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c-ptsdrecovery · 4 years

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Next is the limbic system, also called the paleomammalian complex; the mammalian brain; or the midbrain. This part of the brain is unique to mammals. According to MacLean (1990), the limbic system of this mammalian brain is the center of emotion and learning. It developed very early in mammalian evolution to regulate the motivations and emotions that we now associate with feeding, reproduction, and attachment behaviors. In MacLean's explanation, the limbic system evaluates everything as either agreeable (pleasure) or disagreeable (pain/distress). Survival is predicated on the avoidance of pain and the repetition of pleasure.

The limbic brain contains the amygdala and hypothalamus. This part of the brain does not register concepts of time, nor does it apply logic. As Dr. Earl Grey (2010), author of the very user-friendly guide Unify Your Mind: Connecting the Feelers, Thinkers, and Doers of Your Brain explains, the amygdala is a filter. Metaphorically, it is like a security checkpoint at the airport. The amygdala scans for any threat or danger. If the amygdala identifies the data as safe and non-threatening, it authorizes admittance to the neocortex. It is then integrated into other existing data acquired over the years. In essence, the information integrates into our existing experience without fallout. As we will discuss in the next chapter on treatment, early intervention soon after a threat or danger is signaled, facilitates this process of integration. Intervention can be as simple as validation of a traumatizing experience, and the comfort of social support.

So, what happens when the amygdala signals danger? Other parts of the brain become activated; specifically the thalamus which is also in the limbic brain. This activation can incite one of three alarm responses, driven by the lower reptilian brain: 1) the fight response, 2) the flight response, or the 3) freeze response. When these alarm responses are activated, the body will protectively and automatically respond according to the instructions of the brain. Even after the danger has passed, the thalamus remains on high alert, activating the same responses if anything reminiscent of the original danger passes through again. This makes perfect sense from a survival perspective. In the wild, predators often return with reinforcements!

The limbic/mammalian brain does not have any concept of time. Past, present, and future are all one and the same. This might explain why your dog (a mammal) may greet you as though you've been gone for 30 years, instead of 30 minutes. This phenomenon also helps to explain why traumatized people can seem stuck in the past. For them, something that happened 50 years ago feels as though it is happening right now. To the mammalian brain, where these crossed wires and balls of tangle are housed, 50 years ago is today. When we talk about traumatized people being "stuck," it's as though wires got all tangled up and stuck in the limbic brain. Getting stuck in the limbic brain is problematic because material was never meant to be stored here long-term.

A student of mine, herself a trauma survivor, once shared with me: "This part of the brain was designed to keep us safe from saber-toothed tigers … but it wasn't designed to keep us safe from saber-toothed tigers every day." When the protective capacities of the brain are overburdened, the brain's natural functions described in this section must work longer and harder than were ever intended to do for survival purposes. Because we were not designed to sustain this degree of heightened response, we develop the symptoms we associate with traumatic stress.

There is a fantastic clip from a CBS news story in which world-renowned psychiatrist Daniel Amen, MD is speaking with a survivor of complex trauma shortly after he completes a brain scan. The patient is young man who grew up in an alcoholic home; a veteran of the first Gulf War; and recent survivor of a severe accident. Dr. Amen explained to the young man, "Your brain's working too hard." That statement resonated with me because the simple and elegant explanation beautifully captures how the brain (particularly the limbic brain) is affected by unresolved trauma.

Trauma and the Cerebral Cortex

The neocortex is responsible for things that make us distinctly human: logic; reasoning skills; higher-order thinking skills such as analysis and problem-solving; speech and verbal understanding; meaning-making; willpower; and, wisdom.

The goal of successful trauma processing is to move, or to connect, the emotionally charged material out of the limbic brain, into the neocortex, the part of the brain that is more efficient in its long-term storage capacities. Metaphorically speaking, trauma processing allows the lines of communication between the two brains to become more open so that these shifts in storage can occur. However, until that occurs, the neocortex is of little help for trauma resolution and healing. To illustrate this concept, try to recall a time when you attempted to reason with someone in crisis. It probably didn't go very well. Or, have you ever tried to think logically and rationally when your body is crying out from the exhaustion of chronic stress? Because unhealed trauma hasn't reached the cerebral cortex, it means it may be unresponsive to cognitive-rational approaches to healing.

Cognitive therapy (also called cognitive behavioral therapy) often encourages people to leave the past in the past, and instead focus on the present or the here-and-now. While these sorts of interventions are helpful for some things, they are not particularly helpful for trauma integration. Cognitive therapies or any reason-based interventions primarily target the prefrontal regions of the brain (logic, reason, and time awareness). However, it was the limbic region of the brain that was activated during the original trauma to help the person survive (through flight, fight, or freeze). During traumatic experiences, when the limbic brain is activated, the prefrontal lobes go offline. This makes perfect sense from a survival perspective. You can't reason your way out of tiger attack. For a person in crisis or intense emotional distress, whether in real time or in response to triggers from earlier, unprocessed experiences, no amount of reasoning will help.

So why would any of us attempt to appeal to a part of the brain that isn't really "on?" For optimal healing to occur, all three brains must be able to work together. Neurologically, unprocessed trauma creates disconnection in the brain. If this sounds alarming complex, don't panic. You will not need a team of experts to devise ways for the three brains to work together. Pause here and take a nice deep breath. Great! All three brains worked together during that slow deep breath. Deep breathing might be considered a whole brain intervention. Breath originates in that primitive reptilian region of the brain. Likewise, any movement-based or body-based intervention automatically works within the limbic and reptilian brains.

[Body-based interventions can involve deep breathing, techniques to engage the parsympathetic nervous system, yoga, EMDR, massage, and mindfulness that recognizes how you are feeling your emotions in your body.]

#c-ptsd #ptsd #trauma #brain #recovery

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aislinceivun · 4 years

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Not super relevant just yet, but I thought I’d put out a feeler.

I don’t have high hopes, given the volume and the… hmm, shall we say, niche pairing, but. Does anyone feel like selling their soul beta reading an absolute beast of a DekuMight fic? If so, please DM me.

Currently sitting at 10/23 chapters, 145k. (You thought I was kidding about the volume? I wasn’t. I’ve been tackling this monster for over a year and the end is still far away.) I’m devoting December to do a first round of edits, and then the first half will theoretically be ready for proofing.

Summary, content warnings – do read them, this has some heavy stuff! – and excerpts under the cut.

I’m an ESL writer so I always feel more confident when a native speaker checks my SPaG. (That said, I’m going to start publishing this eventually whether someone volunteers or not :D)

Thanks!

Relationship: Midoriya Izuku/Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto

Tags: Underage, Drama, Angst, Romance, Slow Burn, Age Difference, Cross-Generation Relationship, Student-Teacher Relationship, Awkward Crush, Pining, Dubious Morality, Bad and Questionable Decisions, Touch-Starved, Guilt, Self-Esteem Issues, Mental Health Issues, Body Dysmorphia, Medical Conditions, Chronic Illness, Inko is a Badass Mom, Endeavor’s A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Friendship, Queerplatonic Relationship, Missing Scenes, Canon Compliant until the end of the Remedial Course Arc, (just y’know - with romance and smutty bits), Adolescent Sexuality, Sexual Tension, Awkward Sexual Situations, First Time, Dom/Sub Undertones, Dubious Consent as in: Izuku is 16 when he starts having a sex life, he may or may not be below the age of consent in your eyes depending on where you’re from, and Toshinori is pushed far beyond his comfort zone, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

Summary:

If Izuku hadn’t fallen in love, they would still orbit around each other. They would have gone on growing closer as mentor and protégé, confidants, friends; the easy bond between them brimming with trust, care and devotion. With time, Izuku might have come to view him as a parental figure.

But Izuku fell in love.

And so he tugs on that bond – not to pull him in by force, but to show him that he is wanted.

The bond twists out of shape, and the earth keeps turning anyway.

--------------------

Experts from various chapters that I think show their dynamic and the general feel of the story pretty well:

“See, this kind of thinking is exactly why I fiercely believe that you’ll be a much better Hero than I ever was.” All Might smiles, and finally it’s something genuine and soft. “Fifteen years from now on, people won’t even remember All Might anymore, his deeds forgotten after the stunning brilliance that is his successor.”

Izuku shakes his head. “That’s not happening. You are a legend! People look up to you, respect you, love you! You’ve inspired entire generatio–”

“Ah, but it’s not really me they love. It’s the Hero I created. The Symbol of Peace, the Pillar of Hope… They have no idea ‘All Might’ is just a front for a pitiful man who has no idea what he’s doing most of the time and commits mistakes left and right.” He pointedly raises a brow. “Like not realizing his precious student is ready to self-destruct to make him proud, for example.”

“People would feel the same way about you even if they knew the truth,” Izuku insists, ignoring the quip. “Maybe they’d be shocked at first, but it would pass. I’m sure of it. And even if you’ve made mistakes, that doesn’t negate all the good you’ve done as a Hero. Saying ‘it’s not me, it’s the Hero I created’… that’s so stupid! There’s only one you! It’s not like– it’s not like you’ve tricked people!”

“I did trick them. I’ve never been completely honest, always presented a front. What they love is the idea of All Might – the idea of someone good and righteous and infallible. Not the sad, sick old man hiding behind it. And I can understand why. I mean…” He gestures at himself with a smile that’s more like an embarrassed grimace. Izuku would claw it off his face if he could. “The real me is hardly the hope-inspiring beacon of light they expect the No. 1 Hero to be. One day soon, the truth will come out, and believe me, kid, no one will claim to love All Might after.”

Izuku is speechless. His throat is tight, his chest is hot… His core feels bruised.

He hates this. He hates, hates, hates it when All Might gets like this. A part of him wants to cry. Another wants to grab the man and shake him until he sees sense.

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It’s his fault, isn’t it. Surely, there had been signs. Red flags. Looking back, he can spot them now… But Toshinori was so delighted to have made such an intimate connection, so relieved to have someone accept him fully that he didn’t stop to think about the potential consequences. Someone his age shouldn’t have been so eager to become friends with a teenager, let alone one who thought of him as an idol. He should have realized earlier that what they had going on wasn’t proper.

Was he so desperate for companionship that he forced it on the boy? Was it his neediness that led Midoriya to warp their connection into something it’s not, something it cannot be?

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I love you so much, Izuku thinks with despair. Whenever I see you walk by in U.A., my throat constricts. At this point, I’ll need a heart transplant by the time I’m twenty because it’s constantly on the verge of bursting and that can’t be healthy.

The other day, I dreamt about a villain who had the ability to age people up or down. She used it for evil things – turning her enemies into fragile old people or helpless babies. I knew it was bad, but I approached her and begged her to age me up anyway, even at the cost of losing decades of my life. The scariest part of this is that even after I woke up, I wasn’t convinced I wouldn’t do the same in real life.

They say first loves rarely last. That they are sweet and innocent. But that can’t be right, because what I feel is harsh and painful, and I don’t see how it would be possible to feel more. If this monstrous thing in my chest is just a “fleeting, gentle first love”, then surely the all-encompassing true love people speak of would actually kill me?

I love you, and I wish I could show that without hurting you.

I wish. I wish. I wish. Getting to know you, receiving your trust and friendship, being allowed to study at U.A… I should be the happiest I’ve ever been. But I just keep wishing for what-ifs.

The one thing I don’t wish for is for these feelings to go away. Despite everything, I don’t regret being in love with you.

How nice it would be, if I could tell you these things out loud. If you’d be embarrassed and flattered and maybe just a little bit happy instead of fearful and worried.

Izuku swallows around the lump in his throat and doesn’t say a word.

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The beeping has him stressed out and sweating within seconds. Then the line clicks, and Toshinori stops breathing.

“Hey.”

He’s never heard Midoriya sound so small and shy. He’s always been larger than life, brighter than a supernova.

Toshinori swallows before confessing, “I don’t know what to do. How to handle this.”

A sigh on the other end of the line. “That makes two of us.”

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Alternate summary: troubled “crippling self-esteem issues, my old friend” area man and besotted “horny on main” teen try to figure their shit out across 300k or more, panic only for about 80% of that

#dekumight #orudeku #toshideku #toshinori x izuku #bnha #fic related #wwte #this is an angsty whump-fest of epic proportions #and even with Izu being smitten from day 1 #it's the slowest burn I've ever written #I'M LIVING FOR IT

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garden-of-succulents · 7 years

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I was busy this weekend with a lot of work stuff, during which I had a couple related discussions with coworkers, friends, and mental health colleagues about safe spaces, about how people with different personalities or issues or mental health needs interact, and it reminded me of issues we’ve had in fandom, both among fans and when discussing the work we’re fannish about. I thought it might be worth introducing a concept into the discussion.

Something I only learned about as an adult when I got into disability advocacy was the concept of conflicting access needs. That is, disabled people may need certain accommodations to make a space accessible to them, like wheelchair ramps or braille signage; and sometimes those needs directly conflict in a way that is nobody’s fault and doesn’t mean anybody’s needs are invalid and evil.

(Essay content notes: Trauma, mental illness, illustrative examples from a domestic violence shelter including abuse and suicide attempts. And also some examples that are a little less blameless and “nobody’s fault”)

For example, a person with poor vision may need bright lighting so they can see and read, while another person with chronic migraines or sensory processing issues may need low lighting to avoid headaches or overstimulation. These are both legitimate access needs, but they mean you probably cannot make the same space accessible to the same people at the same time. These are issues that need to be solved with a lot of thought and extra dedication of resources, and there’s nowhere near a standardized guide of responses to these situations.

Conflicting access needs come up all the time in the mental health field. For example, some people have strong emotions and need to be able to express them without judgment or restriction to be healthy; others have high levels of anxiety and extreme negative reactions to emotions expressed loudly or forcefully.

Content warning: domestic violence, trauma, child harm: When I worked in a women’s shelter, one issue that came up a lot had to do with children: Women and children would arrive freshly traumatized and settle into a new, scary space with different rules and strange people. The children would often panic if they lost sight of their mother and want her near all the time. At the same time, their mothers needed time and space to process the trauma they’d been through and tell staff about what they’d been through. Letting children sit in on their mothers’ interviews with staff, where they talked about the abuse they’d experienced, would be extremely harmful to the children--it substantially raises their risk of PTSD to see the adult they rely on to make the world safe break down and become overwhelmed with fear or grief, much less to hear about the things that had been done to her. We had to expend a lot of time, effort, and staffing hours to making sure that both mothers and children got what they needed--that there were a lot of staff on hand to soothe, distract, and play with children while their mothers were busy dealing with their own trauma, as well as counsellors and advocates available to help their mothers. End specific content warning

The more experience I get, the more I think it’s impossible for any one space or environment to meet everybody’s access needs at the same time. What some people experience as safety threatens others. Some people need to fall apart, and others need not to see someone falling apart in front of them. And unlike the shelter, friendships and social groups don’t have staff who are hired to put their own needs on hold for an eight-hour stretch; everyone involved has needs to look out for. (And actually, that’s not even true; as staff, our employer was non-negotiable about our need not to be physically threatened and prohibited us from working with clients who threatened violence against us. But we stretched ourselves thin ignoring our other needs--to sit down, to cry, to wait for the shaking to pass, to complain, to get angry, to go out for a snack or a smoke--when we had clients to take care of.)

(Relatedly, my experience with mental illness and mentally ill people is why I don’t believe in “safe spaces”: It is absolutely worthwhile to make a space safer, to remove a lot of obvious triggers and distressing material. But the more traumatized the group you are working with, the more elusive safety is because people carry their trauma around with them: they can’t be safe in their own heads and bodies. A lot of traumatized people constantly revisit and rehash what hurt them. To promise a “safe space” to many people is to make a false promise that will inevitably prove false and disappoint them. Therefore my view of what makes “safer spaces” work has changed a lot, away from restricting the kind of content on display, and towards empowering people to use tools to help themselves feel safe and in control. To saying, “Feel free to leave if you need to take time to yourself” or “Just put your hand up like this if you want us to leave you alone” or “here is how to keep this kind of content appearing on your screen”.)

These are issues I hardly got any training in and I’ve been in the mental health field for almost a decade. They’re discussions that feel like we’re breaking new ground in every time I have them with people with twenty years of experience. These are discussions that are hard find any clear, firm, 100% correct answer. Often the answer is “more resources”--more people, more empathy, more time, more thoughtfulness, more knowledge--and that’s a shitty answer when we’re in a situation where everyone is stressed, upset, at the end of their rope, in pain, and already doing the best they can.

These are tough issues.

I’m mentally ill and neurodivergent; I have mentally ill and neurodivergent friends. And it is so easy for us to hurt each other. My Autistic friend has an anxious week and has to stop spending all her energy on reading subtle social signals to finish her thesis; I’m depressed and socially anxious and feel the loss of her attention and lack of response to the small feelers I send out to see if she still likes me; when she finds out I’ve been sitting on my insecurity all week, she feels like a horrible friend. We’re not necessarily bad, nor wrong, but we hurt each other all the same. And the reason we can still stay friends is because we can talk things through and find ways to give each other what we need.

Content warning: domestic violence, abuse, suicide: On the other hand, sometimes you can’t negotiate that gap and stay together afterwards. At the shelter, a lot of women who’d just left their abusive partner would come into the counselling office carrying their cell phones, saying, “He says he’ll kill himself if I don’t come back. He’s tried it before and I believe him. I think I should go.” Sometimes this is a bluff, an abuser’s tactic to get control back--and sometimes they’re not. But in those cases the women thought that their partner’s pain and distress--which were sometimes very real--meant they should put themselves back in danger. We had to remind them that their partner’s need for someone to help them deal was not actually greater than their need to stay safe and alive. More than once, I helped a woman call 911 or the local Mobile Mental Health Unit to alert them to a person at high risk of suicide--because as much as she loved him and wanted him to be safe, she and I could look at the facts and know that her going back wouldn’t really help him, and would definitely harm her. End specific content warning

It matters a lot to me to try to have these discussions, tell these sorts of stories. A lot of my fiction is an attempt to complicate the bland, romanticized stories about mental health I got my information from when I was a teenager, that left me unprepared to handle these conflicts.

There isn’t an easy answer, not “more kindness” or “more boundaries” or “help others” or “look out for yourself”. The easiest answer I have is, “This is hard.” Caring about other people is an active struggle; being a good person isn’t a state, it’s a series of trade-offs and the best decisions you can make at the time.

Short, easy answers--”This is right, the alternative is wrong,” or “Fuck them” or “Only this is important”--may keep you safe or help you get through in the short term, but they also have their own costs. They’re coping mechanisms, not ultimate truths.

#stuff i wrote #mental health thots #this included fannish analysis originally #but it felt weird and wrong to leave in #so i took it out

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not-poignant · 7 years

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pardon this question, you definitely don't have to answer it, but how did you learn or realize you were autistic? I've been researching symptoms and experiences and i know a few people who are on the spectrum, and i've been wondering if i am even though it doesn't present conventionally in some ways? My psychiatrist shut it down v quickly

Hi anon, :)

Okay, I have a long response so I’m putting it under a Read More. The first half is basically my journey to where I’m at now, and the second part is my thoughts on where you’re at, and how self-diagnosis is pretty cool in a world where a lot of the system is against adults getting diagnosed on the spectrum. Feel free to ignore the first part.

It’s a strange journey to how I got here. My folks actually suspected I had autism as a child, but because Asperger’s wasn’t a thing in Western Australia back then (early 80s), I had some borderline traits and then was tossed back without a diagnosis, and that was that.

I had an idea about 8-9 years ago, but never did anything about it, because I was wary of treading into a community I didn’t think I was a part of, and I didn’t want to offend anyone.

Then I had a friend who is also likely Aspie’s, tell me that she thought I very strongly fit the symptom profile of AFAB folks with Asperger’s (people who are women, or assigned female at birth, often have a different autism symptom profile to men, for a lot of reasons, and are often dismissed, because misogyny and a patriarchal medical system). Those symptoms were spot on, but again, I kind of ignored it.

About a year after that, I was having some massive communication troubles, and I ended up with a book on ‘how to communicate with your Aspie partner’ (or something like that, I can find it for you) and it was way more helpful than any book I’ve ever gotten on communicating. Like, way better than my ‘living with a PTSD partner’ better than ‘living with an X chronic condition partner.’ Like, scary accurate. After that, I started self-identifying as neuroatypical. I already knew that it is extremely hard for adults to be diagnosed on the spectrum, especially AFAB folk. It’s one area of self-diagnosis where I was like ‘the material is helping me and my life improve, therefore, I’m going to self-diagnose as having this thing.’*

(*I actually think this is one of the best reasons to self-diagnose, which is if the materials improve your quality of life once you engage with them.)

Some time after that, maybe two years ago now, my current psychologist didn’t do an official screening, but said I met all the core markers for high functioning autism, and had been treating me as a client that was neuroatypical for some time (with some success) even though she hadn’t told me that (she just assumed I knew I was on the spectrum) and we started talking about it.

I’ve never had an official screening, beyond what I had as a 3 to 4 year old. Recently - last year - my Mum found out in a weird weird way. A friend of hers met me twice, her son’s autistic (he’s low functioning) and said to my Mum: ‘I think your daughter has Asperger’s.’ Mum was like ‘haha no, she doesn’t.’ And then apparently this friend showed Mum sites on autism and Mum came to me and was like ‘ahhhhhhh I don’t want to offend you buuuuuut this seems, a lot like - this explains a lot.’ And I was like ‘oh yeah, totally, I’m totally with you, your friend is right.’ And Mum was like: ‘O.O’ and that’s the story of how we get along a bit better now and how she understands me a bit more, lol.

But here’s the thing about getting diagnosed as an adult, particularly if you’re AFAB (I don’t know if you are, but anyway) - it’s really hard, and it’s often really expensive. Currently, in Western Australia, a place known for having very high standards of public health access, it costs $1300 for most to get the official screening done, and most doctors / psychologists don’t offer it, and it’s not covered by almost all forms of insurance, nor is it covered by disability/health welfare. A lot of adults literally don’t have the privilege to afford diagnosis - it’s things like this which make me a big proponent of self-diagnosis, especially in cases where I know the western medical system is really bad at supporting adults with whatever thing the thing is. (ADHD is another, it’s really tough for adults to get diagnosed with this, and get appropriate treatment, especially based on country - it’s possible in Australia, it’s basically impossible in Italy because of cultural biases).

I don’t want to say your psychiatrist is wrong, I don’t know your situation, or your history with them, I’m not a professional of anything remotely medical or psychological. At all. Plus I feel it would be remiss of me if I didn’t say that there is a huge overlap between some high functioning autism symptoms and mental illness symptoms, and a psychiatrist is in the best possible position to know the difference.

I will say it’s worth looking around on Facebook for groups that might look at adult folks with Aspie’s or similar, and ask them what doctors or psychs they saw for diagnosis. We have to do similar here in Western Australia for Fibromyalgia, because even though typically you go to a rheumatologist (at least here) to get diagnosed, a lot of rheumatologists here refuse to even acknowledge/touch Fibromyalgia (it’s notoriously difficult to treat) - so I wasn’t diagnosed for 10+ years, despite actively hunting down a diagnosis for what I had (and I’d even ruled out Fibromyalgia for myself, because I’d been conditioned to accept my chronic, intense pain as ‘normal’ and ‘untreatable’).

Now I have a rheumatologist that diagnosed me, and I have a medication that helps me. That’s a miracle. And I got a referral to this rheumatologist thanks to a Facebook group / friend that were on the ball with this stuff. So I think it would be good to search around online. I actually hate Facebook, but god, it can be really good for putting you in touch with the right doctors, or the patients who see the right doctors/psychs/psychiatrists/counsellors etc. Like I said, I don’t know if your psych is right for you or not, but this is a world where second opinions count, and not all doctors are supportive of every thing. If I’d known I had Fibromyalgia 10-15 years ago, I could have been placed on Amitriptyline early and I may not have ended up on Disability via destroying my life via ignoring illnesses until my body literally couldn’t take it anymore.

My thoughts are…you’re looking for something that helps you, right? That’s why we need labels sometimes. Sometimes the medical profession won’t help us out with that, but that doesn’t stop you from accessing those books, articles, how-tos and so on in the meantime. There are a lot of people, regardless of age, who self-diagnose as neuroatypical in part because the social anxiety of getting diagnosed (a facet of being neuroatypical, among many other things) is just too damn intimidating. You can start looking up ‘how to communicate in relationships if you’re X’ now. You can really start testing all of that stuff out now. If it helps you, if it improves your quality of life (that’s the biggie), that’s like…the most important part imho.

Also, finally if you’re AFAB or a cis female, and haven’t already, google the presentation of Asperger’s in women. You may find the symptom profile fits you better than what you’ll find on the standardised Wiki page. Finally, even if you don’t have Asperger’s, that doesn’t mean you can’t be neuroatypical, or don’t have neuroatypical traits? I’ve had synesthesia all my life, that alone makes me neuroatypical. So it’s worth… remembering that no matter what the final label is that you end up with for yourself, in the meantime, it’s okay to validate those parts of you that don’t seem to fit into the norm of neurological behaviour. It’s okay to seek help and support for it, and it’s okay to give yourself permission to look further.

I wish the path to diagnosis was easier, no matter what the diagnosis ends up being. I have lived what it’s like in a medical system where doctors miss things or ignore things because it’s more convenient for them to do so. It sucks. Trust me, there are a lot of self-diagnosed people on the spectrum, who are right to have self-diagnosed. You’re not alone (I bet there will be other people reading this who can relate to you, anon), and I think it’s awesome that you’re reaching out / putting out feelers about this stuff. *offers hugs*

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personalcoachingcenter · 5 years

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The Beautiful Truths About Being a Highly Sensitive Human

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/the-beautiful-truths-about-being-a-highly-sensitive-human/

The Beautiful Truths About Being a Highly Sensitive Human

Being intense and sensitive—seeing the world through different eyes and feeling the world on a distinctive wavelength—does not lay an easy path.

You are most likely a deep thinker, an intuitive feeler, and an extraordinary observer. You are prone to existential depression and anxiety, but you also know beauty and rapture. When art or music moves you, you are flooded with waves of joy and ecstasy. As a natural empathiser, you have a gift; yet you are also overwhelmed by the constant waves of social nuances and others’ psychic energies.

You might have spent your whole life trying to fit in with the cultural “shoulds” and “musts In school, you wanted to be in the clique, but you were unable to make small talks or have shallow relationships.

At work, you want the authorities to recognise you, but your soul does not compromise on depth, authenticity and connections.

You feel hurt for being the black sheep in the family, but your success is not recognised in a conventional way.

In these following paragraphs, I want to remind you how precious your unique life path is. Rather than pretending to be who you are not, you only do yourself and the world justice by celebrating your sensitivity and intensity.

(Please click here for a full definition of what it means to be emotionally intense and sensitive)

SENSITIVITY AS A FORM OF BRAIN DIFFERENCE

Emotional sensitivity is a brain difference—an innate trait that makes one different from the normative way of functioning.

While the mass media and medical professionals are eager to use labels to diagnose people with a way of being that is different from the norm, findings in neuroscience are going in the opposite direction. More and more, the scientific community acknowledges “neurodiversity”—the biological reality that we are all wired differently. Rather than being an inconvenience to be eliminated, neurodiversity is an evolutionary advantage, something that is essential if we were to flourish as a species.

Like many brain differences, it is misunderstood. As people naturally reject what they do not understand, the emotionally sensitive ones are being pushed to the margin. Those who feel more, and seem to have a mind that operates outside of society’s norm are often outcasted. In the Victorian era, women who appeared emotional were given the humiliating label of “hysteria.” Even today, emotional people tend to be looked down upon, and sometimes criticised and shunned.

The stigma attached to sensitivity is made worse by trends in the mass media. In 2014, author Bret Easton Ellis branded Millennials as narcissistic, over-sensitive and sheltered; from there, the disparaging term “generation snowflake” went viral. The right-wing media ran with the insult. Last year, a Daily Mail article described young people as “a fragile, thin-skinned younger generation.” This notion is not only unfounded but also unjust and damaging.

The sensitive male is also misjudged and marginalised. Under the ”boys don’t cry!” macho culture, those who feel more are called “weak” or “sissies,” with little acknowledgement of their unique strengths. Many sensitive boys and men live lives of quiet suffering and have opted to numb their emotional pain of not fitting the male ideal with alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, or other addictions.

Being sensitive and intense is not an illness—in fact, it often points to intelligence, talents or creativity. However, after years of being misdiagnosed by health professionals, criticised by schools or workplace authority, and misunderstood by even those who are close to them, many sensitive people start to believe there is something wrong with them. Ironically, low self-esteem and loneliness make them more susceptible to having an actual mental disorder.

SOME OF US ARE BORN SENSITIVE

Since the 1990s, various scientific frameworks have emerged to explain our differences in sensitivity. Some of the most prominent being sensory processing sensitivity, “differential susceptibility theory,” and “biological sensitivity to context” (Lionetti et al., 2018).

From birth, we differ in our neurological makeup. Each baby has their style based on how well they react to external stimuli and how they organises sensation. Medical professionals use tools like the Neonatal Behavioral Assessment Scale (NBAS) to measure such differences.

Harvard developmental psychologist Jerome Kagan was amongst the first scholars to examine sensitivity as a brain difference. In Kagan’s studies of infants, he found that a group of infants are more aroused and distressed by novel stimuli—a stranger coming into the room, a noxious smell. To these cautious infants, any new situation is a potential threat.

On closer examination, sensitive infants have different biochemical reactions when exposed to stress. Their system secrets higher levels of norepinephrine (our brain’s version of adrenaline) and stress hormones like cortisol. In other words, they have a fear system that is more active than most.

Since the regions of the brain that receive signals for potential threats are extra reactive, these children are not geared to process a wide range of sensations at a single moment. Even as adults, they are more vulnerable to stress-related disease, chronic pain and fatigue, migraine headaches, and environmental stimuli ranging from smell, sight, sound to electromagnetic influences.

In 1995, Elaine Aron published her book Highly Sensitive People, bringing the idea into the mainstream. Aron defines high sensitivity as a distinct personality trait that affects as many as 15-20 percent of the population—too many to be a disorder, but not enough to be well understood by the majority.

Here are a set of HSP traits in Aron’s original conception:

Noticing sounds, sensations and smells that others miss (e.g. clock ticking, the humming noise from a refrigerator, uncomfortable clothing)

Feeling moved on a visceral level by things like art, music and performance, or nature

“Pick up” others moods or have them affect you more than most

Being sensitive to pain or other physical sensations

A quiet environment is essential to you

Feel uneasy or overwhelmed in a busy and crowded environment

Sensitivity to caffeine

Startle/ blush easily

Dramatic impact on your mood

Having food sensitivities, allergies, asthma

THE ORCHIDS AND THE DANDELIONS

But does being born sensitive destine one to lifelong unhappiness and turmoil? To answer this question, Thomas Boyce, M.D., founded the “Orchid and Dandelion” theory.

Combining years of experience as a paediatrician, and results from empirical studies, Dr. Boyce and his team found that most children, approximately 80 percent of the population, are like dandelions—they can survive almost every environmental circumstances. The remaining 20 percent are like orchids; they are exquisitely sensitive to their environment and vulnerable under conditions of adversity. This theory explains why siblings brought up in the same family might respond differently to family stress. While orchid children are affected by even the most subtle differences in their parents’ feelings and behaviours, dandelion children are unperturbed.

But sensitivity does not equal vulnerability. Many of Dr. Boyce’s orchid children patients have grown up to become eminent adults, magnificent parents, intelligent and generous citizens of the world. As it turns out; sensitive children respond to not just the negative but also the positive. Their receptivity to the environment can also bring a reversal of fortune.

Orchid children’s receptivity applies to not just physical sensations, but also relational experiences such as warmth or indifference. In critical, undermining setting, they may devolve into despair, but in a supportive and nurturing environment, they thrive even further more than the dandelions.

The Orchid and Dandelion theory holds a provocative view of genetics, which asserts that the very genes that give us the most challenges also underlie the most remarkable qualities. Sensitivity is like a “highly leveraged evolutionary bets” that carry both high risks and potential rewards (Dobbs, 2009). The very sensitive children that suffer in a precarious childhood environment are the same children most likely to flourish and prosper. They may be more prone to upsets and physical sensitivities, but they also possess the most capacity to be unusually vital, creative, and successful.

In other words, the sensitive ones are not born “vulnerable”; they are simply more responsive to their surrounding system. With the right kind of knowledge, support and nurture—even if this means replenishing what one did not get in childhood in adulthood—they can thrive like no others.

THRIVING IN A NEW WORLD

Our world is changing. Qualities such as sensitivity, empathy, high perceptiveness—what the sensitive person excel at, are needed and celebrated.

In Daniel Pink’s book, A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule The Future, he pointed out that our society has arrived at a point in which systematisation, computerisation, and automation are giving way to new skills such as intuition, creativity, and empathy. For more than 100 years, the sequential, linear, and logical were praised. As we move towards a different economic era, the world’s leaders will need to be creators and empathisers. As Pink quoted: “I say, ‘Get me some poets as managers.’ Poets are our original systems thinkers. They contemplate the world in which we live and feel obligated to interpret and give expression to it in a way that makes the reader understand how that world runs. Poets, those unheralded systems thinkers, are our true digital thinkers. It is from their midst that I believe we will draw tomorrow’s new business leaders.”

It is clear that humanity is calling for a different way of being, and a redefinition of power. In today’s world, people yearn to be led by empathy, rather than force. Even in the most ego-driven corporate space, we hear people saying things like “trust your gut instinct,” “follow your intuition,” or “watch the energy in the room.” Sensitivity, emotional intensity, deep empathy—what were previously thought as weaknesses—are now much-valued qualities that make you stand out.

We are in a time where the previously highly sensitive and empathic misfits rise to become the leaders. Therefore, embracing your gift of sensitivity is not just something you do for yourself, but also those around you. If you can summon the courage to stand out as a sensitive leader, you set a solid example for all others like you. The more you can free yourself from the childlike need to trade “fitting in” for authenticity, the more you can channel your gifts and serve the world.

TRUE BELONGING

For years, you have desperately wanted to “fit in.”

But at times, you hear a tiny whispering voice that champions the truth. It asks:

What if what your inner self needs is to be allowed just to be you, even when it means not fitting in the crowd?

What if what your soul is destined to be different, like many rebels, the artists, and visionaries in history?

What if like all the honourable trailblazers and truth tellers, your seat in this world is indeed on the fringe?

Coming to terms with your authentic place in the world might mean accepting the reality that you will never “fit in” the conventional way.

This is not immediately easy.

After all, you want to belong, to be part of a tribe, to feel like a wider part of humanity.

But once you have released the old idea of what “fitting in” meant, you could make room for a new meaning of belongingness.

In true belongingness, fitting in means something different.

It means you have made a home for yourself.

It means you have committed never to reject yourself, even when the world says otherwise.

It means you have asserted your boundaries, and you honour only the opinions of those who have earned your respect.

It means you drop the task of peacemaking and align with the mission of truth-telling.

It means you stop buying membership with the cost of your true self, but instead create membership by making your mark in the world.

With the courageous acceptance of your authentic place in the world comes both beauty and terror, excitement and fear.

See if you can embrace both, but keep your eyes on the prize.

Soon, your courage will bring you what your deepest self have longed a lifetime for—a true sense of belonging.

(Original Post)

Source, N;

#Coaching from around the web

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positivepsychologyinterventions · 6 years

Text

6 Ways to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Emotions

“Sometimes I think I need a spare heart to feel all the things I feel.” — Sanober Khan

I felt her agony and loneliness as if it were my own. Even as I write that sentence, my eyes well up and heaviness fills my heart. Then, I’m reminded to apply the advice I give others.

My mom was a special person, a sensitive soul just like me. Actually, I’m so much like she was, yet so different. One of the differences between us is that I had an opportunity to observe her life’s challenges. I saw her challenges reflected within myself and made a conscious choice to find healthy ways to cope.

You see, my mom was a deep feeler and felt the emotions of people near and far. I imagine it was her strong empathy and personal challenges that led her to want to help others, as a wounded healer in a sense.

But as a helper and healer, she struggled with her mental and emotional health over the years. Witnessing her life moved me to learn how to regulate my own sensitive emotions and set healthy boundaries.

Sometimes I wonder if not knowing how to manage her empathy is what made her sick.

There are many ways to understand the challenges my mom battled before her death in 2007. From her perspective, she had a rare, unknown physical illness. Some who knew her may have thought she was manipulative and attention-seeking. Some would see an addiction to pain medication. Psychologists would diagnose her with psychosomatic disorder, borderline personality disorder, and bipolar disorder.

Maybe all and none of those explanations are true. But perhaps she didn’t have any “disorder” at all. I’m not really asserting that to be true, but merely posing a curious question. What if she was just a sensitive, empathic person who lacked the skills to manage the pain around and within her? What if one unhelpful coping mechanism led a to slew of other ailments?

I believe my mom felt real physical and emotional pain. I struggled to fully understand her over the years. But after many years of reflection, I now trust her experience because of what I know about my own sensitive nature.

As sensitive people, we may present with high emotion and feel easily overwhelmed by our senses. We’re often told by the world that there’s something wrong with us. And when we think there’s something inherently wrong with us, we tend to tuck these traits away into our “shadow” or unconscious mind.

Well, now we’ve not only tucked away our core nature, but possibly the empathic depth that goes along with being a sensitive person as well. There may be a part of us that knows that we’re emotional sponges. Yet, we may choose to ignore our nature without really learning how to manage our empathy in such a way that prevents “dis-ease” and fosters well-being.

This was me for a long time.

Not only am I prone to feeling depleted and drained in situations with certain people, but emotional pain of others tends to show up in my physical body. When I over-feel, my throat feels like it’s closing and as my chest constricts, my chronic back pain flares up.

My boyfriend was complaining of one of those small, painful pimples inside his nose recently. I got one as well. We joked about sympathy pains, but I do wonder sometimes.

I’ve felt the emotional pain of my family, friends, clients, and strangers. It’s not a simple, “Oh, I feel bad for him.” It’s feeling the despair and rejection of that teenager whose parents didn’t pick him up when he was released from the behavioral hospital where I worked. It’s the deep anguish of being that relative who feels no one believes her and she’s all alone.

I feel challenged to find the right language to express it all because the deep heartache and heavy burden is a feeling not a word.

The thing is that no matter how painful it is to feel the weight of the world in my body, I wouldn’t trade my depth and ability to feel for anything. The empathy that comes with high sensitivity is a true gift if we know how to use it.

We need more kind, compassionate souls if we want to heal the world. Sensitive people have a natural capacity to show kindness because of our profound empathy.

Deep empathy gives us a special strength in relating and connecting to others. When we genuinely care, we’re more apt to be able to understand another person in a way not that all people can. Our sincerity can help us to develop meaningful, fulfilling relationships.

Relationships offer us a chance to not only grow a deep sense of connection with another human being, but also an opportunity to learn about ourselves. Both of these are integral to the human experience.

And as sensitive people, we not only feel the intensity of pain, but also the intensity of joy.

Yet, regulating our empathy is key to stopping the flood of emotion from overwhelming our ability to cope and care for our well-being.

If we want to stop absorbing emotional baggage from others, it all starts with taking care of our physical, social, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. I know it sounds like the whole world is harping on the idea of self-care, but there’s a reason for this.

When our own immune system or energy is depleted, we become a perfect sponge for sopping up emotions. We must take care of ourselves to avoid absorption in the first place.

1. When You Notice Heavy Emotion, Start by Labeling What You’re Feeling.

Labeling helps to bring us into a state of pause, which can help us to gain a little distance from the emotional experience for a moment.

2. Ask Yourself Whether What You’re Feeling Is Yours, Someone Else’s, or a Mix of the Two.

It can be difficult to discern the difference sometimes. One approach I like to take is if I think I might be feeling a particular person’s “stuff,” I’ll imagine the person as completely whole, content, and full of light. Then I’ll revisit my own experience and see if I still feel the same way.

This played out in a recent loss in my life. While I was experiencing my own grief, when my relative who was closest to this person seemed to start to heal, I realized that much of my sadness released as well.

3. The Moment You Catch Yourself Feeling Emotions That Aren’t Yours, Raise Your Awareness of What’s Happening Within You.

It can help to say the word “compassion” to yourself as a way of intentionally focusing on what you can do to be supportive rather than allowing yourself to be overpowered by emotion.

4. Take a Deep Breath and Notice Where in Your Body You Feel the Most Calm, Grounded, or Neutral.

It might be as simple as your toe or finger. Bring your attention to that place in your body and allow it to be a centering force to keep you grounded while you process and release any feelings you may have absorbed. Sometimes just having one calm place in our body can serve as a resource when the rest of you is feeling overwhelmed.

5. Return the Other Person’s Emotions to Them.

It is not your responsibility to carry other people’s emotional distress, and equally important, it helps absolutely no one. Try saying to yourself, “I’m letting this emotional pain that is not mine go now.” Remember that other people have to go through their own processes in order to grow.

6. Use Visualization to Fully Release the Emotions.

I find that it helps me to visualize a waterfall flowing through my body as a final release of any residual emotional gunk I might be carrying.

—

At the center of all of the above steps is building the awareness to know when we’re allowing ourselves to absorb and and adopting tools to reduce this propensity. As a sensitive person, your empathy is a gift that the world needs. It’s up to each of us to channel our empathy into greater compassion so that we can remain strong and well.

This post is courtesy of Tiny Buddha.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2K44JNp via IFTTT

#IFTTT #World of Psychology

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personalcoachingcenter · 5 years

Text

The Beautiful Truths About Being a Highly Sensitive Human

New Post has been published on http://personalcoachingcenter.com/the-beautiful-truths-about-being-a-highly-sensitive-human/

The Beautiful Truths About Being a Highly Sensitive Human

Being intense and sensitive—seeing the world through different eyes and feeling the world on a distinctive wavelength—does not lay an easy path.

At work, you want the authorities to recognise you, but your soul does not compromise on depth, authenticity and connections.

You feel hurt for being the black sheep in the family, but your success is not recognised in a conventional way.

(Please click here for a full definition of what it means to be emotionally intense and sensitive)

SENSITIVITY AS A FORM OF BRAIN DIFFERENCE

Emotional sensitivity is a brain difference—an innate trait that makes one different from the normative way of functioning.

SOME OF US ARE BORN SENSITIVE

Here are a set of HSP traits in Aron’s original conception:

Noticing sounds, sensations and smells that others miss (e.g. clock ticking, the humming noise from a refrigerator, uncomfortable clothing)

Feeling moved on a visceral level by things like art, music and performance, or nature

“Pick up” others moods or have them affect you more than most

Being sensitive to pain or other physical sensations

A quiet environment is essential to you

Feel uneasy or overwhelmed in a busy and crowded environment

Sensitivity to caffeine

Startle/ blush easily

Dramatic impact on your mood

Having food sensitivities, allergies, asthma

THE ORCHIDS AND THE DANDELIONS

But does being born sensitive destine one to lifelong unhappiness and turmoil? To answer this question, Thomas Boyce, M.D., founded the “Orchid and Dandelion” theory.

THRIVING IN A NEW WORLD

Our world is changing. Qualities such as sensitivity, empathy, high perceptiveness—what the sensitive person excel at, are needed and celebrated.

TRUE BELONGING

For years, you have desperately wanted to “fit in.”

But at times, you hear a tiny whispering voice that champions the truth. It asks:

What if what your inner self needs is to be allowed just to be you, even when it means not fitting in the crowd?

What if what your soul is destined to be different, like many rebels, the artists, and visionaries in history?

What if like all the honourable trailblazers and truth tellers, your seat in this world is indeed on the fringe?

Coming to terms with your authentic place in the world might mean accepting the reality that you will never “fit in” the conventional way.

This is not immediately easy.

After all, you want to belong, to be part of a tribe, to feel like a wider part of humanity.

But once you have released the old idea of what “fitting in” meant, you could make room for a new meaning of belongingness.

In true belongingness, fitting in means something different.

It means you have made a home for yourself.

It means you have committed never to reject yourself, even when the world says otherwise.

It means you have asserted your boundaries, and you honour only the opinions of those who have earned your respect.

It means you drop the task of peacemaking and align with the mission of truth-telling.

It means you stop buying membership with the cost of your true self, but instead create membership by making your mark in the world.

With the courageous acceptance of your authentic place in the world comes both beauty and terror, excitement and fear.

See if you can embrace both, but keep your eyes on the prize.

Soon, your courage will bring you what your deepest self have longed a lifetime for—a true sense of belonging.

(Original Post)

Source, N;

#Personal Coaching

0 notes