slightlyaboveaverageiq

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

Me: I would just like to let everyone know that somewhere there is a federal court transcript that says “Agent Raccoon made moaning noises to antagonize opposing counsel* and honestly I feel like I should have an award.

Spencer: …it is 3 in the morning. PLEASE go to sleep.

Emily: Atta girl

Hotch: Why am I not shocked that you were the one who encouraged her to be on her worst behavior

Emily: ….

Emily: …You’re just mad cause you liked it

#incorrect criminal minds quotes #criminal minds #raccoonenergy #spencer reid #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

Me: *Walks in with wagon filled with squishies, caffeine and smutty books*

Derek: Uhhh princess? What’re you doing?

Me: *Starts placing things on the floor in a line oit the door* Helping Spencer get a girlfriend

Hotch and Rossi: *Frowning* Our wives didn’t like these things

Me: …And that’s why you are both divorced. Some more times than others because they would have been fucking ecstatic with these, you just didn’t pay attention.

#criminal minds #incorrect criminal minds quotes #derek morgan #spencer reid #mgg #matthew gubler #david rossi #aaron hotchner

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

A Black Rose Among Sunflowers (Part 2)

A/N: Minors DNI, PTSD, mentions of CSA, mentions of PA, mentions of domestic violence (both romantic and sibling related), emotional abuse (I guess, basically sisters using trauma to be mean in an argument), use of the word daddy (Mainly joking, internally though definitely sexual), I forgot to include agegap in my last A/N so age gap (reader is 27, and I'm going to age Spencer appropriately so he'd be 44). I think that's it if there's something you feel I should have tagged but didn't please reach out.

Word Count: 2.4k words

Playlist: Eyes don't lie, Older, I'm yours, favorite (All by Isabel Larosa)

Part 1 here:

I wasn’t sure how long I stayed in the shower watching as the water turned a gross muddy brown staining the white tile of the shower floor as it made its way down the drain. I couldn't help but wonder if I had just been there on time would things have gone the way they had? That was a stupid question. Casey had always had a temper as long as I had known him and here lately it looked like he was just looking for any reason to fly off the handle. Though stupidly I had pulled the whole ‘oh I can fix him, he just needs to be shown love’ adage to my sister when she expressed her concerns last week. I bit my lip as the memory made an unwelcome entrance into the foremost part of my brain.

Trembling, I pushed Gabriella’s doorbell repeatedly hoping to whatever God was out there that she was home even though her car wasn’t in its usual spot in the driveway. The door opened and a set of green eyes looked up at me, her curly red hair covering her face, likely from the ice cream Astoria had snuck past Gabriella who was making dinner from the smell of chicken and dumplings coming out the front door. “Mommy! Aunt Addie is here…and her face is wet!” Oh gee thanks for ratting me out there Astoria. I waited awkwardly at the front door occasionally looking over my shoulder to make sure Casey hadn’t followed me. He might have been stupid but I don't think he was stupid enough to follow me here…well unless he wanted to be looking down the barrel of her shotgun. 

“Adrienne?” Her eyebrows furrowed, she wasn’t expecting me obviously but it was quickly replaced with an icy hatred in her green eyes as she took in the puffy and bruised mess that was also currently serving as my face. She gently tugged me into the house and checked the surrounding area before double locking the door. “Addie this is getting ridiculous he's going to end up killing you.” She whispered as she led me into the kitchen and poured some water into the electric kettle before placing it on the stove. She sat across from me and took my hands gently in hers and I bit my lip to prevent the tears from overflowing.

“He-He didn't mean to Gabi. He loves me he just...ever since he lost his job it's been hard you know that.” She squeezed my hands so I turned my glassy eyes to look at hers, there was no forgiveness in her eyes, only hatred. Gabriella is usually the softer out of the two of us opting to kill with kindness rather than with a car. But Gabriella had always been stickler for boundaries and if you crossed them even in the slightest she had no problem cutting you off whereas I tended to try to find some amount of good in the person to try and justify keeping them around. Hence she was married to Emmett who thought she was the greatest thing in the universe with their twins Auggie and Astoria and here I was in a 5 year long abusive relationship. 

“Maybe if he got off his ass and looked for a job instead of drinking your money away he wouldn't be nor would he feel inadequate.” Her words were harsh and i bit my cheek at them. This was another point of contention between Casey and I, Gabriella had no issue with telling him exactly how useless he was, and well it's not like she was wrong so I often did not defend him. Leading to more fights with him about how I was letting my sister humiliate and emasculate him.

“Maybe if you didn't stick your nose where it didn't belong Gabriella he wouldn’t be beating the shit out of me.” Her eyes widened and she dropped my hands so I started pacing the kitchen not looking at her and running a finger through my blue tinged waves. “God you tell me I don't know when to shut my mouth but did it ever occur to you that YOU constantly calling him a bitch, pussy and everything else under the sun was making things worse? It's not like he can beat the shit out of you, Emmett would kill him. Me on the other hand he could snap my neck before you even knew I was missing.”

“You can’t seriously be suggesting it's my fault he's beating you Addie! You've had chance after chance to leave and you stay with a man who treats you like dad. I understand you have daddy issues but there's nothing romantic-”

My hand moved faster than my one brain cell and my hand connected with her face. I looked at the red handprint and back to my own hand which was still outstretched as she stared at me wide eyed while her hand came up to the now bruising cheek i had just hit. I didn't know what to say, there was nothing to say, no amount of I’m sorry would undo the damage I had just done to her. Deep down I know she was right she had offered numerous times to let me stay with them but I was scared. Scared Casey would find me, scared the cops wouldn't be able to do anything and he would follow through on his threats. I hadn't talked to her since that day and that had been almost three weeks ago. She had left several messages just begging me to come back, that she understood I acted in the heat of the moment, even Emmett had called but honestly I was too embarrassed to answer. I had become the people I hated just because I was miserable with myself. 

A small shriek came out of my mouth as I registered the water had turned icy. I guess I had been in here longer than I thought because the water was running clear and the feeling of dried blood had been erased from my body. “Adrienne, Adrienne are you okay?” I could hear the slightly panicked voice of Spencer behind the bathroom door and the rattling of the bathroom doorknob. 

“Sorry…Sorry I didn't realize I had been in here so long, the cold water startled me.” I offered weakly and was embarrassed about my reaction. Damn Addie it was just cold water not like there's a serial killer in the bathroom with you. I toweled off quickly and slipped into the sweat pants and t-shirt already feeling better just being clean and in fresh clothes. Spencer was sitting in a large arm chair in the corner of his living room seemingly in deep thought as he rubbed absentmindedly over his chin. I couldn't help but blush taking in his long fingers, yep he's definitely the type of man smutty authors write about. “Um..do we-should we be going or?” My question hung in the air uncomfortably and he startled as if he didnt hear me answer and honestly with how fast the gears in his brain were going it was possible he didn't. He didn't say anything, instead just walked into his kitchen and came back with a cookie tin.

“My friend Penelope made these for me, I don't think she would mind me sharing them given the circumstance.” He offered a small smile and nodded towards the cookie inside. I peaked cautiously and smiled when I saw they were snickerdoodles and then very embarrassingly my stomach roared like a goddamn dragon. Jesus when WAS the last time I ate? I wearily looked at the clock on the wall and almost had a heart attack when I saw it was 4 am, yep I definitely needed something to eat. I at least tried to eat like a somewhat dignified young lady but judging by the amount of crumbs I was getting everywhere and the amused chuckle that left Spencer's mouth I actually probably looked like a raccoon that had found a whole bag of cat food.

“You know just because you have the whole daddy look going on that doesnt mean you can also be a dick.” I froze at my words and I just really wanted to become one with the floor at this moment in time. Thank you very much. He raised an eyebrow and leaned forward in his seat slightly.

“Daddy thing?” Oh yeah my face was most certainly the color of a tomato now and I really, REALLY wanted nothing more than for god to just start the second coming of Christ now so I wasn’t forced to live through this moment. Unfortunately it didn't appear that the rapture would be starting anytime soon and the good doctor definitely was getting a kick out of my embarrassment. 

“Oh shut up you know you're pretty.” I mumbled mostly to myself while reaching for another cookie. He smiled and stood grabbing me water and bringing my shoes in the process. “Oh now you want to go, couldn't have just let not me shove my foot in my mouth could you?” He smirked and grabbed my hand but I quickly snatched it back feeling my face redden even further, Jesus they were going to name a new shade of red after me with how red my face was. “I can walk just fine thank you I have been doing it for 27 years” 

“Well that's not a very good boyfriend then.” He muttered, reaching in front of me and opening the front door and I just stared at the wall in front of me. Was he trying to poke fun at me and make me laugh during a very traumatic time in my life? Yes. Did the implications of that sentence make me an embarrassingly high level of turned on? Also yes. I ducked my head and shuffled my way past him ignoring the soft chuckle he gave as he locked the door behind me.

I waited for him to unlock the door and got in quickly, buckling myself and turning my face and body towards the window so he couldn't see my blushing face. I saw him frown in his reflection in the window and his hand reached out to pat my knee causing me to make an embarrassingly close to a whimper and jump away from his touch like I had been burned. Sir i am trying not to be horny right now and you touching me is most certainly not helping. 

“He’s not going to touch a hair on your head ever again Addie.” He removed his hand from my leg and I watched as his grip on the steering wheel tightened. His voice was perfectly calm but I could see a dangerous glint simmering below the surface, he was pissed off for me and honestly that's one of the hottest things a man can do. Interestingly enough I’ve always hated being called Addie but coming out of Spencer’s mouth I couldn't help the small shiver that came out of me.

“Yeah…I’ve heard that before.” I mumbled and laid my head against the window feeling exhausted. Spencer frowned but didn't say anything and I felt my eyes slipping closed, hey to be fair I've been awake almost 24 hours and my ex boyfriend savagely beat the shit out of me I think I’m allowed to take a nap while the cops look for him. My eyes opened as I felt my body being jostled but instead of someone shaking me awake I was vaguely aware that it was someone scooping me up like I was a small child and carrying me. 

“She fell asleep on the way here, no sense in waking her until we know something. Who knows when the last time she got a decent amount of sleep was.” Well he wasn't wrong. I had been basically surviving off caffeine and dark romance novels for the last year ever since Casey lost his job. I felt myself being laid down and to my great horror my arms wrapped around Spencer tighter. What the hell arms? No. He's letting us go and God only knows what we’re going to dream about and seeing as how I have already embarrassed myself in front of this man enough times for my entire life I would rather he NOT hear any sex dreams we have about him. “Alright come on now Addie I know you can at least subconsciously hear me. You need to sleep.” I felt him quite literally pry my arms off his body and he covered me with a blanket before turning off the lights.

“Can you stay?” I watched him pick up a book and turn one of the lamps on. I turned fully so I could get a look at him and instantly felt guilty for asking him to stay, there was a good chance he had been up as long as if not longer than me and here I was asking him to stay awake even longer like I was a five year old scared of the dark. “Nevermind it's okay, you can go home and go to sleep.”

“I’ll stay until your sister gets here”

“But-”

“Stop being stubborn and go to sleep Adrienne.” Nope, I did not like that one bit. I huffed and rolled over onto my side not wanting to look at him anymore. “Stop pouting you know I’m right you literally fell asleep within five minutes of the car ride.” I pursed my lips wanting to come up with some kind of sassy retort but he was right. I was exhausted and honestly I was struggling to even continue this conversation.

“Oh go fuck yourself.” But it lacked the bite one would normally have behind that insult, also that's the best my brain could come up with? Really? I heard him chuckle and instantly dreaded what was sure to be a sexual innuendo I had to pretend was just harmless jokes but in reality was sure to make my face red.

“Well we both know that's not what you're dreaming about since you mentioned my…what was it? Oh yeah, my daddy thing earlier.” I groaned and glared at him over my shoulder. “You're the one that said it, not me.” Where can you buy a filter for your mouth? Asking for myself because I am getting myself into stupid situations all the time from it. I ignored his retort and pulled the blanket up over my head desperately wishing to fall asleep but also that I wouldn't say anything too embarrassing before Gabriella got here.

#criminal minds #dom spencer reid #spencer x reader #spencer reid #emily prentiss #tara lewis #jennifer jareau #penelope garcia #david rossi #luke alvez #matt simmons #fanfic #smut

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

A Black Rose Among Sunflowers (part 1)

A/N: Okay so a couple things 1. this story is dark, not dark!Reid but part mentions of CSA, childhood sexual abuse, alcohol addiction, PTSD from the CSA, abusive relationships, and domestic violence. The story while also have allusions to dark smutty books such as Haunting Adeline and other books ive read and those come with their own trigger warning so you may want to look at those before reading this. Also we don't kink shame anyone who likes these things CONSENSUALLY and who are above the age of 18. You do you baby boos, that being said minors DNI.

Word Count 2.2k

I bit my lip and gently pushed my key in the lock, it was late, later than I had originally told Casey i would be but with any luck he would have drank himself into oblivion and I would just be able to sneak in. The lights were all out and I breathed a sigh of relief as I pushed the door shut quietly behind me, freezing as the click of the lock seemed to echo through the apartment. I walked down the hallway and placed my keys on the counter not wanting to take the chance of the sound of metal hitting glass waking Casey up. I walked into the kitchen and rolled my eyes seeing the dirty dishes from what I presumed to be just enough dinner to keep him from throwing up like a sloppy drunk but not enough to take his buzz away. Checking the fridge I confirmed my suspicions that he didn't make enough for two, I would probably get some drunken rambling about “If you just cared about me as much as your slut stories we might have dinner together everyone once in a while.” Well maybe if I wasnt subjected to mediocre sex that lasted all of seven minutes with someone who didn't smell like a damn distillery I might not need to live in the world of make believe smutty daddies. I mean honestly who wants to just have their cervix poked awkwardly while their boyfriend completely misses their clit and then gets mad they didnt get off?

“You’re late Addie.” I stilled at the sound of his voice and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. Casey had stayed up waiting for me several times and it always led to a confrontation, usually just ending in words being exchanged, maybe a broken glass or two thrown by either one of us, and a ‘whore’ followed by a ‘fuck you’ and me slamming the door and walking to Gabriella (my sister’s house) to sleep for the night. But this…no the energy was off tonight his voice was condescendly sweet and his hands trailed along the back of my neck but the pressure suggested this wasn’t out of concern. No, he was absolutely livid but yet he was calm as a priest and all of the alarm bells went off in my brain.

“I…I lost track of time. And when i saw how late it was i just thought-”

“Thought i would forget and be asleep? Thought Casey’s probably already passed out cold so i might as well just keep doing whatever the fuck I want? Even though I’m in a goddamn relationship and should be at home?” I shivered and moved to step around him but his hand closed around the back of my scalp tightly, my blue tinted hair being ripped out by the root. A sharp cry left my mouth and I instantly clapped a hand over my mouth but it was already too late. Casey had heard it and that meant so had potentially the neighbors, and Casey sure as hell wasn’t going back to jail. A harsh slap came across my cheek and I fell to the ground. I raised my head to look at him but all I got was a faceful of the bottom of his work boots before a sickening squelsh was heard as it made contact with my eye. I'm actually pretty sure the toe of his boot got stuck in my eye goop for a second. Gross. 

“One of us has to pay the rent, and we know damn well it’s not going to be you.” Why the hell did my adhd and my inability to filter my thoughts have to make its appearance right now? Apparently my brain just doesn't understand the idea of self preservation because instead of making a break for the door in Casey’s moment of stunned silence I just stood there staring him down like I’m 6’2” instead of 5’2”. I always joked with my sister Gabriella that men couldnt hurt me because of our father, that a 6 '1'' 200 something pound man beating the shit out of a 6 year old and me surviving meant i could square up with anyone. Like an older sister would be she was mortified and tried to get me to see reason. Mainly: No Adrienne just because you survived horrific child abuse does NOT mean you should go out seeking conflict with grown men just to prove yourself. Alas, my sister got all of the common sense and I got all of the anger issues which has led to my current predicament.

“The FUCK did you just say to me you stupid bitch?” Come on brain do something don’t just have me stand here like a fucking idiot. Casey reached for me but I dodged out of the way picking up one of the sausage pokers (is that what they're called? Whatever the prong looking kitchen utensil you shove inside meat to flip it over, I'd rather shove it up Casey’s meat though). He paused for a moment before he let out a hearty laugh and to be honest if this were a scene in a movie I would probably be laughing too, like what kind of dumb bitch picks up a sausage poker instead of KNIFE when they're in the middle of a domestic assault in their kitchen? “Come on little love, we both know you're not going to do anything with that. Put it down and be a good girl and suck my cock and I might not leave too many bruises' ' I felt my stomach twist at his words and was instantly thrown back to an eerily similar conversation with my father when I was 9. 9 year old little me who couldnt fight back when he would beat me black and blue with a belt, little 9 year old me that couldnt fight back as he savagely raped me because ‘this is how daddies show their love now be a good little girl and suck my cock’

“Fuck off Casey…just just get out.” He was walking closer to me and my blue eyes widened seeing that 1. His pupils were huge and 2. Casey had an erection. Ew, who the hell gets turned on being threatened to be stabbed is this like the backwards version of Haunting Adeline? Only it's not a gun going up a pussy, it's a sausage poker going..well anywhere i can get him really. He walked closer to me again and I swung the poked at him. “I said get out you cunt” His eyes narrowed and he lunged at me, I closed my eyes and moved the poker forward and twisted when i felt it come in contact with his skin. OH GOD I was twisting around the muscle inside Casey’s leg. I watched him fall to the ground and thankfully I gained a brain cell in the process and practically ripped my door off the hinges fleeing in the process. Not paying attention to where my legs were taking me just wanting to put as much distance between Casey and myself in case he magically became the hulk and ran after me. I sighed when I saw the 24/7 cafe Lilianna’s appear in my vision. I threw the door open and I'm sure I looked a sight because Lilliana dropped the latte she was pouring causing the customer to frown and turn to see what could have caused the beverage to be spilled.

“Adrienne-” I was about to brush her off but the man was already standing and held my chin in his hand forcing my chin up so he could look at my eye, or whatever was left of it and dear sweet jesus I’m pretty sure this man is what inspires the smutty authors because he is both delicious and terrifying. 

“What happened?” His voice was low and gravelly, obviously physically and judging by the cold calculatedness in his eyes probably emotionally exhausted. His hazel eyes stared into mine, at least they looked hazel blood pouring out of your eye really fucks up you vision. Some kind of badge and gun situated on his right hip, ah law enforcement then, no wonder he jumped up so quickly. For a moment I thought about lying but something about his face suggested it would be a bad idea.

“Dr. Reid if I may…Casey Thomas is a nasty piece of work, that's her boyfriend.” Lilliana’s voice was soft but also strangled, poor woman I was going to have to buy multiple coffees for the rest of my life to make up for the trauma I'm sure I just caused her to witness. His eyebrows raised in a silent question and I nodded my head because apparently shock is you know a thing and I’m fairly certain I'm slipping into it now that the adrenaline has worn off. 

“Let’s go.” In hindsight I probably should have fought harder to stay with Lilliana because even though this cop has the credentials of a man he's still..well a man and I'm definitely at a disadvantage with my blooded eye and my now bleeding scalp. Should’ve taken the poker with me, I read somewhere if you take impaled objects out, well damn i probably kept the fucker alive keeping it in there. I couldn't help the chuckle that came out of my mouth and Dr. Reid looked down at me worriedly.

“Don’t worry doc im not delirious from blood loss, I was just thinking about how I kept the sausage poker shoved in Casey’s thigh and so I’m probably the only reason that fucker didnt bleed out.” I really probably should've just kept my mouth shut because I don't know how close to a confession that could be to attempted murder and I just admitted that to a cop. A pretty cop but a cop nonetheless. I gave him directions to my apartment and he walked up the stairs, gun drawn, I'm sure he was prepared for a lethal Casey, and to be honest so was I. I waited in the car for him and 15 minutes later he reappeared talking to someone on the phone.

“I’m with her now Em. I'll let you know when I know more. …Yeah her apartment is like two down from mine so you know the address. …Alright see you soon.” He disconnected the call and a tired sigh came out of his mouth before he ran his hands through his unruly hair. “My name is Spencer Reid, I work for the BAU. That was my boss Emily, they're coming to check out your apartment. Casey wasn't there.” I felt a shiver wrack through my body out of fear or just exhaustion I don't know. “I’ll need to take your statement about what happened tonight, but let’s get you cleaned up first.” I nodded and he opened the car door for me and started leading me up the stairs just as black SUVs with flashing blue and red lights appeared in the parking lot.

“Reid!” We both turned around at the voice and a dark brunette woman in a power suit got out of the driver's side and walked over, her hard expression faltering slightly when she saw my bloodied face but it was quickly replaced by a cold, stoic expression. So this must be Emily, definitely a bombshell powerhouse, good for her, fuck the patriarchy and all that jazz.

“This is Adreinne-”

“I’m Adrienne Wilson, even though I guess I resemble something out of a horror film right now. My uh…my boyfriend was drunk and angry that I got back so late, he was waiting for me and I'm sure his boot is now covered in my eye juice. Should've shoved the poker up his sausage but I really didn't want to see that…oh shit can I go to jail for that?” Emily and Spencer both looked at me with a mixture of concern and amusement in their eyes.

“I didn't hear anything. Spencer said he would look you over while we collect evidence from your apartment. Would you like a female member of our team to go with you?” Yes probably should have been the logical answer but I found myself squeezing his hand tighter and slightly hiding behind his larger frame. Emily looked from me, to Spencer, back to me. “Understandable, Reid, bring her back to the office once you get her cleaned up.” He nodded and with a gentle yet firm hand on my lower back he led me to his apartment. I smiled seeing all the books cluttering the area. He disappeared into the bathroom and reappeared with both a soapy cloth and just a warm wet one. He gently cleaned the blood off my face and frowned when he saw my eye.

“You’ll definitely have a black eye but i don't feel any broken bones, can you see how many fingers i’m holding up?” I nodded and answered “Any cloudiness, black spots, halos, or double vision?” I shook my head no.

“Do you think I could…I could take a shower?” I didn't even recognize my own voice. It sounded so small and scared. 

“Your apartment will be unavailable at least until tomorrow…you could use my shower if you wanted though.” I nodded and followed him down the hallway. He showed me the bathroom and gave me a fluffy towel along with a t- shirt and sweatpants before closing the door quietly leaving me alone with just my thoughts.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #emily prentiss #tara lewis #luke alvez #matthew simmons #jennifer jareau #david rossi #fanfic #smut #dom spencer reid #spencer x reader

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

A/N: First ever moodboard I have created and I didn't really know what I was doing. But anywho I have a story in my brain of post prison/professor Reid who makes an unlikely friend in his dark and bratty grad school neighbor. Said neighbor usually meets with Spencer after hard cases for a drink where he will tell her about the case but little does he know shes gone and turned the cases into little smutty stories on her blog where he is the knight in shining armour. Someone on the teams finds the blog (lets be honest it will probably be Garcia) and they're so enraptured with her writing they share it with the rest of the team. Spencer being the genius that he is figures out it's his neighbor and bring her to the BAU to meet everyone.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #emily prentiss #luke alvez #matt simmons #jennifer jareau #tara lewis #david rossi #penelope garcia #spencer x reader #post prison reid #dom spencer reid

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

Just curious if this applies to anyone else or its just me. Anyone else quite introverted and non confrontational like someone could say or do the most fucked up shit to you but as soon as they do it to multiple people or like a tiny mouse of a person you think you're suddenly 6'5" and fully prepared to end this person both emotionally and physically? Like ma'am I'm fully aware I'm a cunt and I probably deserved whatever you said but little mouse over here just trying to exist and you're being an even bigger cunt than me so now I have to outcunt you?

#I will end you #introvert #anxiety #dark humor #itsprobablyanadhdmoment #ignore my rambling

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

Me: I used to think I’m a black cat because I just kind of hate everyone and want to run them over with my car and or ruin their lives. Now I realize I’m just a raccoon because I crave chaos and violence.

Rossi: …You work for the federal government

Derek: And have a gun

Me: Oh look I’m already qualified for the job then

#criminal minds #raccoonenergy #incorrect quotes #incorrect criminal minds quotes #derek morgan #david rossi #I’m a menace to society #this is how you end up on a watch list #dark humor

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

A/N: Based off a card game that I played with my friends where you draw the card and give it to whoever it describes the best, whoever has the most cards at the end wins.

Rossi: *Draws card* I don’t know who needs to hear this but you need therapy not to sit on the lap of a 40 something year old daddy.

Morgan:

Reid:

JJ:

Hotch:

Emily: *Very obviously glares at me*

Me: Just saying sitting on their lap would probably solve a lot of my problems *Takes card*

Rossi: *Questions existence in pasta*

#criminal minds #david rossi #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #spencer reid #aaron hotchner #for the girls #incorrect quotes #i probably need help #i can fix him

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

Man I’m rewatching CM for like 1000th time and someone on here said Maeve’s death was the most traumatic partner death like ??? Spencer knew her for 6 months and if I’m honest I saw more infatuation than being in love. HALEY will always be the worst partner death tk ever grace criminal minds followed very shortly by Caroline Rossi. Here is my list:

1. Haley Hotchner

2. Caroline Rossi

3. Sarah (Gideons love interest)

4. Maeve

5. Krystal (I only put her last because I just feel like her death was glossed over a lot like there was no lead up which I’m assuming the actress didn’t want to return)

Also I’m putting Will as a possible 2nd/3rd place tie because we know Josh isn’t returning and I don’t know if they plan to kill hkm off or he and JJ divorce but considering we had the oh he might have cancer just kidding he doesn’t I’m guessing he’s going to die. Maybe not from cancer but I don’t see them having JJ and Will go through that emotional rollercoaster AGAIN just to have them divorce.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #haley hotchner #jason gideon #spencer reid #jennifer jareau #david rossi #maeve donovan #will lamontagne

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

Morgan: Just admit you have daddy issues Angel

Me: *looks at Morgan* You’re pushing 55 and it took you at LEAST until 47 to get married and have a child.

Me: Hotch is basically married to the job and having an emotional affair on the job with Emily

Me: Emily can’t decide if she asexual or in love with everyone

Me: Reid is just a puppy

Me: Rossi has been married and then divorced and then married again and then divorced again and then remarried the first wife and then was a widow so he can’t make up his damn mind

Me: JJ just wants what she can’t have

Me: But I watch outlander for Sam Heughan and suddenly IM the one that needs therapy?

#criminal minds #david rossi #aaron hotchner #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #derek morgan #spencer reid

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

I have just accepted that not only do I have comfort characters I also apparently have a comfort type. In their 40s, power suits, snarky, intelligent, graying hair/beards, has a pet with a human name, at the very least very comfortable with their sexuality and they can objectively call people of the same gender/sex attractive (honestly they’re probably bisexual). Daddies…I like daddies apparently. (honestly at this point it’s just Legal Eagle because that man be popping up in my dreams now 😂😂. it’s not even that bad I’m 27 and he’s 40…it could be worse)

#youtube #daddy’s brat #gray beard #lawyers #legal eagle #hes so hot #i probably need help #smut books

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

MGG probably has a burner tumblr account and reads all of our thirsty and wholesome posts while giggling and kicking his feet. That is all.

#matthew gray gubler #matthew gubler #mgg #orange cat #he’s so cute #he’s a menace

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

Man listen I love JJ but Will and Spencer BOTH deserved better than whatever the hell that was in season 14. Will is such a golden retriever devoted husband and then she had to go and say that. Ma’am you have plenty of time to say that, you INVITED someone else on an outing that was supposed to be a date. JJ might have loved Spencer for all those years but she was not IN LOVE with him, she thought she was going to die and got scared. (It was a twat move my dearest JJ)

#i said what i said #will lamontagne #spencer reid #jennifer jareau #criminal minds

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

McDanno Blurb #1

Characters: Chin Ho Kelly, Danno Williams, Steve McGarrett, Catherine Rollins, Kono Kalakaua, Kailani Rollins-McGarrett (Lani)

Lani: MY DAD IS GETTING ENGAGED

Kono: About time, ten bucks says super seal kidnaps Danny and just marries him

Lani: NO HE’S ASKING LYNN, I AM ALSO CONFUSED

Kono: …He’s actually dating her? I just assumed boss was trying to make Danny jealous

Lani: AGAIN I AM ALSO CONFUSED. I mean she’s a nice lady and all but I don’t think I want to call her step mommy

Catherine: I’m already on it

#mcdanno #steve mcgarrett #danny williams #hawaii five 0 #catherine rollins

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

Hawaii five o fanfic

Hello my little beauties I made a post a few days ago saying Doris shipped McDanno more than McRollins. I love all four characters involved here (Steve, Catherine, Rachel, Danno) and am considering writing a fanfic. So my question is do we want it to start off kind of canon compliant with Steve/Catherine Danno/Rachel and it turns into McDanno due to Rollander pressuring them togerher or McDanno from the start with Rachel and Catherine just being their best friends?

PS does anyone know Rachel’s canon last name after her divorce with Stan?

#mcdanno #steve mcgarrett #danny williams #danno williams #fanfic #hawaii five 0 #catherine rollins

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

Doris shipped McDanno far harder than she ever shipped McRollins and no one will convince me otherwise. (PS I love Catherine as a character and I think she’s a wonderful human being I just want her platonically with Steve so I can have my McDanno. Or even better Rachel/Catherine/Danny/Steve just raising all the kiddos)

#mcdanno #steve mcgarrett #danny williams #hawaii #hawaii five 0 #catherine rollins #rachel williams

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

Oahu, INT, Night.

STEVE saying goodbye to an old Navy pal; extended embrace, hand clasp, warm smiles. DANNY approaches.

DANNY: who the hell was that?

STEVE: no one, just an old Navy buddy of mine.

DANNY: Well I don’t like it, I saw how your last old Navy buddy turned out. He tried to kill you.

STEVE: what’s up with you? I can’t just say hello to someone? Are you… are you jealous?

DANNY: (emphatic) No.

STEVE: We were just discussing, you know, getting together for a beer and a game of pool. And you’re jealous!

DANNY: why did that discussion require so much physical contact, Steven? Tell me, with exactly how many men are you currently engaged in a sexless love affair at this time?

STEVE: Including you? One.