#MY ASS HAS BEEN HANDED TO ME

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[changeling-droneco]

Everyone's making like discourse points about Kieran as if hes not literally just a kid whos like

"im lonely and feel outcasted and will project on this mythical creature that i can relate to, and then it turned out to be real and everyone kept it a secret from me including someone i had considered a new friend despite knowing how desperately I wanted to give it the companionship I wish I had and im upset about this!"

Like I promise you, as funny as him going Joker is, he's not some like evil cruel manipulator who only wanted to use ogrepon, he's 12 and his favorite character came to life but he didn't even get to enjoy it.

#like i love the fucked up eyes too but hes just some 12 year old who lost his comfort character #pokemon #pokemon sv #pokemon dlc #pokemon spoilers #kieran #kieran pokemon #ogrepon #this has been three am thoughts #'hes obsessing about getting stronger' if i lost my fav character because i got my ass handed to me in like five pokemon battles I would to

[clouvu]

Missing them fr

#genshin impact #arlecchino #sandrone #arledrone #its been 10 months and the only visual reference we got of either of their outfits is a literal foot pic of arlecchino #aside from the entire front of sandrone's outfit #i CANT keep living on like this im on my hands and knees begging leakers to just give us their full fit already #ESPECIALLY arlecchino cause i can easily slap on katheryne's outfit But Red on sandrone but arle?????? Nada #aside from the fact that she wears a tailcoat and has some monster high looking ass heels #genshin really forcing me to use my imagination here

[extra-somethin-somethin]

If nothing else Koenma is a Kuwabara stan and I'm right there with him o7 (I need to write the kuwameshi fic that goes with this fr)

#maybe one day i'll write that au i have sitting in my head #ever since the comment he made about making kuwa spirit detective instead ive been thinking about it #like...what if yusuke is still recruited same as canon but like #kuwa was already spirit detective? doing assignments for the guys upstairs and all #and they made yusuke help him after his resurrection instead of going solo #and it's hilarious because they still have the ''rivalry'' set in place so it's like #now i gotta be coworkers with this guy i was in a fist fight with last week? #yusuke is like you can't be serious you want me to fight DEMONS with the guy who cant even beat ME? lmaooo okay #kuwa would be more in tune with his powers atp in this au and super offended like hello #why would i use my reiki on a FELLOW HUMAN CHILD you DICK i can hold my own on my assignments just fine #but he's actually really excited to be able to spend time with yusuke doing something besides getting his ass handed to him #they're both genkai's students (she's endlessly annoyed but they grow on her) #i just think it'd be fun cos like #it'd be harder to exclude kazuma from shit if he's literally been involved in this shit before he even met #kurama and hiei #kuwabara isn't really told about yusuke's resurrection so things go mostly the same up til he's brought back #they're both called to koenma's office and it's the spiderman pointing meme 💀 #it's koenma's first time seeing kuwa in person as he usually just sends assignments with botan #yusuke has already seen him cos of the resurrection arc #and koenma is SUCH a fanboy ''kuwabara it's such a pleasure. you know you're my best worker 🥺'' #''um urameshi am i seeing things or is that a fuckin baby'' yusuke will NOT stop laughing #it fucks koenma up so bad he makes sure he's in his adult form when he's around kuwa next #cos he wants to be the respected boss but also guy that you can chill with!! he's so cringe #okay yeah i need to write this it's such a fun concept #kuwameshi #yu yu hakusho #kuwabara kazuma #yusuke urameshi #koenma

[p4nishers]

they're in love. if you even care.

#yes i did say izzy has a crush on stede but he's man of multiple talents he can have a fat ass crush on frenchie as well. as a treat. to me. #how many times can i use 'if you even care' to make my posts more interesting before yall block and report me #idk but im gonna keep pushing it i dont have anything else up my sleeve #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd season 2 #izzy hands #ofmd frenchie #ofmd s2 #is this the crackiest ship to ever crack? maybe but my friend and i have been feeding each others delusions abt them and i just dc anymore

[surreal-duck]

happy birthday to the most idiots of all time

#i DIDNT forget how to draw them 🎉🎉🎉 #doodles #duck scribbles #minicomic tag #honeyworks #lipxlip #someya yuujirou #shibasaki aizou #aiyuu #confession executive committee #id do something more but im getting my ass beat lately #wanted to participate in aiyuu week too but </333 hope this suffices anyways #i like to think w judge and tsuki no hime being noted to somewhat related to them specifically they had a hand in writing in themselves #this idea has been haunting me for a good year or so now and im releasing it into the wild. be free #and happy bday to minami as well youre awesome king... i wish i wasnt so low energy these days #this is supposed to lead up to something but ive been falling asleep so. ponder the implications

[emypony]

twitter won't get this but i know y'all will

the felis erasure in regards to the concept arts is criminal how dare you

#fu hua #pardofelis #hi3 #honkai impact #concept art #IF I SPEAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG. #fuki this fuki that #ohh kiana skin has cat ears don't they match?? #SHUT UP AHHH!!!! like ok yeag i get it #felis was the first kitty and hua's partner back in the moths era the straight up friendship erasure hurts my soul #lowkey personal cause omgggg i been GOIN thru shit lol #just let me have this one please #my dumb fuckin ass is crying at 6:30 AM over bad tasting toast and these 2 not getting the smidge of recognition they deserve #its whatever i know they are holding hands i know the truth #manifesting either another felis suit OR. #them taking this concept for hua and transferring it to Senti one way or another. kitty / wolf senti idk... #sentifelis will be real one way or another smh #the tags with 'fuki' in it better not show up in the main tag or ill bite someone cause this aint shade on them #but feel free to throw twitter under the bus for it however

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

Drawing the people in my archery club from memory because I admire them and their god-like ability to aim

#shoutout to my super nice teacher who gave a full-on open heart surgery to my old ass hand me down bow #he gave me a new string since the old one had knots in it 👍 also had to fix a bunch of other stuff- istg this bow is the definition of #''I have 20 undiscovered illnesses + the bubonic plague'' #anyways- sorry for no art these days guys. school has been keeping me so busy #my art #archery #people

[creepyscritches]

My grandma is 80 and almost never wants to go do things, but every year she gets excited to go shuffle around her little shops on Black Friday with me and my mom and eeeeevery year she heehaws at me buying my annual supply of handsoap from bath and body works during their buy 3 get 3 sale. I have so much soap, by god, if I run out again before next November I'm going to kill myself

#Creepy chatter #Since she's 80 and frail we definitely don't do the morning chaos :/ wouldn't want to be in that sea of crazy ass people #We usually started puttering around at like 3 or so in the afternoon when everyone has tired themselves out #And the morning shift has been mercifully released home #We got to the store right as the fresh shift was really rolling and ig the girl I spoke to loved black Friday energy #Bc when I apologetically asked for help looking for my partner's fav soap she terminator locked her eyes across the store #On a distant top shelf with one (1) bottle pushed in the very back 10ft above anyone's head #And practically cartwheeled over and CLIMBED THE SHELF? to hand me a bottle of soap 😨 #Thank you miss but holy shit

[saetoru]

i think taking a break from writing smut for like almost a year has been rly refreshing bc i think it made me stop questioning if my writing is interesting without sex and just write it how i want. and then tbh a part of me has realized i like writing without the sex half the time. it’s nice. it’s fun to explore intimacy in as many non sexual ways as you can

#not that i don’t like writing smut #bc tbh sometimes u just have to write gojo cumming #to feel fulfilled #but #yeah idk #dipping my toes back into sm.ut has been a journey #bc on one hand i actually didn’t like it at all when i started writing it again #i was like bro how did i write this so often #this sucks ass i will go back to sfw fluff cuteness #but then i slowly got back into the swing of things #and now it’s like #ok yeah i did miss this a bit #but i think if anything #the break was good for me it made me #overall more confident in my writing and it’s ability to compel / draw in an audience without sex appeal #but also just have more plot based development #which is why i’m so happy w that post canon geto fic #bc me of a year ago #could never fathom writing 10k words of no smut #yeah anyway ramble over #but that being said #ima till write pure filth for october LMAO

[todayisafridaynight]

sorry that im obsessed with him <- is not sorry

#snap chats #this is my favorite cutscene in the game it has everything i want and need #i love that first screenshot so much......... top ten frames of ryo aoki ever #i want an aoki photocard of it wahhh hes so cute and pookie </3 #i also like the hand detail we see int he second one....... very nice.... #i love this cutscene cause he gets deadnamed live and thats still the funniest thing to ever happen in rgg to me #'sir youre trending theyre beating your ass in the qrts' DO NOT CARE THAT I MADE THAT JOKE ALREADY. I WAS REAL FOR IT #anyway hes sooooo cuute sorryyy thats my truth #he just looks like a little lad <- hes 43. or wouldve been (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) #every time i remember the game being like 'ryo aoki is young as hell to be doing this bullshit' i cakcle #maybe he just /looks/ too young yk... round faces be damned you will never look older than fifteen #i still stand that he constantly looks lke he got a frog in his mouth #oh but. Genuine Appreciation Time it is very cute how this cutscene starts with him lit so well and then just. Dark LOL #VERY OBVIOUS AND EASY SYMOBLISM BUT I DONT CAAARRREEE i always live for it #anyway he cutie patootie awwww i wanna pinch his cheeks and then shove him back into a locker

[chaoticgremlinbrainspace]

fuck man

finding out new things about nightwing makes me go insane, rotating him in my mind at high speeds, centrifuge his ass, I want to pull him apart, see his every facet, study him like a bug. hes just so interesting to me. there's so many interesting things to his character that could be explored and delved into. things that would be cool to see. like, hes just got so many parts that could and have interacted in ways that just captivate me.

#dick grayson #nightwing #grem screams #pondering him #like this guy is on my mind for real #some things I can relate too others out of my depth but could be absolutely written well in the right hands #its probably a bit of the hyper fixation on him he just has so much to him to me ghisdfnj #he gets the "my ass hyperfixated then projected the fuck out of him #like #I am a rabid dog and I am chewing on him like a squeaky toy #there's so much intersectionality to him I want to see all of his parts impacting him in ways #I guess what intrigues me is the human parts to the super hero #like yeah yeah powers and abilities are cool but what are you as a person #how do you live #what are you struggles how have you as a person been impacted by the superheroing #like shit like that is interesting not to say I do like the super hero part I just think the two sides coming into conflict or working #together #I love action I just think seeing the impacts is neat too #idk I just feel like its cool because hers often seem so like other its kinda fun to see them combust bghisdfnj idk how to explain it weel #I dont mean slice of life either like...I guess I want repercussions and cause and effect to mean something ghirsnjef #again its weird #long ass tags btw

[turkeydinner-jpeg]

(＾∇＾)ﾉ♪

#i missed posting outfit pics but my dumbass has been too busy to take pictures!!!! #i been forgetting!!!! #oh well heres tonigbts #i technically wore some silver sparkly heels with this #but i kept taking them off to run around lmao #i went to a university dance night that my friend was in charge of and i brought a shit ton of decorations i had on hand #and the night was so fun #i dyed the bottom layer black when it was a cute yellow and pink sundress before #but my freak ass said. what if it was black. or charcoal grey i guess #it looks much better to me #i love it #goth #goth fashion #alt fashion #fashion #style #original post

[lacefuneral]

i would like. to love sometime. thanks

#my gay ass almost started crying in the bathtub last night. #because i was. thinking about a hypothetical wedding again #while listening to Days of Candy by beach house #if i got married it would be secular. and that song sounds like a hymn to me. but without the christianity part #anyway. i am 28 years old #i have had one long distance boyfriend. one awkward coffee date. and i have never held hands with another man #let alone kissed or be held by one #my only experience with physical intimacy has been SA from women #i hope that someday. someday i get to experience love like other people do #in the interim. i have my wistful daydreams. #could this be classified as trauma dumping. idk. i think its okay for men to be vulnerable sometimes #i am going to listen to beach house.

[bombusbombus]

recoloured this old warmup to repost cause I had it on my mind.

If Clark is going to be in earth 19 (gotham by gaslight universe) (they're publishing more gbg and clark is going to be there), then listen to me listen to me, he needs to be a cowboy. Superman needs to be a cowboy in the big city. I am SOO serious about this. I am on my knees, DC, let me write for you, I would add so many themes about modern technology versus traditional knowledge and sprinkle in some anticolonialism PLEASE.

You could have a cute little Daily Planet that has to struggle against yellow journalism in a smoky little backroom & setting their own type, a la The Truth. You could have gentlemen's clubs. You could have a brutal war against unions in the streets and one lone titan of industry giving into their demands. You could have the exact same 3 batkids from the movie, there's literally nothing to improve on there. You could have Clark tear down a barbed wire fence with his bare hands, in a futile attempt to unravel colonialist ideas of private land ownership. Imagine the alien knows more about the earth, the real earth, than the knight in his city does. Imagine the American dream failing Clark, who has to go back east to the big city, failing Bruce, who lost his parents, failing everyone over and over until they decide to build something without it. In an era of rampant exploitation, what do real heroes look like?

Or you can make the justice league fight big steampunk robots ig I'm excited either way.

#all that to say ask me about the gotham by gaslight superbat friendship I've been thinking about for a LITERAL YEAR... #the original colouring on this was only the sort of ass you can achieve with a blue light filter at 2am #also I can hear you saying “why do your warmups usually look better than your final drawings Moose?” #(shh let me imagine I have a huge rapt audience) #well. I have aphantasia which makes it much harder to make things up than to draw from life #however my passion is cartooning. so I'm a little fucked #I also have a disability that sometimes makes me run a temperature when I overexert myself mentally #so drawing cartoons can make me run a literal fever #whereas drawing from life is more abt hand skill than brain skill so it doesn't fuck me up #but that's why I don't draw much anymore lol. Arranging people and items and background on a canvas is excruciating trial and error #but when you already have a pic the photographer has done some of that for you and you just need to collage preexisting images together #and once you have the elements of the picture then it's easy to retroactively construct a balanced tableau #tl:dr creativity is hard and makes CPU explode but editing is easy #that being said if a mutual wants me to draw an animal or something for them & gives me a reference I will drop everything to do it. dm me. #seriously I'm good w anything organic like plants or animals or horrible growths #hell if u do thumbnails I'll draw the full thing. I'll write w you. I fuckin love collaboration. #might be a bad writing partner though cause I'm neurotic as hell #. #I just remembered that Dan Garret was in earth 19 last time it was shown in a comic #no offense to all you dan-heads out there. but I think he should die. #cause I would be. obsessed. With 1890s Chicago cryptid Ted Kord #I think he should be 23 and terrible #the most steampunk guy around. Probably takes cocaine. Still a college student (gettin his fourth degree). Hasn't left his house in a month #not to mention futureboy Booster in his kevlar vest with his iphone named skeets

[talentforlying]

one of these days i'm going to write up all that i've changed from azzarello's bullshit era and the one (1) piece i've kept from milligan (and also changed) and the only thing currently stopping me is that it is going to be so, so inside-baseball incomprehensible. and i almost never want to go reading/screencapping azzarello and milligan to add references but i Want to add references.

canon is goop, just know that we continue to ride the bus down "hellblazer ended at #250 and looks like swiss cheese before that" street.

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #i'm doing page maintenance before i fuck off to work rip it's got me thinking #anyway i think i said WAY back on this blog that a side goal of mine is to make hellblazer lore accessible to non-comic readers where i can #bc it's such a Heavy comic & i love it so much & i always felt Terrible recommending it to people only for them to be disgusted #and like. @ past me that particular goal is NOT as easy as you thought it would be lmao #esp because i have a habit of getting VERY detail-oriented when it comes to talking about hellblazer i think #but by GOD it's still a goal. i can put in some motherfucking references here and there when i talk about The Lore #like. azzarello's writing style never translates well for me in synopsis bc he Loves to put the audience in the outside perspective #where we are bystanders/with the rest of the bystanders to constantine's actions and not to his motivations/inner monologue #and i HATE that. hellblazer has ALWAYS been about what this guy has going on underneath the masked exterior #all the things you can't say out loud when you're queer and working class trying to survive in 70s-80s-90s england #but that you FEEL with your WHOLE fucking chest. how that feeling drives you to enjoy little rebellions wherever you can get them #(also azzarello just fucking Sucks LMAO but i'm talking style rn) #so i end up relying on frusin's art to tell the story a little more bc i think he understands the Theatre of constantine's public persona #and when that theatre is Absent then it's really REALLY noticeable. so frusin keeps me in it most of the time #and if i'm digging into frusin art then i'm Going to want to compare it to older panels bc i like body language consistency #milligan on the other hand has NOTHING to save his sorry ass bc his writing is drop-jaw fucking terrible AND the artist seems to like it #but the loss of john's thumb being tied to his mental health (ignoring the bullshit with shade) has always felt. important to me somehow id #anyway MUCH thinking about my favorite loser on this about-to-be-annoying day shdjksd he has been done so dirty #hellblazer brain go brrrr