#EVEN IF YOU DONT CREATE THE SITUATION YOU CAN CHOOSE HOW TO REACT

[thinlyangel]

TW⚠️🍽️

Everything I’ve learnt while researching how to overcome b1nge eating:

I’ve heard so many people say when they’re b1ng1ng, it doesn’t feel like themselves, it feels like something is taking over- and that’s true. You have your rational/logical mindset, this one knows how much you should eat, when you’re full, when you should stop eating, etc. but then you have your animal instincts, this is the one that takes over when you’re b1ng1ng, you can’t stop eating even when you’re in pain from how full you are, often you won’t even feel full. This is because when your body turns on animal instincts, you act without thinking, your body makes choices that rely on how you would usually react in that situation. If you’re faced with food and you b1nge, it will become your body’s natural reaction to continue to do that every time you’re faced with food. I used to wonder how I went from b1ng1ng for a day, to b1ng1ng for a week straight, and that’s because the more I did it the more my body considered it a knowing ability.

If you want to fight your body’s natural reaction, you have to change your actions. Nothing changes if nothing changes- I often see giving in to urges described in this way: once you start giving in, you create this demon in your mind, and everytime you give in, every b1nge, you are feeding that demon. The more you feed it the more power it has over you, and eventually it can take over. You don’t want to put that spirit inside of you, keep them out and your future self will thank you, so remember… DONT FEED THE DEMON. When you feel like you’re going to b1nge, remember that you’re giving in to that demon, you are feeding it and you are giving it the power to take over. It doesn’t matter if your b1nge is ‘just this one time’, because that’s not true. This one time is contributing to the power of so many more b1nges, and I’m sure you can remember a time you told yourself ‘just this one time’, and it wasn’t the last time.

That is a reason to not b1nge, but why do you feel like it in the first place? It’s really important to recognise that. This is my reason, and I feel that many could relate.

I always see people saying you b1nge because you’re stressed, but I never understood stress eating, sometimes I thought I’m not even stressed about school or anything why would I stress eat? Until I learnt that if you are heavy restricting, when the honeymoon phase is over you will most definitely be stressing. Stressing over things like counting calories, meal plans or weighing in… all of that causes stress. Not eating is causing you stress, so now you think that if you just eat you won’t be stressed, so you allow yourself to eat and in that moment you will finally feel relaxed, relieved. That is until you feel guilty and all of a sudden b1ng1ng is giving you stress. Then you start restricting again and you find relaxation and peace in things like meal planning or ⭐️ving… and eventually that starts to stress you out, this is what become a b1nge-r3strict cycle. (Some people’s cause for a b1nge can be different, you just have to recognise what yours is by finding a pattern, once you find it, it becomes easier to train your mind otherwise.)

To break this cycle, like I said you need to train your mind otherwise. Now that I know heavy r3stricting causes me stress, there are 2 things I can do:

1. R3strict in a way that is less stressful.

2. Find another way to deal with stress.

(For step number 1, it is important to try and fall in love with the process so that you feel comfort rather than stress.)

Step number 2 is the one I’m going to be focusing on. I often see people say if you feel like b1ng1ng, choose one of these things to do, and then they’ll provide a long list of different things. And although that list is a good way to find a distraction, it’ll work best to choose one and stick with that one. Find the one that’ll work best for you and train your brain to make that the new stress relieving, relaxing situation that you automatically crave. For me, I like to have a shower and do things like hair or skin care, not only does this relax me, it also makes me feel like I shouldn’t ruin all this self care with a dirty b1nge.

This next tip is similar but explains habit cycles more in depth. Your brain creates a habit loop like this:

1. Cue: a trigger for a habitual behaviour (e.g stress or a sudden negative event)

2. Routine: the habit. (In this case, b1ng1ng).

3. Reward: the result, feeling better (less stressed or relieved/happiness).

Because this is a habit, your animal instincts are again kicking in and whenever you feel the trigger, you automatically go to eat. To change the habit you need to change your routine to something that gives you the same reward. I mentioned how you can do something to relieve stress instead of eating, but there are other ways. For smokers, they are used to reaching for their cigarettes and holding on to one and smoking, to break this loop, they replace the cigarettes with lollipops. When they’re stressed they automatically reach for the cigarettes, which is now a lollipop, and they still have something to hold, they are still doing something similar and they will still feel that comfort, but in a less harmful way. So you kind of need to find something in the comfort of b1ng1ng but less harmful, it could be simply replacing your chocolate stash with an apple so when you go to your comfort b1nge spot you’re faced with a healthier food option that can give you the same satisfaction. You still feel comfort and feel the reward while also being healthier. (I’ve noticed that when I’m b1ng1ng I feel comfort in just stuffing my face and chewing, by eating something healthier I can still do that, with less regret. Also the crunchy texture of apples helps with the satisfaction of chewing.)

An interesting thing I learnt is that when you focus so much on stopping something, you are more likely to end up failing and giving in. This is because humans are action-oriented, and when we are faced with a problem we take action. Our brain is trained to think that when you take action you receive a reward (e.g your tire goes flat, so you fix it and receive the reward of the ability to drive again). This is called the ‘behavioural rebound effect’. To sum it up you will end up doing the thing you’re thinking of (thinking you’ll get a reward if you fix the problem), so instead of focusing on that thing, focus on the behaviour you want to replace it with, think about what you want to become. Instead of focusing on not b1ng1ng, focus on your gw and how you will look and feel when you reach it. Because if you’re thinking about not b1ng1ng, your brain still hears the word b1nge. This is why you give yourself something healthier to focus on, like your future plans or the lollipop smoking thing i mentioned before.

While making new habits to replace the b1ng1ng habit, you have to keep your stress levels low so your brain can actually consider the new routine peaceful. When creating a new habit try to get lots of sleep and try to feel good, if you feel good you’ll do good and if you feel good doing the new habit you’ll keep wanting to do it.

Next tip is to remember that food is literally planned out and designed to make you want more, you have to remember that you don’t actually want the food, you’re just giving in to the food addiction that marketing teams want you to have. For an example, your brain gets addicted to sugar, so not only are you constantly craving it because it’s an addiction, you also are lying to yourself by saying ‘just one bite’, because once your brain has that piece of sugar it’s been dying for, you’ll want more, and more, and more. So you should never give in to just one bite if you want to avoid a b1nge, and also, if you want to fight the addiction, you have to gradually (or straight away) cut that food out.

Also, if you constantly deprive yourself of something that you want, you’re more likely to fail. Keep your goals realistic so that you don’t drain yourself of motivation and will-power, slowly lower your goal if that’s what you have to do. You work better when you’re closer to success, if your goal is too far away then have smaller, stepping stone goals. Like if your goal is to lose 10kg, have milestone goals like 2kg at a time.

Another obvious thing is if you’re in a situation when you feel like you’re going to b1nge… LEAVE. Sometimes you’ll be forced to eat like if you live with your parents, but you’ll never be forced to b1nge, don’t ever feel pressured into b1ng1ng just because you got forced to eat something out of your plan. Unexpected things happen so you need to allow yourself wriggle room, if something gets in the way of your meal plan, simply making a quick change is better than letting the day go to waste by b1ng1ng. Another quick tip is your brain mistakes thirst for hunger, sometimes simply just drinking water can prevent you from a b1nge.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Also, I’ll continue to post new tips that I learn, and record my progress on how these tips work for me.

I hope this helps someone :) good luck!

#pro a4a #tw ana diary #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #tw restrictive ed #⭐️ving #@n0r3xia #@na trigger #ana trigger #th1nsp1ration

[okkottsus]

I love reading your analysis of Nagireo!

One thing I was wondering, what do you think of Nagi (foreshadowed) future slump?

I feel like things will get dire for him, and I can't help but wonder how Reo would react.

Nagi feels very... emotionally immature and while Reo can be very fiery and we saw how emotional he can get, he's the one that feels more in touch with his own emotions and has better life experience.

For better or worse, being away from Reo forced Nagi to confront his own feelings more.

I wonder if Reo won't realize they got back together too early and leave him (this time maybe more amicably? Or maybe force himself to leave him) for his own sake.

Ego's dialog feels very ominous... they were very happy in that moment but there is a very sense of "now what?".

thank u so much, i feel like i never express myself well enough esp with characters and relationships im passionate abt so that means a lot 🥺

yeah i get what u mean about nagi's emotional immaturity...in the latest match, when isagi asked him how he was able to make his best play yet a reality, nagi  didnt really understand what had happened. he only wanted to beat isagi, that has been his first goal, the first step to achieve the bigger dream he shares with reo. 

and while he himself couldnt see that, reo was the first to notice despite everything that happened between them, so he created a chance for him to have a 1v1 with isagi. 

the problem is that, as isagi points out later, if u dont understand how u made something happen, you probably wont be able to be consistent and replicate it (this has been a recurring theme of blk since the start of the manga):

a goal that u only made happen because u had the person who knows u the best and is your closest friend give you exactly what you need in the moment, has little value in the grand scheme of things. Without a clear goal and reo’s help, nagi wouldnt have been able to do something like that. 

So the next step he should be taking is working on his weapons, instead of relying on the perfect opportunities reo can provide him with.

maybe its time for nagi to try and catch up to reo, and not only in terms of play-making 

but also in terms of self awareness 

i also love the fact that while reo can seem completely selfless when he declares this, he is also completely selfish, cause at the end of the day hes doing this for his dream, for himself. he loves playing with nagi and making him score goals, but his hard work which got him to where he is now doesnt rely on nagi being there, he hasnt abandoned himself in favor of nagi. 

BUT he still seems to always choose nagi over anyone when they are playing together and even though my shipping heart is tempted, i think thats not a good thing at all... cause their cooperation may be top class, but it also makes them predictable after a while. 

reo has learnt to play without nagi, but he needs to learn how play with nagi without forgetting everyone else on his team. 

so the way i see it, reo has made more significant progress than nagi, but he still needs to work on seeing the bigger picture when nagi is by his side.

nagi on the other hand has even more things he needs to work on. he shouldnt feel reassured bc of that one (miracle) goal or bc he managed to beat isagi once. if he ended up satisfied with just that, then he wouldnt belong in the world of professional players

Ego is right when he said that confidence and delusion are 2 different things. Nagi needs the power that will enable him to fight alone in any situation and to obtain that power, he has to confront his feelings, his weapons and his shortcomings. and that demands soul searching, practice and a lot of thinking, all things i bet nagi thinks are a pain pftt.

but i want to be optimistic and think of this as another challenge he (actually, both of them) will have to conquer. im very conflicted though, cause the way i see it, what reo needs to work on now requires them to be on the same team, while what nagi needs to work on requires alone time.

in conclusion, things may have worked out between them in terms of understanding each other, but im hoping they start understanding themselves more; acknowledging their weaknesses and taking the necessary measures to overcome them. 

i do think that reo the way he is now is more likely to realise what needs to be done than nagi, whose issues are the most urgent in my opinion. so i can def see them going their separate ways for a while again, whether its reo making that decision, or nagi, or both of them together (with the latter being the ideal for me).

#blue lock #blue lock spoilers #nagireo #reonagi #its kinda ironic that reo proved nagi needs him but he now has to realise thats not actually a good thing for him #nagi: im the best player in the world // ego: u're actually shit u delusional brat #hes not wrong im afraid

[heliianth]

how are you enjoying TotK's story so far?

on the dragons tears side i only have 3, 4, 5, 6, and 10 so by no means the complete picture, but unfortunately i have been spoiled for the end of it, i think? ive also only completed the rito regional disturbance quest. ill talk abt what i think so far below the cut

from what ive seen of it, the story is interesting. i dont particularly like time shenanigans stories, more often than not they enable lazy character/writing decisions, create plot holes, and wander around too much to have coherent themes. when time travel comes up in stories i always feel like there needs to be a justification, some lesson or reason that is realized for why it needed to happen. so u can imagine that my experience with the dragons tears so far has been waiting for that justification moment, which i think i already have?

apparently zelda turns into a dragon. tear 5 talks about draconification and how people lose themselves, and ive seen fanart and dragon zelda's actual model in-game flying around the eldin archipelago (made me pretty emotional, though i do suspect any significant reaction i might have with this has been ruined by being spoiled). this is where the story is treading ice for me, and im being super careful to avoid the leadup to the whole dragon thing. because if its a situation where zelda is forced into it, theres no other way and she HAS to do this or else the world explodes or whatever, then i dont think ill be super fond. itll feel like a rehash of what happened during the calamity in botw, where zelda is forced into holding it back for 100 years until link heals. i dont like it when stories have good arcs (in this case, zelda's) but just retread it because theres a sequel and it doesnt know how to further develop the character.

on the other hand, if zelda chooses to make this decision with her own autonomy and reasons, like thinks about it, then i think this writing decision could work as a way of showing how much she's grown when placed in that similar situation she was in during the calamity. zeldas arc is all about love and connection, whether that be with link or her other friends, including love for herself. all i ask for is that the dragons tears story builds upon this instead of just redoing botw but worse

on the rito side of things, i thought it was fun. tulin is a fun little dude. i think its fascinating how hes positioned at the beginning as seeming arrogant and uncooperative, but grows to realize that he needs to rely on others to do the things he wants. hes almost a character foil of revali in that way. the wind powers being revealed as a sage thing is also interesting. obviously i and many other players have made a connection between tulins wind gust (i like to call it tulins tornado c:) and revalis gale, and we know teba isnt related in any way to revali like the rest of them are to the champions. so it does feel like a little extra W from beyond the grave on revali's end. turns out he really did bootstraps his way into rediscovering lost magic. TLDR; i love tulin to bits, even if i wish teba got a tad more screen time. who knows, maybe he'll show up more later.

i would try commenting on the events of the actual game and how they effect link, because link's arc (which happens during the actual game, which i guess the player guides him on) is really important to botw, and i assume it'll be structured similarly here. but obviously im not done with the game so theres not much for me to talk about. i will say that, god. link must be feeling like SHIT. i know when i went to hateno and saw he and zelda lived together, then saw that all the kids in the school loved her enough to draw pictures, i got really choked up. i know i said any significant reaction to the "zelda is a dragon" story beat ill have will be muted by being spoiled beforehand, but depends on how its actually revealed/how link reacts i might still take it like a little baby

so yeah. those are my thoughts

#heliianswers #tloz #didnt tag spoilers bc theyre all below the cut. click at ur own risk

[isolated-bug]

Thoughts on Sevika? What do you think is headed for her in s2 ? How do you think she is going to react to the news about silco being dead ?

ahhh as always, amazing questions! Honestly this is something i have given a lot of thought to and still dont have an answer But here is my thinking on the matter: With Silco gone, Sevika really has only 3 options. Fade into the background, find a new leader, or become a leader. I definitely dont ever see her just fading into the background; she is too strong willed and opinionated for that. And Jinx is not a leader nor would Sevika follow her. To what Sevika has said in the show, she wont change leaders unless she finds someone good enough to lead and from what we have seen there is no one like that currently displayed in the show. However, we ALSO have seen that Sevika has never taken a leadership role before. And i dont imagine she would because its likely too much work and she seems to like being a doer rather than an organizer. I think she likes having a leader so she doesnt have to own responsibility for decision making etc. So i see this going a few ways. One option is that someone we havent been introduced to comes out of the woodwork and took up control of reconstructing Singed's Shimmer operation with his assistance. I can easily see Singed agreeing to that cuz what is important to him is access to develop and research the product so anyone willing to help create a path for that is fine by him. In that situation, i could see them offering a job to Sevika since she knows all the routes and connections Silco had and her essentially retaining her prior position with new leadership. Though if that happens i ALSO see her having a personal vendetta against Jinx because the shimmer operation would JUST be a drug money grab rather than funding a renaissance the way it had been and i see her spending her personal time trying to hunt Jinx down and get payback for Silco and for her own life struggles as a result of Jinxs existence and actions. This would help further the isolation plot for Jinx and help push the story further into her madness so i think its a solid option. The other thing i see possibly happening is that Sevika herself chooses to take control of the operation out of respect for Silco and finally taking the leadership mantel. She would trust herself to run things as he did and she would have his same drive and motivation.. though i expect that Sevika, in a leadership position, would be willing to go to the Piltover council and accept the deal previously offered to Silco. In this situation she would be communicating to Piltover that Jinx is solely responsible for the rocket and would have her men help head the manhunt for Jinx. Again, meeting the needs of personal vendetta against Jinx for all the suffering, plans gone wrong, and loss of Silco. Either way, in S2 i see Sevika being a representation and active participant in further isolating Jinx and trying to turn the lanes against her. Without Silco keeping her on a leash, Sevika is free to act of her own will against Jinx without repercussion. I definitely see her taking advantage of that. That being said... there is a third alternative. The third, unlikely but plot twist surprise alternative, is that Sevika could be at peace with loosing Silco after mourning him. She could realize that the uprisings always fail and she looses people she respects. And this could turn into her giving up the fight. She would fade into the background and just be very drunk most days. And she may even possibly try to look for Jinx. Next to Silco, Sevika would be the most likely person capable of understanding Jinxs relationship with Silco and she would likely know that Jinx would never intentionally hurt him. She may even, in a surprise plot twist, sympathize with the loss of a second father figure and try and find Jinx to help her. Though i doubt Jinx would accept/trust anything from Sevika. I dont really see that happening. But i think it would be a neat option to follow. It would better put Sevika back into that grey humanity that Arcane is so good at doing. And it would give us a chance to see her as something other than a high ranking thug.

#sevika #arcane #jinx #silco #season2 #what will be sevikas new direct? #anyone have any other thoughts?? im really curious!!

[sunnysviolin]

Sometimes, when sunny visits kels house for a sleepover, (or just anyones house except for basils) the host would always wake up to:

A missing sunny (who is most likely in some weird ass place like the roof)

A sunny that it staring at you from the foot of the bed or beside it

A sunny that stares from the doorway (he stares alot)

Or

A sunny that is playing bo en my time at an unreasonable hour but at a reasonable volume (or vise versa)

Alright so a different nonnie also sent me “How many times do you think sunny scares people by staring at them from the foot of the bed / beside them when they wake up?” So I’m....combining these two XD Also if you guys like....resend things can you say they’re a resend LOL bc if I have another Cho double take situation I’m going to backflip into the sun. Also don’t resend more than twice (i’m gonna be putting that in my bio bc....yeah don’t do it makes me anxious D:)

Okay mini housekeeping thing aside! This got long it’s under a read more because it’s long, but it’s full of shenanigans, sleepovers, and our local fave cryptid Sunny

I’m going to focus this in on post-canon, because I think that Sunny’s ultimate cryptid energy flows forth in his teen years. Also I really want to include the hooligans in on this (I’m...love them)

So pre-canon Sunny and Mari’s house was the go to location for their group of six. They were almost always there, but there was some unspoken rules.

You called before you came over (Only Kel didn’t follow this rule, but he always knocked and waited patiently at the door) and you had to be invited to stay for dinner. If not you went home when Sunny’s mom called a fifteen minute warning before dinner. There was also no arguing within the house. If there was an issue that needed to be addressed, Mari and Sunny’s parents would immediately send everyone home.

Post-canon Mari is gone and the house has been sold. Hero and Kel’s house becomes the go to hang out house after that. Their house is nearly night and day to Mari and Sunny’s

Mari and Sunny’s house was always neat and tidy and very quiet. Their parents generally left the TV off and didn’t use the radio, so unless one of the two children were making noise, everything would be silent. Kel and Hero’s house is in constant motion and activity. Sally is usually either babbling or screaming, music is always playing on the radio, and their main form of communication is friendly yelling at one another. Kel and Hero’s house also has an open door policy- anyone can walk in at anytime and they all know where the spare keys are hidden.

Post-canon I see a quick friendship building between Aubrey’s gang and Basil Sunny and Kel. Hero enjoys them all, but it’s not really his scene now that he’s spent a year or so at college. He will get brought along for some adventures, and he’s always up for hanging around the house with them, but when it gets to be a bigger group he prefers to just let them have fun.

When it’s just his four kids, Hero is always a part of the group though.

OKAY ALL OF THAT BUILDUP ASIDE LETS GET TO THE ACTUAL POINT OF THIS ASK

So this is when school is in session and Hero is back at college. Kel tells Aubrey that Sunny is coming up for the long weekend, and they should all do a sleepover at his house like old times. She agrees and they arrange it with Basil. Kim overhears their plans and she has FOMO so she arranges herself to be there when they tell Basil

Normally Kel makes it a point to try and include Aubrey’s friends (who are slowly just becoming friends) but this time he just pretends she isn’t there and tells Basil to come right after school and they can drive together to get Sunny.

Kim weedles it out of Aubrey later that day when they’re alone in gym class. The reason that they didn’t immediately invite her and the others? Sunny is apparently weird at night

Kim fires back that Sunny is always a little weird, but Aubrey is being fully serious. Unfortunately all that does is make Kim more curious. She goes to find Kel afterward and half asks/half demands an invitation to the sleepover. Kel seems a little awkward about her involving herself, but he agrees that she and the others can join in if they like.

Aubrey and the others arrive

Kim soon finds out that Aubrey was 100% right. Sunny is...weird at night.

At around 10:00 pm, Sunny disappears. Basila nd Aubrey went into the kitchen to make popcorn, and Kel was busy fiddling with the TV to get the movie to start. When he turns back to the couch, he asks where Sunny is. They realize Sunny has vanished.

Aubrey and Basil come in with the bowls of snacks, and Kel asks them if they’ve seen Sunny. Basil says to check the roof.

The roof. The hooligans all laugh (Basil is a sweet kid when you get to know him, but his nerves make even his jokes strange) The other three don’t laugh. In fact Kel gets up and goes to the door.

The hooligans follow out bewildered, and Sunny is o n t h e r o o f. CASUALLY. JUST THERE PETTING AN ORANGE CAT WHO IS LOUNGING PURRING NEXT TO HIM. AND KEL AND AUBREY AND BASIL DONT REACT??? Kel just waves?? and Sunny waves back???

“We’re gonna watch Insidious now, I know you haven’t seen that one before. Wanna come in?” “Kay” “Do you want to bring your cat in with you? I’ll put Hector on his leash” “Yes please”

Then the three just walk back and tell the hooligans to follow them in. Sunny got himself up so Sunny can get himself down.

It’s only the beginning of the madness. Sunny walks in holding the still purring orange cat and settles himself down in his specific corner of the couch (They were prewarned not to sit in Sunny’s spot) Aubrey cuts Kim off before she can ask about the roof, and starts the movie. Kim looks over at the cat, and it locks eyes on her, hissing.

The movie begins and Sunny will randomly speak but only to say when a character is going to die/be scared. Right before it happens. Every single time. Didn’t Kel say before that he hadn’t seen this movie?? It doesn’t matter Sunny keeps going

A ghost. A ghost. Lost in an alternate dimension by shamanic journey. It’s bizarre. The cat continues to purr a rusty old engine noise in Sunny’s lap, periodically looking at one of the hooligans and hissing, choosing a different one every time. Who’s cat is that????

They finish the movie and start to play board games. They pick monopoly and decide to divvy up into teams. Kim immediately claims Aubrey, Vance decides to go with Kel and Kel grabs Mikhael to create a trio. Charlie and Sunny silently sit beside each other, and everyone assumes that makes them a team. Angel pulls Basil to his side and they’re prepped to play the game.

Kim likes to consider herself a pretty good monopoly player, and Aubrey is a whiz with money and numbers, so she assumes they have this in the bag.

She did not account for the Sunny factor.

Sunny stares her down through the entire time. Kim is sure he doesn’t blink. She forgets to bid on auctions for properties and gives him extra rent money. They go bankrupt first, and Sunny turns his eye onto Kel who just laughs and gives Sunny finger guns. Sunny finger guns back (his face still a blank slate) and proceeds to also take all of Kel’s money.

They go to bed shortly after, and Kim is relieved. Nothing also weird can happen. Now she just has to sleep.

She wakes up in the middle of the night and adjust her position, turning over to face the other side of teh room. Four shining eyes stare back at her, catching the dim light from the kitchen. Kim shakily grabs her phone and turns on the flashlight, whirling around to see Sunny staring at her, his orange cat on top of his head.

She wakes all the rest of them with her shriek of terror. The group of four quickly settle to sleep once more, even Sunny crashing down next to Aubrey and Basil. hissing cat caught firmly in his arms.

She and the other hooligans stay up for a bit, frantically whispering about the oddness of the situation. They resolve to leave early in the morning, and to distance themselves as much as they can from...whatever Sunny is. They’re certainly glad he doesn’t go to their school anymore.

The next morning, the group of four wake up before the hooligans and cook a big breakfast. They put the phone on speaker and chat with Hero as they do so, catching up on his latest college stories. Bo en is playing from the cd player in the corner of the kitchen, kept low so as not to wake the others.

The hooligans creep downstairs and peer inside. The scene is shockingly...normal.

Sunny is still carrying his cat, but now Kel is feeding it tiny bits of bacon and it is stretching out of Sunny’s arms to reach the next delicious morsel. He’s chatting with Hero over the phone, speaking in full long sentences which is a rarity for Sunny. He even laughs quietly at a joke Hero tells.

Kim tries to translate the horror she felt last night into this morning, but it’s not there. Sunny doesn’t seem like an eldritch horror during the day. Just another teenager happy to be with people he enjoys.

Hero hangs up shortly after, and the group of four settle back into a placid silence. Aubrey breaks it by turning to the others

“I know it was weird, but I’m glad that they came for last night.” the three boys agree, and Sunny leans against the counter near Aubrey so she can scratch one hand under his cat’s neck while still flipping pancakes. When he speaks, his voice is near silent, but they all hear it anyway.

“They’re nice. They didn’t treat me different.”

The hooligans share a look and simultaneously agree to stay for breakfast.

#omori #omori headcanons #omori headcanon #omori sunny #omori basil #omori kel #omori aubrey #omori hero #mentioned lol #omori kim #omori scooter gang #hooligans #omori hooligans #cryptid sunny

[rainbowsky]

Final round-up of fan fic asks

I've gotten a few more interesting responses to the fan fic discussion so I'm going to round them all up here. This will be my final post on the topic until/unless there's a dramatic new development, or a particularly notable response I want to highlight. Thanks to everyone who brought their thoughts and experiences to the topic. I hope everyone at least feels heard.

The biggest piece of advice that I would like to offer is for everyone to focus on what they love rather than what they hate. If we all did that, the world would be a better place. Alongside that, I'd like to remind everyone to please support authors whose work you like. It's so important. Give them a kudos, give them a nice comment, recommend their work to others. You never know what kind of grief and harassment they are dealing with to bring you these great stories, and our support means a lot.

This is in reference to previous posts here and here.

Anonymous asked:

With regard to fandom and fan fic issue, my years of experience being part of very large fandoms has led me to believe that big accounts are v important in facilitating and enforcing the general consensus of the whole fandom. Unless there will be big accs who'll remind everyone of being respectful & just not being a dick over other's preferences, nothing will change.

This is also the reason why I think certain solo fandoms have adapted weird and twisted narratives as their general fandom story because no big acc has tried to police them & and say hey pls be rational. Whether we like it or not, in a place where how far voices, ideas, tweets, posts get heard is based on the number of followers you have, big accs will have the power and influence in creating/curating/shifting the narratives.

So, if you want to know why your/our fandom thinks like this in general, look at what big accs are tweeting/posting, look at what ideas & values they follow, look at their preferences or how strongly they react to certain situations. it's taxing and toxic for big accs given the nature of social media these days, but it's also the reality of system, the more followers/audience you have, the more influence you will have.

So to anyone reading this I hope we all practice more restraint and reflection before we post anything. Remember that words, no matter what medium you write it in, will always carry weight.

So true. It is easy - even for myself who spends a fair chunk of time answering people's asks - to forget that people can sometimes be impressionable and what we say can influence people whether that's our intent or not. I get used to thinking of myself as a regular guy just doing my own thing when sometimes my thoughts and words go well beyond where I initially posted them.

I think it's important for us to be careful what we say, and it's equally important to be careful what we take from what other people say. Especially when it comes to big claims. Always get a second, third, fourth opinion and don't be afraid to ask for clarification if something doesn't sit right or sounds confusing.

It's also important to reflect on how our words and actions might affect other people's experience of fandom, and err on the side of 'live and let live' wherever possible. It's great to have our own preferences and to champion them, but we should try to do so in a way that leaves space for other people and perspectives.

The more unique perspectives and the more friendly, open dialog there is, the healthier the community will be as a whole.

There's nothing wrong with encouraging and guiding growth in the particular areas we are interested in, as long as it doesn't step on, oppress or attack those who are peacefully enjoying something different.

Anonymous 2 asked: bjyx fans attacking gdgdbaby for including zsww/lsfy dynamics in an event named bjyx then turning right around and attacking the zsww/lsfy event organizer for excluding bjyx? god, can you hear my facepalm and sigh of resignation and incredulity from over there? im genuinely not surprised that they're trying to drive an entire part of the fandom out by disgusting them (and me) with these immature tactics. i believe what im about to say next will sound quite bait-y and i respect your decision 1/?

should you choose not to post this. but i do know that it is not only me, in fact there are many out there, that is of this opinion. we just dont talk about it on twitter to avoid the potential mess it will bring lol. okay, here goes nothing. (do note that im talking about the majority here, not every single person is like this) so bjyx fans tend to be cishet females whereas zsww/lsfy fans are more diverse in terms of age and gender, and most of them are part of the queer community too 2/?

i would like to clarify that most of these zsww/lsfy fans are not dynamic exclusive (in the sense that they are friendly and interact with all ggdd fans) they just prefer to "identify" themselves as zsww/lsfy fans (on twitter specifically) just to form a distinction from bjyx fans who mostly are dynamic exclusive (as in; they do not consume non-bjyx content, and straightup refuse to interact with non-bjyx fans, often blocking them). as a result, id say that the zsww/lsfy communiy is way more 3/?

mature and respectful (after all, they're mostly queer people talking about a queer ship) whereas many problems in this fandom, such as the homophobia, adamantly insisting on "drawing lines" between dynamics, stem from the bjyx exclusive fans, comprised of cishet females who "may not know better". so, it is of no surprise to me that they're resorting to these immature tactics of calling gg unsavory names, and organizing retaliatory events with controversial topics in an attempt to "purify". 4/4

I trust that you have arrived at that theory through your own experience and observation. I haven't personally spent much time immersed in this stuff so I can't claim to have any real insight or expertise. If you say that's your experience of it, then at the very least that's how you've seen things up to this point.

I just want to say that I think we should always be careful about making assumptions about people's age, gender/gender identity, etc.

There are plenty of good reasons to avoid doing that; because those assumptions could be very wrong, because those assumptions are often laced with ageism, sexism, etc., because those assumptions - even when correct - might not be an accurate basis for the conclusions we draw.

But the primary reason I recommend avoiding those type of assumptions is because anything that enables us to clump a group of people together in our minds like that will tend to make them easier to demonize and dehumanize. They are no longer individuals who are each responsible for their own unique perspectives, they are now 'the X group' who is known for 'A B C series of easily attackable ideas or behaviors'.

If we attribute undesirable traits and behaviors to a group of people we feel opposed to in some way, that makes us feel more righteous and justified in behaving unfairly toward them, dismissing their humanity and warring with them. It's just risky behavior to engage in, even when it's well-intentioned.

There might actually be some truth to what you're saying. It could very well be that most of these people are young, inexperienced, heteronormative, etc. but if that's the case then we should try to use those traits to better understand and empathize rather than to better dismiss and discredit.

Just my two cents on that.

It can be really frustrating dealing with what feels like other people attacking us, trying to oppress us, etc. - especially when there are more of them than there are of us. In my experience the best solutions to that sort of problem are generally the ones that focus on what we are doing and want to do rather than what they are doing that we don't want them to do.

As I am always preaching, we can't control what other people say, do or think. The only thing we have any control over is what we say, do and think (and how we respond to what they say, do and think).

I have found in my experience that the moment I step out of a conflict mindset and instead step into a problem-solving mindset, everything starts to come together. I feel better, my outlook is more positive, I can begin to see solutions and allies rather than problems and enemies, and most of all, I become more focused on what I am doing than what others are doing.

So I would recommend everyone who is invested in resolving these conflicts focus on that. "How can we best showcase and encourage the types of stories we enjoy?" instead of "How can we stop these other people from doing things we dislike?"

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello again! It’s anon #3 from the fanfic post. I really do appreciate reading your thoughts on various issues like this, so thank you for always taking time to write in depth. As for supporting without going to war, the simplest way has always been to just show appreciation for the creators, hype them up. Kudos are the easiest way on ao3 but comments in addition are great. This goes for all content—art, fics, vids..etc. Creators love to see and read how people react to their content. Sharing is also great, fic recs are very helpful, just be cautious with art and reposting though. Hope this helps a bit!

Thanks so much, Anon. I think this is excellent advice. And it's true that appreciation is great, but helping to expand the audience is also great. Recommending stories, pointing people to the pages/websites of artists we like (as opposed to reposting), sharing our own ideas and approaches, encouraging people to try new things... all of this helps build healthier communities.

And here's another one: WRITE! DRAW! CREATE!

I urge anyone with creative interests or talents to bring their voices to the community because we all can benefit from hearing from you.

Thanks again everyone for sharing your thoughts on this issue. I hope that over time we can all work in positive ways to improve the situation.

I think this subject has been well-covered now so I'm going to retire it for the time being. If anyone still feels they want to discuss it further please feel free to message me privately. Thanks.

#fan fiction #fandom reflections #ask

[whaleofatjme1920]

Hello Elsie.

Anon here.

Im anon because I just wanted to just. Vent a little. If thats okay. I heard that its okay but Im just anxious.

Dont you just hate those times when you cry at something so little. I cried back then because of eaten marshmallows, a stolen card (a blackjack card but we didnt gamble. It was friendly games) and even a lost earphone. I hate it so much that I cry about the little things. Maybe having mental breakdowns.

I had these in school by the way. God it was so embarassing.

I noticed now that it LOOKED like I was being abused. All because I cried at all of them because I thought my parents were gonna get angry at me. It LOOKED like I was being abused at home. My parents dont do that. They love me. Its just that it looked like abuse and I realize now that the schools didnt ask what happened back at home. My classmates and friends didnt ask as well.

I noticed how the school didnt care. Now, if they asked.. I would say no of course. But that just made me realize how much my school didnt care about their students mental health. It still makes me scoff when I see their "Annual October Mental Health Awareness month" I get so pissed when I look at the stupid board. Make the board when you actually care you know??

I also had a teacher tell me that what I create is useless. I was in 4th grade! Who tells that to a 4th grader?? Same school by the way

I realized how they treated me like shit in school those years. And the only thing that repeated in my head was "Suck it up. Some people have it worse" I know its a bad thing to tell yourself this but I couldnt help and believe that its true. It is true though, people do have it worse. I still do it to this day.

Just wanted to share my path so I could take off a weight off my back. Delete the post if you want.

Anyways. How was your week Els? I read the previous posts and heard it was rather stressful.

Hi love bug, totally valid for you to vent here.

I cry at little things all the time! I don’t see it as good or bad, but something neutral. Crying is just my body’s response to heavy emotion I’m feeling, and that’s how it chooses to express it. I don’t,,, think it looks like you were being abused, just really pent up and didn’t know what you were going to do. You were confused and overwhelmed, that’s natural. I think anyone would be overwhelmed in this situation, that’s natural.

Schools are bizarre places and the people that make up the staff make or break school in general. I do think that schools in general don’t care about student’s health, mental or physical. School can be really, really soul crushing. I think it’s awful that an educator told you that when you were so young! I’m so sorry.

I hate the phrase “other people have it worse.” Okay,,, and? What you’re going through applies specifically to YOU. What you’re going through is tough in itself! I hate when people compare pain or trauma. What you feel is valid, and how you react to it can be healthy. You’re allowed to be upset given your situation. Sure, people out there “have it worse” but have you ever considered that what you happen to be going through is your worse? You’re allowed to feel bad, and hurt. That’s okay.

You’ve had a rough few days, and you’re probably mentally in a wonky place. That’s okay, sometimes it’s easier to float off than stay grounded; I will not begrudge you that. But take it slow, and take care of yourself. Be gentle in your thoughts towards yourself, and remember that it’s alright to feel bad, to cry, to express yourself how you want to. None of that is wrong or selfish, you’re it convincing people you’re being abused or anything, you’re just expressing yourself. Take care, yeah?

#just chatting #tw #tw vent

[honeymoonjin]

pre-elimination thoughts

hello here is a compiled list of all the asks i woke up to this morning relating to the elimination ksdjfks please enjoy 

If u see it from the pov of yn like actually that the person yn said “lets vote kook off after he shared his feelings and got provoked abt it” thats gonna hurt koo so much and he probably will completely shut himself off/ maybe even ask to leave the house if sora allows that?😳 and for yall b’s to vote him off!!! I’ll never forgive yall if sora announces that he got voted off fr fr!!!

Listen I’m not trying to be hateful but what did tae give us this week in comparison to JK??? Did he give us a whole scene? did he take the time to set up the gym into an exam room? Give us a sexy doctor moment?? No. He gave us some relatively mild puppy play which is fine!! But i mean compared to everyone else’s scene?? JK needs his moment, needs US on his side! Tae will still have jimin if he gets eliminated but koo needs a moment to shine! #byetae #savejk

I just remembered the elimination is based on sex...i voted the wrong person😞

why are people kicking off hoseok what did my man do

I’m gonna day this once. Vote koo out and I’m coming for kneecaps. There is so much potential there with the Maknae line. Listen hear me out the candidate that would hurt the least is hobi I know he was gonna get booted last week but like he’s the one that is the least emotionally attached to yn ya feel?! And also I feel like this opens up opportunities for him to dick down other members…. not naming names but *cough* jimin *cough* anyways that’s my tea if Jungkook is booted this week Readers …. I’m cracking my knuckles and we’re fucking throwing hands accept there won’t be a Seokjin and Yoongi to hold me back when I push y’all on a coffee table 😤😤🥱🥱👊🏾👊🏾

jimin may of instigated the fight, but jungkook threw the first punch and to me that’s a lot worse

the way it just took me five minutes to vote 💀 and 4 minutes and 55 seconds of those 5, i was just staring at my wall contemplating

Let's try and think with the few braincells we have left fam. Hoseok scenes are the most fun to read bc he is extremely confident and also one of the most experienced in the house. DON'T VOTE HIM OUT. A lot of the others could have a great storyline just hanging out in the house and creating sexual tension and drama. HOSEOK SHINES WHEN HE'S PERFORMING AND BEING A HARD ASS CONFINDENT SEXY DOM. PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU DON'T VOTE HIM OUT JUST YET.

i swear to fucking god i y'all vote hoseok out i'm rioting

People out here fighting for who should get eliminated but I'm here cant even figure out who to vote for cause I love all of them so much,,,, BUT IF ANYONE EVEN COMES NEAR MY BABY JIMIN AND YOONGI AND KOO IM KILLING ON SIGHT -jimin slap me anon

Ngl y’all wish I could vote y/n out 😂😂😂 girl gets into a relationship on a porn show... with 2 guys she doesn’t really seem to even like that much in a romantic way. Idk I’m fine with vmin but I don’t like the poly :/ not because it’s poly just because it doesn’t make sense + it’s complicating a lot of shit. I love the story though so I’m gonna keep reading it I just don’t agree with the relationship. I don’t think she should have a relationship with any of them until the show is over

Aaah this chapter was so good but also a mess 😭 I literally don’t know who to choose, I would actually be the worst in such a situation because I hate making decisions like that! I‘m seeing all those aggressive asks you’re getting and I‘m just sitting in the corner over here instead trying to deal with emotions 🥺 I just hope they’re all going to be alright in the end!!

I sent u two asks already queen and it def shows what good of a job you've done but this time let me be selfish for a second Because these anons are pissing me OFF! I can't believe so many people are in favour of voting Taekook out bro I'm really gonna pull a Kook and fight yall in the living room like UR really gonna break their hearts like that? JKS gonna blame himself for opening up and Tae will be devastated that he cant touch MC since touch is one of his love languages! Yall make Me SIQUE!

im voting tae out bc imo his scene was v plain. I get that pet play is out there n kinky but it was boring. While the hopekook scene with y/n was explosive it felt like tae having jimin there for his scene was a cop out. n then they did their dumb poly thing which should honestly be against the rules. WHAT SNAKES! also ngl but i feel like jimins been such a b to hopekook all the time FOR WHAT! im voting out tae for this week n jimin after. VMIN CAN GO FUCK EACH OTHER IN THE BUNKS FOR ALL OF TIME

Please please please don’t throw JK under the bus, if he gets eliminated his mental state is going to crumble even more than it already did, poor baby boy doesn’t deserve to get eliminated specially if we vote solely on the sex, because this man really went all out with his prompt, he was so diligent with staying in character and all, AND come on y’all did you not read the part in which he was being taken out crying while saying how sorry he was for the mess? We can’t break his heart even more

#kickjk2020 vminy/n for the win ‼️😼

Okay I’m sorry for yelling in my last ask BUT I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t relate to the way jk reacted bc I’d definitely feel the same as him that, doesn’t make the actions he took right but I mean have y’all really never felt that upset and alone before? You’re up against a wall with no where to go dude. Ofc you’re gonna lash out. His prompt was AMAZING he put in so much effort and it was SPICEY. And he felt so apologetic after the fight. He needs more time please:(((( #SaveJungkook

Ok but what i think some of us don’t get is that the elimination vote is from Y/N’s perspective, right? So how in the world will that go down? After all this, her voting Jk off. So, what i’m saying is #saveSora and #savejk

that chapter was so emotionally exhausting 😓 you’re such a great writer but it breaks my heart nonetheless. I guess that’s all I have to say about the chapter. but as far as voting, my choices are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. cause one I want to vote out based off of sex, and the other strictly based on emotion. uugh I can’t decide (even though I know you want it based on sex). my final statement I’ll campaign for is PLEASE don’t vote out jin or joon 🥺 #savejin&joon

I see ask about voting my man Jimin or sweet baby boy jk and even sweet taetae out while I'm here wondering if we can veto yn out 😔 i get her pov but damn im really pissed that she just gets "plant mode on" in situations like this

I’m so sorry for my baby but Tae is the one who has to go, c’mon everyone he is the safest option! He will still have Jimin and he can still have fun with the rest of the gentlemen, and you can’t tell me that he wouldn’t enjoy just watching and/ or punishing y/n when she decides that she can’t keep her hands to herself, HE WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO ENJOY BEING ON THE SHOW WITHOUT THE SEX WITH Y/N BECAUSE WE’VE SEEN HIM ENJOY SEXY TIMES WITH THE OTHER GENTLEMEN! HE CAN STILL BE HAPPY IF HE GOES

If koo gets voted off I'm actually going to c r y just-

if y’all vote my baby koo out i will personally hunt you down and crack your spine like a fucking glowstick xx

PEOPLE DONT VOTE KOOK OFF. HE LET OFF SOME STEAM NOW ALL WE NEED IS FOR HIM TO APOLOGIZE AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT 😭

PLEASE DONT HURT KOO IM LEAVE THE BABY ALONE OKAY???:(((((((

#SAVEYOONGI WE GOT THE TINIEST CRUMB OF HIS FEELINGS ON THE COUCH WITH Y/N THE NIGHT OF THE THREESOME AND I WANT THOSE FEELINGS TO FLOURISH 👁️👁️

i’m sorry but if we’re voting by who did they prompt the worst you have got to choose seokjin. i feel so bad for him because the thing ab his feelings just came out but the most interesting scene he’s had up until now was the threesome with yoongi. if i could, everyone would keep participating but in this moment, seokjins the obvious choice to me

luckily it wasn’t as many as i thought but still fsdjfkjks phew yall are passionate ;;-;

[metroid-fusion]

undertale is really weird because you play as a character youre not thinking about most of the game, who's controlling the main character. you dont play as frisk, you play as chara, controlling frisk. you also dont really have a good indication of this through most playthroughs of the game (with an obvious exception)

its the same exact thing in deltarune, except in dr it's way more obvious, and also we don't know who the character you do play as is. could be the vessel you create in the intro, could be someone who will never be named and it's just you (although thats not likely), or it could be a new character

anyway its really unconventional and cool, and it's also the in-universe explanation/manifestation of how these games are an examination of the separation between player and player character. it's toby fox playing around with the same theme as mortis ghost did in OFF: the effects of an archetypal rpg protagonist in a more realistic world (obviously not in content, but in consequences - i.e. in another game, killing enemies just gives you xp and money or whatever, but in these games enemies are denizens of a world, and killing them has consequences for the world.)

there are a lot of differences between how off and undertale express their themes, though. in off the batter is the rpg character, sort of railroading the player; in undertale, the player is the rpg character, and disregards frisk's intentions (and that's what allows the multiple endings. in off, it's the batter's intentions that dictate how the game goes, but since you have agency over the protag in undertale, you can choose how to react to the game)

in deltarune, it's the same situation as undertale (although since it's just 1 chapter so far, the idea of that agency over the protag isnt manifested or explored like it is in undertale), except! in this one, the player doesnt have complete control over kris! i think it's really interesting that kris is (or seems to be) older than frisk was in undertale. it could be intentional, because the will of a teenager would be stronger, and theyd have a stronger urge to resist the player. this lack of total control is ALSO an in-universe explanation/manifestation of toby switching the lense of the undertale theme from the effects of the player on the world to the effects on the protagonist. undertale is about howbthe world reacts, but deltarune is shaping up to be about how kris does (that's why i think the enemies in the dark world don't die, and killing them doesn't have any major effect on the ending) (dr is still very character based obviously, it just doesn't seem to be the focus of the themes like it was in ut.) there's examination of this stuff in the little bit of dr we have so far: one example that jumps out is the EXTREME hesitation that kris has to dropping the ball of junk. (another is the moss scene.) obviously this culminates at the ending, which shows us explicitly the resistance kris has to being "played" like any old protagonist.

it's still a lot closer to undertale than off. kris doesnt (at least not yet) disregard the player and enact their own story like the batter does - the player still uses kris to play the game, like they do frisk.

jesus fuck this got long. i wasn't even talking about themes when i started i was talking about how you dont play as the protagnist in ut how tf did this happen

this is also veeery sloppy, sorry for the parentheticals and terrible wording ouch

#whoops #undertale #deltarune #off #x7 tag #long post

[lovedlovingly]

Growing up, spec when seen as a daughter, with an abusive mother - u swear to never become like her. Which we all know can be a trap, the mindset can make you overlook the exact traits you silently took with u from her without even noticing it, because your focus is more on "what not to be" than "what to be" and self reflection.

I live with this fear all the time. Not always consciously, but especially when someone makes me feel bad, small, unimportant etc about myself I always go back to "I shouldn't be like my mother" trying to find a response, which isn't... Usually the situation where i should have my focus on [those traits]. But instead see if what I'm feeling is how I felt as a child, and make myself finally heard the way I longed for by a mother figure.

These fear throughts of "am I becoming my mother?" are also strong when ppl come to me with a problem or a need to vent. The way I react to them to be able to give them the sense of being heard and validated is strong, not only because I want to prove something/"someone" wrong, but because it's something I myself long for, it's traits of someone I want to be. Choose to be.

I think this process has been one of the hardest for me, also because I don't have good tools yet! I feel insufficient, as if I could imagine what should be in my toolbox but when I actually look in it there's only a hammer wrench and a couple of nails.

I know I have [toxic traits]. Any human does. What separates me from my own mother is that I want to try to be better. Not only for myself but for those around me. Right now tho, limited edition© for ppl who treat me with kindness, value and respect, because they're things I've been starved of for so long and I need my The Sims™ meter to go up to green. Then I can probably handle other people with no turmoil inside me. But while working with one self, these aren't easy things. Trauma patterns and beliefs are hard, especially from childhood. You have nothing to go back to, no former self. You have to find a new you to create, find out what you even want, find your own needs. It takes time and you stumble and u get angry because u feel with one toe out of line you've fallen all the way back over.

And sometimes that's also connected to the abuse, to be hard on ourselves, to think we can't handle it - not really, that things are too good to be true so we should take a more modest path to set our goals on. There's so many dimensions to this to work with. And it both makes me exited but also really sad.

What's also hard is. Even if you cut your mother out of your life, the people around you know you in a certain way. So changing can be really hard on that point too, you've found a new role with new ppl but u still want more, you still want to recover. I dont know how to solve that either, it feels like an elastic band. You try to move forward but find yourself ending up in old patterns because even if your abuser isn't around you've formed a trauma self, who's the one others know u as. It's weird. I guess the best thing is to try and grow with the ppl around u? And if they can't it's okay to leave them behind. And it's okay for them to leave you behind too! They might not be able to handle the change (ever so small) but it's important for you and for once you want to listen to yourself and not long for suffering.

Because we do bond in suffering. We bond with complaints. But when that's all a friendship is u have to reflect if that's helping you become the person, the version of yourself, you want to see.

And if you only bond in "happiness" in "positive thinking" where there's no room for venting or problem solving. That's unhealthy too, and you won't thrive. You feel like a cactus in a habitat for lotus flowers. It's someone constantly pouring on soil to completely cover a flower and tell it to grow thus their job is done (they give so much nurture but not what's actually needed for said person and it's still neglectful)

I feel recovery is a really lonely path. It's like, you're not alone on your journey, absolutely far from, but it's lonely.

And sometimes the fear of still being the victim is stronger than the fear of becoming my mom. The fear that that loneliness (even though on my way I've met amazing ppl and we've walked the same path for a while) will make me turn around. Sprint back to what I know. What's familiar. Because at least I know that outcome, I know I'll be miserable - and for some that's more comforting than the thought of unknown possibilities. No matter how good they are. Been there too!

So sometimes the bravest thing an abuse survivor can do(being terrified but doing it anyway), is having the courage to take the first step towards the unknown and open the different doors on the way forward and decide if they want to stay there for a while or move forward again. And even though it is lonely at times, we actually never are alone. It's loneliness in community. It's a duality at the same time. It's a coin forever spinning.

Just because our mothers made us feel cut off from the rest of society, because our trauma makes us feel like we're the puzzle piece that doesn't fit in, doesn't mean it's true. There are, sadly enough, so so many survivors in the world to find strength from or to help in your turn when able. And even more amazingly, to work together with.

I hope that in the future, and it might take me 20,30,40 years to get free from all the marionette strings my mother tied to me, but I hope I can look back, from time to time, and be proud of and have so much thankfulness in my heart and compassion with how brave I was for taking that first step towards unknown recovery. And really thank them for bringing me there. Just like I in the present, thank my former self for all the ground work they've done for me to be where I'm at already!

And maybe that's the biggest difference between me and my abuser, I can truly feel love for myself and in turn it makes me want to love others and make them love themselves. All because I'm proud of the former versions of me, even though they've stumbled head first at times and had to learn hard lessons and just like anyone I have things I feel ashamed over in my life. The thing I can be happy over is, in hindsight and who I am rn, I would go back to all those situations and correct them if I could. Apologize if I could. Make amends if I could. Tell ppl to fuck off earlier if I could. It gives me comfort to know I don't feel fear towards who I was. Back then I might have only had a nail in my toolbox! And I did what I could with what I had - just like now.

But one thing remains the same, I've always wanted better for myself but never at the expense of others. If I go up I take u all up with me! And in that I can never become my mother.

#Don't mind me sag season seems to be reflect on your trauma season for me kenrkrk #Abuse mention #Long post

[supreme-stories-z]

Cosmo interview

Tell us Macarena, who is Barbara? She's a very chill person, she has an exceptional sense of humor that surprised me since we met, also she has a lot of swag and style and that's something i really appreciate. I like that she's very transparent

Barbara, who is Macarena? A person that really knows what she wants. She's always creating conections with people in general and with her family, organizing everything to hold on to them. She's very smart, sensitive and so beautiful

Macarena, what would yo like to see on Valentina's life? For her to not need approbation from others

And you Barbara, what would you like for Juliana? For her to fulfill her dreams and show everyone that all that matters is believing in yourself to get what you want

Macarena, what's a normal day without cameras? So normal. Generally i'd wake up early in the morning, even if i don't like it very much, but as i travel a lot i have to. I do excercise every day because i realized that it really grounds me; it's not to look good but to feel good, i like to be strong. I always try to give myself a moment during the day to talk to someone i love, maybe a friend or family, i like human contact and i try to do it everyday. I do everything in my power to work and then go to dance or have a cup of wine, or to a music festival or travel... everything that's living life it's very important, because we never know when will be our last day.

And you Barbara, what's a normal day without cameras? I love to spend time with my family and i try to cherish my friendships, so i go from place to place around the city to give everyone a little bit of my time. I love music, it gives me the chance to imagine a lot of stuff. I like to even go eat by myself, is one of the things that i enjoy the most in my free time.

Macarena, what do you admire about Barbara? A lot of things. I'm a person that really has to concentrate in something, because i can't do a lot of things at the same time, and she has that ability to be present here, make laugh the person in front of her and say hi to another person without forgeting that she's working. She does a lot of things at the same time, and all of them are well done, i admire that so much.

Barbi, what do you admire about Maca?

I admire her honesty, how transparent and clear she is about what she wants and her way to do that, because it's easy to get things cheating in this business, but she knows how to get what she wants, while me, i'm a little more scared about going for it. That's something i need to learn.

What did Maca feel when Valentina came out?

I think that's the scene where she really is aware of what she's going through. When she tells her brother it's the first time she says it out loud, because she hasn't even shared it with Juliana yet. She can finally express how much in love she's with a girl without knowing what she's gonna do next or what everyone will think, which desicions to make or how to react.

We did that scene in one take and the guy i did it with is Barbara's boyfriend, he's my brother in the story, so it was nice because i was talking to him about her real life girlfriend. It was a very tender moment, very moving and we both lived that nervousness and really teared up, we lived it on the flesh, we connected. Valentina felt free and a lot of clarity; the tricky thing is that the world ask us to label something that we're not even sure about, it's so unfair because everyone has the right to not know. For the first time she did it without the obligation of thinking before she spoke and that's when she asks herself, "did that really went out of my mouth?" she was thankful for being able to feel so free at last.

And what did Barbara feel when Juliana came out?

I felt so relieved; the situation was a lot more complicated with Juliana because she didn't have that much family or knowledge about her surroundings, for her it was very difficult to talk to someone... how do you come out in that situation? i felt really proud as Barbara, you need great courage to do something like that when you know you don't have those loving arms to protect you at the end, because it's only your mom and you, and it's very possible that she wont accept you. Juliana felt like that woman that she wanted to be, that woman that was trapped and couldn't come out and there's nothing more beautiful than that kind of freedom.

What makes you different from your characters?

B: the maturity and a bunch of things that now, as Barbara. i can understand and that Juliana still have to live through, but i identify a lot with her.

M: the same.

what's the biggest change in your acting for both of you?

M: i think everyone struggles with saying "no". We are taught since very little to never dismiss any oportunity even when you don't agree with what you're doing, we have to please everyone, and since i've met Barbara i've seen that clarity in her, about what she wants to do and move foward, she has this sweetness and capacity to say and execute things, that in a way empowers her because now she's always sure of what she wants. We were saying minutes ago, there's no place for half truths and not being transparent, life it's already so complicated for us to be pretending something we're not, so i think that's the most significative change. I know that for her this is really important.

B: I don't know, i thought more about our relationship, now we have a lot of trust in each other... now she's a lot more open with me.

Where do you want to direct your careers?

B: i'm not sure. Personally i look foward to challenge myself every day and do the things that i'm more afraid of, i love that... for now that'd be my dream.

M: I've never liked to set limits for myself, i always say that our imagination it's so little compared to the universe, what i look in my own career is to be able to follow my intuiton, that's the reason that brought me here. i want to be able to really feel my projects, to say yes "if i feel it" even if everyone else is saying "do this instead", We have to be a little cold blooded -in a good way-, have that kind of serenity and ask myself "what do i really want?", and keep having that priviledge of choosing where i'm going.

For both of you, what is love?

M: Love is to be present *very tricky translation btw*

B: Love is to put you on a test, is loving on good or bad times, is fighting and changing over time.

What do you look for in that special person to know you're in love and feel fully happy?

M: Hijo! *express surprise* i think we are wrong since the thought that the other person has the responsibility to make us happy, because i think that the first person that you've to fall in love with is yourself. If you let that be someone else’s responsibility, i'd hit you hard, because the day you stop being happy, then what? are you going to blame the other? For starters, i think you have to be responsable for yourself before you engage in a relationship with someone else and build a team. I always say, the “other half” thing i dont get it, i think we're both full oranges that complement each other. But first you have to be okay with yourself, because if you aren't, thet it gets really complicated.

B: i think being in love all the time doesnt exist, it's imposible, then for me love is just that. You're not always going to be 100 percent with that person but you still know they will be there for you, It's loving them like they're and them loving you like you're and pushing for a better version of yourselves.

How do you prepare for your roles?

B: As an actor you have a set of tips or skills, like writting, imagine about that person and in my case, i tought "what do i want to do now?" I know the character is written but besides that, i want to discover what i want to put from me in it. It's very difficult for me to describe, i feel that in the moment we're recording i'm really in their shoes, their life, and that's the moment when the magic starts.

M: When you find the place for you in the universe and understand your own human relationships that exist around you, your family and your fictional loved one, it gives you a lot of perspective. I mean, what the other person thinks and what they feel always affects you.

We broke it down lots of times, do you remember? The firsts episodes were really complex, beacuse a lot was happening. untill we kind of found our own flow. We broke down all the episodes and that's when we knew where the climax was coming and we build the story backwards with that knowledge, which made the process very interesting.

What does ir means for you to be representatives of the LGBT community?

B: It's an honor. I think that in life we have to do important statements, what you're pasionate about you have to take it beyond and do good for the world. I know this story has been so important for so many people and they put their trust in us, so definitely it's a great honor.

M: I think it brings sense to it all. I have a lot of ideals and most of the time it's hard to know how to approach them witout jugdement from outsiders; with this it all made sense, i found a way to support genuine people and it was a team effort, so to speak. It's okay not to be sure, it's okay if you regret it, it's okay to ask for forgiveness, things that are so simple but yet so hard.

I was saying earlier, for me this mesage was important because this are things i really belive in and are values that i have thet i want to shere with people out there. Our responsibility as spokespersons is not only with the LGBT community but with all the women out there fighting for their rights. It's very important to raise our voices, it doesn't matter if you define yourself or not.

B: i agree and also the important thing it's give support from the heterosexual side, no?

Someone close to you had a not expected reaction to your roles?

M: it's amazing the love this generated, you realize the need for comunication and acceptance, because every single one of us belongs to a minority. We just want to say, let's love each other!

Any woman has stopped to say pick up lines to you?

M: yeah and it's amazing, i'm very impressed, they even asked us to marry them!

B: That's the biggest accomplishment, Yeah it has happened, they didn0t sto us to say pick up lines, but yeah they have done that, they're very respectful

According to Juliana and Valentina, where does the strength of a woman resides?

B: in believing in yourself, because anything can happen if you belive, it's true.

M: Yeah and Barbara and Macarena also think the same. Also live with intention and not with expectations, because you can get very disappointed and that's not the case. Dreams are built not fulfilled.

At last, what resposibility does the media have with these kind of roles?

B: just to portray it as it is, we have to see things as they are and talk about them as we normally talk to each other. It's just another love story, with no labels.

M: its pretty amazing the message that's geting out there but the responsibility is mutual, because we can't share this without your help, or the producer or the writer. We are just the face and voice but behind - and also foward- there's a bunch of people. We have to thank you for this space because that's what makes the difference.

What does it means for you to do COSMO?

B: the triumph of love, no matter the gender

M: this is the triumph of the Juliantinas! of us, the team, because we also believe in this.

PSA: Maca is very tricky to translate, she speaks in riddles, even in spanish haha, if something doesn't make sense point it out, just did this at work trying to not get caught by my boss.

PSA2: Corrected a lot of stuff and also there was a first part of the interview that i added.

#juliantina #macarena achaga #barbara lopez #translation

[jafndaegur]

Paper Wings

Jumin x MC

This is a sequel to The Chains that Bind Us.

...whenever I start to want... to do bad things to me... I fold a paper crane for every thing I want to do to myself, and sew them onto a thread to hang where I can see them.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

The door creaked open just a teensy bit as Jumin peeked into the room. Darkness shrouded the normally well lit study, and other than a sliver of light that winked dimly from the crack between the pulled curtains - there was no other source for him to see. But from the silhouette of MC, her back turned from him and her head bowed, Jumin supposed that she wasn't feeling well today either. It'd been a week since he had first found her on the ground, mid panic attack. From then on he noticed that whatever it was she was fighting in her head, it was only getting worse. His lip trembled just for a moment before he clenched his jaw and forced out a tight exhale. He regained his composure and he stepped into the room without much noise. His socks padded almost silently against the carpet. And yet when he crouched down beside his wife and gently ran his fingertips along her forearm, she hardly reacted.

First, she gave an owlish blink - lashes brushing over the dark rings of circles underneath her eyes. She didn't smile. Her right hand rested lightly upon his, but she refused to look at him.

Jumin's heart clenched.

"Would you like to go out?" He tried, giving her fingers a gentle squeeze. "The weather is pleasant, and it may even rain later in the evening. I know how you love a good storm."

She shook her head. "I don't feel so good Jumin, not today...I'm sorry."

"Of course, dearest." His vision blurred, and he cracked a soft smile despite the growing chill and wetness at the corners of his eyes. "Just rest. I'd like for you to feel better."

No response came, and she rested her head back against the chair she had curled up in. Humming softly, Jumin stood and left, closing the door behind him.

He wandered around the penthouse for a little, trying to clear his mind. One of their plants wasn't facing the sun. He turned it around. The stool at the kitchen bar was sticking out. He pushed it in an inch. On the couch one of the pillows were misplaced. He moved it from the middle cushion to the right end. A blanket was folded wrong. There was a smudge on the window. A shoe had left a floor scuff mark. His sleeve wasnt pulled down all the way. One of the hall picture-frames were crooked. Bed unmade. Bathroom untidy. Seat. Front door. Kitchen. Study. Hallway. Floor. Couch...

He reached out to steady himself, and stopped.

A quiet mew drew his attention and he looked down to see Elizabeth the Third gazing up at him. Her big blue eyes widened and she wound herself around his legs, her tail flickering. Jumin sunk to the floor, and gathered her up into his arms, holding her against his shoulder as he buried his face into the soft fur close to her belly. A sob muffled against her fluffy pelt.

He couldn't fix this.

This was something even the great Jumin Han could not fix. With all of his money and his power, this was beyond his capabilities. Beyond his influence. Because no matter how much he wanted to fix his wife's pain, the only one who could do that was her. He could never force her. Never before and never again.

His breath rattled in his chest, and he bit back another sob.

Elizabeth kneaded her paws against his chest.

There was nothing for him to do. He gazed out dully, looking at the window and the city past it, that despite the warm afternoon light and the speckles of fluffy gray clouds on the horizon, he could only see gloom. There was no way to fix this. No way for him. He could only wish-

Wish.

He could only wish.

Scratching the back of Elizabeth's head, he set her down quickly. Stumbling to stand up, Jumin searched for his jacket before finding it and haphazardly tugging it on.

A hesistant glance was cast back toward the direction of the study. He felt the faint tendrils of a thread coiling around his throat. But before the string could tie itself any tighter, he took a deep breath, unwound the thread, and placed it in his pocket for another day, another time. MC needed him. And even though right now, she spoke with cotton in her mouth - all hidden and suffocated words - he heard her.

Ignoring the startled calls of his security guards at the front, Jumin quickly made his way out to the front where Driver Kim was on standby. The chauffeur started a bit at his boss' sudden appearance, but recovered quickly.

"Is there a crafts store, nearby?" Jumin huffed, sitting down in the back of the car.

Driver Kim slid into the front seat and started the vehicle. "Craft? As in a craftsman?"

"No, no. As in arts and crafts."

There was silence before the driver pulled away from the front and drove down a few blocks. A little store, like a daisy among roses, sat comfortably between all the other much larger office buildings. Jumin definitely would have defined it as quaint, but he hopped out of the vehicle and told Drive Kim he would call him momentarily. The old man gave him a confused look but nodded and went to find a spot to park.

Walking into the store, someone greeted him while a little bell signaled his entry. He gave a slight nod and began his search. It'd been a long time since he had ever made any, but he was sure all he needed was pretty paper.

Jumin finally found himself in an isle of  packages full of precut colorful paper squares. A small waver of anxiousness filled his stomach. He hadn't realized there were so many types. There were even packages of thin strips of paper, hardly an inch wide. Did oragami really get that small? He reached out to grab one of the packets full of the strips when he felt a tug at the hem of his jacket.

Surprised he found a little girl holding onto him. Every muscle stiffened. Why was there a child? His eyes widened as he started to observe her more. She was shockingly little, and thin. Her nose was plugged with a breathing tube, while her free hand toted a little dolly with a canister attached. The child had decorated it with stickers and a cute keychain of a kitten.

His stomach felt sick.

"Mister, you make stars?" She asked, pointing to the paper.

"Stars?" He echoed. "These aren't for cranes?"

She shook her head, face serious. Turning to the rows of paper, she searched until she found a packet full of square sheets decorated with plumes of flora. She proffered it to him.

"I'll trade you, Mister," she looked at the package in his hand. "I'm allowed to keep jars of stars in my room. Just not cranes."

"Such a trade benefits the both of us..." he crouched down in front of her and offered her his own paper. "Do you know how to fold paper cranes?"

The little girl's eyes widened. "Do you not know?"

Jumin chuckled. "It's been a very long time since I last made any. I'm afraid I don't remember how."

"My mom is sitting on the bench outside." The little girl bit her lip nervously. "Do you want me to show you?"

"If your mother agrees," Jumin hummed. "What is your name?"

"Jati."

"Well Jati," he held out his hand, "as thanks, allow me to buy your paper."

She nodded eagerly, allowing him to lead her along.

In the back of his head Jumin knew he really should not just bargain with random little children, but the situation seemed just too coincidental to not mean something. He may not have been a practicing Christian anymore, but that didn't mean he'd  refrained from the belief in divine intervention or fates' blessing. Perhaps that's what this was for both him and little Jati.

They walked out of the store chatting and still hand and hand until he caught sight of the mother, who immediately locked a death stare with him. At least until he guessed recognition set in. Because she went from fury, to anger, to shock, to mortification well within ten seconds.

"Jati," she scolded, standing up from her seat.

"This is Jumin," her daughter chirped, taking a seat in front of the bench after arranging her dolly to her preference. "He wants to know how to fold cranes! Mrs. Jumin doesn't feel so good, so he wants to make some for her to feel better."

The mother glanced at Jumin before she sighed and waved them off. "She gets cold easily, so you have less than ten minutes."

He gave her a gracious tilt of his head before kneeling down at the bench. Opening the packet of paper, he let the little girl choose her sheet before he selected his own. In no time at all, Jati walked him eagerly through each step, constantly looking up at him with a bright glance whenever he dutifully followed her lead. From the corner of his eye, Jumin noticed Jati's mother smiling wistfully, and he wonder just exactly who this small child created her stairway of wishes for - herself or someone else.

"It looks very nice, Mr. Han," Jati's mother said, handing her phone to her child. The little girl had wanted to take a picture of the two cranes together.

"It's not half bad," he agreed, before humming softly. "If you dont mind my inquiry...why isn't she allowed..."

"They don't want her hanging them from the ceiling," the mother murmured, watching with a sad gaze as her daughter fussed over the positions of the birds. "Her room at home is full of them though. Jati says she wants two wishes. That's why she folds the stars - she can keep those when she stays over at the hospital - and then the cranes."

"Is she there often?" Jumin wondered, hadn't meant to ask that out loud.

The mother hefted her purse a little higher. "If you don't mind me prying, I'd like to think we'd hear on the news about your wife being sick...how long has it been?"

"It's not anything that a normal hospital could fix, I think," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. He wasn't offended, he'd snooped into her personal life - she had every right to snoop back. "If she gets help, she can make it better. But only she can."

Jumin paused and watched with a faint sense of endearment as Jati skipped back to return the phone.

"But I can always wish for the best for her," he hummed, gesturing to the cranes in the child's hands, "and help her along the way."

"Mister." Jati held out his crane, "here."

"I'd like you to have my first crane." Jumin smiled and pulled out his phone to text Driver Kim. "I hope it brings you closer to your wish."

The mother's face melted into something pained and gentle.

"Thank you!" Jati beamed.

Jumin dug into his pant's pockets before he found his wallet again. Fishing out a business card, he handed it to Jati's mother before he went to search for his chauffeur.

"Please reach out to me," Jumin gave a weak quirk of his lips. "If she needs a wish. She certainly aided me on my way to mine."

The mother bowed and thanked him with choked words.

The ride home for him was one he looked forward to. And even though when he entered the penthouse, and only Elizabeth greeted him, he was okay. Jumin searched around for a couple of candles, and he made a pot of tea - despite in normal circumstances he would have gone for a bottle of wine. He set their living room coffee-table with the paper and lights and hot drinks before wandering to the study.

Inhaling deeply, he entered without reserve. MC was as he'd left her, and even when she didn't look at him as he gently took her hand in his - he was okay.

"My love," he whispered, gently tugging on her arm. "Come with me for a moment."

MC blinked, gazed at him, before slowly unfurling from her curled position on the couch. She unfolded like a crumpled up paper in his hands, stretching out and lengthening as she stood to her full height. Jumin smiled and helped lead her to the living room. He would refold her, careful with every crease and every tuck - he would give her the paper wings she needed to fly away on her own.

#jumin x mc #mysme jumin han #mysme jumin #jumin han #stranger danger you guys #dont go up to a random ajussi and ask for origami #lol #hurt and comfort #phone memos story #angst

[learningtoeatokayagain]

jealousy survival handbook

I hung out with a friend yesterday and it was so great. She’s a woman and I feel I haven’t been able to hang out with a female friend in so long. So it was super needed.

Anyway, today I am going to do some self-work on open relationship stuff. I have this handbook that I am going to go through and type up on this blog my feelings and thoughts.

Here’s a list of things I am dealing with:

- I tell myself I am “wrong” for feeling jealousy.

- I tell myself my needs and desires are wrong.

- I tell myself that talking about it is not worth the battle.

- I tell myself that my unmet needs or violated values do not matter.

- I do things to please other people and get confused about what I want.

- I don’t stand up for myself.

How do I feel when I think these thoughts and/or act this way?

- Embarrassed, hurt, ashamed, frustrated, emotionally numb, sad, powerless, helpless, agitated, scared

Rephrase the stuff above:

- I am not wrong for having feelings. Feelings are complicated. It’s what I do with them that counts.

- My needs and desires are not wrong. I can communicate what I want, even though it’s scary.

- Being vulnerable is scary, but it’s better to communicate my feelings even if I don’t want to talk about it in the moment.

- My unmet needs do matter and I need to communicate and ask for what I want.

- I can do please others and please myself and both!

- I sometimes stand up for myself and I’ve done it before and I can keep doing it.

New feelings:

Strong, self-affirming, powerful, confident, excited, capable, courageous, serene, living, brave, resilient

SOS: Stop, Observe, Strategize

S: Stop - when I feel the jealousy, anxiety, etc through my body: STOP.

- Give yourself time to think, get away from the trigger, you don’t want to do something to alleviate your discomfort. Excuse yourself from the room (or whatever): I’ll be right back, I need to think for a minute, etc. Or you can say, I need time to sort this out. Tell yourself, “ I can stand it.” or “I can handle it.”

O: Observe - observe the facts, what is actually going on. Feelings are still there, but there are facts. There will be stories, but look at the facts.

- What actually transpired?

- Who were the players?

- What kind of voice and body language did the players use?

- What physical sensations did you notice in your body?

- What are you current pre-existing agreements? Did all the players know about the agreements before this happened? Others can’t respect our boundaries if they don’t know what they are. 

Next: own reactions

Internal mind (what are you thinking)?

- Write down what’s going through your mind, paying attention to the thoughts that are intrusive and on repeat. 

Common beliefs:

- Getting rejected is the worst thing that could happen to me

- This person is disrespecting me/my boundaires

- They don’t love me anymore

- I cannot stand this

- That other person is better/stronger/sexier/prettier/etc than me

- My partner no longer needs me because they other people.

Which feels true to me? What do I identify with the most? Where did I learn this? How long have I believed it?

Internal: How are you feeling?

example: “I feel like my partner is way more into this new person than me and I feel anxious and sad.”

Check in with your body. Where do you feel it? You could even do things like, “It’s interesting when I see he doesn’t text me, I feel very anxious.”

Strategies:

Defusion: see thoughts and feelings as what they are, not what they say to use they are. When personal events are functioning as barriers due to FEAR.

- observing and then questioning our thoughts and detaching when possible. It’s acknowledging feelings and then not turning our choices and power over them.

Fear disguised as jealousy:

- can be traced back to FEAR: loss, less, or never - fear of loss of a partner, fear of less time/devotion/attention from a partner, never seeing partner again, never having them look at us in a special way, etc.

Techniques:

- Thank your brain

- Treat your brain as a separate entity.

- Label thoughts (i.e. that’s a silly thought)

- Silliness and Songs: use silly voices to make them less serious

- Name your Story: (i.e. Jealousy Story A)

- Create and name your jealousy gremlin: “Thank you for that jealousy, but I’ve got it from here, please go back to your room.“

- Thoughts cannot hurt you, you can ignore them!

- Leaves on a stream: imagine your thought perched on a leaf in a stream and floating away from you. (or whatever)

Defusion Skill Goal: give yourself space so you don’t always act on your thoughts or be impulsive which can be damaging.

Compassion (Meditation)

15 mins a day - guided meditation

- app, body position, receiving compassion-loving-kindness

- Think of your partner and others around you giving you warmth and kindess. Then reserve it and repeat, “may you live w/ ease, may you be happy, may you be free from pain.”

Focus on someone else and say, “Just as I wish to, you may be safe, may you be healthy, may you live w/ ease and happiness.”

Focus on someone else again and say: may your life be filled with happiness, health, and well-being.

Think of who your partner is seeing and say: “just as I wish to, you may also live with ease and happiness.”

Then expand to the word, “Just as I wish, may you live w/ ease, happiness, and good health.”

Take a deep breathe in, then out. Notice your state of mind, how you feel, open your eyes.

You can also make it more simple and say: “May I happy. May I be peaceful. May I forgive myself.”

Commitment to your core personal values:

- Ask yourself: How would a person who holds this as a core value act?

Two types of values:

- Fear - Based/HAVE to’s: these values spur you to take action to avoid something, “I have to do this or else.”

- Conscious-Based/WANT to’s: these values allow you to take positive action

How to figure out core values:

- Open relationships: what is important to you as a partner in open relationships?

- What do you want to stand for as a partner in open relationships?

- What sort of personal strengths and qualities do you want to culviate as a partner in an open relationship?

- How do you want to behave as a partner in an open relationship?

5 values I chose from a list: autonomy, connection, boundaries, adventure, and fulfillment and top 3 from this list: autonomy, connection, and boundaries

Communication:

Tool 1: Know when to hold ‘em: Red Light: push pause button on conflict

make good choices by:

1) Red Light: Regulate emotions, make sure your partner is also calm and regulated

- ask yourself when you’re having emotions/jealousy/etc: Am I creating this drama myself? How am I contributing to this situation? When all you see is the green fog of jealousy, be patient with yourself and take a setp back.

2) Remember your relationship goals: think about what you want from your relationship, what kind of responses you want from them, choose the type of communication accordingly.

think: do you want to be right? Do you want to connect? Do you want to increase the love and happiness you have in your life with your partner and have a deeper understanding?

Yellow light: slow down, think before you speak!

4 ways to communicate:

- people often respond to conflict and relationship issues: Exit, Neglect, Loyalty, and Voice (ENLV)

- Exit: I’m Leaving

- Neglect: I’m ignoring you and your needs.

- Loyalty: I hope things bet better

- Voice: I would like to talk about this.

Success is partly related to uncomfortable situations we ahve.

Dos & Donts

- DO: Have an accountable conversation about needs and values

- Disclosure (feelings, needs, values)

- Deepening understanding (asking questions, discussing problems, trying to understand different perspectives)

- Problem solving activity (suggestion solutions to problems, trying to make changes, trying to reach an understanding)

- Seeking outside help (seeking him from a support group, coach, counselor)

DONT’S

- Engage in emotional distancing

- Engage in verbal aggression

- Engage in manipulation

- Engage in violence

- Engage in demand-withdrawl

- Threatened to disrupt relationship

Green Light: non-violent communication

- contains two parts: honestly expressing ourselves to others and listening empathically to others

- Observations: aim is to describe what we are reacting to concretely, specifically, and neutrally, emphasizing observation helps us take responsibility for our reactions by directing our attention to our needs as the source of our feelings, rather than faults of the other person

Feelings: expressing what I feel instead of what the other person is doing

Needs: needs are an expression of our deepest shared humanity. Understanding, naming, and connecting w/ our needs helps us to both imporve our relationships w/ ourselves.

Requests: making requests allow us to assess how likely we are to get cooperation for particular strategies we have in mind for meeting our needs. Example: Would you tell me how you feel about this?  The other person is allowed to say no, this is information for us and our request is too much for the other person. Be concrete, “I would like to spend 3 nights a week with you.” When our request is clear, the other person is more likely to listen to us

Empathy: Expressing our own observations, feelings, needs, and requests to other is also part of non-violent communication

- empathetic connection can sometimes happen silently, but in terms of conflict, verbally communicating to another person that we understand their feelings & needs matter to us can be a powerful turning point in challenge situations.  We respect that the other person is the authority for what is going on w/ them

Observation: When you see/hear/blank

Feeling: Are you feeling?

Need: Because you need ...

Request: And would you like ... ?

Self-empathy: in self-empathy, we bring the same compassion to ourselves. Self-empathy at times like this has the power to transform our disconnected state of being and return us to our compassionate intention and present-oriented attention. With practice, many people find that self-empahy alone sometimes resolves inner conflict and conflict w/ others

Summary: What I observe A, I feel B, because I need C. Would you be willing to?

Examples: What I observe:

- see, hear, feel, notice, remember, think about

I feel:

annoyed, angry, disgusted, uneasy, detached, stressed, embarssed, tired, sad, vulnerable, scared, hurt

Because I need:

- Safety, respect, empahty, honesty, love, mutality, to be valued, support, trust, play, accetpance, autonomy

Would you be willing to: (douable, related to present, not a demand: spend more time with me this weekend or reassure me about your feelings)

Active listening:

- Subjective what we do most of the time, focused on the needs of the listener

- Ojbective listening: focused totally on the person who is speaking, it’s effective but doesn’t truly get to the heart of the matter. It does make the listener be heard.

- Active/intuitive listening - listening to all sensory components and intitively conecting to partner’s message, active/intuitive listeners pay attention to the speaker’s real message.

Pattern:

Listen: in order to fully understand what the person is saying to you

Ask questions: that helps you get more information, “what did you mean when you said..”

Reflect: what you heard when you partner said so you can be sure you heard correctly

Offer empathy: for what your partner is saying

#open relationship #feelings #jealousy #communciation

[xavierxvh2]

*March 1 Tumblr 1*

Trenchmen, Bellevile. “Mediocre people DONT LIKE HIGH ACHIEVERS.” Youtube, Jul. 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bx5W25V913U

Nick Saban - mediocre people DON’T LIKE HIGH ACHIEVERS

https://youtu.be/bx5W25V913U

In this entry, I will examine the critical questions: How is Nick Saban constituting his football players and staff around a certain ideology and how is he using rhetoric to do so? And what is productive or possibly limiting about this sort of constitution and should it be considered more productive or limiting? 

In order to investigate these questions, I examined Nick Saban in a speech where he addresses everyone that is part of the Alabama football team, but more specifically his players. The speech shows a narrative that in order for the football team to have success they must all hold themselves and each other to a high standard of hard work and attention to detail. Ultimately, this is a productive form of rhetoric because it is teaching and making the players and staff aware that they must hold themselves and their teammates accountable. 

The Alabama football team is a program that many would agree has been at the pinnacle of college football prowess for quite some time now. They are a program that expects nothing less than perfection and everlasting effort from all their athletes as well as the staff, all the way down to the equipment managers. The expectations did not change when Nick Saban was officially announced as the head football coach in 2007. Typically when a new head coaching hire is made the expectations increase, but this case is extreme because Alabama was already at the pinnacle of college football achievement. Every year, in order to keep up their great reputation, he must make sure that every person on the team and the staff are aware of what is to be expected of them and each other. 

Michael C. McGee (1975) explains that constitutive rhetoric is a type of rhetoric that is designed to create “a people” with certain characteristics and duties that should be followed. There are multiple ways in which McGee explains what constitutive rhetoric is concerned with. According to McGee (1975) constitutive rhetoric looks at how the audience is constructed with the speaker typically asking the audience to “become” something. This sort of rhetoric is also focused on the boundaries of inclusion and exclusion, how an audience’s construction can warrant social action, and is more concerned with construction of a group not individuals (McGee 1975). 

One of the narratives present in Nick Saban’s addressment to his team is that if everyone is not on the same page, the team will never be successful. He stated, “And you can never have any team chemistry for this reason: mediocre people don’t like high achievers and high achievers don’t like mediocre people.” Immediately, the idea that this rhetoric is focused upon the boundaries of inclusion and exclusion is evident. This is done by deciphering what kind of people are considered to be in the group and what kind of people are excluded from it. He only gives the group two options so as an audience they must choose whether to be included or excluded from it. This quote promotes McGee’s truth that speakers of constitutive rhetoric ask their audience to buy in or become a certain thing with specific characteristics. At this point, the audience is aware of the traits of a mediocre person and of an overachiever. They must decide whether or not they are prepared to live this lifestyle of near perfection because if they are not, they will be what is in the way of the team achieving full chemistry. From the start, Saban makes this about the team in its entirety and avoids any ideas that this may be about one individual. “And you can never have any team chemistry for this reason…”, his focus is placed on the team chemistry right from the start. This shows evident that much of what he will say after this point will have the entire team’s best interest in mind because at the start he made it about everybody and not just himself or someone else. 

Another ideology present in his addressment is that there is a group of right people and a group of wrong people. Saban says, “You know what my goal with spring practice is? Get the right guys on the bus, get them in the right seats, and get the wrong guys off the bus.” This quote promotes McGee’s truth that the use of constitutive rhetoric can warrant social action from the audience. Someone that is on the team and has aspirations to play will hear this and immediately want to identify themselves as one of the right guys. To become one the right guys takes sacrifices and hard work that not everyone is prepared to do. In this case the social action is how the players respond upon hearing Saban’s statement. Will the players react positively by realizing that they will have to do something different than everyone else to get on the bus? Or will they react negatively and potentially leave for a less stressful situation or even be content with being a player that does not make it on the bus?

Saban tries to constitute the group around the ideology that there is no complex system that will be useful to them in order for them to be successful. Saban says to the team, “You know when I worked for Bill Belichik, we had one sign in the building. It was, do your job.” Bill Belichik and the New England Patriots football organization are another group that consistently finds themselves at the top of its professional competition very frequently. He uses their success to show the team that they too can be successful, all they need to do is what they are supposed to do, nothing more nothing less. This phrase, ‘do your job’, holds a lot of weight however because there are many things that a job consists of. There is still much simplicity in this statement because it is only one single order. Saban promotes McGee’s truth that constitutive rhetoric is more concerned with the building of a group more than individuals. Saban is trying to get the entire group to do their job so that it creates one cohesive prominent group. 

There are both advantages and disadvantages to this form of rhetoric, but the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages. The disadvantages could consist of differences among the individuals in the audience. Some people do not function as well if they are not being directly addressed and that may have an effect on how their future performance and how they will perceive the message. However, this form of rhetoric is typically used to address a larger group instead of individuals, meaning that for its purpose it is not considered to be effective when addressing individuals. In this situation that Saban is in, it can be considered to be especially effective. With such a large group it is easier to address the group in its entirety rather than takes days to speak with everyone individually and continuously repeat the same things over again. This specific case of it being a football team, the message sparks a fire into the players making them more hungry for success. The more competitive the players are amongst each other, the better they will make each other and that will automatically translate into success on the real stage. 

Sweet and McCue-Enser (2010) further explain how constitutive rhetoric works by focusing on the creation of that group environment. They state, “For McGee, the constitution of ‘‘the people’’ requires individuals to set aside their personal interests and to enter into a loosely formulated collective relationship that always remains an ‘‘artificial identity,’’ a fictitious group subjectivity summoned by the promise of shared ideological commitments (McCue-Enser & Sweet 604).” This is especially important when trying to form a group because individuals with their own agendas can ruin the success of the entire group by themselves. One person not being on the same page or if they are refusing to comply with the group's focus can ruin the success of every other person, not just the one. 

In summary, this form of rhetoric was successful in its goals in trying to formulate a group identity amongst a football team. This form of rhetoric is the most effective way to communicate to such a large group of people, similar to this one. More specifically, when trying to communicate the same exact message to a group of people this way of communication is the best.

McGee, Michael C. “In Search of ‘The People’: A Rhetorical Alternative.” The Quarterly Journal of Speech, vol. 61, no. 3, Oct. 1975, pp. 235-249. 

Sweet, Derek, and Margret McCue-Enser. “Constituting ‘the People’ as Rhetorical Interruption: Barack Obama and the Unfinished Hopes of an Imperfect People.” Communication Studies, vol. 61, no. 5, Nov. 2010, pp. 602–622. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/10510974.2010.514679.

[mighty6173-blog]

Culture

I use to think culture was what you are thought. How you respond or react in situations and how you act. In the first day of my humanities class I have learned different. Culture isn't just a natural response to situations but how your surrounding in life have taught you to respond. My understanding is that culture is created by humans and our individual preferences choose which characteristics will define us from clothing style, music and art all the way to speech, posture and manners . At 28 years old my cultural experiences have changed multiple time from my youth, teens, and early twenties molding me into who I am.

For the purposes of this explanation I describe my youth as 13 and below when my parents and sibling mostly decided my culture. My parents taught me manners and to always show respect. That I should take responsibility for my actions. Raising me to be a respectable part of society. I grew up in Mt. Airy MD. A small country town where manual laber is what everyone does. Country was always on the radio, fairs were where we could run like animals. Growing up was controled and stucture by what my parents cultures have lead them to believe was right. Teaching me how to act in public compared to home. That hard work is rewarded and poor attitudes are punished.

Around 14 the reighns were loosened continuously up until 19. I was able to spend more time with my friends out in town and explore more of my local culture. I never traveled far so my experiences were limited. I learned to enjoy metal, rock, hip hop, and many other types of music. I went to highschool football games, coffee shops, skate parks seeing how people chose to express themselves some charicteristics I would adopt others weren't for me. By 17 I had found the human body to be its own work of art and began focusing on my own and those around me. Taking up photography and weight training as a way to portray and display my interest.

When I turned 19 I chose to join the Marine Corps where I was introduced to a plethera of cultures. After, of course, the Marines rewrote a lot of my cultural charicteristics to suit their needs. My manners, self respect, general respect towards others, and work ethic all greatly reinforced in my opinion. The men and woman I met for the next few years taught me about their art, music, hobbies, and other cultural aspects specific to their heritage. The aspects I enjoyed I would adopt and allow myself to become more diverse in doing so. At 25 my contract had ended and I moved to Jacksonville FL. a city in florida vastly different from anything I had experienced in the past. I have met many different people and seen a small fraction of this cities cultures.

In my life my parents and the Marine Corps have made the biggest impact on my culture. Both have taught me to be strong willed but open to new experiences. The people I have met have allowed me to grow and learn multiple culturally specific preferences that I have chosen to participate or forgo. I now enjoy more genres of music then I dont. I can appreciate all types of art even if I dont always want to participate. My culture has made me who I am today and I am excited to see what I will acquire next.

[zenosanalytic]

4/20/19 HSE 8

Ok back at it

MEAT 15

Cool Fight; Not terribly surprising.

MEAT 16

Dirk’s as much Rose’s father as Rose is his Mother. I guess maybe it’s more convenient, psychologically, to choose a causative direction and stick with it, rather than accept the Mobial nature of their genesis, but for some reason it bugs me this keeps getting overlooked.

Dirk’s over here talking about how right he is all the time and I dont think he was ever right about anything even once in canon(aside from certain aspects of his talk with Dave, and choosing not to kill Hal) XD The only “plan” of his to work was the one re: entering the Session, and 1)he outsourced it to Hal and 2)it only worked because he managed to improvise his way through every aspect of it failing to go the way he thought it would, and even that probably had more to do with their entry being part of HiC’s plan to use them, so she wasn’t trying to wipe them.

Another Thing: I dont think the Ascent Differential is Aspect so much as Personality.

Another Another Thing: That Rose, when discussing her life-long fear of knowledge as a corrupting and ruining outside force(this being a person who always felt her mother wasn’t her mother, in some sense, and responded to that fear by rejecting emotional intimacy with said mother), doesnt see the connection between that life-long fear and her fear that Ascending will be bad, damaging, and corrupting, is Notable. Perspective continues to be important, and lack of self-awareness continues to hamstring ppl in this narrative.

MEAT 17

I feel like this new narrative belligerence on Dirk’s part isn’t going to work out too well for him with a person as aware and recalcitrant to narrative meddling as John. It’s going to be John and WV all over again. This is also a wonderful example of how personal flaw and specificity isn’t solved by Godhood in HS, and can really trip you up; basically all of this, including the “impotence” applies to Dirk, too, when others disagree with the direction he’s trying to push them in, and this whole rant may be meant, ironically, as an example of dramatic irony: basically, that Dirk’s rant about total control and knowledge reveals the limits of his knowledge and will be followed by examples of how limited his control is, which he can’t be aware of, but which the “impotent” audience will.

MEAT 18

...And, almost immediately, John’s objecting to the narration and doing things before Dirk “writes” him doing them(the sigh).

MEAT 19

“So yeah, I’m gonna allow it” Notice how he asserts power over situations he does not, in fact, have power over.

Which is kind of an interesting dynamic to bring up in the context of authorship? I mean: in the realm of nonfictional works an author can’t “make” things happen, only alter for their audience what DID happen. In some respect this is being written as equivalent to that dynamic; the simple admission in M17 that Dirk is misrepresenting events also admits those events happened another way than he’d prefer, meaning it’s also an admission of his lack of power over actual events. And, of course, all the other things I’ve been talking about, and the fact that everyone’s “character” is rooted in natures established in the original work. But in a fictional work an author’s creative power is absolute, and this is a fictional work; though I suppose a derivative or transformational one, which accounts for the shortfall. Another interesting aspect of this is that the “Author” is presented as a Narrator; Narrators merely describe what happened, they don’t create it. I was going somewhere more concrete with this but it popped out of my head >:T >:T

Ok so other aspects of this: I agree that Jane’s been established as a pretty ambitious person, but she was also always a pretty moral person and the way she’s going about this so far doesn’t seem to be in keeping with that part of herself. And also: she literally wants to create shortages, and thus the suffering shortages will cause, for... what? Nostalgia? Because she think she can run Capitalism better than the adults from before all this?? Because Hierarchy is Neat??? Seems like a whole handful of really petty, selfish, and juvenile reasons to me. Also one guaranteed to cause social conflict; I doubt a civ that’s never known material want is going to react too well to sudden starvation and financially-manufactured forced-labor(which, lbr, is what most work in our world is).

Obvsl, as a snake and member of the storied gens Atheris, I agree with Roxy&Calli that patriarchal human concepts of gender are not the end-all-be-all of identity, but what really jumps out to me here is Roxy’s description of the nature of their love for, and previous sexual interest in, Dirk which I find really True. Like: the sentiment of wanting to see children of a person because you really like that person and think they should continue, or of thinking having the kids you might have with another person would be pretty interesting. Also that loneliness is a hell of a drug 8T

I’m trying to figure out why this conversation would be circumstantially simultaneous with The Furthest Ring being “destroyed”, but I got Nothing :T :T :T

MEAT 20

So yeah, Jade’s merging with her Alt!Selves, not too surprising since it was heavily foreshadowed in Endgame.

Given that Sessions are located IN the Furthest Ring, and Sessions MAKE new multiverses, I find it being made out of “negative potential. The absence of a future” pretty ironic :p I wonder if the tentacle hair bit is a nod towards the Horror-Terrors, and theories about them being Players? Rose and Dirk’s view of Ascension would seem to suggest HTs might be SUCCESSFUL players who eventually abandoned their universes out of fear of the damage they’d do misusing their godhood(as it doesnt solve your personal problems), rather than the old HC of them being failed Players.

MEAT 21

My theory about “The Economy” being code for sex doesn’t stop feeling ever more confirmed by this narrative :|

Dirk’s anger at the idea of anyone not thinking he’s right about everything is Palpable on this page. Also I’d just like to note that This:

Is being said by a person currently in the middle of metaphysically manipulating a friends towards her worst impulses(and also potentially some amounts of self-hatred, give her thoughts re: femininity) for the sake of establishing a dictatorship through which she, as his agency-dimmed puppet, will enforce his personal politico-philosophical preferences regardless of what anyone else thinks and he’s saying it about people who just said This:

which is to say: a bunch of political pluralists who are NOT seeking to impose their morality on anyone but rather to establish a system where EVERYONE can SHARE their moral understanding of policy issues and come to a consensus decision on them, within the context of a political society DEFINED by the equality of all as political actors. There’s just so much that’s wrong, weak, and easily dismissable about Dirk’s argument here. Not to mention his obvs, undisguised, physical disgust for trolls >:T

And he’s doing all this Purely because, given his fixation on “Winning”, he wants to Win. Like: he’s not actually even pursuing what he considered good policy; he is, literally, doing this all for Pure Ego, which he has the gall(and lack of self-awareness) to accuse others of acting from. And this self-deluding buffoon is a person who believes himself “Ascended” and therefore possessed of a “higher” and “clearer” perspective on matters above their “petty” concerns about, oh non-humans being allowed to live as they like, or practice any political agency at all, and all ppls being spared unnecessary and pointless suffering due to entirely manufactured shortages. So much (real, actual)Irony, of so many types, in all of this, all at once.

An aside: I am really liking the political-mindedness of these Epilogues so far; really playing to my Interests uwu

The bit about Hybrid babs and shipnames is funny, and it doesn’t read like a shot at the fandom to me at all; it’s more a joke at Dave’s expense given the obvs distress Kanaya’s in and his inability to stop making the situation more awkward(itself prob the result of Bro’s neglect/abuse)

Oh hey look: it’s Dirk the “Omniscient” being distracted, caught unawares and off-guard by the actions of others, unable to handle the role&work he’s chosen for himself(ie “out of his depth”), unable to split his attention between even just two conscious ppl at once, and not knowing what others are thinking. Given this and his handling of Jade’s thoughts in the last section, I kinda feel like it’s less he can actually sense the thoughts of others, and more that he gets some kind of inkling or hunch, or maybe that’s it’s purely just him guessing(that’d fit real well with his comments on Roxy being “inscrutable” to him), or even just having an awareness of the plot he is narrating(and thinks he’s writing). Of course it could also be some kind of Heart thing; not really even access to their thoughts at all, but a sort of awareness of their Agency? Like: Heart is The Self and The Self is expressed through Agency, so he has, in some way, developed an awareness of “Self-Action”, which is to say, Agency? Kinda like how Dave “feels” Time and Jade “feels” Space and Rose “feels” Relevance. Which, just as an asnide, would be something super-basic powers-dev wise, since Dave started having a sense of Time way back in the early Acts, long before godhood. Though I can see how Dirk developing an awareness of OTHERS intentions(and feelings, potentially, given Heart’s other associations) would seem like a big step for him, given how self-absorbed he is.

Ok that’s it for this one I think. I know I’m not being terribly kind to Dirk in all this but, tbf, he’s being kind of a huge snide Dick in basically every respect, and I also don’t have a lot of Chill in me when it comes to 1)arrogant people or 2)manipulators (:T

#Homestuck #HS Epilogue #Homestuck Spoilers #zA Opinions #analytic posts