#I spiralled on main again

[ericvilas]

It's okay to enjoy something because it meant a lot to you as a kid. Even if you "shouldn't", or you "shouldn't show it" or you "shouldn't talk about it". And I wish people would let others be. And I wish I didn't have to worry about how a friend would react to another friend talking about a game and having to constantly be on alert as to whether the friend enjoys and disenjoys the correct bits of the game so as to publicly signal to the other friend if they're being a good person. Because that's horrible. That's fucking horrible. Please stop doing that. Please stop just PLEASE. I don't care what it's with, please stop creating an environment that makes people worried that their enjoyment of a thing is something to be ashamed of I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS PLEASE STOP

I don't care if BBC Sherlock or Big Bang Theory are bad in a million different ways, but 20-year-old me got REALLY FUCKING HURT by everyone shitting on it. I don't give a shit whether the MCU was bland or copaganda or whatever the fuck, I still wanna enjoy it. The McElroys were the best thing since sliced bread right up until everyone and their mother started despising Travis and every single time I listen to a TAZ episode a part of my brain is telling me how pointless it is because you're gonna enjoy it alone and with your friends giving you weird stares and that's basically the same as not enjoying it because you shouldn't. Everyone loved B99 until people started saying it was copaganda and then POOF gone. And now I can't watch it cause watching it will feel like betraying my Tumblr siblings. If someone still enjoys John Mulaney I will fucking feel a visceral reaction of mob hatred towards them, like how DARE they, haven't they heard the news that he supports Dave Chapelle and must therefore be shunned from his core audience of Tumblr? LIKE YES I AM NOT FUCKING IMMUNE TO IT OF COURSE I'M NOT THAT'S A MASSIVE REASON WHY I HATE IT! PEOPLE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO LIKE JOHN FUCKING MULANEY! And people should be allowed to like Dave Chapelle, too, for that matter! Or ANY media that has shitty parts!

So yeah. I feel a ton of fucking empathy towards people who wanna play wizardgame and actually enjoy it even though I couldn't give a shit about it myself.

#I spiralled on main again #fuck my life #this is about problematic media in case you wanna know before opening the readmore #gonna hit post because I already wrote the damn thing so might as well

[always-a-joyful-note]

Enstars sure is an experience. Did I miss anything?

#are you guys all okay? i definitely am not okay #this is not the type of media that i usually go for yet it is EXACTLY the type of media that i would like #so many gaps so many stories WAY TOO MUCH READING I DONT HAVE THE TIME #i know i missed a lot because ive only watched the anime and read the main music story up to ch 4 of the second part #and i have read some events stories that were free #and maybe one or two outside from translations #but like thats it #this is like reading orv and getting hit with its deep metas on human life and the importance of stories #but instead im being clobbered by the most deranged storylines known to man (and again. i read ORV and am a bsd fan) #this isnt fantasy but there is nothing realistic about enstars and i unfortunately am attached #every day i spiral into east asian media that gives me an aneurysm #bsd -> orv -> link click -> enstars....i wanna say they keep getting more unhinged but theyre all unhinged in different ways #anyway please help me.... #enstars #ensemble stars #fandom spamdom #stuff i say #i will admit i am mostly into the game for the stories #a consistent gamer i am not #but to unlock the stories ill push back the animes i have to catch up on etc etc #again. please help me.... #edit: updated to remove queerbaiting because apparently i dont know whats going on

[lycanthian]

gonna be 19 in less than a week. its hitting me. girl what tha fuck.

#i dont even know if this is a bad thing its just scary #ive gotten a couple goals in for the year? getting a boyfriend and opening commissions being the main two #but it feels like ive spent most of the past year struggling with depression and debilitating anxiety and. ueagh #ive spentnso much time feeling awful and hating myself and not enough time enjoying myself. #i still struggle with doing basic tasks both hobbywise and selfcare wise and just. ueaagh. #i feel gross and annoying and difficult to get along with and awkward and lazy and. uaaaghhhggh #itsso bad rn i cant even put into words how im feeling properly #ive been teetering back and forth on the edge of a depressive spiral a la december 2023 for the past month #and imscared im gonna hit that again. and not have a way to cope and rest through it this time #because i have finals and portfolio stuff and im moving #and i have to help my friend make sure that shes going to have a place to live over the summer #and i have to get my drivers license and i have to get working on community service hours and i have so so so so so much to do and. weh #im scared i wont be able to do any of it #lycan howls

[capn-twitchery]

sorry for sappy on main but i wanted to say if you've left nice comments on my art or sent me an ask about my ocs in the last month, thank you so much, it really, really means the world to me!!♥︎

the past 3 or so years have been hell for me creatively for a lot of reasons, & even though it really knocked my confidence--i've been excited to draw & drawn more in the past month than i have in a Really Long Time ;; it's been nice

it's still something of a battle but thank you for helping me with it♥︎

#now if i can manage pain better and get more confidence back that the last few years have eroded. i will be Unstoppable #sorry this is sappy but my brain wants to be negative this weekend but i'm not gonna let it. sit down brain #fredspeaks #3 year summary is that my university experience was made Awful by a lot of health issues #and the stress of trying to work through it all has compounded into chronic muscle tension + pain #which had horrific effects on me mentally + creatively and it all Spirals. agh #i'm doing a bit better now at least!!! getting back on my feet. slowly #but my main point is art means a lot to me and i was scared to draw again for a really long time #so thank you all for helping with that even unknowingly ;; #ok essay concluded

[sophieswundergarten]

So. Everyone who yelled at me yesterday for making a ramble on Reynie going blank and then not resolving it, this is for you: (@lemondropletters, you have been tagged)

Also, it's in a Google Doc because it was definitely too long for a Tumblr post, and ~~I don't know how AO3 works~~

The (vague) premise is that, instead of Constance seeing Curtain's broadcast, they all get to the compound mentally sound, but once there, they split up to look for Mr. Benedict, and instead Reynie finds Curtain. This is the wrap up of what would have happened in the last episode.

#I'm sorry if it's also garbage #My brain hasn't been letting me sleep the last two days so I've just been working on this #And also I've never tried writing fic before so it is highly likely to be bad #But it was certainly a fun experience! #I was like “Oh I'll just rewrite that first post in this new format and then add the notes I had in my drafts” #And from there it somehow spiraled into a five and a half thousand word mess #But I think I learned some things! #And I'm sorry Miss Perumal isn't more help I got caught up in the emotion and I just really wanted the kids to work it out themselves #Especially since Reynie is normally the driving force for those kinds of solutions #But without him it took a lot longer than I expected #Also be warned I use a lot more em dashes then I think I'm supposed to #And I was trying the technique of mostly using the adult's formal names since the main perspective is the kids' #But the point is that I did it. I tried. #And if it's terrible then I will just never do it again #I'm sorry I didn't know how to end it so it's kind of vague and abrupt #I hope it's fairly in-character I tried really hard but messing up character voices terrifies me which is why I've never tried this before #I am genuinely so sorry if this is hot garbage it certainly feels like garbage #Okay shutting up now. Again my apologies #the mysterious benedict society #mbs #reynie muldoon #kate wetherall #sticky washington #constance contraire #miss perumal

[miodiodavinci]

was anyone going to tell me that kyo's dad followed me on twitter and gave a shout-out to some of my works

#ferry are you also feeling normal right now #i feel like i've spiraled off into another plane of existence sdkjfhgkl #yuki seto . . . . . . one of the main developers involved with the zola project . . . . . really liked my donut hole and monster covers . . #a a a a a i really really wish i'd gone through with the vroid plans i had #if only so i could have really showcased what i'm capable of and just how much i love the zolas skdjfhgl #another year ! ! ! i can always pick it up again later ! ! ! ! #for now at least i need to focus on re-rendering this thing and then giving my wrists a long easy rest ksdfjhgl #i think i put them through the wringer trying to make this pv happen . . . . .

[stealingyourbones]

The want and urge to animate an eldritch horror Danny Phantom is so strong and yet I don’t have the artistic skill or knowledge of particular types of animation to fully do the idea in my mind justice

#bones speaks #you know that one arg channel? _Boisvert #that one #the angel from that #that’s the best way to describe what’s going on in my head #I feel the need to animate and not draw it bc drawing it won’t show the extent of the *wrongness* ya know #angels say ‘be not afraid’ for a damn reason when first meeting people and I need Danny to have the same vibe #sorta holy or divine and visually goes beyond human comprehension so much so that we can only see what our brain can best process #which is to say: some creepy ass bullshit of an amalgam horror creature of colossal size and power #When I look at Eldritch Horror Danny it needs to be so much overstimulation of shit going on that I instantly start dissociating #it needs to be so much at the same time that it genuinely makes you mentally break #if you check out that ARG channel: be warned that it’s main theme is depression and hopelessness. it may send you into a depressive spiral. #it has frightening and VERY unnerving imagery along with religious themes and gore and a LOT of staring #just so y’all know and I don’t accidentally make y’all dissociate or anythin cause that shit nearly instantly makes me lose touch w reality #like I should enjoy watching it bc it genuinely makes me feel bad and yet the curiosity of such an interesting take of the medium an just- #it’s just so cool ya know? stuff Beyond Comprehension and exsistential dread is just FASCINATING. #like Everywhere at the End of Time #that shit? instantly makes me have an anxiety attack and makes me off the rest of the day. #do I find it incredibly intriguing and on the occasion listen to it again knowing damn well that I’m setting myself up for a shitty day? yes #it’s just sO COOL #audio format of dementia is beautifully haunting. I worked for a time volunteering helping dimentia patients. some of them… #they were hollow. empty shells of a person that when I saw them all I could visualize was that awful static from the album just going on and #on forever. there was nothing left. that shit and morality scares the SHIT out of me and equally entices me #tw dissociation #tw memory loss #tw dementia

[undefeatablesin]

I love them so much and it is Not Fair!!

#sin speaking #(this blog only exists bc death of sleep is what lured me into the fandom and therefore the game!!) #(they dont get enough love THEY ARE SO SPECIAL LOOK AT THEM) #(i have another embarrassingly long ramble about them in my sideblog drafts which shocks no one im sure) #(ur lashes good hunter!!! by the gods.........) #(trust sin to be obsessed not with one of the main characters and not even a character from the game but one from the comics lmao) #(BELOVED!!!!) #(dont mind me i am spiralling in the whirlpool of my own brainrot again and i dont intend to get out) #(they are so beautiful and quietly tragic and intriguing to me and i am not well about it) #(when i grow up i want to be able to draw comics that look this good) #(says the near 30 year old woman)

[arolesbianism]

Thinks oh so hard abt the spiraling upwards clan founders, especially the birchclan founders. Silly lil kitties who's pasts are drenched in blood with the primary regret of not drawing it sooner

#rat rambles #oc posting #warriors posting #spiraling upwards #long story short they had a shitty awful terrible leader who sucked absolutely ass and they tore him to shreds #I mean that literally they pinned him onto the mountain side and slashed and mauled the shit out of him so hard that his lives evaporated #and several of the cats involved in that scene are sill alive and major parts of the story and I love them #oh also the cat that pinned him through a stab through the throat was his own daughter btw everyone hated his ass so much #and for good reason get his ass #alas in the main story I dont rly get to go too deep into how he harmed everyone involved mostly just three main ones #aka bristlestar because shes murtlepaw's ghost mom dawncrackle because hes also haunting murtle and gullspot because shes bristle's kit #so basically all the flashbacks we get involve those three in some form or another #honeystar was also there and involved but Im not currently planning on having her rly talk abt that #most of her more modern angst is the fact that she was forced into leadership against her will #and shes been alive long enough that shes been leading birchclan far longer than she ever lived in her old clan #but she did go through a lot of shit before birchclan was founded and it definitely shaped her a lot #she used to be a very determined and high spirited lil kitty cat who tried to be optimistic #but her family began to slowly be picked off one by one by both the old leader and the one whod later get evicerated #some of the older cats around her hoped it make her back down from her revelutionary ideas but she noticed that and it backfired on them #instead of being worn down to submission she became absolutely Furious and began to lash out more and become more demanding #it got to the point that she really only had two friends in the entire clan and one of them was her aunt whod later also die after coming #out abt having witnessed the leader killing his own kits #that was the final fucking straw for her and she was fully on board when bristle and dawn started looking for cats to join their rebellion #she did get rly frustrated with them as they waited patiently for the right moment but her remaining bestie kept her from going apeshit #so once the big fight finally broke out she was more than eager to join the hoard of cats chasing the bastard upwards #now unlike some of the other cats involved this legitimately actually made her feel a lot better for a while #for the first time in ages she finally felt like she could be optimistic abt smth again and was excited abt the idea of leaving this place #she had lost so much in this damn place since she was an apprentice and just wanted to finally be able to rest easy #but once they got to their new territory and set up camp things went south real fast as a flood fucked everything up #and after losing the only cat she had left in her life and losing her tail and being made deputy on top of that she deteriorated quickly

[hypesline]

some deaf!saiki sketches from @akirameta84′s posts!!1

#i couldnt for the life of me make an illustration with deaf!saiki for some reason BUT #i DO have a pile of sketches and thumbnails #(again) #(just like what happened to mermay T_T) #ok so anyway as u can see i went thru a few designs #in turning the limiters to hearing aids #i still wanted them to look sci-fi-ish (???) and odd looking just like the original limiters #but still look like hearing aids for the viewer to Know theyre hearing aids #so i decided to make two of them! #the left aid looks the closest to the og limiters #with it's main part pierced through the side of saiki's head behind his ear #and a wire attached to the inside of his ear as well #the right aid is pink and has this spiral metal design #i wanted there to be two aids bc i figured that while they're hearing aids they still have most of the functions of the og limiters #so yk #theyre both hearing aids AND limiters #also #aside from their design difference i dont know what's different between the left and right fhskdjhgjkhd #like i dont know what each of their functions will be lol #+ im planning to use the veiny design from the upper right corner in a fantasy au #havent figured out the details but hey the design looks cool asf :3 #saiki k #saiki kusuo #deaf!saiki #sketches #saiki k fanart #digital art #my art #karu's art #doodles

[wild-wombytch]

Do the homosexuals here need a reminder that you love women on your dash ? Bc I have progress pics from the gym (which was empty as my bank account) :

Almost 4 months in, natty.

Still have some kgs to regain after the flu bc it really doesn't look like I'm bulking but hey 🤷🏻

Bonus attempt at giving you the gays :

MEN DNI I'M FOR THE GIRLS AND I'LL GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT

#enjoy the thirst posting and temporary rizz before I spiral down into anxiety and depression again #homocraving on main #radical lesbian #febfem #lesbian thirst trap #lesbian #wlw #wlw nsft #wlw thirst trap #lesbian fuckboi #butch bait #femme bait #female fitness #fitspo

[angelpuns]

God I am so unwell™ that my sense of time is FUCKED

Cause okay I sometimes do this really...sad thing where I go back and reread old conversations and just get all sad and miss talking to people because it feels like I haven't had an interaction in WEEKS to MONTHS and then I read the time stamp and I am hit with ' that was less than a week ago' and then I feel silly for being so sad and lonely WHEN IT WAS LESS THAN A WEEK AGO-

#doesnt help that it sends me spiraling so baf #and then i realize my sense of time is just fucked and feel worse #augh #i wish i cared less #Sorry for venting on main again #ugh #I just have trouble spending time with myself #but its fine #like its literally just my brain overreacting #i feel really silly

[chaosgenasi]

the desire to see milo again & let them study the potions of possibility/residuum vs the fear that bells hells could be tracked to the krook house

#basil.ramblings #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #cause we ended the episode right before bh decided where they're headed. and i miss them #we know otohan knew about eshteross bc of her mind dive but. hmm #ashton being nervous for milo/anni & bells hells notifying hexum that they lost a friend makes Me nervous #especially bc hexum seems to be a main part of paragon's call supply chain. so i feel like she and otohan & maybe even ludinus #have had conversations. which makes me very eyes for whoever hired the nobodies bc they might know more about everything #also i just think it'd be funny if milo studies the residuum & looks at ashton like. that's u skjdfh #especially bc ashton being made of some sort of residuum varient kinda makes sense if they 'traveled' from issylra to hellcatch #via nexus / leyline which are the like the veins of arcane magic & what makes it possible in exandria #this spiraled i just wanna see milo again #i do think it would be sick if we get combat in/a battle map of the krook house if hexum or otohan send their people there

[halfdeadfriedrice]

filling out an application to join my work LGBT diversity committee and one of the application prompts about prior experience reminded me about the time i tried to join the local bi group meetup and the leader of the group ... was somehow both overly concerned with bi erasure and yet was so actively biphobic....

#the main reason i left the group was actually (my own) dating/breakup shenanigans #and then being friendly with someone prompting them to ask me for rides places bc they didn't have transport #but i didn't live near them so this was like #not going to happen #and yet it felt v uncomfortable #also one of my favorite group members was like 'actually i'm a lesbian' and left the group #which sort of gave the whole thing a like 'is this really how we want to define things?' #this prompted one of my original 'i like queer but everyone always wants specifics and it feels like copping out WHAT AM I' spirals #anyway it's been like 5 years or something i ought to try coordinating with the local groups again #maybe she's gone #half dead fried life

[nomaishuttle]

i wishi could take a showr withiut all of it being. in my face you know

#thats why ive gotten worse with showers again is bc i have to . go you know where and it makes me panic spiral #rly judt being in the main house At all has been making me panic spiral . unless its in the cat bathroom bc thats also my bathroom* #*just a sink and terlet lol #i have to go in his room to showe and im only allowed to do it from 8-9 otherwise i have to ask permission and he isnt even home until like #11. ik bc he always comes home right when im trying to go to sleep and it makes me start panickjng #i fucking. i joke and i jest but i rly truly cannot keep living like this im ngl to you everysingle day i feel less and less like an actual #person. LOL!!!! #n today i lost track of time n i went to shower at like 905 and im terrified hes gonna find out somehow andnim gonna be evicted i cant keep #doing thid giys. lord

[void-tiger]

Trying to initiate friendships sucks. Things can be good or probably fine and still be so exhausting emotionally because of social anxiety, needing to learn someone’s tells, and feeling like Up is Down and Left is Diagonal…even after your instincts or first reads were correct, actually.

…god I need a nap.

#tiger’s roar #social anxiety #mental health bullshit #like. I Think yesterday was Okay #I am still driving myself Nuts spiralling with replaying to keep myself from catastrophizing #…I also had to manage two whiny kids all morning. have my gps prolly sing a swan song. and meet a New Client to watch her dog #who…I have to stay over for. which’ll be Days after I’ll be back from camping. #god. i just don’t want to go on this stupid camping trip and leave my cats and birds alone Yet Again to then leave Yet Again #and only get to pop home for Maybe an hour #…oH yEAH. and This Main Anxiety? I won’t get to know how it’ll resolve for WEEKS!!