#I suck at math btw

[mysteriouslypleasantdreamland]

I saw someone questioning what would happen if caffeine was injected directly into the veins. A story started to form in my mind and after doing some research and with Halloween not too far this came together. Hope you all like it!

The Caffeine Experiment

Melinda sat nervously in the chair, toying with her black curly hair. She hated doing medical things when they had to be done out of necessity as it was, doing it on her free time on a weekend wasn’t any better. If anything it was worse. But she needed the money, sure she made a decent living as a cosmetologist, but they were just getting by, it wasn’t enough to cover mom’s medical bills. This add she came across said they were looking for someone in their 20-30s, over all in good health, and had no issues with caffeine consumption. With the money they offered, she could pay all of mom’s hospital bills and more. Plus this was a legitimate legal way of getting extra money, hard to argue with that.

“Melinda Curtis,” a brunette women in a well dressed suit called from behind the door. Melinda got up and hurried into the office. The women handed Melinda a clipboard and a pen. “Before we can go further I need you to read and sign this. It says you know you’re parts of a Phase One drug trial and that there are risks. The ones listed on here are ones we know about so far. It’s up to you to follow up with your primary care physician and tell them you participated in this study…”the secretary ran on and on about the legal implications of taking part and everything.

“When do I get paid,” Melinda asked. “First the doctor does a basic health assessment. If all goes well, you’ll go through with the test. Once the test is over you can expect a payment sent within three to five business days.” Melinda shifted nervously, this seemed almost too good to be true. “If you don’t meet our requirements, we’ll compensate you for your time and keep you in our file for other studies.” Melinda could sense impatience from the woman, so she grabbed the clipboard and signed in all the necessary places.

Next, Melinda was lead into another room. Half of it was an office, with a nice looking desk and chair with a desktop computer. The other half had an exam table and a tray holding various other medical instruments. Two men were standing in the room wearing nice clothes under white coats. The first one had black hair with flecks of grey and some wrinkles to his face and dark colored eyes. The other man was younger, almost looked something like a model or a potential bodybuilder, with red hair and green eyes. “Thank you Juliette, you may go for the evening,” the older man said. The woman left and soon it was Melinda and the two gentlemen in the room. “Hello. I am Dr. Blackwell,” the older gentleman said. He then gestured towards the younger man.“And this is Dr. Masen. He will be assisting me today.” Dr Masen gave a pleasant smile. “Hello.” “Now if you can just take off your coat and hop up onto the exam table. I want to get started right away.” “No health question?” “I’ll ask as I go along. Dr. Masen will write everything down.” Dr. Masen had a clipboard and pen in hand. With out a second thought Melinda did as she was told.

First it was the usual. Height, weight, any known health problems, family history. The first few minutes were the sound of her talking and the pen writing on paper. Next the doctor took her temperature and pulse at the same time. “Temperature normal, pulse a little fast, but regular. Nervous are we?” Melinda bit down on her lip, feeling a blush creeping across her face. “Don’t fret my dear, you’re doing very well. You’re a very healthy young lady.” Dr. Blackwell started wrapping a blood pressure cuff around her arm. It’s was a quick squeeze and then released. “Blood pressure within normal range.” The next thing he did was take the stethoscope from around his neck and place the ear pieces before placing the disc to her chest. “Breathe in and out dear.” Melinda did as she was told. He asked her to do the same thing a couple more times as he moves the disc around her back and chest before having it rest at her heart, breathing normally again. He took what seemed like an unusually long time listing. He also moves the disc around, going under her v neck shirt with a look of desire in his eye. Melinda felt her heart start racing the more he was listening. “Is there anything else you needed to know, doctor.” “Yes, how much caffeine do you consume on average?” “About two to three cups a coffee a day.” “Exercise regularly?” “I ride my bike every. It helps save on gas.” “Well everything looks good, you’re just what we’re looking for.” Melinda wanted to jump up and down. She got through the worst part hopefully and now it was easy money. “Thank you so much. So, what happens next, as far as the drug trial I mean.” “Oh you don’t have to do anything my dear, you’re just going to take a nice little nap.” Before Melinda could comprehend anything, she felt a sharp pain in her neck and before she could scream and intense heat spread through out her body. As she collapsed to the floor, she saw Dr. Manson standing over her with a syringe in his hand and a smirk on his face. Soon everything started to go dark and the two voices we’re getting farther and farther away.

The first thing Melinda was aware of when she woke up was that it was cold. She went to try and wrap her arms around herself but she couldn’t. She slowly opened her eyes and saw she was in a dimly lit room. “Oh your finally awake.” She turn over and saw the two doctors from before. They were now wearing black scrubs under white coats and they were standing next to various metal trays. Soon a blinding light came on over head. After blinking a couple times Melinda saw why she couldn’t move, she was strapped down to a table with her arms stretched to the sides. She looked down at herself and saw she was naked except for the pair of panties she was wearing. She tried to move with little effort, she tried to scream but nothing came out. “Don’t waste your breath,” Dr. Blackwell said. “I’ve injected you with something that will keep you silent for the next couple hours at least, and if you do scream no one will hear you, this room is completely sound proof.” The doctors adjusted the trays and various equipment as Melinda continued to squirm and try to break free of the restraints. “Oh calm down dear. Were not going to hurt you. You need to relax or you’ll only make things worse.” Dr. Blackwell put a hand to her cheek which caused more panic to set it. “I guess I should explain. You see, this drug trial you signed up for is not just a caffeine medication. I want to be the first doctor to find a safe way to get caffeine directly into the bloodstream, with little to no side effects.” Soon she felt something clamp onto her index finger. She looked over and saw a machine that gave off numbers. Dr. Masen came over and started placing leads all over her chest and couple other parts of her body and hooking them up to a machine. “I’ll be recording the sounds your lovely heart is making during this experiment. For several uses.” Dr. Masen started wrapping and automated blood pressure cuff around her arm. What uses? Why didn’t they tell her any of this in the first place? Where they going to kill her when they were done.“Don’t fuss my dear. The sooner we start, the sooner we can finish, and the sooner you leave and be paid. Melinda tried desperately to ask questions but with no success. Soon she saw Dr. Blackwell turn on a camera.

“This is Dr.Blackwell . This is the first use of our new caffeine drug on a human subject. One full shot of this drug is equivalent to four cups of coffee. With me is Dr. Masen, top cardiologist and a specialist in biochemistry.” “Thank you Dr. Blackwell. So far the other tests we’ve done have looked promising. As you’ve said we’re now ready to move on to use in a human subject. Here we have a female, late 20s, average height and weight. Overall good health, generally consumes a fair amount of caffeine.” Melinda got more and more scared. She saw him go to pick something up. She closed her eyes not wanting to see what was going to happen to her. The next thing she felt was an ice cold feeling on her left breast and heard a fast thudding through out the room.

Thump-a-Thump-a-Thump-a-Thump-a-Thump-a-Thump-a

It took a moment for Melinda to realize that sound was that of her own heart beating. The sound matched the pounding she was feeling in her chest. She opened her eyes and saw a microphone with a stethoscope piece attached had been tapped over her left breast, bouncing up and down with each beat. The blood pressure cuff tightened for a moment and then released. “Heart rate and blood pressure elevated.” Dr. Masen started writing down on a clip board. Dr. Blackwell came up and typed a rubber band around her left arm, then started tapping the inside of it.Next he open up a sanitizer wipe. Melinda was terrified of needles. Just the smell of the rubbing alcohol made her heart go even faster. “Don’t like needles do we,” Dr. Blackwell asked before he chuckled. “Don’t fret my dear. It’ll only hurt a moment.” Before she could blink he inserted the needle, shock went through her body and tried desperately to scream only to open her mouth and have nothing come out. The sound her heart was making was almost unexplainable. The way it echoed in the room one might think it was trying to escape from her chest. “There, there.” Dr. Masen came along side her and started stroking her hair. “We’re not going to let anything happen to you. We’ll give you oxygen if needed and if worst case scenario your heart stops or goes out of rhythm we have a defibrillator to shock it back.” Melinda felt horror through out her body. Maybe she should’ve read the fine print before she signed that contract. Then again they probably weren’t counting on that and that’s how she ended up in this mess. Soon an IV was set up and a saline solution was going through. “Starting with 10cc of caffeine supplement.” Dr. Blackwell stated. There was a stinking sensation as the caffeine went into Melinda’s IV. For a second, she didn’t feel anything. Then she felt her chest get tighter, and her heart started to beat faster if that were even possible.

ThumpaThumpaThumpaThumpaThumpaThumpa

Soon she started panting. It almost felt as if she run a full marathon without stopping. “Vitals above normal range. No signs of serious or dangerous effects.” Dr. Blackwell stated as Dr. Masen wrote on a clipboard. After a minute or two, the feeling went away and Melinda relaxed. “Injecting 20 ccs of caffeine supplement.” Soon everything started all over again, only a little more intense ear and lasted a little bit longer. After what felt like a sprint up hill, Melinda felt her body relax a little. “Vitals still elevated but still in good range. This is where it gets dangerous because now the higher we go, the more we increase the chance of sending the test subjects heart into an irregular rhythm or stopping it altogether.”

To be continued…

#cardiophilia #cardiophile story #caffeine #medical whump #medical experimentation #I suck at math btw

[francy-sketches]

The age difference between tommen and myrcella bothers me way more than it should like sometimes it's 2 whole years sometimes they're the exact same age like grrm wanted to make them twins but he forgot. Girl what is the truth

#.txt #grrm has a loose grasp on numbers unfortunately #in agot myrcella is 'not quite eight' and in affc she's 'not quite one-and-ten' ok so she went from 7 to 10 in 2 years? #and in 2 years tommen went from 7 to 8 uhhh if she's almost 11 he should be 9 at least right #maybe he is 9 but everyone just forgot his birthday lmao #BUT in the agot appendix it say's she's 8. which makes more sense. if she's 8 turning 9 instead of 7 turning 8 #but BUT the wiki (my best friend and worst enemy) says she was born in 290. bc they take the 'not quite 8' thing as fact #which. ok after pacing around the house talking to myself like a madman that's not possible. it has to be 289 ☝ I think. um #I don't fucking know man I also don't have a very firm grasp on numbers. but something's not right here #idk grrm definitely fucked up some ages in affc bc it says joffrey died at 12. damn he died so hard he aged backwards 😔 #btw this is the second time I've gone insane thinking about grrm's bad math today. and that was only considering time #imagine if I also thought about space too hard...thank god my understanding of distances sucks ass

[emberglowfox]

i need a hug man

#sorry there’s no quirky relatable joke to this one i just. yeah #sparks speaks #vent #i guess #this isn’t like in the “ohh i’m sad i need comfort :(“ way btw it’s just like. i need a hug or a pat on the back or anything rlly #whatever higher power made me incredibly tactile extrovert should be shot. this sucks #whatever. i have math hw to do #edit i forgot my last post on this blog was also about this exact thing. truly i am pathetic

[thefandomcassandra]

Me: capable of doing difficult math puzzles in one attempt, doesn't even use the hint for a light toggle puzzle, calls several plot points during my first playthrough

Also me: cannot do slide puzzles

#the sheepy speaks #i am playing 999 #''playing'' as in present tense #i am going for true ending next so do not say shit i swear to fuck ill kill you #not a joke #kill=block btw #but also im psychically killing you #anyway uh....pushmaster puzzle my beloathed #i am not good at spatial puzzles #im good at some memory puzzles #lots of math puzzles and word puzzles #riddles too #and yet you put one 3×3 slide puzzle in my face and i crumple #idiot brain bad at spatial reasoning and anything that doesnt let me trial and error #''truth and gone'' oh i get it #the piano in 1st class rooms sucked tho fuck them im...its not even transposed zero moved the strings #me 🤝 snake: hating the piano puzzle #mean to us

[vangoggles]

going on a cruise next week and plan on keeping myself from getting sick by doing shots of pure alcohol with every meal from any buffet

#we're also getting boosters allegedly on Friday i think? so this weekend when i fly out is gonna Suck #we're flying out at 5am from Detroit to Denver to LA and arriving at 10am their time. #but it will actually be 2:45h + 2:40h and a layover of 1:15h so a total of 6h40 travel lol #bcuz i think it crosses two timezones #oh that's this sunday btw. worst sunday morning ever. im effing drinking as soon as i get settled on the ship #and by 10am i meant 9:40am i promise i can both do maths and tell times

[deermouth]

***THIS IS A POST ABOUT MY PERSONAL TASTES, NOT ABOUT THE VALIDITY OF CERTAIN CREATIVE OUTPUTS/FORMS/ACTIVITIES/COLLABORATIONS***

Ok. Once again. Pretty much every time I see a cool ttrpg concept I'm like, damn I wish someone developed this into a novel so I could meaningfully engage with it.!

#i honestly don't know the real number but it FEELS LIKE a solid 90% of my friends both irl and online are ttrpg people #and that's great! #but i simply cannot. not just d&d i know there are many other types #i don't like improv or math i don't like many rules. frankly i don't like GAMIFYING narratives i just want to read them or write them mysel #or prose rp them #yeah i make this post every few months or so after 1am sorry #it just kinda sucks to be this type of gay nerd and also ummm not really able to engage with any of this w/o earthshattering anxiety! #i will play scrabble with you or backgammon or standard 52 deck card games. i don't really enjoy most other games! lol #i'm sure you have a game in mind that defies everything i've said here btw but probably it will just give me a panic attack so Don't pls<3 #oh i did 3 more whole posts in the tag really. hi. #txt

[deityofhearts]

noah fence but I’m not reblogging posts dragging girl dinner and acting like it’s the worst most misogynistic thing to exist because it literally started out as a normal funny thing that other people then ended up making unfunny and damaging and acting like girl dinner in itself is something awful annoys me so much

#deity dialogue #I won’t name names lest this end up being a cold take to y’all #but shout out to my friend who had a whole discussion about this the other day with me and agrees #like girl math and the likes is bad and the end result of girl dinner sucks because what people ended up making it #but the og girl dinner at its core was literally just a fucking thing #things spiral out of creators control but damn shut up about girl dinner as if it’s the root of l evil #this isn’t because of any one post btw I’ve seen several posts blaming girl dinner for like shit #like. stop that #you can talk about what it spiraled into being and how bad that is without placing blame on the og source and creator

[chanrizard]

also if he's standing next to fedez and they're basically the same height BUT he's wearing those big ass platform shoes according to my calculations he should be ≈1.70m 👀

#don't trust me i suck at math btw

[insertsickusername13]

something something in the endless battle between pressure and gravity, gravity always wins something something Jake Dillinger is breaking and Jake Dillinger can't stop himself from plummeting something something so it turns out even Jake Dillinger can't win every war

#sucks for u bud #can't relate i am actually invincible #based on my astronomy lesson abt black holes rn #literally my astronomy prof was like 'why do you want to study astronomy?' and i emailed him all like 'poetry' #THIS IS WHAT I MEANT #IF YOU DESCRIBE THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PRESSURE AND GRAVITY AS A BATTLE I WILL GO WILD #idk if its physics stuff i'm hear to make it mental #bmc #jake dillinger #using his full name the whole time was artistic btw #it's called poetry #oh i'm justifying the fact this makes no sense by the tiny bit of alcohol in me #i couldn't solve a math problem and i was so upset over it i had a teeny weeny little glass of wine in a very short span of time and #then a teeny weeny bit of my mom's wine. honestly i'm mostly upset by the fact she didn't stop me excuse me ma'am your fifteen year old #is drinking right in front of you and you are not stopping them #OH AND IT TURNS OUT I WAS RIGHT THE WHOLE TIME. ORDER OF TERMS DOESN'T MATTER WHEN YOURE MULTIPLYING #BUT THE WEBSITE MARKED ME WRONG BC MY TERMS WERE IN A DIFFERENT ORDER #SO FUCKING FUCK YOU I THOUGHT I WAS LOSING MY MIND #Technically speaking my order was the less accepted order #like it's widely accepted for organizational purposes i should've put the x before the parentheses #but i didn't actually mess up my operations is ig what i'm saying

[devotedlystrangewizard]

local teenager who used to get praised for having a high processing speed studies for test; is shocked to get a good grade

#personal #i am that kid who opens the book once the day before the test reads through it and gets a decent grade. #...when i open the book #also helped that it was art history and i do genuinely think art history is interesting #we work with a 1 - 10 grading scale here right #my art grades before this. all between a 3 & a 4.5 #i studied. for a redo. 8.2. #now if i can manage to FINISH THE HOMEWORK I SHOULDVE FINISHED 2 MONTHS AGO #i might actually finish high school :3 #this doesnt go for economics im still horrendous at math but im allowed 2 subjects to kinda suck at so #its gonna be economics & either french or geography. btw #my english grade will keep the complete average from dropping too low (thank you 12 year old fanfic writer me) #& i just have to score well enough on art & history with the exams. and french or geography. #history is just slightly above sufficient and art is still slightly below... #hmmmmmmm

[spacesuitsims]

i just learned about gravitons, a made up particle in physics so nerds can explain gravity. it hasn’t been discovered or proven at all..... 

but yet, people have the audacity to say astrology is made up bullshit. 

#i am also a nerd but one that hates physics because my teacher in college was an absolute bitch. also shit doesnt make sense #physicists will literally make up random concepts to solve math equations and say astrology is stupid. #meanwhile kevin you have a fucking job because of astrology so go suck it #also its always taurus and aquarius placements that are the judgiest with astrology. i see you fixed earth and fixed air #god i hate physics and dogma #not sims related #kevin is my headcanon of the judgemental science guy but also irl a friend so duel purpose #no judgement to taurus and aquarius btw just the dogmatic ones

[a-brush-full-of-paint]

Recently, I started seeing this post floating around and it got me thinking.

How old is MePhone?

This post ended up pretty long so I put it under a read more, haha.

TLDR: Due to the lack of information, I couldn’t find a clear answer, however with a lot of assumptions, I concluded he’s 3 years old!

I suppose to figure that out we’d have to figure out: 1. How much time passes between each episode; 2. How much time passed between seasons; And for future reference: 3. Whether the other S2 episodes (that we haven’t seen yet) are happening alongside S3 or after it.

I decided to handle each problem individually as to not lose my mind. :P

The first thing I could think of was the asks Taylor has answered in the past (here and here) but they boil down to “Unless it’s important, we never really thought or cared about it”. 

Ok, that’s... a little disappointing. But you know what? Whatever! I’ll overthink things then! I can work with this.

So based on how the characters talk in season 1, the episodes seem to be happening on the date of release (with the exception of episode 18 in s1, of course). So I went and looked at the release dates of every episode of season 1 and calculated how long it was in-universe - A year and seven months. (I realized I could’ve just looked at the first and last episode after I finished. oops.) In season 1 ep 14 he says he’s just a year old. (I would’ve put a screenshot here but the episode has no captions! The time stamp is 3:37.)

If we were to assume he means exactly a year old (which is likely, based on season 2), that means that by the end of season one, he’s a year and 5 months old.

Now, onto season two where things get complicated.

The last time I remember dates being mentioned in s2 is in ep6 where MePhone makes a Halloween based challenge and MePad says he’s off by “over a month”.

Yea, that doesn’t really narrow it down. So I went and looked at the release dates up until this episode. Here’s the list (date/month/year):

Ep1: 02 April 2013 Ep2: 02 May 2013 Ep3: 25 June 2013 Ep4: 23 August 13 Ep5: 03 November 2013 Ep6: 02 February 2014

As you can see, the gap increased over time. That doesn’t really help!! Like at all!!

If we were to go with the ‘Episodes exactly a month apart’ formula like in season 1, ep6 would’ve been in September so that’s not right. We can only make assumptions but I’ll save that for later.

Episode 9 implies that there are deadlines as to when episodes need to come out as he mentions a schedule:

And the white board in episode 10 looks exactly like in episode 9:

(Screenshot from episode 9 when Mic finds Taco and screams ^)

(Screenshot from the start of episode 10 ^)

So I’m pretty confident in saying that ep10 is happening a little after ep9. Maybe an hour at most? But I think that’s a bit of a reach, since there’d probably be more on the white board if so much time had passed.

And episode 14 is happening right after ep13 (......obviously.)

He also says that episodes 7 and 8 fucked up his schedule? But the eliminations still happened (I’m assuming on time) so like. I don’t know.

............And here is where the canon information ends and my assumptions begin.

Since there’s a schedule, then there’s probably an equal amount of time between the episodes. Based on MePad’s line and episode 5’s release date, we can assume ep6 takes place in December. And if we were to assume that episode 1 is happening on the second of April, then there’s been 9 months between these episodes. That means there’s a month and a half between each episode! Here’s my timeline (date/month/year):

Ep1: 02 April 2013 Ep2: 17 May 2013 Ep3: 02 July 2013 Ep4: 17 August 2013 Ep5: 02 October 2013 Ep6: 17 December 2013 Ep7: 02 February 2014 Ep8: 17 March 2014 Ep9&10: 02 May 2014 Ep11: 17 June 2014 Ep12: 02 August 2014 Ep13&14: 17 September 2014

So if MePhone was 1 year and 6 months old in November of 2012 then at episode 13&14 he’s 3 years and 5 months old!

As for season 3, we have absolutely no point of reference. Not for how much time passes between episodes or when it started. So unfortunately, for that I have nothing. Maybe that’ll change with the following episodes though? <:3c

All of this is ignoring the time he spent living with Cobs, as we have no way of calculating that. MePhone saying he’s just a year old in season 1 makes sense since he had erased those memories and likely started the show immediately.

And uhhh yea, I think that’s everything?? If I’ve forgotten something I’ll either edit or reblog dskjngjjkdsnjfks

Thanks for reading have a good dayyyyyy :D

#None of this is shade at the OP btw! #I'm just here to have fun :3c #inanimate insanity #ii #ii MePhone #ii MePhone4 #MePhone ii #MePhone4 ii #Talkin brush.docx #FUN FACT: I'VE NEVER READ THE STUFF ON THE WHITE BOARD BEFORE MAKING THIS POST #COLLECT *WHAT* #but ye i find mephone very relatable and project onto him #I had gotten something wrong at one point and had to redo all my math T^T that sucked #I also have some thoughts on his mental age atho that's a lot more difficult to determine #I mean. In the memories he's kinda on both 'Child trying to impress their parent' and 'Rebellious teen' stages #**in #Though that could mean that he lived with Cobs for years so he grew up a bit #But considering his personality in the show I kinda doubt it? #Since he'd forgotten pretty much his entire life and his personality was similar to how he was in the memory Knife saw #but like. idk #I don't think he's really adult? yet? #Cobs would have no reason to program him to be a mature adult bcs if he was he'd make actually good decisions with his life lmao #Like genuinely. It's in his best interest if MePhone makes stupid choices #And who makes the dumbest choices if not a traumatized teen :P #All of these plus my personal experiences is why I think MePhone is mentally a teen #Originally I had this bit in the post itself but then I was like. yea no put this in the tags #Ok this is the end thanks for reading

[saiwestfield]

Man, sometimes I’m sad that I like math class because I’m basically betraying my own kind (the gays) and (half??) enforcing stereotypes of Asian people 😔

#this is a joke btw #there’s also like this thing that gay people agree on and it’s that they suck at math and I’m just here like🧍 #I hate mentioning race only because like- what do you say when you’re biracial ??? #Us eastern Asian people?? The eastern Asian people?? #same thing with my white counterpart #I love talking about my ethnicity/ies like they’re two separate people

[jrueships]

anything abt cancers 👉🏾👈🏾

for some reasons, i always attract cancers?? which is weird to me cus when i was young n in a relationship with a cancer, we checked our compability for fun n the results made her break up with me LMAO it's actually hilarious to me! I LOVE cancers, i think they're interesting smart empathetic, i feel bad for em when they get made fun of (zion), they're a type of funny that keeps you listening! But there just always seems to be something that happens that just? Breaks our bond. It's crazy. My mom was a cancer n she tried drowning me when i was a baby but i still feel bad for her cus she was messed up n kept stayin with my dad so? It's a pretty good representation of all my relationships with cancers!

When cancers think you're funny, you'll know. They really KNOW how to give people the appreciation they deserve, even the most seemingly 'boring' of people. Hence their high compabilities with tauruses. (Kevin h*rt, cancer, and rock, taurus is a prime example of a cancer taurus dynamic working. Cancer can stroke a taurus' ego but keep them entertained at the same time by being clever & compassionate. While the taurus will give a cancer the undying loyalty & protection they deserve while showing them the greatest 'treat yourselfs' a taurus can conjure. Empathy & luxury, sensitivity & strength!!!) I'm lowkey jealous of their relationship! Because I WANT That with a cancer cus i LOVE cancers n seeing a taurus have that with them while i can't makes me hate tauruses. But you shouldn't because they can be super lovely too! It's easy to box them into boring but really, they're just comfortable! N want to stay comfortable! A cancer can keep them comfortable WHILE caring AND entertaining! It's very interesting to witness! If you are a cancer, seek out a taurus buddy!

N I THINK CANCERS ARE ATTRACTED TO ME CUS THEY THINK IM AN ARIES???? that could be an explanation... idk, like! I can spend some time with cancers n it's coo! But then somethin happens that requires dual sensitivity or more brashness n we can't click. You have us in a short conversation n we're GREAT though. A cancer will pay attention, hear, and laugh at all the quiet jokes you say under the louder speakers of the group. They're SO attentive that way, i LOVE it. I've had some of the funniest, comfortable conversations with them. Like lesbian he him bowser from Mario, we both agree about him n support him, king.

THEN a situation happens where i need to be more empathetic n they don't get why im not. Like in 4th grade the whole class took an honors math like skills test? N the teacher would call them up to her desk and tell them their scores. My cancer friend got a really good score n i cheered. You could overhear the scores because the teacher's desk was literally in the same room as the students. Just right next to their desks n she announced them super loud. N then i got called up n she basically told me i BARELY passed just BARELY. She didn't say it relieved but like. Concerned? Really disappointed n i still carry that with me cus i always remember when people yell at me or feel disappointed in me. N IT'S NOT LIKE parent tells you they're disappointed in you for playing ds past your bedtime, it's somehow more stupid like my piano teacher spending the whole session ripping on me over making a mistake in a classical practice piece with my older brother in the room. Idk, i hate feeling like i let people down IN FRONT of other people, pride thing. I try not to let it get to me as much n act rash as a reaction but it always will n ill always be struggling to work on it. But basically i did the worst in the class (it was an HONORS math class so everyone else was like einstein), and went back to my seat still smiling trying to be positive. I was like 'man who's next? I passed' n my cancer friend said 'no you didn't. You barely even passed.' All serious staring at me. N in front of everybody

N i don't cry genuinely cant, 'taught' not to by my dad. But that did hurt me cause it hurt my pride. But cus i don't cry, i got angry. Never talked to him again, just ghosted him out my life. Which sucks cus i still think about our old conversations, he was the funniest kid in baby school to me! And nicest too, once i lost something really important to me in the snow, n he went out to help me find it. We walked like 5 miles back for it to find it. Cancers are great, but we just can't remain right with each other.

I think he thought i was trying to hide my math test result from him n that hurt his trust? It sounds dramatic but we were kids so dramatic is probably the right answer lmao. We were both dramatic! Those 3 cancers weren't the only cancers ive met, but they've affected how i change myself with other cancers now. Kinda keep it distance, keep it to small fun talks but never actually hang out over the summer kinda fun. Cus i don't want our happy friendship ruined by something stupid coming along, which is easy to happen with two people that think they gel more than they actually do

#btw im no longer in the smart math classes anymore LMAO #but yea i rlly do love cancers tho they hold a softspot in my heart #idk if this speaks for all of em but from the ones i met theyre super skilled in STEM #most of my cancers had a lot of knowledge in medicine but not all of them pursued it #but they could tell me they studied 0 mins secs hours for the biggest biology test ever cus they were distracted by their fav celebrity #then pass the biology exam with flying colors #theyre like mad smart and easily get discounted for it sometimes for being 'the goofy one' of their group #but yea they hold a special love for their family n signs that are like that are loved by me! #caps taurus sag aries cancer ! #i might not vibe with all of em well but i appreciate them a lot n wish i did #n im not stopped by the signs but it's like everytime ive tried to make shit work it just got worse #n eventually i got tired of shit getting worse so i just learned to be cautious #but yea we can be total friends over media tho! thats usually how i communicate best with them #i guess cus it gives me more time to rethink my responses b4 i say em? so yea i still keep good ties with some of my old cancer friends! #which im glad 4 because losing one sucks majorly #ted tumbunity things

[so-you-melted-22]

wishing death upon them isn't enough, i need to rip the eyeballs out of the skulls of the us supreme court judges who voted for this

#my rage cant be put into words #this is so horrible to see especially when its put in contrast with what is going on in germany right now #because we are taking slow steps to maybe finally have abortion legalized and get rid of all the fucking nazi laws #and give the eastern germans who used to have the right to legal abortion this option back #because whatever weird legal but also illegal libo its in right now sucks so fucking hard #also here in bavaria abortions are basically inaccesible to a lot of people because there are barely any clinics that will do the procedure #because this state is an absolute cesspool of csu voters #who btw i also want to flay alive #stuff #text #us supreme court #tw violence #anyways im angry and i will now go back to studying for my maths test #roe v wade

[anaalnathrakhs]

...i'm starting to wonder if i wasn't actually pretty often failed by the adults in my life as a young kid tbh.

#i'm always doubtful where to put the blame #in a morally neutral causality kind of way to be clear #because like. i dont know. if i was the adult. confronted to the opaque behavior of a child. would i have done better? #but also i can't help but think #why the fuck did they make me skip a grade (last grade of primary on top of that) when i was notorious for never doing my homework #and was incredibly inconsistent across topics #like i sucked at math. like ''needs to count on fingers to do a simple addition or substraction'' sucking at math. #like i never learned any multiplication tables sucking at math #like i never got how to pose divisions and still can't at age 18 because logicomathematics are completely counterintuitive to me #and just. the work was never done to make me Get It. my work or teachers' work who knows. but perhaps skipping a grade wasnt the solution #or like #apparently when i was three years old the pediatrician suspected smth was up with me #either autism directly or ''generally suspicious child'' we're not clear on that #but he told my parents. and everybody said ''we better test that'' and then. nothing. idk. #they filled a parental report of behaviors questionnaire for... adhd i think? autism maybe. and that's it. never fucking heard about it. #god. i just remembered my mom saying proudly they almost never put me in the nursery as a kid. #always either with a parent or family or a nanny. #and perhaps mother. you could have foreseen that a kid with no siblings no pets no kid neighbors no playdates. would end up socially fucked #i remember the teachers scolding late students and showing us that we were supposed to be in bed by 9:30 or something #and internally i was like BUDDY AT 9PM WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH DINNER #MOM'S BEEN HOME FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR #and shit. i don't know. i was scared of the dark as a child. to the point that even with the compromise #of keeping the door ajar and lights in the hallway (which i had to fucking advocate for btw) #i still slept curled up in the bathroom on a towel sometimes when it got too scary #and i would cry and scream before going to bed. i would beg my mom for sleeping pills from a young age. #i would often find myself in the morning sleeping with my face smushed between the pages of the book i literally fell asleep on #because i read until my eyes gave out #and a couple years later when i got a 3ds i'd play at night and if my dad caught me he'd storm into my room and i'd hide under the comforte #and he'd punch a couple times and whisper-yell at me not to do that and go to sleep #it took until i was about 15yo for me to see a sleep specialist