#They're married and have children? Aspec! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yogurtlamp · 8 months

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no like literally what is up with the idea that everyone will hopefully end up dating someone or married???? like. it's not even an ideology that only affects aspec people. like it is literally detrimental to allo people as well.

like, the way no one will take you seriously if you say you don't want to get married, or that you don't want kids is wild. especially ESPECIALLY when you're insisting to teenagers (particularly teenage girls) that "you don't want kids now but you will want them when you grow up". like. like what is your deal???? why are you forcing the idea of motherhood onto literal teenaged girls???

and it's not just having children, it's like. it's marriage, and sex, and dating. like why are you insisting to people that they WILL want that some day. why are you forcing that idea into people.

even if they eventually end up dating or married or whatever, they're... not the same person they were back when they didn't want that. and them ending up doing it in the future.... doesn't give you a right to push it onto them when they don't want it???

like it's totally wild because like. I'm aspec but more or less alloromantic bi. and me experiencing romantic attraction.... doesn't mean I want to have a romantic relationship...

it's also kind of like people think that if you express same sex attraction you MUST want a conventional romantic relationship and you MUST want to hit all the goalposts of a conventional romantic relationship because you "choose" your attraction.

girl idk. shit is wild.

#queer #aspec #asexual #aromantic #lgbtqia #rambles

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thevoidstaredback · 27 days

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CW: Mentions/Implications of Transphobia, Religion, Aphobia

I do end up telling at everyone, btw. I'm a bit pissed off near the end.

I'm a bit pissed off still...

I think the main reason I haven't come out to my parents as AroAce is because they're both very conservative Christans (LDS). They grew up that way, and they raised me that way. While they're open minded about a lot of things, they're close minded about a lot of things, too.

Both are very family oriented, my mother moreso than my father. They both want me and my sisters to get married and have kids and I don't know how to break it to them that I don't want that.

I've tried telling them without coming out. "The best I can offer are cats." or "I'm not interested in relationships." or the one I've been saying since I was in my single digits "I'm gonna be the crazy cat lady. I can't do that if I have other people I have to take care of."

(Honestly, that last one shoulda been my first clue. How the hell did I not know until senior year of hs?)

Both parents have brushed me off or ignored me completely. On several occasions. My aunts have all done the same. Some friends have done the same. All with varying excuses that I've already mentioned here before (and on TilTok).

I think the worst part is that they're both a bit transphobic, my father moreso than my mother. Mom is a bit more open minded (at least that I've noticed). She's a bit confused, but does her best to understand. Dad is a lot less so. He's actively watching things that are transphobic in nature or in passing, though I think he's realized that shit makes me uncomfortable, so he doesn't listen to it when I'm around. Only when he thinks I can't hear. (Doesn't work very well. I've got crazy good hearing and he watches with his speakers on full blast)

I'm not trans, but I have friends who are. My thought process is, if they can't accept that people are sometimes born in the wrong body, how will they ever accept someone stepping way back from what they were raised on?

Okay, I know those two things probably to connect in the way that I'm trying to convey, but I- I don't know how to explain it?

How do I convince people that I don't fall into the norms they were raised in when they can't even accept the norms that have been since the time of gods?

Does that make better sense?

The Queer Community has been around since humans started to walk the Earth. How does one explain this to people without things going to absolute shit?

I think I've gotten a bit off topic...

How does one tell their parents (who have been dreaming about their children having children to the point of "cursing" us with triplets) that getting married or having kids is not in their plans?

How does one get past the years of (what I can only label some kind of manipulation attempts) convincing that having kids and getting married will be the best thing to ever happen?

As I'm sure my fellow Aspecs can relate or attest to, it's extremely hard to tell a heteronormative society that you don't quite fall in with them. It's equally as hard to tell s homonormative group that you don't quite fit in with them, either.

On all sides, we're being pushed and pulled to fall in love and have families and have romances and have sex and all of these things! I think the reason we (at least from what little I've seen) feel so lonely is because we have little to no support. People on all sides are telling us we're wrong. People who are supposed to be on our team are telling us we're wrong.

Do you know how much that hurts?

Straight friends, gay friends, trans friends, queer friends, even fellow Aspecs have all told me some version of "You just haven't met your perfect person yet."

Fuck you.

Fuck whoever has ever said that in their life.

Fuck whoever has said that to someone who trusted them.

That line, and any line like it, is harmful.

I'm sorry you can't look past your rose coloured glasses to see the world. I'm sorry you can't pull your head outta your partner's(s) ass long enough to realize that not everyone is like you.

Yeah, I'm yelling at all of you. No discrimination here.

....

I really did go off topic...

I guess I really needed all that off my chest...

Regardless, I don't take any of it back.

#aroace #aspec #crisis #how does one deal with this?#how do I come out in a place like this?#is anywhere really safe?#being targeted on all sides

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the-asexuality-blog · 1 year

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So I've been thinking about the lack odmf representation of aspec people in media and how a lot of the community seem to project aspec-ness onto non-confirmed aspec characters.

I don't understand it. Like if the character isn't said to be this then why try and make them that way?

I do have a theory on my difference in opinion. I am black. When I look at a character who is decidedly not black me projecting ain't bringing the possibility of a magic race change. If I want to see people who look like me in my media I have to actively seek it out or accept my lack of representation.

It feels the overwhelming majority of the queer community online is white. White characters are everywhere. You would be hard pressed to find 3 shows with no white people. White characters have (what feels like) all the representation you could ask for. Want a gay romance show? Heartstopper. Want a strong female MC in a book? The entire YA genre. Hell it seems the few disabled characters are all white. So it seems to me that when white people see that weird lack of "this is not me" they bend media to fit them.

Let me be clear I don't find anything wrong with that. If you wanna headcannon a character to be aro or demi or whatever you do you. It's just not something I do or understand.

This sorta rant could probably be worded better so if anythings unclear you can tell me! I just want to share my thoughts on this because it's been bugging me and also interests me. The ways race and ethnicity affect how we interact with media and how a lack of representation impacts a common culture despite the diversity you could find if you look.

As I see it, headcanoning any given character as ace or aro is just as valid as headcanoning them as any other orientation regardless of how they're presented in canon. Look at Phil Coulson and Clint Barton, for example--Clint is canonically married with children and Coulson supposedly has a musician girlfriend, but that hasn't stopped people shipping them based on a single radio conversation in one movie ten years ago.

You're absolutely right that there is far too little representation of non-white minorities, and I agree that we need more. If you have any media recs that will help fill that gap, I'll be happy to boost them. I have shared posts about Black, Brown, Indigenous aces and aros, but as a (mostly) white person, I want to avoid speaking over voices like yours and amplify them instead. But, yeah, the "I am uncomfortable when we are not about me?" bird definitely comes into play in the white community, whether queer or straight.

#intersectionality #answered

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aromantic-spinda · 3 years

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This ASAW, I'd like to make a quick post talking about queerplatonic relationships and why the term is used, as many people mistakenly believe it's a useless synonym for friends.

To start, the "queer" in "queerplatonic" is not the same as queer as in LGBT+. Queer here is referring to strangeness; to how these kinds of relationships are outside the norm. And that's the point, really – queerplatonic relationships are relationships that do not fit into the expectations for platonic and romantic relationships, thus "queering the platonic." You don't have to be queer as in LGBT+ to use the term "queerplatonic", because the term does not inherently have anything to do with whether a person using it is LGBT+.

The term is, however, highly connected to the aspec community, as it's often aspecs who use the term to describe their platonic partnerships. It originated with aces and quickly spread to the aro community, and today is used regardless of sexual or romantic orientation.

Going back for a minute to explain this concept better – what do I mean when I say "queering the platonic" or "not fitting into the expectations for platonic and romantic relationships?" Well...

Doing traditionally romantic things (such as cuddling, kissing, or going on dates) with someone you have a platonic bond with.

Living together/sharing taxes, getting married/raising children/etc with other typical adult things with someone you have a platonic bond with.

Having multiple consensual relationships.

And more examples that I can't think of as of right now.

Oftentimes, mentions of these sorts of things in queerplatonic relationships is met with "But friends can do all those things!" and, sure, but the question is not ability. It's normality.

Is it normal to see two friends getting married platonically? If I went to a school and took a survey, could I expect at least a few students to say their parents are not and have never been romantically involved? Can I walk over to the romance section of my local bookstore and see a good selection of polyamorous representation and have that be the usual sight on a trip to that store?

No, no, and no.

These things are not normalized. That is why we have queerplatonic, because to have strong bonds that are not strictly romantic and monogamous yet involve activities that are commonly considered to occur in romantic, monogamous relationships are not normalized, or even considered acceptable by some people.

Yeah, sure, queerplatonic partners can be friends. They can have a strictly platonic bond. They don't have to use this term to describe their relationship.

But I'm not seeing any stories at my local bookstore about someone deciding to move across the ocean and live with someone they do not want to be romantically involved with while also being in a romantic polyamorous relationship with several other people, now am I?

That's why we use queerplatonic.

Tl;dr: Queerplatonic relationships are not about whether the people in them are LGBT+ or if the relationship is both non-romantic and non-platonic; they're about if a relationship goes against amatonormativity and relationship norms.

This has been a PSA. Go support queerplatonic relationships.

#aro #arospec #aromantic #queerplatonic #asaw #asaw 2021 #qpr #long post

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lokigodofaces · 2 years

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any ace loki headcanons? 👀

I have a lot of them, as you can imagine. Because I don't want to retype things, I'm also going to have links to previous posts of mine.

it's been something he's struggled with for years. Asgard doesn't really have a concept for the aspec, and are super sexual with a lot of things. so he's been sitting in the corner metaphorically for 1000 years, not able to understand anyone. and it doesn't help that as a royal, he's supposed to marry and have children.

or you could go the other way and have Loki never be pressured to marry while Thor is. and at first Loki assumes it's because Thor is going to have the throne, so he's the one that need to have an heir, not him, and he's just glad Odin isn't after him for never dating. but then he finds out he's Jotun & Odin didn't want him dating because that would be a quick way for Loki to find out, to have a half Jotun child. & Odin doesn't want to "curse" any Asgardian woman to having to marry a Jotun and have half Jotun children. so now Loki is sad he never was pressured into it because the only reason Odin didn't do it was because he didn't want Loki to have children and would have tried to break up any relationship Loki did have

Fandral makes him uncomfortable at times bc he's such a womanizer, and sometimes he's womanizing for Loki, if that makes sense. like he's trying to be a wingman and get women to flirt with him, and it's all with good intentions but Loki did not sign up for this

his relationship with Tess is really nice bc Tess is in no way trying to have sex bc she's a cube. it's freeing to never have to worry that someday she'll want sex and be disappointed by their relationship

when he does start dating Tess, they take things slow physically. they don't kiss on the lips for a long time, don't kiss tongue for a long time, that sort of stuff. cuddling is okay, but kissing is more eh. it's all kind of muddy, but as an asexual i can tell you that at least for me, it's muddy too! some physical touch is okay, some isn't, some needs to happen later, some can be immediate, that's just my reality (and Loki's, since I project on him an unhealthy amount)

sometimes he hears things about the Greek gods (many of which were down to f*ck at any second) and some of the Avengers will ask if he and Thor are anything like that and he just nopes out of the conversation

someone says he has an ace up his sleeve just in reference to the whole trickster god thing, but he thinks it's the funniest thing

the Avengers buy him a cake when he comes out to them because Tony went to google for what to do if your friend comes out as ace and someone said aces like cake

everyone Loki associates tries to filter out sexual things once he comes out. like they warn him if a movie they recommend has a sex scene or avoid talking too dirty around him. he appreciates it a lot

it takes Thor months to figure out what the heck Loki is talking about bc Asgard doesn't really have an understanding of aspec people culturally (there are aspecs on Asgard they're just struggling bc there isnt a word for it or its an uncommon word with a small community)

when Loki finds out he's Jotun, at first he thinks he doesn't want sex because he's Jotun. it's a combination of aphobia and jotunphobia. Jotuns are inferior people, sex is a necessary part of being Asgardian, thus he doesn't feel sexual desire because he is part of an inferior race. at this point he doesn't know about asexuality.

it's confusing bc he's biromantic so like he wants a partner but not a sexual one but he rarely is attracted to anyone bc he's greyromantic & it's hard.

favor

#thanks for the ask!#i have more but don't feel like typing them all out #ace loki #loki laufeyson

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