#Idk I’m just in a lot of moods

[napping-sapphic]

I really do know that physical appearance isn’t everything but i also really hope that one day i get to experience someone i love looking at me and thinking i’m pretty

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #idk #i just haven’t really had many compliments on my appearance throughout my life #but the few times i have gotten them have been crazy #i end up thinking about it forever #idk i’m just forever excited about the idea of someone just plain old LIKING me #like bells and whistles of falling in love and everything aside #i truthfully deeply really want someone just to like me if that makes sense #also this isn’t like a sad post btw #it’s something im hopeful about and look forward to a lot :) #right now i just have to be a bit wistful about it though lol #im gay and i like sleeping

[heybaetae]

hi

#hi #i am just popping on here for a second bc i’m not in the mood to be back yet but my queue is getting quite full #so i think i might have to unpause it soon #maybe tomorrow idk yet #just a heads up in case i seem active again i’m not really i just had a lot of stuff piling up 😭 #it will be a Huge shuffled mess so patience is appreciated!! #i apologize if you’re waiting on me but thank you for waiting regardless #please keep using my tracked tag for your creations #i will be back for real eventually #my mental health is quite terrible lately i still need time #it’s about to be a year since the last time i saw my sister before she passed so like. my grief is going through a crazy stage #i’m still not getting a ton of sleep #my brain is just Bad things all day #it’s all just really sucky but i’m trying to do my best 🙃 #i hope you are all well i miss you #i will respond to messages at some point too #there are very few which..well it puts things into perspective and validates certain feelings ig lol #it’s all good that’s something i’m working on internally #hopefully i get there #bye again for now 💕

[rainecreatesstuff]

if heartstopper was unnecessarily sweet and didn't need to be made then explain why i kept expecting Nick to do something to just horrendously hurt Charlie or vice versa. If media doesn't teach queer kids that suffering is a prerequisite for happiness explain why i was on edge my entire first watch through waiting for the other shoe to drop and for it to end in some bittersweet or unsatisfying way.

#This is less me being mad at dumb people and more me just feeling so much about this series lol #idk it was just like. Such an uplifting hopeful show #and I have read the comics so I know that the later parts of the story go into some deeper topics of mental health and everything but #even then it’s handled in a hopeful way #it’s heartbreaking but it doesn’t make you feel that like emptiness that a lot of other queer media does #like it talks about the important stuff while still stressing that there’s light at the end of the tunnel #yknow? #idk #I’m just feeling a lot and I’m just so happy Heartstopper exists #it’s genuinely improved my mood so much lately #raine rambles #heartstopper netflix #heartstopper

[kitheheh]

@e-22912 Ricks give me brainrot. So here’s me practicing more dynamic poses on CSP by sketching their Bloodshower Rick.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #for some reason when I was contemplating how to draw him #I couldn’t stop thinking about goop #black sludge specifically #idk why but I ended up sketching him like a feral cryptid #it just happened #he looks like something from the backrooms #he would definitely run at me on all fours in an empty parking lot just to fuck with me #anyways here he is covered in sludge bc I’m in the mood to draw eerie things #but also bc I’m not skilled enough to draw clothes in such dynamic poses yet #Bloodshower Rick #my art #practice #sketch

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

so i had a couple ocs as a kid (made for a story that i never wrote a lot for) and i haven’t drawn any of them since i was like. 14. so it’s been a hot minute but anyway i realized the other day that out of the 5 main cast i have gotten 3 of their haircuts. i remember vaguely thinking that one character always seemed to have the haircut i wanted and i had that haircut for years but recently i got rid of that haircut and had another one’s haircut then i changed it a bit and dyed it and now i have another one’s. so i’m like man 12 year old me had great taste in haircuts. i should go down the list and do them all

#sometimes i think i should redraw the characters but then i’d want to redevelop their story bc it’s not to my taste atm and that’s a #lot of effort but i might do it anyway who knows #but i’d have to open my box that deals psychic damage (the sketchbooks in there are so soaked with alcohol that opening the box #makes me nauseous lmao) for refs. hmmmm. i dunno #the characters don’t really speak to me anymore their whole dynamics and designs aren’t to my taste i’d have to *really* re-do #everything but hm. maybe #though perhaps i should just start from scratch. i wouldn’t mind having ocs again. idk #also on unrelated news i have purchases 4lbs of baking soda to mix with my acrylic paints i want to see what kinda texture i can #get out of it because i! am! in! the! mood! to! paint! #but unforch i have to sleep? taking away my valuable painting time? ridiculous but i think i’m going to legit pass out at some point #i’ve been getting real tired of sleeping #well. i love sleeping but i feel like it’s wasting all my time because i always seem to sleep 10-16 hours a night which is ridiculous #that’s so much time i’m wasting i have shit to do man so i’ve been staying up 24-34ish hours once every week or so to make up for lost #time but still i feel like i am making this all worse because now i can’t even fall asleep + it’s been messing w my mood but i don’t #know how to fix it #anyway that was way off topic goodnight i think i’m going to bed now bye

[selfindulgentfandomstuff]

Also I hope I never come across as sounding like. Sarcastic abt my joy and love for the mundane and extraordinary alike.

I just have so much love in my heart and I’m finally learning how to let it out for others to experience it too at age 20, so I am a little clumsy but. It’s all genuine, I promise.

#not a vent #I just worry that I’m coming across as like. trying to be ironic or something #which 99% of the time I’m not #although that can be funny when appropriate too!! #idk man. there’s a lot that’s so massively fucked up abt the world and life and human existence and shit #but my god there is so much love to give and receive and keep it going around and around forever #sorry I’m in a mood tonite

[dancing-with-stars]

guys. guys !!!!

#vanu is rambling #ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence. #like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me #but like for these past couple months things have been different. #i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone. #like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or #i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey #where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment. #today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me #and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during #those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears #and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg #and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that. #because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call. #i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends. #it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time #they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable. #someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did #and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent #stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable. #like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter. #they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl. #they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in #friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool #people really. really cool people

[capetowncapers]

Didn’t realize that I had frozen sweet potato swapped for my butternut squash I ordered for a grocery delivery (packaging looks the same and both are small orange cubes, so it’s surprisingly easy not to notice) and … how is a girl supposed to make soup in these conditions

#honestly it is not a huge deal I just feel extra silly bc of course it happens the time I order two bags so I’ll have a spare in my freezer #and I usually select the option to have that refunded not replaced bc I’m not roasting it where I could swap another veggie #so if I didn’t I really can’t fault the shopper for not magically divining what I’d be using it for #but damn now I’m gonna need squash #I go back and forth on being in the mood for sweet potato so if I really don’t want it I can give it to my mom who likes them a lot more #hm….. maybe I’ll roast them on a sheet pan idk thinking out loud. the main point here is dammit I was gonna make soup. #I think I’m out of broth anyway so I’ll probably have to get groceries this week and hopefully they’ll have squash 🤞🏻 #cape town rambles

[rosicheeks]

😬

#starting a new job #and idk if it’s just me #but whenever I start a new job I’m always scared I made the wrong decision #I’ve had so many shitty jobs and have been in so many shitty situations #I refuse to do that again #I have a lot more faith in this job cause it’s working with dogs and not that many people #but still #it doesn’t have any benefits and the starting pay is lower than I was hoping to get #when I called back and accepted the offer I told him I’ll probably have to get a job on top of this and blah blah blah #and I could just tell the mood change #I’m like #idk if you think someone can live off of $15 an hour part time you are delusional #also my 26th birthday (GROSS 🤮🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮) is fast approaching #I know it’s a few months away still but I’m fucking FREAKING OUT #I still have so much to do before I’m off my parents insurance #and what happens if I don’t have a job with insurance and benefits and shit #am I just fucked #I probably just need some sleep cause I can’t think properly right now #it’s 10am and I still haven’t gone to bed yet #ha ha ha #shut up rosie

[turnipshepard]

First, the environment is not what veganism is about and the movement should not be argued on environmental terms.

Second, vegans are constantly infighting about fringe issues as most activist groups tend to do. I actually feel the non-vegan perspective is less nuanced: “I think backyard eggs/wool/leather/honey/whatever are an exception to what I imagine the vegan philosophy is so I’m just going to ignore the entire thing and eat as much cheese and beef as I want. Not worth trying if you can’t be perfect, right?”

Finally, about the sneering use here of “rule of thumb”: as a matter of practicality, when it comes to the environment, what is actually easier: abstaining from all animal products even though 1/100 times you might have made the “worse” choice, or doing detailed supply chain investigations on every single meal you eat and product you buy when 99/100 times the vegan one will be better? Everyone says they’re doing the latter but they’re not. I’ve had people look me in the eye and tell me that they only consume “humane” meat while eating a chicken salad from the cafeteria at work, run by Sodexo. Rules of thumb that are clear and easy to understand are actually going to be really important in changing the individual behavior of millions of people. “Don’t eat meat. Fly just twice a year. Don’t buy things new.” If you get bogged down in analysis paralysis you’ll never get anything done.

#lots of vegan rants lately #idk I’ve just been seeing a lot more posts about it and I’m in A Mood

[payslipgig]

…

#my mum came to visit on Thursday for the weekend #I haven’t seen her in a little over 3 years #I was in the hospital and she flew over to be with me. so. I was in pretty bad shape. not prime interaction there either #and THAT was probably after a 2 year gap? idk anymore #but she visited and tonight she went to her hotel and I won’t see her in the morning bc work so. this was the last night #and it was a fantastic visit by and large. complaints are for things that aren’t her haha #but she left bc the trip is over of course. I’m an adult and I still can’t get over it #I’m happy - seriously so grateful bc her life is very busy and my stepdad picked up a LOT to make it happen #but I guess there’s always going to be that empty wanting for my mum like I’m 4 again and she had to go off to college never REALLY returns #summers off and then occasional holidays and then maybe once a year and. idk I guess you don’t get over some things. I know that! but #I suppose it’s a good thing that when she leaves I’m sad for it #complicated relationship still but. she’s my mum. #no worries I’m just going to be a sop for the next Whenever. needed to jot it down. explain myself haha #payslipgig talks too much #I need to fucking change playlists tho jfc I’m listening to my bloody valentine and expecting a chipper mood?? like babe come on

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

Okay! Just copying over my Hadestown thoughts from twitter. Because these were just initial musings they’re a little all over the place:

I ended up liking the show much more than I anticipated! I'm always incredibly wary of anything involving Hades and Persephone these days lmao. people manage to make that myth the most insipid thing sometimes.

The story was honestly far more cynical than I was expecting? It's definitely one of the harshest recent takes on Hades I've seen, and a lot of issues I would've otherwise had with Orpheus are mitigated simply by just how often he's compared to him. Especially when Hades is framed as the unequivocal antagonist, if not outright villain. We get the impression that Orpheus, if given that sort of power and influence, could very well become him.

And for that reason, even though I usually dislike it, I think removing the kidnapping aspect of Hades and Persephone's entire backstory and having it be a relationship that started out on good terms actually works? Because that way it’s such a clearer foil to how we see Orpheus and Eurydice’s relationship unfold. And of course there are many things like in Wait for Me reprise where we see both couples take each other’s hands in identical movements. It’s not a subtle mirroring.

I’m not saying Orpheus is meant to be unsympathetic, that’s untrue. but I think there’s enough acknowledgement of faults and negative tendencies that it doesn’t feel like a blind idealization. The cyclical nature of the story also honestly works for me in that regard, because the implication is that Orpheus will always make these mistakes. He will always be too idealistic, too neglectful, and at the end be ruled by Hades’ same fear of abandonment.

Similarly his song doesn’t work, because in order for the story to repeat, Hades is going to be just as awful every time. and his relationship with Persephone isn’t magically repaired by the song. They need to be at odds just as they are for any of those events to take place. In that way it succeeds in being bittersweet and heartfelt without falling into really neat white male savior territory or narratively excusing Eurydice’s suffering because of Orpheus’ neglect bc idk his work was just that important or some such thing. Like no, it’s all his fault and he fails to make it better and he’s going to do it again lol but he’s also going to try again, and so is she. And they both mean well and will always mean well, despite this terrible cycle. And I do think that sort of idealism, or like grace for fatal flaws, when not blindly upheld is. nice?

That being said, I would have definitely liked more focus on Eurydice? But also Orpheus is clearly framed as the protagonist and I think we actually do get more about her than most retellings (that I’ve encountered anyway) bother to give us. So I’ll take it.

And she does very much get an arc herself, that’s the inversion of Orpheus’. She starts out as this very untrusting, wary person, and it’s sheer tragedy that her learning to trust, and finally putting her faith in someone else directly corresponds to Orpheus succumbing to paranoia. Or she is given more agency to have the choice to go to the underworld, or again later to choose to follow Orpheus back despite his failings, when in the original myth her compliance is taken for granted. She’s not an object.

I initially didn’t really understand the purpose of We Raise Our Cups, considering how damning the depiction of Orpheus is? Because I was reading it as a song that’s solely celebrating him. But seeing how it and Road to Hell reprise are staged just before it helped a lot. Idk seeing the entire cast onstage for it, and realizing that Eurydice also sings half of it, recontextualized it for me and hammered home the show’s main theme of forgiveness and idk. good intentions.

I would say the plot operates on an axis of idealism and trust vs cynicism and paranoia. But underlying that, the cyclical framing device and the story itself, in the way that it is structured as a classic tragedy, highlight forgiveness and just trying your best, in a fourth wall breaking sort of way that ends up being fairly poignant imo

#hadestown #musicals #I ramble sometimes #I have tangential thoughts about Persephone’s characterization and also more generally about the themes tbh #but I just wanted to copy over my initial thoughts from last week ish #and I might ever actually articulate other stuff later #I’m less annoyed by Orpheus than this post might imply now #having sat with the story for longer #idk he just means really well and I do think that’s worth a lot he’s just also super flawed #also sdddhsfhsshhs his hyperfixating is kind of a mood

[skhardwarevers1]

I think my main issue is I wanna be in love but I’m too scared of getting into a relationship that hurts me again

#Vent #ish. Kinda #Idk I’ve been thinking about it alot #I’ve been like….just completely void of any sort of feeling of “love” that I had with one person #And I know I love her. I do. I really do. But I don’t want to end up in the same situation with my last relationship #Or accidentally put them in that situation #So I’m kinda just stuck doubting my own feelinfs #But that’s okay cuz I probably should focus more on breaking my habits (aka focus on yourself bitch!! Don’t date anyone for the love of god #I keep forgetting I can post and like nobody fucking cares. Like I won’t get spammed with messages the second I’m active somewhere #It’s a lot to get used to I feel like it shouldn’t??? Maybe??? Idk maybe it’s the eight months I spent being used to it #Plus now I can actually have friends??? And interests that I can talk about??? Without anyone being petty and jealous ???? #Like my brain can’t fathom that. I’m getting used to going out with people more. It’s weird #Idk. I don’t talk out my issues enough so I kinda just wanted to get my feelings out. #I’m not like in a sad mood or anything. It’s just late and I’m thinking a lot. #So I’m good Dw just thinking abt myself like I’m not myself so I can figure out what’s wrong (with myself)

[j-esbian]

i know it’s a common millennial gripe that kids are coerced into picking their life trajectory so young, that a lot of people pick college because they feel that it’s What You’re Supposed to Do, rather than what’s right for them, but like. despite all of that, i really thought i was different

#it’s like. i had a Situation so i was like ‘no college is totally my choice’ but even then #really not a lot of thought went into it #not that i regret it but i just wish kids had access to different kinds of guidance #honestly very little info about anything beyond ‘which college will you go to’ #assumed that you already know what you want to study #my high school was pretty focused on. either you’re gonna study the humanities or you’re going into healthcare #i know i have these moods every few months where i entertain ways my life could be different #lately i’ve been thinking. i barely even know what engineering as a profession MEANS #i like to make things. i’m not opposed to math. i just never even considered it as an option #because i liked to read as a kid and that’s what all the english majors said #i’m just. tired. and i feel so bad realizing the fact that #multiple generations say the same thing. and yet nothing changes. because kids still feel like #they need to get their life planned out at 18 #i don’t know a good way to get through. because kids always feel like ‘rip to you but i’m different’ #and maybe they are!! but we need better education and guidance imo #idk. i just feel completely lost still scrambling for a path to not feel like a failure #and i have no idea what that means because i’ve already exhausted the option i’m familiar with #catch me. a grown adult. going to a career fair for high schoolers just to scope it out #the good thing is i could probably pass for 17 #mine

[smilesrobotlover]

mario/peach or midna/link couple battle who wins

Are you saying what I would like or who would win in a battle? Cuz Midna and Link no doubt. Look Peach can fight but not enough to be a large threat and Midna and Link are the ultimate power couple and cannot be stopped. They will obliterate the two

#asks #now Mario will fight for his life and so will peach #but Mario can’t defend himself and peach #so #rip #fhkdbdkdbdkdbek #it’s a funny thought #as for favorites? #idk #it depends on what mood I’m in #cuz I really love Mario and peach #but midlink just means a lot to me

[merevide]

past me should be killed for making plans that present me isn’t keen on doing at all idc how good of a mood i was in wtf was i doing agreeing to go to a football game. i was not in my right mind

#like i did a lot of stuff today and i’m fucking tired i do not want to go to this game that lasts until like 9PM i don’t even LIKE football #but my sister wants to go goddd. why am i like this. #like 6PM-9PM yeah if anyone tries to do anything with me this weekend i’m saying no i’m sorry this week has already been rough i’m not doing #this again. and i can’t even back out and say i’m literally not in the mood anymore #idk. i’m just tired. and don’t wanna do it or anything at all #like i don’t like going out especially on weekends where i want to do nothing but chill. #obvi it’s not the worst thing in the world i just don’t want me being tired to be mistaken for attitude but it literally always is which is #why i don’t like leaving! or talking! or socializing! #my text