#Or a desire to do something different?

[ariadnew]

CTJL MONACO

Today on risky entries:

(Dorothy Lawley & RDEC Gotica; 2015 KWPN m.)

#The Sims 3 #TS3 #Simblr #Equus-Sims #Is it the height of laziness? #Or a desire to do something different? #(It is both) #Dot's entries are always risky by default anyway because #fun fact here #I imagine she's easily distracted/making nervous mistakes/plain unlucky at shows #So I *usually* make a point to have her doing something that would handicap her #So see here #How she's looking elsewhere rather than at the jump #That #Catch Agatha off screen facepalming so hard #Good times #CTJL #Competition #Show Jumping #Dorothy Lawley #RDEC Gotica #Lowmax Stud #I don't really know why I put myself through this tag torture #Queue

[lee-kangin]

HARRY KANE (10) & SON HEUNGMIN (7) OF TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR The greatest partnership to ever exist in the world of football. “When you turn, I will be always there.”

BBC Sport / Kane and Son break the all-time record for Premier League goal combinations / The Guardian / Kane-Son trademark celebration during Liverpool 1-1 Tottenham, 07th May 2022 / Kane-Son trademark celebration during Manchester United 1-6 Tottenham, 04th October 2020 / Kane-Son trademark celebration during Aston Villa 0-4 Tottenham, 09th April 2022 / Kane-Son trademark celebration during Tottenham 2-0 West Ham United / Kane on Twitter after assisting Son on 4 goals against Southampton / Tottenham 1-0 Burnley, 26th Oct 2020 / Nice to Mich You, Son Heungmin / Premier League / Kane and Son hug during Manchester City 2-3 Tottenham, 19th Feb 2022 / Kane and Son hug during Tottenham 1-0 Crystal Palace, 20th Sept 2015 / Kane consoles Son during the Carabao Cup final against Manchester City / Kane and Son celebrate during Tottenham 5-2 Southampton, 26th Dec 2017 / Commentator on the Kane and Son partnership / Tottenham 2-0 Arsenal, 06th Dec 2020 / Caption from ‘Heungmin Son and Harry Kane guess their Premier League goal combinations’ / Stray Kids, I am YOU / Kane and Son celebrate during a 6-1 game against Leicester City, 18th May 2017 / Kane and Son celebrate during a 4-0 game against Everton, 13th Jan 2018 / Kane on Twitter / Frank O’Hara, ‘Morning’ / Kane wins the Golden Boot 20/21 / Son wins the Golden Boot 21/22 / Kane assists Son against Southampton / Caption from ‘Heungmin Son and Harry Kane guess their Premier League goal combinations’ / Mitski, Francis Forever / YouTube: Record breakers! Kane & Son react to becoming Premier League’s most deadly duo! / FootballJOE on Twitter, referencing Son’s trademark goal celebration, the ‘camera,’ through which he is looking at Kane / Gang of Youths, ‘Achilles Come Down’ / Kane and Son celebrate their goal against Arsenal / Kane on his relationship and link-ups with Son / Son and Kane on Instagram / Kane and Son after Kane assisted Son on four goals against Southampton / Tottenham 3-2 Ajax, 08th May 2019 / cr. Shaun Botterill, Getty Images / Commentator on the Kane and Son partnership / Tottenham 3-2 Manchester City, 19th Feb 2022 / Caption from ‘Heungmin Son and Harry Kane guess their Premier League goal combinations’

#footballedit #kaneson #tottenham hotspur #harry kane #son heungmin #son heung min #heungmin son #heung min son #tottenham #football #this is my magnum opus i spent an actual insane amount of time on this ... there is something SO deeply wrong with me. #i feel like this isn't enough to encompass the love they have for each other there needs to be MORE ... but i tried my best #in the end do you ever think about how they both grew up on different sides of the world with nothing binding them apart from a shared #desire to play football and to be the best at it. and how more than 2 decades later they found each other in london and became part of each #other's stories. because that's the crux of it isn't it? there will be no book written about one of them without mentioning the other. #they've become so intertwined over the years you can't tell where one starts and the other ends. #the amount of respect and admiration that they hold for each other is actually insane. like sonny talking about how harry is the best #striker in the world and - not pictured here - how he believed he could win the golden boot at the world cup last year which uh. #that was never going to happen but it's the FAITH. the unwavering relentless FAITH!!! that he has in him :((( #or the DIFFERENT way harry loves sonny oh i could pen tomes about it really but the point is that he opens up around him and he sheds that #stoic and untouchable persona and actually laughs and giggles and smiles in interviews with him and never doubts him. ever. #i couldn't fit in 'never in doubt' here but NEVER IN DOUBT!!! #'when you turn i will be always there.' how goddamn romantic is that then. #the thing is that they were born to be together. they were meant to play with each other. #there will never be another duo like them. #rahul.gif

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

#akio and utena #m #long ramble in the tags sorry: #the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human #he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims #he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry. #and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios #(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think. #like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her #i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing #not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that. #and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did #but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her? #whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway #idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims #the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it? #how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions. #(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive #but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.) #when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her #but is there something genuine there too? i don't know. #again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me. #on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had #reflected back at him through her mean anything? #is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid. #either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over. #i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways) #but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly #wants you to analyze and think about. #which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.

[trainingdummyrabbit]

maybe we'll try again next time.

#pikart #projmoon #(LONG TAGS..) i talk a lot about that latter part of poems of a machine but the first chorus never fails to break my heart too #i can never remember what ive talked about and what i havent so ill do it again anyway. #specifically the line 'so here i lie; reading you my poetic stupid rhymes.' especially in conjunction with the very first lyric. #all this built up... mess and madness; concepts of impossible scope and importance for just a few words. #its the desire to express a truth outside of your reach. to tentatively try to identify; to speak; and only managing so much. #clumsy; basic; small; but it still holds a piece of your heart anyway. its not enough; but its real; its tangible; and thus important. #am i making sense? its the first steps into writing poetry / into self expression / into self acceptance / into healing and growing. #and the implication these words are being shared; despite all of this; despite all of Her. augh. #i really do think a lot about th stark difference btwn her Knowledge and her Experience. how she feels she Should function vs how she Does. #knowing how something should be vs how it Is. yknow. #anyway Oops ! Lyric Rambling In The Tags Again ! <33

[grimalkinmessor]

So tired of all the fics that have Harry enjoy reading but it turns him into a snobby cynical asshole. Like reading would turn him into a different person completely. Shut the hell up maybe I just want to see him gushing over the latest fantasy series he stole from the nearest library and going absolutely fangirl insane when he sees a dragon for the first time, all while simultaneously backing as far away from his textbooks as possible and charging headfirst into a fight with a basilisk without researching a damn thing about it. LET HIM CONTINUE TO BE AN IMPULSIVE DUMBASS PLEASE I JUST WANTED HIM TO HAVE SOME COMFORT IN THE CUPBOARD LIKE DAMN 😭

#harry potter #harry james potter #harrymort #literally crying #reading is a form of escapism and i think harry wouldve loved it as a child who was banned from speaking about magic at all #but reading The Hobbit and devouring textbooks are two totally different things #and yes he could go the route of hermione by diving into magic itself as a form of realized escapism #but also. no. its harry potter. the magical world very rapidly becomes just as much of a stressor as the muggle one to him #and i think that would very much affect his desire to read about magic #he moves on to scifi after his second year #dystopias ✨ #let him continue to be a rash and bold and explosively cunning and avoidant of work plz #the kid has adhd and problems with authority the moment you tell him to do something hes not gonna #adding the harrymort tag as a rent lowering gunshot dont follow me for gen hp stuff your not gonna find it #as it is i barely post ship stuff #babes from the phantom and the potter not included yall are fine i love you

[moeblob]

So I saw a screenshot of Ralph without his hat (for his wedding outfit + I think a DLC outfit didn't have it?) and honestly. There's a reason he wears it. It's unfair if he doesn't. Olive Town really is just "hot bisexuals in your area" and they would thrive if they advertised it as such.

#sos pioneers of olive town #ralph #jack #i will never not love jack ok i have been playing again and i cant help it #once i unlock giant bear carvings to craft i make him the happiest man on the planet #its just something i have to do ok i love jack a lot #i do still really enjoy bringing ralph soup to the woods like a loser and handing it over while he eats lunch #but the point im trying to make is i cant stop loving jack and it really hinders my desire to romance others lmao #also i was googling some refs of ralph after i found the wedding ss because it was a lil cut off and i wanted the full look #and i saw a lot of questions like is poot worth it or comments about how its incredibly avg for a game #or how its not as great as past installments and im like ........... but the cast is so endearing to me #again its different strokes for different folks and not everyone will love the same farming sim as i will but still #dont be mean to my olive town babies...... #the fact there are so many cutscenes in there of families interacting and moms being mom friends and gossip buddies #the fact there are so many cutscenes just about how these people live their lives is so wholesome to me #like sure the farmer is featured in the heart events #but there are so many where you arent the center ! youre just a bystander to like #a bro putting his younger bros motorcycle in the museum and the museum owner being mad theres a motorcycle in the museum #while then having multiple other people show up like YO SICK BIKE YOU GUYS HAVE THIS STUFF IN THE MUSEUM #while the younger bro is beaming cause thats his baby he loves his motorcycle and you better love it too #like its just so fascinating to exist in the town but not be the entire reason everyone keeps on going about their lives #yeah you interact and befriend them and you do tasks to help develop the island but it doesnt feel like thats why people like you #which is really important to me bc i feel like i have to do things to make people like me #i have to have a reason to interact with people irl or its just me being in their way #and poot lets me just live alongside people peacefully and talk to lil harvest sprites that hand me food and rocks and logs #anyway that is SO MUCH propaganda for a story of seasons game that no one asked for thanks gnight

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

reopening the ask box is like... just finishing vacuuming shed cat hair, and then immediately going and petting said cat vigorously & watching with delight as So Much Fur sheds right back onto the floor

#knocked it down from 96 asks to 53 lets gooooo #i was gonna keep it closed for much longer but like. that was past me's opinion when they were way more stressed than usual #current me misses Conversing with the Masses! or something like that! #is it a smart decision? probably not! #between packing & comms i dont have much time #but keeping it closed felt so wrong... i dont like keep out signs.... #absolutely unprompted #i forgot how time-consuming and difficult packing is #im too out of practice.... #ive got all my sketchbooks and notebooks and paper and comics boxed up #Except my wof collection. im waiting for book 15 to be shipped before i box em all up. gotta keep things Together #but yes anyway sorry the box is Open for whatever your little heart desires #which is.... bad timing bc im gonna be chronically Offline tomorrow and probably a decent chunk of the next day #now if yall will excuse me im going to Attempt To Write Fanfic. #we'll see if i manage more than one sentence #i am doing. so much usps research for this shit its hilarious #like yes! i will read reddit threads! watch yt 'day in the life' videos! job listings! etc! #but hey now i know about casing and relays/loops and dps and flats and the difference between city and rural- #its fun to learn new things for writing! #i will be taking Liberties anyway! but at least they'll be a conscious decision yk yk #and if i ever post i can say 'hey i know this is inaccurate But its for the sake of the fic. im doing it on purpose! not outta ignorance!' #also i feel so so bad for cca's like... the work 'ethic' is so fucking inhumane are they ok-

[parlerenfleurs]

I'm perplexed by people who think Xue Yang could have redeemed himself given the opportunity.... It's a sentiment I see echoed a lot but it has no basis in the text or in simple logic.

The dude had plenty of opportunities to do it on his own before even meeting Xiao XingChen, when he had both a better material situation and protection from powerful sects. But sure, he was protected with the aim of making him do more bad things, and Jin GuangYao is a terrible frequentation to have if you want a chance to turn out better at some point in time, and also yeah, everyone knows emotional connection and genuine love are what truly nourishes the soul, so let's say he's a big brat bastard who needs a little more than that to grow up, and let it slide.

But then he ends up with Xiao XingChen. He ends up with him, the embodiment of pure-heartedness, with a miraculous blank slate because the dude is blind and doesn't have a clue who he is! That's the perfect opportunity to bask in the wonderful feeling of true kindness, and then of true affection, right? And what does he do? Not right away, mind you, no, he had the time to heal from his injury and dilly-dally about what to do next, he had plenty of time to make a different decision, to wait a bit more before making it, to stop being an evil asshole and sit down for five minutes. But no, what he does is, he tricks Xiao XingChen into killing innocent people. And he gets a huge kick out of doing it. AND he does it again, repeatedly, even after years have passed and they have truly bonded.

Like? I don't know what more people think he can get, as second chances go. He's a very fun villain but he is an irredeemable one. Of course, he feels love and care, in his own way, sure, yeah. Cool feelings, still manipulation and murder.

#Xiao Xingchen #Xue Yang #it's very weird to me because ending up with a blind Xiao XingChen WAS his chance #it very unmistakably was #that's like. the whole plot of 2ha in a way?? #and in 2ha it's well done because [huge spoilers] #so it's nothing like the Xue Yang situation #Xue Yang has little reason to do evil and a big fat desire to do ir #and then he breaks the one beautiful thing in his life #the one genuine thing #he does that on his own #no one makes him do it #if Song Lan had arrived and Xue Yang had done nothing in all this time AND had become a better person #then it would have turned out differently #many ways it could have gone without turning into a tragedy he had a heavy hand in creating #he would have had to pay for his crimes #but Xiao XingChen would have been alive #and it's something he would have liked supposedly #as it is he provokes his death and then wants to bring him back as a toy #to never let him rest #come on dude you've done enough!

[imminent-danger-came]

I think what I love about the 3x14 "To pain" scene so much is that it's not as much about the Lady Bone Demon and MK being motivated from the same place, as it is that their intent doesn't matter. It's full on doomed by the narrative—trying to do right or wrong, it all only leads to one thing: to pain. That's the inevitable end. Both MK and LBD "fight for what they think is right", but they're also both doomed to cause more suffering, and that's what makes them similar.

LBD thought she could end all suffering if she created a clean slate, and MK thought HE could end all suffering if he just stopped LBD, or Spider Queen, or DBK. But that isn't possible. You can't prevent pain, or change past mistakes, or fix the world. All you can do is move forward. And you can still love a world filled with pain and suffering. You can still love people who cause pain and suffering.

#HOWEVER. You can also have good and bad people be motivated from the same place and do completely different things with that motivation. #That's something that annoys me about the TOH finale tbh #They completely dismissed Belos' motivations #Going ''naw Luz and Belos WEREN'T motivated by the same desire to save humanity/their families'' was so :/ #You know bad people can be motivated by things like love right #that doesn't change that they're bad #just that things are more complex #anyways #toh critical #since I complained in the tags #lmk #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk MK #lmk LBD #lmk Lady Bone Demon #to pain #lmk analysis #imp tag

[blujayonthewing]

had the thought 'it might be interesting to also collect a cicada nymph before it can molt and keep it as a wet specimen' and then immediately the concept of a cicada quietly growing underground for thirteen years to finally, finally emerge into the world only to get killed and put in a jar before it ever has a chance to stretch its wings just because some idiot thought it'd be neat nearly made me cry

#'jay aren't you gonna eat them' yeah #it's different #the main reason I stopped collecting insects after DJ and I broke up is that I get Weird about it #it's a weird... like. so vulnerable species notwithstanding #one thing about bugs in an ecosystem is that they're highly abundant and-- on an individual basis-- disposable #they lay a zillion eggs because they're getting eaten (or just stepped on even) by every other goddamn thing alive #in general my sincere belief is that a hobbyist with an insect collection is literally fine #but on a PERSONAL level because I'm not A Scientist and I know my personal desire for an insect collection comes down to 'they're pretty'-- #feels weird. feels bad! feels like a bad reason to kill something even if killing that specific thing isn't measurably harmful to do #same way I feel about people killing spiders when I JUST SAID I would take care of it #like... okay there are a zillion other grass spiders where that came from but YOU are still a dickhead for doing that for no reason #ANYWAY. I'm making a collection exception for magicicadas because 1) okay @me come on there's gonna be a zillion. it's literally fine #and 2) this double emergence feels like such a genuinely big deal to me! first one in ~200 years and there won't be another for ~200 more!! #if I can collect scientifically viable specemins it feels like... there's a point to that #beyond 'I saw a butterfly so pretty I just HAD to kill it 🥰' you know?? #... this has all come a bit tangential to the post I guess lol but... just feels existentially cruel #lots of cicada nymphs are going to get stepped on or eaten before they can molt into adults and I know that but it still just.. makes me sa #they live SO LONG. they've waited SO LONG for this. aahhh... #about me #cicada journey

[mariocki]

Rosemary Leach stars as socialite Marion Grove, the latest target of Ray Barrett's sinister gold-digger, in Gideon's Way: The Lady-Killer (1.6, ITC, 1965)

#fave spotting #rosemary leach #gideon's way #the power game #susan weldon #itc #the lady killer #1965 #classic tv #rosemary wouldn't start her run on The Power Game until the end of '65‚ where she'd be playing a very different type of character #to the naive‚ awkward innocent she is here. the characters do have something in common; they're both lonely‚ an odd sort of typecasting #that Rosemary nevertheless seemed to fall into (see similar contemporaneous roles in Galton and Simpson's Comedy Playhouse or various #single plays in drama anthologies) before later regular work in maternal guest spots. perhaps it was her looks? her character here is #undoubtedly meant to stir some kind of plain jane sympathy‚ regardless of Rosemary's actual attractiveness (I'm putting this awkwardly; #personally i think she was an attractive woman but there's no denying the intention here‚ as her character is repeatedly implicitly #contrasted with Justine Lord's glamorous model) #then again her casting in TPG is as the desirable other woman (but then again again‚ who would stray from Barbara Murray irl??)

[graciousdragon]

I FUCKING DID SOMETHING FOR ONCE LET'S GO!!!

ok so i was listening to this song like a week ago and i saw this animation clear as day in my mind and i knew i had to try and storyboard it out while i was thinking of it. i wanna do the full song at some point because it is So Very Them-coded but i do not have the time rn and will not for a while (i barely had the time to make this) so for now i just made sure i got the really complicated part out of the way. figured i'd post it because. why not lol

anyway. this is for my Darkest Desire AU story!! it's called Glitching Fates!! i am so normal about it and i have been for years now. it is. so far removed from the source material but i do not care it is very special to me :]

as a sort of summary for what's going on here, the night guard and Will used to be really good friends but they both ended up getting busy with their own lives so they couldn't interact as much, and then the whole Glitchtrap possession thing happens which reunites them but also drives a wedge between them since Will is blindly following Glitchtrap while the night guard is trying to find a way to stop Glitchtrap.

i am so not fucking normal about these characters you all have no idea. oh my god. they have permanent residence in my mind rn. i need people to ask me about them or else I Will Become Violent (/j)

hope y'all liked this, or at least i hope y'all found my passive-agressive notes to myself funny lol. under the cut i typed up all the handwritten ones in case y'all want to read them but can't make out my handwriting

a fuckin uh.. pillar or somethin idk

ooh cool scene transition

how do i convey that he's walking onto a train

dismissive wave

hair is longer to indicate passage of time

pretend this shot doesn't look like total dogshit ok?

hey how did my anatomy manage to get That Much Fucking Worse this far in

there is Something wrong here. i just cannot tell What

that is. so much better what the fuck

ok that's all thank you for looking at my post :]

#rys.txt #rys draws #WAVING MY ARMS AROUND WILDLY LIKE ONE OF THOSE WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE TUBE MEN COME HERE AND LOOK AT MY POST PLEASE!!! #I FINALLY COOKED SOMETHING!!! #i finally figured out how to draw decent side profiles that don't look like i'm totally ripping off jamie hewlett's art style i'm so happy #on the topic of my au being super different from the source material. let's be real for a second #does anyone out there have a darkest desire au that isn't totally different from the source material? do those exist? #i don't think i've ever seen one everyone's always taking a ton of liberty with it. and that's okay! :D #anyway. these two are everything to me you don't understand #please. if anyone seeing this wants to know more about my story PLEASE ask me about it (no pressure) #my ask box is open you can ask me anything about this and i will answer happily (or in the notes here is good too) #even if you have no clue what the fuck is going on here. if you don't know shit about fnaf or darkest desire i will explain it for you #glitching fates #glitching fates au #dawko #dagames #night guard dawko

[anonymouspuzzler]

how did you go through college/grad school with ADHD, don't know how to combat it well.

genuinely, I dropped out because I had no idea i had it, had other compounding shit going on, and subsequently lost the ability to take care of myself! when I decided to go back it was after learning I most likely had some form of adhd, and I bolstered my support systems in many forms (lived with family instead of alone, went to therapy regularly, generally was older and a little more assured of myself, etc). and even with all that it's still a huge struggle!!

a lot of it comes down to "acknowledge and accept that you're never going to be able to just Become Neurotypical, some days will be hard, be willing to experiment and figure out things that do help you and Use Those Things whether or not they're 'normal' or you think you 'should' be doing them". ie. I struggle a lot with graduate-level reading, and after a lot of experimentation figured out what works best for me is having a TTS read the text out loud at the same time I'm reading it! It took me a long time to realize that because for some reason I got stuck on "needing" to just do one or the other!

#anonymous puzzler answers #genuinely every time folks ask me about school stuff i need to emphasize I Dropped Out And Did Not Go Back Until My Mid-20s #it took me a WHILE to reach a point where I understood what i wanted and needed out of my education & build support systems accordingly #shit was hard! shit's still hard! but it was something I care a lot about and it was important to me to go to school anyway #and maybe this is bad advice but genuinely if you don't feel that desire to Go Through It: figure out why! #do you need a different major? are you not vibing with this school's approach? is college/grad school just Not For You? #(like i Know the way The Industries are now wrt College Degrees but genuinely college isn't for Everyone and that's Fine) #(trades are Awesome and if you vibe more with that that's fucking Awesome)

[spocks-kaathyra]

.

#vent #wow I will never be able to let myself have friends huh #I am unwanted and inherently unwantable #I have it all figured out I just can't DO anything right. why is breaking silence the hardest thing to do #I can't bring myself to make/maintain/deepen friendships bc I'm convinced that I'm unpleasant to be around and unpleasant to be friends with #my company is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy #<- completely unjustified belief. I am kind and friendly and capable of responding appropriately in the majority of social situations #they reach out and I shrink back every time. no matter how much they reach towards me I can't believe that they actually want me around #and ofc the reasonable thing for them to do is stop reaching! when I never reach back! why would they expect a different outcome this time #so I can't blame anyone. I can't sit around waiting for a saintly mindreader who can see that my actions contradict my feelings #I know I just need to reach out. but how could I do that when I'm convinced it'll only hurt them? #my presence makes their day worse. I'm a mangy dog begging for scraps I don't deserve at their table. I am harming them with my presence #how can I beg for their attention and company and time when I know their life would be better without me in it #<- false belief. when I reach out I make them feel wanted and they feel more comfortable reaching out to me when they know I like them. #everyone appreciates being reached out to. I am pleasant to be around. they like being liked by me. my company is a desirable thing #company in general is a desirable thing. my company is better than no company. people like being liked. #logically I know all this to be true. emotionally? they hate me and I deserve it and the more I show I like them the more they'll hate me #sigh. what a banal problem to have. I'll stop being 18 years old one day. I can't wait until I have better things to worry about #replies appreciated. btw. in the interest of asking for what I want instead of expecting ppl to read my mind lmao #narcissus's echoes

[knowlesian]

god i love the thematic weight carried by stede’s plant

because there are two things that are true here: 

- under stede’s care and on his ship, that plant thrived. it was in better condition when we see it in e9 as evidence of stede’s Very Real Pirate status

- he stole that plant from poor fishermen and not some rich(er) fuck, which is punching down and admittedly sketchy when you think about it for long

even better: the first being true does not negate the second, and the second being true does not negate the first.

with the first lens, the plant is sort of a metaphor for how stede’s ship is a place that allows the crew to become themselves and be a crew (a family, even) versus a loose assemblage of people, technically sharing a common cause but more often finding themselves at cross purposes and working their own angles. 

with the second, it reminds us that stede only bought that ship and provided that space by abandoning his family without warning and selling off some of the stolen land mary brought into the marriage. not to mention, that stede was only viable husband material because he brought his family’s equally ill-gotten cash along with him. 

(they’re both white and upper class, but she’s got the land and he’s got the possibly new money; a capitalist love story as old as capitalism itself. gotta keep ‘em separated while you keep the money where it’s already fucking at, etc.)

stede’s s1 journey is complicated; in order to appreciate him as a whole person, we have to acknowledge that the reason stede was born into money and wields social power as a matter of course— even while he is also marginalized and traumatized by that very same society— is a legacy of horrors so comprehensive they run the gamut from a to z on every horrible thing one human being can do to another. 

it’s not stede’s fault; it is his reality. and that’s part of why i’m so fucking excited for s2. because the plant is definitely a good representation of his s1 arc of moving from believing the shadows on the wall are real and not just flickering representations, but he's only just woken up to the real world and is ready to find his place in it. he’s rejected the money and the status, faked his own death in a way that implies he won’t be going back to his old self ever again, and now he can figure himself out on his own terms, not society’s.

which means the plant is a symbol of growth, but also of privilege and stede’s own blindness to how that privilege changes the world he experiences and in some ways, makes it easier to move through than the world the people around him are also experiencing at the very same time.

(as a canon example of how that works, just because i was discussing it recently and it’s top of mind: that french captain could have said plenty of things to remind stede he is not a man in the way the world wants him to be. he could have insulted stede, made him feel shitty or like less of a proper man; he could not call upon a history and experience of the world that means a lot of people think stede is closer to being an animal than he is, simply because of the color of his skin.

real world example to help explain the canon example, since i know this isn’t always instinctive: here in the united states we had two presidents, one after another, that people liked to draw in political cartoons as monkeys. the first was george w bush, who is a white man with big ears; the second was obviously obama. and no matter intent, or what anybody said about why they decided to present a black man as a monkey or the size of obama’s own ears, that use of imagery called upon a long and ugly history of racism in a way that could never be used against dubya. even a lack of intent or having no personal knowledge of the particulars can't defeat that history.)

so anyway, s1 stede is the plant: growing stronger, healthier, but in circumstances that become complicated and hard to ignore when you consider how and why they came about. 

s2 stede, i’m assuming, is taking cues from the orange (as it is his favorite thing, now) because the orange was a gift freely given, obtained because all the things great and not so great that combine to make stede the complicated, lovely but also sometimes Just... So Much person that he is meant that jim got their family back and the reassurance of knowing that nana sees and accepts them for who they are/was more upset about how many bodies were not dropped than pronouns changed.

he’s gonna do so many gay crimes and learn who he is and reunite with ed so that ed can learn who he is in tandem, because that’s love. even when someone's A Lot, they’re family, and you give them the room to grow alongside you already assuming they might need it.

#stede bonnet you fascinate me i can't wait to see you grow #man is gonna be UNHINGED in the best way #i want to see a stede bonnet secure in his general desires in life applying that breakneck BUT WHAT IF DIFFERENT??? #to everything!!!! EVERYTHING #i was doing something else now back to that this just sort of wouldn't stop yelling in my brain

[compil]

oh how the turn tables

#not saying either of them are "bad'' but i do believe that neither of them are all that committed to The Greater Good #and imo that's cool! makes things more interesting #i think. rather than doing heroic selfless feats to save the universe this show is about pursuing your personal desires #and what you're willing to do to obtain them #in sylvie's case it's freedom #in loki's case it's community #and i see a lot of people interpreting that as sylvie being more selfish than loki bc her goal is to be alone and loki's is to be with peop #but idk that doesnt feel right to me. i just think they want different things very very badly #sylvie's line asking what's wrong with wanting something hit me hard and i ::::////// #p comp #loki #loki season 2 #loki spoilers #loki laufeyson #sylvie laufeydottir