#I can do this… maybe I should make an excel sheet to motivate myself some more

[redkehlchen]

My goal this year is to finally make that Meet Chell animatic-

I got the rough outline done and finally made some more detailed sketches for the first shot! òvó9

#I can do this… maybe I should make an excel sheet to motivate myself some more #my kind of procastination… planning the task with way to much detail #so I don‘t have to work on the actual thing asdadsffdsa

[nanowrimo]

Contentedly Creating Comprehensive Characters

We all get stuck on our characters eventually, but maybe all we need is a fresh reminder on how to make those iconic characters. Luckily, writer Cyra Blue has a guide for how to create in-depth characters:

Chances are, if you’re reading this, you have a story (and by extension, some characters) mucking about in your brain. But how to make your forgotten prince stand out from among the many, many others of his kind, shape your villain into something more than a cardboard cutout of Jafar, or give that side character a personality other than “quirky alchemist”? I’ll give you a hint: it’s going to take some planning.

Put away your pitchforks, impulse writers. As a “pantser” myself, I know the urge to spit out your story without really thinking is great, but often comes at the cost of poor storytelling, confusing plot points, and bland characters. A bit of planning will help with that (and might even end up being fun!).

So, characters. Step one is to figure out what the character is doing in the story. Stop styling their spiky black emo hair for a second and pay attention, this is the most important part. In Plato’s Poetics (which is an excellent guide to writing tragedy, by the way), he emphasizes that the plot is the most important part of the story, and characters are intertwined in that, meant to carry the plot to its completion. Therefore, your characters must have a place somewhere in the plot, otherwise, well… they don’t matter. In creating characters for a story, ask yourself: 

“What impact does this character have on this story, and how do they help move it along?” 

If your adorable kitty girl doesn’t really do much for the gritty fantasy murder you’re writing, it’s time to make some cuts.

Now that you know what your character is doing with their life, you need to give them a personality. The easiest way to go about it is to pick up your cousin and drop them into the story without warning. Seriously. In my experience, I find the character creation process becomes much simpler if you have a good base to start off of. I can’t tell you how many times my brother has made it into my stories, whether he’s the main character or some weirdo walking down the street. The trick is, though, you don’t want to put the person in exactly as they are, especially if they’re going to be reading your story. Rather, you should take them as a base, stripping away all the identifying features until you get to their bones… that is, their personality. From there, you can add details until your new character is fully formed.

Think of it like casting roles in a play: you want the best possible person to play each part. For example, say your best friend is usually cheerful, but works hard to achieve their goals and is motivated to be better by their failures. You can very easily turn that personality into a character just by adding the necessary details, and all of a sudden you have the perfect character type for that extremely important old woman who raises the definitely-not-prince.

Alright, now we get to the part everybody likes: the details. My favorite way to do this is to fill out a character sheet, a myriad of which you can find with a simple Google search. There, you can finally give them their emo hair and favorite food, as well as a backstory, a family, goals, weaknesses, epic karate skills, and whatever else you desire. Looking for more help with their personality? Take a Myers-Briggs personality test as your character to get a feel for how their mind works.

And that’s it! If you follow these steps, you should end up with a good idea of who your character is and what role they play. Now, get out there and try it for yourself. Best of luck to all of you! 

Cyra Blue is currently a student at Thomas Aquinas College, where she is pursuing a degree in the Liberal Arts, which should explain the Plato reference. She does not have any currently published works, but is simultaneously working on an anthology detective series and a fantasy novel that may or may not involve a cat girl. In her free time, she enjoys acting in musicals, fooling around with art supplies, and keeping up with way too many cartoons. You can follow her on Instagram @ceruleancyra.

Top Photo by Alice Dietrich on Unsplash  

#nanowrimo #camp #character #original charcter #writing #by nano guest #Cyra Blue #character building #character development #characters

[tundrainafrica]

Title: Lovebug (2/10)

Summary:  

“It might be a bug.”

“A bug?”

“Sometimes the developers of this application make mistakes. This is our first time meeting I’m sure so…Isn’t it a bit weird that we just met for the first time and it rings like this? And for two strangers to coincidentally ring each other’s alarms?“

Levi is the developer of the Love Alarm App and Hange is married to Zeke.

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Other Chapters: 1 3 4 5

Notes: I was torn between publishing the next chapter of lovebug or outlier tonight so I opted to just go for lovebug. I'll post the next chapter of outlier mid next week. As always, feedback is very much appreciated.

“We’re gonna delay the release of our next fix…” Levi repeated, just a little slower that time. He didn’t trust himself then to speak in anything faster or with a tone any louder.

It was too early in the morning for a meeting, just a little past eight in the morning. He was called into Erwin’s office right after arriving into company grounds and Erwin, a natural early bird, was talking louder than what could have been considered bearable for Levi.

At eight in the morning though, not a lot of things were bearable, especially if they involved a huge change of plans and a glaring reminder that he had a long work day ahead of him.

More importantly, Erwin’s voice was grating in a way that most bosses’ voices were grating when laced with a little more urgency than necessary. “Yes Levi, we’re delaying our fixes indefinitely, not just for Love Alarm but all of our other apps as well.”

Levi raised his eyebrows. “Really? You know we’ve been announcing this big fix for months.”

“I’ve contacted the marketing team. We are pushing the fixes back a week. You think that will be enough for you to finish everything you need?”

Levi shook his head. “There’s no need to push back the release. I can work on this bug now and I can have the other developers and the support team work on getting the regression testing done and getting the release out.”

Erwin shook his head. “I do not want to give Mr. Jaeger the impression that we aren’t prioritizing his complaints. Levi, you have to understand. He’s an important client.”

“I understand that. And I will be on top of things. I’m testing this issue myself.” Most days, Levi left the testing option to the support team. Given the nature of the bug though and the severe urgency of getting it fixed, it had been an easy decision for Levi to take it upon himself.

Erwin hummed in approval. “Yes and I’m happy to hear that you're going to be investigating this bug. I would rather that we didn’t release anything while investigating this.”

“May I ask why? This bug doesn’t involve any of our other functionalities. I can test this myself.”

Erwin hummed. “Zeke Jaeger is an unpredictable man. I don’t think he would appreciate us improving our product while such a glaring bug still exists. He is a very vocal and he might give us some bad press.”

“Oh?” Levi heard the derision in his own tone then, a smooth yet venomous sound. Zeke Jaeger had been outwardly friendly yet for some reason Levi couldn’t explain just yet. He wasn’t at all drawn by the charisma that accompanied it. In fact, the blonde had just been annoying and the conversation only cemented Levi’s first impression of Zeke Jaeger as bad, maybe even terrible.

What the hell does Hange see in him? He added to himself then. How that had entered his own contemplations then, he didn’t know. He quickly brushed it away and mustered the most seemingly uninvested face he could make then.

Erwin had that special talent of seeming uninvested either. As he settled on the sofa in front of Levi, he mixed the coffee just a little too loudly. He had an aura about him that very much meant business. “Have you done some prior investigation?”

“I did,” Levi said. As he soon found out, that aura was contagious.

“Anything new?”

“I’m entertaining the idea that what if…. The application is working fine?”

“Can you explain why his partner had two hearts while he had none?”

Levi cleared his throat. “Assuming the application is working perfectly, we can draw two conclusions. One, someone in love with Hange Zoe had their application on and Two, Hange Zoe isn’t in love with Zeke Jaeger.” That last conclusion couldn’t have easily been true, but still such words left such a sweet aftertaste in Levi’s mouth that he had to make some considerable effort not to smile.

Erwin raised his eyebrows inquisitively. “Any leads on whose application could have been on?”

It had taken some strength, some self confidence and some self discipline on Levi’s side to pull his phone out then. “My love alarm was on yesterday, I forgot to turn it off after the demo…” He navigated to the ‘history’ tab and opened his history to the exact time to late afternoon yesterday.

One person nearby is in love with you. Levi read silently to himself. In that split second, he was contemplating display issues and front end bugs that maybe just maybe accidentally chalked Hange’s heart as ‘love.’ It was highly unlikely though so even before that idea had ripened into something worth an explanation and a support ticket, Levi brushed it aside.

“So your application was on the whole time.” Erwin murmured, looking intently at the phone in front of him.

Levi nodded. “But it’s a good step in the right direction. That means there’s a bug to investigate after all. I just have to isolate it to either Hange Zoe’s application build or mine,” he explained.

“That seems promising and do you need any help organizing a meeting with her.”

“She’s coming today for a little testing.”

“Just like my best engineer to think a few steps ahead.” Erwin asked, a smile curling up his lips. “And you think you can get it done within a week?”

“If all goes well… Even less than a week.”

***

It had turned out that that small meeting had worked well to organize Levi’s thoughts. He had a quick action plan from there and with an action plan, a new burst of motivation, or at least enough of it to carry him from Erwin’s room to his own small office space in a little less than five minutes.

A week to investigate. Levi thought to himself as he leaned back on his office chair. He looked back up at the ceiling for a good few seconds before writing his deadline down on the white board next to him.

He didn’t need that whiteboard, their workflow trackers and excel sheets worked well to always keep Levi in the right state of mind. Yet there was something organic about white boards, something natural about being able to write the numbers with his own hand, freely changing his fonts with just the slight of the hand, impulsively changing formats at just a quick motion.

So he kept it there next to him, a large annoying waste of space to most people. But Levi had taken great pains to make it look organized in his room, measuring each frame to the millimeter. It was a large clean slate right next to his desk in his very small office. And more importantly, it was something that was very much his to play around with like he wanted to.

Under the deadline, he put the new release date of their fix.

We’re delaying the release of the next fix by a week.

Such wise words from someone who didn’t know how the investigation process actually worked. But with an employee and boss relationship, emphasis on Levi being the employee, he had to make it work. That’s how it had always been in the office. Erwin wasn’t a developer. He was a manager. And Levi was being paid by him.

Levi though never liked the idea of delaying fix releases. Once the date was announced, he liked to make sure all of the quality assurance testing and the regression testing was done two weeks ahead. And with that habit becoming custom for the Love Alarm project, he was sure they would have managed to make the release next week. Staring at the workflow interface, he noted the bar was more than half full already, most bugs were tagged as fix. All test builds were submitted and passed and they could have easily moved on to the final regression testing before release.

And regression testing never actually failed. The Love Alarm app after all was a very functionally simple application.

With the weight of a wasted timely release and the powerlessness of corporate politics bare on his back, Levi let out a long sigh.

He opened up his slack channel and typed out a few words.

We’re delaying the next fix release.

But it wouldn’t just be the Love Alarm which would be affected, all the other applications would be affected as well. His notifications exploded within five seconds, all feedback from each time. Levi started to wonder, maybe he should have put everything in one message.

So he edited his old message.

We’re pushing it back a week.

Under that, he put a new date and time as a reminder to all other employees. There were many why’s, many protests and his application continued to shake with notifications.

He checked the time on his phone. Hange had agreed to meet at nine and she should be texting soon. With little to no brains pace to create a summary of his meeting with Erwin in less than ten minutes, Levi typed out two words.

Erwin’s orders. Without waiting for anymore protests, he closed his laptop, packed up his things and ready to move to the small conference room he had reserved for him and Hange.

It was a few floors below. A small room among others but Levi was familiar enough with the layout of their offices to know it was very much soundproof.

Any unwelcome alarms, unwelcome notifications and unwelcome conversations would stay in that room. Even before Levi had dropped off his things in the conference room, Hange had already texted.

Her car was by the gate already.

Meet in the lobby. Levi texted back as he quickened his pace, quickly turning back towards the elevator, laptop bag still in hand.

He could have been too slow. Or Hange could have just been too fast but by the time he had arrived in the lobby, she was already on one of the seats next to the reception, playing around with her phone.

She was wearing a light sweater, her brown hair was pulled up messily into a half ponytail. Levi though had to note that it still looked very much like it fell into place. For a second, he had given her a good onceover, admiring everything at once.

Only a split second later, he was cruelly reminded that he had made her wait, long enough for her to have to sit down in one of the lobby sofas. “How long were you waiting?” It wouldn’t have been the first greeting Levi would have liked to give then. His heart was racing though and soon he realized, maybe he had taken up the unnecessary challenge of jogging down those five flights of stairs while keeping his laptop safely in tow.

Hange looked up from her phone seeming surprised. “Are you busy? Was this a bad time to visit?” Hange asked. “We could reschedule... “

More and more, the first greeting then was seeming less and less ideal. “No, no. This is great. I don’t know what just came over me. Thank you for taking the time to test this bug with me.”

Hange shook her head. “No, no, I asked my partner to invest in this application for a reason. I see great potential and I’d be happy to tweak some of those bugs with you.” Her lips widened into a smile. “So what’s the game plan?”

Levi gestured towards the elevators. “We do some simple testing. I just need to isolate the cause of this bug.”

“Oh? How does application testing work?”

“We use the application,” Levi answered matter-of-factly. Was there any other way to test it? It didn’t seem like something he should be asking the very important partner of a very important person though so Levi kept that last question to himself, instead keeping his face then as something both subtle and questioning.

“That’s cool,” Hange said. “So how’s your job?”

“It’s fine,” Levi answered. “The investigation will keep me busy.” He stared at the numbers on the elevator, getting lower and lower and Levi could have sworn it couldn’t go any slower. He could have found some consolation if anybody else had joined them in the elevator then, to at least abate that awkward need to carry some conversation between them.

Any other employees though had chosen for themselves to wait in front of other elevators. Levi was almost considering doing the same thing.

After all, Hange was talkative. She was asking questions. When they entered the elevator together, the very slow elevator, there would be more than enough time to send two to three questions back and forth. And Levi was quick to realize, he was an incredibly boring person.

“So do you have any hobbies?”

“Programming.” What about you? Levi had readied himself to ask in that long split second of silence that followed.

Hange though was quick to respond even before he could take control of the conversation. “Well aside from your actual job.”

“I like to clean,” Levi answered. He started to wonder how dorky that hobby sounded like. He needed to rephrase. “I meant--- organize things…” He added a second later. “Like Marie Kondo.”

“Oh yes, I’ve heard about her,” Hange said. She had at least allowed for a split second silence then, long enough for Levi to take the reins of the conversation.

Hange though was a high profile person, her partner was one of the richest men in the country and Levi’s mind was racing with hypotheticals. Was it okay to ask her about her hobbies? Her interests? Or was that supposed to be an exclusively professional meeting?

Soon, with all the questions nagging at him at once, he unearthed a question at the back of his mind that he had been meaning to ask since he had met Hange down at the lobby.

So how’s your husband?

Where’s your husband? Do you hang out with him often? Do you usually do stuff alone? A question that couldn’t so easily be answered by a single google search on an incognito window, only that night, he had tried searching keywords just to be sure.

Hange Zoe Zeke Jaeger Relationship

And soon after searching that just once. He had made sure to clear his browser history just in case he didn’t do it in some incognito window. After all, night mode and incognito mode had almost the same interface.

He soon found out though after jumbling around keywords over a search engine that Google wasn’t omnipotent as it turned out. The only one who could have satisfied his curiosity at that moment was the brunette next to him then.

He couldn’t bring himself to ask it just then though. So he went for another question, a very vanilla one but it seemed like a safe bet. “What about you?”

“What about me? What do you mean about me?”

Levi was starting to doubt the flow of the conversation of a while ago. Did he remember it correctly?

The elevator dinged like it was announcing some coming of a messiah. That had been more than enough to break the awkwardness of that exchange and Levi quickly slammed the open elevator door, just a little more loudly than usual. He gestured for Hange to go ahead.

“Hobbies,” Levi said as he met her outside the elevator.

“I like research,” Hange answered.

“Is that your full time job?” Levi asked. He didn’t need to ask. He had read more than enough articles of Zeke Jaeger’s partner to have seen ‘neuropsychologist’ used as an epithet enough to be convinced that that was her full time job. The last thing he wanted to do though was actually accidentally imply in a conversation that he had googled a few keywords for answers before clearing his browser history.

Hange nodded. “Yes it is.”

“Well… Hobbies aside from your actual job?” Levi asked. He kept his own word usage and his own phrasing similar to what Hange had used with him. If Hange asked it that way, that should have been a socially acceptable way to ask.

“I like plants,” Hange said firmly. She wasn’t looking at him. Although Levi had wanted to see the face she was making then, he started to realize that craning his neck to get a good view of her face might just look a little too weird.

So he settled for her side profile. From his view he could see eyes were everywhere at once from the hallways to the doorways just a little further away from the area that opened up as soon as they exited the elevator. “Where are we going?”

“Over here,” Levi said, he was quick to pull her towards the other side though, before she found out that he had taken a good few steps already in the wrong direction. “The conference room is over here…”

“We have a meeting?” Hange asked, her voice suddenly very tense.

“No, it’s nothing like that. I just thought it would be better that I reserved a room, so we could do some testing where we wouldn’t bother anyone.”

She let out a sigh of relief. “That’s good. I thought I was supposed to be preparing something.”

In those few minutes, he had made her wait, made her navigate some awkward conversation and made her panic. Then and there as he led her to the room, he was guessing what kind of dashing review she’d be giving Zeke about their first meet up.

More importantly, was he giving a great second impression? It was nine in the morning, too early for him to be confident that he was a fully functioning human being. Or so, that was what he repeated to himself then. He could make up for it after lunch.

Hange settled on one of the chairs nearest to the door. “Do we sit together?” She asked. The meeting room was designed for a maximum of ten people and for a good few seconds, he wondered if he should have gotten something much smaller.

Even before he had figured it out for himself, he was looking between sitting right next to her or towards the other side of the room. They weren’t married. Could he sit beside someone who was married?

But if he sat too far, he might not be able to hear her. He went for a very safe in between. He dropped his laptop bag on the seat next to her with some flourish, as if to say, he was married to his job and he was happy with that arrangement before sitting on the seat right next to his bag.

There was a bag between them, they were a safe distance away and Levi pulled his laptop out and booted it up. “I’m suspecting that the issue with your application might be the build. Can you redownload it for me?” He asked. The laptop had been a reminder at least that they were there for business. And business meant that they had a topic of conversation and he had practiced that script enough times to know, he probably didn’t sound like an idiot.

“Are we testing now?” Hange pulled her phone from her bag.

“Yes we are. Just download the app from the app store. I need to confirm that this isn't just your build in particular being faulty,” Levi brought out his own phone, deleted the application from the folder before redownloading it into his phone.

The ‘downloading’ message next to the love alarm application served some form of inspiration for conversation topics at least. “So, how does your husband like the app?” Levi asked. That line was straight from the basic customer service manual and he was very much sure that was acceptable territory for a professional conversation topic.

“Ahh Zeke? He loves the application. He told me himself, he sees potential in it too.”

Did he tell you over dinner? Over car rides? Somehow, Levi was picturing them over a happy dinner in their European style dining room in their very expensive penthouse apartment down town. He knew how it looked. He had seen it in one of the lifestyle articles he had googled just the night before. “That’s good,” Levi said, he felt that comment catch at his throat. He cleared his throat. “The bug... How does he feel about it?”

Hange’s face fell at that. Subtly at least, but with Levi had been staring at her for the past few seconds, it was very much noticeable as a split second movement. “Yeah, about that…”

“Did he say anything about it?”

“We did research on the application last night… And we were theorizing… so the heart could have been from him… and from someone else right? Someone else had their application open then. And he was saying it was you.” Hange’s eyes were wide with disbelief. “But I remember you said, it could be a bug right? And I’m sure you turned off your phone before we tested it…”

“And we’re testing again,” Levi said as he opened the newly downloaded application on his phone. “Log into your account.” He ordered, looking pointedly at Hange’s phone.

The biometrics were already in his account, all he needed was to log his fingerprints again. Levi took a glance at Hange’s phone laid out on the table.

She had gone through the log in process quickly. He turned the love alarm on and rested his chin on his hands and waited. Hange only needed a few seconds. Soon she had turned it on.

And within a second, her phone buzzed then his phone buzzed. It did wonders to shake the whole table then, enough for Levi to have to grit his teeth as the table shook sending a bolt of shivers up to his chin.

He could have sworn he felt blood rush to his face then. He quickly turned off the alarm. “It might be a problem with our phones. I”ll bring down some test devices and we can try this again. He avoided Hange’s gaze only brushing his hands on her shoulders long enough to make his point known. “Just wait here.”

Hange mumbled something with a seemingly obedient tone. Levi didn’t bother to guess. He quickly made his way out of the room, up the stairs--- he was in no mood to run into anyone in the elevator.

It had taken him roughly ten minutes to go back up to the office and come back down with a bag full of gadgets. He dropped the bag on the meeting table, maybe a little too loud and a little too roughly. “These are the most common gadgets used for testing the love alarm. They’ve all been factory reset so just set any one of them up and we try the application again.”

Hange seemed frozen with surprise, at the least she had managed a nod.

Setting up the device was a simple process and Hange didn’t ask too much about it. She had at least kept quiet through the whole ordeal and although it was second nature for Levi to set up a device, he made sure to keep his head down, his eyes intent, feigning deep concentration.

Or maybe he needed to concentrate. His hands were shaking just a little bit, his heart was racing.

He was sure he only needed to try it one different device, one commonly used model for both of their phones to rule out any problems with build or model. It was a decisive move.

And the climax of such a process came once again when Hange had motioned to click the love alarm again before looking up at him. Before they even met eyes, Levi clicked the on button on his end.

It was at the moment when the alarms rang in unison again did Hange avert her gaze. Levi bit his lip as he stared back at his phone.

One person nearby is in love with you.

He glanced up, at Hange’s phone. Although he couldn’t make out the words on it, the characteristic heart near the center was enough. She was getting the same heart.

He grabbed the phone from her. “It might be related to the model,” Levi said, Years of experience working with applications and phones were telling him, it wasn’t related. One working phone was more than enough proof. Looking at the watch at the end of the meeting room, he saw it was far from lunch time, he had at least ten devices in the bag. “Let’s try it on other phones… Just to be sure.”

***

“Levi, what if…”

“What if…” Levi nodding his head at Hange slowly, a subtle gesture for her to continue speaking.

For lunch, they had settled for one of the diner just along the wide shopping streets only a few minutes walk from the building.

An eventful few minutes walk. Levi had turned on his love alarm, put an earbud to one ear and listened to the alarm ring on repeat as he followed Hange through the streets. There were a few other notifications that popped up and left as he listened. But the ringing coming from that one heart which he had already surmised long ago, was from Hange’s heart had settled into even the cadence of his steps. It became an ubiquitous part of the short walk to the shopping street.

When they had settled in the diner though, Hange was quick to drop her phone in front of him and show him the history of her application. On her phone, there was one heart that remained steadfast through the whole ten minute walk as well.

At that moment, Hange pointed at it, then glanced quickly at Levi’s own phone. “What if… You are attracted to me. And I’m attracted to you? Because this love alarm, it doesn’t just check love right? It checks attractiveness. So if a passer by thinks you’re attractive, your alarm rings,” Hange said.

Levi leaned back on the diner behind him, picking at his fries with a fork. He couldn’t bring himself to eat one, just the results of their testing that morning had him losing his appetite. Consequently, he had ordered the burger meal at the front of the menu, something he was in no mood to eat.

“So maybe…” Hange said.

“Hange, we just met. During all the tests. I have never made anyone’s love alarm ring. Besides, I don’t think I’d be the type of guy to get attracted to someone at first glance. I don’t believe in love at first sight.” And someone who’s married at that. If Levi had something in his mouth then as that thought ran through his mind, he was sure he would have choked. He was more grateful than ever that he hadn’t started eating.

“But, we saw it already… The application was giving the same reading and when we were walking too… It never stopped ringing…” Hange explained. Still she looked like she was still finding the right words.

Levi understood her clearly though. “Hange, are you in love with me?”

Hange turned a bright red. “What? No, I'm married. Also, we just met and I don’t believe in love at first sight either”

“So do you believe there’s a bug?”

Hange nodded. “Maybe? Or maybe the data you put into the application was flawed. Maybe there are things that need to be improved.”

“That is a good point. So what do you suggest then Hange?”

“I’ll help you research. I pitched this application to Zeke because I wanted to try rolling something out similar to hospitals, psychiatric units. And if he invests maybe we could improve the application, work to make it more accurate?”

“That’s the plan. But he said so himself, he’s not going to invest in the application until the bug is fixed.”

“But what if it is working as expected… What if it’s just a matter of fixing the data?” Hange looked out the window, seeming deep in thought. Levi wondered if that last question had been for him or for herself.

“I can do further testing on this. Just to make sure,” Levi said. “The problem is… How are you gonna convince Zeke to invest in this?”

Hange sighed. “I guess it's going to be a question of timing. I'll catch him when he's in a good mood and--”

“Hange, are you willing to admit to your husband that you might just be attracted to some stranger?”

That shouldn't have been such a difficult thing. He had heard before of married couples who window shopped so Levi amended that question in his mind.

Are you willing to admit to your seemingly unhinged husband that you might just be attracted to some stranger?

***

Sometimes, the only way to find the bug is to break the application.

Levi and Hange got caught in the lunch time rush. But Hange wasn’t a typical worker, Levi wasn’t a typical eight to five employee either.

So Levi saw opportunity for a little test. “Open your love alarm,” he whispered. He put one earbud to his ear, motioning for Hange to do the same. He turned on the application once again, letting the shill ring grace his ears one again.

It was annoying at first, but over time, he had started to see it as an old friend. He was far from the denial stage already and he was already threading the lines of acceptance.

He was a developer. He had fucked up the coding and a bug had appeared. And that issue, it was a bug for sure, a bug he needed to investigate.

And any opportunity for data and evidence, was an opportunity he couldn’t waste.

“We walk through the lunch crowd,” Levi said. “Usually when I walk through, I get two to three rings. Sometimes more. There have been issues before that getting too many at once, sometimes the application would conceal all the hearts and the only way to get it to work again is to reset the application.”

“So what do we do?” Hange asked.

“Turn on your application and we walk through the crowds,” Levi repeated matter-of-factly.

The crowds around him though were disconcerting and he could understand how Hange would have needed some guidance then.

What did she know about testing? When Levi asked himself that question, he started to pick out another question too. What did he know about testing?

He was an engineer and he had been working with applications for years. He had experienced a lot about testing. But he had never experienced testing with a customer married to one of the biggest opportunities of a company and being accused of being in love with her by his own brain child.

He was treading unfamiliar grounds.

The ringing of the alarm was always unsettling at first. By the fifth ring, it always found a rhythm. Or maybe it was his own brain that found rhythm in it.

And he walked to that rhythm, he pushed past the crowds to that rhythm and every two to three rings, he would take a glance to see Hange beside him, her face had settled to some rhythm too. Sometimes, she would look back at him, other times she would look behind her, as if she suspected someone had set her alarm off.

But he had become part of her rhythm too. From his peripherals, he could see she snuck glances at him. Very quick glances that Levi had been perceptible, invested enough to notice.

They could have been walking for five minutes, or maybe even ten. Soon, Levi realized, the love alarm had embedded itself into the background noise, an annoying ring amid faint voices, conversations, public announcements.

It had only seemed loud once again when the street had opened up to an open space at the center.

In front of them was an empty park, and it usually was empty when the lunch crowds had made their way back to their offices. Levi had worked there long enough to know.

The chaos of the alarm had subsided into one noise. He turned to Hange to see that she was looking up at the sky then, one hand over her forehead, shading the view from the bright afternoon sun.

The light from the sun had done wonders to make her cheeks look a bright pink and for a second or so, Levi just stared, long enough for Hange to have noticed. Or maybe it was her plan to look to him eventually.

“Did it stop?” Levi asked as soon as he became aware of those hazel eyes on him. He averted his gaze and looked around the empty park. Nobody should be ringing his alarm. Nobody should be ringing her alarm. But them.

It should have been a win-win situation. If that had worked to break the application, Levi could have clocked that as the bug and investigated that instead. If it worked as expected, if the two applications continued to ring, then maybe it was working.

His alarm was still ringing. He did a thorough 360 of the park. No one was near enough to even meet the ten meter radius. Just to be sure though he turned to Hange. “Anyone around our ten meter radius?”

The park was empty save for one old man on a bench a good distance away, definitely more than ten meters. He hoped it had sounded like a redundant question.

Hange shook her head. “Nobody. But the application is still ringing.”

“Did it stop at all? During the walk?”

Once again, Hange shook her head.

Levi took a deep breath and dropped his shoulders back. “Erwin gave me a week to figure this out. I’ll do some of my own personal investigation after this.”

“Hey, I’ll do what I can too. I really want you to get those funds.” Hange took her hands in his and Levi had half the mind to pull away. If her hands weren’t so soft and maybe a little too warm even for a cool spring day.

Levi had been almost disappointed when Hange dropped his hand and turned back to her phone. Just ‘almost’ though. They just met, he couldn’t be too invested in hands.

So he thought back once again to backend work to the numbers that made up the love alarm. And he thought of Hange’s little suggestion. “You said something about flawed data right?”

***

“My plan is I’m gonna see if I can convince Zeke to take up that love alarm,” Hange said.

“No need to hurry. I have a week to get it working,” Levi muttered. He wasn’t looking at Hange then. His laptop was propped on his lap and he was looking through open support tickets.

They had a support team and being a developer, answering customer queries wasn’t his job. At that rate though, he was looking for anything to keep him busy. Zeke would be coming to pick up Hange and the last thing he wanted to be was free enough to stare at them.

“I have some books on love, I could send them over,” Hange suggested

Levi looked up from his laptop. The support ticket on ‘how to download the app’ was not very interesting after all and he found reason once again to stare at Hange’s bright hazel eyes. “Why would I need books about love?”

“You seem… inexperienced with love?” Hange started. She seemed unsure with that answer.

“Inexperienced with love?” Levi narrowed his eyes at her.

“Allergic to love,” Hange repeated. “so I thought it might help if you read on them.”

“Why would you care if I read them?”

“If we’re gonna work together to improve the accuracy of your alarm, I think you should learn. I’ll do my part too. I’ll learn a bit of coding.”

Levi shrugged. “Send them over then. I’ll look through them if I have time. First things first, I need to get a little more testing done.”

“They might be useful for testing. Or maybe they’ll be able to help you pick out which sensations in particular point to love.”

“I loaded the data. I would know,” Levi said.

Hange raised one eyebrow at him in playful suspicion. It had done some magic in helping Levi recall that all he remembered were the numbers and some hints about sweating, palpitations and some quickening paces. But machines had a tendency of learning more about the users over time.

“Maybe I’ll read one or two before bed," he added a second later.

“Great. Then I’ll do my homework too. I’ll see what I can get from Zeke. Hopefully I can convince him to invest, even with the bug.”

“You have my number---” Just update me. Before Levi could let those words out, he had fallen back into that support ticket about that one person not knowing how to download the application.

It was still a boring and stupid support ticket. But when Zeke had padded into the lobby like he owned the place with a butler in tow, Levi decided that the idiot of a ticket was still a better view than Zeke at that moment.

“Thank you for picking me up,” Hange said in an almost melodic tone, a tone that made Levi’s ears bleed.

“My meeting ended early and I don’t think we had a good dinner since last week. What did you have for lunch?”

“Burgers and fries.”

“Burgers and fries? Hange, I gave you more than enough money for a good meal." Zeke sounded mortified.

Levi froze. He had suggested the diner for its strategic location. He found himself running his right hand slowly over his wallet in his front pocket. He was sure he had the money for anything more expensive.

“It was good.”

“Well, I’ll make sure we get something better tonight. There’s a new restaurant, just outside town, they sell the pink fatty tuna and Kobe beef imported straight from Japan, same day shipping apparently so it’s definitely the freshest we can get here. What do you think?”

“That sounds great,” Hange said.

She had said it in such a tone, a tone she had never used with Levi before. Like she was tasting the food as she spoke of it. Of course she wouldn’t use it on you. You just met her. Levi thought to himself. As he willed himself to get back to his senses, he realized the ticket was still untouched. Although he had been staring at it since a while ago, he hadn’t made any progress at all.

He looked up at Hange then at Zeke. “Apologies for only taking her to a diner. Next time, I’ll make sure to take her somewhere a little…” Rich, expensive, snazzy, exclusive, snobby?  Too many adjectives were running through his head then but Levi settled for something seemingly more professional, or as professional as he could go. “More your tastes.”

“That would be very much appreciated,” Zeke said. He took one of Levi’s hands in his, too suddenly and too forcefully that Levi had to smack his laptop to keep it balanced on his lap. “Thank you again for taking very good care of my Hange here.” He had slipped a hundred dollar bill in between Levi’s hands and maybe he had expected Levi to smile and say ‘thank you.’

And most days, Levi was polite enough to have mustered one but his ears were still ringing, not from hearing the love alarm non stop that day but from those last words Zeke had said.

My Hange.

Hange waved, motioning with her hands to ‘text soon,’ then she turned her back on him.

Levi couldn't’ even get a good view of Hange as she walked away. Soon enough, Zeke had wrapped one arm around her shoulders. From Levi's angle, he couldn’t tell whether Hange had pushed closer to him or Zeke was the one who pulled her closer.

For a second longer, he pondered it. Of course Zeke would pull her closer, that’s his Hange. Of course Hange would move closer to him, she’s his.

Levi looked back at the support ticket, he had opened again.

How to download application. Please help.

He closed his eyes and leaned back on the sofa. He closed all his open tabs before laying his eyes again on the empty draft.

Within seconds, he had closed that tab as well. There were larger issues then than a customer not being able to download an application.

***

Hange had sent books about love in a drive folder and she had emailed it to him. When Levi opened it, he was quick to figure out, they were all self help books

Scott Peck? He could have sworn he had heard that name somewhere and when he opened it, he found the book was hundreds of pages long. He didn’t have the attention span for that.

Maybe I’ll read one or two before bed. He had promised Hange that evening. But he didn’t actually have to read it right?

So instead, Levi googled the summary.

Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional. The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. This person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present. ...Conversely, it is not only possible but necessary for a loving person to avoid acting on feelings of love.

Levi was quick to close it after that. If that concept of love was real, that would defeat the whole purpose of the love alarm. The last thing he had wanted to do so late at night was invalidate his own brain child.

“Book one for the night. Done,” Levi whispered to himself as he opened the next book on file.

Before you love others, you must learn to love yourself.

“Cliche,” Levi said. But soon after reading it, he turned back to the application on his phone. He turned it on to see an empty blue screen void of hearts. There wouldn’t be hearts, he was alone in his apartment.

He thought back to Hange’s mention of flawed data. He thought back to the alarm that wouldn’t stop ringing. They had been testing it that whole day, there was nothing wrong with the application and the developer in Levi knew there weren't any glaring bugs.

But the testing would continue. He hadn’t completely tested all the scenarios after all. The alarm ringed with Hange but would it have alarmed with anybody else? His five years worth of experience testing the application told him 'no.'

Or maybe he just hadn’t been actively looking for the right people.

Even at night, the gears in his mind managed to turn and soon, he had a plan albeit a vague one. But the first few steps were clear at least. Levi navigated to his play store and typed a few words on the screen. A few minutes later, he was downloading an application with a familiar flame icon on the screen.

He took a deep breath. "This is part of the testing process," he muttered to himself. He was gonna be spending the whole night swiping.

#levihan #levihan fanfiction

[lys-lilac]

Which subjects will the MLQC boys be good at?

Hello! How is everyone? I hope everyone is doing well.

Okay, let me share something about me today. I am a high school student in my final year, with Science stream. One day, I don’t know how, but all of a sudden, I thought, “Which subjects will the MLQC boys be good at...?” My work stuff lies in my studies, like MC’s in her variety programs. So, as a science student, this came to my mind--

Victor-- Mathematics

(the code color for math in our school is also red!)

There is no more perfect subject to attach him with. As a CEO of LFG, his calculations and analytical skills must be excellent (best, actually). In the game, we see that along with business, he also has great knowledge when it comes to classical music. And if you have watched the anime, then in episode 7, we see that when MC is in the hospital, there is an excel sheet opened in his system with flashing numbers every second. There’s also a date where Victor is lying on the floor with the tablet in his hands, with some data and pie charts. One with great patience will only be able to work with that. So, every time I sit to practice math, I always become happy when I solve a bunch of complex algebraic and analytical problems at one go. At least I am preparing myself how to be consistent, and I will be able to deal with problems, just like him. ( and I don’t have to think about getting a rejection from him) . And a pudding will be there, haha...

 If math wouldn’t have been there, the world would not have been the modern and advanced world that we know. Stock exchange, data analysis and even complex calculations that estimate the age of the Sun, the Earth wouldn’t have been there from the first, thus crushing our curiosity. Or let me say this, the world would have been stopped right in its tracks. I think that’s the reason I always find plenty of time for practicing math, and I enjoy that time, thinking and solving.

Gavin-- Physics

Since childhood, I have had a great interest for astrophysics. Stars, planets, galaxies... these always pique my interest whenever I watch at a clear sky, and that pumps me up to resume my work and duties. So you have guessed why I chose him. Gavin has an amazing knowledge when it comes to astrophysics, and he also found out in a second about the warping incident in the game. One more reason why I attached him to physics because of his evol, wind control. Things such as velocity, acceleration, gravity is totally related to this. So, I couldn’t help myself... Whenever I get a difficult concept understood by myself without my help, I get delighted and pretend that Gavin is encouraging me to move ahead and solve more questions. And like that, I don’t even realize that a couple of hours has been spent practicing.

Physics is awesome! When it comes to Physics, I couldn’t help myself but think that the world’s birth, the beauty of galaxies that we get to see, and the natural phenomenon that we encounter in everyday life, are made understandable to humanity through Physics. Starting from basic activities such as walking, listening to news to even the internet connection here that connects all of us, is made possible because of Physics. That’s the reason why I love the time I give to Physics everyday, getting to know about the world a little more.

Lucien-- Biology/ Biotechnology

This is obvious. I am not totally a biology student, but a student of biotechnology. And it deals with all the technological forms of Biology, such as DNA fingerprinting, genetics, bioinformatics, cell culture and so on. As a genius neuroscientist, the analysis and theories that Lucien gives through the game always help me a lot. From the first chapter itself, I was surprised to find out that I will get to know advanced knowledge of my opted subject from here, which is great! Don’t mind me, but when Lucien started talking about the evolved genes in anime, the diagram there made me jump off my seat, as that was the exact one I had read recently in my classes, and that was just a type of revision! The theory of evolution by Charles Darwin, red queen hypothesis, Cat paradox, are all the theories that I had only heard or read in journals. Discovering them in the game made to analyse and investigate on these topics and know about them more.

The diseases that lie among us, the solutions for these, the life cycles of the organisms that are not even visible, and the modifications done in plants and animals, to make them more competent, to resist various stresses are all a contribution of Biology. So, knowing about them has always been of a constant interest to me. If only I can be Lucien’s apprentice and know more about Biology...

Kiro-- English

Again, I can’t help myself. Apart from the science that makes us know about the world, literature is a different field, but always drives away our stress, and sets us at ease (like this story’s plot, isn’t it?) I feel when MC is feeling down, tired from her endless work, Kiro always finds unique ways to make her feel better. Also, he is a fabulous song-writer, because one can say it just by listening to the lyrics he sings in the Christmas date and confession date. Like he says, 

“We must stay in the darkness to defend the light”. 

English always is the base that we should have to understand about various aspects of life, like Science, civilizations in the past, and so on. It is a special field that other subjects couldn’t be understood without. And doesn’t literature makes life more meaningful? It is the subject which can leave us in any emotion, maybe it is delightedness, smiling, or crying. Just like him

I have always found literature as a solution of my escape from confusion, anger and anxiety. Just a chapter of any story, novel and I am ready to restart. It is hands down, an inseparable part of me. 

Shaw-- Chemistry 

I was not left with any other options, but that fits him, so no problem!

Honestly, we have only got a glimpse of him in the game, so I don’t know him 100 % now. But, based on the concept of his character till now, nothing suits him more other than Chemistry. I mean, this guy always teases MC. So does chemistry. Whenever I am in the organic section, after solving a problem, I feel that next one is teasing me, challenging if I could solve it or not. (Just joking, I feel it’s him who teases me to do the next one)  And that is just enough to make me determined to do it, then and then only! 

(I didn’t get any other suitable picture of him...)

Maybe all these thoughts are just because I constantly try to find motivation from anything I do in my studies, and this helps me to a great extent to stay productive throughout the day. These are just my personal opinions! If you find inspiration from them in any other subjects, let me know! 

Until next time! 

#thoughts time #Mr love: queen's choice #mr love dream date #koi to producer #evolxlove #love and producer #mlqc victor #mlqc gavin #mlqc lucien #mlqc kiro #mlqc shaw #anime inspiration

[seedleaflesssapling]

Ver 2.0? Turning Point?

I can't really identify to which point in my life that i started to doubt myself but im pretty sure that it was because of UP. Damn, that school, my uni. It do really have the ability to make you feel small; i was in a disadvantaged side when i entered it, you know. I was acquainted, no we did not really talked one-on-one, but i heard when we did introductions - Pisay, UP High, science comprehensive schools, Xavier University, who wouldn't be intimidated by that when you came from Col. Ruperto Abellon National School (who would know where that is? I was lucky enough for a teacher recognized it and my classmates be like 'ahhhhhh,' .....really?! I dont even know where xavier is, it just sounds cool). Another thing is that, i wasn't a stem shs graduate - a leverage(?) or excuse (?) that i always use for them to know that i am at disadvantaged side here, not their competitor, probably a NOBODY. They, being stem graduates, have capstone projects you never thought that they have at that age, but i would hear them saying that it was publish in this journal (whatever, idk the journals lmao, i dont even understand their studies 2nd lmao, but that was some smart shit you know, a shit that makes me feel pathetic for being too proud of my what? Correlational study from inconsistent surveys?!!! Wtf, wtf, wtf). But it was a very good peer pressure you know, i kinda turned it that way. Being left behind, being on the rock bottom, i have no other place to go but up. It wasn't the goal, like making or taking the top spot, i just need to survive.

Inevitably, the exams came. I had hard time adjusting chem but math was kind to me. Who would have thought that i would get two 1.0 at my math subjects for the first semester, the sem that i thought i would barely pass. I was even a CS for that sem. Who would have thought? Our first chemical engineering subject that involves computations was on the list the next semester and the first exam, out of 100 i got something like 20ish. WTF. THAT WAS MY FIRST FAILED EXAM. but no, never did cry but tears were flooding inside. So apparently, i have to focus more on this subject and i did. Some were still failing, but i raised my average up. We also had physics, my first ever physics. I really love physics that time or that sir rommel is just a very good professor. I got the highest score on our second LE, everybody else did fail. Small victories. Not that they lose, but i just won. But i heard one time they were talking about me re: passing the physics exam and even getting a high score. They were uhm.. a guy i really look up to cause his good, the other was a girl that idk but i think she didn't like me back then. They were friends but eventually the girl transferred uni because who cares why. i heard the guy saying something like sin.o gid na si franklin nga taas iya score man, maybe even worse than that, i still look up to the guy even until now. But wtf. I really took it in that time, like i wanted to cry but did not. With all that, i got a fair grade at physics. I still got 1.0 at maths that sem and even maintained being on the CS list. S M I L E. BECAUSE WE HAVE A MIDYEAR CLASS. VERY EXHAUSTING FOR SOMEONE WHO DONT WANT ANYTHING BUT JUST ADJUST, SURVIVE, AND FIND MEANING OF BEING A UP STUDENT. It was just one subject and it was math, but i got 2.0?!!! I have no excuse to that, i am very grateful for the family who accommodated me. After midyear class, i did got sick, it sucks, really sucks. I wanted to file an LOA for the next academic year, it is the only thing i can think of for me to go back on track (i haven't said that my parents pushed me to graduate with latin honor and i wanted to also for my resume to look good because everything else in me is effed up). I really wanted to pause and be free for a while but i also wanted to graduate on time (mostly because i want to give the bitches who dared to have expectations be put on my shoulders not the satisfaction, but the audacity to tell them 'i aint did it for ya') so i asked mama. THANK GOD, SHE DID SAY NA KUNG ANO LANG KAYA MO, AMO LANG DA IH 😭😭🤧🤧 so i enrolled, but went to school late, haven't attended the school opening but all is good. I did kind of reset, just enough for me to face school again.

Second year, it was fucked. I did really love coding on octave and doing sheets at ms excel though. On that year, we have formed the che 103 bagsak group. Together with two of my classmates on 103 and math 55, we became buddies after failing che 103 on the first LE, another 30 over 100 exam hahahahaha. We made bawi just enough for us to pass the subject hahahahahuhu. I have thermodynamics sub, i barely pass. Thank G na wala ko nag removal. If ever i did, i am so sure that i wont make it. My GWA for that sem was not enough for me to be a CS. Who cares? I still did, actually but mama was never been too pushy since then, even since after midyear, after getting that 2.0 grade from the only subject i am good at. Btw, my math 55 for first sem, second year, was 1.25. Not a 1.0 but still, it's good. Second semester that year was when pandemic hit so there's nothing much to tell. I was, sorry but i was really, glad to be away from school for a while, not until for a while became forever. Virtual university set-up was very hard. With too much from taking in whatever i see and hear on my surroundings, even just at home, everything is difficult. It is very hard to find motivation and discipline in studying when i was surrounded with people who do nothing. Even to this point i am writing, everyday is like a battle, but is mostly an internal one. Self vs self, a war no one knows who will win. So the confidence, the tower of knowledge i did build, exponentially went down. I did really well when i was in grade 10, i did my best that time and it can be seen at the achievements i had that year. Being consistently on top 1 the whole year, placing second on division MMC (even getting the highest score on the written elimination round for the whole cluster), doing well sa physics under maam andico, placings on cluster journalism competitions - it was like a record best, best record (?) Whatever. But it wasn't enough you know, i eventually came fourth like wtf. I had read from somewhere Newton saying like the two years when he did write the three laws of motion and the calculus stuff were the two best years of his life, and it kept me thinking that what if mine already passed? That it was when i was in high school?

But, back when i was in school, every time that i was belittling myself or even at random times that i would feel nervous for nothing, my classmates and close friends would say na:

Uno mo man ang Math, uno mo na na (it was a one or two time thing, what if chamba lang to???)

Ikaw man highest sa first le sa thermo (it was really an absolutely one time thing, i barely passed that sub)

Alam ka man sa physics (i was just invested on physics and maybe nachambahan lang na ang ginpractice ko solve kay parallel sa exam ni sir)

Alam ka, d ka lang confident (OKAY???!)

I was ignoring those shit cause who cares if i did really good that time. Yeah, it felt good but it wasn't fulfilling. Satisfied but not happy. But with recent events, i think i would be changing. This post will be a written contract that i will push to be better, to start trusting myself, and build that confidence glow behind me; to believe that i am bright and i can hack it, whatever it may be.

For coherence, i would itemize na lang all of the events that brought me to epiphany lol

It was Friday, 17 Sep, when Dean, in our plant design subject, gave an activity for us - to come up with solutions that would address problems he presented. 1 off grid island community (either you address the water, electricity, and phone reception/signal problem under a 100k budget) and 2 vinegar packaging with a 500 mL volume and should cost less than the cost of vinegar. The due's on Monday, 20 Sep. The challenge is that you should come up with an idea that is not the same with those who already turned in their proposed solutions. I haven't turned in mine until Sunday afternoon. We are 23 in class, hence there should be 23 proposed solutions for each problem. However, only 20 or 21 turned in their solutions and as a student who decided to do it three days after the sheet was given, i was at the second to the last of the entries hahaha. I have limited choice since a lot have been proposed. And ngl, i did entered my idea for the first problem at Sunday evening and for the second problem it was on the afternoon of the next day. Those were basic solutions cause who am I? Am just your basic guy.

Tuesday, 21 Sep (#NeverForget #NeverAgain), class again for plant design (PD). Dean discussed stuffs which im ngl, i did not listen because im bored (not until he said 'we'll have a 5-min break and we'll have a quiz after that' like wtf, how will we do our quiz???!). After the short break, I did study cause i panicked as hell, he presented the prospects of the course, that we will be divided in groups and that the leaders were chosen based on the solutions they turned in the activity previously given. So there's no quiz, i was calm the whole time after that until my name was called. Like wtf??! Your basic guy will be a leader???! Hello!!! So i chat people, asked them if it was a good thing (course it was!!!? So dumb right?!). And then, i asked another leader and she agreed to my argument that we should only be divided into six instead of seven as what dean has decided. So i chatted dean (pic below). I just accepted the role half-heartedly.

As leaders, we should be hiring people for our team and we should make pubs. I dont have a canva account to help me do pubs. I made mine at MS ppt HAHAHAHAHAHA but im good so its cute. We were assigned with projects and i get to have the 4-member team. The vacant roles were project maven and liaison officer for a 3-member team. In my pubs, i included scrummaster as position to be filled, cause who am i to lead?! So yeah, that's it. I did the pubs Wednesday and I submitted my resume Thursday (third to the last hahahaha but my resume's cute hahaha).

Thursday. So i had this invite by a classmate to join the Shell event long time ago. He was reaching out for someone to ask Dean for his approval because Dean did not replied to the email he sent. So, i volunteered. I really want this competition cause this will be my first and maybe last competition as a UP student. So i DMed dean and blah blah blah he asked for selection process. I relayed the message and apologize to them for being me because i was thinking that it was me who made him come up with the decision of having the team be selected. Like, wtf i was just asking for his approval. Getting kicked out of the team was not my intention. Those whom i chatted that night were telling me that it wasn't my fault blah blah blah. So i half-heartedly agreed to them.

Friday came, yesterday, the interview. I am very anxious for someone who will be the one asking the applicants lmao. I already have been interviewed before for college applications and somehow remember the feeling, nerve wracking, whatever. To calm my nerves, i listed questions which i never got to ask properly btw, but at least i have concrete ideas on what to ask. The first interviewee was my very closed friend and so we just laugh and laugh and laugh HAHAHAHAHA. IDK if dean saw it but who cares. And the next and next and next. 3:30 passed by fast and guess what??? YOUR BASIC GUY HAS THE MOST NUMBER OF APPLICANTS TO THE POINT THAT DEAN CUT MY LIST. IT WAS EXHAUSTING BUT VERY FLATTERING. I FEEL SO HONORED. i really thought and very scared at the thought that no one will apply to me but wtf, just wtf. Ranking my applicants was damn hard. 1 i have a dream team but one was cut by dean; 2 this could make my friends mad; 3 this will be the group for the whole year; 4 i am really exhausted. But still, i submitted the list. I was hoping for the people i chose to choose me back. Only two out of three did, i am forever grateful.

Still on Friday, the classmate who invited me to the Shell thing and Dean had a zoom call and discussed about the competition. That classmate told dean what i told him the other day that i might be the reason for the decision of having the selection process done. He told me this through a voice memo, katamad daw magtype. A voice message that i played over and over again. Dean actually find me interesting (?), Invested (?) Idk exactly but the classmate told me na 'may nakikita daw talaga sya sayo. Na grabe ka ka-practical as a person like yung ideas mo daw sa plant design napakasimple lang pero napaka practical to the point daw na madami nag apply sayo kanina. And then, you need more confidence lang daw talaga' so ig, you basic guy is a practical guy now. It's just flattering.

Now, whatever happens, i must meet those expectations right? This could be a lousy motivation but what is if there's none? I dont know why im writing this. I just thought i should get my thoughts out. Ver 2.0? Turning point? Let's just do good 😌

PS I put this on my bio on FB, guess im getting more public, and if you happened to read this because you saw the link on my bio, send me a message about you thoughts.

PPS if your initials are JTZC, these have been my week and i miss you even though you're not interested in me anymore, you are hard to forget

[shitpostsfromtheinvisiblelibrary]

Quarantine prompt 16? I don't care who. Probably involves Silver

“I am so bored. I would do anything right now.” Irene complained, she'd draped herself across one of the chairs in Silver's small private library, with a book that she'd just finished reading open on her lap.

“Anything?” Silver's head perked up at the same time Kai began to glower at the Fae.

“Anything but you.” Irene saidwith a sigh as she swung her legs round and stood up. "I suppose that you do have a lot of books, but I cannot believe that I'm saying this, but I do not like being cooped up in doors."

"Its one of those things where, as soon as you're told that you can't do something, you want nothing more than to do it." Kai said.

It should have been an excellent idea. It really should have been! They should have been able to get so much work done! A pandemic that had caused a lockdown was sweeping the nation and Silver had, for once in his life, come up with a logical argument. If Irene, Sterrington and Kai wanted to keep up their meetings, then they'd need to stay somewhere with plenty of space and, well, his embassy certainly had more space than theirs. Irene and Kai had pestered Vale to come to and they'd finally won on a single point, when else would he had this level of access to Silver's home unempeded as he had permission to be there. He'd gone silent after that, before asking what he should pack.

However he and Sterrington seemed to have the same idea, avoid everyone else, him to be nosey, her because she and Kai fought like cats and dogs and Silver didn't help as he refused to side with Sterrington for the most part, unless he was going to get more out of winding Kai up.

Irene had already gone through half of her stash of aspirin.

"I need fresh air." Irene said. "I miss libraries and bookstores and cafes."

"I have a library."

"Fine, allow me to correct myself, I miss libraries where half of the literature isn't erotica. Now whilst I'm sure there's bound to be a Librarian with similar interests in such novels, I am not that Librarian." She slid the book she'd finished back into place. "I think I'm going to stretch my legs."

"I'll join you." Kai slid a marker in between the pages of his book and got up.

"Oh, so very subtle." Silver muttered before throwing himself onto a chaise lounge of fuscia velvet. "If I checked, I would wager that only one of your beds have been slept in." He'd be wrong, they were taking it in turns to sneak into the others room. Kai just rolled his eyes and offered Irene his arm, which she took as they left.

"An actual walk or..."

"Yes, Kai, I genuinely want to stretch my legs... Maybe we should find Vale, see what he's doing."

"I think he's still in bed." Kai said. "He is not coping with nothing to do very well."

"At least he's got company. He'd be a wreck if home alone." Irene said, shaking her head. That had been the other motivation for Vale, to make sure that he didn't have any relapses, or pick up any new bad habits, the smoking was more than enough. "Let's check his room first then." All of their rooms were relatively near to each others. Kai and Vale's were on the same corridor, whilst Irene's was nearer to Silver and neither of them were entirely sure where Sterrington was sleeping. Kai seemed to be getting a kick out of sneaking past Silver's room to join Irene at night. She was enjoying it a little less, but it was still... Fun, in some kind of way that she wasn't entirely sure about.

Kai knocked on Vale's door and they were met with silence. He tried the door handle but it was locked. Irene shrugged. And ordered it open in the Language before she opened the door a few inches. "Vale?" She could hear breathing. "Oh good. You're awake." She fully opened the door and flicked the light on. He poked his head out from underneath the sheets to give her quite a look.

"Or at least, he is now." Kai said, slowly following her into the room. "Are you planning on getting out of bed today?" Irene pulled back the curtains, bringing more light into the room, tying them back to keep them in place. "It's nearly noon, Vale."

"And? Theres nothing to do." He complained.

"Yes, we're all bored. You would have been born at home." Irene said. "Get out of bed. And have a shower."

"Id rather go back to sleep but you two have invited yourselves into my rooms."

"Well, we are bored too." Irene said. "And Silver propositioned me again. I have nothing to read and am going to have to stop a murder at this rate."

"Who's doing the murder." Vale asked dryly, looking to Kai. "You or Strongrock?"

"Yes." Kai said after a moment. "Get up, Vale. You know how stubborn that she can be." Irene cleared her throat and he looked up and smiled. "Oh, I happen to like it. I don't think he finds it as enjoyable." Vale rubbed at his eyes.

"Fine. I'm getting up. Go away, I'll find you when I'm up and dressed. Satisfied?"

"Very." Irene smiled before grabbing Kai's hand. "Don't be too long."

"And now are we going to annoy Sterrington as well?" Kai asked tiredly.

"No we're going out to the garden."

"Its raining."

"And?"

This is potentially the first part in thing I may write of them all being stuck inside Silver's house

[lisakellner]

Be a Productive Artist.

What you need to do to make the very best work.

Here a a few questions for you:

Do you know how many works you intend to make in the next month, the next year?

Do you have a plan for making those works?

Do you have a system in place that enables you to be your most productive self?

If you answered no to one or all of these questions, this article can help.

Many artists, myself included, operate with a creative mindset and tend to keep everything in their heads. Or maybe you like making lists, lots of lists, but once you make them you don’t follow them. I do this also! I have actually been guilty of adding things to my list AFTER I have completed them because I want to cross them off. There is not enough time in the day to explore that one!

As artists, your number one priority is to make your work, build an inventory of strong pieces and then find ways to get that work out there. Without a solid inventory of work, it is difficult to put your work into the world a sustainable following. You have to make the work. Period. So let’s jump right into a few tangible steps that get you from point A - a few pieces that are not necessarily consistent - to point C - a strong body of consistent work that collectors, dealers and art representatives can rely on.

Know what kind of person you are and learn to work with your personality, not against it.

Let’s get real for a moment. Do you truly understand who you are and how you work best? This is absolutely critical. Being an artist is a long road trajectory and if you intend to stay with it, you must know yourself truly and be willing to devise ways of working that enhance who you are. You can try to follow another artist’s way of doing things. trust me, that will never last. You have to be okay with your own personal needs and quirks. The truth is that once you get really honest about the kind of artist you are, you can learn to turn your weaknesses into advantages. This is so key! If you are busy trying to “be an artist”, mimicking what you think that looks like or how you should behave, you are completely overlooking the tremendous assets right in front of you. For example, say you are a true introvert and really don’t like to be around a bunch of strangers. But you’ve been told you must go to all the openings, art fairs and talk to people. So you head out and go to an opening, grab a glass of wine and stand in the corner pretending to look at the art while pining away for someone, anyone to come and talk to you. This is working against yourself. Instead, email an art friend and ask them to go for coffee or tea with a couple of openings to follow. Create your comfort zone and know your limits. With friend in tow, enter the gallery and look at the work, maybe try to speak to one person there. Go without an agenda. Just really be yourself. Look at the outing as a science excavation into what possibilities are out there that might fit YOUR work. Knowing yourself also matters when you are in the studio working. Are you working against yourself when you are trying to make your work? If so, then you are making it impossible to create work that truly reflects you, the artist. And that needs to stop immediately. A few years ago, I had a windowless studio in a large studio building in Brooklyn. Once I could finally afford my very own studio, I really thought I had made it. I had a studio in Brooklyn. The truth was, that this type of environment was not at all conducive to making my art. I loved getting off the subway and walking to “my studio”. But once I got there, I felt confined, uninspired and distracted. There came a point in time where I realized being a “Brooklyn artist” was not as important as being “Lisa Kellner, artist”. I needed to get back to working in an environment that fed me personally and worked with me. If that meant working in a space at home, so be it. Once I realized that I could shed the tendrils of pressure to “be an artist” and make my work the way I like to, I was completely freed. Status is not build by trying to fall in line with what the world has already defined as worthwhile. Status, as an artist comes from innovating and being true to exactly who you are in that innovation. If you are unsure of who you are as an artist, try this free lesson, “Clarify your Artist Imprint”. It is an amazing lesson that helps you once and for all to bring together the very best elements of you while teaching you how to make those elements work for you.

2. Get organized

Okay, if you really want to be productive in the studio, you MUST get organized. If you are taking a trip and want to get from point A to point B you are not going to take any old street meandering around town until you get there. You are going to have a route to follow a working means of transportation and a clear destination. The same is true for your studio practice. A. Set up your work space so that it works for you! You need to have a working environment that is conducive to the work you are making right now. Take some time with this. Move things around, clean up your space and create a system that works for your work. I have almost everything in my studio on industrial wheels so that I can move my studio around as needed. There is nothing worse than trying to make work in a space that is not conducive to that work. Really assess your needs and how your space can work for you. Are you a messy artists? Hang up some tarps or plastic sheeting to protect your walls and floors if needed. Do you need a presentation space? Divide your space with a bookshelf on wheels, allowing for a work area and a showcase area. B. Continually ask yourself, is this space going to allow me to make my work? A few weeks ago I was reorganizing my space for new paintings when i came upon my movable wall shelf. This is an industrial stainless shelving unit on castors that I have hung large white 1/4 inch plywood on to cover the shelves and make additional “walls”. The plywood hides a world of things behind it. And I realized it was time to go through and see what is necessary to keep and what has to go. Because all of this stuff was hidden, it was easy to overlook. However, it takes valuable storage space away from other things that also need to be out of my line of sight. I am an artist that likes a clean, uncluttered space so my eye can focus on the work, not all the stuff. As I went through this large shelving unit, I discovered how much I had been hoarding unnecessarily. I basically took the day to go through, reorganize and create a more streamlined system in my shelving unit. The advantage of this is it cleared up a bunch of space and allows me to be super organized for the present - not the past. C. Make sure you come into your work space ready to work. Every evening, when I’m done for that day, I make sure that my work space is ready to go for the morning. If I was going on a long trip in my car, I would make sure the car is filled up and the oil has been changed. This is basic stuff that we tend to overlook when making our art. When you enter your space each morning, you want to be able to get to work immediately. Artist tend to distract themselves with so many things: social media, cleaning and clearing, reading about art instead of making art. Make sure your space is ready for you so that you don’t come in and first have to move this or that, clean up last night’s mess or feel so overwhelmed that you just start playing with your phone. You are a professional. Your work environment should reflect this. I relish the evenings because I use that time when the light has dimmed to tidy up and really look at the work I have made. I prefer to work in natural light so I use my evenings to ready my space for the next day. Walking by the work, sitting with it casually, also readies my mind for the following day’s work. For me, leaving my over thinking brain at the door when I first enter the studio is the best thing I can do. If I first have to think about what needs setting up before I can get to the actual work, I am done in. I want the process of beginning each day to be seamless so that I am instantly in the right mindset the moment I enter my studio. If you need help organizing, try this course, “Get Everything You Want”. It will completely transform your thinking!

3. Be Accountable

This is so important. You must be accountable to yourself about what you are making and how productive you actually are. Keep track. It’s that simple. Get yourself a cheap notebook, that is just for you. Nothing fancy. this is a safe space for you to record your intentions. Write down what you plan to make this year, in the next six months and by the end of the year.

How much work do you actually intend to have on hand?

Recording this is a great motivator for getting the work made. when it is all in your head, it can easily stay their, giving you an out for actually making enough work. Give yourself deadlines. Quantify how much you intend to make and when you intend to make it by. Don’t wait for deadlines to be imposed on you. Don’t get into a mode of thinking that says, when I get that gallery show, then I will make the work. Make your own deadlines and stick to them. You are in charge here. This isn’t school anymore. this is real life entrepreneurial art making and you are the only one that can ensure that the work gets made. Be relentless in referring to your assigned deadlines and quantities of work. Say you have decided you need to make 20 works on paper in the next two months. Each day record your progress and your thoughts about what you have made. Excellence comes from editing down, not from just making the work. Make sure you have enough work that you can critically edit down to the very best work that represents you as an artist. If you already have a large inventory of work sitting around. Guess what. you don’t get to stop now. Take a few days to organize that work and really analyze it critically.

Ask yourself these questions:

What is really the best work here?

What is just okay, but it has something that resonates with me?

What needs to be thrown out, burned or reworked into a new piece?

Don’t be a hoarder with your work! In order to know exactly what you need or want to be making next, you must know what is working for you already. Refine and edit your work and then organize these into different storage sections based on how you answered the above questions. Now, its time to get to making more work. This new work will be stronger because you took the time to do the important step of editing and clarifying your strongest work.

4. Be real with yourself

Finally, be realistic about where you are, where you are going and what you need to get there. Stop wasting your time on what ifs and maybes. Get out that same crappy notebook and write down some real down home truths about where you are right now. Don’t worry, nobody is going to see it. This is just for you to get truthful. Stop pining away for someone else career. Social media, articles and books about art are great but when they take over and begin to define what you think you should be doing or making, then they become destructive. Just stop being jealous about what you don’t have and start looking at what you DO have. It is easy to be swayed by that Instagram artist killing it every week with huge online sales. Or the hot New York / LA artist who is being reviewed by every important art magazine and blog. You say to yourself, “I want that now”. But do you really? Think about what it has taken that particular person to get where they are? Is that really your path? Come on, be truthful here. Do you really want to be continually marketing your work on social media or working with that particular gallery making that particular work. If you just stop comparing and start assessing who YOU are as an artist, you will discover something critical.

Yourself.

You are the best asset you have. Really take the time to know what you want, what you prefer and what you value. Use Clarify Your Artist Imprint to really hone these aspects of yourself. Your success is dependent on how you make the most of who you are, not how you measure up to some random comparison. Be true to you and your work will flourish.

Interested in personalized help with your art career? Learn more about One on One Artist Assistance or schedule a free initial consultation and get moving in the right direction now.

#artist career advice #art career success #artist #how to succeed as an artist #art career planning #be a productive artist

[carolightpenvenys]

DEADLY NIGHTSHADE CHAPTER 4

Chapter 4: sister act

Caroline 6.26am

Verity 6:27

girl this better be good you woke me up

caroline cmon

the suspense is killing me

Caroline 6:30

you know i said we were on a boy cleanse

well

Verity 6:31

tell me

is this gonna make me feel better abt getting back together with andrew

Caroline 6:33

verity! i thought we agreed that until he put a ring on it we were saying no!!!!

but possibly yes

Verity 6:35

i’m weak ok

what’s the tea

Caroline 6:37

black

Verity 6:37

what

Caroline 6:38

chai

Verity 6:39

what

Caroline 6:40

i slept with the hot doctor on my case and i am like 90% sure i am in love with him

Verity 6:41

oh girl

tell me everything

CALLING VERITY

“Oh my God, is he still there?” Were Verity’s first words when she answered the phone.

Caroline sighed, “Sadly not. We’re doing this very sexy thing where we fucked out our emotions and now we are supposed to be professional. He left last night.”

“Oh Caroline.” Verity sighed. “What have you done?”

“I don’t even know? Like I was the one who suggested it?”

“Why?”

“I kind of told him that I liked him a lot but I thought he was getting weirded out so I just went haha let’s fuck? And he went for it. How am I going to go to work on Monday Verity?” Caroline sighed. “Actually I’m glad he’s not here, Horace climbed in my bed and even he is recoiling at my awful morning breath.”

Verity laughed audibly. “I’m so sad I literally live 1000 miles away. I want to meet this guy!”

“Yeah why did you move to Lisbon? I miss you. I need you to see if you think he’s as hot as I think he is.”

“You know it’s quite encouraging.” Verity remarked. “Normally after you sleep with a guy, you question how you were even attracted to him in the first place.”

“Ugh, why do I have to have feelings Verity?” Caroline whinged, cuddling Horace closer. “I’ve decided the only man I’m allowing into my life now is Horace. That’s it. That’s the rules.” She climbed out of bed, almost dropping her iPhone in the process.

“I mean, we all saw how you lasted with your no men rule.”

“Stop it!” Caroline made a beeline for the kettle, ready to make a (good) cup of (proper) tea, unlike that milky shit Dwight lovingly makes her every morning. “I never catch feelings, what’s wrong with me?”

“Honestly who even is she anymore? Colour me shoo-”

“Verity! Emergency!” Caroline picked up some of her own stationary with ‘For Caroline’ scrawled on the front.

“What?” Verity called back but Caroline had already put the phone down, ripping open the envelope keenly.

Dear Caroline,

Just to let you know, I know very little about women (who aren’t patients) but I know enough to know you’re a fantastic one.

Thank you for a wonderful night,

Dwight x

“Verity my fanny is fluttering intensely.” Caroline picked the phone back up.

“Caroline!”

“How am I supposed to work with him when he keeps giving me all these… love kernels?”

“You’ve got to stay strong.” Verity was using her motivational mum voice. “Resolute.”

“He left me his number, I’m going to text him, ask what time he’s coming in on Monday.”

“Caroline I really don’t think that’s a-”

“Goodbye Verity!” Caroline slammed down her phone before realizing that could break the screen and also that she needed it immediately to text Dwight. Her hands were shaking a little and she was shocked at the pure effect he had on her. She didn’t feel like she’d ever felt like this about a man before, despite the overwhelming amount of men (and women) interested in her.

“Oh fuck.” She put an earl grey tea bag in her mug, something she’d become accustomed to since meeting Dwight. “I’m a white man’s whore.” Horace was whining at her feet and she opened her double doors to let him out, contemplating how she’d been so involved in solving this damn case, she’d put herself second again. Which she swore she’d never do.

Maybe sleeping with Dwight was a mistake. Maybe she should make him less involved in the case.

But you see, he had this way of connecting with witnesses, asking the right questions that made Caroline feel more secure, even as an experienced detective.

Plus, she sighed, there was definitely something there. Why on earth did he have to be her colleague?

“Oh Horace,” she spooned his food into his bowl where he had returned from the garden. “I’ve fucked up.”

Horace simply snaffled his food in reply and she stared at him fondly. Living in a ground floor apartment meant she had a beautiful little patio and she could watch Horace all day at the weekend, unless the case was really desperate. But she’d bought her files home and was ready to read up on her next witness, Rowella Chynoweth.  

Why on earth hadn’t she called on the sister of the deceased earlier? Apparently she lived in the next town over but witness statements showed they had not spoken since Morwenna’s marriage to Osborne Whitworth. This seemed unlikely due to the close proximity of the sisters. Character references also seemed to prove she couldn’t hold a job down, with one employer calling her a ‘pathological liar.’

As much as she admired Dwight, she knew she’d have to do this one alone.

POLICE INTERVIEW WITH SUSPECT:

MISS ROWELLA CHYNOWETH (POSSIBLE WITNESS, SISTER OF THE DECEASED): RC

DET. CAROLINE PENVENEN: CP

CP: Just to reassure you, this is a chat more than an interview, legal counsel probably is not required unless you insist on it.

RC: Well, when I need it I have the best that money can buy.

CP: Really? I have a warrant to your bank statements that seem to suggest otherwise.

RC: I have my means.

CP: Are you referring to the £1,000 given to you each month by an Osborne Whitworth?

RC: Yes, they regret they could not see me often so they sent me some compensatory money.

CP: That’s odd. Unusual for a family. Did Mowenna know about this money?

RC: Yes.

CP: I will make note of this. What was your relationship like with your sister and her husband?

RC: My sister and I drifted apart after her marriage. I always thought her jealous of me because she chose to be married and regretted it after.

CP: Some witnesses have reported that your sister was unhappy in her marriage, does this surprise you?

RC: Honestly? She was miserable all the time about one thing or another I wouldn’t take that too seriously.

CP: Did you ever notice any abnormalities in her marriage to the Reverend Whitworth?

RC: As I say, I distanced myself after the marriage.

CP: Yes, could we go through that again? You have ‘distanced’ yourself by living just one town over but they miss you so much, they send you compensatory money?

RC: Yes, I wouldn’t change a word you said. Let the record show that. Anything else?

CP: Yes one more thing, where were you the afternoon and evening of the murder?

RC: With my boyfriend, a man named Arthur Sawley.

CP: That’s all for now, Rowella, don’t skip town.

END OF INTERVIEW

Caroline swung open her office door, ready to collapse into her comfortable chair when-

“You look absolutely exhausted and it’s only 10am.”

Dwight was sat in the chair opposite her desk, smiling, as if he had been there for quite a while and honestly? It had Caroline shook up.

“Oh yeah sorry,” Caroline forced out a smile through her shock. “I just had a really difficult witness.”

“Oh really? I didn’t know you had one coming in today.” Dwight countered as Caroline made herself comfortable in her chair. Honestly even retaining eye contact with him was a lot right now.

“Yeah Rowella Chynoweth. She’s a liar, I sense it in my gut. And from several sturdy character references.” Caroline scribbled furiously on her interview notes. “There’s this £1000 I just cannot justify.” She explained to him about the monthly payments and Dwight furrowed his brow.

“Maybe he’s paying her off for something?”

“But she said Morwenna knew about the payments?” Caroline could not connect the dots.

“But she’s a liar.” Dwight shrugged. “By the way, your hair looks nice today.”

Caroline blushed. She’d worn her hair down for the first time in ages and she wasn’t wearing a pantsuit for the first time in ages because she’d decided it was a new week and time for a new Caroline. “Thank you.” She’d always been excellent at taking compliments. How well she had been schooled. “I need a fucking clue, none of this is slotting together.” She’d been biting her biro for the last five minutes. “When will people stop lying?”

“She seems like the number one suspect at the moment.” Dwight suggested. “I’m sad I didn’t get to interview her sociopathic self.”

“Oh you missed nothing- I knew what I had to do and at least I’ve got some frankly lazy cover stories to work with.”

“Hey Caroline.” She was startled by the receptionist knocking on the door. “This just came for you.”

She passed a brown envelope with a printed label saying DET. CAROLINE PENVENEN

“Ooh I hope it’s my payslip.” Caroline smiled. “I’m broke as hell this month.” Dwight didn’t need to know that with her inheritance she’d never have to work a day in her life because it wasn’t important.

“It looks lowkey suspicious.” Dwight winced slightly.

“The new receptionist is very new so I will just have to see what amateur hour she’s produced here.” Caroline broke the seal with her letter opener she’d used only once before.

Inside were two sheets of paper almost stuck together and Caroline gasped when she saw what it was. “Oh my God Dwight.” She said under her breath, “You’re not going to believe this.”

For inside the envelope were two… indecent pictures of Rowella Chynoweth and the Reverend Osborne Whitworth.

“Oh my god.” Dwight gasped. “First of all, I’m never going to unsee that, put it away. Second of all, that’s probably what the money was for.”

“Morwenna couldn’t have possibly known about that money.” Caroline shook her head. “But I think we just found some motive.”

“Next question,” Dwight added, “Who sent this?”

“I will run the envelope to evidence for prints but I doubt there will be anything. Whoever is giving me these clearly wants to remain anonymous.” Caroline sighed. “FUCK.”

“You know, you should start a swear jar,” Dwight reclined his seat. “You’d make so much money.”

“When I was younger, swearing was bad manners. My uncle always said ‘no man will ever love you if you have a foul mouth’ and I just thought… well fuck.”

“That’s actually not true.” Dwight replied. “If anything it makes you more intellectual, shows you have a stronger grasp on the English language.”

Caroline blushed again. “Dwight, stop.” She shook her head. “Next thing I’ll have myself thinking you believe in me.”

To that, Dwight just smiled enigmatically. “What’s the harm in me believing you can solve this case?”

Hi yeah, the problem is I’m trying to delete my feelings for you but every time we are in the same room it intensifies times 100.

“Nothing. I’m a brilliant detective.” Caroline smirked. “And you’re a subpar doctor.”

“Stop it.” Dwight laughed. “I didn’t spend seven years at university to be called subpar!”

“Ok,” Caroline conceded, trying to tone down how extra she was being because she felt as if she was embarrassing herself. “I’ll confess, you’re a pretty great doctor. To dead people. I guess.”

“Wow.” Dwight was happy she’d finally cracked. “That’s going to be the opening statement on the cover letter for my next job.”

“What?” Caroline furrowed her eyebrows. “You’re leaving the morgue?”

“Yeah, I’ve done my time. I want to be a GP, it’s a bit more my scene. I’m going to have to go back to school for a bit first, but yeah, I plan to leave for Cambridge as soon as this case is over.”

Caroline’s heart was stamped on. Is this why he wanted to solve the case as soon as possible? Why the change? Did he not want to work with her anymore?

“Caroline,” Dwight attempted to regain her eye contact. “You literally look as if you’ve seen a ghost, are you ok?”

“This isn’t about… what happened between us is it?” Caroline could barely get the words out, she felt as if her mouth was made of cotton. How had she caught feelings so fast?

“No.” Dwight was quick to respond, holding his hand out over the table. “You are quite an incredible woman Caroline but not so much so you make me want to change practice.”

Caroline tentatively put her hand out back. “You see, things like this hurt me Dwight.”

“Things like what?”

“I don’t know whether it’s because you’re my colleague, or whether you’re a professional but, I just never feel like you’re completely in my reach.” Caroline said in a voice barely more than a whisper.

“Caroline,” Dwight replied almost instantly. “Do you want me to be in reach?”

Desperately, Caroline thought to herself.

“Until you go to Cambridge.”  Caroline kept her voice calm. “I think we should keep doing… what we do. I don’t think I’m ready to let go yet. Are you?”

Dwight sighed, carding a hand through his hair. “I wish I could say I was but, we are going to have to keep it secret.”

“The best kept secret.”

“How did this get so complicated?” Dwight was confused. “If this were any other circumstance I would be dating the hell out of you right now.”

Is what you wanted him to say.

What he actually said was, “Thank you Caroline. I’ve got another body in the morgue, see you tonight?”

“Yeah,” Caroline breathed out gently, blushing at the thought. “See you tonight Doctor Enys.”

A/N: I WANT UR THEORIES!! WHO IS THE MURDERER AND WHO IS SENDING THOSE NOTES? WILL CAROLINE AND DWIGHT EVER MAN UP AND TELL EACHOTHER HOW THEY FEEL?

#dwight x caroline #fic #au #rowella chynoweth #morwenna chynoweth #dwight enys #caroline penvenen #poldark

[texanredrose]

Blindsided by the Beat

Not to be confused with the RWBY Rock AU that includes Right With You and The Right to Rock Steady. This is a completely separate AU because I can and I’m terrible.

Weiss sighed, frustrated, while marking out the line for the sixth time. Song writing, as it turned out, managed to be one of her strong points... however, that somehow didn’t make things easy, which one would think to be heresy given her upbringing. Trying to maintain a distinctive sound while also blatantly calling back to the self proclaimed Queens of Rock provided distinctive challenges- all of which she’d overcome in the past, of course, but not without considerable effort. She just hadn’t found the right inspiration for this song, the words remaining jumbled just out of reach, trapped beneath a frozen sheet of ice.

“Having trouble?” The smell of lavender and honey mint preceded the warm body pressing against her side, gently coaxing her into sitting forward so they could slip behind, a cup of piping hot tea held in each hand. Blake somehow managed to achieve their new position sitting behind Weiss on the couch without spilling a single drop, the bassist always having such excellent balance and rhythm. “Need some help?”

“I’m trying to rewrite one of my mother’s most famous songs. So unless you can figure out a fresh spin on ‘Alone on the Mountain’, I’m afraid there’s not much you can do for me.” She sighed again, rubbing at her temple and accepting the cup hot honey mint tea while setting aside her pad of paper for the moment. Inhaling deeply, the aroma filled her lungs and soothed her just as much as the arm wrapping around her waist. “Though... this is a good start.”

“I know what you like.” Blake purred, taking a sip of their own tea and humming thoughtfully. “Speaking of, did you... think more about what we were talking about the other day?”

Licking her lips, she tilted her head to the side and smiled as the Faunus lightly teased along her neck with teeth and tongue. It occurred to the singer that she should just give her answer- because she’d dedicated a night or two to mulling the idea over- but she rather liked the way her lover chose to try stacking the deck in their favor, so she allowed it to continue a bit longer. “Hmmm, my memory fails me. What did we talk about?”

“You know,” they replied, kissing her just beneath her ear. “But if I need to say it-”

“Hey! Popsicle! Front desk says you got a visitor coming up!” A gruff, rude voice shattered her enjoyment of Blake’s ministrations and brought an immediate scowl to her features.

She’d made several significant decisions in her twenty-five years. She’d opted to idolize her mother’s raw talent as the lead singer in a rock band, she’d chosen to not only follow in the woman’s footsteps but ultimately surpass her, she’d decided that teaming up with other children of similar fame would be the best way to do it, but she did not pick the manager of RWBY. Somehow- as the man half shuffled, half stumbled into the main room of the hotel suite- it remained the only decision she regretted, even if it wasn’t hers. “Qrow, that’s impossible; I have no friends outside the band as you so eloquently remind me every few days.”

“Didn’t say you were friends.” He curled his fingers around the word, then shrugged. “Just figured you’d wanna talk to her. She came all this way. Should be up in a few minutes.”

“That’s not helpful in the slightest and I swear if you scheduled me for another interview when we clearly- hey!” She sat up a little straighter, noticing that Qrow seemed uninterested in her objections and more concerned with grabbing his coat. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Anywhere but here.” He grumbled, checking his pocket for his flask and a pack of cigarettes. “Like hell I’m gonna subject myself to two of you headaches.”

A cold shiver went down her spine as Blake jumped a little in their spot, both of them pulling away enough to look at each other in complete confusion.

“RWKS just played in Atlas last night; there’s no way they could’ve made it to Vacuo this fast, right?” The Faunus’ ears pinned back against their skull. “Then again, knowing Willow-”

“My mother would bend the laws of space and time just to spite me.” She started running her hands through her hair, trying to fix it into something somewhat presentable after setting her tea on the nearest flat surface while the hotel room door banged shut, Qrow shuffling off to who-knew-where. “What could she possibly want? To gloat about RWKS’ sold out tour? Ours is sold out as well!”

“You know she only needles you because she never learned how to motivate properly,” Blake said, though they dropped their line of logic when she shot them a heated look. “I’m just saying, maybe this is a good thing.”

“It most certainly isn’t and I- wait.” Her brows furrowed, looking towards the door. “She should’ve been here by now.”

“She can’t actually bend-”

“Sh sh, no, I know what I’m talking about; Mother never gives warning when she intends on making an entrance. She would’ve asked Summer our room number and called Qrow from the elevator, if at all. This person stopped by the front desk.” Eyes narrowed in suspicion, Weiss watched the door while mentally running through a checklist of every person who could conceivably get to a rock band’s hotel room merely by asking, which proved to be a very short list. If it wasn’t Willow- or any other member of RWKS- then it had to be- “Oh.”

thump thump thump

Quickly, she went to the door and pulled it open, surprised and shocked to find that the last thought to pop into her head of who her mystery visitor could be actually proved true.

“Please, either invite me in or slam the door in my face,” Winter said, that stubborn lilt to her voice that always appeared when she was fighting against everything to hold something back as big a tell as the pinch to her expression and her heavy lean against the door frame. “Just pick one.”

“Oh, get in here!” Although hesitant, she wrapped an arm around her sister’s waist and helped her into the hotel room, Blake popping up off the couch and rushing over with a chair from the little dining table in the corner. Aside from periodic letters, she hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Winter in almost ten years, when the woman got into that huge fight with Mother and subsequently stormed off to join the military. “What happened to you?”

“I mentioned in my last letter that the training exercise I participate in every year had started up again, didn’t I?” With a weary sigh that seemed borne of weeks or months rather than the short trek from door to chair, Winter dropped down into it with all the boneless grace of a ragdoll, a thin sheen of sweat on her brow. “I’m afraid things... didn’t go quite as well this time around.”

“You sent that letter months ago!” Weiss fretted, unsure what she could do or say to give her elder sister some comfort. However, before she could start making suggestions, she caught the awkward way Winter’s pant leg clung to her knee, the fabric tight enough for her to make out the distinct shape. “Your leg...”

“Both of them, actually.” Reaching down, she tugged at her slacks enough to pull them up, past her ankles- or, rather, past the ankle joints on her prosthetic legs. “Some idiot left a humvee in neutral and I couldn’t jump clear in time. Mainly because I was busy pushing my dumbass Lieutenant out of the way. And then, it damned thing couldn’t get started, and the whole platoon had to push it off me- I chewed the whole lot of them out for the whole twenty minutes before the medics could get me onto a transport.”

For a moment, she silently processed her sister’s frustration and relief. Then, she allowed her impressive lungs to go to work. “YOU LOST BOTH YOUR LEGS AND DIDN’T BOTHER TO CALL ME?”

“Well, ever since you mentioned starting a band with Ruby, Blake, and Yang, I assumed your schedule would be too busy to come check on your runaway sister.” Winter’s eyes twitched as she sighed. “I really should’ve taken the pain killers when they offered them.”

“How long have you been discharged from the hospital?” Blake appeared, subtly rubbing at Weiss’ back in an effort to calm her while offering the elder Schnee a cup of tea. “Shouldn’t you be in physical therapy still if you’re in this much pain?”

“I got discharged from the military before they fitted me for the prosthetics.” Accepting the cup, she took a long, deep pull of the hot liquid without even noticing the temperature. “After that, I got... asked to leave the rehabilitation center last week.”

“What did you do?” Weiss set her hands on her hips, glaring at her sister’s flippant shoulder shrug.

“I threw a medicine ball at my physical therapist.”

Blake’s ears twitched. “One of the hollow ones?”

“... no, the heaviest one I could find.”

“Dust damnit, Winter, you need medical help! Are you even properly healed yet?” She knelt down, examining the prosthetics her sister used. “What sort of pain are you feeling right now? Is it pressure from the anchors, have you just been pushing yourself too far, is it phantom limb pain- what kind is it?”

The woman’s expression pinched further and forming a sour frown. “How do you know all that? Did you somehow know about this beforehand?”

Her eyebrows rose in surprise a moment before realization dawned, pressing her lips into a thin line. “When Mother said you shouldn’t bother keeping up with us, you took that to heart, didn’t you?”

“I send you letters.” Her shoulders fell. “But I don’t follow any of the news about you, no.”

“Well-”

Without any warning, the hotel room door clicked a moment before it burst open, Yang barging in with a bottle of liquor in each hand. “What’s up, bitch, bastard, and fucker! We’re getting- oh, shit, please tell me that’s not your Mom, Weiss.”

Rolling her eyes, she waved a dismissive hand at the blonde drummer. “Calm down; it’s Winter.”

“Winter? Really?” Lilac eyes sparkled as she dropped the liquor on the counter and came around. “It’s been forever and a day! How ya been?”

“I... uh...” Somehow, the salty frustrations formerly splayed across her sister’s expression disappeared, melting seamlessly into a carefully guarded neutral expression that still didn’t manage to hide her surprise. “I’m-”

It probably had a little something to do with the yellow and black metal that functioned as Yang’s arm from about the middle of her bicep down, the woman glancing at it and laughing. “Oh, you didn’t hear? I’m not as handy as I used to be! Still good in a pinch, though.”

“Yang, no matter how many times you try to tell that joke, it’s still not funny!” Ruby complained, a faint dusting of red across her cheeks as she entered the hotel room, followed closely by Pyrrha and Velvet, the band’s dedicated instrument and sound technicians. “Couldn’t you- whoa, is that Winter?”

“Hello, Ruby.” She raised a hand in greeting, seemingly recovering her ability to speak- and Weiss’ eyes immediately narrowed in suspicion at that. “My, you’ve grown since I last saw you.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while!” Rushing forward, she gave Winter a hug. When she pulled away, though, silver eyes darted to Pyrrha and her blush returned in full force before she turned away. “I’ll, uh, catch up with you later! I kinda... need a nap right now.”

Without waiting for anything further, the lead guitarist of the group ducked off to one of the bedrooms in the suite, closing the door behind her.

Blake sighed. “I’m guessing it didn’t go well.”

“She got real close, but couldn’t pull the trigger.” Yang sighed, reaching over and putting a hand on Pyrrha’s shoulder. “I’m afraid you’re gonna have to make the first move, P-money. Our fearless leader has met her match when it comes to confessing that you’re the bee’s knees.”

For her part, the redhead let out a nervous chuckle. “I’m... not so sure you’re right about this.”

“Trust us; we’re right,” the three remaining members of RWBY said in tandem, ranging from amused to bored in tone.

“Well...”

“Hey.” Velvet smiled, offering a cheeky wink. “Maybe you should go check on her. We spent most of the day walking around. See if she needs any water.”

“That... seems reasonable.” Pyrrha eventually nodded, moving to follow Ruby into the bedroom.

The drummer laughed, flashing a wide smile at the rabbit Faunus. “Velvs, you’re the best roadie.”

“I know,” she replied, heading over to the kitchen area to do... who knew what. Honestly, Weiss had bigger fish to fry at present, but she trusted the Faunus.

“Hey, you know what’d be great?” Yang suddenly piped up, heading over to rummage through one of Qrow’s bags in the corner. No matter how much she’d tried to emphasize it, the singer had lost every battle to get the bandmates and support staff to be even the slightest bit organized. “Ah, here we are!” She pulled out a lanyard with a familiar card at the end. “Here, Winter, it’s a VIP pass! Gets you backstage and primo seats; you gotta come see us play tomorrow night.”

“I- are you sure?” Although feigning hesitation, the woman immediately accepted the pass when it was handed to her. 

“Hell yeah! I mean, we’re the best show in Remnant. You gotta give us a chance to prove it!” 

“Well, I... can’t really turn that down.”

“That’s the spirit!” Yang chuckled, rubbing at the back of her neck. “Uh, guess I should-”

Weiss, sensing her bandmate might be looking for a way to give them space, acted quickly to delay that just a little longer. “Do you still have your little yellow book?”

Alarm flashed in lilac eyes. “Uh, somewhere around here, why, what’s up?”

“I believe my sister could use a physical therapist who specializes in difficult patients,” she said simply, earning a small glare of Winter.

“Shit, what happened?” Yang immediately came over and knelt down, examining the woman’s prosthetic legs herself. “Oh, and you don’t even have the advanced versions. They don’t have nearly enough articulation to make walking around for long periods comfortable.”

“That... is correct.” Just barely, she could see the beginnings of a blush rising in Winter’s cheeks, though she winced and tried to play it off as a response to pain. “Ah! I’m... tender.”

“Your anchors haven’t been adjusted properly.” The drummer got to her feet. “I’m gonna find that book. It has every single physical therapist and prosthetic technician in all of Remnant who can do emergency work and are good enough to be trusted. I’ll call one up, just hang out here for a little bit.”

As she turned to head into her own bedroom in the suit, Weiss kept her gaze on her sister, waiting until she heard the door close before speaking up. “Really? Yang? I wouldn’t think she’s your type.”

Instantly, Winter jumped on the defensive. “I- I’m just surprised! The last time I saw her, she had pigtails and drew roses on her arm any time she found a sharpie! And- and now-”

“Now, she’s over five and a half foot of muscle bound blonde goddess with tattoos?” Weiss raised a brow.

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to follow that closely in their footsteps.” Her sister groused, trying to change the avenue of the conversation. “We never heard the end of it from Mother when Summer and Raven started dating, and now you’re thinking about dating a bandmate too?”

“Oh, I’m afraid that ship’s already set sail.” She smiled, slipping her hand into Blake’s and turning her head to accept a kiss. “We’ve been together almost a year now.”

At first, she just stared. Then Winter threw her hands in the air. “Are you fucking kidding me! Next, you’re going to tell me you’re thinking of forming a triad-”

“That is what we were discussing before you came up, actually,” Blake said, their voice smooth with just the barest hint of amusement at the edges. “We both have a little crush on someone.”

“I can’t believe it.” Her sister shook her head slowly, running a hand over her face. “You’re all your mothers’ children, alright.”

“Doesn’t that concern you a little bit?” Weiss opted to needle just a bit more. “I mean, if we truly follow in RWKS’ footsteps, that means two of us start dating each other and invite a third person into the relationship.” She pointedly shared a glance with Blake. “One of us will get with an amazing roadie.” Her gaze then went to the direction Ruby had gone. “And the last...”

Winter scowled at her. “Yang has better taste than that.”

Sucking a breath in through her teeth, she shrugged. “I certainly hope so. I would hate to see her go for someone like Father-”

Shooting up, her sister nearly fell over but caught herself at the last minute. “I’m going to talk to her. Yang certainly deserves someone much better than Father and she definitely has the sense to know that herself.”

While Winter headed back to Yang’s room, Weiss and Blake just barely contained their laughter, whispering to each other once she moved out of earshot.

“You really think she’s into Yang?” Amber eyes sparkled with mischief, a lifetime of indulging in romance novels fueling all sorts of ideas in the Faunus’ head.

“Oh, most definitely.” She nodded. “I haven’t seen the woman in almost a decade but some things never change.” A little curl to her lips. “We’re both rather shit at functioning once confronted with someone we’re attracted to... and we’re rather stubborn about admitting it.”

“Well.” Their lips pulled into a smirk. “At last you got better on that front, yeah?”

“I have the best partner to coax it out of me,” she replied, popping up onto her tiptoes to lay a kiss on Blake’s lips. “And, for the record? I think it’s a good idea.”

“Oh, really?” They pulled her into a kiss. “We’re in agreement?”

“I like her, she’s nice... but maybe you should be the one to do the talking.” Weiss winced. “Between us, you’ve always been better with... words.”

“Irony.”

“Shut up.” She slipped her arms around her lover’s waist, snuggling into their chest despite her jibe. “You know I get too nervous when it gets personal. Plus, I think Velvet likes you a little more.”

“I think she likes both of us just fine, you’ll see.” Blake chuckled, rubbing their hands up and down her back. “You always think the worst. You should really let it go.”

And suddenly, it clicked. “Paper, I need paper.”

As she released Blake, a pad and pen somehow appeared in her hands, and she jumped towards the coffee table to start scribbling madly... and only distantly heard the conversation that followed.

“Oh, Velvet, I... forgot you were... over there.”

“If you want, I can pretend I didn’t hear anything. I mean, the answer’s yes, of course, but we can all pretend we’re surprised about it.”

Absently, Weiss made a mental note to apologize and properly ask Velvet out with Blake later.

Right now, she had a song to write.

Author’s Note: For the record, the song Weiss writes is this. Y’all, I had to. I had to.

#Pyrruby #Frappuccino #Elderburn #RWBY RWKS AU #TRR writes

[nelliievance]

Learn to Soar With Christine Van Loo

“If you want to fly, you have to give up the shit that weighs you down.”-Toni Morrison

Christine Van Loo, Aerialist, Speaker, and Coach (http://www.christinevanloo.com/about.html)

Christine Van Loo is an elite athlete that started out as an acrobatic gymnast, a sport in which she was a 7-time consecutive US National Champion, female Olympic athlete of the year, and athlete of the decade. After retiring from competition in that sport, she married and settled into a new life that seemed complete, but something also seemed missing.

Christine performing acrobatic gymnastics

She went through a period of depression before coming up with a new challenge and reinventing herself as an aerialist. She has much to teach about pursuing our dreams and becoming all we can be, and now in addition to being an internationally acclaimed performer as an aerialist, she has a set of teaching dvds for aspiring aerialists, and also coaches the champion’s mindset. She uses the acronym S.O.A.R to summarize her philosophy:

Shape your success.

Overcome obstacles.

​Architect a satisfaction plan.

Reap the rewards.

I was fortunate enough to be able to interview Christine, an amazing athlete and human being.

I think a crucial part of your story is when you had retired from competition as an acro-gymnast, and were finding yourself not totally fulfilled. Then you came up with a second career as an aerialist. How did you come up with this idea, and how did you motivate yourself to pursue it?

After I retired from acrobatic-gymnastics I married my first boyfriend and we moved to Italy where I became a Navy officer’s wife and a housewife, roles I struggled to fill authentically. 

When we returned to the United States I worked as an instructor. I taught gymnastics to children, dance to gymnasts, stretch classes to an aerobics national champion, acrobatics skills to world champion ballroom dancers and fitness classes to the general public. But no matter how well I did as an instructor, I felt like I was waiting for my real life to begin.   One day, I went to watch a friend of mine audition for Cirque du Soleil at Brown’s Gymnastics, one of the places where I taught. I sat alone on the bleachers as dozens of dancers and gymnasts signed their names to a list before warming up on the gymnastics mat.   Suddenly my hands started shaking uncontrollably. As I gripped the bleachers to steady them my body started swaying back and forth. I clenched the bleacher so tightly my knuckles turned white, but I could not still my body.   That moment was an epiphany, an aha. A realization I was watching my real life from the outside. Those strangers were my family. This art form was my home.  Without thinking, my body stood up. My feet walked to the table. My hand signed my name onto the audition sheet.

During the seven hour audition we danced, tumbled, balanced in handstands, stretched, acted and were interviewed. I had no expectation they would choose me. It had been five years since that old life as a competitive acrobat. But a few days later a woman with a French-Canadian accent, Nicolette, called to offer you a two-year contract to tour the world with Cirque du Soleil’s ‘Quidam’.” My breath caught in my throat. My words went AWOL. My mind exploded with images of acrobats flying through the air. Of stages, lighting, costumes, music; of performing, traveling to exotic places, and stretching my creative limits. She was offering my perfect dream. Then my husband stepped into the doorframe and the dream shattered. “Who is that?” he mouthed. I found myself between two colliding worlds. The “real” world, in which I was a wife and an instructor with newly registered students, and an apartment renter with a newly signed lease. And the dream world of running away and joining the circus.

“I’m sorry Nicolette,” I said, “I can’t accept the offer. Thank you for asking me.” “I don’t understand, Christine. You should continue to perform. Performing is inside you.” I knew she was right, but I hung up the phone and watched my dream disappear like a train pulling from the station without me. Months passed. They seemed like years. I put myself on automatic pilot to make it through the days. It was not that my life was bad. I had no reason to complain. That only made things harder, so I accepted this was who I was. It wasn’t who I dreamed I could be, though, and that broke my heart.

Then a friend told me about a show in which I could perform at corporate events on the weekends then go home during the weekdays. I sent this company a video of me competing and they hired me to do a show two weeks later. I was only working as a background cast member but it was through this show that I discovered aerial artistry. When I watched aerial artistry it reminded me of when I discovered acrobatic gymnastics as a child. Both times I felt this excitement in my chest so large I thought I would burst into a supernova. I knew that this too was my calling too. It was never a thought of how to motivate myself to become an aerialist; I simply had to do it.

You were self-coached while learning to be an aerialist, so how did you teach yourself?

The first three skills I learned from a former teammate of mine who just retired from Cirque du Soleil. The majority of the rest I learned mainly through exploration and trial and error, which amounted to lots of torn skin, bruises, and even setting the back of my pant leg on fire doing a slack drop on the wrong kind of fabric. Even with a competitive acro gymnastics background, learning an aerial act on my own was extremely difficult. It also took a very long time.

How do you motivate yourself to go through the day-to-day discipline of training?

Our route to our dreams are paved and discomfort. It’s not comfortable getting up at five in the morning to train or to ask that special someone out for dinner and face rejection or to ask for a raise. When aiming toward success we are bound to face fear, stress, frustration, anger, disappointment and a whole host of other uncomfortable feelings. Believe me. I know. I have a PhD in discomfort.

Think of these uncomfortable feelings as cross roads. Discomfort is a dream killer. Discomfort can kill your dreams. The moment you quit in order to feel better is the moment your dream may die.

Toni Morrison wrote, “If you want to fly, you have to give up the shit that weighs you down.”

If you want to be successful and to reach your dreams then make space for discomfort. Instead of judging discomfort like an enemy, simply accept and embrace it as part of the journey. In fact, train yourself to associate the discomfort of your challenges with an outcome of success.

Don’t wait to feel comfortable to take action. Get up in the morning and do whatever it is you need to do no matter how you feel. This will make you stronger. Instead of running away from discomfort, choose your dream instead.

Can you go into more detail about the champion mindset and elite athlete habits you teach in your coaching? I assume these apply to all of us, regardless of our talents, we should still strive to be the best versions of ourselves.

I teach a host of champion mindset techniques such as creating your own launch team, emulating excellence, and simplifying your success, among others.

Regarding simplifying your success, most people don’t dream big enough. You know you’ve dreamed big enough when your dream seems impossible. But have you ever dreamed an impossible-sounding dream and then felt overwhelmed at the magnitude of how to accomplish it?

I wanted to be an aerialist more than anything, but I didn’t feel like an aerialist and I had trouble believing that I might achieve such a feat.

So I came up with a plan. I figured, if I can’t believe this ambitious dream of becoming a professional aerialist, what if I reprogram my thinking to just believe in the next step? So I converted my dream into mini-steps – and I just focused on one at a time.

I didn’t have to believe in becoming an aerialist, I just had to rent a place to train.

I didn’t have to believe in becoming an aerialist, I just had to buy two yards of costume fabric.

I didn’t have to believe in becoming an aerialist. I just had to believe in climbing the next climb up the rope.

By breaking my dream down into mini steps, I created a momentum of confidence through incremental wins.

My point is this – whether you’re climbing a circus rope or a corporate ladder, the rules are the same. You learn to believe not by taking a huge leap, but by believing in one step after another.

Good news is confidence is learnable, and as you learn, that crucial belief takes root and spreads into all parts of your life.

If you’re intrigued and inspired by Christine’s story, or if you want to see some amazing videos of her in action as an aerialist, please check out her website. In addition to performing, she does speaking engagements, and coaches (teaching the champion’s mindset and coaching aerialists). Her book Falling to the Top is coming soon (check here for updates).

Do you have something unfulfilled inside that makes you feel like you might “burst into a supernova“? Maybe Christine’s coaching can help take the next step.

Learn to Soar With Christine Van Loo published first on https://steroidsca.tumblr.com/

[moonchildmisadventures]

A Message to my Followers

Hello All,

First of all, I’m sorry that I’ve been so inactive lately.  This blog really is one of the few things that brought me happiness these past few months.  It’s a comfort to know that so many of us share the same joys and struggles in education.  Unfortunately for me, the struggles have outweighed the joys this school year.  So much so that I’ll be resigning after December.  This was not an easy decision, but it was a necessary one, and I’d like to explain why.

This is my 3rd year teaching, and although there are parts of teaching that I feel I excel in, for the most part, I just feel overwhelmed.  It’s no secret that teachers have some of the toughest jobs in the world; I knew that when I decided to get my degree in education. What I didn’t know was how much of myself I would lose trying to help my students “win.”  I'll better explain this later, but before I delve into the details of my job, I want to outline my circumstances.  

I work at a C rated high school in a D rated district in West Mississippi.  I teach students from various socioeconomic backgrounds.  Some of them I can personally relate to, but many of them I cannot.  I'm a 24-year-old white girl who constantly gets mistaken for a student, and many of my students don't view me as an authority figure despite my tenacious efforts.  It's also important to know that I was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 7.  I no longer have compulsions (rituals) that I have to do, but continue to struggle with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  I have also been diagnosed with severe depression on three separate occasions (one of them being the present) since I was 12.  I have been taking some type of medicine since I was 8, but for the last five years, I have been taking 100 mg of Zoloft daily.  

Since mid-October, I've been in a depressive state.  Initially, I tried to ignore it and told myself that I just wasn't trying hard enough and that's why my students weren't succeeding this year.  I operated my classroom the same way I did last year, but I was unsuccessful in gaining my students' respect.   Much of this is due to poor classroom management on my part, but that's because, after a certain point, I just gave up.  I started to feel trapped in my own classroom and overwhelmed with all the work and chaos surrounding me.  I would come home every day, get in the bed at 5PM, and sleep until 6AM the next morning.  Those who have ever dealt with depression know we often use sleep as a way of escaping the present realities.  If you're asleep, you can't be anxious or have a panic attack.  That was my daytime reality though, and I dreaded getting up and going to work the next morning because my classroom was one of my triggers.  When my husband, who works at the same school, found me curled up in a ball crying under my desk at lunchtime, he decided enough was enough, and it was time to seek outside help.   After praying with one another and seeing a counselor and my psychiatrist, we finally determined that the best thing for my health was to resign.  I struggled to make the official decision to leave, but after being put on 500 mg of antidepressants just to make it through the day, I realized I just cannot maintain a career in which my success is based off the of the academic achievement and behavior of adolescents I can't control.     

Now, onto the details of my actual job.  I teach 9th (English I) and 10th (English II) grade, both of which share the same standards and objectives.  English II is a state tested class.  Therefore our curriculum for English I & II is centered around helping the students achieve proficiency on their state tests.  This involves continuously having to fill out data sheets for students' summative and benchmark scores.  The problem is that we can't take the benchmark scores for a grade.  As a result, very few students actually try their best; even my honors students don't take it seriously.  I'd reckon it's easier to push a car than to motivate students to give effort on a benchmark assessment.  Anyways, this ultimately results in low scores and a poor reflection upon me.  The truth of the matter though is that the majority of my students aren't reading anywhere close to grade level.  As much as I'd love to scaffold them, it's difficult to do when you have 28-33 students in a class, 30% of them are SPED, and you have no inclusion teacher.  In addition to this, I teach 10 of the school's top behavior offenders.  I do my best to accommodate them based on their BIPs, but there comes a point in which they should not be allowed to remain in class if they're disrupting the learning environment for other students.  Administrations solution to this is to take them out of my class for the rest of the period and let them go to their next class immediately after.  The next time I see them, they're back in my class exhibiting the same behavior. 

If it sounds like I'm complaining, it's because I am, but recently I came to terms with the fact that I don't have to.  I'm young without children, and I can still change careers.  I'm not a bad person for leaving teaching, although, I'd convinced myself otherwise for a long time.  Students deserve someone who is strong enough to push through all the bull and really teach them the things they need to know despite what's going on around them.  The thing is, I'm not that person though.  Maybe in another time another place, I could have been, but as of right now, I'm not.  And that's ok.  I’ve had several veteran teachers and counselors tell me how proud they are of me and how brave they think I am because education has changed so much and teaching just isn’t what it used to be.  I don’t feel very brave, but I feel better knowing that I have the support of those around me.  Do I regret my decision to major in education?  Absolutely not.  I know that there are students whose lives I influenced for the better these past three years, and that's enough for me to feel like I didn't waste money on my bachelor's degree.  

So what's next for me and this blog?  In the fall of next year, I'm hoping to start a Dental Assistant Program.  Until then, I'll be substitute teaching part-time in a different school district and work in my church's nursery.  So for the next five months, this blog will be about my Misadventures in Substitute Teaching.  After that, I'm not sure.

Having said all that, I will not be hurt or offended if you unfollow whatever this blog becomes.  I'd like to thank those of you who offered encouragement and advice.  There are some truly incredible educators on Tumblr.  Y'all keep up the good fight!   These students need champions, and those of you that are called to the profession are true heroes.  I will always have the utmost respect and admiration for you.  Best of luck on the journey ahead of you!

Peace & Blessings,

Amy     

#teach #teacher #teacher life #teacher problems #teaching irl #teaching high school #teaching english #things teachers say #things teachers do #things my students say #things my students do #high school #youths #education #educators #michelle obama

[mi5016ivanbabev]

Character Design as a career

                                             Reflective essay

Character Design has always been a dream job for me. The whole idea of infusing characters with personality using visual expressions and distinctive body language is why I want to have a career in it. Another aspect of character design is storytelling. The characters you create are vessels for storytelling. When I am creating a character, I consider that my character has to tell that story in the best way possible. Another critical aspect for me is to use personification in my work. For myself, the most important thing is finding inspiration. I find inspiration all around me from real people to animated movies or series and books. The only thing I struggled with was to expand my ideas and to do research. My first real-time working on a professional character design project is in university. I enjoyed the process behind the work I did; it helped me to expand my knowledge on the subject and developed good research skills. Also, I did struggle in the beginning with the technical part. However, I got over it, and I am enjoying it even more. Going from a hand-drawn character on a sheet of paper to animating it on a 3D program is a long process, and it takes time. However, it is all part of the process. At the beginning of my Character Design module, I was unsure if I wanted to show my sketches and ideas because of the fear of getting criticized. Moreover, I also knew that there are  really good artist in the course, and I was afraid that my work was not good enough to show. I now realize that not showing your work and consulting with people is not suitable for my development in this area. Furthermore, I started getting confused about what worked and what did not in my designs. And I lost confidence and motivation. I knew that If I wanted to have a career in character design and not only there, I have to be more confident in showing my work and not avoiding criticism because I needed it for professional development. I started talking more and communicating with people from university and people into art in general. And I now realize how important it is to get an opinion on your work even if it is not positive every time. It did have a serious impact on me in terms of what worked and what did not. Also, I am more confident now I still have a long way to go. Since the only way I have presented my designs has always been in 2D either in sketchbooks or computer drawing programs like Clip Studio Pro and Photoshop .3D was a challenge to learn. The program I decided to work on is Blender. I chose Blender because the options were a lot more precise in comparison to other programs like Maya. It was tough to remember the controls at first; however, as I practised and watched tutorials, I managed to get a grip of it. Moreover, now I enjoy working in 3D. Sculpting is the part I enjoy the most since I used to sculpt with real clay and create all types of models in the past. I find this way of 3D modelling way more artistic and expressive than regular poly modelling. I feel I need to practice more on 3D to develop my Character designing skills fully. Most of the inspiration I got from designing character mostly comes from old Animation movies, for example, ''Fire and Ice'' (Bakshi,1983) and ''Heavy Metal"(Potterton,1981) and old 1930's animation for example Merrie Melodies (Warner Bros.,1931) and Silly Symphony (Walt Disney,1929). What I like about the design of the characters in the 1930s is that they made something that is not human appear more human and lovable with only using simple shapes. Furthermore, I also like the retro aesthetics of the animations back then. The character design artists I admire and follow are Moebius, Jeron Braxton, Cornelia Geppert, Gary Baseman. In my opinion, to become a character artist, it is essential to value your work from a business standpoint when it comes to being a professional. There are several ways to make a living as a character artist. The first way is to work for a company as an employe, and the other one is as a freelance character design artist. As much as I want to work as a freelance artist and work for myself, I would instead prefer to work in a company to gain experience from other people while working in a team on a more significant project in a more extended period of time. Furthermore, for the beginning stage of my career, I would prefer to report to an art director to get directions in my work. However, working as a freelance artist you have control over your work and clients cannot provide me with work if they do not have a need for it due to the fact that I am not their employe. Moreover, my clients cannot dictate how much hours I work and how I do my work. However, I do prefer to work in a company in the beginning. University helps a lot with teaching you to work with people in a team. Some people prefer to work on their own I personally do however I think it is better if you are in a team where you can express your ideas so they can give a feedback if it works or not. Another thing which is important to develop as a skill is good communication with people. Since I will work in a team, it is important to show people that I am a person they can work with and express ideas with me. As a character designer, I do have responsibilities such as revise artwork according to feedback and teamwork. Working with storyboard and concept artist on how to incorporate the concept of art in different scenes. Read and understand the character's role in the script. To become a character designer, you have to be really artistic. For that, I have to imagine how I bring my character to life with my art. I also think outside the box so my character can develop its own unique personality and be different somehow. The Character design module in university described the steps to creating a character. It begins with creating a backstory of the character I have to have an idea of whom my character is by nailing down individual points such as gender, ethnicity, age, occupation, and attitude. A very crucial part is research. I usually have a problem with this part gathering references is not easy for so I spend more time searching for inspiration since it is the beginning part. After that, I prepare some concept art, and then I start modelling it in 3D. Before modelling the character, the process is long while I find a reference and create a sketch which I use to model from. After developing a workflow, I started to search for character design jobs in the UK, and I found many workplaces with excellent conditions. I am confident about the job because I think I have the qualities of being a great character designer. However, I still have much work to do and learn more techniques until people recognize me. When I searched for a job,  character designers' demand comes from video game firms and movies. Studios hire animators usually outside of the US because of the lower pay requirements. In conclusion, making money and a respectable living from art, in general, is a valid and real opportunity. Maybe it is not that easy; however, you should always respect and value your work from a business standpoint when it comes to being a professional if you want to make it in the industry. Overall I learned a ton a lot about character design thanks to the university and the research I made during the semester, and I realized that the only way to make it in the industry I have to be more confident in my work and not to be afraid to put my work out there. Not to take criticism as a negative thing but listen to it to better my work. I am practising the technical part of the job because I struggle with it at times, and the best way to learn is practice. Research is essential when I try to find inspiration for the work I make. Another thing is not to be afraid to ask people for help and advice when I am having a hard time. Since I am introverted, I struggle with spontaneous communication with people. However, I have been working on it for a couple of months, and I started to get better at it. The last thing is always to stay "hungry'' and never satisfied with anything in life. That is a way I stay motivated and driven to accomplish what I want in life. Moreover, to love what you do.

[bob-giovanni]

A Casual Affair - Part 2

Characters: Simon X OFC

Warnings: Cursing, Eventual Smut, AU/Pre-Apocalypse, Mentions of Illness

Summary: Violet and Simon get to know each other a little better.

Background Music: “Feel It Still” by Portugal the Man

Violet was stirred from sleep by her alarm clock. That little gray box was so evil. Violet groaned and rolled onto her back, wiggling her toes as she stretched her legs. After just laying there staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, Violet finally sat up. She stood and stretched her arms above her head, moaning softly as she felt her tight muscles start to loosen. She walked to the bathroom and turned the water on to warm up. She opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a hair clip. She held the clip with her teeth as she twisted her hair up, clipping it into place. She stripped out of her PJs and stepped into the shower. Violet was exhausted. She’d been up late chatting with her brother Matthew. Violet and Matthew had always been close. He was the only one in her family that seemed to understand her. She spent several hours on the phone with him telling him about what she’d learned about her new employer and the CEO. When she finally got off the phone with him it was nearly 1AM.

Hopefully a shower would wake her up. Violet stood under the water for a few minutes before washing herself. Once she was washed she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. She still felt pretty sleepy. Maybe listening to some music and dancing around a bit would help. She wrapped her towel tightly around her body before grabbing her phone and scrolling through her songs. Once she found one she knew she could dance to, Violet clicked the track to play it. She started swaying her hips as the bass line started. “Can’t keep my hands to myself. Think I’ll dust ‘em off, put ‘em back up on the shelf. In case my little baby girl is in need. Am I coming out of left field?” Violet took her towel off and threw it down as the chorus kicked in. “Ooh ooh I’m a rebel just for kicks now. I’ve been feeling it since 1966 now. Might be over now, but I feel it still!” Violet let her hair down and whipped it around as she danced and sang.

Once the song was over Violet felt a little more awake. She let her music keep playing as she dried herself off. Violet walked over to her dresser and pulled out a black bra and a lacy black thong. Once she slipped them one she walked to her closet to pick out an outfit. She pursed her lips and tilted her head as she looked through her clothes. She decided on a navy blue fit and flare style dress that fell just above her knees. She also grabbed a yellow cardigan with a flower sewn on the top left side. Once she was dressed, Violet headed to the kitchen and decided to make herself some breakfast. She dug through the fridge and grabbed what she needed.

While everything was cooking Violet made herself some coffee. She yawned, deciding to drink her coffee black today. She finished cooking her breakfast and sat at the kitchen table to eat. She scrolled through Instagram on her phone, chewing her bottom lip while she decided whether or not she wanted to be a creeper. With a sigh, Violet found Charlotte Scott’s account and looked through her pictures. A few rows down she saw a picture of her and Simon, obviously on their way to an event of some sort as she was wearing a beautiful ball gown and he was in a tuxedo. Violet was a big fan of Charlotte’s. She’d seen nearly every movie she’d ever been in. And she knew that the actress was married and had seen her husband before. When she got the job at Yellow House and did some research on them she just didn’t make the connection. Though, now, Violet was excited at the possibility of getting to meet her acting idol.

Violet finished up her breakfast and quickly washed her dishes before heading back to her bedroom to do her hair and makeup. She simply pulled her hair back into a messy bun before doing very light makeup, deciding to finish her look up with a simple lip gloss. She reached into her closet and pulled out a pair of red wedges that strapped around her ankles. Once she had her shoes on, Violet grabbed her purse and a light jacket just in case her cardigan wasn’t heavy enough before heading out the door and to the train. The ride was thankfully uneventful. It is only Tuesday. Violet wasn’t ready to deal with the early morning drunks yet. She got to her stop and exited the train, heading up the same stairs she used the day before and walking towards her building.

Violet looked at her phone as she approached the building. 7:40AM. She didn’t have to be in until 8AM technically but figured it would make a good impression to get there a little early. She walked up the front steps and entered. There was no one at the receptionist desk yet. Maybe the receptionist simply stepped away for a moment. Violet headed towards the elevator and went up to the 5th floor. Maybe Simon wasn’t in yet and she’d have some time to get settled. She exited the elevator and went to her desk, setting down her jacket and purse. She noticed that there was a pretty large stack of papers and folders on her desk. She jumped a bit when she heard a thud come from Simon’s office. She looked over and noticed that his door was cracked. She took a deep breath and walked to the door, knocking lightly. “Yeah?” She heard that same gruff voice answer. Violet pushed the door open a bit and stepped inside. “Good morning, Simon.” Simon looked up and then looked at his watch, making a surprised face. “Good morning. I left a bunch of stuff on your desk.” Violet nodded. “Yes, I noticed.”

Simon stood and walked to the door, motioning for Violet to follow him. He walked to her desk and picked up some of the papers. “These are notes that I need typed up. E-mail them to me when your done. These papers here are donations. I need the donations logged. You’ll find the file to enter everything on your desktop. Then the folders here need to be organized. You need to make sure all the right paperwork is in them. They’re labeled so you should be able to figure it out. Then you’ll need to take them to the 3rd floor and file them. Oh and…” Simon trailed off and jogged back into his office, returning a moment later with a sheet of paper. “Julia gave me this yesterday. Your credentials to sign into the computer.” Violet took the paper from Simon and smiled softly. “Great. Thank you.”

“Once you’re finished with this stuff I have plenty more folders on the couch in my office. I need them done as quickly as possible. Think you can handle all this?” Violet looked up at Simon and nodded. “It shouldn’t be a problem.” Simon grinned. “Excellent. Well you know where I am if you need me.” Violet nodded as Simon went back to his office and closed the door, leaving a cracked an inch or so. Violet sat at her desk and panicked for half a second before taking a few deep breaths to calm herself. She could do this. There’s nothing to it. “He told you everything you need to do. You can handle this.” Violet said to herself. She signed into the computer, making sure she could open all of the files and folders on her desktop before starting her tasks.

Around noon, Violet finished up with the folders that Simon had left on her desk and she took them to the 3rd floor and filed them away. This all seemed pretty idiot proof. Violet went back upstairs and stepped into Simon’s off. “Just getting some more folders.” Simon looked up from the file he was reading. “Ok, good work.” He looked at his watch and cleared his throat. “You hungry?” Violet looked over at him and shrugged. “I could eat.” Simon nodded and stood. “C’mon, why don’t we go to lunch. We can talk. Nothing scary. If you’re gonna be my assistant we should get to know each other a bit.” Violet chewed her bottom lip for a second and nodded. “Ok, sure.” Simon grabbed his hoodie off the coat rack and walked to his door, pulling it open so Violet could leave first. She went to bottom drawer of her desk and grabbed her purse before following Simon out.

The pair walked down the street to a small cafe at the corner. Simon held the door open for Violet to enter first. She nodded her thanks and walked to an empty table by the window. “Is this ok with you?” She asked. Simon nodded and pulled Violet’s chair out for her. She smiled softly and smoothed out the back of her dress before sitting down. “Thank you.” Simon sat across from Violet and grabbed the menu off the table, handing it to her. “I come here all the time so I know what I want already.” Violet took the menu and looked it over, deciding pretty quickly that she was getting a turkey club and french fries.

A waiter came to their table and took their orders, returning promptly with their drinks, a water for Violet and a beer for Simon. “You allowed to drink on company time?” Violet asked. Simon quirked an eyebrow. “I own the company. I pretty much do what I want.” Violet nodded a bit. There was an awkward silence between the two of them now. Simon was the one who suggested this lunch and there he was, face buried in his phone. After a few minutes Simon finally put his phone away and looked. “So…tell me a little about yourself.” Violet shrugged a bit. “What do you wanna know?” Simon sipped his beer and licked his lips. “Where are you from? What do you do in your spare time? Tell me about your family,”

Violet took a sip of water before speaking. “Well I was born in raised in San Diego. My parents are both corporate lawyers along with three of my brothers. My other brother works for the ACLU. I was salutatorian of my high school class. And I graduated near the top of my class from Tisch. I’ve wanted to live in New York since I was ten years old. That was the first time I came here. Even if I didn’t make it on broadway, just living here was enough motivation for me to actually make the move. In my spare time I watch probably too much TV and too many movies. I love anything with zombies or sharks. I love documentaries and scary movies.”

Simon grinned a bit. “I love scary movies too. I used to hate them when I was younger but in my twenties I just really started to love them.” Violet smiled. “I’ve always loved them. My dad is the one who got me into them. The Exorcist was my first scary movie when I was 6.” Simon laughed softly. “What? That seems like way too young.” “I know! My mom was furious when she found out. But I just loved it so much. Before I moved here my dad and I would get lunch and go to the movies once a month. We’d pick the scariest movie that was showing. Most of the time was spent laughing at the people around us who jumped and screamed.”

Simon smiled softly. He was enjoying the conversation that he and Violet were having. She seemed like a great girl. Simon put his elbows on the table and leaned forward a bit. “What about music? You like music right?” He asked. Violet nodded enthusiastically. “I love music. I listen to it all the time. Especially in the morning when I’m trying to wake myself up.” “What kind of music do you listen to?” Violet smiled at the waiter as he brought their food to the table, thanking him before he walked away. “Rock and alternative mostly. But I’ll listen to anything that sounds good really.”

Simon took a bit of his food and nodded. “Yeah, me too. I love rock though. Especially 80s hair bands.” Violet laughed. “That somehow doesn’t surprise me.” Simon smirked and shook his head. They were silent for several while they ate. After Violet finished her sandwich, she lick her lips before grabbing a napkin and wiping her mouth. Simon stared at Violet as she licked her lips. He quickly looked away when she smiled over at him. “That was delicious. Thank you for bringing me here.” Simon nodded. “Yeah, no problem. I just…I’m sure that Julia told you some things about me. I’m not a monster. I’m just a guy who goes to bat for his clients.”

Violet shook her head. “No, Julia didn’t say anything like that. She said you were eccentric. That’s all. And even if she had said anything like that, I mean I know we just met, but even I can see that you’re definitely not a monster and I hope that I didn’t do or say anything to make you think that I thought that.” Simon smiled softly. “You didn’t, don’t worry. I just don’t want us to get off on the wrong foot. If our working relationship is going to be strong then it’s important that we trust each other. And if I ever say anything that sounds douchey then you have my permission to tell me.” Violet laughed softly. “Ok, deal.”

Simon couldn’t help but notice Violet’s dimples as she laughed. He smiled to himself, snapping himself out of it when the waiter dropped the check off. Violet saw the check and reached for her purse. “I know you are not reaching for money right now.” Simon said as he pulled he wallet out of his pocket. Violet looked over at him. “I just assumed that…” Simon cut her off. “Assume nothing, young lady. This is on me. Well, it’s on the company.” Violet smiled and nodded. “Ok. Thank you, Simon.”

Once the bill was paid Simon sat back and continued sipping his beer. “So…what about friends? You have friends right?” Simon asked Violet. “Yeah, I mean most of my college friends have moved to LA or are busy on Broadway so I don’t see them that often. But a few of them are coming to visit next month and I’m really looking forward to it.” Simon nodded. “Nice.” Violet smiled. “What about you? Where are you from? What is your family like? What do you do in your spare time?” Simon sighed softly. “I’m from Alexandria originally. Born there. Lived there till I was 12. Then my dad got a job on Wall Street and we moved here. I’ve lived here ever since. I don’t really have a lot of spare time to be honest. Between running things here and jetting off to swanky Hollywood parties with my wife, I don’t get too much time to myself unfortunately.”

Violet pouted a bit. “Well that’s not good, I’m sorry to hear that. What about your family? Do they still live here?” Simon thought for a second. The story with his family was complicated and few people knew about his life before he was ‘famous.’ He decided that now wasn’t the time to start down that path. “Ya know, Violet. That is a story for another time.” Violet nodded. “You said my name. Julia said it would take you a while to know my name.” Simon smiled and shrugged. “You seem like good people. I know the names of good people.” Violet blushed lightly. “Oh, wow. Thank you. You seem pretty awesome too.”

Simon grinned and stood. “Shall we head back?” Violet nodded and stood as well, grabbing her purse and sliding the strap over her shoulder. “Yes, we shall.” Simon walked to the door of the cafe and held it open for Violet. They walked dow the street back to the office and got in the elevator, heading back up to their floor. Violet put her purse away and sat at her desk as Simon went back to his office, leaving the door open this time.

Once 5PM rolled around, Violet finished up what she was working on and logged out of her computer. She grabbed her things and walked over to Simon’s office. “Hey, Simon. Do you need anything before I leave?” Simon looked up at her and smiled softly, shaking his head. “I don’t but thank you very much for asking, Have a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Violet smiled. “Thank you. You have a good night as well.” Violet turned and left. As she walked to the train station she couldn’t help but smile. She had been worried that working for Simon was going to be rough because of his personality or attitude. She assumed that because he was the CEO of this company that he would be a dick. But he was such a nice person and she felt bad for making that assumption. She felt much better after having lunch with him and getting to know him a little and knew that they were getting to along just fine.

Tags: @66psychotic99 @simons-thirst-squad

#Steven Ogg #Simon TWD #Simon the Savior #TWD Fanfiction #Simon X OFC

[crystaljjohnson]

What the *Edit* is the Problem

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m a fan fiction snob. I’m an avid reader and I want it all in a book, a great plot line, proper grammar, detailed descriptions of the prevalent settings and characters I feel connected with. It might sound like I’m asking for a lot, and trust me, I am! I want to be sucked into a story to the point my real-life problems fade to the background for a bit and I get to live the life of someone else. I want to see, hear, taste, smell and touch what they do, go where they go, feel what they feel. I need to get lost in the story.

Nothing messes up my reading flow like a mistake, and it’s not just word errors. Flip-flopping physical characteristics, contrasting setting descriptions and misplaced sentences, they are hard for me to move past and are guaranteed to make the next two to five sentences incomprehensible. I get it, we are Wattpad and/or Tumblr authors, we don’t have a ton of money to dish out for professional editing of our books, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for perfection. Here are four easy steps to help edit your fanfic and avoid tripping up your readers groove.

1.       Character Profiles – Ever read a fic and three chapters in you are flipping back to the beginning of the book because you swear the writer changed a character’s eye or hair color? Annoying, isn’t it? Any reoccurring character should have a basic profile write up. Jot down in a notebook the physical features and basic history of the characters, this will act as a reference point and help lock the info in your head.

I choose to complete very detailed profiles on all my main characters and a slightly less thorough one for my supporting characters. It is hella time consuming but worth it, and here is an example why. In my first fanfic, the Only Exception, I had written that my MC’s parents never got married and then later in the book wrote they were. YIKES! I published the book with that doozy. Thankfully, a reader pointed it out to me, but I was totally embarrassed. The relationship between Autumn and her parents was pivotal to the plot and I’d botched it. Since then I have created Excel spread sheets with all the info I would need about my fictional beings. I solemnly swear, I am doing everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen again.

2.       Artificial Intelligence – Most apps focusing on writing like Wattpad and Tumbler will automatically underline misspelled words, but they are unable identify grammar errors. I am a huge fan of Microsoft Word, is my best friend when it comes to getting the thoughts in my head down on paper. It is not perfect, but it does catch a majority of my grammatical blunders and mistyped words. I also use the Find function in Word to identify any overused words like, that, just and very. I’d honestly, be lost without Word, but I don’t solely rely on it. I use it in conjunction with Wattpad, I write my chapters in Word and when I paste them into Wattpad I scroll through and see if that program finds any errors. I double up, doing whatever I can to avoid typing mistakes.

3.       Read Aloud – I know you might sound crazy reading your book to yourself out loud but you gotta let go and do it. When you read to yourself, you have a tendency to breeze through phasing which may sound ridiculous out loud. Trust me, I do it every damn week with this blog. I read it to myself over and over again, it seems perfect until the minute I read it to Tony. What I found to be a masterpiece when internally read, is a mess coming out of my mouth. If you want to know how your story is going to sound to your reader than read it aloud.

4.       Question It – The other day I was on a road trip with my niece and we were reading fanfictions which fell in the same genre as mine. Yep, I check out your fanfics and yes, I am comparing just like I do with a published author. It’s homework, my friends. Anyways, back to the story. So, this fic was riddled with contradictions. One minute, the MC was in a dark alley where she couldn't see anything, and the next Harry is down from her at the opening and she can make out the “sparkling green of his eyes”. What the hell? Was it pitch-black or was it dimly lit, it can’t be both at the same time. The character was going to quietly sneak away from her pursuer and then she decided to run with no explanation as to the change of heart. This book was giving me whiplash from all its indecisiveness. Pick a direction and roll with, don’t make the character everything all at once.

Rule of thumb, if you have to reread your sentence or paragraph because you are confused about what you were trying to convey, re-write it. Don’t try to reason it, because your reader sure isn’t. A shitty phrase will remain a shitty phrase.  

But C, I don’t have time to do all of that, I just want to post my story and jump to the next chapter. I’ll fix it later.

Have at it, who am I to tell you how to post your work? Perhaps your mistakes will be outshined by your intriguing storytelling and readers like me are a rarity. Maybe most people just want to read a cluster of words with no rhyme or reason, or maybe they are not looking for something which transports them from their real-life. Maybe you like writing but you don’t have a goal to make a profession out of it. Maybe you should buckle down and not procrastinate when it comes to editing your work before you share it with the world. Just some thoughts.

Let me finish by telling you what is going to happen if you choose not to edit before you post. You are going to put up a half-assed story and the reader is going to see that. They are not going to feel drawn back to your book for the next update because the last one was a mess. Ultimately, your number of readers will never increase, and without readers you will lose your motivation to write and your story will go unfinished. Don’t set your book up to fail by being lazy and putting off this crucial process. To create an amazing story, you have to perfect it, and to do that you must edit.  

#writing #Writing tips #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic problems #fan fic writing #Wattpad

[sun-moonflowers]

Decluttering thoughts

I’m not too sure where exactly to begin writing this because my thoughts have been extremely crowded recently. I attempted to clear this up, perhaps unsuccessfully, in terms of finding some resolution or peace with myself. Writing has not proved itself to appease, however unrelentingly I have scribbled in the past few days about worries both real and petty. To first account for my decision of putting this up here instead of my proxy for the few reasons being this is primarily text and the latter does not serve this purpose in its primary function; it also takes the formality out of the context that i wish to preserve; neither do I have to consider the relevance or ill-relevance of an image to match this murk for whichever image I choose will either be unequable in what I am trying to convey. In part, I owe this slightly pretentious formality to what I have been reading — it is fascinating to consider how what we read affects our manner of speech so readily, how we are such malleable creatures — most of which are academic, some incoherent and others dense but illuminating, all of which in their certain positives have momentarily assumed my speech as so. I have marked my prose with sub-headers, if you wish to skip the parts that less interest you, do feel free. 

An indefinite break from social media

I have a couple of thoughts lately, which I refer to as contemplations because they involve an action or call to action which I am pondering over its necessity and consequence. Among it includes the consideration to do away with my proxy platform. This in part is due to a larger desire to distance myself from social media and go offline for an extended period — by this I mean an indefinite hiatus. Lately it has occurred to me that this pressure of visibility is unwarranted and unnecessary, even distracting to making good art or good work. It is something I could do without because neither my life nor my income depends on it (though I have no income to speak of currently.) If I am finding nothing meaningful in whatever I post and all these actions are in fact mere gestures, self-aggrandising and therefore possessing the power to do otherwise, should it not be without a question to do without so as to do better? Another of which stems from the inadequacy of the platform in presenting thought and coherence as I would like it. Owing to my obsessive natures in this respect, it is frustrating to deal with it all the time. So for those of you who read this will know then, that if my silence has become obvious, it is not without reason. I would then request for you to write to me instead, if you so wish to know how I am. Letters are most welcome, but the instantaneous messages over mobile devices will not be shunned either. This distance is aimed at breaking the attachments formed between my sense of self, time and occupation with the entrapment of social media and its dangers, folly, excessive — not friendships.  

Academic woes: a headache basically

A rut that I have been within in the past couple of days has been with regards to my next essay. This predicament can be attributed to a few things that form my incoherence and hence no sense of direction in which to take for this essay. To provide context, I am researching on Orientalism in the 19th century. My initial idea was to compare and contrast ballet repertoires choreographed during the late 19th century to early 20th century, and their representation of the Orient/ Exotic/ Other through the female body. Ideally, this would create many opportunities for discussion: fear projected in terms of imperialism, or perhaps classism thereby leading to ornamentalism rather than Said’s Orientalism; the male gaze and the female nude as prevailing practices and the Orient is a means of perpetuating that rather than representing anything; using Freud’s analysis on dreams and the erotic to explore if perhaps the sexualisation and sensualisation of the exotic is a deeper desire concealed by the Europeans than necessarily a means of subjugating the Other, for the Other is perhaps merely a means in which to distance such desires from themselves as they would hope to preserve as pristine, godly, restrained. 

But, not everything goes as we intend it to be. There is a sore lack of research on Orientalism in ballet, and a greater cavity in the archival footages of ballet in the past. In part, photography was only gaining momentum in its infancy and the acclaimed  Diaghilev also made sure that no recording of his choreography was permitted. That poses the question: how do you write about ballet if you have yet to see it live for yourself, even if through a screen? I can only read about it, and as with all secondary accounts, they might not be entirely factual; and as with all theatrics, there is a habit of exaggeration in play that I expect no less of an extravagance like ballet. So right now I am left with the ballet-russes of the 20th century, not 19th century — and only one was extensively publicised and studied over (that being Schehezerade, inspired by the Arabian Nights), and perhaps Salome, but that is a biblical tale, not exactly about the Eastern culture at all. I ever thought of doing a cross study of ballet, painting and perhaps poetry or literature, but none quite inspires as much as my initial imperative. 

A part of me also wishes to make study the psychological/ social use of the East to represent sensuality and sexuality during that time. Perhaps as time continues to pass, I will not have the liberty to be choosy about this. Having written all these down, I surprisingly might find a way around this. I shall first delve into the possibility of the latter as my directive and see if there are possibilities for such. It feels like such a huge task because there is so little written about it, which might be an optimistic thing, in terms of originality, yet it also places such immense pressure on validating the arguments. It could go right with this, or very very wrong. I have rambled too much about my homework, which I would assume, not even make much sense to anyone other than myself. But all this is cathartic in a way. Now moving on —

The New Year and Turning 21

It is the doubling of the new year and turning a year older that always somehow leaves me more troubled and reclusive during this period than one would perhaps expect of in the festivity of the new year. This year has proven more weighing than the others, and if you may ask what turning 21 feels like, I think I have an answer compared to any one who thinks there’s not much change. It is only those still amid transitionary states do they feel most deeply what the ‘coming-of-age’ truly entails. Most days I am rattled by the worries of finances, and the ability to manage it properly and more than just adequately. I admit that I have ridiculous savings plans that require me to eat myself but I am confident that they are not impossible. This ridiculous savings plan is a method of future planning because this will be my funding after I graduate and anticipate the few months that I need to fight very crazily hard to stay here. It is almost sickening to think that if I save half of my allowance every month, I would have only saved a year of my tuition fees by the time I graduate. But it also reveals to me how hard I need to make my education worthwhile and my time here more worthwhile than anyone else. I also loathe the financially-conscious me who has to opt out of everything because it just isn’t within my priority nor means to do so. If you read this, I am not asking for sympathies or what not, maybe just the courtesy of not talking about it because it is already on my mind 24/7 and I just don’t want to talk about it further. 

Money is a very real and disgusting problem, but we cannot do away with it, that would require an upheaval of entire economies and world that we have long set in stone for ourselves to relinquish. So as always this still stands: to beat the system is to excel in it, and gain the freedom in which it will allow you the options to stay away from it. I spent New Year’s Eve and countdown vacuuming the house and changing my sheets, making my house clean after two weeks of holiday. It’s the reality that a celebration is momentary and there are more important things to see to — the celebration can perhaps wait until you are in the mood for it. While everyone is planning some big party and joyous thing, I’m just thinking if I should catch that movie cause it would cause money; if I should go for tea as a treat to myself but that would also cost unnecessarily which I can instead use for classes or something else; staying at home alone would seem too sad and sorry; maybe I should take my film camera out for the afternoon and explore London instead. (But I am looking forward to dinner with Lynn that evening.) 

Yesterday, I wrote a list of goals for the year: things I wish to accomplish in this year. It is encouraging and motivating to have that list up on my desk wall. Let’s hope I do stick to realising them. And perhaps I should even do away with using the word ‘hope’ excessively, because it only provides excuses and consolation for when I do not actually accomplish anything. To also reduce the dependency on these words: ‘just’, ‘maybe’, ‘hope’. 

Unemployment; recruitment is a pain

Currently still unemployed. It is disheartening when you can’t even get a temporary job under your school because it’s by a first come first serve basis — and though you think you would be the first when you reply to the email immediately, you’re just that few letters short of time. How shameless can one also get? Or which desperation drives us into. I applied for the same job which rejected my application last October because I really really want to work there. There is no reply and I only think of the worst lately. Next week, I tell myself to grit my teeth and go to a few places to ask if they have any part-time vacancies. I am crossing my fingers I get some good news with that. If I have this job, then I wouldn’t have to worry so much about finances. I also tell myself it is only 4 months since I’ve moved here and I need to give London some time, so time I will take. But recruitment, you really are a pain. 

My thoughts have presently escaped me and I shall pause here till they return, should they ever. School reopens tomorrow and many things await but taking a step at a time. Adulthood is terrifying and burdensome and whoever thought of this vicious cycle is a maniac. (We are worse, for buying into it and living it.)

[depressed-fox]

Horses

My therapist recommended that I make a list of everything going on in my head when I wake up in the morning. Nothing censored, nothing compromised. At first, I had a hard time clearing my head of that list. It was a long list. Then it transformed into a stream of consciousness. Hey, finally spelled that right. xD

Anyway, this is what I ended up writing down. Maybe others can relate?

Fair warning, I am not editing this, at all. Whoever reads this will get an uncensored glimpse into my thoughts. At least, the ones that are at the front of my brain. I have so many thoughts at the same time that I only had time to write down what was in my main thoughts. It’s still a very private world that I am sharing with you. No judging, alright? My anxiety is going up high enough as it is.

Writing for comics Playing Sonic Playing Hyrule Warriors Practicing drawing in Illustrator Keep reading library book (comics) Listen to music Sing along Keep trying out the money site Check in on Acorn Why am I depressed, today? Will this actually work? "Meet me at the con" stuck in my head Watch YouTube Should put away the chair Watch needs charging What ever happened to writing for money? Wish I was making money, already. It's raining I have a lot of horses. =\ I should practice drawing foxes, again Itchy head Wow... for a moment, my head was clear. Putting aside thoughts actually works for a bit. "At the con... At the con... At the con!" Still going. -_- Stream of conciousness I spelled that wrong -_- Not gonna correct it, though. It's not so much the amount of horses as getting all of my thoughts down. I have a lot of thoughts all at the same time. Pretty focused now, though, just writing my immediate thoughts. Still got that music going through my head. Wonder how long I should continue to write this? I've gotten far away from what I originally wanted this to be. I was even thinking about putting my list of horses into an excel sheet so that I could prioritise them. I can never remember what words use Z and what words use S. =\ Song is still going, though it is quieter, now. I don't want to play music right now because it might influence my thoughts. I've already written so much that the "list" part of it is almost off my screen. Well, outside the window. Not like this window is full screen. That would be boring, wouldn't it? Not much there to write about if there is nothing on screen to trigger thoughts. Then again, I'm mostly looking down at my keyboard. Having a blank screen might help with the stream of conciousness. Still spelling it wrong. Why do I care? This is my text. If I leave myself lax here then I will mess it up when I am writing something important or talking to a friend when the auto-correct isn't working. Not that it has any idea of what it's doing, anyway. Why do I talk as thought inanimate objects have feelings and thoughts? It's like I personify them to make them the enemy instead of my own personal problems. I rush to text. I don't take the time to correct my mistakes. Even as I was writing that, I literally was correcting mistakes because my fast typing is making me make too many errors. My nose is itchy. My head is itchy. I should trim my nails. Still itchy. I guess this is about as stream od consiousness you can get. Nope, still spelled it wrong, and even typoed "of" Is there even a word for the past tense verb of typo? Is it even considered a verb at any point? I should look that up at some point. Then again, if I look that up, this will end. But if I don't look it up, I never will. I've had this question many times before. I just forgot. Wish I didn't have such a terrible memory. I try my best to remember things, but it just vanishes. I know Laura said that I give my brain too much credit, but it feels like my brain has its own brain, or uses mine against me. There I go, again. Personifying things. My brain is not its own person with its own motives and personalities. My brain is a fleshy tool that I need to use and upgrade over time. And keep out of the gutter when I am trying to be serious. Why does everything always remind me of sex? I'm a pervy guy. Apparently that's not a word, either. But why am I a pervy guy? What part of my brain and my past has lead me to think about sex this often? I suppose my dad had a part in it. He is constantly making perverted jokes and making references to sex and grabbing mom's boob's all the time. I mimic what I know. Hell, we even both like to walk around naked. Though I don't do it in front of Noel. She has a serious problem with nudity. I don't want to force that onto her. Besides, with her not being my real daughter and with laws how they are today, I'm pretty sure that's illegal, now. =\ We have far too many stupid laws in this country. It's like we want everyone who is not rich to be in prison so that can abuse them for cheap labor. Probably exactly what it is. Now it just feels like I'm wasting time. Not tim. More typos. I have far to many of them. "Meet me at the con"

It just keeps going and going. Not the song, my thoughts. It never stops. Not for more than a few seconds. The first thing back into my head is always some damn song. And she thinks I don't need a medicine? That I don't have ADHD? These are just the thoughts in the forefront of my mind. Every time I typo I degrade myself. Especially the same typo over and over again. How many times have I substituted H for M? Or added an unneeded A to WHY? Or missed a letter entirely? Half the words I say, my fingers are trying to type something else. Especially in that sentence. It's taken a while for me to write all of this. Well, not too long. Just seems like a long time to me. Trying my best to focus on doing this. Not giving up. Not switching to my browser to do something at random. Half the time I don't know what I want to do because my brain gives me 10 different suggestions. And yet, there are times when none of them are appealing. That's probably the depression. Stupid fat fingers. I type a lot of double letters. I mess up so much that I automatically catch most of them and fix them, without even looking at the screen. And now a cat wants back inside. "At the con... at the con... at the con..."

By the way, the song that’s been stuck in my head all day is “At the con” by Nerf Herder. A strange song, if nothing else. Very geeky. You should check it out. :)

#stream of consciousness #daily thoughts #horses #experiment #therapy