#DUDE do you get up and put all that on

[aquickstart]

ok sure i'll talk about farleigh start. i'll talk about his tragedy of never being enough as it were and then having to deal with fucking oliver. sure. disclaimer: it's about class (and race) and the horrible reality of the rich. the horrible reality of living as farleigh.

another disclaimer: i'm white! and poc definitely pick up on everything i'm talking about here as it is, and better. i was and am specifically interested in farleigh vs. oliver but it's impossible to examine without considering race. definitely let me know if anything abt this sucks!

farleigh and oliver are similar. it's annoying because every intruder that is not himself is annoying, partly because felix's attention swaying from farleigh is dangerous; there is always a threat of being discarded, even if no precedent existed. the potential is terrifying.

but you'd think he's seen this before, every summer (if venetia is telling the truth) or at least often enough to learn to recognize it fast, so he should know this will pass. part of it is i think still the deep anxiety, and i think he hated every boy that was there before, and it is sort of routine.

but definitely a huge factor in farleigh's annoyance is the fact that he's a biracial (black for cattons, that's all they see) man in a white rich household. he's alert and exhausted all the time. of course he's angry at oliver, regardless of whether he's the first to crash at saltburn for the summer or the fifty-first.

but the important thing is this.

farleigh is very jealous of and angry and pissed at oliver because farleigh sees all the similarities between them. outsider, in financial trouble, whatever it is, in need of cattons; and yet oliver is preferred. and farleigh seems to be the only one to really consider it. felix does not pick up on the hint when farleigh brings up the birthday party vs. his mother. felix's clumsy "different or... anything like that" is as much about race as it is about class, of course. the "we've done all that we can" bit is felix absolving himself of guilt because surely they had, surely the mysterious collective cattons that he's not really part of had tried all they could do. to him, farleigh is different from oliver, because farleigh has been helped. felix is rich and white and twofold uncomfortable with farleigh, even if he's nice about it, even if he genuinely enjoys his company; he doesn't look too close at farleigh because he feels too guilty to come too close. and farleigh can't do anything about it. he can't nice himself into it. the fucking tragedy of him is that he's never enough in the world of the ultra-rich white, even if (especially because!) he's born into it.

farleigh is very pissed at oliver because farleigh also sees all the differences between them. you know who can be nice poor white enough to fit in? fucking oliver. felix says "just be yourself, they'll love you" when oliver first moves in. farleigh was also probably told the same thing, and felix also probably believed that farleigh could just be himself, but even if the cattons were magically not racist at all (impossible), it wouldn't make a difference to farleigh. he would still self-censor, keep in check, be in dangerous waters (because racism is not just about the individual, but about the system). we see that he'd won himself leeway by years of trial and error by the way he speaks to the family, but it's still within the boundaries of acceptable, built by the cattons. he's part of them because they allow it, and farleigh is very, very aware.

the annoying thing is oliver can be himself. like, truly, genuinely, he can just be. and farleigh can't help but envy that.

as a side note, oliver is obviously jealous of farleigh in the beginning as well, because regardless of the reality of farleigh's situation, he was born into it, and hence, at least in oliver's mind, has his position solidified. oliver's whole thing is unquenchable thirst and hunger for whatever and everything the cattons have (including themselves!). he wishes to have been a catton from birth. to oliver, at first, there's nothing farleigh can really do to lose it. and until he figures out the cattons completely, he can't help but envy that.

but i think farleigh senses something different about oliver early on. at least on the level of the text, we have "you're almost passing [for] a real, human boy", which is so important because farleigh is the first to point out oliver's weirdness. the next to do so is venetia in the bath scene calling him a freak, but it's too late. farleigh is too early.

and i like to think he clocks oliver too early because he sees the jagged edges that he recognizes in himself. i think that one other thing that farleigh envies is oliver's freedom to let go. freedom to let go is very similar to freedom to be, but not quite the same.

to be is about perception: farleigh knows he cannot fall out of line, but would like to, and oliver does not have to worry about it at all (i mean, he does, because oliver also performs for felix, but farleigh doesn't know that).

to let go is about the self: farleigh is too scared to even want what oliver eventually does, to even consider the possibility. oliver can let himself want. oliver can let himself act. oliver just can do things and want things. i'm not sure farleigh can.

and so in this scene, when oliver's wants and actions have landed him nowhere with farleigh, felix, venetia, the cattons, of course farleigh gloats. he can let himself do that, because if the cattons are slowly discarding him, farleigh can allow himself this one small victory. he's relieved because despite the dangerous similarities, oliver is, thankfully, not really the same as farleigh, right?

but like. this movie is a love letter to all things gothic. oliver is a white man. he prevails. the brief performance that oliver put on did eventually end up more effective than farleigh's lifetime of constraint. my heart fucking breaks for him to be honest.

the issue that remains is the fact of farleigh's survival. i like to think that oliver came to respect him. oliver is smart, but farleigh is clever. he picks up on everything oliver does (to refer back to the karaoke scene, farleigh immediately retaliates in the cleverest way, in the moment), and he's the only one to do so consistently (venetia, again, for example, comes close, but too late; oliver doesn't like that, there's nothing to work with). hence, stay with me for a little longer, the paradox: farleigh survives because he was never enough for the cattons, but he is very worthy of oliver's attention. in his own freaky way, oliver wants him. look at that.

so. farleigh. farleigh might come back. he always comes back. and i think oliver wants to try harder next time.

#saltburn #farleigh start #i think someone mentioned how the race commentary was fleeting in that scene abt his mom but i disagree #it runs thru the whole movie #because oliver is white and because they're pitted against each other #im not saying its the best commentary ever and also like the movie is not about it at all #but it's there and it's pretty prominent #also on a completely different note can we talk about how oliver correctly assumed everyone at saltburn desires him carnally #dude pulled all the bitches by being strange and off-putting. i mean i completely get it. completely get it. i'd fold so fast you've no ide #also while i was writing i realized that yes indeed both farleigh and oliver perform for felix and its so fascinating #and it works for oliver because of course it does because hes white #anyway! again! let me know if this sucks #in like any way at all #i needed a masterpost of all and every thought i have about farleigh #i think this pretty much covers it so i'll let it go now #HES SO. like do you UNDERSTAND #the DEFINITION of doomed by the narrative but i LOVE that he survives #as he SHOULD #emerald is so right. he does come back and quickstart just torture each other in that house forever. besties for life #god im gonna shut up now this is so horrendously long #mine #saltburn journaling

[ash-and-starlight]

things i’m going crazay about today: the illustrations in the he who drowned the world illumicrate cover

(artist is glassbearer on ig)

#what’s sending me into hysterics is wANG??? ultimate twinkification 😭😭 #i only recognized from his trademark horrid lettuce gown & faggy peach signaling #the difference between how i imagine/draw him and this is so nebfjsjfkwrkjsj #like to me he’s a tired dude with permanent eye bags and a caffeine addiction that started at age 9 #he’s barely 30 and looks 50 bc every day he wakes up in a torture nexus of his own making #being a straight faggot is hard work but someone has to do it #and is the other guy the third prince??? would make sense tbh but shouldn’t he be in his late teens #ig performative masculinity also ages you #(if i’m wrong and that’s esen PUT SOME BEEF ON MY MAN) #k rant over pushing this aside to tunnelvision on ZHU AND OUYANG #WHY ARE THEY DRAWN LIKE THEY’RE IN THE COVER OF A CAMPY ROMANCE NOVEL I LOVE IT #OUYANG SLUTTED OUT WHILE SUFFERING OH HES GETTING THE 15th CENTURY ART SAINT TREATMENT. AS HE SHOULD #love the benis metaphor of it all too he’s on his knees holding zhu’s sword i know what you are #zhu baby u look gorjus no notes #slay #anyway both /pos and /neg this sure is making me feel shrimp emotions lmfao #the radiant emperor #send post

[moe-broey]

I've only read the first volume of Dungeon Meshi but I'm convinced Laios and Marcille are both autistic but two EXTREMELY different flavors of autism, so much so it enables autistic PVP (one sided, Laios is unaware, possibly due to the autism)

#dungeon meshi #LIKE. WITH LAIOS it feels like a v obvious conclusion to come to hc wise but marcille....... #i vaguely know there's some stuff going on where i can guess at a few things (absorbed through osmosis) (as little spoilers as possible) #but to me she is so tryhard autism coded. getting frustrated w herself when she's slower/can't keep up w her peers/friends #physically limited. feeling the need to prove herself/scared of weighing down her allies. needs to do things 'by the books'. #stubborn streak. can accidentally say offensive things due to bluntness/overcompensation becoming an ego #she's even a picky eater. #meanwhile laios said 'hyperfixating isn't enough i need to eat it' and he fucking meant it. #honestly you could probably make an argument for any of them (main cast) being autistic. as with an hcs in general LMFAO #so much love for senshi as well. epitome of being an older dude w a niche interest and seeing an autistic young man #and going 'yeah okay. i can take you under my wing.' #all of this is so real and HAS happened to me (even being plucked up by an old man who noticed my aimless demeanor and put me to work)

[beeduoo]

originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins

Lowkey i ate with rhis actually no i didn't i ate wirh rhat ENDER EYE Why is it so rendered Hello

IGNORW RHEIR UGLY UGLY DESIGNS This was before they switched to their iconic Skins past e didn't know......

#loosely based off of this old thing it's under the Cut #origins smp #beeduo #beeduo fanart #idk what other tags to put i cant put C because this isn't C this is O..... but like do people even check those tags idk #actually no im scared i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals i dont want to interfere with their character ecosystem i was #only there for the first one😅 #i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY #DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM #IR EAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE thats all i remmeber ANF ALSO RNE can i call you senpaaiiii bit thay shit h #ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its #been wayyyyyyy too long #BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise #bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹ #had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop #yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭 #ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really #wanted to share ok i love you bge #WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED #RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like #water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT #ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I #VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB #OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be #Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON #SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub #lic had to say.... ok Now bye

[omgeto]

Incoming... long lost love ex!geto who comes to see you for one last time—on the night that he's going to die.

#this is going to be angsty as hell but LIKE THEYLL BE FLUFF IN IT TOO #BUT ANGST #SINCE IT'LL BE SCORNED!READER #since geto just up and leaves you 10 years ago #the hate fucking will be insane #BUT SINCE THE LOVE IS STILLL THERE AND NEVER LEFT THIGNS GET ALL SOFT AND MUSHY #AND THE CONVOS THAT YOU'LL HAVE THE REMINISCING THE DISCUSSION ON WHY U BROKE UP #ALL THAT GOOD JUICY STUFF #DO U GUYS WANNA SEE THIS SHIT? #IDK WHY IM REALLY ASKING SINCE IM GONNA WRITE IT ANYWAYS #ITS GONNA BE MY BEST WORK YET #LIKE AN ACTUAL FINE CRAFTED PIECE OF WORK #THAT I PROOFREAD AND STUFF #AND LIKE PUT ALL MY EFFORT INTO #its the classic 'when he's mean to everyone but you' trope #or the classic 'you know I'll always love you even when you hate me trope' #and readers all like FUCKKK YOU DUDE #since yk I always have to make my reader a bit of a meanie #but then its the 'when you wanna hate him but you just cant' #so... yes #here's a big #★ — emptalkshit!

[p2ep]

starting to think about 90% percent of my problems in life are due to me having life ruining levels of executive dysfunction

#krestel speaks #youre telling me that its possible to think about something and do it...? #i had a revelation that thats literally all my problem is when i realized #dude i made a couple kandi bracelets and i was meaning to put them on my bag with my other ones #ive been putting this off for a week. it is fun for me to decorate my stuff #i like it #i WANT to do this it would take 30 seconds but i can never bring myself to get up get them and go to another room and attach them #and then by the time i will myself to do something its Not that and then i forget i was going to do that in the first place #shits fucked #as you can imagine this is why i struggle to complete creative projects ever #i am blighted #i am a wretched thing unloved by god etc

[thenamessparkplug]

hey did you know im normal about madilyn mei's music

trust

#garden jargon is SO COOL??? #did NOT expect straight up analog horror when I was going through all their music #IT REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF THE WORLD OF MR PLANT<333 #oh and all of their songs get me so close to tears /pos #trust me when it's 11pm and feelings are doing their thing and you put on madilyn mei dude there's nothing like it #I could genuinely go on and on #but I don't wanna ramble:3 #madilyn mei #music

[chibi-scone]

So that new Rhys Darby interview about s3 ….💀

#SO FUNNY #straight up saying that stede would be unhappy with the inn and leave Ed’s ass to go back to the crew ….y’all were so back #that the inn is a fantasy not meant to last and the British would be after their ass #like Ik djenks already said that the inn wouldn’t last but #put next to him also saying. that the inn is meant to be a happy ending + taika saying Ed and stedes ending is good #and he wants to leave it there #girl ….. #just genuinely so funny #that s3 could go full historically accurate and kill both of them at the end #like I don’t even care anymore dude just do it #after how shitty their fans made us feel for being upset about Izzy #I would feel so fucking vindicated #no guys don’t you get it it’s a good ending for them :)) and it’s not bad gay rep to kill your main gay couple #because there’s other queer couples in the show!! stop crying you media illiterate babies they’re pirates pirates die :))) #I can taste it already #this is gonna be tbd cause wtv I just wanted to shoot the shit a little about it uh yeah #ofmd critical #honestly if they kill Ed and stede at the end of s3 that might just be what gets me back into the show a little #like I don’t really want to rewatch the show at this point but if it all goes down the gutter in the end ? #that’s different #it’s like ordering food and being served mouldy garbage vs willingly jumping into a dumpster #everytime a new interview or smtg comes out I’m like 🫣 #it’s reaching spn levels of ‘what now’

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something' #like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :) #if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away. #and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?' #dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

[keeps-ache]

HEY

#art #my art #artists on tumblr #digital art #oc #pink space #i really like the subtract glitch i've been doing recently - so here's some of that again lol :3 #the way it interacts with their palettes is so fun i like it a lot ehegh :33 #//anyway do you ever consider just tossing out any part the human body you've learned to draw and just drawing dumb little guys with arms #like pipecleaners forever or what hfhs #//oh this is was doobled in traditional originally #i need to digitize more of these. Because #though aura's hair was more extreme in the second panel in that version - i'm tired though and 3 days ago it was the same so no feelings to #change that lol :) #also i didn't shrink the noise enough so it didn't look right - and i was not going to reimport it so Bon Voyage my dude hfhs #was Supposed to fit on a 900x900 canvas but i made the panels a liiiiitle bit too big so it's 950x950 #which is Fine it's a round number but it's not a Round-Round number so [gesturing] #1000x1000 was way too big for this little thing so she sits at a pleasant halfway point :> #//anyway i was also up til 3 a.m. last night doing ?? something ?? i genuinely don't even know what lmfhsbvh #nice though maybe my brain'll get a reset lol :3 #stay up really late some random nights and jumpstart your brain!! it's foolproof!! never fails!! [<- these statements have not been reviewe #by the FDA or the Center for Sleep Control] #//ANywho now i'm going to be on my way #/oh i also forgot to post the oath n aura refs i made for artfight lol- #i'll prolly put those up w/ the kira and hid ones though :>> #i like to have the whole ensemble :D i Do feel bad when one of them gets left out hghsfh - like forgetting a stuffed animal somewhere #even though they're all together for small portion of the story it still feels off lol #i should prolly introduce the rest of the cast at some point. .... ......... ..........hm yea prolly. maybe one day hfhs #//anyway NOW i'm going i've run out of tag space i think hfhs - toodles !! :>

[good-wine-and-cheese]

Gambling Apocalypse Tenma AU

As I rewatch Kaiji I inevitably end up wanting to combine show I like with other show I like and stuffing fav characters into show. So here we are.

This was uh going to be a short summary type thing but I accidentally wrote a novella about it sorry

This AU starts off with a much more depressive Tenma. After Tobio's death, rather than immediately pour his grief into developing a robot version of his son, he recedes into himself, psychologically paralyzed, likely turning to alcohol to drown out his anguish.

His mental state is taken as an opportunity within the Ministry of Science to have him ejected from his position; Tenma was never the most well-liked director, and there were those with ambition to usurp him that would jump at the chance. Not that he especially cares in his state.

He's eventually dragged out of his stagnation by Ochanomizu - who, inadvertently, becomes the very catalyst pushing Tenma to develop a robot replacement to his child. This was not what he meant by encouraging Tenma to fill the void left by his son.

...But, well, he is no longer the director of the Ministry of Science. His access to limitless government funds and resources for "scientific research" has been cut off, and this is a project he cannot finance on his own. He can't ask Ochanomizu for help, but...interestingly...a representative of a certain shady organization known as the Teiai Corporation reaches out to him, offering to finance and support his project. A sane and well-minded Tenma might think better of it, but grieving and desperate, Tenma accepts their offer and is able to create a robot in the image of his beloved Tobio. For a while, there's joy in his life.

But the bill, as ever, comes due: Tenma must pay up, and the very resources that had been at his disposal will certainly ensure that he will, or else. Of course, he doesn't have the money; instead, he is given a choice. He can relinquish the robot Tobio in order to wipe out his debt - the child is a sophisticated and powerful robot, after all - or he can participate in a certain illicit event hosted by the Teiai Corporation.

It's nothing major...just a four-hour gambling cruise with a collection of desperate, damned souls that were also swept into debt with Teiai. The conditions are simple: Those who choose to participate are given a chance to clear their debts wholesale should they win. And should they lose...?

Well...no one really knows what happens to the losers seized by Teiai. It's said that they labour away their debts under Teiai's watchful eye and are freed once their work has covered their debts, though it's rumoured that most perish before they reclaim freedom.

There's only one answer Tenma can give, of course; he's not willing to lose Tobio again.

Thus is Tenma's debut into the Gambling Apocalypse, where he must become cutthroat in order to survive; if he wants to see his son again, he must make choices that will doom the hapless to miserable servitude, with a nonzero chance it ends in their death.

He survives the cruise, but of course, it was hardly enough to clear his debt; the cruise was never going to be the end of it. Teiai doesn't let go of its victims that easily. He will be called on again: this is a weight that hangs over him, all while he returns to his son Tobio. The same hands that have pushed innocents into hell must now be the hands that can embrace his child.

He wants to protect Tobio from the truth and enjoy what peaceful moments he's allowed with his son, but it's difficult. It's difficult to be the parent of a child who cannot understand the danger that looms ahead; this "happy" home is not to last. Tenma angers quickly and easily. He turns that anger onto Tobio.

As Teiai's games become more and more vicious and unrelenting, as his conscience holds onto the last vestiges of thread that remain, Tenma even threatens, once, to give the boy in: it would all end, then; the debt would be clear and no longer would he have to endure Tobio's childish annoyances, his ungratefulness.

The next time that Tenma is beckoned, Tobio takes matters into his own hands. He does understand, now; and he would have, if only Tenma had bothered to explain sooner. If it's a debt that needs clearing, he will work. He will help his father clear his debts however he can. Of course, it's difficult to find work as a child; but a circus troupe finds amusement in the idea of a child robot, and takes him in. He is whisked into a certainly unpleasant working situation, but he remembers his father, and what he must be enduring. Tobio, also, will endure.

When Tenma returns, Tobio is gone.

All that held Tenma back from becoming something monstrous has disappeared. All that kept him going has disappeared. When he is called upon by Teiai, there is no knowing what sort of person might come out the other end; whether a monster clawing his way to freedom regardless of what actions he must take, or a desolate husk surrendering defeat.

There is still a light, however dim: Found by Professor Ochanomizu and rescued from the circus, Tobio - now Atom - is able to shed light on the situation which Tenma took great pains to keep hidden from his old friend. With time running out, Ochanomizu and Atom must do what they can to save Tenma - from Teiai, and from himself.

-----

UHHH and that's a wrap!!!! I couldn't quite decide which way Tenma would go after hitting Rock Bottom in this AU, and tbh it would really depend on the kind of mental state he's in at the time. On the one hand I like the narrative of Ochanomizu and Tobio racing to prevent Tenma from crossing a line (actual outright murder probably) - or having to pull him back into humanity (and yknow, his ensuing penance)

But on the other hand having him get sent to Teiai Evil Hell Prison would be interesting because a) there's a lot of narrative potential having Tenma faced with what Teiai is doing with the people that lose the games and b) need him to decimate the foreman at chinchirorin Kaiji style

Tenma's whole character is definitely a much different guy in this AU, he starts off pretty sympathetic, the guy you wanna root for, he just ends up having an inverse character arc where he gets worse instead of better. His conflict with "Tobio" is also kind of reversed, less about being unsatisfied with Tobio as a son and more not being able to handle the fact that he probably has intense PTSD now and isnt capable of coping with it in a way conducive to being a parent (or like, coping at all)

Anyway that's gambling apocalypse tenma!!!

#umataro tenma #long post #well that became a novel. sorry lmao #in my mind teiai's evil hell prison in astro boy verse would probably be quite a bit different than regular kaiji #like. fuckin. weapons manufacturing for teiai or something like that. or scary bad danger robots. horrifying concept #Tenma would be a valuable asset to them whether by giving up Atom or by losing in death game hell and being forced to work for em #and if he dies? they can just take atom #get him out of there. #I'm also thinkin of who Teiai would be represented by.....the snakey loan sharks u could easily put skunk in there. #but who is an evil fucked up sadist billionaire. theres probably someone who could be fucked up enough I just dont know offhand #and im allergic to mischaracterizing in AUs lol im not gonna make a slightly bad guy into an evil freakguy. so. Hyoudou is just himself. #if you squint this could be considered an 80s astro boy AU..has a cruise arc & not actually giving atom away #but man. that tenma LEAST of all deserves this fate lmao #do I want to write fic of this? yes. will I? not likely! #I can just smell it dude this would be some crazy fuckoff 100k shit I am not ready brother #also it would just be soooooo so so so so so edgy. I dont really enjoy writing intensely grim stuff w/ little to no respite #also tbh. I am too stupid. LOL. I cannot write clever gambles alas

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now #because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now #and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day #we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME??? #also it's such a waste of fucking water.... #idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off #but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up #and this is also something that happens multiple times a day #like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god #but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach #'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit #and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good #his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before #also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career #opportunities for him here (which is true) #and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here' #like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here??? #but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc #and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now #i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma #and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own #it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down #about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life #and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done #and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this #that has been made PAINFULLY clear #ugh this is so fucking horrendous #what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person #who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life #like explain it to me jfc

[anotherpapercut]

CORRECT THANK YOU FOR SHARING

#submission #I actually have seen this meme because someone sent it to my supervisor at some point and she showed it to all of us ajdbkajs #working with a bunch of gay autistic math nerds fucking rules lmfao y'all have no idea #one of my bosses is super into sci fi and is also a math teacher and puts star trek and firefly and buffy and hitchhikers guide etc etc #references in EVERYTHING he makes. I took a math class from him once and all of the test questions were about some fuckin show #whenever he runs meetings he asks us questions based on star trek usually. recently in a meeting he asked us to choose the best captain #I'm one of only like 3 people who watches all of this shit so I looove going to meetings when he runs them #bc he'll ask some fuckin question like who's the best star trek captain. and the 3 of us who knows what's going on will just start arguing #while everyone else looks around like what the fuck is going on right now (this one always gets the newbies) #my ALL TIME favorite Jake moment tho was when I was there one night and there were no students so we were all just hanging out #and Jake walks out of his office and he looks kind of annoyed. and he's a big dude like super tall and broad and loud as hell #so I can hear him like mumbling shit all annoyed and I'm like hey Jake what's up? you doin ok? #and he sighed and was like no. the schools internet filter started blocking my FAVORITE board game forum #and now when I have a thought I can't just look it up to see if anyone's said anything about it. and that's like ALL I do. it's so annoying #and I was like Jake maybe that's why they blocked it akddjkansbdjsdbebs #god I love that dude. and this barely mentions my other supervisor who is autistic and pansexual and married to a woman #and both of them foster several kids. Jake has like 10 fuckin kids or smth bc he was fostering a couple of kids and then he got married #and she already had children and then they had a baby together. idk he's got like a whole baseball team they're very cute

[babyblueetbaemonster]

Random question, do you think there are "street" names for Moon sugar? *guard in disguise* Can you sell me that "Wacky Snacky?" some of that "Fancy Flour?" *visibly confused Khajit*

"Khajiit's cousin has a friend called Caius Cosades *wink wink* who lives in the north-east side of Balmora *wink wink*. Maybe this one should pay him a visit. *wink wink*"

#ask and i shall answer #imagine you're the blademaster and some random dude pardoned by the emperor tells the guards on you #there are consequences for getting high on moon-sugar #you should see that coming Caius doing drugs is bad #hlaalu guard #and a confused Alfiq Khajiit #tes #the elder scrolls #morrowind #technically all shops in Vvardenfell have some moon sugar on the desk #shop owners refused to do business with me when I carried them #I put them down and never remember to pick them up haha

[novelistparty]

trying to learn anything about electric guitars on the internet (or IRL) is a terrible dude-knowledge experience but sometimes there are little gems like this that ease the pain:

#my blog #novelistparty tries to understand what the fuck is happening and what to do about it #does anyone else notice how terrible nearly everyone is at explaining anything about electric guitars #almost all of it is dudes saying “I don't know how to answer your question but here is an essay about what I think I understand” #but using words like “you gotta get a Big Chumble 2000 and put it *in front of* the Grave Cleaner for that sloppy sound just like Jimmy had #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #I just want to understand the fundamentals I guess #electric guitar #guitar #I've read just enough physics and engineering books to be able to tell that most guitar guys don't understand much about their gear #and that's ok in general except that they don't acknowledge it and maybe shut up more

[isa-ah]

been following you since PRE bubblegum karkat days and it’s been really nice watching you grow and heal and whenever i see you on my dash and think of your growth it reminds me of my own healing journey. i find that really nice

HAHA that was AGES ago dude. my god. i cant believe youre still around, that was like, the worst of it LOLOL weve both probably come a looong way since then, yeah. life used to be abysmal but now ive got my hubby and mother in law and were moving to nola next month so theres nothing to fear =')

#we found the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood in the perfect part of the city so #we are hoping and praying. our sickass real estate agent did a walkthru yesterday and said #'its been on the market for a while so if you put in for it youll probably get it' #very exciting news theres even a patio we can screen in EASILY for our cats #right outside our bedroom door! it would be perfect for entertaining! #were finally going to make irl friends!!!!! sdkjksdjfksd #i had a couple freak friends in phoenix and like 2 cool friends but like. mostly. freaks. #so im hoping to make real actual friends this go round cause we sure as hell didnt out here in the sticks of al #yippeeeeeeee #babe is also going to get a job so i can take a break bc ive been doing coms to support us for years now and its STRESSFUL #im gunna get to go on a small vacation and kick back like #life is so good #im so excited to rest and chill #im gunna sew!! so much stuff!!!! #maybe ill even list some on here for people to buy like i just want to make so many little dudes all the time #but i dont have the time or energy to devote to that bc making patterns takes time and materials #IDK IDK TOTALLY OFF TOPIC #i dont talk about my daily life much actually its usually just specific shit so im taking the opportunity to say. #i grew up in a VERY bleak way. brother were talking moldy food bank food house rotting both my guardians so so sick #dropped out of middle school to be a fulltime caregiver lost both of them anyway #then a bunch of falling out with my family etc etc i had NOTHING going into my twenties but a FUCKTON of trauma and mistrust #and now im heading for my thirties and i am the healthiest and happiest i have ever been in my entire life #i look great i feel great i do pretty good for myself and the people around me #i love love love my friends im t4t gay married i have a cat thats like a pokemon partner. to me. its perfect #yes weve made a lot of plans that have fallen thru and were not where we thought we would be by now #but honestly? honestly? my life is really great. were broke as fuck but we get by and we love each other and thats whats UUUUUUUP #youll get there! just keep going! you have no idea what kinds of opportunities youll be offered in your life that can change everything