#because if even my own parents dont pay me much mind when im not actively being helpful

[knight-engale]

"you're not traumatized by being raised by parents who were way too young and were raised in shitty families themselves and who never taught you emotional intelligence and isolated you from pretty much all of your non churchgoing peers, you're just a little silly! and you cry whenever you notice any sort of shift in the way someone speaks to you and take it as a personal rejection, whether or not it was intentional, but that's unrelated"

#i know i have it good because my family was never struggling as much as my moms family seemed to #and because my parents were more affectionate and emotionally available than my dads family and parents #but being the oldest child of four and generally the 'good quiet one' with typically decent grades #meant less attention was given to me as opposed to say #the disabled second child or the family baby (at the time) #i genuinely dont remember getting a ton of one on one time with my parents unless i was in trouble #and while i know it did happen #children dont tend to internalize the positive encounters #and it only got worse as i got older and my interests drifted further away from what my parents liked or wanted to hear about #and then they had another kid but not before mom was hospitalized for a month #and dad was working so he wasn't very available so rven thougj i wasnt supposed to play parent #i kinda tried to. i was 14 #and it felt a little like no one was looking out for me #and it still doesn't #i still feel like an outsider and fundamentally unlovable unless im serving some kind of purpose #because if even my own parents dont pay me much mind when im not actively being helpful #why would anyone else?

[mojwisungie]

hc | boyfriend ♡

req (from: anon) ➥ : read the mark-jaemin boyfriend, and then then renjun-jisung boyfriend headcanons,,, can you do one for the remaining members? thank you~~

☄︎ with: lee jeno, lee donghyuck, zhong chenle ☄︎ lou.note: this has been in my wips for so long im sorry anonie but here i am to give it you guys as an offering for my birthday (its tomorrow on the 26th but anyway) hehe hope you all enjoy <3

ੈ⋆ mark & jaemin ver. | renjun & jisung ver.

Jeno

the observing, supportive boyfriend

jeno doesnt pay much attention to things that arent important

but YOU are important

you mean so much to him, and thats still an understatement

he often thinks that by paying attention to you and everything you do

he'll know you in a way no one else does

at this point, he knows everything about you

your favorite sweater (which he owns), favorite color, favorite artists, favorite songs, etc.

jeno actually knows your order by heart even if it varies in different restaurants

his mantra is actually happy y/n = happy jeno ^_^

thats also the reason why fights dont usually happen

he knows when its too much for you and so he will do what he thinks is best for the situation

anyways: dates with jeno are either doing physical activities or plain cuddling on the couch

it would mostly be him who initiates dates like hiking, biking, etc.

but, he would also always check with you if youre okay with it or if you want to rest 

one time you asked him for a day in those sport grounds ?? like those places that has random games like wall-climbing, archery, and trampolines

oh this boy has the biggest smile on his face asking you, “hold on love, are you serious ( ◕▿◕ ) ?”

during hectic weeks, he’s definitely up for movie marathons

if he still has some energy, he will make a blanket fort for the both of you

also jeno lee is a cuddle bug (you cannot change my mind, this case is closed)

and so he’ll use these lazy dates to indulge in hugging you for as long as he can 

on the supportive note, he always reassures you with the kindest words

AND hes the type of guy who will ask you if you need comfort or solutions when you rant to him T﹏T

and that is actually proof that he is the best support system

he'd be your hype man when you need a push

thinking of auditioning for a club? go ahead, he'll teach you what he knows

want to try a new hobby and start journaling? he'll help you find cute stickers (and he'll buy them too)

he will always help in whatever way he can, and he will constantly assure you that he’s there for you as you have been for him

he is reserved, quiet, and keep things on the down low, yet with you, he’s entirely different

jeno loves you just as you love him, and he’ll do everything to prove it to the world- you.

Haechan

the enthusiastic, soft boyfriend

he is!! literally!! the sun!!

he often calls you often in the morning to wake you up, greeting you with the loveliest voice saying, “good morning darling, how was your sleep?” SADKJASD

if he’s free, he’ll actually drop by yours to bring breakfast and eat with you

and if ever you still live with your family, you bet that once you slip into the kitchen he’s chatting up with your parents like he’s their son

actually... he technically is

he loves going out with you and your family as much as he loves going out with his

hyuck is very family-oriented, you really dont have to plead to him if you want him to come to a gathering

as long as you say yes to him inviting you to their family activities too 😌

he once asked you to go with him to this intimate family dinner his relatives organized

and you ask him, “are you sure im allowed to go? the invitation in the email complete says Lee Family and clearly.. im not-”

this man didnt even let you finish and says, “BUT YOU WILL BE!! SOON!! I WILL MARRY YOU!! baby come on just please come with me!!!”

he means it though

you dont know it, but the thought of spending the rest of his life with you often comes into his mind

and so dates with him can be both ends of the spectrum

you guys could go for fancy restaurants, amusement parks, and even late night computer games (if you dont play, he’ll teach you dont worry <3)

but there are also domestic dates such as grocery shopping, helping each other babysit nephews/nieces, and the such

its obvious to every one that haechan is so soft for you

and he doesnt care what other people say

one time, mark heard him talk to you in the cutest, softest voice and laughed... and regretted it bc haechan turned to him in the most serious face and the deepest tone saying, “and so?” 

as much as possible, he wants you to feel loved bc thats what you make him feel

despite this, arguments are still there, but it doesnt go on for long

fights dont escalate as you both work together against the problem

so at the end of the day, no feelings are hurt or turned a blind eye to

disagreements are often rooted from the nature of work though, thats why every time things arent so fine, he’ll do his best to fix it

because he treasures his time with you and the love you both invest in

he didnt value time that much before, bc he’s so used to putting up with whatever that comes his way

but when you came into his life, he realized it is indeed precious

haechan spends every second loving you beyond infinity

Chenle

the parental, sincere, affectionate boyfriend

you’ve seen him rant, right?

he’ll do that often, but only when its about you not getting what you need

others may not see it, but he’s really concerned when its about you so he’ll do anything to make sure youre well taken care of

if you havent eaten yet bc youre too busy going over your notes for your exams, he’ll buy you your favorite food and feed it to you

all the while talking about how you shouldnt put aside eating bc its important to eat meals at the right time

this guy solves old math problems when he has time to spare, so he’ll be okay with you coming to for help whenever you struggle with your lessons

as cliché as it may be, he will also get you the stuff you need- whether it may be for school or for your personal shenanigans 

you complained about your laptop once, saying it keeps on lagging

he deadass goes, “do you wanna go and buy a new one now?” 💀

he just wants you to do well in the stuff you do, okay ??

chenle is blunt about pretty much everything in your relationship too

he tells you all the stuff he knows he should tell you

including embarrassing moments of his members

the dreamies cant joke around with you too much,, bc they know you know everything (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

but jokes aside, sometimes his honesty can be cause of some arguments

bc he gets too straight-forward at times and ends up unintentionally hurting you :((

and when you explain why it made you feel that way, he’s lost bc he thinks he was just saying the truth

but as time passes, he will learn how to be upfront with you without having to sadden you

please be patient with him as he is with you 👉🏼👈🏼

anyhow, dates with him would always be one for the books

if you ever think that he probably doesnt remember the dates you wanna go on to, youre wrong

bc its all listed in his mind and he’s determined to tick every single one from the list

when he’s busy or away on tour, facetimes would be a regular thing

he’s prepared with the timezones and he will remind you to sleep when you should, no buts y/n

if you tell him you cant just drift off, he’ll always offer to sing you to sleep

and when you do, he’ll take lots of pictures to treasure the little moments he has with you

some people tell him he looks too deeply in love

but he doesnt really see anything wrong with it because it was with you

chenle completely knows that he loves you so much, and he’s willing to love you until forever

#nct #nct dream #nct jeno #nct haechan #nct chenle #lee jeno #lee haechan #zhong chenle #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #jeno imagines #haechan imagines #chenle imagines #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #jeno scenarios #haechan scenarios #chenle scenarios #nct headcanons #nct dream headcanons #jeno headcanons #haechan headcanons #chenle headcanons #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #jeno fluff #haechan fluff #chenle fluff #nct x reader #nct dream x reader

[just-a-fangirl13]

Why s5 *might* be the season MacRiley happens

Okay so...Hear me out! I'm not crazy I promise!!

Firstly, after 5x03 (and probably 5x04) it may seem very unlikely that MacRiley could ever happen. But I thought of a few reasons why they might actually happen by the end of s5 after all.... (it gets a lil long winded and kinda complicated but just stick with me till the end!)

1. All the MacRiley moments including the ones in 5x03.

[this Mac smile could not be an accident or something that slipped through both production and post-production right?! that in itself is a whole reason!]

Every Macriley moment we have ever had- whether it's the hugs, Riley saving Mac, Mac saving Riley, the ultimate show of loyalty when Riley went after Mac during Codex or even just the looks exchanged between the two- to any outsider it would seem pretty obvious that they are dating or at least in love. Keep in mind the writers would have written each of those scenes and Lucas and Tristan have acted them out with a specific build up in mind aka MacRiley.(think about the date episode: Riley just got dumped but was still thinking about how Mac might be hungry. She didnt have to do that. She could have just shown up at his place..) I mean how can they write two people so perfectly in sync and so perfect for each other and not have them end up together? It would just be a waste of all that tension and slow burn. (not to mention all the hugs and glances)

2. They know we exist. 

The MacRiley fam is very active on twitter with the writers and while they were writing 5x01 they knew we were around. They know we are a huge group. They would not want to risk pissing 90% of the fandom off by not making MacRiley endgame.

[P.S.yes 5x03 was a bait and switch but if you were paying attention you would have noticed that neither Lucas not Tristan live tweeted or hyped up the episode. They knew we would probably hate it so they didnt publicise it too much! so in the future if you have doubts about the episode being a MacRiley one just check their stories or posts on twitter/intstagram]

3. Yes 5x03 happened. 

I really think it was an episode they HAD to write. Ok so after 4x13 they had 7 more episodes planned and were filming 4x20 (aka the finale) when the pandemic struck. So they have these 6 episodes but no finale for it. [Idk if anyone else has noticed but in 5x01 there were clearly some parts cut out. For example the conversation between Desi and Riley towards the end seemed a bit jilted. Riley asking Desi to forgive her but Desi replied with yeah we are cool (still no apology ofc) I feel like something happened during that which ended up getting cut out so it could fit with the final story.]

This makes me think that they have rewritten a few bits to tie into the new finale episode. In 5x03 when Mac asked Desi to come fishing with him which was clearly something very personal to him she was like no do better.. then we see Mac's disappointed expression. She could have easily said okay but maybe not for our first date? Or its not really my thing? Or just about anything else rather than laughing in his face like that. Eventhough MD is together they still arent compatible. Mac’s final words in 5x03 was him being desperate. I truly think he is so broken and lost that Desi is the only safe thing left, the only thing he feels like he can fix right now. Once he finds himself again and heals...then it's going to hit him like a pile of bricks!!

4. But Riley doesn't have feelings anymore...WELL doesnt she? 

When it comes to Mac, Riley is always in denial. We saw it in s4 when she tells Bozer not to make her say it. I think s5 will show her finally accepting it. Finally accepting that she is in love with her best friend and that it definitely isnt Codex adrenaline because she caught the feels when Codex wasnt even around. While Mac's arc would include realising he and Desi are never going to work and that he is unhappy and that RILEY is the one for him.

[why else would they give Riley feelings for Mac? Something has to come of it.]

5. The slow burn rule.[this point is a lil complicated] 

Now season 5 is rumoured to have 13 episodes. So here’s what I think: If MacGyver follows the pattern that most shows do when it comes to slow burns, then technically MacRIley should have happened at the end of season 4. But since the season got cut short and they didnt get to air/finish their final episode the writers had to improvise. 

From what I know, 4x19 which is 5x04 for us is the episode where Mac meets Desi’s parents and 4x20 was supposed to be the finale that was left unfinished.(they are definitely moving the timeline ahead if a pre finale episode is suddenly a mid season one.) There might have been a 4x21 or 4x22 but I haven't heard anything about those....EVER.

So what I think they have decided to do instead is extend the MD storyline a bit longer just so they dont end up scrapping all their s4 episodes where they would be together and write a new finale that ties everything together, aka MacRiley.

If you think about episode counts, s4 and s5 together would have 26 episodes which is a how long a normal season runs. Basically what im trying to say is if we follow the ‘slow burns end by s4’ and take season 5 as an extension of 4 then MacRiley should get together in the season 5 finale or maybe the episode just before. (IM REALLY TRYING TO GET SOME LOGIC INTO THIS)

This would be a typical TV thing too where the couple finds out about each other’s feelings while the main arc of the show is also at its peak, which perfectly sets up a future season where fans are hyped but still has a satisfying ending.

6. So what about MacDesi?

So far the macgyver writers have given us characters we love. Think of every character on the show apart from maybe Desi... Mac, Riley, Bozer, Jack, Matty, Leanna, Samantha, Russ and even Murdoc. WE LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. So then why is Desi such a strange character? I think shes purposely been written as an opposite to Mac or even Riley (I get she’s supposed to kinda replace Jack but Jack is really irreplaceable). 

It's not necessarily a bad thing its just not a great thing to do or have great execution. People have said things like Desi is a badass and shouldnt have to apologise or say I love you back to her boyfriend because she is a strong woman...I'm sorry but your opinion of who a strong woman is, is EXTREMELY skewed. A strong woman is someone who can make mistakes and when she does, she is ‘strong’ enough to own up to it, she is loyal and fierce and also caring while being a badass who can take down bad guys. And for GODS SAKE, RILEY DAVIS IS A STRONG WOMAN...people have called her mushy and feminine on twitter and I'm just very confused by that.....

Anyways before I go off on a rant, it seems like Desi is intentionally being written this way. Every opportunity they get to redeem her and make her more relatable or just a better person they just dont take it. While Rileys character arc is one of the best I've ever seen. Either its intentional or they’ve forgotten how to write characters...which is worrisome but ill give them the benefit of the doubt.

The writers also know we dont like Desi. The amount of times we've tagged them in the toxic posts or pointed out problematic things we can be sure they've seen at least half of those. So theres no way they dont know. RIGHT?

So why then is MD still a thing you may ask??

Well for one they cant break them up again off screen because of those unreleased s4 episodes. (not to mention the other parts of the audience who arent as invested in mac’s love life would probably be very confused.)

Secondly Mac has to be the one to pull the plug, not Desi. 4x13 made it seem like Desi was the annoyed one not Mac. He apologised to her which meant he wanted to fix things. 

Thirdly, they are opening the chpt one last time before they permanently close it. MD is going to be a stark contrast to macriley(it already is in every way possible). Every issue Mac and Desi had can be used to show how amazing macriley really is as two people who arent even dating yet.

Fourthly, MD being together is a sort of commentary on Macs mental health as well. We can see how happy he is with Riley but around Desi he becomes some one else. If the writers are doing this on purpose or subconsciously still remains to be seen.

And Yes keeping MD around for a few more episodes seems like a necessary risk right now but I have a feeling its going to be worth it later.

[I know we have had like 4 desi entered episodes already but I really think 5x04 will be the last of it since 5x05 is the Jack episode and 5x06 is Mac+Riley+Bozer episode with no mention of Desi at all!]

The writers know we are a dedicated bunch and they know that once MD breaks up for the last time the entire fandom will be waiting and watching. That's when the show will be at its peak. That will be the perfect moment to bring in MacRiley’s arc to a new start!

Congrats if you stuck with me through this whole thing! if you agree/disgaree with any of these or have other reasons why they could be endgame in s5 let me know!!

#MacGyver #Angus MacGyver #macgyvercbs #Riley davis #macriley #cbs #macxriley #macriley is endgame #otp #wilt bozer #Matilda webber #Lucas till #Tristin Mays #cbsmacgyer #russ taylor #macisback #macgyver season 5

[cherryonigiri]

Kuroo w/a confident + active S/O

@onedayiwillcreatecoolernickname​ asked: im a confident person, whats visible both in my looks and personality. i love standing out of the crowd, so wearing extravagant clothes and crazy hair colors is something that im well known of. but i dont have a particular aesthetic, so my clothing style is various (grunge, pastel, boho, sexy, vintage, tomboy; basically everything). even though im 170 cm tall, i like wearing high heels a lot and tbh, it doesn't make me feel awkward or insecure when i'm being taller than some boys. i often end up as a leader of the group and i think im a good one, because i have almost all the required qualities (creative patient helpful observant talkative), and every project that i take a part in is successful, so. but talking sbout ppl; i love taking care of them so much, seriously. youre cold? here, take my jacket. its getting dark already? dont worry, ill take you home. youre feeling anxious? lets talk and ill try my best to make u feel at ease. you need a hug? come here bby. as much as i enjoy discussing with other ppl, learning about their beliefs and exchanging my opinions with them, i also appreciate it a lot when we can be silent with each other, doing totally different things. but still, im happy the most when i have someone with whom i can have a deep conversation, because im not really into small talk. i need stimulation, the feeling that im constantly learning something new about everything. im just so fascinated and in love with the world haha. and maybe some facts about me. im cuddly and affectionate af with people that i like (and bcs of that other ppl that i must be in relationship with my friends, but its all platonic gay i swear). im ticlish and in general, touch-sensetive af. i identify as pansexual. i have 0 male friends, mostly because of my past bad experience with boys (bullying etc), but also because in my environment theres a lot more girls, so yeah. at home i often wear shorts and tshirts, because im quite hot ; ) im really into personal development and psychology, because people and their minds fascinate me and id want to know them better. i love learning new languages (im fluent in polish & english, less advanced in spanish and russian, but im still learning), writing both my own stories and letters, i also draw a little and i think im quite good at it. volleyball is definitely my favourite sport, but i enjoy running, cycling and matrial arts too.

A/N: Last of my matchup requests! Hope you enjoy 💖

Your matchup is

Kuroo Tetsurou

Loves that you are super confident + self-reassured. You know what you’re capable of and not afraid to assert that you’re good at what you do (he finds your confidence super attractive)

Another thing Kuroo loves about you is your undending curiousity - he loves that you always want to learn something new

Would totally flirt with you by texting/telling you fun facts about science or anything else - would pay attention to whatever you are interested at the moment and then go home and research fun facts to share with you

Enjoys studying together with you - he likes that you try to find meaning in what you’re learning + apply it outside of how to score well on exams

Studying together is something you look forward to because the two of you just being with each other - you don’t necessarily have to go out on a “formal” date to spend time with him.

You just enjoy having his presence around - since you appreciate + value silence I feel like a lot of times you would just lounge around in the house and not really do much 

That being said - you are both people who like to have things to do most of the time - so he makes the effort to take you out on regular dates 

You guys probably love going to museums + different exhibitions/galleries around the city since you both enjoy learning more about the world

Aquarium dates??? YES. 

I feel like Kuroo loves your sense of fashion/style and would love to try to coordinate outfits to match or pair well with each other. If you want he would be down to have you style him for the day

Would understand if you were uncomfortable around his friends/team at first - but hopes that you will eventually be able to get along with them 

If you are open to hanging out with/socializing with the boys’ volleyballl team he’ll be really aware of the situation/atmosphere and make sure that you aren’t uncomfortable 

If you get close with the team,yYou two probably co-parent his volleyball team - you’re probably the unofficial manager/mom of the team (sorry yaku)

Will often hold study/review sessions for his team and you always seem to have plenty of their favorite snacks/foods 

Vice versa I think Kuroo would put forth a genuine effort to get to know your friends - he is big on reciprocation and really appreciates how much time you spend getting to know his friends

Wouldn’t mind sitting with your group of friends during lunch and chatting with them - if your group of friends doesn’t mind + he isn’t intruding he’d be happy to hang out with you all on the weeekends

If you’re interested in learning Japanese he’d be more than happy to help whenever you need it. 

You’re good at getting a grasp on the basics but helps with the more complex stuff + stuff that is related to culture/history + idioms or sayings that don’t make sense when translated literally

Probably asks you to teach him English/Polish or you two decide to learn a new language together. 

Kuroo definitely is very physically affectionate (aka. Look at my cuddling hcs for him) but isn’t the biggest on PDA

He prefers just having some kind of physical contact with you - like holding your hand, arm around your waist/shoulder - occasional kisses on the cheek/pecks on the lips but nothing over the top

Would love it if you play volleyball casually with him - maybe a group of your friends + his friends together could spend a day on the beach playing volleyball together

I feel like the two of you would be a couple that likes to work out together/try new things together

Morning runs together are fun - it gives you the extra motivation + it’s a nice way to spend some time with Kuroo

#kuroo x reader #Kuroo Tetsurou #kuroo tetsurou x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu!! #haikyuu imagines #kuroo tetsuro #kuroo tetsuro x reader #nekoma

[jaideite]

How about hcs of bakugo and todoroki(separately) getting body swapped with their s/o?

omg an ask that isn’t one of my friends 🥺

This was very interesting and reminded me of your name hehehe

i had to find a way to make this possible so it’s kind of the same thing basically an accidental quirk thingie ehh—

i tried to make this as gender neutral as possible cause I know some of y’all boys wanna get in on that and i can’t even blame y’all—

im also kind of iffy about how it came out so i hope you enjoy whoever requested 😔

BAKUGOU AND TODOROKI GETTING BODY SWAPPED WITH THEIR S/O

TODOROKI SHOTO

— you guys were going shopping for the dorms

— and you were both in one of the aisles along with this middle aged man and a woman with her kid

— so this little kid was getting pretty annoyed at the gloves on their hands and so when the parent wasn’t looking they just

— yEET

— fREEDOM MOTHAFU—

— anywho now that the kid was free it began to wander around happily

— ya know like a kid

— and you guys were right where the juice was and this little kid was like ‘jUiCE bOX’

— sadly he couldn’t reach it

— but guess who could

— immediately his little hands grab yours and Shoto’s and you both turn to him

— “hey little guys what’s wrong?”

— he simply points, letting go of your hand and to the juice box

— you smile and hand him the carton of juice and he happily squeals while taking it with both hands

— it’s then the mother lets out a panic noise and rushes over to the three of you, quickly shoving the gloves on the little boys hands

— “I’m so sorry I’m so sorry.”

— “There’s nothing to be sorry for ma’am, honestly.”

— “No, it’s not that. I’m sorry, the doctors spoke of his quirk making an appearance soon and I put gloves on just in case. I apologize.”

— and she’s off

— you two shrug it off too and keep going about your day

— the incident in the store long forgotten until you guys wake up

— you don’t really pay attention because come on who does in the morning until you roll from off the soft bed to straight to the floor

— you stop, and get up, running to the bathroom and turning the light on to be met with—

— your boyfriend

— you let out the most unmanly shriek —boy can for someone who’s voice is deep yell loud— and rush out his room to your room

— you constantly pound on the door trying to wake his slow ass up

— your about to swing again when the door is ripped open and there he is in your body looking very confused

— class 1-A is shook as well cause uh

— you look stoic and Shoto’s panicking

— “y/n calm down.”

— “I CANT IM SO MUCH TALLER THAN YOU!”

— “I know but please if you don’t you’ll—“

— you’re so shook at your own body touching you that you turn red and—

— “OH MY GOD HES ON FIRE—“

— y’all are shook

— you keep staring at him while he tries to focus

— every so often you have to try to stop the smoking coming from your left side whenever you look down and remember you’re not in your body

— after school when you guys are along together you kind of just start crying

— and Shoto freaks because he hasn’t cried since he was a little kid and it’s weird seeing himself cry

— so he kind of just

— *pat pat* “it’s oka—”

— “I JUST WANT MY BODY BAAACK!”

—“oh.”

— “IM TIRED OF BUSTING INTO FLAMES OR FREEZING MY FOOD!”

— “oh i remember that.”

— “AND IM TIRED OF SEEING RED AND WHITE EVERY TIME I LOOK AT SOMEONE!”

— “the logical thing would be to brush the hair out the way.”

— *sob* shut up before i punch your pretty face...”

— eventually you cry yourself to sleep and rest Shoto’s head on your shoulder

— he doesn’t want you to fall so he lets you, resting his cheek against your head and closing his eyes following you

— when he opens them he feels his head on your shoulder, he pokes you softly and you startled awake, only to realize

— “IM BACK IN MY OWN BODY!”

— you also cry bc “ill never complain about my boobs again man”

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

— y’all were taking a walk on y’all way back to U.A.

— and some little kid came up to y’all crying

— he’s a little annoyed but the kid can’t be more than five or four so he reluctantly joins you in helping find their parents

— you tell the little boy to take you and bakugou hand and you guys walk along trying to find their parent

— take the kids hand or so god help you—

— “alright jeez”

— and you were trying to calm down the little boy when all of a sudden the mother appeared and scooped him up.

— she kind of panics at seeing you guys hold his hand but you pass it as motherly worry while katsuki just ‘tch’ and looked away

— the mother thanks you and nods and frowns, looking at her sons hands as they walk away and she frowns

— you hear her mumble “what did you do with your gloves?”

— you kind of just shook it off and followed your boyfriend, gripping his sweaty moist hand in yours

— you kind of just slip the little boy into the back of your mind as you drift off to sleep

— when you wake up you realize a couple things

— one, your palms are ridiculously sweaty like no joke wtf

— two, your hair is usually sprawled put everywhere but it’s not

— three, that is not your dresser

— you frown, getting up and moving to the bathroom, stumbling over a weight on the floor.

— what—

— quickly you rush in and hesitantly flick the light switch up, gazing in the mirror to be met with ruby red eyes

— holy shi—

— “WAKE THE FUCK UP DUMBASS! DONT TELL ME YOURE SLEEPING!”

— you’re too shook to comprehend anything. Just the fact that you are in your boyfriends body

— “Y/N WAKE THE FUCK UP!”

— you blink, moving to the door and opening it to see you. . .

—. . .foaming at the mouth

— your classmates are scarred

— you look so terrifying and bakugou

— bitch is he wearing a tie??

— this mf looks clean af

— it’s comical really

— all day you try to calm yourself down

— “Youre doing things to my body I didn’t even know could be done!”

—“Same here fuck face.”

— “I’m wearing your face.”

— you’re so annoyed because your hands get soooo sweaty and at random moments his quirk just pops off

— he gets a kick out of watching you explode your notebook and notes and looking completely flustered, sighing in annoyance

— you get a kick out of him trying to activate your quirk and failing miserably and making himself look like an idiot

— but he laughs when you try to give off an explosion and send yourself flying threw a wall

— don’t even get started on having to use the bathroom

— fucking grape bitch bought it up and it just triggered whatever it is when someone brings it up

— “now that you mention it, I gotta pee.”

— “. . . damn.”

— eventually after a long day of trying to go about this normally, y’all just end up in whoever’s dorm room and the stress of today gets to you

— you start crying

— “Stop crying with my fucking face—“

— “I WANT MY BODY BAAACK!” You sob, clinging onto him

— he tries to pull you off but you use all his muscle to cling onto your body (he regrets being muscular now) and he just—

— “GET THE FUCK OFF ME BITCH BABY!”

— “GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING BODY!”

— “I DONT KNOW HOW YOU FUCK!”

— you just cry and stuff his face in yo chest

— or you stuff his face in yo tits and ignores the way he turns scarlet and thrashes while you cry “i miss my boobs”

— he’s so pissed he just becomes still with rage all while you pass out on top of him, snoring softly

— eventually he follows and when he wakes up his face is still in your chest

— or you know buried in ya boobs

— and he pauses, realizing the situation

— “THANK FUCK IM NOT IN YOUR BITCH ASS BODY ANYMORE! I CANT FUCKING HANDLE BOOBS MAN!”

— “Says you with the tiny ass waist!”

— y’all never complain about yourselves ever again

#my hero academia headcanons #my hero academia imagines #my hero academia #boku no hero headcanons #boku no hero imagines #boku no hero academia #bnha bakugou #bnha todoroki #mha bakugou #mha todoroki #todoroki headcanons #bakugou headcanons #todoroki shoto x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #todoroki x reader

[themeed]

damn allowed myself to want things for a day and all i want is a van to live in, knowledge, freedom, weight loss, and a bass guitar.

im. happy with that i think. im proud of me, no jokes. im proud of being able to want things and care about them and vibrate towards them with longing. im... pleased with that. its fulfilling in a way Not Wanting For Anything isnt, because thats... kinda hollow. empty. in a vacant, lonely, yearning and grieving and SAD way. maybe because i Couldnt Want then. i Couldnt Desire or it would be used against me or taken away. that sucks. that sucked.

and now. im free to want again. and comparatively???? i think im very much never going to aim for buddhism or that weird Not Desiring Not Attached Nirvana mindset. like good for u but been there out of trauma and its not fun theres no reason to truly Live. u just float endlessly and experience and it aches so badly!!!! it hurts to want to want and not be able to. and i guess that is different from not wanting at all but... its not different enough for me to justify ever going back to that. or going forward to that. i just got this back and screw enlightenment if it means i have to give up on my passions i dont think life is worth living without it.

and anybody who looks down on that from a spiritual tower has yet to examine their own pride and how empty they feel without it.

anybody who looks down and smiles and wishes me luck on my journey? good for them. im glad theyre living their best life, on their journey as they see fit.

and i feel the need to protect myself because ive been hurt by the pride- the arrogance of others before. a lot of my hurts and traumas stem from my mother being too prideful to recognize that she can be wrong and someone under her power could be correct over her. and it was an uncomfortable truth. so she denied it was one at all and hurt me. i know the reason could be elaborated on. she didnt want to confront her own internal logic. or trauma. or even doublethink. that doesnt excuse her hurting a child for the sake of her sense of pride, of comfort, of self-worth. a child under her power, that she claimed to be parent of. teacher of.

not owing anyone anything is not the same as not hurting anyone. i havent reconciled that yet. oppressors should be held accountable for their mistakes, and give reparations if the harm is physical at LEAST. and i think that applies to politics, yes. privately though? if i beat up a nazi, i dont want to pay for his hospital bills. my personal philosophy struggles between equating people and ideas as a worth measurement, and realizing that that line of thinking is... similar to oppressors. but. its based on something people can change. the question is, do i think "if given the opportunity" is a good enough reason to stop and question a racist that runs their mouth? and do i think pre-emptive violence is okay? if say, a nazi walks into a bar and doesnt say anything but is wearing all the red flags and bells and whistles. i dont think that justifies a beatdown. being asked to leave, sure, but the beatdown doesnt start til the first remark flies.

once the intent is given OR the action is taken, the line is drawn. doesnt matter if they Havent Had The Chance. if theyre starting shit outside of debate spaces like that, and not, say, asking questions, theyre not looking for new perspectives, and it is NOT my job to educate people. its not my job to Show People The Light. a quick fucking google search could tell them why theyre wrong. if they havent put even the most basic energy into questioning their beliefs, thats on them.

it sounds like im trying to absolve myself of blame here. largely because. i think i should go out and help educate people because theyre inherently complacent if theyre, yknow, in a position of power. aka white folk and men and rich folk and cis folk and on and on and on. these people dont live my reality. they dont live the reality of a gay black man in the south, or a genderqueer lesbian in the west, or an indigenous woman whose nation is being targeted, or a muslim woman who cannot wear her headcoverings in the face of danger of death, or an asian immigrant who cant get a job because of COVD age discrimination resurging. we will never live each others realities, but we can become aware of them.

they wont come into awareness without someone asking or telling, and then doing something to change them.

we shouldnt need to go running to people in power for them to be aware of problems in the populace, govt is supposed to help and solve issues like this. like. actively. thats the whole point, make life better for the countrys citizens. and individuals in a position of social power...

are individuals who didnt take on a responsibility to protect and serve or otherwise care for the populace of a nation. i personally think they SHOULD care, but they are not obligated to. i cant make them care about others.

and honestly, on some of them, it would be a waste of time. there are people who want to change or question things and yknow what? they seek out answers. in people or places or online usually. stats and stories.

so like. i dont think someones Potential as a person matters when theres a throwdown about to happen. it really isnt my responsibility to save people from themselves or try to change their sides against their will. if they want to chat about it they can ask questions first.

not throw insults or punches or hatred.

what people have been taught is worth analyzing and trying to correct IN SOCIETY but i cant fix every broken white boy that comes to me. PSAs, fliers, outreach, online videos, debate spaces. those are things i already have access to and can be a part of if i really want to go around changing minds. or yknow. get involved in legislation and be myself around others to change their perceptions of whats socially acceptable or normal. maybe protest, maybe call congressfolk, etc.

but not every comment has to be analyzed or a learning opportunity. im allowed to shut it down, and people can respect that or stop talking to me. this isnt my parents house where i had to justify everything that i said or did when scrutinized, and doubly justify any criticism i had of mother, or any joke i frowned at instead of smiling.

these people dont have that power over me. they arent my mother. they arent my boss, and if they are i can fuck off and get a new job if necessary. they dont have financial control over my living space and food and schooling and physical control of where i can go and with who and for how long. I CONTROL THAT. I do.

Huh. maybe thats why i want a van so bad. i mean... when this lease ends if nobody is gonna end up living with me...

i could just... live in my car and shower at truck stops. get a storage unit for my stuff. save by driving jobs. like 40 to 60 a day. tear out my cars back, insulate it, and install my mattress pad there. water on the floor, cooler next to it, wooden cutting coard, knife, single camping plateware set, and another little shelf for spices. maybe a hot plate i can hook up to the car battery? get a long enough usb and it might be doable. i could go camping and open the trunk to just... vibe.

because yeah, honestly? i dont plan on having a solid apartment for a bit. like a long bit. and i still have like 70000 miles on my car before itll want to go. and by that point, even at like 100 miles a day, thats like 2 years, less if i go cross country in that vehicle. i could save up SO MUCH for a better vehicle, or like. college. live on campus, get some credit, continue working after i figure out want i want to do.

i think thats a solid plan, even if i dont get another apartment and put everything in storage. work as i need to instead of all the time for rent, really only paying for gas, car repairs, car ins, food, and phone data/hotspot internet... that would bring my monthly expenses down to like 500 a month max instead of like 1400. id only need to make some 1000 a month doing contract stuff to save for taxes and stuff. anything extra would be just that: extra for savings and things. holy shit.

depending on how this next month goes for my friends, holy s h i t.

i. i might do this. legitimately.

i. dont think i can yet. i need proof of address to get my license im pretty sure? but hey, thatll be my 21st this year, so. once i have that i wont need a new address for a While. i dont know if ill want one, really.

i could always just ask a friend or family member if i could use theirs for mail that cant go to a PO box.

anyway. yeah. wow.

[bigskydreaming]

Whats Nightwing and Deathstroke's dynamic? Why does it make you wince? Im not very familiar with it.

Nightwing and Slade actually have a really interesting and compelling dynamic in a lot of ways, that can be really good when written well and really terrible when not. My biggest issue is it is that its not sexual in the comics (Slade is a good thirty years older than him) or in other adaptations that have a version of it, like the Teen Titans cartoon. But fandom being fandom, Dick/Slade is a bigger ship than like, half his actual canon ships, so any new take on it always comes with a big sigh at all the new Dick/Slade shipping that’s gonna crop up or have a resurgence cuz of it. And I’m annoyed enough with YJ right now that I’m not giving them the benefit of the doubt that they’ll do anything new or interesting with it that’s worth having to wade through pages of new Dick/Slade noncon in the months afterwards. Its a ship that generates a lot of non-con fic in particular, or at least my old favorite, ‘dubcon’, with the dubious part of the consent referring to the fact that it usually involves mind control or brainwashing, both tropes that show up a lot in their interactions anyway. (Not that there’s anything dubious about this NOT allowing for consensual anything, just that people love to call it dubcon because….fuck if I know).

But anyway….in the comics, Deathstroke is a mercenary who’s one of the Titans’ earliest and most iconic enemies. Though at various times and depending on who’s writing him, he’s sometimes an antihero and even a semi-trusted ally of the Titans (usually with Dick specifically), other times a villain but with his own personal code of honor that means he won’t help the Titans or other heroes but he’ll refuse to take jobs that would pit him against them, and other times he’s full on remorseless and sadistic villain who hates them all and wants them all dead.

He also had three kids, his son Grant (the first Ravager), his younger son Joseph (Jericho) and his youngest, their half-sister Rose (the second Ravager). Basically, the first time he interacted with the Titans was when the supervillain group HIVE put out a contract to have the Titans all killed. Slade turned them down cuz of his personal honor code and how young the Titans were, but his son Grant accepted the contract in exchange for HIVE giving him superpowers to help him fulfill it. The process didn’t work right though, and when fighting the Titans, Grant’s powers overloaded and killed him.

Slade blamed the Titans for this, and vowed to finish the contract and kill them as some twisted way of honoring Grant. He doesn’t do Logic so good, well no, its more like he doesn’t really do parenting so good, as in he tends to have fuck all to do with his kids 364 days of the year, but then something bad happens to one of them and suddenly he thinks he’s Dad of the Year and going 0 to Homicidal in six seconds flat is the way to make up for all the times he’s let them down or screwed them over, instead of just…not Doing That.

So Slade recruited a young meta named Tara Markov (yup, that one) and trained her as his apprentice specifically to help him get revenge on the Titans. At his prompting, she joined the Titans as a spy for him, feeding him intel and plotting against them in one of the best known comicbook storylines of all time, The Judas Contract. It was up there with some of the X-Men’s best known stories like the Dark Phoenix Saga and Days of Future Past. (In the 80s actually, the Titans comic book was almost as popular as Uncanny X-Men at the time. Like way more than the Justice League. They were DC’s big hitters, popularity wise - specifically the lineup that for the most part was centered around Dick, Donna, Starfire, Beast Boy, Cyborg and Raven, with other members like the original Titans and later ones like Pantha and Wildebeest coming and going at various points in the 80s too).

Ultimately, Tara made her move and betrayed the Titans, enabling Slade to kidnap each of them one by one and turn them over to the HIVE….all except for Dick. In the meanwhile, he was approached by Slade’s ex-wife Adeline Kane - who has an equally all over the place dynamic with Slade, like sometimes she’s his worst enemy and other times she’s manipulating events behind the scenes to help him without him knowing, because she still loves him…it basically just depends on who’s writing her, same as with Slade. Also, Kane is Adeline’s maiden name, she’s distantly related to Kate Kane aka Batwoman in some extremely complicated manner I can never remember, but that’s mostly just trivia. I can’t remember a time its ever been relevant to a story, and it has nothing to do with Slade’s interactions with Dick.

ANYWAY. Point being, so Adeline, who blames and hates Slade at this time for their son Grant’s death, along with their other son Joey, seek out Dick and offer their help rescuing the Titans and defeating Slade. Joey is a metahuman as a result of Slade’s altered DNA (he has regenerative powers and is actually immortal, due to experiments the army did on him while he was a soldier). So Joey was born with powers although they didn’t activate until he was a young adult. His codename was Jericho and his power lets him possess peoples’ bodies. He’s also mute, and I’m half expecting him to show up in YJ fairly soon. If not this season then hinted at by the end of it. Also wouldn’t surprise me if they had plans to have him be gay in the YJ universe. He’s a character who was coded as gay practically from his debut. Joey/Dick is actually probably Dick’s oldest and most enduring slash ship, for the record.

So Joey works with Dick to rescue the Titans and defeat Slade, who’s captured and goes on trial for kidnapping the Titans. Joey ends up joining the Titans in the aftermath, and Adeline’s yay good, this was my Sekrit Plan all along, I did all this solely in the hopes that you would end up a superhero and have positive influences and not end up a murdering douchebag of flexible morality like your dad cuz fuck that guy, am I right Titans?

Did Adeline really just do all of that because she wanted her son to have more friends? Like…idk honestly it could go either way. Like….it IS the kind of thing she would do, tbh, so its as likely she was telling the truth as it is she just wanted to screw Slade one last time to avenge Grant and then was like hey if I take credit for my kid ending up a Titan now, I could probably play the “you owe me one” card later if I ever need to. Addy does like handing out “you owe me one” cards, just to be safe. Never know when you might need one.

The thing all this has to do with Dick is like, so it basically ended up being Dick versus Slade in the big finale, while Joey was rescuing the others and helping them face off against Tara. And for whatever reason - with multiple takes on this offered by multiple writers in the decades since - something about Dick just stuck with Slade and he’s had a kinda fascination with him ever since. Like he’s always talking about how much more he could teach Dick than what he already learned from Bruce, trying to convince him he’s got a killer instinct that Bruce just suppressed and its holding him back, blah blah, like saying he’s good, but Slade could make him great, so he surpasses both Bruce and Slade. TBH, he spends WAY more time obsessing about Dick and getting Dick to join him than he bothers paying attention to his own kids. 

It really isn’t inherently sexual though, its a weird kinda pseudo father/son, pseudo mentor/mentee type thing. And its not entirely one-sided, because Dick at various times IS…tempted? Kinda? Like whenever Dick’s having some kind of crisis of conscience, or he’s pissed at Bruce or is questioning the effectiveness of superheroes or why they do the things they do or what does it all matter blah blah blah like omg I love you Dick, I really do, but sometimes you are such a drama queen, my god, blast some My Chemical Romance, experiment with drugs and chill out already, its not that deep. (LOL I kid. Well mostly). But point being, every once in awhile something happens that puts Dick in a funk and makes him second guess himself, and he spends like….a month being convinced he should reinvent himself as the anti-Bruce, that’s the solution, and this usually sends him in search of Slade except he’s always like ‘OH FANCY MEETING YOU HERE, THIS IS TOTALLY RANDOM AND NOT ON PURPOSE’. 

And Slade likes to take any opportunity to try and convince him like BE A BAD GUY DICK, KILL PEOPLE FOR MONEY, ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT. Except inevitably Slade does something that pisses Dick off and Dick snaps out of it and is like NO, IM A HERO AND THIS IS BAD, I REMEMBER NOW AND I’LL NEVER JOIN YOU, YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD I HATE YOU! And then they fight again, but with swords, not words, and then they’re like crap, we’re too well matched, this is going nowhere, you’re a worthy opponent, the only one I can truly respect, blah blah and then they call a breather and Slade’s like hey kid, wanna grab a beer and Dick’s like yeah but only if you promise not to kill anyone. And Slade’s like ugh fine.

And then Slade’s all, look kid, its been fun but its time you went home to your real family and your real life, this isn’t you, you’re a hero, I can’t try and turn you into something you’re not, its Wrong. And Dick’s like….umm yeah, I know, I literally JUST said that, how hard did I hit you? And Slade’s like NO SHHH, DONT TRY AND ARGUE, GO, YOU GO NOW, GO ON, LIVE YOUR LIFE, YOU DONT BELONG HERE IN THE DARK WITH ME, YOU’RE ONE OF THE GOOD ONES, GO BACK TO YOUR OWN KIND.

And Dick’s like no seriously dude, I already called my dad to come pick me up, what are you even on right now, are we having the same conversation?

Slade, sobbing paternally: I HAVE TO LET YOU GO, ALL I EVER DO IS HURT MY KIDS, I’M A TERRIBLE FATHER, ITS NO WONDER JOEY HATES ME.

And then Dick awkwardly slips out while Slade’s mid monologue, with his head thrown back yelling up at the sky and shaking his fists like WHY GOD WHY IS THIS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN WHY - because the thing about Slade is he’s actually even MORE of a drama queen than Dick, he just hides it better. Most of the time. But seriously tho.

Anyway yeah, this is like…a pattern with them basically. And Slade’s like, you’ve inspired me, I see in you the man I could’ve become, maybe even that I can still be, and he like doubles down on his personal honor code and becomes a Mercenary With A Heart for a couple years and even helps out the Titans every now and then (basically just whenever Dick’s in trouble and he goes on a killing spree, like NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO MURDER MY KIDS BUT ME - also by this point in time, Joey had died because Slade literally killed him, I forget why, it was a dumb story, but its okay Joey came back, its not like his name is Uncle Ben. But yeah, killing his kids is kinda a thing with Slade too, and he’s very proprietary about it).

And then he falls off the wagon and is like fuck, I forgot how much I like murder, ugh, you should have never tried to make me change, THIS IS WHO I AM, and Dick’s just like….I literally do not know where you’re getting these conversations from, like am I there when you think we’re having them, am I just blacking out…do I need to see a doctor??? And Slade’s like YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU EVER MET ME, GRAYSON, FROM NOW ON I AM THE TITANS’ MORTAL ENEMY and runs off all dramatically while Dick’s like…..wut, and all the other Titans are like srsly, dude, what is WITH you too, and Dick’s all I DON’T EVEN KNOW, HE’S JUST LIKE THAT.

In all seriousness though, ultimately my take on their dynamic is that for Slade, Dick’s a combination of seeing himself and Grant in Bruce and Dick’s dynamic, and its like….all about his regret and missed opportunities. Like, he tends to be super judgey of Bruce and critical of how he trains (and raises Dick) and passive aggressively like *I* would never do that and Dick just kinda lifts an eyebrow and is all, you’ve literally killed two of your three kids. 

But like, Slade kinda views himself as the anti-Batman and thus Dick is inadvertently cast as Grant, but its like Slade can never decide if he thinks Bruce is actually holding Dick back from his full potential and he wants to push Dick the way he thinks Bruce refuses to, or if like, he blames Bruce for getting Dick involved in this life, the same life that got Grant killed, and wants to protect Dick from Bruce and from the same thing happening to him. So its this weird mix of Slade manipulating Dick sometimes and pushing him way further than even Bruce ever does and saying its for his own good, but also randomly mixed in there are these bouts of extreme protectiveness, and there’s like zero rhyme or reason to which he is on any given day and there’s never any way to predict where Slade will land and so it always fucks with Dick’s head in a big way, he’s like…I’m getting whiplash.

And then on Dick’s end, like, the thing about Dick like I’ve mentioned before is he’s a huge people pleaser? Like he’s a very empathetic caretaker type personality who sinks a huge amount of his identity into being everything for everyone, to the extent that he tends to lose sight of himself in the process, sometimes. And he’s also a perfectionist who was raised with the most demanding father of all demanding fathers ever, and has a lot of abandonment issues and insecurities that Bruce’s mutant power is to trip over and set off in the worst possible ways.

And so I think the reason Dick keeps seeking Slade out every now and then is not because he ACTUALLY wants to ever take Slade up on his offer and genuinely become his apprentice or partner and like, turn his back on how he was raised. I think the point of it for Dick is the fact that each and every time he ends up affirming for himself no, wait, this ISN’T actually what I want, I just needed to be reminded of that, to remember that. That he always pulls himself back before going too far. And at the same time, I do think on some level he likes that Slade is this kinda constant in his life, that at the end of the day Slade is like…so fixated on his potential and his achievements and his worth as a fighter and a hero, because like….Dick Grayson is a person who craves validation but will never ask for it ever. 

And he’s one of those people who everyone is just so USED to liking without even thinking about it that it never occurs to them when talking amongst themselves about how great he is, that they forget to say this to his actual face? And so he never hears it? And never asks for it, because gasp, then people might think he’s needy, and that would be bad, so he mostly just goes and sulks in his apartment about how nobody likes him and he’s terribad. Except for Slade. Slade always compliments him on what a good fighter and what a good planner and what a good leader he is, so hmm wonder what he’s doing. He hasn’t committed any crimes in six months and I can’t find any reason to track him down and bring him in? Ugh, that asshole. Okay, ummm, I guess I could tell him I’m thinking of turning evil again, I haven’t done that in a couple years, he’d probably buy it.

And then later Bruce is pacing around the Batcave wrathfully shaking his fist, like “Damn that man and his sick hold over my son, if only I knew how he keeps getting his hooks into you!”

And Dick basically shrugs and plays games on his phone. “He mostly just tells me I’m special, and that’s nice to hear.”

Bruce, still pacing and ranting and fist shaking: “What kind of evil genius is he, how master a manipulator he must be to be able to get inside your head and upend your normal views of right and wrong, to make you entertain these ideas of working with him, learning from him…”

Dick: No its seriously just the saying nice things about me bit. I like that.

Bruce: If only I had a code word or phrase I could use to snap you out of whatever brainwashing he seems to be able to affect you with any time you come near him, perhaps some kind of alien tech….

Dick: You could try “I’m proud of you, son.” I mean if you’re taking suggestions.

Bruce: There’s also the possibility of a magical component to consider, blast, I hate working with magic so of course he WOULD do something like that, ugh I suppose I could ask Zatanna or Jason Blood for help there…

Dick: Cool cool, well this has been a fun and productive chat as always, so you keep doing…all that…and meanwhile I’m gonna go ponder my fixation on father figures who are 100% more committed to obsessing over their failures as a parent than like…actual parenting of their actual kids.

Bruce, ten minutes later: Dick? Where are you? DID SLADE GET TO YOU AGAIN? RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE? CURSE THAT MAN AND HIS UNNATURAL SKILLS, HOW DOES HE DO IT??!?

Anyway, that’s Slade and Dick. There’s also the whole Renegade thing, when Dick asked for Slade’s help in infiltrating the Society of Super Villains in his fake villain identity as Renegade, with you know, lots of Slade trying to corrupt him and also trying to murder any supervillains who looked as his not!son the wrong way. 

And then there was the time Slade brought his daughter Rose to Dick to train and said he couldn’t teach her himself because his track record with training his kids and them not ending up dead is like, not good, and he’s superstitious or something? Idk, I forget his logic, it was probably bad though.

And Slade was like, I only trust you to be a competent teacher for my daughter, I want you to teach her everything you know! Except for like, being a hero. None of that nonsense. I FORBID you from trying to make my daughter into a hero or the deal is off. (The deal being that if Dick did this, Slade would not do crime in Dick’s city for a year).

And Dick was like, you got a deal. I will train Rose but there will be NO trying to make her a hero, I swear. /he said while crossing his fingers behind his back because duh.

And Slade was like okay, fine, you got a deal, I will absolutely still do crime and be villainous but only in every place except for Bludhaven specifically. /he said while crossing his fingers behind his back because duh.

And then Dick tried to make Rose a hero and then Slade blew up Bludhaven and that was definitely a thing, so…yeah.

In summation, Slade and Dick are weird but also very interesting but also if we get another rehash of the Renegade/apprentice arc aka the Teen Titans cartoon adaptation of that story aka the single most popular Dick Grayson fic trope of all time, like….I swear I will probably get a brain bleed.

#Anonymous

[fairycosmos]

So im going to be doing psychiatric inpatient tomorrow and im horribly frightened. My s.o. and friends want me to go, but the idea of being trapped without home comforts and the people I love scares me so much Ive considered running away from the hospital or convincing them I dont need it. I know that my depression and psychosis is getting worse and I probably need the help, but im upset that the people I care about would rather send me away than just, be supportive. Any advice?

hey love. well first of all i just want to say that i’m really fucking proud of you for reaching out in the first place. that’s literally a monumental step to take, and it requires unbelievable strength, which you obviously have. honestly, i think that you’re allowed to be scared. you’re completely allowed to not want to go, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. fear of the unknown, of change, of talking about what’s going on in your head, of not being around your family - those are all stressful experiences, and terror is a natural human reaction to them. you dont have to push it away, you’re not wrong for feeling it. it would be weird if you weren’t afraid, actually, especially at this point. it’s alright to just process it, and to work through it one hour at a time. or one minute at a time, if an hour seems like too much. but it’s not alright to let these emotions control you completely, or to let them blind you, or to cope with them in an unhealthy way. that’s the distinguishing line - it’s the difference between having a thought, and actually acting on it. the truth is, you don’t know what it’s going to be like. when you’re overly anxious, your mind kind of convinces you that negative thoughts are 100% true, but that’s not the case. your worries are not premonitions. the future doesn’t even exist yet, it’s not something that is currently in your control. while the hospital will probably be sad and uncomfortable, it’s likely that it will also be relieving and peaceful. you have to take the good with the bad, and let that be enough. think of the worst case scenario, and the best case scenario, and prepare yourself for it turning out to be somewhere in the middle, in actuality. it’s wonderful that you can recognize that you actually do need help. the level of self awareness you have could save your life. that’s a tangible fact that you can hold on to. when your brain tries to tell you that you dont need to talk to anyone, or when the anxiety takes over, you can always ground yourself in reality. and the reality of it is that you’re not well. but support is available, and your current situation is not where you’ll always be. you’re not alone. there’s no shame in needing treatment, you know? your mental health is just as important as your physical health, and sometimes it needs intense care in order to improve, just like any other bodily ailment. please, please try to constantly bring your mindset back to looking after yourself. please try to keep that your top priority, even when you don’t feel capable, even when you’re afraid. you’re not going to regret doing what’s right for you, ever. it sounds cliche, and it sounds like bullshit, and maybe it’ll take a while before you actually believe me but eventually, you will. seeking professional guidance and truly looking into your options will allow you to figure out the root causes of your mental illness, which will then allow you to finally confront them adequately. having someone to talk to consistently, working closely with people that are trained specifically to help you, figuring out your own self destructive patterns and then actively working on refuting them - all of that will add up. every single effort you make is going to pay off.  your future self is going to thank you.

i know it may seem like the people that care about you are just ‘sending you away’, and i can certainly see why your mind would want you to believe that. but i really do think that they think that putting you in hospital is going to help you more than it will hurt you. they want you to be safe and healthy so that they can spend more time with you in the future, and so you dont have to live with all of the pain and heaviness that you’ve been living with so far. a depressive brain will ALWAYS make it look like everyone is sick of you, or like nobody understands, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. of course, i dont know what the dynamic is like with your family, but i’m certain that there are at least some people in your life that are genuinely doing this with good intentions. i’m not saying you shouldn’t feel the way you do, because i can 100% understand why you perceive the situation like that, i’m just saying there is more than one side to it. it’s not as black and white as just wanting to ‘send you away’, you know? in addition, you’ll be amazed at your own ability to adapt and to grow and to improve. if you’re honest with the professionals, and if you’re willing to just give it a go, then that’s what matters the most. the simple act of trying is more than good enough, man. not having home comforts, and not seeing your family as much will obviously be very upsetting. that’s to be expected, therefore it’s something you can prepare yourself for. something you can work through. you can come to terms with it at your own pace, in your own way. you will learn how to handle it because you have the tools to do so, and that’s really all you need. running away from the hospital wont change anything, and convincing people that you’re okay when you’re not could have disastrous consequences, and is also rather unlikely. it’s clear that the best choice you can make at this moment in time is to  put yourself first utterly and completely. even before your own fear. it’s a lot easier said than done, i know. and since it’s the day before you have to go, this is the worst it’s going to be in terms of how scared you are. but you dont want to look back in a few months or a few years and regret not grabbing the opportunity to get help when it was right in front of you. and that fact is far more important than any temporary emotional turmoil that you’re dealing with. it may help to talk to your parents or a family member/friend about how you’re feeling tonight, so that you dont need to carry the worry all on your own. 

again, i’m extremely proud of you. and i think you’re going to do so so well. you just need to give yourself a fair chance, that’s all. this process isn’t supposed to be easy or comforting, especially not at first, but it’s also not going to be anywhere near as bad as you think it’s going to be. i’m sorry angel, i get that it’s difficult, and i wish there was something i could actually do for you. but i’m rooting for you so so much. you’re strong, capable, worthy and loved. and you’re a good person. even if you cant see it at the moment. your happiness and mental well being is so important. the hospital stay isn’t going to last forever, but what you learn there might. i’m sending you all of the love in my heart. i seriously hope you’re able to find the peace that you deserve. i’ll keep you in my thoughts. i’m always here if you need a friend, or if you want to talk about it properly. hit me up any time.

#anon

[modernlcve]

little info dump of lizzie’s la muses

ADELAIDE LINDHOLM  :   they still need a last name but . whatever. i was gonna make her like really boring n a lil mean but. i changed me mind. she’s still uninterested in fame but im pulling her out of management she did it for like 3 years and then realized it brought her nothing but stress and pain so she quit and is doing temp work for the time being she’s trying to figure some stuff of her own out but deflects it onto still trying to boss around her siblings all the time. this sounded more interesting in my head. know it all, bossy, putting on a front of being in control of her miserable life

plots for her include  :  former clients she completely abandoned when she snapped, im working on more but sometimes... being a big sister is a full time job am i right girls

ALISON COLLINS  :  a woman at a crossroads . wants to follow her big artistic ambition of [redacted] but it just hasnt worked out for her yet so she’s teaching elementary art classes at a Hippie School to pay the bills til something comes her way , but its hard to be the edgy artist type when u got the school breathing down ur back and checking 2 make sure ur on the straight and narrow.

plots for her include  :  another big sister im ltrying to think of plots for but . sometimes things arent easy you know. she could have art circle friends who make fun of her for Selling Out and making pipe cleaner crafts for a living now

BRUNO VARGAS  :   i’m copy pasting the fc meme. he bought a “capitalism is unsustainable” sticker off of amazon. prime example of that “little confused but he’s got the spirit” meme. he threw himself into the social activism scene after he dropped out of college and ran away to the city to really make something of himself. he really wants to do good things for good reasons his heart is in the right place he’s just a dumbass. grew up in a traditional catholic military family but hasn’t had contact w them for a minute. lives in the fold because he thinks its cool 2 force people 2 hang out with him. works for an indie underground news publication.

plots for him include  :  yeah  maybe i am still stuck on the boyfriend/girlfriend plot. im not married to it being bf n gf if it just works 2 be 2 gfs or 2 bfs anyways. plot would be that one partner bruno has had longer and has openly been with for a minute now. second partner would be more recent and bc of that less of the whole official We’re Together :) kind of thing. both partners would know he’s seeing other people, but he hasnt gone out of his way to specifically out either of them, p2 just knows about p1 bc they were openly w bruno whereas they arent yet. if that makes literally any sense

COLE EDWARDS  :  bit of a weirdo. she does something behind the scenes i was thinking like set design because thats something that weirdly really interests me. anyways shes a doormat but in a different way than molly could be read that way she really just likes to be involved in things and help people. ~quirky~ but one day , she will snap. u can tell when u see her at craft night and she gets so much hot glue on her hand but doesnt even react. its like she cant feel it... feel better cole...

plots for her   :  cole could work for laguna beach or as the mystery novak stepsib im not married to her being on the show or not yet. i figured she could be fun there because she would be a light addition to all these Reality Tv Bastards u know. her bg and plots will fit whichever subplot i use her for so . tba

HOLLIS MESSINA   :   kill him NOW .   hollis is a bad man. not to godmod michele but in my head their parents are also like weird arsty types not necessarily famous but always very into the arts all thru their childhood. they grew up eating a lot of kale and maybe thats why hollis is the way he is. he’s vapid and very insecure because he wants so bad to be cool and funny and talented and suffers from major impostor syndrome which contributes to his online shopping addiction. take a nap hollis...

plots for him  :  we know im always looking for a plot where my musician writes a song about how crusty their ex is and their ex doesn’t appreciate it, or in general just maybe someone who got past the Phony Fakeass Cool Hollis act but then he decided to be very mean to them because soemtimes it hurts to let people in

JAMES ZAMORA   :  instagram model and youtuber. new media thot. she makes beauty, fashion, lifestyle, and travel related content. her entire brand is being A Sexy Little Trollop for people to envy. came from humble beginnings believe it or not, but she will never tell anyone that. as far as they need to be concerned shes been toddling around in heels since day one. lives in the fold because it makes for quirky content but once a month she threatens to get the hell out of here.. no one knows why she stays..

plots for her  :  frankly between the Novak Boyz and the mean girl squad im happy w her plots for now but shes always around to *cheryl blossom voice* create a little chaos if needed...

MOLLY SEKULIC   :   for the first week he lived at the fold noah thought she was a ghost :0  jadede film school student who thought she would get to do real documentary work at a place like b*zzfeed news but got put on projects shes not as passionate about 2 put it kindly. constantly planning her escape from the fold and worth it and all of that but 2 depressed to actually put any of it into play so she just sticks around and hopes one day she’s tapped for something with Substance

plots for her  :  she just doesnt get out much. shes got her Horrible sons (alec and [redacted]) and the girlies she hangs out with at the fold so shes not a completely friendless loser. with muses also working in film i think it could be fun to have a plot where they went to school together/worked on a project earlyo n together but now shes doing this and is embarrassed to talk to them abt it not that its even that real of a plot..

NOAH FITZGERALD  :  i wrote an intro for him in fold and im just gonna link it here. tldr hes very shy,, be gentle,, he wants to be liked and validated which is a common theme for me becuase yeah maybe in my core i dont believe anyone pursuing art does it for any reason but validation i sure know i do 

plots for him  :   he’s got a little going on but other fun stuff could be musicians he jams with that could catch onto his and bradys Scam, maybe some other dorks to commiserate with ive obvisosuly not got as many ideas as i let on huh,

WYATT SONG   :   gay writer bitch. came from money so he’s just casually pursuing writing full time minus the time he spends on the show (bit less than everyone else just because watching him sit in his home office and do nothing for hours just isnt interesting) but i kinda like the idea of him being a Villain within the show like idk what dynamics we were wanting to set up but i feel ike since he’s more reclusive than the others and when he is around hes Annoying he could be someone the show kinda frames as Not Likable which mostly doesnt bother him but . stings a little

plots   :  someone whos really nice 2 him off cam but plays to that villain thing on cam, which could work for a few muses on different levels like a friend whos just flighty to someone he’s ~ secretly dating ~ bc it would mess up the current plot of the show if they were fucking just yet

#int

[nymann41guerra-blog]

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[ddonggeun]

Hey! So I’m suspecting if I got adhd/add but is there any symptom idk. It’s really exp here to get it diagnosed

sorry it took me a while to get back to you because honestly i dont know whats a good alternative for you can be so i guess i can share my own experience? 

first of all i think googling symptoms and types of adhd and reading peoples account on how adhd/add manifest is a good start? my doctor and the reddit /r/adhd REALLY help me to accept myself (which is the first step i think) but the way i get diagnosis (i am adhd with predominately inattentiveness - but at the same time i have depressions and dyslexia which is like a killer combo 10/10 would never rec) is that i came across with an article a couple months about how girls with adhd are more likely to be (mis)diagnosed with depression and it basically fucks up multiple generations because they cant get the help they need and i was like wait whats describe in it sounds kind of like me but at the same time i have always been very lethargic and rather well behaved in class growing up i am nothing like what you would typically associate with adhd (you know the hyper-activeness) so during my next visit to the doctor (im getting treatment for my depression) i mention to the article to her and she said wait you know what describe how you feel in a classroom setting growing up and is there anything you do that teachers complain about repeatedly and tell me how studying and doing homework is like to you and so i did (i can go further into details of my life since a lot contributes to why i only get diagnosis when im 21… let me know if you would like to know i guess?)

my doctor (who just so happens to be an adhd specialist and is quite active in the research area i didnt know before then we stan forever i love her really she is so encouraging and so good at her job) took some notes as i was talking and after im done she said you know what i think you might be onto something but i cant be sure yet (since i have depression and dyslexia which both overlaps quite a lot with adhd/add) why dont i first explain to you what adhd is and i’ll give you the set of official diagnosis questions you dont have to do it just take a look at it first do some research organize your thought talk to your parents about it and if you think getting a test on it is something you want we can set up another appointment and we can go from there - which is really really nice because adhd has always been a taboo at least with my upbringing it makes you a loser socially academically and you know just in general its not something you will want to have…. 

in hind sight there are SO MANY SIGNS even in early childhood how come no one notice i dont know prolly because i grew up in the 00s if you are different you need to kys lmao rip: 

trouble paying attention in school or work,

the appearance of not listening - although im an audio learner funny enough

avoidance of activities that require sustained focus,

being easily distracted 

restlessness

fidgeting and cant sit properly - i shake my legs or click my pen so much especially when im thinking or anxious lmao, i got into trouble a lot when i was younger because i only sit in my seat facnig the teacher 5 mins max at at ime then i move around or i move the chair around i think better when i cross my legs but i went to a uniform school and i always make my skirt too short so you know

interrupting - if i dont say what comes to mind when it comes to mind, the thought is gone forever

frequent talking and talking way too fast - i get the exact same comment every single report day class from when i was 4 till i graduated high school im not even kidding “she has excellent comprehension skill and reading speed. it would be great if parents can help her out a bit in maths or chemistry.  she has a lot of potential if she applies herself, she seems distracted although when we ask her questions she can answer. very helpful and bubbly and yet she talks too much in class. she is not disruptive and her seatmate never complains but she just doesnt stop talking. we have been pairing her up with quiet students in class in the hopes that she will talk less in class but she just turn the quiet student talkative”

trying to do multiple things at once - i cant do one thing at a time, even when im say writing a paper i need to be listening to music or talking to someone if not switching between tabs or word files

mood swings

hyperfocus - oh boy oh boy oh boy

impulsiveness - i dont know if i get better as i age or is it getting worse i just know how to clean up my mess lmaooooo

poor time management - although i would say ever since i start listening to stuff 24/7 it really helps build a sense of the passage of time or whatever? its like now i know ok by the time i get to the third song in the shower i need to be washing out my conditioner; or say i need to go somewhere in 40 mins which is really abstract to me i set timers and put on a show thats 35ish mins even tho im not watching it just so im aware of time is actually happening if it makes sense

fail to follow through - i start things and once i have it figure out in my head i struggle to put it down in words or explain it to others i work well with other adhd peps tho

doesnt follow instruction and only do stuff their way

burnout - this is the worst especially if you are a perfectionist or a control freak and guess who is both 

trouble coping with stress - 

i luck out because im canadian and my doctor (in my schools clinic) just so happens to be a specialist who is very passionate about helping undergrads and grad school students to achieve as much as they can - so doctor and diagnosis for me is free. i do have to pay for my medications out of my pocket for a bit since im on vyvanse (to treat both my adhd and depression-lead anxiety its complicated but it makes sense when my doctor explained it to me lol) and this drug isnt covered by Pharmacare (CAD $130ish for 3 weeks worth of 30mg, im mostly on 30mg but on days when i dont have work on stuff or go to school i take 20mg just so my anxiety dont cause me to explode lmao) and very expensive but recently my doctor and i have agreed that vyvanse really work for me and it is something that i should be on daily for the foreseeable future we applied for special authorization which means i only gotta pay the tax… of course medicating isnt a must but it is what works for me and we figure out a way to make it affordable so i cant be more happy about that

at the same time i work with my psychiatrist to you know configure the whole adhd thing cause you know 21 years of repressing and forcing your feet into a shoes that not even your size frick you up thats something people dont tell you 🤷🏻‍♀️

what my doctor said to me then stuck with me - she told me adhd or add really is no monster or flaw in fact it is a very valuable set of traits we inherit from our ancestor - we hate it now because modern society render these skills useless well you see adhd isnt all about the hyperactiveness you see in the media people with adhd are extra sensitive to their surrounding and prefer hands on experiences (today we call them distracted) they are always aware of the change around them and is capable to attend to a couple things at a time and act fast because their brains are always making sense of things even when they arent consciously doing it. in todays society we dont want these kind of people why? because they ask questions they are curious people who notice trivial stuff that dont contribute to productivity they cant sit still which makes them not the ideal factor workers or pupils BUT! you have to remember that industrialization started like a century ish ago before that our ancestors live in predominately tribal society - adhd people then are the perfect caretakers and protectors, why? because they are always noticing things they adapt and react fast… so yeah it kinda suck for us growing up in a system thats designed to be everything we are and it is something that need to be changed but for those of us who “made it out alive” especially people who only get diagnosed in adulthood more often than not they look back and realize they have developed so many incredible ways to cope to make things work - are they always the perfect way? are they always health? no definitely no but at the same time it shows you how incredible these people are they make things work yes things are really hard sometimes but you got to give yourself a pet in the shoulder for not giving up… with the help of science and research we now know a little more about how adhd affect people we now have medication and programs developed to help people with adhd - they arent to dumb you down or numb you but instead it helps you to focus better so you can actually hear your entire thought and not just phrases or sentence fragments

#i rambled but i hope my personal experience give u a slight idea of how adhd/add manifest in others? but like i said medicating is not the #only way i think talking to people with similar experiences is helpful too even tho they might not be able to offer you professional medical #advices not feeling alone or that you are a weirdo is so important people talk a lot of about how poor self image among adhd ppls are common #and i think the social pressure is def one of the things that make it worse #i dont know where you are but if you are still in school #i guess talking to a trusted teacher or like social worker would be a good start they might be able to point you to more local and accessibl #resources.... and i mean you can always talk to me im very new to the whole actively combating adhd and not just cope with it but you know #sometimes you just need someone to hear you rant about stuff and im always here... i might not be able to reply fast since im in my last #semester 😳 and school is killing me lmao but ill try to response as soon as i see it :))) #ask #anon

[sammyvisualessay]

Deshma Weerapperuma

TRANSCRIPT

Could you talk a little bit about your camera and what draws you to photography?

Carl was a birthday gift, he used to be one of my close friend’s mums so he’s already got a bit of history but I love capturing special moments.

I also like the fact that, with your phone, you can easily take so many photos with it. On a camera or a disposable, you only take a few and like you kinda have to make those ones good you know.

I feel like it makes you live more in the moment because you’re less on your phone trying to get like a billion photos. I dont know it’s also fun having a little camera you know and especially since he has a name although he is dead I don’t know if there’s any reviving him but it is also kinda scary because I wanna go get him fixed you know. 

Do you have a favourite photo you’ve taken with Carl?

Why do you enjoy journaling, do you use it as a way of documenting your thoughts/feelings to look back in or more just like an instant release/ something that you enjoy doing?

Yea I would say document. Not even intentionally but I end up writing when im upset or sad just as a way to kinda let it out um so I just end up with basically all the entries just being like, you know not happy.

So yea as a release but I also do love reading through them because I always like to write the date and the exact time because it’s interesting to see what time I always end up writing it’s always like past 12 am. 

But yea also to document, I started writing on the bus into uni so that I can write about little tiny things like that are insignificant and I wouldn’t usually write about you know so not necessarily good or bad but day to day kinda stuff that I can look back on. Stuff that I wouldn’t remember otherwise. I like keeping things as memories.

How important is music to you (listening and/or playing) do you use music as a form of expression?

When playing the piano maybe more as a form of expression, although you know I definitely enjoy listening now more than playing.

I started playing when I was five and that’s like 14 years ago. My parents pushed me to do it so I was like I dont really like doing it anymore. But now it’s great learning songs that I actually like so in that sense im glad I learned the piano.

But I definitely enjoy listening more because its sort of like a release. If im sad I will put a sad playlist on just to like you know feel more sad. Also just to fill up silence like I dont mind silence but it’s just like fun to have it in the background.

If you could play any song on the piano, what would it be?

If I could play any song on the piano I’d have to say- I mean Hozier’s music is just beautiful and one of my favourite songs of his is shrike so I think that would be the next one I want to learn.

Can you tell me about your childhood and what kind of places you travelled to when you were younger?

I was born in Botswana and moved to New Zealand when I was two. I really want to go back to Botswana my parents talk about it all the time. Canada was our second option to move to and I would’ve potentially learnt french and lived in the snow. My parents are from Sri Lanka so we would go back to visit every couple of years. Sri Lanka is fun to visit as a tourist but I wouldn’t want to live there. It’s very hot and the mosquitos but more than that I just hate how as a girl you can’t wear or do certain things.

Interests/ activities that are important to you?

Um most important, I would say baking is up there. Playing and listening to music, rollerskating. Also tennis and gym sort of anything active. Not swimming I despise swimming. I really like crocheting and beading- I wanna get into that more. My favourite wool at spotlight is on sale at the moment, I wanna get it but I dont wanna pay like $15 for shipping.

Top 4:

Baking, music, rollerskating, crochet

What do you enjoy about baking, would you say it’s more about the process or the final product?

I definitely enjoy the process, it’s very therapeutic. Kind of like a stress reliever. The end result is also fun. I really like trying to stick the recipe- im a bit of a perfectionist as in like I’m following the recipe to a tea. So it’s just, I don’t know therapeutic and relaxing, it’s fun making thing look pretty as well.

How would you describe your personal style and ur 3-5 favourite items of clothing and why

I dont know if I have a style. Probably my docs, I do wanna get new cool ones though and probably my brown fluffy cardigan and my pink pants because they’re the only kinda cool pants I have. How can I forget ok my Phoebe Bridgers jumper is definitely on the list.

Where are your favourite places to go and why?

I had to think about that one. I dont know why but I really like Victoria Park. It’s just very peaceful. Sometimes I’d sit there on my break when I used to work at swashbucklers, it’s just really nice watching because everyone’s just doing their own thing. I really like Albert park as well. Just in general I really like the Devonport area, its very cute. And just biking around Devonport.

If you could live anywhere else, where would it be and why?

I took Spanish all throughout high school and will be taking a paper at uni so Spain or anywhere in Latin America would definitely be up there. I love the culture/history & language 

but otherwise anywhere in Europe, plus one of my closest friends lives in Germany so that’d be great to live close to her.

Where do you potentially see yourself in 5 years?

I better be moved out. I don’t wanna be at home at 25. Because five years is such a long time. I feel like it’s gonna go like that, like really quick. I want to be working full time but not working at recycle full time but working in the career I wanna be in for the rest of my life you know. I really want to own a cat cafe but I don’t really see that happening as much as I want it to. Probably working in something to do with you know the environmental science area. But yea so I wanna be flatting and ideally want cats. No Kids. I still want to be doing everything I love you know. And I want to have travelled a couple of years too.

Can u tell me about your tattoo? And your plans for any possible new ones

My tattoo is of the cat in question and some flowers. I wanted to get Jasmine flowers because they’re my favourite flower and they just really remind me of Sri Lanka. They smell really nice because they’re the flowers they use at temples. And then future tattoos - my favourite lyric for a while has been “love it if we made it” I just really resonate with that one it would be cool if we actually made it in life you know.

Can you talk about some of your collections, I know you like to collect things like rocks/shells/crystals, what draws you towards collecting these objects that have more of an emotional than monetary value?

I’ve only bought two crystals, the rest I have just collected from places and then they just remind me of like a time or place or person. Just a little memory, falls into the whole things that have sentimental value and memories just like keeping concert tickets and movie tickets.

What’s a potential new hobby you would be interested in starting?

The next thing I want to learn is probably skateboarding and embroidery. Pottery is definitely up there possibly even above embroidery or on par. Embroidery there is the factor that it’s a little bit cheaper

[letsimportanttreecollection-blog]

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"Plant City Florida Cheap car insurance quotes zip 33565

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I am starting my own small business and need health insurance for my family. I won't go with Kaiser, please don't ask why. I need an HMO with no deductable or a very low deductable because in my area the Blue Cross, Blue Shield, HealthNet networks have pretty good doctors and hospitals within their approved networks. It will be a family-owned sole prop business. I live and work in California, but if there is value in incorporating in another state for the purpose of taxes or prices on health insurance, I guess I could do it...because I have not formally formed the corporation yet. I used to be under the impression that the best prices for Heath Insurance came when you worked for a big company, but things seem to have changed. I recently worked for another smalll family-owned business, and they got very good rates by incorporating and claiming a Headquarters in Washington. What is the best strategy to get the best insurance at the lowest rates for a small group- one family? Thanks!""

How much is car insurance for a 16 year old?

I am turning 16 next month. I'm getting my liscense then too. I'm a girl... Ahah. I've heard insurance is cheaper for females. I live in henderson, nevada (pretty much las vegas). And my first car is going to be a 1999 porsche 911 carrera. It's in mint condition also. My dad barely used it. I know it will be high-ish since it's a sports car :/ About how much would my insurance be on it a month? THAN YOU! <3""

Low premium high return life insurance policies of life insurance corporation of india?

is jeevan saral a good choice?

A person with sr22 insurance wrecked my car. Will sr22 cover the damages to my vehicle?

I was unaware the person I let drive my vehicle only had sr22 (Texas) insurance. He totaled my car while I was a passenger in it. My insurance is very unlikely to cover the damages since he is not on our policy, but would his sr22 cover the damages? I am very worried & any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you""

Plant City Florida Cheap car insurance quotes zip 33565

Plant City Florida Cheap car insurance quotes zip 33565

I am looking for a srs surgeon who accepts insurance?

my employer now pays for surgery but i cant fing a surgeon who accepts insurance. any ideas?

Cheap car insurance?

where can i get cheap car insurance 4 a young driver on a fiat punto?? pleasssss(in the uk)

How much does it cost to add a minor to my (RACQ)insurance if there under the age of 25?

How much does it cost to add a minor to my (RACQ)insurance if there under the age of 25?

How much i will paid from insurance Vauxhall Astra DR5 1.4 1995 year and where is the cheaper??

Vauxhall Astra DR5 engine1.4 made in 1995 year.I am looking from something cheap but good.

How much would storage insurance cost?

Im 16 year old guy, i have a 94 camaro z28 and i want to know what the insurance would be a month for storage, i have state farm insurance and currently pay $150 a month""

Can you ask a car insurance company to lower your rate/payment?

If so, how would I go about that? I know that many companies have loyalty/continuous coverage discounts, but the discount for my current insurance really isn't enough, and my payment (I make a full, 6-month payment) goes up every time. Should I ask for a specific amount/percentage? Should I ask them to keep the cost the same as 6 months ago, etc? Thanks for any advice. **I've been with the company for over a year.""

""Where Can i Get Non-Owner's Insurance in Austin, Texas?""

Where Can i Get Non-Owner's Insurance in Austin, Texas?""

Does anyone have any idea how much it will cost to insure a learner in the UK?

I am just wondering if anyone vaguely knows how much it would be for me to be insured on my dad's insurance so I can learn with him as well as an instructor? Thanks x

Temporary vehicle registration and insurance in California for uk citizen?

Hi, Myself and a friend will be travelling to California next month to purchase a 1960s vw campervan. We will be driving it to the shipping port to export it back to the uk. I've been told we can get a temporary registration which lasts 28 days and will allow us to drive the van. I've been on the californian DMV website but cannot find any more information or the forms. no email address either! So far I just know we will need to have an insurance certificate to get the temporary registration. Couple of questions really, Do I need to purchase a van before I can get the temporary registration? Ideally I would like to go buy a van and drive it away there and then from the seller but Im thinking I'll have to put a deposit down or similar and get the info and go to the DMV before I can take it away? Second question is insurance, I guess the best idea would be to go with an American company. Will they insure a uk citizen who's just over for a few weeks with just a uk driving license? Any suggestions of companies who may do so? In the uk we have a company called swift who only deal online. This would be ideal because then I wouldn't need an address forms/certificates to be sent. Any ideas? Reason were not getin it transported is because we want to do a bit of travelling on route to a east coast port.""

What company offers a good affordable rate for car insurance in the state of Maryland?

I'm just moving out of Virginia into Maryland and I am very overwhelmed by the high premiums that I will have to pay oppose to the lower premiums that I was paying for 2 cars in Virginia. Does anyone know a good cheap car insurance company? Thanks!

Is it legal for some1 with an International driver license to drive an insured car in California?

The car is mine and the car is insured under my name only. Will my cousin get in trouble if she drives my insured car even though her name is not included in the auto insurance policy? Or will it be okay?

How much would AAA car insurance cost?

I tried calling but their lines are always busy lol.. so I'm gonna try my luck here. My friend is 25 and getting his license first time driver. (he lives in a poor family so yes it took him that long) He wants AAA because since he has a clunker he doesn't want to keep calling for a tow everytime it breaks down and pays a fee. He has a 2001 plymouth neon and lives in Southern California. Any ideas how much his monthly insurance might cost?

Best health insurance?

Best health insurance?

What happens if you get into an accident without car insurance in MA?

My friend drove and without car insurance in MA. And she ended up going through a stop sign, and totaled another car, what will happen?""

Car insurance -- should they cover these expenses?

I had an accident a month or two ago. It was in a rental car. I found out today that the insurance company had disallowed some of the charges that the rental company tried to pass to them. Now the rental company is trying to pass those charges to me. They ammount to about $500, plus my deductible, of course. The charges are $100 for an administrative fee $200.89 loss of use fee $139.38 diminished value fee. Who should pay these charges? Should I fork this money over to the car rental company? Should the insurance company pay them? What strategy should I use in my conversations with them? My feeling is that I have insurance, it should pay everything which is an actual cost above and beyond the deductible. ie if I have to pay it, the insurance company should have to pay it. On the other hand, if they are somehow bogus charges, then the rental company can eat it, and that's fine. Thought?""

Malpractice Insurance?

How much do Cardiothoracic surgeons have to pay in malpractice insurance. Are there certain rates for different specialties?

Car insurance for teen?

My dad says that by me getting my permit(haven't got yet) his insurance deductable will go from 200$ to 500$. I need help with finding a popular insurance company that has low-cost coverage for teenage drivers.

What is the best car insurance for me?!?

i dont know if i should be on my moms car insurance or get my own, and if i get my own, which one? im a female, 18, and live in New York. and i will probably get a car that is 4+ years old""

Car insurance cost?

How much will car insurance cost if I'm a 19 year old girl, who is a full time student with a 3.3 GPA. I'm also a new driver and recently got my license, which means I ...show more""

Aftermarket car parts and insurance?

Hi I just bought a new car last week wednesday and called my insurance company to have insurance placed on the veicle. The car is now in my name and insured... my problem is that the car is HEAVELY MODIFIED to the max with a large turbo. fuel injectors, rad, flywheel, torque converter, boost controlers and an aftermaker racing computer... if the car were to have an accident would my insurance be void be void because of the mods.. none of this was done by me and the car was certified to be road worthy in its condition and e-tested??""

What is the best insurance to have?

im just wondering which is the best car insurance to have and why? also, what is a quote? dont judge pls and thank you""

How does car insurance work??

Is it a monthly thing or do you pay it all at once? How much will it be AVERAGE for a 17 year old girl in canada? I know other things apply but just give me a rough estimate cause I have to idea if it's $200 or $5000.

Car insurance - will it change from CA to NJ rate?

my car has a california license plate and i have a illinois driving license..i just wanted to change my illinois license to NJ driving license... will this affect my car insurance.or will it affect only if i get my license plate changed from CA TO NJ

Different Car insurance rates for different cars?

Alright, I'm 18 and a freshman in college this year, and I commute there 20 minutes everyday to save money (room & board is around 15k). And the car I have now is not really reliable anymore. Its a 94 Cutlass Cierra, and within the last month the Heating Core, and the Alternator have both went, and I've had to sink 600 dollars into it. I'm looking at getting a new car next summer, and I have basically narrowed it down to two choices. An Eclipse (Mitsu) or Cougar (Mercuy). I know its going to cost more to have a sports car, but what I want to know, is how much the different prices for insurance would differ for these two cars. I was going to do one online, but I saw it needed a VIN, and I don't have the car yet. I'm thinking about asking my car insurance company for quotes, but I doubt they would do it. Does anyone know the prices to insure these two cars for a 19 year old. Or a link or any information would be appreciated.""

Why is my motorbike coming up wrong on insurance quotes ?

I Have a Gilera Runner VX 125cc, When i go onto gocompare & all other insurance websites it asks for my reg & when i put it in and select vehicle its coming up as a VXR 180cc, when i go on to HPI its 125cc & on my logbook its 125 could anyone explain why this is happening ? thanks for your time.""

Plant City Florida Cheap car insurance quotes zip 33565

Plant City Florida Cheap car insurance quotes zip 33565

Car insurance in Maryland....?

So basically my grandma gifted me a car but it wont pass inspection so to get around inspection my mom would have to put it in her name then id put it in my name because you can gift parent to child without needing inspection but the insurance for the car was just put in my name. I was told I would get caught up doing this that way because MVA will ask about the cars insurance so Im asking can the car stay in my moms name but insurance be in my name?

Getting insurance before diagnosis?

If you think you have breast cancer and you get insurance before you ever get tested can the insurance company drop you if you are found to have cancer shortly after getting the insurance?

Going to buy a new car tomorrow. Insurance Question.?

I will be getting a new car tomorrow. (It is actually a used one from a dearership, but new to me). Anyways, I was wondering about insurance. I live in Minnesota where it's state law to have insurance and also I need insurance because I took out a loan. My plan was to get the insurance the next day. Would this be a problem? I would be driving my car around without insurance for a whole day. I still have my current car which is covered and I will be getting rid of quite soon but I wont be driving that tomorrow after the purchase is made. My questions are, would I get in trouble if I were pulled over and don't have insurance, and what happens if I get in an accident on my way home from the dealership?""

How much would insurance cost?

I'm 19 and just passed got my driving license. I live in Yorkshire (I think that me living in Yorkshire reduces the cost of insurance a bit). How much would annual insurance cost for something like a Mazda Rx-8 (2000-2006). Also if possible how much would it cost for a Volkswagen Golf GTi or a BMW E series. I know I havent given much information about which cars but let's just say a car priced between 2000-4000. Also if I do the Pass Plus course how much would that reduce it by? I just need an estimate by the way to get an idea of the prices. By the way I am a first time drive and male. Thankyou

Cheap insurance for '99 mustang?

I'm buying a used mustang next month and need to get cheap insurance since I will be making payments. What is the best (and cheapest) insurance for an 18 year old young woman?

Why is car insurance rediculous when I've never claimed and drive a small car?

I'm in my mid 30s, a female who has never claimed. My car is 1 litre and I don't drive many miles. I thought the companies would want my business but now I might have to give up driving because I can't afford the insurance.""

What is the commission structure for a California Insurance Agent?

I am wanting to see some kind of chart or calculation of how earnings will be calculated in regard to working on commission as a P&CInsurance Agent in Californis

Insurance Claim and Home Owner Insurance Claim?

If you were to be injured at a persons home and you make an insurance claim due to seeking medical attention can the home owner also make an insurance claim? What if both the injured party and the homeowner make a claim and both receive money? If this is not allowed what action can be taken upon the parties?

""Planning on buying a newer car, wondering how much my insurance will go up or if it will at all?""

Right now I have a Ford mustang, and i'm paying about $800 every 6 months, i'm planning on getting a 1006 Grand Prix so since it's not a sports cr but it's newer will my insurance rate stay the same? Will it go up? Or am I lucky and will it go down?""

Would having a fake nitrous system in my car increase insurance rate?

Would having a fake nitrous system in my car increase insurance rate?

How much is insurance for a teenager?

hey i wanna buy a car, and im about to get my license. i just wanna know what the average price is for my age. im turning 17, and i want a 2002 firehawk trans am..yes i know i shouldnt get it, i should get a honda civic lol. but ive saved up and i want it. i just want to know the average price. my mother has geico and im a guy. if you could give me a estimate for every month or every couple of months it will cost for a trans am also how much cheaper it will be if i got the cheaper car. much thanks!! i also live in new jersey if that helps.""

How long does it take for an auto insurance company to investigate and claim liability?

My daughter was in a car accident on Feb. 25. She was traveling straight in the southbound lane, when a rushing man in the northbound lane turned left in front of her. The driver admitted that he was upset because he had been following a school bus for the last 20 minutes and his friend, whom he was trying to pick up, was late for work. He stated that when he saw the driveway that he cut from behind the bus to turn in then realized from the skidding that he turned in front of a car. His insurance company is still investigating and waiting for pics of the scene and his friends statement. I was told by his insurance company (USAA) that witnesses not listed on the police report could not be used, but his friend is not on the police report and they are waiting for her statement. NC State Highway Patrol responded to the scene and the driver was cited for failure to yield the right of way. The driver was apologetic and admitted several times around a number of people that he must have blanked out or was daydreaming from the frustration of the school bus. USAA is saying that they need to make sure that my daughter was not 1% at fault, meaning speeding perhaps. The officer estimated her speed at impact at around 40 mph and the speed limit is 55mph. She hit the drivers back tire of his Jeep Wrangler (small truck) causing him to rest in a small trench or ditch ion the side of the attempted driveway. The front passenger side above the front tire and the front by the headlight is damaged on her car. She tried to avoid him, protect her younger sister (13) and avoid veering to much left in fear of hitting the school bus. My girls were terrified when I arrived 15 minutes after the accident. USAA stated that she may have had time to instanly stop, but she tried everything that she could do. In my opinion, she should have never been put into that situation. USAA is saying that points of contact are off, but my insurance agent said that she hit the back tire because a Jeep Wrangler is only 5 ft long and he was not towing a boat or driving a common sized vehicle. Plus the driver admitted to pushing down on the accelerator when he realized what was happening. I just need to have someones advice on this matter before hiring a lawyer. Thank you.""

Insurance rate?

Is it more money (insurance wise) for a new driver to drive a new car or a used car. Give an estimate of how much more?

Looking for a very rough estimate on insurance costs for an 08' Lambo?

I'm a 21 year old woman. The car has just over 10k miles on it It's an 2008 Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder It's listed for $150,000 I'm in school with no income I have money (idk if this is required for an estimate, but w/o getting specific, i have money) The car would be a rental (yes strange i know, but bear w/ me here) I live in a metropolitan area. Never been in an accident (but again idk if this matters since it's going to be a rental) Umm... that's all i can think of that would be required. If i'm missing anything let me know. And again i know you can't get very specific, but if you could give me a general range that insurance would be per year that would be wonderful. Thanks!""

Does Mercury Car Insurance give instant proof of insurance?

Does Mercury Car Insurance give instant proof of insurance?

Car insurance loopholes?

What are the loopholes for lowering your car insurance? Ie. will putting the car in my parents name lower the insurance? Adding someone else on? Lowering the estimated value? etc.

Why is car insurance so expensive in the UK!?

So i'm not driving yet, only applied for a provisional, i'm age 21, But I thought why not try and figure out how much my insurance will be once i've passed and buy a car at roughly 1000, so I filled in all the details as accurate as possible on the compare websites and the cheapest yearly insurance price was 2500! How the hell am I suppose to afford this, am I doing something wrong haha :L""

What is car insurance rates?

I'm doing report, and i need to write bout 3 ways that how teenage car accidents rising affect us. One of my answer is car insurance rate would go up; &yet i don't know what that means. some one help?""

How much does it cost to live on your own in western Washington?

I am 20 yrs. old and it's just time to move out. I was wondering what all the expenses are that go into living on your own. Also I am attending communtiy college, and though it is paid for I will not be working full time so I will be living on a budget. I know the general cost of rent, car insurance, cell, gas but I really have no idea as far as food, utilies, cleaning supply, soaps, all those little thing you dont think about untill they add up. So in addtion to all that feel free to share some expenses that took you be surprise! Thanks everyone :)""

How long do you have in maryland to add a new auto to your insurance?

I'm being told that it's 14 days, when I thought maryland state law says 30 days?""

""When I buy a used car, is it legal to drive it home without insurance?""

What do I have to do before I drive it home? I am buying the car in another city, so I have a 45 minute drive from the sales point back to my house.""

Legal question about car insurance.?

My son was at a party, an aquaintance asked for his car keys to get some drink out of the boot. He then stole the car and crashed it. Only a provisional licence. The car, which is a company car, is a right off. The insurance company are saying that they may not pay out. Who ultimately is responsible.""

How much will i get from insurance company?

I got into an accident last weekend, and i just met with the apprasial guy from Nationwide(the guy who hit me insurance company). He said he is going to mail me a check and the amount is going to be his estimate..So im just wondering how much the check is going to be...There is about 8-9 scratches on my front bumper, and he said the garage is going to take off the bumper, repair it, repaint it, and then put it back on. So based on that, how much do you think the check will be? Car Details: Honda Accord EX 2000 Black Front bumper. Thanks in advance!""

Cheap car insurance for 17 year old female?

So i passed my driving test December 2011. Looking at car insurance and all im getting is around 2000. Ive done everything to make it cheaper because when i first started shopping around it was saying 4500 at me :| Ive put my dad on my insurance, put my miles down, quoted small engine cheap cars like corsa 1.0 and ford ka 1.3 reg 1998-2003 etc. that its on a driveway, third party only you name it. Some of my friends have been quoted like 800 with their parents on the insurance for the same cars Ive been quoting, so i must be going wrong somewhere. oh and im 18 in 2 weeks will that make a difference? thanks!""

I got into a motorcycle accident. insurance question...?

When I wiped out on my bike I tried to make a claim after I got home from the hospital. Little did I know that my insurance coverage had ended two days before the accident. Now my question is, will my health insurance pay for my medical bills from the accident or will they deny me because of my lack of motorcycle insurance at the time of the accident? When I found out about my lack of coverage, I immediately paid and got up to date but they told me that those two days when my coverage ended will not be covered... am I gonna get hit with all the medical bills? Or will my health insurance step up and cover me?""

Plant City Florida Cheap car insurance quotes zip 33565

Plant City Florida Cheap car insurance quotes zip 33565

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-average-salary-insurance-marketing-rep-daniel-matthews/"

[megaregz1-blog]

I hate being me living in my head is a constant hell that I don’t wish on anyone I battle myself every minute of everyday between the borderline personality disorder the eating disorders and the schizophrenia it’s pure hell the only person who knows about the voices is my girlfriend and a few selected friends like 2 that know they are always there they never go away this year has been hell it has gone from a constant radio to now people actually talking and now there’s an evil voice that likes to show up once in a while I like when there’s white noise tho you know if most people want peace and quiet they can just go to another room or go sit where there is no one I dont have that luxury if I want peace and quiet I have to spend $15 on a 2mg xanex for four hours of quiet and I’m a broke bitch so I gotta wait till the evil voice has been there a few days before I break down and pay it…I’m going through a divorce so I don’t want to go to a psych just yet but I don’t think I can. Wait much longer…..I want to die so I starve I starve myself because I haven’t yet decided if a bullet to the brain is what is going to happen. Just yet I don’t want to make anyone I care about sad but nobody u derstnsds what it’s like for me what just being g awake or asleep is like for me when I’m awake it’s the voices when. I sleep it’s the nightmares I never get an escape my girlfriend knows I starve myself for control but she made the statement the other day that I control everything I mean shit I even hold my pee and if I’m not puking because I want you refuse to puke but what she does the understand is I can’t controle the voices I mean how would you feel if you couldn’t control your own mind your own head I mean sure we all hear our own. Thoughts all day but your not really hearing them you are thinking them I hear voices that aren’t mine words I would never say I control my actions but I don’t control my head ND then when I sleep it doesn’t end I have nightmares horrible horrible nightmares the eating dissorders are the only thing about myself that I control at least that is how I feel sure I pick out my clothes and put on my make up but imagine for just one second not being able to contol your own mind it’s your brain nobody else’s but yet someone or a few other people control it how would you feel because to me that’s kinda a big deal that kinda outweighs clothes and make up so I go to food will I eat what will I eat how much will I eat and will I keep it down those are my choices in life those are the only choices I make in life that I think of nobody else first those are my selfish choices in life and I’m going to keep them till the day I die….I’m not actively trying to kill myself I dont walk around with a loaded gun or a cyonide pill but I do welcome death god do I welcome it I wish for it each day I have an amazing g girlfriend that I love almost more than I love my children and I have 3 beautiful girls I have my 11yr old with me all the time I don’t ever want to be without them but they deserve better than me the mess that I am…I’m damaged goods I’m completely fucking mental they deserve amazing they deserve great they deserve the world not that shattered peices of me that I have managed to salvage so yes I welcome death so they have a better future a future where I can watch them and they can be free free of the mess that I am….I mean with the borderline who the fuck knows who I am going to be one moment from the next and people think that’s hard to deal with imagine being the person feeling gall these feelings and not knowing am I going to be happy how bout sad am I going to be apathetic because I can’t let myself feel anything because I’ve fallen. Too deep so being numb is the only way to stop the bullet from going through my skull or the car hitting me leanna always says I have an attitude when. I go numb after I’ve been hurt but it’s not an attitude I just don’t talk I just don’t smile I just dont do anything I’m just surviving or trying to I love her more than anything she is my favorite but god she can hurt me like no other I know it bothers her but I take every thing she does and says personal I don’t mean to I don’t want to it’s just the way it is I can’t help but take everything personal with her because I’m so scared of messing everything up…That’s what I do I miss everything up all the time even my dad will tell you that if there’s a way to fuck it up I’ll do it and if there’s not a way to fuck it up I’ll make one…. You know I started out starving myself in 98 because I was raped and I was 210lbs and my way of thinking was well if I wasn’t so heavy maybe he would have just asked if I wanted to have sex so if I lost weight maybe it wouldn’t happen again…..I was wrong…But that’s the mentality of a 16yrold and being raped I lost control….Restricting my food made me gain. Some control back and it became a challenge like oh wow I lost 15lbsin a month how much can I lose next month if I restrict more and as a teenager your parents tell you what to do so ana and Mia gave me a sense of freedom of independence then as an adult you start thinking of others before yourself you start doing things to keep the peace you pick and chose your battles with people you do things for people so what do I do I hold on to ana and Mia I keep them close to me and I lean on them because just because you are choosing to do things for people doesn’t mean that it’s your choice because if you had your way you would do something else you really wanted to chose this battle but you don’t so you restrict you purge because that’s is your choice that you want to chose since you didn’t chose that last battle I didn’t want that nightmare last night so today I starve today I show myself that I can chose what to eat I still have contol I fall deep deeper than most people can go when I feel sad it’s not just sad it’s life altering life ending sad like when my baby brother died I fell into an abyss I tried to hide it from the world people feel sorrow when people died but when Mickey killed himself I tried my best to die to I got lost in drugs trying to o.d. I guess that’s why I want to get sober I’m subconsciously trying to live because Everytime I do a drug I hope I o.d. or I’ll have an allergic reaction I never had before Everytime I do something I hope it’s my last time…..I almost had it 3x 3x I o.d. 3x my life was saved a life that isn’t worth saving I’m not worth it I’ll never be worth it god why did I get saved why couldn’t they just let me go and it seems like the older I get the more of a mess I become I wish I was normal I wish I didn’t piss leanna off so much I wish I could be normal for her…My kids have never known me any other way so they don’t get mad when I am the way I am they just get mad cuz I’m their mom but leanna she deserves normal and I’m always possible g her off because of how I am I don’t want to be this way anymore but there’s no pill I can take to change my personality. There’s nothing I can take to take the borderline away I don’t u derstnsds why she is with me I do the understand how she can love me I am basically unlovable I mean if your reading g this the. I’m sure you agree I don’t want to be how I am I don’t want to to feel things the way I do I wish I was normal I wish I could go by what I know not how I feel but it’s like if I don’t feel it it’s not a fact if I feel like you are lying to me and you show me proof that you aren’t until that feeling of you lying to me goes away I can’t go by the facts that you just showed me….When I’m down I go down so far that it takes me longer to “get over it” than it does most people and when I’m in a good mood it takes longer for me to come down unless something happens to bring me down and because I’m so emotional and touchy it could be anything that brings me down and brings me down fast……I wish I could explain to Leanna I wish there was a way I could make her understand I wish I didn’t make her so mad or annoy or keep her so aggrivated…Looking at my life it’s not the life that you want to end I have ana amazing girlfriend I have a job I have. A roof over my head I have 3 beautiful daughters I have a life that people want and if intake myself out of the equation it’s a life that is the best I could ever ask for for its me I do the want it’s me that is a problem I hate my head I hate the way I look I hate the way I think I hate the way I act I hate the way I feel I wish Leanna understood that is a chemical imbalance in my head that makes me depressed not her but if I talk about how I feel she tells me to find someone who makes me happy and typing this gives me the same feeling that. I get when. She says it it’s this knot in my chest a feeling of despair like the start of an anxiety attack but she is my happy she is the only person that can make me happy she isn’t the reason I’m depressed she is the best thing In my life sure people get drepressdd for a week because they don’t have a job or something but that’s not the depression I have mine can’t be cured by getting a job or going somewhere mine can only be cured by medicine but I don’t have time to go get meds between mine and her schedule and then when we do have a day off well she has issues too and needs to go to the Dr and I know she wasn’t trying to make me feel anyway but she told me she can’t go get checked because she never has time and if she does have time something g else comes up that more important and weather she was trying to or not and Im sure she wasn’t trying to that made me feel like shit so I refuse to be the more important thing that keeps her from going because I am not more important than her not by anyway shape or form but she made me feel like shit when she said it so I won’t be what stops her from going plus anyway I’ve been like this my entire life so what’s a little bit longer….I have 5 layers of myself I have who I show the world Wich is completely fake happy amazing person the one who is made of rainbows and glitter and unicorns then I have who I show my family and friends that is a semi normal person who is happy all the time well most the time then I have who my kids see they don’t know all the bad of me all my sadness but they have a glips then there’s who Leanna sees she gets the most real me anyone gets….Depending on her mood depends on how real I am and then there is me just me the one I get to be when nobody is around the me that is free to just sit and just be I do the have to smile if I dont want and worry about being accused of having an attitude or being sad…Yeah I’m sad but I don’t want to talk about it no I don’t have ana attitude just cuz I’m sitting without a smile I’m just being that’s it ….I’ve been disassociateing a lot lately cuz I have to put on a front so much cuz I can’t just sit without a smile and be quiet so I stare I zone I disassociate because I need to have a break from being who everyone wants me to be….It gets so tiring being who everyone wants pretending I’m not this fucking mess of a person who thinks the world is better off without me and not good enough for anyone I love especially my girlfriend I worry I’m not good enough for her in more ways than one I worry I’m not good enough for her everyway possible….It’s weired worrying about that cuz in every relationship before her I did the care if I was enough for someone I really never stopped to even question it but with her with her everything is different….I’m so tired of being me I wish one day I could wake up and be someone else else or just not wake up at all ....