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wellthebardsdead · 6 months

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The loved & the forgotten pt26

Part 25 here

———

Kaidan: *rubbing his face as the morning sun hits his eyes* you mean to tell me, we’re actually going to be travelling with and looking after, the, Mannimarco, king of worms? A literal lich king?

Nerevar: *watching as miraak sits mannimarco down on a blanket by the dragons as he saddles them up, taking in how the high elfs timid stature and feeble frame shivers in the cold breeze*

Mannimarco: *blue eyes wide, taking in his first sunrise in centuries, and feeling a warmth fill his heart he’d taken for granted so long ago as auriel welcomes him back into his light with open arms* I… I’m f-free.. *voice quivering and body trembling as tears roll down his face*

Nerevar: I think we can trust him. *smiles watching voryn dry mannimarcos face with his sleeve before sitting with him to give him comfort* I hope he travels well, he’s too weak to walk.

???: TALIIIIII!!!

Nerevar: speaking of which. *turns around to see vivienne tied up and squirming over taliesins shoulder* This seems a bit excessive.

Taliesin: I. Am not letting him run into trouble again! And if this is the only way to stop him then so be it!

Vivienne: I won’t run into trouble! You’re being mean!

Taliesin: *slaps him on the ass making him squeal and kick* Keep up the attitude and I’ll give you mean alright! *hands him to kaidan* let’s get going.

Kaidan: *looks down at his bound sun and sky skinned lover* Colour?

Vivienne: … *pouts* green.

Kaidan: *snickers* Tsk, my you are in a bratty mood~ *shifts him over his shoulder patting his butt* So we’re getting married at the temple then yeah? Then having a second one under the eyes of mara?

Taliesin: that’s the plan. *hooks his bag onto the dragons saddle*

The dragon: This. Is. Humiliating. Reduced to winged horses.

Sahrotaar: *snaps at them* we serve our dovahkiin as he serves the last dovahkiin… though looking at him now. I wonder how miraak lost. *watches Kaidan walk by with vivienne over his shoulder*

Miraak: He’s. A lot more powerful than he looks.

Kaidan: oh yeah he is. And a lot more mischievous than he looks as well. *suddenly flings vivienne over a dragons saddle tying him there* No more runnin off for you*

Vivienne: *whines and flails* my hairs gonna be a mess if I fly like this!

Voryn: I’ll brush it when we land iam leyrehjiag (our poet) *stands with nerevars help and slides his chitin helm over his head, whispering so only he can hear* thoughts?…

Nerevar: *matching his whisper* those aren’t any ordinary reavers. I recognised a few from raven rock.

Voryn: And the temple begging to intrude on our sessions with vivienne.

Nerevar: You think they’re the ones who accosted him in the street during his panic attack?

Voryn: it’s a possibility.

Nerevar: how many have you sensed?

Voryn: 5. They’re all waiting to follow us.

Nerevar: will Lucien be alright here on his own? What if they use him as bait?

Nerevar: *ear twitching hearing dumzbathar talking to Lucien deep below the earth* he’ll be fine. He’s in good company.

Kaidan: *calls out from his dragon as he helps Taliesin up* Oi! You two coming?

Voryn: *looks down to see mannimarco missing, now already safely seated with miraak on his dragon* Ah- yes let’s get going.

Kaidan: Fock yes! Let’s get married! *slaps vivienne on the ass as his dragon takes flight*

Vivienne: KAIDAAAAN!!!!

*several hours later*

Vivienne: *free from his lovers restraints and now seated comfortably on a cushion in the temple, sighing as voryn does his hair for the ceremony* I wish Lucien decided to come back for the wedding.

Voryn: shhh he’ll be there for your one back in skyrim. *pulls more of his hair back from his face pinning it with a carved ebony comb* don’t lose this okay? It was the first gift Neht gave me when I revealed who I was to him.

Vivienne: *reaches up touching it* it’s beautiful… you never talk much about your life before finding neht again. You said you related to what I’ve been through though?…

Voryn: Mhm… life is cruel when your own skin betrays you. Before coming to nerevar, my eye was once a birthmark. An omen, people called it. I was ostracised, abused… used… so I hid my face. I stopped talking. I accepted life was forever to be cruel to me. Until the night I planned to end it all. Azura herself came to me and told me who I was… She told me to seek Neht out. That he wouldn’t turn from me. And when I saw his face… it all came flooding back. And I felt ashamed… but more than anything I felt pain. His eyes were dull, his smile was fake… he was ready to take his own life rather than continue living forever.

Vivienne: then- he saw you?

Voryn: I got caught without my helmet by temple guards when I thought I was alone… I was dragged into nerevars office and thrown to his feet… it was a blur, but all I could see was him… and the next thing I knew we were tangled in each others arms beneath the sheets. We cried, we laughed, we kissed, but we never let each other go. *finishes his hair and gently lifts his chin to start his face markings* and it’ll be the same for you with them. *glances out the door to see nerevar giving Taliesin & Kaidan a run down on dunmer marital rites*

Vivienne: I-…

Voryn: *pauses for a moment expecting the younger mer to express doubt or concern* …

Vivienne: *smiles* I know it will.

Voryn: *blinks in surprise before smiling and planting a soft kiss to his forehead, heart feeling at ease seeing how far he’d come in accepting his self worth* you’ll be loved by them forever. *gently strokes his cheek with his thumb before resuming his makeup* I’ll try to avoid making green this time.

Vivienne: green- *remembers he’s gold and blue* …Oh, uh. Hm.

*a few minutes later*

Kaidan: *kneeling on a cushion* how much longer do we have to wait?

Taliesin: *kneeling beside him* as long as we have to… are your legs going numb too?

Kaidan: nah they fell asleep 20 minutes ago. I want to see him is all… they’re taking their time, I’m sure he looks gorgeous.

Taliesin: he always looks gorgeous but… you’re right… *nervously grips his robes* I want to remember what he looks like in this moment forever…

Kaidan: *reaches over gently taking his hand in his and giving it a squeeze* me too. I know I’ll never forget how handsome you look right now too~

Taliesin: *smiles then huffs looking away with a cute pout* you’d better not or I’ll never forgive you~

Kaidan: Oh don’t you worry, I’m going to be spending every chance I get memorising your beautiful bo-

Nerevar: *opens the door suddenly and steps out of the way as voryn enters with vivienne*

Vivienne: *dressed in rather simple robes more fitting for a meeting or party compared to a wedding, but still looking beautiful and comfortable regardless. His hair held back from his face showing marital markings and the sigil of house indoril on his forehead in place of the doubled ‘Ve’ that was velothi turned Vivec.* c-can I kiss them yet? *blushes looking at his two awaiting husbands*

Voryn: *chuckles ushering him to his seat between them* shhh patience Hla aka. *sets him down between his husbands and steps back before taking his seat beside nerevar*

Nerevar: *smiling watching the three stare at one another, unable to take their eyes off of their beloved* usually this ceremony begins with seeking the blessing of the good daedra but- *blinks and looks at the scripture before him as a little spider slides down a thread and lands on the page tapping its front legs* …Well then we have our blessing! Let’s begin! *gently lifts the spider from the page and sets them aside before lifting it up and reading the rites of the Good daedra, the honouring of their ancestors and the great houses, and giving the blessings of houses indoril and dagoth as witnesses to their union* May those near to our hearts and far in person be here with us in this day. *smiles at vivienne swearing he could see a flash of Vivec’s eyes within his* and may their love be felt amongst you as you become one in this union.

Vivienne: *face hot and flushed as he places his husbands wedding bands on them as they do the same for him* c-can I kiss them now?

Nerevar: *chuckles* go ahead.

Taliesin & Kaidan: FINALLY! *both embrace Vivienne, falling to the ground with him in a tender loving kiss*

*several hours later*

Vivienne: *dancing with voryn, inigo and Taliesin as the entirety of raven rock joins in with the celebration, music and laughter filling the air mixing with chatter and exclamations of celebration*

Nerevar: *sitting with Kaidan & sero, glancing at the crowd as they dance* enjoying married life yet?

Kaidan: *laughs* absolutely! I hope this feeling lasts forever. *glances over to see vivienne & Taliesin sharing a kiss before the dance separates them again in the rhythm* I hope I can make him happy forever.

Sero: you will, he’s absolutely smitten with you- *glances at the crowd and chokes on his drink catching Geldis gesturing to him* Oop gotta go! *gets up and runs after him*

Nerevar: *chuckles watching him leave* He’s right. He’ll love you forever if you let him… Where’s miraak and our new friend?

Kaidan: oh, they retired for the evening already. Mannimarco couldn’t keep his eyes open and miraak was worried the noise would remind him too much of the screams that tortured him to madness in cold harbour.

Nerevar: understandable… I don’t particularly trust either of them yet. But… If vivienne does I’ll continue to give them a chance.

Kaidan: aye. I think they’ll be alrig- *blinks seeing vivienne & Taliesin running to him as the next song starts* Whoo boy. Let’s try giving this dancing thing a go again. *gets up in time for them to grab him and drag him into the crowd with them*

Nerevar: Good luck! *laughs watching them go before smiling as voryn approaches and sits beside him* worn out yet?

Voryn: hm? Me? Gods no~ it’s your job to wear me out~

Nerevar: I thought it was your job to wear me out though?~

Voryn: *smiles pouring himself a glass of wine* it’s not a job if you enjoy doing it~ *sips it and stares at the crowd before narrowing his gaze at some shifty figures moving where the light can’t see* more of them…

Nerevar: the rebel tong? Or the ones tailing us?…

Voryn: the ones who were tailing us.

Nerevar: I’ll inform the guard-

Voryn: no. It’ll only cause panic… let them enjoy their night. *sets his wine down and glances off to a darkened corner nearby as he adjusts one of his rings, turning it to show a hidden capsule filled with poison as a signal to his awaiting servants* Let me handle this.

#voryn dagoth #nerevar #vivienne dragonborn #skyrim taliesin #Kaidan skyrim

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3xm-draconic · 2 months

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The Jester and The Courier: a wild wasteland love.

Chapter 2: Radioactive.

Myrtle got on her ranger gear, say for gear helmet and went down stairs. In the spare room handcuffed to the radiator was the crazy little red head dude, just…giggling to himself…

“Any idea if the psycho is still in his system?” Gannon turned to Joshua, “no idea, psycho isn’t supposed to last that long…then again he might just be insane like Raul said” Joshua replied.

Myrtle approached the man and knelt down so she was eye-level with him, the man’s crazed grin fell from his face as soon as he saw her’s. It was no doubt due to the horrific scar across her left eye which was now completely cybernetic, that would scare the willies out of anybody.

…but…then he smiled again…

“You are something Cicero has never hallucinated before…a half-metal woman!” he gleefully giggled, “hmm, dilated pupils, erratic speech patterns, hallucinations…he may have severe mental trauma” she turned to the others “I think taking him to doc Usanagi for therapy might do him some good”.

“Where is Cicero? Why is he chained?...WHERE IS HIS JESTER’S CLOTHES!?” he squeaked and began to panic “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO POOR CICERO!?”, “ehey, ehey shhh, it’s ok buddy we didn’t do anything to you, we want to help you ok?” Myrtle hushed him “can you tell me what happened? Do you remember how you ended up naked and falling out of the sky?”

The red head…this Cicero guy…just looked at her weirdly and screamed “WHAT!?”, a water bottle was then flung at them “CAN HE STOP FUCKING SCREECHING!? I’am hungover and I’d like some peace and quiet!” Cass bellowed.

Myrtle turned to Ulysses “can you bring me some food and a bottle of water?”, “what for?”, “our friend here is so skinny he looks like he hasn't eaten a proper meal in weeks and I think the best way to get through to him is with kindness, not an interrogation” Myrtle replied.

Ulysses nodded and went into the kitchen to grab a plate of whatever Lily was making, “guys can I be alone with him?” Myrtle turned to Gannon and Graham, they nodded and left to go eat.

“so…Cicero, where are you from?”, the man hesitated “Cicero was from the Empire but he moved to Skyrim to be closer to his family”, “Empire? Sky-rim?” Myrtle pondered “I don’t know these places…they certainly ain't close to the Mojave or California” she mumbled. “Mo-ha-vee?...Cal-ee-forn-ya?...What are you talking about? What are those places?” Cicero wondered, “It’s where you are now bud, you are in Nevada, Southwestern Commonwealth of America, the Mojave desert, west of the NCR?” Myrtle pause “any of this dinging any bells up there?”

He stared at her blankly “no…but if Cicero is in a desert is it close to Hammerfell…the Alik’r?...or is it in Elsweyr?”, Myrtle blinked “no…you got me even more confused now”.

“What direction is this Sky-rim?”, “oh it is very, very far north” Cicero replied as he carefully observed the strange metal woman, her greenish-blue eye and metallic yellowish green one never wavering from his amber gaze, “north hmm? How far north? Like Uta or…?” she pondered, “U-ta?” Cicero wondered “Cicero has no idea about any of these places you say!” he snapped, he was getting agitated.

Myrtle sighed “look I’am sorry, I don’t mean to anger you I’am trying to help you find your way home” Myrtle said softly, Cicero calmed down a little as her words sounded ginuwine “ok…ok” he sighed.

Ulysses arrived with food: a plate of potato-bread toast, sunny side-up gecko eggs, brahmin sausages and cactus fruit jam.

She took the plate from him and sat it next to Cicero, “ok, I’am going to uncuff you and give you a fork…please…don’t stab me with it” she kindly asked him, Cicero had to hold back a pout…he wanted to stab someone…badly…

She got close enough to where Cicero could have easily jabbed it into her neck…but he needed to know more about just where in the void he was…and killing the only person wanting to help him would be like stabbing himself in the foot.

Cicero eyed the food on the plate…it…was weird…

“What is this?” he pondered as he poked at the strange eggs, “gecko eggs…have you never eaten one before?” Myrtle turned to him, Cicero cocked his head in confusion “nope…” he shrugged, “well their good eaten I say, I’ve had them plenty of times in my life” she shrugged and grinned “nothing is better in the morning like a cup of coffee and a plate of gecko eggs”.

“What's this coff-ee you speak of?” Cicero pondered, “it’s drink, it helps ya wake up in the morning, would you like a cup?”, Cicero thought about it for a moment “well when in the Empire do as the Impirals do” the thought to himself “yes, thank you” he nodded.

Myrtle left to get him some while Ulysses watched him, “so…Cicero…your name” Ulysses’s deep raspy voice rumbled “it sounds very…Legionary…” he mumbled.

Cicero eyed the strange man with a metal mouth “Cicero’s name is a perfectly normal Impiral’s name…what does it have to do with the military?”, “so your military is in league with Caesar?...oh dear…Myrtle was begging to like you…” he sighed.

That got Cicero on edge, what did he mean by that?...

“who…Who is this Ceasar you speak of?” he pondered, Ulysses cocked his head “don’t play dumb, he’s the leader…” he gave a small laugh “former…leader of the Legion”, Cicero looked even more confused.

“So…in this world there is no Tiber Septim?...no Empire?” Cicero’s head started to spin, if his very NATION didn’t exist here…then that would mean…

Myrtle came back with a cup of coffee “I made it with some brahmin milk and sweetened it with a little ant nectar, you look like somebody who wouldn’t like just straight black coffee…” Myrtle opened the door to see an alarming sight…

Ulysses knocked out and Cicero attempting to break out of his remaining handcuff using the fork but doing so badly that he was only hurting himself in the process.

“CHRIST ALMIGHTY!” Myrtle screamed as she set down the coffee on a dresser and ran over to Cicero, she smacked the fork out of his hand and restrained him “STOP, Stop, stop…what’s wrong?” she gazed into his panicked wild eyes, he was like a frightened animal.

Cicero headbutted her…but that only ended in him hurting himself…“don’t do that please…my skull is pure titanium and I doubt your old flesh and bone one can do much damage…now calm down before I make you calm down”.

“You won't take my soul daedra!” Cicero snarled at her and attempted to bite her, he managed to sink his teeth into her shoulder but then he felt a sharp pinch in his neck…then…he started to feel…relaxed.

“Ok, I’am gonna cuff you back to the radiator while you calm down ok buddy?” Myrtle said as she gently laid him back against the wall, thank GOD she had a needle of calm-x on her.

She checked on Ulysses who was waking up, “Hey S.Grant you ok pal?”, Ulysses groaned “little fucker…headbutted me…hard…ow”, Myrtle gave him a small pouch of healing powder “here go take a nap on the couch and heal up”.

“What of Crazy-Ass?” he grumbled, “calm-x, was gonna use it on myself to ease my jitters of hoover dam…but I think in the moment it was needed more on him” she sighed, “Myrt?” Ulysses looked at her with concern, “don’t” she glared at him “don’t worry about me and DON’T bring it up with the others…got it?”

He sighed and they left the room.

#fanfic #au #skyrim #crossover #fallout new vegas #fallout nv #fallout nv oc #fallout fanfiction #fallout oc #skyrim cicero #skyrim fanfiction #fallout #tw swearing #ulysses #arcade gannon #joshua graham

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dreaming-of-lu · 6 months

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Ngl your oc is cute!! Lowkey wanna know more about her!

le gasp!

You wanna know more about my girlie? Buckle in 😏

This is my girl, Dovah! Yeah, may or may not have gave her that nickname due to Skyrim, but shhh. I was going to use her for another fandom, but decided not to and I spiraled with her lore so, here we go. Dovah is a world/universe hopper (whatever you wanna call it), technically works for a militant operation called the Night Witches. They keep an eye on each universe, making sure there be no clashing or rather ya know beings trying to break the 4th wall in a way. Dovah is a general, proved herself to be reliable to the head of the operation, she overwatches some operations or includes herself if needed so. Dovah is a dragon, but rarely transforms, she is an oldie (5,000 years old) , she's been alive way before the Night Witches exist yet still looks like she's in her late 20's to early 30's.

The one operation she includes herself in was dealing with Dink, she wasn't supposed to be in the LoZ universe, but unfortunately the slippery bastard got away before she could get to him and fell into a ranch land. That's how she met Malon and her father.

She is a playful, teasing, loveable dork, can be a bit sarcastic and also a flirt, a bit mysterious edge around her. She's smooth, on gawd, she is, like think Rhea Ripley. Somehow, in her loving dorky way, she got Malon and Time hooked around her finger. That is why, she's married to them.

Dovah is tall, she stands at 6ft 6in / 198cm.

#.bea answers #.bea's oc

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mistletien · 1 year

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yeah, it's great to be back :3c i'm currently slow burning ARR and clearing out the side quests w alt classes-- the exp bonus for dynamis (i'm on seraph) is no joke at least at lower levels :')

no worries abt spoilers for now but i'll let you kno if i need anything tagged in the future <3

yes omg gpose was not a thing when i last played, once i learn gpose its all over!! >:) i've taken a few screenies of my wol, y'dhara sol ^-^ she's secretly a reimagining of my skyrim khajiit daro'sol and i sort of adapted a general backstory from there for funsies. my idea is that y'dhara is half sun, half moon (yes... eyes full of hetero) even tho it's impossible to really represent that through character creation and might not have much basis in the lore as far as i know. my running idea is that her father would've been a seeker that fell in love with a keeper in secret and to avoid a scandal y'dhara was raised by and adopted the conventions of her fathers tribe with no knowledge of her moon side or who her mother was as to not start conflict since it seems sun/moon relationships aren't allowed... but the story potential! i think sun and moon miqos should kis. i ultimately want to main astrologian if i end up liking it :') to complete the aesthetic ofc

ty ark for listening to my oc dump!! ;-; i'd love to hear abt k'vira, i'm assuming by name they're a miqo too? c:

yeah just let me know and I'll make sure to make a tag for anything!

oh she's very pretty! and yeah gpose is a lovely addition that I'm so so glad for and I spin so much time in there rotating my wol like a rotisserie chicken

and that's the cool thing about ffxiv! you can create such a vast array of characters with mixed heritages. y'dhara has slit eyes in the screenshots, but because of her keeper bloodline does she also have fangs? (a lot of people still give their seekers fangs but I like separating the two unless the offspring has both parents) does she have any siblings since multiple children are common with seekers?

good luck with ast though I've only played a little bit of white mage (I wanted the unicorn mount tbh) so I have very little advice when it comes to healer classes but I hope it's fun for you!! also ast glams???? so pretty I love looking at them

and yes! k'vira is a seeker of the sun miqo'te. she killed another kit as a child during a training accident and left her clan when she turned fifteen to become an adventurer since the vast majority of the clan thought what she did was purposeful since she and the other kit knowingly disliked each other and she couldn't bear the weight of that forever following her. she took a life and now she's going to try and save as many as she can to make up for it (shhh ignore the amount of people she's killed as the wol)

#asks #I love hearing about other people's wols #I just think they're neat!#invitation for others to tell me about your wol

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silverselfshippingchaos · 9 months

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👀 for whoever is on your mind! <3

Hey Panchi!

As I'm sure you know pretty well by now, a lot of people are on my mind as of late! But here's a few.

I know he's just a crush for now, but I feel like I should talk about... You know who. I talk about making out with him every day, after all.

This official art of him is one of my favorites. He's just so damn cool! He has a very large and almost menacing presence in that art. I know he's a king, but he looks very kingly!

... and undeniably handsome. I've been crushing so hard and all I can think about is being his queen.

I could go on forever about his outfit! Ofc green is my favorite color and my glasses are red so I suppose I'm a little biased, but he looks amazing! One of my favorite things to think of is one of the feathers on his necklace being from Ash's wings.

He just looks so damn handsome in this art and I can't get him out of my head! If he keeps this up, he'll become an actual F/O!

Oh, and of course, how can I not mention his wings? He's a bird! He's a king! His wings are very important to him and Ash's wings are important to her. Ash likes to help him clean his wings and gently strokes them whenever it's just the two of them. His wings are absolutely massive, and I think that they're beautiful. So very beautiful.

(Also... the facial scars... the one on his chest... I wonder how he got them, but somehow it reminds me of a certain someone else who has facial scars and a scar across his chest...)

Mr. "I Love Cup Noodles More Than I Love My Girl"!

I love Gladio so much! I know he has some moments in the game that are kind of iffy (listen closely, and you'll hear a "how's that ring fit ya?"), but he really does care about his friends so much. He's so strong and sweet, funny and charming. I especially love his tattoos! He's not wearing a shirt most of the time, so Ash always gets a good look. When it's just the two of them, Ash likes running her fingers over the lines.

I don't have too much to say about Gladio since I get really blushy if I think about him too much LMAO

Okay! We talked about Mr. Bird Man so... Let's talk about Vivian! She's practically a full f/o at this point, but shhh.

(Ma'am, can I be your new favorite-)

I bought a whole new console for this game, and to look at this gorgeous woman up close? Worth it.

(And for the Skyrim upgrade of course.)

I'd like to talk about this picture specifically! Vivian is a scholar. She used to be a university professor. She's very smart and she knows she's good at what she does. She can be a little cold sometimes and, as Clive said, not really the sentimental type.

But she looks so happy in this picture! It's adorable! I love seeing her look happy. Her eyes are a really nice shade of brown and her hair looks so soft (Ash loves playing with it at night)

(Ash also likes stealing her coat, but that's besides the point)

I love seeing Vivian look happy! She's really cute. I've been into her since the very second I saw her for the first time in the State of Play. It was love at first sight! I love her lots! She's so beautiful it makes me all shy and blushy hehe!

#okay i think that's a long enough post LMAAAOO #thank you for the ask pal!!#answered

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empressofthesunwriter · 11 months

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The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

I used Google Translate for the chapter title so if someone can speak Japanese it’s not my fault if something is wrong. Also, the title means Pretty Princess Kenny-Chan and pretty mage N.K.-Kun magical adventure. Enjoy the new chapter my loves!

Chapter 5: Kawaī purinsesu Kenny-Chan to kawaī mahōtsukai N.K.-Kun no mahō no bōken

“That’s disgusting!”

“Don’t be a pussy, Douchebag!”

“My name is N.K. when will you learn this fatass?!”

“Hey! I’m your king I command respect from you. Also, I’m not fat I’m big-boned.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“Will you learn now Dragonshout or be a prissy girl about it!”

I stare at Cartman angrily and he glares right back at me.

As it turns out Dragonshout is a powerful fart.

Hell nah, I’m learning that.

It’s like a said disgusting and I don’t want to be known as the fart girl.

“I will rather be a prissy girl than be known as the farting guy.”, I tell him as such. “You can’t force me to learn.”

“Fine be a huge bitch! Don’t come crying back to me to learn it when you realize you need it!”, he shouts back.

I’m in a pickle I feel it. I don’t want to learn this shit, but Lord Men Tittys is so sure that I will need Dragonshout, that I’m starting to have doubts.

I ball my hands into fists.

“I’m sorry my king, if you think I need to learn this magic, then I will.”, I grit out from behind my teeth.

The asshole gives me a huge winning smirk. I feel so dirty, no lie.

“I’m happy you reconsider, Douchebag.”, he says gleefully. “FIRST, you must take the Gentlemen's Oath. You must promise to NEVER, EVER fart on anyone's balls. Okay? Farting on an opponent is necessary, but farting on someone's balls is NOT COOL. Do you understand?”

“Why would I fart on any ones balls? But sure I promise.”

“All right, then, let's begin your training.”

His Largness faces one of the training dummies, while I cross my arms and wonder in what kind of fucked up parallel universe I ended up.

Farts as weapons.

Urgh.

“To conjure Dragonshout, you must first clear your mind and take in a deep breath... through your butthole. Like so. HRRNNGGHH!! Then... let it rumble inside you... and... DRAGONSHOUT!!”

A fart comes out which lets the training dummy sway. Okay…Cartman can make farts so potent that they are like a huge smelly breeze.

And now I should learn this?

I don’t know how this will help me in my quest.

Sadly I can’t back down.

I will not give Cartman this satisfaction.

Gritting my teeth I follow his instructions. It’s so weird feeling the rumbling in my stomach, till I let out a fart.

I can feel how red from embarrassment my face is.

“Is this okay, my king?”, I ask him, praying I don’t need to do it again.

“My god that was... incredible. A man could live a hundred years and never again witness a spell so... boisterous.”, says Cartman in awe. I raise my eyebrow at him. What the fuck? “Could it be that the prophecies are true? Could it be that the Dragonborn has come at last in our hour of need?”

“Dude, this is South Park: The Stick of Truth not Skyrim: Elder Scrolls!”

“Whatever, Douchebag. Now let us try your skill on a REAL opponent. Hey, hey, Princess Kenny, could you come here a sec?-“

“-Oh no, no way in hell, asshole!-“, I yell angrily in between.

He ignores me, giggling to himself: “-Shhh, don't tell him. Okay. Just real quick, Princess Kenny.”

The princess joins us, winking at me. I can’t even enjoy it, knowing what I need to do to her.

This sucks so much!

…Wait maybe I can…?

An idea forms in my mind and I have to hide my smirk.

“All right, you two - SPAR! Sir Douchebag, show Princess Kenny the magical powers I have taught you.”

“Of course.”, I sing-song, while Princess Kenny makes herself battle ready.

I walk up to her, only in the last second to turn around to Cartman and let out a huge Dragonshout in his fat face!

Princess Kenny is howling from laughter, while Lord Wobbly Stomach shouts in anger and disgust.

“WHAT THE FUCK DUDE! YOU SHOULD HAVE USED IT ON HER NOT ON ME! GOD IT’S SO DISGUSTING!”, he screams and coughs.

I cross my arms and cock out a hip.

“That’s what you get for calling me always Douchebag! Now I think I must make haste to save a certain thief from detention.”

With that, I turn around and make my way out of the kingdom.

That’s when Princess Kenny calls for me. I stop and she reaches me. Again it’s really muffled what she says, but I get the most important bit.

“Oh, you will be my buddy for this quest? Awesome! Then let’s go my lady.”

I offer her my arm, which she happily takes.

Together we make our way to school.

Getting to know my fair princess is the best.

I learn pretty quickly that she has a perverted sense of humor and is laid back.

Oh, I dig this.

I dig this so much.

“You should really consider reading hentai as you see it may be drawing but it’s really hot.”, I tell her while I show her some of the hentai pages I have on my phone.

Princess Kenny giggles. “Oh, I see. It is indeed hot! What is this called again?”

“Yuri.”

“Damn girl on girl action is so hot!”

“I know!”

I put my phone back in my pocket, while the princess caresses my arm she is holding on.

“You know I never meet a girl who loves boobs as much as I do.”

“Ah, so you know I’m a girl.”

At this, she gives me a deadpan look and stares pointedly at my breasts.

“N.K., your tits are amazing! I saw them from a mile when you enter Kupa Keep for the first time.”

I can’t help but blush and giggled charmed. I like hearing that. It’s always nice to get compliments. Especially about my body.

I know I’m, for my age, a hot bitch even if I need glasses.

One of my ex-girlfriends, Clara, told me once I have the hot Liberian vibe going on.

Does this make me vain?

Naah, I think I just have sane self-worth and self-loving.

“You are one of the prettiest girls I have met and I meet a lot.”, I flirt. “You are probably also a handsome boy! But I need to ask…are you genderfluid? What pronouns do you prefer?”

For that, I get a confused look from Princess Kenny.

“Huh, what? What is genderfluid?”

Oh…this surprises me.

“A genderfluid person may fluctuate among different gender expressions over their lifetime, or express multiple aspects of various gender markers simultaneously.”, I explain to her. “I thought you might be this since you are a boy, but you dress as a girl and use she/her pronouns.”

“I’m a boy, I just like to play princess…”

I see how she frowns.

“I…I never thought that I could be…more?”

I wrap an arm around her shoulders squeezing her.

“Hey it’s okay, you don’t have to explore this right now. Maybe you just like roleplaying and that’s it or maybe you are genderfluid. It doesn’t matter. I still think you are hot and nice.”, I reassure her.

She looks up at me with big eyes.

“Are you a lesbian or something? I taught you were just playing along.”

“I’m bi, I am attracted to more than one gender. So whatever you are I don’t care. Dick or pussy, I don’t look at the sex. I fall for the character of people, not their reproduction organs.”

This makes her laugh and snuggle up to me.

“First you use crude words like dick and pussy and then go all science-y you are one of a kind N.K.!”

Aww, she is so cute.

I can’t help myself, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

Princess Kenny blushes and cheekily says: “I think you kissed the wrong place.”

She makes us stop. One arm of her gets wrapped around my neck and with her free hand pulls down her hood.

Oh my lord!

Kenny is hot!

Her blue eyes were already magnificent, but her whole face, with the cute nos and the soft rosey lips is just out of this world pretty.

She totally can be a handsome boy and a pretty girl with a face like that.

I wonder why people don’t throw themselves at her feet. Then I remember that she practically wears the parker all the time and I have my answer.

The princess goes on her tippy toes and puckers her lips.

“I think, you wanted to kiss my sweet lips.”

I laugh and wrap my arms around her waist.

I lean down, she closes her eyes and I kiss her….on the cheek.

Kenny lets out a whine.

“Easy there cowgirl.”, I muse, stroking her blonde hair. “If I started to kiss you now I couldn’t stop and sadly we are at school. We don’t have time to make out.”

Sadly.

Surprised Princess Kenny turns around and there is the school behind her.

She lets go of me, crossing her arms. A little huff comes out of her lips.

Smiling at her cute reaction, I pull her hood back on and kiss again her forehead.

“Don’t be like that. I’m sure we will find a moment I can shove my tongue down your throat. Maybe I will even let you touch my boobs.”

I can hear how she moans in despair.

“You are a tease! How can you say such things and then not commit to it?!”

I give her a wink and sauter up to one of the school windows, to see where Craig is.

“That’s part of my charm.”

I hear rapid, angry muffles. I have to fight off the smirk on my face.

I would love to rile her up more, but I need to bust out a thief from detention.

So time to get to work.

I see what must be the cafeteria of the school. Some kids sit on the tables, one in particular is dressed, from what I can see, more medieval. I bet that’s Craig! Overseeing all the kids is a man with a head of a ballon.

I blink surprised.

I never saw someone with a head like that.

It seems like it will fly away any minute.

Princess Kenny joins me and whispers that this is the school counselor Mr. Mackey, currently the evil dungeon overlord who has hall monitors patrolling the school.

I nod in understanding.

Mr. Mackey tries to get Craig to work on his homework, but Craig is already so in his Feldspar character that he rather looks at his watch and tells Mr. Mackey that he will be soon rescued from this tower.

He says it in such a deadpan tone, that I have to snort.

That guy is a number!

At least we get the information that the doors are locked. This means not only do we have to watch out for the hall monitors but probably searching keys to enter.

Oh well, let’s do this.

I take Princess Kenny’s hand and we enter the school.

A lone ginger hall monitor is there to greet us.

Now, I always loved red hair, I get weak knees for redheads, but this one is so not my type. Maybe it’s the acne-like freckles since freckles are normally cute. It turns me off.

“Excuse me, but school is OUT and no students are allowed on the premises until tomorrow at 7:30 am.”, tells the hall monitor.

“Listen here dude.”, I start bored. “I know you just do your job so it’s not your fault, but I and my fair princess need to free the thief, and if you don’t want to get your ass handed to you, be smart and let us pass!”

Princess Kenny nods in agreement.

“I warn you! Stay away from the doors! One step towards those doors and I will be forced to write you up!”, he completely ignores what I told him and get’s even battle ready.

Me and Princess Kenny share a look.

“Let’s kick his ass, my lady?”

“Let’s kick his ass, hot stuff.”

And we do just that.

Defeat and beaten up he lays on the floor and speaks into his Walkie-Talkie: “Officer down, officer down! Send backup! I repeat, Officer down! All hallway monitors to the right hallway!”

“Oh, god dammit!”, comes Mr. Mackey’s voice from the Walkie-Talkie.

“Heeeeere they come.”, sings-songs a nasal voice, who can only be Craig.

“They aren't gonna GET you, Craig! You're not getting out of detention!”

“I'll be out of here in ten minutes.”

I snorted at this and knock out the hall monitor.

“What ya see my princess?”, I ask her. “Do we manage to get thief Craig out in ten minutes?”

Princess Kenny flicks one of her braids over her shoulder and readies her pink bow.

“Oh, I think we will. Lead the way, beautiful.”

I grin at the pet name and open the door to the next hall war. With a bow a gesture to her to go through.

“What a gentleman.”, she purrs.

“I can be anything you want, my princess.”, I flirt back and follow her.

In the hallway more ginger hall monitors await us, they even put up a barricade. I give it to them, that’s smart.

But not smart enough.

I signal Kenny to shoot down one of the loudspeakers, which hits one of the hall monitors on the head. Then I get out a can of hairspray and a lighter I found in one of the houses I ransacked with Leo. With my improvised flamethrower, I destroy the barrier, and the remaining hall monitors get defeated by the huge blast.

Kenny and I high-fived each other and make our way over to the cafeteria door.

Sadly it’s locked.

Okay, real talk, isn’t it kind of too much to lock the door? What if one of the kids needs to pee?

“You're not gonna get through this door. Mkay.”, shouts Mr. Mackey from the other side. “You might as well give up because I have hidden the key somewhere and you'll never find it in my office. Aw, dammit... mkay.”

I laugh and call cheekily back: “Thanks for the tip!”

Now Kenny takes my hand and leads me to where Mr. Mackey’s office is.

I try to open it, but it’s closed.

“Fucking bullshit!”, curses Princess Kenny what I think too.

Let me guess we need a key for that room and before we can get into the office we need another key for another room so we get the one for the office.

It’s really like a dungeon.

And like a dungeon, the next enemy is patrolling the hall we are currently in.

I signal to Kenny to hit the phone with one of her arrows, the hall monitor walks over to it to pick up the ringing phone and I Sparta kick the chairs beside the phone, so they fall on top of the ginger.

Was this unnecessarily brutal?

Yes.

Do I regret it?

No.

We continue and I swerve I hear a ruckus coming from the faculty lounge, but I can’t inspect it since the room also needs a key.

Dammit!

“We'll need the brass key in order to open this door!”, explains Princess Kenny to me.

“So we need all in all, a brass key, a silver key, and a gold key. Awesome!”, I groan annoyed.

Stupid dungeon mechanic.

Kenny pats my shoulder in comfort.

I smile at her in thanks.

We continue our quest to get the brass key and a motherfucking hall monitor closes the hallway with a metal fence so we can’t go on!

“You little bitch!”, I curse at him.

The hall monitor has the nerve to taunt me: “The protector of the brass key will never surrender!”

…Ha! At least we now know he has one of the keys we need.

Stupid bitch!

Suddenly Princess Kenny goes on her knees and declares: “Your word is the command, my lady.”

“Is this some kind of invitation to make out? Because like I would love to, but I don’t like people watching.”

“No, you adorable horny girl. It’s a game mechanic. You can command your quest buddy to use one of their special ability.”

“Oh! And hey you are probably just as horny as I am, but whatever. Do your thing, Princess.”

And she does.

Her thing is calling over one of the hallway monitors and showing off her naked “breasts”! I bit into my hand to not laugh like crazy.

That’s an awesome ability!

Also, it works.

Charmed the hall monitor opens the fence, ready to touch Kenny’s boobs, only for her to get out a pretty mirror and knock him out with that.

Now I can’t hold back anymore and laugh like crazy.

“That was wonderful!”, I giggle. “Your boobs are the bomb. I doubt my boobs have that kind of power! Kudos, girl!”

Kenny winks at me and I have the feeling she is grinning brightly under her parker.

We make haste to the hall monitor who has the brass key, he has two other hall monitors with him.

“You can take the brass key from my cold, dead hands!”

“If that is what you wish!”, I shout back. “Kenny the bulletin board!”

I hear a muffled agreeing sound and she shots at it. The bullentin board falls down on the other two hall monitors.

Only the one with the brass key remains.

We take care of him fast.

“More officers down!”, whimpers the defeated hall monitor in his Walkie-Talkie. “We're taking heavy casualties out here!”

“Dammit, you hallway monitors need to stop playing around!”, responds Mr. Mackey annoyed.

“He's got the brass key! He's some kind of Dragonborn!”

“Now, look, this is detention time, not time to play Dungeons and Dragons! And besides, he's never gonna get inside here because to open the door, you need the gold key and the only way to get the gold key is by getting the silver key, mkay, which even if he HAS the brass key, he still hasn't made it past the boss level. Mmkay.”

And here I thought Mr. Mackey wasn’t part of our RPG.

Whatever.

With the brass key, I knock out the hall monitor.

“Oh yeah, we are kickass!”, I declare.

Princess Kenny agrees full heartily. We can now open the faculty lounge. In it, we find at least four ginger hall monitors and a poor brown-haired boy who saw better days.

Me and Kenny use the environment around us to defeat the evil hall monitor and get to the brown-haired boy.

Since he clearly needs it I had him a health potion.

“Thanks, I thought I was a goner! There were too many of them. They were too strong, their hair too red...”, shudders the brunette boy.

I wave it off.

“It’s all right. We helped with pleasure.”

He gives me a silver key. Surely the one we need!

“Maybe you can take this silver key and find the gold key. You can succeed where I have failed! Free Mackey's prisoners!”

With that, he leaves us.

I shrug my shoulders and take the hand of my fair princess.

“We are nearly done, let’s go.”

Kenny nods and we return to Mackey’s office. This time we can open it thanks to the silver key.

The gold key is found fast and Kenny uses her bow to shoot it down from the shelf.

“The gold key!”, she cheers. “Now we can go rescue Craig!”

“This means this stupid dungeon is nearly done!”, I celebrate.

We make haste back to the cafeteria.

As I’m about to open the door I hear a male voice say: “That's far enough, intruder!”

I turn around.

A ginger hall monitor, clearly a year older than me, tougher looking than the other ones stands before Kenny and me.

Protective I stand before my Princess, while she grips with both hands one of my arms.

“Where's your hall pass?”, he asks.

“I don’t need one. Technically I still don’t go to this school and my Princess has diplomacy immunity!”, I shot back, trying to appear tough, even if I’m sweating from nervousness.

Big ginger hall monitor heard apparently only the part that we don’t have one.

“No hall pass? Then it's time to write you a referral.”

That motherfucker gets out a dodgeball on a stick, making it a mace.

Holy cow!

He means business.

“Oh, yeah, that's the boss.”, calls Mr. Mackey from behind the cafeteria doors. “Good luck fighting the boss, mkay. You still think this is a game, young man?”

And another one who thinks I’m a boy! Yippie!

I can’t even get really mad about it, since the big ginger hall monitor calls also for back-up.

This is going to be a tough fight, but Mage N.K. and pretty Princess Kenny won at the end!

Grinning I open the door to the cafeteria and shout: “You are free my babes!”

“Yay!”, all cheer happily.

Together we run all out of school, Mr. Mackey behind us waving his fist and cursing: “DAMN YOU CRAAAAAIG!”

“Wuhu! That was awesome!”, I cheer and pick up Princess Kenny to twirl her around.

She laughs and hugs me back. “You were amazing, noble Mage!”

“Thanks for busting me out, kid.”, say Craig glad. “Who are you?”

“My future spouse!”, purrs Princess Kenny. She has her arms wrapped around my arm, snuggling up to me.

I blush and giggle.

“I’m the new kid and also the new Mage of Kupa Keep my name is N.K.”, I introduced myself to Craig. “Nice to meet you noble thief.”

He gives me a nod.

“Does Cartman know you are a girl or is it a secret?”

“A secret, please keep it for yourself.”

“No problem, mage. Can’t wait to see Cartman’s stupid face when he learns you are a girl. This will be so hilarious.”

“Let’s hope it will be in the distant future.”

“Oh well, I'm heading to Kupa Keep. See you there I guess.”

And with that, he leaves.

“Well we should go to.”, I tell Kenny, who is still hugging my arm to herself.

“Right, but first…”

Kenny pulls her hood down, then takes my face in her hands and pats her eyelashes at me.

“You deserve a reward for all the hard work you have done.”

She looks pointedly at my lips. I can’t help but blush, yet I wrap my arms around her waist and lean down, while she goes on her tippy toes.

“I gladly take any reward you want to give me, my princess.”

For that, I get a brilliant smile and not a second later a pair of soft lips against mine.

Oh yes, this is the best kind of reward!

#southparkfanfiction #southpark #new kid sp #dovahkiin #stick of truth #SP FanFic: Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1 #douchbag #kenny mccormick #kyle broflovski #k2 #polyamarous

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