#I forgot to take the capitalization off the letters ugh sorry

[sentientsky]

“Day after tomorrow,” Phoebe Bridgers

save me phoebe bridgers save me

#this is the quickest and least polished edit I’ve ever done. like 2 mins. I’m so sorry aksjskskdk #I forgot to take the capitalization off the letters ugh sorry #I’m supposed to be downstairs mingling w family. I am hiding let me hide #this holiday is so fuckinf stressful and exhausting and uncomfortable goddddd #I’m so tired oh god #someone come kidnap me. I’ll buy us snacks or something for the road #anyway #good omens #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens 2 #aziracrow #aziraphale #ineffable lovers #ineffable wives #good omens season 2 #go2 #David tennant #good omens angst #goodomensedit #gomens #gomens 2 #cw: religious trauma

[aristidetwain]

The Author’s Dossier: “Remembrance of the Judicator”

 @doctornolonger and @rassilon-imprimatur have both used their Tumblr blogs to write fun and informative “spotter’s guides” to the miscellaneous references in their licensed Faction Paradox stories. And, though they are of course further removed from Who than the further adventures of everyone’s favorite time-traveling goth cult, the adventures of Lady Aesculapius are indubitably another spinoff existing on the edges of the extended Whoniverse, no matter what a certain Wiki maintains. Besides which, I thought, “this looks fun”.

So while there may not be as much to say here as there might in future entries (fingers crossed on the existence thereof!), here is, without further ado, the official author’s guide to Remembrance of the Judicator, my short story from the Forgotten Heroines of the 10,000 Dawns 2020 April Fools’ Day event, available for free here. Obviously, this detail-attentive reread will spoil what little there is to be spoiled in this tale, so you should probably read it first if you haven’t already.

Enjoy!

REMEMBRANCE of the JUDICATOR

We kick things off with a classic “Phrase of the Creature” sort of title. The Phrase even begins with the letter “R”! This isn’t anything new ([1], [2], [3]) to the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids series, but I’d be lying if I said that classic Doctor Who’s famous use of such titles wasn’t on my mind when I chose this one; in fact, one of Who’s most famous “Phrase of the Creature” titles used “Remembrance” as its Phrase.

And you know what? Much as we might all admire 1988′s Remembrance of the Daleks, I think my plot justifies the use of the term “Remembrance” far better than Ben Aaronovitch’s. What are the Daleks remembering, exactly? Or is it that some other party is remembering them? If so, who and why?

So I hope you’re happy with finally having a “Remembrance of the X” story where what the X remembers actually plays a big part in the plot. Because to do this, I gave up on “Prisoner of the Jud…icator”.

“So on the bright side,” began Ashlyn Oswin, straining against her bonds, “we're not back with the talking cats.”

Starting ruthlessly in medias res: now there’s a trick that comes more from Duck comics than from Who. 1950′s and 1960′s stories, be they by Carl Barks or Vic Lockman, had a tendency to open with splash panels of the main characters in a ridiculous predicament and trying at half-hearted banter despite the situation, which would then spark a flashback to how they’d gotten there in the first place. Not that I employed a flashback.

Because who has time for flashbacks when you can instead reference a delightful bit of Ashlyn Oswin’s official James Wylder-sanctioned story? In fact, that Ashlyn spent some time in a dimension of talking cats was one of the things in her condensed character bio that came with the submission guidelines for the Forgotten Heroines Takeover event. The story, if anyone’s wondering, is The Days the Cats Spoke, from 2015. 

When Ashlyn says “we” aren’t back with the talking cats, is she just referencing that story and using a rhetorical “we”? Or did the Forgotten Heroines run into the same talking cats again at some point between Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot and the opening of this story? You decide!

“Everybody wants to be a c...” Miranda began to hum sarcastically. “Hush, you can't sing that here,” barked a guard.

It would be wrong to characterize Disney’s The Aristocats (1970) as a guilty pleasure of mine, in that actually, I wear my Aristocat fandom proudly. The Disney movies of the 1970′s are, I find, generally very underrated. They made up for the lack of showy big-budget effects with stellar character animation, great voice performances — and the earwormiest of earwormy tunes!

Pictured below: me, setting out to write this story.

Anyway…

“No copyrighted music, are we clear?”  “If you think I give a damn about that sort of thing, you have another thing coming,” the mysterious traveller in all of narrative space only known as the Tourist retorted, trying to take a daring stance.

The Collective of the Retconning Crocodiles’ policies regarding recognizable songs turns out to be uncomfortably familiar to anyone who’s tried to upload a YouTube video lately. And significance the Tourist’s flippancy at the idea of caring in the slightest about copyright is, of course, immediately made obvious by a slight twist on that classic “mysterious traveller in all of Time and Space known only as the Doctor” line from the Doctor Who Target novelisations, and not-so-recently made hip again by Missy in World Enough and Time (2017).

In other words, as a first draft of Lady Aesc, the Tourist belongs to the same long tradition of riffs and remixes of the Doctor Who formula, divergent stories which are very much their own characters and their own stories, but who are also very conscious of being just different enough from old Theta Sigma that the BBC won’t mind. Copyright, to her, isn’t some scary taboo to be bandied about by scaly bullies, it’s an ongoing game of cat and mouse. 

Could... specimens of... of whatever species she was... drown like regular people? Clearly they could trip like anyone else. Or get chained up by sentient crocodiles like anyone else. The real question was, could you drown in a Time Sewer?

Just what is the Tourist, aside from a lovable grimdark prat? “Not a Time Lord”, say any lawyers worth their salt; as much a Time Lord as I can get away with making her, I suspect is more like what the younger James Wylder who made her up originally envisioned. Just like Aesc herself, the finished version of the 10k Dawns riff on the aesthetics of the Great Houses, namely the Firmament, would end up striking a perfect balance of the new and the familiar.

But in the meantime, the Tourist’s crew can get confused about whether or not she has a respiratory bypass system, albeit not in so many words.

I had mentioned some time ago, via in-character blog comments, that the Crocodiles get about through, and reside in, repellant Time Sewers. A take-off on that whole “alligators in the sewers of New York” thing, don’t you know? But this was the first time I took my readers into them and elaborated at any length on how they work.

The Tourist and her merry crew had stepped out in search of the fluid leak that was so rudely interrupting their lackadaisical rampage through the slice of omniversal reality known as the 10,000 Dawns, and been immediately set upon by—

Wait, liquid from the Sewers clogs up the Black Pyramid’s systems, and their response is to go out to look for a leak? Well, I’m sorry. But then, how else could I work in a reference to the reason that a certain rip-off of the Tourist had for stepping out of his own Ship back in Dr. Who and the Daleks (1965)?

If Pathway had been here, there might have been some hope. Things seemed to get suddenly more serious when Pathway was around. Possibly because of the katana. But, alack, Pathway was not here, being busy following a probable wild-goose-chase for a Numbered connection in Dawn 789.

In James Wylder’s Prototype, another story in the Forgotten Heroines Takeover which ran before mine, but which I hadn’t read when I submitted Remembrance of the Judicator, we see Pathway squaring off against one of the Numbered whose designation is… 789. Here’s the scary thing: I swear this is a coincidence. Dawn 789 was just supposed to be a random Dawn and I had no idea quite what the “Numbered connection” really was.

(Or did Wylder add that detail to his draft in reference to my story, even though his story happens first and was released first? Who knows!)

“You've kept us alive, so clearly we're valuable to you.” “You're not talking to a Centro stooge, you know,” Ashlyn muttered with a glare in Shona's direction, which was rather impressive as they were tied back-to-back. “Maybe these guys aren't even capitalists.” “I should say not!” grunted the Crocodile, waving its spear closer to them. “We are in fact a Collective! The Collective of the Retconning Crocodiles!”

Shona, like many other characters in the 10,000 Dawns series, has spent a significant of time fighting against the tyranny of various versions of Centro Systems, a world-spanning megacorporation who, in a lot of the Dawns, acts as a world government for whom capitalism isn’t just an economic system, but an actual political philosophy. 

The Crocs aren’t meant to be actual communists, of course — in their case, Collective is to be taken in the more sci-fi-oriented, “Hive” sense of the word. But the joke was too good to pass up. And anyway, whatever they are, they’re not capitalists either, even if they do try to make people sign contracts.

“Oh? Isn't this part of the 10,000 Dawns?” Miranda asked with a disappointed pout. “We were rather heading for the 10,000 Dawns here.” “Yeah, we had a whole thing going,” Ashlyn concurred. 

The “heading for the 10,000 Dawns” made more sense back when I imagined that this would be the crew’s first adventure after escaping the draft universes, rather than the last before the finale. 

Still, it all worked out: my story ran immediately after Alex Wakeford’s Should Auld Acquaintance Be Forgot, where some enemies whose tech has more than a little in common with the Crocodiles’ accidentally sent Ashlyn to a certain battlefield in what was clearly the bona fide Doctor Who universe. And of course, White Canvas (2018) established (if it still needed establishing) that this world isn’t part of the 10,000 Dawns, though it has had contact with them. 

So maybe, just maybe, Miranda is actually talking about their having been on their way back to the Dawns from Earth-5556…

“I'm only a humble guard,” the Retconning Crocodile answered, “I'm sure I wouldn't know.”

Wholly meaningless reference to a beloved bit of Doctor Who dialogue? Or a hint that however the Time Sewers work, it’s similar to how Gallifrey in the Stasis Cube worked? Who knows! …Not me.

“Ugh! I know!” she cut it off moodily. “But don't say it in front of them!” She gestured at Shona and Ashlyn. “Miranda's like me, but they — they don't understand metafiction the way I do.”

Take it away, The Inexplicable Adventures of Bob:

“Behind those shades and that too-cool-for-school attitudes, you're just another intruder.”  “I am far more than just another intruder,” answered the woman with the pyramid. “I'm the Tourist.”

The only direct allusion to Remembrance of the Daleks in this story, title aside.

(“You’re just another Time Lord!” “I am far more than just another Time Lord.”)

“Even if I had ever been human,” the Tourist answered through clenched teeth, “which by the way isn't admission one way or another—my method of travel would have turned me into something... more than human, one way or another, by now. Also, shut up, didn't you hear the reptiles?”

When Doctor Who decided to retcon, in 1969, that the Doctor was from an alien civilization that only coincidentally resembled humanity, perhaps the most intriguing piece of canon that was lost was the suggestion in The Evil of the Daleks (1966) that it was the Doctor’s travels through Time and Space which had made him “more than human”. At the end of the day, that is where the EDAs’ concept of biodata got started, too, I think.

“A little chaos between friends is a wonderful thing,” the Tourist boasted.

Not only is the Tourist a bit of a Doctor clone, she’s an unwieldily sturm-&-drang, “darker and edgier” Doctor clone. Sound familiar? Yep, the Tourist thus finds herself (nearly) quoting Sacha Dhawan’s Spy Master from Spyfall (2020).

“Not in the eyes of the Firmament it isn't,” the Head Crocodile boomed, thumping his staff against the marble floor for emphasis, and the four realized that it had retconned itself into having held a staff all along, just so it could do that. “Don't you see? They'll never allow your wanton interference to stand. Before day's end, I expect they'll press a massive Reset Button on the entire thing. The entire thing.”

I think it was the idea of Lupan Evezan (@drleevezan​), in The Frost King’s Treasure (2019), that the Crocodiles would have technological gizmos at their disposal which have the names of, and the ability to effect, various popular tropes. A literal Red Herring which briefly makes anyone who looks at it think it’s a major clue in whatever mystery they’re trying to solve, that sort of thing. Case in point… 

(Do the Firmament also call it a Reset Button, or were the Crocodiles just phrasing it in a way that would make sense to them? I’m not the person to ask.)

“Hold on, you're just quoting the Judicator's introduction paragraph in the original 10,000 Dawns webnovel, aren't you?” the Tourist interrupted, unimpressed.

And they are, too.

“No!” cried the Head Crocodile as all the other members of the Collective collapsed back into him.

See what I meant about the sci-fi sense of Collective? The Crocodiles are plural, but they aren’t really a set of actual individuals, or at least not all of the time. Someday I’ll write a story explaining this in more detail.

“To come to its conclusions,” the Tourist explained, talking down to Shona slightly (to her displeasure), “the Judicator draws from a sense of morality and from every record it can find of every law ever passed in history. So, if someone were to, say, go back in time and spam all legal records with an overwhelming number of new laws, stating that we specifically have to be let go under all circumstances — well — its hands would be tied, wouldn't it?”

This is an obvious, twofold loophole that jumped out to me when I first read 10,000 Dawns: feeding every legal system ever into a computer wouldn’t really get you the perfect jurist, would it? It’d first risk getting a blubbering wreck who can’t deal with the mountain of contradictions between the laws of 11th century China and mid-19th century Holland; and even if you get past that, it’s liable to be polluted with a bunch of useless, anachronistic laws. Nonsense like laws against being ugly in public would take up unnecessary but uncrunchable space in its databanks.

Still, I suppose the “but also it has to act moral” element mostly rights the logic. Our heroines are only able to exploit the loophole here because they have limitless time travel and because, as the heroines, they’re assumed to be in the right opposite the Crocodiles and thus favored by the Judicator.

“Ugh, enough soul-searching!” Miranda suddenly declared, and sprayed a portal onto the nearest wall. “I don't know how long it is before day's done. But in the meantime, let's have some adventures.”

#The Author's Dossier

[baekthecorgi]

tell me if you wanna go home (jaemin) genre: high school au, coming of age au, fluff words: 2.9k summary: jaemin finds a home in you.

"a mad axeman murders four high school freshmen," the newspaper headline was written in black bold capital letters

it was definitely a time of crisis for your neighborhood but it was kind of a blessing in disguise to meet na jaemin under such a bone-chilling circumstance. (no, jaemin's not the axeman)

the school admin (your mom's constant nagging actually) required the students to have a walking partner or at least have a group of friends walk home together. preferrably, the students go with others near their vicinity just to be extra safe.

you can count the students taking the same route as yours with your fingers. your house was exactly a 30-minute walk from the school and judging from the distance, it was natural that no one picked you as their walking partner. it put your mood down for the rest of the day. you shrugged it off and accepted your fate of being the fifth victim like the drama queen you were.

"wait up!" jaemin shouts, footsteps trailing behind yours as the chilly air seeps through your blazer. the air was nowhere near chilly anymore when jaemin flashes you a dazzling smile. a smile that could rival the sun.

"jaems? shouldn't you be with jeno?" you question, confused. he wasn't your friend or anything. just an acquaintance, a classmate, the kid sitting at the last row chatting away with his seatmates.

"where's your walking partner?"

"i don't have one." jaemin gives a baffled look.

silence ensues. you were expecting for the boy to fly away as soon as he threw you the questions. instead, jaemin matches his pace with yours. "this isn't your route, jaems," you say. you really didn't want jaemin to be the sixth victim. (once again, stop being a drama queen.)

"it is, actually. i just take the long route to jeno's house and make my mom pick me up there."

"then jeno's the one without a walking partner"

"he's with renjun. it's fine," he waves the thought off as if it wasn't a big deal

"are you sure about this?" you wanted reassurance, not pity, and jaemin was glad enough to give you that.

"i'm still walking with you aren't i?"

and with that starts a beautiful friendship with na jaemin. the first walk-a-thon, as you would call it, was one of the longest thirty minutes of your life. jaemin kept jumping from one topic to another while you reply with dry statements, or worse, a hum and a nod.

jaemin's the human embodiment of bliss while you defined the word: awkward.

but as the walk-a-thons became a daily occurrence, your awkward exterior is stripped down and jaemin glows brighter than ever having found a new friend he could walk home with. besides, he was done taking the long route. jeno can suck it.

as the news died down--the murderer caught--the students disregarded the whole walking partner protocol. you didn't bother waiting for jaemin at the usual spot after class since you knew he'd drop you like the other students did with their partners.

but somehow, jaemin finds his way back to you

"my walking partner's going on another walk-a-thon without me? hmp rude," jaemin crosses his arms cutely, huffing. let's just say he was engulfed in a big bear hug by the happiest girl in the world.

as the years pass by, jaemin becomes the best friend you've always deserved and the nagging big brother you wish you had. countless moments were shared between the two of you. inside jokes which sent you raised brows and confused faces by renjun and jeno. petty fights leading to a tickle war of some sort. huge arguments that renjun had to patch up because your stubborn selves refused to make up.

one finals week, you felt your brain swell from information overload. so jaemin turns up the speakers, blasting "feliz navidad" at two in the fucking morning. it was june and yet you and jaemin were bouncing the hell out of the mattress, singing the christmas carol at the top of your lungs, till the bed springs popped out. the cops turned up in the end (ugh neighbors,, snitches end up in ditches) but needless to say, it's one of the many favorite memories you share with him.

you were also there to witness each other's firsts. jaemin's first injury. your first brow wax. jaemin's first car. your first time watching jaemin's basketball and actually bring home the bacon aka MVP, bitches. jaemin's first time watching you beat the heck out of the opposing school at the district science decathlon.

it's hard to believe four years past right under your nose. you spent too much time enjoying what life could offer with your best friend, you forgot that it ain't always gonna be this way. you dreaded the day you and jaemin would separate ways just like the time the school abolished the walking partner program.

unfortunately, the time has come. with only less than a month left before graduation, you and jaemin finally receive your acceptance letters. he got into his dream university while you got into yours. you were happy and all, but calculating the distance made your heart ache.

"so, have you decided where you're gonna study?" you ask

jaemin pauses as if weighing his choices at the last minute before speaking, "seoul university, most probably." he looks at you and his eyes seem to plead for you to choose a university close to his. "you?"

jaemin was always the smarter one

"KAIST"

"but that's in daejeon!" he exclaims, surprised. "it's two hours, almost three, from seoul. you got accepted in yonsei, right? why don't you just go there? we'll be closer that way."

you were never the type to settle somewhere far from home but you took the opportunity to live independently. besides, you can't have jaemin with you for life. you have to stand on your own feet and this was the perfect chance for that.

"it's my decision, jaems. my call. as much as i would love to stay close--" you were cut off by an angered jaemin stomping away from the scene.

that week, jaemin was missing in action. no texts. no calls. no anything. he treated you like a ghost in the hallways, averting his gaze to either renjun or jeno whenever you meet. you gave jaemin time. maybe your decision still hasn't sunk in his mind.

"dude, why aren't you talking with your best friend?" jeno slaps jaemin's back

"careful," the latter glares making jeno cower in fear, "and it's her fault for choosing KAIST over yonsei"

"jaemin, i can't stand your stupid ass." jaemin flinches at renjun's words. "you're so fucking stupid. you're not in any position to dictate what she should and shouldn't do. and what if she's a hundred miles away from home? she's doing it for her fucking future, not for you! if you don't support her decision then are you really her best friend?"

silence ensues. jaemin never really saw it from renjun's perspective. now he feels like a fucking idiot for putting his wish before yours. the university was no problem, he was super proud of you, in fact. acceptance letters from both KAIST and yonsei university was a rare occurrence and a big deal. jaemin just can't imagine you being so far away from him. he couldn't bear the thought of it and it made him illogically mad that you didn't share the same vision. of never having to be far from each other.

"i'm sorry. you were right it's supposed to be your decision and i shouldn't interfere with it. forgive your best friend?"

"jaemin, do you really have to climb through my window at midnight? the front door's wide open for you"

"so i'm taking that as an apology accepted?"

"ugh, just come get your hug you big baby"

fast forward to prom week

the whole school was buzzing on the upcoming prom. since this was the first and last prom for the seniors, every single detail mattered. everything was a big deal. on top of all that, everyone already chose their partners. some picked their friends, some from other sections, and for the lucky ones, their significant others.

deep inside, you secretly wished jaemin would ask you out. as a friend, nothing more. you wanted to spend the it with him, dancing the worries away just for one night. you didn't want to think about the countless possible futures. you just want to live in the present with jaemin by your side.

"who are you asking out?" you ask jeno, propping your elbows on the lunch table and idly resting your chin above your palms.

"a close friend from 4-B," jeno replies, "renjun?"

"oh, you know," renjun wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. you stand in disbelief, pulling the roots of your hair. "no way!" your eyes widen, exclaiming, "i call bs!"

"watch me slow dance to Can't Help Falling In Love with her on prom night losers," renjun brags, leaning back on his chair. "how bout you sis? found your prince charming yet?"

actually, you were quite glum the entire day. you assumed jaemin has found a partner of his own since he didn't ask you out or anything like that. renjun missed the dejected expression painted on your face. you can feel jaemin's stare on you boring holes from its intensity as if he was expecting something. you answer renjun with a slight shake of the head. you may or may not have heard jaemin sigh in relief.

jeno's forehead scrunches, bemused. "i thought you were going with jaemin?"

"where'd you get that?"

"me," jaemin replies. "i mean, it's a given we're going to prom together." renjun takes a bite of his chicken to hide the growing smile on his face. god, you two were so dense.

"that's now how it works, jaems"

"well, we're best friends. like i said, it's a given." you roll your eyes at your best friend's ego and decide to just give it to him. you chose to ignore the quick skip of a beat your heart made.

"you know, there's this guy from 4-D who was supposed to ask y--ouch! what was that for?!" jeno yelps and reaches below the table. he caresses his knee to which jaemin painfully kicked.

jaemin sips on his water bottle as if there was nothing fishy going on. "tell me the deets of your dress so i can match my suit with yours"

prom was prom. a bunch of teenagers balled up on the dance floor, subtly grinding on each other under the influence of alcohol contained in pocket-sized flasks. hot, rowdy, and simply, a big mess. all of which you weren't. not when you looked like a doll in your jean-clad cocktail dress hugging your figure perfectly and your old, dirty Converse shoes to match it. it was enough to stop jaemin in his tracks. the choice of clothing was bizarre but it made you stand out. you always did stand out from the crowd in his eyes. it was hard not to.

jaemin decides to sneak you out because you weren't fit for the disaster of an event that was waiting to happen.

he drives in his (brother's stolen) car and takes you away from all the ruckus. you didn't know where he was taking you but anywhere with jaemin was fine.

the trip was a rendezvous. much like the time when you would sneak out of the house and head over to jaemin's because 24 hours wasn't enough time to play Animal Crossing with your best friend and giggle under the covers throughout the night. it was like that, except this time, you were two best friends driving to god knows where in search of more time. time to spend with each other before reaching the brink of adulthood.

the car screeches to a stop. you peek out of the window to see the wide expanse of the open campus.

"you're brother's gonna kill you when he finds out about this"

"what he doesn't know won't hurt him," jaemin breaks into a laugh. it was the only sound that could be heard within a mile amidst the crickets chirp.

"you've already got a campus tour right? last week?" you nod hesitantly. jaemin wants to memorize your home for the next four years by heart. "lead the way then"

you stroll around the campus, pointing at different buildings and describing the various departments of the university. you tell him which department your course was in, the building where most of your classes are at. basically, anything your brain can muster up at the moment.

weird glances were thrown at the both of you from the students coming in and out of the dorm. you sat on the steps in front of your soon-to-be dorm, chattering away as if it was normal for two high school students to hang out in an open campus in their prom attire.

later, you lead jaemin to the empty quad. you follow jaemin's actions when he lies on his back. he notices the red blotches starting to form on your exposed skin caused by the grass prickling it. jaemin takes off his coat and drapes it across your shoulders.

you whine, complaining how the night sky was as empty as the quad and how the stars were being unfair for refusing to shine. jaemin reasons that the stars were too afraid to rival the brightest one of all--you. but of course, he says all of that in his head.

"aren't you worried?" you break the silence. "what if one day we find someone new and we replace each other with that someone? what if we meet again in seoul during break and all we see is a stranger in front of us?"

"what if home doesn't feel like home anymore? what then?" jaemin hears the anxiety in your tone of voice. it felt good to voice out the worries inside your head but you didn't want to burden jaemin with it. you didn't want to seem clingy.

"i'm proud of you for taking such a big step. choosing a good university far away from home and in the course you've always wanted." jaemin reassures, "i get where all your worries are coming from but no one could ever replace you. i'll text you or call you when i'm free. we could even video call if we're not busy. we'll always stay close, you mean too much to me to just let this end."

"jaemin," you softly call his name. he shifts his position to face you. your breath hitches at the boy centimeters away from you. you've never seen jaemin this close and personal. you've never seen jaemin as someone more than a friend.

your voice was feeble and small. "are you scared?"

"so scared," jaemin says almost in an inaudible whisper. "you have no idea"

"what are you scared of?"

"the future, being so far away from you," he holds his gaze on you but this time his eyes were insinuating something different you couldn't read. jaemin takes a sharp breath as if inhaling an ounce of courage before continuing, "i might be in love with my best friend and that scares the crap out of me."

"jaems, we can't. if we go through this now, the distance will kill us."

jaemin locks his eyes with yours, full of love and reassurance. "we've been through everything else together. this is no different." he swipes the stray hairs falling only to tuck it securely behind your ear. "i don't care if you're miles away, you can call me any time and i'd drop anything if you needed me. you know that."

"the distance will tear us apart. jaemin, we really can't," you choke back a sob threatening to escape your lips but jaemin shushes you as if saying everything will be alright.

"you're worth any fight"

the first few weeks in college was rough. the hectic schedule, the long lecture hours, the difficult lessons and the terror professors. they were all new to you, jaemin as well.

it was hard keeping in touch at the same damn time. if you were busy, jaemin wasn't and vice versa but somehow, the two of you compromised and made it work.

jaemin was a man of his word--never failing to send you a text or call before the day ends. even one “good morning, sunshine” text was enough for you to get going and receiving a “good night, i love you :)” text from you was enough for jaemin to get a good night sleep.

sometimes, jaemin would get the craziest ideas at ungodly hours of the night

"oh my god, jaems, are you out of your mind?!" you massage your forehead at the sight of your boyfriend, hugging his plushie cutely, in front of your doorstep in the middle of the night.

"i couldn't fall asleep. i need cuddles," jaemin welcomes himself in your apartment. if you didn't love the guy so much and if he didn't look too cute in his pink pajamas, you would have kicked him out.

"let me get this straight. you drove four hundred miles on a school night for cuddles?"

"and kisses. now enough chitchat, more smoochies," jaemin puckers his lips and jumps on your bed, arms wide open to snuggle yourself in. you smile and accept his warm invitation.

anywhere with jaemin feels like home because he is your home 💝

--

note: i rewrote this because tumblr deleted my fucking draft which was almost done. i hope this one’s better than the draft i made ugh i had to restart so it took a while sorry. jaemin’s a bit of a prick here but he’s an adorable prick who needs a hit on the head to make him realize things sometimes. im just glad im done with this. i can finally tick one off my to-do list omg!! drop some feedback, guys :D

masterlist

#nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nctwriters #jaemin scenarios #jaemin imagines #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #na jaemin #nct #nct dream #nct jaemin #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines

[gettinziggywithit]

OK, ok, so I’ve probably bitten off more than I can chew, but I am going to have fun with this, dammit! XD @semisolidmind and @irrelevantrenegade, based on your amazing art and ideas, let’s take a peek into the Bonezone with the boys and Chara and Frisk!  Stretch - regular text, italicized Rus - All caps, bolded Edge - All caps, bolded, italicized sans - lowercase text, italicized Blue - Every word starts with capital letter, bolded Red - regular text, italicized, New Yorker “accent” words. 

(If this is just a mess, I’m so sorry, this is the first time I’m ever attempting a feat like this so be gentle!!)

Chara was seriously going to kill Stretch.

The last thing she could remember was taking a nap on the couch before she started dinner and the next thing she knew, she was waking to darkness all around her due to a blindfold being around her head. She would have instantly removed it had her hands not been expertly tied behind her back. What really alarmed her was all of her clothes were gone. She was bound naked and helpless...wherever she was. Panicking just a little, she started to pull and yank at her bindings, desperate to get released. She brushed against someone and both she and whoever she bumped let out a small yelp.

“Easy, sugar, you’re alright. Let’s not give our lovely guest some bruises before we’ve even started to play.”

Chara froze as she recognized the voice. Stretch.

“Stretch, what the fuck is going on here?! Why am I bound, no wait, a better question: why the FUCK am I naked AND bound on the floor?!!!!?”

All she got in return was a chuckle that made her struggle more before his hands clamped around her shoulders to keep her still. She swallowed her anger and sucked in a breath as she felt him lean against her back and rubbed his cheekbone against hers.He angled her face to his for a kiss as his hands began to wander to her front, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. She leaned into his touch and huffed in frustration, trying to really hold onto her anger and not relax into his touch. She nearly forgot that there was someone else in the room when a familiar voice screamed out.

“OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE, ASH TRASH. I HAD HOPED YOU HAD ENOUGH DECENCY FOR THE REST OF US TO SHOW UP BEFORE YOU BEGAN FONDLING PREMATURELY.”

Chara instantly pulled away from Stretch and gritted her teeth in anger, just what the fuck was going on and why was Edge here?! A series of footsteps followed and many more voices joined in.

“LANGUAGE, EDGY-ME! I...oh….OH MY GOD, YOU’VE ALREADY DISROBED HER?! NYEH, THAT’S THE BEST PART!!”

OK, so Chara could tell that Stretch had invited Edge and Rus over to...what, watch? Participate? But, with those particular skeletons here that only meant that their brothers couldn’t be that far behi-

“*whistles* damn, stretch, your little hellcat is a knockout for sure.  but, ‘course she’s still leagues behind my girl here.”

Wait, Frisk was here?! Shit, that’s probably who she bumped into in her attempt to escape!! Frisk was selectively mute and apart from a few groans or small whispers here and there, but other than, she’d never heard her speak before. She barely caught her whisper sans’ name under her breath before she felt Stretch stiffen behind her.

Chara felt Stretch’s growl rumble up his ribcage before it erupted from his mouth and the magic grew tense. There was a small scuffle and eventually sans gave a shitty apology. Chara guessed whatever Frisk had done/said, forced him to at least give a half assed sorry to temper Stretch’s anger.

“Brother! I Have Returned With Supplies, I Thought We Might- Brother, Really?! The Ladies Were Not Supposed To Be Disrobed Yet!”

Chara could hear a tiny foot stamp before both Stretch and sans chuckled, “lemme guess, bro, you wanted to undress Frisk yourself?”

Chara could hear Blue suck in a breath and then release it in a huff and then quickly whispered a “Maybe” out in the open before setting whatever he brought in to the side.

“Ya know goddamn well yer bro wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off Chara and YOU! Ya fuckin’ dirty cheat, ya said this shindig would be at 8PM!”

“IT’S 8:37PM, YOU LAZY SACK OF SH-”

“LANGUAGE!” “Language!”

Great, it seems every alternate universe was showing up. God, please make it stop. Chara shifted uncomfortably on the unforgiving floor, the least they could’ve done was put the both of them on a soft mat or something!

“HEY, IS SOMEONE GONNA EXPLAIN JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?! WHY THE HELL ARE WE TIED UP, IS THIS SOME TWISTED GANGBANG YOU BONEHEADS SET UP, UGH, LET. ME. GO!”

Chara wrists were burning from constantly rubbing against whatever material that was holding her tight and she felt her breath starting to come out in great heaves. This was doing a number on her anxiety and was right on the path for an attack. Stretch returned behind her and wrapped protectively around her, petting her hair and shushing her, instructing to breathe evenly.

“Hey, hey, easy now, sugar. I wouldn’t do anything without your consent, ya said ya wanted to spice up the sex, well...I’m giving ya the whole rack and then some. But, we’re not going to do anything if ya don’t want to. Besides, this....”

Stretch reached down her front and rubbed a few of his phalanges through her pussy, just barely grazing her opening and she bucked in his grip.

“This is still mine and mine alone.”

Chara bit her lip, she supposed she did confide in Stretch that she wanted to try different things in the bedroom, but this was a little much! Still, he made it clear that she was in charge of this situation and gathering her determination, nodded her head to begin. She heard a number of skeletons chuckle as Stretch pulled away and left her sitting there. The sound of clothes rustling and belt buckles being loosened had her twitching around in anticipation, she had no idea how they would go about this. Would they take her all at once or one by one? So many tantalizing ideas were going through her head before she realized someone had stepped in front of her.

“Before we begin, tell everyone your safe word. If she says it, everything stops and you move away, no questions asked. Have I made myself explicitly clear? If you don’t, you won’t like what comes next…”

Chara felt a chill run down her spine at Stretch’s warning, he really meant it and she quickly offered up her safe word, “oatmeal”.

She heard the skelebros murmur their approvals and listened as Frisk went over her nonverbal signs with sans. When she felt Stretch wrap his favorite collar with the hanging heart around her neck, playtime had begun. Heart racing, she waited for whomever was first only to hear Rus yell out with glee, “I WON THE COIN TOSS, CHARA. I, THE GREAT RUS, WILL GET TO SERVICE YOU FIRST TONIGHT!”

She heard Edge groan and grumble as he muttered under his breath, “ASSHOLE, LIKE YOU COULD-.”

Edge never finished his sentence as he let out a grunt and Rus’ voice lowered to a deep timbre that she hadn’t heard before, “L A N G U A G E”

Magic filled the air as she felt him kneeling in front of her and he let out a growl in approval. Chara fidgeted around, not use to this side of Rus, and gasped when she felt not his gloves, but his bare hand firmly grasp her chin and pull it up, exposing her neck to him. She swallowed nervously and let out a stuttered breath when she felt his cool, manifested tongue lick a trail up her neck. The tongue trailed up her jaw and delved into her mouth as she was captured in a bruising kiss. He let his other hand wander down to her breast and squeezed gently, kneading the hardening nipple into his palm.

She moaned into his mouth as he pinched her nipple and then released her, growling again as his hands strayed to rub down her sides and to the front of her stomach, murmuring praise among rough nyehs, like “SO SOFT!”

Different scents started to linger in the area with the smell of sharp citrus permeating her senses the strongest. Her mouth watered, it smelled like fresh oranges and it definitely made her crave them, like now. She could hear Frisk next to her panting and breathing heavily, too. What kind of pleasure was she getting, could she see what was happening? The thought of not only being put on the spot in front of the three sets of brothers, but also her friend from the alternate universe, was so embarrassing, but fuck it sure made her burn hotter.

Rus’ hands returned to her breasts and he squeezed and rolled them in his hands, his skull resting near her ear as he whispered darkly, “I WANT EDGY-ME TO HEAR YOU SCREAM MY NAME THE LOUDEST TONIGHT, CHARA. ARE YOU READY?”

#my writing #Undertrash #boy this is going to be an adventure for everyone #Papara #eventual Frans as well #the whole gang's here #gift fic

[swearronchanel]

and my commentary continues: series 6, episode 2 (if this is now a thing idk what to title it)

You asked for it, my first class isn’t until noon tomorrow so I can sleep in & so, I complied Also the SAG awards finished at like 10pm so even after doing my night routine it’s still early haha here it goes …

- Oh shit I forgot color - ah I really like the new intro - Penny’s outfit is so cute - “Walk don’t run” stfu Sister Ursula this isn’t elementary school - “Have you lost your marbles bubsy” haha that’s cute - UGH I WANNA FIGHT THIS NUN - LET JULIENNE ARRANGE THE DAMN FLOWERS - This is when sister Ursula presses sister Monica Joan about the bon bons lol - “Unlike your sisters” guessing u don’t think u count - You’re damn right - Sister MJ sly af 😏 wish she was my grandma - Aw penny it’s ok sweetie all will be well - AlRight so where is St Cuthberts, is it closer than the London? Idk just wondering - I don’t care that much tbh - Damn this man gonna go blind how sad - I like knowing what happens when I’m watching bc I can’t take so much I get anxious - But are we not going to mention Patsy’s wig anymore? It’s still ugly, lucky emerald is beautiful anyway - - Ugh my bbys are still so hurt about the thalidomide 💔💔 - IT WAS NOT EITHER OF YOUR FAULTS - YES IT IS A MIRACLE PATRICK, YOU SHOULD’VE MENTIONED IT LAST WEEK but it’s all good - HE’S TOUCHING HER STOMACH AH - AND THEY KISSED Lmaoo I bet this will break Tumblr - UgH SUCH A SWEET MOMENT TO MELT MY COLD HEART - Jk this show has made me such an emotional mess, like I rarely ever used to cry or anything - But it could also be because of university diminishing my sanity - “We should really start telling people” - YEA PLS GIVE US A CUTE SCENE TELLING EVERYONE @ NONNATUS - - Buttt, I’m gonna guess it’s either going to be implied that they told them off screen or they won’t find out till she starts bleeding mid inspection ?? idk I’m just guessing, don’t come at me lmaoo - Patrick’s smirk “he’ll certainly understand” 😂😂 - SHELAGH’S CRINGING FACE I LOVE IT - YOU KNOW IM HERE FOR ALL CRINGEY EXPRESSIONS - Plus that’s my bby - - PHYLLIS SAW PATS AND DELIA - SHE KNOWS & IM GLAD IT WAS HER TO FIRST FIND OUT - - alright so let me be annoying real quick - From that clip from the casebook Valerie is problematic/lowkey racist & no estoy aquí para eso PERO I like her in the moment? - One, her outfit is cute - & B, she gets along well with my shelagh and seems nice.. I’m not gonna forget her comment though lol, so I’m going to stay neutral for now - - Ok the Marsh baby is born next - Lol sorry I love when sister Winifred is being cringey or funny but this was just kinda boring but I know it’ll get better later in the episode - BUT SERIOUSLY I WANNA KNOW SISTER WINIFRED’S REAL NAME - Idk why that was capitalized I don’t feel that strongly but I’m very curious !¡! - - Shelagh being all cute and cheeky giving those vaccinations - Penny is so sweet - - Alright this is so irrelevant but still, Shelagh is outside.. so Why would she throw up in a napkin in her hand? lol, all that open space 😭😂 idk I really hate throwing up and will not let my self throw up. Not even vlad can make me😷 - SHIT THAT EXPLOSION THO - what were they doing exactly? - like a bitch over here a lil confused :/ - MY LIL SUPERHERO SPRINGING TO ACTION YES BBY - shit George’s blind for good now it’s sad - and arthur’s gonna die damn - - look at disheveled Shelagh so damn pretty but I wonder when she got that cut lol - Lmaoo @ Valerie, so she knows the Nonnatuns - - Damn I’m only 17 mins in why do I talk so much shit to myself - Sister MJ sneaking that bread during sister Ursula’s prayer is me 😂 - I swear though if Sister Ursula tries to get rid of Sister MJ I will fight - My eyes roll every time this woman is on my screen - Phyllis chewing angrily is also me - “Travel visas there have been canceled” shit pats it’s too relevant right now - “I’m trifle deaf these days” PHYLLIS U ARE A GEM - Penny wins best dressed patient - - Patrick worrying is precious - SHELAGH TRYING TO HINT WHILE SMILING IS SO FUNNY BUT WHY - Lmao why are they acting like Tim is not literally right there? - Also this boy is 15 why is he not ever with friends - Of course he knew, he’s always around and isn’t dumb at all. He basically grew up around pregnant ladies tbh - “.. Good I don’t want to know any other details” lmao 😂 - I knew he’d be pleased but I lowkey wanted him not to upset or annoyed so he could have a good little story line - It’s not realistic that this 15 year old is so pleasant with his parents all the time - Like I was an angsty fright @ 15 - lol I’m acting like I’m old, I’m going to be 19 & I’m still like that^ with my parents a lot of the time - - Why do British people call bandaids “plasters”? Hm. I just think of plaster of Paris for like walls or whatever it’s used for - “I’m a slow healer” lol Shelagh is so precious - “If the baby’s a girl I’m moving out” I think it’ll be a boy. Actually Idk forget I said that - Don’t be nervous bby, speak up you got this - “That’s my girl” yes Patrick that’s our girl protect her at all freaking cost 😭 - I’ve gotten so far without saying “fuck” I’m proud - - “This is the dark before the dawn, but there is always a dawn” thanks sister I needed that - “I’ve committed a crime"😭😭 - I love sister MJ - also not gonna lie I cried a little the first time watching this - - Some mothers of color in the community centre makes me happy - Who’s the model though? 😏 - Someone find him & tag me - Ugh here comes sister “I ruin everything” - Honestly when is sister Julienne just gonna come out and say “you gotta go”? - No that’s not the way you do things - fuck yea sister J - “We must simply sit it out and wait for Churchill” - I HOPE THATS TRIXIE - BUT also I really want Sister Julienne to be the one who saves the day - Lol yea Babs your wardrobe should step it up but it’s okay - - Shelagh don’t be nervous you’re gonna kill it - Does sister Ursula even do anything? She doesn’t see patients does she? Nah she just makes everyone angry - Get up outta here - Lol I’m so Brooklyn for that - “Mrs Turner you look nice” - UM YES, MY BBY, her new dresses & coats slay - She finally took a break from the damn cardigans & I love it. Not that there’s anything wrong with cardigans but you catch my drift - Nah for real I wanted a fabulous wardrobe for Shelagh bc times are changing & Laura Main is literally gorgeous so she needs pretty outfits & got it I did - so here for it, now we wait for another pair of trousers. lets get it 1962 - this first dress had such jackie kennedy vibes, love it - - “Consequences be DAMMED” YES PATS - Phyllis and Sister J are proud, I really want one of them to press Sister Ursula - Look @ Delia actually being a nurse! - ah penny 💔 - - Shelagh’s so nervous at first but then is like YOU KNOW WHAT ASSHAT JUDGE - “Where is nurse Mount?” , “where she is needed” YES SISTER JULIENNE - love the blue coat Shelagh - “I’m not ill, I’m just tired and angry” same - Don’t cry bby - “Our best is worthless bc it won’t change anything” ugh crush my heart, especially that little hug. I need to hug them all - lol who invited Tom to the hospital - he’s so handsome though so it’s ok - TELL THEM, STAND UP - “We need to fight” yes ! - I was worried penny’s baby wouldn’t live - C'mon Pats be pc - okay patsy opening up, crushes my heart she’s so closed off but I feel - Here comes the wicked bitch of the east [end] - Whoops can I call a fictitious nun a bitch - YES PATS YES DONT TAKE HER SHIT - Aw patsy, you two will okay, I mean look sister Bernadette came back as Shelagh because of letters so you never know - - Shelagh’s baby blue outfit >> - she needs to go out in public more with her hair down and slay everyone’s life - “Not today.” Yes Delia - “You did it Mrs Turner, you made em listen!” - Yes tf she did. I’m so proud - the set makeup artist did a crazy good job with the burns - “We never really out grow our parents, we just think we do” aw I should call my mum and dad - mm maybe later it’s midnight lmao - DELIA SAID I LOVE U - I FEEL LIKE NO IMPORTANT COUPLE on here HAS SAID “I LOVE YOU” to each other ?? - They almost kissed aw - Fred just break the door damn - Reminds me a little of when Jenny left - Aw the Marsh fam - Phyllis you are gold - Phyllis is still learning Spanish, please give her an opportunity to use it! - the only Spanish speaking mother was conchita, wasn’t that the first episode ever? lets get another one - Anyway, this was so sad. - “The pain it costs to love..” PHYLLIS I LOVE You. You deserve everything good - Aw all the other mothers with penny! - Alright Lets hear it Vanessa - Aw Delia Bonus: preview for next week - my other bby Trixie is back !! - hope she loses her shit when she realizes sister Ursula is ruining everything + patsy/sister mary cynthia are gone - My bby Shelagh looks so pretty!💕 - BUT I KNOW NO ONE IS SHUTTING DOWN ANYTHING - I will not have it - Phyllis spilling the ever so obvious and boiling tea, sister Ursula is UNFIT - Pls let Sister Julienne say something crazy to her before she goes - Why is babs crying?? - ugh of course that’s the most of a preview we get - Nothing bad will happen to my bbys I won’t have it. Protect them at all costs or I’ll spontaneously combust - Jk but I might flip my shit or throw my laptop - But for real for Shelagh to miscarry 3 episodes in would be a waste of a storyline - Plus it is a drama, we’ll be shook for a while, then we’ll cry, we’ll laugh & then Vanessa Redgrave says something profound and we go on with the week - The End 🙃🙃 - If you read this far, you’re a champ - I did this for u all

#call the midwife #i'm a clown #series 6 #lets get it 1962 #protect my bbys at all costs though #my commentaries™

[hgfstreamchats]

Birdemic

Welcome to the 'highglossfinish' room. caffienatedconfetti: henlo bby caffienatedconfetti: fair warning the first bit of this movie is like 5 minutes of boring caffienatedconfetti: followed by 10 more minutes of watching a guys doing stuff Knock Out: I can live with that. caffienatedconfetti: i havent watched it yet because i'm not that masochistic but i figured it's bids, so caffienatedconfetti: huehuehuehuehue Zephra85: MOVIE NIGHT YAAS Zephra85: Hi everyone! Jalaperilo: I always forget whuch shade of green I pick for my name Jalaperilo: but hello! Zephra85: Same with gray for me thenightetc: So I understand we're in for a "treat"? Jalaperilo: i think we've been tricked by this film lol

caffienatedconfetti: the first 30 min are pretty boring tho idk caffienatedconfetti: i havent seen it, only watched a reveiw caffienatedconfetti: it looked funny Jalaperilo: the first 90 minutes if boring lol Jalaperilo: *is Cardinal: I'm hesitantly ready! Knock Out: Beautiful! thenightetc: No doubt we can amuse ourselves with mockery :) Zephra85: 'hesitantly ready' is a good way to describe the beginning of these streams caffienatedconfetti: it may or may not be worth it just for the """"""special effects"""""""" caffienatedconfetti: those giant airqoutes sink in? Knock Out: The more air quotes, the better. Jalaperilo: so who has seen this film? Zephra85: Not me, never even heard of it Knock Out: Oh, this will be fun. thenightetc: Ditto.  I thought it sounded like a video game Knock Out: Go away, bold button. Jalaperilo: be bold Knock Out: Scream everything. Jalaperilo: make strangers on the internet not know if you're being ironic or not thenightetc: I don't think bold is screaming per se.  More an emphatic tone of voice, which may or may not be a *little* louder than normal thenightetc: Reverb, maybe. Zephra85: caps is yelling caffienatedconfetti: ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE Jalaperilo: what about bold caps? Zephra85: bold is... a tone thenightetc: Yeah! caffienatedconfetti: IT IS THE ULTIMATE CANTERLOT VOICEW Zephra85: extreme agression Jalaperilo: I'm gonna start a fight with bold capital letters caffienatedconfetti: ON MY WAY TO STEAL YO GURL Knock Out: I'm concerned for the humans involved here. Their lifespans aren't long enough to waste on this movie. Jalaperilo: this is my second time watching it. if i was concerned abour wasting my life, i wouldnt be here caffienatedconfetti: oh dont worry the women in my family live to be at least 100 caffienatedconfetti: i have plenty of time to waste Knock Out: Oh, well, in that case! Knock Out: "Vetnamese." caffienatedconfetti: you mean vietnamese? thenightetc: ...Have you started it?  It's showing as offline for me Zephra85: Same for me caffienatedconfetti: what does that have to do with anything? did i miss something caffienatedconfetti: also yeah same Knock Out: Well, glad we caught that one early! Knockout: Is it showing now? caffienatedconfetti: thar we go~ Knockout: Beautiful! thenightetc: There it is!  I had to click pause and play but it is now Cardinal: I see it! Knockout: Well, not for me. I have to sit through fifteen minutes of that again. thenightetc: There, there Zephra85: Oh pausing and unpausing worked for me too Jalaperilo: im sure you did something to deserve that Zephra85: but I missed the beginning, drat Zephra85: oh well caffienatedconfetti: primus is trying to get your organs to explode thenightetc: Just scenery shots Jalaperilo: i forgot that the film director tries to be hitchcock like in this caffienatedconfetti: is it working thenightetc: God would it kill you to mount the camera on something instead of just holding it Cardinal: . . . Cardinal: Well, it's a thrill ride so far! thenightetc: ...I'm just saying. Jalaperilo: Zephra, you could not watch the first 30 minutes and you would have missed nothing caffienatedconfetti: this music loop is killing me slowly caffienatedconfetti: AGAIN caffienatedconfetti: WHY Cardinal: help caffienatedconfetti: send help thenightetc: It's the only music they licensed caffienatedconfetti: i';m being held against my will my address is123 help Cardinal: it keeps happening Zephra85: LOL Jalaperilo: the director saw Psycho and thought that was the way that all films should begin caffienatedconfetti: if it loops again i swear to god caffienatedconfetti: KNIFE TIME thenightetc: pfffffff Jalaperilo: hahah! thenightetc: At this point it's like a running joke Cardinal: The music is the true villain of this movie. thenightetc: ...That didn't sound like a car door caffienatedconfetti: and here we see the beta male, going out on the hunt for cheap fast food thenightetc: *mildly unsettled* Zephra85: cronch caffienatedconfetti: OW caffienatedconfetti: WHAT IS THIS AUDIO Zephra85: cronch cronch caffienatedconfetti: WHAT IS HER FACE caffienatedconfetti: LOOK BOOBS Jalaperilo: i realised I have blocked out 90% of this film as i forgot how angry i got at its *** cinematography Zephra85: what is going on with the sound editing caffienatedconfetti: "durrrrrrr henlo this isn't creep at all" caffienatedconfetti: nice dud ver classy thenightetc: Did she... pay? caffienatedconfetti: stalker much thenightetc: THEN DON'T. Cardinal: how do you think he knew that caffienatedconfetti: ew Cardinal: ha ha creepy Cardinal: stellar acting thenightetc: wooooooow caffienatedconfetti: "hello person  ive never met let me tell you everything abotut me" Zephra85: legit tho caffienatedconfetti: "here's my phone number, address, and pin number" thenightetc: they're cutting between different takes of the audio aren't they too thenightetc: Oh my god caffienatedconfetti: wait you saw each other 2 seconds ago why did you say hi again caffienatedconfetti: end me Cardinal: WAS IT nice talking to him?  Was it? Jalaperilo: my guess is that they didnt have a boom mic and so just used the camera mic thenightetc: I hope he dies. caffienatedconfetti: IT'S SO EASY TO MAKE AN EFFECT TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE UR ON THE TV WHY Zephra85: the news announcer has the least stilted acting, what does THAT say about this movie caffienatedconfetti: sorry for babbling its just YIVUJGHFH Jalaperilo: hey knock knock, have you ever shown Megashark vs Giant Octopus? Cardinal: ((At some point we should watch THe Time Machine I Found At A Garage Sale. Knockout: I can't say that I have. Cardinal: ((Legitimately the worst movie I've ever seen. caffienatedconfetti: brb getting a seltzer and flushing my dignity down the toilet Jalaperilo: its a great film that should deffo go on the list thenightetc: "THIS MOVIE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY CHEVRON" Zephra85: heh Zephra85: the bf and I do that too whenever there's a lingering shot of a brand logo Zephra85: 'BROUGHT TO YOU BY _____' thenightetc: Although in this case I'm willing to believe they were just eating up a little time there. Cardinal: This movie is killing me Cardinal: I don't care about your big fish, fleshie Jalaperilo: *** off Jalaperilo: one mil in a firm like that? Zephra85: yyyyeah that's not happening thenightetc: Oh.  Oh god. Jalaperilo: did no one want to pay the elec bill thenightetc: He's going to come bother her at her work ISN'T HE >:( Jalaperilo: ? Zephra85: hello pufferfish desktop bg thenightetc: *transfixed by the pufferfish* thenightetc: This is an improvement Zephra85: very Cardinal: The pufferfish looks how I feel Zephra85: this pufferfish is portraying more genuine emotion than any of the actors Jalaperilo: the stalker from the restaurant Cardinal: I continue to not like the guy Cardinal: UGH Zephra85: VETnamese eh? thenightetc: Whyyyyy.  Why would she go on a date with that guy. caffienatedconfetti: what happened caffienatedconfetti: where's the movie? Cardinal: The pufferfish ate it Zephra85: it's been replaced by this vastly superior pufferfish Jalaperilo: my guess is the mouse got moved to the bottom right corner that turns all windows transparent Cardinal: I'm sure whatever we imagine them doing is more interesting than what they're actually doing. caffienatedconfetti: where's knockout? thenightetc: God, I hope they BOTH die.  Both these guys. Jalaperilo: it beans our host has left us to suffer alone lol Zephra85: Nuuuu bring back the pufferfish Cardinal: Pufferfish, don't abandon us Knockout: I'm back, and nothing happened! Zephra85: was... was her ringtone a bicycle bell? Knockout: Where did it leave off? thenightetc: the audio is killing me caffienatedconfetti: that awkwa rd  pause thenightetc: oh my god.  why thenightetc: This is the worst editing I've ever seen caffienatedconfetti: everything is going great for everyone: news at 11 Jalaperilo: we're ok withnot catvhing up with what we lost Zephra85: legit Zephra85: yeah srsly caffienatedconfetti: that wheeze tho Zephra85: the sound editing is hurting me more than the video editing caffienatedconfetti: this is sexist to both sexes thenightetc: Yeah, that's what I mean. Knockout: I can see why you all preferred the pufferfish. thenightetc: I hope a bird bites his dick off. Zephra85: I miss the pufferfish thenightetc: That's... what this movie's about, right?  Eventually? caffienatedconfetti: and aslo, sexist to sexes  that don't exist Jalaperilo: i was starting to have a bad evening but the rage i feel at this film has burned up all the anxiety lol caffienatedconfetti: it's a preachy global warming film apparently caffienatedconfetti: oh god please caffienatedconfetti: why this caffienatedconfetti: no thenightetc: Why was there a watermelon carved into a basket caffienatedconfetti: *overly long shot of a roof* Zephra85: because discussing the location of the solar panels he's installing is intregal to the plot Jalaperilo: global warming is fake, the earth is flat and new coke was a marketing ploy to boost sales of coke classic! caffienatedconfetti: what thenightetc: *silent handshake* caffienatedconfetti: oh ok caffienatedconfetti: racist now

caffienatedconfetti: loveluy Zephra85: that hug was so awkward but I bet it wasn't acting caffienatedconfetti: *overly long shot of a ffffuking WALL* caffienatedconfetti: THIS IS NOT ART thenightetc: Self-burn! Knockout: "I have to go all of a sudden." caffienatedconfetti: no none cares Jalaperilo: wanna watch tedious superflouous plot that goes nowhere, watch the 4th film of a certain franchise we all like. caffienatedconfetti: which one lol? thenightetc: it's so conspicuous how the background music is just another 15 second loop and not actually something that would be playing in a restaurant caffienatedconfetti: he looks dead inside Jalaperilo: maybe he is? caffienatedconfetti: that or he's planning her murder thenightetc: Her dog, right caffienatedconfetti: close- a cat thenightetc: ...Okay, I was close Zephra85: oh THAT'S her strategy Zephra85: get out of this awful date by talking about her cat non stop thenightetc: Those, uh thenightetc: Those are some slow and unbeleivable birds caffienatedconfetti: 0those certainly are some graphic Jalaperilo: top of the line computer graphics, brought to you by mspaint Jalaperilo: knock, you gonna fatshame these birds caffienatedconfetti: that is a reenscreen? Zephra85: it freaking was thenightetc: Oh god, did they make them slow-motion so they wouldn't have to make as many frames Knockout: Of course not. My spark goes out to those birds. Zephra85: they live a painful existence of terrible animation caffienatedconfetti: bet you 20 bucks theres a support group for birdemic actors Knockout: Classy. thenightetc: Ugh. thenightetc: Now just stand there outside her house all night. Zephra85: oh god that scene change was abrupt and painful caffienatedconfetti: oh god another old lady Zephra85: that's her mother caffienatedconfetti: no why Zephra85: she looks old enough to be her grandmother caffienatedconfetti: poor lady Jalaperilo: shes pretty good at acting caffienatedconfetti: i thought she said her mom wasn't supportive? caffienatedconfetti: ew????? Zephra85: 'marry rich' Zephra85: 'I love your advice mom' thenightetc: That's funny because I keep getting the impression she's planning a black widow thing and that's why she's putting up with this creep caffienatedconfetti: EWEWEW caffienatedconfetti: EWWWWWW caffienatedconfetti: WHYWHWYHWYWB7JHG thenightetc: oh my god caffienatedconfetti: "THIS SEX SCENE SPONSORED BY IMAGINE PEACE" thenightetc: it's the ringtone they use for those "turn your *** phone off" ads! caffienatedconfetti: ALSO THAT ACENT WHY????? caffienatedconfetti: AUUUGUH caffienatedconfetti: IS HER NOSE STUFFED WITH COTTON Jalaperilo: "oh i phones you during sex? let me keep talking to you' Jalaperilo: a billion??? thenightetc: "a billion dollars" thenightetc: What a nice round number? Zephra85: oh god stop already Zephra85: these cut aways hurt Jalaperilo: "youre all fired" thenightetc: So they make uh........ database software I guess? thenightetc: Please let that be foreshadowing thenightetc: what. Zephra85: this movie is making my soul hurt Jalaperilo: hahaha! thenightetc: Her shirt Knockout: Shoot me. thenightetc: why this. Jalaperilo: no can do. primus/unicron demands we suffer Zephra85: f*ck what they want caffienatedconfetti: I WISH FOR DEATH Zephra85: SAVE US PUFFERFISH Jalaperilo: i wonder what this films agenda is? caffienatedconfetti: PRIMUS YOU *** caffienatedconfetti: oh right forgot about that lol sorry thenightetc: I thought he was going to reject the pitch, he kinda had the look of a guy who was slowly realizing he'd been invited to a multi-level-marketing pitch Knockout: The pufferfish loves you and would help you if it could. caffienatedconfetti: "save the planet, bitchfaces" caffienatedconfetti: was there just a festival in town and they were like "sure lets put that in the movie" Zephra85: I buy it thenightetc: [insert joke about Smokescreen] caffienatedconfetti: also didn't they say it was winter???????? caffienatedconfetti: so many questions Jalaperilo: you can find the answers within Zephra85: oh god what the hell thenightetc: Did they edit in the middle of a sentence Cardinal: ((That's a great thing to hear on a date Cardinal: (("You sound like my mother" caffienatedconfetti: HELLO Knockout: I like the man with the metal detector. Cardinal: This is the part where the birds eat them, right? caffienatedconfetti: I CANT HEAR YOU OVER THIS WIND caffienatedconfetti: ALSO THAT IS VERY CONVINCING DEAD BIRD thenightetc: "Don't touch it!  It's fake!" Zephra85: Give the fake bird an oscar caffienatedconfetti: it's the best actor in this film tbh thenightetc: That's not retirement, it's a sabbatical Zephra85: STOP SAYING RETIREMENT Jalaperilo: it sounds like an interview thenightetc: I was just going to say thenightetc: It's shot like one too caffienatedconfetti: please kill me thenightetc: *total silence* caffienatedconfetti: i'm sorry for suggesting this it was a mistake thenightetc: Suffer with us. caffienatedconfetti: this movie in general is a mistake caffienatedconfetti: also where is the birdemic? where is the shock and terror? Zephra85: yeah seriously can we get to the plot already thenightetc: oh god caffienatedconfetti: end emeeeeeeee thenightetc: That bit right there Knockout: There's a persistent, gentle disgust. Close enough. caffienatedconfetti: did they hire a black guy to dance and pretrend to sing in front of a mic thenightetc: Maybe it's karaoke thenightetc: God, the restaurant is totally empty except for them, isn't it Zephra85: this movie couldn't get the licencing for a single song so they had to write their own Zephra85: it's just as disappointing as the rest of the movie Knockout: This movie's taken something from me I can never get back. thenightetc: I'm sure there's plenty more disappointment in store caffienatedconfetti: your soul? Knockout: Oh, please, no. caffienatedconfetti: OOOOHOHOOH JESUS GOD Knockout: Dear Unicron, no. thenightetc: Why is the tv on caffienatedconfetti: NONONPOE caffienatedconfetti: EW NO caffienatedconfetti: STOP THIS thenightetc: Hey uh if you wanna skip past any of this I'm sure none of us would complain Zephra85: isn't this the same room their friends were getting their bone on thenightetc: I don't know, is there that IMAGINE PEACE sign on the wall? Zephra85: Oh right my bad Knockout: GAAH! Jalaperilo: *** Zephra85: WHAT THE HELL caffienatedconfetti: MY EARS thenightetc: uhhh? Jalaperilo: i fell asleep Zephra85: I BET YOU'RE NOT ASLEEP ANYMORE thenightetc: This is.... sudden caffienatedconfetti: are those kamikaze birbs thenightetc: And unconvincing Jalaperilo: *** myheart Zephra85: HOLY F**** thenightetc: How are they doing that Jalaperilo: i think im dying thenightetc: Birds don't do that caffienatedconfetti: wow look at those graphics caffienatedconfetti: so realistic thenightetc: Pictured: physics probably caffienatedconfetti: i could just reach out and touch them they look so real caffienatedconfetti: RAWKRAWKRAWKRAWL Zephra85: plot twist: no sex happened, they just fell asleep making out caffienatedconfetti: wait what caffienatedconfetti: battery is dead.... in a landline????? thenightetc: They could have, like, started the movie here Jalaperilo: my chest hurts thenightetc: Why do the birds hate them in particular though caffienatedconfetti: yes but then we'd have missed an hour of environmental preaching Zephra85: yeah that's gonna stop them from breaking the glass and getting through the top part of the window Knockout: Just look at them. Jalaperilo: we should have watched The Birds instead Zephra85: Srsly caffienatedconfetti: we could do that next time, it'd probably get the bad taste out of my mouth caffienatedconfetti: "hello stranger thank you for letting us inside your home" caffienatedconfetti: oh god thenightetc: No, I think it's a hotel caffienatedconfetti: clothes hangers caffienatedconfetti: why thenightetc: oh my god Zephra85: wait Zephra85: this looks familiar Zephra85: just this one part caffienatedconfetti: i'm so sorry knockout i made a grievous error thenightetc: That's the only animation they made for them thenightetc: So they have to use it a lot caffienatedconfetti: forgive me Zephra85: ... Knock Out did somebody send this to you at some point as a submission? But like, just this scene? Jalaperilo: thats what you get for suggesting a film you havent seen lol Knockout: That would make sense. thenightetc: They weren't even attacking, just hovering caffienatedconfetti: forgive meeeeeeeee Zephra85: WHERE THE HECK Knockout: The bird noises are upsetting Impact's cats. Zephra85: WHERE DID THOSE GUNS COME FROM thenightetc: You mean you don't carry a gun with you everywhere in case of bird attacks? Jalaperilo: from any atore in murica? Jalaperilo: *store thenightetc: seems legit thenightetc: haha is that a machine gun thenightetc: dude don't gesture with the goddamn gun Zephra85: they're not the kind of guns people just HAVE though caffienatedconfetti: o hello dead dude Jalaperilo: i dont know how gun ownership works. can you tell Zephra85: most unrealistic part part of the movie: a kid willingly sharing his video game with his sister Jalaperilo: ha! thenightetc: Nothing about, like.  Calling the police or something? thenightetc: Just, "oh well these are our kids now" Zephra85: phones aren' working still I guess thenightetc: jesus, what Jalaperilo: grim Zephra85: I feel like I should start drinking heavily in hopes of getting black-out drunk and forgetting I ever saw this movie thenightetc: "welp, he's dead, guess all this stuff is free" thenightetc: So I guess it's apocalyptic now? caffienatedconfetti: idk thenightetc: why are they eating out in the open caffienatedconfetti: i made a grevious error thenightetc: I don't think that's what bird flu does Zephra85: 'good thing I have this dollar-store mask to protect me' Zephra85: oh dear god Jalaperilo: no, the birds are just dicks Zephra85: you'd have to get a whole pig in your arms to match this kind of ham-fisting thenightetc: ikr Knockout: "Orthologist." thenightetc: "the birds know I'm an ornithologist :)" caffienatedconfetti: i am so sorry thenightetc: You should be. thenightetc: some dude in the background just walking on the beach Jalaperilo: time for caffinated to go to the virtual time out corner to think about what they've done Knockout: "Pretty good at ***?" caffienatedconfetti: *sobbing* thenightetc: I heard it too. thenightetc: I think it was supposed to be "shooting" Jalaperilo: that made me laugh Zephra85: oh wow Zephra85: okay Zephra85: w o w Knockout: Point the gun in his face some more. thenightetc: That was... fast?  DId she accidentally shoot her Knockout: Yes. "Accidentally." Zephra85: 'I didn't do anything' isn't very trustworthy first words thenightetc: Just hovering menacingly thenightetc: Like some vast, predatory bird Zephra85: HAAA Jalaperilo: *clapping for the furmanism* thenightetc: *whistles* thenightetc: Are they just... shooting at the bus with a machine gun Zephra85: Nice furmanism Zephra85: HAH thenightetc: ...What thenightetc: Do we want to know aht that was Zephra85: so... a bird exploded, and instead of blood and intestinal tracking they were covered with... vomit? Jalaperilo: gtg. i'm past my limit for bedtime lol. have fun suffering without me x x x Knockout: Run, Jalaperilo human. Run far and fast. Zephra85: Be free, Jalaperilo! Jalaperilo: i will. and I will memorialise your sacrifice in poetry thenightetc: Hahahaha they're just gonna thenightetc: drive off without paying Zephra85: ... it exploded Zephra85: okay that's it I'm drinking thenightetc: The birds have missiles now thenightetc: "bought" thenightetc: hahahahah caffienatedconfetti: its gettin late and i have school tomorrow caffienatedconfetti: sorry icannot stick around and continue to suffer thenightetc: You wimp caffienatedconfetti: well i mean thenightetc: You brought this upon us and now you're leaving? thenightetc: *judgey stare* Zephra85: I feel like I have to see this through to the end now out of spite thenightetc: *so much judgement* Zephra85: YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME, MOVIE caffienatedconfetti: look i'm not dealing with this fallout caffienatedconfetti: they're almost to the treehugger scene and i can't caffienatedconfetti: nooooo thankee caffienatedconfetti: just gonna mosey on outta here thenightetc: Boooooo caffienatedconfetti: maybe change my name Zephra85: Bye!! caffienatedconfetti: great now i feel bad caffienatedconfetti: look i didnt know the movie was THIS boring caffienatedconfetti: btw nice ponytail Zephra85: (blinkblink.blinkblink) Knockout: *Scene missing* thenightetc: ...*Are* those... redwoods? caffienatedconfetti: lol nope caffienatedconfetti: "not enough water" caffienatedconfetti: *running stream in the background* Zephra85: .......... caffienatedconfetti: fine i'll stay\ caffienatedconfetti: despite my tiredness thenightetc: That was like.  A clip from a documentary or something wasn't it Zephra85: w h y caffienatedconfetti: jngkmjnredkvm zzzzz caffienatedconfetti: wait what caffienatedconfetti: mountain lions? caffienatedconfetti: redwoods? thenightetc: "Mountain lions can't climb trees!" caffienatedconfetti: in the same place????? Knockout: Congratulations, caffienated human. You stayed awake and now Treehugger will visit you in your dreams. Knockout: Every single night. caffienatedconfetti: please forigve caffienatedconfetti: i am so sorry thenightetc: *CGI fire* thenightetc: so real.  much danger. caffienatedconfetti: how threaned i am Zephra85: Nobody is ever allowed to give Beast Wars's CGI flack AGAIN thenightetc: behold the folly of man--did the fire cut out just before it changed scenes caffienatedconfetti: KILL ME I DESERVE  IT thenightetc: Your punishment is watching this movie caffienatedconfetti: I HAVE BROUGHT NOTHING BUT SUFFERIIIIIING thenightetc: It's only like 13 more minutes thenightetc: And it's probably going to be 10 minutes of credits with the same music snippet looped forever Knockout: In Birdemic time, that translates to three hours. Zephra85: oh nooo our bf's are dead thenightetc: Uhhhhh Knockout: I choked on fuel. Zephra85: she's still moving and breathing thenightetc: But I thought she died out in the field thenightetc: After whatshername discharged a weapon in her general direction caffienatedconfetti: FACE CUT = DEATH caffienatedconfetti: LOOOOGUC Zephra85: different girl, those two from before were random strangers they met at the hotel thenightetc: Ohhhhhh, right Zephra85: these were their two friends from the beginning caffienatedconfetti: end my life thenightetc: Forgot about that Knockout: How could you forget Imagine Peace human? Zephra85: BUT THERE'S NO FISH TO CAAATCH BECAUSE GLOBAL WARMING KILLED THEM AALLLLL thenightetc: ...That also explains why he's surprised by what's in the van, I guess.  It was their van and they're dead thenightetc: Well I ASSUMED she had more than one shirt caffienatedconfetti: inskifb ukvgm caffienatedconfetti: let's eat seaweed caffienatedconfetti: its clean caffienatedconfetti: probably thenightetc: just eat some seaweed off the ground Knockout: That beach looks polluted. Zephra85: now for a ham-fisted monologue about over-fishing and polution and mORE GLOBAL WARMING caffienatedconfetti: where did they get ball?>???? thenightetc: haha just plop the whole thing right in a pot of water caffienatedconfetti: cooker??? Zephra85: ... sooo you're not gonna gut it or prep it in any way first thenightetc: don't gut it or anything caffienatedconfetti: what is  logic Zephra85: okay then thenightetc: "...YOU eat it first" Zephra85: MOST REALISTIC PART OF THE MOVIE caffienatedconfetti: eewwwwwww thenightetc: Pfff, so much for birds only attacking people in cars Zephra85: in the face of the apocalypse kids complaining that they want junk food caffienatedconfetti: RAWKRAWKRAWK Zephra85: WAKAWKAWAK thenightetc: Ha, he's only NOW run out of bullets Knockout: I'm sure it would have been healthier than the ungutted fish and seawood they found on the ground. Zephra85: sRSLY thenightetc: A happy meal? Oh yeah, probably thenightetc: Are they.... going back for the fist thenightetc: *fish Zephra85: 'We're murdered all but these four humans, our work is done' caffienatedconfetti: winged murder raptors have never been so nonthreatening Zephra85: those child actors look so bored thenightetc: "...oh no they're coming back, BACK TO THE VAN" caffienatedconfetti: nice giraffee neck human dude caffienatedconfetti: oh NOW i canm go to bed caffienatedconfetti: i have suffered enough thenightetc: But the credits :) Zephra85: I think we've all suffered enough for the sake of all existence caffienatedconfetti: thank you caffienatedconfetti: again, i am very sorry thenightetc: Ooooo! caffienatedconfetti: knockout caffienatedconfetti: why Zephra85: Because you obviously didn't get enough birds, Knock Out thenightetc: Dirty bird. caffienatedconfetti: what???? caffienatedconfetti: fat birb caffienatedconfetti: wait what thenightetc: *growing suspician* caffienatedconfetti: oh caffienatedconfetti: um caffienatedconfetti: oh dear caffienatedconfetti: this is 1000x better tho thenightetc: Well Zephra85: oh my god thenightetc: This is amazing caffienatedconfetti: wait what caffienatedconfetti: did they..... did they nail a whole chicken to a tree????? Zephra85: oh god I laughed really loud with that last one Zephra85: I think so caffienatedconfetti: kncokout look up the parrote sketch, monty python caffienatedconfetti: *parrot Zephra85: THE PARROT SKETCH thenightetc: Fantastic choice, Knock Out; it makes up for the entire movie. caffienatedconfetti: this si human humor at its finest Knockout: Whatever helps us all to heal. Zephra85: the first time I heard this sketch it was an audio only caffienatedconfetti: its very british Zephra85: so it was like a radio play Zephra85: it played out perfectly caffienatedconfetti: also john cleese is in it so it's already amazing thenightetc: oh my god caffienatedconfetti: POOOOOLLLY Zephra85: I would have no desire to touch and put my mouth near a dead bird caffienatedconfetti: you can't prove you didn't do that with starscream's corpse caffienatedconfetti: WAAAAAKE UP caffienatedconfetti: SLAP Zephra85: EX PARROT caffienatedconfetti: he's so bitish i love him thenightetc: But... how. caffienatedconfetti: because caffienatedconfetti: oh dear thee goes the fourth wall Zephra85: the fourth wall is overrated caffienatedconfetti: why this caffienatedconfetti: why thios so good caffienatedconfetti: GET ON WITH IT Zephra85: classic caffienatedconfetti: 10000/10 Knockout: Beautiful. Knockout: A much better note to end on. caffienatedconfetti: think of it as my way of making up for my crimes caffienatedconfetti: noiw if you'll excuse me caffienatedconfetti: my bed is calling my name thenightetc: Goodnight! Zephra85: yeah I need to stretch myself out a bit Knockout: Good night. Enjoy a mostly-guilt free sleep! Zephra85: thanks for the stream Knock Out! Zephra85: Say high to the family for me! caffienatedconfetti: oloolololo thanks knockzo Knockout: My pleasure! Thank you for enduring it with me. Zephra85: I feel triumphant that it did not break me caffienatedconfetti: do owls seem less scary now Zephra85: 'Night everybody! caffienatedconfetti: or more scary caffienatedconfetti: because they are, in fact, birbs caffienatedconfetti: heuehehue caffienatedconfetti: lol nvm caffienatedconfetti: just joking around caffienatedconfetti: bedtiiiime caffienatedconfetti: night