#I DONT EVEN HAVE MY OWN ATTENTION.....

[alonetogether]

sunshine riptide has the best and most personal-to-pete-specifically lyrics off of mania (and mania is stuffed FULL with banger lyrics) but so many of yall write it off cause its the most clear departure genre-wise from past fall out boy

#like bro.... the signs says dont tap the glass but i read it in reverse ('the signs says dont tap the glass' plays backwards) #I DONT EVEN HAVE MY OWN ATTENTION..... #THE WORLD TRIED TO BURN ALL THE MERCY OUT OF ME BUT YOU KNOW I WOULDNT LET IT !!!!!! #I AM JUST PLAYING HOUSE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING NOW #SMOKING IN MY FUCKING BRAIN PASSING IT TO MY FUCKING GUYS!!!!! #you are my truest feeling yet!!!!!!! i love you so much!!! its just lie oxygen!!! and its going to my head!!!!!! #*like #a public meltdown petulant but irrelevant!!!!!!!!!!! #i could literally talk for days about this song line by line #i dont just love the lyrics the whole sound and composition and burna boy is a fucking Treat on this song bro

[cherubytes]

ultrakill is the only fandom where i've actually enjoyed the fact that people will literally ship anyone with anyone

#it usually bothers me a bit like. c'mon there's more interesting things to focus on #but the dynamics people come up with over here. they catch my attention #yes i will read your essay on this important characters relationship with Random Enemy number 3. please tell me more <3 #also its funny sometimes #i just saw sisyphus/sisyphean insurrectionist. i never would have thought about that but i love it #ig when no character is even slightly normal every dynamic just has its own interesting thing idfk #and the fact that half the characters are just straight up blank slates #there's stuff that makes me roll my eyes a bit obv i dont like everything. but i've never enjoyed this many dynamics at once #ramblings #ultrakill

[the-kipsabian]

wrestling fic writers!!

i have decided to be the change i wanna see, so lets do a nice little thing for each other, as a community full of incredible and talented writers. yes this is writer specific only, but thats cause thats where the main problem of people not interacting with creative works lies in this fandom as far as i can tell and have seen people talking about it especially in the last couple of months

if you read this, please add links to your written works. it can be just a single fic youre really proud of, your writing blog, your writing tag, your ao3 account, anything where your works can be found

and if you leave your link here, PLEASE check out someone else that has left their works, and interact with them. leave them a comment, even just a kudos, REBLOG their fic, etc. interacting is the keyword i want to emphasize here, along with building a sort of a masterpost of where to find people writing in this fandom

and if you are not a writer, youre still highly encouraged to interact with this post and share it and show love to the writers in this fandom, obviously!! i think that should go without saying, but adding it in anyways

a bit more about my vision and resources and such under the read more, but thats the gist of it. happy linking and please be kind and supportive to each other!! 💜

nobody is too big or too small to add their things on this list. if you write and post anything in this fandom whatsoever, be it fics or drabbles or headcanons, any companies or any kind of ships or reader inserts or any content whatsoever no matter how 'dead dove dont eat' or hell even if its just meta, we welcome all here and nobody can say that one thing is less valid than another. just please tag your content accordingly, especially if theres content warnings, and feel free to mention what you write, who you write, any info you wish to leave that would help people before they click on your links. but even so, that should not and hopefully will not deter people from interacting, no matter what it is. someones trash is another ones treasure, i promise you

and unless the amount gets really overwhelming, im personally going to be checking out everyone that leaves something here. unless it squeaks me out, but even then, i'll spread the word. and i just wish as many people as possible will do the same, and not just use this as a potential board to only get eyes on their stuff. ofc thats also the point, but you should give as much, if not more, than you get. we need to be kind and supportive of one another (besides, from personal experience, if you show love to someone else, they are more likely to do it back than without you taking the first step, so... pay it forward)

as for resources, heres a few links that should be helpful in leaving comments and feedback. of course everyone does their own thing and no comment is too big or too small to leave, but for those who need them. if you have anything you'd like added to this list, dont hesitate to get in touch or drop it in the post yourself!!

101 comment starters

ao3 floating comment box

kudos html

dont know how to comment? easy solutions

a quick hot guide to commenting (by yours truly)

an overall guide to appreciating fanfic writers

and just in general.. leave people comments. leave them asks about their projects. just go over and gush about their work. i know it sounds embarrassing but writers love nothing more than to hear that someone likes what they are doing. if you find a fic that hasnt been updated in forever, comment on it. it might just be the spark the author needs to continue. while kudos and likes are nice, and just as valuable to some, its definitely in the words the people leave for them that matter the most. im not saying this to put pressure on anyone, its just how it is, and i feel like unless people are writers themselves, and even then sometimes, thats just hard to grasp, especially if the writer is a smaller and less popular one who doesnt get a lot of traffic in the first place

i think thats all. just be nice and considered to everyone, reblog peoples works, this post with others add ons and so forth. and if i find anyone talking shit here or at other writers for something they share, you'll be blocked and im probably taking your kneecaps. be fucking nice. we are all struggling here and we need to stick together

happy sharing and commenting 💜💜

#wrestling fanfiction #wrestling fic #aew fanfic #aew fanfiction #wwe fanfiction #wwe fanfic #i hope this make some sort of coherent sense #despite being a writer im really bad at words lmao #i also dont know what to tag this with without clogging main tags so im going to trust moots to get this going first #just. this is a topic im passionate about. i love writing i love writers and having seen the wrestling fandom as of late really struggling #with this. we need to do something. even a little bit helps. actually get people leaving feedback and commenting again #supporting each other. we can do this together #dont let dreams be dreams lets fucking do this #just be nice and help each other out #im gonna stop now before i get overly emotional. if theres any questions let me know tho i think i got the main parts pretty clear here #again moots. im trusting you to get this started. im not gonna add my own shit here immediately this isnt about me #this is about the community as a whole #i also hope nobody is afraid of adding themselves here. you are all valid and worth the attention no matter what #just remember to also give if you leave something here. look at the previous links. look in the notes to find more people #okay thats it i need to make dinner now #lets just be kind and support one another. promise me that 💜 #night is an absolute mess on main

[sylvieserene]

Fixing history using the power of editing and my editing skills!!

For today we have, New Titans (1980) Issue #100

✨ Wedding Special ✨

@robstarblog @robstaryeah pinging yall just in case so that this doesn't get lost in oblivion (It'd be painful since I worked 5 hours non stop on it lol)

I think the most time was taken by the final panel and adding in the finishing touches since I pretty much had to change everything to the pixel level, quite literally lol (I'm serious, I did)

Welp I hope the results were worth it! And with that, another one gets a good ending!!

I kinda didn't add sleeves in the first two panels of the final page because it didn't look good and looked janky with how I was editing it so yeah please ignore that-

#teen titans #robstar #dick grayson #koriand'r #starfire #dickkory #Changing history #using the power of editing and my own skills! #giving the good ending to characters who truly deserve it #it took me 5 hours to complete all the editing to the miniscule level #i paid attention to every detail to match each panel #it took a lot of effort but it was worth it!! #but damn man there have been so little dickkory content that I really had to search hard to get myself a suitable pic to edit out of #we have a lot barbara content with dick but barely much with Kori honestly #anw hope this is nice #self editing #also #Donot remove my watermark while reposting otherwise I'll consider it as stealing >:( #dont steal #that damn priest took so much time to edit like holy cow #I really went above and beyond to get all the details right and consistent throughout #I let my perfectionist nature manifest #but yea #now Dick and Kori can have an uninterrupted happy wedding <3 #im so happy #I may try another one of these fixie thingies if I find anything^^ #this was really fun to work on #i fixed canon #but fuck the actual canon #cuz most comic writers cant even do just one job right

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Do you listen to music? And if you do what artists/genres/songs do you like? ^w^

music! yeah! that sure is a thing i listen to! um. i like a lot of it <3

#dont ask me to list genres i Dont Know!!! #like if someone says 'do you like alt rock' like. ill nod but i have no idea what that entails! #with music i dont really pay attention to genre or anything? #if i hear something i like i add it to the playlist! its called Clusterfuck for a reason! #i have a bit of everything in it #and if you want me to list songs we'll be here all night! #i think i'd be happy to talk about it on stream this evening? very clumsily! im not well versed in music! #rambles from the bog #ALSO FOR EVERYONE READING #THIS ISNT AN INVITE TO EXPLAIN GENRES #IF I REALLY WANTED TO KNOW ID DO MY OWN RESEARCH #its simply none of my business! i dont need to know genres to enjoy music!

[spacedlexi]

it honestly frustrates me when i see people reduce the ericsons cast down to "just some teens in the woods" acting like theyre no different than any other group of lone teenagers from other existing properties and treating them like an overused trope

it is sooo important to acknowledge the "troubled youth" aspect of the whole equation. theyre not just some random teens in the woods clem stumbles across. these kids were abandoned by their families for their various "difficulties" and fucked up by The System before the outbreak even began. and then once zombies started roaming the streets their familes never came back for them and the adults that were in charge of taking care of them just left them there to rot in that old boarding school (except for ms martin who was like their lee 🥺 the only person who ever saw them as the scared traumatized kids they were and died protecting them)

the whole aspect of them already being fucked up by the adults that controlled their lives is like.....kind of important when discussing the whole "delta is stealing kids to force them to fight in a war they have no real part in and want nothing to do with" aspect of the season. and its important when comparing them to clem and her journey of also suffering at the hands of the adults around her forcing her to become self reliant. AND its important when discussing the "just trying to build a safe home (and future) worth fighting for in this world that wants them dead" aspect of the season as well

these kids were forced to come together to survive. and a Lot of them didnt... theyre the only family they have left and you can tell that even when they argue with each other theyre still a close knit group who looks out for each other. theyre a Real family before clem even gets there (and its why what really happened with the twins and brody and marlon hits them all so especially hard)

all of this is what REALLY makes ericsons such a perfect home for clem. its a Real community of her True peers. theyre not Just teens. they mightve had a layer of safety clem never had by at least having walls to keep them safe. and having the benefit of the school being hard to find. its the only reason theyre still alive when clem shows up. but theyre also some of the only people who can Truly understand where clem and aj are coming from. and its why it hurts so much when they vote to kick them out. but its also partially why she merges back into the fold so easily when she returns. plus the fact that shes Really the only one who has any idea what shes doing. shes their rock and she makes them feel safe because underneath it all theyre still just those scared traumatized kids ("EVERYONE is scared, clem..." vi was Definitely including herself in that 'everyone'), and on some level, so is clem

they saved clementines life. and she saved theirs. "the school was supposed to help them with their trauma, now they help each other" its about the LOVE the COMMUNITY the SUPPORT!!!! and thats the shit that makes good zombie media honestly 👌

#it speaks #twdg #there i go again writing another essay but i will Always defend the ericson cast theyre one of the strongest out of all 4 seasons #complaints ive seen about s4 typically include mentions of the teens as a trope being overused and im like.......did you even pay attention #the fact they were branded “troubled youth” and basically thrown away by everyone who was supposed to take care of them is SO IMPORTANT #these kids are Fucked Up but theyre Trying to make a kinder world #nobody talk to me i fucking love the ericson cast 😭😭😭 theres not a single one of them i dont like im serious #them using poor pilgrim of sorrow in ep3....ericsons is heaven to clem 😭 all the comments she can make about feeling safe there 😭😭 #clem being everyones rock but violet being clems rock back 🥺😭💕 waaaaahhh thats why it was over for me when vi stood up for them in ep 2 #vi having the courage to stand up to her group for aj........... yeah she had me in a vice grip after that. she fought for them so hard #and if it wasnt for her advocating so hard for them to stay they ALL would have been taken or killed #vi cared about clem so much she undoomed them all #and aj loved clem so much he undoomed her :') #s4 is just the perfect ending to clems story truly itll make me happy for the rest of my life im so happy for u clem 🥺 #tfw the media you like gets a good ending and the main characters are respected and it feels like it was made from a place of love #instead of being like...actively hostile to its fanbase and destroying its own characters for the Laughs #and when i say “good” i dont necessarily mean “happy” i just mean “competently written" #i wouldnt call it perfect but it survived both a cancellation AND the financial collapse of a major game studio. its perfect to Me #for what it is (and what it originally almost was with the clems house plot) we truly lucked out so fucking hard #truly a return to form of season 1 but with less despair and more hope which i appreciate :') #all the things ive liked over the years that were destroyed for me by bad or weird writing decisions... clutches onto twdg like a lifeboat #god i love s4 so much nothing has ever been More Specifically Written For Me Personally

[beesinspades]

took the boys to a con today :3 I didn't see any other trigun cosplayer but I was stopped a lot for pictures or questions and heard a bunch of "everyone's got their own cross to bear huh" 😂 anyways my arm hurts but I had a good time~

#beelio talks #shoutout to that one elderly lady who asked me what kind of media my cosplay was from #and then went 'you're really carrying your own cross!' and then asked what the manga was called exactly #spreading the trigun words to 65+yo hell yeah #also to those kids who ran up to me specifically to go 'siiiir do you know if there's going to be a show here?' hey kids what if I cry #and the couple of people who looked so happy to see a trigun cosplay sdfjkln #one of them might as well have been vibrating it was very sweet #and several people were concerned about whether my punisher was heavy or not bahaha #that cosplay gets sooo much attention even from people who dont know trigun #theyre just so curious and/or impressed by the big ass cross

[luxeberries]

i think about bo burnham saying 'if you can live your life without an audience, you should do it' at least once a day

#bo burnham #that whole speech is so. yeah. #but i always catch myself wondering what other people think of me in public and i think about that line #and 'perform everything all the time' and social media being this performance and also the only way for someone to feel Real these days #like was it in inside that he talked about that? god he said. idk something like that. #and i think about it so much because ill be doing something and think 'i dont feel like a real person unless i upload this to instagram' #like i have to Prove and Show other people im Doing Things #which is stupid because no one cares #no one cares what other people upload because we only care about what WE upload and the attention it gets #even though that attention is so shallow and meaningless #but like. im very much not on social media anymore #i dont perform like i used to because i dont feel a need to #im doing my own things and i prefer to keep those things in my Real Private Life #live your life without an audience! uninstall instagram! stop thinking about how strangers percieve you! no one truly cares! and its great!

[knight-engale]

"you're not traumatized by being raised by parents who were way too young and were raised in shitty families themselves and who never taught you emotional intelligence and isolated you from pretty much all of your non churchgoing peers, you're just a little silly! and you cry whenever you notice any sort of shift in the way someone speaks to you and take it as a personal rejection, whether or not it was intentional, but that's unrelated"

#i know i have it good because my family was never struggling as much as my moms family seemed to #and because my parents were more affectionate and emotionally available than my dads family and parents #but being the oldest child of four and generally the 'good quiet one' with typically decent grades #meant less attention was given to me as opposed to say #the disabled second child or the family baby (at the time) #i genuinely dont remember getting a ton of one on one time with my parents unless i was in trouble #and while i know it did happen #children dont tend to internalize the positive encounters #and it only got worse as i got older and my interests drifted further away from what my parents liked or wanted to hear about #and then they had another kid but not before mom was hospitalized for a month #and dad was working so he wasn't very available so rven thougj i wasnt supposed to play parent #i kinda tried to. i was 14 #and it felt a little like no one was looking out for me #and it still doesn't #i still feel like an outsider and fundamentally unlovable unless im serving some kind of purpose #because if even my own parents dont pay me much mind when im not actively being helpful #why would anyone else?

[cleromancy]

yall heard about dcs new jason whump fanfic its crazy

#giving my guy a (spoilers) microchip lobotomy for being difficult and having hysterica #but no fr conceptually this sounds like every ''everyone is soooo mean only to jason 😢😢'' fic out there fjicfn #but like yeah alright u got me i will probably be fucki g reading this #even though the only way i could possibly be satisfied with fhe ending would be if bruce is reduced to something that can be sifted through+ #a fine mesh sieve #but seriously Bruce youre gonna have him creeping around the batcave talking about ex-sidekicks trapped in the replica stalagmites #youve got him on arsenic tinctures because he was getting in one of his moods again #youve got him locked in the attic he'll see its for his own good one day dont pay the yelling any mind the attention just encourages him #im sure thjs will work out so so great for you both #dc

[aq2003]

series 3 is so frustrating because there is like a shining core of pure diamond underneath the problems . like conceptually it rocks so incredibly hard. but the problems

#dr who #i am being so honest when i say ten should have gotten on his knees and begged for simm!master's life #they should have framed the bit between him and martha's mom so different #like yes it is 10000% in character that the doctor with his bleeding heart and loneliness wouldn't want to kill him #even after everything that happened. because he's the only person he has left. 'i forgive you' was PERFECT. #but literally anyone else that suffered from what the master did. Deserves to rip him to shreds. so very obviously #and like i know.i KNOW that i am watching the 'funny immortal alien saves people through time and space' show #but i actually despise the doctor being framed as like an all powerful savior. or treated like one. even for a little bit. is Annoying #the first part of the series 3 finale having martha be humanity's last hope was SO GOOD bc it like kind of set her up as like #having to grapple with all that responsibility and attention like the doctor does. everyone's lives are in her hands. so crunchy #but when it like slides into 'everyone pls believe in our specialest boy in the world The Doctor <3' it just. falls flat #i feel like with a couple tweaks here and there in the execution and like actual fuckinnn people of color in the writer's room #series 3 would be PEAK media. but as it is it's just. falling short. #i do really appreciate martha deciding to leave ten on her own though. first of all. qpp down. second of all #she's realized that she can't keep traveling with him. bc (as i mentioned) hes someone who simultaneously needs saving #and refuses to be saved in the ways that matter. Yes im fucking ignoring the unrequited romance angle i think #it does a gigantic disservice to martha's character if u boil her down to that. fight me i dont care if that was the authorial intent #martha in the end is too kind to ten and ten keeps making her watch his meandering path of self destruction. toxic doomed qprism to ME. #anyway fuck. idk man series 2 consensus was that im dead inside and series 3 consensus is that the version i have of it in my head is peak #series 2 is better but i think because of my ten martha insanity i actually enjoyed watching series 3 more than series 2. #even if i got mad at it more than any other season. i think something is wrong with me. um. lmao #ten and martha #10 era

[bai-jiu]

are you okay with others reposting your work? i noticed somebunny posted your latest piece on twitter, i know you let others use your drawings with credit, but i'm not sure it applies to reposts? they gave you credit directly in the post, but i thought i would let you know just incase! https://twitter.com/vomitgorelover/status/1744528998208565544

name mispell + no direct twitter @

#bitches getting hardcore attention with my own art on twitter while i struggle to even get a like there #could have been asked whats my twitter to just credit i literally have socials in the most obscure sites #i try to just be in tumblr so i dont have to be in twitter bc ppl are straight up disgusting and even then im forced to post my art there b #otherwise ppl will start reposting it SO im again exposed to predators again

[thedrotter]

Re:Kinder Fun fact time!! Did you know? 😊

Yuuichi's theme song (the one that often accompanies his entrances with "Vamos Cantar!"), 新しい夏のナナ, is not in any latin language such as Spanish or Portuguese, despite its lyrics sounding as such. It's actually in Hanamogera, which to put it simply is nonsense speech based on japanese syllables. So the song's lyrics are essentially gibberish meant to imitate the sound of latin music! 😊

It is listed as such in the source site for the song, oo39.com, where the song can be found as "YS068" in the hanamogera category.

Additional fun fact! The song can also be found in Spotify as Vien Nana by Oo39.com themselves alongside a few other select songs from the site. So you can properly enjoy the song on the platform without having to import it from your local files.

Those are the fun Re:Kinder related fun facts for today... Use them to entertain your friends at parties ! ☺️

#re:kinder #not art #now tiny storytime in the tags!!! 😊... #what prompted me to look into this months ago was the fact i genuinely thought it was in spanish at first #AS A SPANISH NATIVE SPEAKER. I HEARD THIS SONG VAGUELY AND WAS LIKE... WOW... i wonder what it says! #because i thought i didnt understand it as i was mostly paying attention to the text or because of my computer's speaker #plugged headphones in and heard carefully... i didnt understand anything. but it sounded just like it i was so confused #for a second i wondered if it was portuguese but there was no way it was because even then i would have known😭 #the magic of knowing either language of spanish (at least latin spanish) and portuguese is it makes the other very recognizable #this was not it looked for the opinions of other latin speaking language people THEY DID NOT UNDERSTAND A THING #and thats how i ended up looking into the source and finding this out 😊 #i was very pleasantly surprised to see it was gibberish because IM NOT SURE HOW TO EXPRESS TO YOU ITS VERY GOOD #VERY WELL DONE GIBBERISH SO WELL DONE IT MAKES A PROPER SENTENCE AT ONE POINT #gibberish so well done it fooled native speakers into thinking it was their own languages . so good im so obsessed with this #i had to share this fun fact eventually somrwhere other than yourjbe comments #and i remembered i could acrually speak here about the game and not only post art of it teehee😊 #so thats your awesome fun fact micht also drop more if im confident in doing so and their validity because theres more tbat are in japanese #and im trying to figure em out watch as i study the inner workings of a language so i dont have to learn how to actually speak it #(i love conlangs so this is a good excuse)

[kalloway]

tumblr’s feeling pretty dead for me (in terms of engagement) anymore so i don’t feel so shy about sharing this dumb Bloodborne art i did back in november im never gonna actually finish lmao

it’s for a fic i haven’t finished (or even posted) yet... there is a trend here 🙈

anyway Micolash is the slug man, change my mind

#art #artists on tumblr #fanart #bloodborne #bloodborne fanart #bloodborne oc #myart #despite the fic not centering on the augur of ebrietas in this picture... it really ought to be lmao #was very inspired by a fic i read where a choir member fed their augur some crumbs or smth from a table and i was like !!!!!! #LET THE FUNKY LITTLE GUYS BE THEIR OWN ENTITIES #also slugs are cute anyway so this is perfect #anyway i stg my one friend almost disowned me when i admitted i have read manymanymany fics with Micolash in it and like #i dont simp for him i just think ppl have some interesting ideas/headcanons for him thats all #he’s the resident weirdo and honestly im more 👀 for Valtr anyway if im being honest LMAO so this is fine #I wanna go full brainrot for Bloodborne again so the fic can like exist lmao but... im so close to finishing Sekiro #and finishing Sekiro means I can FINALLY play Elden Ring lmao so like... i have to be STRONG 😤 #fics will wait even if I’d posted part of it already ya know? #anyway maybe tumblr will just turn into my wip/sketch blog #the lack of notes on anything when I *do* post just kinda draw further attention to some doubts ive been having lately #namely like... my value? like people only value fanart and it took me so long to get *out* of that mindset #but now im like staring into the void again like ‘damn maybe i should give up the oc shit and go back to fanart only’ 😔 #so maybe i need to sit down and reassess my relationship with art again... i feel kinda stagnated atm anyway #but in my defense i have been busy so i haven’t drawn as much as I’ve wanted to #but blehhh NOT ME TACKING THIS STUFF ONTO A FUN POST #i should try to do this dumb idea i had based on the fact I had like 50+ pearl slugs in my inventory when i beat Bloodborne last time #tfw ur pockets are just filled to the brim with slugs

[quirinah]

SLAY THE PRINCESS (chewing on drywall)

#oh my god the way this game has been festering in my brain since i watched rts playthrough of it ITS SO OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I LOVE COSMIC HORROR AND SELF AWARE TIMELOOPS AND THE ENDLESS FUTALITY OF THE NARRATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I LOVE BIRD MEN AND GIANT MONSTER WOMEN AND NARRATORS WITH PERSONALITY!!! #sorry im normal. #quirinahscreams #no but i also love the voices of the main character and how the choices you make determine which one of them shows up (saying nonsense) BUT #ALSO HOW THEY EACH HAVE THEIR OWN SKILLS? IF THAT MAKES SENSE #like the stubborn and the hunted's affinity for combat/survival in the beast route or paranoids autonomic nervous system thing #she heart on my lungs till i liver nerves #I WISH IC OULD SAY MORE BUT SPOILERS BUT ALSO RAGHHH. they werent lying it really is a love story (gripping table so tightly it splinters) #THE WAY THE FIRST CABIN RUNTHRU IS LIKE UR DEFAULT SLATE AND THEN THE CHOICES YOU MAKE SLASH HOW YOU PERCEIVE THE PRINCESS IN THAT ROUTE #AFFECT WHAT SHE APPEARS AS TO YOU LATER #EVEN DOWN TO TAKING THE KNIFE #how shes docile and initially innocent if you dont take it but calculating and dangerous if you do #or depending on how you die she reappears as vengeful or simply cruel or resigned etc and then different voices show up to compliment that #i always feel so lame giving faceless characters visual appearances though its part of the mystique intrigue or whatever #but my boring hc for the mc is that hes like a harpy. a la howl movingcastle type beat but i also love birdman mc #its just that i wasnt paying attention earlier and imagined him as like a generic fairytale prince/knight and then realized oh he has TALON #I NEED TO SHUT UP OH MY GOD BUT ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO DRAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[toastsnaffler]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests... #theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!) #but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍 #anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^) #.vent #.diaries