Umu-Tep, my new caves of qud character. they're a two-headed crysteel-clad swordesper who has one of their heads yell expletives at opponents so that they're weaker to mental sundering
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im a snapjaw. im bitin the fart bubbles in the watervine patch. we smokin qudzu symbiotes. smokin that south sunderlies house isner deluxe megadram kasaphescence kush. we smokin beetlebum. im on 12 ubernostrum injectors smokin on q girl dick. we smokin mangrove gelatinous prism boogers. we snortin that good six day stilt hot and spiny jibblies. they must have amnesia, they forgot that im xem. that bey lah backwoods pack hittin that hindrussy smell like a chitinous puma. we smokin shit from a glass hookah blowin shekhinah's bubbles. im sick in the head. im on that rainbow wood soupy sludge. im on them ekuemekiyyen greens. im on them omonporch asphodelytes. i left my zetachrome pumps in the reliquary, i'll have to stunt on them next time. i don't give a fuck if i get decapitated, i don't need that head anyway. im high on 12 pax klanqs, lookin to beat the cum out of an irritable palm. we smokin dilute warm static you stupid piece of shit, i'll fuckin kill you. call that pussy the asphalt mines, cause im in this bitch and i can't get out. last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some ulnar stimulators. the last thing he ever saw was the engraving on them. slowly faded into darkness, and i let the argent fathers take him.
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It's like, you go up to Baldur's Gate 3 and you're like, hey, you're a fantasy game. Can I play as something weird? Like maybe a centaur? That's a fantasy race, right?
And Baldur's Gate 3 says, uhm, no. You can play as a human. If you really must be different you can play as a dragonborn.
And it's like. oh, neat! That's like, a dragon?
And they're like, well, it looks more like some kind of fish... maybe like, you know those shrink-wrapped dinosaurs from the earlier days of paleontology?
And it's like... oh. Okay. What about modded races? Did someone mod in a centaur?
And BG3 is like, buddy. Buddy. Do you know how hard that would be for fans to animate? We don't even have a modding toolkit for you to use. Of course not. You can't play as a centaur. You play as a human.
And it's like... no, sure, of course, I'm sorry for bothering you.
You go to Caves of Qud and ask if you can play as a centaur.
CoQ says oh, sure, one of the first npcs you run into is a taur! The extra legs let you outspeed enemies and also give you a carry weight bonus! But what's that over there is that your fursona
and i'm like, oh, what, uhh
and CoQ is like, yeah! What is that, two-headed, four-armed foxthing? Why don't you play as that instead?
and i'm like, I'm sorry, what?
and CoQ is like, yeah, having two heads lets you wear two kinds of helmets for different bonuses, and also lets you use mental abilities quicker AND helps you shake off mental effects faster! the extra arms lets you stack up a whole bunch of weapons at once, it's a really powerful base to build your character around!
And I'm like... well... what about the visual representation of it?
and CoQ goes, we use sprites with 2 colors and negative space, so you don't need to relearn 3D modeling and animation to have your guy represented in the game with the same fidelity as everything else that already exists in it! no problem!
and like... of course, the Thing You Can Play As isn't the only factor that makes a game good! but after experiencing this, it's so hard to enjoy games like BG3. Like yeah the story and its writing and your ability to affect it are unmatched in BG3 it especially makes Bethesda look like hot steaming garbage!
but i have to either play as a human or a shrink wrapped fish dinosaur from 60s paleontology to do it? and every game makes me just play as a human. the most fantastical games with the craziest settings all mostly moderate themselves to "medieval europe... with a little bit of weirdness"
meanwhile in CoQ turning a locked door sapient, recruiting it, and giving it a chaingun so i have a literal metal door wielding a chaingun is a perfectly viable answer to getting through a locked door
anyway that's why i think the developers of CoQ should be given the budget of BG3 tyvmia
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This was supposed to be a little doodle to help me relax but it kinda got away from me. Thinking of coloring it in the in-game colors, which is probably a terrible idea, but it COMPELS ME.
Wish me luck!
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