Little Freak
Pairing: Yoon Jeonghan x Fem!Reader
Series: Svt x Harry’s House
Tags: 1.5k, Angst, Comfort.
Summary: “Stay green a little while. You bring blue lights to dreams. Starry haze, crystal ball. Somehow, you've become some paranoia. A wet dream just dangling. But your gift is wasted on me.”
Warnings: mild language, moderate alcohol usage, smoking, angsty thoughts, self depreciation (han), themes of depression/mental illness (han), one-sided angst, a tad bit suggestive, there is a lot of inner thought and minimal dialogue, gentle ending.
He can’t understand it.
They way you could have anyone and anything in the world that you wanted. That dreamer’s imagination of yours spilling forth compelling stories only someone like you could piece together in such a way that could captivate any audience. Your soft smile and gentle eyes makes every person who so much as looks your way fall in love. You could have your pick and yet you so poorly chose whom you shared your heart with.
He tips back his beer and swallows the bitter liquid down as if the answer is somehow at the bottom of the bottle. It’s not of course and he cracks open another, watching you from across some stranger’s kitchen. He doesn’t even know who’s fridge he’s been digging through.
You’re sat upon the kitchen counter, talking to a group of people he’s never met and still, you’ve captured their rapt attention, the sound of their laughter distant and fuzzy in his ears. You’re the most exquisite woman he’d ever laid eyes upon, though, he hadn’t ever truly deserved it.
What could he have possibly done to earn the right to view such wild beauty?
To hold it in his hands?
To hear such fantastical words whispered from your lips before they’re pressed against his own?
Not a damn thing.
Jeonghan knew he was a fuck up. He’d been told so on more than one occasion. People looked at him like scum and you were the sun. He was tattoos, cigarettes, and an old motorcycle. You were like a wild sunflower, loose hair in the wind, bare feet on the dashboard without a care in the world. You hadn’t belonged together and yet, you choose him over and over again.
When the world is telling him to stay down, you pick him up with a smile. You kiss each bruise and cut, and fix him a cup of tea. You, of all people, tell him he’s the most beautiful on earth. You take him to bed each night and willingly give yourself over to him completely. Mind, body, soul.
He’s tried to set you free, he has.
He’d been so self-destructive, lashing out and everyone around him and when those waves of hurt hit too closely he thought that was it. Surely, you’d see sense. You’d leave him just like everyone else and finally move on in life. You’d flourish away from his influence.
Instead, you stood your ground. You picked up the pieces and meticulously glued him back together. You kissed his hands and knelt on your knees before him, begging him to see himself the way you saw him and he tried. For you? He’d try anything.
Your eyes meet him across the room and time stands still for a moment when you smile at him. After all these years, you still look at him like he’d personally crafted the universe and he falls in love with you over and over. Crashing painfully to the earth like a satellite falling out of orbit.
His heartbeat fumbles in his chest and he clutches his bottle, draining it and discarding it carelessly in the sink before he’s shouldering his way toward the back door.
Cold air whooshes into his lungs and he staggers a step. The very notion of you simply existing in such close proximity had the power to bring him to his knees and he drags himself across the yard, falling into an old plastic chair. He pulls a carton of cigarettes out of his jacket and pulls a smoke between his lips, flicking his lighter until the end glows red.
He’d always preferred the solitude until you came along and filled all those empty spaces in his life. Now when he’s alone, all he wishes for is you at his side. Your smile, your laugh. He wishes he were in your tiny apartment, sitting on the floor in front of the couch while you braid his hair. In your bed with your arms and legs tangled together.
He doesn’t deserve you but you believe more than anything that you deserve him.
The back door cracks open and the rush of noise makes his eyes close, trying to shut it out but it washes away a moment later and he knows you’ve come to find him. Can feel your aura stretch out and touch him. Hear your soft foot steps in the grass.
He opens his eyes and you look down at him, full of love and adoration.
“It’s a nice night, isn’t it?”
Jeonghan exhales a cloud of smoke into the air and shrugs his brows coolly, “It’s too cold for you to be out here like that. Go back in.”
Your thin shirt and shorts with the fishnets beneath do nothing to shield you from the cold, your jacket abandoned somewhere inside but you’d live. You smile, ignoring his hard look of concern. “I have you to keep me warm,” you reason with him and he puts up no resistance when you sit in his lap, one arm wrapped around his shoulders.
He takes another puff and then reaches down, snuffing out the cigarette before wrapping his arms around you. His gaze is steely, jaw clenched. He’s been thinking again.
You press the tip of your finger between his eyes, rubbing slow circles to get him to release the tension he holds there and he sets his eyes on you. They’re so deep, deeper than the most remote, unexplored depths of the ocean and they hold so much pain. But they hold endless amounts of love in them as well.
He can’t seem to see it. All the reasons why you chose him but he never understood that there was no competition. You’d never once loved anyone they way you loved him and you knew there were dark, nefarious demons that lurked within him, telling him that he’d never be good enough for you. You poured yourself into him and he did the same but the difference was that Jeonghan, held himself to impossible standards.
He brought you love, joy, happiness, laughter, comfort, safety and sometimes despair. Not for you or your relationship but for him, the very man you wished so desperately to understand his own worth. He’d gotten better at it, accepting himself and his place in your life, but there were difficult days. Days where he doubted himself but you’d always be there to remind him.
“Let’s take the long way home,” you say suddenly, smiling up at the sky, “Just you, me, and the stars tonight.”
Jeonghan lets out a short laugh, fingers tugging at a loose hole in your stockings. “You sure you don’t want to stay awhile? Not much of a party without you.”
You shake your head. “No one in that house could care less if I left early,” you correct him, “There isn’t a single person who knows me the way you do and even less that I’d rather be with right now.”
Jeonghan’s eyes dip to your lips but you beat him to it, closing the distance. It’s nothing inherently sexual but it’s the type of kiss that begins here and certainly ends when you’re alone with nothing but the bedsheets on. Jeonghan breaks away first but only because he can feel the words burning in his chest, begging to be verbalized.
Again, you’re quicker than he is. “I love you, Jeonghan.”
That smile, he shuts his eyes and let’s his head fall back over his shoulders for a moment, letting the words sink it, hit home. He takes them and absorbs them into his very core, letting them work their magic on his broken spirit. They blanket his insecurities, coaxing and soothing them until they fall silent and allow his heart to rest for a just a bit to truly feel your unconditional love.
“My angel,” he whispers back, picking his head up to lock eyes with you and you’re already patiently waiting, “Falling in love with you is the most selfish thing I’ve ever done.”
“Be selfish,” you press your forehead against his, “Because I’ll always be selfish with you. I’ll fight to keep you by my side and fill you with love every single day until we die, even if I have to convince you from the moment we wake up and right before we fall asleep each night that there is no one for me, but you. This delicate point of view, Jeonghan, it doesn’t belong to you. We’re going to cast it out together, every shadow of doubt.”
Jeonghan sighs, clutching your body closer to his own and you close the short distance between your lips, kissing him tenderly, “Thank you,” he smiles against your lips, “For not giving up on me. For loving me as I am and for trying to make me love myself.”
“You’re welcome,” you grin and peck his lips one last time before getting up and tugging his hand, “Now, I do believe you owe me a ride.”
Thanks for reading! 💗
SVT M.List | Main M.List
→ Please do NOT copy, repost, or translate, any of my works here on tumblr or on any other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, Milfguu, 2019. ©️
280 notes
·
View notes