#+ even if i did talk abt what i like i cant express myself

[wilczachannn]

am i the only one scared to talk abt my interests?? like i can't get a single word out abt it bc i know people will get bored (or will just nod and talk about something else) (yes that happened)

#resident evil is my only interest atm but still #like everyone i know always talks abt their interests and im there like ':D good for u' #+ even if i did talk abt what i like i cant express myself #it wpuld be a mess #theres so much i qant to say but so little comes out <///3 #felix • 🪐

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#looking at the notes ppl in the lab let me on my birthday card. it seems ppl think i should chill the fuck out lmao #a lot were like RELAX!!! and ya kno objectively theyre right but i refuse to listen bc theres something wrong in my head #sigh. i survived the day at least. the timed measurements r done on this experiment. thank christ. and my birthday gathering as so #i dont kno. it was kinda funny and kinda sad i guess. bc i knew it was gonna happen and i didnt want it to but i was like fine. ill meet #at 4. and i expected it to b in the conference room but they set up outside the lab around the corner. so they did kinda surprise me #location wise i guess. i cant imagine what expression i was making. it felt like a pained smile but idk. i had to go back to take #measurements every 4min so i was standing there with a plate full of ice creame cake. kinda away from everyone while they talked. staring #at my phone timer as it ticked down and abruptly leaving when i had to log a measurement. i was basically a non entity while there. which #was kinda idea bc i have too much hurt inside to talk to ppl right now. as evidence by my phone call with my parents when i got home. im #just kinda a bummer to exist around rn. idk maybe i should apologize to my boss bc i kno im not an easy person to do things for #and i really do appreciate the effort. its just hard when i kno how much stress its going to cause me for someone to attempt to do #something they think will b nice. so idk i just feel bad. but its over. and idk what ill do tomorrow. i should do stuff for when i move #like my dad was like: u should prioritize ur future stuff. and hes objectively right. they think i should get a studio apartment which #would b expensive as fuck but i will destroy myself if i have roommates. idk. theres lots still to do bc i have to get a ton of data #processed by the end of the week bc i have 8 days of measurement on another project that needs to get done by may 14th when i leave for #vacation. which my mom was like did u buy ur tickets for next month and i was like. hm how do i ask where im supposed to buy tickets to #without giving away that i dont kno what ur talking abt? bc apparently im going to a wedding? wtf do i wear to a wedding? #idk. i guess im just kinda sad bc this month has been really hard. i made it hard for no reason bc theres something wrong in my head and #that hurt has nowhere to go bc i cant even give anyone an honest account of how awful it was bc its like what r they gonna do abt it? #anything i say is just worrying bc i cant seem to stop myself who whats the point in talking abt it. but idk humans r social creatures so #when im in pain at least part of me wants someone to brush my hair and acknowledge my pain and tell me itll b ok #but idk. the idea of that happening is different from the reality where i seem to opperate at a different frequency to other people. we #just dont seem to properly connect. idk. idk what ill do tomorrow. im afraid to loosen my grip on my schedule bc i might fall to piece #pieces without the pressure. well see. lets home my 26th year is better than my 25th was. bc last year sucked #hope* lets hope that was my low point. bc that was not a fun time and im worry to take account of thr damage done #unrelated

[gggukniverse]

self fulfillment needs | myg

title: self fulfillment needs

pairing: yoongi x reader (+ implied jungkook x reader)

series: basic needs !!!

genre: m, smut, roommates au

summary: two weeks after the kitchen incident where you had sex with your roommate while your other roommate watched you, things seem the same as always but also not the same at all. you try to approach the subject to only cause a fight and another sexual encounter.

warnings: dom!yoongi, sub!reader, yoongi is bi, jungkook is confused my baby :(, sexual tension, dirty talk, she actually tries to dom yoongi at first but... haha, fingering, unprotected sex (pls be safe), a lil edging, hair pulling, teasing, yoongi himself is a warning, choking, face slapping, praising, degradation, he calls reader a slut, begging, spanking, p*ssy slapping, yoongi has a... piercing 🥴, they talk abt jk during sex, mentions of yoongi x jungkook, yoongi is so sweet after sex i'm sad :(

wordcount: 8.8k

note: hi !!! i'm back !! first of all, this is the second part to basic needs so please read that first because you're probably not gonna understand half of this chapter. omg guys this chapter is insane i cant even look at myself in the mirror after writing all of that. i'm still not convinced if it turned out okay, it could've been a lot better, but i hope you enjoy it !!!

-

-

-

it’s been two weeks since the kitchen incident. and things have been weird.

it’s kind of a tricky situation because yoongi and jungkook act just the same as always towards you, like that night never happened in the first place. you find it troubling at first but you soon realize you wouldn’t even know how to approach them about what you did in that kitchen so you just let things flow. the problem is how they act around each other.

you wouldn’t consider yourself being extremely close to them, but with over two years of living together you’ve obviously come to know their dynamic. and you know they’re friends, you’re pretty sure they have different friend groups but you know they are friends and they get along way better than you do with any of them. that’s why you quickly catch on the weird vibe there seems to be between them now.

you’re used to waking up in the morning and finding them having breakfast in the kitchen together while talking about things you don’t really understand, but these days you walk into the kitchen first thing in the morning and don’t find any of them there. and it’s not just about breakfast, it’s about the weird tension between them when you see them bumping in the corridor, the excuses they make up not to be in the living room with you at the same time and the moments you see yoongi trying to make up conversation and jungkook just hums or gives a cold answer before leaving the room.

the worst thing is that your brain tells you it must be your fault. because it must be, right? before the kitchen incident everything was just fine but now that can barely stay in the same room for more than 2 minutes together.

and you don’t mean to snap at them but you can’t stop yourself from doing it one specific morning.

“what the hell is wrong with you two?”

the initial response you get is jungkook choking on his cereal and yoongi turning away from the coffee machine to look at you with such a surprised expression you guess he didn’t expect you to say that.

“what?” jungkook is the first one to talk as he wipes at his chin with a napkin.

“no, don’t try to act dumb now,” you tell him and hear yoongi snort. “you’ve been acting weird as fuck for the past two weeks and i’m so tired of it.”

“i’m not acting weird.” yoongi mumbles as he goes back to the coffee machine.

“i’m not acting weird either-”

“yes you are.” yoongi cuts jungkook off right away.

“hyung, c’mon...”

“you can’t even look at me since that night.” yoongi says but doesn’t raise his voice, he’s not trying to fight.

“i can look at you just fine.” jungkook replies and yoongi just scoffs.

“okay, jungkook.” yoongi hums completely unbothered.

“you’re communicating like 12 year olds,” you say when you’ve had enough and they both look at you again. “if something happened that night to cause all of this you should at least talk about it instead of avoiding each other.”

“nothing happened that night.” jungkook mutters as he finishes his breakfast.

“it sure looks like something happened.” you cross your arms and lean against the door frame.

“jungkookie is too ashamed of what he did that night.” yoongi says and pours the finished coffee in his mug.

you feel a pang in your chest so you look at jungkook with a cocked eyebrow for an explanation.

he is ashamed of that night?

“no!” jungkook looks panicked. “i don’t- i... it’s not like that.” he keeps stuttering and you don’t know what to say. maybe you should’ve considered the chance of them regretting it.

“she doesn’t need any type of reassurance, jungkook,” yoongi speaks again. “we both know she’s not the one you’re having trouble with.”

“hyung.” jungkook says like he’s warning him about something you don’t really understand.

“jungkook.” yoongi replies with the same tone but he currently looks much more calm than jungkook.

“can any of you explain what is happening?” you say in confusion and jungkook just looks down at his almost empty bowl while yoongi turns around to face you with a hand gripping the counter behind him and grabbing his coffee mug with the other.

“jungkook’s never messed around with another boy and now he’s acting like he’s committed a crime.” yoongi explains and you turn to jungkook when you hear him sigh.

“i’m not gay.” he mutters, still not looking up from his cereal.

“i’m not gay either,” yoongi replies like jungkook has said the most stupid thing he’s ever heard. “do you know what being bi means?”

“i’m not bi either.” jungkook replies.

yoongi snorts. “okay.”

“hyung.”

“i just swallowed your cum, you’re acting like i fucked you in the ass.” yoongi snaps and you have to slap your hand over your mouth to hide the gasp that threatens to slip out.

“you touched me too.” jungkook mumbles.

“and now you’re gonna say that you hated it, right?” yoongi scoffs and jungkook gets quiet. “jungkook, you almost came in my hand.”

“shut the fuck up!” jungkook snaps, finally looking up at yoongi with what you think is supposed to be an angry expression but in your opinion he just looks cute. and you guess yoongi might think the same.

“or what?” yoongi replies with a cocked eyebrow. jungkook doesn’t respond, just grabs his now empty bowl and walks to the sink, leaving it there before walking out of the kitchen.

and thank god because you were gonna drown in the fucking sexual tension if they stayed together in the same room for 5 more seconds.

“sheesh...” you whisper and walk to the counter to grab an apple.

“i don’t even know why you tried to do anything.” yoongi mumbles against his coffee mug before giving it a sip.

“you know it’s not his fault to be a little confused, right?” you tell him and sit on the chair jungkook was just sitting at. “you were kind of an asshole right now.” you admit and he sighs, putting his blue mug down on the counter.

“i’m not mad because he’s confused, he has all of the right to go through that, all of us do.” yoongi clarifies and you hum before giving your apple a bite. “what bothers me is that he can’t even look at me since that night.” he says, his voice quieter this time.

“yeah... i know.” you nod because you’ve obviously noticed.

yoongi sighs. “did i ruin everything with him?” you hate how worried he looks. of course yoongi cares about him. after all, jungkook is his friend and you can’t imagine how tough it must be for him to feel like he’s losing his friend.

“you didn’t, yoongi.” you answer his question because you really mean it. “i just think he needs some time to think.”

“thinking is what made him start acting like this, he looked perfectly fine that night.” yoongi tells you. “what he has to do is talk about it, but he won’t because he’s stubborn as shit.”

“yoongi.”

“he’s my friend, i can insult him.” he says and you can’t help but chuckle. “but seriously, he should talk about all of what he’s been bottling up. he’s probably been thinking about that night for all of these past days.”

“he’s not the only one,” you blurt out without even thinking and you can feel your cheeks heat up as soon as you look at yoongi and see a smirk growing on his face. “leave me alone.” you tell him before he can tease you about it.

“i didn’t say anything,” you can hear the smirk in his voice. “but i’ve been thinking about it too so don’t look so embarrassed.” he mumbles like it’s nothing as he puts his mug in the sink.

“you have?” you ask quietly. you don’t really know why but you thought he would’ve already moved on from it, that’s why this is surprising.

“y/n, c’mon.” he chuckles like your question is the stupidest thing he’s ever heard, like the answer is obvious.

you’re about to reply, not really know what exactly, but jungkook is on the door again. he’s changed from his pajamas into some black sweatpants and a big hoodie, the hood over his head to probably cover his messy hair.

“where are you going?” you ask him. a stupid question really. at this point of quarantine people can only really leave for specific jobs or to do the groceries, and since the three of you work from home you can only suppose he’s going to do the groceries.

you turn out to be right when he walks into the kitchen and picks the little piece of paper with the list of groceries before putting it in the pocket of his hoodie. “the groceries,” he replies either way and looks at you. “do you need anything else?” he asks and you notice the way he completely ignores if yoongi wants anything too but decide not to say anything.

“not really,” you shake your had and he hums. “thanks, kook.”

jungkook nods in response and leaves the kitchen without saying another word, not even sparing yoongi a glance. just a couple of seconds later you can hear the front door opening and closing.

“he’s so...” yoongi sighs as you give your apple the last bite.

“so what?” you stand up to walk to the trash can and throw the apple. he doesn’t answer. “you wanna fuck him so bad.” you tease him.

“maybe.” he hums and you look at him, he’s just mindlessly scrolling down his phone.

you sigh and hop on the counter, swinging your legs as you think of ways to comfront him about that night. but your mouth ends up being faster than your brain.

“what did you mean?” you ask and see him putting his phone down to pay attention to you.

“what?” it just hits you now how intimidating his gaze is so you look down at your lap before speaking again.

“have you really been thinking about that night?” your voice is a little more quiet now.

“of course.” he replies like it’s the easiest question he’s ever gotten.

“okay, but like... in a good or bad way?”

when you don’t get an answer you look up at yoongi and find him pursing his lips in deep thought, like he’s calculating the words to say.

“so we’re finally talking about this.” he says.

“you don’t want to?”

“i thought you didn’t,” yoongi replies. “you didn’t address it the next morning and both you and jungkook kind of looked mortified so i didn’t pressure you into talking, i thought you wanted to forget about it.”

“i mean,��� you start, trying to find the words to explain. “i kinda wanted to forget,” yoongi hums for you to keep talking. “because i felt so... weird? no, not weird. i felt-”

“uncomfortable?”

“no.”

“regretful?”

“no,” you shake your head again. “ugh, i don’t know how to explain it. i just couldn’t believe i did that, i felt a little... dirty.” you admit and god, it is so embarrassing.

“you are,” yoongi replies with a little smirk that makes you want to jump on him. jesus christ, you’re so fucked. “no, but seriously- i understand,” he says, smirk completely gone. “you could’ve talked to me though.”

“i didn’t know if you wanted to talk about it,” you explain with the annoying feeling that your cheeks are heating up again. “and since you didn’t talk about it either i thought you regretted it or something...” you mumble and yoongi’s jaw almost drops to the floor.

“what are you talking about?” he frowns, seemingly offended by what you said.

“you don’t regret it?” you ask shyly.

“the only thing i regret is not fucking you too.”

holy shit.

you could have a gun pressed to the back of your head right now and still wouldn’t admit the way your whole body feels like it’s been set on fire just from one stupid sentence.

“you- you can’t say stuff like that.” you mutter and have the decency to look at him even if you’re red as a tomato because you know he’s gonna know either way. because yoongi is a menace.

“why not?” he cocks an eyebrow. and fuck, he’s so hot you don’t understand how the hell you didn’t realize until now.

“because.” you reply because you don’t know what to say.

“no way you’re getting shy now...” yoongi chuckles as he walks to you.

“leave me alone.” you whine in protest and reach to him with your hand to softly slap his face. you do it in a playful way, your hand barely brushing against his cheek, but yoongi’s smirk completely disappears and something in your stomach twists in fear.

“do that again.” his voice is so fucking low all of the sudden, like he’s challenging you, and you don’t know if you’re scared or turned on.

“i- i’m sorry, did i hurt you?” of course the most stupid question you could’ve asked in a moment like this is the first thing that comes out of your mouth.

yoongi only shakes his head. “i said do that again,” he repeats and takes the final step towards you to stand right in front of you. “harder.”

you gulp. your whole body feels too hot, your clothes are starting to feel uncomfortable. yoongi is too close and you’re sure he’s devouring you with his eyes.

“yoongi.” you try to say something but you don’t know what you can really say.

you’ve never hit anyone. well, maybe one time a couple of years ago when a guy didn’t stop bothering you at a club when you just wanted to dance with your friends. you’ve never hit anyone this way.

does yoongi like this? is he really one of those people?

“i don’t wanna hurt you.” you mumble and feel stupid right after.

“i like it when it hurts,” yoongi replies and you have to bite your lip not to moan. “i’m asking you to do it, so just-”

the sound of the slap echoes in the quiet kitchen and you stare at yoongi with panic growing in your chest and a weird itch on the palm of your hand, the one you haven’t even put down yet from how shocked you are that you just slapped yoongi. his head is turned to the side from the slap and you can see the little reddened skin on his cheek before he turns back to you.

“i’m so sorr-”

you never get to properly apologize because the words die down your throat the second yoongi’s lips collide against yours. you immediately kiss him back and hum against his mouth when he wraps his arms around your body, moving closer to stand between your legs and pulling you as close as he can to his body. your arms are soon wrapping around his neck too and you completely lose yourself in the kiss.

he kisses you like he’s missed you. like he’s been wanting, needing to kiss you again for these past two weeks. and you’re no better, you kiss him back with the same hunger and desperation because you now realize just how bad you needed him.

“fuck,” he mumbles between kisses and you hum in response, not daring to pull away when it feels so good. “can’t stop thinking about you.”

“yoongi...” you whine while one of yoongi’s hands goes up and down your thigh softly, too softly compared to the way he’s kissing you.

“wanted you so fucking bad.” yoongi sighs and starts kissing down your jaw towards your neck.

“fuck,” a little breathy chuckle slips out of your mouth when you realize something. “this fucking counter again.”

yoongi chuckles against your neck and brings his other hand to your other thigh, making you wrap your legs around you before picking you up from the counter.

“what-” you mumble but yoongi gives you just a short kiss to shut you up for a moment as he starts walking out of the kitchen.

“do you wanna get caught again?” he teases and your cheeks burn. you hide your face on the crook of his neck in embarrassment. “i want you to myself today, if that’s okay.” yoongi says and fuck, why does everything he say makes you feel like you’re melting? you’re sure he wasn’t like this before the kitchen incident.

“yeah, that’s okay.” you leave a kiss on his neck that has him letting out a shaky breath as he keeps walking down the corridor.

“good.” he hums and you keep kissing his neck, sucking a little mark on a spot that’s clearly sensitive because as soon as you start sucking on it yoongi’s grip on your thighs tightens significantly.

you’re brought back to reality and forced to stop kissing on his neck when yoongi is suddenly placing you down on a bed, his bed. the covers are extremely soft, that’s the first thing you notice, and the mattress seems super comfortable. in that moment you can understand why yoongi stays in bed until late somedays, his bed is so fucking nice.

“there you go,” yoongi says as he hovers over you and positions himself on his knees between your legs, one of his elbows on the mattress right next to your head to support his body. “pretty.” he smiles before kissing you again.

“you should’ve...” you start between kisses, your hands going up to his long hair while his free hand goes down to your waist. “should’ve talked to me before.”

“could tell you the same.” he replies and stops kissing your lips to go a little lower, kissing your neck again.

“wait.” you squirm under him and try to push him away.

yoongi quickly pulls away, looking down at you with worried eyes. “everything okay?” he asks.

“yeah,” you nod. “just wanna be on top.” you try to push him again and he chuckles.

“okay,” yoongi hums and he suddenly grabs you by your thighs and turns the both of you around so that you’re on top. “good?” he asks, staying sat up with you on his lap.

“yeah.” you smile as you place your hands on his shoulders.

“are you trying to get all dominant on me now?” he teases while his hands find their way under your shirt.

you don’t know what gives you the courage for it but you smirk back. “and what if i was?”

yoongi snorts.

“what?” you frown, clearly offended by his response.

“nothing...” he says but you can see how he’s trying to hold back a smile.

“just so you know, i’m a good dom.”

and it’s not a lie. you’ve been dominant in bed quite many times before, it’s not like it’s your preference but you definitely have. you’re confident even if something inside of you tells you there’s no way you’re gonna be able to dom him, your pride is bigger than that right now because his stupid smirk is making you want to shut him up.

“mh... i’m sure you are.” yoongi speaks with that stupid smirk.

“yoongi.” you whine in protest and feel stupid right after because his smirk only grows bigger.

“you’re such a cute little dom.” he brings his hand to your face and drags his thumb across your lower lip, making you realize you’re pouting.

“you’re pissing me off,” you shake him up a little with your hands on his shoulders. “i can dom you.”

“i had you blabbering like a little bitch the other day and i hadn’t even touched you yet.” yoongi says and gives your waist a light squeeze that makes you flinch.

“it was jungkook,” you say, just because he’s actually getting to you and you need a distraction. “he was the one fucking me.” you clarify and he cocks an eyebrow.

“you think jungkook was the dominant one that night?” he asks. “he completely shut down when i got there.”

you gulp when you remember how jungkook’s dominant demeanor completely disappeared as soon as yoongi walked in the kitchen that night, how he clearly obeyed to everything yoongi told him. and it is so fucking hot. by this point your panties must be ruined, you can’t help but squirm uncomfortably on top of him.

yoongi seems to notice your problem because he looks down at where your bodies are together and moves his hands down to your hips, pulling you closer to him so that you’re sat exactly on top of his crotch. a sigh escapes your mouth before you can stop it when you feel how hard he is under you.

“i bet i can make you cry before you can even begin to try dominating me.” he hums and nuzzles into your neck, making you squirm just with the feeling of his nose on your skin.

“you just caught me in a bad time that night,” you mumble. and you’re kinda right, you were so desperate that night, you’re sure you could’ve done a lot better if your desperation hadn’t been clouding your mind. “don’t be so confident.”

“i went so fucking easy on you both that night,” yoongi says against your skin like it’s a warning. “actually, i didn’t do anything and you two were doing everything i said like you were under a spell.”

“i...” your mind goes blank when he runs his tongue down your neck.

“you should’ve seen your face,” yoongi continues, leaving little kisses down the wet stripe on your neck. “you were fucked out, you looked dumb.” he chuckles a little and you should feel offended but you only moan in response when he bites on your neck, not enough to hurt but enough to get a reaction from you.

“yoongi-”

“it’s okay baby,” he hums, his breath hitting the sensitive skin of your neck and making goosebumps erupt all over your body. “i would love nothing more than to fuck you dumb.”

“that’s-” you surpress the moan that’s threatening to come out of your mouth when yoongi places his hands on your hips and pulls you closer to him just to grind against his clothed crotch. “that’s not the way you talk about a lady.” you manage to say even though your voice breaks halfway through. yoongi has obviously noticed because a dark chuckle hits your neck again.

“oh, i know,” he says. you can definitely feel how your panties are sticking to your pussy now. “but you’re not a lady, you’re just a slut.”

a loud moan slips out of your mouth when he makes you grind your hips again and the friction between you feels just right. “yoongi...” you hold on tight to his shoulders as his lips make their way up to whisper in your ear.

“right?”

“yoongi, i-” by this time your hips are moving on their own, chasing that delicious friction agaist his crotch.

“aren’t you my pretty slut?” the gentle bite to your earlobe does it for you.

you don’t remember the last time you needed someone this bad. well, maybe jungkook a couple of weeks ago, but somehow this feels different. your body is screaming for him, something inside you has been begging you to let go of that pride and just give into him since you kissed.

“please.” you say and feel stupid right after because you’ve already given up and because you don’t know what you’re asking for.

“oh, how i love to hear you say that word.” yoongi smiles wide at you and you can’t help but continue grinding your hips against him.

“fuck, yoongi i-”

“mh, i know.” he gives you a sympathetic nod and looks down at how you’re working your hips. “look at you,” he says and gently slaps your hip. “already begging for it like the slut you are.”

you try to speak but the only sound coming out of your mouth is another pathetic whimper as you keep chasing that friction.

“should i just let you do this until you cum?” yoongi asks, you instantly shake your head.

“no,” you slide your hands down his arms until you’re wrapping them around his wrists. “touch me.”

“i’m touching you.” he fakes a confused expression as he squeezes your hips just a little. you just know he’s having so much fun with this.

“yoongi, you know what i mean,” you grind against him one last time before he lets out a chuckle. “what?” and you almost can’t even recognize your voice anymore from how desperate and whiny you sound, but you know he likes it.

“i find it funny how you were trying to go all dominant and shit just a minute ago and now you’re begging like a slut.”

you don’t say anything in response, you only bite your lip to hold back a sound because you’ve never really enjoyed being talked to like this in bed but now you might be discovering something new about yourself because yoongi makes it so hot.

he smirks at your lack of response and turns the both of you again, making you lay down on your back with him between your legs. and you enjoyed being on top of him for a moment but you can’t lie and say you don’t like this position as well.

“i would love to take my time with you, but i wanna see that pretty pussy again,” yoongi says, completely unaware of how you blush at his words because he’s focused on pulling your sweatpants down your thighs. “maybe i’ll make it longer next time, but i’ve been waiting for two weeks.”

next time. the knowledge that he’s already thinking about a next time makes you a little giddy but you don’t make a comment about it.

you kick your sweatpants off when yoongi pulls them past your ankles and let then fall on the floor.

yoongi makes a disapproving soud when you bend your legs and close them, hiding from him. “c’mon, be good and open those pretty legs for me.” he puts a hand on one of your ankles, trying to make you stretch your legs.

you give in so easily, spreading your legs enough for him to get between them again. his hands go to your thighs, rubbing up and down slowly and leaving goosebumps behind.

but he’s not looking at you yet. well, he is looking at you, he’s looking at you with a pretty smirk but he’s not looking where you want him to look. that alone makes you buck your hips up in an attempt to make him look down. the gesture makes yoongi break in a chuckle but he still doesn’t give you what you want, leaning down and supporting his weight on his elbow next to your head. then he gives you a kiss that leaves you speechless instead.

“what?” you mumble in confusion.

“you’re so cute when you’re horny.” yoongi gives you a smile that successfully distracts you from his hand going up your thigh.

you open your mouth to reply but the only thing that comes out is a loud moan when you suddenly feel yoongi’s hand cupping your pussy over your panties.

“have you been this wet all this time?” yoongi says and your brain can’t even come up with an answer because his fingers start running up and down your clothed folds.

you’re so wet that the feeling of the soaked fabric of your panties against your pussy makes you blush in embarrassment, but it feels so good to finally be touched that you can’t help the sounds coming out of your mouth.

“what a dirty girl,” yoongi hums as your hips buck a little to meet the movements of his hand. “so wet just because of some kissing and some grinding?” he teases you with a chuckle.

“please, take my panties off.” you beg. you need his fingers on you.

“only because you said please.”

he partially listens to you because he doesn’t really take them off but instead pushes them to the side, which you find ten times hotter.

a loud moan slips out of your mouth when his fingers finally touch you with nothing in between. your hand twitches with the urge to cover your mouth but you know yoongi won’t like that so you settle with gripping at the sheets of his bed instead.

“haven’t stopped thinking about this pussy,” yoongi mumbles and gives it a little slap that makes you squeak in surprise. “cute.” he grins and kisses you once again.

you kiss him back, wrapping your arms around him to make sure he doesn’t pull away. he swallows all of your moans when he easily slips one of his fingers inside you and starts fucking you with it before quickly adding another one, you’re so wet that his fingers slide in so well.

“mhh… that’s a good pussy.” yoongi hums between kisses and you clench around his fingers.

his fingers feel so good, you can’t wait for his cock.

you moan his name, making him smile against your mouth. “does that feel good?”

“yeah.” you whine and he curls his fingers inside you, easily finding that spot. “fuck, right there…”

it feels so good that you almost forgot you don’t live alone. almost. you remember because you’re suddenly being surprised by the sound of the apartment door opening and closing.

jungkook is back home.

“yoongi,” you mumble against his lips like a warning but he only hums and starts fingering you faster. “fuck... yoon- yoongi, stop.”

“do you really want me to stop?” yoongi breaks away from the kiss with the hottest smirk on his face.

you don’t know what to answer. well, you know you don’t want him to stop, but jungkook is home now and you are loud enough for him to hear.

“yoon...” you try but nothing else comes out when he slips a third finger.

“that’s right,” he smiles and leaves a sweet kiss on your jaw as he keeps finger fucking you at a pace that’s driving you crazy. “say my name.”

you do. you say his name and he slips his fingers out just to give your pussy another spank that makes your whole body twitch under him.

“louder.” yoongi says as he rubs his fingers over your folds to ease the pain from the spank.

you say his name louder, but just a little because you know jungkook must be placing the groceries in the kitchen right now, he could hear you if you said it louder.

but jungkook hearing you must be exactly what yoongi wants because he gives you another spank that has you moaning his name way too loud. yoongi smiles at the sound.

“that’s a good slut.” he praises, his breath hitting your ear, and starts rubbing your pussy with his fingers from side to side so fast that you don’t know what to do with your body, your hips twitching and your cheeks reddening at the wet sound of his hand against your pussy.

god, you’re so wet.

“please…” you beg through a sound that’s close to a sob and it makes yoongi stop the movements of his hand and straighten up a little to look down at you, sitting back on his feet under him.

 “please what?” he finally gives your pussy a break but you miss his hand, the one he’s bringing to his mouth right now. “messy fucking girl, i always have to clean you up, right?”

you hold your breath and your pussy throbs when he slips two of his wet fingers in his mouth and hums like it is the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted.

“yoongi please.” you repeat even if you don’t know what you’re asking.

“is that the only word you know how to say now?” yoongi asks, not really paying attention to you but rather to cleaning your juices off his fingers. “i won’t know what you want if you don’t tell me.”

your desperation gives you the courage to sit up, your legs a little bent up on each side of yoongi, and grab at the hem of his shirt, tugging it up until it’s coming off. you throw it on the floor and take the chance to run your hands down his chest, feeling the hot skin under your fingers and getting so lost in it that the words come out of your mouth easily.

“i want your cock.” you blurt out, looking up at him with your best puppy eyes.

“you want it?” yoongi says with that condescending tone again, like he’s talking to a dumb person.

fuck, you want him so bad.

you just nod in reply. he hums and then gets up on his knees, getting so close to you with how you’re sitting. “then pull it out.”

you hold your breath for a second. “can i?”

“of course you can.”

you don’t think about it twice. you hook your fingers under the waistband of his sweatpants again and tug them down, biting your lip at the sight of the outline of his hard cock under the fabric of his boxers.

he’s so big. and you want him so bad.

“c’mon,” yoongi urges you to do something and you finally tug down at his boxers. “there you go.”

you notice two things when you’ve pulled his boxers down to his thighs.

first one, he’s definitely big.

second one, yoongi has a piercing on his dick. right on the underside, under his tip, a barbell on his frenulum.

you have to bite back a moan at how hot you find it and yoongi seems to notice your reaction because he chuckles. “you’ve never seen one?” he says with a teasing tone and you look up at his face.

“can i…” you shift uncomfortably under him because you need your panties off.

“can you what?” you hold your breath when he brings a hand down to his cock, stroking it slowly. he is so close to you in the position you are right now.

“can i suck you off?” you blurt out before you can even worry about looking desperate.

you don’t miss the way he squeezes on the base of his cock as soon as you let the words out, but he shakes his head.

you’re about to complain when yoongi speaks up again. “i would love to fuck that pretty mouth, but i need to fuck that pussy first.” he nods down at your body.

you lean back, supporting yourself against your elbows, and look at him with puppy eyes now that you know they seem to work on him. “then come fuck it.” you know you’re pouting but you couldn’t care less right now. you need him so bad.

“it will be my pleasure,” he grins but then looks down at your chest. “but take that shirt of first.”

you obey instantly and take it off in a second, throwing it somewhere on the bedroom floor and finally laying down on your back. you don’t miss yoongi’s gaze on your bare chest.

“stop doing that.” you throw one arm over your eyes not to see the way he’s devouring you with his eyes.

“i’m not doing anything.”

“you’re looking.”

“am i supposed to look somewhere else?” he responds and you chuckle a little.

“no, but- ah!” a moan escapes your mouth when you feel yoongi’s mouth on one of your nipples. you unconsciously slap your hand over your mouth to muffle any other noise slipping out of it, but yoongi is quickly grabbing your wrist and pushing your arm away.

“none of that shit,” he says before starting to litter kisses all over your chest. your back arches a little when he flicks his tongue on your other nipple and he chuckles in response. “so cute.”

“just fuck me already.” you beg, feeling yourself getting even more wet each second.

“someone’s eager to get fucked, huh?” yoongi straightens up again and wraps his hand around his cock again, stroking it lazily like before. you can’t look away.

then all of the brattiness you have in you slips out your mouth. “no, i just think you’re making me wait longer because you don’t know what to do with that.” you nod towards his cock.

yoongi’s smile is gone when you look back at his face and you know you’re in trouble.

“i wanted to look at your face while i fucked you,” he starts and you can already sense a but coming. “but i want you on all fours now.” you open your mouth to say something but he shakes his head and speaks again. “turn around before you piss me off again.” he talks with such a low voice that you can’t deny him anything.

you turn around and get up on your hands and knees, though your breath hitches when he places a hand on your back and pushes down for you to get down on your elbows, you squish your cheek on his pillow.

yoongi curses behind you and you can sense he’s looking down at your exposed pussy. the reaction gives you the courage to arch your back, pressing your chest to the mattress and spreading your legs a little, just enough for him to see you better.

“if you tell me i can’t fuck you raw i’m gonna be mad.” he curses and you giggle.

“you can do it.”

“really?” yoongi asks. you appreciate that he’s making sure.

“yes, i let jungkook fuck me raw, you should do it too.” you respond and move your ass a little. “c’mon, i’m waiting.”

and you really thought he was gonna make you wait a little more, that’s why you gasp in surprise when yoongi rubs the tip of his cock through your folds.

“oh my god…” you mumble. “please, don’t tease.” you beg when he keeps rubbing it up and down. you can actually feel the piercing and you might go crazy.

“i don’t know, since you said i don’t know what to do with my cock maybe i shouldn’t give it to you.” yoongi says with a low chuckle as he places one of his hands on your hip.

“no, please.” you whine into the pillow, feeling like you could actually cry if he doesn’t slip it in right now.

“look at you, you haven’t stopped saying please since i first touched you.” he presses his tip to your clit and rubs it just right before pulling away and making you whine again.

“i swear to god if you don’t-” a loud moan escapes your mouth when you feel him slip in slowly. “oh fuck…” you mumble and bury your face on the pillow. but yoongi doesn’t seem to like that.

he’s suddenly threading his fingers through your hair so gently but then he tugs hard to lift your head from the pillow as he bottoms out. “wanna hear you.” he says.

“so good.” you manage to say as you support your upper body on your elbows so that the hair pulling doesn’t hurt a lot, just the necessary.

“yeah?” yoongi hums as he starts to pull out just as slowly as he slipped in.

“big…” you sigh and hear a hint of another chuckle before he slips in again.

“you’re so fucking tight, holy shit,” he groans and you can feel his hand on your hair faltering for a second so you clench around him to get a reaction. “oh fuck.” he moans and he sounds so hot that you push your ass back against him to make him bottom out again.

“you feel so good.” you whine and he finally lets go of your hair but you rest your head on your side for him to hear you.

“can i move?” yoongi asks, both hands on your hips now.

“yes please.” you beg.

and he’s not gentle, he fucks you hard right from the start. you can actually feel the cold piercing inside of you and you think you might go crazy. the sound of skin against skin the only thing echoing inside the room because it feels so good that no sound comes out of your mouth.

yoongi doesn’t like that. he gives your ass a hard spank as he bottoms out again and stays there.

“if i don’t hear you i’ll stop,” he warns you and you try to move your hips for him to start moving again, but his hard grip on them doesn’t let you. “did you understand?”

“yes.” you whine and another moan slips out of your mouth when he spanks you again.

“good slut.”

you think you’re gonna cry when he starts fucking you again. this time you allow yourself to let all the sounds out, not caring about how loud you are.

“yoongi...” your voice breaks when he starts hitting that sweet spot that makes your legs shake. your knees hurt but it feels so good you don’t want to change positions.

you’re so fucked out already, you wouldn’t be so gone at this point with anyone else, but somehow it feels different with yoongi.

“that feels good?” yoongi hums and you feel a little bit of pride at how broken his voice sounds too.

“yes!” you moan. “please, don’t stop… please.”

“fuck,” he truly seems to like to hear you beg. “it’s like this pussy was made for me.” and he won’t stop hitting that spot, you’re so fucking close.

“yours.” you mumble, completely fucked out, and clench when you hear him chuckle at the word.

“mine?” he teases, slowing down his thrusts.

you nod uncomfortably against the pillow and cry out when yoongi suddenly pulls out. “no, please…” you beg, desperately pushing your ass back for him to keep fucking you.

“no, turn around.” yoongi says and you have half a mind to obey, turning around on the bed and finally laying on your back with a relief sigh.

you’re quick to wrap your legs around him to push him closer. “please, yoongi, fuck me.” all shame is gone, you need him so bad.

“slut wants my cock?”

you nod.

“then say it.”

“i want your cock.” you bite your lip when he starts rubbing his tip through your folds again.

“who wants my cock?” yoongi asks, acting dumb. you want to cry.

“me.” you sigh, bucking your hips up to grind against his cock.

“who?” yoongi asks again and you get it now.

“your slut.” you answer. yoongi smirks proudly.

“who’s cock do you want?”

god. you will go insane at this point.

“yours.”

“mh, but that’s not enough for you, right?” he hums, looking down at where his cock is rubbing against you. your breath hitches when your dizzy mind is able to get what he means.

“i-”

“one cock is not enough for your, right?”

“yoongi…”

“you got fucked by one of your roommates two weeks ago and now you’re letting your other roommate fuck you too?” yoongi circles the tip of his cock on your clit, the piercing making it feel so good youe eyes roll back. “do you spread your legs for anyone who has a cock?”

“n- no…” you blush, the humilliating words making you feel so good somehow.

“no? just for us?” yoongi asks and leans down a little, the hand he was using to hold the base of his cock wrapping around your neck now.

“yes,” you sigh. everything feels so hot. “just for you.”

“yeah?” he hums. fuck, he’s so hot.

you try to nod but his hand around your neck squeezes a little. “fuck…” you moan, your pussy throbbing now.

“i knew you would like this, dirty girl,” yoongi chuckles and gives your neck another light squeeze as he starts slipping his cock into you again. “that’s a good slut.” he groans as you clench around him again.

yoongi keeps his hand around your neck as he starts fucking you, squeezing just lightly. and he knows what he’s doing, because the second he lets go you let out the loudest moan you’ve ever made. your hand flies to your mouth in embarrassment but yoongi grabs your wrist and pulls it over your head, pinning it right there.

“i wanna fucking hear you.” he says, hips hitting against the back of your thighs so hard as he fucks you at a brutal pace.

“jung- jungkook is home…” you mutter as a warning but he only laughs.

“is that an inconvenient now?” he gives you a deep thrust that makes your eyes roll back. “let him hear. should i ask him to come here too?”

“fuck.” you’re so close, if he keeps talking like that you’re gonna cum.

“i’m sure he’s listening from his room right now,” yoongi says, his thrusts hitting just right, you’re sure you’re creaming his cock by this point. “do you think he’s touching himself as he listens to you?”

“oh my god…” your hand twitches with the urge to cover your mouth again but he keeps it pinned to the mattress over your head, your other hand grips at the sheets tightly.

“i’m sure he wishes he was in my place right now.” he looks down at how your boobs bounce from the thrusts and you’re sure your cheeks are tomato red.

“so close...” you moan, your legs trembling around him.

“i start talking about jungkook and now you’re gonna cum?” yoongi teases, earning another whine from you. “wow, one cock is really not enough for you, isn’t it…”

“yoongi!” you squeak when you feel his free hand on your pussy, he starts rubbing circles on your clit.

“gonna cum around my cock?”

“yes! yes, please!” you’re so fucking loud now but you couldn’t care less.

“you want him to hear you, huh?” yoongi chuckles.

“i’m g- gonna cum…” you mumble, the words almost not coming out.

“say his name,” yoongi says and you open your eyes in shock, pussy clenching around him. “say his name or you’re not coming.” he warns as he slows down his thrusts.

“yoongi, no…” you cry out.

“that’s not his name.” yoongi gives your clit a little lap that makes your body twitch.

“ju… jungkook.” you try and blush right after. it feels so wrong to moan someone else’s name in bed, you know yoongi wants it but it makes you feel so dirty. he wants you to feel like that.

“louder, baby.” he says and the contrast between that petname and the names he was calling you before makes you feel like you’re gonna pass out.

“jungkook!” you finally say, making yoongi grin down at you.

“that’s it, say it again.” he says and resumes the pace he was fucking you with before.

“jungkook!” you moan louder and yoongi’s fingers on your clit is faster. “fuck! oh my- ah! gonna cum!”

“good slut,” yoongi hums. “c’mon, cum for us.”

us.

the stupid word and its implications make you clench impossibly tight around him as the craziest shock waves run through your whole body. your vision goes blurry so you close your eyes while your body goes limp, completely exhausted as you feel yoongi slipping out.

you’re about to complain when you open your eyes and see him stroking his cock and moaning as white stripes of cum land on your sweaty chest.

“oh my god…” you sigh and throw one of your arms over your eyes.

you hum when you feel yoongi’s hand on your cheek. “are you okay?” he speaks so softly you could’ve sworn he’s not the guy who just fucked you.

“yeah.” you reply and something makes you start giggling lazily.

“what are you laughing about now?” yoongi says but yo can hear a smile in his voice.

“i can’t believe that happened.” you mumble and put your arm down to look at him.

“well, it happened.” he leans down and gives your lips a sweet kiss, then he gets down from the bed.

you watch him put his sweatpants and grab a towel from one of the drawers on his closet as your chest keeps going up and down, trying to get your breathing back to normal.

“seriously, are you okay?” he asks when he comes back to bed and sits down next to you, cleaning his cum from your stomach.

“yeah, just… a little sore,” you chuckle, your cheeks burning from how gentle he’s suddenly being with you. “i don’t know if i’m gonna be able to get up.”

“you can stay here for as long as you want.” he says softly and folds the towel, throwing it on a basket where you suppose he puts his dirty clothes.

“i would stay here all day,” you admit. “but i have work and i have to eat first.”

“i can prepare a bath for you,” yoongi says and your heart does something weird in your chest. “for your sore muscles.” he rubs a hand up and down your bare thigh.

“can you do that?” you look at him with big eyes.

“of course i can.”

“how can you be so sweet after everything you just did to me?” you ask and he chuckles, leaning down to kiss you again.

“aftercare is important, i take that really seriously.”

“okay,” you smile sweetly at him. “then go prepare that bath.”

he snorts. “brat.” but he stands up again and walks out of the room, closing the door after.

you stay there for a minute, staring at the ceiling and thinking about everything you just did in this bed. and you feel kinda good and giddy about it until you remember about jungkook.

you moaned his name. you yelled his name. and he for sure heard you. you shake the thoughts away from your head and decide to get up from bed. you need that bath.

your body begs you to lay down when you manage to stand up, your legs are sore and your whole body is so weak that you almost fall down when you grab yoongi’s shirt from the floor. you hum pleasantly when you put the shirt on and notice it covers you perfectly, yoongi always wears big clothes.

your trembling legs guide you out of the room and the smell of food cooking in the kitchen hits your nose and almost makes you moan at how hungry you are, jungkook must be cooking lunch right now. since he must be in the kitchen you take the chance to run to the bathroom, where yoongi is preparing your bath. but you’re proved wrong when you collapse against a hard chest in the middle of the corridor.

jungkook is looking down at you with something you can’t really read in his eyes. he just walked out of his room, he had probably left the food cooking in the kitchen.

“hi!” you say like nothing ever happened because you’re still so embarrassed, your cheeks burning again.

“hey.” jungkook mumbles and separates from you, motioning to walk past you and back to the kitchen.

you are walking past him and to the bathroom when he says your name, making you turn to him. “yes?”

“next time just come to my room instead of thinking about me when you’re with him.”

you freeze. you literally don’t know what to say.

you open your mouth to try and say something, probably something stupid, when yoongi appears right behind you.

“i think you should just join us next time.” he says and the smug expression on jungkook’s face completely disappears. he turns around and walks inside the kitchen again.

your shoulders drop in disappointment because the reaction kind of felt like a rejection but yoongi places his hand on your shoulder.

“he will come around,” he tells you. “he’s just stubborn.”

“yeah…” you mumble and turn around to follow him into the bathroom.

“you really want him, huh?” yoongi teases you but you completely ignore him, standing in front of the mirror and cringing at how messy you look. “my shirt looks good on you.” he adds, standing behind you.

a little smirk grows on your face as you look at him in the mirror. “you fuck me once and you’re already in love with me?” you tease.

“wow, look at how bratty that mouth is,” yoongi mumbles, crossing his arms against his chest. “but then you barely speak a word when you’re getting fucked.” that shuts your mouth completely and he looks proud of it.

“shut up…” you mumble and turn around to push him out of the bathroom. “get out, i wanna enjoy my bath.”

yoongi just chuckles to himself before turning around and leaving. you only notice the dumb smile on your face when you look at yourself in the mirror again.

yoongi has you smiling like that. and you also remember jungkook, how he basically told you to have sex with him again and the invitation actually sparked something inside of you.

you were just roommates a month ago but now you’re starting a dangerous game with the both of them. the thing is that it feels good, you can only hope it turns out alright.

-

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A/N: askssjdnandkdjas i hope you liked this chapter, please let me know your thoughts !!! it helps a lot to have feedback <3 i'm obviously makind this a series so pls look forward for the next chapter :) 💖 thank you all for reading ! have a nice day babes

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TAGLIST: @m4gg13-g @kooksbunnnn @baechugff @danielle143 @signingsongbird @dontcallmeelle @fancy-cloud @melakrish

#bts imagines #bts x reader #bts reactions #bts fanfic #yoongi fic #yoongi fanfic #yoongi imagine #yoongi reaction #yoongi smut #yoongi x reader #bts smut #bangtan x reader #bangtan reactions #bangtan fanfic #bangtan fic #self fulfillment needs #basic needs 2 #jungkook fic #jungkook imagine #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x reader #fanfic #suga fic #suga imagine #suga smut #suga x reader #bts x y/n #jungkook x y/n #yoongi x y/n

[bunnihearted]

im straight up not allowed to make a single mistake by my family. my sisters do things all the time, even sometimes with ill intent, but they never get scrutinized or bullied for it. but as soon as i make on single thing wrong im an evil cruel bitch who "plays games" and "thinks it's fun to mess with them". anytime i do smth wrong it hurts so i wanna kill myself. why would i do these things for fun?? they never ask themselves why i did smth or how it happened, they just immediately draw the conclusion that i did it with malicious intent and on purpose. they've made me so terrified of doing anything at all bc im scared i'll even breathe wrong. and now when im in such a vulnerable mental state i accidentally slipped and made one mistake. and now im basically being burned at the stakes for it.

they've never shown me compassion or patience. they never let me change - bc they have decided that i do it for fun and everytime i do smth it's bc im a bad toxic evil person. i feel so suffocated here i dont know what to do. i feel like such a terrible person who's nothing but a burden who'd do everyone a favor if i just died. but no. whenever i've expressed my suicidal thoughts to my family, they say that im incredibly selfish for even saying such things and hurting them. i dont even threaten suicide, i've told them calmly at other times when i've tried to talk abt my mental health bc ppl always say that u should talk abt it LMAO. whatever i do, they judge me. whatever i say, they dont believe me. that's what hurts the most. they dont believe me. bc they think im not making mistakes, they think im playing and having fun bc im a bad person. that hurts so fkn much. they have no idea what's happening in my head, and they also wont listen to me when i try to explain.

i cant do this anymore. i'll never heal while i live with these ppl. i hope i one day become strong enough all on my own (since the healthcare system wont help me. my family wont help me.) to move away and just be alone forever. no one around me to hurt me or believe the worst of me. im tired. i want someone to be gentle and understanding. to listen to me. to believe me. is that such an awful selfish thing to wish for? i'd do it in return to, i'd never take smth and not pay it back tenfold.

[lunarmothmann]

finally watched the roller coaster safety tutorial so here were my thoughts throughout

~OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS FOR RIDE THE CYCLONE IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT BUT I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT~

- VIRGIL. HE PLAYS BASS. I LOVE HIM.

(its a bit of a mess so bear with me)

- how the hell did they make Jane look headless in the intro, thats so cool

- the expressions on everyone's faces when Jane is introduced is hilarious

- OCEAN AND HER WHITE GIRL DANCE MOVES

- i hate that they got rid of Ocean's riff at the end of What The World Needs

- Karnak is the expert of giving information just a little too late

- BORTHDAY.

- "your cousin was in grade 4, he had to get his stomach pumped" is unironically funny

- GIVE JANE A HUG ISTG SHE HAS HER ARMS HELD OUT AND EVERYTHING

- i think Noel might be a masochist, just saying-

- Noel's life is honestly really sad. I feel so bad for him

- NOT HIM CALLING OCEAN A SUCCUBUS LMAO

- ngl he makes the dress work

- MISCHA??? HELLO??? THATS KINDA FRUITY

- that chair is a paid actor bc its been through so much in just this number alone

- HELP CONSTANCE TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM JANE IS SO FUNNY

- "not in my Bible, baby. BONSOIR" I am struggling so hard to keep my composure while typing

- THE HIP THRUST WHEN OCEAN SAYS "teen sex KILLS"

- THE PORN MUSIC. HELP ME IM DYING OUT HERE

- "im not mad at you, im just frequently disappointed" you know what I felt that

- I dont agree with them saying Mischa as the angriest boy in town, he was just mistreated and had a hard life :( he has so many nice moments with the other kids

- OCEAN AND HER FAN THAT ISNT EVEN TURNED ON-

- seeing Mischa talk abt Talia makes me so sad

- Talia is such an underrated song, this makes me wanna sob

- idk why but Ocean touching Mischa's cheek at the start of Talia did something to me I cannot explain

- the projections are making this so emotionally distressing to watch

- THEN THE FUCKING UPBEAT POP SECTION

- CONSTANCE'S GUILTY LOOK AT THE VIRGIN LINE

- oh god here comes Space Age Bachelor Man

- DID RICKY STICK HIS FINGER IN OCEAN'S MOUTH????

- what the hell i am so uncomfortable

- I hate those cat masks so much

- "it gets weird" ITS BEEN WEIRD WHAT

- WHAT IS HE WEARING. im not even gonna talk abt the fake abs.

- this choreography is so sexually charged and im so confused

- Jane makes me so unbelievably sad why cant they treat her better

- no comments, just The Ballad of Jane Doe.

- ok one comment, the ACTING. the VOCALS. ITS ALL PERFECT.

- THE BIRTHDAY SCENE IS SO SWEET LIKE THEY ARE TRYING TO MAKE JANE FEEL BETTER

- the new birthday song 🥺

- Jane's little sway aww

- BORTHDAY PT 2

- Savannah with the greenest eyes 😭

- THE BOOB PUNCH. "you just punched me!! in the freakin boob!!"

- Constance's favorite ride was the one that killed her :(

- IM SORRY CONSTANCE DID WHAT?

- THE TATTOO WAS WHAT????

- oh no this is so sad

- the impromptu dance moves during sugar cloud bc they arent being controlled by Karnak are so cute

-Ocean's white girl dance moves pt 2

- RECORDER SOLO WOOHOO

- OCEAN SOUNDS SO BROKEN WHEN KARNAK TELLS HER ITS HER DECISION TO MAKE THE FINAL VOTE

- "you knew all along I couldn't do it" "what?" "choose myself" IM DYING OUT HERE HELP

- "id gladly take my seventeen years over nothing" WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

- the sad little "democracy rocks"

- is the video meant to show Jane's life as she crosses over? or is it just showing imagery of life overall bc of the theme of this show

- It's Just a Ride after everything I just witnessed is like a punch in the gut

- they seem so happy :,)

- im in physical pain over this show.

#ride the cyclone #rtc #ocean rtc #mischa rtc #constance rtc #jane doe rtc #noel rtc #ricky rtc #this show is an acid trip #im also sobbing #these kids deserve better

[girlwithfish]

i can tell the therapists in my program dont wanna use the word bpd nd idk. it just lwave s aweird feeling. like ik im not formally diagnosed and i also know bpd is incredibly hard to diagnose and also complex ans also u probably dont even rly want it written down but it was written down on my file for my past therapist. so its just weird my current ones dont wanna believe it. its rly confusing to me i feel ashamed to even bring ot up. i was talking abt splitting in individual session and she like corrected me kinda and said its trauma response. like yes splitting is often a trauma response too both can b true. its just really confusing but ik therapists have biases and the stigma makes it so fkn complex but i just feel really crazy and insane and like no one hears me. like maybe i dont present as someone w a personality disorder and also the way i describe past events i dont delve into all the ugly full details and its not oike im trying to lie and ill describe it but its like i subsconsciously water it down ig just so its easier to say? idk. idk im just crazy rn. but its making me feel rly bad honestly lol. ik diagnosis doesnt matter that much honestly when im already learning dbt skills and cbt and the program is stillhelpful bjt that aspect puts me off. and there's at least 3 other ppl in my group w bpd as well. I just feel like i cant eben bring it up around mental health professionals i feel like no one fucking believes.me. at leas tmy last therapist did and i still eben doubt her own opinion cuz she told.me "what were dealing w is definitely bpd" when i asked her and also said its on my file but she didnt tell me that til end of september so ive been sitting w that for a month and its hust confusing as fuck. ik i shld grt formally diagnosed maybe but i srsly dont trust mental health professions that way anynore and they r very hesitant to diagnose bpd anyway. that therapisf did think ihave it and say i did but yk im just really confused. And overall ik diagnoses r just labels so who cares ig but idk it does make it rly hard when i go thru smth that ik isnt normal and ik i split so its just confusing when everyone around u has some bias against u or disbelief i guess ik i sound paranoid idk. But ik most mental health professionals do nto take me seriously itfeels honestly. and imalso not great at advocating for myself so as soon as someone expresses doubt i just go w it i guess. idk

[loreofthegayuma]

Content: realizations on being a system this entire time

Ok wow. So the entire time the "i was nonverbal before but was traumatized" was the old host? ok yeah, that makes sense actually bcs ive never said it like i was changed. I always just say that the nasty ppl killed that person. I always say it like that... yet i still didnt get it

and i always say it like "yeah. the surroundings really needed me to be the perfect student (16yo) which also means a "social upgrade" thats why i erased the old me and transformed into that" you know.,, you know what?!??!

which is really sad actually. bcs idek if theyre still here at all. Idk how to feel abt that bcs it felt like it was one of our choices that lead to that.

this is like the wrong time to be dealing w a headache but im going to keep going...

I do think im semiverbal rn tho. But about the last time i was in college i was verbal. I'm sure because I never had any difficulty in expressing myself and being chatty with classmates and i was my most active in class during this time.

Another ig question yesterday that made me rethink everything is... "do you feel any attachment to your age?" Because. I was really consistently inconsistent with my answers throughout the years with this. Last year my sibling said that i said on multiple occassions that im a 30 something year old namekian (dragon ball) jokingly. But i said it a lot and i was happy saying that again and again. But when i was teased again two months ago with "hey 30yo namekian" i had a poor reaction to it. Like "ah hey, im not like that actually haha. Idk why i said that." But i was not cringing about it or anything. Just that: "oh yeah, that's weird. Why did i say that. Heh, my whimsy"

right now i can say that i feel like im beyond age. Like ofc i still change my age in my bio whenever my bday arrives. But it's not like i have any attachment to that age or to that bday. It was just something i needed to do to make sure i place a boundary on subjects that i can and cant talk abt w another person. It was a social responsibility.

But do i think i'm 26 right now? Do i feel like im currently 26??? I dont. I feel like im at a stale age thats beyond 100+. And wherever that number lies, im forever that age. That is so weird to me but it's the only way i understand it. Unlike when I was in college where I confidently even say "hah. actually i'm 25" when im not, i was so much younger than that that time. but i told that to all of my friends as a joke and they just always say "haha yeah, okay sure" bcs it was a harmless one

THE BIGGEST ONE IG IS HOW, APPARENTLY, BEING NONHUMAN IS AN ACTUAL THING, YEAH, THANK THE GODS. GUESS WHO WAS CONSISTENTLY INCONSISTENT ABOUT THEIR ATTACHMENT TO "HUMANNESS" AND OTHER BEINGS THROUGHOUT THE YEARS?! GUESS WHO?!???

Not even 10000 years of rest can help me think this out i think

#should dormancy be cw or tw bcs i heard some part of the community to do that but im not sure. cw just in case #will edit the tags too if necessary #lores of fritz

[kamiversee]

Oh my god this chapter was amazing!! I cannot express how much I loved it! I myself loveeee drama so it was toooo goood ^.^ And the fact that the READER outed herself?! I totally expected it to be geto especially cause he’s just messy in general(hes so me). But I don’t really blame her that much and in my opinion, it’s good that she reacted like that! Atleast she told Choso the truth about that part so he wouldnt have to find out later and be more upset.

We all know Choso hates liars as well so it’s good that she told him that(there’s still so many secrets she needs to tell him but it’s a start!) And I LOVE how Geto and Yuki are just sitting there watching them like if it was a movie. Their little comments not making things any better is so hilarious too😹.

I also didn’t really like the way Choso was speaking to her before he found out about Sukuna so that’s another reason why I’m glad she stood up to him(even if she did blurt out that she fucked his older abusive brother😭).

Talking about abusive older brother..SUKUNA? Oh my god I did not expect him to be like that😞 Especially since he’s been so different towards us. When Choso told the reader what sukuna did, my jaw dropped. I had to put down the phone multiple times throughout the chapter too because of the awkward heavy tension🌚

Choso really did have a reason to walk out and get upset if what he said about Sukuna is true butt, the reader told him multiple times that she didn’t know what kind of person Sukuna was before they fucked so I feel like Choso, being the very understanding person he is, he’s going to listen to her and understand where she’s coming from next chapter. Andd if he doesn’t, i will sob and hunt him down😣(also geto basically planning all of this? jsjsjsk i love him). BUT CHOSO CANT BE MAD PLS..my heart can’t handle any more angst.😥

Anyways that cliffhanger really did get to me and I stayed up thinking about it. I need Choso to forgive herrr. Can’t wait for the next chapter Kami! As always I love every chapter you write, you really are so talented>.<

-🥹

YAP SESSION RAHH;

1. Yup, it was in her best interest to but her info out there herself rather than tht come out any other way ^.^

2. IKR? We love Suguru & Yuki chillin on the side just watching everything go down😹

3. Choso was feeling more on edge tht entire chapter in comparisons to the other times we see him so his snappy responses are because of tht, we might dive deeper into this in the next chapter tho ^.^

4. LMAOO IKR? It was meant to have y’all GAGGED😝 But hey, m-maybe Sukuna is a changed man🥹☝️

5. Oh… you can’t handle any more angst you say?😏 WELL THTS TOO DAMN BAD, THE NEXT CHAPTERS ABT TO BE 10x WORSE MUHAHAHAHA

6. ILYSM FOR READING & THE ANGST YOU WROTE IS STILL PLAGUING MY THOUGHTS!!

#kamiversee!answers #k!ans: 🥹

[8000000cherries]

i think i just dont feel safe or secure w either of the guys im talking to and its my fault i think. guy 1 it's mostly because it's long distance so i see him like once or twice every couple of months but weve talked since july but we dont even text that often anymore but we call like twice a week or smthn like that and i like talking to him it's just not enough and i feel like something is lacking or like it's not indepth enough even tho i know i hold myself back a lot but i just dont feel comfortable expressing affection to him even tho it's what i want ig thats the only thing i miss abt my ex is we would say i love u to each other pretty often and i didnt feel awkward saying it but yeah.. i dont think im inlove w him tho but idk i just like him a lot and i think he knows it we would say it more in the summer but i wish i could say it more but i feel like i cant until he says it first i guess. but also i knew it wasnt going anywhere cuz he lives across the country and i only see him when he comes home to visit his family so any time hes back hes gonna prioritize seeing his family and friends which is understandable i cant expect a committed relationship from him but i just like him a lot and we get along well and he makes me laugh so hard but i think i built him up in my head for soo long. guy 2 i think is leading me onnnn but ive had a crush on him for like 2 years and we were friends before and i told him i liked him but dont trust him and it made him cry but he said he cares alot about me but never said he likes me back so it makes me insecure lol lmao. it feels like we're dating but also he isnt super affectionate or anything when we're in public and i think thats fine but i think if i were to be in a relationship w someone i would like some small forms of affection but also i think im self sabotaging and wont let myself be forward w him or tell him what i want whcih is my fault i think . but also why do i have to be the one that brings up the convo.. like about exclusivity and intentions and what not.sooo dumb. i guess i thought it would be like a fwb situation and i didnt wanna get my hopes up but i did so its dumb of me. he definitely is talking to other ppl i dont blame him we arent exclusive. dont even really know what we are. i want a relationship but i just dont know hes the right person for me i have that feeling in my gut but my brain tells me nothing is wrong and its fine and i still wanna talk to him and miss him. just have a feeling he doesnt really want me and he'll fuck me over. i wish things werent so complicated and i wanna communicate better and wish i knew how i felt really and how to not be scared of everything. i dont think im ready to love but i so want it and probably from the wrong people.

[indepth-mbti]

hi, i want to know what type you think i am, and if i am e7 or e9. thank you!

previously, i have thought of myself as isfp (e7) but i realised that i lacked a set of principles/ morals which is wat Fi is about. after reading more about the functions, i see a lot of Se and Ne in me, in that Se: i observe my surroumdings a lot, surroundings matter to me, i get distracted by them even when someone is talking to me. things like people dropping their phone, kids crying, what show the person in front is watching etc., Ne: i like to keep my options open, i like imagining myself doing things more than actly doing them. i work in spontaneous bursts of energy. i also need freedom of choice. i dislike people telling me wat to do and restricting me. making a routine/ timetable doesnt end well usually.

honestly, i cant fathom why i am so preoccupied with finding my "type" cos a big part of me just doesnt see the point, like i change a lot, i am inconsistent. i also mirror people easily like their accent/ way of talking, if they are more focused on logic or emotion. hanging out with more than 1 person is a bit weird, because it's hard to adjust myself accordingly so i tend to become a 3rd wheel.

ive seen many mbti posts but i only relate in bits and pieces across diff types. but a friend whose opinion i value a lot thinks i am an isfp which is probably why i am hung up on it.

however, she recognises that i can be v flighty, partly due to childhood trauma and partly because i feel too much and i want to detach myself physically and emotionally. that being said, when it's safe to express my emotions, i cry easily and a lot, like during movies. sometimes i even get headaches, fevers and nausea from very angsty stuff. (i dont understand people who dont cry during demon slayer, in fact, im scared of them.)

when making decisions i choose the path of least resistance. but theres one thing though: i felt that my previous job was treating me unfairly (logically speaking, it was very bad luck and carelessness but i felt cheated of my effort as a whole that i put in) so before quitting, i wanted to get even. i didnt plan or think in depth, i just did what i thought was fair to me. at first it was totally impulsive but later i did put some thought into reaching my end goal more smoothly.

when i first play an open world game (genshin) i spend 3+h exploring and having fun, not knowing abt the objectives. then i get lost and cant complete the objectives at all which makes me quit. heh.

I don't see enough proof to tell if you're Se or Ne dom, I won't rule out Fi dom tbh. You're for sure a high FiTe user.

"i also mirror people easily like their accent/ way of talking, if they are more focused on logic or emotion. hanging out with more than 1 person is a bit weird, because it's hard to adjust myself accordingly so i tend to become a 3rd wheel." "when making decisions i choose the path of least resistance."

This sounds a lot like E9, specially sx9. I don't see the narcissism and fraudulence of the E7 in you, if you're a head type I'll say that you're E6 - I think that you're E9, but there's an orientation towards justice and fairness that sounds super E6 in you, but it may also be FiTe.

I'd go for ESFP sx9 tbh. Specially for the "what's the point of finding your type?" part, Se users value practicity. But I recommend you to keep analysing yourself, specially regarding perception and what kind of information do you prefer - do you feel more comfortable with tangible facts? or do you feel more comfortable with big and abstract ideas? Don't answer this questions right know, your own psyche can be quite manipulative. Observe yourself, be patient.

[kahin]

so now that i effectively watched atsv and was left shell shocked. i just thought it was a movie thing like "tbc" ohh its a cutscene haha What the movies actually over. uhmm the plot was maybe lacking a bit but i get that its a two-part so no comment there. i should say i yelled when i saw jess drew because what do you mean there is a pregnant spider-woman on a MOTORBIKE doing cool tricks. i had to stop myself from going "oh yeah jess drew is so cool and awesome haha" like every two seconds. i hope i get to see more of malala windsor too tbh... {hijabi spiderman}. the spot was such a silly guy and i kind of understand that IS how you're meant to view him n it also sorta reminds me how in itsv no one took miles seriously as spiderman they all insisted that THEY were the ones who'd do the job and stay behind. n it sorta loops back a bit as well cz in itsv they kept goin "hes just a kid" and in atsv when peter keeps going "kid" he goes "stop calling me that" before escaping.

miguel. ohohohho what is up with him. i cant even get into this guys head i cant even say anything. hes chasing down a 15 year old and was abt to kill him in that fucking go home machine Bless margo 4 not doing anything wi that system reboot because. uhm. 💀

prowler aaron-42 had me sort of shaking because he was about ot kill miles-1610 like 3an jad "like no i dont want to be a good person" tekram 3aynak sidi o7 any other orders. 42-miles and 1610-miles switching circumstances is a cool little thing to note too. the spider that bit miles-1610 was from d-42 meaning that prowler miles in 42 was supposed to be spiderman. which kind of explains too why jeff is dead in 42 as opposed to . well. aaron. also rio in 42 has lighter eyes than 1610. the scene where our miles was like pouring his heart out to her and she doesnt even believe him left me like

[ID: a 3D emoji turning to look at the viewer with a haunted expression. It is in complete darkness and light illuminates part of the expression and the right hand. end ID.]

hobie was so real also the entire movie cz during the "kid listen" scene i talked abt earlier he started motioning with his palms. i also had to stop myself from going "YOOO ITS HOBIE HEY GUYS LOOK HAVE OYU SEEN THIS"

anyway i dont get why you guys hated jess drew or margo kess. jess did barely anything except maybe be a TAD BIT harsh on gwen but she didnt. even lay a hand on miles meanwhile miguel was about to kill him like genuinely kill him probably at multiple times. margo i dont get the hate against her too i think it . listen im going to come up with a theory.... it might be antiblack racism.

i also rlly liked pavitr but the chai tea thing sends shivers up my spine because i know if i check his tag that'll be all i see. the moment he went "chai TEA?" i just went "yeah he sealed his fate forever. im so sorry pavitr this movie's first indian spider-man and they're gonna treat you badly. the fact they gave him like 100 or so unique signatures makes so much sense his moveset is so rad bro

In conclusion. uhm. MISSION STATUS: SICKK

#fisher's trek!

[emomanswhore]

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟPRESENTING 〔 🌠 〕 BAKI-DAY ‘22 !! ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

. .★. 112022 . .★.

HAPPY 20th ─⊹⊱✰⊰⊹─ BAKI .! ↻ .! @TOUYYES

SO it is my baby’s birthday today 😋 my prettiest, special lil twinky dinky @touyyes ! orrr whom y’all better know as baki ! before i start my lil speechy speech, MAKE SURE YALL GO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY. it’s not just any birthday either,, my baby made it to 20 YEARS OLD. tbh,, that’s old as hell 😟 buuutttt she a lil cute or whatever. so i guess it’s okay that baki has OFFICIALLY departed from the teens. so yeah, pretty please go stop by her inbox n scream happy birthday 🎈🎂🎊

to my dearest princess, baki … 💌🧁🍓

TODAY IS YOUR DAYYY MAANNNN ITS OFFICIALLY BADDIE SEASON NOW THAT YOUR DAY HAS FINALLY COME 💋🦂 !! how you feeling?? hope you feeling good and your special day is good, well, and fun !! as if i literally don’t know what you're doing rn so ! even though we are a whole ass continent apart and im not able to give you a physical gift- i wanted to give you a lil' serenade and tell you some stuff, that's coming straight from the heart 🤍💕 (and coochie so if i say some fruitcake shit.… i did go in heat momentarily arrooo 🅰️🅱️🅾️)

it's not only your birthday today- BUT ! it also our one year anniversary!! (we not gon count those few months prior that we met, cuz im tryna be romantic and cute rn 🛌) - a WHOLEASS YEAR, LIKE ?? has time gone by incredibly fast, or is it just me? but with spending this past year with you, i've come to learn so much abt you ! whether that's the deep hyperfixation on things you'll periodically get n then get over, your love for the sea n swimming, or even down to the lil things that make up your personality!

in my eyes, you really are like a star ! so dazzling, bright, and the way you shine brings everyone in and makes them INSTANTLY attracted to you 💫 from your charm, to your outgoing and cool nature, and to how fucking hilarious you are. like istg i've literally never had anyone match the same energy as me, and deadass make my lungs clatter and collapse into my stomach from how hard i laugh 🐽💥 speaking of matching energy, man,, i cant even use certain emojis unironically no more cuz we ruined the meaning of them, with the dumbass lil emoji combos we came up with

it's crazy how i can't do certain things without thinking of you. literally rent free in my damn mind, and it's literally cuz we talk damn near everyday 🤕 like if i go even a full 24 hours without talking to you, it's very obvious that im sad n not in a good mood. bitch you literally have me in a chokehold and this shit doesn’t seem to be coming apart anytime soon 🧎🏽‍♀️🕳⛓ if you wanted someone who’s gonna be obsessed with you for the rest of your life, congratulations. cuz i don’t plan on ever letting you go, and you are MINE forever 😋🩸🪓 (possessive alpha mode grrr ruff ruff)

i could literally go on and brag about you for the rest of my life fr. like words can never truly express the amount of adoration and love i have for you. like i literally see MYSELF in you— that could be from us sharing so many common interests, or to the way we come up with crazy ass (delusions) headcanons of our bfs. you’ve become the biggest supporter and lover in my world ! even now with me recently starting to seriously write, you’ve had my back all the way through it. helping me proofread, giving me ideas n suggestions, and all around helping me feel confident n happy with my work !! 💗

i could never thank you enough, and express the full gratitude n appreciation i have for you. just YOU— n im so lucky that you’ve come into my life and made every day so much better. november gave me the best things,, it was the month you were brought into this world, and eventually the month that has made us as close as we are now ! 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💕

baki, you are the light of my life. my partner in crime, my wifey and the twinkling little star that i always look forward to seeing. the stacy to my chellery, and actual love of my life. i love you so very much, and i can’t wait to celebrate our special month of november next year, the year after that, and the future years that i plan to spend with you 🤍 💍

HAAAPPPYY BIRRTHHDDAAYYY STAAYYCEE !!

#❥ BAKI—DAY !! ♡︎ #LORELEI’S PRINCESS— STAYCEE🧁🍓

[aleeyenn]

hi um . that other person encouraged me to also gush abt ur designs but i also find a lot of myself in ur pin design .... as an also plus sized woman of color i find so much of myself in your design . i love baking and i love indulging in feminine things in the sense of like "yes i am a woman . yes i love to scream to very hard and fast paced songs . yes i have bigender swag ." even tho i do like feel myself as pretty masc aligning (it fluctuates a lot) i love ur design and see so much of myself in it . as well as that other person ive always felt i cant sorta be into alt stuff but recently ive sorta dabbled in it (i got the fingerless gloves ive always wanted so bad like a month ago !!!! and it was so exciting :-))) and just seeing ur pin design made me realize i can do whatever i want and i dont have to conform to my parents or my friends or my school's or anyone's expectations for my presentation of gender identity and femininity . i can wear nice frilly dresses with puffs and ribbons and have those fake vampire teeth and skeleton fingerless gloves and black clunky boots with a bright pastel pink bow in my hair if i so please . so um thank you a lot i love ur pin design and um bye bye have a nice day !!!!!!! also also rq i have to say erm if you have like literally any more gijinkas / humanizations ever pleaaseeee post them .love your art a lot ive been following you for a bit and uh apologies for bizexual ranting im just a little crazy /lh ok bye have a nice day i hope very good things come to you

YOU G UYYSS ARE GONNA MAKE ME CRY😢��😢😢😢HAPPY TEARS OF COURSE BUTGAAHH HH H I NEVER KNEW MY ART WOULD HAVE SUCH AN IMPACT ON PEOPLE EVEN THO ITS WHAT IVE WANTED FOREVER😢😢😢 im so so so so grateful SO GRATEFUL YOU DONT GRT IT I REALLY TRULY MEAN IT pleasepleaseplease to you anon and the other anon and anyone else who needs to hear it BEEE YOURSELFFFF!!! don’t worry about what any community, family, friends, peers, ANYONE wants you to be because what’s the fun in that? not being able to express yourself the way you want to is so boring and doesn’t allow you to be what you want and not being what you want is neither gratifying or truthful! you don’t have to be true to anyone else besides yourself be TRUE to yourself and let yourself be the person you are!!! i’m sure you wouldn’t wanna hold anyone back so don’t let anyone hold YOU back!!! im gonna embarrass myself here but it’s for the sake of this talk But in elementary—early middle school i was a FREAAAKING wolf kid i wore ears and tails and everything but what stopped me???weird glances or rude comments? Nope! NOTHING!!! because being the person i was at the time felt amazing! and looking back at it sure it’s a bit humiliating but i still love that part of myself because i was so free in being me!!! and i look up to me being that person to this day and i won’t stop being myself! i won’t mask or dress a certain way that people want me to or hide parts of myself that make myself me because that’s who i am!!! and i heavily encourage ALL OF YOU to follow my footsteps and be the person you are!!! trust me if everyone in the world behaved and looked and did whatever the same the world would be sooo boring so be the spark of someone’s day and BE YOURSELF!!! who knows maybe you’ll be the person that breaks someone out of their shell to become what they wanna be too! do what makes you happy and follow your heart, don’t let anyone EVER block you from achieving that, never hold yourself against any standard or forum and do what you need to do to be your best self… so to you anon and everyone who needs it Go get some fishnets go get some cute bows go get lacy dresses go get cool looking belts go get ANYTHING THAT CALLS YOUR NAME! find yourself!!! even if it’s a pair of wolf ears and a tail, go for it! i believe in you!!!💗

#i love you all #so much

[istherewifiinhell]

reading process: chapter 196 (damn)

reading highlights: now with new and improved features

178 Yjh hesitating to fast ball special this weird little dude: pls dont die. kdj: look at me. bitch

179 Gah. can an author make a story so big even their monster cant eat it

180 I knew the 4th wall was gonna eat but i forgot IT HAS TEETH

shaking the no no can at 4th wall

gah okay yeah jesus lee sookyung [song accompaniment love run by the amazing devil]

the narrative will make you apart of it (threat)

181 '4th wall also isolated me from myself' DING DING DING

overall evaluation ⬛⬛... -> mood

gonna twach the sentient dangerous trauma response some... morals? interpersonal skills?

↳cant handle direct interaction, eats and sleeps. yea

↳im gonna take a nap right here

LJH: arent you and kdj.... yjh grimacing as being ask about his love life by his teenage ward

kdj funeral -> song accompaniment welly boots by the amazing devil (just because I left doesnt mean I'm not still there)

YJH sponsor -> praying for his fate eh?

182 [sponsors lhs 100 head pats]

SYS is literally your daughter 🥺. kdj dad who hates dads moment

183 lhs wants to be on kdj team :((((

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE LHS IN THE DRESS

(did hades make it??)

184 feeling differently after talking to 4th wall yeah pretty sure you had a break thru about dissociating there

yjh: looking with eyes not seen in TWOS -> kdj facial expression blindness trutherism

185 YJH: cause you know me sooo well kdj: starting to think i dont know this you that well

yjh thoughts: there have never been so many ppl who made it to here

"continue to live kim dokja now you have to save this world"

kdj u cant take your own medicine (yjh scheming)

LSK contemplating abt what shit is up with her son

Something lives IN THE WALL

186 other people feel pain with no wall. YES!

"I told him there is no such development [yjh death] in the ending i want"

'yjh desperate face' thats crushing to even read

187 hsy type cast as murder friend sorry bestie

god some classic kdj asshole moments -> guilting lhs and everything

"see the sight of a bearish man weeping" i would like to

jhw T.T oh my murder woman

188 making sys and lgy do this. your KIDS! -> generational Something or other

kdj to yjh: you cant change whats already happened -> this may be an unauthorized use of radical acceptance

your stigma is Literally self sacrifice based... DUDE

get killed by the narrative. your loved ones but also the story... for the story. AH

yjh im so sorry... this is devasting

Uriel... lol shes sweet ig

Demon king of salvation. so juicy (unionize hell lol)

189 LHS LGY YJH boy grief party

yjh widower era

min jiwon and han donghoon! yay

yoohan bonding?

190 Bihyung aw!

[I will pull all of you down from that fucking heaven]

191 a soul can't belong to anyone!

"I will destroy the world of the fucking dokkaebis"

192 ur still a jerk kdj. drama kid

193 yeah fuck the state jhw

do they all share a house 🥺

LHS is back with the army... okay putting a pin in that

yjh stayed in his room like a broken person... bruh

jhw was a bartender? did i know that? it makes so much sense tho

kdj ur story is told bc they love you!!

194 idk i was the only person reading this 1000 chapter work and when i left a comment some stuff changed

syswitz industrial complex... run that by me one more time

damn human life is just like hell, ive been saying this

195 demon trains? i know all about those

complete ur scheme. say somthing cool. pass out. kdj ur self parody at this point

rotation: recency bias is a hell of a thing. i want to partially tie up the parenting stuff with noting how often the constellation incarnation relationship was considered parental, how kdj views them (and indeed how weve seen quite a few be) really cruel, or exploitative, and well thats fitting for him to see that as parental isnt it. but then also. he has kids in his own care, and one is literally his incarnation. frankly im interested in both how attacking and dethroning gods is gonna impact his own godhood deal, his own parenting, and his view of his mothers job of parenting him

im not sure if i have any particular takes here but let it be know kdj is a bastard and a scoundrel and i shall not miss him. not from this distance. no but god that was a classic really jerk move level manipulation. need to re-calibrate the dials. whats worse is at this point i think he can fully understand how much emotional damage hes putting his loved ones through.

Also did you know we live in a society. this one is pretty nascent so far but the breaking of the Seoul dome is reminding us of normal human society, and its flaws, and with the demonic realm, blatantly stated, we live in hell on earth.

#some shit #orv blogging #this works better when i do the last bit first ahaha #god its long tho sorry it made more sense when i was doing on fri and sat both but #also used mentol joint creme and my wrist and elbow were just static while doing this lol #i have one last thought thats drifting jussst out of reach #smth. oh idk emotional paid moments. almost cry at work moments #*pain

[niisancomplex]

i did a mental health screening thing idk if it did smth but i was just curious so

the therapist said i should just draw to learn to express my emotions, i dead eyed her sry i cant rly draw like that anymore since it became mY job. Shewas like oH ok right what abt writing yeah i use notes app on the daily basis when i start to talk to myself but i didnt tell her that because

i fucking froze

my brain just, stopped working

like i was super constipated idk what to tell even though my brain was so so so full of things i had to tell

bruh even when i had to do the drawing test i had no fucking idea what to draw and describe she probably saw me struggling haha

tldr the result told me to do further consulation

but therapy is so fucking expensive

do i even wanna fix myself bc i feel like im oK NOw

anyway, books are cheaper

#self

[oetscop]

anyway uhhhh im struggling to focus bc my neck hurts like fuck so im gonna talk abt max and dizzy. and like elaborate on the whole "theyre the same person" thing

so max is my truesona right? his name (maxamillion) actually has a personal meaning to me. my whole life ive fought with identity and ive always had this sort of scattered sense of self. a lot of that comes from childhood neglect and housing instability growing up. every time i move or something bad happens i feel like i get splintered off into another jagged piece of myself, and as life goes on the older pieces get eroded away until i cant even remember who that person was.

i dont want it to sound like DID or something, because its not. its very different. these "other people" never exist at the same time as one another or anything like that. sometimes i can kinda call back how i was at those times in a nostalgic imitation sort of way, but like. its still me? i guess? i dont know.

maxxy is kinda based off the sort of shameless open bleeding wound of a person i was at one time. i was loud and wasnt embarrassed by it. i was open with what i enjoyed. i was clingy but oblivious and sometimes unrealistic.

dizzy is sort of like the more "rational" side of myself. he thinks hes smarter than max because he's been hurt more. hes more familiar with rejection sensitive dysphoria and has been through the same sort of really bad relationship and amicable breakup i went through, as well as the fallout that caused my entire friend group to splinter. hes apprehensive and distant and refuses to trust anyone to an unreasonable degree, hence the quotations.

hes perpetually trying to knock max down a peg or snuff him out. he reminds him how annoying he is when hes loud, he constantly tells him that expressing any emotion about a situation is manipulative. a lot of his character comes from the song hope by roar (among others) and specifically the line "if your hearts upon your sleeve, amputate the arm." hes very motivated by revenge.

really he comes from a well intentioned place, but hes also aware that hes being harmful. he thinks its for the best.

and in his defense max isnt a good person either, not entirely. hes terrified of losing people, but instead of growing distant to avoid pain like dizzy, he becomes incredibly clingy. constantly disarming himself and asking what he would have to do to keep someone around. he has no sense of self and is willing to just drop everything for someone. even if they hurt him. hes also insecure and somehow also full of himself.

but like, they are also literally the same person. the same dog, i guess. but they can interact physically with each other. dizzy looks exactly like max, just with mirrored fur patterns and is more desaturated in color. his hair is also like....greasier. and matted. max has really soft hair but dizzy spends most of his time in bed or just at home so he doesnt take care of himself. sometimes max can convince him to let him brush it. they have a very codependent relationship with eachother. well, okay that makes it sound romantic. its more like a symbiosis sort of thing. parasitic perhaps. theyll kill eachother together but theyll die if theyre apart.

it actually started with like..giving max an A/B/NLM sorta thing (since i do that a lot actually! give ocs traits from a specific media i like a lot. one of my other sonas shrinks when hes upset like cassie from dragon tales) but it sorta just became what it is now. idk why?? i still sometimes draw max with a flower on his head tho lol. its hard not to involve that when hes my truesona and care and paul r like........the focal points of my entire identity and sense of self rn lol. but theyre also nothing like max so i scrapped that.

idk this makes liek no sense lololol. theres far more "versions" that i might flesh out in the future? but for now its just the two of em. hooty hoo

#tongue #max #dizzy