#CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE THE INTENSITY

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Angsty Songs That Fit Arnav-Khushi

IPKKND Playlist #2

“Hum safar main toh hai, humsafar hai nahi” - Tune Jo Na Kaha

“Woh humsafar tha, magar usse, humnawaayi na thi...” - Woh Humsafar Tha

“Saazish main shaamil, saara jahaan hai...” - O Re Piya

“Tum hamaare jitne the, sach kaho kya utne the? Jaane do, mat kaho, kitne the...” - Ek Tukda Dhoop

“Itna toh bata, mausamo ki tarha, tu badalta gaya kyun hai?” - Tu Hi Tu

“Tera yakeen kyun, maine kiya nahi, tujhse raha kyun juda... Mujhpe yeh zindagi, karti rahi sitam, tune hi di hai panaah...” - Tera Mera Rishta Puraana

“Tu bin bataye, mujhe le chal kahi.” - Tu Bin Bataye

“Jo main jaanti ke preet mein pagal hoye, toh dhol nagada peet ke kehti preet na kariyo koyi.” - Preet

“Kitni baatein yaad aati hai, tasveerein si ban jaati hain. Main kaise inhein bhooloon? Dil ko kya samjhaun?” - Kitni Baatein

“Aashiqui baazi hai taash ki, tootte-bante vishwaas ki,” - Milne Hai Mujhse Aayi

-- -- -- -- -- --

Hope you all enjoyed this! I highly recommend everyone to make their playlists because omg it’s so damn entertaining to hear the music preferences and even see the overlaps!

Best,

- Angst JWB

#ipkknd #arnav #khushi #angst #ipkknd playlist #THE ANGST THEY SERVED #IF ONLY THERE WAS PROPER PAYOFF #CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE THE INTENSITY #i spent too much time on this #playlist #Hindi Songs #will come out with more parts of this #I woke up and chose violence #and angst #and feelz

[eternallovers65]

So we all agree the guy Luca was talking about was Carmy, right???

Carmy said every time a new guy would appear on the kitchen, he would "cook this mf" and show how much better he was than the new guy

Luca said that one time we started working in this restaurant, he started having this battle with this other guy who ended up being so much better than him. Which made him feel like a weight was lifted out of his shoulders cause that way, he didn't have to worry about being the best all the time

So my question is: Do you think Carmy relaxed after "winning the fight"??? Cause Luca said he felt relieved for not having to be the best, so did Carmy feel relaxed for being the best, or did he continue to cook like he was in a competition???

#idk why but i need to know this #cause when carmy said the speech you can imagine he was like cooking in a insane mode #like 'im about to humiliate you good' way yk intensity at 10000% #and you know carmy is never relaxed so i just want to know if after winning would carmy relax even if just a bit #or he would still cook at like intensity mode hardcore #the bear fx #carmy berzatto #the bear chef luca #jeremy allen white #will poulter

[sysig]

Some Betty highlights from her way-too-long comic roughs (Patreon)

#Doodles #Adventure Time #Betty Grof #Simon Petrikov #Can you tell I like her intense expressions #Betty's so cool I really like her character #I like how she's set up in AT and how she's further explored in Fionna and Cake :) #Right from the get-go she's just so ready to take everything in stride and I like her! She's cute and charming and funny and interesting #She's just a really well-rounded character for how little screentime she gets :D #And she's quite fun to draw so that's just a bonus haha #Obviously a mix between Adventure Time and my own style - sharp hair swoops aren't really on-model but I just like them lol #But I really like AT's eyes - they're so simple but they can be so communicative! #And Betty gets two eye styles which is Very cool >:3c #It really makes her stand out :D #I dunno if you can in her blank/wide-eyed style but she's meant to be wearing her Magic Woman getup I just forgot her hair kerchief #She's not As fun to draw with it on but I want her to be accurate as well! #It was fun to draw her interacting with Simon as well <3 Them flirting just makes me so 💕💖❤️💞💝 #I'm /still/ not over his little lovehearts from Broke His Crown like fjdslafdshfdf it's so cute #Them being silly and gentle with each other gets me so bad ♥ #I imagine just from these even removed from context you can tell this doesn't go particularly great for them tho haha #Also lol @ myself - I wrote this caption before finishing Part 3 which uhhhh #Part 3 ended up being well over 150% as long as this so- #They're just too fun and interesting!

[good-beanswrites]

I wanted to bring up a silly ship idea. Just for fun.

03, 06, 09, 10

Was this before Kotoko attacked them? After? I dunno.

Thoughts?

YES the cringefail 20yo polycule 👏👏👏 Thank you for the request! I've seen a lot about the individual pairs, so it was really fun to think about all their dynamics together! I have a set of hcs that could work in the current canon Milgram, and then a normal au set because it's so fun thinking about them :3

Milgram-focused

The I’m-a-loner-who’s-doing-it-for-justice-don’t-TOUCH-me pair finally meet their match when confronted with the I-loved-someone-so-much-and-don’t-plan-on-stopping pair. They all go into the relationship with grand ideas of love: they think it’s all heroic acts of saving, massive gestures or love, and dramatic confessions. Over time, they realize the real heroism/romance is in the little things. 

Mahiru has her hands full with three people who neglect themselves for the sake of their work/interests, but she always loves feeding them and helping give them what they need. In turn, they can give her more affection and attention than she could ever ask for. They make sure someone is always around to spend time with her.

Each of the three is a perfect match for dealing with John’s reveal. Mahiru is calming and helps tone down Mikoto’s initial stress. Fuuta is honest and will help Mikoto finally confront his own situation and move forward. And since Kotoko can match his strength, Mikoto doesn’t need to be afraid of accidentally hurting anyone. Mikoto becomes less stressed with the overall situation as well as more accepting of himself/John.

I always love the idea that Fuuta is secretly starstruck by Kotoko and John’s strength. He’ll never admit how much he admires their ability to stand up and fight. He feels really safe around them. He’s glad to have the opportunity to fight for someone else, too – he likes to be Mahiru’s self-proclaimed protector and hero. (Even though most of the time she can stand up for herself, she still likes letting him take care of her.)

Kotoko’s experiences let her hold solid conversations with everyone. She’s similar enough to Fuuta where they share some interests (social issues, schooling, etc.) She understands hard work and burnout to earn Mikoto’s respect. She understands physical strength to earn John’s. She has a lot of people-knowledge, so she can gossip and talk about Tokyo life to Mahiru (Mappi’s doing most of the ‘gossiping,’ but Kotoko has solid additions). She's a good listener and has a good memory, so everyone feels heard by her.

They start to rub off on each other. Mahiru and Mikoto learn to be a bit tougher in standing up for herself. Fuuta, John, and Kotoko learn to take a breath before jumping right to violence. They stay very much who they are, but pick up on just a few habits that make their lives easier.

Their styles also influence one another: Fuuta gets pointers from all three about piercing his ears (though it takes him a long time to get up the nerve to do it). Mahiru helps the others dress more trendy and boost their confidence, and they teach her to worry less about her appearance and relax more. 

If they get together T1, Kotoko is shocked by the T1 verdicts. She might pull away from everyone in initial horror, but after developing a relationship ahead of time, she doesn’t follow through with her attacks. If not, then maybe in T3 when Kotoko is suffering from her guilty verdict, Mahiru and Mikoto are able to bridge the gap and develop a friendship, leading to more. Fuuta would take longer to come around, but I think seeing Kotoko got through the same pain as him, his hero instincts would kick in and he’d gradually help. 

Normal-au

Mahiru once again tries out her lovers’ interests, and gets a bunch of new hobbies. Fuuta teaches her to game, she works out with Kotoko, and she tries out photography with Mikoto. She becomes close with Fuuta’s beautician sister, and enjoys bonding over fashion and hair. She helps redye Mikoto’s hair, and give the other two pointers on style now and then. When going to nicer events, she and Mikoto have to step in and stop the others from their sneaker/hoodie combos. As the only one with a license, she’s the designated driver at all events, but doesn’t mind. 

Fuuta uses his tech skills to set up social media accounts for the others. He helps Mahiru network her flower shop, fighting anyone who leaves a bad comment/review. He helps set up a complex online portfolio for Mikoto. He and Kotoko still have a passion for justice, and he becomes the tech brains behind her vigilante operations (very Ron Stoppable - Kim Possible) It’s not necessarily healthy growth, but they’re happy with it lmao

Mikoto is the only full-time worker, the others are all still in university, and he makes sure to keep them all on track. He knows the most efficient tricks and cheats about getting papers done, pulling all-nighters, and cramming before an exam. The others have learned to spot when he’s burning himself out for others, and will stop him when he tries to take on too much. They’ll take care of him and force him to rest. While he can still get into a bit of trouble, John learns to call them first and get some help. 

Kotoko has trained herself to find people and information easily to catch criminals, but she finds use for it in much more mundane ways – she tracks down clients for Mahiru, snoops around Mikoto’s company to make sure he’s being treated right, and keeps an eye out for the people Fuuta is calling out and/or hanging out with. She goes on runs with Mahiru, and bike rides with Mikoto. Fuuta tags along sometimes to strengthen his legs for soccer. 

There’s definitely potential for them all to have their murders pre- or mid- relationship, and they help one another improve themselves and heal. I’m also a sucker for the relationship itself to cause them to change their ways and narrowly avoid the murder in the first place. (For the latter, Mahiru would ironically be the last to join the relationship, since she’d still be with her bf until the other three inspire her to break it off with him gently.)

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #mahiru shiina #mikoto kayano #john milgram #kotoko yuzuriha #you got a peek at some in the first set but i cleaned them up and finally finished the second set >:3 #thank you for waiting asdfdsf these were really fun to think about :D #im loving the image of the four workout buddies asdfdsf #and id imagine their home is filled with photos as mikoto and mappi take a bunch of everyone :') #even in milgram i can see them snapping lots of shots #i know its harder to swing a post-attack relationship but i do think its possible given how intense everything is #just as prisoners were friends one day in t1 and enemies the next in t2 i think things can change fast #and yeah... im so sappy over them all picturing these massive gestures of love: #beating someone up to protect their lover - gifting them something elaborate - saving them from a burning building - planning an exotic dat #and instead they find that preparing a meal after a long day means the world to them #getting up early to workout and keep them company is huge #remembering little details about them and their interests changes their lives #<333 #OUGH now i just want them to be happy ;---; #headcanon time milgram

[stuffed-x-arts]

To get somebody to open up, you must first gain their trust.

"I thought... he was a good person for always hearing me out, woof."

BONUS:

#silly thoughts. #thinking about pre-game midori & candidate dynamics #and im forcing all of you to see the antics #anyways midori has such intense eyes #i can imagine them intimidating gin at first #fact: he cant see out of the blindfold #mf when he has to take notes on the death game candidate but hes got a blindfold on so he cant even observe their physical movements and su #such #yttd #your turn to die #kimi ga shine #yttd midori #sou hiyori #gin ibushi #your turn to die fan art #your turn to die fanart #yttd fanart #yttd gin #yttd sou hiyori #yttd sou #your turn to die gin #your turn to die midori #your turn to die sou #silly sketches whilst i create something more detailed

[elisedonut]

Bill/Fleur/Lavender

is this anything??

Lavender surviving the attack and not becoming a werewolf because that night was not a full moon but now not only is she scarred which she absolutely hates

but has to deal with all the extra emotional issues and weird changes to her body that she wasn't expecting

the random bouts of anger

the stronger sense of smell

whatever else that you think are fun side effects those are like the main two I've explored before

point is!

Everything sucks!

But while in the hospital Fleur ends up visiting her and getting attached because of the similar situation to Bill and ends up taking the poor girl under her wing and getting very very attached very fast

Like Bill looks at Fleur looking at Lavender once and is just knows what she's after and just gives in without question

like that very night is talking to Fleur like

"Alright what is the plan here?"

"We invite her to live with us at the cottage."

"And if she says no?"

"She won't"

And Bill doesn't believe that but also knows by know that he's not going to be able to talk her out of it.

And when Fleur does ask Lavender agrees with very little convincing and then it just escalates from there

the whole time Lavender is not even considering they Like her but falling for them regardless and suffering

While Fleur is already head over heels and acting it

And Bill's over here falling a lot more slowly through the similar situation

#Lavender Brown/Fleur Delacour/Bill Weasley #fleur delacour #lavender brown #bill weasley #william weasley #Bill's not beating the cradle robber allegations so fuck it lets give him someone even younger c: #im positive this has been done before I haven't looked yet but it it hasn't im going to be shocked and disappointed #I like the idea that Veela(part or full) fall in love very fast and intensely and that its some how connected to their magic and instinct #And like they just will not be interested in someone who can't love them #which also plays into self worth issues and questions of free will that's not important but i can imagine it being a bs theory in universe #Veela's should get to be more creature like what's the point of being part creature if you dont play with it #anything to make Veela less then just practically a typical person #a non percy post? who am i #but i think these three would be cute #Lavebleur

[romanceyourdemons]

still fucks me up that shang qinghua transmigrated to an infant. how old was he when he finally gained free will? five? ten? fifteen?? how did he live until then?? i cannot even imagine

#i mean i can and do imagine and indeed i may even Write Fic so intensely am i imagining #you get me though #and of course there’s the plot hole question of what power source did the system use before luo binghe was born #but that’s of secondary importance #ryddles

[lesbinewren]

i think a lot of “normie” type people could benefit from an unjudgemental visit to like. a renaissance faire or something. and just see the fun and joy it brings people

#‘i just want to wear a pretty dress and dance in a ye olde town square’ you can!!!!!! people just built up an arbitrary shame around it #bc they consider it geeky and weird or whatever. #or even guys being like ‘me imagining myself in an intense sword fight after watch lotr’ or something like go larping!!!!! #people enjoy these things for a reason and there is nothing to be embarrassed about! it’s only cringe if you let it be

[hanzajesthanza]

me whenever the short story "something ends, something begins" is mentioned, or not even mentioned, but i have an opportunity to mention it myself

#it is my FAVORITE... if i may bestow such a title... but it's like the witcher fandom's best kept worst-forgotten secret #i love jokes i love in-jokes and i love non-canon presents and silly imaginings that will never be real #im sorry the bouquet looks a little cheap at least it is of white roses which is what yennefer had #i was too busy focusing photoshopping a folk vest on elmo's little body #because i wish to eat a third donut #witcher memes #the witcher #story: something ends something begins #the witcher books #i mean sesb just has some of my favorite favorite moments of all time #''course i know. that's why i don't get married' top 10 dandelion-est dandelion moments #nenneke being their officiant... AUGH #ciri having teenage angst (intense revenge fantasies) so much she almost couldn't enjoy her parents' wedding #GERALT CALLING CIRI HIS DAUGHTERRRR #(which doesnt even happen in the saga if you can believe it!) #yennefer healing ciri and dirtying her dress... #ciri #yennefer #geralt of rivia #dandelion #geralt and yen finally getting hitched and dandelion giving a toast (or roast ?) #wishing the couple a great wedding night for which yennefer kicked him in the shin... so in character i love it

[randomwriteronline]

“Almighty Sinnoh above, below and all around me.”

Palkia hears the human, although that is not their name; but when one can see all places all at once, it is easy to understand when their attention is called.

“I apologize for the intrusion. I come to pray to you.”

Palkia listens. They always do, when they are called: Parent allows it, and Parent has taught them to hear closely when called by what is much, much smaller, and much, much frailer.

“I pray for your guidance and your gaze upon me.”

Palkia listens. This human does not simply think his prayers like others do. This human murmurs beneath his breath, as his thoughts are far too loud.

“Please, I beg of you. I ask for a glimmer of clarity.”

Palkia is as shifting as the waters: in the same manner as liquids do, they coat all that their infinity can touch. It is a small infinity, compared to Parent’s - but it is vast and wide nonetheless.

“Please, I beg of you. I fear this is not where I want to be.”

Palkia can reach as far as the oceans expand, below and above the ground. But they are not Parent; they cannot know all.

“Please, I beg of you. Please. Lead me home. Please.”

Palkia could ask for their sibling to answer the human, as they certainly could help. But what then? Humans are much, much smaller, and much, much frailer. If Dialga answers them, will this one be shunned by their people?

“Please, I beg of you. Please, lead me home, please, please, please. I beg of you, please, lead me home. I beg of you. Please. Please. Please.”

Palkia cannot do so. They cannot help, for they must only listen, not lead. Humans make their own fortunes, Parent said, and intervening may turn quite dangerous for them, as they are much, much smaller, and much, much frailer.

“Please, I beg of you... Please... Please...”

Palkia rubs their muzzle on the human’s shoulder; that is how Parent comforted them, when they and their sibling were still expanding so soon after their births.

The small, frail thing will not know it is them: it will be a trickle of water melted out of some snow, seeping into the dark cloth they never part from, sending a shiver down their arm.

#pokémon #pokemon legends arceus #palkia #submas ingo #random writing #benevolent and compassionate (if not always fully comprehending humanity) deities my beloveds #palkia and dialga are like. sort of herding dogs when it comes to humans yknow. feeling responsible towards them #the ancient hero showed arceus humans can be a handful and also very neat and arceus taught their kids that #giratina was brooding in the distortion world so they had to learn that later #i also imagine that being Constantly Expanding like time and space are probably translates to Wild Bone Pains for Newborns #i. dont pray. but ive been told that it can be very comforting #so even if ingo was maybe at first sort of forced to by idk.. gaeric. he might have later turned to it more genuinely in moments of turmoil #theres a way we say where i come from when you get this big sadness inside of you for no apparent reason #'avere/farsi venire il magone' which. i can only translate literally as 'having/getting the Big Wizard' #but yeah i imagine ingo might get it sometimes. just an intense melancholic sadness. and praying might help a bit #as i said: compassionate deities (who dont understand humanity but still want to help) my most beloved

[mrsoharaa]

me currently thinking about a steamy, intense cnc 3 way with Miguel and his Villain counterpart/variant.....

#it'd be very spicy... #it'd be very intense and semi dark... #it'd satiate that inevitable impossible itch gnawing at my bones... #i need to writeeee this plsss...my mind is going to places #can you imagine the sheer INTENSITY being swapped/mangled between these two???!!?! #this is a NEED #PRONTO #it could include bdsm...some impact play hell maybe even some double penetration..... #GOD WHEREVER YOU ARE PLS BLESS ME TO WRITE THIS #I NEED THIS #I'VE BEEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR IT #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara #atsv

[theimpossiblescheme]

Say what you will about the Cyrano movie (and one day I'll be able to in a halfway articulate manner), but I am still mildly obsessed with "Every Letter", and I think about this ending couplet all the time...

Your letters are drawings on me from above I know who you are and I know you are loved

Just... the idea of Cyrano and Christian receiving a letter in return from Roxanne and feeling their breath catch both with ecstasy and with bitter regret.

I know who you are...

But she can't. But she mustn't. But it would break her heart--she would never trust them again. But it wouldn't be fair to Christian. But Cyrano could never show his face again. But they already feel themselves burn under her gaze, and to meet it honestly without the armor of a soldier, of these letters, would scorch them until nothing remains. But the only true honor is to hide, even if they know it's really the coward's way out. But the only safety (if they were being brutally honest with themselves) is to hide.

... and I know you are loved.

But God, they wish they didn't have to.

#It's four thirty in the morning and I have been slam-dunked back into Cyrano Hell... #Listen okay ever since the movie introduced the idea of *Roxanne actually writing back* I have been even less normal about these idiots. #The imagery is so fucking delicious either way because you get to imagine either the two of them sitting close enough together #that they can both read either together or over the other's shoulder and just... occupying that space together the two nearly becoming one #and I get to lose my mind over the proximity and the warmth between them forged in the fire of their love for Roxanne. #OR *or or*... the two of them taking turns reading and just *watching* the other's face as they read trying to glean from their expressions #what she might have said and the intensity of that study becoming its own terrible intimacy that right now they can only show through proxy #and I *also* get to lose my mind over Cyrano watching Christian and musing that even if his partner might look like a marble statue #he's never seen a marble statue make that face before but he's *definitely* seen it from Roxanne and it's just as coronary-inducing on both #and Christian watching Cyrano and musing that this might be the closest he'll ever come to seeing the pride of the cadets #and the mythic figure he's built around himself completely *shatter* if only for a moment... he's *human* and he's *exquisite.* #CANNOT be normal about it... it's 'So--here's my heart under your velvet now'-- #it's 'I've loved but one (man) in my life and now I must lose him twice'-- #it's the darkness of the balcony and the endless sunshine metaphors regarding Roxanne herself-- #it's the goddamn Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known and how much Roxanne *craves* it from two men terrified to submit to it... #God these three make me sick I love them so much. #cyrano de bergerac

[lunarharp]

wip thing...

of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)

they mean the world to me

#bg3 spoilers #?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say..... #it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me. #i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee #i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable. #bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen #makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there. #dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it #augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH???? #my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way. #Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3 #I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE #AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY #grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear #truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol #if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life #being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer. #Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this? #For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online #someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this. #why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness? #What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...? #hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!! #i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful. #but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting. #I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself #I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing. #I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come. #Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......

[sysig]

One better (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Blood #I knew going into this and it was still so distressing :'0 #Who needs plot twists when you can create such an intense sense of Dread #Probably doesn't help that I read this At Night In the Dark lol - actual shivers #Gods this was a hard scene to read - there have been several instances of my face hurting from furrowing my brow so hard haha #The way that ''Doctor'' is written is So skillful - I'm so impressed by everyone's prose and quirks and syntax! #Not to mention when he breaks character in a later scene to apologize for taking a bit to move the scene along haha <3 Play!! #It really does speak to just how much skill and effort is put into everything <3 It's so well done all the way around!! #Anyway to the actual scene at hand lol ow :') Drawing blood is always fun but I wish it wasn't his ;u; #Ugh the way he takes the surgeries is so well written - fear of course but a kind of stoic suffering as much as he's able to - #Until it comes to his eye #Ugh the /break/ of it all he goes from so eloquent - almost snarky and silly! Still trying to find an out make peace do /something/ #It all goes completely out the window he's so /reduced/ and nothing hurts worse than that ughughugh #For all his intelligence and wit and prior successes and charm and just - everything that makes him /him/ to be dissolved into abject fear #It's so sad ;; And so well done <3 #And he still holds enough of himself to know what he'd be losing wegh it's so sad!! He's so defined by his vision as most VUX are it's fjdsl #Zelnick is already gone by this point but I wanted to throw him in for extra sad flavour :') #Plus - I've mentioned his post-Op was one of the ones from the gallery that Actively kills me every time I look at it #Can you imagine my heartbreak to find out that he didn't have his Captain to comfort him after this in actuality? That he was fully alone? #''Are we home? Is it over?'' ''N...not yet'' - The Absolute Devastation of realizing that Never Was not really #Just tear my heart out why don't you ugh I'm fully bleeding out 💔 #That last one is actually meant to be Max but it's open to interpretation :) #I think it's such a waste that his eye was just disposed of! Someone else could've used that (lol) #I do think there's something to the idea of seeing what used to be a part of your body elsewhere - like the Leftovers! #Even just keeping as a memento tho - a trophy - insult to injury but literally #Just points to no one being special and nothing being sacred I suppose

[soldier-poet-king]

Siken has that line in crush about the gentleness that comes not from the absence of violence but despite the abundance of it and I'm stuck thinking about a similar gentleness that comes with grief

#franposting #its perhaps not a particularly original thought #and i am not an eloquent person. I'm bad at getting the feelings into words #its never even remotely close. #but there is a gentleness with persistent grief. something you carry around #it is soft and lovely and terrible all at once #it is in the hands. idk. but its in the hands. #it's a vague undefined grief. not a pointed sharp one #i imagine that that would be very different #and yet. it is all i can think of rn #which is so strange. pf was great. got some intense lore. got ready for bed #and now it is? oh i dont even really know anymore #i need to go read more poetry. to go crawl into this

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

I am convinced the only possible way to be happy is to have absolutely no sense of the self or of one's own needs or desires

But the problem that I keep hitting upon is, there is a certain amount of food you need to live. There is a certain amount of oxygen you need to live. No amount of zen indifference to your surroundings is going to keep you alive in the vacuum of space.

Is there some baseline of emotional well-being you need to have even to begin to abandon your sense of self yet continue to live? If depression is an excessive self-regard or self-obsession, is the problem that you have your legitimate needs met but you don't know, or you have your legitimate needs met but selfishly want more, or could your heightened self-awareness actually be caused by a legitimate problem, in the same way that you can be hyper aware of your leg because your leg is actually broken

#I accept that depression is self-obsession #and in a sense intensely selfish #but does selfishness cause depression or does depression cause selfishness? #you can easily imagine a man who has plenty of food generously sharing his plenty #but you can imagine a man who has plenty but refuses to share and perhaps that is depression #still #starvation is real and a man who is starving to death such that he is almost insane will do astonishing things for food #and furthermore #it is one thing to expect a starving man to give away food every time he finds it #it is another entirely to expect a starving man to give away food he doesn't even have in the first place