#I feel ready to vomit

[willkimurashat]

Hmm, what is this.. tingle in my fingers? What is this.. scratching in my brain? What is…? Am I..? Am I having a… an urge to write?🫢 Am I nearing.. the end of my… writing hiatus?🫢 Oh. Oh dear..🫢

#i feel it in my fingers i feel it in my toes #am i ready? #did my brain finally have enough time to reset? #is it finally time to resume my fanfiction writing career? #is my brain finally ready to vomit words onto the blank word doc #litg #love island the game #litg fanfic #litg ff #writing #writeblr #fanfic #fanfiction

[villainsrph]

hey everyone ! this is a big update that I've been trying to properly put together for a minute. between the holidays, IRL work, general life management, etc - I simply have not been here. I've always been slow, but my presence here has basically been non-existent and I apologize for that.

TL;DR commissions will be closed and no new work will be accepted for at minimum two to three weeks, if not longer! I'm transitioning commissions to being a side-gig as opposed to my full time job, and it's been tougher than I expected. I appreciate everyone bearing with me! under the cut is a good old genuine word-vomit processing a lot of big feelings I've had the last month and a more in depth explanation of my current situation!

I appreciate everyone who has commissioned me over the years and that continues to do so! I'm excited to continue to create for you guys in the future, with a healthier work mindset and schedule! all is well, I'm happy and starting to do well, and happy holidays to everyone!

(this paragraph is solely me gushing about my job, I could do it for hours.) I really love my IRL job. (I've posted it before, but to those who hadn't seen, I work in a movie theater now!) this is genuinely something I can see becoming a full fledged career for me and I didn't expect that. I have so much fun, I leave work feeling fulfilled and appreciated, and I've become close with practically every member of our staff. my identity as a trans man is respected as well. I'm also already having more opportunities within the company being offered to me, and I want to put the proper energy into it.

that is why I've been taking time to rest when I can and not push myself to be here online if I'm not physically or mentally in the right mindset to create, or putting a time limit on myself to do so. my anxiety surrounding my finances is something I've struggled with for years. going into a paid, consistent position has been eye-opening and so healthy for me. I never thought I'd be able to accomplish that (I certainly wasn't fit to in the past) and I'm genuinely very proud of myself and happy.

I've revolved everything in life around commissions in previous years, and not always in the healthiest way. I've taken the last few weeks to re-evaluate my feelings and expectations that I and I alone put on myself to be here. my life has changed a lot this year. truly from the lowest of low, to a place that is happy and warm. it feels appropriate to be going into the new year with taking a new outlook on life and work in general.

while I won't be stopping commissions any time soon, as I said above, I've been struggling to break out of the mindset of this being my sole full time job that I rely on and transitioning it into more of a side job for me. so to start with making healthier strides here, I am not going to be accepting commissions at least for the next two to three weeks at minimum. I'm going to solely focus on the current list and get caught up when I'm free to, and re-evaluate how much of my time I can properly dedicate to commissions every week. I want to find a good balance of commissions, my career, and my home life - with, for the first time since I started, commissions taking the backseat.

thank you again to everyone who has been patient with me beyond reason, who has commissioned me, bought templates, etc ! y'all are the reason I've been able to get to this point in my life, and I will forever be unbelievably fucking grateful. and if you actually read all of this, thank you.

#this is all a huge word vomit #but I needed it out of my brain tbh #it's been an Awful day irl due to some home/holiday stuff and I just needed to process some feelings #I love you guys so much and I'll never be able to convey how much I appreciate y'all #well and fucking truly #out. #this is something I've needed to do for a long time #and I'm ready to make that step!

[conderkyl]

New hair who dis

#my face #good god am i insecure af rn and hate everything about myself but hey i have cool hair #hair dye #anyone wanna just come kill me? cause im ready to not feel like i wanna vomit just thinking about what i have to do #and when i nearly have a panic attack everytime i have to go to work #im not cut out for being alive #think i gotta just let go sometimes

[sovaharbor]

do you know how fucking stupid it is to be terrified out of your mind over leaving the house and being in a car for ~40 minutes tomorrow. do you know how fucking stupid it is to overhear your mom on the phone with your dad as they bicker over what could possibly be so scary about going to a doctors appointment tomorrow. do you know how fucking stupid it is to get so anxious just Thinking about tomorrow that you start shaking and have to force-feed yourself your favorite chicken gnocchi soup while you literally try to not vomit from the sheer amount of anxiety you are feeling. do you Know how Stupid it is.

#i am the world's biggest fawking idiot #and my body and brain are a very close second #DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING STUPID IT IS TO HAVE A PHOBIA OF VOMITING AND YOUR BODY'S MAIN RESPONSE TO SEVERE ANXIETY IS TO MAKE YOU SO NAUSEOUS #THAT YOU GAG ALL DAY AND NEARLY HORK WHILE TRYING TO FEED YOURSELF FOOD. DO YOU KNOWWWWWWWWW. #i literally dont know what god i angered to make me an anxious almost-puker at this point in my life but it's awful and i hate it thanks #i think the worst thing is ive been telling my dad for months that i didnt think i'd be mentally ready to go to this appointment #because i freak out just going 5 minutes away to publix. and this is a 40+ minute drive going like 60 mph and im like!!! haha!!!!!!! #i literally just want to cry and curl up in a ball and do absolutely nothing at all ever i feel so stupid lol...

[fumifooms]

Me about my current questionable rareship hyperfixation fr

I think it’s because of how simultaneously so obvious that they’re using each other and shady yet still keep up some civil act of courtesies and just? Kinda vibing together despite it all anyways. Oh, how they feel so alone even around people, and they choose each other as their one confidante… Except Larys, that mofo keeps his feels inside until he dies, but u know what I think his shit-eating grins and lil twinkles in his eyes are the most he’s ever allowed himself to emote and show himself and I dig that. Give me the corruption arcs yes yes yes

Also I think we don’t quite emphasize on how familiar they seem with each other after the time skip- Ya ok it’s been ten years of living in the same castle and being “allies” ig but y’all have some private dinner routine?? Alicent called him Larys without titles or last name?? At this point it’s very possible that he’s not as detached to her as we’d assume, and yeah the Harrenhal fire is a weird blackmail gotcha favor thing but also there might be some sparks of passion there too ngl. My family straight up just went “I mean yeah it’s strongly implied they have some relationship going on” and I do not want to believe it bc of my biased shipping goggles but larycents are we winning?? Anyways I have thoughts and I want to dissect Larys like a frog why are you like this my man I have concerns I -falls back into Shinji chair pose-

#my current state of living is unmovingly pondering over philosophy then typing up a word vomit about them then going right back to it #larycent has given me quality brainrot and I *am* neglecting college work for it thank u for asking #larycent #house of the dragon #larys strong #alicent hightower #this is my blog n i wordvomit as much as I want #enjoy #small analysis #i am so ready for them both to get even more messed up #OH also I have a post planned about the french dub bc larys’ voice feels different in itand it’s so interesting #how can a guy be such a hound and sound like some crocodile tears puppy at the same time #Fascinating #sorry for dominating the larycent tag I am going cray cray #still day 1 of begging for a larycent discord

[rainofthetwilight]

guess who is skipping both school and swim practice bc the cold got WORSE

#levi's ted talks #not ninjago #i literally only slept for a few hours then woke up burning and with a stomach ache #i feel so dizzy too and feel like i need to vomit #and my nose feels so weird #and if it wasnt for the cold im skipping swim practice because of my period too #god damnit #and i need to also wait for my siblings to come back from swim practice after school so we cant watch dr pt2 together #since the power cuts off at 3 pm everyday since september or smth #and we return at 2 pm #and right at 4 we get ready for our swim practice #could this day get any better???

[polyamquackity]

Normal day

#wake up super late forgetting i have to run errands before work #get ready in five miny #drive to vet gas lraying I don't run out the whole time #hydroplane the whole fifteen minutes to the town icwork in #run to the post office #getbto work #my coworker comes in sobbing and shouting on her phone #she'd getting evicted #NOT GOIF #good #she gets it sorted and isnso loud about it #no eviction yay #then she proceeds to be annoying #my senoir teller runs to the bathroom and vomits the second our manager gets here #nownwere sol #i feel so hurty on top of this all girl #and i think I'M gonna thrownup if i eat #i literally cannot afford ti be suck lmfao #ash rambles #vent ish

[anarkhebringer]

As I play my self-insert I realize that being Durge is gonna just be a nonstop reminder of my intrusive thoughts and how TikTokers would call me a sociopath

#I ask myself if I'm ready #but the real question is if Y'ALL are ready because put in me perspective some of these lines are spot on with my feelings #like helping Alfira and that line of ''The vomitous gall within despairs at your kindness'' because yeah. being nice makes my skin crawl. #that's having a cluster B personality disorder baybeyyyyyyy

[thatfizzyyyy]

🧍🏾‍♀️

#oops im rambling #i feel like such a shitty person like🧍🏾‍♀️ #ik i should talk to someone abt this #but i just feel like people will rush to tell me what to do #like i dont want to be told what to do #i know what needs to be done !! #im just not ready !! #oooh im so ready to vomit all over the floor #combust etc

[nolivingdudeami]

*

#i currently cannot read or watch anything romantic without physically aching #it's actually awful #i'm kind of sick of it tbh #like.... i know i'm not ready for a relationship right now and i do want to be single to pursue my goals #but also i have to stay away from any sort of media containing romance #and most importantly the very soft kind that has gentle caresses and forehead kisses and warm embraces #it makes me want to vomit #and i feel like if i don't get it soon then i'll perish. absolutely waste away. #oh the horrifying ordeal of craving love and affection #the absolute ache to be held gently.... to be cradled in someone's arms #it's all too much... i have to leave. #also every time i consume something romantic it just makes me think about [redacted] #because yes certain people are still very much on my mind and it's absolutely wretched #anyway. my apologies to anyone who read all these tags. #but also thank you for being here

[dhampir-dyke]

I'm so awful at orienting new people idk why they keep giving them to me. Like truly I suck at it

#and i cant tell if its ME being a bad preceptor or if my orientee just sucks/isnt ready for hospital healthcare #so much of this shit is just a matter of commen sense to me that it doesnt occur to me that some folks are absolutely clueless #and like!!! if i dont know i go find out! i ask! i research! #like if i dont know how or why or when to do something i just ask. but a lot of people will just NOT DO IT. WHICH IS BAD IN HEALTHCARE. #its hard bc so many of them REFUSE to take initiative. i have to really push them to do anything and instead of just doing it #themselves the next time- i have to push them to do it AGAIN #and its frustrating for me bc these arent customers. theyre some really sick people. if you get a blood sugar of 460 on your patient i feel #like its just basic common sense to tell a nurse. or if your patient has ripped out an IV. etc i could go on forever. #idk man. i got trained for all of 3 days and then got tossed into the deep end to fend for myself- i just figured it out! i used my #shitty critical thinking skills and watched my nurses and figured it out. #and like. so many people think the hospital is so easy. its not. #you have to clean up feces/urine/blood/vomit/mucus. you have to use needles on people. you are EVENTUALLY gonna see a person die and you ar #then gonna have to clean them up and bag #their belongings and put them in a bodybag. you are gonna have victims of violence AND perpetrators of it #and its okay if its hard!!!! it is!!!! but you still have to do it. it might not get easy but if you refuse to do these things then you #probably shouldnt work healthcare #for your sake and the people you are suppose to be taking care of

[matrose]

THEYRE LIKE my two favorite sibling tropes in one. for extra damage. siblings with 10+ year age gap so its kind of a third parent situation AND siblings who try to kill eachother….my brain is going haywire. is siblings who try to kill eachother established enough to be a trope ? it is to me. i love when things are incredibly fucked up. love is there because it cant not be because theyre a part of you but also you kind of kill eachother ! uh oh !

#i feel kind of exposed sharing this ! now all of tumblr knows my deal ! #well 10% of my deal. #anyways loved in the silm when they tried to kill eachother! #ok i feel the need to clarify b4 someone assumes stuff from reading this and also bc i feel like oversharing a bit tonight #im not fantasizing about comitting violence towards family members. its just interesting and fun to see something in media that is #personally relatable to me blablabla trauma #this already feels like too much! i think i needed to share just a little bit bc i started talking about All That to friends two weeks ago #but we got interrupted and i never got to tell them even thiugh they asked and i was getting ready to relay if and now everythings ON THE #SURFACE!!!!!!!! #and i dont have a way to get it outttt #but also kinda glad we were interrupted bc i was starting to feel dizzy . win for me in that way #ach the overshare. will delete this in a bit just want to vomit it all up #i say >it all< like i revealed anything big instead of just vaguely alluding to things #sorry that already feels like too much to me…..

[chiritori]

my tumblr experience these days is like: open app. block another pornbot. make a vent post. get bored and forget to post anything else. close app

#it's either this or scrolling through the milgram fanart tag for 2 hours straight. no middle ground #maybe eventually i will post like normal again #i feel like i was funnier & more pleasant to be around when tumblr was my only social media last year #but it was also really isolating... like ALL my irls only use instagram to keep in touch #my current ig experience is nowhere near as nightmarish as it was on my old acc but i do sometimes think it rots my brain #idk. just word vomiting. i have to get ready for a final presentation now ok bye

[folklaurr]

Something I haven’t really talked about is how Covid and the whole lockdown situation ruined all the work I’ve done on my agoraphobia. Like I’m thankful for the lockdown and honestly it should’ve lasted longer but there was a solid five months where I only left my house maybe six times and it’s caused all the progress I’ve made since being diagnosed six years ago to just disappear and now I have to start from scratch again and how fucking hard it is.

#I dropped out of high school like 4 days after I turned 18 bc of my agoraphobia and I was doing so well for years #had to cancel a hair appointment last week bc I couldn’t stop thinking about having to sit out in the open for 2 hours #it feels so vulnerable especially since I have to take my glasses off and I can’t see #and having my back to open spaces is so anxiety inducing even if there’s a mirror #and add on a stranger touching me for that period of time and I’m ready to fully vomit #fun fact I’ve never been relaxed while getting my hair washed in a salon it’s so uncomfortable for me #like I get so tense and have to work through breathing exercises while having my hair washed #lauren talks too much #agoraphobia #mental health #tw mental illness

[cdeformis]

hey cwilburs story is pretty sad if u look at it like a magic wardrobe situation. he was transported to a fresh world with new opportunities but he didn’t leave after restoring peace and becoming king. the way he frantically leaves without giving a conclusion to the people closest to him is melancholy and unresolved. he mentions how he wishes he could talk to cquackity one last time, but quackity doesn’t show up with any poetic timing. tommy is left crying on the beach.

Wilbur wants to leave, which is so different from any magical story where the characters r usually unexpectedly whisked back to the real world. he left a seemingly boring and monotonous life as a gas station employee, then experienced a life of pain and invulnerability and in the end he cries of relief after getting back home. it’s like the phantom tollbooth, and sprited away, and lion the witch and the wardrobe except the protagonist is just wilbur. he fucks up his heroic journey but his joy at the end is that he survived it. he had no grand mission, he just wanted to survive long enough to get back home.

#i reserve the right to completely change my mind on this #i think his story is sad with the context that he had another life b4 the dsmp #feels like cwilbur accepted that he was done with grand schemes and he was ready for the muted highs and lows of real life again #c!wilbur #dream smp #this could be explained better if i didnf just word vomit trust me

[chelleisamazing]

My bunny has to get surgery today and I'm NOT feeling well... I'm hoping he pulls through but the vets told me I should also prepare for the worst...

#im not ready... #i feel like I want to vomit #I'm already heartbroken that he is constantly getting sick and i know this is his only chance to get better for good but #i dont want to think about the possibility of losing him... 💔 #stuff