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sparkywrites25 · 3 months

Note

Rivetra au where in they are together and Erwin is like “secretly” Petra’s older bro (maybe like from different mother idk) and Levi doesn’t know but Erwin knows about them

Summary: Petra Ral is holding onto more than one secret in the Scouts.

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Petra Ral

Taglist: @youre-ackermine @lunar-rainclouds @captain-natey @love4-bunny @galactict3a

Notes: If you like my work and want to see more then please join my taglist. Form is pinned on my blog.

I restarted this a lot cos I had a lot of different ideas.

Petra jerked awake at once, her body snapping into an upright position, her head flying from its comfortable nest on her lover’s shoulder. Her large, amber eyes swept the room with the same speed and dexterity as if she were searching for titan presence on the battlefield. For those seconds, her heart thrashed in her chest and each of her breasts was pushed out of her in uneasy pants. She blinked, slowly taking in her surroundings as a strong, firm hand began to rub circles into her back.

“Easy,” Levi’s voice was low and steady, soothing against the racing rhythm of her heartbeat and breaths right now. “You’re fine. It was just a nightmare.”

It was a nightmare, Petra recalled although the recollection was quickly slipping out of her mind like water down a drain pipe. She got glimpses of bloodied bodies and torn off patches of uniform. A beautiful countryside littered with blood and fallen comrades. It wasn’t just a nightmare though. It was memory. The recent expedition to be exact.

“Breathe,” the captain spoke again, equally low and unobtrusive to her heightened state of anxiety right now. Petra followed his instruction immediately. She inhaled long and deep, letting the oxygen flood into her lungs. She held the air for a moment, willing it to go to her brain and clear the fear that was sat in her mind. She exhaled after a moment and felt some of the tension in her shoulders begin to subside as well.

Another breath and the feeling continued to ease off more and more. As it did, she became more aware of herself and where she was.

She and Levi were sat on his little sofa facing the fireplace. The warmth from the flames was welcome against the slight chill that was coming from the slightly rattling window that never seemed to quite shut fully, thus allowing some of the waging wind to slip inside. She leaned towards the warmth, enjoying the feeling of her lover’s hand rubbing her back.

Petra ran a hand over her face and sighed once she’d taken a few more deep breaths. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to just doze off.”

“Don’t apologize for resting,” Levi chided her, giving her a knowing side-eye that immediately inspired some guilt to bloom in her chest. She was reminded of his own sleeping issues. How nice it must seem to him that she could just fall asleep like that. “You need to listen to your body so that you can recover.”

Petra arched her back as she stretched up then regretted it instantly. Her face contorted into a grimace as aches and pains from earlier came rushing back into her limbs. She half-grumbled a curse word as the discomfort flowed through her. “I’m fine,” she liked automatically.

“Tch,” Levi shook his head. “You expect me to believe that feeble bullshit?” he asked. His hand pressed firmer into her back, working at the lower muscles where her ODM gear had been most heavily placed. Petra bit back a grateful moan at the wonderful sensation of his touch there. “Go and take a hot bath. Use my place,” he told her with a jerk of his head towards his bedroom and the small private bathroom beyond it. “Hot water will do you some good.”

It was out of habit and duty that Petra even hesitated about such a generous and enticing offer. She bit her lip thoughtfully and could practically hear Levi’s eye roll in her direction.

“Petra,” he spoke softly although not many would recognize it as so given the similarity to his usual brusque tone. “Go and get some clean clothes and come back here. I’ll have the bath waiting for you. You need this. Otherwise, your muscles will just thank you by cramping or seizing up tomorrow. I doubt you want to spend another day off being in pain.”

Petra was grateful for the matter-of-fact manner in which Levi spoke. It helped to reawaken her own common sense and push back at the pride that wanted to resist special treatment. Doing so had kind of gone out of the window at this point anyway, ever since she and the captain had begun their secret relationship: late nights sharing tea and helping him with his paperwork, the occasional sleepover in his room, and some “coincidental” patrol times shared as well as shared duties. It wasn’t always easy having this secret relationship but Levi’s ability to treat Petra the same as he always had helped her to keep up the act too. Plus, they’d both agreed that being the subject of gossip and teasing and accusations of favouritism just wasn’t the sort of hassle they wanted to deal with at the present moment. Maybe one day they would but for now it suited them to keep quiet.

It was rather exciting to sneak around, as well, Petra thought to herself as she finally agreed and left Levi’s office behind to fetch some clean clothes from her room.

On her return, she followed the light steam through to Levi’s small personal bathroom. Levi knelt next to the bathtub, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows as he swirled the water about and kept hold of the tap. The water was already over halfway filling up the tub as Petra stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She eyed the lean muscles visible along his arms. A light blush touched her cheeks as memories of those arms holding her close began to slip into her mind. Those strong limbs pressing her into an equally strong and beautifully bare chest while soft lips pushed against hers, making her whole body heat up with intense sparkling energy.

“Are you planning on taking a dip fully clothed?” Her lover’s question cut through her increasingly lustful thoughts and the blush in her cheeks deepened as she returned her attention to Levi who had turned the taps off and was rising to his feet. “That doesn’t really count as washing your clothes, you know.”

“Funny,” Petra smiled, trying not to imagine the clothes coming off his body and yet her mind was already wandering there, to the many nights they’d spent in his bed, kissing and letting their hands feel the way to the spots that gave them both the most intense pleasure. To the feel of him moving over her, inside her and behind her, his lips warming her skin with his touch. The power of his body, so vicious against titans but so careful and restrained with her. Her heartbeat fluttered the more she thought about it.

“Maybe you could do the honours,” Petra’s lips quirked.

“I’m not sure there are many honours in stripping you off and then stepping aside,” Levi retorted although he released the tiniest huff of amusement.

“Who said anything about you stepping aside?” Petra questioned, stepping closer to him. Her hands touched his forearms, sliding up the lean sturdiness of his muscles before coming to rest atop his shoulders. Her hands squeezed the muscles there softly. “You could always join me.” She ignored the ache that rose through her wrists at the movement.

She smiled more as Levi’s hands moved to her hips and for a moment, Petra thought that she might be able to persuade him, that this bath might become all the more enjoyable. Her smile grew and her eyes shone bright and hopeful as she gazed into Levi’s grey-blue ones.

His thumbs rubbed her sides. “Your body’s not going to thank you for having sex right now,” he breathed.

The corners of Petra’s mouth twitched irresistibly and she lowered her gaze briefly, taking another step forward until her chest was brushing against her boyfriend’s lightly. “Well, actually sir, I think it just might,” she whispered teasingly, slowly leaning in towards his face. His beautiful eyes narrowed, their attention drawn to her approaching lip. He inhaled slowly and tilted his head, lowering his head just a little to meet Petra’s mouth in a brief, tender touch. Petra lingered there, her eyes closing fully as her smile widened. “I think it’d thank me very much,” she whispered against his mouth.

In that moment, Levi relaxed under her touch. She felt his shoulders drop for a moment and his mouth moved slowly over hers, engaging her in another gentle kiss. Her hands slid to his face as he continued to kiss her. His hands moved around to the small of her back, holding her snugly against his body. Petra relaxed into the kiss immediately, satisfied with the feeling of being in her lover’s arms, surrounded by the enticing steam of the bath and the faint aroma of the limited liquid bathing soap allowed to the upper ranks of the officers. Lavender filled her nostrils, easing away some of the lingering tensions from earlier.

Petra’s arms began to wrap around Levi’s shoulders but his hands suddenly caught her forearms and stopped them. He broke the kiss and blinked for a moment as if waking from a dream. “It won’t thank you tomorrow when you ache even worse,” Levi reminded her, his voice low and soft. He pecked her lips once more. “When you’re feeling better,” he added.

Petra felt like some cool air had been added to the seductive warmth of a moment ago and already the atmosphere was thinning out. She pouted a little in protest but the captain’s words still landed well. If they were to fool around right now, it would miss the whole point of the bath in the first place.

Pulling away a little, she nodded once, smiling ruefully at her boyfriend. “Okay, you’re probably right,” she conceded.

Levi moved his hands up to her shoulders, cupping them carefully but firmly. “Stay still. Hold onto me if you need to,” he instructed as he began to slide her jacket off her shoulders, letting it fall down her arms. He folded it up and rested it on the counter next to the sink behind them. Petra was grateful for him stripping her as it gave her a nice reason to not move her aching limbs more than she had to. Plus she liked the way that his nimble fingers quickly unfastened the buttons of her shirt one by now until the material gave way and revealed her flat stomach and the numerous purple bruises already forming there and up closer towards her chest too. Soon he was pulling her shirt off completely although he did so more slowly once he spotted a couple of bruises on her arms along the way.

“Did you play bounce on the ground or something?” he murmured as he folded up her shirt.

“Something like that,” Petra shrugged then winced.

Levi lifted his hands to her bare shoulders, stroking them softly, his thumb pressing gently into the tired muscles there. Petra’s heartbeat fluttered and her skin tingled under his touch. Each stroke brought a little relief to her shoulders which she enjoyed for those seconds before Levi lowered his hands away.

His hands made careful work of stripping off the rest of her uniform. By the time he was finished, her legs were feeling achy. Petra reached out a hand towards the wall to steady herself as she approached the bath.

Suddenly Levi’s arms were under her back and legs and he lifted her into a bridal hold with ease. She swung her arms around his neck to stabilize herself with a soft squeak. She saw the corners of his mouth play up slightly at her noise. “I’ve got you,” he whispered as he lowered her into the bath.

Petra couldn’t hold back the prolonged moan that escaped her as hot, pleasantly scented water washed over her at once. Her aches were replaced with this rush of heat all through her. She leaned her head back against the tub and let her eyes flutter closed. “Oh that feels good,” she breathed, letting herself sink into the water as much as she could.

Next to the tub, Levi knelt next to her, bringing his hands through the water and reaching up to spread the water over her neck and face. Petra let him. It felt nice to have that soothing touch amplified by the heat of the water.

“Thank you,” Petra sighed after a few minutes of just basking in the heat had passed.

“You know, it’s ironic,” Levi commented as he took a small bowl and filled it with water from the tub, “that you’re so good at taking care of everyone else but you let things slide for yourself.” He put the bowl to one side and then leaned both of his elbows on the edge of the tub, watching her thoughtfully with his eyes narrowing a little. “You remind me of someone that way,” he mused.

“Who?” Petra’s curiosity won out over answering Levi’s initial comment. “I just find it easier to worry about other people. I guess, with myself, it’s hard to draw the line between what’s necessary and what’s… an indulgence, I guess.” She confessed as she pushed the water around her arms and chest.

“Soothing aches after a mission is an indulgence?” Levi questioned. Petra smiled at his dodging of her question.

“Isn’t it?” Petra questioned, lifting her head to meet his eyes. “When I wasn’t really injured and I feel okay?” Her voice shook with uncertainty. How could she saw that she was entitled to anything after some of the things that their comrades had gone through? She moved the water around some more and inhaled the steam that still hung in the air. Her insides melted under the seductive heat, chasing away some of the chilly anxiety that was trying to creep in with her thoughts.

Suddenly Levi’s hand plunged into the water, reaching for hers and lifting it out, entwining their fingers together as he did. “You didn’t break any bones, Petra but you still got hurt. Your body is worn out from fighting so hard. Think of the comrades that you saved today. They’re alive and can go home and see their families because of you. I’d say they’d agree that the least you deserve is a hot bath.”

Petra’s anxiety melted away from her instantly and she shook her head with the softest of laughs. “Wow. With that kinda speech, you can give the commander a run for his money,” she teased, squeezing his fingers. “Thank you,” she added quietly.

“Tch,” Levi shook his head. “You’re the one reminding me of him right now. Pushing yourself forward without resting.” He stroked her fingers with his thumb.

“Me, like the commander?” Petra scoffed, coughing a little awkwardly. “I don’t see it.”

“In that respect you are,” Levi remarked, a slight smirk tugging at his mouth. “It’s a pain,” he mused before the smirk dropped entirely. He rested his elbows on the side of the tub. “You can only stay as strong as you are by resting, Petra. By doing what you need to feel better.”

It was Petra’s turn to squeeze Levi’s hand. “Shall I remind you of that when you only rest for four hours?”

“Heh, you think I wouldn’t sleep longer if I could?” Levi questioned, lifting both of his eyebrows and lowering Petra’s hand back into the water. “Don’t take this for granted, Petra. Rest for as long as you can. Heal for as long as you can.”

Petra held his gaze for a moment, considering his words as the heat from the bath continued to soak into her skin, chasing away the remnants of the pains from the mission.

——————————————

An hour later, the fireplace was blazing hotter and higher than before.

Petra and Levi had returned to the fireplace. Levi’s arms cradled Petra close to him, holding her so that she could lean her head back on his shoulder. He made no complaint for the wetness that had seeped into his shoulder. The clean smell of her hair was soothing to him as was the feeling of her nestled perfectly into his arms.

Outside the window, the wind had died down and the world was quiet. The crackling of the fireplace rose in volume. An aura of peace shrouded the silent, relaxing couple.

Petra could stay here all night and all day, she realized happily as she leaned against Levi. The thought of shutting out the cruel world that they lived in and the pain that was constantly being inflicted within it was an appealing option if an unrealistic one. Eventually they would have to return to their jobs, their duties. For the sake of humanity. They had to give the people hope. They had to do their best to bring people back alive. They had to give the world a reason to keep smiling, to find the joy in life. Otherwise what was the point of all this fighting? They had to fight for moments like these: relaxing by the fire with loved ones, emotional conversations and cups of tea. All the little pleasures in this life.

Watching the flames was so comfortably hypnotic that Petra’s eyes drooped again and again. After fighting back a couple of yawns, she eventually let one escape.

“Go to bed,” Levi murmured, kissing her temple.

Petra gave a soft, protesting groan. “I’m comfy here,” she murmured, snuggling into his shoulder all the more.

“That bath will have been for nothing if you hurt your back falling asleep on this shitty sofa,” Levi pointed out. He lifted his hand from around her shoulder to play with the damp strands of her hair. “Go and get some sleep, Petra,” he urged her with another kiss to her temple. There was a long pause before he spoke again. “People are going to need you at your best to keep their spirits up,” he added. “You’re always telling us to take care of ourselves, right? Follow your own advice.”

His answer brought a deeper smile out in Petra’s face and she tried not to laugh aloud at it. He made good points, as he often did, but Petra still didn’t want to leave the comfort of his embrace and the gorgeous warmth of the fireplace. Even the prospect of wrapping herself up in bed didn’t compare to this feeling right now. However, she was out of any logical arguments that would swing.

She yawned once more and stretched her arms out ahead of her with a slow, resigned nod. “Okay, you win. I’ll go to bed,” she said pushing herself up to her feet. She felt him standing up behind her. Smiling, she turned to face him, her hands moving to his cheeks. His hands found her sides as she leaned in to kiss him again. “Goodnight,” she whispered.

“Goodnight, Petra,” Levi whispered against her lips before moving away from her and walking towards his desk which still had a mountain of paperwork sat atop it.

Petra sighed. “At least pretend that you’re going to go to bed,” she complained softly. However by this point, she knew when to choose her battles over this. She watched as the captain sat himself behind his desk and pulled the pile of paperwork in front of him.

“Sleep, Petra,” was all her boyfriend said on the matter.

——————————————

Admittedly the mild chill in the hallways was a refreshing balm against the heat of the bath, fireplace and her own drowsiness. It forced Petra to focus on navigating the many hallways and stairways of the headquarters. The further she walked, the more her aches began to wake up. She slowed her pace, determined not to undo the bath completely. She slid her hands into her jacket pockets and gazed out of the windows as she walked.

The world was hauntingly beautiful in the middle of the night, Petra thought as she stopped by a pane and gazed out at the darkened world and the shadowy houses of Trost all around the walls of Scout Headquarters. A constant reminder of the people that Petra was here to protect. A reminder that they were part of humanity as well as fighting for them.

You are starting to sound like the Commander a little bit, Petra mused to herself. Maybe he’s rubbing off on me. I suppose it was gonna show up sooner or later. We are related after all.

Not that anyone in the Scouts was aware that Commander Erwin Smith was, in fact, Petra’s half-brother. As she began to walk again, continuing down the empty hallways, she let her thoughts wander back over her time in the military. It was a careful secret they’d both kept well - helped by the fact that Petra had a different surname and had inherited more of her father’s looks than her mother’s though her mother often said that she and Erwin had the same smile and the same determination in their eyes whenever they got it in their minds to do something. She’d been so frustrated when Petra had been determined to join the military like her brother.

Erwin was already a squad leader by the time that Petra began her training. It was determined to be the simpler course of action to avoid any suspicion and claims of favouritism if they just kept their family connection a secret. Not that there was anything to found such things. Erwin had always been good at treating Petra the way they’d agreed that he would - as just another Scout. They’d both managed to hold the secret very well so far. Petra had made only one request when she’d first joined the regiment. She didn’t want to be in Erwin’s squad. Her brother had agreed that, while having her in his squad would give him the opportunity to watch over her, it also potentially offered them both a distraction on the battlefield and that was something they both considered too risky. Out of sight didn’t guarantee that they wouldn’t worry about each other but it had to be better than watching each other fight. It would force them to focus on themselves and trust the other one to be able to stay alive and do their job.

It was the right decision, Petra mused with a smile. She wasn’t “the Commander’s kid sister” nor was her elevation to Levi Squad any act of nepotism. She had made it this far within the Scouts on her own. Even though it meant telling lies along the way including to her captain.

Petra pushed those thoughts away from her as another yawn tumbled from her mouth. The prospect of bed was even more welcoming and comforting now. The thought of sinking her head onto her pillow and wrapping herself in her bedsheets was a very happy one.

She was walking along a particularly quiet hallway when a door in the middle suddenly opened, filling a rectangular patch of the floor with the familiar amber of firelight. The sudden appearance of the light caught her attention and she lifted her eyes towards it instantly. Who else is up at this time of night?

A tall and familiar figure stepped out into the doorway, turning towards Petra. “You’re up very late, Petra,” Erwin remarked.

His sleeves were rolled up and rumpled and several buttons of his shirt were undone as well. His hair was ruffled with stray stands sticking up. He immediately began to smooth it down. Petra thought back a chuckle. Some habits never change. Always has to look his best as soon as someone is watching him.

He’d been that way for as long as Petra had known him. She’d never really understood why. Why he was always putting on one face when there was more going on below the surface. Whenever she’d asked him, he simply told her that it was easier to catch flies with honey rather than vinegar and that sometimes things got done better with charming smiles rather than bitter bickering. Their mother agreed and Petra couldn’t say that she disagreed with that logic either but even so, there was still something that her

“Yeah,” Petra acknowledged, her hands finding their way to each other through the air and clasping, channeling the nervous energy that was beginning to rise up through her. She couldn’t admit that she’d just spent the evening in the arms of her superior officer (and Humanity’s Strongest, for that matter.) She and Levi had long since determined that keeping it out of the ears of those who would gossip and those who would have concerns was just going to be better all round. “I just wanted to… to go for a walk before bed. I’ve been thinking about a lot,” she said, taking as much truth out of today as she could. She had taken a walk this morning… which was technically before bed. She did have a lot on her mind too. Nothing she’d told the commander was a lie.

“It’s been a trying few days,” Erwin acknowledged, sliding his hands into his pockets. “It was a particularly brutal expedition.”

That was a line her brother would say most expeditions. So far the mildest description of an expedition, in her experience, was “rough” and even then it had taken out a quarter of their soldiers, mostly new recruits at the time. It didn’t fill Petra with reassurance or confidence about her ability to survive the expedition. It just meant that the danger was still as present and still as ruthless as ever. She was just lucky at this point, as were they all. Petra had seen many good, talented soldiers being eaten.

Petra cut those thoughts off. She wouldn’t be able to sleep if she kept thinking about all that. The advice that Levi usually gave their squad after missions came to mind; focus on being alive and safe within the Walls again, otherwise it’ll drive you mad and next time you won’t come back. Blunt but effective words coming from the typically blunt captain.

“They’re always brutal,” Petra remarked as the resignation and sadness continued to swim around in her eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen an expedition that wasn’t.” She folded her arms and turned her eyes back to one of the windows she’d been looking out of. She could still see them, their comrades, spread across the ground like they were dolls.

“That’s true. The very nature of our job is brutal, no matter the fatality count,” Erwin remarked. He walked slowly towards her, tilting his head a little. Some of the stray strands of his ruffled hair fell into his face. “I’m glad I ran into you. I was hoping that we could talk for a few moments.” He paused. “If you’re not too tired, of course.”

He reached out and touched her elbow, just a small gesture but the action helped to ground Petra’s thoughts back to the present moment.

Petra’s gaze lingered on the blue stillness of the outside world for a moment as she exhaled slowly. “Yeah, I’m good to stay up for a little longer.” She murmured and slowly turned back around to face Erwin. “Is something wrong?” she asked, anxiety creeping into her voice.

“Nothing like that,” Erwin gestured for her to walk into his office. “Don’t worry.”

“Just what every Scout wants to hear while being summoned to the Commander’s office,” Petra commented, her eyes flickering playfully towards his as she strode into his office.

“I’m not exactly talking to you as a Scout,” Erwin murmured as he followed her inside.

The warmth of it welcomed Petra instantly. Unlike Levi’s office which had a minimalist structure in all with a bookcase, desk, sofa, chairs and a fireplace, Erwin’s room was like stepping into a library. Every wall not taken up by either the fireplace or windows was covered by bookshelf after bookshelf. It gave the room a comfortable library feel that felt very Erwin. In the middle of the room stood his desk with a couple of chairs beside it. Further along, a small sofa sat opposite the fireplace just like Levi’s. Erwin gestured to the sofa and they both took a seat on it. Petra’s attention immediately turned towards the flames which were still reasonably high and piled with a considerable amount of logs. Apparently Erwin wasn’t planning on getting some rest anytime soon. Petra smiled at the similarity to Levi who was no doubt still cooped up in his office with papers.

They sat comfortably for about a minute or so. With each second that passed, Petra wondered whether something was actually wrong and that Erwin was simply trying to keep her calm about something. Her brother’s ability to lie smoothly - while not something she’d experienced much - wasn’t lost on her either.

“Erwin.” The sound of her brother’s name sounded unusual from her lips, in their place of work anyway. Here he was just “the commander” or “Commander Erwin” if she used his name at all. Right now, on their own, it felt odd to be laying official titles to one side. “Are you sure that everything’s okay?”

“Everything is fine,” Erwin insisted, “although Mother has contacted me about you coming home for a visit soon.”

Petra released a breath in mingled relief that nothing was wrong and a little bit of exasperation. Her mother had been asking for her to come home for a while. Petra didn’t hate the idea in itself. It would be very good to see her, and her father too. She enjoyed the time she spent with them; being able to act like an ordinarily civilian was nice from time to time and it was a much needed rest. Being able to just do ordinary things every day and sleep in a bit longer and eat something other than the harsh military rations would be pretty damn good.

The trouble didn’t lie in going home but rather the preparation to go back. At some point during the trip, her mother would begin a conversation about whether Petra was still happy with the Military and if there was really no other work that she could be happy with. Petra bowed her head a little and reached up her hand to rub the bridge of her nose in anticipation of that conversation yet again. She’d lost track of how many times they’d had that conversation and how, each and every time, their mother had worn the same shining glimmer of hope in her eyes. The same shining blue of Erwin’s. Petra would hear the sorrow and the worry in her mother’s voice and she did feel for her, she really did.

But ultimately Petra would give her the same answer and deep down she’d resent her mother for making her give that same answer. For making her hurt her with the same answer.

“Of course she has,” she sighed, still staring into the fire. It was never going to be something that was ever unexpected but it was even more likely now after recent expeditions.

Some of the more recent fatalities had been children, brothers, sisters and cousins of the Ral’s neighbours. Petra could only imagine the impact of watching neighbours grieving over their children when your own child was still alive, still living in that danger. Petra could only imagine the level of anxiety that her mother was sitting in now. But still, the thought of reliving that conversation yet again held her back.

“I will go and see her,” Petra finally told her brother, “at some point. Just not yet.” She straightened up in her seat. “I don’t want to argue with her about still being in the Scouts.”

“Is that something you both argue about a lot?” Erwin asked with interest. For a moment, Petra scowled up at him, fire shining in her amber eyes.

You should know this. Petra thought accusingly. You should know we do because you should be going to see Mom too. You should be taking more time off to spend with her. You’re just as much at risk on expeditions as I am. You should know what we talk about. As soon as those thoughts passed through her head, Petra regretted them. Everyone in the Scouts knew how hard their commander worked. A select few even knew that he kept late hours and was constantly revising his strategy to try and minimize Scout casualties. It was a heavy burden and Erwin had taken on that mantle years before he should have had to.

So her features softened and she looked away with a long exhale. He was a busy man. They had both chosen this busy life. It didn’t leave them with many opportunities for the usual sibling bonding time. It had been that way for all of Petra’s life. Erwin was twelve when she was born. He had been training in the cadets during her infancy and by the time she was old enough to go to school, he was already an experienced Scout.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin’s voice lowered considerably. “I probably should know this.”

“It’s okay. You’re busy,” Petra said, swallowing back a brief resurgence of the bitterness from earlier as it shot back up her throat. “We do talk about it a lot. It feels like it’s every time I’m on leave. She asks if I’m still happy to keep doing this or if I could imagine doing something else.” She leaned forward again, elbows pressing into her knees as she reached up to cup her temples and push her hair out of her face. “We keep having the same conversation, over and over and it’s…” she trailed off.

“That sounds frustrating,” her brother murmured. “Especially when you’re so committed to this life that you’ve chosen. You don’t need to be reevaluating it all the time.” Petra felt him shift slightly closer to her on the couch. She turned to him briefly and nodded.

“Exactly,” she answered. “Why does she insist on hearing me say it over and over? It hurts her, I know it does. But I’m not gonna lie to her or give her false hope. This is what I chose. She needs to accept that.”

“She does,” Erwin agreed. He turned his own attention towards the firelight. “But that’s probably very hard for her. Both of her children are in the walls’ most dangerous military regiment. She’s already lost a husband inside the walls, which are supposed to be safe. Now both of her children travel outside the walls where the dangers are all the worst and ever-present. Every couple of months, she watches us leave the safety of the walls, knowing that the odds of us both returning are never particularly good.”

Erwin’s words made Petra’s stomach fill with a violent nauseous feeling as she imagined that truth going through her mother’s mind every time the Scouts left.

“I understand that that must be hard for her-” Petra began to say but Erwin cut her off.

“How can you and I fully understand?” he asked, his eyes fixing on Petra’s. “We don’t have children. We can’t fully appreciate what she goes through every time we leave the walls.”

Petra’s hands clasped together in front of her, wringing her fingers hard. “What are we supposed to do to make it better then? We shouldn’t have to give up on the life we chose,” she argued softly. “I love Mom, I do but I couldn’t do anything else,” she explained.

Suddenly Erwin’s hand moved to cover both of hers. “Nor could I and I love her dearly too. We can’t give up the purpose we chose. That’s something that maybe she can’t understand,” he continued. “Why our purpose is so important to us. Have you ever sat her down and explained things fully to her?”

Petra bit her lip and thought about it. “I… I’m not sure that I have.” “Perhaps it’s time you did. You can only break this cycle with her by talking things out with her,” Erwin mused. Leaning forward, his hand squeezed hers. “It’s been some time since she’s seen me too. We can both go home for a couple of nights and talk to her together.”

The idea filled Petra with a refreshing sense of relief. “That would be great,” Petra said, perking up at once. “That would really help, Erwin. Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me for visiting my own mother,” Erwin remarked, his lips tipping up into a playful smile. “We can make it easier on each other by going home together and drawing her worry together.” He released her hands and clasped his own. “I’m sure she’s got plenty to say to me after so long as well.”

“Does she keep asking you whether you still want to be commander?”

“Not that specifically. I made it clear to her that I wasn’t going to change my mind.”

Petra exhaled with a slight pout. “Lucky.”

“You think?” Erwin eyed his sister with an increasing smile. “You’re still young enough for her not to worry so much about relationships at my children.” He pointed out, turning away from her a little to stare into the fire, his smile growing. “At my age, she would expect me to be married with children by now,” he commented. “She didn’t like me choosing the Scouts over Marie,” he continued.

“You and Marie were so good together.” Petra recalled. “I don’t know how you did that. Giving up someone that you loved,” she mused. For a moment or two, there was silence between them and Petra eyed her brother with a slight frown. “Don’t tell me you didn’t love her. I know you did. You tried to pretend that you didn’t love her back then.”

“That pretense was as much for me as it was an attempt to reassure you and Mother,” Erwin recalled. “As much as it was for Marie. But it wasn’t fair to subject her to that fear of watching me ride out to the titans every few months.”

“Plenty of Scouts have people who do that. Would you say that they shouldn’t be married?” Petra asked.

Erwin smiled at the turnaround. “No. I’m not speaking for anyone else. Only my situation. I knew that there was someone who could give Marie the constant family life that she wanted. Nile loved her as much as I did.”

Petra scooted back on the sofa, resting her hands in her lap as a soft frown began to fill her expression. “Yeah but she loved you more, didn’t she?” she asked in a quiet voice.

Erwin didn’t answer straight away and Petra simply watched him for a moment, her eyes memorizing his side profile as the firelight danced over his features. Many people would see this man and they could only see the commander that led them against the titans time and time again. They saw the cool, firm strategist whose long range formation had saved many Scout lives in the long run. They saw the genius and his bravery. They saw his cleverness and dedication to fighting for humanity. They didn’t see the sacrifice he had made along the way. They didn’t see the compassion and care that he held for those closest to him. They didn’t see the man beneath the title and the responsibility.

“I’m sorry,” Petra said quickly. “I’m not trying to reopen old wounds, Erwin.”

“It’s all right,” Erwin murmured. “I know.”

“I’ve always thought that you deserved to have both,” Petra told him. “That you deserve love in your life after everything that you do.”

The chuckle that suddenly slipped out of her brother startled her and she blinked at him in slow confusion.

“Do I? After sending how many people to their deaths?” Erwin questioned. “Do I really deserve to have that in my life?”

“Yes,” Petra said without hesitation, smiling as her brother eyed her with genuine surprise. “You’re a commander. Commanders have to carry the weight of their decisions,” she said, placing her hand on his shoulder. “That doesn’t mean that you don’t get to live, Erwin.”

Erwin brought a free hand up to cover hers. “One moment ago, I was counseling you and now you’ve turned this around onto me,” he mused. “I’m impressed.” He squeezed her hand. “I appreciate what you’re saying but I still stand by my decision and I think Marie is happy enough with Nile. She has a family safe within Wall Rose. She has a good life.”

Petra opened her mouth to argue and then closed it again. Tonight was not the night to push it. Instead, she leaned her head on her brother’s shoulder, above his hand.

“I don’t regret this choice, Petra, any more than you have,” Erwin assured her. “Fighting for humanity gives me my purpose. Improving the Scouts’ survival rates and taking any victory against the titans is important to me. Just as I know fighting for humanity is important to you. We’ll explain that to Mother when we go home, together. We’ll break that cycle. All we can do from there is move forward.”

Petra chuckled softly and raised her head to shake it at her brother. “You just can’t stop with the speeches even here, can you?” she teased.

“Well, if you wouldn’t be so in need of brotherly advice,” Erwin teased.

“Says the man who was getting some counseling a few minutes ago,” Petra countered.

“Fair. Although I’m sure the time will come when I’m counseling you about your love life.”

Petra let out a scoffing sound. “Oh please,” she muttered, trying to force her voice not to crack or give any indication that she was lying. “I am not there yet. I’ve got enough to think about just getting through the expeditions,” she continued, “and not throttling Oluo every time he opens his damn mouth or bites his stupid tongue.”

Erwin tilted his head at her, not even disguising the smirk that was forming there now although there was another look in his eyes, something that made Petra feel uncertain. It was like curiosity but not quite. Something more. “Could there be some complicated feelings towards your comrade perhaps? You do spend a great deal of time with your team,” Erwin mused teasingly.

Petra brought a hand to her lips and gagged as nausea shot up her throat. “Oh, no” she said emphatically. “Please don’t say that again, Erwin. I just threw up a little in my mouth.”

Her brother chuckled quietly. “Apologies for making you feel so ill so close to bed time,” he told her. His gaze lifted to the small clock on his mantelpiece. “Speaking of, I think I’ve held you up quite enough tonight.”

“I don’t mind. It’s been nice talking to you,” Petra admitted.

“We don’t do it as often as we should,” Erwin agreed.

“Well you’re a busy man. I understand,” Petra said, “and we did agree that we wouldn’t make it public that we’re related.”

“We did. But I still enjoy spending time with my sister even if it means chasing her up to visit our mother.” Erwin smiled.

Petra smiled and shook her head. It helped to know that she and Erwin would both go home and see their mother and talk things out. It had been a long time since the three of them were all together as a family, including Petra’s father who got on fairly well with Erwin, helped by the fact that he didn’t try and be his father. Petra didn’t know much about Erwin’s father. Neither he nor their mother liked to discuss him in front of Petra and her father. Petra couldn’t say that she wasn’t curious but, again, this wasn’t a night for that either.

She pushed herself up to her feet and rolled her shoulders. “I better go and get some sleep then. Work myself up for this talk with Mom,” she teased.

Erwin rose up more gracefully than she had done. He carefully wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “It’ll work out well,” he told her. “Goodnight, Petra.”

“Goodnight, Erwin,” Petra hugged her brother briefly before heading towards the door. Carefully, she opened it slowly so that it didn’t creak and then slipped out into the shadows of the darkened hallway, her footsteps quietly echoing as they gradually began to disappear.

——————————————

His sister had become quite the proficient liar.

Erwin mused on this as he stood behind the door, listening to Petra’s footsteps echoing against the floor. She was going back the way she came rather than the direction she’d been going in when Erwin had interrupted her. It made him smile, to think that their conversation had gotten her thinking, had changed her mind. What specifically that was, he couldn’t say for sure but he had a good idea of who it involved. The sharer of the secret that she’d been keeping from him for some time.

He wasn’t sure when it had happened but he was glad that she could hold her own with a lie. It would be better this way. Better than things being out in the open and complicating things and just generally getting in the way. Some things weren’t meant to be a public matter. Sometimes things were better kept as secrets. The truth didn’t always set people free when it was spoken out loud. Sometimes doing so came with a bitter price. Erwin knew that better than anyone else. He’d paid it.

Smiling to himself, he stepped quietly out into the hallway, towards her retreating footsteps. He knew where she was going so he took his time.

Soon enough he was stood around the corner, watching his sister lingering outside Captain Levi’s doorway. How long she and his strongest soldier had been in a relationship, Erwin didn’t know. Neither of them were aware that Erwin had discreetly noticed Petra leaving Levi’s rooms rather late some nights or that something was different about his sister. He’d chosen not to confront them about it. Their relationship wasn’t impacting them on missions or in training and the less gossip about either of them among the other soldiers, the better.

Erwin knew it was selfish to focus on the benefits of their relationship as opposed to his sister’s happiness but the two things weren’t mutually exclusive and, he didn’t feel particularly inclined to meddle in Petra’s relationship without just cause. He trusted her to be able to hold her own or come to him if she needed help or advice and it suited him that she hadn’t. He could focus on other matters.

Still, there was a sentimentality to watching the captain’s door open and the happiness spread across Petra’s face as she walked into the glowing light radiating from within.

The two of them deserved to be happy together. In this dismal world, you had to take it where you could.

#my fics #fic: under watchful eyes #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #one shot #levi ackerman #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman x petra ral #levi ackerman x petra ral fanfiction #rivetra #rivetra fanfiction

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sparkywrites25 · 3 months

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"What the hell do you two feed this little guy?" Jean asks Levi as he holds your baby who is currently pulling on his hair and making noises. "Good luck with that, he won't let go until he feels like it." Levi knows firsthand how strong those small chubby hands can pull hair. You chuckle watching Connie trying to help Jean, it was useless of course, your little one is stubborn like his father, he won't let go.

The baby only laughs more as he keeps pulling Jean's hair. "Come on buddy, let go." You nudge Levi with a smile, you did warn them both that your son can be stubborn but they insisted on holding him. Eventually, your son lets go of Jean's hair, finding something else interesting in the room. "Dada!" His little voice calls out to Levi, walking over Levi takes him in his hands. "What do you want now you rascal?" The baby pointed at the gear that was on the desk. "No no. You're not getting that." The frown your son has on his face after being told no makes you melt, he really was Levi's twin. "I think someone's getting fussy, time for bed." You lean over to kiss the baby's cheek.

"Yeah didn't notice that....he almost ripped my hair off." Jean rolls his eyes playfully. "Hey, do you think that he will be as strong as captain when he is bigger?" "You're not putting my child in the military. End of discussion." The protectiveness in Levi's voice doesn't surprise you, he always was protective especially when it came to his son. You say good night to Jean and Connie and return with Levi to your room. By the time you got the bottle of milk ready, the baby is already sleeping soundly on his fathers chest.

#attack on titan #aot fic #fic recs #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader

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sparkywrites25 · 3 months

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I can't believe how long it's been since I've been on tumblr properly, or even how long it's been since I've worked on any fanfiction - requests or otherwise. I know I've said before that I still intend on completing requests etc and that's still true. But god it feels good to actually start getting into all that again. I feel like I fell away from writing for a while and I'm finally getting back in the stream of it again. Without boring y'all with a life story, the long and short of it is that I had a temporary job for a while and they were long hours. I do have another job starting next week but it's less hours and thankfully less travel time plus no awkward to get to location (yay!)

I also really missed coming on here and seeing posts and memes and gif sets and just generally seeing how moots are getting on. I missed you all!

#personal ramble #hi hi hi #sparky is finally fucking writing again

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sparkywrites25 · 6 months

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Apologies

I am so so sorry about the lack of activity and the delay in getting the requests out. I didn't anticipate when I gave the "I'll get all requests done within a week or a few weeks" thing that I would take so long. (Also I didn't expect to get so many requests over those months which I ADORE and thank y'all so much for.)

The first thing I want to say is that those requests are still coming. Some of them were planned out and then I changed my mind and replanned them again (and again in some cases, with a couple still in the replan stage). However they are still coming.

There have been a few reasons for me being quiet. One of them was that I got back in touch with an old friend and we have a pairing of our two characters and so I started doing some writing for them. (It's an honour to be trusted with someone else's character and my friend is always giving me amazing feedback on it.)

Another was that I, admittedly got sucked into Sims 4 which, for me, is quite the rabbit hole. I was also recently contemplating doing picture-writing stories for them but as this actually slows my gameplay down, I'm shelving that until I can get on top of other priorities etc. Plus playing Sims slowly is a pain for me.

Anyway, I'm rambling (as per usual I guess) I also in recent weeks kinda fell into this pit of procrastination and lethargy when it came to writing of all kinds. I was eh about novel planning, the stuff with my friend and fanfiction. I just kinda fell out of things a little.

However I am feeling better from all that so I'll be diving back into my favourite activities - writing and reading fanfiction very soon. Thank y'all so much for your patience with me.

Suffice to say that until I get on top of things, my requests will now be closed. However I still welcome asks to this blog and my two rp blogs @askrivetra and @alwaysaskerurihan. They are still active but since asks have dried up, I haven't done anything with them lately. However anyone following the Ask Rivetra blog will know there are some updates overdue, hehe.

Regarding the AOT finale, I haven't watched yet because I'm currently rewatching AOT and so I'm gonna wait to get there naturally before I see it. However I don't mind spoilers or discussions considering I've read the manga and all. It makes me sad to think that this is the last ep and so I'm glad to be drawing it all out some more.

#sparkyrambles #apologies #fanfic life #i love all my moots and readers #thank you all for your support

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sparkywrites25 · 6 months

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Thank you so so much! This is perfect!

♚ Commission Info ♚

A commission for @sparkywrites25 I had so much fun drawing all this soft between Ed and your oc Jessie ;A; Thank you <3

#fullmetal alchimist brotherhood #Edward Elric #Art Commission #WindRiderArt #edward elric x oc art #edward elric x oc #thank you so much for this beautiful. loving piece

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sparkywrites25 · 6 months

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Not long woke up and my friend has automatically won on the birthday card front. Thanks so much @gyoroandururun

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sparkywrites25 · 7 months

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Sparky Writes Sims

As well as doing fanfiction and my original work, I am now writing Sims 4 stories as well. It's a lot of fun and so I thought I'd share my work here.

Sparky Writes Sims - Wordpress blog

All the stories can be found here if you're interested in reading them.

Sparky Writes Sims

My tumblr blog for this writing will have the chapter announcements, pictures, tidbits of chapters and any spoofy or random shit.

Instagram

My instagram will mainly have pictures that don't make it into the blog posts plus gallery photoshoots and stuff.

#sims 4 #sims 4 story #sims 4 stories #writing #self promo

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sparkywrites25 · 7 months

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Ahhh I love your one shots! I hope you will continue them! Your Mobuhan ones are my fav! I love how you write Hange! She’s awesome!

Thank you so much! That means a lot since I consider myself very new to writing Mobuhan but I love the ship. I am still around and writing. I've just been doing all sorts lately but I'm aiming to do more writing of fanfiction soon. Asks like these mean so much so thank you again. I hope you're having a wonderful day!

#thank you #kind words make the world go round

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sparkywrites25 · 8 months

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little cadet Hange!

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #hange zoë #hange zoe

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sparkywrites25 · 8 months

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Advice for writing relationships

Ship Dynamics

How to create quick chemistry

How to write a polyamorous relationship

How to write a wedding

How to write found family

How to write forbidden love

Introducing partner(s) to family

Honeymoon

Date gone wrong

Fluffy Kiss Scene

Love Language - Showing, not telling

Love Language - Showing you care

Affections without touching

Giving the reader butterflies with your characters

Reasons a couple would divorce on good terms

Reasons for breaking up while still loving each other

Relationship Problems

Relationship Changes

Milestones in a relationship

Platonic activities for friends

Settings for conversations

How to write a love-hate relationship

How to write enemies to lovers

How to write lovers to enemies to lovers

How to write academic rivals to lovers

How to write age difference

Reasons a couple would divorce on good terms

Reasons for having a crush on someone

Ways a wedding could go wrong

Arranged matrimony for royalty

If you like my blog and want to support me, you can buy me a coffee or become a member! And check out my Instagram! 🥰

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sparkywrites25 · 8 months

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Mobuhan Modern au pls 🫶🏼

I am so so sorry for how late this is. So much for aiming to get things done in a few weeks. Work and life just took me away.

Summary: Moblit gets a call he never likes to receive.

Pairing: Mobuhan

Taglist: @youre-ackermine @lunar-rainclouds @4melo-dy @captain-natey

Trigger Warnings: heavy depiction of anxiety, mentions of injury and brief mention of transphobia

Notes: If you like my work and want to see more then please join my taglist. Form is pinned on my blog.

Mobilit’s attention jumped from pan to pan, brows furrowing in concentration as he examined the progress of each one. The cooked bolognese mince was sitting comfortably on a low, steady heat waiting for the rest to catch up. Next to it, the pan of spaghetti was bubbling nicely. Mobilit swiftly turned down the heat on it and addressed the final pot with the cooking broccoli in it. That too was almost finished. With a satisfied smile, he began to unload the food into large bowls ready for their placement on the dining table.

He checked the clock. 6pm.

Hange would be arriving home any minute. They’d assured him that they would not be pulling a late one tonight. It had been too many weeks since they’d enjoyed a meal like this together. Takeaways and ready meals had become too much of the norm for them over the last month so Mobilit had insisted on using his day off to catch up on some errands at home and cook them a meal himself. The red wine was chilling in the fridge and some hot bread sat in the air fryer nearby.

Mobilit grinned to himself as he remembered how excitable Hange had been over the air fryer, and how much electricity they had promised they would save by using it. The actual oven had been removed from the kitchen and placed in Hange’s home lab. They had insisted that it could still form some kind of purpose for scientific advancements in their experiments. Which meant that the electricity saved wasn’t actually going to be saved, ultimately, but at least the appliance would find another use.

Once everything was in their bowls and plates, ready to be carried to the table, Mobilit switched the appliances off and wiped up the surfaces. He was just getting the wine out of the fridge ready to pour when his phone rang. Mobilit tensed up as he placed the bottle down at once.

Oh for god’s sakes, not again, he mentally prayed as he answered the call. It took him half a second to realize that the number wasn’t Hange’s and he exhaled in relief.

“Hello?” he asked in a fairly cheery voice.

“Is this Mobilit Berner?” a male voice spoke.

“Yeah. Who is this?”

“This is Mitras General Hospital. I’m calling about your partner Hange Zoe.”

Mobilit’s stomach and appetite dropped out of him at the same time. The air was punched from his lungs and for a moment, he couldn’t breathe. His vision blurred in front of him and suddenly he wasn’t sure that his legs would hold him up. His free hand scrambled for the counter and clutched onto it.

“W-what about them? What’s happened?” he fired the questions out in a stumbling mess. His brain was already contemplating some scenarios and creating painful visuals along with it. Hange having picked an argument with the wrong person. Hange being cornered on a quiet street. Hange having experimented with too many chemicals and having an allergic reaction in their skin or something. Hange stepping out into the road at the wrong time because they were too busy thinking of ideas around whatever stumbling block they’d hit at work. Hange just simply tripping and falling into a moving bus or something.

“Hange’s been injured in a laboratory accident at their workplace,” the receptionist - Mobilit assumed anyway - answered. “There was an explosion and-”

“Oh god!” Mobilit cried out, slumping against the counter. More images flew through his head one by one; violent images of Hange blistered, bleeding and screaming or Hange lying in hospital with missing limbs. His chest constricted and he grit his teeth to force back the cry that threatened to rip out of him.

A vicious, violent accident had put Hange in danger and it had happened at work. Worse, this was a line of work where that sort of thing could happen. That reminder stabbed through Mobilit’s insides. This could happen again and again. This could be something he’d have to live with. What if next time Hange didn’t just get injured? What it it killed them?

“How bad is it?” he managed to get out finally.

“They’ve suffered some superficial burns on the face and arms but those are very shallow and will heal in a week or so.”

Mobilit bent his head, offering gratitude to whatever deity might be out there that had given Hange superficial injuries. He forced himself to focus on the receptionist once again as the man began to speak once more.

“From what we understand, they weren’t standing directly next to the chemicals when the explosion happened.”

A small bubble of relief began to grow in Mobilit’s chest. Another mercy was granted to him, at least. Although, his brain offered in its wicked voice, the mercy wouldn’t have been down to Hange being particularly careful. They were just lucky. In another scenario, it could have gone very differently. The relief was instantly swallowed up in a wave of horror-struck imagination.

“But still, the force of it threw them across the lab and they broke their arm.” The receptionist continued after another pause.

Mobilit appreciated that he was delivering the news in processable chunks. Of course he probably has to do this, and worse, every day, Mobilit thought abstractedly. That must be one of the worst parts of that job; having to tell people that their loved one is dead or dying or seriously injured or ill. He tried to snatch some gratitude that at least he wasn’t being told any news that was worse. Even so, anxiety gnawed away at him and he could barely find it in him to refocus on the conversation.

“They have hit their head, though, as a result. So we��ll be monitoring that injury for a few days. However all the tests so far have come back clear.”

Mobilit tried to take the rest of this in but, primarily, he felt himself sagging closer to the floor in another wave of relief. “They’re going to be okay?” he sounded breathless and his stomach flipped over and over itself uneasily.

“They will make a full recovery, yes. We’re keeping them in for observation and monitoring the healing process of the burns more than anything else.”

“Okay, I understand,” Mobilit scrambled to say as he ran a hand over his face. “Thanks for letting me know. Where are they?”

“They’ve been assigned a private room, number 14 on the second floor. They’re still being treated right now so you might have to wait outside,” he was advised.

Mobilit’s mind switched off and autopilot took over. He made the remaining pleasantries with the receptionist and ended the call. He wasn’t fully aware of packing the food away into containers, making sure the appliances were switched off and giving the surfaces a last wipe. Perhaps other people might not have prioritized such things in the wake of such a call but the act of cleaning up helped to get him moving and it felt good to be doing something for now.

Once it was all taken care of, he grabbed his phone and car keys and hurried towards the door.

— — — — — — —

The clinical smell of the hospital made Mobilit’s throat close up. He took no comfort from the clean scents or the smiling, reassuring faces of the staff that he passed. It was all a charade to cover up the fact that people were ill here, that some of them were dying. That bones had been broken and lives had been changed, maybe forever, in this place. He walked through it all with an increasing detachment, turning his head away from the worried loved ones, sitting around in the same position that he was about to be in. He ignored the tears in some eyes and the despair that poured from their faces as they clung to their friends and family members, mourning the state of things and cursing the events that had brought them here when they could have been doing something else. When they could have been happy.

And yet it was all imprinting on his mind, so clearly that he could have painted the scene with very little concentration on his memory. Imagining people’s pain forever painted onto canvas somewhere. But then it was there, in so many works of art. Artists didn’t shy away from such things but right now Mobilit wished that he could.

They’re going to be fine. It’s not like they’re ill or dying. They’re gonna walk out of here in a couple of days. He had to repeat this mantra in his head as he rode the elevator to the second floor. He continued with it all the way down the hall towards the waiting area near room 14.

Nifa, Erwin and Levi were waiting outside the room when Mobilit finally reached them. Erwin and Nifa were perched on two seats on a string of colourful plastic chairs. Levi leaned against the wall, arms folded and brow furrowed in an expression that many would mistake for anger but Mobilit knew well enough to recognize as concern. The door to the room was closed and the blinds were drawn for now. Mobilit felt his anxiety surge upward as he stared at the covered window intently.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Erwin and Nifa straighten up. He turned to them and saw that Nifa’s left arm was in a cast. One side of her face was still quite red although the lack of bandages told Mobilt that at least her face wasn’t considered to be all that injured.

She swallowed, her eyes wide and anxious as she stared into Mobilit’s face.

“You called them,” Mobilit remarked as he approached her.

“Yeah,” Nifa confirmed. “I’m sorry. I was nervous about calling you so the receptionist said that they would do it.”

“It’s okay, Nifa,” Mobilit placed a hand gently on her uninjured elbow. “Are you okay? You look like you took a nasty hit.” Looking over his friend was hard but it gave him something to do other than stare at the door and wait to be allowed to see Hange.

“I’m fine,” Nifa assured him. “I was further away from the explosion. I just fell badly.”

Mobilit nodded. Anxiety continued to grow inside his stomach like one of those elastic band balls that people built when they were bored and it, ultimately, grew to be quite weighty. It brought an increasing feeling of nausea with it too. “What happened exactly, Nifa? Hange said that they weren’t staying late today.”

The subject chased some of the anxiety out of Nifa’s expression and her brow furrowed in instant focus.

“It was just after four,” Nifa recalled, “and Hange said they were gonna finish early so we didn’t start any new testing after 3pm. We were just waiting on this last concoction to finish boiling so we could test its effectiveness after being heated. But something must have gone wrong with the glass. The liquid must have spilled somehow. Maybe it splashed out of the glass. It’s hard to know for sure because the explosion took a lot of equipment out when it happened.” She tucked some hair behind her ear and stared down at the ground.

Erwin stepped forward, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Take your time. The CCTV will determine what happened soon enough.”

“Yeah,” Nifa agreed, a miserable expression filling her face now. “I just wish I could have seen it. I could have stopped it.”

“If Hange had seen it, they would have removed it from the danger area,” Erwin comforted her. “It sounds like it was just one of those things. You can’t always predict them.”

“I’m sure this wasn’t your fault, Nifa,” Mobilit gently took her uninjured elbow in his hands. “They said Hange has some facial burns,” he said after a pause. “Did they notice something before it happened? Were they going to check on it?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Nifa answered. “They weren’t expecting it to be ready yet. They were just cleaning up another table while they were waiting.”

“Huh. Hange was cleaning.” Levi scoffed from behind Erwin.

Nifa smiled. “They were bored. Normally we’d have another testing on the go at the same time. They had some time to kill.”

“And some germs, apparently,” Levi quipped.

“So Hange wasn’t trying to go near it,” Mobilit sought out confirmation, gazing intently at Nifa who nodded. But it was Erwin who spoke next.

“Perhaps you could leave any further questions until later, Mobilit. There’s not much more to learn about how this happened.”

Mobilit nodded and squeezed Nifa’s arm gently. “Yeah, of course. I’m sorry. Nifa,” he said in a quiet but sincerely apologetic murmur. “I really am. I just… I guess I just want to try and picture what happened. I just keep imagining-” he cut off his sentence and pulled back.

“Don’t go there,” Erwin recommended in a gentler tone. “Hange will be fine. They were lucky.”

“Yeah,” Nifa said encouragingly. “The lab will look at the CCTV and see what exactly started it. Once they tell us, we can take even more precautions.” She smiled into Mobilit’s worried eyes. “I know Hange’s really passionate about their work but we both know that they do take precautions too. We just need to do a few more next time we look at that test. We’ll figure it out and, at least for now, Hange will have to take things easier.”

“You both should,” Levi had moved over to join them. “You and Shitty Glasses are always working too hard. I’m surprised Rico isn’t here already.”

Suddenly Nifa’s eyes ballooned and Mobilit stared into the redhead’s guilty face. A chuckle rose out of his throat despite the circumstances. “You haven’t told Rico,” he said.

“No… I was too preoccupied with calling people about Hange,” Nifa said biting her lip. She sighed and squared her shoulders. “I’m gonna do it now. Hopefully she won’t freak,” she added as she pulled out her phone and went to take a seat. Mobilit watched her type in a number and then hold the phone to her ears.

“If Hange’s missed any safety precautions and Rico gets wind of that,” Levi mused, folding his arms, “then Hange’s gonna be in the right place.”

“Levi,” Erwin chided.

He returned to his seat, beckoning for Mobilit to join him but the shorter man shook his head, running a hand through his hair agitatedly. The nerves and the knowledge that Hange was behind the door receiving treatment, that they were so injured, had bubbled up again during his conversation with the others. Now there was that sinking, overwhelming feeling again, like not being able to tread water. He took a few deep breaths and turned away from the door.

Levi took his arm. It wasn’t a terribly firm hold but the way Levi’s fingers dug in suggested that he might press harder if Mobilit were to try and throw him off. “Hey,” he told Mobilit. “Breathe. They’re going to be fine.”

Mobilit tilted his head back to look at the ceiling. “I know,” he mused. “It’s just that… I forget how dangerous this job can be for them.”

“That’s true but it’s also what Hange is good at,” Levi reasoned. “They got unlucky today but they have made significant advancements in medication thanks to their experiments,” he reminded Mobilit. “You’ve been a part of them all so you know. Those tablets that cut Covid down by a few days? The syrup that takes care of the flu within 48 hours? These all came from your partner’s brain and skill.”

“Levi’s right,” Erwin added. “It’s dangerous work but in Hange’s hands it’s also successful work.”

Mobilit nodded, slumping a little as he began to slowly pace in front of Hange’s room. “Yeah… I do understand that,” he said quietly. He understood it very well. He worked with them on this. He knew how passionate they felt about their work and how valuable they were. He didn’t want to be that guy that demanded Hange chose between him and their work. If he was 100% honest with himself, he wasn’t sure Hange would be able to turn their back on something that was such a huge aspect of their life. Asking them to do that would only end up breeding resentment anyway even if they did do it.

Besides, he loved their passion and their ideas and that completely chaotic drive to do some good in the world. As he considered this, a slight smile played on his lips. Hange wouldn’t be Hange without their love of experiments and seeking out knowledge. They were born to do this sort of thing, to be bold enough to chase down those possibilities.

It just meant that he had to keep reminding himself that Hange was walking - no, let’s be honest, they were skipping - down a dangerous road. He had always known this from the moment they had chosen to become more than friends. No one could say that he didn’t know the risks. Ugh, just get it together, Mobilit kicked himself mentally. They’re gonna be fine. The receptionist told you that. It’s nothing too serious. Yet, even while he tried to remind himself of that, another voice, one far nastier, began to speak up.

What if it happens again? What if next time you’re not so lucky? What if next time, they’re not giving you a list of whatever meds they’ll need but a death certificate.

Mobilit stopped pacing at once. The idea was so horrific and yet so painfully plausible. The thought made him feel viciously sick and he pursed his lips, convinced that he might actually throw up with the bubbling fear that was shooting up his throat right now. He looked up and along the corridor, quickly spotting the doorway to a bathroom. He broke into a fast walk, making a beeline for it.

“Mobilit!” He heard Erwin call after him but he was too occupied to pay him much attention.

— — — — — — —

When he emerged from the toilet stall, Erwin was waiting by the sink. Mobilit washed his face and the cool water helped to ground his uneasy levels of anxiety. He threw more water over his skin, chasing the comforting sensation.

After a moment, he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. He flinched instantly.

“Just breathe,” Erwin told him.

Mobilit stared up at him. He hadn’t even seen that the man was in here with him. The fact that he hadn’t even noticed Erwin was somewhat surprising considering the man’s size. However, it didn’t entirely surprise him that the man could keep himself out of anyone’s focus if he so pleased. It was kind of a terrifying skill to have but not one Mobilit wanted to dwell on right now.

“Just one breath at a time. Don’t think. Just breathe.” Erwin advised. He inhaled deeply himself, gesturing for Mobilit to mimic him.

Mobilit did so, taking in a deep breath of air and held it in for a moment before copying Erwin’s exhale. They did that together a few more times before Mobilit began to feel the overwhelming feeling begin to settle. Clarity returned to him gradually as well.

“Feeling calmer?” Erwin asked and Mobilit nodded.

“Thanks.”

“No worries,” Erwin said. “I figured you’d want to calm yourself down before you go in and see Hange.”

Mobilit straightened up. “Can I go in now?”

“Yes, a doctor came out just as you left. Levi is speaking to him now. I’m sure he’s asking about the cleanliness of the room and the quality of the supplies in relation to whatever budget the hospital has,” Erwin answered. He spoke the last part with a smile that eased Mobilit a little.

“I guess the doctor won’t be hanging around then,” he managed to joke feebly.

“No, I shouldn’t think so,” Erwin smiled. “But Levi can tell us what he said anyway.”

“Yeah. I just really need to see Hange right now.” Mobilit said.

“Of course,” Erwin gestured for him to exit the bathroom ahead of him, “just try and stay calm. Remember, they weren’t too badly hurt. They’re going to be okay.”

Mobilit tried to focus on that as he left the bathroom and stepped out into the corridor again. He began the walk towards Hange’s door, a walk that felt so long the more he thought about it. He was about to see Hange and see for himself that they were okay. Why wasn’t he excited about it? Why did his stomach feel like it was going to empty itself? Why did his legs feel this wobbly? It wasn’t the first time Hange had been hurt and - while he hated to think it - it probably wouldn’t be the last. He just needed to get used to it.

Levi was waiting outside the door, noticeably alone, leaning against the wall. Nifa was sat near him, still on the phone to Rico. Levi eyed Mobilit thoughtfully as he approached. “I hope you cleaned up in there,” he muttered although the words had none of their usual harshness.

It was enough for Mobilit to crack a smile. “Of course I did.”

Levi nodded to the door. “We’ll wait out here,” he said. He then looked to Nifa. “Or we can take her for some tea. It sounds like Rico isn’t too happy,” he mused.

Mobilit glanced over to Nifa who was grimacing and speaking her quickly and lovingly down the phone. “Can’t say I blame her,” he remarked. “Nifa could have been a lot worse as well.”

At last, he returned his attention to the door of Hange’s room and pushed at it, stepping inside.

— — — — — — —

Well, this bites, Hange huffed to themself as they stared out of the window with their uncovered eye.

Not that the other eye was missing much outside of the glass. It wasn’t even a good view. All they could see were constant columns of grey corporate building, their windows plastered with colourful posters promoting the usual lies and propaganda of billion dollar companies that were destroying the planet one office at a time. Hange’s fists clenched in the bedsheets for a moment as they gritted their teeth. Instantly half of their facial muscles twinged and they eased up on the expression instantly.

That’s going to be a pain. Hange acknowledged. Being an emotionally expressive person and having half of their face being sore and tender for a week or so were not going to be friendly bedfellows. They looked down at the menu list for dinner soon and sighed.

I was supposed to be having dinner with Moblit tonight. He was making his spaghetti bolognese. I love his spaghetti. That man is an artist in the kitchen too. Instead, I’m gonna be stuck here eating whatever processed crap they serve up. With a heavy sigh, they leaned back against the pillows and ran a hand down the uninjured side of their face. They’ll have called him by now. He’s gonna freak. I promised him I wouldn’t be late. It’s his day off too. Who wants to spend that in here?

They’d been careful today. So fucking careful. It had been too long since they had had a date night and almost as long since they’d last eaten Mobilit’s cooking. It was the nature of Hange’s job that things tended to get intense and all-consuming very quickly. Anything else tended to take a back seat. But they and Mobilit had recognized that. They’d made plans to take time for themselves. All through the day Hange had kept her mind on how long things would take to finish and what they could do instead to fill up the hours before leaving early that wouldn’t involve starting a new test. It was all supposed to be straight forward and that stupid explosion had fucked things up for them.

I’m amazed that he doesn’t lose patience with me. Hange reflected as they tapped their fingers on the table hovering over their legs. But then that was Mobilit. He’d been by their side, putting up with a lot of shit for years now.

The door opened again and Hange’s attention whipped towards it just as Mobilit stepped inside and closed the door. They beamed at him and waved with one hand. That was another thing that would be hell to get used to. Managing with a broken arm. They already missed their double wave.

“Mobilit,” they greeted softly with a smile that disappeared as soon as Hange saw their boyfriend’s eyes.

They were glassy and filled with so much pain and fear that any confident, quirky quip that Hange might have conjured instantly died in their mouth. Their own face tightened with immediate guilt. I did this to him. Worrying about me again has done this.

His shoulders were trembling, not a great deal but enough for them to notice. They watched as Mobilit’s eyes roamed over their injuries, lingering briefly on their face before dropping to take in the sling that currently held Hange’s left arm. With every second, the anxiety seemed to bloom more across his features. Hange saw his fists clench and his jaw tighten. They recognised those signs instantly.

“This isn’t something you could have prevented,” Hange told him in as calm a voice as they could manage. “It was just an accident, Mobilit. I’m gonna be fine.”

“Just an accident?” Mobilit repeated, his voice cracking. “Are you being serious?”

It had been the wrong thing to say and Hange grimaced. “I’m not playing it down.”

“Yes you are,” the retort that came back so quickly was angry and it surprised Hange. Mobilit’s chest was starting to heave. “Yes, you are,” he repeated. “It happened and it’s a big deal, Hange.” Their boyfriend stepped forward, grabbing the nearest plastic blue seat and pulling it towards the side of their bed. The left side, Hange noted, closest to their heart. It was sweet and they wanted to smile but right now, faced with Mobilit’s anger, Hange forced that smile back for the time being. “You’re about to tell me that it could have been worse, right?” he asked and the pain in his voice was evident.

“Yeah,” Hange admitted. “I’d rather focus on the fact that it wasn’t. I was lucky.”

“Do you hear yourself?” Another crack in Mobilit’s voice. “I have to think that we’re lucky because you only ended up here with a broken arm and some burns? That’s not lucky, Hange. That’s you being hurt!” he snapped. Tears shone in his eyes. “You being hurt is never lucky.”

Hange itched to reach out to him but he was sitting on their injured side. “Okay that was a bad choice of words-”

“Hange!” Mobilit’s voice came out as a dry sob. “Just stop! Stop trying to make this okay! It’s not okay!” He bowed his head and clasped his hands over his face. “God, this is not okay, Hange. It’s not.” His shoulders shook and Hange’s heart broke a little for him.

Hange couldn’t remember ever having seen Mobilit this anxious before. He always worried so much about their welfare and their safety. Things that, admittedly, were not high on Hange’s list of priorities and they never really had been. Such things took up too much room in their head that could be better filled with ideas and possibilities and combinations.

Hange had been that kid experimenting with dangerous stunts or homemade scientific concoctions as a child. They had had their fair share of hospital visits back then too. Even then, they hadn’t been terribly afraid of the pain or the healing although it had certainly been inconvenient for their relentless curiosity and determination to explore and investigate. It was just normal for them to handle things this way. Their parents had been worried about it at the time, back when they had been someone her parents could approve of. Back when they had accepted them as their child. They had supported Hange’s curiosities and strong scientific mind and forgave the occasional hospital visits.

It was just their gender identity, that they couldn’t forgive. Their so-called “decision” to be different. Their ultimate rejection had been a lesson in being careful who to trust, after that. Hange was lucky in that they had accepting friends to help them through it. They had moved in with Erwin and Levi for a while as soon as they left home at 17. A year later, Erwin had introduced them to Mobilit. Life had transformed for the better since leaving that house.

Mobilit had shown concern about the risks of Hange’s experiments and their tendency to overlook the risks right from the beginning. Hange liked to call him their worrier. He worried so they didn’t have to. But seeing him now, guilt churned away inside their stomach. How much of that worrying had stayed inside Mobilit eating away at him?

“I’m sorry,” Hange reached out their uninjured hand and smiled when Mobilit slid his into it. “I’m sorry,” they said again. “I know this isn’t okay. How much you worry.” They stroked the backs of his fingers with their thumb gently. “I’m just trying to focus on the positives. It could have been a lot worse and I’m grateful that it wasn’t.”

“Me too,” Mobilit mumbled. “I am. It’s just that it could have gone the other way so easily, Hange.”

“Mobilit,” Hange kept their voice gentle as they squeezed his hand. “Thoughts like that don’t help. If we worry about what could happen, we’d never live our lives. You could go to the store tomorrow and get hit by a bus,” they explain. “We could take a vacation and get scammed out of all our money. We could get sick. Our house could burn down.” They exhaled gently. “It’s a rabbit hole but you can’t go down it. Look at what it’s doing to you.”

Hange lifted Mobilit’s hand to kiss it. “How long have you been holding back your worries, Mobilit?” they questioned.

Mobilit lifted his face to theirs with a confused frown. “Since I got that call this afternoon.” His brows furrowed deeper. “How did you expect me to react? Am I just supposed to shrug it off now? To be used to you getting hurt?”

His partner shook their head. “No. I’m not saying that. But Mobilit, this feels like it’s been going on longer. You sound like you’ve been carrying this for a while.”

Mobilit’s eyes shifted away from theirs and his frown deepened. “I… I always have to worry because you don’t,” he mumbled. “Someone has to.” One of his hands lifted to run through his hair, his eyes squeezing shut with obvious frustration. His shoulders sagged even lower and Hange’s heart went out to him. This was the worst they had ever seen him react to one of their accidents at work. Some of it had to be build up from previous concerns. They had been injured worse than this before.

“Do they?” Hange asked. They kissed his fingers again. “Caring and concern are one thing but this… Mobilit, this is anxiety and it’s not healthy for you.”

Their boyfriend stared at them for a moment or two, blinking slowly. “Really?” he asked. “Really?! You’re lecturing me on what’s not healthy from a hospital bed? Because it’s so healthy to disregard your own safety.” Mobilit’s sheer disbelief seemed to chase a great deal of the anxiety from his face for the moment. Hange welcomed that distraction for however long it lasted. Seeing some of the pain leaving his face was a very good thing.

Hange’s lips twitched into a smile.

Mobilit stared at them like that for a moment before a small smile began to take over. “You’re unbelievable,” he mused softly. “You’re really something else, you know?” He lifted his hand and brought theirs to his lips softly. He exhaled again, this time releasing a weak laugh with it. “You’re such a pain,” he joked.

Hange smiled wider this time. “Yes but I’m your pain.”

“Yes you are,” Mobilit’s smile was growing as well. “Although I could very much live without these trips to hospital, you know?” He pointed out, cupping their hand in both of his. “And we both have much better ways of spending our time, don’t you think?” He sighed, his features relaxing more although some of the anxiety still lingered in his eyes. “So, if you could very kindly spare just a little of that massive brain of yours into taking more care,” he suggested and heaved a dramatic sigh, “I’d really appreciate it very much.”

Hange nodded emphatically. “I’ll try and be more careful, Mobilit,” they assured him. “I promise.”

“Good.” Mobilit leaned forward, resting his elbows on the bed. He eyed the bandages over half of Hange’s face and lifted their hand for another kiss. “I really wanna kiss you but I guess your hand will have to do for now,” he remarked.

“I wish you could,” Hange complained quietly. “My face is stupid sensitive right now.”

“At least the burns aren’t too bad, so the doctors say,” Mobilit answered.

“Yeah they’re just enough to be a pain but they won’t leave lasting damage,” Hange told him. “Not gonna lie. A few burns might have given me more of a badass edge in the science department but ah well, I can live without it.”

Mobilit bowed his head, releasing a laugh of mingled amusement and exasperation. “You’re a freaking maniac.”

Hange grinned and then winced at the pain in their cheek at the movement of their mouth. “Yeah well, you still love me right?”

“Of course I love you,” Mobilit stroked their hand in his. “I’m never gonna stop loving you.”

“And I love you,” Hange’s smile softened, easing the pain in their cheek. “I promise to be more careful. And at least we can take some positives from this.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna be home for a little while now thanks to this stupid thing.” Hange gestured to their sling. “So I hope you’re prepared for me to drive you a little crazy.”

“Hange,” Mobilit laughed a truly happy sound, “you already drive me a LOT crazy. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

#my fics #fic: by your side #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #drabble #hange zoe #hange zoe fanfiction #moblit berner #moblit berner fanfiction #hange zoe x moblit berner #hange zoe x moblit berner fanfiction #mobuhan #mobuhan fanfiction #tw: anxiety #tw: transphobia #tw: injury

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sparkywrites25 · 8 months

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Levi vs. Erwin

#levi ackerman #erwin smith #attack on titan #levi vs erwin

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sparkywrites25 · 9 months

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Fortune's Wheel

Summary: In another life, things worked out quite differently for the star-crossed lovers. This is that life.

Chapter Summary: A reality check at the mail office inspires Father Laurence to revise his plan for the star crossed lovers.

Pairing: Romeo Montague x Juliet Capulet

Notes: In this story, I've bumped up Juliet's age to 17. Romeo is 18 here.

If you like my work and want to see more then please join my taglist. Form is pinned on my blog.

The priest scanned the delivery options and speeds with a critical eye. His attention wandered to the clock now and again, conscious of every second that passed. With that acknowledgment of time came reminders of Juliet’s desperate face and the terrible image of her holding the gun up to her head. The knowledge of what she might do if this scheme didn’t come through as it needed to haunted him. Even if he were not invested in the reunion and happiness of these two lovebirds, he needed to save the girl from such a terrible fate. Lord knew what Romeo would do if he were to find out what had happened. They were both so wrapped up in matters of their hearts and loving each other too passionately. It was like watching a wildfire beginning, knowing how much damage it could do if it continued to rage with that temperament. These children needed to cool themselves before they burned everything around them with their love.

Around him, the mailing center was busy and bustling more than usual; it didn’t fill the holy man with much hope about the safety of the letter and the speed in which it was to get to Romeo. Even the options available had their risks. The time frame for this plan to go off properly was so short and plenty of accidents and mishaps happened in the mail room. He sighed and wandered towards the queue. He could at least ask them which was the best service to opt for. Standing here indecisively was only going to delay everything.

Once more he glanced at the clock. In a few hours, Juliet would be taking the potion. The letter needed to be sent immediately if it was going to have its best chance of reaching Romeo in time for him to rescue Juliet from her fake death. As Laurence stepped into the queue, a grumble sounded from his left.

“So yet again, they’ve lost my letter,” a dark-skinned man was saying, gritting his teeth as he walked away from the customer service desk with his wife. “Why do we still use them?” he added, shoving one hand in his pocket. His wife spoke softly into his ear, hanging onto his arm and stroking his bicep soothingly.

“I’m sorry, sir!” The man behind the counter called after the stranger but received no reply.

The priest stared down at his own letter in severe contemplation. Perhaps the situation that he’d just overheard was just a freak incident and not the norm. Maybe his letter would arrive to Romeo without trouble and everything would run smoothly. It was certainly possible but could he really afford to gamble this whole scenario on the chance that the mail would arrive in time? What if this wasn’t the only case today? What if there was a problem with the mail? Would it not be reckless to take that chance with this letter?

He approached the counter himself. Fortunately, there was only one customer ahead of himself and they concluded their business within a minute. As soon as they’d moved away, the holy man bowed his head in a respectful nod as he approached the desk. “Good afternoon,” he said with the thinnest smile. “Is there a service that can guarantee this letter’s arrival by tomorrow morning at the latest?”

The customer agent eyed Laurence and then the letter he carried. “At the moment we’re extremely busy so, while we can guarantee the letter arriving tomorrow, I couldn’t say if it would get there by morning.”

Laurence wet his lips thoughtfully and this eyes widened in hope. “Perhaps the afternoon then?”

“Again, I couldn’t guarantee. We do evening deliveries as well so it might not make it there until then.”

Evening is too late for Juliet. Laurence thought irritably. “Thank you for your help,” he told the young man politely. “I’ll deliver it myself, I think. I can spare the time.”

With that, he left the desk and strode towards the exit. The letter would have to be delivered in person, that much was painfully obvious. Romeo needed to be in the church by ten o’clock tomorrow night. It would be too late to wait for him to receive the letter then.

Despite what the priest had just declared, he didn’t have the time to drive to Mantua and fetch Romeo. But maybe someone else could. He might have just the person in mind.

— — — — —

It made the most sense, the priest thought, to only involve someone who knew about the secret marriage. Juliet’s nurse was out of the question. It would look strange for him to suddenly call on her so late at night and it would definitely be too strange to ask her to travel to Mantua to deliver a message to Romeo. It would raise too much suspicion and questions, and, at any rate, she was needed by Juliet’s side. So then that left Romeo’s cousin Balthasar who had also witnessed the ceremony. Balthasar was a far better candidate for such a task since he was generally overlooked by people and didn’t draw a great deal of attention to himself. As the closest person to Romeo and an assistant in smuggling him out of the city, Balthasar was the ideal envoy, upon consideration.

Finding the boy was the biggest obstacle to this stage of the plan and it would involve more deception which, in all honesty, the priest was not so happy about. But, in this case, the deception could save two lives if not more and bring about the possibility of an end to this feud between the two families. When you looked at it from that bigger picture, as God must surely do, then surely this was a needs must situation?

Laurence drove over to the Montague estate at once. The sandstone of the manor shone golden under the warmth of the sunlight. Laurence walked under tall archways into a spacious courtyard. In the heart of the courtyard, a fountain rose up depicting four men back to back, swords extended in different directions; the four Montague brothers who had started the family business over 500 years ago. The rim of the fountain was engraved with some of the most famous of descendants since then. Three quarters of the rim had been filled in with these names. As the priest looked down at them, he wondered if there was any possibility that Romeo could have his name down there one day. Perhaps the Montague who healed the rivalry with the Capulet. If that wasn’t something to be recognized for then this world was a sadder place than the holy man imagined.

He continued past the fountain and ascended the stairway towards the main entryway into the house. Once invited inside, he inquired about Balthasar and whether he was free to assist with some manual work at the church for some coins. As the youth was often being denied an extension to his allowance by his family, the offer was welcomed immediately by the young man himself as well as his relatives. There were no arguments as the priest led the young man away from the house.

“Is everything okay? Is it Romeo?” Balthasar asked as soon as they were out of earshot of the building. “Have you any news?”

“Not about Romeo,” Laurence explained, taking the boy’s elbow. “But we have a new situation to contend with.”

Balthasar whitened and gestured to the park across the road from where they stood. “This is a quiet place to talk, Father,” he murmured.

They walked into the park and settled themselves on a secluded bench behind a cluster of trees. There were few people around and no one paid much attention to the holy man and the young man sat in secretive talk beneath the shadows of said trees.

“What’s the matter?” Balthasar questioned, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. Although he was shorter than Romeo and had a little more of a feeble look about him when it came to his build, priest Laurence could see the same eagerness and brightness in his eyes that his older cousin showed of late especially when it came to Juliet and their marriage. Like Romeo, Balthasar had been very much untouched by the majority of the rivalry between the two families. Unlike Romeo, however, Balthasar still flew under the radar, behind the more enthusiastic players in this blood feud.

Laurence glanced around them one more time to ensure there were no eavesdroppers and then he began to tell Balthasar the situation. “The Capulets want Juliet to marry Paris tomorrow morning. The girl has gotten herself quite agitated and upset over it.”

“As she should,” Balthasar’s brows knitted so tightly that his face seemed to age with the wrinkles in his forehead, “after all, she already has a husband who is very much alive.”

“Yes but of course the Capulets do not know that,” Laurence reminded him. “God only knows what they would say if they knew that their daughter had married their enemy.”

“They’re going to have to find out now, aren’t they? If she marries again, she’ll be committing bigamy,” Balthasar spoke in hushed tones.

“While that’s true, that’s not the most concerning part of all this. Juliet is refusing to marry Paris, without giving her reasons why and now her family are furious. They are threatening to disown her if she does not obey. If she refuses to marry Paris on Thursday then they will kick her out of the home and the family.”

“Oh Jesus,” Balthasar ran his hands over his face. “Curse this feud. Curse our families. This has already gone too far. They cannot see the line they have crossed anymore. It’s too far from them now,” he lamented.

Laurence placed a hand on the young man’s shoulders. “We can lament the families’ pride and ignorance later. We must help Juliet now. If her parents kick her out, where can she go? I have a spare room but that will not stop the Capulets coming after her and badgering the girl into submission, despite their claims of disinheriting her.”

“She cannot come and stay with us. That’s like throwing her into a nest of snakes that are just as deadly as her own family. Benvolio would be a gentleman, I am sure, but the rest would not care to give her shelter,” Balthasar mused.

“Exactly. Her options are limited although she and I have begun a plan. Though it is as desperate as it is dangerous.” priest Laurence answered.

Balthasar fixed him with a confused look. “What plan is this?”

The priest bowed his head. “Juliet came to speak to me about the plan to marry her to Paris. She was extremely distressed and panicking. She brought a gun with her to church.”

“A gun?!” Balthasar exclaimed. “Where the devil did she get…?” He instantly began to cringe. “I expect she got it from Tybalt’s quarters or such like. The Capulets have their means, after all.” He shook his head. “What did she intend to do with it? Shoot Paris? Is she so desperate?”

“Paris was not the intended target for her,” Laurence whispered. “She threatened to kill herself before anyone could make her marry Paris.”

Balthasar covered his mouth with one hand and turned away. “God, how have we ended up in this situation where that could even be considered? How have things got like this?”

“Calm yourself, Balthasar,” the priest urged him. “Her desperation gave way to a better idea, from my mind.” As the young man returned his attention to him, Laurence continued. “There is an extract from one of the plants I work with. It can mimic death for 24 hours and in 24 hours, things can change for the better.”

“How does her faking her death make this any better?”

“Because it frees her from the Capulets’ plot to marry her off and it can resolve her separation from Romeo at the same time.”

Laurence watched the realization dawn over Balthasar’s face. A smile began to grow like a sunflower stretching up towards light and hope gleamed in the same promising eyes as his cousin. The young man straightened up and gave an understanding nod. “Romeo can come back and take her away with him to Mantua.”

“Yes,” Laurence confirmed. “They can wait it out there until we can resolve things with Captain Prince. As for the Capulets, well they will either come round to the marriage once it goes public or they will leave her for good. They cannot undo what has been done before God. If we can pull this off tonight, Balthasar, those lovebirds will be free and there may be hope to end this bloody feud at some point too.”

“I hope so,” Balthasar leaned back on the bench and ran his fingers over his mouth. “It’s uneasy to live in a city where you feel like you might get picked off by your enemy at any moment. Yet it seems too good to be true to imagine it all ending.”

“We can make it become more of a possibility,” the priest assured him. “But first you must go to Romeo and explain the situation. Juliet is going to take the concoction before bed tonight. You must get Romeo back here by tomorrow night. Ring me once you’re there and I will have an update.”

Balthasar gave it some thought. “I’ll leave this afternoon and spend the night there.”

“Make sure that you have a strong alibi,” the priest remarked. “I’m sure the Prince’s forces are expecting Romeo to smuggle himself back into the city. We must be prepared for that and to make a plan around that if we have to.”

Balthasar frowned. “That could throw a mighty spanner in what we’re trying to do, Father.”

“I know, my boy.” Laurence patted the boy’s shoulder. “We’re going to have to be very careful and stay in contact as much as we can. We have to be ready to smuggle both Romeo and Juliet out of the city tomorrow night too.”

“Perhaps we can get Benvolio involved,” Balthasar suggested. “He loves Romeo. I’m sure he’d do anything to help him.”

“Hang fire on that for now,” Laurence advised, “at least until the plan is underway. If he doesn’t help then we need to give him as little time as possible to cause any trouble he may do so. We need to be able to proceed with the plan.”

Once again, Balthasar nodded although he was still frowning. “We’re not going to have much time to try and get him on board, are we?”

“No,” Laurence agreed. “But he’s not a vital part of the plan. As soon as Romeo has retrieved Juliet then we may need to lay low a while. In which case, you can appeal to Benvolio for assistance. Until we get those two ready to go, it doesn’t matter if Benvolio will help us or not.”

“Good point.”

Laurence stood up. “Take this letter,” he said and held out the paper which Balthasar took as he rose to his own feet. “Make up a believable story for your family to explain your absence. No!” He suddenly held up a finger. “Tell them that I have you running an errand to collect some artifacts for the church. It’ll be a long trip so you won’t be back for at least a day or so. You can stay with me until the time is acceptable for you to return.”

“Okay, got it,” Balthasar agreed, the relief evident on his face that he wouldn’t need to conjure the lie himself. And really, part of it wasn’t a lie. He was helping the priest with an errand, after all. It just wasn’t an artifact that he was going to retrieve.

He tucked the letter safely away in his jacket pocket and so he and Laurence began their journey out of the park, rejoining the main pathway as they did.

“Good luck,” the priest told him once they had left the park. “Do what you can to keep Romeo calm until tomorrow night.”

He was met with a grim smile as Balthasar contemplated the emotional state his cousin would be in once he learned what was happening and what Juliet was going to do.

— — — — —

The drive out to Mantua gave Balthasar plenty of thinking time. He thought about this long feud between the Montagues and the Capulets and how many people of both families had met their end in the bloody battles and the dirty tricks both families had pulled in each other’s business dealings. He thought about how the fates had aligned to make a child of both families fall in love with each other. His thoughts turned to the dead and innocent Mercutio and the bloodthirsty Tybalt who would have nothing but vengeance. Blood was running through the streets of Verona and there was only so much the civilians could take regarding this feud. Captain Prince and everybody else was heartily sick of the situation.

I can’t blame them, Balthasar reflected as he drove past the boundary line of the city of Mantua. He found himself breathing easier as he did. He was in safe territory now. Away from the vengeful, bloodthirsty eyes of the Capulets and away from the domineering drive of the Montagues. Here, he was just Balthasar and he was on his way to visit his cousin. There was nothing complicated or fearful about that. This was a place where Romeo could start again, and Juliet too.

The lodgings that had been provided for Romeo was a small caravan on the edge of the city. As Balthasar left the cool shade of the city shadows behind him, he felt the sunlight roasting him through his windscreen, blinding him with its light. He grabbed for his sunglasses and pushed them over his face. Instantly his view improved and he began to glimpse the caravans dotted around the open space.

He turned the car towards Romeo’s caravan and smiled when he spotted the young man sitting in the doorway. Pulling up outside the caravan, he watched his cousin look up.

Romeo tossed a cigarette to the ground, a smile breaking out when he recognized his cousin getting out of the car. He hurried forward to wrap Balthasar in a warm embrace.

“Am I glad to see you, cousin!” he exclaimed into the hug. “Have you got news already?” he asked, pulling back at once to look into Balthasar’s face.

Balthasar fixed his most calming smile onto his face. “Nothing about your punishment yet.” He told his cousin and stepped into the shade offered by the small awning hanging off the caravan. The cooling shadows soothed the burning feeling on his cheeks.

Romeo stepped into them with him. “But something is going on?”

Balthasar nodded his head, maintaining his smile. He had expected Romeo’s impatience given that his cousin was separated from his true love. Though how his cousin could be so certain of that love after knowing his wife less than a week, Balthasar did not know. He expected that the certainty came with the feelings themselves. Perhaps he would know it if it happened to him. Although hopefully his own love life would not be nearly so complicated.

“Laurence has explained it all in this letter to you. He’s much more eloquent and I am still digesting it all myself,” Balthasar admitted as he took out the letter and handed it to Romeo. He stepped closer to his cousin and stared down at the words written by the priest.

Dear Romeo,

I hope that you are settled in a safe place for the time being. I write to you because a need has arisen to reunite you with Juliet sooner rather than later. The Capulets are pressuring her to marry Paris, the Governor’s son. She has refused and has enraged her father who is threatening to disown her. Despite his threats, she and I both share the belief that her family will not let her go so easily and will bully her into this marriage. The distress that your wife has endured is immense, on top of everything else that has happened recently. She came to me and begged for my assistance otherwise she would take her own life.

“Juliet, take her own life?!” Romeo’s head snapped around to look at Balthasar. One of his hands grabbed onto the smaller man’s shirt roughly. “She needs to be stopped. She needs to be watched!” Grief and horror battled their way across Romeo’s features and his eyes flashed wildly. “There must be another solution. I cannot lose her to death!” he began to lower the paper as his eyes immediately focused on Balthasar’s car. “We need to stop her.”

He began to make for the car but Balthasar, instinct kicking in, instantly stepped in the way and pushed his cousin back with a strength he didn’t expect himself to have. Romeo stumbled back, gritting his teeth and shooting Balthasar a death glare.

“You’ll try and stop me? Really?!” he scoffed, charging towards him.

Balthasar grabbed hold of his shirt but this time Romeo grabbed his wrists and resisted him, pushing back against his cousin so that Balthasar stumbled back.

“For the love of god, finish the letter!” Balthasar yelled as Romeo pushed past him and went to the car. “Juliet’s not going to kill herself anymore!”

Romeo stopped by the car door, with one hand, his chest heaving with the weight of his passion. Balthasar strode over to him and took his arm only for Romeo to throw his hand off and open the door. “You think I can stay still after reading this?!” he snarled at his cousin.

Balthasar huffed, his usually mild-temper rising up in the face of this difficulty. “What’s one more minute to spare to read a letter and learn that Juliet is not going to leave you?!” As he spoke, he pointed to the fallen letter and then leaned down and snatched it up. “Father Laurence wants you to know all of the truth. Not just half the letter. Read the full truth.”

Romeo frowned at him, suspicion deep in his eyes, as he glared over the open car door. Balthasar stepped closer to him, trying to cool his own annoyance in his face.

“Just spare a minute, cousin. Please.”

He held out the letter and Romeo took it at last, returning his gaze to the letters on the sheet.

I have offered a solution which may bring about happier times for you both and will prevent the young lady from taking such an irreversible path. You know of my work with plants. There is a special liquid produced from one which creates the illusion of death but simply puts the drinker into a deep sleep. Juliet will take this draught and sleep for the next 24 hours. During which time her family will believe she has died. When they inevitably call me to their home, I will arrange for her to be laid in church in state. Tomorrow night, when the potion’s work is up, you need to have returned to Verona ready to take Juliet with you. No one will chase Juliet if they believe she is dead and you can live in safety outside the city.

I will keep doing what I can with Captain Prince but it may be safer for you to stay away forever if the Capulets discover your marriage, Juliet’s survival and do not come to reason. You are led by hot, potent emotions but for a plan such as this, you need to temper them with common sense and follow my instructions. Otherwise you will be captured and executed and then, I fear, nothing will stop your wife from following you into death.

Keep Balthasar with you tonight. Tomorrow I will confirm when Juliet is in my care and when it will be safe to retrieve her.

Yours sincerely,

Laurence

Romeo stepped backwards away from the car, breathless from the strange read and his previous exertion. “This is dangerous work. What is Juliet doing? Why did she not just run away?” His attention snapped to Balthasar. “You could have brought her here tonight!”

“I know!” His cousin agreed. “But then the Capulets would have been chasing her.”

Romeo ran a hand through his hair in agitation. “What if the potion goes wrong? What if she dies for real? This isn’t like being given medicine by a doctor. This is… this taking drugs!” he exclaimed. “She’s gambling with her life.”

“And you’ve never gambled like that. You’ve never taken drugs.” Balthasar countered. He sighed and walked towards his cousin, taking his biceps in his hands. This time he tightened his grip to make it difficult if Romeo tried to shrug him off again. “The pair of you have been gambling this whole time. Marrying a Capulet and in secret? Going after Tybalt and killing him? You’re lucky not to be murdered or executed right now.”

“I know I’m a fool. Everything I’ve done lately has been foolish…” Romeo argued, “except marrying Juliet. She is the only sense in everything I’ve been doing.”

“All the more reason to keep your head now,” Balthasar reminded him. “If done right, you could have your wife with you tomorrow night and both of you can escape.”

“I hear you!” Romeo snapped back. He pushed at Balthasar’s hands and sighed. “Unhand me. I’m not going anywhere.”

Balthasar hesitated before withdrawing his hands. Romeo walked around him, back toward the doorway of the caravan and so Balthasar followed him and leaned against the caravan while his cousin sank back onto his previous perch. For a minute or two, neither of them spoke. The world blazed cold with afternoon sunlight and Balthasar’s thoughts turned towards the approach of night when Juliet would take the potion and prepare for her strange sleep.

“I don’t like any of this.” Romeo declared. “I hate that Juliet is putting herself in danger to be with me.”

“Didn’t you put yourself in danger to be with her?” Balthasar remarked. “Staying over at her place hours after you were banished?”

Romeo bowed his head but the corner of his lips tugged up. “Is that your job today? To point out my hypocrisy?”

“I’m just saying you have no room to talk,” Balthasar smiled and crouched down so that he was looking up at his cousin. “Try not to focus on the risks, cousin. Do you really think that Laurence would have recommended this if it was that dangerous to do?”

Romeo seemed to slump even more. “Even the wisest people can make mistakes, Bal,” he murmured, directing the sadness from his eyes into Balthasar’s own.

Balthasar slumped a little himself under the weight of his cousin’s anxious and sad gaze. “That’s true. But he was talking Juliet down from killing herself. If this concoction is that unpredictable and he was still willing to use it then he may as well have let her pull the trigger. There must be some safety to it if he’s this adamant about the plan.”

“I want to believe that,” Romeo lamented. “I do. It’s just that he could still be wrong.”

“But if he hadn’t offered anything then Juliet would be dead right now.”

Romeo dropped his head into his hands and growled like a wounded animal. “God dammit, Juliet! I would never want her harmed especially not by her own hand. This is too fucking risky.” His fingers tangled in his blond locks, twisting the fine hairs in growing agitation. “I should have just taken her with me. I should have just fucking taken her then.”

“It was too dangerous. You knew that. You couldn’t predict what her parents would do. You couldn’t have seen any of this.” Balthasar placed a hand on Romeo’s arm. “You did what you knew was right at the time. Things just… they just turned so quickly.”

“What if they catch me, Bal? What if they catch you smuggling me back into the city? Where will that leave Juliet then? They’ll just force her to marry Paris then. Or worse, she’ll kill herself. What if I lose her anyway?”

Balthasar’s hand on his cousin’s arm quickly turned into a light shake. “Don’t go there. We’re not going to let any of that happen. We’re gonna follow the plan. We’re not gonna lose our heads, okay?” He spoke with a voice firmer than he felt but right now his cousin needed to hear it. “We’re gonna wait for Laurence to confirm that he has Juliet and then we’re gonna go and get her okay?”

Romeo tensed under his grip and Balthasar feared that he was about to throw him off again. His hands fisted and Balthasar half-expected that a punch may be thrown. Instead Romeo’s shoulders hunched and his eyes squeezed shut as he inhaled harshly once and then twice. The restraint that locked his body was becoming more and more evident. Balthasar searched his mind for anything that might distract his cousin or at least focus his inclination to rebel on something else. Maybe something that could be productive or useful even.

“We need to plan your return carefully,” he told Romeo thoughtfully. “You’re right in that they could catch us sneaking you in. Maybe there’s a way we could go undetected. I could steal another car if they know mine well enough.”

Romeo lifted his head only a fraction. “That would just buy us trouble later. If it gets reported early enough, they could catch us while we’re on our way in or out. We can’t draw attention to ourselves.” He lowered his hands from his face.

“Should I have asked Benvolio for help?” Balthasar wondered, remembering his earlier suggestion to Laurence.

His cousin shook his head. “No. Benvolio is too well-known in the recent street fights. He’d be just as suspected as you.”

“There’s no one else we can ask?”

“Laurence is the only one who I can trust with this,” Romeo answered solemnly, “and he is flying under the radar at the moment. He is already involved in this.”

Both young men fell silent again and as they did, Balthasar felt the spark of an idea ignite within him. Small and maybe a dangerous spark. A spark that could cause a fire for more than just the Montague boys. A danger that could light up the priest’s life as well. But if it worked. If the theory proved to work well in reality then it could buy them time, enough time to pull this off.

“Romeo…” Balthasar muttered after a moment or two, “I might just have an idea about that. But we’d be playing a crazy game.”

Romeo lifted his eyebrows and a huff of sarcastic laughter burst from him. “We’re already playing a crazy game, Bal. What exactly did you have in mind now?”

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