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verbal--diarrhea · 10 months

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White Scars

A/N- 😃 i am back guys! Sorry it quite literally took 2 years for me to update this account but why is tumblr so difficult to navigate 😭 anywho, enjoy this next chapter and please be patient with me as I figure this out 🙇‍♀️

Chapter 2:

It’s been a week now. A week avoiding Bela Dimitrescu at all costs. You knew the routes she took around the castle, you knew when she left her room and when she went to eat. It’s almost pathetic how you basically memorized her routine when you were together, trying to “bump into her” whenever you were on duty. I mean, how often can someone encounter the exact same person in a hallway? The answer should be no less than one but you and Bela managed to raise it to nine on a good day. You became very very good at sneaking around, especially at avoiding fellow maids and the other two Dimitrescu sisters. Lady Dimitrescu was no problem too, she rarely entered the west wing of the castle and if she ever did, everyone knew as you could hear her loud footsteps from a distance. Safe to say you were pretty proficient in the art of evasion except there was one problem, Bela, the person you were trying to evade, also stayed in the west wing. It wasn’t healthy that you weren’t confronting her about what had occurred a few nights prior but you were still afraid and still hurt so the most logical solution is to never see her. Yes, completely logical.

The cut was healing well, the skin around it was a faint red, but the wound itself became a scab. Give it another week and it may be all healed. Hopefully, it won’t leave a scar...you don’t need a reminder of Bela on your face. You were done crying over it. No one really asked you about your injury, it was common for maids to bear bruises or cuts. Those who stayed in Bela’s side of the castle were lucky compared to those who stayed on Cassandra’s and Daniela’s side, those maids were lucky if they survived with all their limbs intact.

Right now, you really were wishing you were in Cassandra’s or Daniela’s wing, the dread of meeting Bela was overwhelming at times. Yet in the quiet of the night, you would dream of her; her perfume engulfing your tiny room, her chilly embrace, the soft breaths as she slipped into slumber beside you, and having to drag her off in the morning to rush her back to her bedroom. Sleep didn’t come without nightmares though, images of Bela’s face contorted with anger, that scythe plunging down, you were treading a fine line between fear and love. Love- you scoffed, chances are Bela didn’t even love you, after all you were just some low-class peasant. What Bela probably felt would be the equivalent of a teenage relationship, give it a year before one got bored of the other and it’s over, but in your case, off to the basement to be drained of blood.

The first few days were nerve-wracking, you didn’t know if Bela would search or confront you, though there was nothing to be confronted about as you believed she knew damn well why you were avoiding her. You had asked (more like begged) the head house maid, Simone, to switch you to the night shift, at least for a few weeks and she agreed. By the third day, you were sweeping the corridors in the late night trying to be as quiet as possible. Sleep hasn’t been good anyways, you weren’t used to sleeping alone again, so cleaning was the best way to clear the mind.

Sweeping here and there, you were grateful for the dim lighting. Moonlight peeked in through the windows contrasting with the candle’s red hues. Though the floor was visible, you couldn’t distinguish any shapes that were swept up, part of you knew every once in a while a bone would be found in a dust pile, but you were here long enough to be unfazed by such things. Glancing up you noticed the candle melted about half its height, indicating it was around 3 AM. They would be replaced in the morning and lit later in the evening; with the hundreds of candles around the castle, it was a wonder how the Dimitrescu’s obtained that many in the first place.

Ahead of you laid Bela’s bedroom door, a cursive B carved into the oak wood door. She should be asleep by now, bundled up and dreaming away. Yet instead of soft snoring you hear muffled sniffles through the door, curiosity got the better of you and you edged closer. It dawned on you- she was crying. Your heart clenched at the thought, Bela never cries, and in that moment you wished you could hold her to your chest. No, she hurt you Y/N, just walk away. Forcing your legs to move, you shuffled away from the door, a low ache in your heart at the thought of Bela sad. It wasn’t your place anymore to comfort her.

Bela was level-headed and mature, at least that’s what she told herself as she quickly dispersed into flies and zipped to her bedroom, praying to not bump into you. She too has been avoiding you the last week, and she was pretty sure you were too. At first she had a brilliant plan; she would walk right up to your door, knock on it, beg for your forgiveness and hopefully have hot makeup sex after. That failed after she realized she had no courage to face you. Perhaps it was because she did not want to see your heartbroken face, or did not wish too see the painful mark on your face, Bela herself struggled to understand why she was so afraid; she was Lady Bela, goddammit! Staying confined in her room for most of the day seemed to be the best option, it was hard enough to pretend to be perfectly fine in front of her family, that face crumbled whenever she was alone. Sleep wasn’t an escape either as it was plagued with you leaving her crying into her pillow.

At meals, Bela would eat as quickly as possible, and slip away. Lady Dimitrescu noticed naturally but pushed it aside as she was busy with her experiments for Mother Miranda. Nothing left Cassandra’s and Daniela’s gaze though-- they had been studying their eldest sister for the past week, discussing ways to ask her exactly what happened.

“Okay, the best way is to corner her and force her to tell us,” Daniela looked to Cassandra’s face for approval as she was the youngest in the family.

They were huddled in one of the many guests rooms of the castle, away from the prying ears of their mother and eldest sister. Bela was starting to annoy them with her grumpy mood, never going out to hunt anymore and always cooped up in her room. They had hoped whatever she was dwelling upon would fade in a day or two, but Bela remained somber.

Cassandra swatted the back of Daniela’s head, “are you fucking stupid? That’s the worst way to ask her what’s wrong.”

“Well, she won’t tell us if we don’t force her.”

Frowning, Cassandra stroked her chin, “hmm, you make a good point.”

“And we definitely can’t trick her to tell us-” Daniela leaned back against the armchair, watching Cassandra stand from hers and pace, “Bela’s too smart for that.”

“I know! Hm...okay I have an idea.”

“Go on-”

“We have to be gentle, we approach her in her room later tonight,” Cassandra explained, “we will first try to ask her what’s wrong...”

“And if that fails we force her?”

“Exactly but for we do this all gently-”

“I know, I know,” Daniela rolled her eyes at her sister, “I’ll be gentle.”

“Don’t say anything unnecessary or stupid okay?” An accusatory glance was shot at the younger sister.

Daniela huffed, “I won’t.”

“Oh and also-” Cassandra opened the door of the room, leaving, “don’t say anything to mother.”

“Wouldn’t even dream of it.”

#bela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #Bela dimitrescu x reader #resident evil #resident evil village

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boblittlepage-blog · 1 year

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I'm Confused About Something...

A brief update for the uninitiated, which probably means everyone. Sometime back, I attempted to strike up a friendship with noted online semicelebritytype Indigo White, who you may know from her many productions of video entertainment not intended for younger viewers (do the math). Yes, I first came across her the same way most guys do (let's just say my prostate has never been healthier), but then I started watching her YouTube videos, and was very impressed with her intelligence, sense of humor, and levelheadedness. I'm very drawn to intelligence, and decided this is someone I'd actually like to know. And through chats during live streams and interactions on Twitter and Fansly, things seemed to be proceeding nicely. I'd like to think that I made it clear that I wasn't just another dweeb who'd parasocially bonded to some e-girl, that this was genuine affection for her as a person. Seeing that in writing makes it sound weird, but so be it, let's move on.

Some time ago, Indigo came out as trans, and was now a boy. Despite the change in personal pronouns to he/him, and now sporting shorter, Beatle-ish hair, nothing much was going to change content-wise, no plans for surgery or hormones (which begs the question of just how trans was Indy actually, but we'll not deal with that here, or anywhere else for now, it's largely irrelevant).

Okay, fine, I'll play along, so long Indy didn't feel the need to undergo anything permanent, (again, usually an indicator that something else is going on, not gender dysphoria), so no harm no foul.

In the meantime, I've gotten to know several detransitioners online, and heard their horror stories about how they'd been suckered into the whole gender ideology thing (which, by the way, is the creation of a very sick man, John Money, a pedophile who should be listed right alongside Joseph Mengele for the work he did directly with a couple of twin boys, both ending in suicide, but also for his sham "work" being baked into the psychiatric and medical industries before the true horror of his acts were finally made public. The result is that actual gender dysphoria, the kind where major gender reassignment surgery is the only workable treatment, has largely been pushed aside for people who are suffering from other, less serious issues, generally from some childhood trauma, like puberty in general, and turning garden variety identity crises into reasons for these sufferers, largely teenagers, who we must remember are still highly impressionable are generally stupid, to permanently wreck their biochemistry and mutilate their bodies).

So, during one live stream, I get wind of Indy trying to work up the courage to get what is euphemistically referred to as "top surgery", i.e., a double mastectomy, for no other reason than a long time hatred of them. Turns out Indy got those DD tiddies pretty much full force, virtually overnight, and besides being literally painful, anybody who's been to school between the ages of 9 to 15 can fill in the blanks of what the reaction of the other kids was. Also keep in mind that the amygdala, the lizard part of the brain that handles trauma and triggers the ol' fight-or-flight response, doesn't differentiate between actually life threatening situations and a snide comment from a 4th grade teacher at the wrong time, trauma is trauma, and can have life altering effects, especially in kids. We're generally not even aware of this happening until pointed out to us. Digging through Indy's Tumblr, apparently there's some additional trauma back there, that is triggering enough that I'm not going to even try and ask about it, but we're still talking a response to trauma. One day, it'll have to be dealt with, not just painted over with a big ol' "Congrats! You're Trans!" label. That's not therapy, that checking a box so somebody can make a boat payment. Since lives are at stake with this nonsense, I get very pissed off.

Anyway.

Back to the case at hand. I, hoping to spare Indy the kind of life wrecking pain I've seen others going through, began pushing for the alternative of breast reduction. Less invasive, faster recovery, and coming to the conclusion that, yes, Indy's tits WERE too big (5'4", 110 lbs, shouldn't be any bigger than a B, maybe closer to an A).

Enter the Affirmation Brigade, standing by and cheering Indy forward to go forth and be sliced up like a Sunday roast, to advance the cause of TRANS RIGHTS! Which I see as an attempt to validate their own sorry existences at the expense of someone else's health and well being. Well, during an engagement with one of these ghouls, things got rather heated, and more than a little ugly. I don't particularly regret anything I said, I would've preferred it didn't have to be in the form of calling out the other person as a butcher. Not because it was inaccurate (it wasn't), but because it was somewhat undignified.

Cue another set of angry DMs with Indy, demanding that I knock it off or get banned. I'd said everything I felt needed saying, so feeling no need to press the issue any further, certainly not publicly, I agreed. And things got more or less back to normal.

However, I reached out to a noted doctor who deals with the whole trans issue, and, with a couple of links, one to Indy's Twitter profile, the second to the coming-out video on YouTube, and asked for a professional opinion. Mainly, I wanted some guidance on whether I was doing the right thing by trying to be the lone voice against the affirmation chorus, trying to make the point that major invasive surgery over a personality issue is probably a very, very bad idea. Had I pushed too far, or should I stand my ground? One of the recurring themes I'd been hearing from detransitioners was that nobody ever challenged them, made them stop and think it out, WHY did they think they were trans? Could it be something else? Let's figure this out BEFORE we start lopping off perfectly healthy body parts, and see if we can find a less bloody and traumatizing solution. We live in a world where unless you blindly affirm the choice, you're a (fill in the blank). Well, sorry, but if the Emporer is walking down Broadway bloody starkers, I'm gonna say something.

Fast forward to a couple days later, this has gotten back to Indy, and the response in DM was thermonuclear. What right did I have to do this, I'm insane, etc., etc., and that was it, I'd been given too many chances already, I was banned, with the final shot being, and I quote, "Unblocking you to say one final thing. If I didn’t have the support i have and live where i do, what you did could have gotten me killed. Think about that. Fuck you."

Okay, back that up a little.

I posted a link to a PUBLIC Twitter page, with a link to a PUBLIC YouTube video (which Indy posted herself/himself TWICE, and has pinned to various other social media sites), disclosed no information, and only asked for "a professional opinion." (For the record, the only response I got back from the doctor was "Nope.") How in this, or any other reality could that endanger anybody? Did I overstep? Okay, I'll grant that. Wasn't the first time, pretty sure it won't be the last. But possibly getting Indy killed? Sorry, but I need to hear the twisted logic that comes to that conclusion, because I ain't seeing it, and I took Logic in college, I know a thing or two about false premises and the strange places they lead.

I would like to rebuild this relationship, if possible, but I'm not holding my breath. Clearly what I did incensed Indy, and it's not likely it'll be easy to walk that back. I would still like to have that explanation, though. If you're gonna throw down something like my being responsible for possible manslaughter, I think I'm at least owed that much.

Again, Indy (if you've read this far), my DMs are open, and I did give you my phone number, provided you haven't deleted the DM (doesn't seem like it, because I've still got 'em on my end). I'm ready for peace when you are.

#itsindigowhite

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wisteriasakana · 5 months

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Sprite template: Guildmaker7

Pink Pro Update!

The Yuri Game Jam is over, and it still feels strange to me to have submitted well in advance (Then I remembered that the deadline was pushed back by like a week, so I would have submitted just in time, but details-). Deciding to post a demo rather than the whole game turned out to be a good choice for my peace of mind.

Now, I should make a pretty and tidy (One of the two adjectives might be wrong) update, but first I want to present you a flashback from a few days ago:

---Flashback---

*Soe enters *Soe sees real money *Soe implodes *Soe waits a couple of days to see if it was a misclick - Yes, even the confirmation one *Soe realizes *Soe implodes again *Soe's mass is not enough to generate a gravitational collapse, so there's no black hole but just an amazed fish

Person who decided to offer me a hot chocolate, thank you. I still find it hard to believe, but I thank you very much! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

---Flashback End---

So, it was said. Pink Pro. The update, yes.

Changes and additions

Since I have more time and can do things more slowly, I decided to fix a few things that I wasn't sure about.

For example, Sus's house. You can't visit it in the demo, and in a second time I'll show you a "before-after", but trust me when I say that the first version was absolutely plain and uninspiring - It's even more comical when you consider that it's reiterated how rich Sus is and how her house is ridiculously big. Now I am much more satisfied! It's certainly not the most beautiful map I've ever made, but I find it does its honest job much better than the previous one.

Among other differently useful things I decided to add there is the change of NPCs inside the Pink Jewel and the Magnolia Jane after some time.

Given that time is actually passing (I mean, something is likely to happen in the evening, right?), it seemed silly to me for the customers to be walking around the shops for 12 hours.

It doesn't impact the plot at all, but I think it gives the setting a bit more three-dimensionality.

(Yes, I also entertained the idea of changing customers with each finished order, but my imagination for NPC dialogue is very poor, I don't want to suffer).

Characters' expressions

When I made the expressions, I got a bit carried away, so now Chantal has many more than I had planned. However, this means that I didn't do some expressions that I should have done and that I came up with others-

According to my fantastic to-do list, the expressions that are missing are: 4 for Chantal, 2 for Janet (Yes, Janet has more than two expressions!), 1 for Margrit, 3 for Kenicea and Silsdia, 2 for Saster, Byma and Nicopte (Yes, she also has expressions!), 4 for Sus, Zora and Deilela. The last three might have one less, depending on how they look best.

My relationship with doing expressions is: sometimes, I get on and do them all in less than an hour, without any problem. Other times, for reasons unknown, I spend an hour doing one, which also turns out ugly.

In this case, however, it is not a matter of procrastination - I often literally just forget to do them. (๑꒪▿꒪)*

Other ideas

Since I have more time, I was thinking about adding another, simpler CG - Just coloured lineart on a unicolour background.

On the other hand, I decided to scrap a small idea I had planned to do if I had more time / for a possible update: Chantal's sweets designs.

I would like to show off her "eye-catching" style more concretely, but when I tried to draw them, I realized that was definitely not the case (Let's say, like, no one in the world would have realized that the Île flottante was an Île flottante and not an ugly sponge).

The options, then, are three:

One day I'll be able to draw better and I'll put pretty pictures for all the recipes;

One day I'll go begging for people who can draw pretty food;

Imagination is a wonderful gift, imagine these beautiful recipes in your mind ♡♡♡

Cutscenes

As for the cutscenes, however, I am exactly halfway through, at the third order. I therefore have to finish the third order, do the fourth and fifth, the final climax and the epilogue.

To reassure you, as already mentioned, in the midst of all this there are also Important Scenes, and those have all been done.

And that's it for Pink Pro!

Yes, of course, it's because I'm also working on something else - I can't concentrate on the same thing for more than two days in a row if I don't have at least one side project.

I'll talk about that, though, in the next few days - The devlog on Candy Apple has become the devlog on Candy Apple and Red Riding Hood and the Little Bad Wolf, just as the projects on Three Yellow Quartzes will need a separate devlog.

Thanks for listening, and see you next time!

#pink pro #rpg maker #yuri game jam #monster girl #yuri visual novel #yuri game jam 2023 #rpgmaker #devlog #devblog

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d1et-cok3 · 5 months

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Hey so i know i haven't posted in a month or two and im sorry about that but for like all of November Ive been in a binge cycle and i cant stop its genuinely scares me how much i eat and im constantly hungry i an feel my body begging for food and Ive recently started looking forward to meals which is terrifying i can see myself getting fatter instead of skinnier and it makes me wanna die i just want to stop eating but its getting so fucking hard to even skip one meal then i get home i eat more its like all my self control is gone and all my progress is going down the drain im horrified of getting back into the 170s i was so huge and at least right now im not as big as before but Ive been smaller even though i never really been small in the first place Ive been fat all my life and i need to break the cycle and be the skinniest one in my family and friend group i want to look pretty in clothes and be able to shower without wanting to drown myself right then and there and i cant help but notice how many times Ive said im getting back on track but it never works i miss my honeymoon phase when i dropped like 15 pounds in a month then it all just kid of froze and i gained and dropped the same weight for like 3 months and now im gaining even more and it feels like im suffocating in it in all of the food i eat and my fat i miss almost passing out when i stood up and always being dizzy i miss the dread when it came to eating not me squealing like a pig in excitement i can tell its bad when i finish my food or get seconds or eat faster or let myself get dirty plus i broke my phone so i cant track everything as efficiently especially because of school and its been really hard and i don't have a scale and i can feel clothes that were getting looser getting tight again and its mortifying i want to die or just bleed out i want to cut all the fat out of my body and just be skinny i know i need to love the process but its hurts and this cycle has hurt me worse physically and mentally then starving ever did i miss bruising easily being pale and looking like i hadn't slept or ate in days i wish that i didn't give in so easily its embarrassing how sometimes i ask if someones hungry and they say no but i eat anyway my brain still judges people for being fat when there skinnier than me and it hurts because i wish that i could be that skinny and eat food without gaining its not fair people in my school say that they wanna be fat or gain lots of weight and i tell them why they don't but they don't understand how much worse literally my whole life is because of it sorry about my ramble i just am struggling to cope with his and a lot of shit is happening in my life and me losing control is not helping i hope this is the last time i have to say this but i am going to be getting my life together and i will be skinny my goal was to be skinny by Christmas while i know that cant happen now kms but i can be skinnier and i can be better then now i hope to weigh less than my sister for once and get the smaller size unlike now when i bet a size bigger every time people will buy us stuff and she gets a small and i get a medium and there like i hope it fits like im not that fat damn but there right Jesus that was a lot to type anyways wish me luck and i really hope this works ill try and update you on my progress but i might forget lol. bye thank you.

November 29th 2023

#tw ed diet #tw ana trigger #tw disordered eating #tw ana diary #an0r3c1a #thinspø #pro a4a #ed not sheeren #ed no sheeran #st4rv1ng #rant #im not okay #sk1nn1

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thegeminisage · 5 days

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it's star trek update time. last night we watched ds9's "profit and loss" and tng's "genesis."

profit and loss (ds9):

i was EATING! what an amazing episode. even though there was lots of quark and he's not normally my favorite

entire section with quark on his knees begging or whatever. that post thats like "gay people never flirt normally it's always shit like this"

my favorite part was that, in spite of all quark's begging and bribery, odo was like "yeah no i was gonna disobey orders anyway bc justice. this was fun though thanks" like my absolute KING and best friend odo startrek.

also, odo's complete and total disdain for the idea of romance........please. he's SOMEWHERE on the ace and/or aro spectrum. idk where but he is

AND GARAK! i'm sad he only had one conversation with bashir but i was so excited to see him and find out even a little bit more about him. i was like aw cm,on hes harmless hes just a little guy hes a gay little tailor and then they strongly implied he used to be an assassin and i had to pause the episode bc i got lightheaded

at first i didnt understand the end...like he informed on them and was gonna kill them to get back to cardassia and then just RANDOMLY changed his mind? but he told you what he was gonna do in his very first scene. it's loyalty to the state before loyalty to loved ones - or, yes, even the self. his 180 was a little abrupt, but i totally got it once i thought about it. the depth of the love he has for a place that ??? tossed him out ??? i guess? is pretty amazing

my only real complain about this episode was that they fumbled quark a little. that episode where he was in a quasi-romance with that cross-dressing ferengi actually gave us a good set-up - he does have a soul/conscience/whatever and IS capable of caring about other people, even more more than he cares about his assets (like the bar) - in both this episode and that one, he was perfectly willing to throw away the bar for a love interest. but in that other episode, he wasn't willing to live and be with that other ferengi unless she conformed to HIS idea of how women should be. in this one, he was briefly entertaining the idea of throwing away his entire life to go fight this lady's cause with her (which i don't think he could have followed through with), but absolutely nobody brought up "if you love her you have to give her agency and let her do what she wants ie leave" or at the VERY least "it's creepy/selfish to try and blackmail her into more or less marrying you." like, no, you don't need to spoonfeed the audience, WE know it's creepy, but her students going "yeah no let her stay!" was bonkers. and then when he did let her leave (and decided not to go with her even though he'd offered to do that earlier) it was just because he...had no choice?

idk, i feel like "quark sold food to starving bajorans even though it was illegal" does a LOT to humanize him, and in a GREAT way because plausibly he could go "yeah well the bajorans had money and i like money" to deny he has a conscience or whatever. AND IT WAS A THROWAWAY LINE. meanwhile he spent half this episode being creepy to this poor cardassian lady and it kind of undoes all that...? i'm not saying i DON'T want quark to be selfish and secretly a goody two-shoes, but i do want him to care about SOMETHING in a way that's like, if not totally unselfish, at least in a manner that has depth. "i like this lady so i want her to stay here forever and forget logic and also whatever she wants" is pretty much the least complex kind of romance you could give him. it works as a STARTING point, but if the endpoint is him just letting her leave because he quite literally has no choice, there wasn't much of a point to any of it plotwise, even if his non-sexist antics were extremely fun to watch in this episode

genesis (tng):

if spot transformed into an iguana right as she was finished giving birth to her kittens and they were a day old when data and picard found them, that means those newborn kittens did not eat for a full 24 hours and picard and data left them in data's quarters without feeding them or caring for them at all, which is perhaps the gravest sin either of them has ever committed

newborn kittens can only last a few hours without nursing - after half a day, they'd all be gone. and SOMEHOW they're still alive even though NO ONE HAS FED THEM and they don't even stop to feed them like we SAW them leave you can't even pretend they just did it offscreen between scenes. like are you kidding

ALSO, spot and all the other cats aboard this fucking spaceship should be fixed??? i hate to accuse my best friend data of being an irresponsible pet parent but there it is :/

i would never take my cats into space. they don't even like car rides. how can you drive this ship into a planet when there are children AND CATS aboard?? i hate tng so deeply

anyway, doing all of that to worf was racist and worf biting deanna in the bath was rapey. no wonder the actors hated worf e deanna almost every single one of their scenes together has been awful. -1000000/10 this might be my least favorite episode of tng i've ever watched

TONIGHT: ds9's "blood oath" and tng's "journey's end" and yes ik what that one is about and i am full of dread

#personal #star trek blogging #ds9 lb #tng lb #s7 has been such a rough one for poor data #all the data episodes used to be my favs bc i love him sm but most of his big moments in s7 have been mid at best #i miss when we had several good tng eps in a row and got pleasantly surprised by their quality

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dont-eat-lint-rollers · 4 months

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my buddy convinced me to make an animal jam play wild account since it actually still gets proper updates and so far my feelings have been. mixed. overall i havent done nearly as much as anyone else bc my account has existed for maybeee 2 or 3 hours? so this is just my first impressions. im also kinda biased bc ive been playing animal jam classic for years and years and YEARS. back when 9 + 10 = 21 was still unironically funny and every cool kid in class read warriors. might update this post with extra thoughts as i go along! all opinions below the cut bc this is an absurdly long post

ive only played a few levels of overflow (and it might be because i played on expert because i Definitely have no overbearing hubris casting a shadow upon my better judgement) but the gem payout being higher than AJC for each level you complete is a very welcome change (2 gems times X number, seemingly determined by how long your path is, vs AJPWs i think it was like 5 gems times X number determined by how long your path is? either that or like 10. idk i blew a whole half hour on overflow alone and it was almost 6 AM by the time i finished so my brains kinda muddled)

also, membership has become far less of an overbearing nightmare monster for AJPW in comparison to AJC! thats a good thing! personally i think that membership just Shouldn't but thats because i think any monetarily-accessed subscription anythings just Shouldn't especially in this day and age. i got to go to the clothing store and buy things i liked and i didnt just have to longingly stare at the paywalled options like a maiden gazing out to sea and it felt great

dont like how theres so many fewer options for shopping for Like Everything but its a far more ambitious game than AJC what with everything being 3d modeled, and its got a younger target demo and theyre usually happy with whatever looks cool, so it checks out. haha. funny pun that was intended definitely. whats there is also pretty great and the den item options you get started off with are both way more cool and way more More than classic in its hayday. idk about the ajc starting den items now though i dug my old account from the ashes of who i once was when i decided to pick classic up again. i dont actually remember if you start with any den items in ajc now that i think about it i might be misremembering. that still means play wild has that point against classic though. shame theres no water animals but they could maybe possibly be added in an update pretty please wildworks if by some miracle youre reading this i am begging and pleadi

really my main issue so far is with how many things cost real-world money. theres next to nothing that requires a membership to even be bought aside from one members-only map location my buddy warned me about beforehand -- which, as a reluctant f2p since literally like 5th grade, ive been playing this game for Far too long, i do genuinely appreciate -- but boy oh boy you can sure tell this was mainly developed as a mobile game. there is so much pay-real-money-for-trinkets stuff and you just Cannot disable that menu. at least let me get rid of the little button that tells me i can spend the hard-earned bucks on moms credit card to get 1/4th the amount of animals of AJC man thats all i ask of this part

also this is largely unrelated but can i just say i DESPISE how many things are like "hi heres a welcome bonus :) oh but you need to pay like 3 bucks for it. yeah its usually 5 but for a Special New Player Like You? its a steal!" like thats not a welcome bonus thats an entry fee. i know thats like a paltry amount of money compared to most things Just Ever but its also coming from a guy whos family usually has zero money to spare

#champ talks #animal jam #animal jam classic #animal jam play wild #wildworks #aj classic #ajc #aj play wild #ajpw #im the worlds number 1 overflow fan btw can you tell

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thisismycorneroftheinternet · 3 months

Text

Fucking how tf am I supposed to not feel like shit and always anxious if shit never fucking improves?? I am not that fucking self-deluded to fool myself into thinking this is still a good situation somehow. Yeah sure, there's always deeper in the hole, thank fuck I am not literally digging through the trash for bones to get some protein in my meals like the poor in this city that got featured in that grotesque, horror circus-style magazine story I remember reading about in the pandemic, but that sort of thought does not make life any easier when you're still having to rely on free food that takes you a total of 2h to get, per meal, and now donations from your sister's fiancee to get by the month.

And then yet I have to deal with my sister fucking throwing a hissy fit at any time I fucking complain about (1) thing, but also debase any fucking medical help I'm trying to get because apparently according to her, I'm not that bad off and should suck it the fuck up and "learn to manage (my) own stress better" while being completely unhelpful on that front besides telling me to meditate, which doesn't fucking solve shit??? And then she also gets mad when I have to whine and cry to our mother to not let her try to cut off our little assistance, because apparently that's begging and I should not be begging I should be demanding, when our parents are literally sinking into debt more and more and our mother can barely afford to pay the taxes for her freelance job??

Like, I'm going to fucking walk in on Tuesday to the health clinic, and update them on my deteriorating mental health, and it's going to fucking be the same fucking old adage of "you should exercise for your anxiety, you should learn to organize yourself better, you should manage your ADHD without meds, you should stress less" which is so fucking unhelpful as well. Platitudes like that I already get from the fucking web as well, Instagram loves to fucking show me WellnessTM posts on the greatness of exercise and being thankful for life, why am I fucking taking hours of my day every other month to hear that as well from people I was trying to seek some sort of further help??

And like, in general, I feel like I am going circles, and nothing ever gets better, only worser and worser, and like, I am really grateful for my sister's fiancee's kindness, but like, I've been the entire month trying to not get to this. Yes, because it's humiliating, yes I'm fucking prideful and I feel like I am an able enough adult that I should not need to depend on others' kindness to eat! But also because like, I am able enough to work, I have all sorts of skills, and I am more than fucking willing to do whatever it takes, but no one wants me regardless. And worse, it's pointless to seek a full-on job because university fucking gets in the way of everything, because I fucking switched to day classes because of my family's insistence, because I entered university in night classes originally and that offended them enough that they bothered me about it, and now I'm paying the price.

And then I talk to my one university friend, and she's like "yeah I'm struggling as well" and I try to commiserate with her, because that's what one does, it's like, I realize I'm struggling way more with way less than her. Yes, sure, she had to drop university twice, but also, she's doing 40h a week of classes, and undergrad research, and was sleeping like, 4h a night. No fucking wonder she snapped twice. Meanwhile I can barely get above 14h of credit/hours without flunking something, and even when I pass it's barely scraping by. How come she's being more seriously contemplated for ADHD and anxiety and all than I am?? I guess it's because I have to rely on the free clinic, while she's on her military daddy's insurance plan. God, I don't want to resent her, but I came so close to snapping at her in the group chat when she told me that she's struggling because she can barely sleep, and sure she's seeing stuff like I used to when I slept little, but she "just ignores it and it's fine!" while I used to be terrified I'd get killed by the fucking Balloon Boy from FNAF and shadow demons when I underslept.

God, fucking hell, I swear to fucking god, I am trying so fucking hard to act normal and be normal and not be a fucking mess but even that's hard and worsening my anxiety. And yet I don't get any help that sticks.

#mental health #personal rant #I'm literally so close to fucking giving it up #once again I am so fucking thankful for my sister's fiancee but holy hell this is not what I wanted #''beggars can't be choosers'' I know but also I didn't think it'd be time to beg yet

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movedtodykedvonte · 2 years

Text

Updated Moon Headcanons

Moon gets so little love in the daycare attendant tag and i wish to fix that so badly. Like I’m finally gonna spill the beans, I have a bias for Moon over Sun :p. Love them both still. (I’m also a night person, go figure)

Uses they/them and It/Its cause Moon assumes everyone is always talking about them in conjunction with Sun/it’s function

Effectively Moon never assumed it is ever being directly addressed

Moon’s light threshold is way higher than Sun’s meaning they can be around light to an extent

not bright light but like very dim, this is because Moon being out during playtime just means kids get an early nap, Sun during naptime means cranky/upset tired children

Moon crawls a lot cause it’s their way of seeming smaller and less threatening to the kids (On their level but it’s still to scary/fast)

Can’t yell as their voice box isn’t made for that, the best they can do is a stern tone/strain

different voice box than Sun, also functions like a music box

Way more affection and touch starved than Sun as even during naptime it’s not really given a chance to play with the kids/talk to staff as the kids are asleep and staff goes on break

Prefers the kids that sleep talk to gentle sleepers as it’s the closest thing it gets to a prolonged “conversation”

Wishes their eyes were blue again and can’t remember the last time they were (long before Vanessa messed it up :{)

Had star extensions kinda like Moon’s ray but management wanted them gone as they broke easier/needed more frequent repairs.

The ivory Moon parts of it’s body can glow but only when it’s happy, haven’t glow in a while...

Is technically in charge of all the security bots as it is the head of Security detail when the head human guard is out

Freaks out just as easy as Sun, it just looks different

standing still, constant head swiveling, looking around and generally being hyper aware

Knows how to move completely silently with the bells as to not disturb the kids

Wished they had a different outfit than Sun, like pjs

Actually doesn’t know the different between darkness and night

Is the one with a worse fear of maintenance as they are deemed the “problem one”

Fears only their AI will be scrapped leaving Sun completely alone

Corrupt Moon is literally just Afton acting, like using the rumors about Moon as his creep material when their AI is active

think the play from atla

Moon hates being in the daycare when no one is there and will beg Sun to turn off the lights so they can travel

Really good at miming things and shadow puppets

Repeats a lot of their phrases/sentences cause they are constantly rehearsing what to say

Dislikes scary stories as they always consider what the monster feels like

Moondrop candies were locked up until naptime due to them being found in staff lunches or dissolved in drinks, particularly the technician staff and most frequently on maintenance day...

Won’t touch you but will stand/crouch/walk really fucking close by if it likes you

Suspending themself in the air is their equivalent of a happy place

it’s like their the real moon in the actual sky

Is the reason for DA’s slight crush on Music Man, no I will not elaborate

Can’t actually see that well most of the time due to needing complete and utter darkness (eyes are like always in night vision mode)

Is also the reason controlled shocks/stun items were banned for the animatronics.

Steals the Sun merch

Moon is doing their best, please be patient

old posts here: 1, 2, 3 (Still Current) | Update post | Sun’s post|

#fnaf #fnaf sb #fnaf security breach #fnaf moon #fnaf moondrop #fnaf headcanons #fnaf daycare attendant #i could go darker with these #i completely revamped them and their copious issues

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mint-yooxgi · 1 year

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Jackie, my dear, omg- you updated while i was at work and rough day but like- i had been thinking about this since i saw the notification adn my god you had me oon the edge of my seat yet again- as always- such an icon T^T

so first off, OC is a BAD-ASS. Miyeon is batshit crazy and needed to touch hella grass (or devour that shit into her non-existent soul). I loved, LOVED that OC just took her insults and the pains and slaps but didnt fight back unless it was any of the boys' things being threatened/harmed. Its so very clear how much they love her in these things she is protecting, and its also so clear how much she loves them that these things, the dress/violin/paintings mean more to OC than her own life in these moments.

That said- i have a prediction about that. While I know, KNOW the boys are going to be upset about the broken things, the dress/paintings especially, i feel like OC is probably going to break down and apologize for not being able to protect what she could and just- the whole moments are going to bring so flipping emotional cuz like of course the boys are upset but she means more to them than that obviously. (Yunho is probably going to lose his shit if she apologizes for it- especially when he realizes she got hurt trying to protect his art- like my HEART)

second prediction- she definitely gets on their ass about making sure Kuroo is okay. as someone else pointed out the whole Hwa opening his mouth to say something haha

third prediction- the ones to go berserk: Hwa, Joongie, and Jongho especially. Yeosang is 50/50, but i have a feeling he wont want to touch her, he'll see it as her still getting what she wants. Nah, he gunna be savage to the very end, not looking at her, acknowledging her, probably muttering to mc like "my poor baby, that little pest really threw a tantrum huh?" like just down right degrading Miyeon and really pushing how she is absolutely nothing to him, and will always be. (at least thats what id do xD) anyways- i think its 50/50. he might go berserk, but he also might show concern for his love more than anything.

Wooyoung also has the potential to go berserk, probably talking shit to her the whole time about how she is nothing and MC is a fcking goddess period. Yunho definitely is at MC's side. San is also at Mc's side, and so is Mingi considering both of them care more for others than themselves usually, and would be far more concerned with keeping mc alive rather than seek vengance.

i also like the prediction that mc is going to be so gone that healing her turns her into something less human, and that she gets to have a badass moment too <3 she'll either beg to have a hand in Miyeon's death then, or have them wait. (if they wait i have a feeling Miyeon might get saved by her pets ope. but if they dont, and Miyeon dies- then her pets are going to still continue out her rebellion solely to avenge her)

Anyways- I love you and this story so much thank you for another emotional roller coaster that I adored beyond words being able to describe T^T

Im off to go build my #deathtoMiyeon fanclub now!!

First of all, thank you so much!!!! You literally don’t know how much I appreciate this message omg, I really appreciate you taking the time to write this and send it to me!!

Second of all, I'm literally so glad you said that!! (”its also so clear how much she loves them”) because YES!!!! Everything will be explained in due time, but even if OC isn’t aware/doesn’t want to acknowledge it at this point, she does love all of them in her own way so I'm so glad that came through!!!

And yes!!!! YES!!!!! Exactly!!!! Oh, literally one of my favourite parts about writing is when you guys are able to correctly predict certain aspects of scenes before I write them based off your interpretations of my characters. It means I've written them well and they’re being interpreted the way I'm hoping they are!! OC will apologize at some point, and be prepared for when that happens, cause it’s going to be emotional~

Kuroo is plenty fine, don’t worry!

Hmmmm, interesting hehehe very interesting~

Oh yeah, Wooyoung can be just as violent as Joong at times, he just hides it better around the OC lmaoo

I’m so excited for you to see what I have planned, I think you’ll all be pleasantly surprised, but also shocked ehehehe

Thank you for reading!! ❤️

#ask #the sweetest #omg #thank you so much #!!!#i love this so much #hehehe

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bi-bats · 9 months

Note

asksender reporting for duty! 🫡

for the latest fic ask set: 5, 7, 8, and 15 please!!!

(also, please please take all the rest time you want/need!!! you gave us a Feast, now it is time for rest and recuperation 💕💕💕)

OKAY I'M FEELING LIKE ANSWERING SOME ASKS SO HERE WE GO I'M STARTING WITH THIS ONE FROM AN OLDER GAME BECAUSE IT'S BEEN HERE IN MY ASK BOX FOR LIKE 3 WEEKS

(i heard you say I can take as long as I need in one of your more recent ones, I just didn't internalize it which isn't your fault 💚)

technically the latest fic I had posted when I reblogged this was Scars and Stitches BUT right before that I posted What Are You Waiting For? which is FAR more interesting to me SO I'm answering for that one because rules are fake and I feel like it.

5. How do you decide how long your fics/chapters will be? Do you have a word count goal?

Ha. Ha! I don't decide anything. Do you all think I'm out here deciding that my next update for Know Yourself should be 18k words?? Of course not.

Here's how it goes: I tell any given chapter what I think should happen. The chapter says "hmmmm, maybe. We'll see." Then I beg the chapter to please please please please please not be over 10k words. It gives me a smile like it thinks I'm adorable for even asking when we both damn well know that the chapter will do whatever it wants, and what I want has nothing to do with it. And then either the chapter takes mercy on me (like it did in this fic) or it Does Not (like it is doing in Know Yourself).

7. What part of this fic/chapter was the most fun to write?

Honestly, the whole first chapter. There's just something about the way it flows that I feel so good about 💚

8. Which line/paragraph are you most proud of? Why are you proud of this?

But the strangest thing is how everyone believes Jason anyways. Just like that. Then again, Dick is backing him up, so of course they believe him. Everyone believes Goldie, all of the time. He just flashes that gorgeous smile like a fucking master key, and Jason’s always been a tiny bit jealous that everyone else turned out so goddamn endearing. Not that being intimidating doesn’t have its uses, but sometimes he can’t ignore how much easier certain things would be if his edges were just a little less sharp.

This whole section. I think it's just that this is one of those thoughts that Jason keeps to himself, even though he thinks it fairly often. It captures a part of Jason I rarely see represented, which is how he came back different and he feels different from the rest of the bats in a lot of ways that strain his relationship with them. (Also, I feel like this reads in his voice really well which is something I sometimes have a hard time feeling like I nailed.

15. What is one question you wish someone would ask you about this work? Ask it and answer it.

There is ALWAYS a question I want to be asked about fics, and it is what songs inspired them! I listen to so much music (Spotify wrapped outed me last year at 84k minutes of listening lmaoo) and I used to write to music a lot but I've been finding it distracting lately.

I still plot to music though, and each of my fics have playlists! I'm gonna link the spotify playlist for this fic here! Top recs from this playlist are:

Lately I haven't Been Sleeping

Hyacinthus

J's Lullaby

Thank you for reporting in for an ask!!! I always love seeing you in my inbox and I swear I get excited every time, I'm just bad at answering 😂

And re: your comment at the end, Thank You and everyone who reminded me to give myself room to rest! I don't want to burn out any more than anyone else wants me to burn out, and I appreciate the reminder!! Also preparing the feast was So Worth It, people are still (like literally at this moment I got one) sending in the LOVELIEST comments that are making my day every single time!!

Ily all!!! and Bean I'll see you in like five seconds for your Echo Wife ask I've been vibrating to answer 💖

#🫘 this was a terrible idea #batsasks #What Are You Waiting For?#bibatrambles

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dirt-piper · 10 months

Text

On the origins of Not So Seecret Saturday, and its future

When I first found Minecraft I was roughly 10 years old.

I can’t precisely identify how I found it - through some kid at school, or a friend of my sister, or randomly on the internet - but I remember falling in love with it.

I loved the aesthetic, I loved the dopey Minecraft music parodies, I loved the let’s plays, I loved the classic multiplayer servers, I loved the dumb jokes the community made, but most of all - I loved the game itself. It was weird, beautiful, simple, terrifying, serene, and hilarious, all at the same time.

I spent hours not only playing the game itself, but also watching videos about it, reading forum and blog posts, and poring over the Minecraft wiki - my favorite articles of which were the ones regarding the removed, unused, and planned features - aspects of the game that I could know about but never experience for myself.

Over time the game I fell in love with started to fade away - the aesthetic changed as biomes were added (though not that much, and it still looked nice), the gameplay began to suffer (a fast travel hell dimension with nothing to do in it, beds that let you sidestep the entire challenge of the game), but it was still largely the game I loved.

After Beta 1.8, the game I loved ceased to exist.

Okay, that’s a bit too dramatic. I still played the hell out of the game during the early release era - but I notably stopped playing survival singleplayer altogether after Beta 1.8. Multiplayer in any game is fun, and the newly added creative mode gave me hours of mindless entertainment blowing things up with TNT and making useless redstone contraptions. But to a large extent I stopped playing the game itself - survival singleplayer - and every time I did I found myself having a very hard time enjoying it.

Now, kid me didn’t really know why I suddenly lost all interest in this game I loved - I could kinda grok that stuff like the new hunger system and terrain system were less than stellar (likely helped by the fact that everyone seemed to hate these two things at the time - the massive open letter to Mojang begging them to add beaches back to the terrain generator springs to mind), but the nitty gritty specifics of what exactly made the game less fun for me were not yet apparent.

Luckily for kid me, I managed to find something to help me alleviate the problem - Exalm’s OldDays mod. This mod allowed you to tweak Minecraft’s features to your own preferences, literally undoing changes from various updates on-the-fly to permit you to hand-tune your personal “perfect” version of Minecraft. I used it to tear out all the changes I didn’t like - gone were the biomes, hunger system, nether, sprinting, new terrain generator, stackable food, potions, enchanting system, etc. Now, suddenly, I could play (and enjoy) singleplayer survival again - and this was the ‘default’ way I played Minecraft up until the mod stopped getting updated in 2013, around release 1.6.4.

By this time a brand new Minecraft launcher had released which allowed you to (officially) go back and play previous versions of Minecraft - with OldDays gone, I picked the version of the game closest to my hand-crafted ideal and dove right in. Thus, the primary version of Minecraft that I played became Alpha 1.1.2_01.

Flash-forward 5 years to July 18th 2018, and I’m not a kid anymore. I’ve just graduated high school, and I’m on vacation with my family in Long Beach Island, New Jersey. It’s a rainy day, so I’m playing Minecraft on my laptop. By this point I had a singleplayer world with damn near everything a player could want in 2010 - an automatic cactus farm, a mob grinder, a minecart system, vast underground mines, an automatic boat dispenser, a hulking storage room - you name it. But deep within I felt a twinge, a feeling that something was missing. I don’t remember what originally set me off, whether it was being by the ocean, or the nascient release of the update aquatic, or a memory of Minecraft classic, but somehow I started getting a bit upset that sponges were unobtainable in the version of the game I was playing.

Very conveniently, I had taken a class on Java my junior year of high school.

I dug up an ancient version of the Mod Coder Pack for a1.1.2_01, decompiled Minecraft and started poking around the codebase. After a bit of digging, a realization slowly began to dawn on me - why stop at sponges? Why not fix more things? Like fix axes not breaking workbenches? Or redstone ore taking an eternity to mine? Or boats exploding when you sneeze on them? Or, better yet, fulfill my childhood fantasies by implementing all the removed/unused/unimplemented features I used to spend hours reading about on the minecraft wiki. Realizing I could use some guidance, I asked my friend Vulpovile (creator of Minecraft Classic Creative Revived) if he might like to help me out with my new project.

side note: I planned on adding the ambient loops a full two years before getting around to implementing them... and my method was essentially the same as what I schemed up on the first day. Most NSSS features bounce around my head for a year or two before I finally implement them.

We managed to get sponges done within a day, and banged out the rest of the little QoL fixes I wanted not too long after. Soon we began going haywire - adding singleplayer commands, trying to fix the outrageously janky alpha multiplayer, optimizing the game, making food stack, making trees drop apples, underwater dungeons, whatever we wanted to do, we did it. We had already numbered our new ‘fork’ of Minecraft as ‘Alpha v1.1.3’, but didn’t actually have a name for it - the original working title was “Minecraft Redone” - a very literal description of our goals, but not that catchy. After 4 days I finally coined the name.

By the 28th, our first release was out: Not So Seecret Saturday’s Minecraft Alpha v1.1.3. We ended up released one update every other week straight on into october - in 1.1.4 we tried to beat the server code further into submission, in 1.1.5 I reimplemented the score system from survival test and added floating worlds, in 1.1.6 I tried (and failed) to improve mob AI and made sponges redstone-sensitive, and in 1.1.7 we polished our work a bit and added two more world types. Then September hit and Vulpovile and I were sucked right back into college. During winter break we managed to release some more patches to 1.1.7, as well as 1.1.8 to add McRegion and running... before the first gap.

‘The gap’, as I’m dubbing it now, is a fairly common occurrence in NSSS development - it’s happened roughly 3.5 times now, and each time it’s the same thing:

Development on NSSS is interrupted by something IRL (at first this was always college, but now it’s health conditions and other boring responsibilities of being an adult. And a bit of depression.)

I don’t get right back to working on NSSS.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the then-current state of NSSS. A LOT of time.

The more I think, the more I determine needs to be done to NSSS before I’d be satisfied enough to do a new release.

Every time I open eclipse I either get so overwhelmed by the massive backlog of work that has to be done that I either only manage one tiny portion or I give up and do something else.

Steps 2-5 are repeated ad nauseum, until...

A sudden, miraculous wave of motivation occurs. I get everything I’ve been planning over the past [weeks/months/year(s)] done in the span of 2 weeks, release the update, and finally return to making semi-regular NSSS updates.

This routine is so predictable to me now that I can nearly time my watch to it. But that first gap after 1.1.8 was special - as I sat and thought about NSSS, and what I really wanted to do with it, my goal slowly shifted. At first I had just wanted to ‘fix’ Minecraft alpha by cramming a bunch of shiny toys and knick-knacks into it to satisfy my inner child, but now I wanted something... more. I didn’t just want to make a better alpha than alpha, I wanted to make a better Minecraft than Minecraft.

Let me preface this by divulging that I’m a massive fan of Team Fortress 2.

The development history of TF2 is utterly fascinating, and if you’re at all interested in game development I urge you greatly to play through the entire TF2 developer’s commentary, but the relevant parallel is this:

The original Team Fortress was a mod of quake made by a trio of Australian teenagers who went hog-wild with QuakeC, the super powerful Quake scripting language, to invent the class-based shooter in 1996. At first they were just adding things to have fun, but over time started paying more and more attention to the actual design and balance of the game they had created. Eventually, the entire team was hired by VALVe in ‘98, and after porting Team Fortress to GoldSrc as ‘Team Fortress Classic’, they got right to work on Team Fortress 2.

Team Fortress 2 didn’t release for another 9 years.

During that time, TF2 went through a multitude of totally different designs and ideas, at some points being nearly unrecognizable gameplay-wise to the original Team Fortress, until ultimately VALVe decided to stop trying to invent something wholly new and unknown and instead to improve on what they knew - and so they essentially rebuilt Team Fortress for the third time, now in the Source engine, and with a cartoon-ier art style. And then they started playtesting.

VALVe had learnt from making half-life that playtesting often and early is utterly invaluable as a tool to aide game design. After all - how do you know how something is gonna play until you’ve played it? And how will it play for people who are totally unexposed to it? A developer already knows all the game’s mechanics and how they work - how would a lay-person discover them all for themselves? Which mechanics would a normal player use in ways the developers never intended? There’s no way to find this stuff out until you hand your game off to a stranger and wait to see how they break it.

And so VALVe, through constant playtesting, tweaking, and fiddling, honed TF2′s design and gameplay to a point where, while not totally perfect, was absolutely better than the original Team Fortress. And aside from the new artstyle, the omission of grenades and bhopping, and the medic becoming... well, an actual medic, very little had changed of the core gameplay beyond little tweaks and nudges.

That’s what I wanted NSSS to become.

I wanted to make Minecraft into a better game than it already was through little tweaks and nudges - an adjustment here, a rebalance there, and a few new features where a gap exists to justify them.

During the first gap I did manage to release some moderate patches to 1.1.8, fixes for things like the busted FastRender port and proper textures for all the dye colors, as well as the first release of the NSSS launcher. But all of these were just tide-overs for what I really wanted.

In summer of 2020 the first gap-and-a-half concluded with the release of 1.1.9, which added Creative mode, Sponge Armor, and Ambient loops. All of these features were things I had spent years brainstorming, tweaking, and revising before I was finally happy with them - and when they finally released to the public... they were good. By now NSSS had started to accumulate some following, and the positive feedback to 1.1.9 was notable - it turns out that people like things that are carefully thought-out and designed! Two weeks later I released 1.1.10 to patch over some more things and finalize gold touch, and then I set my aim on the largest hulking problem NSSS has faced since day 1:

Multiplayer.

The original ‘legacy’ NSSS server was accidentally based off of a version of hMod for Alpha 1.1.2_01, but our problems with it would have occurred regardless; the Alpha server SUCKED. Within a day of poking around the code Vulpovile and I came to the conclusion that Notch had taken the Classic server and stapled infinite worlds onto it to create a horrible abomination.

Mobs would randomly turn invisible, Redstone would only work at certain Y levels, Doors would open halfway, you would randomly die of fall damage for no reason, you couldn’t eat food unless you were looking directly at the floor, if you checked a furnace while it was smelting something it’d break the timer and waste fuel, you could dupe items in chests by clicking on them fast enough, tools could be repaired by dropping them on the ground and picking them back up - it was a nightmare.

Vulpovile and I both, quite rightly, came to the conclusion around 1.1.8 that the legacy server was unworkable. We started trying to write our own , new server from scratch, but that went nowhere - too much of an uphill battle. Once 1.1.9 came along, I decided to do it ‘the easy way’ and just take a later version’s server and downgrade it to alpha - the winner was beta 1.7.3. I had hoped to finish by 1.1.10, but found myself in a deeper hole than I expected, so 1.1.10 was shipped with no multiplayer and I made 1.1.11 into the “fix multiplayer” release.

1.1.11 took over a year to finish.

God what a nightmare. It did not take me very much time to get simple interoperability between the NSSS client and the Beta server, but certain bugs quickly emerged as gordion knots: if someone sneaked they would crash all connected clients, opening a chest crashed the game, crafting recipes were one slot to the left, your armor would shift one slot down at random times, and vehicles were possessed by demons. The sheer amount of bugs I had to work through to get this update out was mind-boggling, to a point where I actually opened 1.1.11 up to a limited group of playtesters for several months before full release just for the sake of trying to eliminate every bug possible. Ultimately, the pre-planned release date of September 18th, 2021 (exactly eleven years after Alpha 1.1.1, the first seecret saturday) snuck up on me, and I panickedly released what I hoped was a relatively bug-free 1.1.11: it wasn’t! While multiplayer was far, far better than it had been in 1.1.9 and prior, singleplayer had become riddled with bugs, namely pertaining to inventories and creepers. I quashed most of them in later patches, but the armor shifting bug still isn’t totally fixed in multiplayer - if you die and relog without completely closing and reopening the game, your armor still shifts one slot down. I have no clue why the hell this happens.

Something that started happening during 1.1.11 that would foreshadow the next 2 years of NSSS’s development was a trend wherein I would gradually feel more and more trapped by the feature set of the update I was working on, and would increasingly wish I was working on the next update instead - this sucked for motivation and made 1.1.11 take even longer. That next update was going to be one that would add Seasons and Dynamic Weather to NSSS - an update which has been in progress for almost two years.

1.1.12 is still coming along, don’t worry, but I can guarantee you that once it’s out, I am never doing another massive, year-long-wait update for NSSS every again. Updates will return to being smaller and more frequent - the way it should be! Expect further ranting in a later post.

-DirtPiper

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sins-of-the-sea · 1 year

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//Finally completed COTL, at least the main game. Still got a lot of postgame to do (which I'm hyped for).

For a long while I was stuck in the Silk Cradle because no matter how many hearts and upgrades I'd get, I'd always be down to my last half a heart before or literally at the final part of the map, leaving me clearly knowing I won't last the boss fight of that crusade. And even if I brought Hathor, he ain't givin me shit. Either I was burning out and getting sloppy with combat, or I'm bad at video games, or the Switch framerate being fucky if I play longer than an hour, or the game in general still has overall quality of life issues, it was just unplayable for a bit. So I waited a couple major updates, and now..... lmao, Narinder is a breeze with the Heavy and Relics mechanics.

Having your followers cook for you is a GODSEND, but eeeeuuuuughh, I'm not liking that sudden rise in hunger rates lmao. I used to be able to last several days with over 100 Splendid Vegetable Feasts in reserve, but now that supply is gobbling up in a couple--and nearly gone should I go on a 20 minute crusade.

I realize the story of the Lamb is less the Master and more probably Ulan... or Giovanni should he complete the hidden goal he has for the Master as revenge for Guangzhou. Maybe a mix of both. Because I realize this skrunkly thing

That's Ebano. That's fucking Ebano. The One Who Waits is the true "Master", especially given he gives you the Red Crown (his Eye/his gifts) and wants it back so he can be freed and in full power again.

So either I'm splitting the role of the Master between the Lamb and Narinder, giving the Lamb an Ulan or Giovanni role, or some mix and match, who knows. It's not a 1:1, it's just for fun. I just adore the idea of cute little animals being subjected to things that, if I even looked at this in grade/middle/high school, I'd be locking myself up in a church praying 24/7 begging God for forgiveness. But they'd also ask me to worship Trump, so fuck my school environments, I'm going eat mushrooms with my homies and then butcher my elders to cannibalize later once they die.

Either way, as I was playing, I was just playing as myself figuring out the game and not actually roleplaying like I typically do. But the more I think about it... yeah. Cooks, gifts people, marries everyone, picks up cute animal poop, has a literal Golden Touch episode and is swimming in gold, looks cute, fluffy, and sweet, is an actual fucking murderhobo who smiles when gutting open his enemies.... I realize I was Giovanni the whole time lmao.

But for the sake of roleplay, COTL!Verse Gio is the little yellow frog, not the Lamb. I do not intend to actually RP the Lamb themselves, though I can picture Frog!Gio trying to steal the Red Crown for himself like a GREEDY ASSHOLE.

So tl;dr, no I decided the Master is better as Narinder and Gio and the Lamb, but as they are canon characters in COTL, I'm only mentally putting them in the roles and not actually as them. In actual RP, Gio is a frog, and the Master is.... well, probably whoever their old god is, and said god is after them for choosing a new Master. But goddamn, now I want Gio to attempt to steal the Red Crown for himself and get severely punished for it. And hey, it's COTL, if he gets killed, he can get resurrected.

#cotl spoilers #[Verse: Cult of the Lamb]#yeah I went in semi-blind #semi as in I knew about the ending but not so much the mechanics and how to get there #but I still giggled #need to upload my screenshots and show off the Seven already #fun fact I resurrected Ruixiong and Guy and took them with me to the final fight #bless their hearts (or damn them)#blasphemy tw #religion tw #murder tw #ageism tw #cannibalism tw #drugs tw #food tw #[Cat!Master]#[About the Master]#[About the Seven]#[About Giovanni]

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tcookies777 · 1 year

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I’ve been reading your posts and reblogs.

Are you okay?

I'm getting flooded with Asks and messages atm so I'm sorry to say that I don't know when you submitted this Ask!

If by okay, you mean the reblogs from yesterday - I'm pretty fine actually. I'm at that age now where you kind of... to be blunt, don't give a fuck because you learn not to take the words of strangers to heart.

The reason why I still do speak up for myself though (instead of staying quiet) is because I want to nip these conflicts and issues in the bud even if it means being strict. I don't want the problem to grow out of hand. I've been writing for over 10 years now and this is not my first rodeo.

With my 1st rodeo though, I was that young and naive writer who stayed quiet. I tried to please every single reader. I bowed down and apologized to the readers who complained I wasn't updating fast enough. I begged for patience and forgiveness whenever I had to put the fic on hiatus. I tried to fulfill every request and demand that every reader threw at me.

And the abuse and entitlement grew. Because I was stupid enough to feed it. Because I had wanted to keep everyone pleased 24/7. I didn't want to piss anyone off and I was afraid of losing readers. And when I decided to put my foot down because I couldn't handle being treated like I was less than human, I was harassed for it. And when I fought back against the harassment, I was portrayed as the villain.

"People are going to say negative things about your story anyway, and if you can't handle that then you shouldn't write. You do that, or you shut up and write," a reader had once told me.

And because I was young and stupid, I believed her.

And that belief became my principle in real life.

And one day, when I was in school, I saw a boy getting bullied. The bullies were throwing milk and condiments to stain his clothes, and the boy looked unhappy but remained silent. It was 1 against 3, after all. And I watched the bullying happening literally 3 feet away in front of me, and even though I wanted to step in and speak up for that boy, all I could think of was that reader's words. All I could think of was: People are going to bully others regardless, and if the victim can't handle it then they're weak.

So I stayed quiet.

Around that time, I was reading a fic and I noticed a writer was being harassed. Readers were demanding quicker updates, they were demanding that she reveal her sexual orientation, they spread rumors that she was lying about her ethnicity, they were ""criticizing" her story when actually they were just trying to manipulate her into writing the story they want, they were complaining about the plot when actually they just had a gross misunderstanding of the story's direction, etc etc. Literally, none of the criticism she received was actual, genuine criticism. It was just insults and pointless complaints with the "criticism" label slapped on top. Some readers even befriended her but only because they wanted to have her write a fic for them (they thought a friendship with her would give them an advantage).

She tried to appease them at first. Tried to laugh off their snide remarks and respond to their disrespect with kindness.

And because she stayed quiet against the abuse and entitlement, these readers figured they could keep it up. So they continued, and her mental health deteriorated until one day that writer snapped and quit the fic and quit writing for good.

And the whole time I watched this drama unfold as one of her readers, I never spoke up for her. Just as I never spoke up for that kid who was being bullied.

It's been 10 years since then. To this day, I deeply regret not speaking up for those people. I deeply regret being too afraid of conflict. I deeply regret being a bystander back then.

But a few years ago, an older writer enlightened me with some advice. He said, "Yes, there will always be people who are going to be jackasses to you. It's the Internet, duh! But that doesn't mean you need to put up with that shit. The reader has the power to curate their fanfic reading experience... and so does the writer too. "

And that was the moment I realized I am sick of being a bystander. I am sick of staying quiet. I am sick of enabling people and/or trying to please them all the time. I am sick of bending over backwards out of fear of disappointment or conflict.

That was the moment I decided I am going to speak up from now on. I will not tolerate this any longer.

So yes, I am fine for the most part. Many of you guys have been incredibly kind and supportive. But I will continue to stand my ground when I need to and if I need to be harsh when doing it then so be it. I've seen firsthand how being too kind and a people pleaser all the time sometimes just welcomes more abuse, more insults, more entitlement. Because it's from behind the screen, some people don't care that the fanfic writer providing them free entertainment is a real human being.

#cookie answers #a cookie for me

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