chest. “You’re the one who said there was no ‘us’ and there never will be. Don’t pin this on me, Miller.” Joel grabbed your hand, “I thought you were more mature than this. I know my apologies don’t mean shit but I would like to think that for the past few months, I have shown you that I want there to be an ‘us’” You took a few shaky breaths, you won’t allow yourself to cry in front of him again. “It’s too late Joel.” You replied, your voice breaking. You stared at Joel’s eyes, regret and longing swirled in his eyes. Joel took a breath before lowering himself onto his knees. “Must I beg for a chance?” Your jaw dropped, Joel Miller was on his knees in front of you.

“What is this supposed to mean?” you cried out in exasperation. Joel placed his hands on his knees, staring up at you. “We were happy together are we not? All I’m asking is for that chance to make you happy and not break your heart again.” The only sound was the heartbeats of yours pounding against your eardrums. “Fuck.” You cursed out. “Please, give me something to work with,” Joel begged.

The memories you have with him surfaced, as though your brain was trying on Joel’s side. The lingering touches, his laugh, the way he stares at you adoringly. The way he will listen to you ramble about anything for the entire day and how he is willing to drop anything for you. Everything made sense now, it always have, you just decided to turn a blind eye to it.

“Joel, I can’t take another heartbreak.” Joel shook his head, “Never again. I’ll protect you with my life if I must.” With the determined look in his eyes, you knew he would never live it down if you went through any kind of pain, both emotional and physical. The eyes were the window to his soul and your biggest weakness. You always were a victim to those eyes of his. You gently placed your hand on his cheek, “Get up Joel.” Joel’s eyes lit up, “So you’re willing to try?”

You nodded. Joel let out a delighted laugh. He took your hand in his and gently pressed a kiss to each knuckle. When he stood up to his full height again, he pulled you to him and embraced you.

“I love you. I’m sorry for everything.” “I’m glad to have you back Joel.”

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nonexistent-introvert · 10 months

Text

Snores

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word count: 1.6k

Content: Joel's loud snoring kept you up at night. Joel felt guilty for it and tries to make up for it. Fluff!

A/N: You can't convince me that Joel doesn't snore. Anyways, my break ended which means i'm going to be busier than ever before but here i am writing at 1am so you best bet that i will still try my best to write often. Plus!! I'm trying to gain ideas for hug me pt 2 so that would be my main wip for now. Enjoy this drabble before i disappear for god knows how long

You were so close to strangling your dear husband who was sleeping peacefully next to you. While he was in deep slumber, you lay beside him frustrated as you listened to his snores that never ended. The red numbers on the clock on the nightstand beside Joel, reminding you just how many hours of sleep you were missing out on and how the sun was going to come up soon. You let out a frustrated groan while you used your pillow to cover your ears, hoping that it would at least muffle the sounds of his snores.

You propped yourself up with one arm, turning to Joel’s side to stare at him. His mouth was slightly ajar as he snored loudly. You simply stared at him, planning some sort of way for him to shut up. Your body screamed for rest but the loud snores beside you kept you awake. It almost seems like Joel could sense your stare on him, he snorted before turning to his side to avoid your glare. You fell back onto the bed in relief, you finally had peace. You tucked yourself back into bed, nuzzling your nose into the pillow, excited to finally get the rest you needed.

At this point, you thought Joel was doing this to spite you. The moment you felt yourself drifting away, his snores came back, louder than ever before. Putting your relaxed body back in an alert state. The scowl came back onto your face while you glared at Joel again. His clock beside him let out two beeps, signaling that yet another hour has passed. You now officially had 3 hours to fall asleep before you had to wake up again.

It was true how they say love blinds all. In this situation, the obvious solution was to wake Joel up. However, whenever you looked at him, you just couldn’t bear to wake him up knowing that he needed to get up for patrol also plus, he already had a long day and deserved the rest. But you were oh so close to just cutting off his air supply by putting the pillow you had wrapped around your head onto his nose. Sound can’t travel through a vacuum right? Your fingers drummed against the surface of the mattress angrily, love is complicated.

======================

“What are you doing here?’ You were about to kill the person who had woken you up again. You mumbled a bunch of curse words at Joel, kicking your feet at him to ask him to leave you alone. Joel crossed his arms, your figure was curled up on the couch.“Feisty.” Joel commented, staring at how you buried your face back into the pillow. “Go to bed and sleep darling. You’re gonna get sore if you sleep here.” He nagged to your already unconscious form. You were exhausted. Joel smiled softly, his strong arms easily lifting you up. You stirred awake in his arms, inhaling his scent. The moment your body came into contact with the comfortable mattress of your bed, you had fallen back into your slumber.

“Darling, I put off waking you up for as long as possible already but we need to go out for patrol.” Joel’s thumb was caressing your side. You groaned, turning away from him. “Come on, I made coffee already. Tommy will be on our ass soon. Or worse, Maria.” Joel dragged you up. You simply fell into his arms, the man has zero idea what torture he had put you through last night.

For the entirety of the morning, you remained silent. Joel slowly trudged beside you on his horse, giving you worried glances every once in a while. Did he do something wrong? But he knew this wasn’t you giving him the silent treatment but more of you running out of social battery already. Something was definitely bothering you, but he didn’t know what. The constant scowl and furrowed eyebrows were also a sign. Joel gripped the reins a little tighter, he had tried his best to start conversations with you but all he got were half-hearted replies and grunts.

When the both of you finally managed to reach the safe house. You collapsed onto the couch with a satisfied grunt. The feeling of being able to lie down and rest your already aching muscles was like heaven on earth. Joel put down his bag, checking the both of you in like usual. His eyes fell onto your figure again, your arm was covering your eyes while you lay down.

“Darling,” Joel called out as he towered over your figure. You stifled a yawn while you removed the arm that was covering your face, humming in response to him. Joel’s heart dropped, your eyes were swollen and the dark eye circles around your eyes were a darker shade than usual. “Why do you look so tired?” He questioned. Your eyes widened and you sat up, you even took a calming breath. Joel stiffened, he had hit a nerve. “Why am I so tired?” You repeated in a mocking tone as you met his eye. “Hmm, maybe because I had one of the worst sleep in my life yesterday? And I am also running on-” You checked the watch on your wrist, “2 hours plus of sleep?” You finished. “Nightmare?” Joel guessed. You punched him lightly in his ribs, “The nightmare was the fucking snoring from you yesterday.” You scolded, lying back on your back. “I don’t snore.” Joel defended, he always did that when you told him he snored in his sleep. You shook your head at him, “You being in denial used to be funny but now it is getting on my nerves.” You warned. Joel sat down beside you, putting your legs on his lap. “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad…” You chuckled at him, “Yeah, I was awake till like four in the morning Joel. You would stir awake and I would get a few moments of peace before it starts again. What were you doing? Trying to set a new record for the loudest snore?” You ranted to him. Joel swallowed, guilt making his heart clench. “Was that why you were on the couch?”

“No shit Joel.” You deadpanned, “And then you woke me up when I finally got to sleep. Joel, I was this close-” You lifted your index finger and thumb like you were pinching something in mid-air. “To just murder you in cold blood.” Joel laughed, massaging your legs that were in his lap. “I’m sorry darling, you should have just woke me up.” He suggested. You remained silent, knowing that you would never be able to bring yourself to wake him up.

“I’m sorry” Joel muttered again as he kissed you, a simple kiss that expressed all the guilt and apologies he felt for keeping you awake. A light tint of red coloring his cheeks, Joel was embarrassed by his snoring habits. The last time someone had complained was probably Sarah, he only snored when he was having a good sleep. The nights of sleep he had for the past decades in the apocalypse were plagued with nightmares and even when he was asleep, his mind was alert enough to react even to the softest of sounds. Tommy had always joked about how Joel’s snores would have gotten him killed.

========

After that day, Joel would play his guitar out on the porch until 12. You were puzzled at first, even offering to stay up with him. Joel was a morning bird and you were a night owl. He always slept at 10pm without fail and you would sleep earliest at 11pm, However, Joel was insistent that you go to sleep before him.

He also started bringing back flowers that he got from the greenhouse, claiming that they had extra. Joel also traded his precious coffee beans for the tea that you preferred. When you questioned him about it, he brushed it off as a craving for tea. You narrowed your eyes at him, knowing that Joel never had a single cup of the tea he had sacrificed his coffee beans for.

Later you would find out that Joel had pulled favors with the people who were in charge of the greenhouse for the flowers. The gardeners who were curious about the sudden appearance of Joel Miller coming for flowers had questioned you about it. “Was it your anniversary?” was among the many guesses they made. You simply shrugged, telling them that Joel had claimed that it was extra. You lied awake on the bed, staring at the ceiling. You were thinking about Joel. trying to figure out the reason for his unnatural behavior these days.

The door creaked open, you closed your eyes, pretending you were asleep. Joel stared at your form from the door, trying to determine if you were asleep. When he finally concluded that you were asleep, he carefully crawled into bed. He laid there facing you, admiring you for a while.

“Sorry for interrupting your beauty sleep.” He mumbled into your forehead before pressing a kiss there. You couldn’t help the smile that formed on your lips. The pieces of the puzzle finally connecting in your head.

Those actions, the weird behaviour. It was Joel Miller’s way of apologising. It was his way of ensuring that he doesn’t bother you again with his snores and making up for the hours that you had lost due to his snores. Your heart warmed, Joel had broke and changed his routine just for you and everyone who knew him knew he was a creature of habit.

“I love you.” You mumbled, pulling him closer to you while you buried your face in his chest. He stiffened slightly, surprised that you were awake. Joel put his arms around you, tangling his legs with yours.

“I love you too.”

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nonexistent-introvert · 10 months

Text

Alternate Reminder

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x F!reader

Word Count: 3.4k

Content: Miguel has trouble trying to treat you fairly when you remind him too much of what he had lost. Angst, misunderstanding.

A/N: I havent truly proofread this so I'm sorry. This took super long.

Part 2

Miguel thought you were special. He thought it was maybe the universe giving him a second chance when he saw you. His first love and his beautiful wife, standing in front of him while wearing a Spiderman suit. Maybe, he was destined to be with you, after all, a universe where you could understand him. A universe where he could finally be happy with you and Gabriella, a universe that he actually belonged to and he didn’t have to worry about destroying a whole universe just to be with you.

The only problem? This version of you had zero ideas of who Miguel O’Hara is. Miguel thought it was a canon event, for the both of you to fall in love. In most universes he had been to, you were with Miguel. In most, you were happy and had a family with him. In the more unfortunate universes, things didn’t work out between the two of you. The only thing that was unchanged was that Miguel and you were bound to find and fall in love with each other at one point.

However, Miguel hated your guts. His amor was sweet, responsible, and well-organized. You were the complete opposite of that. You were rude, irresponsible, and very messy as a person. He dared say that you were the messiest person he had ever met. There was no sign of organisation at your workstation. Papers were messily stacked on top of each other or swept across the desk. The mini shelf you had beside your desk was filled with books that were all falling to one side, some had completely collapsed. More files were squeezed on top of the books. Miguel’s greatest pet peeve was seeing the bent and folded pages being shoved into a file. The urge to help you reorganize was almost too big for him to handle causing the frustration to build up and was let out onto you instead. Miguel groaned as he met eye contact with you while he was buying his morning coffee. It was almost insulting to him how you had the same exact face as her, the woman he falls for in every universe.

On the opposite side of the same coin, you loathed Miguel O’Hara. He was bossy, pompous, and couldn’t take a single joke. Any conversation you have had with him ended up in the both of you arguing. Sarcasm was something everyone around you had gotten used to, except for Miguel of course who never seemed to catch on. He would simply give you a judgemental stare before giving a literal answer which you would roll your eyes at. At that point, Miguel would think that you’re being rude, and depending on his mood that day, he would either scold you or scoff at you.

“Just get over it, you’re always mad at Miguel anyways. I thought you would get used to it by now.” Gwen sighed, giving you the same response every time you ranted about Miguel. “It’s not like you don’t know the big guy,” Hobie said nonchalantly, having long gotten used to your rants about Miguel. “You hate him, we get it.” Pavitr groaned, complaining for the umpteenth time about how you always seemed to be talking about Miguel. Gwen chuckled, “If you didn’t point out every single flaw of his so heartlessly every time you rant about him, I would think you have a crush on Miguel or something.” Gwen said. “Hell no. I’m not fucking blind.” you defended, offended she would even think this way. “You gotta admit, big boss is quite the looker, too bad he’s a prick.” Hobie pointed out. “Speak of the devil,” Pavitr warned, straightening up as he stared at Miguel who was walking to your table’s direction.

You merely glared in his direction. Gwen was right, you should be used to him by now. He shouldn’t be getting under your skin so easily. So why can’t you just ignore him? Why does your mind always drift to him when you’re alone, why do you realise when he was due for a haircut? How his hair curls at the end when he lets his hair grow, how he reaches 10 minutes early to any appointment, and how he would get his coffee at exactly 9am in the morning. You shook your head, riding yourself off those thoughts. There was no way you actually had some sort of attraction to him right? Your mind drifted to the fight you had with him 5 days ago, his words still causing a dull ache in your heart. The both of you always fought but you were sure Miguel was going to kick you off the team until he called your friends the next day and gave you a mission through them while also completely disregarding your presence if he saw you around after.

===================

“Mind your own business!” Miguel exclaimed, you flinched at his harsh tone. “I was just-” “Who said you could touch my property?” Anger was practically the only emotion in his voice as he pushed you to the side. “Lyla told me you were having some troubles, that your screens had some kind of issue-” You gritted out, closing your eyes to calm yourself too. You only had good intentions to fix the issues he was fixing and now you were being accused of invading his privacy. You couldn't even remember any of the files that appeared on the screen while you were fixing his terrible code. Too focused on solving the technical errors to be poking your nose into his business. “I don’t need your help,” He seethed. “She was going to help you, Miguel. You have been complaining about it and even I can’t help you, you very well know she’s the only one equipped with the knowledge to fix this.” Lyla defended you. The fury in Miguel’s eyes scared you as well, “You need to mind your own business as well.” He snarled to Lyla before turning to you, switching off the orange screens completely. “I would rather let everything burn to hell than trust you to fix anything. You’re a fucking mess if you didn’t realize. ” Miguel spat.

It was your last straw. You had more self-respect than let anyone speak to you like that. “Kick me off, fucking kick me off already. You hate me anyways, right? So why do you bother keeping me around?”

“Get out!” Miguel bellowed and you didn’t need him to repeat himself. You took off the watch on your wrist and threw it to the floor, letting it break into pieces. In that moment, his words hurt you more than glitching ever would.

============

Peter found you at a bar in your universe that day. You downed another glass of whiskey at the sight of Peter, you were in too bad of a mood to talk to anyone now and you know you would regret it if you lashed out at him.

Peter didn’t say anything, simply sitting beside you and staring as you downed one glass after another.

Peter ordered a drink, taking sips of his drink as he decided on the best approach to talk to you. Your anger was practically radiating off you, making everyone else stir clear of you.

“He’s all bark no bite.” Peter started. You scoffed lightly, letting the silence fall between the both of you. You turned to peter, feeling bad for putting him in an uncomfortable situation. “You heard already huh.” Peter simply shrugged, “Word travels fast. Practically the whole society knows.” You downed another glass at that, you wondered how much the story had changed as it was passed from one person to another. It was probably a field day at headquarters.

“There is barely anyone at headquarters, Miguel has been bringing hell to anyone he even makes eye contact with,” Peter answered as though he could read your thoughts. You had to bite back your words, to tell Peter that you really couldn’t care less about Miguel now nor did you need the company. Silence fell between the both of you, Peter lightly bobs his head to the music that was playing in the bar to relieve the tension that was building up. He was never one for tense situations. “You know, you’re not really that different from Miguel.” Peter immediately put his hands up in defense when you practically growled at his comment. “Well, it’s just that both of you would rather die than talk about your emotions. Thankfully, I managed to crack Miguel so I think I can do it for you too.” Peter confidently stated. You remained silent, swirling the whiskey in your hand. You didn’t trust yourself to not lash out at Peter, especially when he’s practically comparing you to Miguel. The man you hated in all of the multiverse

“Hm, silence. Miguel screamed at me when we reached this point.” Peter observed, laughing nervously at the memory of his talk with Miguel. “I guess I’ll just go on first then.” Peter wrung his hands nervously. “I’m sure Miguel didn’t mean anything. You just hit a sore spot.” You scoffed again, “What? By trying to fix his stupid system?”

Peter took another swig, he definitely needed the alcohol. “Do you not know about what is on those screens? One that probably popped up while you were fixing it.” “Contrary to popular belief, I wasn’t snooping on him. I was focused on the system itself.” You defended. Peter cringed ever so slightly at your response. “There is this girl on the screen, the one with a happier, better-looking Miguel.” Peter took another swig, this really wasn’t his story to tell. You pursed your lips, you did remember seeing the footage that Peter mentioned. You had to force yourself to look away, that you were invading his privacy.

“That’s his daughter.” Peter finished, trying to gauge your reaction. You simply preserved a blank look and Peter groaned slightly, he detested how stubborn you were. “Miguel found a universe where he had a family and was happy, but him in that universe had an accident so he replaced himself. Some butterfly effect happened and the whole universe collapsed on itself and he lost everything.” Peter explained. You finished your drink, everyone has lost someone. You understood why it was a sore spot but it doesn’t justify being a total asshole.

“Miguel didn’t mean anything he said to you. It was just- tough.” Peter finished. “I didn’t even do shit Peter, just decided to fix his system and he accused me of invading his fucking privacy. It’s not like he’s the only one who lost someone. We all did.” Peter shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. “He just fucking hates my guts and I don’t know why? He literally told most people about my past when he explains about anomalies so why is he so mad when I know about it?”

“Because you have the same name and face as his wife, the woman who he falls for in every universe.” Your jaw dropped at the information. You couldn’t ever fathom the thought of you and Miguel even being in love. The anger in you simmered ever so slightly. It would explain how his features softened when he sees you sometimes, the vulnerable look in his eyes when he stares at you for too long. A stranger with memories, that is what you are to Miguel. Miguel tries his best to treat you like others. It was exceptionally tough when you shared the same name and face as the woman he had spent his happiest moments with. “He never told me,” you told Peter. Peter shook his head, “No one was allowed to tell you. Not like many people knew anyways. He didn’t want to stir up any unnecessary trouble. You know how he is, he doesn’t like it when people try to share his burdens.” You pursed your lips, cursing out your alcohol tolerance. It was times like this you wished you could just forget everything. “It doesn’t matter. Miguel probably wants me out of his life.” Peter threw his hands up frustratedly. “If he wants you out he wouldn’t send me here to tell you about everything.” Peter admitted. Peter was worried when he heard the news of you and Miguel having a fight which is what brought him to talk to Miguel. Peter wouldn’t be able to find you by himself, only Miguel could. You closed your eyes, you had enough of everyone. You were so exhausted, everything has been so draining.

“Just leave me alone alright?” You said, stumbling out of your seat slightly before leaving the bar and Peter behind.

======================================

“The anomaly was caught. We ensured there were no loose ends. Everything should be fine.” You reported to Miguel. Your hands were behind your back, there was a blank look on your face. Miguel bit his lip slightly at your cold demeanor toward him. He used to complain about you taking things too lightly. When you would stroll into his office with a grin, confidently telling him all the details of the mission even if it was insignificant. Now, you told him the bare minimum with a professional tone and stand.

Miguel used to complain and bluntly tell you that he didn't care for some of the details you told him after. Details like you and Gwen dropped by a Mcdonald's to grab some fries or that you also managed to finish a recent show. Now he wishes you would tell him, instead of you acting like this., all quiet and serious. Miguel took a deep breath, staring at you as the platform descended. He looked away slightly, knowing things were still tense between the two of you. “Sorry about that the other day. I was not in the right place.” He apologised, forcing himself to meet your eye. Your expression was still blank, “It’s fine.” You brushed it off like you hadn’t been thinking about it ever since. “If that’s everything, I’ll take my leave now.” You told him, bowing slightly as you turned. Miguel flinched at the tone. “Wait.” He wanted to stop you from leaving. Then his head turned to the orange screens behind him that glitched every so often. “Would you-” Miguel hesitated, thinking if this was the best move.”

“I- can you help me fix the screens?” Your eyebrows raised in surprise. “I promise I won’t lash out at you.” Miguel weakly joked. You simply nodded, stepping up onto his platform. Miguel stared at you, you were so unlike yourself. There were no teasing comments, no laughter, not even a hint of a smile. You stood in front of his screens, diligently and skillfully opening and typing away a new code. Miguel shifted and fidgeted behind you, he was wrecking his mind for a conversation topic. You were the one who usually initiated or continued the conversations. His mind replaying all the conversations he had with you. A smile tugged on his lips, music was your common ground with him. He remembered how your eyes twinkled when you talked about your favorite songs.

“I recently got into classical music.” Miguel shared. Miguel was half-convinced that he wouldn’t get a reply when you let his words hang in the air while you focused on the task at hand. “Oh? Mahler?’ You finally replied. His eyes widened. “How did you know?” He was greeted with silence again and only then did he appreciate how quick your responses used to be. “I just want to know, because you seemed really confident about it. Did I tell you?” Miguel filled the silence himself. “I just saw it.” You gestured to the screens. He nodded, letting the tense silence take over again. You were never so quiet, he never had to deal with this uncomfortable silence when he was with you.

“You changed.” Miguel blurted out. There was no response from you as you continued working on the screens. You didn’t know how to respond either. The news about you being an alternate version of his wife, it was rather overwhelming. You used to spite him and annoy him just for the fun of it, but after everything, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it anymore. His gaze made you self-conscious now, of what he thought of you, and nor did you want a repeat of what happened that day. You did a lot of thinking the past few days and you had to come to terms with the fact that you didn’t hate Miguel O’Hara. You couldn’t hate him. The thought of him hating you, it was terrifying.

“What?” You muttered, Miguel barely caught onto your response. He placed his hands on his hips, looking down. “Look, I’m really sorry for that day and I know I can’t take back anything but I really hope you don’t distance yourself from me because of that.” Miguel swallowed, it was publicly known that the both of you never seemed to get along but the thought of you becoming cold to him made him shiver to his core. “You’re overthinking things.” You stated plainly, forcing out a laugh. Miguel sighed, “You just seem, very different. Let’s not even talk about our interactions. You have just been more distant with everyone, you’re taking things way too seriously and well, you’re a lot more well organised now. The biggest shame was losing the constant smile, boosted many of their morale even in the most difficult of times.” you swallowed bitterly, debating internally if you should snap at Miguel right now while you stared at the screens before you. “I had to work on not being a mess right?” You answered, quoting his exact words. Miguel’s eyes flashed with a hint of pain and you knew it was a low blow. He had already apologised, you’re the one who keeps bringing it up. But those words haunted you even till now.

“You really changed huh?” Miguel continued. He didn’t expect you to use his words against him. When you know that he regrets it, it was a low move even for you. “It’s done.” You announced, ignoring his comment towards you. Your patience was thinning again. He merely glanced towards the screens before looking at you again. “You’re not the person I knew,” Miguel stated plainly. You turned your head to him.

“I’m not the woman you had in mind, Miguel! I’m not your fucking wife and I’m sorry you had to go through that.” You looked away, running your hands through your hair in distress. “I never was. I’m sorry I remind you of her but I’m not her.” You snapped at him. Walking out of his office. Everything made sense now. Miguel would be annoyed and frustrated with you most times, but there were times that he acted differently towards you. The times when he had carried you to a more comfortable place when you had fallen asleep on your table, the jackets that he had given to you to keep you warm still hung in your closet. The late-night conversations where he was more vulnerable towards you and had conversations with you about your interests while you hung from the ceiling, claiming that it helped you stay awake while you sift through the paperwork with him. You found it weird how he could hate your guts one second but be even sweet to you when it was just the two of you. At one point, you even thought you had fallen for Miguel O’Hara.

You shook your head, ignoring Miguel behind you as you rid the thought of even entertaining a possibility with Miguel. He never treated you as you are, he never liked you for who you are.

You simply shared a face and name with the woman he was destined to fall for.

You chuckle at how foolish you were while you stepped on the watch that Peter had given to you as replacement for your old one.

“I fucking quit.” You announced to a surveillance camera in the hallway, knowing fully well that he is monitoring the camera for your whereabouts now.

Miguel angrily swept the files off his table, growling out in frustration. He buried his face in his hands, he never saw you as the woman who he had fallen for and had Gabriella with. Sure, there were a few times your identical looks made his heart pace with what could have been. However, Miguel had started spending more time with you and getting to know you as a person. In those times, he reckoned he enjoyed it too much.

There was no way he was falling for you right?

Was there a point even if he did? You had already left him.

Miguel O'Hara always messes up his own happiness. That seems more like his canon event than falling in love with you.

2K notes · View notes

nonexistent-introvert · 11 months

Text

Bad mood

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x f!reader

Word Count: 2.9k

Content: fluff, jealous Miguel, the getting injured trope AGAIN, swearing. hobie and the gang messing around, lyla playing matchmaker

A/N: i got carried away oops. He may be off character im sorry but i really think this man needs some fluff.

“What’s up with her?” Gwen asked, watching as you stomped through headquarters with a frown. “Everyone got their bad days,” Pavitr stated, chomping on his Spiderman 2099-themed burger. “Remind me not to get on her bad side.” Gwen watched as the other Spidermen scurried out of your way. “She could match up to Miguel's bad temper..”Peter stood with an amused smile with Mayday napping in the baby carrier he had on his front.

=========================.

You were not having it at all the entire week. You were busy enough with the missions you had and now, you still had to babysit a man-child. Now, you stood in said man-child’s office, watching his platform slowly descend while he kept his back facing towards you like he was in some cliche spy movie and was trying to hide his identity from you. You could almost picture him saying the iconic “I’ve been expecting you” and turned around. You rolled your eyes at the sight of him, your patience thinning with every passing second.

“Hey! Perfect timing!” Lyla waved frantically from her side beside Miguel. Miguel grunted and groaned, waving Lyla away. Lyla popped up in front of your face and you instinctively took two steps back at how close she was to you. “Miguel’s not getting help- again.” Lyla rolled her eyes at the last word. Lyla popped up next to Miguel again, pointing at his side and the blood that was slowly dripping down from the gash. You could hear Miguel curse in Spanish and grunt before turning away from you further in an attempt to hide his injury. You simply closed your eyes, taking a few calming breaths.

“O’Hara. Go to the med-bay.” You stated in a low voice. “I’m fine, Lyla’s exaggerating-” Miguel stopped talking when his eyes met your figure. There was a menacing aura around you, one that Miguel will not admit scared him. “O’Hara” You warned and he shuddered slightly at the mention of his last name. You only used his last name when you were mad at him or trying to annoy him and he doubted it was the latter. You slammed the files you were holding onto the floor. “Lyla, make sure he doesn’t injure himself further. I’ll be back.” You simply said before waltzing right out of his office again. “Will do!” Lyla shouted after you. “Great! You pissed her off. Way to go Lyla!” Miguel said sarcastically as he sat down on the chair while his platform was still in the midst of descending. “Don’t push the blame, Miguel. It’s you she is mad at. I can’t believe you even managed to piss her off! She used to be all smiley and stuff and now she’s acting like you with the permanent scowl on her face.” Lyla nagged.

Miguel’s jaw dropped at your request when you returned. He stared at the wheelchair that you had just pushed into his office. “I can walk perfectly fine.” He insisted, trying his best to stand as straight as possible while holding the cloth to his side. “It was already a fucking miracle you didn’t bleed out while you waited for the stupid platform to descend. You still wanna tempt fate?” You asked, staring at the white cloth that you had brought him slowly turn into a crimson-red cloth. “I don’t- can’t you bring the supplies needed to treat me here? Or?” Miguel trailed off, noticing the glare on your face.

He sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat before he sat down begrudgingly onto the wheelchair.

=====

Miguel’s face burned in embarrassment while he sat in the wheelchair. His face was almost as red as the bloodied cloth that he was still holding to his side. Judgemental glances were passed around any of the rooms that he passed while you pushed him in the wheelchair. He did try to gauge your reaction but all he noticed was your very tight grip on his wheelchair and scowl on your face. Maybe Lyla was right, you were turning out to be a grump like him.

“Everyone saw that right?” Pavitr’s choked on the fries he was eating, as he watched you push an injured Miguel on a wheelchair. “I- I don’t think I can take him seriously again.” Gwen found it hilarious to see Miguel in a wheelchair acting like a pouty child that had just been scolded but it was also combined with the shock and disbelief of seeing the usual stoic leader sitting in a wheelchair. “Heh, I knew he was scared of her,” Peter remarked. Pavitr and Gwen turned to look at Peter, “Hey, when she’s angry, she’s a force to be reckoned with.” He spoke in experience although Peter will never tell anyone what he did to piss you off. For now, he could only pray that Miguel doesn’t get burned in the flames of your anger. “I’ll help!” A medic immediately came forward when you entered the med bay. Miguel stared intently at you, you sighed, he had only came on one condition. That you were the one to patch him up, you couldn’t even wash your hands off Miguel O’Hara if you wanted to. “No.” You simply said before pushing him off to a private ward.

“Lie down.” You instructed. Miguel did as you told, turning his head so he can watch you put on the gloves and your usual white lab coat you wore when you helped out in the med-bay.

“Dizziness, anything yet?” You asked, the anger in your tone has simmered but is not fully gone. He recognized the tone, it was a professional tone of a doctor. “Um no-?” He frowned, “I already told you- I’m fine-” Miguel stopped again when you took the bloodied cloth from him and his suit immediately covered his skin back up. “Remove the fucking projection O’hara.” You cursed, taking the resources you needed. “You know I’m-” “Just the top.” You answered, pinching the bridge of your nose. Miguel’s suit slowly revealed his skin to you and you had to take a breath. You always forgot that he literally had muscles that seemed to be sculpted by a skilled clay artist.

You heartlessly sprayed the alcohol into his wound to sanitize it. Miguel’s muscles tightened as he groaned, arching his back ever so slightly at the burn. “You weren’t gonna give me a heads up?” He gritted out through clenched teeth. “I thought you would prefer to get it over with.” You stated plainly, hiding the intention that you wanted to get back at him for acting like a child.”Can’t you be more gentle?” He complained when you did your work. You gave him an annoyed look, “I could knock you out.” You suggested. “That may help.” He looked over to you, trying his best to hold back his pained grunts. “I will actually knock you out with my hands to get a few moments of silence.” Miguel remained silent as his fists clenched by his side.

Your fingers traced against one of his old injuries, staring at the abomination of messily done stitches you were sure Miguel stubbornly did on himself. “Fucking hell.” You cursed out loud. “I ran out of drugs” He replied sheepishly, the drug he relied on to help him close the wound instead of stitching a would hold traditionally. “You didn’t think to- I don’t know, visit the Med-bay? In the very headquarters, you set up?” You asked sarcastically.

“It turned out fine,” Miguel argued. “Yeah? And you’re already on the verge of ripping the stitches out yourself.” You snarked. “I don’t even want to know how you managed to angle yourself to stitch this up” Your head pounded with a headache while you redid his stitches.

Miguel O’Hara was a constant headache you couldn’t get rid of.

========

When Miguel finally got back to the comfort of his office. He sighed in relief having argued with you about resting in his office instead of the Medbay. “Lyla!” You called out, Miguel still in the wheelchair in front of you. “Yes!” She appeared before you, chuckling at the sight of Miguel. “No missions for two weeks. And make sure he’s in bed by 10pm” you instructed. Miguel clicked his tongue in annoyance as he climbed back into his office chair while Lyla reassured you that she will keep a close eye on Miguel and will inform you if he misbehaved.

When you turned to leave, he held onto your wrist. His grip was firm but not tight enough to hurt you. He suddenly soothed the crease in between your eyebrows when you frowned. You looked at him in disbelief. What the hell is he up to now? “You look prettier without the frown.” He simply said with a soft look. “Are the drugs kicking in?” You asked, still taken aback at his sudden actions. Miguel cursed internally at himself, did he just attempt to flirt? He was way too rusty when it came to this.

“Are you mad at me?” He asked with a soft tone. You closed your eyes, “Just-rest, and leave me alone.” You sighed. “Are you mad at me?” He repeated again, this time with the usual authority in his voice. The tone he used with the other Spidermen. You looked up at him, he didn’t scare you anymore.

“Are you blushing?” You pointed out the pink tint on his cheeks. His eyes widened, “Vasodilation is common when you’re injured no?” He made up an excuse. Miguel smirked lightly when he saw the ends of your lips quirk up slightly. “Sure…” you said, not pushing him further. Even if he wished you did.

“Big boss!” Miguel groaned at Hobie’s voice.

You naturally smiled at Hobie as you returned the two-finger sauté he gave to you in greeting. Miguel noticed it of course, how easily your frown went away when you saw Hobie. “Oh, you left your jumper at my place dear.” Hobie reminded while you walked out. “Shit man, I’ll swing around soon for it. It’s my favorite.” You laughed. Hobie grinned, “I know it is. Even took the liberty to wash it for ya.”

When you left, let’s just say Hobie got the brunt of Miguel’s temper.

======

“Miguel!” You called out to him upon entering his office. “Yes, I am not moving around Lyla,” Miguel replied mindlessly. You laughed, in a much better mood than last week. “I’m glad to hear that Miguel!” Miguel’s head turned at record speed, his eyes widening at the sight of you, and how the usual smile you always had seemed to have made its way back onto your face, replacing the frown that you wore last week.

Miguel, he missed hearing his name fall from your lips. Miguel turned in his seat, “Are you feeling better?” You furrowed your eyebrows at him, “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” He chuckled lightly, pressing on the screens before him. “I’m fine. Like I have always told you.” He replied, his eyes scanning your frame.

Miguel noticed the jumper you wore over your spider suit. He also knew that it was the jumper you always wore, and it may just be the jumper that Hobie mentioned last week. “Why the long face?Mad that you’re stuck indoors?” You asked with a teasing grin. Miguel let out a huff, “You need to focus on the missions.” He stated sternly. “Am I not?” You frowned, you were pretty sure you were on track on your missions. Miguel simply shot you a glance over his broad shoulders, “I don’t think any of the missions require you to go to Hobie’s dimension does it?” He questioned with his eyebrows raised in suspicion. “What I do in between missions is none of your business Miguel.” You folded your arms over your chest in defense. Miguel tried his best to pretend that those words didn’t bruise him by busying himself with the orange screens in front of him.

“Is that jealousy I sense?” Lyla popped out of thin air, teasing Miguel.

“There’s no rule stating that a Spiderman aren’t allowed to go over to other spidermen dimensions right?”

“I thought it was an unspoken rule,” Miguel replied, he knew about how many of the spidermen tend to travel to other dimensions for the fun of it. He understood that his headquarters served as a place of social hangout for the Spidermen and that many of them have formed friendships with each other, meaning that they spent time together in different dimensions outside of missions. He couldn’t bring himself to make it a strict rule that traveling to different dimensions was prohibited. However, it was known to be heavily discouraged and that spidermen would take responsibility for any consequences.

“I’m sorry.” you apologized, pushing yourself off the wall you were leaning on. Miguel closed his eyes, trying to erase the guilt he felt upon seeing the look on your face. You approached him upon seeing that his platform has finally descended. A smirk tugged on your lips as you pulled the wheelchair that was on the platform in front of his chair.

“I made sure he will only move around in that wheelchair and that was enough to keep him in here.” Lyla proudly announced. You bit back a smile at the pink tint across Miguel's cheeks. “I don’t think they will ever get over it.” You laughed, the cafeteria still buzzed with the news upon seeing their boss in a wheelchair.

Miguel was wearing a black t-shirt instead of his usual suit. Miguel naturally lifted up his black shirt for you. “It looks good.” You simply commented, trying your best to not blush at the sight of his body. “It better be.” Miguel snarled. “Then I guess I’m off work early today!” You celebrated, grinning as you pulled his shirt down, your fingertips gracing his muscles ever so slightly.

A look of disappointment flashed across Miguel’s face. You didn’t notice but Lyla did. “Just ask her already.” Lyla rolled her eyes. “Ask me what?” You immediately asked, A curious glint in your eye. Miguel waved his hands frantically trying to shoo Lyla away. “Nothing.” He says.

Lyla groans as she appears on the other side of Miguel. “He’s been dying to find out “ Miguel swatted her hologram away, “Are you and Hobie a thing?” Lyla finally forced out. Miguel’s shoulders slumped in defeat while silence filled the office.

The silence only filled the office for a few moments that lasted way too long in Miguel’s opinion before you burst into laughter. “Me and Hobie?-” Miguel has never felt more embarrassed than now as you kept on laughing at the fact that Miguel thought that Hobie and you were dating. “It’s none of my business.” Miguel cleared his throat. “Why did you even think that?” You questioned, trying your best to hold back your laughter. “Well, he makes you smile and laugh.”

“Miguel, I laugh and smile at anything.” You deadpanned. “He just seems to be able to make you happy even when you’re down,” Miguel stated plainly. “You know? Because you smiled at Hobie despite being grumpy the whole of last week?” Lyla reminded, getting impatient with the pace of the conversation. Your mouth formed an ‘o’ shape as you realised what Miguel meant. “Oh, that’s because I was mad at you and not him.” You said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “So I was right, you were mad at me.” You nodded. “Can I finally know why?” Miguel’s eyes were boring into yours. You leaned back against the wheelchair, turning your head as you sighed.

“Because I was fucking worried Miguel.” You rubbed your nose with your knuckles. It was a nervous habit of yours. “You were getting injured left and right and then you work non-stop to finish up on the reports. To make matters worse, you even head out for more missions afterward and refuse to let anyone help you. You’re not a fucking machine Miguel, you need the rest.” Miguel’s eyes widened, he never knew that his unhealthy work habits were noticed by you. He kept quiet until you finally met his eyes. “I’m sorry cariño.” Miguel muttered, “I didn’t mean to make you worried.” He says while his hand gently caresses your knee.

A mischievous glint lit up in his eyes. “No, no. I don’t know what you’re thinking but no.” You immediately recognized that look in his eyes. He chuckled lightly, glancing over to Lyla for moral support. Lyla jumped with poms-poms in her hands, egging him on like a cheerleader. “I’ll rest even better and for a longer period of time. Under one condition.” He proposed. You raised your eyebrows at him in question.

“You go out on a date with me.” There, he finally asked you out.

Your eyes widened and your hand immediately went to cover your face in an attempt to hide the blush that was creeping onto your cheeks. The wheelchair you were sitting on slowly rolled backward in your shock. Miguel chuckled, stopping the wheelchair right before it rolls away from him. “You can’t leave me hanging like this cariño.”

“Stop with the cariño, I can’t think properly when you call me that.” You answered flusteredly. Miguel smirked, “And why is that?” You wanted to wipe that smug grin off his face so badly.

“Fine, Ok! I’ll go out with you!” You shouted, standing up abruptly from the wheelchair. Your ears were turning red from how flustered you were. The sound of fireworks filled the office thanks to Lyla while you walked out. Miguel trying his best to not laugh at how flustered you were. “See you at 8pm this evening!” He shouted after you just as you walked out in utter embarrassment.

----

Bonus: "Miguel will kill you." Gwen stated. The group was gathered around a picture that Hobie was holding, a picture of Miguel O'hara himself pouting while sitting in a wheelchair. "He won't" Hobie shrugged confidently. "Not when the photo is taken by" Hobie gestures to you, bouncing on your feet nervously while you waited for your coffee to be served. "They went on a date?" Peter exclaimed in surprise, Hobie gave him a confirming nod.

"Who on earth started this," Miguel sighed, getting more and more irritated by the second while staring at the noticeboard that was in the cafeteria. You simply laughed at the title. "What is big boss up to this week?" Below it was pictures of Miguel in a wheelchair, him sitting in his office in comfortable clothes and the last picture was a picture of him in a formal western suit with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. The same bouquet that was in a flower pot in your house now.

3K notes · View notes

nonexistent-introvert · 11 months

Text

Hug Me

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Content: angst, fight, Joel being mean, guilt, heartbreak,

A/N: I really just wanted to write a fic based of the cover of this song done by BTS V and J-hope. I linked the original artist but there is a part where its J hope's rap so it wasn't included in the original song.

Update: I decided to link a SoundCloud link for the cover too!!

Part 2 !!!!

Unable to win over my heart of sorrow

I endure yet another dark night of sleeplessness

Without a care about my despair

The morning heartlessly wakes me up

The buzzing of Jackson was replaced with silence at this hour. The sounds of nature replaced the usual city buzz. You hated the silence, the bustle was the only thing that distracted you from your thoughts. While everyone is asleep, you lay wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Trying your best to push down the lump in your throat and silence the voices in your head. Every time you closed your eyes, the whole scene replays on a loop, reminding you of what had happened. Your heart clenched, constricting on itself. The tear streaks still shine in the moonlight.

You don’t think you got a single night of sleep since your fight with Joel. If you were lucky, maybe you would get naps and the times when you had just collapsed because of sheer exhaustion. It was lucky that you always collapsed when you returned home. You didn’t want anyone realising how much despair you were in, you didn’t need the concern.

When the voices stopped, a bright light has already shone into your room. The silence was now filled with various greetings and laughs. Many people waking up early for patrol or to provide and contribute their services to Jackson. You stood up, exhaustion weighing your body down. You tried to ignore the reflections of yourself, you doubted you looked well at all.

It was heartless, wasn’t it? How time still passed indifferently despite the pain you were in.

The scars hurt more than I expected

The pain goes deeper than I expected

The countless nights I spend resenting you

Are like hell to me

You catch passing glances at Joel, he always seemed preoccupied with some kind of work. You tore your eyes away from him anyways while your heart ached longingly for him. His porch was empty at night, he used to strum his guitar there, hoping that the melodies would bring you to him.

You rid the thoughts of him, you really should stop thinking about him. Your heart clenched at the thought, as though it protested against you. The logical part of you urges you to just move on with your life, go back to the life before you filled your days with Joel’s company. Then there was your heart which ached constantly for Joel, and yet, it refuses to let go of him.

What was wrong with you? It has been almost a month since the both of you fought. Joel looked like he moved on fine so why were you the only one who was suffering?

You hated Joel Miller. You hated him for the pain he had put you through. You hated him for how easily he moved on, as though you hadn’t meant a single thing to him. Your logical mind listed every single one of Joel’s faults and flaws. However, your heart simply yearned for Joel, reminding you of the times you spent with him. When he made you the happiest you have ever been. When he gave you that boyish smile, when he laughed at one of your remarks when he teases you with his iconic drawl.

When he had muttered to you the words he never had the courage to say while you’re awake.

“You mean so much more to me than you’ll ever know darlin’”

The tears flowed again, just like every other night. It was like your own personal torture.

Stay by my side, stay with me

Don’t let go of my hand you hold

If you take one step away

I can just take one step closer

“Joel please!” You begged, holding onto his hand. There was a split moment in time where Joel hesitated and his gaze softened ever so slightly. Joel wrung his hand out from your grip, turning away from you as he ran his hands through his hair. You took a step closer to him, “I’m sorry.” You uttered. “I need some time.” And Joel slammed the door behind him

Thousands of times a day

My thoughts come back to you

All the cruel words you said to me

That icy look, those cold expressions

You blasted the music that was playing in your ears. Trying to drown out the words that he had said that day. You distracted yourself with the lyrics of the song, hoping that it would stop the scene from replaying in your head. You were never seen without your earphones after that day, because when your mind was allowed to wander, it would wander back to him. The music helps to reduce how vivid the memory was.

“There is no ‘us’. There was never an ‘us’ and there will not be.” Joel gritted out. Your fists shook uncontrollably beside you. When you finally found the courage to look up at him, the look in his eyes was unrecognisable. It was a look he gave to enemies, a cold glare void of any warmth, so unlike the looks he always gave you. He was no longer the Joel who called you darling then, he was Joel Miller, the man who murdered the fireflies in cold blood and destroyed any chances of a cure.

You shivered at the memory, your breath hastened considerably.

You were such a pretty person

Please don’t do this to me

You know me well

In this apocalypse, no one trusted each other. Even in Jackson, trust takes time to build, you had to earn your place here by helping out. Joel Miller was reliable, polite, and reasonable, being Tommy’s brother also helped him easily earn the trust of many. However, you don’t remember the day you decided to trust him with everything you had. Maybe it was the countless times he had saved you from close calls during patrols.

It was definitely the times he had spent slowly warming up to you. When he had mentioned to you what Ellie was up to during patrol when he came up to you and asked you all about the lore of Savage Starlight. Those were the times when you slowly gave your heart to him, bit by bit, till it wasn’t yours anymore.

His good looks were hardened by the apocalypse, but when he let the traces of a smile show and let out a laugh or wheeze, you knew you fell for him even more. So when he slammed the door on you that day and walked out of your life like he never meant anything, your heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

The glimpse of a pained look on his face showed that he knew that your heart shattered at his words. Knew that his actions were enough to leave a bleeding heart behind. Joel Miller knew you too well.

And that was why, it had hurt so much.

Those words you said lightly at the time

Made light our relationship in the end

I didn’t know familiarity was the scariest thing

I didn’t know your heart, until our end full of regrets

By the day, your empty spot grows bigger

Perhaps it was your fault that you decided to try to walk on the tightrope that was yours and Joel’s relationship. The both of you tethered on the line of friends, as though the both of you were testing the limits of it. You should have known that when you went beyond the line, you would walk on the tightrope, never sure if Joel would catch you when you did fall from the tightrope. From your situation now, you know that he didn’t catch you, he was never prepared to catch you.

The months you had spent with him, the time you had spent laughing and talking to him under the stars, the nights you had spent in his arms. It all felt like a long dream as soon as the weight of his words comprehended in your mind.

“There is no ‘us’, there never was and there never will.”

“We should have never met.”

You chuckle sadly at yourself now, you had even once thought of what it will be like being his wife. Just like how Maria is Tommy’s wife. It seemed like a childish dream now. The scariest part of it all was how you thought you knew him like the palm of your hand, you trusted him enough to not hurt you and walk out so heartlessly, that he would at least have had the decency to let you down slowly. It took everything falling apart, it took regrets pilling on one another to know Joel Miller truly. No matter what, the place Joel had left vacant in your heart only seems to grow bigger by the day.

Even if we water our flower bed that was once beautiful

Only our memories remain in full bloom

Only the scent of longing wafts out

Time doesn’t heal all wounds, it simply numbs the pain that comes from the wounds. When you stare at Joel as he passes you, you couldn’t help the sad smile that forms on your lips. Mourning for the one who got away, what could have been a fairytale. As you watched him lift a bunch of fresh supplies for Jackson, your heart ached numbly in your heart. Even if you did give him and you a chance again, the fight and the trust that was lost between you in this period of time would forever hinder the relationship. You knew Joel and you would never go back to how you were back then, you were thankful that at least the happiness was contained in happy memories that you could look back on. On those days when you reminisce your memories with him and contemplate fixing things between the both of you, you could only remind yourself of the cold truth. However, you couldn’t stop your heart from yearning for him.

If I can just see you again

I want to show you my everything

I’ll hug you and hold you tight

So you can read my beating heart

For real, for real

Until this truth rests in your embrace

Joel sat down in his favourite chair with a grunt. The cold silence that greeted him in his home was not something that he looked forward to. He sighed, listening to one of his records play, letting the music accompany him instead. So he does not feel that alone.

“She left today. Not sure what she’s up to but she did make some joke of coming back if she doesn’t die.” Tommy casually told Joel over patrol. Joel’s heart stopped for a moment, asking for more details but it seems like you deliberately didn’t leave much. Joel bit back on his tongue, he had no right asking about you, not when he treated you like that.

The guilt haunted him every day since he walked out of your house that day. His pride not letting him go and apologise to you, and because he also thought that you would be better off without him. You deserved better than an old grumpy man like him.

But knowing that he couldn’t even see you around town now, unable to know if you are okay killed him internally. Joel could only blame himself for letting you go. Then he slowly got selfish, till the point where if he saw you again, he would plead every day for your forgiveness and hope that you would give him another chance. He will hold you in his arms, letting you hear his heartbeat, how it skips when he’s near you, how it paces when he sees you. His heartbeat will tell you the words he never got to tell you. Until you finally realize how much you mean to him and that he will forever blame himself for letting you go.

Just hug me, please hug me

Just run to me without a word

Joel wishes you would run into his arms again like you always did. You would call out his name and run towards him with a big grin. He will extend his arms out and welcome you into his arms. If the both of you were alone, you would even wrap your legs around him. Then he could let his heart skip a few beats at the sound of your giggles before you nuzzle your nose into his neck. Maybe after you came back from the trip you were on, you would run into his arms again, and he will welcome you like nothing has ever changed.

With a lonely and anxious heart

Like this I wait for you

For the first time since that day he fought with you, Joel picked up his guitar and sat on his porch again. He strummed melodies that he knew you would hum to, that you would start walking in beat to. Then you’ll dramatically sing out the lyrics when you see him, like you were a Disney princess in a Disney musical. He chuckles at the memory. Joel Miller will wait for you to come back to him. His music expresses his love for you, hoping that one day you’ll notice it.

He will talk to the moon about how much he loves you and hope that you’ll forgive him. His lonely heart anxiously awaits the day he will receive the message that you were back in Jackson and he had a chance to make things right with you.

His foolish and weak heart wishes that the moon would help convey his love and intentions to you. Joel hopes that you were talking to the moon too. After all, the only thing he had in common with you now was the sky above you from wherever you stood now.

I love you, I love you

I’ll shout out from this long silence

My foolish and weak heart

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nonexistent-introvert · 11 months

Text

Anomaly

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x f!reader

Word Count: 2k

Content: angst, idrk what’s gg on either, fights, you’re a Spider-Man too

A/N: post ATSV dump, I fell into the black hole known as Miguel O’Hara, I just needed to write this so it’s probably a mess 😵‍💫 I’m also posting this on my phone so- grammarly isn’t here to save me

Miguel stared at the footage of the new spiderman on his various screens. An headache making him all the more annoyed. There was barely any information on this person, the only thing he knew about them was the fact that they were an anomaly. Someone who wasn’t supposed to become a spiderman.

“Miguel! We brought them in.” Jess called out to him. Miguel turned his head, his eyes stared at the spiderman that has been causing him an headache for the past week as his platform descended.

The sound of machinery filled the place. There was an palpable tension in the air but what he didn’t expect was the sound of webs. His spidey senses tingled but it was already too late as you had swung yourself onto the platform. Gasps erupted from below, no one has ever dared to do that. “What do you think you’re doing?” Miguel spoke, authority in his voice. Mildly taken aback that you were able to act faster than his spidey senses could alert him. “You really should do something better with this.” You gestured to the platform that the both of you were standing on that was still in the process of descending. Your eyes scanned the screens before you, “If this is your dimension, technology is definitely much more advanced than… this.” You pointed out, mentioning the futuristic dimension the headquarters was located at. The rate of the machinery descending was too slow for anyone’s liking.

Miguel pinched the bridge of his nose, annoyance and anger filling him. “Just- who exactly are you?” He seethed. “Shouldn’t you know that? Judging by all this.” Your fingers danced across the screens with no care in the world, watching the various footages of you. Miguel slapped your hands away from the screens, “Take your mask off.” He raised his voice, a bunch of the spiderman shuddered in fear. You simply laughed, leaning back. “You haven’t even introduced yourself.” Miguel’s blood was boiling by now, “I’m Miguel O’Hara” Lyla was on one of the screens, watching the interaction with an amused look. It has been decades since anyone eveen dared challenge the stoic and unfunny spiderman.

“Wasn’t so hard was it?” You grinned, introducing your name to him. He froze at your name, quickly recovering his composure, there were plenty of people out there with the same name.

You pulled out a headpiece and Miguel watched as the nanotech retract to reveal a familiar face. A charming smile on your face while he just stared in disbelief.

“Everyone, out.” He ordered. Despite a few protests, everyone left. “Oh, am I that special?” You teased, waving to the spidermen who were leaving. Miguel couldn’t help but stare, you weren’t suppose to be here, he wasn’t supposed to see you ever again. However, you seem totally oblivious to his inner turmoil.

When you looked at him again, the playful look in your eye faltered. You pursed your lips, staring at the platform you were standing on. “Are you really-” Miguel started, his eyes softening.

“In the flesh. You got quite the set up here.” You remarked. Miguel shook his head, turning away from you. “I caused this. I dragged you into this mess.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I figured this out on my own.” You gestured to the suit you were wearing. “Because I saved you! Because I couldn’t bring myself to let you die. It is the whole reason you’re standing here as an anomaly!” Miguel shouted, he shouldn’t have interfered. He was supposed to minimise contact with anyone from other dimensions, he let himself get too close to you.

==================================

Every thought in Miguel’s head screamed at him to stop returning to you. He was supposed to be in his office at the headquarters, making sure that the multiverse is stable. However, he kept finding excuses after excuses to return to your dimension. To see you again, to laugh and talk to you.

“Oh you’re back.” You greeted upon returning to your home, putting your work bag down. Miguel smiled at you, “Missed you.” He admitted with a soft smile as he let you fall into his arms. You knew Miguel was lying to you, lying to you that he was a scientist at Alchemax. Even if it was once his job, you knew it wasn’t anymore. The long and sudden disappearances, he was practically a ghost and a figment of your imagination. While you lied in his embrace and listened to his voice, you couldn’t bring yourself to question him about it.

“Is there something wrong?” Miguel asked, noticing how you kept spacing out. Your usual cheery and playful tone missing. “I-” You stirred in his arms. “You’re not really a scientist at Alchemax are you?” Miguel kept his face blank, “Why?” he should have known better to underestimate you, to think that you would believe in the white lie he told you.

You pulled yourself away from him. “Never mind” you brushed your own doubt off, you didn’t want to ruin anything. Miguel tightened his hold on you, to stop you from distancing yourself, both metaphorically and literally. “I’m not.” He confessed. His eyes scanning yours for a reaction.

The watch that he wore started beeping. You sighed, “You’re not from around here” Finally putting the pieces together. “I’m sorry amor.” He apologised, rushing off.

If Miguel knew that would be the last time he saw you. He would have let the world burn just to spend the time with you.

“No!” He exclaimed. The flames engulfed the building and everything in it. The same building he had just left you in, the building that he visited everytime to see you, the building that was your home. Miguel eyes scanned the civilians that were evacuated from the building for you to no avail. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, one clear goal in mind, that he needed to find you. The voices of the civilians panicking, praying for their loved ones filled his ears, then he picked up on the sound of your name. He cursed when they said that you had ran back in to help others.

The building collapsed on itself, Miguel ignored everything. The rubble that was falling only increased his anxiety. He almost cried when he saw you unconscious on the floor.

“Second and third degree burns. Over-inhalation of smoke.” Lyla listed. He was bent over your body, doing anything he could. “There isn’t much hope.” Lyla ended, Miguel would have screamed at her if he wasn’t so focused on rescuriating you.

“No,no,no!” He chanted, his fingers finding your weak pulse. Miguel was at a loss, he couldn’t lose you. “Lyla. Give me the drug.” Lyla eyes widened, “She’s collateral damage Miguel. Saving her will cause the multiverse to-“ “I know that!” Miguel screamed, he knew he was putting everything on the line by saving you. However he couldn’t bring himself to just walk away, to just let you die.

Miguel continued to watch you from afar after he saved you with the drug. He watched as you were accompanied to the hospital and made sure that your condition was stable. Then he made the vow to himself.

The vow that he will no longer break any of the rules he had set for himself. He will not let anyone of a different dimension close to him, he will not risk the multiverse. Miguel O’Hara will not see you again no matter what happens.

He should have known that your stubborn personality would have brought you here to him.

==============

“Being a Spider-Man means people close to you will die. It’s a curse and a responsibility.” Miguel told you. You scoffed at him, “I’m not new to this. I went for so long without you ever noticing my existence. Even when you did, you never knew my identity.” Miguel ran his hands through his hair, “Lyla, check up on what’s her canon event.” “On it!” Lyla chirped. You shook your head, “about that. I think I got lucky.” Miguel glared at you, his mouth opened to scold you for what you just uttered.

“It has already happened. Her canon event has already occured.” Lyla announced. You nodded with your hands on your hips. “What?” Miguel eyes widened.

“My canon event was losing you.” You announced . Miguel’s jaw dropped, that was the reason why he couldn’t track your story, because it had already happened. “I’m lucky because I didn’t lose you for good it seems.” You pointed at him.

“You could have lived a perfectly normal life.” Miguel’s voice became significantly softer. “I would have been dead.” You pointed out. “If you never met me, you could have led a simple life without having to put yourself in danger. Maybe even a family.” The thought of you having a family brought a bittersweet taste to his mouth. You would be a fantastic mother but the thought of you being with someone else was a reality he didn’t want to hear about.

“My life wouldn’t be complete without you.” Miguel stood up to his full height. “You don’t know that.” He snapped.

“We were a mistake. We never should have even met.” Miguel breathed.

Those words hung in the air, suffocating the both of you. You put your hands on your hips, squaring your shoulders and clenching your jaw. You looked at the costume and the symbol you wore on your chest. “The whole reason I’m here is because I’m an anomaly right?” You started. Miguel kept quiet, pressing on the various screens. “Then right your mistakes Miguel. Get rid of me, or whatever you do to anomalies.” You challenged, stepping closer to him.

Miguel remained silent with his back facing you. His fists were clenched on the counter. Miguel was the whole reason you even became a spiderman. You studied quantum physics, tried your very best to be able to come up with something so that you could see him again. Then you figured out a way to become like him, to save lives. It was all to see him again. However, meeting him now. It was a dream come true but why did it seem more like a nightmare?

“Lyla, send her home.” Miguel muttered. “After all the trouble?” Lyla asked, she knew how many nights Miguel had spent just tracking and studying you, to understand your timeline and story. You stepped forward, putting your hand on his shoulder. Miguel was quick enough to turn around, one touch from you and he would never let you go again. “So you’re just going to live the rest of your life being guilty that you dragged me into being spiderman while upholding whatever stupid promise you made about not seeing me again?” You were on the verge of tears, after everything and Miguel didn’t even want to see you. “Yes. I will accept you are spiderman but I will not allow myself to indulge in your company again. I will not repeat my mistake.”

“Mistake of what?” You asked exasperatedly, closing your eyes to calm yourself down. You will not shed tears in front of him. Anger burned in Miguel’s eyes, “I almost caused you to die! You were suppose to die in that fire and it would be because I was there, because you are someone close to me. I will not allow that to happen. Then, you became spiderman too, putting yourself out there in danger and endangering everyone you care about. You don’t understand what you had gotten yourself into.” Miguel emphasised.

“I’m going to die no matter what Miguel! I’m not immortal. I will die in that fire regardless if I met you or not. I could have died after you left me regardless if I had become Spider-Man. I could die tomorrow for all I know!” You tried to knock some logic into Miguel.

Silence fell between the both of you. You shifted your weight from one foot to another,chuckling lightly. “For a Spider-Man, you are a coward, Miguel O’Hara.” You spat.

“There is no happily ever after for us, don’t you get it? Let’s just cut our losses here, let’s not tempt fate.” Miguel insisted, a pained look on his face. You smiled sadly at him, “It was nice seeing you O’Hara.” He stared as you walked off his platform.

“I did miss you, I will miss you.” Miguel admitted, finally getting it off his chest.

“Not enough apparently.”

You waved, turning your back against him and putting your mask back on.

#miguel o’hara x reader #miguel ohara #miguel o'hara #across the spiderverse #miguel x reader #miguel ohara x reader #miguel o’hara x you

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nonexistent-introvert · 11 months

Text

Deserving

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Word Count: 3.4k

Content: smoking, insecurities, angst, fluff, self loathing

A/N: I would like to think there are times when Javier gets very insecure so here it is. Ethan is based off a fictional character I was once obsessed with, Iet's see if anyone figures it out.

Javier has been on his guard the whole day. After two years of dating him, he brought up the idea of meeting your family. When you didn’t give him a response, he quickly added that he wasn’t trying to pressure you into anything. You had simply reassured him otherwise, that you would love for him to meet your family and that your initial reaction was just surprise that he would be the one who initiates it. That conversation was the reason why he sat at your house’s dining table, anxiously waiting for you to return to your seat beside him.

When he brought you back to his family, everyone adored you. From his father to even his extended family. Javier even accused you of feigning being nervous because you immediately managed to charm everyone with your easygoing personality.

Seeing the children in his extended family beg not to leave Chucho’s house because they wanted to spend more time with you was a sight to behold. He even sat with the children and entertained them while you went to help with the cleanup simply because the children weren’t willing to leave your side.

“She is a catch Javi. You make sure you treat her right.” One of his tia had sternly spoken to him. He nodded, “Yeah of course.” He replied confidently. He knew some of his own family still thought he was a douchebag for leaving Lorraine at the aisle.

They were afraid that he would do the same to you, and he didn’t blame them. Javier gave them the right to when he decided to walk out on Lorraine that day.

The confidence that Javier usually possessed seemed to be nonexistent. He met your friends before your family because you figured that it would give him the boost in confidence he needed. Your friends were easy enough to please, “a sight for sore eyes” and “imagine waking up to that face every day, I’ll be having a good day every day.” These were some of the comments he had gotten. Javier knew he was good looking and yet, he still got shy when people openly complimented him on his looks.

“For your first relationship? You scored the jackpot girl!” One of your friends drunkenly spilled. You laughed, taking the drink from your friend, telling her that she had drunk too much. You were totally oblivious to how shocked Javier was by that information. He never knew that he was your first relationship.

Javier was quick to talk to you about it. You simply shrugged, “It just never came up.” There was a hint of fear in your eyes and he felt guilty for even letting you think that way. “Im just surprised. Nothing changed between us alright?” Javier quickly reassured, giving your hand a squeeze.

Nothing changed between the both of you but the pressure on his shoulders seemed to get a little heavier. He would be the first man you brought home and introduced as your boyfriend, no amount of mental preparation would be able to prepare him for that moment. The inevitable judgment of seeing the first man your only daughter brought home from your parents was enough to make himself sober despite the alcohol in his veins.

He doubted he was the man your parents expected you to bring home. He hated himself for it. He hated that he wasn’t a better person, a person that you could proudly bring home to your parents. However, he kept his internal battles to himself, unable to bring himself to tell you when you had been so excited to introduce him to your family.

Your parents were welcoming. They smiled and talked to Javier excitedly. Javier smiled upon seeing how happy you were to see your own parents again. His nerves settled down for a brief moment. When it was dinner, Javier wasted no time going to the kitchen, wanting to help set the table. Javier naturally took the dishes from you when his eyes widened upon seeing your mother poke you with the wooden spatula she was holding. Your mother scolded you in your mother tongue before politely smiling at Javier again. Javier couldn't help but get nervous again, he had totally forgotten about the fact that English wasn’t your mother tongue. You had picked up Spanish since you worked in Colombia which helped significantly when you met his family and yet, he didn’t even know a single phrase in your mother tongue.

“She said I was a shit host.” You told Javier, taking the dishes back from him. “You just go sit your pretty face down and entertain my dad.” You told him and so he did just as he was told.

Your family was definitely a family of introverts. Your mother was quiet and rarely said anything throughout the dinner. Only making certain teasing remarks about you, your father was the one who initiated most of the conversations even if his conversation topics were rather generic. Javier tried his best to be polite, it was times like this when he wished Chucho was there with him to keep him in check, in case he overstepped unknowingly.

The sound of the doorbell ringing interrupted your dinner. You immediately attended to it. “Ethan?” You greeted in surprise. Javier’s head turned at record speed, you had told him about Ethan. Ethan is the man that he wished he was more like., the man that wouldn’t have to worry about not getting your parent’s approval.

Javier watched as he hugged you in greeting before greeting your parents in your mother tongue. Ethan glanced at Javier’s seat for a while and Javier couldn’t help the smirk that formed knowing that he had occupied Ethan’s usual seat. The attention was shifted from Javier to Ethan, the tension was looser because of Ethan as well. Honestly, Javier was relieved that the attention wasn’t mainly on him, he even smiled and chuckled a few times when listening to the ongoing conversations.

The self-loathing started when he excused himself from the washroom. When he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He washed his face repeatedly, trying to drown those thoughts away. Your parents have been anything but mean towards him, it wasn’t right for him to feel pressured. He should be at ease and yet, his emotions were like a tsunami inside him. You were by his side but every time he looked at you, he realized how much your family meant to you and he didn’t want to lose you. Javier Peña knew that he wasn’t the man that your parents would approve of, if he were in their shoes, he wouldn’t either.

Javier searched inside his pockets, pulling out the box of cigarettes. He bit his lip, contemplating his decisions. He had promised you that he was quitting, but he still found comfort in the cigarettes when things got overwhelming, he just turned to cigarettes less often than before now. It was a miracle how you even chose to be with him. You hated drugs, it was the whole reason why you became a DEA agent, even cigarettes. You had mentioned to him once before the both of you dated because you knew the impacts of the cigars, having lost your grandfather to it. Despite your hatred, you still chose him, even at times when he smelled like the smoke that you hated so much, you didn’t judge him. When he had made that promise to quit, the smile you gave him made it all seem worth it. Javier was sure that you knew that he still smoked on a few occasions, but you never mentioned anything to him.

He also knew what your friends thought about his smoking habit. Javier had snuck one when he was meeting your friends, when everyone was inside drinking. He wasn’t trying to hide it from you but he still felt guilty when he placed one on his lips. Javier thought he could make it through the trip without the influence of the cigarettes. “Javier smokes?” He had overheard your closest friend questioning you when he came back. He stood at a side, eavesdropping even when his whole brain screamed for him to not to. He couldn’t bring himself to make his presence known.

There was hesitance in your eyes before you dropped your head. “Did you see him-” “Yeah, he was just outside smoking. I thought he was puking his guts out or something.” Javier’s heart broke when he saw the disappointment flash across your eyes. “Yeah,” You finally admitted. Your friend widened her eyes, “What happened to you despising drugs? It was the whole reason for your job! You even fought with your parents over it, that you were willing to put your life at stake just to make sure fewer people were exposed to it, so families don’t suffer because of it.”

“Nothing good comes out of drugs were the exact words you said.” Your friend quoted. It was also the killer blow for Javier, his fists clenched at his side. He needed to walk away but he found himself being rooted to the ground. “Javi’s different, he’s quitting.” You defended weakly. Your friend scoffed, “That’s what they all say.” You simply stood there in silence, he could see you trying to avert your gaze, you always tried to avoid confrontations.

“Look, from what I can tell. Javier loves you, it's evident. I’m just afraid of the cigars, nothing good comes out of it. I don’t want you getting hurt.” Your friend said, you forced out a smile nodding. Javier made himself known after that.

So as he stood in your home’s washroom, he put the cigarettes back into his jacket. He should have disposed of it after hearing what your friend said. Javier didn’t want to hurt you either. He wouldn’t survive another day if he lost you.

Ethan was the trophy son Javier always wished he was. On nights when he returned from a long day chasing around druglords or looking into information that led him to a dead end, he would wish he was someone like Ethan. Ethan is a doctor at a renowned hospital in the city, his grades had always been exceptional when he was a student. He even won many awards for his contributions to the medical field. Ethan was polite and charming, even if you told Javier that he was a grumpy asshole to people who just met him. Javier couldn’t judge Ethan for that, especially when he was one himself. Ethan didn’t smoke and spent his nights in the comfort of his penthouse in the city, reading encyclopedias or studying and making sure that he was up to date on the practices and treatments available. On the other hand, before he got into a relationship with you, he had spent his free time or nights with various informants. He had drunk to his heart’s content and smoked. He was literally labeled as an asshole by his entire department. His own colleagues called him a pretentious asshole and a player. The only thing in common that he had with Ethan was that both of them has to face death every day, Ethan tries his best to save another person and he was safe from the danger of death, Javier however was facing the danger of death and could only watch helplessly as the corpses laid around him.

Chucho wouldn’t have to spend his days worrying about his son’s safety if he was like Ethan. He knew Chucho worried about his over-reliance on alcohol and cigarettes as well. If he was like Ethan, Chucho would have peace of mind, he figured he would have a better reputation overall as well. Not to mention, Ethan could speak your mother tongue, he couldn’t even comprehend a single phrase of it. There wasn’t a language barrier but he still thought that it would be nice if he at least took the time to learn more about your mother tongue and occasionally make you proud as he attempts to use it. He knew he liked listening to you speak in Spanish and he loved your voice even more when you spoke in your mother tongue. He wished he could tell what you were saying.

The last nail in the coffin was when he saw you and Ethan together. Javier insisted on helping your mother clean up. Ethan and you were standing in the backyard, catching up he figured. Maybe it would do him some good if he didn’t have to look at the both of you because of the window that faced the backyard. Javier knew you well enough to know that you were relaxed and happy around him. The jealousy that burned in his heart when you shoved Ethan playfully and talked to him animatedly was inevitable. “They grew up together. He was like a son I never had.” Your mother started. “She told me, he’s a year older right?” Javier politely continued. Your mother nodded, “God bless Ethan, he saved me so much money on tuition because she could just go to him for any academic help. Especially math.” Your mother groaned, “You don’t know how stressed I was when she was still failing math a month before finals. You know her, sometimes she’s a little too happy-go-lucky for her own good.” Javier laughed at the mention of you, you were a little too uncaring sometimes. People would be losing their heads and you would still be calm and collected, even with a warm smile and a joke to relieve the tension.

The dynamic between you and Ethan was incomparable. Seeing him in person today made Javier realise just how much of an impact Ethan has in your life. The small habits that you had which he adored were things that Ethan did too. Your habit of pinching the bridge of your nose when annoyed was just one of the habits. Javier rubbed the back of his neck, you chose him over anyone so why did he still feel like this?

“Javier, are you ok?” You asked, intertwining your fingers with his while Javier drove. He snapped out of his daze, “Hmm? Yeah” You frowned, “Javier,” you said in name in warning. “I thought everything went pretty ok.” Javier had to resist the urge to scoff at you, your friends probably hated him for smoking, everyone will hate him when they find out that he still remembered the phone numbers of his ‘informants’. “Why are you with me? Why me?” Javier questioned. You frowned even further, heart dropping to the pits of your stomach. What made Javier question? “Your crazy good looks.” You replied jokingly, “And well, because you’re you, Javier Peña. You’re everything I want in a guy, that’s a good enough reason right?” “I don’t see it. What do you even see in me? I’m an asshole at its finest.” You squeezed his hand tighter, “And? You want me to be with someone like Ethan instead?” You figured this was the reason. He felt incomparable to Ethan. “Yeah,” Javier said, taking his eyes off the road for a split second. “He’s rich, a renowned doctor. A trophy son and would be a trophy husband. He isn’t an asshole and most importantly? He doesn’t smoke or spend his free time sleeping around .” Your heart sunk further, you assumed Javier had heard what your friends told you.

“Ethan is impressive. Despite all that, I never chose him, even if he is probably the person who knows me the best, he had seen me through all the phases I had growing up. Despite all that, I still chose you over him.” Javier remained quiet, “Love isn’t some kind of investment. I can’t decide to fall in love with someone just because they probably would be the best person for me on paper. I can’t choose to fall in love with you Javier. I just fell for you unknowingly even when you slept around and smoked. When you told me you were going to quit for me, I was happy of course. But just because you sneakily smoked one today doesn't mean that I would love you any lesser, I would at most, be worried about the impacts of the cigarettes. Additionally, you slept around me when we weren’t in a relationship, you even stopped way before we were in a relationship if what you told me was true. So why would that affect anything?” the tone you used made Javier feel like a child. It was as though he had just asked the most obvious question in the world. “I love you Javier Peña, not Ethan.” You finished, your eyes shining and Javier felt so foolish to even ask that. Your eyes shone whenever you talked about something you were passionate about, and he figured, Javier himself was something you felt very passionate about. “I’m sorry mi amor.” He guilty said, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. “I- don't know what gotten into me.” He said. You simply laughed in response, “You’re an idiot Javier, for even worrying that you weren’t enough.” He simply nodded shyly, he felt so foolish. “Anyways, my parents have given me their report on you. You wanna hear it?” Javier sat straighter in his seat, “I’m kinda nervous.” He admitted, holding your hand tighter.

“He got a nice face to look at.” Javier shook his head, “There is no way they said that you’re making this up.” You laughed, “I swear I didn’t! My mum said that and my dad clicked his tongue in annoyance.” You cleared your throat, “He has manners and takes the initiative to do anything. He can definitely take care of you and helps around the household, unlike your dad.” You continued, reenacting exactly what your mother told you. Javier chuckled at the last comment. “Most importantly? The both of you look at each other like you’re in some romance film so I guess there’s that.” You made a confused face, “Whatever that’s supposed to mean.” You told Javier. “Oh, my mother also said at the very end. Javi is the exact man you used to describe when talking about the man you would marry.” You grinned at him, eyeing him up and down. “You’re my ideal type. Ever since I was a teenager.” You told him proudly. He laughed, “I’m glad to hear that.”

Then you handed him an envelope. “You don’t need to worry about Ethan ever because-” You gestured to the envelope in Javier's hands. Javier carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the card.

“Ethan and Casey are pleased to invite you to their wedding.”

Javier grinned, “We should give them something similar soon too. Wouldn’t it be funny if we gave them an invite to a weddimg during their wedding ?” There was a playful glint in Javier’s eyes. “Are you proposing?” You asked in disbelief. “Kinda, I mean you did say I was your ideal type to marry since you were a teenager.” Javier teased. You rolled your eyes, “My ideal type would not be proposing with nothing in a car just to be funny at Ethan’s wedding.” Javier laughed, drumming his fingers against a small box in his pocket. “Hmm, you’re right. Just keep it in mind ok? I don’t want you to suffer a heart attack from the shock before you can say yes.” “I honestly doubt you’re that creative, Javier, for me to go into shock. But sure, I can feign a heart attack too if it makes you happy.” Javier laughed, falling in love with you even more. You casually turned up the volume in his car and started singing along to the radio, as though he hadn’t just casually brought up the idea of proposing to you. He looked at you in adoration, he was so nervous to bring up marriage since the both of you never talked about it. He had let his worries blind him from the most obvious aspect of everything. The aspect that the both of you were hopelessly in love with each other. He felt so foolish now as he listened to your offbeat singing. His mind raced, running through the plan that he had for tomorrow. The day when he can finally show you the ring inside the box hidden in his pocket now.

Javier has never been happier that he was Javier Peña, the luckiest asshole in the world.

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