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#// namely the stooges
heymacy · 10 months
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15 questions, 15 mutuals! i was tagged by my loves @gardenerian, @squidyyy23, and @energievie 💛
were you named after anyone? legally i'm named after an actress from the 1960s. but you can call me macy 😌
when was the last time you cried? yesterday (and the day before that, and the day before that...)
do you have kids? none that i'm aware of
do you use sarcasm a lot? i'd say i'm less sarcastic and more snarky
whats the first thing you notice about people? their energy, and boy howdy do i know within 0.5 seconds if we're gonna vibe or not
what’s your eye color? i’m literally shaking buy her brown contacts pls
scary movies or happy endings? happy endings, por favor
any special talents? i can go 3+ minutes without blinking and i'm freakishly good at parallel parking
where were you born? seattle, washington on a rainy wednesday morning 🌧️
what are your hobbies? writing, making little moving pictures, learning and regurgitating everything i can about film history, puzzles, drawing, wire wrapping, sleeping
have any pets? three little rats in cat costumes
what sports do you play/have you played? i played damn near everything and sucked at all of it. a bitch can dance though! 💃🏻
how tall are you? 5' 5"
favorite subject in school? film, theatre, history
dream job? cathedral gargoyle
i'm tagging @iansfreckles, @nicksobotka, @metalheadmickey, @heymrspatel, @whatwouldmickeydo, @whatthebodygraspsnot, @gallawitchxx, @howlinchickhowl, @vintagelacerosette, @deedala, @michellemisfit, @palepinkgoat, @sleepyfacetoughguy, @creepkinginc, @mishervellous, @crossmydna, @harrowhark-a-vagrant, @thisdivorce, @too-schoolforcool, & @thepupperino (limit me to 15 tags? them's fightin' words)
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yatiso · 8 days
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i knew for sure my phat ass gained weight in the months i had quit smoking when i went to sit outside and collapsed onto the ground like one of those freaky pie throwing slapstick brothers would
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shinmiyovvi · 1 year
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Baby boi Lito 🤗💖
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bardengarde · 4 months
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7 , 15 , 12 for the mash ask 🙃
7 . which character would you be most likely to hang out with and why ?
My honest and true answer? Sophie. I will be giving her lots of pets and treats, and I will become Potter's personal groom if that's what it takes to hang out with her. As far as a person character though, I feel like Radar and I are pretty similar and would get along well.
15 . pick a theme song for one of the characters . why do you think that song suits them ?
I've been on this kick with "Saint Valentine" by Gregory Alan Isakov and post-war Hawkeye. I imagine Hawkeye struggling very hard with loneliness after he finally gets to go home and not adjusting very well, and I think some parts of the song reflect that.
12 . if you were a member of the 4077 and had a nickname like trapper or radar , what do you think everyone would call you ? why ?
I put way more thought into this than necessary, but as I said earlier I feel like I'm very similar to Radar as far as appearance and some of our mannerisms, so I wonder if I'd get nicknamed something similar to him. I thought of something like "Siren", but I see that becoming really demeaning really fast. Only other thing I can think of is "Curly" bc I have curly hair.
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singingkestrel · 10 months
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Horizon Forbidden West machines 66/?
Stingspawn.
Too small and too lacking in a head to do a headshot, so I went with something shiny instead. When these three hatched, in their apparent eagerness to attack me (Aloy), they flew straight into each other resulting in the damage sparks you see here.
Idiots.
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marlenexalraune · 8 months
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Tag Dump!
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dukeofriven · 10 months
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Coffeezilla also confirms something I've know all my life: you can't trust a Brandon.
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dilfl0v3rss · 8 months
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baseball player!connie
baseball player!connie who is one of the top pitchers in the country. ever since he was young his family and friends knew he would be one of the best and they were right.
baseball player!connie who had been working the hardest on the team from his freshman year of college all the way to his junior year right now.
baseball player!connie who decided in high school that he wanted to get a degree before taking baseball to the next level and has stuck with it.
baseball player!connie who despite his 6’3, strong figure and prodigious talent in almost every sport, only took an offer for baseball, seeing that sport as his true calling since he was little.
baseball player!connie who would’ve never thought he’d be going to college with you, his high school sweetheart. you’ve been together since his freshman year of high school, always at his varsity games with pretty bows in your hair as you cheered on his team. you’d sit front and center, school colors painted in two lines on your cheeks as you sat in his opposite jersey with a bright smile on your face.
baseball player!connie who never leaves for a game without getting a pep talk from his favorite girl, your serious face always turning him on as he thinks about how you value these games just as much as he does.
connie’s wide hands were outstretched on your ass, rubbing and squeezing as he stood in his team warmup. he had an important away game today and you could tell he wasn’t feeling good about it, him and his team’s poor performance during the last few practices filling his brain with doubt. “ion wanna lose mami” he groaned, his neck tattoos peaking from his collar as he averted his gaze to the living room. you brought your hands to his cheeks, slowly moving his head back towards you as you spoke. “you been workin hard?” he nodded, hands giving your ass a squeeze as he thought back to some of his better pitches he threw during practice. “you still think you the best?” he nodded again, making you smile as you moved to your tippy toes to leave a soft kiss on his lips. “then stop worryin, the team feeds off you. if you go out there actin unsure of yourself then they gon be unsure of themselves too. you the captain ain’t you?”
“yes ma’am”
you smiled at the name, moving from his hold to pick up his bag from the floor. you slid the strap onto his shoulder before giving them a light squeeze.
“then lead em”
baseball player!connie who does phenomenal every game, but really excels when you’re there watching him. your pretty face and voice always bringing a small smirk to his face as he listens to you cheer after striking his opponent out.
baseball player!connie who is still in college, but is pretty famous since his games are broadcasted on espn and his highlights are shown all over sports pages. he even got sponsored by nike and did some commercials for them with other stars his age.
baseball player!connie who despite his age and profession, has friends everywhere. he’s had rappers, singers, pros, and even the nations best in other sports attend his games. showing their support for their friend. his closest friends are the nations finest volleyball and basketball players aran and ony. they were all around the same age and absolutely dominated in their respective leagues. the three men would always make time for each other regardless of their differences and busy schedules. the media liked to call them the three stooges for their funny personalities and when they’re around each other.
baseball player!connie who has different women in his face everyday, trying their very best to get the athletes attention, but they never got far. always getting brushed off with an “i’m married” before he’d walk off and look for you in the room.
baseball player!connie who doesn’t care that the two of you aren’t actually married or even engaged, during every interview he labels you as his wife since he’s vowed to love, honor, and protect you since the two of you started dating, no ring or wedding required.
“jesus christ c.p i gotta give it to ya. you’ve got to be one of the most talented players i’ve seen in a long time. you bat wonderfully, you run faster than a running back, and when your opponents think they have time to breathe they are plagued with your bullet like pitches. what do you have to say about your wonderful performance tonight?” the reporter said, a smile already forming on connie’s face as he looked down towards the ring tied in his laces.
“well first i wanna say hey t’my wife. she wanted t’be here but she’s a lil sick.” he said, a small frown on his face as he looked towards the camera as if he were staring at you. “i love you tho and i’m always gon thank you cause i wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for all those nights you’d encourage me and get on the field wit me t’work on my pitches. uhh what else? oh yea my performance!”
you giggled from your seat on the couch, nothing but put joy and pride filling your heart as you watched your man go on about how much he loved and adored you and the sport he was blessed to play.
baseball player!connie who to isn’t allowed to wear the promise ring you bought him during games so he ties it in the lace of his left cleat, always leaning over to rub it during games to let you know he’s thinking of you.
baseball player!connie who already pitched great when you’re there, but does even better when he’s angry. the sight of some random guy hitting on you in the stands made anger rush through his veins. his arm moving as if the ball were on fire in his palm.
“strike one!” the umpire said, the batter standing straight up in surprise as if he didn’t even see when the ball was released. connie wasn’t paying attention though because he was counting his own strikes for you, the first one being you letting this man touch your hair. ‘strike one’ he thought.
as his anger built up so did the speed of the ball as connie threw this second one as if it weighed nothing. “strike two!” the umpire said, the commentators going crazy as they watched your man throw another record breaking pitch. the crowd was going nuts but connie’s eyes stayed on you. your pretty teeth bare to the man next to you as you let him take your phone for something, probably to put his socials in it. ‘strike two’
your last strike nearly costed the catcher his hand, the force of the ball so strong that he felt it through the glove.
‘strike three’
“strike three! out!”
both connie and the umpire were in sync as the pitcher moved from his place. connie wasn’t paying the game any mind anymore, his anger at its highest peak as he watched the bastard bring his lips to your ear, whispering things to you with a smirk on his face as your eyes widened.
‘you’re out’
baseball player!connie who didn’t even let you explain that the man in the stands was a friend you invited from class before taking you home and having you face down in the sheets of your shared bed.
“got me fucked up furreal” he grumbled, his big hand colliding with your ass three times as connie deepened his thrusts. your cries and begs were muffled into the sheets, his other hand squeezing the back of your neck as he pushed your face down into the silk fabric. “got me staring into the stands every ten seconds cause you think it’s okay t’be all buddy buddy wit men ion know. tch….cuero grande mami” (such a slut)
you tried to move your hand towards his abdomen to soothe him, but connie roughly rejected you. slapping your small hand away before spanking you again. “don’t touch me. youn get t’touch me when you be letting randoms do it so easily” you cried loudly, your tears soaking the sheets under you as you tried your best to pull your wet face from the cushion so you can speak. “papiiiiii! s’not l-like that, p-promiseeee!” your beg fell on deaf ears as connie flattened his free hand on your back, pushing your stomach to the mattress as he fed you every last inch of his dick at a breathtaking speed. “uhh huhhhh. s’not like you was letting some lambón (ass kisser) be all in your face, right? not like you was letting him touch your phone and whisper shit in your ear, right mami?”
now that he put it that way you did look a little guilty, but you and the guy were strictly friends and you were determined to let your boyfriend know that. “i love youuu! o-only you daddy i swear” connie knew you’d never cheat on him, the love the two of you carried too strong for either of you to even think of being with someone else, but he couldn’t stop himself from becoming this jealous, possessive lover as his fame began to grow. when more people recognized him the more they began to recognize you as well. your pretty face and kind personality driving many men crazy to the point where connie had to keep a a close eye on your choice of “friends”. your easily gained trust making you prone to getting tricked into being friends with a man that only wants one thing from you.
connie knew for sure that was the case when it came to the man he saw today, his wandering eyes and lingering touches giving him away completely to your boyfriend, but you were naive, too innocent to understand that this man wanted only one thing from you. just thinking about it brought connie’s anger back up to a ten, his hips slamming into you as he lifted your back to his chest with one hand. “how yall meet, huh? he came up t’you after class didn’t he?” you nodded your head, earning you a hard slap on your clit from connie’s rough fingers. “que mama? respóndeme la pregunta” (what mama? answer the question) his hand snaked around your throat, giving it a tight squeeze to let you know he wasn’t playing, but you could already tell he wasn’t given the situation you were in right now.
“y-yes, he came up t’me after class” connie nodded as you spoke, already knowing he was correct. “and being the kind little lady you are, you invited him t’come sit wit you at my game, correct?” you replied wit a small “yes” coaxing him to continue. “and f’course he came, probably asked for your instagram on your phone so he could follow himself, said y’all should take a lil selfie to save the moment and begged you t’post it and tag him, right?” your eyes widened at how spot on your boyfriend was, his thrusts doubling in power as he listened to you agree to everything he said. “but you a my good girl so i know you ain’t post it, but he ain’t let it go did he? nahhh…he leaned down and whispered in your ear some stupid pickup line that made your eyes widen, and since you rejected him i know for a fact he ain’t follow you back, and he doesn’t plan on talking t’you ever again”
you couldn’t stop the little whine from escaping your throat as you listened to the wise words of your boyfriend. “m’sorry p-papi i didn’t knowwww” connie quickly shushed you, leaving light kisses on your wet cheeks as he pushed you back down towards the bed. he laid both of his hands flat on your back before pushing your arch so deep you almost screamed.
“you too nice mami i been tellin you this, but it’s coo tho. papi gon make sure you understand by the end of the night.”
baseball player!connie who spent an entire night fucking his lesson into your poor little pussy, making sure his sweet girlfriend didn’t fall victim to the bad, clout chasing, drama filled people you’d encounter everyday at college.
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samandcolbyownme · 2 months
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Summary: anon request - "Requesting for Jake (and Johnnie but it's not what you think) // Jake Johnnie and y/n go live in the car - Jake accidentally lets it slip that he was with someone - no one knew - y/n and Jake don't want anyone knowing that they're together ???  So they're scrambling to try and cover it up? Idk if that makes any sense but in my mind it does lolllll thanks"
Warnings: Fluff mainly, flirting, trying different candies, Jake and Johnnie being Jake and Johnnie, secret relationship between reader and Jake, cute, funny
Word count: little over 2k | not edited at all
╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗
As you're getting around to go do a video with Jake and Johnnie, your phone lights up. You lean over, picking up and smiling when you see Jake's name on the screen, "Hello?"
"Are you almost ready? Johnnie's getting a little impatient." Jake laughs and you can hear Johnnie in the background yelling but Jake raises his voice to cover it, "Well be there to get you in like ten minutes."
"Okay." You laugh, "I'm about ready."
"Okay. See you soon." Jake says and you agreed, "Yeah, bye." You smile as you hang up, getting ready to set your phone down, but you get a text that makes you stop.
It's from Jake, Remember, gotta keep your hands to yourself.
You smirk, setting down your brush to hold your phone with both hands, Aw, man. That's no fun. But since we're a secret, I guess I can manage.
You set your phone down, doing your finishing touches to your makeup, before you get another text from Jake, you're my favorite secret.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
"Hey." You say as you get in the car, "Look at you sitting in the back already." You turn to look Johnnie in the backseat and he stares blankly at you, "I don't like it."
Jake sighs making his voice all weird, "Well suck it up buttercup." He laughs as he starts to drive away. You bite your lip, keeping your head forward as you try to keep your smile at bay.
When you're with Jake, you're always giddy, happy to see him. You're always wanting to hold his hand, lay your hand his arm, kiss him.
Anything to be touching him.
But you can't do that right now. You and Jake agreed to try and keep things on the low, just have some private time for as long as you can before word got out and everyone went crazy.
"We got some American candy and some candy from over yonder to compare them to." Jake pulls into the parking lot, leaning forward to check if he's up far enough.
"Over yonder as in.. where, Jake?" Johnnie asks and Jake puts the car in park before turning around to look at him, "Can you not just go with the flow for once? Do you have to know everything?"
Johnnie nods, "Yeah, I'm an anxious person."
"Here." Jake hands him a regular Kit Kat, "Eat this."
"Ooh. Candy!" Johnnie's voice goes high, almost like he's about to pull out the Timmy card and Jake sighs, "Please, Johnnie. Keep Timmy in your pants."
You cover your mouth, fighting back laughter as Jake turns around, looking over at you, "What's so funny?"
You look at him, smirking slightly as you shrug, "You're just a funny guy, Webber." He laughs, "Ah, ha. Ha. I know." He winks at you before starting the stream, "Hello. It's me."
"And me." Johnnie buts in and you lean over, "I'm here, too."
Jake smiles, "You guys get the three stooges today.  Moe. Larry. And Curly." His eyes scan over the chat, "Today, I'm going to be making y/n and Johnnie try some candy snacks from over yonder, ya know?"
You watch as he reaches back, pulling a bag from the floor behind your seat.
"Oh!" He yells kinda loud, which makes you jump, "You can get one of these bad girls." He pinches his hoodie and pulls it out, "On the merch site."
He looks back at Johnnie and scoffs, "Stop tongue fucking your Kit Kat and show them your shirt, Jesus Christ Johnnie."
Johnnie tries not to laugh, "B-but. I thought that's what we were doing?"
You roll your eyes, laughing as he leans forward, "If you want to support us in being americas favorite ladies, click the link below."
"Yes, all proceeds will go to Johnnie smelling better than a hairsprayed chicken nugget." Jake claps his hands together, cutting Johnnie off before he can say anything, "Anyway. Let's get started."
He pulls something from the bag and looks at it, "So this is a melon flavored kit from what I'm guessing is Japan? Maybe?" He hands it to you and you look at it, "Cantaloupe I think."
You shrug, opening it up, "I mean.. it smells.. okay?" You hold the open candy up to Jake's nose and he takes a big, over-exaggerated sniff, "Mm." He groans, "Melony."
"You're so fucking weird." Johnnie shakes his head and you extend your arm back, "You wanna smell it, too?"
He leans in, "I don't smell anything."
"Hmm." You pull your arm back up, breaking off one of the bars, "Here." You hand one to Jake and he takes it, "Why thank you." He takes it and bites into it and Johnnie yells, "Thanks for waiting for us you jackass."
You laugh, looking between them and Jake puts the piece he bit off back on top of the bar, "Fine, I'll just magically reattach it."
You lean forward, "Yeah." You nod as you read the chats, "They fight like a married couple."
"We do not." Both Jake and Johnnie say at the same time and you tilt your head, "Really."
"I'm not married to Johnnie because my-" Jake stops and your eyes go slightly wide, "Because your what Jake?"
Johnnie leans up, "Yeah, Jake. Is there something I should know about?"
Jake laughs and shakes his head, biting into the candy, "Fuck you guys."
"Another woman, or man, I should know about?" Johnnie is clearly joking, but he wouldn't be if he knew about the two of you.
"Alright, no. I'm not.." Jake laughs, "I give this one a three point five."
"Way to change the subject." Johnnie says and Jake looks at him, "Can you-"
Johnnie cuts him off, "Not me. The people in the screen are saying it."
You lean forward, eyes scanning down over the chat,
User1- PLEASE they're so funny
User2 - Nahhh that sounded like Jake was about to spill a secret
User3- TELL US
User4 - JAKE WEBBER WHAT ARE YOU HIDING
User5 - he has a secret girlfriend. I'm calling it right now.
User6 - Jake would have told us, so no one jump to conclusions please
User 7 - Y'all don't know that wtffff Jake Jake Jake Jake Jake Jake please
User8 - I just joined, what happened?
"Well, I'll catch you up, Jake and Johnnie are arguing over the fact that they say they aren't a married couple." You laugh as you look at Jake, then to Johnnie, "And you guys so are."
Jake rolls his eyes, "Annyywaaay."
"Anyway." You and Johnnie say at the same time, both mocking Jake. You give Jake a smile, letting him know you're low key flirting with him.
"What the fuck." Johnnie shakes his head, "There's no way that just happened. Fucking mocking me you.. mocker."
Jake rolls his eyes at Johnnie and smirks at you, "Anyway."
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
A little while later, towards the end of the stream, you're trying these chocolate candies, "Ah." You catch chocolate in your hand, "Why is it melting like this?”
"I don't know, I can't read Japanese." Jake laughs, "Hang on." He reaches over, grabbing a napkin and wiping it off your pant leg, "Goddamn. We can dress you up but we can't take you out."
"Wait, I thought you only said that to me." Johnnie pouts, "You backstabbing bitch."
Jake laugh, hanging his down as he shakes it, "Johnnie, I can't take you anywhere in general."
"Fair. Fair." Johnnie nods and you try to eat the candy but it gets on your lip and down your chin, "Ope." You close your lip, pointing with your pinky so Jake can get you another napkin.
"Jesus Christ, y/n. You're messier than I am." Johnnie laughs and you roll your eyes. Jake wipes your chin and lip with his thumb and pops it into his mouth, without thinking of course.
"Did you just.. Jake. You're holding a fucking napkin." Johnnie points and Jake just stares at you, panicking on what to do.
You lick your lips, wiping your chin off with the napkin, "now that I can speak, Johnnie. At least I don't leave black hair color stains on Jake's white seats."
Johnnie purses his lips and points to you, "That.. is from my root cover up bullshit. It's not easy being a blonde who dyes their hair, ya know."
Jake leans back over into his seat and laugh, "That's why you're stupid, stupid fuck."
You and Jake gently, well you gently bully Johnnie. Jake just bullies him to try and cover up what he did to you, but the chat won't let it go.
User9 - DID HE JUST- he didn't
User10- PLEASE HE HAD A NAPKIN
User11 - if I was y/n right now I'd be dead
User12 - that was so hot WTF
User13 - PLEASS GELL MW THEURE DAYING
User14 - JAKE blink if you like y/n
User15 - Johnnie absolutely kills me he's so funny without even trying LMAO
User16 - Johnnie knows. Johnnie tell us. Please Johnnie. Please SPILL IT
"Wait." Johnnie leans forward, "What did I spill?" He looks around and Jake laughs, "You idiot, they're telling you to spill something, you know like a secret. Fuck, why are we friends?"
"Because.." Johnnie changes his voice, "You love me. I'm all you have."
"Not true." Jake mumbles as he glances over at you because raising his voice loud enough for Johnnie to hear, "Yeah, yeah. I guess. Whatever you say."
"I'll take it." Johnnie nods and leans back, "so is that all or is there any other things we need to try?"
"Yeah, you need to try shutting the fuck up for once." Jake tries not to laugh, but fails, snorting as he rests his head on the steering wheel, "Fucking hell, Johnnie."
"As I said. Married couple." You laugh as you break apart another Kit Kat and hand a piece to Jake.
Johnnie slowly leans forward, his voice is quiet, "You'll have to kill me if you want me to stop, because I'm never going to stop."
Jake waits a few seconds and quickly reaches his hands up, trying to get Johnnie's neck.
User17 - we're about to witness the murder of Johnnie Guilbert
User18 - rip Johnnie
User19 - idk how y/n puts up with them
You sigh, shrugging as you tilt your head, "I don't know either, honestly." You laugh, reaching up to break up the small cat fight between the boys, "Hey, no blood on the white interior."
"Yes mom." Jake faces forward, hands in his lap and Johnnie salutes you, "Yes ma'am."
You chew on the inside of your cheek, "Do we have anything else to try?" Jake shakes his head, "No, I don't think we do." He looks over at you, "I am hungry though."
You and Johnnie both agree and Johnnie sighs, "Stop. Fucking. Copying me."
"Stop fucking copying me." You mock him with a laugh and Johnnie hangs his head down, "You're lucky you're not Jake saying that because if it was Jake I-"
"What." Jake spins around, "What will you do, you big bad. Emo goth guy?" He tries not to laugh again and Johnnie just reaches up slowly, tapping him on the cheek, "That. Thats what I'd do."
"You hit like a bitch bro, remind me to never have you on my side in a fight." Jake turns around laughing and Johnnie just sighs, "I can't stand you."
"You love me." Jake smiles at him and Johnnie tries not to laugh, "Fuck off."
"You know.. I'd- nevermind." Jake laughs, shaking his head, "Nevermind. Okay. So that's it for today. See you in the next one, bye."
Johnnie waves, along with you and Jake ends the stream.
It's quiet for a few minutes as everyone gets situated for the drive to get food and Johnnie breaks the silence, "so are you guys like fucking? Or what?"
You and Jake glance at each other, neither one of you willing to answer and Johnnie huffs, “Mm. Just as I suspected.”
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
This was literally written on a whim. I had this sitting in my drafts for a little while and I finally just sat down and kept writing until I felt like it was good enough to stop.
I hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think.
Love you all! 🖤
Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!
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leclerc-s · 5 months
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mamma mia! - part three
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mia tate do you think i would go to german jail for punching a reporter in the face?
daniel ricciardo please tell me you haven't already done that.
mia tate no.
mia tate but hypothetically speaking, if i did, it was because he asked me a really gross question and he was annoying.
max verstappen oh my god. this is hilarious. please tell me you did.
charles leclerc she did. it's on twitter.
daniel ricciardo is this why fernando was cackling earlier??
mia tate yes, and he also pulled me away from the reporter before he could punch me. hypothetically speaking
max verstappen alright, i'm settling this the only way daniel has taught me
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max verstappen added two people
mia tate well you got one thing right, you are motorsports biggest headache.
max verstappen i didn't add you so i could be bullied. i added you so that someone could fucking explain what happened earlier. christian is glaring at me and i had nothing to do with this
lando norris oh she rocked the shit out of that reporter.
alex albon who taught you to punch and can they teach me?
mia tate my ex boyfriend
george russell well that took a turn mia tate AND NOT IN THE WAY YOU GUYS THINK!! I LIVE IN NEW YORK! ONE WRONG MOVE AND THEY'LL MUG ME! abigail tate you idiot.
fernando alonso oh it was great maxie, the reporter said some things i will not be repeating, it went on for ages and mia took it like a champ until finally he asked a really gross question and she punched him. i think abigail almost bit him, or that's what twitter is saying.
fernando alonso being the driver closest to them i stepped in when he looked like he was going to hurt mia and abigail. sebastian vettel, being the great guy he is, called security on the guy before you could show up and go all mad-max on him.
max verstappen i would not have done that.
daniel ricciardo oh my god
lance stroll oh this just made my day so much better.
sebastian vettel lance, not the time lance stroll i feel like i should be honest. they should know the mess they're getting into.
pierre gasly how is this whole thing going to work? like is mia moving to monaco or are the three stooges moving to new york?
charles leclerc she just said we could get mugged! i am not moving to new york
max verstappen what? your pretty face can't take a hit? charles leclerc are you flirting with me? abigail tate how have you two not fucked? matter of fact how has max not fucked daniel or charles? lando norris THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING!! JUST FUCK EACH OTHER AND GET RID OF THE SEXUAL TENSION!
mia tate why would i move to monaco??
daniel ricciardo because that's where we live? you could bring your emotional support mia tate bunch of tax evaders you people are. a french, an aussie, and a dutch, who would've thought? charles leclerc I'M MONEGASQUE!! mia tate TAX EVADER!! charles leclerc I WAS BORN THERE!! MAX AND DANIEL ARE THE TAX EVADERS!! max verstappen AND YOU'RE JUST AN INCHIDENT BITCH!
sebastian vettel can you stop acting like children?
esteban ocon i'm not even religious but i pray for that child's sanity
charles leclerc sorry seb
max verstappen sorry seb
mia tate for the record, i'm not sorry
daniel ricciardo i, for once, did nothing wrong
mick schumacher can i be godfather?
max verstappen you're a child?? how are you supposed to look after another child mia tate but he's so adorable? how can i say no to him?? charles leclerc by saying no?? mick schumacher haters. let me have this one thing
carlos sainz let me be godfather. i'm charles teammate.
daniel ricciardo we are not having this conversation right now. max has been silently plotting how to murder a reporter. can everyone please focus?
max verstappen yes, like what was his name?
sebastian vettel NO MURDER!
mia tate wow, you really are a dad.
sebastian vettel someone has to be the responsible one here and it's not fernando, kimi, or lewis.
kimi raikkonen  👍
kimi raikkonen  🤰🏼?
lewis hamilton yes kimi, the girl is pregnant kimi raikkonen  🦥 🦡 🏎️? lewis hamilton yes, no one knows who that dad is yet. it's either max, daniel, or charles. kimi raikkonen  😂
abigail tate how did you get that from a few emojis?
lando norris max is the sloth because he's sid from ice age
max verstappen fuck you norris
george russell daniel is the badger because people call him honey badger
alex albon and charles is the car because of this
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mick schumacher does that make mia, sally?
abigail tate OH MY GOD THIS IS GREAT!
mia tate CODE DAD ABBY! CODE DAD!
lance stroll what the fuck is code dad? is she going into labour?
lando norris don't be ridiculous, she's only a month pregnant. their dad is probably here.
lando norris OH SHIT! EVERYONE RUN FOR COVER!
mia tate don't be so dramatic. he's not an asshole, he never abused us. he just had bigger dreams for us and when we failed to do what he wanted he disowned us.
sebastian vettel that's still not good mia. he left you two when you needed him. you're children.
kimi raikkonen 🤬
esteban ocon even kimi agrees, which is a first
esteban ocon uh oh sebastian has adopted two more kids. mia and abigail, welcome to the family lance stroll he’s only known them 2 hours?? esteban ocon the girl is pregnant because of his former teammate and the mini versions of him. he’s attached lance.
mia tate he was a single dad raising three kids under the age of 8. he tried his best sebastian. it may not have been the best but i turned out alright, jury's still out on abby.
daniel ricciardo do you two need anything? like do you need us to keep him away from you two?
abigail tate we'll be okay danny, besides, i think sebastian and fernando have made it their mission to be our personal bodyguards. like mia said, he was never a bad father, he just made some mistakes.
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robert tate why did i just get asked around the paddock if i was excited to be a grandfather? who got someone pregnant or who's pregnant?
abigail tate i forgot we let the idiot name this chat.
marc tate take that fucking back! i am a stressed medical student in his final year of school, let me fucking be.
robert tate AM I GOING TO BE A GRANDFATHER?? YES OR NO??
marc tate do you think i have time to date?? much less sleep around? wasn't me.
abigail tate kids are icky.
robert tate mia?? is it you??
mia tate mia can't come to the phone right now. please leave a message after the beep. love, the war criminal.
marc tate war criminal?? what the hell have you two been up too.
mia tate mia is unavailable - seb
mia tate 🖕- 7️⃣
abigail tate her phone's been hijacked by three world champions.
marc tate YOU GUYS ARE AT SPA??
marc tate THE ONE WEEKEND I CHOSE NOT TO GO WITH DAD??
abigail tate what the fuck happened to 'i'm a medical student, i have no life?'
marc tate school does not matter when it comes to f1.
mia tate DAD! I FUCKED UP! I WENT TO GREECE, SLEPT WITH A FEW PEOPLE AND NOW I'M PREGNANT! - MIA
mia tate SHE'S LYING - WAR CRIMINAL
robert tate abby?
abigail tate oh, she's not lying. CONGRATS YOU'RE GOING TO BE A GRANDFATHER!!
marc tate oh my god she's the girl that f1 twitter is losing it's mind over?
abigail tate congrats your grandchild is either half honey badger, half mad-max, or half il predestinato. we're not quite sure who the dad is.
marc tate HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LIVE MY DREAM MIA!!
robert tate abby, is she okay? our problems aside, for once, how is she?
abigail tate she's fine or at least as well as anyone who is faced with this current situation is. ignoring the sexist and misogynistic comments people seem to throw at her. she punched a reporter today, i almost bit his ankles (in theory).
robert tate can we talk? all three of us?
mia tate if you want to talk to mia, you're going to have to apologize for your actions and choices against her and abby. - seb
mia tate MAN UP AND APOLOGIZE TO YOUR DAUGHTERS! - WAR CRIMINAL
mia tate mia will talk to you but i will be present. there is no excuse for what you did to your children. - seb
abigail tate so that's why they call him paddock dad
mia tate heyyyy - charles
mia tate pleasure to meet you two! hi abby! - daniel
mia tate why does charles get to be called il predestinato but i get stuck with mad max? it's not fair! - max
mia tate i swear to god if one more driver steals my phone i will be committing crimes against them.
robert tate okay. i made choices i'm not proud of and i will take responsibility for my actions. i have been going to therapy now. i can see where i made mistakes.
mia tate wow. it's almost like mom leaving didn't just affect us and it affected you too. WHICH IS WHAT I'VE BEEN FUCKING SAYING FOR YEARS!
marc tate oh that she has been saying. therapist also said that dad was afraid of you and abby leaving so he pushed you two away. it's not an excuse btw, that's what dad's told me. look at that maybe we should all go to therapy.
abigail tate maybe max can join us!
mia tate fuck you - max
abigail tate wow is that any way to talk to your sister-in-law verstappen??
mia tate MIA'S MOVING TO MONACO! - CHARLES
robert tate what the fuck?
mia tate I HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT! THE ANSWER IS NO!
mia tate FOR NOW! - CHARLES
marc tate well, this family has a lot of issues to solve.
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taglist: @six-call @barcelonaloverf1life @janeholt3 @queen-aria-things @camdensreg @mycenterfold @woozarts @vellicora @nichmeddar @thisismereading @inloveallthetime @baw-sixteen @floxly @dear-fifi @chiliwhore @ilove-tswizzle
strikethrough means i couldn't tag you
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¡leclerc-s speaks! listen i needed someone who was a motorsports fan and had played a doctor and i could only think of one person, patrick dempsey. (i've never seen an episode of grey's anatomy in my life) i was also going to make him an asshole but i do that too much, so i gave him a redemption (sort of). is it a redemption? i also know nothing about therapy because i've never gone, feel free to correct me if i get anything wrong in that aspect.
¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!
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mediumgayitalian · 25 days
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“Halt!”
Across the common, three suspicious figures freeze, glance behind them, and then resume walking as casually as they can.
“I said halt! Do not move! Cease all function!”
Milling nervously towards each other, Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest pause, shifting the three massive cardboard boxes they hold each.
“Hi, Annabeth,” Will says, smiling innocently. Cecil and Lou Ellen match him, eyes wide, expressions angelic.
Annabeth stomps over to them, arms crossed tightly over her chest. She is entirely unmoved by the cherubic display in front of her. Nico stays right where he is, hidden by the shade of Cabin Eight.
“Explain yourselves,” Annabeth orders.
The three stooges exchange a look.
“Whatever do you mean,” Lou Ellen asks, shifting the boxes to free up her hand only to place it delicately over her chest. “Why, we are only helping our dear friend William —”
“Our dear, dear friend,” Cecil adds.
“— carry these many boxes of medical supplies, so as to lower his great burden —”
“Massive burden,” Will says sagely.
“— and free up his evening in order for him to spend his limited time with us, his most cherished friends.”
“Especially cherished,” Will and Cecil chorus together.
Unable to bite back a smile, Nico rolls his eyes so hard his skull hurts. They’re not even trying to not get caught, at this point.
Clearly agreeing, Annabeth scoffs. “Yeah, right. Boxes down, all three of you. You’re being detained for suspected illicit substances.”
“Annabeth!” Will cries, mock outraged, “after all I do for this camp, you would accuse me of being — illicit?! Me?! The outrage! The insult! The impugn, the —”
“Can it, Solace. Open the boxes.”
Huffing in perfect unison, the three of them carefully lower their boxes to the ground.
“Tape off.”
Intentionally slowly, they run a nail along the edge of the packing tape.
“Flaps open, guys, c’mon.”
With flourish, the trio fling open the thin cardboard panels. Inside each box is rows of bandages, packaged syringes, sterile bands, tongue compresses, and more that Nico can’t name.
“See?” says Cecil, gesturing grandly. “The shipment just came in from my dad.”
Annabeth’s eyes narrow. “Your dad is in a conference with the rest of the Olympians right now, Markowitz.”
“Well,” Cecil says, and then nothing else.
“He meant it in the royal sense,” Lou Ellen pipes up in his silence. Cecil nods frantically. “You know, ‘just’ as in, like, recently, as in this morning —”
“Do you three think I’m stupid —”
“It’s just medical supplies! You can look through them if you want —”
Even if they weren’t acting like criminals, Nico knows his friends. He knows his boyfriend, especially, and recognises that damn look on his face. He can also physically see Annabeth’s stress ulcer coming back.
Closing his eyes, Nico fades into Cabin Six’s shadow. It’s a quick jump, so the stretch is easy, and the darkness bows easily to his hold. He reappears silently behind the group, taking advantage of the setting sun, and darts out to grip Lou Ellen’s arm.
“Boo,” he whispers.
She shrieks at the top of her lungs, jumping three clean feet in the air. Coincidently, the boxes of medical supplies flicker, turning into a truly baffling amount of instant mashed potato boxes as her grip on the Mist loosens.
“I knew it!” Annabeth shouts.
On cue, all three doofuses turn to Nico, jeering and complaining about ‘ruining the fun’. Nico’s glare is ineffective on Doofus #1, but the other two can be cowed. He focuses on channelling the flames of hell to reflect in his eyes like his father showed him until they look away, muttering at the ground.
“We still don’t have any illicit substances,” Will insists, glaring right back. Nico sticks out his tongue. He crosses his eyes like a four year old. How immature, honestly. “So we’re just gonna take our stuff and —”
“Absolutely not, Golden Boy. Put that hand away.”
Wisely, Will draws slowly back from the boxes, tucking his hands in his pocket.
Annabeth stares, hard, at the three of them, flicking her dark eyes from the potatoes and back. The tips of her worn-out converse tap slowly on the packed grass, tip-tap-tip-tap, as they all squirm.
Understanding suddenly dawns on her.
“It’s supposed to rain tomorrow, for the strawberry plants.”
They squirm harder.
“Oh, you godsdamn bitches.”
“It would’ve been really funny,” Cecil mumbles, staring at the ground. “Rain making the ground turn into a sea of mashed potatoes. Like Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs.”
“The only meatballs around here are the ones clogging up your skull!” Annabeth shouts, which doesn’t quite make sense but sounds clever coming from her anyway. “Who was gonna clean that up, huh? Magic?”
“I mean, probably,” Lou Ellen says, promptly shutting up at Annabeth’s glare.
“And you, Will! I cannot believe! Where is that responsibility you’re known for, huh?”
Will pouts. “I can be responsible and do fun things.”
“Fun, he says. I’m going to fucking kill you. The one day I’m left in charge, I cannot believe —”
“If it helps, it’s less about you and more about April Fools being tomorrow,” Cecil interjects tentatively. “Like, we were going to do this whether or not Chiron left.”
Annabeth glares darkly. “Of fucking course you were. It’s always you three, I swear to the gods. I should have known.”
“It’s honestly kind of embarrassing for you guys, stopped before you’re even started,” Nico adds. He smiles smugly at them, relishing in their rolled eyes and mocking hands. “Like, everyone expected this. You did this to yourselves, honestly.”
“Boo, you jag,” Lou Ellen protests. The other two knuckleheads joint in the booing, Will taking it an extra stop forward and blowing a raspberry, both thumbs pointing down. Nico responds with a bright grin and two middle fingers.
“Enough,” Annabeth says, rubbing her temples. “Extra chores, all three of you. Go help the cleaning harpies until sundown. And not another peep of complaint or I’ll have you on chores tomorrow, too.”
Without another glance at them, she turns around and walks away, muttering at least you caught it early at least you caught it early at least you caught it early over and over to herself.
“Pretty sure you guys have physical labour to do,” Nico says brightly when she disappears into the Big House. “I’d get started on that, if I were you.”
“Butthead,” Cecil mutters.
“Kiss-ass,” Lou Ellen agrees, making a face.
“Traitor,” Will whispers, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he walks past.
Nico watches them go, standing guard over the boxes in case they try to come back for them.
He can’t help but think that they all look a little too jovial for having their plans ruined before they even started.
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reality-detective · 5 months
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Vivek Ramaswamy is the Republican Barack Obama. Who is his puppet master?
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You all should know Nikki Haley is a world economic forum puppet... Right?
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And the Pillsbury Dough Boy is a butt buddy to Obama?
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And this boot licker was praised by Klaus Schwab.
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There are multiple candidates, but only one choice from what I see on the clown show debates.
Trump is a huge topic and his name comes out of everyone of these stooges mouths. 🤔
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chaoticace2005 · 1 year
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One thing I found interesting was how FTF really went along with the fandom’s theories and subverted them while still acknowledging them. Kind of saying “yeah we see you.” All the theories about Luz’s palisman? Yeah that was a lot of the guesses the Hexsquad had before Stringbean was revealed. That comic by Mark where Odalia gets possessed by Belos? Yeah we’ll lean towards that for a second before attacking our lovable Raine. Odalia being a stooge? Yeah but make her do the thing she hates. Possible Collector possession? Yeah let’s show that Collector won’t let that shit happen. Willow helping Hunter when he has a breakdown? Yeah let’s flip that and show how the expectations put on her and her struggle to keep it together impact her. Fucking MATT THOLOMULE’S NAME.
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alabyte · 3 months
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Forgot to post this!
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Sketched this little buddy from my textual roleplay yesterday. His name is Stooge (though it's not really an accurate localization of the one slang word that became his original name) and he's a reprogrammed B1 droid. He mostly assists Tech as needed, but because he has very little RAM, he is considered more of an emotional support droid. He is sometimes used as a note-taking board.
Crosshair drew him goggles with a permanent marker. Tech is not impressed.
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