#I used to be so sure of myself but idk

[wildwandaa]

AroAce is a label that I’ve always been hesitant to use because I’ve always been so unsure of myself

I never really talked about it a lot and would kind of off handedly say it

But like, after a lot of just thinking about it, I feel secure, I feel good now.

It feels good to say that i’m AroAce

Anyway

Happy Pride and Indigenous History Month

#wilddart #pride month #indigenous history month #and honestly? if anything changes then that’s okay #I’m allowed to change as a person and to grow #idk #sorry I just have a lot of feelings about this #I used to be so sure of myself but idk

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[ink-the-artist]

forgive me if you've been asked this before or if its annoying, but how did you learn to use colored pencils like that? your art is so special to me.

ty :) I took an art class for a few years where our teacher had us buy prismacolor pencils as one of the art supplies and had us use them kinda like paints, pressing down hard right away and blending the colors together. its not how youre supposed to use them she was just trying to teach us to use color and ig this was more to the point. I picked them up again years after i stopped going to that class just bc they were there and i wanted to play around w them a bit and ended up actually enjoying it when doing it on my own terms lol

#it was a weird class #it was just this russian lady doing private lessons in her house that my mom learned about somehow #I did NOT like those classes all we did was still life and they were hours long which is esp rough when im in high school and busy #and she wanted us to stand while working the whole time bc tradition i guess? #she did allow me to work sitting but thought i was lazy for it. idk dude i dont want to exhaust myself fast for no reason #standing is a lot more tiring than walking #i def did still benefit from those classes just from learning to accurately draw from life #did not like the teacher tho #on one hand shed paid for the art supplies for kids whos families were too poor to (and these are nice expensive supplies) #which is very nice #but on the other she was very homophobic and open about it #like when they legalized gay marriage she went on a rant about how horrible it is that they can adopt kids now #and also kind of racist #she was telling me how she got blocked from a facebook group bc she made a post asking if she could speak to a white person #and she didnt realize she was posting that publicly she thought it was a private message to the group owner #im honestly still not sure i heard/understood her correctly bc it was so bizzare and the only time i ever remember her being racist #she talked abt it like she genuienly was unaware it was racist #she described it as a misunderstanding bc she accidentally posted it publicly instead of privately #like it wouldnt have been racist to ask that at all #also one time she talked about how she saw demons in her home once #also she doesnt vaccinate her kids bc of microchips #she was like a walking russian stereotype lol #anyway heres some ink the artist lore

[incorrectskyrimquotes]

story idea: the dragonborn dies somehow but the power itself must continue on as destiny bids, so the power attaches itself to some rando who them has a full power of the dragonborn. all while the world has stopped to mourn the greatest hero skyrim has ever seen.

#idk where id go with this #something about grief from a distance definitely #maybe something about expectations #i might tap up a concept for this using eryn('s death) and. idk. ill pick an npc OR make one up myself #full disclaimer im on meds as im writing this so while to me in the moment this sounds brilliant im sure its actually kinda stupid #ill decide in the morning #feel free to rb this with your own takes on the concept tho thats be neat reading material

[bigkickguy]

daanmarcoh doodle - they're sleeping in shifts and keeping watch

#daanmarcoh #daarcoh #kickdraw #funger #i just wanted to draw them and try to punch through artblock ! #as soon as i have the energy to actually render something and draw a background its so over #the eternal struggle of 'do i use daan's portrait or map sprite for hair color' #really just wanted to draw daan with marcoh's jacket #thought to myself yesterday - 'idk why they aren't as popular' so figured i'd throw some art into the mix again #such good fanfiction coming out for them too #I really want to get back into a drawing stride for them :') #the shirt grab is to make sure he's still there watching - if marcoh turns around or leaves daan would feel it #i feel like they're walking a weird line in my mind #they just met and in some cases all they have is each other - but they dont really know each other in any way #they just have to trust the stranger who didn't kill them immediately won't be worse than the fucked up monsters around them

[mayhemspreadingguy]

#hah so I survived the first week of the new semester! this painting was done during an especially uninteresting lecture when I couldn't #bring myself to pay full attention to it. so I decided to doodle something instead ┐⁠(⁠‘⁠～⁠`⁠;⁠)⁠┌ #this is definitely not my usual style but I felt like doing some inking again and playing textures and brushes that I'm not used to #(normally I use only three brushes - 6b pencil. square pastel. wet marker XD) #i found out that limiting my options is often the reasonable thing to do but sometimes it's also nice to experiment and go crazy x'D #but now my brain hurts from all the frustration from finishing this painting -recognizing when to stop sometimes proves to be a challenge XD #mayhem art #hiw should I tag this?? #dream of the endless #i suppose... i mean I strayed a lot and idk what the story behind this one is anymore #dreamling #if you believed me that this is dream then you surely agree that it must be Hob who's braiding Dream's hair right?

[birdricks]

sleepyhead lol….

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #NOT GENDERBEND ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ TRANSFAG‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ #LOL just smth kinda quick cus im supposed to be. studyinh….. #this pose was crazy hard to work out at first but i think it looks ok now #inspired byyyy. i got a new binder. feels good 👍 #used myself as reference Deepest apologies if he looks a little gay. #for the record please imagine bp alseep on the bed just out of frame. my artitsic vision #oh my god my head. i forgkt to drink wortor….. #was gonna jsut post this as flats but i have to be insane in the head abt things so hoepfully this wacky lighting doesnt look too odd LOL #idk why i cant like remmeber how any of my blending layers r supposed to work #oh disclaimer dont sleep in binders LOL. im sure thats not what ppl r gonna get from this #but just to be clear. lolol dont do that #ok i cant tweak this anymore or ill go insane. POST #artsbotz

[kfruityouth]

melnie :]

i couldnt decide which version to put so i did both... i think i like the first one a bit more tho

#idk why ive been using green / yellow so much in my art lately... #like not even the stuff ive posted just. generally in my sketchbook and paintings and files and stuff #also trying to teach myself lighting a bit better so lol look out #but idk i really like this one :] #im sure something similar has been done before tho... lmk if it has #tma #the magnus archives #tma fanart #tma melanie #melanie king #eyestrain #tw eyestrain

[philzokman]

natsume soseki did not say "don't say 'i love you', instead say 'the moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it'" FOR NONE OF YOUS TO WRITE IT INTO UR FICS!!!!!!!!

#BSD FANDOM ESPECIALLY!!! HES OUR GUY!!! HES THERE!!! #i say this very loosely bc like idk how it went #its a rumour that he said this right #but like fomr what i remember #natsume soseki was an incredibly talented translator but i think he preferred writing original novels #but he was one of the pushers of colloqusalised translations rather than direct which was more popular at the time #so one of his students came up to him w a novel translated from english to japanese and in part of it #one of hte characters said 'i love you' #BUT apparently natsume said that wasnt very realistic in japan due to cultural norms (iirc) and saying ' i love you' would seem too intimat #therefore instead of saying that #say something like 'the moon is beautiful tonight isnt it' #ANYWHO USE IT MORE!!!! i watched a kdrama a while back that used that (hype bc the premise was they were at a publishing firm) #and hwen i say ive never thrown myself across the room harder #pretty pretty please use it also do not take this story time as truth im stupid as fuck and also could be completely wrong but im p sure #thats how it went idk #FHDSJKF #lea.txt #bungo stray dogs #bsd #sobbing violently #bungou stray dogs #natsume soseki

[sleepygaymerdisease]

castle of cagliostro + ruler of everything

#hii im pretty sure other ppl have done this but the concept has stuck with me for years so i had to do it myself. i hope u all understand 🫡 #anyway. can we all beat up iMovie forever? horrible little thing. idk how to use other software but there has to be some way to improve tha #anis gaymer moments #lupin iii #lupin the third #tally hall #ruler of everything

[alsojnpie]

hey. um. i love him

#O_O i really love him #it's getting warmer every day and i can't draw him in a sweater for much longer #by the way. is this site going to. yknow. die #sigh........i kept telling myself I'd get better at it one day #kind of like the way i tell myself i can get together courage to speak up but i never do #using another website just sounds so depressing #im not good at social media. im tired of pretending like i can get good at it #but you can't even pretend like you can jump into a conversation if no one is having a conversation #i wanted to be part of a community here but i never could figure out what belonging looked like or how i could do it #and maybe it's my fundamental misunderstanding of that that prevents it but how can i understand it without experience #I'm so jealous of everyone who looks like they achieved what i couldn't even put my finger on. but since i didn't even understand it #i can't even be sure what exactly im jealous of #the other day i walked past a trio of friends and they had their arms around each other and were laughing as they walked #and i felt really strongly that even though I've always wanted a friend like that I'm actually fundamentally incompatible with that. #there's several reasons #but it made me feel really sad. but it made me feel a little better too. i guess it's really not my fault. maybe. i don't really know #in that moment it felt very much like something that was not my fault. and it was nice and sad at the same time #idk what's going to happen here. but one thing i know for sure is that i can have a happy tomorrow. no matter what #no matter what i have to give up on. i can find joy in other things. even in myself #and if there's one idea that he is about. it's that one

[b4kuch1n]

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out) #we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

[sugarsnappeases]

thank you for the tag @fxreflyes this is so cute, except the format is trying to hinder my propensity to ramble, so i’ve rectified this in the tags lmao

i’m over 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or two piercings / i have at least one tattoo / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / i paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don’t often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i’ve never dated anyone / i have a best friend i’ve known for over five years / i am an only child

no pressure tags for @static-radio-ao3 @inevitablestars @itsjaywalkers @carniferous @orbitfalls @transsexualpriest @futurequibblerjournalist <333

#i'm like 5'7 i think. fun fact i used to wear glasses when i was like 11 bc all my friends were getting glasses and i wanted some too so i #lied to my optician. lol good times. don't actually need glasses tho soooo. #this is me coming out as a natural blonde guys….. like my hair hasn’t been blonde in a good year or so and it hasn’t been my natural blonde #in like three/four years but still in my heart of hearts i identify as a blonde. like i get confused when people don't count me as one #i have my ears and nose pierced and i would love a tattoo but unfortunately i have both a fear of needles and commitment issues so. #not sure if that’ll ever happen… would be very hot and sexy tho. also i'm one of those freaks with green eyes lol it's appaza quite rare #my hair is currently like dark dark brown… have been getting the itch to dye it again tho like a kinda reddish colour idk yet we’ll see #i had braces for AAGES. i have freckles in the summer and i paint my nails whenever i remember to. rn they’re a very chipped lilac colour #i think i have a resting bitch face but i can never tell tbf like it might be more of a resting 'dead to the world' face lmao #okay technically i don’t play an instrument anymore! but in the past i’ve dabbled with the cello the oboe and the xylophone. singing too #spanish and italian baybee although ig if this means like fluently then that’s not me but this is literally my degree it’s my whole brand #yes i like to read but also the only things ive read in like the last few months have been either books in spanish/italian for my degree #literary criticism for said span/ital books and… fanfic. so. also i like writing but it's my worst enemy rn the thoughts aren't working :( #i have many best friends that i’ve known for years!!!! in fact i've known some of my friends for like my entire life it's very cute #okay sorry for rambling i can never help myself and i also literally could go on icl like there was Some restraint applied here #kara lore #bc there's quite a lot of it in this one lol #tag games

[starbuck]

Listen: if you’re questioning your sexuality or gender and having a really difficult time figuring stuff out, you might wanna try reframing your thinking from “what am I?” to “what do I want?”

If you want to have sex with men, do it! If you want to go on hormones because the physical affects are desirable to you, do it! If you don’t want to have sex at all, (don’t) do it!

Labels can be a wonderful thing, don’t get me wrong, but they can also cause you to second-guess yourself into paralysis if you give them too much importance. You can always label your identity later on if you want to, but, in the meantime, don’t let stress over which label is “right” stop you from doing what makes you feel fulfilled in the here and now.

#idk this is random but this is what’s helped me and i feel like it could help others as well #i used to struggle with a lot of ‘but i can’t do x thing because what if i’m not really y identity?? how can i be SURE????’ #and it’s just like. it doesn’t MATTER!!!!!! #if i wanna do x thing - i should do it regardless of identity… identity is beside the point completely #that’s what I’ve had to teach myself - and i’ve gotten SO much more confident because of it #because i stopped trying to stare into my soul and discover what i *am* (intangible and subjective) and started just focusing on #what i *WANT* (easy to figure out and objective) #and that’s made all the difference #so yeah!!!! #dunno what to tag this haha #pride month #lol there u go #i’m sure that others have worded this better… i’m just exhausted and rambling #but i wanted to put this out there anyway while i was Thinking About It! :))

[nuclearnik]

Having a boy crisis for the first time in like 7 years since I've been chronically ill and lost control of my body, and I feel insane

#im used to men ignoring me since i gained weight and could barely look presentable because i was in pain all the time #so im not sure if im being way too presumptuous and he's just normal noce and friendly #but idk you know when you just get a feeling that its more than that? #i havent had that feeling in ages so i dont trust myself

[sherlock-is-ace]

the imposter syndrome i feel every time i even slightly think i might be autistic is insane, specially for a person who highly relates to the lived experiences of people who are professionally diagnosed.

Like I was just watching this one youtuber, and she was talking about very specific examples in her life and childhood where she saw autistic traits that made her realize she was autistic and then seek a diagnosis and then get one, and everything she was saying was like she was describing my life! But yeah no, I can't be autistic tho

#and one thing that has been filling me with dread (as if it was relevant lol) is the idea of seeking a diagnosis and #either not geting it because it's already so hard to find a diagnosis for '''''''women''''''' (afabs) #and that will make me doubt myself even more! but most importantly those around me who already don't believe me #but also i'm very scared about this one thing in particular which is the talking to your parents portion of the diagnosis #where the therapist will want to talk to people who knew me as a child... and that person will have to be my mom #and i'm pretty sure she will dismiss most signs. like she would either not bring them up because ''they're normal'' #or play them as less important than they were #or maybe she didn't even notice them! because most of my struggles are internal! #things like being bullied or having no friends or liking a routine #idk if she'll be able to talk about all those #because my bullying wasn't violent it was mostly dismissive #my ''friends'' weren't really friends like i didn't CARE for them as maybe someone would have #and also they would leave me for no reason at all out of the blue... so i don't think even THEY considered ME a friend #and liking routine i guess she could say i prefered it but she doesn't know to the extent i hated going off it #i'm sure she forgot about the time i cried (as a 10 year old so not THAT young) because they made us change classroom #and i didn't know that was gonna happen... it was added to the anxiety that i thought my mother wouldn't be able to find me #but like the unknown classroom traumatized me (to this day i get anxious just thinking about that) #like... all those things i don't think she would bring up (if she could even) and i fear that will make me not get a diagnosis #not that this is a thing that's gonna happen cause as i established i cannot afford a therapist nor i'll ever get a diagnosis i don't think #so like it's not relevant #but i am anxious about it nonetheless #angel talks #personal #idk what's my point with this post btw i'm just venting and creaming to the void #dkfjhgdfg