#I’m really tired of that discourse

[thewayuarent]

Handling an addiction. Part 1.

Cause oh we need to have this conversation

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, and I won’t pretend to be. This is based on my personal experience as someone who is/was in several relationships with people who struggle from different forms of addiction. I want to clarify that I do understand all characters and while I’m going to critique them I do not blame them. The very important thing to remember is that it's a very complicated topic and there is no clear right answer to it. Let's keep in mind that any conversation about any difficult topic is always mostly one-sided and it's impossible to talk about everything once. This is about addiction and only about it, but all characters are way more then that one topic. Are we good now? Let's go.

So, let’s talk about Ray’s addiction and how people in his life are failing to handle it. 

The most important thing to remember is: addiction is a disease. By definition of most medical associations all over the world. Addiction is not a personal choice. And while it doesn’t excuse Ray’s behaviour throughout the show, it explains it. And this is a big difference. Ray as a character is much more than just his addiction, absolutely. But his addiction is a huge part of who he is and how he behaves and we need to constantly remember about it.

This conversation begins every week after every episode. Most people who seem to understand the complexity of his situation are also people who have a lot of sympathy and understanding towards him, and this is great. There are also a lot of people who feel towards him mostly annoyance and desire for him to stop without understanding why he can't - and this list starts from characters in the show. It’s, again, understandable. It’s also the worst thing you can do towards someone who struggles from addiction. 

So let’s start from Ray’s friend group and we’ll go from the least harmful to most harmful characters’ behaviour.

Boston. Yeah, shockingly, I know. But the fact is - Boston actually has the best-ish (from the worst so it’s not a high ground here) approach towards Ray’s addiction. And why? Well, cause he doesn’t give a fuck and doesn’t pretend to do. Boston is way far from the good support system Ray actually needs but at least he never judges Ray for his habits. He won’t help him, sure, but he won’t damage him harder (well, he is, but on a different topic).

We don’t actually know a lot about this friend group dynamic outside of their current drama and one episode happened two years ago. But we kind of can assume (cause Mew said it twice - in episodes 1 and 6) that Boston at least on some level was periodically responsible for taking Ray home. Which is really weird for me, by the way, cause both times Mew said Boston will take care of him Boston was also drinking. Not on Ray’s level, but still not in a shape to drive. But whatever. 

Don’t get me wrong, Boston is a shitty friend. He’s the one called Ray a burden in episode 1 which led to Ray rushing out.

And he intentionally targets Ray more than once towards the show about Mew, which is absolutely harmful and not helpful (can we talk about the weird obsession Boston has about Ray and Mew having sex? Like dude relax, nobody cares. Well, Top does).

He is absolutely not someone you want to have in your support system while trying to heal (not if Ray’s trying but we’ll get to that in part 2). But at least he is honest about not wanting to handle an addict. And the truth is: no one in this friends group wants to. And it’s fine, actually, more on that in a minute. But oh the level of hypocrisy the other two have.

Cheum. So, I truly don’t understand what the show is trying to tell us with this one. It’s either a clear critique on the hypocrisy people tend to have towards addicts or an attempt to show how addiction ruins not only people with it but also their surroundings. And if it’s the second one then I have a problem with how it’s shown.

There is a gold rule of cinema: show, don’t tell. We are told more than once that Cheum and Mew were actively trying to stop Ray. But what we’re actually shown is way different. The thing is, they are college kids. They drink a lot. They party a lot. And if we see this group all together they are either in university or drinking (except for the iconic pool scene). And specifically Cheum seems to get drunk pretty often. So while we’re told they tried to help Ray we’re shown only how they actually (unintentionally!!) support his behaviour or ignore it. And what should I think?

I think that they missed the point when Ray’s habits became an actual addiction. And I understand why - it’s a very easy thing to miss. I think that before his suicide attempt they did’t notice his mental struggles. I think after that they were shocked and scared and they didn’t know how to handle it so they chose to ignore it. This is a very common reaction and it’s understandable. 

The very important moment to remember is they don’t owe Ray anything. They can choose to help him and support him or not to deal with it. Handling an addiction is so hard and frustrating and exhausting for every participant. And if they choose to not get themselves into it - it’s normal. It doesn’t make them bad people, as choosing to help doesn't make somebody a better person. It’s a choice and every choice matters.

But if you make this choice - be true to it. Don’t play the “I tried to help you but you don’t want it so it’s on you” card. People with addiction didn’t choose to be that way. But people in their lives? They have an actual choice. No one will judge you if it’s not for you (at least normal people won’t). It’s honestly way better than staying only to constantly remind an addict how bad he is - he knows it already.

The thing I have to say to Cheum is - go away. It’s harsh, but it needs to be said. Don’t lie to yourself or Ray. Tell him (in very careful way) that you are tired, that you can’t handle it, that he needs help you can’t provide. Or stay, but do your research and prepare yourself to long hard work. But don’t continue to constantly drink with him to then be surprised why he can’t get better. Cheum is absolutely not responsible for Ray's actions. But she is responsible for hers. 

The one time I was almost agree with her was that scene.

Because bringing drugs was a very fucked up thing to do - Ray puts at risk not only himself but the whole group and he deserves to be called out on that. But. She continues to put all the blame on Ray - the thing she does the whole episode and it’s just frustrating as hell -  forgetting about Mew. Mew, who actually has a lot of responsibility in that situation.

Mew. Well, he does the worst thing you can imagine to do with a person like Ray. I get it, he’s hurt, I totally understand why he does what he does. I don't think he intends to hurt Ray. But.

Mew forgets a critically important thing here - can you guess which one? - right, that Ray is an addict. Mew can do all this stuff and be fine afterwards. It is always a risk that he won’t, of course, but his superiority complex tells him he’ll be fine. And I also think so - I mean, he's a young adult, he can try partying and drinking and drugs and be totally okay after.

He can turn back. Ray can’t.

Mew did help Ray in his worst moment that one time two years ago, and it is worth remembering. And after that Mew tried his best to distance himself from Ray’s struggles - again, understandable. He was trying to talk with Ray and while it was really bad - I still give him the benefit of a doubt. He is young, he’s not a specialist, he didn’t do any research and he thinks it might work.

But a moment he decides to let loose he turns to Ray for help. Because Ray will never judge him - both cause his idolisation and cause it’s not his place to judge, he does all this stuff himself. And this is absolutely terrible. I’m sorry, but it is. Mew, the same as everyone else, doesn’t owe Ray his help or time or support. But while it is not necessary for him to help Ray, it is a necessity to not actively - and this time intentionally - support him in this.

For Mew everything happening is episode 8 is a journey, a new experience. For Ray it's a fucking relapse.

He knows Ray is an addict. He just doesn’t care at the moment. But it can be so, so dangerous for Ray. Mew started this spiraling down journey, but it’s Ray who will end up at the bottom.

And for everyone who says Ray is also an active participant - he is. But he is not. He has a disease. And he gets in a situation where a person he idolises, his favourite human being, finally doesn’t judge him. Instead, Mew supports him. Mew wants to be like him. Can you imagine even a possibility where Ray in this situation says no? It’s impossible, not in the state he’s in right now.

And this is why I critisize this friend group. This is why they deserve to be criticized. Because this is a depiction of how these things work in reality too. You don't have to help him. But the least thing you can do - if you deside to stay in his life - is to have a compassion towards him and don't get him worse.

In part two I will talk about Ray’s current state and of course about the one person who kind of does the better job here - and why Sand is able to do it.

#only friends meta #ofts meta #ofts #only friends the series #only friends #only friends ray #I’m really tired of that discourse

[stardew-bajablast]

can 2024 be the year we stop calling stay-at-home moms stupid for being ‘financially dependent’ and risking being trapped in abusive relationships, and instead start addressing why there are no social safety nets in place for people who choose to leave the workforce to raise their children

#i’m so tired of the way everyone talks about this issue #like no it actually is really fucked up that doing something which is a net positive for society (raising children) #can put someone in a potentially devastating and life ruining situation #tradwife discourse #stay at home mom #stay at home parent #feminism #anti capitalism #capitalism #star rambles

[kiwisandpearls]

How can I express that people saying the “proship vs antiship fandom discourse is useless” and the “proship and anti labels are stupid/useless” makes me want to roll my eyes so far back into my head that I actually get to see what’s inside there without making it seem like I’m trying to start a fight?

because like I get it, I really wanna say this discourse is stupid and pointless and that the “proship” and “antiship” labels should have never been created but unfortunately people’s lives have been ruined thanks to this “discourse” so I don’t think it’s as “pointless” as some people make it out to be.

like…i don’t know what to say other then…cool. Your think the proship and antiship labels are pointless. Cool, you think this discourse is pointless. You want a cookie for reaching that conclusion?

#talk away ⌞🍵🍋 ⌝ #proship #profic #profiction #pro fiction #profic safe #proship safe #i seem mad here #I’m not really #I’m just tired lol #and conflicted about this #because on one hand I do genuinely get it #I understand wanting to stay out of the discourse #I understand thinking this discourse is pointless #I understand thinking the proship antiship labels are stupid #but on the other hand it’s like #ok? and? #do you want a cookie a cookie for that? #im not saying people have to use those labels #or they have to involve themselves in the discourse #or they have think this discourse is meaningful #it’s just #idk #I’m tired lol #I need sleep lol #might delete later

[chrollohearttags]

and if I said I wanted to leave—🧍🏾‍♀️

#this place is literally shifting to Twitter and WattPad 2.0 #which is like the final boss of hellsites #and I’ve been MIA on writing #for many reasons #but mainly because I’m tired of seeing a so called want for long detailed fics and fluff #and then looking at the notes on the ones I do write be ignored #and y’all trying to shame ppl for writing smut #and I really have had my fill of discourse #y’all spend more time arguing than writing and it’s so nauseating #idk man I think I’m just sad but still #cherry chats 🍒 #y’all treat writers like content creators #get to unfollowing as soon as we don’t pump out 15 fics per second #it’s always a part 2 instead of meaningful commentary— #need I go on?

[saintchaser]

can’t believe we’re doing this again but hey guys if you don’t like what someone writes, and bonus points if you are not an author and you do not know how this kind of behaviour impacts writers, please shut up and refrain from posting and commenting on things that you deem to be wrong (which, to some, means that characters or certain situations are not written the way they see them to be.)

writers, like fanart creators and creators in fandom in general, put out on the internet free content for you to enjoy and engage with, and you throwing a hissy fit over things you don’t like and leaving hate comments and going on anon to complain and bitch about things just shows how entitled fandom really has become, recently.

i do not know in depth what happened with greenvlvetcouch and their fics because i do not follow fandom drama much, the very same way i did not follow the bizarrestars / mayzarbewithyou drama and i majorly found out about it from tiktok and mutuals, so i won’t be diving too much into named dramas but, as a fellow writer in fandom, i think that this fandom consumes content in an unhealthy way, and this is what makes many writers leave / take a step back from such spaces. after this maelstrom that happens, everyone’s wondering why said people leave fandom.

why?

because popular fandom creators or creators in this fandom that have written popular fics (i.e. bfb, cr, black mass, so forth so forth, i just named a few examples off the top of my head) are treated like celebrities and expected to write what appeals to the public, said public forgetting that the content they are consuming is put out for free access and you literally do nothing in order to consume it (which you do, for example, when talking about books and movies, but that is a whole another conversation), and unpopular fandom creators are brushed to the side and ignored. this behaviour affects everyone (both sides mentioned), and the leaving from the fandom is done by both sides.

i thought that after the zar situation, we’d take a moment to reflect on our actions and how our behaviour has an impact on our content creators. please, for the love of god, think about the consequences of your actions, even though they are behind a screen and not in the real world, and refrain from unasked for criticism and comments.

#this was worded a bit differently than my other posts of this sort #because it’s really tiring to see the same thing happen OVER and OVER again with so many talented people and artists #not the first time this happens and it’s concerning because we can’t learn from our past and previous actions #and i’m really hoping that we will get to the point where we can engage with and consume media in a healthy way #because this shit is not okay #fandom discourse #fandom discussion #fandom drama #marauders fandom

[burnpyygmalion]

i think ppl who are super online or into fandom should watch/read/etc something without ever touching fandom discourse or making aus or shipping characters just like every once in a while

#this isn’t a diss at shipping or aus #i participate in that sometimes #and its fun #im mostly saying like #sometimes people seem to get way too engrossed in the idea of fandom to the point its not even about enjoying the source material atp #and it also seems to result in fans acting like the creators of things have some obligation #to keep in mind a fandom or how a fandom would feel ab their thing #and i think that’s a stupid mindset #a writer should not be like i better specify this specific thing so there’s not meaningless discourse about it on tumblr! #☀️🌈🔥 #i just think it’s not particularly good to get really into a fandom of anything and everything you consume #mostly bc of the way fandoms are nowadays #also maybe i’m a bit tired of seeing really good series/whatever turned into au/shipping fodder and nothing else #if you’re going to do that at least pretend you like the source material outside of the character designs #idk im rambling i might make this a more cohesive post later lawl

[ohits-starflower]

I deleted my post about the Pomme figurine. Cause at first I was excited but now idk.

I don’t know with this qsmp stuff and everything coming out with the admins. The 0 communication we have currently (q did state he was going to let us know what was happening to those of you who didn’t know/choose to ignore that) as well as things on the server really do seem to continue as if nothing is missing (my opinion get out of here w/ your rude bs) and proceeding to do QSMP awards when A LOT of your ccs are not returning until things have changed/admins are back.

I have hope for the document and that Q will see it (I doubt it though seeing as apparently people are FLOODING his email about it/other things)

Shits weird and the more and more I see admins dropping like flies, the little bits of hope I have for the project dwindle.

Phil’s pov seems to be the only one I like since he unintentionally donowalled lore happening on the server and is just playing the way he would (ie exploring) so I may just stick with him sometimes.

#please don’t come at me with passive aggressive bs this is mostly a rant piece #I’m just so tired and I’m loosing faith with each admin that comes out saying there really isn’t a lot changing rn and we still don’t know #I need q to communicate better even if it’s just a hey we have xyz lined up and I can’t talk too much for legal reasons #qsmp #qsmp liveblog #qadmin situation #qsmp discourse #qsmp rant

[autistic-katara]

u ever see a mildly iffy post and look at the comments and just think “wow, everyone here is so fucking unpleasant in their own special way”

#comments on a post abt i/p stuff nd no one can grasp the concept of it not being 1000% black and white #it’s possible for both groups to be indigenous to palestine and it’s possible for both groups to not be able to “return to where they came #from” #as yk from what i know it’s pretty impossible to leave gaza at all and also most israelis r refugees from really bad antisemitism or r #descended from them #and also its possible to talk abt hamas and antisemitism w/o denying the genocide going on and vice versa #and its really fucking easy to not dehumanise regular israelis/jews and palestinians/arabs #like it’s so very easy to not do that #innocent palestinians don’t deserve to die bcz of the actions of hamas #innocent israelis don’t deserve to die bcz of the actions of the idf #and neither deserve to be displaced (probably into unsafe conditions) bcz u don’t think they’re indigenous enough #so many of u act like either palestine is just a country of antisemitic terrorists or israel’s full of fascist soulless militants #both r incredibly xenophobic (and racist or antisemitic to be more specific abt it) #idk i’m just so tired of ur ability to not be normal abt this while there r people dying #i would say “it’s online discourse ppl r just like that” except this is very much bleeding into real life and existed before the internet #long before the internet #so it does very much affect real life so idk just be better please #sorry tangent in the tags #ryan shut the fuck up #antisemitism #racism

[harocat]

Y’all are just pretending misogyny doesn’t exist lately, I swear to god.

#I’m not talking about fandom here #though they do it too #just a post that really pissed me off #one of many posts but this was the straw that broke the camel’s back #misogyny is not a B plot it’s at the route of more things than you can imagine #*the root 😔 #and I’m tired of ppl underplaying that and attributing things that are blatantly rooted in misogyny elsewhere #though often there IS massive overlap; i.e. misogyny with racism and misogyny with transphobia #I literally see ppl talk about misandry more in leftist circles lately #you all have lost the plot SO BAD #hey guess where legitimate harm toward men on the basis of being men actually comes from #it’s not ‘misandry’—- it’s the patriarchy—- which is misogyny #this is feminism 101 you all understood it in 2016 but you’ve totally lost that in a sea of discourse by now #misogyny is one of the most dangerous and widespread forms of bigotry and it underpins the entire fucking human planet get with the PROGRAM

[thewinchestah]

I’ve been on tumblr since I was 11. (2010) This blog (my only blog) is 14 yea old. Everytime I log on here and see ridiculous fandom discourse and the morality fandom police acting I feel like and old hag.

“oooh but there’s too swearing”

“ohhh those degenerates are writing *gasp like a Victorian lady* >>SEX<<< fics about a fictional character that’s absurd!

What are you guys gonna do? Report me to the fandom police

be for fucking real.

#I’m just really tired of the entire alastor shipping discourse #and the lack of media literacy in general #y’all if you wanna watch a mature show stop acting like children and take accountability for your actions. #no one is forcing you to engage with any content you don’t like #be a fucking grown up and block the shit you don’t want to see. #let ppl enjoy things #rant #pond speaks

[breezy-cheezy]

FR I’m rewatching Voltron cause why not and just the “Voltron” tag is completely full of Keith/Lance like can I just see some fanart of the characters and some gifs PLEASE

GOSH I HEAR YA. I feel your pain in my bones anon. I never finished Voltron for various reasons but maybe someday…I count myself lucky I was offline for the worst of the apparent drama. Easier to hold onto the fond memories of when it was starting out and such! But yea even then, ships were everywhere….and not the spaceships I wanted to see in my sci-fi haha 🥁🐍

ANYWAY scraping for platonic content or even just content on blorbo themself (Keith in my case here) has been an age old struggle for me, but the prevalence of kl**ce didn’t help :/ like I’m not gonna go after people enjoying what they love, good for them! They’re having fun! I’m just. Tired, yknow? I think a lot of people don’t know how to interact with media except through shipping characters together. And as someone who can’t really relate to it on a personal level (I don’t hate romance I even enjoy it in media sometimes) I just. Want some variety. Blease. I am so tired.

So yeah firm handshake there anon good luck hang in there 🤝

#breezy babbles #anonymous #I’m not gonna tag the series or ships I don’t wanna start anything #just…yelling for a bit #feel free to go through my voltron tag anon since the ships aren’t to my tastes it should be free of them #even if the posts are maybe old because it’s been AWHILE #it just really stood out to me #maybe loud fandom….not sure #discourse #I guess?? just complaining here as a tired aroace #I could rec some other blogs for you if you want…or fics #I may not have finished the show but I know ALOT second hand haha

[astral-solarium]

This hermittwt scitties discourse is so funny to me you telling me they’re afraid of the bare male chest? BRO……..we policing funny hahas and silly words now? Cant have peace.

#hermittwt #traffictwt #hermitblr #trafficblr #I’m so doneeee let me liiiiiive #ITS A MEME ABOUT A MINECRAFT SKIN IM SO TIRED #it literally is a funny word to say it sounds really stupid 😭 #discourse #<- for muting if people don’t wanna see ^_^

[someoneihavelovedbutneverknown]

*sits down*

so, as a member of the mcyt community, I’ve noticed quite a bit of discourse involving @doomed-bythe-narrative and it’s poll.

we mean no harm

this part of the mcyt community isn’t that bad

every fandom has its good bits and bad bits

but you know what feels horrible?

being judged harshly because of the bad bits

tumblr is supposed to be a much safer space, even though it’s ✨the hellsite✨ it’s still much better than the discourse of twitter or the competition of instagram

and I feel like those such as myself who aren’t being problematic are being blamed for the actions of others in the community

we’re a bigger community than you think, with hundreds of servers and even more creators

and when you refer to the dsmp community as the mcyt community it does so much harm

mcyt stands for Minecraft YouTube

not Dream Smp

it ended in April anyways, and we’re kinda over it

so how about we stop being assholes

and start getting over stereotypes

sincerely- somebody who’s tired of this bullshit

#mcyt #mcytblr #dream smp #dsmp #polls #discourse #I’m so fucking tired of this #I really am

[disappointment-comics]

something to be said about bakugou getting the Troubled Teen Industry redemption treatment. like of course he deserved to be corrected for his early series behaviour but. some of y’all just wanna see “bad” kids get their “comeuppance”

#too tired to elaborate on this but if you actually look into effective behavioural management in students #vs TTI tactics (humiliation loss of autonomy endangerment escalation etc) #it’s just really clear to me that a) hero society fails even those it’s built to embolden and b) #a lot of fans don’t actually care about accountability or growth or earned redemption at all you just wanna see a bully get kicked #it’s fine if that’s what you find fulfilling in fan content but like girl don’t lie #to me the strength of his redemption arc is NOT that he underwent trauma and it made him ‘better’ it was that he chose to be better #learning that the proven most effective form of de escalation for physically violent kids in classrooms is to just. let them leave the room #literally blew my mind but like. of course. stop making a spectacle out of anger and celebrate pushing angry people to the limits #teens who are allowed to be angry but must be conscious enough to recognize when they themselves are a hazard #and being able to leave the room for everyone’s safety instead of making everything a confrontation #of course that’s the most successful method. like yeah difficult kids are people. #anyway while I’m here TTI is abuse #and i know bkg discourse isn’t even that relevant anymore nor did i explain this well but whatever #it matters to me idk. #this post is dedicated to former bad kids and UA teacher! bakugou truthers #he runs detention. to me. #bnha #bakugou katsuki

[zainmalik]

.

#@ certain fans anon #i did see that #accidentally because i can’t help myself i like reading tags #i definitely understand where the criticism comes from #i have criticized him in relation to that #but some people take it too far #and some people are just too… harsh??? #at the end of the day we don’t know him personally #won’t really comment on it besides responding to you because i’m tired of being involved in discourse #i expect to receive anon hate lol but i don’t care #logan.txt

[umii33]

Isn’t Amy a little girl and shadow like 50??

the creators of shadow intended for him to be exactly like sonic, including his age. shadamy shares the same age gap as sonamy and that’s 15 yrs old.

Shadow is practically a 15 y/o. the 50 yrs that he was frozen does not correlate to his age bc it just doesn’t make sense like how do you age when your literally unconscious in a test tube that’s preserving your body🧍. if anything it’s an avatar aang situation, bc even after so many years of being frozen in an ice berg for 100 years, he still came out as the same behavior as a 12 y/o. that literally applies to shadow, only shadow came out so vengeful bc of what he last remembered and it only explains the route the boy has went to that makes him come off as someone much older bc of taking matters into his own hands to seek promises he believes will do justice for his cherished friend.

anyway, if avatar aang’s situation is so easy to understand, why isn’t shadow’s ? have you never played the games ? i really don’t trust wiki bc it’s literally just biased information from others who can edit for free to their own liking. instead of doing surface level research in what comes up on google, play the games and come to your own conclusion bc all i can tell you rn is that Shadow is a minor who’s in amy’s and sonic’s age range too or could be a lil younger then sonic.

#idk what else to say to you. #like yes #shadow is CHRONICALLY 50 but that doesn’t equal his age #aside from that #i’m aware that he’s ageless and imortal too #but that literally doesn’t stop that he’s still a child too #like realistically idk how long he’s been alive before he was cryogenically frozen #but for sure it must have been p short from emerging from the test tubes. b yea. #there’s a possibility i’ll pin this on my tumblr bc i’m srsly tired of shadow the hedgehog age discourse. #still can’t believe ppl really believe he’s actually in his ‘50’s’ when the boy himself is literally 15 and a minor. #i never once saw him as an old man only just an alien hybrid hedgehog who’s still a naive child.