kiwisandpearls

[kiwisandpearls]

spiders 🕷️🕸️

#draw n’ sketch ⌞ 🍒✍️⌝ #kafka #kafka hsr #hsr kafka #honkai star rail #hsr #arlecchino #arlechinno genshin #genshin arlecchino #genshin impact #tw arachnophobia #just in case #my art #art #fanart #kay im gonna go to bed now #edited it with a more touched up version

[kiwisandpearls]

honestly I’ll be real being an artist and having depression (or mental illnesses in general) sucks.

because even if you do know you should be working on you art most of the time you just won’t have the energy to even start working on it.

other times you will actually get to working on it but then after working on it for a few minutes you suddenly lose all of your energy and need to go back to bed.

and then I see artists who pump out awesome pieces of art like machines and I just go, “well why can’t I do that? Why can’t I muster up the energy to do that? Why does it take me several days to finish even the simplest art pieces now? Am I just burnt out? Am I being lazy?”

#feeling down ⌞ 🌧️🗝️⌝ #not really super emotional about this #tho I’ve noticed I’m not really emotional about much of anything anymore #but that might be because if I focus to much on what gets me emotional I will burst into tears #but this is besides the point #this has just been on my mind recently #vent #vent ish #venting into the void #art #digital artist #tw depression mention #tw mental health mention #tw vent #I guess #may delete later

[kiwisandpearls]

wait is raturine supposed to be dr. ratio and aventurine’s ship name????

I was out here thinking raturine was just a mean nickname people gave aventurine lol

#little something ⌞🐚🐁⌝ #aventurine hsr #hsr aventurine #aventurine #dr ratio #raturine #hsr #honkai star rail #like I thought it was combination of “rat” and aventurine #like calling aventurine a rat

[kiwisandpearls]

I don’t talk about real world issues often but like…

I don’t like tiktok but I still think banning it in the us is a terrible idea. Because it gives the government the power to ban other social media sites that they claim are a “national security threat”. And with how the bill seems to be worded that seems to be exactly what their going to do if this bill does get passed in 9 months.

#something’s wrong ⌞🍄🍃⌝ #you guys have got to put aside you hatred for tiktok #to understand that tiktok being banned is not the only issue with this ban #also like there are a lot bigger problems in the world and the country #but they choose to focus on banning tiktok and not any of those other issues :/ #idk just seems fishy fishy #somethings telling me the government doesn’t have its people best interests in mind! /hj #tiktok ban #also I’ll be real #I kinda doubt there’s any national security threat issue going on with tiktok #I’m like 99% sure they’re using that as a smoke screen to disguise their true motives for banning tiktok

[kiwisandpearls]

I’m gonna be real here:

if someone points out how certain artwork or ships of certain fictional characters is just fiction and your response is “well it’s still bad to make that fiction” I’m just straight up assume you don’t actually understand why actions such as abuse and grooming are so abhorrent.

#talk away ⌞🍵🍋 ⌝ #grooming and abusing people aren’t bad because they’re “icky” things to do #they’re bad because they HURT REAL PEOPLE. #fictional characters are not real people and cannot ever be abused or groomed irl #and treating fictional stories of fictional characters that deal with those horrible actions #as if they happened in the real world to real people #demonstrates to me you a) cannot separate fiction from reality #and/or b) don’t actually understand why those actions would be horrid to do irl but not in fiction #it’s fine to be triggered by certain fiction but that’s not what I’m talking about here #proship #profic #proship please interact #proshippers please interact #pro fic #pro fiction #tw abuse mention #tw grooming mention

[kiwisandpearls]

so I had a book (?) on wattpad which was really old and that I made when I was much younger that wattpad just randomly removed about like 2-3 weeks ago without me knowing. I only found out just now because on a whim I decided to check my Wattpad account.

honestly, I’m not even that mad. It was an old book and I didn’t really care much about it anyways but like…I’m just more confused than anything. Looking through their “What We Remove” section, i don’t remember anything in the book aligning with the stuff they remove and they didn’t even give me a reason themselves as to why they took down the book.

I was already contemplating leaving wattpad for ao3 (only reason I hadn’t was just because ao3 seemed too complicated for me lol) but this is kinda pushing me even more to just leave wattpad and take my fanfics over to tumblr and ao3.

edit: ok so I’ve added myself to the…list I guess? on ao3 to make an account. It seems i won’t actually get invited for a bit so I’ll be cautiously using wattpad. But to be extra sure that if I incur that wrath of the wattpad gods again I don’t lose the actual book I care about I’m going to writing the draft of the chapters in Google docs so I don’t lose my progress if that book gets taken down lol.

#talk away ⌞🍵🍋 ⌝ #like idc if wattpad wanted to take down my book #I think that’s fine #what I’m confused and frustrated about is that I’m not told a reason #I’m just told #“hey we took down your book because it doesn’t align with our guidelines but we’re not gonna tell you why lmao” #:/ #ao3 #wattpad #fanfiction #and if wattpad’s gonna delete a book of mine that was able to stay up YEARS on the site #with not even the flimsiest reason why #idk maybe I’m being paranoid #but I’m kinda worried about my other book now that I actually am working on #Speaking of fanfics #I need to get back to writing for those requests I straight up ghosted #I am so sorry guys lol #I am not and will never be used to getting requests

[kiwisandpearls]

personal headcannon of mine: most of the herrschers (but specifically senti and hov in this case) have pointy teeth and cat-like pupils

#draw n’ sketch ⌞ 🍒✍️⌝ #herrscher of the void #herrscher of sentience #honkai impact #honkai impact 3rd #hi3rd #my art #fan art #idk I just like the idea that the herrschers have small animalistic features #nothing big but like #idk herrscher of flamescion or finality having tiny bits of car fur on their shoulders #or senti having scales near her legs or stuff like that #I think it’s fun #imagine mei has a bunch of teeth marks on her neck and someone points it out to her and she’s like #“ITS FUNNY YOU MENTION THAT ACTUALLY” and quickly tries to change the subject #that’d be funny to me lol

[kiwisandpearls]

For context there’s a countdown for a new madoka magica game called “madoka magica exedra”

#polls ⌞🧸🦴⌝ #honestly #as much as I love magia record #I am praying that this new game is not another gacha #magia record #madoka magica #madoka magica exedra #and also #I know magia record is still technically an rpg #but I feel like there are sub-sets of what’s considered an rpg #like I consider genshin an rpg but it doesn’t exactly have the same play style as magia record #magia exedra #madodra

[kiwisandpearls]

fiction can affect reality but I feel like people have kinda fear mongered how much fiction affects reality.

yes, fiction can affect reality but it’s not a one to one ratio. Holding it over people’s heads constantly that fiction affects reality so you can’t make certain fiction makes it seem like people’s differentiations of fiction and reality are so thin that they can not conceive that a certain action would be perfectly fine to do in fiction but abhorrent to do irl.

fiction can affect reality but it does not equate to reality.

#talk away ⌞🍵🍋 ⌝ #proship #pro fiction #yes yes I know #dead dove doesn’t immediately mean dark stuff #but I’m just calling it dead dove because it sounds the best

[kiwisandpearls]

#what’s this? ⌞👾🍉⌝ #all this #and I see some people saying #“well just because you use it to cope doesn’t mean it’s healthy!!” #and it’s like #ok maybe for you…but I’m not you #there are much worse ways to cope that could actually harm you in the long run #like drinking #but I don’t think making whump/dead dove content falls into that category #heck I’ve actually made whump art before of my OCs and I’ve noticed that I’m numerous occasions #it’s actually kept me from relapsing #tw self harm implication #let me know if I need more trigger warnings #proship #profic #plus I don’t really have any friends to talk over tea with what I’ve been through #and tbh if I did I still wouldn’t want to

[kiwisandpearls]

this is a genuine question…

are people just like…not taught that everything they say and post on the internet is going to on their digital footprint and can be traced back to them? Or do people just not care anymore?

#talk away ⌞🍵🍋 ⌝ #proship #I’m tagging this as proship but this is even outside of the proship vs antiship stuff #just in general #I see so many people say and do abhorrent stuff on the internet and I just think #“…you people do know this can easily be traced back to you right..?” #anti harassment #digital footprint

[kiwisandpearls]

ok so I was playing the oregon trail game and as a joke I named the other members of my party Miku, Len, Ren, and Gumi and do you wanna guess who died for?

I’ll tell you IT WAS FRICKIN LEN

#little something ⌞🐚🐁⌝ #it’s always len #even in a game len dies first #hatsune miku #kagamine rin #kagamine len #gumi megpoid #gumi vocaloid #vocaloid

[kiwisandpearls]

hey does anyone feel like they can’t look at pictures of themselves if they do they get a crushing dreadful feeling that they’re living in someone else’s body

like this is a genuine question

#talk away ⌞🍵🍋 ⌝ #I’ve found recently #everytime I look at myself in either photos the mirror whatever #I get a soul crushing feeling that I’m not in the right body and I’m not actually me #like is there a name for this? #please tell me I’m not the only person who experiences this #I feel like this needs a trigger warning #but I don’t know what trigger warning

[kiwisandpearls]

Closing thoughts on Magia Record Scene 0

Scene 0 has finally ended! Or the translation I've been following has been completed. To those who don't know, it tells the Madoka Magica story, but the point of view of a new character Mabayu, who for some reason keeps her memory through Homura's time loops and can move while time is stopped. And since we all know how the Madoka plot goes (right?), the main story here is the mystery of Mabayu having lost her memory of why she is already a magical girl.

(spoilers)

First things first, the whole premise conflicts with what I think is one of the core points of the Madoka Magica drama, that is, how Homura had to do her thankless time looping job all alone and became increasingly isolated because of it. But here it's "revealed" that she had a buddy all along, with whom she became very close friends and who is eventually cast as the reason why Homura is able to keep going on in the first place. The whole thing considerably waters down her devotion to Madoka, when most of the story is about how she bonds with Mabayu. And then there's also the inherent awkwardness of inserting a brand new nobody to the story you already know, to whom the characters you've known for a decade become the side cast.

Then again, that is the premise, so you just have to make peace with it if you want to enjoy the story at all. And in fact I like Mabayu a lot, so I'll take it, though I'll have to consider everything a non-canon super AU (even within the canon's actual AUs). There was also the other problem though that some of the stuff was kind of fanservicey, and not in the horny way but in the superficial "let's put the whole cast in maid outfits for no particular reason" way. But I was a fan of some of it, like Nagisa being un-witched in one time loop, so fine.

I don't know how much this is about what the story actually is and how much should be blamed on me not paying enough attention, but in the end I think there's still plenty of holes in the story. Like we learned how Mabayu became a magical girl and what how her personal magic power works, but I didn't understand how her memory doesn't reset through the time loops and why she can move when Homura stops the time. Also the way she erased other characters' memories was inconsistent, she had to cut Sayaka's memory all over again in each loop, but when she cut Mami's, the effect was carried to the next loop. And I guess it was explained how the final resolution worked (duh) but I don't think I quite understood.

That's a lot of complaints but I did have a decent time with this actually, and that is because I really like Mabayu. She's the kind of character I'd really like to see more in magical girl stories: low energy, kind of lazy and self serving, passive and loner but not in an edgy way, and it was interesting to see her grow to be more heroic. She also has a lovely voice, and it turns out the same actor also did Ha-chan whose voice is also great. She also had really good dynamics with the main cast, and I especially like growing friendship between her and Homura, they had good banter with Homura being super serious all the time, and their growing friendship was touching. And she had some interesting stuff going on with Sayaka and Mami too.

And while I complained about the whole premise being about rewriting canon, I also think there were some worthwhile additions. For example in this version Mami used to recruit other girls to become magical girls with Mabayu, and the guilt from that is a major reason for her breakdown when she learns the truth about witches. On one hand I prefer the version of a seemingly strong character actually being weak and emotionally unstable, like she's been through a lot and doesn't need a more noble reason for her breakdown, but I think the Scene 0 version is also interesting.

Ultimately the ending left me somewhat sour with how inconclusive it was. Mabayu cut herself from everyone's memories (including her own), but it feels like there's a ton of stuff about her that's not resolved. Like she's still able to move during Homura's stopped time and doesn't understand why, she's still a magical girl even if she doesn't remember it, becoming friends with Mami again doesn't lead much anywhere if she's going to die to Charlotte in a few days… If the idea is the bittersweet knowledge that Mabayu made a difference in the Homura-Madoka story but nobody can remember it, it doesn't work for me since I didn't really get what her contribution was. Or I guess it was pretty clear how important Mabayu's presence was for keeping Homura sane through all the failed time loops but that was like my number one issue with the premise, so maybe I'm just incompatible with the whole story to begin with.

Still I had a good time following this as the translations came out, I was eager to see where the plot would go and watching a short video every few days didn't require that much from me. Though I do think the story was too long for its own good and especially the early loops could have been condensed.

#what’s this? ⌞👾🍉⌝ #definitely agree with this #mabayu is an interesting character #and I do like her a lot #but scene zero was sure something alright #it had a lot of goods and bads #and on its own while I think it’s a good story #Im not really sure how I feel about as a prequel to madoka magica yknow? #that’s my thoughts #I don’t really consider scene zero canon to the madoka magica story #but that’s just me #magia record #scene 0 #scene 0 spoilers #scene zero #scene zero spoilers #magia record spoilers

[kiwisandpearls]

finally drew my magical girl oc

#draw n’ sketch ⌞ 🍒✍️⌝ #magical girls #magical girl #magical girl oc #my oc #my art #i really need to log into tumblr on my computer lol #it would make uploading art from my computer so much easier #sorry if it isn’t in the highest quality #I think I’m getting more comfortable with actually drawing with an actual drawing tablet #and not with my Apple Pencil #feels very satisfying

[kiwisandpearls]

I really hope the new arlecchino official animation is a sign genshin impact will be making more animated shorts for their other characters, especially if those shorts are similar to arlecchino’s in that they have to do with a certain part of their backstory.

#talk away ⌞🍵🍋 ⌝ #I know we have the character teasers but still #genshin impact #arlecchino #me personally #I’d love to see an animated short of diluc and kaeya’s fight #the one in which kaeya gets his vision

[kiwisandpearls]

the way some people talk about those who make dark fiction on the internet feels super parasocial. Like in how certain people will view other people making dark fiction as being “unhealthy” for them.

and it’s like…you don’t know those people. You’re not their therapist. You cannot tell through the internet whether someone making dark fiction is unhealthy for them.

#talk away ⌞🍵🍋 ⌝ #also #just wanna make this clear #people can like dark fiction just because #they don’t have to like it specifically because it helps them cope #it’s ok to like dark fiction because you like dark fiction #proship #profic #also please do not #say “yes except for (x type of dark fiction)” #I am talking about all dark fiction #may delete later