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#I know it’s daunting and easy for me to say as a chem major but
octalove · 4 years
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IV: The Dinner
(Batgirl/Red Hood)
Brief note; per demand, this little trilogy will now be an ongoing series🥺thank u all for the support! i was not expecting it at all. ur comments make my day!! i hope u enjoy this chapter bearing in mind that i wasn’t intending on a full length fic, so i hope u can put up with any missteps in the plot or writing. i’m making it up as i go. kiss kiss
Description: Reader makes an ally, and attends a tense dinner. part one, two, and three.
A mild blue dawn was just beginning to flit through the blinds, and I sighed heavily, stretching a little, and running a hand across my face. My skin was cold to the touch. Rolling over stiffly, I glanced at the clock on my nightstand.
5:26a.m.
Nineteen minutes before my alarm. I was too cold to go back to sleep, I knew, as much as Alfred had requested I try and get more of it. Pulling myself up, the sheets slipped off my bare shoulders and folded onto themselves. Once in a blue moon, I would forego making it up again, usually accompanied by an excuse. Today, I didn’t have one. I put my feet on the floor, mind buzzing.
I was done tossing and turning, and decided to get up and shower. Afterward, I threw on my uniform, and got to work on my face. A little bronzy eyeshadow, some mascara and lip balm. I could’ve turned my face into a work of art, but I was tired from my sleepless night and doing much else seemed like a strain.
There was a knock on the door.
“Come in.” I was expecting Bruce or Alfred, but I caught Tim’s reflection in my vanity mirror.
“Hey.” He said.
“Good morning.” I replied tensely. He sat on my bed. Okay. Weird. Tim was a year younger than me- but always ordained himself something of an older brother. His brainpower made learned helplessness and easy state to slip into when he was around- always fixing my PS4, or recovering lost files from my laptop. When we first met, I used to use those things as a crutch to interact with him, as neither of us were particularly forthcoming. These days, we were as close as any pair of siblings.
“What’s up?” I asked, tucking away my mascara wand.
“Oh, I just thought I’d… check up on you. Before school started.”
I was the only one of the Waynes attending Gotham Academy at the moment. Damian was still at Gotham Prep, but by the time he would attend next year, I’d be graduated. I wondered if Tim ever missed it. He garnered his fair share of attention; mostly because of his attractive status and predisposition of agreeability. Before he dropped out, I used the be the subject of mediation for every eligible teenage girl that wanted to get to know my brother- no, the other one. With the soft hair. The chem tutor.
I laughed a little. “Do I seem like I need it?” Tim shrugged. I got up and plopped on the duvet beside him. My window was open a crack, filling the room with a chilly breeze and the scent of moisture and petrichor.
“Did Bruce make you get up for this?” I tried again, keeping my playful tone. He sighed and shook his head.
“Bruce isn’t the only one who’s noticed you lately.” He said, with contrasting seriousness that made my smile fall.
“What’s there to notice? Seriously.” I questioned.
He sighed again and twisted his lip. I knew what that meant. He was about to list everything different I’d been doing for the past three weeks, either alphabetically or by severity. “You look tired. You get home and go straight to your room. You keep fidgeting during briefings. You look distracted. You’re avoiding Damian- which, I get it- but like, more than usual. Dick said you haven’t texted him all week. You usually have something to say about your day at dinner, but-“
“Okay. I get it.”
A brief moment passed, where I watched him pull a looser string from the duvet.
“I know you went somewhere. On the 21st, when we were patrolling in Otisburg. You went somewhere for forty-two minutes.”
I blinked. “Oh.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything-“ He added quickly, looking at me. “Really, I have know idea why you left. I’m sure it was nothing, I just… you’ve been acting weird ever since. Where did you go?”
I swallowed, and my intestines felt like lead. Really, I was relieved. Here I was, in my room I’d decorated with Wayne money, with my brother who evidently cared enough about me to notice my typical word count at dinner, asking me what was wrong. And a lot was wrong.
So, I smoothed my plaid skirt and told him about the night of the 21st- and only that. From Red Hood, to Hoffman, to the warehouse. Every vivid detail I could remember. I decided to leave out my little truancy adventure, along with meeting him in the alley. Lifting up his mask. Having his exposed skin close enough to touch. His gunpowder smell. By the end, Tim was frowning. The following silence could’ve crushed a coke can.
“Shit.” He muttered.
“Yeah.” I echoed. “Shit.”
He didn’t asked why I didn’t tell Bruce. Or Anyone. He didn’t ask why it was so important to me to do this by myself. All he did was take in the information and start putting it together.
“Jesus- you could’ve died. But all that Hoffman stuff. Why you?”
“Exactly!” I breathed.
Another knock on the door, and Alfred’s voice carried through, telling me it was time to go. I got up. Tim nodded and followed suit, no doubt carrying my every last recounting in his piggy-bank memory.
“Please don’t tell Bruce.” I said, some amount of fear slipping into my voice. “I know it was a stupid thing to do and it was stupid not to tell anyone. But he’ll never trust me again.” Tim hesitated at the door.
“There’s nothing to tell.”
I climbed into the backseat of the car, and stared at the cityscape running past the windows. The anxiety had lifted. One of my growing number of secrets revealed. In its wake, the sudden absence left a sense of clarity. I remembered why I had kept it to begin with.
Dick was gifted. The first. The talented boy who could fly. Babs and Tim were brilliant; genius far beyond the confines of academia. Damian was skilled. Trained from birth, the blood son. It nestled here him neatly, right where he belonged. What was I? I wasn’t born with athletic ability beyond my years, or genius intellect. Without that information- without my secrets- I had nothing else to give.
*
Thursday night was dinner. The whole family. It was Bruce’s excuse to drag Dick out of his apartment in Blüdhaven, and for Alfred to exercise a new recipe, since everyone was on a strict lean-means and superfoods regimen every other waking day. Babs attended occasionally, when work didn’t keep her busy, and Tim was only allowed to pass if he promised to rest instead.
I met his eyes as everyone was rounded into the dining room by Alfred like a herd of sheep; he gave me some imperceptible knowing look that promised to keep my secret.
We sat down and sipped water from crystal glasses as the table was set with food, muttering amongst ourselves about our days. Dick was given a coffee with the wrong name (‘Nick’), Babs met up with her friend from high school (Olivia something or other), and Damian completed a group project with some incompetent classmates (they all were- even the professors). Vigilante talk wasn’t forbidden, but generally skirted around so as to offer a small reprieve of normalcy during the week.
There was an exception to this unspoken rule when there was a particularly exciting case on the table. Unfortunately for me and my anxiety, the case of the Red Hood was a very exciting one.
“Any new breaks with Red Hood?” Dick asked through miso soup. Bruce sighed.
“He made some movements in Robbinsville. Gone before we could get there. He’s got his men on a tight leash- we couldn’t get any of them to talk.”
“Course not. There’s rumors flying all over the department. One of the Ioveanu family branches payed out a huge security detail for their private mansion.”
“He hasn’t hunted anyone in their home, has he?” I asked. I pictured him standing in front of me- maskless, in my academy uniform.
“No, it’s not his MO.” Barbara answered.
“Not yet. It’s only been six months, and he’s progressing rapidly.” Bruce diagnosed grimly.
“Are you scared he’s gonna join us for dinner?” Dick joked, throwing a wink my way.
“Haha.” I muttered. Actually, I hadn’t slept because of the very idea.
“If you’re nervous, you could always stay home next patrol.” Damian suggested pointedly. To him, existing in the realm of crimefighting was a competition, and he was always looking for others to drop out of the race. I resisted the urge to fling a pea at him.
“I’m not nervous.” I said coolly.
“You’ve been practically trembling since we fought his pathetic lackeys.”
“Damian.” Bruce warned, from the head of the table. I flipped the smallest Wayne the middle finger. He resigned, but I swore I saw amusement on his lips.
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Red Hood is very skilled and very prolific. It’s a daunting case.” Bruce continued.
“Thanks, but I’m okay. Really.” I said, trying not to sound annoyed, and feeling like a spotlight was over my head, operated by the ghost of Hoffman. I almost laughed as I pictured it.
“That’s good to hear. We’ve been concerned.” Alfred added.
“Wow. I’m the star of the show around here.” I remarked dryly.
“We can’t help it, Miss Independent.” Dick said teasingly. “You’re just a good mystery.”
“Reminds me of Talia.” Tim said casually. The silverware stopped clanging.
It was a shameless subject change. Damian’s mother was an inflammatory topic for all parties. Bruce’s moral contempt didn’t reach the likes of Talia Al Ghul and Selena Kyle, immoral though they were. Beauty makes anything charming- and when paired with an impeccable taste in dress, even murder and thievery can be minimized into something of a quirk. Bruce thought so, anyway.
As for Damian, he had grappled with his dismissal from Talia’s side for what was now a majority of his life, and still possessed this deep-rooted, inextinguishable attachment to his mother. It was the hollow soreness any young boy would have in his position. Tim called him mama’s boy until he finally displayed a frightening amount of disdain for the title and actually begged him to stop. Tim agreed to, and I agreed to pretend I never heard a thing.
Dick disagreed with both of those sentiments and viewed Talia as someone who wasn’t worth the trouble. His dismissal embarrassed Bruce and offended Damian, so I knew the dinner table had been sufficiently turned into a powder keg. Tim and I shared a look as I expressed silent gratefulness, and he resigned to inspecting a dumpling, while I picked around my haka noodles.
The rest of dinner was quiet. Somehow, somewhere in the silence all had been decidedly forgiven. First by Babs who asked me to pass the pepper. Then by Dick who said the vegetables were good. Thank you, Alfred. Damian still looked pissed, and Bruce kept stealing glances at the clock.
I texted Tim under the table.
Thanks for taking one for the team.
The reply: You owe me one. I think Damian’s gonna poison my food.
We both glanced at the youngest, who was darkly mesmerized by what appeared to be Tim’s soup bowl.
He quickly added, Wait, actually tho? And we both fought laughter like two kids in the back of the class. It felt good to have an ally. Even if he still didn’t know the whole truth.
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The Organic Chemistry Studying Masterpost
 Hey everyone! I’m pretty new to the studyblr community and this is my first “masterpost” ☺
Ochem can be super daunting and a scary course but it doesn’t have to be! I’m in my second (and last) semester of ochem & after getting an A in it last semester, I feel like I have a good idea of what works and what doesn’t work (at least for me). I’m gonna start out with some pretty general study tips and then get into some stuff that’s more specific for success in ochem! There’s also some lil tips within the tips so keep a look out for those. Hope I’m not shouting into the void and someone out there reads this and enjoys!
READ THE BOOK & TAKE NOTES. I know there’s people out there who don’t read the dang book and let me tell you somethin’: you’re missing out! Organic chemistry books are DENSE AF, lowkey boring and there will be times where you will have to re-read a paragraph 12 times for it to make sense to you, and that’s ok, it’s worth the frustration. The more you read it and expose yourself to the *boring* scientific writing, the better and faster reader you will become! The book will probably explain things in a different way than your professor does, and just being exposed to a different wording is super helpful. And when you read don’t forget to take notes, preferably by hand. It usually takes longer but info tends to stick better. If you’re picky with pens and highlighters, find the ones that suit you best and stick with them (e.g. I like my pens with a bit of grip on the page - not too smooth - and absolutely cannot smear w/ highlighters!). They will make note taking so much more enjoyable. Be creative with your note taking and make things as easy to read and information as easy to find as possible. There’s A LOT of info with organic chemistry, and you want things to be clear and concise and easy to follow. 
HIGHLIGHT BETTER. I highlight my notes after I take them, not during, and I’ll do it either a few hours after taking them or the day after. This counts for both the notes I take in class AND the notes I take from the book. Either way, it’s best to review the material soon after you learned it. While I am highlighting I am reading over the material in a super engaged way and use this time to review the material. 
AN ORGANIZED NOTEBOOK WILL SAVE U 15% OR MORE ON CAR INSURANCE. No, but seriously, make tabs in your notebook for each chapter so they are easy to find. Or number your pages and create a table of contents at the beginning. This is super helpful when you just want to review a concept quickly. It makes everything 100x easier to find. 
HOMEWORK,HOMEWORK, HOMEWORK. Do all the homework. Do the homework that doesn’t get graded or collected. Do the problems you struggle with twice, but wait a day or two to redo them so you forget the answer.  No cheating! ;p A lot of your success in OCHEM will be through repetition and working out problems yourself. This is veryyyy different from watching your professor work out problems or someone online work ‘em out. As my math professor says, you can’t go to the gym and watch other people work out and expect to get buff. You got to put in the work yourself. 
ENGAGE IN LECTURE. Go to lecture awake and hella engaged. ANSWER QUESTIONS IN CLASS. You don’t even need to do this out loud if you’re shy or have a giant ass class, whisper to yourself or say it in your head!!!! Actually take in what your professor teaches, write THOROUGH notes, don’t just copy a slide or what they write on the board/projector. Reword stuff in your own words when you can. I like to throw in some cuss words to keep myself entertained. The most important information is usually what your professor says out loud and doesn’t write down, because it’s usually them elaborating really detailed about a certain mechanism or topic. I notice that a lot of students in my class won’t write these things down but these elaborations and details are SUPER IMPORTANT. They can make or break whether you understand a topic! TRUST ME: you won’t remember the shit your professor said once you step foot outside your class, even if it makes sense during the time. Write that shit down!! & A sidenote -- if your professor is gracious enough to blatantly tell you if something is gonna be on the exam, write that shit down too!
KNOW THE “WHY” AND CUT YOUR STUDY TIME IN HALF. Always always always understand the “why’s”. OCHEM will be miserable and almost impossible if you are simply memorizing information without actually understanding the why. It will be so much more work and more difficult to get an “A”. e.g ok yes we know a nitro group is going to be meta directing and deactivating on a benzene ring during electrophilic aromatic substitution, but why????? Knowing the why’s will make it so you don’t have to memorize any information.
READ THINGS OTHER THAN YOUR BOOK. Mastering organic chemistry(dot)com has super simple wording that’s usually funny and not as dense as your chem book. It is a fantastic supplemental reading source. It’s so important to read things other than your text because different resources explain things soooo differently and sometimes all you need is a rephrasing for the info to click!! There’s other resources other than the one mentioned, just do a google search of whatever topic and endless resources will come up, all eager to teach you some thangs. I also like to google certain topics and just hit “google images”. It doesn’t always work -- but sometimes you get a quick glance at a lot of screenshots of info and it can be super helpful and quick.
ONLINE VIDEOS FOR EXTRA PRACTICE AND BETTER EXPLANATIONS. Watch khan academy videos to understand a concept AND to practice a concept. Pause the video when they are about to solve a problem, solve it yourself first (STRUGGLE!! THINK!! This is the most important part of learning!! Work that brain!!) then once you’re finished, play the video and follow along and see if you did what they did. If you didn’t, don’t worry and don’t beat yourself up! It’s ok! It’s better to mess it up while studying than on the exam!
DO THE PRACTICE EXAM TWICE IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET ONE. If your professor is gracious enough to make you practice exams, do them as if you are doing a REAL EXAM. give yourself the same amount of time you would have if you were to do it in class, eg: if you have 1 hour in class, do the practice in 1 hour. Set a timer. After you are done, grade yourself. Take a nice break, study up some more and a few hours to a day later retake the exam & do all the problems you got wrong again. Don’t be upset if you get the majority of the problems wrong at first, I usually get half of the problems wrong on practice exams the first time I take them. But you bet your ass on real exams I’ve gotten an A on every single one!
COMPARTMENTALIZE. Like I’ve said before, organic chemistry is loaded with so much information, it can be super difficult to even map this shit out in your head and everything can get jumbled super quickly. My favorite thing to do is to create “summary sheets” of a chapter or a concept. I take my time with this, use my favorite pens and highlighters. I use this as a chance to review the material, express some creativity with my writing and layouts (sometimes being a science major we lack creative outlets!!), and most importantly compartmentalize the information into bite sized amounts. It helps so much!!
UNDERSTAND THE LANGUAGE. Organic chemistry will be a nightmare if you don’t know what the fuck they are talking about. DEFINE EVERYTHING!! This is a random bit I just picked out of my textbook about organometallics: “The carbon-metal bonds of organolithium and organomagnesium have appreciable carbanionic character”. Define organomettalic. Define organolithium. Define organomagnesium. Define carbanionic. Break the sentences that confuse you down to the definitions of things, and everything will become a lot easier to understand. 
TEACH SOMEONE WHAT YOU KNOW. ok it doesn’t even have to be a person if you don’t have anyone around or the people around you don’t want to pretend to listen to you. Hide yourself in a safe place, like your room, and just talk to yourself and pretend you’re teaching the material to someone. If you share a room find a time where you can get the room to yourself or let the person(s) know that you’re gonna be talking to yourself for a lil while. I also talk to myself out loud while I am doing my homework, something about figuring shit out in an audible way helps it stick so much more. I also really enjoy cussing and being inappropriate while learning my material. e.g. when doing mechanisms and an atom “pops the fuck off” whatever it is bonded to & it takes the electrons with it, I’ll always pretend the atom is saying “And I’m taking the fucking kids with me!”. Little things like this keeps me entertained and allows me remember the material/mechanisms really easily as I’m creating a funny and visual aid to the material. 
That’s all I can muster up! xx
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