#I think.... I've already blocked it from my mind already... I think I know IV's first name tho?? or III's. Poo. I know it was down the list

[foxgloveinspace]

saw your tags on my post and i hope you find that ‘spark’ to really go feral over sleep token again! they’re so much fun to be batshit crazy over, there’s just so much going on and they all seem like such genuine dudes i can’t get enough

that post was sparked by seeing a video of vessel sobbing through the end of ascensionism and like i was so done for after that. like physically shaking so i figured i needed a break for a bit 😂

also i think that altar sounds like an awesome idea! as soon as i move my dresser into my new place i’m setting up an altar on it

1). i am trying so hard to get it back, for real for real. I lit the candle I associate with them this morning, and thinking about the *altar thing has helped a bit.

2). share a link👀?? if you still know the video?? even if you don't know the video still, maybe send some others?? I would like to be a menace over them lol.

3). * I am now going to info dump to you about my sleep token altar a bit. Cause I am thinking too much about it lmao.

(readmore cause this got long and something... 'tragic' happened.)

(a little.. background, I am currently irl in the closet for everything including witchy stuff lmao) So far my idea for stuff on it includes: a small back prism, a small whale statue, a small apple pendant (each to represent the three albums). A bottle of oils (the little one I made, but also maybe something like the prayer oil we talked about). The candle I associate with them. I'm kicking around getting the incense holder if it comes back in stock on their website. bones/teeth (wolf, I'm thinking wolf). I'm thinking it'll be a little place on my main/working/creative altar. I might also try to find a tarot deck that i associate with them, I think that would be fun. something else I have been thinking about, but it would be so freaking expensive to do, is making a rosary with the 'offical' -

shit.... fuck shit fuck. I think I just spoiled myself on accident cause of google. I didn't see much but i think an old pic of vessel came up, but fuck google man. I went to google the official scythe pendant and google change sycthe (yes misspelled like that) to members for some reason, I am so confused and actually mad. Ok. I think I have forced my brain to forget. worst google fuck up ever.

ok, so ... trying to move on... I want to make a rosary with the official scythe pendant, some tahitain pearls and some black amber beads. I think that would be so pretty, and nice to hold and maybe wear. ( i know traditionally you don't wear them, but like.... I am making one to a band/fictional god lmao, it's not traditional at all.) but that would be very pricy for a piece of jewelry and I would probably never wear it cause of that haha. it would be like 400$ to be able to get the supplies.

#grumping ahead about the thing that happened in the end of this no spoilers i wouldn't do that to you. #I think I know one first name now. I am pissed. fuck google. I probably know what Vessel looks like fuck.... no spoilers but personally? #i am correct he's pretty. #I have never been so anger at google in my whole life?? why did it do that??? it took the top search from scythe to MEMBERS///// #I have never been more angry about being right about someone being pretty in my whole life fucking fuck. #ok I'll stop complaining it had to happen eventually but i'm pissy now *grump*. #I think.... I've already blocked it from my mind already... I think I know IV's first name tho?? or III's. Poo. I know it was down the list #so it wasn't Vessel's name. ugh. That was so upsetting and especially after the stress of the afternoon. Ugh. #our oven is borked and is putting out co2. so we have no oven for christmas oof. i was gonna make cinnamon rollsssss man. I'm sad. oh well. #I have calmed down by the time I am posting this. but dang I'm very upsetty spaghetti about that. honestly more upset about this then the #oven haha.

[vexingwoman]

Uh not actually here to hate but to say thanks???? Ive been thinking alot on my self expression and trying to figure out how to word it, and seeing some of your comments with other people really helped to put in perspective what I was trying to come to terms with. Ive always struggled with my gender but acknowledge fully that I'm biologically female. (Stay with me here till the end please i know lol) I genuinely dont care what pronouns I'm called either and none have ever felt right if I'm honest and nothing I've read or tried has been adding up for me over the years to help me feel any better.

Kinda realizing over the past year or so that I just have this deep ingrained idea from being surrounded constantly my whole life in a woman hating environment that I just have a *really* heavily masked hatred for what general society treats women as and was trying to remove myself from it hoping itd somehow save me from the terrible shit we all go through daily. And it just made me feel even more alienated doing that to myself. Its been a long time of coming around to this and I know how it sounds but I dont wanna consider any of my time wasted. I dont remember what it was but something you said to someone in a long ass comment fight clicked for me and rn I'm sleep deprived and wont even remember what it was in the morning either but I feel like some kind of weight has been eased off me. Im doing my best to unlearn the sexist misogynistic bs ive had shoved down my throat my whole life that made me think being a woman was something to be shameful of and better off without.

Its been hard trying to look into this radfem community and find someone who didn't immediately just insult and exclude ppl that werent already on the ball agreeing. Basically I appreciate your ranting with strangers. Amd indulging some of their curiousity as clearly as you can+defining everything you say constantly so I dont get lost in a whirlwind of hard to understand metaphors. Idk you get it. Something clicked and i dont feel ashamed for the time gone bc I know it was heavily influenced by the oppression of all things normal-human-womanly around me. I hate that we're all so tied into these stereotypes. Its painfully hard to unlearn. Thanks for the help. Have a fat block of text as thanks cause I'm not sure how to sound as genuine as I feel rn. Have a nice day and an even better tomorrow. Im gonna get some sleep now💀(stayed up WAY too late painting lol) bye!

This is so wonderful to hear. I know how dreadful it is doing serious introspection and making yourself aware of how deeply and unconsciously your internalized sexism runs. I’ve been there, and I know it’s even more difficult to deconstruct the subtle sexist attitudes which have been ingrained into to us since birth. Often it seems as hopeless as chasing smoke, because some of our internalized sexism is so deep that it’s invisible, and worse, inarticulable.

Some women will never think on these subjects beyond their surface level—will never dissect their preferences, will never concede that their choices are influenced by sex-based socialization, will never seriously reflect on why they are so desperate to identify out of womanhood. And in a strange way, I sympathize with these women, because I understand that it’s easier to shut your eyes and convince yourself that you were born in the wrong body than it is to open your eyes and acknowledge how much sexism has seeped into and corrupted our own minds.

Basically, I’m proud of you for putting yourself through the pain of deconstructing your own internalized sexism. You are better for even attempting it, and I hope you continue to do so.

P.S. I know exactly which long-ass comment fight you’re referring to, because I only put myself through that once. At least someone benefited from the literal month I spent arguing with that stranger. They blocked me, so unfortunately I can’t even go back and analyze the conversation if I ever wanted to. I would love to know what you took away from it, if you ever do remember.

#terfblr #radical feminism #terfsafe #radblr #gender critical #radical feminist safe #misogny #sexism #trans logic #gender abolition #answered asks

[mamawasatesttube]

Ask game 🧩🦋💌

:3c

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

KLDJFLK GOD. WHAT WON'T. i'm so so so picky and i know this

bad grammar. consistent misspellings, ESPECIALLY of character names. no paragraph breaks or line-spacing. all of this just impacts the flow of my reading so hard i can't focus on the story even if i might otherwise be enjoying it.

past that, um. the second i go "he would not Fucking say that under the circumstances you've presented" we're out of here. i only wanna read stuff if i'm like, enjoying it, and i don't get anything out of hatereading stuff i don't like, so the second i stop enjoying it i'm out. re: dc fandom, a lot of fics i will simply have already not clicked on to begin with, but one thing that Really gets me that people don't always put on the tin is clark-bashing in the context of his relationship with kon (kon-text, even?). i'll get out of there SO fast. and then block op with great prejudice. that's clark kent my best friend clark kent >:(

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

ive been microwaving platonic koncass sooo much the past few days/weeks. do you ever think about how they were both made to be weapons, and rejected that because they wanted to be people? (cass more consciously than kon, but kon still very much has that narrative.) they have the parallels. i also think a lot about how he loves to talk and she loves to listen to him. he's very likely the first person in her life who's ever wanted to sit around with her and just... make her laugh. and she likes to hear him talk and doesn't think he's annoying!!!! i just. augh. they're such sweet friends, i wish they got more page time together. ive been thinking abt them bc i've been working on the nb cass & nb kon fic lately and im just... sighs dreamily. pushes them into the microwave again

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now? 

0. i cant STAND notifications jdjslkdjlks

Writers' Truth & Dare Ask Game!

#answers #ravendraculina

[allthefoolishdreams]

hi! i hope you're well! for the ask game - 1, 10, 15, 18, 19, 21, 26 and 30? <33

(this is jeonghoneyss btw, i'm not sure if i mentioned before haha)

hi!! thank you, i am doing well, i hope you are as well!! <3

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

Something new I tried this year was non-linear narrative (in my minchan divorce fic), I've always loved non linear narratives since its an interesting way to tell a story. I think so far its turning out well! although it is based on a story so that did help make it easier. Either way, I would absolutely love to write more non linear narratives if I come up with an idea that it'll work best with

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

Honestly? I don't know! Out of the ones posted this year, I think maybe the superchan fic might have been my happiest to work on. I do know working on you are strange always makes me pretty happy as well (when i'm not hit with writer's block)

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023

I have only posted 4 fics this year and I know you have read 2 of them, so I'll just rec the other two: chansung fic (which is angsty and about commitment issues and complex feelings regarding relationships but i enjoyed writing) and this minchan fic (which is a bob's burgers au and just overall a silly and fun time)

18. What was the hardest fic to title?

without a doubt it was my spidey minlix fic, I just didn't know what to call it even when I had the first chapter completed already which is unusual for me because by the time ive written that much I have title ideas already. I'm not sure if you read the author's note but i did almost title it "spider-boy (king of thieves)" which is a taylor swift lyric because it fits far too perfectly but i decided to search it on ao3 and saw that a lot of the fics using that as a title were spider-man aus which made me scrap the idea so fast. I ended up scrolling through Black Cat and Spider-Man panels + looking up Black Cat quotes for inspiration and decided that i really liked the line ""You are strange, my love. I guess that's why I find you so irresistible." and shortened it because I thought the quote would be such a fitting line for minlix considering they are both strange (affectionate) <3

19. Share your favorite opening line

if I keep it to fics I posted this year, I think my favorite would be from my chansung fic: At a young age, Jisung learns just how easy it is to pack up your life and leave it all behind.

I feel like it fully captures the main vibe of the fic

Also, here's one for fics I've written this year and not posted. I'm cheating here by giving several lines but here's the opening for my jilix songwriting fic because I really like the opening paragraph:

The first time Jisung meets Felix, he’s struck by how gentle and kind he is.  He’s mesmerized by his voice, like everyone else is; the deep, smooth tone and accent. The clumsy way he stumbles over his Korean in a way that makes it obvious he’s still learning. And he’s especially mesmerized when he starts to show off his vocal abilities, the range he’s capable of. It’s something else entirely. Perhaps, more importantly, he’s mesmerized by his bright grin despite how prickly Jisung is towards him, which isn’t necessarily anything personal, he’s prickly towards everyone. Unlike the others though, Felix brushes it off and continues to ask questions like he doesn’t genuinely mind how closed off Jisung is; he's never annoyed or scared of him. All while offering him bright smiles each time they interact. And it’s a beautiful smile.

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue

I can't think of any off the top of my head. I do think a lot of my favorite dialogue I've written is from you are strange, especially the minho and felix conversations when they're bantering in their respective alter egos, it's always so fun for me to write. Their dialogue in their civilian life is very good to me too, but I don't think I can choose a favorite. I also remember enjoying the group discussion from chapter one when they're discussing Spider-Man since it was so fun to write

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

I don't think I have any specific satisfying writing moment, but I guess seeing my word count on ao3 go up so much just within the year was pretty satisfying to me especially since like i mentioned i only posted 4 new fics

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

I'm not gonna lie, my goal is just to finish all of my wips. But I do want to write the batman!chan fic thats been brewing, I havent started since I know it'll become a monster of a fic and I'm trying to prioritize finishing my current superhero aus before starting a new one lol. which reminds me, I have Thoughts on other superchan side stories, other than the felix one so thats also on the list, so far nobody has pointed out the Minho (or Hyunjin) name drops in chapter one of superchan which goes along with my thoughts regarding the au. Another thing I want to write is that seunglix christmas fic I mentioned before, I'm thinking of writing it out in advance for next december

Also, not going to lie, all the descendants talk makes me want to dabble into fic for it but im not sure yet. We shall see!

(thanks for the ask <3)

#jeonghoneyss #🔮; you seek information

[sickknotdoom]

I've seen you pop up in the #sparkletag quite a bit recently, and as both a Patron and as a friend of Kneeby, I think I've had enough of your antics.

It's really depressing to see someone dedicate their entire online presence towards hating someone. It's extremely creepy and weird to obsess over every single thing kit does like this. I urge you to go find a better hobby, and I mean it. This kind of parasocial behavior is toxic and only serves to hurt everyone including yourself. Take a break from this and use that time to reflect on yourself and what you really want. Do you want to dedicate all of your time constantly rambling and raving about everything kit does online? Does that sound like a productive use of your time? I don't think it is.

all my posts boil down to "the pacing and prioritization of this comic could use a lot of improvement + i find it weird that the creator isnt raising awareness to a literal genocide going on rn" and you react by writing an angry essay. your ask seems to boil down to "you cant criticize my favorite comic because it might hurt the creators feelings" so im gonna respond with an angrier essay

there are good things about sparklecare, obviously. i resonate with it in some regards. but that doesnt mean its perfect, as nothing is. i dont even tag my shit under the main sparklecare tags (apart from the stuff about kneeby not raising awareness towards palestine) because i know people like you are gonna get upset if you see a conflicting opinion on your dash. the only tags i tend to use are #sparklecriticism and #sparklecare criticism, none of the main tags. block those tags if you dont wanna deal with me.

my criticism is valid (i think) since yeah. the comics writing has a huge problem when it comes to letting things happen naturally instead of rushing them, which results in kneeby having to explain things on the blog (which 99% of the time you have to scroll deep into since the main blog is constantly reblogging the cometcare one) rather than having the comic clarify it on its own. thats a genuine issue in storytelling so i feel like it should be addressed and worked on.

i have way more of a presence online than this blog, obviously. i just dont want this blog connected to my real identity for a wide variety of reasons (mainly not wanting to be harassed even further than i already am)

if youre a friend of kneeby then i think you should tell kit to actually DO SOMETHING to raise awareness to the genocide going on in palestine and other targets, PUBLICLY. not just an announcement in a private discord, a public statement, or AT LEAST reblog the fanart of uni waving the palestinian flag. all the social commentary ive seen (yes im still taking the social commentary into account since the comic was described as such until my blog popped up) has come across as performative to anyone besides the clowns themselves, id love to see kneeby talk about issues that dont just apply to kit.

i know damn well the sparklecare blog is kits biggest platform, kit should use it to raise awareness, i dont care if the topic makes kit sad, it makes me sad too, but i still retweet as much shit about it as possible whenever it crosses my mind because i actually care about issues that dont involve just me and i actually want to do something to change the world. im a teenager and i do more to raise awareness than a group of adults.

im just a kid with opinions

#sparklecriticism #sparklecare criticism #.txt

[when-wolves-howl]

Liquid Courage

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Summary: Tony throws one of his usual parties but an unexpected guest makes an appearance.

Genre: Angst. Sexual content towards to end. No smut.

Word Count: 6.9k

A/N: Here's chapter 6. Still angsty as hell. I can't lie, there's not going to be fluff for quite a while. After this chapter, I plan to really kick things into gear. The story will move forward and more questions will be an answered and secrets revealed. I think I've teased you all long enough. I hope you're ready.

Enjoy reading!

*you do not have permission to repost or translate my material or claim as yours*

-------------------------------------------------------

Ross once again kept his promise and returned to the compound with Dr, Sarkissian a few days after Wanda’s return, to continue with the testing. He informed you that you wouldn't be cleared of any suspicion until he got some answers, therefore wouldn't be cleared for active duty. Both Steve and Tony made it known that it wasn't his decision which pissed him off and made the testing that day even more brutal. You made Wanda promise that she wouldn’t be there for the testing. You think she’s seen enough of you in this state to last her a lifetime, even if she didn't know the extent of what was happening. So, you made Pietro promise that he would take her out of the compound for the day.

You thrashed around the hospital bed trying to escape the pain that rattled your body. You couldn’t scream or protest in any way. All you could hear was the boiling of your own blood and the sound of the heart rate monitor beeping at an alarming rate. You felt like your heart and brain were about to burst. You could also feel Tony wearing his gauntlets on each hand, desperately trying to pin you down.

“You said this stuff would immobilise Agent L/N!” you hear Ross yell at the Doctor as you try to catch your breath. The doctor was right, you had never been through that kind of pain before. Not even with Strucker. 

“It does. You've seen the results yourself, Ross.” The Doctor retorted, her eyes darting from Ross to you.

“Then how do you explain this?” Ross asks, motioning towards your violently writhing body.

"My guess is that Agent L/n’s body is starting to become immune to the effects of the serum I created. Their metabolism is burning through each dose, meaning that the substance is no longer taking effect.” The Doctor explained, through gritted teeth, clearly frustrated with the results.

Ross was determined to push through the barrier that your mind had built but you were even more determined to block his advances. You couldn't allow to find out that Dr. Sarkissian’s serum had worked and that you had seen more than you had revealed. You were still trying to figure it out yourself. 

“Administer more serum doctor.” Ross demands.

“No!” Tonys voice booms throughout the med bay and you are hopeful for a break from the doctor and Ross’ tortuous methods. “For God sake, can we discuss this later and help Y/N? I can hold them down much longer!” The Doctor takes another syringe from her pocket and administers it to your IV. Your body immediately relaxes, and then starts to heal from the trauma it had just endured. A grateful breath releases from your lungs. Ross walks up to your side and looks down at you, a scowl residing on his face.

“I know you know something L/N. I don’t care how long it takes or the methods I have to go to find out what happened to you, I will find out one way or another. You’re an enemy of this country and I’m going to prove it.” With his final word said, Ross leaves the room. The doctor takes his place next to the bed, just as Tony helps you sit up.

“Agent L/N, if you know anything, it’s in your best interest to tell Ross everything you know. He won’t stop with the testing until you tell him what he wants to know.” Pleads the doctor. Her tone isn’t caring or delicate, instead it elicits a venomous tone which sends a cold shiver down your spine.

“I’ve already told you what I know.” you tell the doctor, effectively ending the conversation there. The doctor then turns to leave without a word.

“Ross is going to want some answers sooner rather than later Y/N,” says Tony. You turn to face him and watch in confusion as his repulsors shrink back into the bracelet on his wrist. “Nanotech. Cool, huh? Could barely hold you down though,” You shake the confusion from your head and instead ask Tony to release you from the cuffs, but he refuses.

“Excuse me?” you ask in irritation. Tony stands there with his hands on his hips and you just know that he’s about to ask you a million and one questions.

“Tell me what’s going on and don’t say nothing because I know you better than that Y/N."

“Then believe me when I say that it’s better that you don’t know.” Your fists clench at your sides, trying to keep your anger at bay.

“Don’t give me that shit. I know you’re lying to Ross about what you saw and now with Wanda’s sudden release from the Raft? I’m pretty sure the President just doesn’t give a pass to a weapon of mass destruction.” You automatically fight against the restraints at Tony’s words, but they keep you in place.

“Do not call her that.” You demand angrily. Tony raises his hands in apology but continues that subject further.

“Y/N you know me, and you know you can trust me.”

“It’s not about trusting you, Tony. You know that I do. It’s about keeping you safe, keeping everyone, I care about safe. I’ve already lost so much. I can’t lose anything or anyone else."

“Y/N, I gave my address to the Mandarin on national television. I literally flew into space with a nuclear bomb.” You roll your eyes at his last comment. It was before your time with The Avengers, but you had heard about that more time than you can count because he never shut up about it. I can look after myself,” reasoned Tony. “I know you’re just letting Ross do this to you so you can keep his focus on you while other things are happening elsewhere.”

He wasn’t wrong about that. Bucky was currently at CIA headquarters in Virginia, sneaking around and trying to find any information that related to you. You let out a deep sigh and thought over your situation. You know Tony can help you in more ways than you can help yourself. Even with Wanda’s powers, there was no guarantee that you’d be able to find out everything that your brain had hidden. You know there’s answers out there, most likely out of the country. Tony can help with that.

“Fine. Take these cuffs off me and I’ll explain everything.” Tony does just that and you explain everything that you didn’t tell Ross and what Wanda’s powers allowed you to see. Also, how you secured Wanda’s release, opting to leave out Bucky and Pietro’s involvement. There was no need to involve them. You had never seen Tony laugh so hard at the President being caught in a compromising position.

“…and you don’t remember ever being on the mountain before? I mean before the explosion.” Tony asks curiously. You shake your head and rub at your wrists and see Tony furrow his eyebrows, deep in thought. “You know, when Doctor Sarkissian mentioned that you may have erased your own memories, it made sense to me. Clearly in the years you were missing, you may have been made to do some unsavoury things, so you wanted to erase those memories and like you never did anything.”

“But both Maria and Bruce confirmed that there was no evidence that my brain was ever tampered or manipulated with in any way.” You counter, confused as to what he was getting at.

“That’s true. But look at you Y/N. Dr Sarkissian just put you through an extremely painful test. One that directly links to your brain. I saw your brainwaves and heart rate while you were under and saw how much pain you were in. But look at you now, you look like you just had a massage.”

 “You know that’s not how it is.” You tap your temple, and he nods in understanding at you silently pointing out that while the physical pain you feel will subside quickly, it’s the psychological pain that remains is what hurts the most.

“I know.” Tony admits in a guilty tone. “I just mean with the speed of your healing abilities, maybe you, yourself, found a way to stop the healing process even for a moment so you could erase your memories.” What could be powerful enough to stop your healing abilities enough to erase your memories? It would have to be damn powerful, and it made you curious as to whether it could stop your healing abilities all together. Something you wanted to visit again in the future if the topic came up again.

“I don’t know anything that powerful, Tony.” You slump in defeat and lay back down on the bed as you hear Tony say that he doesn’t either. Although your body had healed itself, you were still exhausted. You knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep right now though. Sitting up and swinging your legs off the bed, Tony steps up and places a hand on your shoulder to stop you.

“Thank you for telling me everything. I do recommend you tell the rest of the team, but I know how stubborn your ass is.” You chuckle at his words because you know he’s right.

“I hear you, Tony. If it comes to it, I’ll fill everyone in on what’s happening. But until then, it stays between us, okay?” Tony puts up two fingers, swearing on scout’s honour. He pats your shoulder and moves to let you off the bed. Just before you reach the threshold of the med bay, Tony asks where you’re going.

“To blow off some steam.” You say as you continue walking, not looking back at him.

---

Despite the ache in every part of your body, your bandaged knuckles kept hitting the punching bag. Natasha taught you a lot of things and one of them was that when you felt like punching someone in the face that you shouldn’t, it was always better to punch a bag full of sand. With music blaring in your ears, you wanted to tune out the sound of every single person in the compound and just stay inside your own head, alone. As you lay an assault to the bag and watch it swing back and forth, you find it difficult not to become more and more angry at the joke that your life was now. You were beginning to feel doubtful that you would find the answers that you desperately needed. Since you’d been back, the approach you had taken to finding them had been tame at best. You decide that maybe its time to kick it up a notch.  You had already broken the law half a dozen times since you’d been back. What’s a couple more?

Keeping light on your feet, with raised fists, you skilfully dodge the bag as it comes towards you. You think about the events from earlier how Ross stood above you and pretty much told you that he would tear you apart to find the truth about your disappearance. To you, that sounded that he’d probably break a few laws of his own. You know having the President under your thumb would be useful for a while, but it’s useless if Ross goes against CIA protocol. You’re pretty sure what he and the doctor are doing is illegal anyway. You suddenly feel the hair on the back of your neck stand up and you know its because someone has started walking up behind you. You keep your back turned to them as you keep swinging, listening to their footsteps get louder the closer they get. Spinning your wrist as quickly as you a can, a metal fist stops you as another flesh one grips your shoulder to steady you.

“Careful doll, you could really take someone’s head off with that swing.” Bucky says, amusedly. You release the breath you were holding and feel the anxiety you were feeling dissipate.

“Sorry Buck. How’d it go in Virginia?”

"As well as expected. If Ross or anyone at the CIA has any information about you from the last three years, it’s not on any database there. He could be keeping any information on his person, but I found nothing, Y/N.” You drop your head with a sigh, feeling a migraine starting to form at the base of your skull. “They do have personnel files on all of us, as expected. But it’s all the basics. Name, date of birth, abilities. Everything we did when the Avengers were working officially with S.H.I.E.L.D before I came and screwed that up.” You smile at Bucky and his reference to his time as The Winter Solider and bringing down the corruption within S.H.I.E.L.D.

I did find something interesting about this Dr. Sarkissian though.” You raise your head up in interest. You had no interest in the doctor. “The CIA keeps record of every employee that works there, past and present. Even records of outside contractors who CIA agents work with. Everything gets documented. She has her own file, of course, but it was sealed.”

“Records can only be sealed by the director and deputy director of The CIA. Go figure,” you say in annoyance. “She hasn’t given me a good feeling since the moment I met her. She’s definitely hiding something. I’ll figure it out.” Bucky hums in agreement.

“I did find one file that he had on you. It was hidden behind a heavily encrypted firewall, but I managed to bypass it. Why didn’t you tell me that you were being practically tortured by him and his doctor?” You look away in shame.

“As painful as it is, it’s one of two options that I have right now that may help me find out what happened to me.” You had told Bucky that Wanda had helped you but not the details of what you had seen. He didn’t push you to tell him and you were grateful for that and he understood that you wanted Wanda to rest. ” Thanks Bucky. Nothing else?” Bucky shakes his head. You run your hands over your face in frustration at another dead end. As much as you wanted to keep Ross’ focus on you so you could find out what you could with the help that you had, you know it’s time to take the matter into your own hands. It’s time to find the one person who always seems to have the answers to everything, even if says that he doesn’t. You make a mental note to call Maria to get some answers on the whereabouts of your old boss. Before you can thank Bucky for his help, Pietro speeds into the room in the blink of an eye.  He smiles widely and you can’t help but return the smile at his infectious attitude.

“Better get cleaned up, Y/N.” says Pietro, pointing to your bloodied bandages.

“Why?” you ask suspiciously.

“Tony just told me that he’s throwing a party tonight to welcome you and Wanda home," he says excitedly. You clench your jaw and take a step towards him, but Pietro is always too quick for you as he speeds over to the exit of the gym. “I promise it wasn’t my idea. I do listen to you, you know.” You roll your eyes and give him a small smirk that lets him know that you aren’t mad at him but at Tony. He beams in relief and walks out of the gym. You turn to Bucky.

“You got any nice clothes?”

---

“Do we have to?” you ask angrily, not bothering to hide your pout You were sitting on the end of Wanda’s bed, arms crossed defensively, dressed in a white dress shirt and black dress pants while she sat at her dressing table applying makeup. Wanda assured you that it was okay for you to get ready in her room and not in the spare you room had been occupying since your return. You hadn’t been able to enter the room you and Nat had once shared.

“Look, I’m not that thrilled about this either, but I wouldn’t mind getting a little drunk and dancing. God knows it’s been a long time since either of us have had some fun, Y/N.” Wanda pointed out, turning to you. Her rosy cheeks highlighted her face, and the ruby red lips were plump and full. Her long strawberry blonde locks, twisted into curls, framed her the delicate features of her face. A small smile took over your face at how beautiful she looked in this moment. Her smile matched yours and you know that she heard your thoughts. You raise an eyebrow in a silent request to stay out of your head, but she just smiles again and moves to the bathroom to change into her outfit.

You stand and walk over to the dresser and grab your tie and pull it over your collar, trying to decide on whether to wear it tonight. As you fumble with each side of the tie, the bathroom door opens and Wanda strolls out wearing a red dress that matched her lips and clung to all her curves. Your mouth instantly dries, and you find it hard to swallow. You instantly quieten your thoughts to avoid any teasing but decide its best to speak.

“Wow Wands. You look beautiful.”

“Thankyou.” Wanda’s cheeks flush red as she walks over to you. You tried to keep a respectable eye on her as steps up to you and removes the tie, throwing back on the dresser. “Looks better without it.” You turn to look in the mirror and you instantly agree. You smile at Wanda in the reflection, and she smiles back, and in that moment, you feel a sense of happiness for the first time in a long time. She grabs your blazer and holds it out for you to slip yours arms and lifts it over your shoulders. You turn back to Wanda and feel the anxiety about the night ahead leave your body. She grabs your hand and leads you to the door before turning back to you. “You ready?” With a deep breath, you nod and let her lead you out the door and down to the party.

---

As you walked through the entrance and into the party, with Wanda’s arm looped through yours, you were met with an eruption of cheers and applauds. The room was filled dozens of faces that you recognised and some that you didn’t. There was a band in the corner playing a song that you could already feel your foot tapping to. You could hear Wanda laughing at your side just as a tuxedo clad Pietro sped up quickly to the both of you before quickly whisking her off to the bar. You couldn’t help but laugh as you saw Wanda give you a silent plea to help her. Wanting a drink, yourself, you got to follow before a hand on your shoulder stops you in your path. You can already smell his expensive cologne.

“I’d apologise, but I wouldn’t mean it,” says Tony, nonchalantly. You both make to the bar as the bartender slides two glasses of whiskey neat towards you.

“Oh I know. But it’s okay. I think I needed this anyway. We both do.” You say with as you nod in the direction of Pietro and Wanda further down the bar, clinking their glasses and taking a shot. Tony chuckles and shakes his head at the twins before turning back you and raises his glass you. You clink your own with his and down the amber liquid in one swift motion. It burns your throat momentarily, but you don’t grimace like Tony does.

“Still can’t get drunk?”

“I can, but I’d have to clear out this entire bar before any of it made a dent,” you answer, pointing to the multiple shelves that aligned the walls, all full of alcohol worth more money than you’d ever see in your lifetime.

“I may have a little something to help with that then.” hinted Tony. You raised your brows in suspicion, but he was already backing away with a smile on his face. “Go find Bucky, he has a little something for you. I’m off to find Pepper.” He disappeared before you could protest. Leaning against the bar, you fully take in the scene of the party. The dancefloor is full of bodies all huddled into a mosh pit, something that wasn’t your scene. You could smell the sweat radiating from it, thanks to your enhanced abilities. You tried your best to switch it off, along with you enhanced hearing. You didn’t want to hear the nasty conversations people would surely have towards the end of the night. Sweeping your eyes across the room, you see Clint and Laura chatting animatedly with Bruce and Dr. Cho, Steve playing pool with Maria and someone you assume was Sam. Steve had mentioned his joining of the Avengers in your absence. You see Vision speaking to Wanda and Pietro at the bar, where you know neither of the two had left since you walked in. You see Vision subtly place his hand on Wanda’s shoulders when they both laugh at Pietro’s joke, and you feel your jaw tighten involuntarily. Tearing your eyes from the scene, you continue your sweep of the room until you find Bucky alone, tucked away in the corner, sipping from a glass. As you make your way over to him, you receive multiple handshakes and pats on the back, all of which you give a tight-lipped smile to.

“You being anti-social? I never would have guessed.” You observed. Bucky gives you a silent laugh and does his own scan of the room. He’s always on alert. “Tony says you’ve got something for me?” Bucky reaches into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulls out a flask and passes it to you. You screw off the lip and bring it to your nose.

“Odorless?”

“Tasteless too. But it will get you drunk.” Buck says with a smirk and side eye towards you. You want to ask how but gets to it before you can. “I found it hidden in the bookshelf when I moved into Thor’s room after he left to off world for a while. I know it will get you drunk because I took a mouthful and it knocked me out for almost two days. Steve had to take me to Cho because I had alcohol poisoning.” You laugh loudly at that, but Bucky just playfully shoves you. Seeing no reason not, you take a sip from the flask and feel a warmth run through your body the moment you swallow it. Bucky takes his own sip and it’s like you see a light go off in his head.

As the night continued, you felt a buzz from Thor’s flask and had managed to greet and speak to everyone, beat Sam and Steve at pool while Bucky laughed at their pouting. You barely seen Wanda all night and wanted to spend some time with your best friend. You spot her once again by the bar still talking to Vision and sipping from a glass of wine.

Your legs moved faster than you could register, and you took yourself towards the bar.  Wanda’s eyes light up at your appearance and she goes to welcome your arrival until you grab her risk, ignore Visions existence entirely and drag Wanda to the dancefloor. She giggles as she wraps her hands around your shoulders, and you take her waist. The beat from the music starts to vibrate your entire body and you feel Wanda start to sway her hips, forcing her to move with you.  You pull Wanda flush against you and feel your bodies mould into one another. With each beat, yours and Wanda bodies move as one and when you look her in the eyes you see her pupils are dilated to the point that the green is barely visible. You and feel Wanda’s breath on your lips and the smell of the wine on her breath dancing around your nose. Your breath hitches as you see Wanda slowly lean in and before you can do the same the smell of Chanel invades your senses, and you immediately pull away from Wanda’s embrace. She frowns in confusion as you back away from her, your heart beating hard against your chest. You’re grateful for the open collar your wearing but still finding it difficult to breathe. Wanda steps forward, concerning written all over her face but you put out your hand to stop her from touching you, instead sending your thoughts to her mind.

“I’m okay. I just need a minute.”

“Are you sure? Do you want me to come with you?” You can hear the concern even in your head. You force a smile but shake your head and exit the party to find the bathroom. Splashing your face with water to try and clear your mind, you lean against the sink and look at yourself. Your face is a pale white and the dark circles that have lived under your eyes since you returned are as evident as ever. The nightmares that plagued you every night didn’t help with your appearance either. Flashes of the colours you saw in your memory retrieval, the suited man plunging a mirror into your neck, Wanda in her cell wearing the collar, Natasha’s face as she walked through the door in Berlin. The images haven’t escaped you since you came back the compound.

The familiarity of the perfume only brought your nightmares to the light of day. Her perfume. You’d bought it for her as a birthday gift and she wore it on every special occasion. Now the smell of it made you sick and beyond furious and you took that fury out with a fist to the mirror. You wince as you pull your hand back and pull out the shards of glass from your knuckles and watch as the blood pours out. You hear movement behind you and the door to the bathroom swings open and you see his face in the reflection but ignore his presence and wash your hands.

You try to exit the bathroom, but agent Campbell stands in your way but when you try to pass him, he put his hand on your forearm to try and stop you.

“Y/N, please.” Campbell begs. You automatically grab Campbells wrist and push him against the wall and lift him off the ground by his collar. He splutters and struggles to breathe and tries to remove your hand, but you can’t find it in yourself to care at the man that betrayed you.

“Don’t you dare fucking touch me,” you growl, as you lift Campbell higher off the ground, his feet dangling. “What the hell could you possibly say to me? Your apologies are useless to me because they are bullshit. You tried to take me out. I trained you, taught you and that team everything you know, and you use it against me?” You push Campbell harder into the wall and you see his face start to turn pale at the lack of oxygen and his eyes plead to you to let him go, which you do. Campbell coughs violently when he collapses to the ground, scratching at his collar and tie to loosen it.

“What did you expect coming in here, Campbell? That I would play nice with you? That we’d just go back to being buddies? You don’t get to walk in here acting like you didn’t marry the love of my life and that my life hasn’t been falling apart. Go fuck yourself Campbell,” you spit out.

“Woah, woah. Slow down. I’m not married to Nat. Are you serious?”

“You’re lying. I saw the way you looked at her. You also called her Nat. You’ve never called her that in your life. It was always Ms. Romanoff.”

Y/N, I’m gay.” Your eyes widened in shock. That was something you didn’t consider. “After you disappeared me and the squad started our own investigation as soon as we heard your body hadn’t been found. We knew that something was up. We didn’t find anything though. Maybe a few months later, I ran into Nat in a bar, and she was drinking herself to death. I’d heard from some other agents that they had seen her there multiple times a week, just drinking until she blacked out. I tried to stop her and told her that you wouldn’t want her to be like that, but she tried to swing at me. She was so drunk that she could barely stand. So, I took her back to her apartment and slept on the couch. I didn’t want her to be alone when she woke up. When she did, she made me promise not to say anything to anyone and I never did. After that night we just bonded and became close friends. She’s one of the very few that knows I’m gay. As for that day in Berlin, I was just following orders.” You stand there in disbelief as you hear snippets of Natasha’s life while you were gone and the downward spiral she had fallen into. You had no idea.

There’s an apology on the tip of your tongue but you can’t bring yourself to speak. Instead, you pass Campbell, making sure to slam shove your shoulder into his and take yourself back to the party. Nothing has changed when you enter. Everyone is laughing, dancing and knocking back drink, while you feel the room start to close in on you, panic setting over your chest. Spotting the doors to the balcony, you make your way towards it, sipping heavily from the flask Bucky gave you. When the fresh outside air hits your lungs, you feel a calm wash over you and deep breaths calm your erratic heartbeat. The view of upstate New York looked beautiful and it nearly took your breath away until it actually did when a voice interrupts your peace and the perfume almost hypnotises you.

“Hi.” The voice couldn't be mistaken. It was raspy and deep and still sent a shiver down your spine. You had heard it every day for years before you had disappeared. Taking a deep breath and clutching your flask a little tighter, you slowly turn around to face to the woman you once trusted your life with. God, she looked ethereal. A black body con dress caressed her voluptuous frame, full lips coated in a shade of blood red lipstick that matched the colour of her hair that framed her face. It took all your self-control not to drool at the sight. 

“Hello Natasha.” You kept your tone as neutral as possible. You saw her momentarily flinch at the use of her full name, something you never did but the movement disappeared as soon as it appeared. Her past as a spy could never be erased.

“How are you?” You hear the sincerity in her voice, but you feel like she’s asking the most stupid question in existence. You scoff, and open your arms wide and in a silent show of the obvious that you’re not okay

I’m sorry.” You scoff again because you can’t believe the audacity she has right now.

“For what? Burning a hole in my chest or for getting married to someone that wasn't me? you snap at her. You see her clench her jaw and it feel guilty for a second but youre the one who was missing for three years. Not her.

“That’s not fair Y/N. I told you, Fury wanted a face that you trusted to bring you in. It was the safest option.” Natasha whispers. You turn away from her, desperately trying to keep your tears from falling.

“Then he should've called Wanda,” you pointed out.

“Yeah, that was a nice little display on the dance floor there.” Her tone is so thick with jealousy, that you’re offended of what her accusations insinuate.

“Oh, give me a break. You don’t get a say in what I do in any situation. Not anymore. Not while you have that damn ring on your finger!” you exclaim, your voice beginning to rise.

Nat sighs and looks down at her feet, twisting her wedding band in her finger. You can see the build-up of tears ready to fall from her eyes, but the Asgardian liquor makes you want to ignore them.

“You know I buried you right? Consider that for one second.”

You allowed your anger to consume you because you didn't care anymore. You threw the flask as hard as you could and watched as it shattered the doors that led to the balcony. The heads of party goers turn towards the sound of broken glass spilling across the floor. Despite flinching before, Nat doesn't flinch this time, even when you take a step towards her..

“You didn't come here to see how I am. You came here ease your guilty conscience. To see how you are. You know what you did. You feel it in your heart, don’t you? Because I do. Every damn day i feel it, Natasha. I am broken! My life has been torn apart the minute I woke up in Berlin. My life was taken away from me and I don’t have a fucking clue why So do not stand there and tell me you're sorry because I don’t accept it. And the only reason I don’t accept it is because I know for a fact that if it was you that went missing, if it was me who had lost you, I would have waited. i would've went to the ends of the earth to find you and the people responsible. And that’s how I know that I loved you more than you loved me.” you accuse, pointing your finger in her face.

“What the hell is going on here?” Dr. Sarkissian walks over the broken glass, towards you and Natasha. You barely recognise her without her glasses and lab coat. Instead, she wore an emerald, green dress with her with her hair styled like Natasha’s.

“None of your business doctor.” You kept eye contact with Natasha but were about to get a lot angrier if she didn’t leave.

“It is my business if you're yelling at my wife.” The Doctors spat at you, her tone cold and venomous. She wrapped an arm around Natasha, and you noticed her relax in the doctor’s hold. You visibly gulped and you know Natasha saw it. Your eyes flickered to the doctor’s ring, and it matched the one that laid upon Nat’s finger. The courage and anger you had built up suddenly disappeared on the spot and you felt yourself beginning to crumble under the weight of your own stupidity. Natasha had always been able to read you like a book and you saw that she wanted to take a step forward and take you into her arms, but another set of arms wrapped around your own and held you instead.  

“Come on, lets get out of here.” Wanda whispered in your ear. You allowed Wanda to pull you from the situation and before you knew it, you were in front of Wanda’s door. She tried to pull you into her room, but you stood your ground and shook your head when she frowned in confusion. You looked over your shoulder at the door of your old bedroom and decided now was the time to walk through it. As you enter, familiarity overwhelms you when you find the room exactly how you remembered it. Photos of you and Nat lines the walls, yours and her favourite books sit on the shelf covered in dust, small gifts and trinkets that you’d given each during your time together still sat on the nightstand. Walking to the dresser, you see remnants of your old life and decide maybe it’s time to leave your past with her behind.

A painful scream erupts from your chest as raise your fist and slam it through the dresser, shattering it beyond recognition. You rip the photos off the wall and throw them across the room, watching the glass shatter everywhere and continue to destroy everything in your path. Once you were done, the room was beyond recognition and with that you felt a sense of piece that the fresh air had brought you earlier.

“Feel better?” Wanda asks, standing in the doorway. You look to her but don’t answer, instead reaching from the flask again and taking a large mouthful. You hand it out to her, but she holds up her own bottle of whiskey which she drinks from. She follows you back to her room and sits next to you when you take a seat at the end of her bed on the floor.

“So, Nat’s wife is your doctor? That’s so messed up.” Wanda blurted out. You laugh at obviousness of her statement, and she laughs along with you. You smell the alcohol on her breath, and you know she’s more than a little tipsy.

“The woman that’s been torturing me for the last few weeks.” Wanda’s head turns so quickly towards you that you can’t bring it in yourself to look at her. You didn’t tell her about the pain you had endured during Ross’s testing. But you don’t want to keep anymore secrets from her. You take her hand and hold it to your temple as you take her back to each time the doctor and Ross visited you and the pain you felt. She gasps as she feels the pain that you felt and when you open your eyes, you see the tears that threaten to fall from her eyes. Her fingers fall from your temple and rest on your cheek, which you lean into. She doesn’t ask questions as to why you allowed Ross and the doctor to continue. She knows you need answers.

“I hate her, Wands. I hate them both.” Your voice cracks under the weight of your misery but Wanda only bring herself closer and places her lips on your forehead. “I’ve always thought of myself as a happy person, but after all that’s happened in the last few weeks, I can’t help but feel utterly miserable every time I wake up. I’m sad every day and I try to be the happy person I once was, but it’s so damn hard. I just feel so alone.” Wanda fully embraces you as she wraps her hands around your neck, and you pull her into your lap and cry hard into her shoulder. One hand of Wanda’s rubs up and down your back, while another scratches lightly at your scalp, soothing you as you try to control your sobs. When you gain control, you sit back and look up at Wanda who had been crying with you.

You wipe at both of her cheeks, and she does the same for you. As you both hold each other in a close embrace, you’re not sure if it’s you or her that leans in first but when your lips touch, you don’t care. Wanda’s hands move to your neck and yours to her hips and you bring her closer to you as she tightens her arms around you. An experimental hand and squeeze to Wanda’s ass makes her gasp, allowing your tongue entry to her mouth. The both of you moan as the kiss becomes more desperate and needy and you feel Wanda reach for the buttons of your shirt starting to undo them. As Wanda reaches for the last button of your shirt, you pull down the zipper of her dress. As you both reveal yourselves, you can’t help but stare at Wanda’s exposed chest. You always thought she was beautiful, but as she sits on your lap right now, she is but just a goddess that you want to worship. As if Wanda heard your thoughts, she launches herself at you and wraps her legs around your waist, kissing you hard.

Wanting to be more comfortable, you try to stand with Wanda still clinging to you but stumble, the Asgardian liquor to present in your system. You fall onto the bed on top of Wanda, her lips never leaving yours and continue your worship of her body. As you move your lips to her neck, a wild moan leaves Wanda mouth which prompts you to move your lips down her body. As the rest of your clothes are removed, both of your names are moaned loudly, and you end the night with your bodies intertwined.

Hours later, you wake suddenly, plagued again from the nightmares that haunted you. Soaked from head to toe in sweat, you turn to looked that the body that lies next to you, thankfully undisturbed. Wanda’s chest rises and falls so peacefully that you’re relieved that she isn’t the one suffering from nightmares tonight. Moving from the bed, you’re suddenly bombarded with images of a face that you’ve seen before but not one that you’ve seen in person. At least not that you remember. A man with a horrible, red disfigured face, flashes before your eyes and a German accent echo in your ears. You’ve seen this man, but you need to confirm. Getting dressed and taking one last look at Wanda, you leave the bed and take yourself to the War Room.

As you bring up the files of each Avenger which contain their past mission reports, you click on Steve’s file. Going back to report archives as far back as 1945, you find the photo that you were looking for. The black and white photo sets a feeling of dread in your stomach, and you know you’ve found the source of red that haunts your dreams.

“The Red Skull,” you whisper.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @afuckingshituniverse@snowdrop1026@wolferine@lil-gamer @httpjupiterbby @traveler-at-heart @5-puthyyy @holiday-house-of-m @traveler-at-heart @poptartpoppyy @blackxwidowsxwife @snowdrop1026 @afuckingshituniverse @sherlockstrangewolf @the-camilucha @lorsstar1st @maximoffwitch @thefoxandthepenguine @inlovewithfaberry @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @nr-enthusiast @kermy48

@whyyy-not @snowtrova @wildnightuniverse @8bitscarlet @lainjupi @d14n4ol @fayhar @a-laufeyson @pawiie @lizlil @simp-erformarvelwomen @me-uglypretty @ninaahs @iliketozoneout @how-to-disappearr @mmmmokdok @fxckmiup @sayah13 @messedupfan @therunawaykind @alexia-redacted

#natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff #marvel fan fiction #wanda maximoff #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x y/n #black widow x you #black widow x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you

[thegongoozlerreacts]

Welcome Home Website (Part 1)

ITS OUUTTTTT IM SO HYPED IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

IM SO EXCITED TIME TO EXPLORE AND LOOK AT IT

spoilers(??) under the cut !!

OK SO first off im just on the first page and already the little animation of someone (Wally?) drawing Home is new

A LOT OF NEW THINGS SO EXCITING !!! love the little Wally sitting on the website updates !!

as you can see, i've highlighted that little section underneath the artwork of Wally sitting on a rock

and thats because i noticed that the text is blocked after 'about the' and wanted to highlight it and copy paste it to get the text behind the gif (bc im p sure its the gif of the spinning home thats blocking it)

"learn about the vibrant world around them and take part in nonsensical fun!"

i have no idea if that was on purpose or if thats what it said originally (its been a while since ive seen the website ok?) but thats interesting OH I KNOW HOW TO CHECK

ok so i went to Night Mind's video on Welcome Home because it was about an old version of the site, and yep nothing about that has changed besides the fact that 'vibrant world' is now covered

is this important or could it just be a glitch? no idea but i'll let it go for now

onto the more obvious new changes

alright so i read through the website update, and the 'y' on 'You' in the first sentence of the second paragraph is capitalized AND in a different font last time we had to look out for letters that were out of place, so im taking note of this

though it may just to highlight 'you' as in us, the viewers/audience/people interacting with the site

also!! a little ladybug thing is coming from behind that counter (which i assume is counting how many people have visited the site) and its cute! and new and i wonder if its important to anything?

is it just me or is the background different (i dont think it is but it feels more saturated to me (maybe its just been a while since ive seen the site tho LOL))

the telephone is interesting too but i think we'll find out more of it in the exhibition page

i'll be going through the different pages from left to right

OK SO I WAS JUST READING THRU THE 'Welcome Home!' PAGE TO SEE IF ANYTHING CHANGED AND I SAW ANOTHER LIL BUG

AND I OPENED THE IMAGE CUZ I WANTED TO SEE THE FULL GIF LIKE THE LADYBUG

BUT IT BROUGHT ME TO THIS INSTEAD ????

well now im afraid

i will save that for later i will finish looking through the rest of this page um

so. the W on 'Wally' is still messed up as you can see but not sure if thats still relevant since that was a clue for last time yk

so the restored art pieces are the same, nothing's changed

this is new though

i can click on the tulips and after the bug im a little afraid

by clicking on the yellow tulip

by clicking on the blue and red tulips

audio !! neat

the names of the tabs are interesting, i wonder if u put them in a certain order it will make a sentence? like 'will you help me' or something?? will have to find more secrets i guess

ok so now i will watch 'answer' (im afraid)

ITS FRANK AND BARNABY FIGHTING IM SO ENTERTAINED AND THIS IS SO FUNNY

also !! omg they have voices now thats so cool !!

i have no idea what it is im looking at, but it must be somewhere in Frank's garden right?

OK SO I COUNTED THE FIGURES IN THE VIDEO AND THERES 8 OF THEM AND THERE'S 8 NEIGHBORS AND I FEEL LIKE THATS IMPORRTANT not sure what it means but !! still

now the end of the video has my interests peaked, because when Frank asks (who i assume is) us and the audio just glitches out? first a deep voice replies to Frank but i cant make out what its saying

also then the glitch at the end, i think its supposed to loop with the glitch at the beginning

like it sounds connected

oh also some amendment to the figures there's actually 9 of them one is just at the edge of the camera and u cant see it

ok next for the audios

so 'Help' is Wally, which is interesting

nothing too helpful(aha) but just him realizing that we can hear him i guess? 'What are you waiting for?' the answers obv/j

Wally's laugh is so cute

'will' huh he talks about eyes, he said thats what an eye looks like, his are black and asks what color is mine/ours

it might just be me but the middle of the record kinda looks like an eye? or maybe im just crazy LOL

ok now onto 'The Neighborhood' page

so first off, i can click the gif of Home surrounded by flowers at the top

oh wait it just brings u back to the first/home page LMAOAOAOOA

another bug

clicked it and another video called 'answer' and its probably another video in Frank's garden

OOOOH AUDIO

SHE HAS A VOICE AND ITS SO CUTE AND IT FITS SO WELL I LOVE HER

also interesting thing to note! the colored part of the records are different for each character, Julie's is pink and Sally's orange

i point this out because there were records for the 'Help' and 'will' audio, they were broken but the color was red

and red is associated with Wally (and Home too) so yeah thats all

anyways Sally's voice fits her so well too!! i love it, actually kinda reminds me of a character from Star Darlings LOL

Poppy's voice is cute! has old lady vibes

another bug, surprisingly on Eddie's character page, which is interesting

LOVE HIS VOICE IT FITS SO WELL TOO 'When it comes to friendship, I always deliver!' ur so cute Eddie

HELP ME HOWDY'S VOICE????? IT FITS SO WELL TOO????? so old-timey announcer voice

ofc Barnaby's voice sample is him making a joke. ofc it is. also his voice reminds me a LOT of Sans from Undertale so

actually now that i think abt it Frank's voice reminds me of Papyrus from Undertale,, n the fight they had has similar vibes to Sans and Papyrus,,, well anyways

tbh in my head he always had more of a Squidward voice, like more nasally(?) but his voice fits really well too!

everyone already knows what Wally sounds like, but wow hearing it in a not-creepy environment is always cool

anyways. the flower is a gif and i can click on it so more creepy stuff now

hm called 'will' again which is interesting but the W is capitalized

the so below page is the same so time to check out the new stuff!

starting with the bug from the bottom of The Neighborhood page

so i was wrong its actually Frank and Poppy baking which is cute! love their friendship BUT Frank's voice got glitched out at the end when Frank said 'Wally' which makes me wanna re-listen to the first one

OH MY GOD OK SO THE VOICE WASNT A REPLY, IT WAS FRANK'S VOICE GLITCHING OUT ON 'WALLY' OMG

so all these videos are from Wally's perspective???

yep so the bug from Eddie's page leads to a video of Frank and Eddie talking about a bug that's in the post office!! made me especially giddy because i ship Frank x Eddie LOL

they are so cute!! so cute !!!!!

also, i've only seen 3 but it's interesting how all these videos are of Frank interacting with the other neighbors, then the video ending with his voice glitching out on 'Wally'

i think that there's more bugs and videos for the rest of the neighbors, but i'll go looking for them later! im gonna eat now and i wanna take a break to absorb all this stuff

OH I JUST REALIZED WHY THE VIDEOS ARE CALLED 'ANSWER' BC THEY END W FRANK ASKING WALLY A QUESTION, SO THIS IS HIS ANSWER?? OR SOMETHING ?? IT LEADS INTO AN ANSWER???

i have no idea but i'll ponder on it more later bye bye!

#welcome home

[laithraihan]

I'm the anon who sent you the long message that apparently came off "pompous & infantilizing" and more to your followers.

I find it interesting that that message sparked such a flood of defenders, when I did not send it in bad faith at all. From your answer it seems I'm lacking context so sorry if I took some of your statements the wrong way, but nonetheless I just found the parental love addition strange and reacted to that, that was all there was to it. I clearly stated (three times) I'm not taking any issue with your headcanons.

By saying they are far removed from canon I did not mean to say they are "too unrealistic" or something is wrong with that, I literally said the opposite. I meant just that, that factually, this will not be a common interpretation for someone who is familiar with the source material but not your blog. This is not a statement that I made with any judgemental value and I thought I made that very clear but apparently not.

So I'm sorry for the additional ask.

Have a nice day.

Thank you for the response.

I was fully aware you said there was no issue with what I drew, but the way you wrote everything else sort of negated that statement. At least that's how me and many other people saw it.

If someone finds what I drew strange or confusing then they could always just... block me or ask me about it (and btw I expected people to be confused, otherwise I wouldnt have labeled it "non-coupling" as soon I posted it lol)

Someone did ask me about it, and you seem to have already seen that response, yet you still felt the need to send another message basically implying that an explanation wasn't enough (turns out it actually wasnt enough because people said I was lying and in denial) and that my explanation was weird too? Which is whatever I already ended up clarifying that, English is not my first language and I type things with the help of a translator (I wish people could actually keep this in mind. I only type in English because it'll reach a wider audience and it's the language most of my followers know. Often I have to google words people tell me online, or I ask my friends fluent in English to explain things for me)

You can say "that's not what I intended" but that's how it came across... you wrote a lot of nice words while also saying it was understandable that people were ganging up on me over a drawing, it seemed patronizing.

That's why me and others took offense to it, but I think it's difficult to tell tone through text so I don't want to keep nitpicking this any further. If you say you had no ill intent then I believe you.

The following will just be me adding more context and not necessarily aimed at you: Again I understand the lack of context of my account can make people confused about my art, Ive made that clear many times.

The art I made where I said "if your parents didnt love you then it's obvious" was a direct response to people who were mocking me specifically for tagging the art as "non-coupling" because they didnt believe me. They got the context and decided I was trying to hide a fetish because a kiss on the cheek was "obviously shippy". They proceeded to compare this to drawing NSFW of Mob and Reigen by labelling it "non-ship" as if it was comparable to tucking a child into bed, that's what upset me. I did absolutely nothing to these people, I dont know them, if they said this privately I wouldnt care but it was public, and they also targeted another friend of mine for no reason.

All Im gonna say is that my drawing shouldnt have caused this much controversy in the first place. I labeled it "non-coupling" as soon as I posted it, which should've been enough honestly. It's not like I posted porn or anything like that, I got the idea from something Ive experienced in my family as a teenager and I could easily google stock images of the exact same scenario to use as reference, like I really didnt think it was that bad.

Anyways I think I've explained myself many times already. Im not gonna be hostile and say to people "roh t9awed dont ever send me anything else related to this" but just.. check if Ive already answered your question so that it doesnt end up being repetitive. If you have a question about this that I havent answered yet, then feel free to ask.

#asks

[ryndicate]

describe your moots in one word?

Oh shit here we go.

I scrolled down my following list so if we're moots and you're not here it's literally bc I probably don't believe you follow me bc I have set you on a pedestal of some kind. And if you're on here and we're not actually moots it's probably just because I really really like you and your blog 😅

@dark-mnjiro ~ psychic. Lee somehow knows what I like without me having to say anything, sends me manga panels that have me climbing walls when i’m on the cusp of zoning from boredom, and introduces me to characters that turn me into some kind of feral territorial creature howling to the gods about my love for a character ive literally seen two pics of. We went from non interactive moots not knowing each other to talking all the time on discord within a few conversations and now im like what would I do without this friendship? 

@knchins ~ supportive! We haven't been moots very long at all but you've been kind to me and my writing manic keysmashes despite the short time, but thats the vibe I've gotten! And you are responsible to turning my mind toward spoiled Reo brainrot, i dont think i will ever thank you enough for Renunion hehehe

@boosyboo9206 ~ safe. It's really easy to talk back and forth with you and i love the way my heart flutters when send me puppy pics and art of my favorite pairings because that alone tells me that you’re thoughful enough to be thinking of me, and I’m so grateful that you don't judge me for being so awful with communication lol.

@kingkatsuki / @kingkunigami ~ assertive. its like jo really has her own brand and always just seems so unshakable, has the patience to respond to the constant stream of blank blogs asking why they’ve been blocked like its not obvious already. i love knowing when i go to her blog that im going to see her being herself. on top of her fabulous writing of course, im on her blog more than its healthy to admit.

@killsaki ~ real. Every time i’m scrolling their blog i find something to either cackle or bite my fist about. Dal is my favorite blog for unfiltered thoughts about their faves and just their life in general. if we met in real life im dead certain they’d be a friend i could count on to call me on my bullshit

@cyancherub ~ vibrant. Everything cass does is done brightly with all of her love. Her interactions with her followers are so lovely and its easy to see how much she enjoys hearing from everyone. And I can trust her to put her whole pussy into any of her fixations, and her fixations are ~top~ tier. While you were sleeping is still easily my favorite thing she’s ever written, ive read it through like 4x and it still leaves me breathless with its characterizations, the descriptions that im not sure she was even breathing as she wrote them, the energy is so wild and intense, and yet how well thought out everything is on top of it! 

@iwaasfairy ~ talentedddd. Fairy is either making me wet with her writing or leaving me soaked with her art, living the life of being amazing at more than one creative outlet. I thank the universe that we’re friends and that she trusts me enough to send me the snippets that she’s working on and letting me howl at her in discord about how awesome her shit is. I get some of the first looks and I’m damn proud of that hehehe.

[babochkas]

i'm putting this post under a read more because it's long & i'm sorry it's related to the drama but, i really need to clear up the situation on my end:

to start with, i've never sent anyone anon hate. i don't support that at all because i know how shitty it is to get it. my post today was absolutely a vague, but not about anyone in the rpc and i specifically stated it was related to twitter lesbophobes that spread into the tumblr community (NOT THE RPC COMMUNITY, i never specified rpc & my wife clarified in their post as well it was not the rpc) and specifically mentioned seeing topics of conversion. this post i made didn't even specify if it was about bronseele. i never mentioned their names. but because i posted it on seele, my current main blog, it's tied to that. accusations of anon hate and biphobia. it was absolutely horrible timing, absolutely looks suspicious, but: i had no way of seeing this because i don't follow. i do not keep tabs on the people i block and avoid them from my radar entirely. i never talked nor judged anyone's portrayal or interpretation. people are making accusations STILL because of a matter of shit timing and coincidence related to someone ive had blocked. i want to say clearly, i did not send the anon that was received. i did not even know of it, nor the post that prompted the anon. i have not ever sent anon hate, and have not vagued about anyone in the fandom's portrayal.

again, my original post was kept vague in wording because i woke up (around 3pmest, i have bad insomnia so my schedule is weird) starting my day seeing people on twitter erasing the canon rep of my favorite characters (i'm not talking just up for interpretation characters, i mean seeing people straight up talking about leona/diana in league - excuse vulgarity - "taking dick to cure their mind.") & then while looking at fanart on tumblr shortly after, saw more of the same with other ships i like art of. of course, as a lesbian, i am very passionate about these cases of rep, and of course very triggered by seeing the lesbophobia i was seeing on twitter (the conversion i mentioned in my post, which i followed up with by saying i was seeing more of it on tumblr) not the best wording & def should have clarified but, i just woke up for the day, i was tired, and my brain hadn't fully kicked into gear so i opened my tumblr app to check my notifications and make a quick vent post. it had nothing to do with bisexuality, nothing to do with a bi interpretation, nothing: it was about the disgusting and harmful conversion posts and discussions i was seeing. i had no idea about what was going on hours before because i was asleep. i was logged in on seele, so i just made the venty post (again specifically about conversion therapy comments) and didnt think anything of it because i didn't know what was going on, basically until i started finding out about the accusations.

i do want to note again, i did try to unblock to send an IM clarifying before everything really blew up, but IMs were off & i was already being told of more being said by others so i did make a heated post. it isn't deleted, though i did make it private because i don't like leaving drama up. as with rule updates, they're tagged as "tbd //" and later removed.

on a related, but separate note:

people who talk to me and know me, know the kind of person i am. i have been in way more fandoms than hi3, hsr, or even genshin. i've been on this site a long time and multiple people have known me for years. they know that i keep to myself a lot of the time & only seem to get dragged into drama when it relates to setting boundaries. as stated in my rules, i am exclusive and not dupe friendly. this often leads to me blocking simply for comfort. otherwise, i have only ever blocked people for breaching my rules. breaching my triggers. have i always handled my blocking in ways people prefer it to be handled (via a DM beforehand, knowledge of why first, etc?) absolutely not. especially not when it's related to my triggers, as i state in my rules, seeing those untagged/unfiltered sends me into a trauma response. i have, in the past, contacted people prior to softblocking or hardblocking to let them know why - and these instances have ended in things varying from my mental health being invalidated, being called names (bitch, most often) & often, honestly, end up escalating to something worse.

aside from trying to defend myself, i have only ever, ever said anything about drama in relation to someone harassing me, making violent threats, calling names, etc. i've kept to myself, blocked these people to keep my distance, and it's still somehow a problem. they are still coming to my accounts to keep tabs or, if they deem fit, find ways to stir the pot again. i know people were keeping tabs on my posts, because these people who i've had blocked for years now were making posts about mine. not even knowing what it was about. honestly, after being told of some of the people who have been known to stalk and harass the blogs of myself and other mutual friends, i got paranoid. because it was not only just straight up block evading me, but these people i've been avoiding have harassed, have made violent threats, have called names and been disrespectful when i tried to end on peaceful terms. i won't say names because it doesn't matter. i'm not here to start a witch hunt, and on the same note, i'm not wanting a target on my back when i've already had problems of varying degrees with these people.

that brings me to my dni. in regards to my dni additions, i did add a new group on there due to a prior callout, and this situation: namely, because i felt this was on a level of baseless accusations as a previous callout mention and it did heavily upset me after seeing what i was accused of because of this. my dni does not change according to fandom, and has remained the same (with minor updates) since my time in the league fandom. the recent update including the lesbian erasure dni rule was added as it was in my original rules on my caitlyn blog (my caitlyn carrd can be found here, the last rule being established as i also have a diana, and planned to write neeko - canon lesbians to the league universe. it's something i've been vocal about there as well.)

i am a very firm believer in curating your own space of comfort. write what you want with who you want, but my rules and dni are for my space. to explain why i do not want to engage with certain topics or people who have made me uncomfortable, often due to situations that are related to my triggers and ocd. regardless of this, i do not condemn anyone for who they decide to write with, because at the end of the day this is just writing. i wouldn't accuse or try to instigate drama between two people without first talking. just wish i had been extended the same courtesy.

#drama // #last post and im leaving it up because i need this to be known. #tw drama

[zukkas]

(Same anon that was asking about proship) I do agree that the boxes are somewhat stupid (I think that anti is also bad because it implies a negative opinion and being entirely against shipping). Could you speak on the nuance a bit further? I’m genuinely curious

You also probably shouldn’t censor words because it messes up the Tumblr filtering system for people who have the word proship filtered

i censored the words bc I didn't want them to end up in the tags/search bc i don't feel like having random people i don't know come on my post to lecture me about their stance when ive already made up my mind

as for why i have my stance specifically, first of all this is SUCH chronically online discourse that i really just don't wanna bother with it as much as i can avoid it. you say you're one of these to anyone outside of very specific internet circles and they look at you like you have 13 limbs

second of all, my main thing is to ship and let ship. even if I don't like a ship, even if i think it's "problematic" or whatever for any reasons, in the end it's a fictional ship, and if the shipper isn't hurting anyone with this ship, i just block the tag(s) and move on. i've seen a lot of antis have ships they don't like and try to justify not liking them by making them out to be problematic in some way (like, for example, saying narumayo from ace attorney is incest or pseudo-incest because the two characters are found family. i don't care for narumayo whatsoever but you don't have to make stuff up to justify not shipping something).

that being said, I don't think ships where the characters are related or an adult and a minor should be glorified as i've seen before. i don't know the people writing these and i have no way of knowing what they've been through and i know that writing these kinda fics for many is just a way to work through their trauma, but there comes a point where i think you have to look inward and ask yourself why am i writing this. what am i putting out into the world by writing this. is this actually helping me deal with the things I've been through or am i just hurting myself more by retraumatizing myself. and if you actually think pedophilia is "hot" or whatever, seek help. seek actual professional help and do not go near any children, ever. i don't care if they're fictional children, i don't care if she's actually 3000 years old and just looks like she's 9, children cannot consent, they do not have the mental capacity to do so in an informed manner.

as for ao3 censorship since that's so entrenched in this discourse, i don't think ao3 should have to remove anything that's not illegal. ao3 was created specifically to avoid this kinda censorship that fanfic authors have dealt with ever since being able to post fics online has been a thing. a lot of the stuff on there is repulsive to me as well, but i know some of the shit ive written would also be considered "problematic" by a lot of people, so where do you draw the line? there's so many edge cases and so many things to consider that it's a complete waste of time and resources for ao3. and it's an archive, for fucks sake. it's not meant to pass down judgment on what's moral and what's not, it's meant to archive. and if you don't agree with that, there's plenty of sites like ffnet and wattpad that do censor "problematic" shit, just go back to those.

im not looking to debate any of this, i've made up my mind so if you're gonna reply to this/send me an ask with an argument for your "side" you're just wasting your time

#asks #anon #tw discourse #tw incest mention #tw pedophila mention

[crazywolf828]

please go outside and cleanse your mind from writing weird ass porn. think about it. you badically write teenage cartoon porn on a basis. (rwby) you obviously have an obsession and need to stop thinking of these fictional characters bedding eachother. all these, 'kinks' and 'tropes' youre writing for is really harmful and honestly really offending. i truly truly hate all of what youve wrote. ive read a few, and unsurprisingly your interpretation of blake and yang are also ass. it makes me laugh so hard. im sorry. like, i dont think you realize how ooc you write them, and it annoys me because its not the hot shit you think it is. you need more substance in your stories. literally all you write is cock, balls and pussy. like, i feel like everytime i try reading what you've posted on ao3 i want to rip out my eyeballs and forget all of it. im being a hater right now but honesty is my best trait. your booty fics flood the bumbleby tag here on tumblr AND on ao3 jesus im sick of seeing your cornball ass name. go find something else to do, or maybe, just delete yourself from the internet and stop posting fics.

Oh wow it's been a hot second since I've gotten hate this long, fucking hilarious. So first off, they are adults. In the show by the time they get to Atlas, they are adults. I am not, and will not write nsfw of underaged characters. Second, yeah I know it's ooc for a lot of them but like also, how do you know? It's hard to write kinky shit for characters when you've never seen them in that situation and you don't know how kinky they are. As for the tags... I suppose I could ease up for kinktober, a fic every few days is rough I can see that, but also you can just block me on ao3 and Tumblr! Curate your experience instead of bitching about it! Or, I tag every fic on here with 'my fic' and 'don't mind me' so block both those tags too like? And like why do you keep reading them if you've already established you don't like them??? So wild.

EDIT: I'm also realizing you've probably only read my kinktober fics which, tbf are supposed to be kinky. Go read my packer fics, or my transmasc yang fic, or the body worship fics, or the multiple multichapter fics that have actual plot. Like hell, one has over 600 kudo's (which is still wild) so yeah I do have plenty of plot based fics, you just didn't look for them. Literally look at my pinned post if you want to see them. They're right there.

I mean, I did well enough that a person who hates the bees loved my angst band oneshot so clearly I'm doing decently enough.

Anyway "cornball ass name" and "delete yourself from the internet" are terrible insults, try better next time! :)

#one day yall will beat urbanite subhuman #my brand was smut now its cock balls and pussy😎 #fuck off dude curate your space #god this is hilarious #'delete yourself' they say #what a pathetic attempt to tell me to kill myself #its funny that you think thisll affect me #man youll hate tomorrow's prompt #you need more substance they say like bro fuck off #ive written enough multichapter aus #don't mind me #answered #ask #anon #also its funny i dont think ive literally ever mentioned balls in my fics now that i think about it #wold

[tinyidle]

I'm a young smut writer (going into high school in August), but I'm not open about my age, cause I'm afraid what my following will think. I'd like to think I'm decent at it, with some of my fics getting over 100 notes. I read smut, and write it, because I unfortunately am hypersexual (due to trauma) and I find it a good way to release that energy. My fics are the only thing I find good about my hypersexuality tbh, every other part is just hell.

I am old enough to be on tumblr, just to put that out there !! And I've never stated that I'm older than I actually am, just never clarified.

I feel a little bad not putting my age outright, but I also want my followers and other writers to feel comfortable interacting with me :(

Idk, I just saw that post you replied to abt minor writers/readers and wanted to get opinions on my situation.

I really enjoy writing, I love my anons, and I appreciate the support. But ik if I be honest some people probably wont be comfortable following me anymore, as sad as it makes me to think about, I know I just have to accept it

And if I decide to put it out there, I know I also wont be welcome following most blogs (which sucks since tumblr writers are amazing, esp you, you're my favorite writer on here) 😔

Thanks for reading, I'd like your opinion on my situation if you don't mind 😭 <3

hello ello ello! ive been kinda of busy, keeping up with school notes and reading fics and textbooks and all (im in college), but i read and reread this ask and have been thinking about it since yesterday.

most of us smut writers have been hypersexual minors reading smut at one point and moved or reading into writing, though i can only speak for myself when i decided to write as an adult. personally i suggest to, if you really want to be/continue being a smut writer, to be at least 16 years old (not recommended however), but considering how i calculate what highschool age is and how old i think you may be, you might not fit that criteria and will have people block you if you do disclose your age online.

ive seen (and had at once followed) minors writing smut, but after a while i either stopped reading or stopped following because of either them not being comfortable about it anymore or just me not being comfortable. if you know that that will be the case with you from other writers, i honestly have no other suggestion than to let it happen.

some won't care, but many will since it's already a big no-no in writing to have minors in smut. you can't really help it since most adults dont want to feel like they are indirectly grooming minor writers by encouraging their writing. of course the easiest thing to do is lie about your age, but i personally dont like when people do that (e.g., tiktok pages that have aged between 14-17, like- why not say 15 or smth??), so i go against that.

this might not be what you wanted to hear, but i can only be honest. i still dont condone bullying minors on the internet to do what they do, yet at the same time i cant support something i myself avoid. i dont even stan groups with minors (i literally waited until txt were all adults until i stanned-- and two of the members are my age).

im glad you like my writing, but i hope most of what you like are my non nsfw works (albeit them being minimal).

#answer to anon #smut writing

[hyperfixatinglove]

🌻!!

I'm kinda ashamed how long it took of me to make Ushio into underground duelist in my Canon AU. Ive been self shipping with him since 2015 and paid no mind to it. I took issue how much of jackass he is before ep 45, but my mind won't allow me to stray far from canon. It has to play with the things already present in the canon work otherwise it's ""wrong"" or ""doesn't make sense"".

I felt a long time like I was excusing horrible RL things by loving fictional cop character. I felt hypocritical. In my country police brutality doesn't often end up on the news, the recent we had was possible punishment for officers who peppersprayed peaceful and nonviolent protestors who merely blocked a street. So in a way to hear everything going down in USA.. I can't accurately describe it. Guilt, being baffled and horrified maybe?

But recently I felt like my Ushio, albeit grounded in and by the canon I like to follow because it gives me dopamine, had grown into his own version, he's MY Ushio, who's different and more than what canon meekly has shown us. We know nothing of Canon Ushio's life outside his work. My Ushio has interests, hobbies,face foods, he's a sap.. List goes on.

So as ""chained"" as I feel to the canon, the need and want to at least base my own headcanons to the source material, I realised I could make him into anything I want. And I think he'd like being duelist full time. Play in bars, or small tournaments, maybe the shady, illegal dueling gets reformed and he duels there too. Or have him say fuck the law I like my men bit bad.

It's actually interesting to see my ships evolve like this. Another example would be me being housewive to him. I've been horrifically despising the idea of housewiving for myself but I realised I wouldn't mind. I'd love it. I'd be bad at it, due to my neurodivergency, but Ushio would come home with a big grin and love me anyway.

It's neat how our ships can change and evolve based on our life, age and such.

#i'll keep you safe #card game husband #letters of love #police brutality mention

[blkkizzat]

Indian reader is back here again AHSJDH I SWEAR THIS IS THE LAST ONE 🙏🙏🙏 honestly reading your post made me hungry send help

I am SO glad you enjoyed your trip here, I love it when people learn about each other's cultures it literally makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!!! I love how detailed your posts about the trip were and I really appreciate you sharing it with us <33

You knowing your tourist guide's whole story with the pharmacist to history lover is so real 😭 some people be having the wildest career paths especially the ones who've been at it for a long time and you somehow get to know their whole story in the span of 20 minutes

Personally I think summer in the US feels worse bc ceiling fans and all around ventilation isn't very common there from what I've seen and heard, while winters in India are worse for the most part since electrical heating and room temperature control isn't common here outside of the cities (inbuilt room temp control isn't a concept here at all currently, I've only ever seen it in hotels)

This was probably the best time for you to visit india cause peak summer temperatures haven't even started yet and you were already dying from the heat (me too dw)

And trust when I say you're not the only one struggling to cross the streets not all of us are built for this do or die type of shit 💔💔💔 (though I'll have to build up that confidence since you know. I live here. Don't exactly have a choice 🤡)

PS I'm going to be craving a restaurant thaali for the rest of the day bc of the pics

Omfg no please write me anytime!! <33

Awe thank you! I def love sharing my experiences! I love traveling and will def have to come back. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it cause i tend to ramble on about stuff! Yes! Another tour guide we had in Jaipur used to be a laywer. He was so knowledgeable too, he was with us all day and took us a few different places. It was fun learning about them. One thing I definitely took back from that and was inspired by was seeing people leaving "socially prominent" or high status jobs for something they loved. Seeing as I went as apart of my MBA program it was an unexpected but great reality check that sure we are all in this program to progress our careers but we really need to keep self-fulfillment and happiness in mind. Whats money or status if you are miserable? Like they had us eating out of the palm of their hand with how much passion they had for what they did and it really inspired me to find that in my own life!

Omfg yeah, it really depends on where you are. The sun feels a bit more intense in India because we were closer to the equator than in the US but the heat in India I experienced at 100 degrees F was a walk in the park compared to the time I stupidly went to las vegas in August and it was nearly 120 degrees F. Also where I live summers have been getting hotter and hotter so people arent equipped for heat waves. I've always had AC cause I have really furry dogs who need to stay cool though so thankfully ive been prepared. Also winters can be an issue here too, Texas been getting ice storms and blizzards in the past few years and as a hot area are completely unequipped. Even in places that are used to cold like NYC, when I lived there I moved into a new building paid a stupid high rent to live in a box that had central AC but was poorly insulated so I had to buy like the shiny foil insulating sheets to put over my window in the winter or I felt like the wind was passing right through.

Haha thankfully I was always in busy areas cause me and my friends when we werent with our guide would always just wait until we saw someone else who was clearly Indian cross the street and cross with them lmfao. We probably looked so stupid standing and waiting there lmfao but we never waited more than 5 mins thankfully LOL. Its funny cause looking back I've had friends here in the US scared to "jaywalk" with like one car coming thats practically crawling down the block and in India you have people boldly stopping speeding cars to cross LOL. I just imagine how funny we must look scared to cross with one car wayyyyyyy down the block coming, even I'm laughing at us.

I hope you get some resturant thaali soon! I'm definitely going to be craving it soon too. I know the next time I eat Indian food it ain't going to hit the same AT ALL lmfao.

#lovely anons #kizzatanswers

[mybloodyfamousprophets]

madison - bloor

i said that id quit smoking but you saw i got another pack, my friends are going out tonight and lately ive been such a wreck, i guess i need a night, away from all the worldly troubles, put another on my tab, and make sure that it was a double, shot,

in the dark, we were dancing all night, because it takes away the pain until we walk into the city lights, it’s always been my home for as long as I remember, never lived far from the train tracks, but now i’m in the thick of it

in the bar, on Madison Avenue, i make a bad decision for all the things i choose to do, are, out of hubris, i’ll make a mistake, make long island sugar honey so i wont remember anyways,

i stood there alone, in the smoking alleyway, where college students pass me and i see someone i recognize, but we don’t talk, and that’s not what i’m here for, i just want to forget about the last chapter

just off bloor, we were dancing all night, and it took away the pain until we walked out into city ^lights, and i would’ve stayed, to find somebody to take me ^home, but i walked out alone, and it’s too late to take the train back to my place, and i’m miserably walking out to catch a, ^streetcar ride, i feel so, I’m already hungover, and i’m keeling over on college street corner, is there somebody here to, save me from ^myself?

the next night, the venues a friends house, backyard liquor bottles and plastic foil cuppy shots, and he’s got a boombox, the rhythm is healing my soul, as it infects every corner of my mind,

but i won’t queue my favourite song, they’ll say it’s too long, but i don’t really mind, cause it makes me think of the old times and his songs don’t and I think that’s just what i need, tonight

just off of king, we were dancing all night, and it took away the pain until i walked into the city lights, but there was no fun walk home cause I left there alone, taking only my vices out,

and i’m stumbling down richmond street, it’s way too late, my head is pounding and i wonder if one day i will change my fate, cause the pen is in my hands and the script is running wild, like my kid self imagination somehow got up and took the wheel

when i was 15, i was feeling wild and free, stealing rum from kitchen cabinets on that year we were all locked, inside, and i drank a horrid concoction that i know that i shouldnt have, and i felt awful the next morning but i think it opened my eyes, a little liquor rinsed out my, mind,

i was alone in my room and i was dancing all night, and it took away the pain until i woke up to the morning light, my head had never felt worse, and the second part of understanding, came,

you can take away the pain, but it changes, conservation ^energyv it comes back in a different way, it's the same, and i stand here alone, cause i'm still that kid, in a way, if nothing else is the same,

i promise i'll grow, and i swear that i'll change, i know that i'll be different, but i'm still the same,

but why do i think, that i'm the same kid, when i've survived and you haven't adapted?

you put a seed of doubt into my mind i could not shake, a two year burning flare that made my hope evaporate, you wanted me to quit but i rolled up to cope with you, didn't care,

running away, will not make, your chase, disappear, in my mind, filled with haze, my thoughts sound clear, until they didnt, until i couldnt,

cause the starships hit my eyes, and i could barely form a sentence, i was crying out to TS10, track 5, 2:06, and i was trying hard to get a grasp on, how i can live with, everything that's happened this life,

cause i was 4 with my ipod touch, heartbroken girls that sang to me, about things that i wouldnt understand, but influenced me when i came of age, and every trip and every pack makes me think that there is a better way, through the headphones i found hope, and the wires around me, turned into noise blocking that manages to keep me sane, on the ground with my head in the sky, i think this might be the last time,

cause i wake up and i see the morning light, i'm feeling the pain but i try to be alright, cause i can't keep rolling through, every problem that i, happen to have in the day, and i can't undo my, mistakes,

i have to live you because the clock wont run backward, i play a good tune instead of lighting a backwood, i write for hours without burning a cigarette, cause i lived, outlast, for the last time, i have survived and this life, to fix, is mine