sadnessconnoisseur

[sadnessconnoisseur]

Pekka Rollins: I will put so many bullets in your head, Saints won't even recognize you.

Kaz: I'm an atheist. Fire at will.

[sadnessconnoisseur]

The freedom of being an adult away from your family and the freedom of running away from your adult life to your family, your childhood.

It sits exactly on the line of bittersweet.

Make you realise the difference in forms of freedom, love and comfort.

The idea of running away to a different life is something that is so personal. It consoles your soul from the scars you take on all your life.

The idea of running away to a different life is like breathing new air. Unfamiliar air of a new city, new country. New perceptions, new ideas cultivate.

The idea of running away to a different city makes you a new person. No judgement, no old stories. Not knowing anything about you and getting to know you.

It makes me excited and giddy and I feel it in my stomach.

But…

The idea of running home makes me bring back my old self. The broken door handle of my room. The smell of the mother’s and father’s pillows.

The idea of running home makes me think of school, the hot and cold breeze I breathed. All the things that evoked emotions, real first emotions.

The idea of running home reminds me of my first love. The teasing, the games. The eyes I used to look forward to seeing everyday.

It’s the ideas that moves me, helps me live and smile and breathe easy. The past. The future.

#future #poemsbyme #poems about mental health #original poems #emotions #feelings #late night

[sadnessconnoisseur]

jesper fahey and his adhd have my heart. there's nothing technically "wrong" with his life but he can't get it together anyway because his brain works differently and he hates himself for it. he needs to be liked by everyone because he's sensitive to rejection. he dropped out of university. he got himself a gambling addiction because of the dopamine rush that he can't find anywhere else. he loves being in the middle of a fight because it's the only thing that shuts his brain up. he forgot that he had a one night stand with wylan until he was on top of him and being shot at. when kaz was mad at him he offered himself up to take a highly addictive, highly deadly grisha drug. he spends every waking moment of his life trying to shut off the part of his brain that unrelentingly reminds him of how badly he's messed everything up. things would be so much easier if he had someone to blame for it all but it's just the way he's wired

[sadnessconnoisseur]

Wylan: Are you trying to seduce me?

Jesper: Why, are you seducible?

[sadnessconnoisseur]

Jesper: Life keeps fucking me and I can't remember the safeword.

[sadnessconnoisseur]

just sitting here thinking about the underrated kanej scene of kaz sweeping a cloak around inej’s shoulders as wild geraniums flutter all around them right after he gets her back in crooked kingdom

and how geraniums are her mother’s favorite flower

and how her father told her the “many boys will bring you flowers” line and kaz *has* taken the time to know her as no one else does which is why his gift to her was a knife (and eventually her ship)

and now in that moment kaz is the one responsible for her mother’s favorite flowers whirling around her

and how inej has just literally been tortured and traumatized by van eck and had to confront the real possibility of her legs being broken and thinking she would be useless to kaz and now she has this beautiful, soft moment with him amidst all of the chaos of them escaping

[sadnessconnoisseur]

FREDDY CARTER | SAB S2 BLOOPERS

[sadnessconnoisseur]

[sadnessconnoisseur]

Your heart starts racing uncontrollably.

Your body starts to heat up from the inside out.

It's consuming like a black hole. And when sucked in, it feels like there is no way of ever escaping this infinite darkness.

It just drains you out until there is no more.

Anxiety is inevitable.

It's with you when you wake up.

It's with you when your surrounded by people.

It's with you when your alone.

It's with you when your just you.

[sadnessconnoisseur]

seeing kaz brekker x reader fic is a whole new level of “he would not fucking do that”

[sadnessconnoisseur]

Me: I have no fears.

*Kaz X Reader fanfics*

Me:

Me: I have one fear.

[sadnessconnoisseur]

I’m re-reading Six of Crows and honestly I completely forgot about this line. It is very intriguing and shows a much more manipulative side of Kaz. He’s not constantly ruthless and rude to people around him. He knows which gods to worship to make a fortune and even Haskell is experienced enough to see this in him.

It’s such a cool part that I feel like writing a fic on it. Let me know guys if it’s a good idea to go with….

#six of crows #crooked kingdom #grishaverse #soc #the crows #kaz brekker #dirtyhands #inej ghafa #kanej #shadow and bone #wesper #helnik #jesper fahey #wylan hendriks #nina zenik #matthais helvar #ketterdam #per haskell

[sadnessconnoisseur]

me watching the alina, mal, darkling etc scenes:

me watching the crows scenes:

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Me resisting the urge to skip the S&B scenes to get to the Crow parts

[sadnessconnoisseur]

reporter: preferred pronouns?

andrew: don't talk about me

[sadnessconnoisseur]

[sadnessconnoisseur]

A Kanej One-shot; Lingering

Inej has never been one to linger. Always jumping from one thing to the next, rooftop to rooftop, caper to caper. Lingering gets you caught. She knows this.

Then why is it that she can’t seem to make herself look away?

Kaz is sitting by a large window of the caravan, leaning over a small desk as he works in a scuffed-up leather notebook that he tracks finances in while away from the barrel.

There’s nothing unusual about this, but she finds herself admiring the furrow between his brows as he works in his head before scratching it onto the page in front of him. How if something stumps him, his eyes quickly flit up, where the falling sun could catch them and Inej could almost see his pupil, before just as quickly landing back onto the paper, the equation solved.

Here, where his coat was hooked to the back of his chair because of the Ravkan heat, and his sleeves are rolled. Normally pristinely pressed shirts are now travel creased, and once greased-back hair has since curled and fallen onto his forehead due to the humidity. He blows it out of his eyes, his focus not splitting. It had gotten longer in the last month, she notes. It suits him here.

In a different reality, the sun would have suited him, for it welcomes him like a familiar stranger. Inej knows if she was only closer, she could see faint freckles on the bridge of his nose from a past life, not yet faded.

The curtaining daylight dances across him laughing with mirth as it washes over him. There he is, bathed in orange light in her worn wood caravan, surrounded by warm and colorful spices and rugs and silks, completely unaware of its acceptance of him there.

He spoke then, not turning from his work.

“Hello Inej.” His mouth is slightly quirked, and she can hear the hint of amusement in his voice.

This is why you never linger.

“Kaz.”

Well, she never could sneak up him, but this was just embarrassing on her part.

Shaking herself from her thoughts, she joins him at the desk, observing the arithmetic, and strictly ignoring his eye contact.

Ever attuned with her, Kaz extends an escape through quiet explanations of the numbers laying in front of them. In their own little world carved from her space, Kaz rests his hand by hers, letting the touch linger.