#Idk why but this toothbrush gives me emotions right now

[goldenshoyo]

All For You

Sawamura Daichi x Fem! Reader

Authors note: This is my piece for @gg9183 Soulmates collab! I had such a fun time writing this and hope you all enjoy it as much as I do! I did not edit this so sorry if grammarly didn't catch my mistakes bc I am tired. Happy birthday Gray! I hope you have the best day, you deserve the world and more!

Genre: Fluff with a dash of smut. Pls this is so soft and sweet idk who I am anymore ajksfhka

Word Count: ~2k

Warnings: Fem!Reader, a child and breastfeeding, mentions of childbirth, mentions of vaginal tearing and stitches, implied smut, reader enters subspace, daddy kink, use of ‘doll’.

Network: @hqintheclub | Tip Jar

--

Daichi sits with your newborn son on his chest, looking up at replays of an old friend’s volleyball match on the television. You can’t stop looking at them both. It could not be a more perfect picture. The eleven hours of labor seems like a distant memory now, completely overlooked now that you see just how well Daichi has already taken to fatherhood. His hand on your child’s back looks so large compared to the infant, nearly bringing you to tears.

It’s the hormones, you keep telling yourself. However, you know it’s not just that. You love him and your child more than you ever imagined would be possible. You thought you’d loved Daichi before, but this feeling is overwhelming and brand new. It can’t just be the hormones, it’s definitely something else. After all, it’s powerful enough to make you forget about the tearing and stitches you had to endure to give him a child.

You don’t remember the moment when you realized you loved him; perhaps it wasn’t a moment at all but instead a series of events that lead up to now. In fact, it wasn’t the easiest start. If you’d told yourself in high school he’s who you’d be with, you’re sure she would laugh at you. Even now it makes you laugh quietly to yourself, as your eyes finally shut, the long day catching up with you.

You’d lashed out at Daichi earlier during labor about the hospital mattress, but now you can’t help but be grateful for it as you doze off.

“What are you doing?”

Your head turns and you sigh, of course, it’s him. Sawamura Daichi stands arms crossed in the doorway of the classroom, looking as stoic and commanding as always. You dust off the eraser shavings from your hands then wipe them on your skirt.

“Obviously, none of your business,” you reply, lips curling into a smile as you lean back against a desk.

“School ended half an hour ago.” He steps inside, coming towards the desk you’re covering. You manage to cover it just enough with your arm so he can’t see the suggestive note you’ve left on it. For good measure, you hop up on the desk and cover it.

“Really, I didn’t notice.” You reply, looking down at your nails, pretending to not notice the way he tries to see what you’ve been up to. “Why are you still here then?”

He scratches the back of his head and smiles. He really is too polite for his own good. “Volleyball practice. I just forgot one of my textbooks, so I needed to come and grab it before the room was locked up.”

“Ah.” You softly speak, not moving as he walks past you to his desk, grabbing said textbook. You move off the desk when you think he’s safely away from the desk.

“Oh, by the way,” you turn to look at him once more, your brows furrowing, “Sugawara prefers senpai to daddy.” He chuckles before walking out of the room, leaving you embarrassed and angry.

You wonder if he hears you yelling fuck you from down the hall.

--

He’s staring at you. There is no way you’re making this up. Who else would he be looking at, you wonder. Looking around the park bench you only see an elderly woman with her husband, a family with a small dog, and a few men tossing around a baseball. So, unless Daichi is staring that intensely at the men playing baseball, he has his eyes on you.

How long has it been? Three, maybe four years since that dreadful day your third year of high school. You requested a class change the morning after he read the note you’d left for his best friend, too prideful to let him even get a kick out of seeing your face again. You’d even erased the note, giving up on your pursuit of flustering Koushi early the next morning. Daichi had ruined all your fun in just a few minutes.

So why in the hell is he looking at you now?

You stand up, walking directly towards him. As you get closer you recognize his clothing… oh, he’s a police officer now. You realize he might have just been scanning the park and doing his job, and that you have blown this up in your own mind due to the inflated ego you apparently have.

But, it’s too late now. He sees you clearly and you’re only a few feet from him.

“Why were you staring at me?” You cross your arms, your weight shifting to your right leg and hip. “Is there something wrong, officer?”

That’s better you think, just playoff your annoyance with him towards his job. For all you know, he has no idea who you are. Honestly, you find it a bit embarrassing you still recognize him after all this time.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I just thought I recognized you, is all. Did we go to school together?” The politeness never left him.

Ignoring the way him calling you ma’am feels, you answer. “We did. I’m -----.”

“That’s right,” he smiles at you and leans back on his cruiser. “How have you been?”

“I’m not really interested in shallow chitchat if I’m being honest.” You inform him. “I’m just visiting my family for a while before starting a job in Tokyo. We don’t need to do this weird nostalgic bullshit if you don’t want to.”

“You’re as upfront as ever.” He chuckles, opening the door to his cruiser. “I won’t keep you here then. Have a great day, ma’am.”

He pulls away and you’re left wondering why your eye is twitching. Even worse, part of you wants to follow him and demand he keeps calling you ma’am.

--

“Please, just shut up.” You beg, unbuttoning Daichi’s white shirt. “I don’t want to talk or think, just fuck me okay?”

His laugh shoots through you, your core aching. How did you run into him twice in one day, let alone now begging him to shut up and fuck you? It’s so unlucky. You’d gotten over the emotion of seeing him again minutes after watching him drive away. Now, you’re atop him in the back of his car.

“I’d much rather shut your smart mouth,” he leans close to your ear, thrusting up against you. His cock is hard in his pants, and you swallow hard feeling the sheer size of it against your cunt. “Just behave and let daddy take care of you.”

You’re pretty sure there’s venom in his words, your body, mind, and soul reacting quicker to his gruff tone. Had you ever entered subspace from just words before?

“Yes, daddy.” You whine, grinding against him, your fingers falling from his shirt and moving to unbuckle his pants.

“Good girl.”

Maybe it wasn’t so bad you’d run into him again today.

--

“This can’t keep happening,” you tell him, clinging to his chest.

He kisses your forehead, shushing you and hugging you tight to his warm body. “You say that every time, doll. You don’t need to lie to yourself or me for that matter.”

You groan, further annoyed with him because he’s right. So unbelievably right. You wonder if he knows just how wrapped around his finger you are now, just after a few short months of causally hooking up, meeting for dinner once in a while, and even the occasional sleepover like tonight. You’ve memorized everything about him, purchased his favorite brand of coffee, filled your cabinets with his go-to snacks, and even added an extra toothbrush just for him.

However, words have never been exchanged about what you are to each other.

Only this: the warm company of him in your bed, life, and mind. This is enough, you think. There isn’t much more you could want.

--

You were wrong again; you could want more. It crept up on you slowly, eating and nagging at you until you finally had a copy of your key made for him. Now, you’re anxiously sitting at his favorite restaurant awaiting him, twirling the small box with the key inside in your hand. What if he doesn’t want it, you wonder?

It’s been a year and a half since you first hooked up, but you’ve still never labeled anything. It’s not that he hasn’t tried to again and again, but you’ve pulled back each time. You’ve started to worry that he’s going to give up if you don’t do something. Part of you knows this is because you’re falling for him, even if you can’t voice it.

This should be telling, you hope.

“Sorry, I’m a little late, doll.” Daichi kisses your forehead, holding your hand in his once he shows. He sits across from you, unbuttoning his suit jacket and relaxing against the back of the chair.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I’m glad you chose this place,” you tell him. Reaching across and taking his hand. He smiles, bringing your knuckles to his lips. “I got you something!”

“Oh really?” He smiles, leaning forward onto the table with his elbows. “Aren’t you sweet?”

“Shut up or I won’t give it to you,” you roll your eyes and pull your hand away from him. Looking down at the small box on your lap, you take a deep breath before holding it out to him. “Here.”

“Thank you,” he smiles looking at you, and you look down at your hands in your lap. As he opens it, you impulsively pick at your fingernails. “Oh,” his voice is higher and clipped.

“It’s to my apartment if you want it. You don’t have to take it. I just thought that since-” he cuts you off, moving from his seat to coming to kneel next to you. He kisses you, cupping your cheek in his hand.

“I love you.”

--

A sharp cry wakes you up, your baby needing you. Rubbing your tired eyes, you sit up on your bed slowly, reaching for the bassinet.

“Careful, let me help you.” Daichi’s warm hand on your shoulder stops you from sitting up. You lay back down, and he hands you your screaming son. “There you go,” he kisses your forehead as you unfasten your hospital gown.

“He’s loud,” you comment as he latches. “That’s better.” You laugh, letting out a long sigh. “Goodbye peace and quiet.”

“It’ll be okay,” he tells you, stroking your cheek with the back of his fingers softly. “I’m sure we’ll get used to it.”

“I hope he’s like you,” you tell him, watching as he falls asleep while nursing. “Or else it might drive me mad. I don’t think you’d be able to handle two of me.”

He chuckles, settling in beside you and wrapping his arm around your shoulder. He kisses your temple softly. “I’d have a thousand mini you’s if it meant I’d get to see you this happy.”

“Fatherhood has made you a dork,” you laugh, turning your head to kiss him softly, your eyes threatening to fill with tears. “Or maybe I’m just finally softening up.”

You’ve never been sure you believed in soulmates, but, if you had one… there’s no doubt in your mind it’s Daichi.

#daichi sawamura x fem reader #daichi sawamura x reader #fem reader #sawamura daichi smut #sawamura daichi x reader #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader #hq smut #hq x reader #tw childbirth

[duskholland]

idk if this one has been done yet, but what about getting in a fight with mob!tom and he says something that really upsets her but tries his best to make up for it because he knows he fucked up?

getting angsty on this monday, I like it! I had fun with this. I went less tom trying to make up for it and more him undergoing the biggest grovel session of his life lmao. lowkey got a bit emotional writing it fhjdhf. enjoy !! cw: angst (w a happy end)

– it’s mob monday !! –

The argument builds quickly, escalating from a minor spat to an all-out explosion in the blink of an eye. What had started out as a small grievance about Tom’s inability to make time for you had snowballed, and now you’re standing opposite him, angry tears glistening in your eyes.

“You’re being unreasonable!” You exclaim, voice coming out hard. The palms of your hands hurt from the clenching of your fingers, small crescent-moon shapes from your nails pressed into your skin. “Why won’t you just listen to me?”

Tom’s face is a deep shade of volatile red, his hair unruly and untamed from the number of times he’s run his hands through his curls. He’d abandoned his smooth-talker facade minutes ago, now fully leaning into the side of him that you only usually see when he’s around his opponents.

“I’ve tried listening to you, Y/N, but you aren’t paying attention to what I’m saying,” he says, voice staccato. He clasps his hands in front of his chest as he groans, his face the picture of frustration. “I can’t change my schedule for you, alright? If you actually paid attention to how I live my life, and the lifestyle that I lead, you’d understand that. I can’t be like all your other boyfriends. I have responsibilities that are bigger than you.”

You bring your hands to your temples, trying not to cry as you stare at him.

“I don’t want you to be like my ex-boyfriends,” you respond, “I want you to be a good boyfriend, and pay attention to me when I tell you that I miss you.” Your voice softens slightly, and your glare loses some of its ferocity. “It gets fucking lonely living in this house, Tom. For such a big mansion, there’s barely ever anyone around, and when you’re not here…” You wave a hand through the air. “I feel alone.”

“Then move out.”

Immediately, your blood runs cold. You feel your heart drop straight to your feet, and your arms fall to your side, defeated.

“What?” You croak. A fresh flood of tears well up in your eyes as you stare at your boyfriend, who’s still looking at you like you’ve done something to cause him grievous bodily harm.

“If you hate living here, and you hate dating me so much, just move out, Y/N.” Tom shoves his hands in his pockets, shrugging. “Seems to me like that’d be a good solution to your problem.”

You shake your head, in disbelief at how quickly your boyfriend of two years has pivoted.

“Are you being serious?” You say, blinking at him. “Are you actually trying to kick me out right now? Just because I care about and want to spend time with my boyfriend?”

Tom stares at the ground, and you see his jaw twitch. You give him a few seconds to say something, anything, and when he fails to do so, you stalk over to the wardrobe. It’s only when you pick up a bag and start to throw your things into it that he seems to realise how angry you are.

“What are you doing?” Tom asks, sounding panicked. He walks towards you, reaching out for you, but you move away. Your eyes sting with tears, and you feel a few stray droplets roll down your face as you shake your head.

“I’m leaving,” you mutter. Your hands shake as you sling the bag over your shoulder and go into the bathroom, picking up your toothbrush and a few other things. “Going back to my flat.”

Tom shakes his head. “Please don’t do that, love.” He sounds desperate all of a sudden, and when you glance at him in the mirror, you see he’s deflated--shoulders shrunk, eyes wide. “I… I didn’t mean it, I was caught in the moment. You don’t need to leave.” He reaches out for you again but you dodge him.

“Don’t touch me,” you mutter. You hastily pull on the zip of the bag before walking back into the bedroom. “Don’t come over either. I don’t want to see you until you’ve figured out what you want from me and what you want from this relationship.”

He trails after you, keeping a safe distance, but you can almost feel how badly he wants to reach out and take your hand.

“I love you,” Tom pleads. “Please don’t go. We can work this out together.”

You shake your head. You’re walking fast now, just glad that you’d held onto the keys of your old flat when you’d moved in with Tom.

“We need space. I need space.” You find yourself at the front door, and you turn around to stare at Tom. He flinches as he takes in the sight of the tear tracks on your cheeks, and the angry hurt in your eyes. “Just… Leave me alone, Tom.”

You turn and you leave, letting the heavy front door slam behind you.

––––––

Your first day apart passes by in a blur of anger, upset, and heartbreak. Your best friend comes over and you talk to her, well into the night, venting about everything you’ve been unable to air to Tom, given his remarkable absence from your life. It’s not that he’d been pulling away intentionally, rather, his job had taken him away from you, over and over and over again. Every time you’d brought it up casually, he’d shot you down. It was just a matter of time before it overflowed like that.

One day stretches to two, then three. Tom makes an appearance on the fourth.

You know it’s him just from the way he knocks on your front door: three strong knocks, syncopated in his favourite rhythm. You carefully, quietly, tiptoe to the door and lean up to peer through the peephole, feeling your breath hitch as you see his figure, distorted by the glass. He looks tired and unkempt, wearing a hoodie and some jeans instead of one of his suits. His hair is all over the place, and there’s a shadow of stubble grazing his chin.

“Love?” He calls out, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I know you’re there.”

You swallow, continuing to spy on him as you say nothing.

Tom sighs. “I’m so sorry, Y/N... I feel like shit. I shouldn’t have said what I said, because I didn’t mean it.” He breaks off, and you watch as he pinches at the bridge of his nose. “I know you want space, but I… I miss you. And I love you, so much. So, so, so much, love. I’ve never loved anyone this much in my life, and it’s terrifying.” He breaks off, chuckling harshly. “So I don’t know why I decided to fuck things up. Guess I’m just fucking stupid, eh?”

You rest your forehead against the door, frowning as you listen to him talk. You’ve never heard him sound so defeated before.

“Anyway, uh… I just wanted to come around and tell you that I’m sorry. I’ll never stop being sorry for what I said. I don’t want you to move out, I want you to come back.” Tom chuckles weakly. “I don’t ever want you to leave. I can’t imagine what my life would look like without you in it, so… If you want me to, I’ll give it up. I’ll give it all up.” He pauses to suck in a breath, his voice becoming thick. “We can, uh, sell the house. Move somewhere nice. Maybe get a townhouse somewhere, or, uh, a cottage, or whatever you want, darling. I could get a normal job.” He breaks off to laugh humourlessly. “Don’t know what I’d do, but… I’d do it. For you. I’d do anything for you. So… just think about it, please.”

Tom pauses, and you watch as he reaches up to rub at his eyes. His voice cracks as he adds, “I love you.” After a final repetition of the words, he sighs and steps back. “I’ll, uh, go now. Just… Know that I’m sorry. And I love you. So much.”

He turns to leave, and you suddenly realise he’s about to walk away. You reach up and rattle the chain on your door before turning the handle, throwing it open, and stepping out into the hallway. Tom turns to look at you, and you’re shocked to see his bloodshot eyes, bright red nose, and the tear tracks that stain his cheeks.

“Tom,” you say, voice gentle. “It’s… It’s okay.”

He slowly steps back towards you, moving hesitantly until you offer him your hands. You tenderly loop your fingers together, feeling his cold digits.

“It’s not okay,” Tom mumbles, looking at you with those wide brown eyes you love so much. “I was such a dick, love. I shouldn’t have said it.”

You squeeze his hands. “You shouldn’t have,” you agree, “but it’s okay.” You gently pull one of his palms to your mouth and kiss over his knuckles a few times. “I said some things I shouldn’t have too…” You sigh gently. “I miss you, Tom.”

You’ve felt it every day. A hollowness in your heart. Tom always makes your life brighter, even when he’s not around. He leaves your mug out by the kettle when he leaves every morning, and he makes sure the fridge is stocked with your favourite fruits. Tom’s the one who neatly arranges your shoes on the shoe rack by the door, and makes sure the thermostat is set right. He always tidies up the bathroom and puts your favourite teddy right in the centre of the bed, every single day. You miss his smile, and his arms, and the love he has for you that exists even when he’s not there.

“I miss you too,” he says.

He looks so fragile that you pull him in for a hug, burying your nose in his neck and inhaling the soft tones of faded cologne. Tom clings to you, his hands digging into your back and holding you firmly. You swallow as you tilt your mouth towards his ear.

“Can I come back home?” You ask. “I don’t want to do any of this without you.”

Tom hums. After a moment more, he pulls back, but he keeps his hands wrapped around you. He looks into your eyes, a very shy smile moving out over his lips.

“I would love that,” he says. “The house isn’t the same without you.”

You move your hands around his neck and kiss him very softly, feeling a part of you flicker back to life as his gentle lips nudge up against yours.

“Thank you.” You card your fingers through his hair. “I love you.”

And there’s still so much you need to talk about and work through, but Tom pushes his forehead against yours and stares at you with so much determination that you know you’ll get there, you’ll be okay. You know that he loves you.

He kisses you again, just as gently as the first time.

“Love you too, darling,” he promises. “Love you more than anything else in the world.”

#i like to spend my free time imagining fake fight scenarios and then getting upset about them <3 hbu? #tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland blurb #mob!tom holland #hfjdhfjdfhdjfh #im sad but also happy but also sad #myblurbs #tomblurbs #tom.sfw #mob!tomfic #mob!tomblurbs #queued post

[burnedbyshoto]

seven minutes

pairing: todoroki shouto x fem!reader

warnings: smut 18+, cursing, temp play, oral sex, bratty behavior, slight degradation

word count: 6,533

a/n: I got carried away, and this was supposed to be up two hours ago, but I suck, anyways this Is for the bnharem server collaboration, and well idk if I did the prompt correctly cuz I was mad confused. seven minutes in masterlist found here!

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

Shouto stared at the box in his hands, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

What the absolute hell was he supposed to put in this? It was supposed to be unique, something that he and only he could recognize and claim as his own, but he wasn’t one with many possessions.

He had possessions, sure. He was a successful Pro Hero after all with a trust fund from his father, but his belongings were ordinary, mundane, and universal. Nothing he owned was solely his, except, of course, his hero costume. But to give a part of that away was not going to happen.

“Do I have to put something in? If I’m the only one who doesn’t give anything, then they’ll know it was me.”

Midoriya, who had placed his favorite pen into his own box, looked up at his friend with a look of horror.

“Todoroki-kun, you can’t do that!”

“Well, I don’t have anything that I can give,” Shouto raised, his hands running through his hair. This was supposed to be shipped out by tonight to get it to the girl he was matched with. Some girl by the name of y/n. 

“You can…” Midoriya trailed off, his fingers scratching the back of his neck in thought. 

He had no idea, it seemed. 

“Well, if these are going out by tonight, I guess I can do this,” Shouto contemplated, his right hand forming a block of ice, and his left hand coming to melt a structure in the ice.

It was a simple heart. 

“Should be fine, right?” Shouto asked while placing the heart into the box and sealing it. 

Midoriya, whose jaw has opened in complete disbelief of his friend let out a strained laugh, his head dropping. 

“I-I guess…”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

You had opened your box that same night, your heart hammering in your throat, finger shaking when you peeled the top off. Would you be able to recognize just who you would have? In all honesty, you probably couldn’t, but still, you hoped. 

Throwing the top of the box off, you stared down at the containment, and confusion and incredulity flooded your veins. 

There was nothing there, not a single drop of anything, just a lot of water stains that proved at one point held something that had long ago melted. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you muttered, dropping onto your seat, hands rubbing your face. 

Unbelievable. What idiot would send something that was made of water to you?!

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

Knock. Knock. 

With your toothbrush in your mouth, your eyebrows scrunched together. It was late, so incredibly so that you had no idea who that could be. Finishing up, you pulled away from the sink and looked at your outfit in the mirror. 

Leggings and a tank top, perfectly acceptable to open a door in. 

Jogging towards the door, you swung it open without checking to see who it was. A smile rose to your face, a prayer that this wouldn’t take too long, and you looked at the person.

“Hi, how can I help you?”

Your eyes only found a cotton-covered chest, and you faltered, your eyes rising higher to meet their face instead. Now, you would never in a million years admit that people could take your breath away. First, just how tacky was that?! No one could be that distinctive or attractive enough that you would forget everything, including how to breathe. Second, well, how could you?! This was a stranger — well technically, you recognized this man before you — his heterochromatic eyes were staring down at you intently, curiously. 

“Y/l/n y/n?” He asked immediately, his head tilting to the side and you nodded your head dumbly. “I’m—”

“Todoroki Shouto,” you interrupted. Heat began to build on your face, what in the actual fuck was a top Pro-Hero doing at your door. “Oh fuck, am I in trouble?!”

Shouto’s eyes widened when you began to panic, your arms flying around animatedly while you explained the various reasons as to why someone would want to hurt you. None of them were particularly good reasons, especially not good enough to warrant a lowkey dead in the night meeting with a Pro Hero who had saved you only when you were in high school. 

“No, you’re not in trouble,” Shouto interrupted your telling of how you could have potentially annoyed some super villain by not shutting up while singing when you were drunk. His hand rakes through his hair and again you’re stunned into silence on just how attractive he is. “You got the ice heart, right?”

Your eyebrows scrunched, your head tilting while you looked at Shouto. He looked the slightest bit stiff, his hands fisted in his jacket pockets, the slightest blush on his cheeks and ears, and of course, the constant lip licking. 

“... you’re sure I’m not in trouble; that sounds like a threat to me,” you whisper, cupping your hands around your mouth to make sure those words stayed between the two of you. 

Shouto rolled his eyes, but a small snort of laughter eliminated any theory that he was annoyed by you. His lips curled into a smile, and you blinked quickly, stop beating so fast, stupid heart. 

“No,” he shook his head, his feet shifting beneath him, “I sent it.”

Then it hit you. 

“Ohhh,” you nodded, walking into the house finally, letting in the Pro Hero who followed in after you. You walked towards your recycling bin and pulled out the water-stained box. “That’s what it was supposed to be!”

You presented the foiled box to Shouto, your lips quirking into a smirk at the way he froze behind you. 

“I thought it was going to make it,” he apologized, and you laughed loudly, “hold on.” 

It took a matter of seconds, but you watched in fascination when he brought his hands together to shape a block of ice into a flawless heart. Your chest filled with warmth despite the fact, your hands taking the ice structure from his outstretched hands. How he thought something like this was going to survive the heat of the day was beyond you, so when you were ready to make fun of him, it hit you. 

“OH FUCK,” you screeched, throwing the box down like it was made of lava, shoving the ice heart into his arms, and jumping meters away from Shouto. 

His eyes were wide while he stared at you, confusion inking his face, unsure how to handle the fact that you were seconds from being consumed by some extreme panic. 

He was from the company?! Why didn’t you put that shit together before walking into your apartment?

Your eyes continued to awkwardly dip down from his eyes to his body, the body that you knew was most likely perfection. Your breathing was hard and fast, your head spinning at the thought that in seconds, his dick could very much be in you. 

Would he have a small dick? You shuddered at that thought, you couldn’t imagine this unit of a man with a small dick, but again there was absolutely no way of knowing. Not without actually fucking him. 

“Are you okay?” Shouto asks, his face full of concerns, taking a step towards you, and like the well put together girl you were, you stumbled backward. Your blood felt so hot in your veins, your breathing erratic, and the most whining voice escaped your lips. 

“You’re from the— oh my god, I didn’t think that?! I thought this was for prostitution or something?! If anything, a look-alike, not the real deal!” you point out, your fingers fisting in your hair, your chest heaving. “This was an ad I found online?! How the fuck?! What are you— you don’t have to do this!”

Shouto’s eyes widened, he knew what was going on now. 

“Do you not want to do this?” he asked, taking a step towards you. 

You took a step backward with his advancement, “It’s not about what I want! I just assumed that this was a hoax and that I wasn’t going to really get anything but some horrid cosplay attempt of someone famous!”

He takes more steps forward, and you receive an equal amount backward, but his legs are much longer than yours, and he’s gaining on you. 

“Tell me that you don’t want to have sex, and I’ll leave,” he whispered, “no one is holding this accountable. You also have the right to refuse, and I won’t make you say yes.”

You shivered when your back connected with your counter, the fresh counter doing little to calm your nerves when he stood before you. His scent immediately drafted into your nose, warm and clean, it made your eyes close while you took him in. 

“Do you want this?” you croak, your fingers digging into the counter, trying your all to keep from pouncing on your celebrity crush. “I’m not going to say yes to someone who doesn’t want this either.”

“I do,” he affirms, and your eyes peel back open to see Shouto so close to you. His hands are by yours on the counter now. The heat emitting from both sides was sending goosebumps down your body and a chill down your spine. “I want this.”

Swallowing roughly, your spine straightened, and your hands reached out to latch onto the collar of his shirt. Your eyes met his, his pupils growing larger by the second while he drew in. Your fingers trembled when his hands met your waist, his fingers brushing against the exposed skin of your hips. 

“I want this, too,” you confess and seal it with a kiss. 

Kisses were everything. It was such a human and mundane sign of affection, a gentle and passionate display of emotions on so many different levels. Ever since you were young, you’ve always read about how, when characters kissed the character they were meant for, electricity shot through their body. How a single and straightforward first kiss was enough to draw out if they were meant to be or not. Sparks, that’s what they were, were deadly essential and not to be taken as a joke. 

But as a person, you knew this was a lie. The only electric shock you’d ever get was a static shock. No kiss in your life made you experience that game-changing electricity shooting down your body from your first kiss. But why was it that chills were running through your body the second his lips danced with yours? 

Your lips moved with his in almost a delirious fashion. His mouth intoxicating to you. The warmth and smoothness of his lips that were gliding effortlessly against yours were proving to be a lot. His fingers pressed against the small of your back before sliding underneath your shirt moving so that his hands were pressed against your bare back, eliciting low groans. 

But it’s when his hands move to grab onto your waist, pulling you in dangerously, mind-numbingly close, does the essence of your makeout change. 

Your lips slammed against his. Your lips coming to meet in hot and heavy movements as you pressed further into him. You were now uncaring and unconcerned about your initial doubts, you only wanted to make the best of these seven minutes.

Shouto groaned lowly, his lips moving to keep up with yours. His fingers digging into your hips as the two of you felt dizzy, leaning against the counter while your lips continued this passion-filled battle.

His lips are fervent against yours; your mind spins from having his mouth against yours. Were you really making out with one of the world’s best Pro Hero? Ready to take him stumbling to your bedroom in this passionate affair to sleep with him as if you were lovers? Shouto’s hands move from your hips to pressing against the counter; your eyes barely manage to open during his search. His eyes are dark with lust, and growing desire as your lips part. Thankfully, your counter is already clean for the most part, just some unopened letters that get shoved to the side. Shouto’s warm hands return to your waist, but only that they feel like fire against your heated skin, and you pull him in closer for another impassioned kiss. 

His lips are massive against yours, pushing and pulling you in with every movement of his lips. The magnetizing effect he has on you was genuinely unbelievable, how someone you didn’t know could have this effect on you was beyond you. He continues pulling you closer, and soon enough, you’re clambering on top of the counter. Pants leaving your mouth from the high position of the founder as you open your legs for the man who was making your heart beat faster than any strenuous activity. As he moves closer between your legs, his hand runs from your waist to rest against your ass. His hands are strong against your ass, and he pulls you nearer so that you’re resting on the edge of the counter, his body between your open legs.

The friction of your now connected bodies leaves you gasping, sharp breathing while you try to calm your nerves. This man set your body on fire, and you were without a sign of struggle drowning in his lips. His mouth was quick to dissipate all the uncertainty and nerves you held in mere seconds. Your mouth opens, and your tongue swipes at his bottom lip, pleading for entry. Shouto moves his hands from your ass, trailing down your legs to pull you closer to him, making your legs wrap around his waist, and his mouth opens, granting you entry. 

Tongues crash together in the middle. Dominance riding high on both of your parts, neither one of you want to let the other into each others mouth, him because he thought it was right, and you because you wanted to prove that you were no pushover in bed. But lord, is his tongue working magic against yours. Your body shuddering when your legs wrap tighter against his waist, your crotch pushing forward to grind into his pelvis. His bulge is prominent against your clothed core, and both of your keen moans tumble out of your mouths.

His hands trail under your shirt, and you arch against his chest. In this moment of serenity, his tongue can push into your mouth. You shudder in his hold, his tongue tracing around your mouth in a way that makes your eyes roll back. His tongue runs against yours, swirling around it before outlining the roof of your mouth. A moan expels from your mouth as his other hand slips under your shirt. Shouto chuckles, vibrations falling on his tongue, and you tremble softly.

What the fuck were you actually doing? Making out with the Todoroki Shouto in your home? One step from then fucking Shouto in your bedroom should the two of you even manage to get there?! There must be something in the air, or this had to be the biggest prank in the world.

Shouto’s mouth then left yours ultimately. His hot mouth trailing down your neck; teeth nipping at your skin; lips sucking against your skin. Your head tosses back in increasing pleasure, your hips pressing against his bulge again. His mouth stays on the same spot, sucking harshly against your skin, biting down sinfully against your skin until you were whimpering his name.

Your arms wrap around his body, pulling him desperately closer to you. The friction is not enough, these actions are not strong enough for you. “Don’t be a pussy about fucking me,” you can’t keep yourself from challenging when Shouto pulls away from your neck. Your skin throbs and burns in the best way from the hickey that has for sure formed.

“Don’t worry,” Shouto smirks when he lifts your shirt over your head, “I’ll make sure this is the best seven minutes you’ll ever have.”

You suck in a sharp breath of air as the cold air hits your exposed body. You feel delirious at the thought that Shouto wanted to fuck you, ardent, and shy at the idea that you want him to claim you right on your kitchen counter before trying to stumble to your bedroom. You don’t have time to think anymore as his lips come back to claim your lips. This time, you’re not going to give in as your teeth sink into his bruised lower lip.

The harsh motion of your teeth sinking into his plump and bruised lips makes him growl, the sound melodious to your ears. Your tongue slides back out to smooth over his throbbing mouth, your grin spreading across your face when Shouto picks you up from the table. Your legs wrap around his waist, your arms around his neck. Your body shudders when your aroused sex brushes up against his hard cock. His hips thrusting up against your own, and you cry out in his mouth. Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, and Shouto’s mouth trails down your chin, an unmistakable grin printed on his face. His teeth scrape against your jaw, sending a pleasurable tingle down your spine, causing your hips to roll out against him.

Your hands fist into his hair, you pull onto his hair until he’s no longer attached to you and then you bring your mouth against his neck. Your mouth trails peppering kisses against his strained neck, his warm and smooth skin slightly salty with his sweat, but it’s a taste you find intoxicating. Your hips grind down against his bulge, relishing in the snaps of his hips to increase the friction. 

“Take off your shirt, Todoroki,” you moan, your fingers dragging against his muscular back. The muscles are delicious against the pads of your fingers, every bulge of his flesh, every dip of a scar makes you almost vibrate with excitement, yet you feel denied, you feel teased at the fact you can feel him better.

Shouto moans as your heavy and hot breathing, makes his mind reel against the cold saliva on his neck. “Call me Shouto, I think we’re past this last name business.” He growls. 

“But I—.”

“Then pretend it’s my hero name, y/n.”

The simple use of your name sends a massive and electrifying shiver down your spine. You never thought you’d hear him call you by your name, much less be in your house seconds from fucking you and Shouto — outside of using it as his hero name — felt like a stranger on your tongue, but you feel heat exploding in your core as you nod. 

You push away, your hair whipping over your shoulder as you stare at his blue and gray eyes. You watch his pupils that are blown wide stare into you as you lean in close, the sweat building slowly on his temple as your mouth pressed against his ear softly.

“Of course, Shouto,” you accentuate his name, and he groans. 

His hands grip tighter against you as his lips come back against yours.

Your hands reach down for the hem of his shirt, and you waste no time in tearing it up over his head. The action making him place you back onto the counter. His toned body is now open for your desiring eyes as you breathe shakily, you wanted to drag your hands against his body is interrupted by your desire to strip too. 

Your shirt soon joins his on the floor, and you grin when he freezes. 

You look at him, and a proud blush spreads across your face as he stares at your breasts. You were not at all wearing a cute set at all, you were getting ready for bed after all! The bra was simple, black, and not revealing. But the way Shouto was looking at you, the way his finger trailed up to your covered bra made you believe that you were wearing the best lingerie set in existence.

“Do you like them?” you tease, your teeth biting down on your bottom lip as you look into his eyes under your eyelashes. Your hands press onto his, making the contact between your breasts and his hands firmer, more in tack. 

“I think I’d be a fucking idiot if I didn’t,” Shouto groans as his face pushes forward to kiss the valley between your breasts. You feel like you’re melting in his arms as his lips and fingers ravish your tender breasts. 

“Why wouldn’t — fuck do that — why wouldn’t you want me?” you pant as his mouth continues trailing sweet and hot kisses against your skin. “I’m a pretty amazing woman, you know.”

“That was pretty obvious,” Shouto grunts his lips curving into a smile while his large hands envelop your breasts, groping them. “Don’t pretend you don’t want to be mine as well. Besides, who looks for a fuck on an ad?”

You don’t have the chance to respond back as Shouto’s right-hand moves behind your back and removes your bra with one hand. The smooth action somehow turns you further on. The bra is thrown off your body, and your breasts bounce as they’re entirely exposed. You don’t know how to feel bashful or to feel confident in the way that Shouto stares at your exposed chest. His eyes locked on your breasts, his tongue dragging against his lips as he looks back up at you. 

“You’re fucking hot,” Shouto groans as his mouth slips your nipple into his mouth. You cry out at the way his tongue rolls against your nipple, his tongue alternating from heat to cold, it fogs up your mind at the sensation and the pure delirium of his actions. Your hips roll against his crotch again, and you feel him pressing forward.

Your fingers shift all over his body. Digging into his shoulder, pressing into his hair, trying to reach the tent in his pants. But your pants heighten when he slips off your leggings, the cold air hitting your heated legs, causing you to shudder at the temperature difference.

His finger rolls your free nipple between his thumb and forefinger. The sensations on your nipples are overwhelming as your hips thrash against his hand. Moans, gasps, and his name pour out of your mouth as he continues ravishing your breasts. His teeth nipping and pulling on the sensitive skin. Your head throws back as he pulls away, a resonating pop filling your ears as he lets go of your nipple. Harsh heaves leave your mouth as you look down, your breasts shine with his saliva, and you moan again.

“I’m going to fucking eat you out, and you’re going to watch me the entire fucking time.” Shouto commands you, his fingers hooking around your panties. “Do you understand?”

Breathlessly you nod your head, your eyes locking onto his bi-colored ones as your panties join the rest of your clothes on the floor. Shouto chuckles as his finger drag against your soaked slit, “You’re so fucking wet,” he remarks, and your body shudders against his actions. Your eyes flutter close before you force them back open to peer down at Shouto, “Good girl,” he praises, and you feel your pussy throbs at those two words.

Shouto presses a hand against your waist, and you watch as he sinks two fingers into your blazing heat. You cry out in pleasure as his heated fingers plunge in and out of you. Your eyes struggle to keep themselves onto his proud form. Your hand slaps across your mouth as his fingers curl within you, their curve adding even more stimulating pleasure within your body. Melodious moans are now muffled underneath your hands, and Shouto smirks at that. 

“Don’t hide what I’m making you feel, y/n.” Shouto warns, his fingers increasing in their roughness as they pound against your soaked pussy. His steady hand pushes you down against your counter, and you scream at the cold surface, pressing against your heated skin. Your hips snapping against the sensation making Shouto chuckle. “Don’t you want the world to know that I’m the one making you feel this way?”

Your hand trembles as you move it away from your mouth, but your teeth subconsciously clamp down onto your bottom lip. You’re embarrassed at being caught fucking on your kitchen counter, and even though you were attracted to Shouto, you didn’t want to be found in this state.

By a window, legs wide open, and Shouto’s fingers and tongue deep into your pussy.

Shouto, unsatisfied with your quiet affirmations of his actions, slips another finger into your aching pussy. A silent shriek leaves your mouth as you push up off the table, the additional width of his thrusting fingers overwhelming. But it doesn’t end there. No. His fingers warm-up against your inner walls, eliciting the wildest bucking your hips can muster. The most prolonged pleas escaping your mouth for more heat.

“Oh,” Shouto laughs smugly, his smile stretching wide across his face. “Did you like that?”

“Yes, Shouto, fuck!” you thrash against his fingers, your head falling back in your distracting pleasure. The sensations are numbing your mind, your rationale slipping away as his fingernails drag against your inner walls, slowly stimulating your g-spot. Your cunt feels like it’s pulsating faster than your heart as he continues going. 

“Aren’t you just a fucking sweetheart,” Shouto purrs, and his hand reaches out to lock in your hair. Your head is roughly brought back up, and a low groan of pain rumbles in your throat as you stare at his slightly furious eyes. “Didn’t I say to fucking look at me?”

Your chest heaves in embarrassment and excitement. You wanted to be dominated by this man, wholly and entirely, you wanted to be black and blue at the end of this night, and like a brat,  you readied to do more. 

Before you could try wrestling him for dominance, his mouth lowers towards your dripping cunt, and his tongue takes a languid lick. His tongue slipping in between your slit, and you fall back onto the table, your eyes fluttering in their battle to stay open. Your eyes are still locking onto his victorious face.

Your legs tremble as he thrusts his tongue within your drenched walls, his tongue swirling in circles and pushing further in. His hooked fingers still thrusting into you as you fall apart on the table, he’s long since stimulated your g-spot and your body trembled for him. Your screams loud and pitched for him to do more. On one particular lick, one measly irresistibly mind-numbing lick, your legs come snapping against his head. Shouto’s free hand moves to grip onto your trembling thighs, his tongue coaxing your orgasm closer to the edge. 

“S-Shouto!” you curse, your hips snapping desperately against his mouth. Your hips twisting against his merciless tongue. 

Your eyes struggle to remain locked on his eyes, your body twitching with the building pleasure. The electricity igniting in your flesh and bloodstream. You can hear the sounds of your squelching pussy against his moving fingers, and your jaw drops. You’re under his absolute control, and you’re no longer able to hold back anymore as your orgasm is right on edge, but then he pulls away. His fingers and tongue disappearing from within you, causing you to whimper in pain, in lust, and in denied orgasm. 

“Suck yourself off my fingers.” Shouto pants as his arousal covered fingers press against your mouth. You take his fingers without a second thought. Your teeth scraping softly against his fingers as you suck your juices off of him. Your eyes remain on his as your tongue slips between each finger. You suck onto his fingers as he pulls away, and Shouto growls as he pulls his hand away from you.

“Get up,” Shouto snaps, his hands moving to remove the belt around his waist, and you are quick to slide off the counter. Your knees buckling under your weight as Shouto removes his pants. You watch in an almost lusting glee as his cock springs out from under his underwear. He was by far the biggest guy you’ve ever seen, and your throat feels dry as he gasps when your fingers brush the beading head of his cock. His dick must be hypersensitive already. 

Steeling yourself over, you drop to your knees, uncaring that he wasn’t quite ready as Shouto struggles to step out of his pants. 

As soon as his feet are free, your hands immediately grab onto his length. His girth wide enough, you struggled to hold it with one hand. You smirked at the fact that he had two protruding veins on both sides of his cock. 

“Y-Y/n…” Shouto stutters as your hand fists up and down his length in pretense, you spread the pre-cum as for as it can go, your nails teasing his sensitive and heated flesh. Your eyes snapping up to meet his lust covered ones. 

“Now,” you grin as your thumb rolls over the pre-cum that slips from the tip of his head. “I better not catch you, not looking at me, understood?”

Shouto licks his lips, his eyebrow quirking, “Is this payback?” You smile softly, but there’s a robust sadistic tone to it as your hands twist his skin. Shouto curses as he nods, “I understand!”

“Good boy,” you tease as your mouth opens and you press his cock all the way into your mouth. His girth is wide enough that you had to open more extensive than you were used to, the stretch already making you groan. You gasp as you push him further down your throat, your eyes flashing up to see Shouto struggling to keep his head down and eyes alert. 

Good god, you hope you were wet enough to take him in without lube.

Your mouth sinks down as far as you can go while not straining your neck or jaw. Your fingers trailing up and down his toned thighs as you move your head up and down his length. You’re now in a consistent rhythm, sucking his cock with enough vigor to make Shouto curse your name. The sounds of his cock ramming down your throat rang within the kitchen, making Shouto’s skin flare with goosebumps while you face fucked him. 

Your movements signal to Shouto that he can move as well. Shouto groans, and his hips move forward. You relax against his slowly rocking hips, you’re focused on your breathing as his cock moves up and down your throat. Deeper and deeper, you feel his cock move within you. His hand pressing against the back of your throat, and you gag softly against his length. 

Your eyes look back up to see Shouto’s eyes closed, slapping the side of his thigh, his eyes snap back open, the embarrassment of being caught evident along with the apparent likeness of the slap. Moans and pants spilling out with every thrust, and your cheeks hollow out, creating a vacuum sensation against his length.

“Fucking shit!” Shouto snaps, his hands tangling within your locks as he overtakes your dominance and begins fucking your throat. “Taking my cock like the dirty slut you are, of course, you would be good at this,” he hisses as his cock only goes further down your throat.

“Only sluts look for sex online.”

You struggle to breathe with his thrusting, his snapping hips overwhelming you with their speed and depth. He’s barbarous against your throat, uncaring about the burning sensation erupting through your airway as he continues at his strength and pace. Your tongue swirls around his thrusting cock, trailing against his veins as his hips stutter.

You moan against his length, the action allowing you to gain more air and sending a snarl from Shouto’s mouth as his pace increases.

His hips abuse your throat, and you’re delighted in the fact that you’re keeping up. The soft gags that occasionally slip from your mouth, stirring him on. The hum on your throat allows him to further his strength and speed as your actions overwhelm him. He’s sinful yet heavenly in your mouth, and you want him in your dripping cunt. Your thighs shaking with the mere thought of him having his way with you.

He pulls his length away from your mouth, your saliva stringing between your mouth and his still erect cock. You cough as you try taking in the air again, the lack of oxygen had been ignored as your pleasure was so high. 

However, you don’t have the time to adjust to your new air as Shouto pulls you up from the floor. His mouth once again attacking yours as you find your back pressed against the counter. His lips are intoxicating, and you can still taste yourself in his mouth, and you moan as he lifts you up on the counter again. 

“Fuck you’re amazing.” Shouto grunts as his mouth trails down your neck, and you shudder. How you craved a man you were ready to beat the shit out of earlier was beyond you. Maybe attraction and hatred ran on a fine line.

“I know I am,” you gasp as he spreads your legs, the tip of his cock stroking your wet folds. 

“I’ll get you to say it when my cock is in you,” Shouto chuckles, and you moan at the feeling of the tip of his head sinking into your trembling cunt. “Are you ready?”

Your head nods nevertheless, and you still as he chuckles.

“Say it.”

“Shouto--” 

“I want to hear you say it,” he interrupts, and you stare into his bi-colored eyes and feel as if you’re drowning in his them. They’re desperate, needy, and full of want. It’s enough to steal your breath away as you nod again.

“Please fuck me.” you whisper, and Shouto smiles.

A shriek crashes through your mouth as he pushes his cock all the way into your awaiting cunt without hesitation. His girth stretches you out in an unimaginable way, your walls fluttering as they attempt to relax and grow used to his size. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, you’re so huge!” you cry, your body trembling when Shouto leans forward. His own breathing a quiet hiss as your walls clench around him.

“I bet I’m the biggest you’ve e-ever had.” Shouto cockily rasps, but his words feel powerless as he is affected by your pulsating walls. “Fuck, you’re so fucking tight.”

You whimper as the painful throb in your pussy lulls, and you wiggle your hips against him, “N-Now fuck me right. Don’t fucking make me regret signing up,” you gasp as his eyes lock on yours.

Shouto smiles, small and sweet, yet terribly contrasting as he adheres to your demand. His hips position to a better angle, and you can only watch with fluttering eyes as he begins ramming into you. Your hips move in time with him. Both of you desperate under your denied orgasm and this heightened state of pleasure. Shouto’s hands grip your waist, for sure leaving bruised marks as he slams your body faster against his huge cock, stretching you out deliciously. His hands drag out under your ass, clenching your supple flesh as this barely different position stretches you out in a mind-numbing way.

His hips crashing into yours is transcending, and your cries only fuel Shouto on. Your body feels as if it is on fire as he drags a single leg up onto his shoulder. His cock bottoming out into you, making your back arch off the counter as you wail out his name. Shouto’s heated fingers press against your throbbing clit, they alternate from scorching heat to blistering cold. It spins your mind, and your eyes cross. You sputter as he rubs harsh and delicate figure-eights into your puffy nerves, his movements insistent, deliberate, with the intention of getting you to come. It’s too much, the pure temperature play making you feel like you were dissociating from your body, and drool pooled from your mouth from his deliberate actions. Your pussy is clamping down on his moving cock, slowing him down slightly before he grunts and increases his speed and strength.

Your noises of pleasure become silent screams as his cock hits the back of your walls, your legs thrashing around as he drilled into you the same way. 

Again and again.

More and more.

His cock smashing against your walls until he tilts his angle and comes down hard against your g-spot.

“SHOUTO!!!” You scream as he continues pounding into your g-spot. His name a prayer on your lips as he keeps fucking your brains out.

You shoot up off the table, your screams sounding in his ear as you wrap your arms around him. Even though your leg was on his shoulder, you held on. The angle allowing Shouto to drive his cock against your g-spot over and over again. Your screams drowning out as his mouth covered yours. His body is giving you exploding sensations, your tightness making Shouto moan and curse. 

“I needa — fuck, Sho do that again — I needa come!” you squeak as your body rocks against his own. 

“Come for me, baby,” Shouto sighs into your mouth. “Come on my cock.”

The pleasure in your belly is overwhelming, it's building up so fast, and your toes curl in electrifying pleasure. You can’t handle it anymore, the desire being too much.

Your orgasm crashes through you, your vision turning white as your jaw drops as your screams go silent. Shouto’s mouth continues to move against yours, kissing sloppily against your teeth as he chases his own orgasm.

His hips continue slamming into you, they’re brutal as they slam over and over again. He’s chanting your name as your stimulated cunt keeps clenching around his length. His pace is making you grow limp in his arms, although your hips still continue to roll against his. His breathing is short and tense. Panting as he struggles to keep himself composed.

“Come inside me…” you whine into his ear, desperate to feel his hot seed expelling within you. 

His cock stretches you out in a new way as he presses you back onto the counter, his arm lifting your second leg over his shoulder. The twin bulging veins on his cock, rubbing a fire against your walls. Shouto fucks you mercilessly, his fingers clenching your ass as you come apart for him. Shouto, unable to keep a controlled mind on his shoulder, loses himself within you. His hips drilling forward one last time. A heavy load shooting into your throbbing cunt.

Shaky breathing fills the air as he pulls out of you.

You whine at the lack of him within you, and your body relaxes as he steps back. Your hands pressed against the counter as you heave, desperate to find your air again. A whimper on your tongue as you feel your combine cum seeping from your clenching pussy.

“You were amazing.” Shouto chuckles as he helps you down.

“If you want,” you pant, your legs shaking when you stand. “You’re welcome to stay.”

His eyes lock on yours, dark and knowing and already accepting. 

“Why should I?”

You grin in response, “I have a few toys I’ve meant to try out.”

#todoroki shouto #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki x reader #todoroki smut #bnha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

#annotations #ysijwa

[eldritchsurveys]

1106.

survey by chihuahua

1~ What quality do you value most highly in others? >> I think I mostly value just... compassion and openness and emotional intelligence. The stuff I have the hardest time with is the stuff I tend to want to find in others, because I think being around the traits I struggle with might help them integrate into my being.

2~ Are you more aggressive or mellow? >> I am definitely not aggressive (now that I’m not in an environment where being less than aggressive is dangerous), but “mellow” isn’t the word either. I’m mostly just easily triggered by conflict (even just perceived conflict). That’s not an invitation to treat me like a doormat, though, because I’m also easily able to block advantage-takers from my life.

3~ Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? >> This question makes me feel ill because the logical answer is “my father, he raised me even though my mother abandoned me and he should have been enjoying his retirement years blah blah blah” but I’m sick of feeling ashamed because I did not flourish under his authoritarian care. Sure, he made a lot of sacrifices on my behalf, but he also caused a fair amount of harm. So, you know.

4~ Do you take any vitamins or medication? >> Just the Pill, and my CBD supplement.

5~ Do you want to grow old with someone? >> I mean... *shrug*? (lol who is going to want to put up with me that long)

6~ Do you treat others better or worse than yourself and why? >> It’s not that I treat others better, per se, it’s just that I [used to] treat myself really fucking badly, lol.

7~ What sound is annoying you right now? >> None, because I have my MyNoise preset going so I can’t hear anything else. It’s been a hectic day and I need stability and predictability in my sensory experience right now. (As if that’s different from any other time, but it’s even more necessary now...)

8~ Where was your last vacation to? >> I guess that would have been New Orleans.

9~ Where was your last car ride to? >> Home from all the shopping we’d done.

10~ Where did you last walk to? >> The front closet to put the IKEA bag back.

11~ What gives you a peaceful feeling? >> Being in bed under my weighted blanket, in the dark, snuggling with Can Calah.

12~ Are you a light sleeper? >> Yeah, unfortunately. It’s not great.

13~ When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first? >> ---

14~ How many people have a piece of your heart? >> ---

15~ What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? >> We just buy the disposable grinders. When we settle into A Home I’d love to get those fancy refillable grinders :)

16~ When was the last time you hurt yourself? >> I don’t remember.

17~ Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? >> I think I’d rather live in the country, but I also know my limitations and while some aspects would be very good for me (the quietude, the nature), some aspects would be not-so-great (the distance from goods and services, the social isolation -- although I’m inclined to think of that as a plus, it can backfire), and there are probably other aspects that I can’t even consider because I don’t know they exist and won’t know until I encounter them and realise “oh this sucks” lol. I know there’s a good middle-ish ground somewhere (and no, it’s not the suburbs), but it’d probably take some time and a lot of providence to find it.

18~ Have you ever built something? >> No.

19~ Are you more of a maker and giver, or a taker and user? >> As a human being, I’d imagine I’m all of the above at different times. Being overbalanced in either direction is dysfunctional.

20~ Do you take naps? >> I prefer not to.

21~ Do you buy holiday gifts early or at the last minute? >> ---

22~ Do you laugh when there is no joke and dance when there is no music? >> No.

23~ If someone else were to describe you what would you hope they would say? >> I think it would be nice to hear that I’m useful and valuable to someone, that something about me sparks joy. I mean, I won’t believe it, lol, but they say the more you hear something the more likely it is to be internalised (and they also say it’s harder for positive things to be internalised than negative things, so you gotta hear positive things way more often before it starts sinking in, particularly if you already have negative programming, so me not believing it on the rare occasions I hear it is definitely not my fault lol).

24~ What is the dirtiest habit you can think of? >> *shrug*

25~ Do you ever need ‘quiet time’? >> Of course. Probably a liiiittle more than the average person, though...

26~ Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for th >> ???

27~ What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift? >> One time I found We Need To Talk About Kevin (the book) at a garage sale. I already liked the movie a lot, and the book was even better.

28~ What is one selfish thing you tend to do? >> IDK.

29~ What kinds of people do you find intimidating? >> I don’t know. I don’t find most people intimidating, per se. I mean, they’re all just people like me at the end of the day.

30~ Out of everyone you know who has the most unique personality? >> ---

31~ When do you do your best thinking? >> I have no idea.

32~ What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? >> Meh.

33~ Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? >> No.

34~ What does your favorite coffee mug look like? >> I feel like I’ve answered this a million times in the past month.

35~ What age do you think it is most difficult to be? I don’t think it’s fair to compare. Everyone goes through their own set of struggles no matter what age they are. <--

36~ Do you think you could handle a day in jail? >> I guess I’d make it through somehow, if I know for sure it’s only going to be a day. Any longer than that, though, and the prognosis starts to get dire.

37~ Who is the most overbearing person you know? >> ---

38~ Have you ever been on a trampoline? >> Yeah.

39~ What do you use batteries for the most often? >> My toothbrush.

40~ Would you prefer to wrap your own presents or have them all gift wrapped? >> I can wrap them perfectly well on my own.

#surveys #survey #random survey #not for reblogging *glare*

[rosedaewaters]

Look In Her Eyes - Ben Hardy x Reader

Synopsis: You’ve been feeling a little sick lately. One trip to the doctors changes your life forever.

Words: Around 3.7k AHAH whoops

Warnings: angst???? idk. uh- swearing, brief panic attack? talk of abortion, no action of it. vomiting too, once. i’m not sure what else are warnings, i’m so sorry if there’s more.

A/N: Hiya! this is Celestia, hope ya like it guys! Ben is a fave of mine and i just- loVE iT. 

My fingers wandered around his chest and torso, eyes still closed, noting the silence and embrace we were in. I felt his breath on my face, as he peacefully slept, little snores coming from his mouth.

I smiled and let out a little sigh, wishing we could stay like this forever.

Our life had been amazing lately, Ben was rising up in his acting career, I was finally getting more work at the Primary School, teaching Grade 1’s and 2’s. We had our whole life planned out - almost to a tee. But in this moment, I felt something wrong.

My gut apparently also felt something wrong, forcing me to pry myself out of bed and race into the bathroom, kneeling down to the toilet bowl where I flung the seat up. I felt my body convulse as I let out the acids in my stomach - it was painful. 

When there wasn’t anything left, all the bile had left my body, it was just the constant feeling of throwing up, the heaving and gagging feeling was prevalent.

“Babe? What’s wrong?” I heard him rustling around in the blankets, the squeaking of the springs on the bed, alarms rang in my head. He was coming into the bathroom.

My eyes blew wide, running to shut the door as soon as I could, locking it.

“Nothing! Nothing’s wrong, hun!” I try to play it off, but the shakiness in my voice was evident that I wasn’t okay.

“Sweetheart, just let me in,” he tries, knocking on the door softly. I hear a soft thud as he places his head on the door. “Why won’t you let me in?”

“I don’t want you to see me right now, I’m a mess-”

“I’ve seen you worse than a mess, Y/N, you know that.” He sighs, trying to open the door again, to no avail. I turn around to flush the toilet, placing the toilet seat down. I twist my feet to face the door again, unlocking it with slight hesitation.

He wasn’t wrong, he’s seen me through a messy breakup, food poisoning and the mental breakdowns I can never quite explain. He was there for me through everything, being my best friend and now boyfriend, I wish I knew how to repay him for everything he’s done for me.

Ben heard the click and his head popped up, testing the door slightly. I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste, putting one on the other. I sat on the toilet seat, wrapping my arm around myself. I began brushing, head hung low - Ben walking in and crouching down to try to see my face. He balanced his hands on my knees, squeezing them in comfort.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He places his hand on my cheek as tears begin to fall down. He gives a small ‘tut’ in sadness, wiping at my tears with his thumbs.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, I’ve been throwing up a lot, I haven’t been feeling well, everything is aching - everything.” I sniff, spitting out the foam of the toothpaste into the sink. I wipe at my own tears. “I haven’t been sleeping well, last night was the only time I slept okay! I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I sob - this wasn’t anything I’ve experienced before.

I place my head into my hands and begun to cry again, unable to stop my emotions. I feel Ben begin to pull me down to the floor as he holds me, rubbing my back and whispering sweet nothings into my ear. He was warm, like a fireplace - I grip onto his back with my fingers, pushing my fingertips deeper into his skin, he lets out a small groan.

“Maybe we should get you to the doctors, darling, see what’s wrong and how we can fix it.”

I let out a choked laugh, “Yeah, probably, that might be useful,” I grab a few squares of toilet paper and blow my nose. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this.” I breathe in through my nose.

“Y/N, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before. I’ve seen you throw up before, I’ve seen you blow my nose in my shirt-”

“I was delirious!” I defend with a small smile on my mouth, “I didn’t know what I was doing! Plus, you still stayed my friend, so who’s the gross one now?” Ben lets out a laugh.

“I also began dating you, so I guess I am the gross one, huh?” I let out a cackle at his statement, immediately regretting it as my head throbbed. He laughs while shaking his head, “It’s okay babe, I don’t blame you. All I’m saying is, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before, you don’t have to worry about me seeing this shit. I love you, very much.” He pauses to kiss my forehead. I let out a weak smile, leaning into his embrace.

I pause briefly, pulling my head up - turning myself around and pulling up the toilet seat. A few shaky breaths leave my lips before I’m vomiting again, I lean against the toilet bowl as Ben pulls my hair up, rubbing my back in a loving way.

“Maybe we should get you into the doctors as soon as possible.” I nod before leaning back down on the toilet seat.

*

“Ben, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me, it’s probably just a small stomach bug.” I try to reason, not liking the doctors' office, the silence is almost deafening, the smell is clean, almost too clean. We sit down on the chairs after we’d checked in with the receptionist. He shakes his head and places an arm around my waist.

“Darling, you’ve been feeling like this for a few weeks, it’s time to get you checked up.”

“Y/N L/N?” The doctor comes around the corner, with a piece of paper in hand. Ben pats my hand as he stays sitting, not knowing if I wanted him in the office with me.

I smile, “I’ll be out in a few minutes, Love,” I kiss his cheek as his hand leaves mine.

She ushers me into her little room, with a desk, computer and examination table. I sit down next to the desk as she sits on her chair, rolling it into the slot.

“What seems to be the issue?” She asks, fingers at the ready to begin typing.

“I’ve- uh, I haven’t been feeling well, I’ve been vomiting a lot, aching everywhere, I barely get any sleep anymore. I’m constantly run down and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I begin to get upset, I don’t know why. “I’ve also been extremely emotional lately,” I say with a sniff.

“Okay, you’ve been feeling this way for a while?” I nod. “Alright, let me quickly check your blood pressure and your lungs, see if it’s bacterial or viral, or if it’s even an infection at all.” She places the black band on my arm and it immediately begins to tighten with air. She asks me to lean forward and breathe heavily to hear my chest. She nods and begins to type on the computer.

“Just a few more routine questions, are you sexually active?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Okay, are you using contraceptives?”

“Uh-” I pause, frowning. “I stopped using the pill because it gave me migraines, we’ve been using condoms, but I-” I stop breathing, staring at the doctor, in shock. “I’ve had the injection, I had it only…” I pause, trying to figure it out. “I had it only a few months ago, I should be in to get it done again soon, right? How long ago was it?”

“You had the needle five months ago, Y/N,” the doctor says, confirming my suspicions, as she’s staring at her computer screen.

“We have been having unprotected sex only a few times, I didn’t realise I had it that long ago-” my voice becomes pitchy. “I asked for the text, to remind me to get it re-done, I- I didn’t get it- I didn’t-,” I pause, letting out a shaky breath, “I’m pregnant, aren’t I?” I ask the doctor, tears forming in my eyes again.

“I can neither confirm or deny if you are pregnant, but we can do tests if that can reassure you.” She says with a sweet voice, I nod repeatedly. I needed confirmation, I needed to know whether or not I was pregnant.

“I’ll need a urine sample - I’ll also need a blood sample, I’ll get you an urgent pathology request.” She hands me a small jar and a piece of paper, opening her door and pointing me in the direction of the toilet. “Talk to the receptionist - she’ll get the pathologist to do your blood test, I’ll also get her to call you as soon as possible with your results if that's okay with you?” I nod, spacing out slightly, the doctor places her hand on my back in a caring way. “It’ll be okay, Y/N, I’ll see you next time.” She smiles, hearing me say a little goodbye under my breath and walks back into her office.

I look at the piece of paper, it was a pathology document - hCG, was the request - URGENT - was written beside it.

Ben stands up as he sees me walk out from the corner, putting his phone in his pocket and rubbing his hands on his thighs. “You okay, Y/N?” He asks, walking up to me slowly. I look up and smile at him with teary eyes, hiding the piece of paper from him.

“Yeah, just need to pee in this jar and get a needle stuck in me.” I laugh, trying to play off the shock I was in.

I walk to the reception, handing the receptionist the paper. He smiles and looks at it - nodding. “Just wait in the room and we’ll call you in.”

“I need to get a urine sample, can I do that first?” He nods and points to the toilets. I thank him silently with a small smile, walking to the toilet. “Ben, wait in the room for me?” I give him a weak smile.

“Yeah, sure, Love,” he nods, confused, giving me a small hug. He begins to walk back into the room. I make my way into the toilets, getting the sample, twisting the lid onto the jar, I look at myself in the mirror.

My mascara was smudged around my eyes, looking like I’ve just slept in my makeup, my eyes themselves were red, veiny and it’d been obvious I was crying. I let out a sad chuckle, placing the jar on the counter, I wash my hands vigourously.

Walking out of the toilets, I hear my name being called once again. I sigh, this was going to be a long day.

*

When Ben and I went home, I’d been distant and almost non-responsive, not wanting to let it slip that I might be pregnant. I’d tried to stay silent, giving short answers, and not looking at him much. I’d sat on the couch in the lounge room, cuddled up in the fluffy blanket while Ben cooked dinner. The T.V wasn’t on, my gaze was on the wall, looking at a photo of me with my nephews and nieces. I felt tears running down my face, wiping them away with the sleeves of my jumper, pondering.

Is this something we’d both want? We were both young, still had a lot ahead of us. I’d always wanted a family, being able to come home to see my children playing around with the dog - Ben coming to greet me, after not long coming home from work himself. I began to bawl, chest heaving and finding it hard to breathe. I couldn’t do this to Ben now, not while he’s doing so well his acting career.

“Love?” Ben asks, coming into the lounge room, immediately by my side. “What’s wrong? What happened?” I found it so hard to look at him, shaking my head as he pulls me into his shoulder. He rubs my back, his nails scratching slightly too. I couldn’t help but notice the pain and hurt in his voice. “What’s happened, Y/N?” He asks, pressing his lips into my hair.

“I can’t do this to you, Ben,” I whisper, beginning to shake, voice faltering.

“Do what?” He asks, calmly.

“I can't! I won't-”

“Y/N- what happened?”

“Ben, I think-” I pause, hearing my phone ring, a small sigh left my lips. I answer it, trying to sound okay. “Hello?”

“Hi, is this Y/N?”

“This is she.” I look at Ben, a frown on his confused face, a look I’d seen too many times today.

“Hi, this is Annie from the Medical Centre, how are you?” A chirpy voice rang through my ears, I almost flinch at the happiness in her tone.

“I’m doing alright, I guess,” I pull my head down. Annie kept talking, letting me know the diagnosis, setting an appointment to see the gynecologist, sending a congratulations my way too. “Thank you.” My voice is weak again, tears strolling down my face once again. I hung up the phone and let out a loud sob.

“Y/N, what is it?” Ben says with a stern voice, a concrete expression on his face.

“I’m so sorry,” I pant, beginning to shake again, placing my hand on my chest - I’m struggling to breathe.

“I can't breathe- I can't-”

“Babe, calm down, calm - breathe in through your nose, out through your nose.” Ben places his hand on mine, lacing his fingers between them. His voice is calming and soothing, compared to my thoughts right now. I do what he says, trying my best to speak, I need to tell him. I need to tell him now, otherwise, I won't be able to. Ever.

“I’m pregnant.” I manage to choke out.

Ben doesn’t say anything, his face is unreadable. I knew he’d be mad, I knew he wouldn’t want to keep it, not while he was so successful. I didn’t know if he wanted a family with me. We hadn’t discussed the possibility of children, not even in our life plan.

“Please, say something,” I beg, pulling myself closer to Ben, placing my hand on his face, bringing him to look at me, my eyes searching his green ones. He doesn’t say anything, I just see tears begin to form in the corner of his eyes. “Ben.” I plead, bringing my other hand to his other cheek. Tears are already all over my cheeks, splayed out in anger. He let out an exasperated sigh, closing his eyes, a tear falls.

“I don’t know what to say.” He murmurs, picking at his nails. I let out another sob. “I'd figured it was something like this.”

“Look, I might just leave the house, I’ll give you some time to think about everything, I’ll stay with my mum, I’ll call you in a few days-” I sigh shakily, going to stand up and walk out of the door. I didn’t know what to do, except give Ben time to process this. He immediately grabs my arm before I could walk away.

“Don’t you dare leave. I’m not letting you outside in your state right now. You’re vulnerable and easy to manipulate at the moment.” He says, pulling me back down to the couch, next to him. He places his hands in mine, placing them into my lap. His voice is stoic - I’m still unable to read his face. “You’re not leaving. I’m just-” He pauses and looks me in the eye, his eyes full of fear. “Confused.”

“About what?” I raise an eyebrow, tears and mascara cloud my vision.

“How’d this happen?”

“Well, when people have sex a lot, especially unprotected-” Ben cuts me off, his hand placed on my shoulder.

“But you were on contraceptives - the injection? The depo shot?”

“Yeah, I got it done apparently five months ago. I’m supposed to get them every three months, to get rid of my periods, the contraceptive was just a plus. I didn’t get the text to come back and get it done again two months ago.” I feel ashamed. I should have remembered to have it done again, it’s not always the doctors' responsibility to remind me to do something. “It’s my fault,” I whisper, fresh tears making their way down from my eyes. I lick my lips, tasting the hot salty tears. “I can’t believe I’m so fucking stupid!”

“Hey, no” He looks up at me, tears clouding his eyes again. “To get pregnant, you need two to tango,” Ben defends, bringing me into his shoulder.

“If I had put it in my reminders and not relied on the fucking doctors, we wouldn’t be in this situation!” I scream, crying in a violent sense, dread was my main emotion right now. Ben pushes his hand into my hair, whispering calming ‘shushes’ into my ear.

“How far along are you?”

“They don’t know, they set me up with an appointment. But I’m guessing 5, 6 weeks?” I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, trying my best to calm myself down again, referring myself back to Ben's calming words. Ben trailed a hand down to my stomach and rubbing lightly.

“We’ll get through this, Y/N,” he presses a kiss to my forehead.

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” I whisper again, placing my hand on his. “I’m sorry I’m so stupid.”

“You aren’t stupid. You’re kind, beautiful, intelligent. You are far from stupid.” He mutters, leaning his chin on my head, closing his own eyes to calm himself down.

*

We’d both fallen asleep on the couch last night, too tired to move from the cushioned space. My arm was around my stomach and the other, around him when Ben woke up, he heard the soft snores from my lips as he examined my face.

My eyes were still puffy from last night, the mascara was smudged - remnants of yesterday's makeup also stayed on, my lip was scabbed because of how hard I’d bit my lip in hopes of trying to go back in time.

He sat up, placed the blanket over me. I’d snuggled into it immediately, a trembling sigh leaving my lips.

Ben felt horrible, he felt he hadn’t treated me right last night, from what he told me, that he didn’t bring me closure. He would be okay with the decision I’d make if I wanted to abort it or keep it. ‘It’. It’s not an ‘it’, it’s a person, a baby, a child, someone that he helped make. He made this child, this baby that’s growing inside of me. It’s probably not even the size of a strawberry. It’s young at this point, so young.

But, he’d be okay with my decision.

It’s my body, not his, he said.

He snaps himself out of his trance, taking one more look back down at me. I’d cuddled into the blanket and the corner of the couch where the cushions met the back pillows. I’d looked peaceful, as if none of what happened last night, happened.

He felt like he needed to make it up to me, no matter how small. He said he’ll keep trying to make it up for me because he loves me.

I tossed and turned, not being able to keep trying to sleep. I rolled over to find myself at the end of the couch. Frowning, I sat up and looked around.

“Why am I in the lounge room?” I asked myself, not particularly looking for an answer.

“We fell asleep there last night, we were too tired, I guess. Didn't even eat dinner.” Ben had walked in from the kitchen holding a tray. It was a tray of fresh fruit and toast. I smiled sadly at him, feeling terrible that he felt the need to do this for me.

“You didn’t need to do this, Ben,” I saw a single rose propped in a glass with a small note saying ‘I’m so sorry.’

“Yes, I did. I felt horrible about how I reacted last night. I feel terrible, Love.” Ben places the tray on the coffee table and sits next to me on the couch. I sighed - leaning on Ben’s shoulder.

“I still feel bad about it too,” I whisper. “I just feel kind of stupid.” I shrugged and looked to him, he looked at me with love in his eyes, something that didn’t seem to be present last night.

“Don’t feel stupid, Sweet.”

“I’m not going to get rid of it, hun, so if you don’t like that decision, it’s best I leave now,” I said to him, a firm look on my face as I lift my head from his shoulder, almost getting ready to leave. He places his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in.

“That’s fine. That’s great. I’m glad you made this decision, but just know that I would have supported you either way.” He pressed a kiss to my lips, a simple thing that made me putty in his hands, a simple thing that I craved from him constantly, a simple thing that makes me aware how much he loves me. “It’s your body, I don’t own your body, well - only in some ways.” I hit him his chest with a smile, he lets out a delightful laugh, something I’ve missed this past day. He gives me a kiss on the cheek, trailing it to my neck. “I love you, so much, princess.” He’d muttered into my neck. He lifts his head up and looks me in the eyes again, love and adoration filling his soulful stare. “I love you so much, you don’t even know it.”

“I think I have a clue,” I say with a smile and press my lips to his again, in a quick chaste kiss, his lips chasing mine with a small pout. “Thank you.”

“For what?” He asks, placing his hand on my cheek.

“For loving me.”

It was going to be a tough journey, a long journey but with Ben by my side, I could do it.

We could do anything.

#Ben Hardy #ben hardy x you #Ben Hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #roger taylor #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor x you #roger taylor imagine #bohemian rhaspody cast #cel writes

[365daysofmchart]

Reflecting on McHart: 3x01

Long time no see! But just thought I’d make some little (as it turns out) incredibly lengthy remarks about McHart-related things that stood out to me in the season 3 premiere of The Good Fight! May or may not do more of these throughout the season--let me know if you’re feelin’ it. Obviously 3x01 spoilers below!

1. Them holding hands, (and her leg slung over him which we couldn’t really see in the scene but did in the promo) and THAT CHIN GRAB, and him indulging her, oh my! (BUT WHY WOULD HE TEMPT FATE LIKE THAT SAYING “WHAT COULD GO WRONG?” DAMN IT, KURT!)

2. I had been planning to make a clever remark about how I had so been looking forward to seeing what a home/bedroom that was truly both of theirs would look like... and then (once seeing it in the promo/promo pics) that apparently it looks exactly like a Diane bedroom, lol (which is sweet in it’s own right too, I suppose, him just letting her run with it... or perhaps her insisting they do it together but then she vetos like 95% of his ideas so then he just gives up). But then I saw the gun case with more than a dozen firearms in it so actually a Diane/Kurt bedroom seems to be a Diane bedroom with an abundance of guns. ...Which honestly kind of surprises me, especially given that they’re not really locked away. Wondering how those negotiations went between the two of them. ...Are the guns in the bedroom going to become relevant in a later episode??? So many questions. 

But anyway, further on their bedroom, THAT THING IS FREAKING MASSIVE. I know that they want it to function as sort of a catch-all space for the season so that they can get away with shooting every single McHart home scene in that one space and so it has to serve a lot of functions, but good lord, I think an entire apartment could fit in there? And HOW MUCH SEATING DO THEY NEED? They’ve got enough for--no exaggeration--more than ten in there. That’s insane. Are they planning to have a freaking soiree in there??? HA! ...It is gorgeous though, props to Beth!

3. The domesticity of their morning! He’s shaving (with a shaving brush OF COURSE and probably a straight razor) in a towel in the bathroom and her unpacking his stuff as they talk (or holler, rather) back and forth, just kind of hanging out while doing their own things to get ready for the day. THEY’RE MARRIED. My heart! 4. Diane’s increased knowledge of his guns and his preferences despite the fact that he has probably like 50 of them. How much time does he spend talking about guns and she sits there and lets him and listens, probably mostly because she just loves watching him in his element... and also because THEY’RE MARRIED and idk, I guess you do stuff like listening to your spouse talk about things you’re maybe not totally into when you’re married?

5. He called her (at work vs. her cell) while she was on her way to work, after she had just left him, but we never find out why. WHY???

6.HER HELPING HIM PACK. Ans it’s because she “saw airplane tickets on our account.” On “OUR ACCOUNT.” Something tells me they hadn’t merged much of anything before (including their lives), but they have now and it warms my heart!

7. I actually love the way they handled the hairs/her suspicions.To start with, I think it’s natural that after everything, even if they have moved forward and are starting over, even if she has worked though everything and trusts him, I think it’s perfectly realistic that certain feelings might creep up given certain circumstances. Of course exploring this in the show could’ve easily gotten into “drama for the sake of drama” territory and been incredibly messy and destructive, but it wasn’t. 

She wasn’t looking for reasons to be jealous, wasn’t looking to catch him in a trap--they honestly were “just there.” She then handled it so well, asking him reasonable questions, went on with her day, then maturely confronted him about it at home that night. (And honestly, I don’t think she actually thought he cheated, just that he was hiding something perhaps a little less than seemly that had to do with one of his “Fox blonds.”)  And then when she does approach him about it, she starts by telling him she loves him! She’s diving into this situation knowing it could be messy/hurtful but wants to preface with an “I love you” cause they are so IN THIS. Oh, also, ya know, he was being dishonest with her/lying to her, so her suspicions were totally valid. ...And on that note, DID KURT REALLY NOT LEARN HIS LESSON ON BEING HONEST WITH HER?!?!? Like he’s the most honest guy with literally e-ver-y-one else... but his wife. I think it just comes from loving her and not wanting to upset/hurt/lose her, but COME ON, MAN.

8. “I’m being paid. I don’t have a job, I’m hiring myself out...” “They pay me, Diane; it’s money. I’m not doing it because I like them!” “I’m being paid! I’m working!” That. Job. Though. His excuses are such a cop out because they obviously don’t need the money by any means. But I think it really speaks to Kurt and his pride--he loves his wife dearly, loves her strength, will always support her and is genuinely okay with her being the primary breadwinner. ...But he also still feels the need to pull his weight--to have a purpose and to contribute something financially. To “be a man.” (But again, as much as he may feel the need to play a traditional male gender role, he also has zero expectations that Diane do the same!) Because he could always volunteer in some way, take on smaller jobs, wait for the right long-term, paying position... but he’s taken that one. Because pride (which apparently trumps integrity? LOL!). (Throwback to season 2 of TGW!) Oh, Kurt... BUT ALSO SHE SEEMS TO GET THAT, because yes, she’s definitely upset about it and judges him for it, but she doesn’t even begin to try to talk him out of it, just, “Nope, you’re right. You have to do what you have to do.” She knows it’s important to him and respects that it’s something he feels he has to do! (They’ve come so far from 5x06!) As he respects that she has to do what she has to do. Like she just walks out on some kind of vague mission and he just stands there, a little confused, but like, “...Okay? Well, you do you, I guess. I’ll be here.”

9. THEIR TEASING, I LOVE IT SO MUUUUUCH. Honestly it’s been so long since we’ve seen them relaxed and playful together that it almost felt out of character for Diane for a hot minute and then I thought back and was like, “oh yeah, never mind, this is just what they’re like together when they’re not being put through the wringer by the writers!” Gasp! ...But like oh my God, they’re so freaking cute and yes please I’ll take more wise-cracking-sarcastic-sasshole Diane EVERY EPISODE, PLEASE!!! And let’s be honest, Kurt loves it. He looks at her with heart eyes and that little smirk that he can’t quite master because he’s just so in love with her even especially when she teases him. But then “Come on, come on. A little hug, please.” Like it’s not even a kiss or sexual in any way, she’s just missed him and just wants to embrace him for a moment. And given their history in regards to physical intimacy and that we can be quite certain that their sex life is still plenty vibrant, I think that a hug actually means more than tearing into each other, you know? They’ve always had that physical draw, the hug is more a product of an emotional one. (THOUGH I WOULD HAVE ZERO COMPLAINTS ABOUT THEM TEARING INTO EACH OTHER) And then, from the slightest wince she knows something is wrong and presses him on it!

10. The entirety of the “They shot you!” scene was pure GOLD. Every line, every delivery. And then her concern followed by her frantic ire and demand to know who did it, and his trying to calm her but then getting riled himself... UGH. I love it. All of it. Every bit of it. But especially... (And some lines I’ve highlighted at the bottom!)

11. Idk, but I just really love when he shows her the ointment? It just feels SO [OLD?] MARRIED COUPLE. Like, “Yeah, I did go to the hospital and they gave me this stuff to put on it, see? Here it is. Do you want to look at it?”  (And her just automatically taking it from his hand!) Honestly I clearly can’t adequately put words to why this in particular stands out to me, but it just gets me every freaking time.

12. Moment of appreciation for their bathroom (the one room that’s actually lit properly, lol) and alllll of her products and their matching toothbrushes in the middle, then that lil red car on his side (’cause they have sides, guys!). Dying to see their bedroom reasonably well lit at some point during the season (we hope) to see more of these little details! (...Also why are their towels hanging in their washroom area where it would appear that there is only a toilet???)

13. “You’re not fit to kiss my husband’s feet--a truthful man, uncomplaining, never passing the buck, never punching unless he’s punched. When did he become the exception?” After everything, after it all, after the lies and the hurt, she still believes that this man is the greatest man to walk this earth. Perhaps she now knows that he’s not perfect... but I think she believes he’s the closest any man will get. She just loves him SO. DAMN. MUCH. And then just gently resting her arm over his waist while careful to keep her distance from his wound cause she just wants needs that connection... I CAN’T WITH THEMMMMM.

14. Also, ummm... can we please get shirtless Kurt in 3 scenes in every episode??? 15. Diane uttered like 2 “husband”s, 2 “wife”s, and one “married” in this single episode... clearly the writers are as committed to defining them as MARRIED AF as we are.

And just a few other lines that stood out to me:

“I’m happy. ...Am I ridiculous?” “You like narrating your life.”

“But mean it.”

“...And it reeked of cologne, or mousse, or something, and I know that you’d rather die than use girly products...”

“...Then which of you Fox blonds is it?” (”Fox” did not sound like “Fox” upon my first watch/listen, haha!)

“You call him Eric?” “Oh, God...”

“DIANE, you’re scaring me!”

“My God, my poor husband. What have they done to you?”

“That’s why they delayed the trip, they SHOT you!”

“I can do the ointment.” “No you can’t!”

“The most important person in my life...”

Alright, as per usual I got ENTIRELY carried away, but anyway there ya go. Hope at least one of you gets amusement out of it, lol! And feel free to comment/"Ask” your own thoughts!

Happy “More McHart is only 25 hours away!” -E

#McHart #diane x kurt #diane lockhart #kurt mcveigh #The Good Fight #I LOVE MY MARRIED AF SHIP #it took so long and we went through so much but my got is it good right now! #also though why am I like thissssss #why do I always get SO carried away I hate myself #it was just supposed to be little blurbs! #I mean good God I barely even finished in time before the new episode! #anyway more married babes sooooon #thanks for putting up with me everyone! #reflecting on mchart

[keporkak]

koi’ve decided to write a little diary here again, since 1. i need to practice my english 2. i really need to declutter my brain 3. i miss being able to remember little day to day things, and revisiting my thoughts even years later. so here goes - this is i suppose kinda private, but not really, it IS on a public tumblr - however one that nobody visits much (hello arlet!)

so this is a ramble about my new job, a long bit about my plants and my garden.

i’ve been at this new office job (scoff!! why, again?) for 2 weeks and i’m not sure i’ll last more than a month. after the whole quarantine thing, i realised how much i love just... not having to wake up in the morning when i’m least functional, getting ready (i hate how much effort i have to put into my appearance. i know i dont HAVE to, but I feel like once you set a standard at a new workplace you kinda... can’t go below it without people actively noticing it), and taking 40 minutes by buses to get there. this was supposed to be a remote job!! and i don’t feel competent at it at all!! and people are pretty dismissive and rude!!! and i wrote like 3 paragraphs just complaining about it, but i deleted those just now. idk, what’s the point, right. i just don’t like it here, and i will last till the end of the month so i get one proper payout and then i might just quit and REALLY try to survive on freelance. if ONLY i was more successful at building an audience, and potential customers!! jesus. i don’t know. i don’t draw because i don’t feel like people care to see it, and obviously if i don’t try i won’t gain anything. why am i like this

anyway, a nice thing is that i feel like my plants are trying to cheer me up?

first of all, pretty much all of my 16 houseplants are doing well - my monstera deliciosa is SUCH a good lil bugger, she keeps sprouting new leaves every week! soon she’ll have to be repotted at this rate. and my finicky calathea, whom i recently treated of mites, which involved meticulously scrubbing every leaf with a toothbrush, is also sprouting two new leaves - something i have NEVER seen her do in the months of owning her. i guess this is her way of thanking me!

in addition to that - after my balcony garden got SCORCHED by the sudden heatwave this month, it’s finally recovering - i threw out the ugly little flowers that completely dried out and replaced them with fresh herbs (more my style, the flowers were a gift from my dad). i planted my some lemon balm, chives, oregano, mint, and my favorite herb - parsley. in addition to that, my strawberry plant has waken up from its little coma - after the insane harvest of spring berries it exhausted itself and went dormant - and now it’s round two, baby! she’s full of fresh leaves and flowers and everyday i get to snack on at least 4 new ripe strawbs. i can’t believe my dad suggested throwing her out after she stopped bearing fruit and got burnt leaves from the sun! look at her now. beautiful. dad’s jealous now, too, we bought the strawberry plants together from the same store and his never did this well.

i still have an abundance of cherry tomatoes and my bell peppers are finally ripening too, which is nice. on top of that, i planted some raddish and kohlrabi (turnip?) and to my shock, after my weekend camping trip, i found that they have both sprouted already! that’s like, four days! damn.

my heart still aches after the tragic loss of my favourite one  - the pea plant that i managed to, in record time, raise from a seed into a full grown plant that gave me exactly 12 delicious pea pods before succumbing to sudden 35 celsius heat. I nearly cried when i had to throw it out, but i kept the pot.... and like a phoenix from its ashes, it has risen again!! a little sprout, but we’ll see how it does. we do love a good comeback story!

today i also bought an ivy plant that i planted next to the herbs (is that a good idea? idk we’ll see) and some seeds that i planted, too (basil, more parsley, more chives, spinach, and some pea seeds that i sprinkled around my pea plant to give it some company hopefully, haha). we’ll see. i enjoy growing plants from nothing - it feels incredibly invigorating to see baby greens poking out of the dirt where there was nothing before. it’s not easy, but it’s rewarding.

random cute stuff from the past week that i can think of :

-camping trip was nice. saw a lot of gorgeous nature, went for a really nice long bike ride, ate some really good ice cream.

-biking is still amazing, i love my bike (i named him lestat, cause he’s got sass) and i go almost every day. thank god petržalka is such a heaven for cyclists. 

-cashier lady in billa complimented me on my stag beetle brooch that i have on my bag strap. it is a not much of a brooch, it is literally a 10 cm plastic beetle that i glued pin closings to, and he’s very visible on my chest. looks pretty realistic. it was nice to see him appreciated!!

-i might start streaming, just for my friends? like, videogames. i’m good at some, very good at others, and i can talk passionately about most, and that’s why throughout my life many of my friends and family members really enjoyed watching me play. i don’t know, but i don’t mind. i don’t really want an audience of strangers, but i don’t mind the occasional company and giving my friends something to fall asleep to. i mean i play vidya often anyway, so there is not much extra effort there haha

also, not cute, but tomorrow i have my 3 hour dentist session. i’m not excited for it, but i guess it’ll bring me a bit closer to my new teeth. jesus, i can’t wait. i know it will take like 2 more months to have it all done, but i really really want it to be done.

#dennicek

[albanuvo]

Accident

Based on real events that happened on Oct.6th 2017

Like every weekday now, the alarm goes off 6 am. I run to the bathroom to put toothpaste on Ayden’s toothbrush and go into the kitchen to heat up his one waffle. I have an odd feeling but I chuck it to not sleeping well. Ayden spent the night coughing. Fast forward to 7:30 am, the alarm goes off for us to leave the house and I get that weird feeling again. I grab Ayden’s hand tight as we cross the road. I have this feeling of protecting him. I find myself doing it all morning. I didn’t pay it any mind as I usually have days when I’m more emotional and once again chucked up my maternal helicopter parenting on that itself. We fed the Canadian geese and Sea Gulls, the sun was out and it was a beautiful morning. We finished to then head to the Welsh Pantry for our shared ham and cheese toasty.Once again my grip on Ayden as we crossed the intersection quickly. Its time, We enter the gate so that the kids can head to their classrooms, all the children roll around in their scooters and walking in with their parents. The parents tired looking but with the sense of relief to give up their responsibility for just a couple hours. They love them, of that I’m sure but a moment for yourself isn’t selfish.It is much needed. As we continue to walk, in only a few feet in front of me a little boy scoots by so fast and somehow falls nearly facedown off his scooter, the poor little boy cries as his mother leaves her conversation with other mothers to aid her son. He brushes his blond hair off his red tear filled eyes being restricted to his helmet. Thank god he was wearing that helmet. Ayden says oooo that must have hurt and I feel sorry for the child. He was ok. All these kids have scooters, I’d say more than 87%. I walk Ayden in through the gate and the classroom door opens and in he goes. I love you…kiss…hug …It still hurts but easier to let go day by day.

I’ve been running around all day, I get off the bus with that feeling still bugging me but I remember I have to call the clinic to book Ayden an appointment, they tell me I don’t need an appointment as long as he gets there before 5:30. I message Alex to let him know and he says funny enough he had already called, forgetting after a certain time they do walk-ins. Got home took a shower, groceries came at 10:06 am than 11-12 when it was scheduled for, whatever.

1:06 Alex calls me to let me know that he can pick us up from the school and if I could grab him some food from Morleys. I agree and I am relieved I don’t have to run home to get ready for work at 5 pm.  Guess the routine will be changing up. 1:30 pm The alarm is going off time to leave to the bus stop. That feeling is back again. Maybe I’m just tired. Hello again to the same bus driver. The bus taking me calls off every stop and I can’t shake off that feeling but I try to focus on other things like how warm the sun is.  

Then we arrive at my stop, Hampton Court Bridge. I walk off the bus an sit right at the first bench. it was cool and the water moved rapidly but also calmly. I spot a man, perhaps Jamaican with his 2 sons. One in the stroller the other about 3 or 4. I was nervous about seeing them so close to the edge but I figured they fed the geese too and the water wasn’t deep on the edge. Another thought popped into my mind.  If the child fell in who would jump in, I cant swim! does the father know how to? I cant tell you why I think these thoughts so frequently but when I do I promise something ends up happening that day. He finishes admiring the river with his son, he starts to pull the stroller backward back up towards the ramp bumping over a bunch of tiny rocks and plant life on the trail. The older boy runs back up the trail as the father in another language I couldn’t understand calls back to him, saying, Papa, something …Idk but somehow I knew he said papa is leaving, bye son. Its what we do to get our kids to come and go with us, scare them into thinking we are leaving them behind. Seems cruel doesn’t it, not really tho, not many of us would be willing to leave our children alone or behind. Those who truly love would never do that. The man sees me and says good day to me as he continues to pull the stroller out and up the ramp passing me, the youngest is such a cutie too. Another bus stops behind me from another company, a woman calls out to me and I recognize her, she’s the grandma from one of the beautiful lil girls from another class. She says hi to me and tells me that the bus we waited for came after I left a couple days ago. Waited for an hour and 2 busses never showed up. We chatted for a bit and she left while still looking back at me several times. I’m alone again, just the traffic behind me on the road and in front, the waves of the river and I’m starting to feel cold. I don’t want to leave yet and my mind starts to wander as I stand up and stare at the river from the ramp. Why am I here on this earth? What is my purpose?  I kid you not that’s exactly what I was thinking, money, career, marriage. All the things we think about while being alone and inside our own heads. I had that feeling and I couldn’t tell why. Was I depressed, Is my monthly curse to come playing up with my emotions or sensitivity? Idk something isn’t right. 2:20 its time to start walking… I get to the area but continue to walk up avoiding the first entrance and going thru another entrance further down. I sit across the street from the school, something I never do. I like to be the first at the gate but this time I sat.My phone rings, caller Id says, Amy. Hi, are you by the school?  I’m going to be late there’s this big accident and I’m only like 5-10 late could you pick up Miya? no worries and sure, make sure you let them know some fat black woman with short black hair is coming to get her lol we both laugh and she says I will call to let them know. We agree to meet up near hers. See I’ve never picked up his cousin from school before. Something once again I’ve never done. Dare I say out of routine. As it was 2:40 I walked into the hall that leads us to the gate noticed 3 women and a baby in a stroller in the front by the gate and an older man behind them. making me 3rd in line for my baby. It’s 2:50 can someone please open the gate now? finally, she pushes the gate. We all go into line up by the doors to get our kids. I speak to other mothers about their day and their younger ones while I wait for Ayden. Then the doors open. I wish the ladies a good weekend. I tell Ayden lets go get Miya and then we will head to Morleys to get daddy his food. We approach the class and the teacher at the door immediately says are you here for Miya, I smile and say yes and Ayden yells MIYA!!! I say thank you and tell them to hold hands. We start to walk towards Morleys. Once again that weird feeling kicks in so I say “Ok kids, hold hands and let’s go and don’t let go of each other. The long line of kids and parents and children on scooters seemed endless. “Miya, did you bring your scooter?” She says “No we came with the buggy today” “  I say to her “great so let’s go then”.  As we approach the road I then tell them to get on either side of me and hold my hand until we cross. They comply but are excited about being with each other.  We are about to cross another road at this point they both are holding hands again so instead of breaking them up I reach for their connecting hands to cross the road. We walk to Morleys. They sat down as I proceeded to make the order. They played as another woman with her baby and small daughter smile while looking at them and asks me if they are both in reception. I say no Only 1, she looked on as if trying to understand something she is thinking in her mind. I know what she is thinking, not psychic but the obvious, see Ayden and his cousin look like they can be siblings, same height, and very similar characteristics. the only difference is that her hair is blond. I say to the women “They do look like siblings but in actuality They’re cousins” Her expression changed as if her question had been answered and we both smiled. She continued to admire them as they played. How could she not they both look so adorable together when they play. I watch out the glass door as I see her mother approaching with her lil brother in arms, her face in relief in gratitude.  “Thank you for picking her up for me,” she says “No worries” And as I wait for the chicken burger meal We keep talking about the kids, discussing playdate, Halloween parties, and just usual mommy stuff. Finally its done!! it’s time to go and so we walk on thru the supermarket and are talking when an older women appearsbehind me, looked like a gypsy you see in a scary film, She was pushing her little cart into the other trollies. she was wearing a scarf and \i could see a long skirt coming through her long brownish sweater, I guess I was in her way. I apologized and moved forward she smiled. I thought in my head about the movies you see about when they feel done wrong how they curse you.I know silly & SO STEREOTYPICAL but we were talking about Halloween and she spooked me as I didn’t see or hear her walk up behind me. I cut the convo short and said let’s text the plans as I have to go to work so home to get dressed etc. Since that sandwich took ages Ayden and I took to speed walking, all the while he complained of leg pains, I said to him “We are meeting up with daddy, We won’t walk.” he was adamant that he should then run. I said no! if your legs hurt just walk but try to go fast cuz I need to go home to get dressed. As we walked I grabbed a few leaves. I found this huge one I thought was awesome. We got to the car I hand Alex his food and buckle Ayden in. Let’s go! We are driving for a bit and notice a bit of traffic. its school, time of course. Kids and parents everywhere but not as bad as I had been at Morleys for enough time for the majority to disperse. We are driving down the road, it’s warm as the sun beams right into our eyes, down come the visors. Alex then say’s “ OMg there was this huge accident on the way here” I interrupt with “Yeah that must be the same accident as to why Amy was late to get Miya” Not even half a second after Miya rolled off my tongue …On the opposite side of the road a child speeds off the sidewalk into traffic, We hear what sounded like a million voices screaming a bus comes to a hard halt everything stops for a split second like a pause in a movie , in a blink of the eye everything happens simultaneously I watch Alex raise his hands to his heads , I watch as a mother screams hysterically as many ran towards her side, she drops to the floor…her screams echoed thru the cars  as others run towards the bus, people come running out their cars the bus drivers face in terror as he runs out of the bus and towards the back. Alex exclaims I didn’t just see that, god no I didn’t see that boy get hit! Is he under the bus OMG. I was in shock not being able to move or say anything I held my hand to my face, saying no no no what happened. I couldn’t see too much now as the commotion was behind the bus. I wanted to come out the car but Alex stopped me. He said “I know how emotional you are, if he is bad you cant see that. You cant go to work with that image in your head, he is being helped and it won’t help to crowd them. they will need space. “ you cant get out the car.” I wanted to so bad, something kept nagging at me. I listened to my husband disappointed at myself a bit. Traffic was at a standstill until a woman started directing it. cars came past us the car in front of us belonged to a lady and man who ran out, neighbors came running out to see the commotion. the lady took her car and parked it in reverse to the park and slowly we crept up to go by. I needed to see… I had to, I NEEDED TO KNOW IF HE WAS ALIVE. As we drove by, my husband said don’t look but I couldn’t listen again I looked, I saw him laying in the grass wrapped up in what looked like a fleece as the mother cried and others surrounded him. He was moving! Alive! As we kept going my husband was trying to keep calm as he drove. He saw more due to his angle but all I could think was, We just mentioned about the accident before 2 times before it just happened in front of us AN ACCIDENT Ayden was in the back seat so he didn’t see anything but what he did do was hear the poor woman’s screams. Screams that I kept hearing and thinking to myself it was a small child, I’m a mother! I would lose it if something happened to my child. We start to talk about how seconds before it happened a car stopped them from continuing on their journey as it turned into the estate and left them waiting to cross. We recalled seeing the mother looking into her stroller at the baby with another woman before it all happened so quickly. meanwhile, I could feel my body shaking but not visibly, it was from the inside. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that inside vibration before, was that actual shock? Forget how I feel imagine how that mother was feeling, that poor child, the bus driver. he did nothing wrong, wasn’t speeding. The child came out of nowhere onto the road. All I could hear was her screams.

We arrive home and I feel weak, I get inside the house and start to get dressed as Alex locked himself in the bathroom. I continued to feel like I was shaking. How was I going to work like this? keep calm…keep calm …relax…but the screams. Alex didn’t want to drive. but nonetheless, he drove me to work stressing about the fact that he wanted to take Ayden to the clinic to get checked due to his cough and phlegm from being sick since the second day of school. We arrive at my job, I get out Ayden has fallen asleep in the back seat, I open the door to kiss him and I kiss Alex before I go inside.  I don’t feel comfortable being here, I think to myself. I walk through the store giving fake smiles while inside I was shaking and wanted to cry but I kept my composure. My friend at work noticed something wrong. I told him what happened and he did his very best to keep me from thinking about it. I tried to even laugh and make jokes to drown out the screams when he went on break, the screams came back. I couldn’t concentrate. 

It’s 8:30 pm time for my 15 min break and I see I have a missed call. No one really calls me so I immediately assume its, my husband, as it says NO CALLER ID It happens sometimes…It was him an then he tells me what happened…. The Surrey police put out a tweet for witnesses to come forward with information. He felt he wanted and needed to help so he called. he found out that the boy was 4 years old (Damn same age as my son) We saw him go so fast due to him being on a scooter! He was Alive (thank god) but that the damage was to the legs, we didn’t know how extensive the injuries were but a relief came over me knowing he was going to be ok. almost like something left my body. I was sad to hear he was hurt but happy to know he made it. I’m glad my husband did the right thing in providing what information he could. I thought to myself … I hope there is an update soon, via news or something.

After all this, I can’t help but think the many series of events that led to this happening. The times I worried about the kids on scooters, the traffic, then mentioning of the word “accident” 3 times before it happened in front of us. the fact that the very next day on Saturday, Oct 7, 11 people are injured in a “car crash” near the London museum, which they say is not terrorism-related. Why does the word “ACCIDENT” keep popping up?

#Accident #road safety #RealLifeStory #BeAware #AlbaNuvo #PleaseRepost

[todokori-kun]

TYSM <3

Oh, no, he’s not that bad. He just gets horny when fighting someone who’s actually strong enough to beat him up (even if said someone is a 12 year old boy) and makes such…interesting…sounds while doing so that you’d have a hard time explaining to your parents that no, you’re not watching anything explicit (at least not in that way), honestly doesn’t care whether you live or die if you aren’t entertaining, might murder you just for the lulz if he’s bored, is best friends with a cold blooded assassin with a lot of issues, would kill a child if the child was powerful enough to put up a fight, has a TYPE when it comes to his murderous creepy crushes (Machi: the cold, focused lady with incredible talent who hates him, Chrollo: the extremely powerful thief with unique abilities who doesn’t particularly care for him as far as I know, (possibly)Illumi: the talented assassin who tolerates him as long as he doesn’t lay a finger on Illumi’s beloved little brother Killua (and if Hisoka ever dares to joke about killing Killua then, well, too bad for him)…yeah, Hisoka really has a type)…

yep, he’s really not THAT bad, people are just too hard on him, don’t you think? Poor guy.

You’re welcome :) I still have the crying Saiko pic tho. I might send it to you someday (lol jk jk I messed up her lips on that pic and I am too ashamed to ever show it to anyone. I might still redraw it and send it though because what else could you expect from the Dwarf in the Flask?)

Ah, that’s true. No nose + No mouth + ‘Squad leader is disappointed' look = Urie’s default face…

Watercolors really are so pretty. I love how you can make them look delicate even when using super bold, bright colors. They’re also perfect for painting angsty stuff.

TYSM, Queen Luna is so nice *hugs*

I guess I’m careful on the internet partly because it really IS dangerous, and partly because I just feel uncomfortable doing anything I know my parents wouldn’t approve of without talking it through with them? Idk, see, I can lie to people I don’t like/don’t know very well and not feel guilty about it as long as I have a good reason to, but when I care about someone I’ll feel terrible about hiding something from them even if it’s honestly not a big deal ^^;;

Luckily though I asked my parents and they don’t have a problem with Steam as long as I’m sure the games I play on there are PG-13 :) so I’ll be trying CP when I have the time! Tysm for the help and the rec <3

OH really? Wow! And yeah, Ascension glitches sometimes for me too…but usually if I try again after a while it works again. The ending is pretty awesome, so I do recommend that you try again sometime ^^

(Ishida is trolling auto-correct as well)

I’m going to college soon and I hope Ishida’s tweet won’t be summing that up too LOL (jk, jk)

I WILL FIND A WAY TO ESCAPE. I WILL CREATE THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS AND DESTROY THIS WORLD AS REVENGE, JUST YOU WAIT

Oh sure, I don’t think I’d have trouble getting along with Riza! I meant Roy taking you to meet Riza and you taking Roy to meet me XD

Imagine Evans and Riza teaming up on the Roy/Luna couple though. 

Riza: “Are you going out on a date? Colonel, please button up your shirt.”

Roy: Riza u trying to ruin my swag  “but-”

Riza: “No buts, it looks much too sloppy.”

Evans: “Luna, I found your phone. Take it with you, ok? Call me if something happens and don’t stay out too late, you need your sleep-”

Luna: “You do realize I’m older than you?”

Evans: “…”

Luna: “…nothing, of course I’ll take my phone!”

Evans: ^^

Riza: *sigh* Kids these days.

Evans: Yeah…

Scar and Evans are both in denial so they’ll keep going round and round in circles until Queen Luna decides to be her awesome self and fix it all up.

(‘Great, because I’m not! Have fun’ seriously you are QUEEN)

I’m sure the queen is absolutely gorgeous <3

I’m sorta like that too- with most people physical contact is a huge NO I hate it, but with people I’m REALLY close with (my mom, my little sister) I love to cuddle. Idk, I’m weird lol

I ship it too. Ugh why do I ship everything except the canon ships

I’m gonna forget it later if I don’t write it now:  I’ve watched Zankyou no Terror and I’m pretty sure you’d like it! It’s about terrorists and has plenty of suffering and ridiculous english. Right down your alley XD

…wow. Just. I have no idea what to say other than ‘this is why I always wear headphones when watching anime’. I mean. Nope, I’ll be quiet.  The pic’s still really good, tho!

Yeah, poor guy, I wonder why people give him shit. It’s a mystery.

Aw, I wanted to see it… well, if you’re not comfortable sharing it, then it’s no problem ^^ If you ever do redraw it though…. I actually want to get my feels destroyed for once. 

I literally clicked on a random chapter. He has his nose and lips tho. Speaking of Urie, oh god the new chapter. I cry.

One time in elementary school, we did this thing with watercolours that I really loved, even though my art turned out like shit: You draw a tree trunk with brown colours normally, then take pink colours (or whichever you want), dip in a toothbrush or normal brush and try to like… spray the paper? Splatter the paint? I honestly don’t know how to describe it in english XD  But it looks pretty cool when done ^^

Well, as long as you don’t give out personal info and go to weird sites that could give viruses, it’s not that bad. You can never be carful enough, tho, so it’s nice that you’re cautious ^^ And it’s nice that you tell your parents. Mine don’t even know I have a tumblr XD I don’t think they care, though. Mostly because they trust me not to do stupid shit on the internet.

Oh, sweet! I’m pretty sure that CP is pg-13, There’s no cussing as far as I remember and no gore either ^^  Just a bucketful of angst. Tell me when you start playing! And which route you choose as your first one :D My recommendation is either Karma or Rod. Well, Fritz and Waltz are locked until you’ve done 2 routes, but Rumpel (the 3rd unlocked character) has quite a few spoilers in his route, so I’d recommend doing him 3rd.

It’s been at least a year since I’ve played Ascension. It still glitches RIP. It seems the game hates me XD

Ishida is the troll king. We need to make him a crown or something.

I’LL JUST FILL THE FLASK UP WITH EVEN MORE CONTENT YOU LIKE!!! I’LL BRIBE YOU WITH A NEVER ENDING SUPPLY OF FANWORKS AND ANGSTY BOOKS! 

I think I’d get along with Riza just fine XD We’d sigh over Roy and paperwork together :P What do you think you’d be like if you’d meet Mustang?

Riza always ruins his fun XD I think there was that theatre video in which she’s like ‘don’t forget to brush your teeth and floss, sleep at least 8 hours a day’ etc. She’s really his mom (and yet I ship them like titanic (minus the catastrophic sinking))

Yes mom, thanks for remembering my phone, I would’ve forgotten it myself XD I’ll call you if I need someone to pick me up :P

At first it’s cute how you two are shy about it, but then at one point I get fed up and just set you up so you can finally hold hands and be happy. I don’t even try to be subtle anymore. I’ve had enough of that XD

Nah, that’s not weird at all. It makes perfect sense ^^ A lot of people I know are like that! One of my friends doesn’t accept hugs/touching from anyone, including family and very close friends.

It’s a rule of the universe. If you ship it, it’s not gonna be canon. 

THE NEW CHAP. DAMN THE NEW CHAP. I’m mostly (only) emotional over Urie, though. I’ve stopped caring about the others a long time ago ^^;;;

Whoah, that’s pretty interesting! I’ve never played the game or seen any playthroughs, but still.  The Oggai are not to blame for what they’re doing. If I was abducted when I was that young, I’d probably be an obedient puppet as well.., 

One thing I can say about the designs: they’re suffering. Other than that, the sketches are a tiny bit messy, but they do seem to fit their personalities well ^^

And thank you <3 I change my icon quite often, so don’t be surprised if you find a new one often :P

#evans #submission

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 2x20 recap

(Aka the one where the team pulls a prison break and a few big secrets are revealed) 

This is one of those episodes that improves upon rewatching (possibly due to being too traumatised the first time around). And with so much of the story revolving around badass ladies, what’s not to love??

So, here’s installment #2 for this week. Enjoy.

Ughhh my baby Zapata is having her mugshot taken and I’m super conflicted about it bc on one hand I’m so worried for her but on the other all I can think is that she looks like a freakin’ model and ugh this is too much for me rn. And ugh she’s being shut up behind bars and she looks so little in her orange jumpsuit and everyone else looks so mean and angry and ugh my precious cupcake ughhh. And oooh here’s Ronda, and it’s actually so weird to see her meekly handing over her toothbrush bc her irl fighting persona is always so (ง'̀-‘́)ง  and just ready to throw down at all times. I love her little jibe about the other chick needing the toothbrush more tho haha– maybe not quite as meek as I thought. And then awww Zapata is like 'here, friend’ and offers her another toothbrush and gets totally brushed off (heh). But dammit Ronda– I mean, Devon– that was just plain rude to my baby, she’s only trying to make friends, c’mon

Ugh speaking of my babies, Jane is being super adorable and talking about needing to fix the radiator (*cough* Weller could probably do it *cough*) so Roman could get a good night’s sleep and ugh she sounds so chipper and I very much believe that she slept very well with some very pleasant dreams (basically playing out the plot of Uninterrupted, lbr) and ughhh she’s on such a high and then sigh Roman brings it crashing down by bringing up The Emma Secret. I’m emotional over the fact it’s tearing him up this much to keep it from Weller though– shows he really isn’t the same as Old Roman. And ugh Jane knows he’s right but she also feels even more trapped by it than she did before, bc since Roman has been allowed out she knows that it will only look worse that she held this back and ughhh she and Weller are in such a good place rn and she so desperately doesn’t want to ruin that, even though she knows she has to 'fess up and do the right thing and ugh my poor baby I don’t like your choices but I can understand them, and I know you are heading for a whole lot of pain and ugh can’t I fix this for you both somehow please

Speaking of my handsome munchkin (who I bet also slept extremely well last night, and possibly even had to do some early morning laundry because of it), Weller has called Patterson into his office because he has reports of her not going home at night– and lollll her sputtering indignation is so priceless. Genius she may be, actor she is not. And he tells her that her keycard log gave her away, which raises two points for me: first, surely she would be smart enough (and obviously have the skills) to erase those logs so no one would find out? Unless she was just too frazzled, idk. And secondly, has Weller taken on the role of checking all the logs so he can spot anyone coming and going who shouldn’t be? Silently watching over his team and his office? Ugh my beautiful protective son. And then he’s so gentle when he asks her what’s going on and reminds her that she has to trust her team and learn how to delegate, because they need her. And she gets in a huff and goes to leave like an angsty teen, but he tells her to wait and follows her and ugh Weller please hug her. Please. But instead he tells her they have to look after themselves and asks her to go see Dr Sun. Damn, would have preferred the hug. But sidenote at least we know that they know about Zapata already? Phew. They’ll get her out, I know it.

Oooh Jane arrives at the bullpen looking nervous, and Weller is literally one of the first people she sees. Ugh and she’s almost a little breathless as she says 'hey, Kurt’ (ugh the first name thing still gets me, though I love that she also still uses 'Weller’) and he’s all cool like *nods* 'Jane’, and her breath comes out on a tiny almost-chuckle which I am very much going to assume is related to the fact that they’re being all cool and casual when like 12 hours ago they very nearly made out with each other’s faces and then proceeded to spend the whole night dreaming about it. But she avoids that topic and asks about Zapata instead, which means she’d already been briefed on it before even getting to work… and then aaahhh they’re literally making small-talk, with Weller asking her about how things with Roman are going (bet he regrets letting him out a little just bc now he can’t come over for private time at Jane’s haha) and she admits she’s worried about Roman, about how he only ever sees the NYO and the safehouse and ugh I get where she’s coming from but also honey don’t be asking for too much too fast… and then omg this takes an unexpected direction when Weller literally seems to have a lightbulb moment and invites them both over for dinner tonight. Omg. This is literally a date under the guise of a friendly dinner. It’s a date-plus-chaperone. And wow Jane goes from surprised and delighted to terrified to faux-happily accepting all in the space of a second, and then as he tells her the time and turns away, her 'sure’ is barely more than a whisper, her hands moving awkwardly like she literally doesn’t know what to do with herself because shit, she can’t do this, she can’t keep this from him any longer bc in that split second when he suggested dinner she wanted it SO BADLY but she knows she can’t have that connection between her and him/him and Roman until she’s honest with him, and so now a deadline has been put in place. There is never going to be a 'best time’, so the time is today. She’ll tell him today. And ugh as she watches him walk away, she’s completely and utterly terrified that the next time he walks away from her it’ll be for good…

Ugh I love prisons. Why do places that represent such awful things fascinate me so much?? Well, okay, because of my eternal love of Prison Break, obviously. But still. They’re just interesting. And speaking of interesting, Zapata’s about to step into a fight between Devon and the Boss Lady. Boss Lady gets in a good first punch, and Devon looks like she’s about to get her ass beaten, when Zapata walks straight into the Boss and is all 'you’re in my way’. Ooooooh man she may be tiny but she got biiiig balls. But then aaaahhh Boss Lady is kicking her ass and nooooo my babyyyyy I don’t want to see thisssss. She and Devon actually start doing a pretty good job of holding their own, though, and I’m personally really kinda enjoying seeing them team up and kick butts. Oh hold on, Boss Lady is named Liz. That’s easier. Also man the whole no-snitching thing is such an interesting culture– everyone else present knows who’s responsible, but doesn’t say a word, even when they lose their yard time too. And oooohhh noooo Weller’s here to visit now and ughhhh the stunned look on his face when he sees her injuries and the slightly ashamed but also defiant look on hers when she sits down. Aaaaarghhh. And he’s all “what the hell happened” because he’s Mr Protective and hates to see his family getting hurt and ughhhhh. And then lol I love how the camera zooms in as he looks around, telling us that he’s about to reveal a secret. And he does– turns out, this whole thing is all their own plan. And then we get a flashback to the bar– and wait hold on, that was 72 hours ago?? Dammit, that means we actually missed the cutely-awkward morning-after-almost-kissing Jeller interactions? Ugh I’m so bummed. Ah well, I’m going to assume it just involved a lot of quick, shy smiles and carefully keeping their conversation limited to Zapata and other safe topics. But omg okay I’m over my disappointment now bc ughhh in the flashback Weller’s getting teased by the others for offering to pay for the next round– which apparently he never does? I’m kinda surprised by that. Also I feel like they’re a little past round three rn lol. And ugh Jane defends him by saying he bought her drinks once– when she had no money and no ID. And wait this needs to slow down because I have many questions???? When was this drinks-buying?? Who else was there?? And does this mean she now DOES have ID? What name is on it?? And lbr who would think she was underage anyway? Surely no one would bother to card her. But ugh the main takeaway from this moment is that HER HAND IS ON HIS SHOULDER AS SHE SPEAKS. UNNECESSARY AND LINGERY TOUCHING, MY FRIENDS, AND SO RECENTLY AFTER THE ALMOST-KISSING. THERE IS NOTHING UNINTENTIONAL OR INNOCENT ABOUT THAT. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. And then ugh Patterson gets a text with details from one of the shredded Sandstorm documents– she’s found a new name, a new Sandstorm member for them all to track.

So now they’re all at the NYO, wearing the same clothes, and all I can think about is all of them sharing an Uber to get there lol and I so want to imagine Weller and Jane squished up against each other in the backseat with Zapata smirking on Jane’s other side and deliberately taking up as much room as she can, but I feel that logically it would have been the three ladies in the backseat and Weller in the front. Sigh, logic sucks. Anyway they look at the details they found on Devon, who was arrested for weapons smuggling, most likely for Sandstorm. Weller wants to bring her in, but Jane says she won’t talk if they do– so she offers to go undercover instead. Nice thought, honey, but given that you’re kinda the heir to the Sandstorm throne, this is one undercover op you can’t do. And ughhh Zapata’s got her determined face on and says 'let me in, Coach’ and ugh she brushes aside his objections and tells him they need to step things up if they want to get ahead, and ugh he doesn’t like it but looks at Jane and she looks back at him and even without a single word exchanged he knows she agrees with Zapata and so he gives in. Ugh my amazing in-tune babies. But because he’s Weller, he’ll only allow it if there’s safety measures in place, because he needs to protect her any way he can. And so no one– not even the arresting officers– know that this is a sting. So what did they have her arrested for though?? They must have made something up, bc it totally wouldn’t be the Coach Jones thing. There’d be no way to wipe that slate clean. But anyhow back in the present, Weller is still very unhappy about her not calling for help, and she’s all 'dude I started that fight on purpose and could have ended it in a heartbeat if I wanted to’ and ugh he’s so uncomfortable about it and worried about the consequences and tells her he’s pulling the plug– but she calls him out bc they both know they’ll never get another shot at Devon if they stop now. Remember what I said about that understanding she and Weller have? This is a good example of that. He doesn’t concede, though, just compromises, because he’s still the boss and looking after his family is still his #1 priority, even above Sandstorm. And then aaahhh Zapata gets back to her cell and finds her bed on fire, and one inmate tells her she’s lucky that they waited til she wasn’t in it. Daaamn. I think my baby knows now that Weller was right. I bet she wishes she had him (or probably Jane instead, lbr) in here with her rn, someone she knows has her back, someone that would keep her from feeling afraid. Ugh my poor sweet baby is in over her heaaaaddd

Ugh Weller walks back into the bullpen and Jane immediately looks up from her screen and asks him how Zapata is doing. Sidenote though: do these guys not have allocated desks, because Weller’s team just seems to sit anywhere. Maybe they can do that bc they’re the elite lol, everyone else just gives up their spot at a single look from one of the Super Squad. It’s probably considered an honour. But also, what is on her screen rn?? It’s a picture of some kind of room, maybe a kitchen, bc it looks like there’s cabinets or something? Are there cameras in her safehouse and she’s watching over Roman? Surely not, right?? Ugh idk. But anyway Weller tells her that Zapata is as bullheaded as ever, and now hmmm, who does that remind me of lol? And ugh Jane stands but can only nod in response, and then when he heads for his office she takes a deep breath and follows. Oohhhhhhh boyyyyyy. It’s happening. Good luck, honey. And lol I love that Weller is very confused when he finds Jane silently following him into the office, but his first question is if she’s okay. I wonder if he thinks she’s coming to talk about ~them~, especially when she tells him there’s something she’s been meaning to talk to him about? But then ughhh she says it’s about Roman and she looks so terrified, standing there behind the chair, holding onto it like it could protect her and oh man her heart must be racing rn bc she knows how huge this is, and how easily it could destroy them, and ugh she’s so terrified to lose him but she can’t keep lying and so she just says it with tears in her eyes and ugh Weller looks like she just slapped him and she rushes to explain and to defend Roman but Weller is fixated on how long she’s known, how long she’s kept it from him. And ughhhh has it really already been a few weeks? Crap that really is bad. Dammit, Jane, you should have never let more than a few days go by. A few days to process is understandable. A few weeks must seem like deliberate deceit and ugh I can’t deal with the way his face crumples when she tells him that, like it’s almost the worst part of the whole thing and he physically steps back from her and holy shit Sully is killing it because I have actual tears in my eyes watching this scene (and he certainly has them in his) and ugh her voice is getting higher and faster as she desperately tries to explain, and he’s still so silent, reeling, until suddenly he just explodes and advances on her, accusing her of lying to him to protect Roman, to get him released from his cell, and she swears that it was HIM she was trying to protect and ugh she’s telling the truth (yes, she wanted to protect Roman, but I do believe she was trying to find a way to spare Weller this heartbreak too) and she tries to tell him that but he just turns away and she knows he won’t be able to believe it and ugh he tells her she has breached their trust 'as friends’ (mmmm-hmmmm, because that’s all they are) and ughhhh they’re both so close to crying as she apologises again and he tells her that she’s also cost them a lead they could have been following and ugh she tries to fix it by saying she’ll work with Roman and Dr Sun to bring out more details of who else is involved but maaan that was the wrong thing to say and he basically forbids her from doing any such thing and then kicks her out of his office and ughhhhh when he turns away he’s working so hard to hold back the tears and I’m headcanoning that he immediately finds something breakable and dispensable that he can destroy while Jane heads straight for the most deserted spot in the NYO (lbr she knows where all the hiding places are) and just sobs because she must feel like history is repeating and she’s lost him for good this time and she hates herself for doing what she did but she was torn in so many different directions– protecting Weller, protecting Roman, protecting herself– that it all just got away from her and then it was too late and ughhhhh my baby needs a huuuuggggg

Nawww Zapata’s sitting all alone– conveniently at the table closest to the door where people walk in with their meals– when Devon sits down with her and ugh I am kinda really hoping they actually become friends? And ugh I love that we get to hear Zapata talking with an accent again, and telling her fake backstory, but lol honey don’t lay it on too thick about not being a snitch and being loyal to your people and all that haha. And then dude why would you ask about the scar, you don’t wanna seem like you’re prying… but actually it doesn’t seem to matter, bc Devon is actually kinda more wide-eyed and innocent than I expected? Like she’s not all hardened-criminal, which is a surprise. She just admitted some pretty identifying details which I feel like most wouldn’t do. And ugh Liz walks in and Devon and Zapata look at each other like two little nerdy kids who know the bully is about to come for their lunch money and ugh I know they’re both way better in a fight than I am but I still just want to like pull them behind me and protect them lol

Oh dear. Patterson is having some computer troubles, and it turns out that one of her lil lackeys– Stuart– installed an OS update on half the computers, meaning that half are now pretty much useless for a day, which reaaaally pisses her off. Lucky Weller has just arrived, though, so he can defuse the situation before it turns into something unpleasant. Poor Stuart basically runs away, looking like he needs a change of pants. Poor guy. I like him. Hope the update was an honest error and not some sneaky Sandstorm thing. Ugh and then Patterson just launches into her spiel about the intel Zapata sent, not even noticing the crazy amount of tension that fills the room when Jane walks in. Ugh it hurts me how Jane hesitates, looking at Weller, as if she’s trying to figure out if she’s welcome or should leave. But he doesn’t make an indication for her to get out– just turns away– so the two of them just stand either side of Patterson and avoid looking at each other. Patterson’s found the owner of the gun range Devon used to work at, and they wonder if he is also the boyfriend– even though he’s like twenty years her senior. Surely not, though, because she’s just far too pretty to be with a grizzled old thing like him. I much prefer the thought that her boyfriend might be Sandstorm. Weller gives Patterson the order to have the guy brought in, then walks out without a word to Jane– and ugh the defeated look on her face as she turns to leave via the other exit hurts me. Meanwhile Patterson finally picks up on the weirdness– I mean, with just the three of them left of the team, it’s kinda hard not to notice when the two of them that are normally joined at the hip can barely look at one another…

Ugh they’ve brought the guy in but Weller is interrogating him alone. This is normally the exact kind of suspect he would want Jane there for, since dudes (well, everyone, but dudes in particular) tend to like opening up to her. And okay he’s not the boyfriend– he also mentions she was a teenager when she worked for him eight years ago?? Which means Devon is literally around my age at the very oldest, and possibly younger? Ugh this messes with my life view a little bit haha. But oooh he remembers her boyfriend– skinny, pale, cold blue eyes, hell of a shot– and for a moment I’m like ‘wait, Roman??????’ (Bc honestly that’s actually a pair I could get behind) but then nope, Weller shows him a picture of Parker and the guy confirms it’s him. Really?? Really??? Parker is so slimy and strange-looking and unlikable and Devon is so gorgeous and kickass and awesome?? I don’t agree with this match at all, but then again I will admit I am biased bc I’ve definitely got a girl-crush on Ronda and think she’s totally gorgeous so maybe I’m not the best judge. Ugh. Well, I guess if he makes her happy… also lol now Weller and Jane and Patterson are in the bullpen and Weller and Jane are standing waaay further apart than they normally would, and though Jane looks at him when she speaks, he refuses to look at her. Sigh, my babies. But anyway, now their initial plan has changed– instead of just getting to Devon, they need to use Devon to get to Parker. 

Zapata’s on it; offering her phone if Devon wants to call him. Naww, look at these two being buds now. But then oh shit Liz comes with her gang, and someone shanks Devon in the gut. I literally shouted 'noo!!’– and okay lol I think I am maybe a bit too attached to this random guest character. Damn girl-crush. But ughhh Zapata yelling for help is so heart-wrenching, ugh my baby. And then she calls the team later and ugh I love that Jane is using the phone call as an excuse to stand close to Weller (I understand honey, I’d take what I could get too) and lol I also love Patterson’s “Why would you do that?!?” when Zapata says she picked a fight with one of the other inmates. Weller wants to pull them both out but Zapata refuses, saying that will tip Devon off that something is going on, but he doesn’t care, he only wants his friend safe ugh. But omg Zapata’s like 'let me get her out another way’ and Patterson’s 'you mean, besides with permission??“ hahahaha. Yes, honey. That’s exactly what she means. And oooooh this means two of my fave shows are now coming together, because this is totally about to be a prison break woooo. And ugh "I’m not asking you for permission, I’m asking you for help’. Sigh, poor Weller. He’s really being put through hell by his angels today…

Ooooohhh Roman’s in the gym, being watched very closely by his detail (god I hope at least one of them isn’t straight so they can get some entertainment out of this) and oh boy Weller’s walkig in and removing his watch and his tie and uhhhhhhh buddy, the way you’re holding that tie looks a little like you’re about to strangle Roman with it, and you know that that’s a thing you really shouldn’t do, right?? Right??? But thankfully the tie goes away (the camera peeps probably just didn’t want it dangling in Luke’s face in the shot haha) and he offers to spot Roman, then a moment later tells him that Jane came to see him and told him the truth and Roman’s eyes just flicker a little bit like he knows some kind of punishment has to be coming and he’s okay with it. And then Weller pushes down on the bar, pressing it into Roman’s chest, and his detail are all like 'Sir??’ because their entire job is to protect Roman but what are they supposed to do when the person Roman needs protecting from is the boss that gave them the order in the first place?? And ugh Roman apologises and says he should have told him right away and ughhhh Weller asks if she suffered (lbr what kind of idiot would say yes to that) and ughhhhh this is so intense and then suddenly Weller lifts the bar up (ooohh, nice muscles) and puts it back on the rack thing before walking away– but Roman halts him, apologising and telling him he’s not that person anymore since Shepherd erased his memory– and oooh Weller did you just remember that you yourself have forced Jane to lie to someone she cares about?? Mmmm-hmmm, maybe you shouldn’t get too settled on your high horse, given that you were the one that convinced her lying to someone was okay for the right reasons… And then ugh Roman says he understands if he has to go back in the cell, but he asks him not to blame Jane, that she was just trying to do the right thing, and ughhhh I love this sibling bond. They care about each other so muuuuchhh and I believe Roman totally knows how she feels about Weller and just ugh. Weller is still all *angry face* tho and strides out and ugh why must the writers hurt us all like this

Back in the bullpen, Jane and Patterson are going over some details as Weller heads back towards his office, and since Jane can’t exactly say 'hey Patterson, can you call Weller over’ she just steels herself and calls out to him, only faltering slightly when he glares daggers in her direction, before stomping up there like a grumpy bear. Patterson can clearly see the tension now– like Jane actually seems to be legitimately afraid of him rn, which is all kinds of wrong and she knows that something has dfinitely happened. She rolls with it well though– doesn’t really have much other choice– and takes them through the escape plan. And ugh the fact that the infirmary is key to the escape and that they will get out the door by cutting the power is making me kind of emotional. And Weller snarks that there has to be a backup generator, and Jane answers that it’s old and takes a while to kick in. Duh, son, I mean they have been going right through this plan together while you were off terrorizing your future brother-in-law. And ugh just now was the first time he’s looked directly at her since they were in his office and ugh I’m emotional about ittttt

Lolllll Zapata has made a mini-taser from her flip phone and idk why but it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Like yeah okay, show, I’ll just take your word for this one. I love that she just tases one guard and then is able to get Devon out. Good thing the girl wasn’t hard to convince. And loollll Weller’s doing a little more roleplay this week, this time as an electrician, getting all awkward as the guard literally stands over his shoulder. And lollll he starts to cough all over his flashlight and then asks the guard to hold it for him, brushing the cough off as nothing and probably not whooping cough like his kids have got. Well that’s what you would get for not vaccinating your fake-kids, fake-electrician Weller! His ploy works entertainingly well though (my boy ain’t dumb, though it seems like the guard is) and the guy all but runs away, leaving him to it. Patterson and Jane are out in a van nearby, and she tells him to look for a labelled switch. Except there’s none of either. Just wires. And they’re seriously running out of time, bc Zapata and Devon are already approaching the door. Patterson works some magic and Weller cuts the right wires– but the two ladies run into Liz and one of her lackeys (I love Patterson’s "This is very not ideal” and Jane’s “No, get to the fence” commentary as they watch on the monitor lol) and then ugh Zapata and Devon go full badass and have a huge showdown with the other inmates and daaamn I love watching kicakass women fight?? And they get out the door just before the power comes back on (man that was a quick three minutes) and are heading striaght for the live fence– but Jane has their backs. She’s outside the van with a massive gun, shooting the crap out of the backup generator just seconds before the two of them hit the fence. Ugh I’m so proud of her. The two are over and out in moments (shouldn’t there be guard towers or something tho?) and Zapata cleverly lets Devon drive, making her think she’s in charge. Weller and Jane follow in the van, listening into the women’s conversation over the comms as Zapata gently manoeuvres Devon into leading them to a Sandstorm hideout. I’m already so sad for the moment Devon finds out this was all a trap bc I really think she already considers Zapata a true friend and ugh I just really like her okay

And then ughhhh Weller starts to tell Jane about talking to Roman (Patterson has headed back to the NYO so they’re alone in the van) and Jane acknowledges his anger but asks him to direct it at her, not at Roman, and he almost laughs at that– ah the mayhem twins, each always trying to protect the other. He has a sister too; he can understand it. But he’s determined to be angry at both. She reminds him that, like her, Roman isn’t the same person he was before the zipping, and asks Weller to look past his previous mistakes the way he did with her. But uhhhh Jane, Weller isn’t in love with Roman. So the two situations can never be the same. Ugh but the way her voice breaks and she looks down as she begs him to give Roman another chance?? And ughhh the tears in his eyes when he tells her about losing Emma, losing the only other person who was as affected as he was by the loss of Taylor, how alone he felt, and now the realisation that she was killed because of her connection to him— that’s the real source of his anger. It’s pain, not only at Jane’s lies, but at the fact that he now has to live with Emma’s death on his conscience as well as Taylor’s. Jane quietly tells him she knows how that feels, because she does– and seriously writers, putting in that Mayfair flashback was super unnecessary. Trust me, none of us have forgotten. And hell, some of us are still holding onto hope of her being alive, so keep that traumatising junk to yourself. But ugh Jane comforts him an promises him that they’re going to get Shepherd, who he’s realising is the real person he should be angry at right now. And let’s not forget, he said himself just a week or two ago that Roman was merely a soldier following the orders of a monster. If he meant that then, he has to believe it now. I mean, I can totally see how hard it would be to focus all that pain on someone firmly out of your reach when a convenient scapegoat– two, in fact– are right there in front of you, but Weller’s not the same guy who arrested Jane that night without giving her a chance to explain or defend herself. He’s learned and grown, and this time instead of turning from her, he’ll turn to her, and together they’ll face down the real enemy. And hopefully with a little bit of making out along the way.

Uh oh, Devon’s bleeding is getting worse– though she insists she’s fine– and Zapata dials up the pressure, asking her how her boyfriend would feel if something happened to her and he could have prevented it. And Devon gives in, calling him and ugh when she says she’s being helped by a friend, Zapata looks away bc she totally feels guilty and ugh my babies I just want you to be BFFs okay?? Parker gives her a place to meet, and Weller gets Patterson to send a team there. Except then Devon pulls into a scrap metal yard and Zapata’s all ??? and Jane immediately tells Weller when the tracker goes off-course, who immediately knows that things aren’t good. They’re only two miles away, but that might still be too late… And then Zapata’s like 'oh shit’ bc Parker is meeting them there instead– Devon used a code when she mentioned that the car should be turned into scrap metal– and so she quickly puts the phone in her boobs, which all women know is the best place for phones to be kept safe. And ugh she knows that the moment she steps out of the car she might be shot and ugh I’m so worried for her, and also miffed that Parker gets to hug Devon like I bet this random actor guy is super excited about getting to play Ronda’s bf (grumble grumble) and ugh anyway Zapata gets out and Devon is all happy to introduce her friend but he’s just like “Special Agent Zapata” and lol I love that he uses her title?? He could have just said her name. I approve of him being respectful tho haha. But ugh then he pulls a gun on her, which is not very respectful, and Devon looks upset that Zapata tricked her (nooooo please still be friends) and Zapata fights back (nice shot to the balls there, girl. I strongly approve) but gets knocked out and ughhhh where are they taking her and what are they doing to her and ugh Jeller arrive too late and then Patterson directs them to where the phone last had a signal and ughhhh Parker is going to use Zapata to lure Weller and Devon looks so sad and ugh can we steal her like we did with Jane and Roman? She could totally be on our side… 

Uh oh. Patterson is trying to turn Zapata’s phone back on– and thus find her and possibly save her life– and her computers start glitching up again, and oh dear Stuart is right in the firing line, and ugh the poor guy didn’t know that they’re supposed to do a bugcheck before installing a new update and omg she literally grabs him and shoves him into a wall and in a way it’s almost comical bc he’s like a lot taller than she is but it’s also super sad bc she’s convinced he’s working for Sandstorm or something and when she’s all “WHO DO YOU WORK FOR??” (Ask him three times, honey, then he’ll have no choice but to tell you the truth) and he says “I work for you! I’m sorry!” and ughhh he’s such a terrified lil puppy and everyone else is watching in shock and then she suddenly realises what she’s doing and legit bails from the room?? Like uh honey your team does still need you…? And then Weller tries to contact her, and who takes the reins but Stuart, telling him that Patterson had to step away (such loyalty ugh) but that Zapata’s phone came back on and he sends them the blueprints of the place. Atta boy Stuart! And Jane shows Weller the blueprints and he tells her that when the team arrives he wants her to take half and enter via the walkway to the second floor, and he’ll take the other half via the front. She’s surprised, questioning whether they shouldn’t just go in together like usual, but he shakes his head and tells her that she’s the only one he trusts out there, and ugh he looks her in the eye as he says it and she’s the one that has to look away bc she doesn’t feel deserving of it after what she did and ughhhh save me from this helllllll

Ugh they get to the location and Weller sees the blood in the trunk and ugh he must be so worried for her and he and Jane both immediately split up and take command of their individual teams– I looooove seeing trained FBI agents follow Jane’s command ugh, and she even seems to know at least some of them by name ugh– and Weller reminds his team to take all suspects alive and ughhhh this is so totally a trap and I’m worried. And then omg Zapata screams Weller’s name and god it just makes your heart stop. But she’s okay; she’s just tied to a chair on a tiny little platform– but unfortunately one rigged with explosives. She tells him she doesn’t know where Parker and Devon went, but she sees movement just in time to warn him, and he takes cover as Devon shoots at him. I appreciate that she doesn’t shoot Zapata. Weller pulls some kind of big rolling metal thing to shield both himself and Zapata, and Jane reaches the upper level just in time to draw the baddies’ fire. Trusting her to take care of it, Weller leaves his cover and drags a fridge over to switch out for Zapata– this guy has totally watched a lot of Indiana Jones, hasn’t he. And loooolll she’s almost offended, like 'you think I weigh as much as a fridge???’ and he snarks back that there’s no minifridge around so it’ll have to do haha. And ugh when he tells her his plan– one that could easily get him killed right along with her, she just smiles at him with kinda teary eyes and for once doesn’t argue or give him any crap. She just trusts him, because he’s her family and she knows he’ll do whatever it takes to save her. And Indy would be proud, because the plan works, and they both get to safety. And haha Zapata: 'okay, I guess I weigh as much as a fridge’ hahaha. Well if it’s any consolation, it looked like a really light fridge??

Jane’s lil buddy is going head-to-head with Parker, so Jane takes on Devon, and daaaamn yet another badass lady fight. But it’s an unfair one, bc Jane can’t– won’t– kill her. She manages to pull Devon up as a shield right at the moment Parker shoots, getting Devon in the shoulder, distracting Parker long enough for Weller to get there and take him down. And now they’ve got them both, and ugh I love that Jane is almost hugging Devon, keeping pressure on her wound and preventing her from escaping. Can they become friends too? Devon seemed to know Remi’s name when Parker mentioned it earlier; I wonder if they knew each other before? Would she follow Jane now, like she would have followed Remi then?? Look I just love Devon okay???  

Oooh Weller vs Parker in the interview room. Also I am totally digging Weller’s open collar here?Ugh he just looks so cool and in control and that tension he’s been carrying seems to have eased a bit because they are finally getting somewhere, finally in a position to really take Shepherd down and ugh I am so happy for him. But ugh clearly Zapata doesn’t feel the same; she has no time to wait Parker out, she literally wants to torture it out of him right now. Woah, woman, where’s this coming from?? What has made her suddenly so determined to take down Sandstorm asap? Was it the fact that she nearly died today, bc that happens literally almost every day, so…? I mean she is super angry rn and ready to do just about anything to get Shepherd. Maybe the writers just did it this way just so we can see how steady Weller is now, and how much he’s grown and no longer has that temper he used to? But woahhh Zapata is really getting heated and won’t listen when he says no. Oooh maybe it was the fact that Shepherd’s people are now trying to kill him too?? She’s already without Reade, maybe she can’t face the thought of losing another family member. But ugh poor Weller is confused by all this rage coming from her and he keeps trying to get her to rein it in and ugh poor guy must feel like he’s fighting a losing battle just to keep his team afloat– like Reade is already on the bench and Patterson is burning out and now Zapata is losing it too?? And he can’t turn to Jane right now because he’s just pushed her away– and has to deal with his own feelings in regards to that– and ugh seriously man I think you just need to accept that everything’s going to hell and you need Jane by your side in order to get through this… 

Speaking of Patterson and her issues, she’s talking with Dr Sun (still feel like his is a bad idea) about the way she snapped in the lab, and Dr Sun is asking of she trusts herself and ugh my baby admits she is always second-guessing herself now and ugh she’s crying because she had no closure with the whole Borden thing and ughhhhhh I am so upset for my precious baby like seriously can Weller just call all his girls together and just all have a really big, really long group hug bc ugh all four of them need it really bad

Oh boy. The locker room. Jeller scenes in this room are always a source of either great joy or great pain and I feel like it’s definitely not going to be the former. I can dream though, right? Maybe he’s decided that despite everything he needs her, and maybe they’ll hug??? Right??? Ugh. But I’m curious as to what Jane is searching for in her pockets? Probably just one of those acting things where they have to look like they’re doing something all the time. And then ugh Weller is there and ugh he just stares at her back for a moment and then walks up to her all slow and takes a deep breath like he’s working himself up to it and then his voice is quiet and almost a little thick as he asks her for a raincheck on that dinner and omg this moment is already killing me bc firstly he didn’t have to ask. He could have just said that the dinner wasn’t happening anymore and walked away– or even said nothing at all, and she would have still known better than to try to show up. And then there’s the fact that he said 'raincheck’ which everyone knows means 'reschedule for another time’– like does this mean that the dinner will eventually happen? Tbh it’s really not feeling like a 'I rescind my invitation forever’ and more 'I can’t deal with everything right now but someday I’ll be ready to pick up where we left off’ and ughhhh my baby boy. Jane is all 'uh, yeah, of course’ because lbr she already assumed his invitation had been voided by what she’d done… like literally this conversation doesn’t even need to be happening rn bc the understanding was clear enough that things aren’t the same as they were this morning, but they’re having it anyway and I am 100% certain because there’s more Weller needs to tell her. And then ugh he says her name and steps closer and she looks up at him all wide-eyed like she’s half afraid his next words will be something like 'I’m arresting Roman’ etc, but she also somehow knows that that’s not gonna be it bc she can hear the vulnerability in his voice and ughhhhh he tells her he knows Roman isn’t the person he was before, just like she isn’t, but he can’t just flip a switch and get over this discovery. And it’s strange but it almost feels like he’s apologising to her for being torn up about it, for letting it get in between them? But of course she’s understanding, because she’s Jane and she loves him more than anything, and ugh she tells him she wishes she could change the past and that she would do a lot of things differently and you just know that the list of things she would change and the list of ways that she has hurt him are pretty much one and the same. And ugh he agrees that he would do things differently too, and man I hope that Jane understands– as we do– that he means arresting her and letting the CIA take her, not that he would change the connection between them or how he feels about her. And ugh he says goodnight and walks out and ughhh her whispered 'goodnight kurt’ and the way she’s like clutching her jacket against herself is just so upsetting and she blinks a few times like she’s trying not to cry and ughhhh why must they go through such paaaaaiiinnnnn

Oooh Zapata has gone to Reade’s, and aww he apologises for not having 'anything stronger’– he must have gotten rid of all the alcohol in the apartment and be really cleaning himself up and ugh I’m so prouddd. And she’s there to vent about work and says she doesn’t have anyone else to talk to (c’mon now, Jane would listen– though then again Zapata knows that Jane would side with Weller on this particular issue) and ugh when Reade tells her she has Weller, she sasses that no one can really talk to Weller– except Jane. Ughhh, they really all do see it. They all know. But I feel like she’s being a bit unfair to Weller– he is actually working really hard to support the team, and would never turn any of them away if they needed to talk. I appreciate that Reade pretty much says the same, but that just starts Zapata on her little tirade about how they’re being held back by dumb things like laws and moral codes and should be fighting dirty instead, and oh boyyy this will end up nowhere good…

Aw, Jane comes home with pizza as Roman is preparing a salad to go with it, and I love that they must have discussed this earlier given that it’s clear she’s only just gotten home from the office. So domestic. And ugh she says how Weller mentioned talking to him and she tries to assure him he’ll come around and ugh Roman doesn’t seem angry but he’s still not very happy either as he says 'I’ll take your word for it’ and ugh I wonder if his chest is bruised from that bar? I wonder how Jane would react if she saw it? I think she’d be upset but he’d be all 'this is how men sort out their problems sis’ and she’d kinda reluctantly accept it, knowing Weller could have done faaaar worse things to him and chose not to. Also sidenote, I never realised that her bedroom opens right up onto the kitchen?? That’s kind of weird. And the doorway is really wide– is there even an actual door on it? That doesn’t feel very private. How are she and Weller meant to have sneaky makeout sessions?? But anyhow Roman cuts his finger– surprising for someone who we know is very skilled with knives– and ugh she goes straight into protective big sister mode and literally goes to fetch a first aid kit. I would have been like 'eh there’s a band-aid in the drawer somewhere if you need it’ lol. But aaaahhhh her attentiveness ends up being her undoing– initially he’s smiling down at her, obviously enjoying that someone cares enough to fuss over him– but then the flashbacks kick in, taking him back to when she was patching him up before Zipping him, and oooohhhhh noooooooooo. This is very not good. And then ugh he confronts her about lying to him and being the Zipper and ughhhh she’s backing away from him slightly and trying desperately to get him to listen to her but oh no Shouty Angry Roman is back and then he grabs the knife and holy shit????? Like okay yes we know he wont kill or even significantly injure Jane, but seriously what the hell happens now?? Like does she take him down and have to bring him in?? Or does he escape and she’s left there to call Weller and ughhhh imagine how devastated she is going to be either way and ugh please let Weller see past his own hurt and be able to comfort her because ugh my baby has just lost one man she loves and she needs the other more than ever rn ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

#blindspot #jeller #blindspot recap #ughhhh this ep was so painful but so necessary #i am so excited for the new ep #lord help us bc we're all gonna die

[fashiontrendin-blog]

So Sorry I Was Stuck in Traffic: Your March Horoscope Is Here!

http://fashion-trendin.com/so-sorry-i-was-stuck-in-traffic-your-march-horoscope-is-here/

So Sorry I Was Stuck in Traffic: Your March Horoscope Is Here!

Illustration by Cynthia Merhej. 

My favorite meme-theme in the whole wide world is the one that taps into the old “I’m on my way!” lie when you haven’t even left yet and are definitely going to be late.

Speaking of late, horoscopes on the 9th of the month, eh?

Look, Mercury’s gonna retrograde on March 22nd, so I’m going to go ahead and blame my tardiness on that planet. Susan Miller basically told me to do as much (Astrology Zone plug!!!) and you know that I do what she tells me to. But just in case you’ve found yourself frozen, unable to move without the star’s guidance, how about I make it up to you — right now: you, me, a little astrology? There’s that toothy grin!

Let’s get this party started! Oh and because I literally fall asleep while typing about Mercury being backwards-ass, allow me to throw out a blanket statement here: do all your electronics shopping and ticket-purchasing now. Otherwise, you’ll be fine.

Aries

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGICAL (F)ARIES! I hope a thousand sprinkles and sugar balls tumbled out of your cake the moment you cut it, like they do from those viral Flour Shop ones, and I hope you caught it in time for social media documentation.

A recap of the last nine days: Thanks to the full moon, you probably finished a major project that resulted in great success. An annoying health-related matter likely came to a happy end. You may have received some cash. (God bless the grandparents who still include “walking around money” in birthday cards.) You also may have been invited to a party!

What to expect for the rest of the month: the need for a nap — and after March 17th, you’ll be able to get some rest; a serious career growth spurt is set to last until May 15th (“the coming weeks will be the most important of 2018 for career growth and progress,” per Susan, so make sure you act fast on the open positions you want); and finally, a hot-n-heavy (sorry) love life. Did “hot-n-heavy” make you think of Hot Pockets? Just wondering, also just wondering if you’ve had one lately and if they were under/overrated? They seem like a fast snack so why not, honestly.

Taurus

Welcome to March or should I say, “Mooarch,” in Taurus-talk. Mooarch is going to be our favorite time of 2018, fellow bull-human-jelly-beans.

A recap of the last nine days: We had “wonderful developments to our emotional lives” thanks to the new moon (good lord, thank you), a romantic March 3rd and 4th weekend — kindly tell me all about it down in the equally romantic comments section, and one or more of you may have proposed to someone. I did not because I am trying to play it cool!!!

What to expect for the rest of the month: a moment of, “Oh shit, I’m spending money like I’m drunk at a bar and in a good mood, as in ‘SHOTS ON ME, PARTY FREAKS,’ only my bank account just told me I’m grounded”; a financial chill-out in response, probably around the 17th; a chance to travel (take it if you can); new romance around the 28th (if you’re not single, maybe just a lot of “REKINDLING THE FIRE” wink-wink-have-fun-be-safe); and on March 30th, thanks to Venus, an absolutely prime opportunity if not excuse to get our hair done and do a little or a lotta shopping.

Gemini

Hi Geminini in a Bottle, Baby! I’m on a plane and the person next to me is snoring. Thought you’d like to know that detail about me.

A recap of the last nine days: You had a “joyous family event” at the start of the month (family barbecue or an aunt’s 90th birthday as celebrated on a cruise, perhaps?); you may have moved; you’ve hopefully been very happy.

Susan keeps saying that everyone is happy this month which makes me happy and I hope it’s true because if there’s one movie character in the history of the WORLD who’s me, it’s that woman who doesn’t even go here in Mean Girls with the rainbow cake and…whoa. IDK if you read Aries’ intro but I just had a life-changing realization and think that Flour Shop cake might be the manifestation of the cake that Mean Girls girl wanted to bake.

You’re lucky I’m able to keep doing horoscopes after that kind of revelation but I AM!!! Snoring seatmate on a plane, remember? He’s both distracting and motivating.

What to expect for the rest of the month: the best time in 2018 for career progress; a serious relationship commitment and a finally-completed major project.

Cancer

I didn’t have one crab cake in Paris, I hope you’ll know.

A recap of the past nin days: You may have taken (or be planning) a short trip. If you’re planning a big one, however, wait until after March 17th. That’s it with the back-at-it stuff. Let’s look forward.

What to expect for the rest of this month: you’ll be “hungry for new experience and information,” so bring a toothbrush wherever you go just in case you’re chewing more than usual; romance — especially if you do plan that little bit of travel; a really exciting “media project” (sometimes Susan is vague and it’s nice to let it happen); a little home construction situation; your health or an ex driving you up a damn wall; a resolution to the last thing I just wrote that results in a “strong, nearly unbreakable union”; and who knows, you might just get back into waffles. Remember waffles???????

Leo

Susan wants you to pay attention to your finances, to which I say, “BOR-ING.” You might say “MEOW-RING” since you’re related to a cat, but if there’s one thing I was reminded of in Paris, it’s that everyone prefers you to just speak English if you’re going to accidentally give the wrong address three times in a row because you confuse the “teens” with the “twenties.”

Here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: Susan is “especially enthusiastic about your prospects to get a great deal on a mortgage or refinanced mortgage; talks of shared expenses between lovas; an opportunity to turn your creativity into a profit; a bump forward in your career reputation; romance as in romuntz-untz-untz, and romance of the TRUE LOVE variety. At the end of the month you’ll need a little nap, but you also might go to a rock concert. Susan said. I just sat here and binge-ate Meow Mix.

Virgo

The beginning of the month has been busy for you! That must be because your star sign, Virgo, collaborated with Virgil Abloh of Off-White which means you’re a celebrity now. Don’t you worry about me, I’m not really keeping track of what I’m saying.

A recap of the last nine days: you may have seen “the fullness of a desire that is deeply important to you reach fruition” (ooooo-ie!); you may have proposed; your home life may have, out of seemingly nowhere, FINALLY started to feel “lighter, easier, and more enjoyable”; and you may have started to really focus in on a project that means a lot to you.

Here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: a permanent-good mood because of Mars in Capricorn from the 17th through May 15th; an itch to redecorate your home; a positive outlook on love; a readiness to find “the one,” have a baby child, or build a business; and, on the 28th, a big fat wad of money!!!

Libra

Hey Libra, so Susan seems to think you have feathers? Do you? That’s so cool, but she seems to also think they’re dragging. Are you hibernating? That’s okay!!! We all need to take a time out on occasion, stick our beaks under our wing-pits and fluffle for a bit until we feel cozy enough to come out on someone’s outstretched index finger again.

I used to have birds growing up! Rainbow and Webster, double-RIP.

Anyway, doesn’t mean you’re totally antisocial. If you get invited to a getaway situation before the 17th, you should definitely go.

Here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: March 17th through May 15th is the best time to sell your apartment if you’re thinking about doing that kind of thing; you’ll be supremely creative around the new moon of the 17th; go to the gym and the dentist at the end of the month; Libra will put “a big accent on your dreams and desires” toward the end of the month — you might feel overwhelmed in other areas, so breathe here, because these are exciting things, and see if you can’t get help; you may start taking piano lessons. Susan didn’t say anything about them but I thought it seemed like a nice note to end on.

Scorpio

Hey Stinger Pants! Better than Stinker Pants, am I right?

“When you eventually look back on 2018,” Susan writes, “you will view March as a magical month, one of your most romantic months of the year.”

A recap of the last nine days: You started with an enchanting full moon on the 1st; everything supposedly went your way thanks to the lineup of the planets; the full moon shone in your eleventh house of hopes and wishes; life was all around flowery and romantic. (Yes? No? This sounds lovely so I’m rooting for this truth.)

Here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: Susan really wants you to travel, if you can getaway; Neptune, the Sun and the new moon are going to work together to “set the stage for love”; if you want to have baby chickens of your own, now might be the time; your career will shoot forward like the star that it is and you are; there’s a “blue moon” at the end of the month that might make things a little tiring, but per Suz’s verbatim advice: “Certainly this is a month given over mainly to love and fun, so for once, let work take a back seat so you can enjoy those precious moments to the fullest.”

Sagittarius

Oh Sagittarius, I brought a celestial apple with me, your favorite!

Did you read that in a sing-song voice? Do you think it’s weird how much I like your sign because I like horses so much? At first I was mad about Sagittari-ii because you guys get all the good astrologically-related logos and calendars and doodles, but then I realized, “If you can’t be them, join them,” so here I am offering you sugar cubes out of my palm and wondering if I can play with your horsetail.

A recap of the last nine days: Your career is more up than the Pixar movie (hey-o!) and everyone knows your name; you’ll make a lot of money; the man next to me is blowing into his nose so hard I’m scared for his brain.

Here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: Susan wants you to “toot your own horn” and celebrate your accolades, because it will lead to more of them — you’ve got a competitive edge right now; you’ll focus on redecorating and nesting; you’ll negotiate a beneficial contract (nice ’n’ vague); you’ll start getting into party mode even though you’re a little sleepy (take naps, please); you’ll need to be a brainstorming partner to a friend; and finally, on March 28th, you’ll “enjoy lighthearted mirth,” a sentence I am so glad Susan Miller wrote because we could all stand to work mirth back into our vocabulary!!!

Capricorn

I’m not saying you don’t, but if you had Capricorn horns IRL, would you pierce them, or would you let them be their own accessory?

A recap of the last nine days: the full moon of March 1st was “tailor-made for you” and made you smile a ton, apparently; your ninth house of long-distance travel sparkled; you may have gotten into grad school or something in that vein.

Here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: Hopefully better food than the weird airplane chicken teriyaki I just ate; a “big competitive advantage over the other zodiac signs,” thanks to Mars in Capricorn from March 17th through May 15th for the first time in two years (from Susan: “Use this time to launch an initiative that requires you have a lucky edge, such as a big interview…”); a lit-up career toward the end of the month and the culmination of a stressful, all-consuming project; a costume party that Susan didn’t really suggest I write about so much as she didn’t not tell me to mention it, so anyway, I think you should throw a costume party because why the hell not. I’ll brainstorm costumes with you down below if you want.

Aquarius

AQUARIUS I wonder if your name is to blame: I have had that “Barbie Girl” song stuck in my head for four days and I want it gone! I keep wanting to talk to you and Pisces about The Shape of Water and this so-called “fish sex.” I haven’t watched it yet which bums me out because I feel like it’s ripe fodder for these horoscopes, although this month’s batch has been a bit of a dead fish when it comes to the blatant innuendos. Oh well. There’s always next month to talk about Uranus and golden showers unnecessarily!

Anyway, here’s what to expect for the rest of the month: Ask for a raise on the new moon of March 17th — “it looks like you will get it,” writes Suz; you’ll begin opening talks for an exciting career move; your social life will be like PARTYPARTYPARTYDINNERHANGFRIENDPARTY, and you’ll be into it; after March 17th, you’ll be given the opportunity to go off the grid for a bit, which might be nice after that sentence I just wrote; use the end of the month to reflect, avoid travel if you can (Mercury in retro-lame) and reconnect with old flames — romantic or platonic. And hang out with your Barbie World friends!

Pisces

Hello you golden fish! I literally just said this to Aquarius but my hands feel like hooves today (I am a Taurus, after all) so don’t mind the copy/paste and pretend instead that I put both of you on a group text:

I keep wanting to talk to you and [Aquarius] about The Shape of Water and this so-called “fish sex.” I haven’t watched it yet which bums me out because I feel like it’s ripe fodder for these horoscopes, all though this month’s batch has been a bit of a dead fish when it comes to the blatant innuendos. Oh well. There’s always next month to talk about Uranus and golden showers unnecessarily!

Work smarter, not harder, am I right, bubble breath?

That was a compliment!!! It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever come up with. I can’t wait to use it as a term of endearment again.

A recap of the last nine days: You may have gotten married, or you proposed, or you DTR’d — Venus is in Pisces so there was and is a lotta love and romance happening; you were very inspired, or at least the buds of inspiration began to bloom; you might have started to find someone to partner with professionally, too.

What to expect for the rest of the month: Start sending out your resume and making the most of ye old network; expect great news on the 11th (about something!); prepare for a cool opportunity in ~*media*~ on March 13th; you’ll have the best day ever on March 17th thanks to gift-giving, luck-distributing Jupiter getting the new moon all excited, which will result in a special new moon that you can use in any way you choose. “The actions you take immediately after that new moon appears will have far-reaching, positive ramifications,” Susan Thriller said. That sounds so exciting! I hope you’ll send me an old-school newsletter that I can tape to my fridge because if there’s anything I love more than good Suz and good news, it’s mall photos of my friends in turtlenecks!

[eldritchsurveys]

924.

5k Survey XLII

2151. Should fun or safety come first? >> I’d imagine that depends on one’s goals. When it comes to skydiving, one should learn to be safe (take the lessons) before one goes on to enjoy the experience (start actually skydiving). But also, if you take a more psychological approach to the word “safety”, sometimes one has to take a little social risk to get to something fun, and that can feel unsafe, but it [ideally] ends up being worth it. 2152. Does mind over matter work for you? >> I’m not sure in what sense you mean. 2153. What’s the most weight you ever lost in one year? >> I don’t know. Whenever that happened, it’s when I wasn’t paying attention to things like my weight. 2154. What are your feelings about punk and goth? >> I love goth and I have affection for punk because it is kin to goth. 2155. Did you ever write something when you were high and then looked at it sober and realized that it was nonsense? >> No, I don’t think anything I wrote while intoxicated seemed nonsensical when looking at it sober -- maybe a little more inscrutable or revealing than my usual writings, but still within my normal mental/emotional/spiritual frameworks.

2156. How often do you shave: your face? I don’t shave. your legs?  under your arms? 2157. What word do you often hear people misuse? >> I can’t think of any right now. 2158. Have you ever used somebody? >> It’s possible. I’ve had to do a variety of things to survive. 2159. Are you paranoid? >> Not typically, but I can be. 2160. What is the best music video of all time? >> --- 2161. How many Shakespeare plays have you read all the way through? >> Only Romeo & Juliet and A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I know I was taught Hamlet but I’m pretty sure I didn’t actually read the whole thing. Also, I comprehended almost nothing I read when it came to Shakespeare, so does it even count as reading at that point... 2162. What was the deepest religious or spiritual experience you’ve ever had? >> Not going to get into it here, that’s for sure. I’ve written multiple long-form posts about this kind of thing, so it’s not casual fare. 2163. What is it like to be you today? >> I’m not sure how to answer this. 2164. Do you like to play games? >> Video games, sure. 2165. Have you made any good friends on this diary site? >> --- 2166. Have you met anyone from open diary? >> --- 2167. What have you done lately that gave everyone something to talk about? >> Nothing??? 2168. Do you get along with people who annoy you, disagree with you, dislike you, and hate you? >> If I’m annoyed by someone, or hated by someone, I’m definitely not getting along with them...  2169. When you ask for something do you make a request or a demand? >> I mean, a demand isn’t an ask, so obviously if I’m asking for something it’s a request....... 2170. Who are you a bad influence on? >> I have no idea. 2171. Who are you a good influence on? >> I have no idea. 2172. Who is on your christmas list this year? >> Who?? 2173. How many other people do you know of that are doing this survey? >> Just Elizabeth (Elisabeth? can never remember if it’s a Z or an S, one day I’ll get it right), who I’m taking this from, and someone else in the survey tag. 2174. Have you ever intentionally had a one night stand? >> Yes. 2175. Do you tend to get car sick? >> No. 2176. What is the length of your hair? >> Like, a couple of centimeters. 2177. Do you like to listen to techno music? >> Sure. 2178. Have you ever dyed your hair an unusual color? >> Long time ago, yeah. 2179. What do you think of these diary names? Oculto: suffer victim: With A Purpose:  Almost_Famous: In.The.Name.Of.Lust: The Phallic Stapler:  <*>SeXyCandace<*>: 2180. What do you think of these entry titles? Lesbians … as far as the eye can see: Why Avril Lavigne sucks:  Call On Jesus: Buddha-licious: WeLCome To The JungLe!: Geektastic: Should i get an abortion?: 2181. What do you find beautiful in an atypical way? >> I don’t know what that means. 2182. What would you PHYSICALLY fight someone over? >> Nothing. As previously stated, I have sub-zero interest in being in a physical altercation. 2183. What was the last thing you were invited to? >> I don’t remember. Probably Lauren’s birthday party.

2184. What do you like >> Either there was more to this question that got cut off, or you’re really being this vague at this point in the survey. Either way... Next. 2185. Have you ever drank:  chartruese? No. Was going to buy some for my birthday this year, and then fuckin COVID got in the way of all my plans. absinth? Yes, I drink it somewhat frequently. 2186. Do you plan your outfits ahead of time, pick them out the morning of, wear whatever was on the floor, or wear what you slept in? >> I just wear whatever I pull out of the drawer, when it’s time to change. Most of my clothing is pretty interchangeable. 2187. How long have you ever gone without changing your sheets: A long, long time. Months, probably. clothes: A few days, I imagine. underwear: Also a few days, I imagine. toothbrush: Probably ages, idk. 2189. What item should not be shared? >> Needles. 2190. How do you keep control of your temper? >> I don’t really have to work at this, I don’t have a very advanced temper. It’s my other emotions that tend to get out of hand. 2191. If you could gain all of your dreams by giving a family member (little brother) to the goblin king who would turn him into a goblin, would you? >> Ha! This situation doesn’t apply to me. Can I just be the goblin king instead? 2192. Do you like to listen to Duran Duran? >> No, but Hungry Like the Wolf is a bop. 2193. Do you ever feel the need for MORE than life has to offer? >> No...? What I want is what life does have to offer, but apparently didn’t want to offer to me. 2194. What is your favorite children’s story? >> The Phantom Tollbooth. 2195. Do you think that adult books should have more pictures? >> I love a good illustrated book, sure, why not? 2196. What was your all time low? >> --- 2197. Do you make up songs and sing them to yourself when you’re alone? >> No, I just sing songs that already exist. 2198. Do you like to listen to the Smashing Pumpkins? >> Yeah. This is one of those bands that annoyed me when I was a kid, but I enjoy now. 2199. Do you see the expression of emotion as weakness? >> Unfortunately, I had that concept instilled in me by an emotionally unavailable parent and emotionally abusive relatives. But I fucking hate that concept and I want desperately to be rid of it. 2200. Are you prepared in case of chemical, biological and nuclear attacks? >> I am not.

#surveys #survey #5000 question survey