hate to say it, but part of ending the stigma around sexual assault means not assuming every woman blames herself. yes, female socialization encourages it, but that doesn’t make it a given, and the goal of all of these campaigns is to eventually diminish the proportion of women who do blame themselves. it is entirely possible, and increasingly common, for women to experience sexual assault and not feel shame or guilt, which we should be happy about. but instead, there are only so many times you can hear “you know it’s not your fault, right?” before it sounds like “it was your fault”. and there’s only so many times you can hear “don’t blame yourself” before it sounds like “you should blame yourself”. because it feels good to say, doesn’t it? sure, you don’t believe she’s guilty, but you do believe she should feel guilty, so that you can disabuse her of the notion. just something to consider.
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the tiny, inside the walls, hyping themself up: It’s totally fine. Everything I’ve seen from this human shows that they’re kind, level headed, and normal. There’s utterly nothing wrong with this human, and I can totally befriend them! I shouldn’t be scared at all!
the tiny: *peeks out hole in the bathroom wall, looking up at the giant before them*
the giant, in front of the bathroom sink, obliviously doing their nightly routine: *removes their dentures*
the tiny, has no concept of what dentures are, who just saw this behemoth remove all the bones and flesh from its own mouth in one swift pull, without a flinch of pain: what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck
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You have written at least 1 No Scenarios AU before, so what do you think would happen to ORV KDJ if the scenarios never happened? In your wall fic, KDJ gets a stable job and a still ongoing story about YJH but at around the same time in the novel KDJ is about to be unemployed while WOS is coming to a close. Do you think ORV KDJ would be able to find another job (maybe like in your wall fic) or stay in contact with YSA or be fine without WOS? I’ve seen others say that KDJ might contemplate suicide again, or that he would never come to terms with his mom and his past in a No-Scenario event. What are your thoughts on the possible differences between this KDJ and your wall fic’s KDJ?
Hmm that's a good question... I think most important to whether or not Kim Dokja contemplates suicide again is whether or not WoS ends in the same way it does in cannon and how he reacts to it without the scenarios. My feeling is that when Kim Dokja survives his first attempt, he goes online and searches something to the effect of 'How to survive in a ruined world' and stumbles across a page publishing WoS, and he follows it for all these years because he is still looking for an answer to that question. I think a lot of people can relate to that drive for media consumption that is like... 'please, I just want to feel different after this, I want this to mean something.' WoS is a story about what happens to a man forced to survive the apocalypse over 1800 times and this is analagous to KDJ who endures the sisyphusian burden of being a regular guy with no friends every goddamn day lol. KDJ has been waiting for WoS to tell him what it has all been for. An important part of WoS's construction is that HSY knew KDJ's future while writing it. In this way, WoS was like a promise to KDJ, 'please just keep living, we're coming soon, the people who love you will appear, please just wait for them a little longer..'
In a world where this future doesn't come to pass, the original ending of WoS would lose a lot of this meaning. we get a bit of a preview of this reality in the sort of... Oh... That's it? Moment KDJ has after reading 'the end' at the start of ORV and then there's his messages with the author. So with this as the starting point I will say I find it likely KDJ could work himself up to another attempt just based on the ending of 'surviving 1863 times was for nothing because reality is limited and there are no true heroes' bc his internal just like YJH moments would end up depressing like 'doing all this work for nothing in the end...' but like you say there's more fun options if you get our ORV ladies involved. For instance, I could see KDJ disbelieving the ending or wanting a better conclusion for YJH and messaging the author about such things. Imagine that as One True Author HSY is fading, 26(?) Yo HSY wakes up to see she has a weird alternate account she's typing on? What? And looking at her computer history she realizes she sleep wrote this novel? Wow her genius knows no bounds...
I think for an author like HSY, having a single dedicated reader to converse with who takes the story to be as important as it is in your head is a really big thing, and her popular web novels never have anything like that. So when she has this account that's this one way channel with KDJ she's like oh haha fuck this guy what a loser he likes this webnovel that doesn't even have a good ending like mine did... I could write so much better of an ending awake than I did asleep... So she starts writing extras at KDJ's behest. Except her style is totally different and very fanservicey, except she doesn't understand the fan she's serving very well yet?
On KDJ's end I think maybe YSA takes concern after he reveals he doesn't have a position lined up after his contract ends and starts sending him any and all opportunities she sees around. At first he awkwardly thanks her and doesn't pursue them right away, but while WoS is ongoing again in this weird new direction, he starts applying around. He either gets another office job or honestly I could see him working at a convenience store or something (maybe he has a system where if there's a fly in the store a certain bug net carrying kid can catch it for candy rewards...).
While HSY is writing WoS extras, KDJ is constantly complaining and it eventually shakes down to a long one on one conversation between the two of them about why WoS and it's ending matters so much to KDJ. He wants a happy ending that he can Believe, not just a 'happy ending' standard formula, because those exist for a different Type of person than YJH (KDJ) is. So HSY doggedly works at writing and revising it until KDJ could possibly be satisfied... But maybe comes to the conclusion that there's no way WoS could end and satisfy KDJ so they decide to write a sequel that only HSY snidely sees as a KDJ self insert fanfiction of the original work so HSY is writing RPF of random guy who read her sleep-wrote novel ending up in her sleep-wrote novel and that's ORV. I like to think that somehow ORV would become popular even though WoS itself would remain in obscurity like people would think it was made up just as the premise for ORV and not look for the actual novel lol. Then I think HSY and KDJ could be very Established online friends and maybe even meet up in person to talk shit. As for his mom, she'd get out of prison but I don't think she and KDJ would meet up again unless maybe HSY coached him or his mom reached out first. I have some more specific ideas about how it's going to go in Wall fic I wanna keep close to the belt for now.
But yeah without WoS or any of the IRLs' intervention, KDJ's story is def one of that passive suicidality that comes from not even being able to imagine a future worth surviving for. Without a driving motivation to keep living, KDJ becomes unemployed, food becomes scarce, he might drift through some systems for a bit before reaching the end. I don't know if he'd still take action himself, but he'd definitely be another person just sitting around waiting to die. Of course, even for such a person there are avenues to keep living. Like I said, low level job at a convenience store or something could be pretty okay. It's a close knit team with a small group of customers and he doesn't have to care too much about the job to get it done. He could do little niceties for people like he likes to do and just have it taken as good customer service. But he would still definitely be Waiting for whatever next thing would come along, be it a new novel or like a robber coming to kill him lol. I could imagine him getting held up and being like... Do it. Take the shot. I'm a 30 yo working at a convenience store do you think I have something to live for. And maybe he'd get promoted to manager.
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I hate when people dismiss the Phoebe thing as Scully simply having been jealous. She was his best friend first, and she did what any good friend would have
yeah it's pretty reductive, honestly. scully has been very protective of mulder since the pilot; the first 3 episodes of the show are literally her committing to him, holding a man hostage at gunpoint to find him, and cutting ties with her friends who make fun of him.
this was largely her arc in squeeze, after only having known him for a couple of weeks, as she defends him to colton multiple times
and, in the end, concludes that she would rather be “on the side of the victim” with mulder than climb the ladder with her classmates, and tells colton to fuck off the next time he’s rude about her partner
in ghost in the machine, she's disapproving of jerry from the moment they meet, knowing literally nothing about him except that he used to work with mulder
and she instantly recognizes the profile that jerry presents as mulder's work, whispering to him to ask if that's his, to which he replies "forget it, no" and then later fibs and says that jerry apologized for stealing it (once you tell your best friend you can't go back lol)
all of these examples pre-date her behavior in fire, and are episodes where she's put in situations navigating mulder around other men
y'all remember the first time she met krycek and just flat out refused to shake his hand lmao
i touched on this a little bit in my post on fire, but scully really was just so enthralled by him from the very beginning. she grew up on a military base with her navy captain father and two brothers, and her only relationships have been with older men in power.
she instantly is so aligned with mulder and that there's something different in him than she's used to, but she's aware that the openness and softness that she's so drawn to in him makes him more vulnerable, and she's desperate to protect it
in beyond the sea, the very next episode after fire, she screams at boggs that if mulder dies she'll gas him into hell herself, and boggs tells her that he's tasted the afterlife.
that it's a cold and dark place, and mulder's looking in on it now. she replies, "it might be a cold dark place for you, but it's not for mulder"
she knows him, and she's so moved by him and what he wants to do in the world. these are the values that she left medicine to follow.
"jealousy" honestly doesn't even compare to the kind of ferocious protectiveness that she feels towards him from the very start, she really doesn't trust anyone around him for anything. they can't possibly get it like she does, if they treat him that way.
he may not care if people call him names or steal from him or try to make him walk through fire, but he really is just her best friend. and she can't stand it.
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EDIT: Wing's perspective made me question my existence so I redrew that.
I struggled to do Gabriel's armor so I drew V1 instead.
I don't think I even know how to properly render textures and stuff. Until now all rendering I do is flat color at the bottom + multiply and glow dodge layer drawn (almost all) with pure grey.
This time I tried drawing all in one layer, with who-knows-what-its-name-is-in-English watercolor brush.
Gabriel is another beast of its own. I can't even pick the flat color right. V1's blue armor is easier to handle.
Anyway, it's quite fun... but probably should've studied color theory or some rendering stuff like that.
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