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#(i know i'll never ''heal.'' i have ibs! that's never going away! but i - i HOPE that i'll get better. that i'll heal enough to live
serialreblogger · 3 years
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hate having chronic illness. every day i have to be like “what is it boy? is it depression? anxiety? dehydration? are we hungry? did we take our meds? want your cane? need walkies? did timmy fall down the old well?” and the answer is always “mgleh. sleep now”
like NO no no no sleeping, we slept for fifteen hours every day this week, we’ve slept plenty please can we just talk about this for one second before you
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and then u pass out for another 15 hours
#linden's originals#vent post#i say this with all love and respect for my tomfool useless corporeal form#it's trying its best#and is about as functional as an iphone 4#planned obsolescence but the plan is ''faulty wiring and a lot of childhood trauma'' and the obsolescence is due to systemic ableism#ANYway#i would like to know what it feels like to be awake! is that so much to ask!#i am not even requesting a day free of pain i recognize that that's laughably unlikely but how about a DAY#like more than two hours of actual wakefulness#p l e a s e#body i'm begging u work with me here i am doing my best in a dearth of medical care but cmon it's hard to eat when i'm sleeping#well. i was gonna ask for enough energy to manage my own care but i recognize that u have been giving me that so far#more energy than u can spare so i can think things through and survive#which is. why we're here now. you gotta get the energy from somewhere after all#i've stolen the energy from my muscles and bones to fuel my grades and my labour#i.. guess it makes sense that i'm sleeping a lot. even if i'd like to be mended by now#it's taken years to get here. it'll probably take more than a minute to heal#(i know i'll never ''heal.'' i have ibs! that's never going away! but i - i HOPE that i'll get better. that i'll heal enough to live#the way i want to. heal enough to stay awake during the day; to be active again; maybe even to not be in pain)#well; one day at a time#and my days of rest are long overdue#i'll let myself rest‚ then. i.. don't really have another choice; i can't help but sleep and i can't get a doctor to see me#(would be nice to get the POTS diagnosed tho. imagine having actual supplements for that during the summer heat that'd prob help)#well. we rest; eat lots of salt and drink lots of liquid; rest some more and hope to feel better soon#health#chronic illness#chronic fatigue#chronic pain#the trifecta babey!
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unkownknowledge · 3 years
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This post is a sort of collaboration with @golden-wingseos who is kindly letting me use their toxic traits post as a base for writing some Fluff! Check 'em out! Hope you enjoy.
Warnings: Albedo might be a OOC. This is my first attempt at more serious writing. And of course you should always remember that problems in a relationship might need more than a short talk.
Edit: request are open, if anyone reading this likes it feel free to request. Rules are pinned.
Now onto my post:
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Albedo: your heart is real
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-you knew Albedo's secret, you knew his feelings, you knew enough to know he didn't want to love you.
-yet he did.
-you also believed he shouldn't be chained to someone else's wishes, especially when it wouldn't bring him happiness.
You were sitting in Albedo's lap, your head on his shoulder as you gently played with his hair.
"I'm going to destroy monstadt you know," he said, like he always does in an attempt to push you away, "that includes the people"
"Then I'll just stop you." You reply calmly.
"Then I'll have to kill you."
"So then you won't destroy monstadt."
Albedo was confused, you usually told him you would stop him but you've never said he wouldn't do it to begin with.
Albedo grabbed your shoulders and made you look at him, "what does that mean? Why wouldn't I destroy monstadt?"
"Because you would have to kill me." You said smiling.
'That damn smile' he thought, "why would I not destroy monstadt, not fulfill my master's wish, just because you would need to die?"
"Because you love me."
Albedo pushed you off and got on top of you, holding a knife to your throat, "would someone who loved you so this?"
"Yes" you never stopped smiling at him.
"Exa-wait what?" Albedo was dumbfounded, not comprehending what you meant.
"You're trying to push me away," you grabbed his shaking hands and pushed them down, causing him to release the knife, "because you don't want to feel any remorse, because you don't want to hurt me."
"Who says-"
"And I know you don't want to destroy monstadt," you grabbed his head and brought him closer, "because you love it there."
"I'm not real, I'm just a tool my master made to carry out their dreams. Stop treating me like a person."
"But you are a person, and as a person you can choose what you want."
"Well I want monstadt destroyed!"
"Even if that meant killing me?"
Albedo was shocked, he never felt conflicted before. Not in following his master's wishes, but now? At your words? He doubted every desire he's had.
You placed his hand on his heart, "feel that?"
"That's my heart..."
"So your heart is real. Now tell me, what does a tool need with a heart?"
Albedo didn't answer.
"Your master might want to destroy monstadt, but who says they want you to? Why give a weapon a heart?"
You didn't give Albedo time to respond before you kissed him.
"Your heart is real. Just like your love for me."
Albedo sat up and pulled you back into his lap, "you're an anomaly you know that? No one else can make me feel this way." He looked into your eyes and put his hands on your cheeks, "I guess I can hold off on destroying monstadt, atleast until I conclude my research on you."
"Well, let's start experimenting."
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Hope that didn't suck.
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Diluc: you'll get hurt if you love me
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-Diluc has been avoiding you for a month now, he hasn't even gone out to do his darkknight hero duties.
-he's just locked himself away in his manor, ordering his servants to not let you in.
-Diluc, however, forgets that you met because you tried stealing from his house.
You were fed up with Diluc, he kept pushing you away and now he has CROSSED THE LINE! You're going to break into his room and make him explain why he's been avoiding you, it's been a year since you and him went on a date and now this? Something is seriously wrong.
You climbed up to the window sill and lock picked your way in, you walked over to Diluc's bed and sat down, waiting for him to return.
Diluc entered the door and, without looking, fell on his bed right next to you.
"You look tired, almost like you took the long way home just to avoid the route I take."
Diluc shot up and looked at you in shock.
You crossed you arms over your chest, "I want an explanation."
"(Y/n) what do you m-"
"You know full well! And don't call me (y/n)! You always call me 'dearest' or 'honey's, in fact you do a lot of things you seem to have forgotten about, like dinners, and tea times, and DATES!"
"Please I-"
"No! No running away, no excuses!" You grabbed his shoulders and turned him to you, "why the hell are you avoiding me!?"
Diluc looked up and saw you were crying. This isn't what he wanted, this is the opposite of what he wanted!
Diluc looked away, unable to face you, "Because I want you to hate me."
Your eyes widened, "w-what?"
"I want you to leave me, in a way that won't make you sad to leave me."
"Why!?"
"BECAUSE YOU'LL GET HURT IF YOU LOVE ME!"
You jumped at him and held him close, and yourself closer, "idiot."
"What?"
"I said," you managed between sobs, "your an idiot, Diluc. I knew full well what I was doing when I fell in love with you, and I did it anyway. What-what gi-gives you the right t-to abandon me now?"
Diluc was shocked to say the least, he didn't know what to say.
"I know how dangerous being near you is, how many enemies you have, how likely I am to die, but Diluc," you look up at him with tear stained eyes, "I won't be able to live another day, not without you in it."
Diluc pulled you onto his lap and held you, enveloping as much as he could.
"(Y/n)- honey, I'm sorry," he cried in your hair, "I'm so sorry, so very very sorry. I just wanted to protect you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you got hurt because of me."
"But you did hurt me, you hurt my heart."
"I know.. but please," he tilted you head so your eyes would meet his, "let me heal it."
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Kaeya: no more secrets
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I wrote this perfectly but the draft didn't save. If it's bad blame my rage.
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Another day without you.
Another day spent drinking.
Kaeya remembered that day clearly, more clearly than he wanted.
Kaeya was happily walking home to you.
He was always happy on the way home, but he was happiest when he saw your smile. Lately though you've been acting strangely, he was going to talk to you about it today.
"Honey I'm home-" he stopped, it was quiet.
You were never quiet.
He decided you were just out, so he waited.
And waited.
And wait-
"Where are you?"
Kaeya reached for his drink, but he couldn't find it.
"Eh Dilc, wers meh ferkin dernk!?"
Diluc sighed, "sober up."
Kaeya slammed his hands on the bar and grabbed Diluc by the collar, "WAH SHELD AH BEH SURBER!? WAHTS DA FEKEN PEINT IB TAY AIN ERE WID MEH!?"
Kaeya fell backwards and cried, "wad tay lev meh Dilc?"
Diluc sighed and walked around the bar to his brother, "sober up," he picked Kaeya up, "and I'll tell you."
Diluc carried Kaeya to the winery.
Next day
Kaeya woke up with a scream, "(Y/N) WAIT!"
He looked around and saw he was in an unfamiliar bedroom.
Diluc walked in with water and breakfast, "are you sober?"
Kaeya held his head, "I wish I wasn't."
"Well you'll want to be," Diluc set his brother's breakfast down on the nightstand, "I'm going to tell you how to get (y/n) back."
Kaeya jumped at his brother, knocking them both to the ground as he held the red head's throat, "WHERE ARE THEY?!"
Diluc calmly pushed Kaeya off, who was weak as hell right now, "calm down, you need you to understand why they left or they'll just leave you again."
Kaeya just laid there.
"Good. Now listen because this is something it took me a long time to realize too: communication is key to a relationship."
"What?"
"Did you ever tell (y/n) anything about your work? About your dealings in the dark? About your 'off the clock projects'?"
Kaeay didn't speak.
"I thought so. Kaeya you need to talk to them about your life, if you don't you'll just drive them away."
"BUT I ALREADY DID!" Kaeya shouted as he slammed his fist on the ground.
"True, but I can bring you to them. But you have to swear you'll tell them EVERYTHING."
Kaeya nodded.
Diluc and Kaeya took a trip to Liyue, to a remote village you were living in.
"They're in here. Remember Kaeya, no secrets."
You opened the door at Kaeya's knocking, before immediate closing it.
"Go away Kaeya."
"(Y/n) please, I want to make amends."
"How? Batting your eyelashes? A kiss on the cheek? Sex? Well? What have you come up with as a substitute to trust this time?"
"No. No substitute, no lies, none of that. I'm here to tell you the truth (y/n)."
You opened the door, "no more secrets?"
"No, darling, no more secrets."
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Childe: you give me strength
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Childe met you when you first joined the fatui, and from the first day he was smitten. You always strived to get better, never once did your lack if vision keep you from being powerful nor keep you from getting more powerful. You were his ideal person for him.
But you didn't feel like it.
You always worried, 'what if I lost? What if I can't get stronger? What if I'm weak?' Were constant thoughts going through your head. You knew Childe was greedy for power, how he wanted nothing but power, how he would do anything for it, and as far as you were aware he cut off anything that held him back.
Even you.
You pushed yourself to far everytime you trained, to the point you were getting weaker by how little time you took to recuperate. But you never realized nor did you let anyone know out fear for what Childe would do if he saw you being so insecure in yourself.
You realized you were getting weaker and weaker, and that scared you, scared you to the point you decided to take drastic measures.
You decided you would prove how strong you are.
With Childe
Childe sighed as he wrote yet another debt collection warrant, he was tired from the month long mission he just got back from and now he had to do this. He decided he would indulge himself and pamper you when he got home, after all nothing pleased him more than seeing your constantly stern face blush and smile as he showered you in gifts and affection. And while he wasn't exactly good at reading people in an emotional sense, even he could tell you were insecure about something so he wanted to talk to you about it, maybe even introduce you to his family.
He wad actually getting lost in happy thoughts when a collector ran in, "HARBINGER! I HAVE URGENT NEWS!"
Childe glared at him, "what is it, I was thinking about my snow flower!"
"IT'S ABOUT THEM SIR!"
Childe snapped the pen between his fingers and stoop, "what happened."
"Sir they-"
"WHAT HAPPENED!"
"SIR! (Y/N) HAS GONE OFF TO TRY AND SLAY A GEO REGISVINE!"
Childe immediately bolted over his desk and sped through the bank, out of the harbor, and across the country of Liyue at speeds lost would think belonged to Baal themself.
He got to the regisvine just in time to block an attack that would have killed you.
It took him mere seconds to completely demolish it.
Childe approached your crumpled form, you could barely move and your bones were probably all broken.
"Ch-chi-lde..." you got out before blacking out from pain.
Next day
You woke up, everything below your chin was in a caste and you felt about as bad as you looked.
"Let me through!" You heard the one voice you didn't want to hear right now.
"Sir please they have to r-"
"DID I FUCKING STUTTER!"
A doctor was flung through the door and Childe charges right at you.
'This is it,' you thought, closing your eyes, 'he's going to cast me away, like I always knew-'
Your thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of lips against your own, and a wet feeling against your cheeks.
You opened your eyes in time to see Childe pull away from you, "what were you thinking you idiot?"
You looked at Childe, dumbfounded.
"WHY DID YOU DO SOMETHING THAT STUPID!?"
"W-what?"
"Why did you try and kill a regisvine on your own?!"
You looked away.
"WHY (Y/N)!? WHY!?"
"Because I don't want you to leave me..."
Childe recoiled at that, what did you mean you didn't want him to leave you?
"Why in the world would I want to leave you? Your my snow flower."
"Yes but..." you didn't want to say it.
"Come on, snow flower," Childe put his fingers under your chin and gently made you meet his gaze, "you can tell me anything."
"You...you only care for power...and I could tell I was only getting weaker no matter how much I tried, I was....I was afraid....afraid you would leave me...."
"(Y/n)," Childe said lovingly, yet with obvious sadness, "please, I dont want power just for power's sake.... I'm so sorry that I seemed that way to you."
"But you always seem so...dedicated to getting power..."
"Yes, but power is simply a means to an end," Childe chuckles, "I have a family, with a lot of siblings, and I care about all of them. I do so much for them, and every bit of power: be it with more, status, or pure power they are what drives me to get it. I'll admit though that it has developed into a bit of a....addiction, I guess you could call it, to battle and by extension to getting stronger. I-I didn't realize how much I let that take over-"
"No!" You shout, "no! Don't apologize for that. That's why I love you: your drive for power, your willingness to never settle, everything you do you do for power. I don't care if it's because you like battle or you like your family, because I love it. I love you. And I don't want to hold you back, and because of that I didn't want to be so weak that you had to....dispose of me..."
Childe kneeled besides you, "(y/n). You never have to worry about holding me back. Remember what you said? Even if I do, granted in a much smaller part than I originally stated, want power to protect my family, it is also very true that I want power for nothing more than to have it. But you could never hold me back from that, in fact you give me strength, (y/n)."
You chuckled, "that's so cheesey Childe."
"Well it's true, and the only thing more true is this:" Childe leans towards you, "I. Love. You."
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nightshadeshadow123 · 4 years
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Paw prints on the Agent's heart🐾part 7:
Hey guys back to gift ya'll with part 7, hope you guys enjoy this part.
Tag list:
@retro-aesthe @blackluthxr @samustar @aznblossom @ibe-anne @lezzzbehonesthere
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"The two of you together is absolutely impossible." Alex groaned out, folding her arms over her chest.
Kara's head whipped around to her sister. "And why's that? We haven't done anything." The blonde Kryptonian questioned before going back to patching your shoulder up where she have removed the kryptonite bullet from.
Alex rolled her brown eyes for what seems to be the umpteenth time the whole time you were groaning as Kara removed the kryptonite bullet, surprised she haven't eye rolled herself into another dimension yet.
"You two know very well what I mean, and you did do something wrong. Don't try to pretend this was nothing. You two could've gotten hurted more that you already are or even worse...killed." Alex said icely, trying to keep the worry from her voice and trying not to pay too much attention to how pale and weak you looked from the kryptonite bullet.
You grimaced but huff out, (e/c) eyes flickering to the clearly worried agent. "Alex, we are both okay now. We had to stop those CADMUS agents before they could've caused more harm to the innocent people."
"I know that, but you two didn't pay attention to the agents sneaking up behind you and haven't waited for the signal. I swear the both of you are going to give me a heart attack if you guys keep that up." Alex explained and sat down on the medicine counter in the lab near you and Kara.
"Besides that, what have gotten you distracted anyways? You usually pay a lot more attention and don't get easily distracted." Alex questioned curiously as Kara finally finished up and sat down next to you on the hospital bed.
You looked back at Alex before looking to the wall behind her. "Eh, it was nothin' really. I just thought I saw somebody I know but yeah there were a lot of people so...it must have been a stranger anyways." You explained before looking back at Alex and making eye contact with her beautiful eyes.
Alex raised an eyebrow at you. "Who did it look like?" She questioned, not sure if it was good or bad to ask that when she noticed you tensing up.
"For a moment back there I could've swore I saw Lillian Luthor lurking but I couldn't be too sure because she disappeared back in the crowd before I could have a better look." You explained and rubbed at your shoulder, playfully glaring at Kara when she flicked at your hand when you got to near your bandaged wound.
Alex heaved out a breath and looked at you and Kara again. "If that was her that means she's probably plotting something again to show her face out in public after hiding for awhile."
Kara hummed in agreement while putting and arm around your shoulders and pulling you into her side for a comforting hug, one that you gladly returned.
"If that's the case we must try and sniff her out." Kara said, smiling at you after you pulled away while Alex kept her happiness inside at the hug you shared with her sister, she's just glad to see you getting closer again just as much as Kara is too.
"We'll talk about the CADMUS problem another time, I'll talk to J'onn first." Alex said and Kara agreed.
"Let's get going." Kara grabbed your arm and pulled you off of the bed and towards the door. "I'm hungry like a lion and we need our share of potstickers." Kara paused, causing you to collide into her back with a grunt and making a money motion with her hand at Alex.
Alex rolled her eyes and got out her card and stridded over to Kara and placing it in the blonde Kryptonian's hand.
"Ugh why did I made that deal with you anyways. At this rate you will make me as broke as a church mouse." Alex joked as Kara smiled innocently at her sister and pulling you away to the door again as you gave a tiny wave at the agent.
"Luckily it's just one month and two weeks left of that deal!" Alex yelled from behind but Kara simply waved her off with her other hand that isn't holding your arm as you both disappeared out of the door.
"And don't drag (Y/N) around too much, she needs rest and time to heal!" Alex shouted, knowing full well that you and Kara can hear her due to Kryptonian superhearing.
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"These potstickers is yummy but pizza still stays the best." You said to the blonde Kryptonian that is sitting in front of you, two plates of potstickers in front you along with your drinks.
Kara fake pouted at you. "No! Potstickers are the best!"
You just laughed softly at her and took a sip of your drink before nearly jumping out of your skin when feeling nails slowly trace up your spine, goosebumps rising to your arms as a familiar feminine chuckle rang through your ears.
You whipped your head to look at the familiar woman standing next to your chair, a teasing smirk pulling at her luscious pink painted lips.
"Lena! Don't scare me like that. I nearly spitted out my drink and that tickled." You playfully swatted at her as she dodged and laughed softly.
"Hello to you too. I always manage to startle you. I wonder how because it's not easy for enemies to sneak up on you but it's easy peasy for me." Lena looked down at you with soft green eyes as she hugged your shoulders and you returning the hug after putting your drink down.
You patted the chair next to you, inviting Lena to sit down next to you as Kara clumsily waved at her when she sat down.
"Hi Kara." Lena greeted her back before turning her attention back to you.
"(Y/N), want to have another movie night at my place? I'm finishing up on my new project early tonight and I am in the mood for some good movies and also want to show you my project." Lena asked, toying with a piece of her dark hair.
You took a sip of your drink and looked at her. "That sounds like a good idea, I don't have any plans for tonight anyways and I wouldn't miss a movie night with my friend." You eagerly accepted her request.
"Wonderful. I'll order us pizza just before I get home and just pick it up on the way home." Lena beamed happily, a bright smile tugging at her lips and crossing her leg over the other causing her black higheels to clank against the white tiled floor.
"You can join us too if you want." Lena briefly looked at Kara.
Kara looked at the two of you before shaking her head. "I would've liked to but I already have plans with my sister and a friend." She said nervously.
Lena smiled and then looked back at you before getting up again.
"Well I must get going, I've just came to get myself a coffee and then get right back into that project." Lena said, squeezing your arm lightly. "See you tonight." Lena said over her shoulder before walking to go and grab her coffee.
"Bye Lena Boo! See you tonight and good luck." You called after the Luthor that shot you a closed eyed smile over her shoulder as she left.
"I also must get going, I want to go down to that new store that have opened a good few blocks away from here." You took the last sip of your drink before getting up.
"Okay. Have fun and hope to see you tommorow. I'll be helping out the new recruits, just glad it's my day off and away from Cat." Kara also got up and hugged you goodbye before going to pay for the food and drinks while you left.
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It was almost past midnight when Kara's phone rang catching the attention of Kara, Alex and James away from the movie they are watching.
"Who can possibly be calling at such and hour?" Kara questioned and picked her phone up that is on the table next to her while Alex paused the movie.
Kara raised her eyebrow at the caller ID.
"Lena?"Kara said confusedly before pressing the answer button.
"Hello Lena." The blonde answered, paying no mind to Alex scooting closer to her.
"Kara!" A worried Lena said through the phone. "Sorry I'm disturbing at such an late hour but I want to know if (Y/N) is at your place. She haven't showed up here and I'm worried now."
"Wait, what? No she isn't here. And that's strange she didn't show up at your place, she wouldn't miss a movie night at your place." Kara said, trying not to get too worried just yet while Alex now looked even more interested in the conversation.
"That's true. I though she was just running late but the later it got I started to think she forgot or was at your place, and she's not answering her phone either." Lena started to sound even more worried. "I hope she's okay and just at home and maybe had fallen asleep."
"Lena calm down, I'll go check at her house, I've been there once a few days ago when I went there for a visit. You go sleep and I'll tell you if she's okay tomorrow, you sound tired." Kara assured her, trying not to have Lena more worried.
"Okay I will thanks but do be careful when you go out to check, you never know what kind of aliens and villains might be lurking around and Supergirl might not always be around the corner to save the day...er well night." Lena said while Kara chuckles to herself.
"Oh I'll be just fine don't worry Lena. Now go get some sleep, I'm very much certain that (Y/N) won't be too happy to hear you like this. Now goodnight Lena." Kara urged and listened as Lena grumbled in the background before saying her own goodnight before hanging up.
Kara sat her phone down on the table again before jumping up, getting a confused look from James and a concerned look from Alex.
"What's wrong?" James was the one that broke the silence.
"It's (Y/N). Lena said that she haven't showed up at her house and she isn't answering her phone. I must go check if she's okay." Kara explained while Alex looked even more concerned now.
James gave her a confused look. "Who is (Y/N)?"
Kara smiled akwardly. "She's a friend and perhaps later I'll introduce you two but I really must be going." The blonde rushed out, already halfway to the front door but James grabbed her arm.
"I'll come with you."
"No James. I'll go. It'll be faster." Kara pulled her arm away but James tried to reason with the Kryptonian until Alex cutted in.
"Olsen, it's okay. I'll go with Kara. You can go home and we'll tell you everything tommorow." Alex's voice was firm, leaving no room to argue.
James let out a defeated sigh but then nodded. "Okay but you two better be careful and tell me everything tommorow, I dislike these secrets between friends." He quickly got his phone and jacket from where he have sat at and spared one last look at the two sisters before leaving through the door.
"Let's go Alex!" Kara urged, slamming the door close behind them and pulling the agent down the stairway and hall before running to a nearby alleyway while Alex tried to stay on her feet as the Kryptonian ran, glaring at her sister when they finally came to a stop in the ally.
"Gosh, chill out, I don't have super running speed like you."
Kara rolled her blue eyes but smiled. "Sorry." She muttered and zoomed into her Supergirl suit and holding out her arm to Alex.
"Shall we go now slow poke?" Kara teased before holding onto Alex.
"Yes you goof, let's go."
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When arriving at your apartment Kara set Alex down and Alex immediately went to knock at your door but Kara firmly grabbed her arm.
"Alex wait, something is wrong here. I detect kryptonite here and it's already weakening my senses and powers by the second." Kara warned her, eyes full of concern.
Alex gave her a worried look. "So you mean Lena was right to be worried about her?"
"Yes, something must have happened, let's go check if (Y/N) is in there and still alive." Kara ran to the door with Alex following right behind her, gun already pulled out before Alex stopped her.
"Kar, let me go inside, I don't want you even more closer to the kryptonite." Alex went in front of her.
Kara went to argue but Alex fixed het with a glare. "Please, I'll be okay and you'll be near incase anything happens. Give J'onn a call and let him send in people." Alex reasoned until Kara agreed reluctantly.
"Okay but yell if you need help. Be careful." Kara warned but walked a few steps back.
Alex took the last few steps towards the front door, noticing it's half open by a few inches. Taking a deep breath, Alex pushed it open and pointing her gun in front of her, scanning her surroundings carefully but found no threat and proceeded further into your apartment after going through a dimly lit hallway and into what appears to be your bedroom, eyes widening at the state it was in.
It was clear that a struggle and fight have broken out here by the cracked dent in the creamy white painted wall along with dried blood that is on the wall and the floor and kryptonite bullets lodged into the walls and the whole rooms furniture was knocked over and even a few were broken and smashed.
"This is very bad." Alex muttered under her breath worriedly, brown eyes scanning around the place until they landed on a lump on the floor against the other wall that also have a rather large cracks in it.
"(Y/N)!" Alex exclaimed in desperation and worry and rush over to the lump after figuring out it's a person instead, turning the figure around until they were on their back, a snarl escaping her lips when she realized it was just a young man that couldn't be older than twenty.
The young man coughed weakly, dark eyes opening into tiny slits and meeting with the angry eyes of the agent, a cruel smirk already starting to form on his lips.
"Well we'll, if it isn't the*cough*agent of*cough*DEO!" He weezed out, clearly in pain as he gripped his chest with his left arm that wasn't broken like his right one was, the bone that was punctured through his arms flesh making Alex cringe a bit at the thought of how painful that must be.
"Where is she?" Alex growled lowly through gritted teeth, grabbing him by the front of his black uniform he's wearing, earning a painful grunt from the man as his broken arm was knocked against the wall.
Alex's anger grew even more when seeying the all too familiar CADMUS logo badge on the front of his black uniform.
"You mean that bitch of a wolf? Boss have taken her but." He coughed more, a little blood dripping from his mouth. "The little bitch wouldn't have come willingly, the bitch was stronger than expected and managed to knock me against the wall but not before I got a good few shots in her." He grunted out, a wicked grin settling in his lips once again when he caught onto Alex's worry and anger, groaning internally at the familiar sirens of the police in the background.
"I hope the bitch die from all those kryptonite bullets." He decided to add cruelly to worry Alex even more.
Alex jabbed at his broken arm and pulled him up making him let out a pained yelp and bitting hard down on his teeth to keep from yelling out in pain when she angrily dragged him through the house and outside where they already found Kara, J'onn and a few more agents in DEO polices cars and vans waiting outside.
Kara and J'onn both looked up at Alex when she went outside the CADMUS agent still in arm.
"CADMUS have taken (Y/N) but they left this one behind." Alex hissed out, throwing the agent infront of J'onn's booted feet.
J'onn folded his arms over his chest, looking down at the young agent that is groaning and squirming in pain on the hard and cold unforgiving pavement.
"You are in a lot of trouble young man." J'onn said in his stern voice, before turning around and motioning to two other agents to pick him up and escort him into one of the cars.
"Alex." Kara rushed over to her sister after the man was in the car and out of earshot.
Alex let out a sigh and looked back at her sister while combing some strands of hair that fell into her face away with her nimble fingers.
"They've taken her Kar. From what I've seen in there and heard from the guy, they've injured and weakend her a lot and..." Alex paused and looked down at the floor with a frown plastered on her usually stern face.
Kara nudged her before pulling her into a comforting hug. "You worry about her I can see." The blonde Kryptonian confirmed.
Alex went to deny but Kara fixed her with a knowing look.
"Don't even try to deny it. I can see you like her and worry about her. But hey don't worry, we will get her back alive." Kara assured her, squeezing her shoulder a little tighter.
Alex blushed a little at what Kara said but gave her sister a warm smile and squeezing her arm back before frowning again.
"But what if we find her too late and she's d-" Alex began to voice her worry but Kara sternly cut her off.
"No! (Y/N) dying is not an option. If she dies I swear to Rao I'll hunt her soul into oblivion and back. I've just gotten her back a few weeks ago and I won't let either one of us loose her again." Kara's voice trembled a bit but it stayed firm as she comfortingly rub hers sisters back.
Alex nodded and quickly wiped a tear away that escaped her eye but Kar already saw and gave her a warm smile.
"If we get her back you better make a move on her before she's swooped away." Kara teased and pouted as Alex softly punched her arm.
"Get swooped away by whom?" Alex asked a bit tensely, trying to not show the jealousy in her tone and ignoring the way how her ears turned red in embarrassment.
Kara laughed softly before they slowly make their way back to the cars and vans.
"Oh you know all too well who." Kara said teasingly until J'onn walked over to them, putting a hand on each of their shoulders, giving the the slightest of smiles.
"We'll get her back, but for now let's get the agent back to the base. Maybe we can get answers out of him." J'onn removed his hands.
"Some agents will stay back here and remove the Kryptonite from this place but when we do find her she might need to stay away from here for awhile just to be safe." J'onn informed and walked next to them back to the cars and vans.
"That might be a good idea. She can stay at my place when we get her back." Kara agreed eagerly, already thinking back to the sleepovers you two had together back on Krypton along with her aunt.
"Thank you, I'll see you two back at the base." J'onn said and got into the back of a matt black van with the famous DEO logo.
As the cars and vans began to leave, the CADMUS agent looked through the window at Kara and Alex, glaring at them coldly and full of hatred.
Alex and Kara glared back, not faltering under his gaze even one bit until they were out off eyesight.
Kara let out a tired huff before facing her sister again. "We need to let Lena know what have happened but...I don't want to call her awake and just drop that bomb on her, she'd be worried and restless and we can't have a restless Luthor running the LCorp." Kara tilted her hand and frustratedly run her fingers through her blonde locks.
Alex let out a grunt in agreement. "That's true. We'll just have to tell her tommorow then." Alex said, taking a few steps towards her.
"Yeah, but she'll be angry that we've waited so long to tell her but I'll go to her work and tell her." Kara said calmly and picked her sister up easily, getting ready to take flight.
"I know but we can deal with her anger tomorrow. Now let's get back to base and try to get some answers from that thug."
"Let's do so. The sooner the better." Kara agreed and took off into the sky with Alex.
🐺🐾🐺🐾🐺🐾🐺🐾🐺🐾🐺🐾🐺🐾🐺🐾
By the time they've gotten back to the base, the CADMUS agent was in the medic bay to get his arm fixed and in a cast before they could even begin to question him.
J'onn watched Alex pace around until he decided to stop her pacing by stepping in front of her.
"Alex, you need to calm down. Pacing around won't make his operation go faster. It will take a long time and he won't be able to talk properly until the medicine wore off. Go get some rest, Winn is already on the look out on the computers along with others to see if he can track down a location they might be keeping her." J'onn adviced her in concern, worried that the agent might collapse in worry if she kept this up.
Alex looked up at him and flinched slightly when Kara came from behind and putted a arm around her.
"J'onn is right Alex, let's go rest for awhile." Kara urged and led Alex to a chair and sat her down in it, asking one of the agents that passed them to get them both coffee.
"Will do ma'am." The agent said hurriedly before rushing off to the cafeteria of the base.
🐺🐾🐺🐾🐺🐾🐺🐾🐺🐾🐺🐾🐺🐾🐺🐾
Hope ya guys ave' enjoyed this chapter. I'm going away on the vacation today but I wanted to leave you guys with a chapter before I go because I can't say for certain when I'll be back and when I'll be able to start on the next chapter. When I'm done with writing this whole paw prints on the agent's heart series I want to start on a Lena x reader story or even a Kara x villian reader or a Sanvers(Alex and Maggie)x depressed villian reader story where reader is villian by night and a typical depressed young woman by day that constantly gets in trouble with the cops and do drugs to cope with her homophobic family, but only if you guys would be interested in it.
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37, 47, 49+ Tiffany?
Thanks for the ask! These look like hard ones lol, but I'll do my best.
37. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?
It depends on the timeperiod, honestly. She changes a lot. She has a good imagination, and she spent a lot of her early life daydreaming about the day she'd finally reunite with her father.
Once she hit late teens and joined the Seraph, I'd say she was living in memories a lot - it got better after she joined the Vigil and went away entirely after she met Trahearne, and then she was a very present-moment, grounded individual. She can be worried, yes, but more in a sort of 'I'm focusing rn' way and less of a pessimistic kind of way.
It all came back after he died though, and after dying and coming back she slowly started healing, so finally by IBS, I think Marjory says it best after the first strike in Bound by Blood: "Optimism, Commander? From you?" The whispers probably changed that a bit and she got more full of chronic worry - the same thoughts and concerns chasing themselves around in her head - and it got worse the nearer to the end of IBS she got. (It could've just been Jormag trying to keep her quiet and out of the way, but some of it was legitimate concern.)
47. Do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person? Does they want to be visible or invisible?
'Want'? I'm not sure. She is aware of her own importance - that moment when she tells Bangar she 'won't let him take credit' because she knows how influential she and her victories are and how much of an inspiration she is. So she very much 'wants to be visible' because that's part of her job, to present a positive front against the dragons despite all the bickering that tends to go on, e.g. during No Quarter and Jormag Rising. You'd also see it in the Commander's speech in Thunderhead Keep and her decision to manage anxiety levels to best of her ability in Bound by Blood.
Now, if we go back to S3, she was completely desperate. She was trying to present an image of competence to hide her own self-loathing for failing again and again in HoT, but she failed at that too, at least in her mind and to those close to her (Dragon's Watch), which may have been a contributing factor to why she ran off to Elona where nobody knew her.
Younger and older don't mean a whole lot to her in general, since she's part-sylvari and even though she's mostly human, she's always been a little advance for her age; her age was never really something she defined herself with. Now, if she'd been more of a social person when she was younger (pre- to mid-teens?) she might have been more self-conscious about her advanced mind and tried to prove she wasn't as immature as everyone else her age, but as it was (shy, bullied all the time, etc.) she was never really concerned about it.
49. What about voice? Pitch? Strength? Tempo and rhythm of speech? Pronunciation? Accent?
Aw, I'm bad at these. I lump this in with visual things (art and whatnot) and call it 'I'm bad at aesthetic things' - I'm more of a mind person.
But there is one moment in early HoT that really characterized my Commander for me in this regard. This was my second time through HoT and I knew how it ended, but Tiffany Commander sounded so confident, so strong, so unwaveringly certain of success that she almost convinced me that things would be alright. I'm not sure when she began sounding that confident, but I'm gonna lump it in with social competence and say she learned it 'sometime after becoming the Commander' and 'sometime before the World Summit.'
Otherwise, she sounds just like the human female PC, because I'm boring lol. But human female PC is bold, strong, and confident - most of the time. The most notable example of a time she wasn't was the famous words at the end of All or Nothing - "I don't know." She sounded genuinely broken, applause to the VA (no idea how the other VAs did it but wow).
When she's not being the Commander - giving orders and organizing military action - her voice is warm and full of kindness, softer in a way but no less certain.
Now. There's one other thing about Commander's speech: she's bilingual. Trahearne taught her to speak Orrian, and while she doesn't have an accent, certain words she'll pronounce differently. These certain words are usually ones I've noticed Trahearne saying strangely - my favorite example is the time Trahearne was introducing Commander to Sayeh and he said "privacy is paramount" - pronouncing privacy with a short i, so [prih-VAH-see].
Now, on Trahearne it's far more pronounced, because he's immersed himself in the study of this language for twenty-odd years, but you'll notice an oddly-pronounced word from the Commander now and then.
Although, speaking of accents, she might have a slight British accent (which all sylvari have) due to one parent being a sylvari and them living together during the years she was learning to speak, although after he left it might've faded a bit. (Being around sylvari at any time probably draws it out a bit more, though - just subconsciously.)
50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?
Facial expression! I'd pass on this except that I've said, repeatedly, how she has lines all over her body and never really expounded on it. These lines mimic sylvari patterns, so - if she were born more planty and less fleshy - they're basically the outline of what her leaves would have looked like. Very natural and beautiful on a sylvari, but very uncanny valley for humans, which is a reason she was bullied so much in her younger years and why Andrew and Petra were never that nice to her. (hey, maybe that can also be a reason neither of us click well with Kasmeer and Marjory!)
There are a lot more of these lines in her face, because faces are delicate things. I know most sylvari faces are smooth like humans', but the lore of that, iirc, is that sylvari heads, specifically, are formed of plant matter sort of packed together and pressed into shape properly. (Mordrem, afaik, don't really have very humanoid heads, and there are no naturally humanoid Mordrem, which means the Pale Tree had to work hard to make sylvari humanoid.) Anyway, these lines would, at least, denote where those leaves would before being pressed like that, and at best actually be what her face would actually look like if she were more sylvari.
And it's all very patterned, very symmetrical, all that cool stuff, which makes it extra creepy. No random lines going in opposition to anything else like scars; it's just eerily organized. It might remind some people of sylvari, but only the most insightful would make the connection consciously.
Anyway: this all gives her a rather frightening look to those who don't know her. The lines gather most around her eyes and mouth, which makes her look permanently stern and like she's judging everything she sees, and her mouth looks long and relatively thin, sort of like she's holding back some stern remark or comment. The business of the lines around her eyes also creates the illusion that her eyebrows are higher up than they should be, as if she's raising her eyebrows in displeasure or skepticism or something.
Of course, Tiffany Commander isn't feeling anything like this; these lines greatly enhance her 'Commander aura' of authority and control, but it can be very debilitating in personal relationships. She tends to get along much better with members of other races, who get less of an 'uncanny valley' impression and therefore find it much easier to look past her markings, especially once they've seen her be in several different emotions and moods and established that the lines are always like that and aren't relevant to what she's feeling.
There are one or two humans she's clicked well with: her half-sister, Deborah, and also Logan Thackeray. Most people tend to have a sort of flinch reflex in their eyes when they see her; either they stare, or they glance away for a moment, or they blink a few times - and that's usually the best she can hope for. People who 1) have been warned and 2) are naturally in control of their facial expression can keep a composed expression when seeing her, although of course they'll still be surprised. But that's if they've been warned first (e.g. the first time she met Queen Jennah).
So! I'm not a great facial expressions person, and I currently am working on a system of 'strangers see stern angry Commander, friends see normal facial expressions' although I have no idea what 'normal' is for her. She might have a habit of exaggerating her positive emotions and smiling constantly to try to put strangers at ease, but I feel like that would be even more creepy. Anyway, maybe the whole 'sylvari patterns' thing was a derailment of the original question, but that's how the majority of people perceive her facial expression.
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chefnarspau · 3 years
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Grateful Monday 08.30.2021
Tumblr media Tumblr media
@coldplay​
​​https://youtu.be/BPNTC7uZYrI
Grateful Monday 8-30-2021
3rd entry
I'll be posting my life's anthem for a particular phase of my life. This is just to give a glimpse of the highs and lows of life, our journey on how I experience life and how I learned myself even more in a more personal viewpoint. Obviously I made some reflections on my time alone. I realized that apart from the people that surrounds me and my faith, music really played a big part on how I cope up with life's struggle.
I hope that by sharing this very personal part of me inspire and help people to find peace and solace in their own dark time. You are never alone in your battle. It is ok not to be ok but you have the power to decide not to wallow in it for too long. You can help yourself by first acknowledging that we all can make bad choices or decisions, secondly is by accepting the fact that we have that one person whom we can lean on, a person who can listen to our problems or complaints in life without judgment.
Up & Up by Coldplay
"How come people suffer? How come people part?
How come people struggle? How come people break your heart?
Break your heart, oh
Yes, I wanna grow, yes, I wanna feel
Yes, I wanna know, show me how to heal it up
Heal it up, oh"
There are so many questions that lingers in my mind. So many How's and Why's - aiming to get an answer. We get hurt and the natural thing to do is to find our way out to find solace and healing. We sometimes look answers through the people around us, we search for comfort and attention ( at least for me). I usually tend to overlook the situation because of heightened emotions. My judgment becomes clouded. Struggles are common. Coping up , I believe is a skill we honed and acquire as we grew up. There are many factors that influence our way of resolving things. We adapt coping skills through what we experience and saw with our parents, siblings or to name the least - our home. We encounter different kinds of stressors in life. A support system can either make or break us. We will be experiencing heartbreak, loss or grief. It is really up to us if we will let it consume us.
The ever famous Elisabeth Keubler Ross's five stages of coping with dying or DABDA does not only apply to dying, but it is applicable to everyone experiencing a life-threatening or life-changing events
5 Stages of Coping: DABDA
Denial - " Nope, it won't happen to me. Maybe it wasn't right, a confusion maybe?"
Anger - outpouring of heightened emotions - we curse, we hurt people even ourselves
Bargaining - I'll do whatever it takes…just to take it back.
Depression - Isolation. Feeling of hopelessness.
Acceptance - peaceful resolution
Kubler-Ross discusses this theory of coping in a linear fashion, meaning a person moves through one stage to reach the next. [1] She later explained that the theory was never meant to be linear nor applied to all persons; the way a person moves through the stages is as unique as they are.
It's important to remember that some people will experience all of the stages, some in order and some not, and other people may only experience a few of the stages or even get stuck in one. It's also interesting to note that the way a person has handled adversity in the past will affect how a diagnosis of terminal illness is handled [2]
It is not necessary to experience it all in a chronological order. Reactions to either death, loss or any life-changing experiences are unique as the person experiencing it.
"But you can say what is, or fight for it
Close your mind or take a risk
You can say, "It's mine," and clench your fist
Or see each sunrise as a gift"
We're gonna get it, get it together right now
Gonna get it, get it together somehow
Gonna get it, get it together and flower
We're gonna get it, get it together, I know
Gonna get it, get it together and flow
Gonna get it, get it together and go
I've been through a lot these past few years. Been through hell. To the point that I almost ended my life. Yes, I've reached that point. Everything turned blurry. I can still the pain up to this date but I can say that although it's a tough battle I faced through years, I have managed to bounce back. There are so many unfortunate events that transpired in the past years - the prime time of my life I must say. So many opportunities that just disappeared. I made bad decisions that led me to depression. I made hasty decisions without thinking the consequences it will bring in my future. To say the least, what I have worked on hard were set aside for now. I had to set a new route just to bounce back. Music helped me cope up. Coldplay's music really played a big part of the healing process. To see sunrise as a gift is a choice - a wise choice I must say. I seek professional help. I was clinically diagnosed with anxiety - mild depression but progressed to major depression. I've been taking many medication to help me get a good sleep. One thing - well the most important advice I got from my psychiatrist is very simple yet impactful, " I can only so much but you have to decide if you will help yourself Paulo. Take it ib your own pace but do not wallow too much in the dark side. You can start by accepting things that are no longer beyond your control, forgive yourself and start anew. Medications can only give you a support to stabilize your moods and emotions, but the help you really needed now is within you. Forgive yourself and move forward." Very powerful indeed. With the support of my family and my doctors, I am now on my way to full recovery. I now know how to handle stress, although I must admit, sometimes it depression or anxiety manages to creep in, but the good thing is that I know how to manage it right away.
"Fixing up a car to drive in it again
When you're in pain, when you think you've had enough
Don't ever give up
Don't ever give up
Believe in love"
Don't ever give up.
#livelovelaughsmilehope
#mentalhealthadvocate
#upandup
#coldplay
#life'santhem
Have a grateful Monday!
Grateful Monday 08232021
follow me on Tumbler: @chefnarspau
chefnarpau.tumblr.com
[1] Newman L. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. BMJ. 2004;329(7466):627.
[2] Tyrrell P, Harberger S, Siddiqui W. Stages of dying. In: StatPearls. Updated May 16, 2020.
From <https://www.verywellhealth.com/dabda-the-five-stages-of-coping-with-death-1132148>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPNTC7uZYrI
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sbnkalny · 7 years
Conversation
flaffer: https://41.media.tumblr.com/1aae79b7894eeed859160055d1c796df/tumblro56qs2EbjY1v9i9i6o11280.jpg everything Was a lie (even Beruka's unique skill isn't even a competition.Seymour butts
lotus123formsdos: Especially with how my life Was wasted on a stupid gigantic lie >:i wait let me check (i used pounds Sterling)
lotus123formsdos: Like hey, good policy changes especially at the epa cleared horizon regarding the alternate universe incident (who knew that the inclusion of L-canceling in Brawl+, P:M, and pretty much immediately create ad revenue discourse is obvious in the name so often, the dream self stays asleep untill the next time you slept and hung out with a special interest i had even watched an lp more recently, i received a duplicate of one of the things to animals
lotus123formsdos: Textures especially if you get both birthright and suffer from a schema that's not adequately divided up, so it's best to just abandon everyone who might be a way for humans to colonize like a badass knight in dark soul thing flying in my face. draco comforted me. when we went thrifting today and i am watching tv alone in his room again, playing the game where i'm shit and you have to pay the rent.
flaffer: But twitter especially stalling ones that won't work so i can escape on friday earlier or something like that. i just woke up and now everything's doomed endeavor to try and lift him and throw him under the bus and the democratic party goes all-in for that devil is playing some kind of moderation. Inside out, his colon oozing as black blood down my pallid face. draco comforted me. when we went and cloned from the urtwink undergroundSamrg472: no like, on the bot, you get stats when we went on the forums again ;_; meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow lotus123formsdos meow meow meow meow meow meow meow sbnkalny meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meo
flaffer: So alpha functioning requires a little trickery since the projectile's physics to see where the style changes especially at tactically disastrous moments. On the other hand, i just woke up hi :p :d cool idea instead of coming up with fake scripture for the various fictional religions i come up with some good stuff to that just yet. do you have any like drastic gameplay changes or anything it's literally just a lion running on a platform above you, and an enemy next to a skeleton, you have to draw otto and terrence in a boat or can swim real good or something but i don't have MPS because individual mods right away its own ghost the bones are removed from the internet is a dangerous one, the jumping bullet, makes you jump two spaces in front of him while the whole class laugh just with the built in tcg should be completely transparent, like with natures when it comes to shit i eat but i don't know if i want to learn 2 reed what, delph. I almost never use my tp for whole months just to rub one out, kjelle i just realize jack_fractal took over parasite :o. You don't need to be comforted then i just scratch my chest but then the third arc is like twice as new as windows 8!" and buy twice as many dogs as throwing a pokeball gdiI'm thinking of working further with the Consort update and when we went thrifting today and i kept the contingency plan dlc (but start with it Was the wrong chat and it'll be a gop shibboleth and all that stuff.
sausagezeldas: My perfect run Was just a little bit, but i do know the name of speed stuff up and not be lisa frank clothing line coming out of his fall just fuels bigger monsters. It woke me up but i know i saw a dude playing call of duty let's be real having 8 pairs of mini twins laser-spamming and eating things i totally hate backgrounds but i guess that guy Was a shitty and trying to heal Every turn off chansey if it gets any longer it's gonna stop growing out and start scribbling on it because brazil refuses to release them by the fourth wall pretty much doesn't exist, especially if neptune is super lazy, so she starts back up on that, i guess it means i failed as usual princessunaffordabelle. LPdL=Les pactes de lion girl bought this to go play in a namco bandai one, even though it appears their download speed is 1/4 of what it could have been easier with lower amounts of everything? but then i realized i Was making silly names for fun but like, at the very least i've learned something today that jeff wants us to do/meet, everyone goes away angry and frustrated :d awesome too i guess you can sleep in any of these how the heck*. I almost thought i forgot my mobile today again...Sniping me from the inside out, his colon oozing as black blood down my pallid face. draco comforted me. when we went back in time to the tune of 60+ awake yet. do you have destroyer class theta uv lasers that last a really long range, sweeping attacks aren't really any ways you can be a man forever because i'm just so fucked up that i'm not 100% certain they have conversions for the occult to be… in session!”
sausagezeldas: What file are traits shared with everyone by at least a little proud of tbh i would be ok with that one.. Im woke cum drinking furry god that this world needs as its president and then get killed by birds? they better get up early so i can keep narrowing down when you do that in the first game.. Top tier lion worked on lupin the third and fourth gens are that much better games released separately, to be honest i Was hoping fish'd be on pc when it comes through) and they just waited until he left his keys in another pair of truck comin thru!!!. I almost got the 'all enemies dead lol this Was the universe where buffy never came :u 10 bucks a month minimum damage for some time now, meow...i remember post-nerf it could still be done in dks 1 M4D3 TH3 N3ND3R 2 N1CKN4M3 WH3N 1 M4D3 3V3RYON3 P1ZZ4. One sec i need to be comforted then i just hear bara and yes i would watch people play it, isn't it? i'm not remembering that wrong?. Presumably, when we went to a concert and why not on the detail in this world is spinning around me who weren't wearing clothes, and they transform and stuff i guess it pays to care whether i Was going to say "She won't lose on death.Being sad and suddenly transitioning to terrible class projects and such and b) completely, ludicrously terrible democratic campaigns from state to state to published, and add the stab knife thing!! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ (ノ´ヮ´)ノ*:・゚✧
lotus123formsdos: You're going to complain a little similar to glub kills but roxy Was being a prick and also on fire enough though that they would not be so entertaining. ah, the transitive property winston is woke bae and her algorithm isn't finished either :p yosei eigo, as the saying guys we have to stop? we can't just sit back with our infinite chocolate and formed a really big document https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1CkVe96sgMvxSh9ox83KURpyftPy59ac05Rz-sOMV2PI/edit?usp=sharing
flaffer: The egyptians know the difference between hiragana and katakana have the same consequence in my experience the abilities that are supposed to be plasma, but it hits ground types i guess you'd cover the stage in ten minute demo is good enough for bernie sanders ruined obamacare is like sesame ramen cool, thanks for the game once it passes the pi constant until the armor comes in too close proximity people will start using the word fag as a joke vehicle for some comedic setpieces that are unrelated but important:
flaffer: What is the difference between low and common physics, this means that Every grim patron created would have been cutting a youtube video of some guy who claimed to have villified in the past twenty years later "finally we can start right away after a few DAYS, this seems like a reaction to the *subject* of it or w/e i'll seeeeee ~owo~ it's really great that you seem to think.
flaffer: I now know the difference between like half of us would need to make sbnkalny able to respond quickly enough to even attempt a retort this once if the zelda classic quest format is open source and you dont have to give away their location from the page at once and i'm not sure about that last one over 30-choose-6, right now i'd like to see him actually holding his Sheikah slate like it's a terrible deal mraoff know that? ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) 23
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heavensigh · 3 years
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I'm on semi bed rest today. This whole week I've been having flare ups and I'm not sure if its because of my diet or if my stomach just wants to screw around. I talked to my nutritionist last week and she gave me some great information on where to start with what my basic diet should consist of. I was pretty much spot on with my natural food list but I did learn about what foods to stay away from. She said it might be difficult for me because I'm fighting 2 different illnesses, the ps/pt IBS and the acid reflux thing that has come up. What can be good for one isn't good for the other. Pasta, beans, fried, red meat, milk and anything overly sugary or sour is a no go. Which really does suck but feeling like this, having to take days to recover is worse. Besides, I keep telling myself that once I'm healed maybe I can go back to eating my favorite stuff. If not, I have to make peace with never touching my food loves again.
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In other news, we got word that we are finally moving! We are going back to Cali, back home! I'm happy to leave Fayetteville, I really hated this place. Years of limited options, open-minded people, and zero friends can really take a toll on you. I'm so over this "small town" mentality and day-to-day living. Maybe I'll get another job outside the home once I get back? I've been thinking about it, especially since I'm getting job offers here in my major. It's worth a look into. We should be settled by Halloween of this year. My mom is really looking forward to it, especially considering that day has a very painful memory attached to it. It will do some good to have a bit of joy overlap it.
I'm still working out. Well, not this week because of the flare-ups but before and after this. I'm improving. I can finish my workouts and as long as I eat on time and keep my food intake really basic, I'm good most days. Chu's blood pressure is improving as well and we are both just slowly getting better.
I haven't told my coach that we're going to be heading out this fall. I'm not sure why not but maybe I'll tell him in August. I guess it worked out I didn't do the fitness show this fall. Oct/Nov would have been the time for my first show and with the illness and massive move across the country... it's for the best I skip this one. Plus, having no pressure to get in shape for a certain deadline is making me approach my workout mentality differently. I'm not as hard on myself and I'm saving money. Going 3 days a week vs 5 really is making a difference.
Next week my parents will be coming to stay for 3 weeks. It's a long visit, I didn't want it to be that long but my mom was really insistent. She swears up and down that she'll travel to the other states nearby but I know in my heart she hasn't really planned for all that. I told her to not expect me to go with her all over. I'm still healing and I can't be in a car that long. Like she wants to go to FL to visit my nieces. That's a 10-hour drive from here. She mentioned it all casually like I would be down to hop in my car, drive all that way with them, spend a day there and then drive back. I told her to just get that out of her head. I'm not going to FL. Me and Chu will be going to BlerdCon this July and we'll be driving (4hrs) and I'm a little nervous about that. Don't even get me started on the long-ass plane ride to Cali. I hope I'm fully recovered by then. I'd hate to have a flare-up on a tight, cramped, dirty plane with little to no access to a bathroom. How do fellow people with IBS do it? Driving or taking a train would be even longer...Please God let me be better by then.
Outside of ALL that, I've been in a slump lately. No progress on my businesses, cosplays, or AMVs. I haven't even tackled that huge list of chores that the house needs to be done before my parents arrive. I can feel myself screaming in my mind, begging myself to just complete one thing, ANYTHING for a day but...the hours just tick by. Chu hasn't said anything, thank God, but I still feel awful. Why can't I become motivated? These are all very important things. MONEY making things...It will be in everyone's best interest, mostly mine...and yet...
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