#Tiny Men Parts EP

[yelena-bellova]

Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Five

Chapter Five: Soundtrack of Life

Plot: Y/n, Joel and Ellie journey to Bill and Frank’s house, where Joel and Y/n are forced into a conversation.

Word Count: 11.2k

Warnings: tlou ep.3 spoilers, language, guns, canon-typical violence, mention of killing (16+)

A/N: You guys blow this thing up more and more each week and I’m blown away each time. I see all your lovely comments, even if I don’t respond. A gentle reminder that this is a 16+ fic and I will not be adding anyone to the taglist who does not have their name on their page. Gotta look out for younger eyes 👀

Regarding this chapter, I did NOT intend forit to be this long. I honestly thought because the episode was all about Bill and Frank that it would be the shortest, but here we are. It contains one of my favorite scenes of the entire series, I’ll let you guess which one it os 😉

—————————

May 16th, 2002. Austin, Texas.

Y/n considered herself a fairly confidant person. She kept her fear reserved for things like family emergencies, natural disasters…things out of her control.

Not first dates with men she’d known a week.

She was pacing her kitchen, heels clicking against the linoleum floor and her sundress swishing each time she looped around. Her hands wrung themselves against her abdomen. She had never felt so nervous about a date, not even in high school. She figured it was a warning sign of some type. Either she was making a huge mistake or a fantastic decision. She rested her head against one of the cabinets and prayed it was the latter…

Outside Y/n’s complex, Joel had just parked his truck. Dressed in a long sleeved plaid shirt rolled up to his elbows, jeans and dress shoes, he felt constrained. Like his chest had expended three sizes and the shirt was no longer able to accommodate it. Or was he just hot? Hungry?

Joel tightened his grip on the steering wheel and shut his eyes. He was nervous.

It had been at least one, maybe two years since he’d been on a date. A neighbor’s daughter that Joel had felt obligated to go out with so that it would sate his street in their constant attempts at setting him up. It had been much longer since he’d voluntarily sought someone out. Taking a deep breath, he reminded himself it wasn’t marriage. They were just going to dinner. If nothing happened, it wasn’t the end of the world…

Joel sighed, but he wanted something to happen…

He picked up the roses from the passenger seat, a nod to the night they’d met, pocketed his keys and stepped out of the truck. He felt dazed as he climbed the stairs to the second floor. 41B, Y/n had told him. When he reached the door, he hesitated to knock. Such a minuscule part of the night, but the mere act of coming to her door felt like the beginning of…everything.

Three raps broke Y/n from her panic party.

She’d put on an old record, hoping it would ease her nerves. It hadn’t done a thing. She stood up straight, drawing a deep and tried to force confidence through her body.

When Y/n opened the door, Joel lost any and all words he’d been thinking over in his head. She was dressed in a simple yellow flowered dress, but it was her wearing it that melted Joel. She looked like sunshine itself.

“Hi,” she smiled.

“Hi,” Joel exhaled, “Sorry if I’m late.”

Y/n looked at the clock near the door, “Only a minute. I think I can excuse that.”

Joel huffed a nervous laugh. What came next?

“These are for you,” he stated, holding out the flowers.

Roses. Y/n was shocked that Joel had remembered the tiny detail of their night in the bar. Tommy’s nickname was going to stick so long as she stuck around the Millers, she had a feeling…

“They’re gorgeous,” she giggled, “You’ve got a good memory.”

Joel gave a half shrug, rubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans after.

Y/n felt like her brain had stopped processing for a split second. She jumped back to reality, “Come on in, I’ll go get these in some water.”

Joel followed her into the apartment, shutting the door behind him. It was modest, minimally decorated but the walls had pictures strung all over them. He could already tell she was more sentimental than materialistic. The roses had been a good decision.

Y/n made her way to her kitchen, carefully balancing as she crouched down to dig through her cabinets for a vase. Flowers. He’d brought her flowers. What guy did that on a first date? Was that a Texas gentleman thing? She didn’t particularly care, it was one of the sweetest gestures someone had ever made towards her. And tying it back to the night they’d met made it that much sweeter.

“Nice place,” Joel called from the entry area. The apartment was open so if the front door was one end, the kitchen was stretched twenty feet away from it.

“It’s decent,” Y/n replied, filling the vase with water, “Moving was such a spur of the moment decision, I didn’t think I was going to find anything.”

Joel awkwardly balled his fists at his side, he didn’t want to walk too far and cross a line. It was only then that he realized there was music playing.

“Linda Ronstadt,” he blurted.

“Oh yeah,” Y/n smiled, heading over to turn off her record player, “You like her?”

“Love her,” Joel replied, good taste in music was another box ticked for him.

“Okay,” Y/n announced, more to encourage herself, and crossed the room, “All set.”

She grabbed her purse off the hook and Joel opened the door for her.

“Where are we going?” Y/n asked as she locked the door.

This was the part Joel was dreading most of all. “Yeah,” he began, shoving his hands in his pockets, “There’s a place ‘bout ten minutes away called Tito’s. It’s, uh, it’s not the fanciest place but-“

Feeling a sudden, and most likely brief, wave of confidence wash over her, Y/n turned around and put her hand on Joel’s chest.

“Hey,” she smiled, “I don’t care about any of that. I work in a hardware store, I’m not expecting Seasons 52.”

Weight both lifted and slammed into Joel’s chest. If Y/n’s laugh could warm it, her touch could give it new life.

A corner of his mouth quirked upwards, “Okay.”

With an affirmative nod, Y/n allowed Joel to lead her down the stairs, open the car door for her and take her deep into the Friday night Austin scene…

—————————————

Tito’s had ended up being the perfect place.

There was very little a fancy restaurant could add to a date. Sure, the setting could be romantic, but that didn’t guarantee romance. At the end of the day, whether you went to the biggest hotel in the city or a fast food joint, it all boiled down to feeling that spark.

Joel and Y/n’s spark could have set fire to Austin.

“So wait,” Y/n tried to contain her laughter, they were seated out on the patio, “Tommy seriously nailed his pants…to the wall?”

Joel took a swig of his Budweiser and shrugged, “And tried to blame the nail gun.”

Y/n covered her mouth as she snorted, “So no tequila the night before a job anymore, huh?”

Joel shook his head, pointing off into the distance, “And a mile down the road, he just shot straight up in bed because I told you that story.”

Another round of laughter. “Oh gosh,” Y/n sniffled, “Can’t imagine what you two were like as kids.”

“You have any brothers or sisters?” Joel asked, every time he asked her a question, he got to stare at her. It had made him more chatty than usual.

“Two,” Y/n answered, “Sister and a brother, both older.”

“Baby of the family,” Joel observed.

“Yes, and as the age-old tale goes,” Y/n scrunched her nose and smiled, “I’m the little lost bird. Brother’s an Ivy League english teacher who vacations in Europe every year. My sister’s married to a ridiculously successful doctor and just had a baby.”

Joel listened carefully, coming up confused. “I’m not following,” he said, wiping his mouth with his napkin, “What about that makes you lost?”

“They’re both very settled,” Y/n answered, swirling her beer, “They both knew exactly what they wanted in life and they went for it. One of the whole reasons I moved to Austin was to try and find that…thing, you know?”

Joel nodded, “Yeah, I get it,” he decided to lighten the mood, “And the hardware store’s it, huh?”

Y/n smiled and rolled her eyes, “No, the hardware store’s not it. But it makes me happy.”

“That’s a step in the right direction, then,” Joel commented, never taking his eyes off of her.

Y/n could have sat there for the rest of the night just enjoying the warmth of his stare. “So,” she shook herself out of the daze, “What about you? Is construction your thing?”

Joel laughed under his breath, “Pays the bills. Wasn’t originally what I saw myself doin’, but it’s work.”

“What did you want to do?” Y/n asked.

“Music,” Joel answered, “Guitar.”

Y/n’s eyes widened, “You play?”

“I used to,” Joel said, knowing the question that would come after. That was the true test…”Still do sometimes, just for myself.”

“What made you stop?”

Joel sighed, staring down at the condensation that his beer had formed on the table. Either he was about to bring the night to a grinding halt or…well, he hadn’t seen the second option yet. From anyone.

“I met someone,” he started, “We had a kid. She ran out on me pretty soon after. Not a lot of time left over to go around playin’ gigs.”

The chatter around them seemed to fade as Y/n took in the reality of Joel’s answer. He was a single father, and had been for a while, it seemed. All of him made complete sense suddenly. The constant worry lines on his face, the responsibility, the work ethic…

“Boy or a girl?” Y/n took a chance and asked.

“Girl,” Joel answered, a small smile coming to his face, “She’s about to turn thirteen.”

Y/n continued, “What’s her name?”

Joel was surprised, more than surprised, that Y/n wasn’t running the other way. There weren’t a lot of women who willingly took on single dads. Here she was wanting to learn about his little family.

“Sarah.”

Y/n nodded, letting the information rest on the table. “Sarah,” she echoed, “What’s she like?”

“She’s…” Joel let out a laugh under his breath, “She’s incredible. Gets straight A’s, plays soccer, got room in her heart for just about everyone she meets…”

Y/n listened enthusiastically as Joel told stories about his stories as a single dad. How Tommy was helping to raise Sarah, how the three of them were extremely tight knit, how he wished his long hours didn’t interfere with getting to spend time with her…not even for a second did she think about leaving.

“You love her so much,” Y/n blurted before she could think it through. She just had to say it.

Joel smiled warmly over his beer bottle, “She’s my world.”

It was a moment so tender, it almost broke your heart. Joel was letting Y/n closer than anyone else had gotten…ever. And she wasn’t pulling away, she was digging in.

Inside the restaurant, there was soft music playing over a dance floor. Joel and Y/n had eyed it all evening, wondering if their night would inevitably end up there. From outside on the patio, they could hear the song change to one they both knew.

“I love this song,” Y/n said in passing.

Joel had been waiting all night for his nerves to calm or for the perfect song to transcend pass the anxiety. This was as good as it was going to get.

“You wanna dance?”

Y/n’s smile spread across her face, “Yeah.”

Joel stood and held out his hand for Y/n to take, their palms tingling at the touch. He kept a loose hold on it as he led her into the building, snaking through the crowd and onto the dance floor. Their were couples packed wall to wall, but they were able to find a pocket of space just for them.

Y/n’s heart did double time as she rested her hand on Joel’s broad shoulder. Joel pulled her towards him, connecting their hands and holding them up. They hadn’t yet been this close and it felt as intoxicating as they thought it might.

Joel’s hand rested on the higher part of Y/n’s hip. He exhaled shakily, hoping she hadn’t noticed. Slowly, they began to sway to the soft guitar.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you….

It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do….

They moved as one, Y/n’s gaze resting over Joel’s shoulder because she knew if she looked in his eyes, she’d be overwhelmed.

Joel’s desires were doing battle with his self-control. He wanted to wrap himself around her entirely, leaving no space between their bodies. He would, of course, leave it up to her. She got to decide where the night went.

I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you…

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you…

Their chests brushed against each other, sending a thrill through their bodies. The second it started to fade, Y/n chased it, inching closer to Joel till their torsos aligned.

Joel’s head instinctively turned towards her just as she looked up. Y/n’s nose grazed his cheek, his beard delightfully scraping her skin. If they had intended to make eye contact, they never made it there. With Joel’s breath fanning her face and the scent of his cologne enveloping her, Y/n didn’t dare move and disturb the perfection.

No, I don't wanna fall in love…

(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Feeling confidant that she wouldn’t pull away, Joel’s arm slid around Y/n’s waist, his hand resting across her lower back. Y/n’s skin felt inflamed, like the building’s walls had fallen and the heat of the night was swallowing her whole. Her cheek fell against Joel’s closing the very last bit of space that laid between them.

No, I don't wanna fall in love…

(This world is only gonna break your heart)

With you…

That was it, it was a done deal. There was nothing left for them to do but let themselves fall. Their hearts hammered in time with one another, their respective anxiety intertwining at the base of their souls and transfiguring. Instead of a storm, raging, crashing, knocking them over, it became a wave, powerful and passionate. Drawing strength from each other, they allowed the full force of their feelings to flood them.

When the night was over, Joel drove Y/n back to her apartment. They’d chatted on the drive over, but the dance had left them both stunned. Where was there to go from there? What were they supposed to say when a whole conversation had been had in each other’s arms?

They walked up the stairs, coming to Y/n’s door and nervously pausing.

“I had a great time,” Y/n said, fiddling with her keys in one hand.

“Me too,” Joel smiled, broader than his usual thin lipped smirk.

The space between them grew tense. Who was supposed to ask who out for a second date? Were they supposed to kiss? What was-

“So…” Joel set aside all his excessive thoughts, “Did I earn a shot at a second date?”

A laugh rippled through Y/n’s body, thankful that he’d been the one to bring it up. Drawing from Joel’s confidence, she closed the space between them and placed a hand on Joel’s shoulder.

“I think your chances are pretty good,” she softly told him.

Joel’s heart throbbed at both Y/n’s touch and her words. His hand found its way to her waist, not wanting to let the closeness go just yet. They only needed to move a few inches, just a few measly inches and then they’d have it all.

Joel’s breath fanned Y/n’s lips as they allowed themselves to be drawn into one another. The delicious space, hanging on the edge of desire and satisfaction, was enough for them. That was how they knew there was something different to what they felt. Just to be close was enough.

“Maybe we should wait,” Y/n whispered in their shared space, pressing her fingers into Joel’s shoulder a little, “Wouldn’t want to rush anything.”

The tip of Joel’s nose rubbed hers, admitting a defeat that didn’t feel like one. “Wouldn’t want you to think you can take advantage of me or somethin’,” Joel smirked, “I have my reputation to think of.”

Y/n’s laugh mingled with Joel’s, her skin tingling as he brushed a stray piece of hair from her face.

“I’ll call you,” Joel assured.

“I hope so,” Y/n smiled before daring to press her lips to his cheek, “Goodnight, Joel.”

“Goodnight,” Joel choked out, the touch of her kiss paralyzing him.

She unlocked her front door and headed in, Joel stood on the welcome mat until the lock clicked. Alone in the concrete hall, he boyishly kicked his foot and grinned.

Y/n rested her forehead against the front door, shaking her head and grinning.

Joel got down to his truck, started it up and fell back in his seat.

Y/n laughed against the door, playing the night back in her head.

Joel smiled and slapped the steering wheel.

They felt weightless.

—————————

2023. Outside Boston.

Grief hung like a storm cloud over the group.

Y/n had left Joel and Ellie to make a lavatory out of nature, and was walking back. They’d camped overnight in a forest, a few miles outside of Boston. Joel had instructed they were leaving as soon as the sun came up.

When she got back to their camp, she found Ellie sitting up against her tree near the creek, Joel’s jacket draped over her legs.

“He’s still not back?” Y/n asked.

“Nope,” Ellie popped her lips.

Y/n rolled her eyes, if Joel was going to boss them around, he needed to comply with his own demands. She set off into the forest, going the same way he had.

The sound of the larger creek welcomed her. She scanned the area, looking for Joel’s tall frame and finding nothing. She slapped her hands against her legs in a shrug, if anything had happened to him, they’d be dead too. Where was-

The scrape of stones caught her ear.

Y/n gazed down to see Joel, hunched over on the river’s bed of rocks. With a fair bit of distance between them, Y/n could see him stacking stones. He was building a cairn.

He was building Tess a grave.

Y/n’s feelings contradicted themselves. Joel’s loss of the woman he cared for felt karmic, in a way, and yet the sight of him, so broken and empty, reminded her that bitterness had no place commingling with loss.

She didn’t disturb his memorial, she simply leaned against a nearby tree. Tess’ last wish hadn’t been selfish, she had begged for protection for Joel. They were, perhaps, the most heartbreaking final words Y/n had ever heard. She’d promised Tess, what else was she supposed to do? She couldn’t let Tess die in a horrific sacrifice thinking that Joel would meet her soon after.

Y/n sighed, letting her head hit the tree. The day was already exhausting her.

She decided to let Joel have a few extra minutes, walking back to their campsite. Ellie was in the exact same position as when she left. All of this trauma was being rehashed for one girl, but Y/n still believed she was worth it.

Footsteps behind her signaled that Joel was back from his solitary service. He didn’t look in either Y/n or Ellie’s direction, only trudging to his backpack and squatting beside it. It had been a near silent walk from Boston, Ellie asking Y/n an occasional question or Joel giving directions. They were all avoiding each other for different reasons.

Joel blamed Ellie.

Y/n blamed Joel.

And Ellie blamed no one, but could sense tension when she saw it.

“You want your jacket back?” Ellie asked Joel, testing the waters.

Joel continued digging through his backpack, responding with a small shake of the head. He still refused to look at her. The only gesture he made was after digging out and taking a bite of food, he threw the remainders to Ellie.

“I’ve never been in the woods,” the girl continued talking, “More bugs than I thought.”

Y/n leaned up against a tree, waiting and watching how the interaction played out.

“Look, I’ve been thinking about-“ Ellie started.

Joel rose to his feet, throwing his backpack over his shoulder, “I don’t want your sorries.”

Ellie sat forward, “I wasn’t gonna say I’m sorry. I was gonna say that I’ve been thinking about what happened. Nobody made you or Tess take me. Nobody made you go along with this plan. You needed a truck battery or whatever, and you made a choice. So don’t blame me for something that isn’t my fault.”

Joel’s eyes scanned Ellie before looking to Y/n, who simply raised an eyebrow at him. She was in total agreement. And the truth was, Joel didn’t have a reason to put any of what happened on Ellie. But he wanted someone to be angry with, someone to fling his grief at so that he wouldn’t have to deal with it any longer.

The rational side of him won out. He gave Ellie a small nod, mentally collected himself and picked up his rifle. It was time to hit the road.

Ellie got up and handed Joel his jacket, “How much longer?”

“Five-hour hike,” he answered.

Y/n collected her backpack, tied her jacket around her waist and came to stand with Ellie.

“We can manage that,” the girl shrugged, she was the most confidant out of all three of them.

Joel glanced over at Y/n again, the two of them communicating their indifference wordlessly, before turning on his heel.

Y/n put a hand on Ellie’s head and waited for Joel to be out of earshot, “Attagirl.”

Ellie smiled up at the woman and they fell in step a few feet behind their guide.

Joel got them out of the woods and onto a dirt path, leading their party silently and expecting the same in return. Y/n was perfectly content not to utter a word, but Joel was quickly learning something she already knew; Ellie didn’t do “quiet.”

“You’ve gone this way a lot? No infected?”

“Not often, no,” Joel answered.

“What are you looking out for?” Ellie asked.

“People.”

“Oh,” she rested a beat, “Are Bill and Frank nice?”

“Frank is.”

Y/n stepped forward to walk alongside them, keeping to Ellie’s side. “You haven’t told us anything about them,” she spoke up.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Joel answered.

“I’m entrusting two strangers with our lives,” Y/n scoffed, “There’s a lot to tell.”

“They’re good,” Joel said with finality to his tone.

“Oh, well…” Y/n mumbled under her breath, she was over the whole What-I-Say-Goes front.

Ellie was undeterred by their bickering. “How’d you get that scar on your head?”

Joel sighed, already exasperated and it was barely morning.

“What? Is it something lame?” Ellie inquired excitedly, “Like, you fell down the stairs or something?”

“I didn’t fall down any stairs,” Joel answered.

“Okay, so what then?”

Joel paused before speaking, “Someone shot at me and missed.”

Y/n hated the jolt of concern that shot through her chest. Old habits and all that.

“See, that’s cool,” Ellie insisted, “You shoot back?”

“Yeah,” Joel said.

“You get him?”

“No, I missed too. It happens more often than you think.”

Ellie thought it over, “‘Cause you suck at shooting or, like, in general?”

Joel glanced at her, vaguely insulted, “In general.”

Ellie fell back a step to get a look at Y/n. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Y/n echoed.

“How’d you get this scar?” Ellie poked the white mark on her bare shoulder. She didn’t feel comfortable touching Joel, but she was comfortable with Y/n.

By now, Y/n had scars littered all across her body. Ellie could have pointed to almost any one of them and she would have had to think about where it came from. But the one in the rivet nestled between her scapula and her clavicle was one she could never forget.

“A bullet ricocheted off a wall,” she answered, “Hit me instead.”

“That’s slightly less cool than his,” Ellie commented.

Joel caught himself before he hung back a step to get a look at the mark. It was instinct to worry about her.

“You know, seeing as it’s just the three of us,” Ellie began, “I was thinking I should prob-“

“No,” Joel cut her off, already knowing what she was after.

“Yeah, well, Y/n might feel different,” Ellie said, looking to her only ally.

“She doesn’t,” Y/n answered, smirking slightly at her blind enthusiasm.

They walked a few more feet before coming up on a once-white building.

“Cumberland Farms,” Ellie read the sign.

“Hang back a minute,” Joel instructed them both, though he knew it was useless, “I gotta grab some stuff I stashed.”

“Stashed?” Ellie questioned as she followed, “Why do you have stuff stashed here?”

“You ask a lot of damn questions,” Joel complained.

“Yes,” Ellie smiled, owning every bit of her personality, “I do.”

Joel forced open the door to the old storefront and they entered. It looked just about the same as how he and Tess had left it a few years back.

“So are you gonna answer me or what?” Ellie continued.

Joel relented, “We hide supplies on routes, in case we find ourselves short on gear, which I currently am ‘cause-“

“No way,” Ellie zipped over to the other side of the room, honing in on an old arcade game.

Joel ignored her, Y/n simply smiled to herself.

“You ever play this one?” Ellie asked without really seeking an answer, “Oh, I had a friend who knew everything about this game. There’s this one character named Mileena, who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth-“

While Ellie continued chattering, Joel was pacing the floor, trying to remember where his hiding place had been. Y/n crossed her arms and watched amusedly.

“You forgot where you put your stuff,” Ellie stated.

Joel was quick to defend himself, “No, I’m just zeroing in on it. It’s been a couple of years.”

Ellie and Y/n peered over at one another, sharing a knowing smirk.

“Go see if you can find anything in back,” Y/n instructed, Ellie would have gone even without the prompting, “Practical.”

“Trust me, it’s all been picked over already,” Joel grunted, shaking a wall display.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Ellie replied in a sing-song tone, “Is there anything bad in here?”

“Just you,” Joel called out.

“Ah,” Ellie rolled her eyes, “Getting funnier…”

Y/n set down her backpack, deciding to help speed up the process so they could get back on the road. She walked over to a section of floor that Joel hadn’t searched yet and started kicking around.

“I don’t need help,” Joel muttered.

“If we leave it to you and your shitty memory,” Y/n strained as she shoved a shelving unit with her shoulder, “We’ll be here till dark.”

Joel didn’t want to get drawn into an argument, he also couldn’t resist the person starting it. “My memory’s fine.”

“Oh, really?” Y/n waved a hand across the floor, “Point to the treasure.”

Joel’s lips thinned in frustration, mostly with himself for not being able to find the stash before she latched onto it.

“It’s somewhere on this aisle,” he begrudgingly told her.

“This aisle,” she repeated, the two of them going in opposite directions.

After a minute or two, there was a sound from the back room. “You all right back there?” Joel called.

“Yep!” Ellie replied.

“How likely is it that she’s doing something she shouldn’t be?” Joel asked Y/n, who had weeks more experience curbing Ellie.

Y/n jumped in place on a loose piece of the floor, “100%.”

Joel exhaled and continued searching, eventually feeling a slight raise in one of the tiles. He kicked a few old newspapers aside to discover his hiding spot. And better yet, he’d found it before Y/n did, taking away the opportunity for gloating.

He knelt down and flipped open his pocketknife, cutting open the cover and removing it.

Y/n stopped her hunt and came to crouch down next to him, visually sifting through the supplies. There wasn’t much.

It went against Joel’s natural programming to not be concerned when the back room went silent. Ellie had been gone long enough to have picked through everything at least twice. “Ellie?”

No response.

Now Y/n was on edge as well, rising with Joel. She raised her voice a little louder than him, “Ellie?”

They both unholstered their guns, walking in rhythm together towards the back room. Joel stuck a hand out to form a barrier between whatever unknown threat might have been lurking and Y/n. She annoyedly shoved it away and aimed her gun at the doorway.

They unclenched when Ellie walked out, touting a box of tampons. “Picked over, my ass,” she commented.

Y/n and Joel returned to the stash, Joel unloading his assault rifle and Y/n picking through a tin of first aid supplies.

“What are you doing?” Ellie asked Joel.

“There’s not much ammo out there for this thing,” he replied, bringing the lid back down over the supplies, “Makes it mostly useless.”

Ellie saw an opportunity, “Well, if you’re just gonna leave it there…”

Joel stood to his feet and made direct eye contact, “No.”

Y/n stood up, slung her backpack over her shoulder and lightly pushed Ellie ahead of her. Tess was no longer there to keep occupy Joel and she wanted to put as much space between the two of them as possible.

They were on the dirt road for another hour or two, time didn’t seem to matter in the middle of nowhere. Ellie barely complained, content to take in all that nature had left to offer. At some point, Y/n and Joel had fallen in step with one another. Even sworn enemies would have cracked under pressure and started hurling insults at one another. Their ability to stay silent with one another was unmatched.

“So,” Ellie eventually killed the quiet, “Are you ever going to tell me?”

“Tell you what?” Y/n replied.

“Why you two broke up.”

Joel scrunched his eyes shut, the darkness of his lids a more preferable place to be.

Y/n took the hit and answered, “We never said we dated.”

“You didn’t have to. You knew each other in Texas but you don’t talk,” Ellie began to list off her reasons, “And when you do talk, it’s only to fight.”

“Friends fight too,” Y/n suggested.

Ellie scoffed, “Not like you two.”

There was passion that bled through Joel and Y/n’s arguments that was only born from love. It was one thing they’d never be able to change.

“You don’t need to say anything,” Ellie continued, “I’ll just know that I’m right.”

Joel stopped short, putting a hand up to Ellie and trying to stay calm. “You do not need to say every fuckin’ thing that pops into your head,” he said, driving certain syllables harder than others.

Ellie was unfazed by him, turning her gaze to Y/n. “Was he always this grumpy?”

Y/n sighed, her time in Austin was a piece of her past she didn’t want anyone having. The obviousness of her and Joel’s fractured connection bothered her, it made it that much harder to sever it entirely. She picked up the pace again, getting ahead of Joel and Ellie.

Joel’s eyes followed her, something inside of him twinging against his will. He spared a glance at Ellie and continued on the path.

“Yeah,” Ellie smiled to herself, “They dated.”

They walked a little further before Ellie got distracted by something in a field. “Holy shit,” she exclaimed.

Up on a hilltop lay the rusted remains of a plane crash. The three of them stopped, it was getting harder for Joel and Y/n to remember a world where things like airplanes had existed.

“You fly in one of those?” Ellie asked,

“A few times, sure,” Joel answered.

“Yeah,” Y/n said.

Ellie’s excited eyes scanned the wreck, “So lucky.”

“Didn’t feel like it at the time,” Joel recalled, “Get shoved into a middle seat, pay twelve bucks for a sandwich…”

“Or hit turbulence,” Y/n remembered.

“You got to go up in the sky,” Ellie stated, her voice filled with wonder. Another simple pleasure stolen from her…

Joel had always been more of a realist than Y/n, who wanted Ellie to hold on to whatever pieces of happiness she could. “Yeah, well, so did they,” he added, killing the levity of the moment.

“Grim…” Ellie commented as they continued walking. “So everything came crashing down in one day?”

“Pretty much,” Joel answered, giving Y/n space to interject. She’d gone silent again.

“How?” Ellie asked, “I mean, no one was infected with Cordyceps, everybody’s fine, eating in restaurants and flying in planes. And then all at once? How did it even start? If you have to get bit to be infected, then who bit the first person? Was it a monkey? I bet it was a monkey.”

Y/n almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. Almost.

“It wasn’t a monkey,” Joel answered, “I thought you went to school.”

“FEDRA school,” Ellie replied quickly, “They don’t teach us how their shitty government failed to prevent a pandemic.”

Joel sighed, he couldn’t fault her for wanting to know how her world was destroyed before she’d even gotten there.

“No one knows for sure, but, best guess,” he began, “Cordyceps mutated. And some of it got into the food supply. Probably a basic ingredient like flour or sugar. There were certain brands of food that were sold everywhere, all across the country, all across the world. Bread, cereal…”

Joel and Y/n didn’t have to look at one another to know they were having the same thought.

“Pancake mix,” Joel continued, “You eat enough of it, it’ll get you infected. So the tainted food all hits the store shelves around the same time, Thursday. People bought it, ate some Thrusday night or Friday morning. Day goes on…they started to get sick. Afternoon, evening, they got worse,” Joel paused, a flash of blood coming to his mind, “Then they started bitin’.”

Y/n shut her eyes, as if it was all playing out in front of her again.

“Friday night,” Joel was able to push out, “September 26th, 2003. And by Monday, everything was gone.”

Y/n didn’t know whether to scream or stay quiet. Her entire world had come crashing down in a span of 72 hours.

“It makes more sense than monkeys,” Ellie said, then looked at Joel, “Thanks.”

“Sure,” he replied. Joel still wasn’t sure what to do with her, but he was trying. He only had to try for a few more hours, anyway.

Y/n kept her eyes down as she walked, only stopping when Ellie and Joel fell out of step. Joel had his arm stretched over Ellie’s chest to keep her in place.

“What now?” Y/n asked, nearing her breaking point with patience.

“We’ll cut across the woods here,” Joel directed.

“Isn’t the road easier?” Ellie asked.

“Yeah, it’s just,” Joel took a breath, looking ahead to Y/n, “There’s stuff up there you shouldn’t see.”

Y/n chortled, she couldn’t take any more of his mood swings. One minute he didn’t care, the next he was watching out for their sensitive eyes?

“Well, now I have to see,” Ellie sang, walking ahead to join Y/n.

“I don’t want you to,” Joel pushed.

“Newsflash, Joel,” Y/n announced, “It’s the fucking apocalypse. We’ve all seen things we don’t want to see.”

Joel paced after them, chasing Ellie more than his ex, “I’m not kidding. Ellie!”

“Can it hurt us?” Ellie asked as Y/n fell behind her.

“No,” Joel answered truthfully.

She spun around to face him as she strolled, “You’re too honest, man, Should’ve said axe murderer.”

While Ellie walked ahead, Joel sped up to match Y/n’s pace. “I’m serious, she shouldn’t see it.”

“You know what,” Y/n didn’t break stride, “I’m sure our delicate little sensibilities can handle whatever it is.”

Anger is intoxicating, but it can also be all-encompassing. It can numb all other senses, blinding all other emotions until the red is staining every part of someone’s perspective. Y/n’s rage with Joel was deceiving her into thinking everything that came out of his mouth was either an insult or an overreaction. Joel knew that the second she found what he was trying to shield her and Ellie from, she’d regret it instantly. But it was futile to fight her.

“Uh, whatever it was,” Ellie called from the front of the group, “Think it’s gone.”

Y/n felt sure of herself as she trudged on, until the details of Ellie’s expression came into view and she followed the girl’s eyes. There in a ditch, lay skeletal remains. If you reconstructed them, they probably made up about a dozen people.

“About a week after Outbreak Day, soldiers…” Joel started to explain to Ellie, “Went through the countryside, evacuated the small towns. Told you you were going to a QZ, and you were…if there was room…if there wasn’t…”

“These people weren’t sick?” Ellie inquired.

“No,” Joel replied, “Probably not.”

“Why kill them?” Ellie continued, “Why not just leave ‘em be?”

“It was their fucked up way of trying to contain the infection,” Y/n spoke up, trying to hide her trembling breath. It wasn’t the first open grave she’d seen, this was one of the easier ones to stomach. This was all bones.

Y/n turned on her heel, eager to get as far away from the hellish memories as she could.

————————————

Eventually, they made it to where Joel told them Bill and Frank lived. It was a small chunk of a town completely gated by a tall fence.

“Stay here,” Joel instructed Y/n and Ellie before punching in the entry code on the gate’s keypad. He let them go through first, it was the only place safe enough to do so.

Y/n’s breath caught in her chest, it was the first time she’d seen an actual town in…she’d lost count of the years. The white picket fences, the boutique shops, the houses. Actual houses. It nearly brought tears to her eyes, it reminded her so much of Austin.

The three of them walked to Bill and Frank’s house, the nicest looking one on the block. Joel took notice, however, that the flowers decorating the front porch were dead. Scorched by the sun. Bill would never let that happen.

He opened the front door, taking cautious steps into the entryway. Y/n and Ellie followed close behind.

“What the fuck,” Ellie elongated, it was probably her first time inside an actual house.

“Bill?” Joel called out. No answer. “Frank?” Nothing.

Shit.

“You stay there,” Joel directed Ellie, not looking Y/n’s way since she was going to do what she wanted anyway, “Ya hear anything, you see anything…yell.”

Joel and Y/n didn’t make it more than one step before Ellie spoke up, “What if they’re gone?”

No. Joel couldn’t think about that. He didn’t want to grieve over one more person.

Y/n set off down the hallway, keeping her pistol drawn at her side. Joel had gone through the kitchen, but the two rooms were connected. They made it to the bedroom door at the same time, Joel knocking and jiggling the knob. Nothing.

“Would they leave?” Y/n asked.

“No,” Joel shook his head.

The back porch door shutting got their attention.

“Ellie?” Y/n called, getting nothing in return. She set off back to the dining room where they’d left her, Joel just a step behind.

She was sitting at the table holding a piece of paper. Her expression was undeterminable, like she was between emotions and deciding which one to land on.

“It’s from Bill,” she finally told them.

Y/n sighed, holstering her gun, taking off her backpack and settling into a chair between Joel and Ellie. Joel put away his weapon too, neither of them needed to pretend there was any hope.

Ellie scanned the envelope the letter had come from, “‘To whomever…but probably Joel,’” she tossed it back onto the table, “I figured I fell under “whomever.” It came with this.”

She slid a single car key across the table.

Joel shrugged his backpack off next to Y/n’s, but wouldn’t sit. “So they’re dead?”

“Mm-hmm,” Ellie hummed.

Joel turned away, the very little emotion he let himself feel coming to the surface.

“You-you wanna?” Ellie offered.

He shook his head, “Go ahead. You do it.”

Y/n leaned against her knees, holding her hands to her lips, bracing herself.

“August 29th, 2023,” Ellie began to read, “If you find this…please do not come into the bedroom. We left a window open so the house wouldn’t smell, but it will probably be a sight. I’m guessing you found this, Joel, because anyone else would’ve been electrocuted or blown up by one of my traps. Hehehehehehe-“

Ellie looked up in confusion, Y/n gave a small nod for her to continue.

“Take anything you need,” she kept going, “The bunker code is the gate code but in reverse. Anyway…I never liked you, but still, it’s like we’re friends, almost…And I respect you. So, I’m gonna tell you something because you’re probably the only person who will understand. I used to hate the world and I was happy when everyone died. But I was wrong, because there was one person worth saving. That’s what I did. I saved him. Then I protected him. That’s why men like you and me are here. We have a job to do, and God help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. I leave you all of my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep-“

Ellie sucked her bottom lip, not knowing how to proceed. None of them had to ask what the next two words were.

Joel stepped forward robotically and took the letter, reading the rest over silently. Tess’ name struck a blow to his body, he wanted to curl in on himself.

“Stay here,” he mumbled, striding towards the front door with barely contained hurry.

Y/n shut her eyes, keeping her hands in a praying position. It was the first time in twenty years she couldn’t tap into the anger that lived inside her. She felt pure sorrow that Joel had to lose someone else he loved, regardless of whether he’d ever admit to loving Tess.

Outside, Joel took deep breaths that at one time would have been described as cleansing. But he felt no better when he inhaled than he had before. Bill’s letter weren’t just his last wishes, it was a call to action. He couldn’t have known the situation Joel was in when he wrote it, but he supernaturally addressed every part of it. He lifted up a silent apology to Tess, for not being able to save her.

Joel crumpled the letter in his palms and let it drop to the grass. He held up the key Bill had left him, forcing himself to move to the garage doors and open them.

Y/n and Ellie sat up straighter upon hearing the noise. “Stay here,” Y/n echoed Joel, rising up and heading out to see what he was doing.

She walked around to the open garage doors to see Joel hunched over the front of a truck. The hood was open and he was investigating its internal organs. Y/n had barely caught a glance at the empty spot where the battery should have been before Joel slammed it shut. There went that happy thought…

Joel’s eye caught the refrigerator nearby, a couple cans of oil and other auto supplies sitting on top of it. Bill had been a survivalist, it was his nature to prepare for every possible outcome. He crossed the space and opened the fridge, spotting the materials needed to construct a car battery from scratch

He smirked, maybe they had been friends…

Y/n joined him at the door, she was no mechanic but the men throughout her life, Joel and Tommy included, had taught her enough about car repair to know they were battery parts. A spark of hope lit inside her.

It dwindled in both her and Joel when the reality of what it meant hit them.

Y/n suddenly felt too close to him, she moved away and crossed her arms, going to stand on the furthest side of the truck. Joel didn’t move until she stopped, coming to stand on the other side of the vehicle. They wanted a proper barricade between them.

Y/n had made a promise to Tess that she would protect both Ellie and Joel. In the moment, it had seemed like the only honorable thing to do. Now, staring down the task itself, she wanted to admit her selfishness and run. Run back to the QZ, back to the Fireflies, back to the only semblance of safety she had. And with every turn she made in her mind, Ellie was waiting for her. Ellie was at the center of this all. She was the job. Everything else came second.

“If we do this,” Y/n started, her words slowly and cautiously calculated, “You are going to have to start treating me like an equal. I am not some delicate flower that you need to protect and I’m not some child in need of protection. We’ve already got one of those. I live in the same world you do. I didn’t hesitate to kill that Clicker,” she pointed behind them as if the monster’s carcass was present, “And I won’t hesitate going forward.”

Joel looked up at her out his eyebrows, “Can you blame me, last time I knew you?”

“We don’t need to keep bringing us up,” Y/n shook her head, a joyless smile on her face, “We are completely different people. Matter of fact, think of us as strangers. We only know each other from this point forward.”

Joel thought it over a second, accepting the truth of it. “Okay,” he said, “But you have to trust me that I know the best way to get to Wyoming-“

“I don’t trust you,” Y/n retorted.

“I don’t trust you either,” he echoed, bitterness rising to both their surfaces.

Y/n bit down on her bottom lip, if this was going to work, they needed to put away all of their past. Not just the good parts.

“We have to put this on ice,” she said, “What matters…is her. That is all that matters. Not us, not what happened…her.”

Joel’s thumb twitched against the hood of the truck. There were many questions he’d been wanting to ask Y/n, but there was one that was non-negotiable if he was going to take on this task with her

“Do you actually believe that she’s the answer to this?”

Y/n’s face softened, only slightly, but enough for Joel to see the gleam hope in her eyes. “I do,” she replied, earnestly.

Joel breathed a heavy sigh, looking down at the truck. He glanced back up at Y/n, scanning her up and down as if to take full stock of the woman she was now. “Okay.”

Y/n nodded, her body alight with apprehension. “Okay.”

A ceasefire had been called.

“I’ll start on the battery,” Joel announced, eager to get away from the conversation as quick as he could, “Can you do a once over on this thing?”

“Yeah,” she answered, forcing past the hurdle that was doing something Joel asked of her.

They worked in silence, Y/n checking that the car was in working condition and Joel constructing their battery. It was the first time they’d been able to tolerate each other’s presence in the last two days.

After a half hour, when Y/n was long past done, Joel stepped back and examined his work. “It’s gotta charge for a while,” he announced, “But it’ll work.”

“Okay,” Y/n sighed, glancing over at him before heading back out the garage. Joel was close behind.

They came back into the house, finding Ellie waiting for them at the table still.

“Show me your arm,” Joel ordered, he needed to be 100% certain that she was safe to transport.

Ellie stood and rolled up her sleeve, the second bite still had blood caked around it, but it was clearly healing. They had no reason to doubt it would continue that way.

“I just finished makin’ a truck battery,” Joel said, “It’s charging right now.”

“Okay,” Ellie replied, her face showing a hint of hope.

“And I have a brother in Wyoming,” Joel continued, “He’s in some kinda trouble, and I’m heading out there to find him. He used to be a Firefly. And my guess is he knows where some of ‘em are out there. Maybe they can get you two to wherever this lab is.”

Ellie’s eyes bounced between Y/n and Joel, “All right. Uh,” she began to fiddle with her hand, “Listen, about Tess-“

Joel held up a hand, he took a second to collect himself before speaking. “If I’m takin’ you with me, there’s some rules you gotta follow. Rule one, you don’t bring up Tess. Ever. Matter of fact, we can just keep our histories to ourselves.”

Y/n made a mental note of where Joel was emotionally.

“Rule two, you don’t tell anyone about your…condition,” Joel focused his eyes on Ellie, trying to drive the point home, “They see that bite mark, they won’t think it through. They’ll just shoot you. Rule three,” he pointed between him and Y/n, “You do what we say, when we say it. We clear?”

“Yes,” Ellie answered.

“Repeat it,” Joel demanded.

Ellie took a breath, “What you say goes,” she looked between the two adults once more, “Are you two gonna be able to get along?”

Joel glanced over his shoulder at Y/n, who was leaned up against the door frame. She had her hands tucked behind her as if she was trying to make herself as small as possible. They communicated their truce with their eyes.

“We’ll be fine,” Y/n said to Ellie, maybe saying it would make it so…

Joel sighed, it felt like he was signing on a metaphorical dotted line. “Okay,” he finally said.

The three of them stood in the dining room, all with their own separate reservations but with no choice in the matter. They needed each other, even if no one dared to admit it.

“So what now?” Ellie broke the silence.

“We grab what we can,” Joel responded, “Let’s check the bunker first.”

He brushed past Y/n, who followed with Ellie in tow, and located the hidden entrance to Bill’s bunker. Joel climbed down the ladder first into the pitch black room. Flipping on the lights revealed walls of canned goods, guns, supplies, various tools and first aid kits. In the middle lay a desk setup with a laptop playing music and monitor screens showing footage of outside the house.

“Ho-ly shit,” Ellie said for both her and Y/n, “This guy was a genius.”

“Little bit,” Y/n added, scanning the walls, “Back then, everyone called people like him crazy. I’m guessing he was okay with it.”

Joel went to work at the computer, switching off the song.

“Why was the music on?” Ellie asked.

“If he didn’t reset the countdown every few weeks,” Joel explained, “This playlist would run over the radio.”

Ellie glanced over the screen, assured now of her theory from the day before about Joel’s radio codes. “‘80s.”

Joel didn’t really care anymore, “Grab some cans from over there. Nothin’ dented or swollen.”

Ellie wasn’t so easily distracted, she was still gazing at the guns. “Dude,” she started to draft another pitch.

“No,” he replied without even looking up at her.

“There’s a whole wall of them,” she declared, as if that made a difference.

Joel shot her a glare, signaling there was no discussion to be had. Searching Y/n out again and receiving a frown in response, Ellie backed off and went to collect the canned goods.

Y/n traced her fingers across the wall of guns. She doubted her pistol was going to get them very far. It had taken an assault rifle and an axe just to kill the Clicker that had attacked them.

She loathed to ask Joel for help, but she was good at shooting, not specs. “Which one takes the most basic ammo?”

Joel peered up from the monitor screens, the sight of her standing amongst so many weapons was still a little shocking. “That beige and black one,” he nodded in her direction, “Standard shotgun.”

Y/n nodded once in awkward thanks and removed the gun from the wall, testing the weight and feel of it. She crossed the room to one of Bill’s work tables and took a box of bullets, stuffing it in her jacket pocket.

“I’m gonna start upstairs,” she announced, strapping the shotgun over her back and climbing up the ladder.

The three of them worked around the house, collecting any and all supplies they could possibly need. Ellie found toilet paper, Y/n found some unopened dry goods, Joel found clothes for them. It was strange to think that once upon a time, desires had felt like essentials. A new TV, concert tickets, expensive wine…Y/n felt like she was seeing heaven when Joel pulled out a box of women’s t-shirts.

Joel monitored the battery closely, it wasn’t charging as fast as he wanted it to. “Needs another hour,” he told them.

“They have hot water!” Ellie exclaimed, soaking her hand under the garage’s running faucet, “I’m takin’ a shower. And then you’re showering, because seriously,” she turned to Joel and scowled as he headed back to the house.

Joel stopped what he was doing, unsure of how to respond. “I smell that bad?”

Y/n was sorting through some shelves, collecting a few tools they could take with them for the truck. “I’m not even answering that,” she replied.

Joel took what he could from her answer. “You take the next one,” he offered, trying to put his money where he mouth was and bench their grudge.

“Should I be offended?” Y/n fired back, raising one eyebrow. “Thank you,” she finally said.

Joel gave a nod in reply before getting back to work.

Y/n eventually headed inside to wait for Ellie to be done. The girl emerged with wet hair in fresh clothes.

“That felt so good,” she groaned in happiness as she passed Y/n in the hall.

“I bet,” Y/n smiled, “There extra towels in there?”

“Yep,” Ellie called, she was already halfway down the stairs, passing Joel as she descended.

If Y/n and Joel had dodged any awkwardness in the past 48 hours, it had boomeranged back around and slammed into them. They stood in the hall, keeping three feet of space between them and struggled for words.

“I’ll be quick,” Y/n said finally, heading into the bedroom that connected to the bathroom.

“Sure,” Joel replied, fiddling with his fist at his side.

Showers were one thing that no one ever took for granted anymore. Water supply in the QZ wasn’t consistent, one day you could have warm water and the next it’d be ice cold. You couldn’t count on anything to stay the same. So when Y/n had complete control of the temperature and made it burning hot, she felt like she could cry from pure joy.

Joel stood outside the bedroom door, leaned up against the wall. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Sweet images of early mornings with Y/n stormed past his defenses, flooding his brain. How she looked with wet hair, the smell of her skin after using some soap he couldn’t remember the name of…he tried to ignore the fact that it was all on the other side of the door.

Y/n emerged from the shower a few minutes later, having gotten all the dirt out of her hair and nails, and wrapped a threadbare towel around her torso. She quickly dried off and changed into the new clothes Joel had found them. It was a plain t-shirt, a men’s button up to go over it and a plain pair of jeans. Gone were the days of dressing up because you felt like it. It was a stupid thing to miss, but Y/n felt the loss regardless.

Dressed, she opened the bathroom door. The sound signaled that Joel could come in.

He came around the corner, having just put his memories to bed when he saw her. Pruny, barefaced and natural…the way he’d always loved her.

“All yours,” Y/n muttered, unable to break the eye contact they held.

Joel cleared his throat and his mind, “Thanks.”

“I’m just gonna be here,” Y/n gestured to the dresser and the attached mirror, “Try and get a comb through my hair.”

“Okay,” Joel nodded.

He walked past her, their shoulders brushing as he did, and closed the bathroom door behind him. It was the first time they’d touched in twenty years.

Now anger was rarely ever born from just anger. No one hated someone just to hate them. There was always something deeper beneath it. More often than not, anger found a companion in heartbreak. They’d collide, morphing together to make something so complicated, you couldn’t tell one apart from the other.

Y/n reached for a spare comb, her trembling hands causing her hair to catch in the teeth. Harboring the anger had been effortless, it was a fire that stoked itself. It was the pain, the flame that started the blaze, that was causing her to feel like she was burning, from the inside out.

The tears welled in her eyes, she refused to let them fall until her reflection was nothing but a blur. She dropped the comb on the dresser, and fell back onto the bed. It could no longer be contained.

Joel had broken her, destroyed her. The loss of him was a hurt that had refused to fade with time. She could feel her heart splitting back open just being around him, the same way it had the day that they’d parted. She wanted to scream, to cry, to break the way she had after he’d left. With the simple act of calling a truce and playing nice, she had reopened the wound she had spent twenty years trying to heal with her unbridled bitterness. She was bleeding out.

On the other side of the door, Joel was propped up against the shower with one hand. Rivulets of the stream dripped down his hair and face. He stared down at the drain, his emotions mixing and swirling much like the water at his feet. Joel had never considered himself particularly favored by the world. There were only two times when he’d felt like there was some higher power bestowing happiness upon his unworthy head.

The first was when Sarah was born, when he got to hold her for the first time.

The second was when Y/n entered his life.

Now her mere presence felt like a punishment. A reminder of what he’d done to her, a child’s taunt of a love he could never go back to. Knowing she was on the other side of the wall caused every muscle in his body to tense. Joel was still himself, regardless of what the pandemic had turned him into. The guilt he’d long tried to drown was rising to the surface, threatening to rebel and throw him underwater. Mixed with the fresh loss of Tess, he was overwhelmed. If he didn’t keep repeating the same three things to himself, she lied, she’s a liar, she’ll lie again, he would collapse entirely.

Y/n sniffled, rubbing her fingers under her eyes in a desperate attempt to stop her tears. She was so tired of crying over Joel. She wished for blind hatred, not the memory of his smile. Bitter regret, not the ghost of his lips. She couldn’t take another time of looking into his eyes and seeing the man she had loved with her whole heart.

Had they known that with a mere twelve feet of space and one shoddy door between them, it still wouldn’t have changed anything. Their chapter was over.

Needing distance, Y/n got off the bed and combed her hair as she walked down the stairs. She found Ellie seated in the front room at the piano.

Ellie turned to her and smiled, “Well, that’s an improvement.”

Y/n bristled, “Be nice to me. I am keeping you alive, after all.”

Ellie hummed as if that was up for debate and turned back to the piano, “You ever learn to play one of these?”

“A little,” Y/n replied, coming to join her, “I played as a kid, not as much when I was an adult.”

“You wanna play something?” Ellie suggested, it didn’t feel like it was for Y/n’s benefit so much as her own.

Y/n motioned for Ellie to make room and settled in next to the girl. It had been over twenty years since she’d felt ivory beneath her fingers, and this one was a beautiful model. She wracked her brain for songs where all the chords were still intact.

She placed her hands accordingly, pressing down on the first keys.

“Slow down, you crazy child,” she softly sang, “You’re so ambitious for a juvenile. But then if you’re so smart, tell me, why are you still so afraid?”

“You can fucking sing?” Ellie cried excitedly.

“Where's the fire, what's the hurry about,” Y/n kept going, “You'd better cool it off before you burn it out. You've got so much to do and only so many hours in a day.”

Ellie swayed a little, taking in the curiosity of the person she hardly knew, yet liked better than anyone. She couldn’t help herself from sneaking a finger onto a key and quickly pressing down.

“Don’t mess me up,” Y/n laughed as she continued to play, “But you know that when the truth is told, that you can get what you want, or you can just get old.”

Joel had just pushed his wet hair back and buttoned up his shirt he’d found. Renewed by the hot water, he grabbed the stick of deodorant he’d used and left the bathroom. The music and it’s sweet accompaniment drifted through the bedroom door, hitting Joel and rendering him breathless for a moment. All he could feel was her, wrapping her arms around him with each word.

Ellie continued to hit random keys at inopportune times, Y/n’s knocked her shoulder against hers.

“You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through,” Y/n crooned, her grin causing her to enunciate differently.

Joel quietly made his way down the stairs, feeling his body unnaturally relax with each note Y/n sang. Her voice hadn’t changed at all.

“When will you realize,” Y/n did a little flourish with the keys, leaving Ellie no room to mess with the melody, “Vienna waits for you.”

When she removed her hands, Ellie clapped and whooped. The mood had been so dark since the day of the shootout, it felt like a single ray of light was shining down on them.

Joel watched her sing the last line from the hall, it was like his memories had come to life right in front of him. How hard was it to bury the past when it was everywhere you looked?

Ellie turned around and saw Joel, “Well, don’t you look pretty.”

Y/n rotated on the bench and faced Joel. It was unfair that he seemed to be getting more handsome with age. With his hair slicked back and his plaid shirt rolled up to his elbows, it stirred up a singular butterfly in her stomach. She was quick to put it down.

Joel’s eyes flashed to Y/n before catching himself and looking back to Ellie, “Shut up.”

He tossed her the deodorant. “Nice,” she commented, swiping it on before handing it to Y/n. “Hey,” she trailed after Joel, “Did you know Y/n can sing?”

Y/n snorted as she used the antiperspirant. Ellie was the only thing keeping her spirits up on the trip. Everything else hurt, but the young girl’s joy acted as a balm.

Joel went back out to the garage to confirm the battery was charged up. He installed it quickly and headed back into the house. “We’re good to go,” he announced, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

Ellie and Y/n grabbed their jackets and bags, the three of them filed out of the house in hopeful silence. They shoved their things in the back seat of the truck, leaving one side clutter-free.

“Why don’t you take the front?” Y/n suggested to Ellie, already climbing in the back.

Ellie jumped into the passenger side, a toothy grin spread across her face as she started fiddling with the foldout mirror.

“It’s your first time in a car?” Joel asked from beside her, not the slightest bit amused.

“It’s like a spaceship,” Ellie said wondrously.

“No, it’s like a shit piece of Chevy S10,” Joel grumbled, “But it’ll get us there…I think. Seatbelt.”

Ellie glanced up from playing with the radio dials, confused.

Undeniably in sync with each other, Y/n reached through the gap between Ellie’s seat and the window as Joel reached over the girl and pulled the belt over her body. “Seatbelt,” Joel repeated.

Ellie took it from him and clicked it into place, “So cool…”

Y/n watched from over their shoulders. It wasn’t lost on her how it had taken no time for Joel to start acting like a parent again.

Joel started up the car as Ellie dug through the glove compartment. She held something up to Joel that Y/n couldn’t see.

“Put it back…” Joel directed, “Ellie…”

Ellie ignored him, popping in the cassette tape and hitting play. Soft guitar rang through the truck’s speaker system. Ellie was about to skip the song when Joel and Y/n piped up at the same time.

“No, no, wait-“

“No, leave it.”

Their words collided, surprising them both. It was the first thing they’d agreed on.

“This is good,” Joel said as he made a turn, “This is Linda Ronstadt. Do you know who Linda Ronstadt is?”

“You know I don’t know who Linda Ronstadt is,” Ellie rolled her eyes.

Y/n smirked from the back seat before the nostalgia washed over her again. The song had been a favorite of hers for decades, but there was one night in particular she distinctly remembered playing it on.

Joel drove down the path that led to the gate, letting the song fill the cracks of him left by all the beauty disappearing from the world. There was still a musician living inside him. “Oh, man…” he muttered.

In the rear view mirror, Y/n and Joel’s eyes flickered to one another. The second their gazes connected, they diverted them back to the road. In their minds, they were back in Y/n’s shitty apartment, leaving for their first date.

“Eh,” Ellie remarked, “It’s better than nothing.”

Y/n couldn’t contain the chuckle that bubbled from her lips, nor could Joel hide his flash of a smile. She was going to make them both feel ancient before their journey was over.

Joel pressed the gate code on the remote Bill had left in the garage, the gate opening for them like the parting of the Red Sea. Even he, in all his jadedness, felt some sort of hope.

Y/n settled against the window, taking one last look at the town Bill and Frank had kept up over the years. Their legacy was one not of sadness, but of renewal. They had supplied her, Joel and Ellie with the resources to go forward with their journey. They were helping them in their mission to change the world. It was a kindness she’d never get to thank them for, but she’d certainly never forget.

They drove into the sunset, golden hour embracing them and welcoming them onto the open road. Maybe, just maybe, this was the turning point for them…

————

A/N: Just an FYI, we hit the 50 mentions limit so the taglist will be split between the post and the comments :)

TYL Taglist: @bachiracore @stolenxkissess @kayleezra @the-wistful-reader @allthesesonsofbitches @goth-detectives365 @trippovert @rh1nestonecowg1rl @emiliaserpe @khaleesihavilliard @frietiemeloen @gracie7209 @dorck26 @thegirlnextdoorssister @alanis-altair @mariwinns16 @whosscruffylooking @endofthexline @alexiaricciardo @eonnyx @pedrosmexicangf @scarlettequinn @ao-sleepy @toinfinityandbeyonce2 @deanlovescassie @turmoil-ash @sorrowjunky @kpopslur @xxlilyxx90 @midgetpottermills @presidential-facts @scoopsnini @tubble-wubble @jamesdeerest @burninggracesandbridges @star-wars-lover @lucyhotchner @cococola-cocaine @witheringhqarts @fall-writes @alwaysdjarin @xxmoonn @emilia-the-artist @wand-erer5 @boneyarrd @lizard-zombie @itwasallinmyhead1 @cassidylea123 @paleepeaches @mxltifxnd0m @kettlekatie @ultimate-cinephile @gloryekaterina @caramelkatsukis-bitch @whovianayesha @memeorydotcom @deadunicorn159 @get0ut0fmyr00m @siriuslymooned @emmyeed

#Joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller imagine #Joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us imagine #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic #twenty years later

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

Stay, Stay, Stay

Part of my Birthday Bash!

Request: Could you do the prompt "Stay with me tonight. please." with Roy Kent?

Roy Kent x Reader 0.8k words Warnings: Language, takes place the night of the Man City game in Ep 1.10 (so spoilers), angsty and anxious Roy

After Ted’s “sad together” speech, you watched Roy quietly pack up his locker. Usually, he just grabbed his clothes and phone, little things, secure in the knowledge he’d be back tomorrow. But tonight you watched him take down the photos of you and Phoebe and grab his toiletries, all his personal items, silently walking away from an empty locker with you by his side.

“Goodnight,” Sam called with a nod as you followed Roy out the door. All you could do was offer him a tiny wave and a tight smile.

The guys all knew you; they knew you weren’t quite Roy’s girlfriend, technically just a friend, but they knew you were special to him. They could see it in the way you showed up to all his matches, wearing your Roy Kent kit and cheering your heart out. They could see it in the way he always seemed to have his arm wrapped around you, accepting kisses on his bearded cheek and letting you tease him in a way no one else dared. They could see it in the way Roy gazed at you, eyes soft and full of adoration. And they could see it tonight, in the way he all but clung to you as they listened to Ted and realized that not only was their time on the Premier League over, but Roy Kent’s time on the pitch was most likely over as well.

What they didn’t see was that, despite the fact that he was desperately in love with you, Roy couldn’t bring himself to make things official with you, to take that next step, and tonight proved exactly why. He was so fucking old, and broken, and now he didn’t even know what his future held. What the fuck did he have to offer you? You, with your job that you loved and your bright future ahead of you and the men who pursued you, men much younger and less broken than old Roy Kent. But, for whatever reason, you stuck around, right by his side, despite his inability to promise you anything more than… whatever this was.

So, he wasn’t surprised when you climbed into the driver’s seat of his car- the only person he ever allowed to do so- and chauffeured him home. You let him sit in silence; no pop hits coming from the radio, no mindless chatter, or pitiful promises of a better tomorrow. You knew better.

You wordlessly walked inside with him; you knew he’d refuse any help, but you still hovered nearby, just in case. It wasn’t until he was sitting on his couch, staring at the blank television screen, that you finally opened your mouth.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, alright?” You leaned down and kissed his cheek gently, wishing the little peck could somehow make everything better.

As you straightened up, Roy grabbed your wrist, giving a small tug that had you leaning back down so you were eye level with him. In those beautiful browns, you could see every ounce of fear, pain, and insecurity that weighed on him- but you could also see the immense adoration he always seemed to have for you.

“Stay with me tonight,” he croaked, the first words he’d said since walking off the pitch. “Please.”

Your chest tightened as you gazed at him, full of sadness and shame. “Of course I’ll stay,” you breathed. As if you would even want to say anything else.

Roy settled onto the couch as you sat beside him. Without another word, he laid back, laying his head on your lap: a familiar position for the two of you, far more intimate than “just friends” should be comfortable with. You reached out and touched his hair, soft and curly, stroking his locks gently. He closed his eyes, not paying any mind as he heard the television turn on and not stirring as he heard you flip through the channels until landing on some old movie you’d watched a million times.

Even with all the questions swimming in his brain, Roy suddenly knew one thing: he needed you in his life. He needed your smiles and your embraces and your kindness and your laughter, and he needed all the things you wanted to give him that he had been too proud to admit he wanted. There was suddenly so much uncertainty in his life, and he needed to know that you would be there through it all. That, he realized, was the only way he would survive any of it.

Tomorrow, he decided as sleep began to claim him. Tomorrow he’d tell you how much he needed you and how he was an idiot for waiting for so long. Tomorrow he’d ask you to stay by his side, no matter what, even if he wasn’t a footballer anymore. And of course, he knew that tomorrow you’d listen to him complain about his fucking knees, and you’d hold him and assure him that everything would be okay. And because it was you, Roy wouldn’t argue. He’d just let you comfort him and, for the first time, maybe even let you love him. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

But tonight? Tonight, Roy would sleep, safe in your embrace. And for the first time since he walked off the pitch, he finally felt some peace.

#tally's birthday bash #request ❤️ #he's here he's there he's every fucking where #roy kent #roy kent x reader #roy kent fanfic #roy kent fic #roy kent fanfiction #roy kent imagine #ted lasso #ted lasso fic #ted lasso fanfic #ted lasso fanfiction

[absolutebl]

Best Angsty BLs with Family Drama & Bad Home Lives, or Past Trauma

That still end happily. Requested by the incomparable @winterswhumpblr (Warning these all have tiggers in them mostly suicide, rape, and/or child abuse.)

Until We Meet Again

Thai 2019 YouTube

UWMA is, without question, a work of narrative genius with a powerful and cohesive romantic backbone driven by family drauma and betrayal and stellar performances. It is (to date) the only Thai BL that I’ve rated a 10/10 predominantly on the basis of story structure. That said it is also very well cast (and it’s a BIG cast), with solid production values, and enduring pair branding. Discussion here.

Spin off, Between Us, also satisfies this criteria.

Blueming

Korea 2022 iQIYI

Hwang Da Seul directing this angsty BL that's a tiny bit dark and a tiny bit bittersweet, almost too honest to a university experience and first love. But if you want your mind ever-so-slightly messed with and your intimacy hellishly sweet, this BL will do it for you in a coldly distant manner, while bitch slapping you with self worth issues. I wasn’t into it at first, but the leads are solid and by ep 5 it got really good, becoming a narrative about self discovery meets understanding and accepting others people’s flaws without hurting them. Ultimately we witnessed two characters maturing because of each other and their mutual affection, without that affection becoming the conflict point. Instead, tension was built around other aspects of identity, popularity, and childhood trauma.

Tokyo in April is AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa

Japan 2023 Viki

Two young men with a shared tragic past reunite and fall in love all over again, but the past will not stop hunting them. Based on a manga, this office set reunion romance is GREAT… damn it. It’s Japan in full on soft focus which means it gets emo, abusive, and chewy. These two characters are giving parts of their souls away in a desperate attempt to shape themselves to the expectations they have of each other.

The Eighth Sense

Korea 2023 Viki

This feels more atmospheric gay coming of age romance than strictly BL. It’s got a bit of an age gap, country boy/city boy, stellar acting, complex characters, and leads with great chemistry and tension. It’s a bit chewy and sticky and less perfect than most KBLs (do I detect a touch of Taiwan?) This one deployed BL tropes (messy eater, shoulder sleep, protective seme, there’s even some hyung-slinging) but front loaded them with painful backstory and tons angst drives the 2nd half. This isn’t in the KBL bubble, there’s sharp edges and lots of triggers. For a BL the darkness of the content left me feeling unsettled (which is the only reason it didn't get a perfect score) but it does have a glorious ending and that counts for a lot.

Bad Buddy

Thai 2022 YouTube

This was GMMTV’s flagship BL and it started 2022 on a BANG (okay no actual banging but you know what I mean), starring heavy hitters Ohm & Nanon in a pitch perfect university Romeo & Romeo masterpiece that will give you domesticity meets pain whiplash throughout and jet lag at the end. Some of the friendship and family dynamics are overworked, but it has great production values, killer acting, and some conscious effort to correct for half a decade of Thai BL’s anti-queer mistakes. The whole set up is build on family drama so, yeah.

Bed Friend

Thai 2023 YouTube

Office frienamies transition a flaming hot one night stand into a f-buddy relationship that is built on a puppy/cat dynamic (and kinks into it at one point). Our puppy is loyal, smitten, and protective with endlessly longing eyes, while our cat is snarky, prickly, and deeply damaged. NetJames give lovely high-heat with excellent chemistry and tuned-in performances of surprising depth, could have been spectacular but was the story is overworked, especially at the end. Still if high heat is your thing, this one will not let you down.

Lovely Writer

Thai 2021 YouTube

What Lovely Writer does, at heart, is reexamine Thai BL has done to queerness, but in a very gentle way that has more to do with Thai BL growing up than any actual queer authenticity. It’s not parody or pastiche, but it is self reflective and trying to correct for some chronic mistakes. Whether it is ultimately successful in this matter is going to depend on the watcher’s relationship to BL and queer identity. But that’s what makes this show beautiful, interesting, and thought provoking. And I, for one, applaud the effort even if I didn’t personally connect to the characters. There is both family trauma and dram and childhood stuff.

Happy Merry Ending

Korea 2023 Viki

Stars Lee Dong Won (KNK) as an ex-idol turned wedding singer with an abusive ex and a panic disorder + the sunshine pianist who falls in love with him. Timid tsundere & sweetheart gay is an interesting match. They’re gentle together, almost kindly, and there is a calm ache to their pairing. However, it lost its way as a BL, being more about the main character’s struggle than the romance. It had a strong finish but ultimately the premise & characters meant this was never going to be one of my favorites. But if you like angst, well...

Given

Japan 2021 grey

Boy joins band, falls in love with other boy. The singing is terrible, fast forward through that but with the possible exception of the hair styles, this BL could have been made in 2015 and no one would be surprised. As such, it wasn’t ground breaking, but it didn’t disappoint either. Very much a tortured past for our singer. (More here.)

The Eclipse

Thai 2022 YouTube

GMMTV does gay Blacklist with a good boy/bad boy pairing. This is a good show but the cast is excellent and the leads are absolutely flawless, which elevates it beyond just good. We got a nuanced and multifaceted burgeoning relationship: philosophical (and socio-political) conflict contrasted to moments of empathy; flirtation contrasted to moments of genuine affection, plus plenty of angst. This narrative is less about love than it is about courage and tenderness. However, near the end the pacing was off and the plot frustrating. Still, this is an enjoyable watch, with a finale that features verbal consent and a fun blooper reel.

Love Class 2

Korea 2023 Viki

3 couples form within a semester of university: 1. a hyung romance reunion of exes, one of whom has a dangerous past, 2. a friends to lovers romance, and 3. a one night stand between a mature student and a TA (many aspects of which had me laughing). I enjoyed the characters and dialogue of this show immensely. It was a little bit more breezy and friendly than I was expecting after the first installment, Love Class (to which this bears little resemblance and no connection). I’m not entirely sure Korea can handle multiple couples like this because it definitely felt disjointed, especially with the 3rd more mature couple (also my favorite) who probably should’ve had their own series. But I enjoyed something different from Korea.

About Youth

Taiwan 2022 Gaga

A truly lovely little coming of age high school BL with a classic YA low drama but high angst and an earnest depth. I didn’t even mind the singing, and that’s saying a lot. A weak seme/uke dynamic but tons of BL tropes (both rare in a high school setting but common for Taiwan) makes this one feel both sweet and colored by an almost real world authenticity and grit. More here.

Restart After Come Back Home AKA Risutato wa tadaima no ato de

Japan 2020 Gaga?

Atmospheric study in rural Japan meets complex family dynamics built on a romance framework of city boy meets country boy, grumpy/sunshine. It’s beautiful and icy sweet. Slow moving in places but ultimately worth the patience, low heat, low angst, and stunning.

DNA Says Love You

Taiwan 2022 Gaga

DNA deserves extra marks for an upbeat approach to a queer story arc that other shows have systemically mishandled with sadness (in the guise of realism). There is a twist, which I found predictable, but knowing what would happen didn't spoil this show. The leads are luminous and engaging, and it’s full of queer found family representation and an unexpected amount of domesticity, plus it’s Taiwan, so the kisses are great. The first few eps are rough going but have patiences, it's worth it as the last ones really are special and life/love affirming - and the end is big-grin charming.

My Tooth Your Love

Taiwan 2023 Viki

Earnest dentist hottie with sad eyes who worries too much is smitten by an adorable sunshine neurotic bar owner with serious anxiety issues. They fall madly in love while courting each other with food, plushies, and naps. Then, shocker, talk about their feelings and try to actually sort out their problems so they can have an adult relationship. Bonus crumbs = 18 year old poor little rich kid in mad crush with a much older man. I really enjoyed this show, it had a unique premise, killer dialogue, there was a solid lead pair with charming chemistry, soft flirtation, delightful smiling kisses, and stinkingly cute domesticity.

Where Your Eyes Linger

Korea 2020 Viki

Ostensibly high school set about a poor kid whose been raised in a mafia kid’s family specifically to protect him (whipping boy trope, attack dog variant). Themes of codependency and survival with pretty classic Korean style romance ending.

TharnType

Thai 2019 Viki

This Thai BL has everything: university setting, great acting and complex characters, interesting friendship groups, enemies to lovers, angsty coming out, high production values, AMAZING chemistry, and multiple BL side couples with all the issues. But when I said everything I meant it because there's also: damaging queer rep, strong seme/uke and husband/wife language, classic tropes and lots of them, child abuse, bullying, mental illness, rough play, dub-con, non-con, and statutory rape (by the seme/gay character).

and its spin off: Don't Say No also qualifies for this post.

In fact most Mame stuff will involved trauma & drama, specifically.

Love By Chance 2

Love in the Air (Part 2)

Wedding Plan

Some others but I'm getting tired:

I Told Sunset About You et al

You Are Mine

Dear Doctor, I'm Coming for Your Soul

Ghost Host Ghost House

But frankly there are a ton more depending on how you look at it. I mean, what about Why R U? FIghter's dad is the issues with him coming out, but it's not really in the plot until late so ?

Lakorn BL drama llama soaps & similar

Moonlight Chicken - review here

Laws of Attraction

To Sir, With Love - review here

Sirs not appearing on this list

Our Dining Table is driven by childhood trauma but not angsty, similar to Oxygen. Not Me is angsty and dramatic and family stuff, but that's not really the driver of the plot. Life Love On the Line is all angst but he brought it on himself.

(source)

Updated Nov 19, 2023, no intention of adding to this so if you want more, look at the comments. Someone is bound to get annoyed their favorite isn't on the list.

#bls with lots of angst #bl with family drama #bl with past trauma #pain for the pretty boys #until we meet again #thai bl #Blueming #korean bl #Tokyo in April is #Shigatsu no Tokyo wa #japanese bl #The Eighth Sense #Bad Buddy #Bed Friend #Lovely Writer #Happy Merry Ending #The Eclipse #About Youth #Taiwanese BL #dna says love you #Restart After Come Back Home #Risutato wa tadaima no ato de #my tooth your love #Where Your Eyes Linger #TharnType

[melrosing]

sparknotes for ep 2 of my made up Robert's Rebellion adaptation because I don't trust HBO :) this part is more detailed because the introductions are over and I am having fun. once again, some changes: Rhaegar and Joncon canonically meet when squiring together, but I want to introduce him slightly earlier so now they'll first meet with Joncon as a page at the Red Keep (so he's maybe a little younger than Rhaegar). also, spot bonifer hasty - this is just before he finds jesus Prev Part - Episode 1

Next Part - Episode 3

Episode 2: The Boys Are Fightinggg

It’s been five/six years since ep 1. We open in the library of the Red Keep, where a fourteen year old Rhaegar Targaryen sits reading a heavy tome, brow pinched. After a moment, he shuts it carefully and rises to walk to a window overlooking the training grounds. A maester asks if he’s alright, and Rhaegar answers “it seems I must learn to fight” (cryptic lil fuck)

Opening credits roll. They’re the same as GOT except the music is caramelldansen

Joanna Lannister at Casterly Rock, sat in her solar with Genna; she’s visibly pregnant. A maid enters the solar looked panicked, and insists she speak to Joanna alone. Joanna allows this, and the maid confides something (guess what) concerning the twins. After ascertaining the maid won’t speak (and maybe issuing a tiny little threat), Joanna dismisses her with a bag of gold

Joanna confronts her children one at a time. Cersei is belligerent, insisting it was only a game. Jaime is distressed, unable to comprehend why what they were doing was wrong. Joanna states she will be placing their rooms apart, with a guard on Cersei’s etc - and don’t make her tell their dad. Both children look utterly horrified by that prospect, and Joanna seems uneasy threatening it

Aerys and Tywin at the King’s council. Lots of matters on the table etc. Some guy called Denys Darklyn is asking for a charter for Duskendale (it's clearly not the first time), which Tywin dismisses. Some Kingsguard has died, and they need a replacement. Tywin makes some suggestions of his own, and asks Aerys which he would prefer. Aerys is not really listening, only waving his hand over the flame of a candle. Tywin interrupts his musings, and Aerys burns himself in surprise. Asking the King his input on some matter, Aerys has little to offer. Tywin says something faintly facetious regarding the King’s attention span, and Aerys thinks he sees Pycelle smile

Rhaella, also pregnant, is in the gardens at the Red Keep, sat beneath a memorial statue of her parents. She grasps a bunch of flowers that she presumably means to lay at their feet, touches her bump and looks uneasy. Watching on is a castle guard who stands at the garden gate; Rhaella meets his eyes, pleading him closer, and they hold one another’s gaze for a long moment. Ultimately the guard breaks it, and looks down to his feet. Rhaella, looking away in despair, stiffly but violently shreds her flowers, and drops the remains beneath the statue before rising and leaving the garden

Anime boy Rhaegar learning to fight in the training yard. He seems a little surprised if reassured by his own skill, overpowering the master at arms at one point. Young page Jon Connington watches on, looking like he’s about to burst into applause. Aerys himself looks on from a high window, and looks Intensely Bothered

Aerys walking through the halls past a small crowd of men. He hears one say that Tywin truly rules the Seven Kingdoms, and turns abruptly to see the speaker - one Ilyn Payne, who looks shocked to see Aerys there. Aerys looks violent, like he might do something for a moment, but is ushered onwards by Barristan Selmy

Rhaella and Rhaegar at the dinner table in the royal… chambers??? whatever lol. Rhaella says she’s heard Rhaegar is fighting: that is good. Rhaegar is not super responsive to this praise. Rhaella then asks her son if she thinks the baby will be a boy or a girl. Rhaegar looks at her sadly

Aerys arrives belatedly to ruin dinner, decides he dislikes how quiet and miserable his family looks. Cracks a shit joke, doesn’t like the way his son looks at him, reads judgement in the kid’s eyes. Aerys is about to escalate in this sudden disagreement with his son, when Rhaella begins panicking - there’s blood pooling beneath the table. As Aerys realises what’s happening his anger abruptly turns to Rhaella, and he looks like he might strike her - then Rhaegar stands between them, and silently warns him off. Aerys is furious, but it works, and he storms out

Now Aerys is storming into the throne room, where Tywin sits his throne, listening to the grievances of some visiting lord. Aerys identifies Ilyn Payne at the sidelines, calls him over, and orders his tongue ripped out. This is appropriately grim :) Tywin looks on, displeased but unable to say anything. Aerys orders him off of his throne then takes it himself, and announces that as king he is ordering a tourney: the winner will join his Kingsguard

#asoiaf #cw miscarriage #sparknotes robert's rebellion

[devnmon]

Long, Long Time.

'Cause I've done everything I know To try and make you mine And I think I'm gonna love you For a long, long time

Summary: Irrevocably in love with the woman you can’t have, a wine drunk night over classical reading and a fireplace aids in decision making.

Ao3 version | tess masterlist

prequel fic

Warnings: smut [a tiny bit], reader hopelessly in love with Tess, use of y/n (a couple times); based on ep 3 of TLOU

wc: 13k

A/n: Okay ummm first of all don’t blame me for writing this much on one character that i’ve never written before, but this fic is literally my baby. It’s my favorite thing i’ve written. I thought it was my turn to take a spin with writing for Tess. Since tlou came out i’ve been obsessed with her and… well you can tell by how much I wrote. Here it is, my perfect Tess fic. Enjoy <3

Today was the day.

A warm morning in September, 20 years after the Cordyceps infection sunk into the deepest depths of society, crumbling down its once high, strong walls, to a brittle, cracked dictatorship of community. The Boston Quarantine Zone was one of your least favorite places in the world, but from what you heard about other cities' QZ's, it was a walk in the park.

As a smuggler, you handled runs for more than 75% of the place, with the help of a few desperate FEDRA officers that offered to look the other way for a price.

If risking your life for bottles of pills and useful supplies was the most dangerous thing to do, then so be it; you were the unlucky one.

Most runs, you were accompanied by one of your two partners, Tess Servopolous or Joel Miller. They were older, skilled, smart, and resourceful, and they knew how to kill. Especially Tess. She could handle her own like it was nobody's business. Hard headed and courageous, Tess became a good partner and soon enough, a close friend.

Although, there was another part of you that found her alluring, captivating and so, so gorgeous. She was confident in herself no matter what, which only drew you towards her more.

Ever since the early days of the outbreak, you three had each other's backs, and nothing could come between you. To you, they were the only thing you'd known after being found by the older woman and taken in. The day she found you, beat up and bloody with several injuries, was the day she had quite genuinely saved your life.

Now a part of Joel and Tess's smuggling business, you were off to a town called Lincoln, a five hour hike from the walls of the QZ.

The hot sun glared down on your skin, a chill September breeze flowing in gusts that kept you cooled off enough throughout your journey.

A majority of the trip was spent in silence, lost in your enamor for Tess, eyes trailing over the back of her figure. She had glanced back once or twice at you, like she could feel your eyes burning into her body.

Some nights you lay awake wondering what it would be like to drag your fingers up and down the expanses of her skin, trailing over her back and caressing the soft skin of her figure till you fell asleep.

Time passed as you traveled behind Tess and Joel, and the image of a metal fence coming into view.

"This is it," Joel stated before approaching the gate. You begin to follow the two older individuals before you pause, stopping a minute to remember something that Frank had mentioned about their gate.

"Wait, I thought you said this thing was booby-trapped or something.. How do we know it won't get triggered?" The concern of your safety was imminent, the unknown patiently waiting behind the metal gates.

"Well we don't, but Frank said if we came from the road instead of the forest that it wouldn't get triggered. They'd see us coming that way, too. Trust me, I know Frank. He wouldn't lie, not when he knows we can work together."

Tess was the expert on the two men that lived behind the gates of the completely deserted town; she was the one who arranged their meeting, after all.

"Alright.." You sighed, walking right up to the gate with them.

There was a box attached to the entry gate with a few buttons on it. You watched Joel walk up to the gate and press a button labeled 'Call'.

A loud buzzing sounded out after he'd pushed the red button in, and a moment later, a male voice responded from the intercom.

"Password."

The voice sounded deeper than Frank's, only assuming the speaker was Bill, the other half of the couple that resided in Lincoln.

"Uh- Ahem," Joel cleared his throat, before stating the code word Frank had given you three before coming.

The feedback rang out as Joel spoke, another buzzing sound coming from the gate as you hear it unlock.

"Alright, let's go. Keep an eye out for anything suspicious, since we really don't know what we're walkin' into here."

Tess scoffed at her male partner's words, a smirk on her face saying otherwise from your tense anxiety of meeting new people.

"Tess, hey," you grabbed her arm ever so softly as you trailed behind her, and she looked toward you, "Are you sure we can trust these guys?"

A tiny smile formed on her face as she recognized your nervousness. She thought it was adorable and sweet how you went to her for comfort at any point in time. It warmed her heart and made her feel important to somebody again.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Frank wouldn't hurt a fly. Bill on the other hand.. he might be a bit standoffish at first. From what Frank said, I'm sure he'll warm up to us with time. Don't worry."

Tess rubbed your arm up and down a couple times, hoping it would soothe your worries. As she did, your face broke out into a small smile, nodding before you dropped your grip and continued walking. You could get lost in the hazel of her eyes like it was hypnosis, or something close to that. The way Tess made your world stop by even being in your presence was something entirely familiar to you, and it kept you up at night, pondering about the simplest things.

It seemed the little town of Lincoln, Massachusetts was surrounded by this perfect bubble of safety and security. Like a dream, the familiarity of a place as different from the QZ.. felt a bit unreal. You never thought you'd have the chance to make friends in a world with infected, much less one with access to such a large range of supplies in a deserted town, highly protected by its sole residents.

The feeling surrounding you was oddly similar to how you felt around Tess, her warmth and beauty heart-warming, much like a hug.

Your focus is brought back to reality as you almost bump into Tess's back, her and Joel had abruptly stopped walking.

"Oof- sorry Tess-"

"Y/n.." Joel says abruptly, not realizing they're both holding their hands out to the side, the cocking of what sounded like a gun putting the realization into place.

"Shit.." You whispered, stepping out from behind Tess, arms out in the same fashion as your partners, and you realize there's a man holding a gun out at the three of you.

Then, from the house the man stood in front of, another man came running out. He calls the name of the man who's holding his pistol at you, Bill.

Which means.. that's Frank. You thought to yourself, as the sweater-wearing man approached and tried to beckon the other man to lower his weapon.

"Bill, these are the people I met over the radio. We can trust them.. they aren't going to hurt us. Put the gun down, please? I don't want to scare off people we could potentially be working with.." The man named Frank said with a chuckle, almost having to force the gun down himself. After another moment of brooding stares being passed between Bill and Joel, he lowers the gun and places it in his holster at his thigh.

Your hands drop to your sides after freezing with them out in the air due to fear. It wasn't the first time someone's pointed a gun at you, but it sure as hell was one of the times you thought someone would actually shoot. Relief washed over you as Bill's arms lowered.

"Perfect, thank you," Frank says to Bill, before wrapping his arm around the man's shoulder, "Welcome to our home, I'm Frank, and this is Bill. I'm so glad to finally meet you guys. We have a lot to talk about! Come on, follow me."

Frank had a home-like smile that was warm and welcoming. It was the first time in a long time you'd seen anyone smile like that. So carefree. You guessed it was the effect of not being behind the walls of a QZ for too long. That, or Frank knew how to stay true to himself in such a rugged, rough around the edges world.

The uncomfortable gaze Bill shot your way made you realize that it probably took a lot for him to even agree to let the three of you come into their town, much less want to work with complete strangers.

While being led back to Bill and Frank's home, you can't help but marvel at everything around you. Lincoln was much different than the QZ and open city; a town quite literally frozen in time from when it had been evacuated. A place like this was one you dreamed of settling down in, with a partner before the outbreak; it seemed like the perfect place to do so. Quiet, quaint, and bare of any infected or dangerous militia and resistance groups.

As their home came into view, it was exactly as you thought it'd be: another one of the huge houses a place like suburbia always had. It was one of the biggest you'd ever seen, almost out of a storybook. Except for the leaves blowing through the streets, it was as if the house hadn't aged a day. Everything about their home and its surrounding yard looked as if it had been tended to regularly; a mowed lawn, bushes with budding flowers, and not a single area of chipped paint to be seen.

"This is our place, I do my best to keep it looking its best and Bill... well he's just one hell of a cook. Aren't you, dear?" Frank turned to Bill with a smile, only to look away from his lover and back at you three.

"It's true, one of the many things I'm good at. Including defending my home." Bill's hand went to the gun strapped on his thigh.

"Yes, of course you are. Now, could you whip us up some lunch while I get to know our lovely guests here?" Frank turns his head towards Bill again.

"But-" Bill begins to speak, wanting to name all the reasons he doesn't want to leave his lover alone with strangers. Though, you notice Frank is quick to reassure Bill that everything will be alright.

"I'll be fine, I promise. They aren't going to hurt me, I've been extra careful with who I talk to, you know that. These people aren't dangerous. At least not to us." Frank's smile breaks Bill's resolve, trusting his lover enough to retreat into the house with haste.

Now alone with Frank, he guides the three of you over to the table on their lawn. You sit down next to Tess on your right side and Frank on the left.

"So.. Tess, I assume the lovely man you arrived with is the famous Joel Miller?" Frank turned to Joel with his hand out, receiving a firm handshake and nod from the Texan man.

"And you must be..." He turns to you.

"I'm y/n, the secret.. not-so-secret third partner." You laughed awkwardly, feeling somewhat out of place with the man and woman.

"That's right, I've only heard your name a handful of times, but it is so nice to finally meet you in person." Frank read your nervous state like a book, giving you peace of mind with a warm smile. Your nervous state diminishes when Frank's words set in, easing a smile onto your face and raising your eyebrows in slight surprise.

He's heard of me? I wonder what Tess's told him...

"It's nice to meet you too, Frank."

The four of you conversed with small talk, only butting in here and there to add something in, mostly keeping to yourself and not wanting to make the wrong impression on Frank. Tess and Joel discuss the details of a trading business between you all.

Soon enough, Bill began to come out with plates and silverware, to which Frank jumped up to help with setting the table.

"I can help if-" You started to speak, feeling a little guilty at not doing anything to help out as a guest.

"No, no. Sit, relax. You're our guests here, and I'm sure your trip has been long and tiring. Besides, it's been a while since I've set the table for more people than just me and Bill, and it's something I've always loved doing." Frank's kind smile once again eases your worries. But you swore to yourself you'd find a way to repay them for this.

You nodded as the two men made several trips to set the table, appreciating every little thing they added to it one after another. Spices, napkins, fine china plates and silverware with no scratches or rust on them. It was all a marvelous sight, one that reminded you of the old world and missing little things like this in times like these.

The amount of objects they'd placed on the table made you forget just how many of those material things you realized living without was doable. Even if you wished there were more aspects of the old world in the present one.

Fiddling with your thumbs again, you listened in to Joel and Tess's muttering about whether or not they could convince the two males on agreeing to work together, until you heard an exclamation from Tess.

"Oh my god.."

Your head jolted up towards the woman, about to ask her the reason for her outburst, until you picked up what had caught her attention.

The smell of fresh, hot food surrounded the three of you, hunger scraping at the edges of your stomach, making it even more evident that your last meal hadn't been as much of a hearty one as you'd wished. Dishes with meat and vegetables were all neatly placed in the same portion sizes as Frank and Bill put each plate down.

Before you dug in, you heard a familiar pop of cork from what you could only assume was a wine bottle. Sure enough, as you looked at Frank, the bottle he'd brought out resembled one you'd buy for a nice meal like this.

It wasn't until you heard the same cocking of Bill's pistol that you froze in your place. You watched as he placed it on the table for you all to see, a statement of protection and untrustworthiness he clearly still saw in the three of you.

Maybe not you or Tess specifically, but Joel, most definitely.

You decide to ignore the firearm's presence on the table, and begin eating the food that's so delicately placed on each of your plates. Instead of scarfing it all down like some rabid animal, you savored each bite of the flavorful, nutritious food and sip of wine like it was your last.

It might as well have been, since you had no idea whether or not you would be working together.

You wondered how people even ate on china plates that were as delicate and prettily detailed in the most extravagant ways. The silverware and wine glasses were also detailed and etched in such a beautiful way. It made you appreciate the smallest things before you had to go without them again.

A while passes, and everyone's finishing their food up. Light gusts of wind flow through Tess's hair as you look over to her, holding the glass of wine in her hand.

"Well, this really is just-- it's amazing." A slight smile on her face brings warmth to your chest, heating your body despite the cool air.

"Right?" Frank looks from Tess to Bill, who still has his pistol on the table, "Can you not please?"

He reaches over Tess's glass to fill it with the dark red alcohol, then reaches over to yours to do the same as you smile at him.

"I'm the same way," Joel states, understanding where Bill's actions are coming from. You realized in that moment that Bill and Joel are more alike than you thought.

"Oh, you're a paranoid schizophrenic too?" There's a slight chuckle that sounds out from you and Tess as Frank speaks.

"I'm not schizophrenic." Bill suddenly retorts, knowing the validity behind the methods to his madness.

Tess clears her throat, attempting to break the awkward tension that's so clearly grown between Bill and Joel.

"Well can I just say, gun aside, which I get, by the way, how nice this is to have a civilized meal in such a beautiful place? It's been so long. I mean it, I just- I wanna thank you. Even if we don't end up working together. I really needed this."

Her words seemed genuine, a slight twinge of silent and repressed pain in what she said. You only knew an extent of Tess's emotional wounds, ones she pushed down to do her job better.

As Frank lifts his wine glass to Tess with a small smile, he states, "We are working together."

The two clink their glasses together, making you raise yours to do the same.

"Cheers." Tess and Frank clink their glasses, and then Tess turns to you in the same fashion, quickly lifting your glass to clink together.

You all finish up your meals, occasionally glancing over to Tess with appreciation that you got to share something this special with your best friend.

And then the realization hit you, she was only your best friend, and you'd wanted to be more with her since she'd revealed a different side of her to you throughout the years. It was a kind, warm, caring side of Tess that made her feel like the familiarity of those strawberry candies that were hard on the outside, but soft, sweet and gooey on the inside. Tess was rough around the edges, but when she was alone with you were the times she revealed a softer side of herself.

Frank hadn't glanced anywhere other than Tess and Joel, picking up the way they discussed with one another, as if they were good business partners and friends. He'd been blinded by the fact that you sat furthest from Joel, barely even glancing his way for a split second.

The moment Frank gets a good look at you at the table is when he picks up on the way you look at Tess; it's different than the way you look at Bill and Joel, and by god does it open his eyes a mile wide. He only hides it behind his all-knowing warm persona and recognizes a light in your eyes that he saw similarly in Bill's the minute before he'd kissed him, that one day in 2007. Three years later, he saw that same spark of light in you, whenever your eyes glazed over to the only other woman at the table.

The warm younger man looks to his partner, who's anything but, to reassure you all again.

"We are." A moment passes as he sips from the wine glass and speaks again, "You know what? Let's go inside. Tess and y/n, I wanna show you something."

Frank begins to stand, lifting his wine glass from the table, Tess following next before you stand as well.

"Oh yes, it sounds amazing, I'd love to see inside." Now more sociable with the two glasses of wine in your system, you catch your balance before pushing your chair out from the table.

"Actually, I have been wanting to see inside, thank you."

Your words and Tess's overlap at the same time, chuckling a little at the synchronized movements and words between you and the older woman.

"Bring your wine. There's more inside."

"No, not inside. Frank.. Frank!" Bill's voice echoes from the table, as Frank holds the front door open for you two.

You're looking down at your feet as you walk up the porch and into the house, unaware that Tess was glancing back every few seconds to see if you followed. As you step inside, you wipe your boots off on the mat and Frank shuts the door behind him.

Your eyes finally pull away from the mat you've wiped your boots off on, to the inside of Bill and Frank's home. A deep breath of air fills your lungs to the brim as the sight of it all is a bit overwhelming.

"Wow..." you sigh, Frank stood behind you, Tess a few feet ahead, "I haven't seen anything like this in so.. long..."

You trail off as the sight of it all renders you speechless. There's candelabras with fresh wax from candles and picture frames with black and white photos. The image of inside makes it feel like a home, something you haven't felt in a very long time.

"Come on, it's right over here." Frank speaks out loud to the both of you, only you're still standing a few feet in front of the door, as the two walk into the open room just right of the stairway.

"Oh wow, look at these photo albums! I haven't seen one of these in forever.. Are they all Bill's?" Tess's voice carries to you from the other room, noticing her slight chuckle as you gaze over to where she's flipping through one of the albums.

"Yeah, yeah they are. Just don't tell him I showed you.." The two continue to giggle to themselves over the old pictures.

"Oh my gosh, I didn't even notice the extensive vinyl collection.. You know, I used to have a turntable back in college. I'd play the same old records every day, annoyed the hell out of my roommates.." Tess chuckles as she talks about her past life, something you always enjoyed hearing about when she brought it up.

With you, she could bring up anything from her old life, and you'd listen to every word.

You still had the suspicion that she and Joel had a thing going on, and your not-so-little crush on her was doing more harm for you than good in that aspect.

Tess and Frank are looking through the collections of vinyl and photos while you nonchalantly watch from afar, eyes glazing over to the massive shelves of books. Most of the ones on lower shelves were Bill's books on survival and guns, but the ones resting on the higher shelves were classics.

Before the outbreak, you'd been a sucker for those. There was something about the art of classic literature, the subtext and deeper meanings under every word. The beauty of those stories was unmatched.

I'd love to read one of those over some wine.. Matter of fact-

"Hey Frank? Where's that other bottle of wine?" You call out to him from the doorway, with your glass still in hand. Frank glances over to you from a few feet away.

"It's in the fridge, wine opener is uh- somewhere in there. You'll find it."

"Okay, thanks."

You finally break off from the two, eyes glazing over every single picture Bill and Frank have of themselves in their home, as well as the paintings Frank's done of Bill and himself.

Striding into the other room, the kitchen was in a state of what looked freshly used; pots and pans were everywhere, the scent of once heated oil lingering.

Your curious eyes peel over all the older pictures, then notice one in color that's stuck to the fridge with a rainbow magnet.

A twinge in your chest comes as well as joy for the two men that happened to find each other among a world of infected and dictatorships.

You just wish it would have happened to you already.

Bill must have had some vintage cameras lying around, ones Frank knew how to use, or learned to use for things like this. You crouched closer to look at the picture of the two men, bodies pressed together and hands clasped in each other's like they never wanted to let go.

And in such a world, why would they want to?

You pull the refrigerator door open, spotting the unopened bottle of red wine in the door. Reaching for it, you read the label, Beaujolais.

Huh, fancy name for a wine. It'll get me drunk all the same though.. Now where is that damn cork opener?

You're rummaging around in the kitchen drawers until you finally find it, oblivious to the fact that Tess has walked up behind you in your haste to find the damn thing. Her grey shirt is unbuttoned, with a white tee underneath. She always had the simplest style, but it didn't stop her from looking fucking stunning in anything she wore. Tess makes her presence known to you, arms folded across her chest as she leans against the doorway. Picturesque light chestnut strands of hair frame the soft features of her face.

"Whatcha got there?" your body whips around, wine bottle and opener in each of your hands (and almost slipping from them), to which Tess smirks a little at the sight.

You were surprised to not have heard the sound of her boots on the wooden floor, but Tess always had a way of surprising you like that.

You smile sheepishly, raising the bottle and wine opener in both your hands. Truth was, Tess popped in at the perfect time; you could never get the hang of opening things like this.

Opening bottles of liquor for you was always Tess's thing, since you didn't have the skill or strength for it. Your hands were just naturally smaller than hers as well, which meant it was only a job for a person with bigger hands.

How you wished you could hold them.

"Just in time. Could you open this for me? It's more your thing than mine.. Please? Before I drop it or something.."

Tess strides towards you and grabs both objects from your hands. She inserts the opener into the cork and twists until the similar pop from earlier indicates she'd removed it, the wine's aroma filling the area between you two.

Her strength was so attractive, the way she could make the simplest things such as opening a wine bottle look hot. The veins in her hands protruded when her grip strained, making you wonder what her hands would look like doing different things.

Tess lifts the cork to her nose, smelling the wine more intensely now, looking angelic as she breaths it in. Then, she lifts it to your nose, the gesture so familiar to you, but yet you've never seen Tess in a moment like this before.

The scent of the liquor paired with how Tess looks in the sunlight peering through the window is intoxicating in itself, as she places the bottle on the counter. Glancing outside, the golden light began to fade fast, darkness approaching quicker than you'd like it to.

With a smile, you walk over to the countertop and pour yourself another glass of wine.

"Thanks... you'll have to teach me that sometime." You couldn't tell if the flush on your cheeks was from the wine, or the gesture Tess just did for you.

"Yeah, but then what would you need me for?" Tess cocks her head to the side, a slight smirk on her face again. That damn smirk.

Rolling your eyes, you scoffed.

As if I could ever go without you, Theresa.

"Oh, please. I'll always need you, Tess."

"Right.. So, Frank said we could stay the night, since it's more dangerous to travel when it isn't daytime. Our visit was longer than expected.." Tess's eyes move from you to outside, where Bill and Joel were still sat, discussing in what looked like a more civilized way than earlier.

"They have enough room for us?" You asked, sipping at the red wine.

"Yeah, they've got two extra bedrooms. So, I figure you and I could share one and give Joel the other room for himself. Plus they said we could use their shower," Tess shuffled closer to you and lowered her voice, "I hear they have hot water.."

Your eyes widened at the thought of a hot shower, something you hadn't realized was accessible anymore. Though, before speaking, you cleared your throat to minimize any indication of nervousness in the fact that you and Tess would be sharing a bed tonight.

"You sure you wouldn't rather room with Joel? I.. move around a lot in my sleep."

A confused look displays itself across Tess's face.

"I mean- I wouldn't want you to wake up with me on top of you or.. anything.." A nervous chuckle erupts from your chest as you laugh your awkwardness off.

"I think that second bottle of wine is what I should be worried about, not your restlessness." She smirks again, "But have fun with that. I'm gonna go wash up. Talk later?"

You only nodded, not wanting to embarrass yourself in front of your best friend any more.

As Tess left the room, the strain of your journey finally set in. Soles of your feet began to twinge with pain, carrying you to the next room with the wine bottle and glass in hand.

You saunter into the living room, the amount of wine you've consumed making your cheeks, not to mention your whole body, flush with heat. The weight of your figure flopped down in a corner of the room as you placed the wine bottle down.

You gulped at the rest of the liquid in your glass, putting it on the side table. Gazing around the room at all the vintage items in perfect condition, your eyes meet the tall shelf of classic literature once again.

Pulling yourself from the chair, you pick up the bottle of wine by its neck, instead of pouring yourself another glass.

They're not gonna miss one little bottle... they've got a whole vineyard to themselves.

It's then you hear the front door open finally, Bill and Joel coming in, their discussion a little lighter than the one they were having earlier. You hear a chuckle fall from Joel in his Texan accent and your eyebrows raise.

Wow, they're finally getting along. Maybe we will have new business partners after all..

You stumble over to the bookshelf, about three glasses of wine making your bodily strength diminish with every sip you took. You were in a more tipsy state than usual; not having drank alcohol for years had more of an effect on you than it usually would.

The higher bookshelves are littered with dust, not having been touched since who knows when; you're just tall enough to drag your fingers across the top shelf on your tippy toes, the one below it littered with the many classic stories.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, Lady Chatterley's Lover by D.H. Lawrence, Emma by Jane Austen.

You read the titles off in your head, fingers trickling over the necks of each hardcover novel, stopping at Little Women and pulling it from the bookshelf. You also grabbed Pride and Prejudice, planning to ask Frank or Bill in the morning to borrow them till your next visit.

Slumping over in the chair again, you open Little Women, pages crinkling as the smell of the vintage book hits your face. It almost makes you sneeze, but you stifle it and begin reading.

You're mumbling to yourself in the little cozy corner of Frank and Bill's house, perched in a red armchair, and it's the most domestic you've ever seen yourself be in a long time. Granted, you were becoming more intoxicated with each gulp of the bitter alcohol you ingested. It floods your insides with warmth, your train of thought sidetracking from the story in your hand to the thought of the gorgeous woman that was Tess Servopolous.

She felt like home, the sweet smile she revealed to you your favorite thing about her. Her hardened exterior cracked and withered away bit by bit with every day you lay in her apartment healing from your injuries.

You're pulled out of the daydream when footsteps descend down the stairway, until the figure turns the corner. Frank's face comes into the warm lamp light, silently walking into the room and fiddling around with a few things before making his way over nearby where you sat.

Over the edges of the book, you watch him grab a few logs of firewood, placing one in the brick fire pit, before lowering your eyes back to the book. A few more minutes pass of his fidgeting before you realize the fireplace has come alive with flames of light.

Waves of heat flood the room, completely bringing your attention away from the book in your hands.

"No way..." Your voice draws Frank's eyes to you.

"Way. You know, my favorite thing to do in the fall is make fires.. Bonfires, campfires, any kind of natural warmth feels so home-like and safe. Don't you think so?"

"Yeah.. my childhood home had such a nice fireplace like this. It's really nice to see and feel again after so long." The two of you share a smile and look at the fire. Flames crackle and burn high, popping at times, the same way it used to before. Silence is adamant throughout the room, clutching the novel in your arms as the flames continue to burn.

"So.. you gonna tell me what's got you slumped over in a corner reading classic literature? I can't imagine it's that riveting.." Frank's tone tells you that he's joking, but you can't help from being at least a little offended in your drunken state.

"Classic literature is actually my favorite genre of novel, for your information. And you wouldn't get it…" The irony of your words slaps you in the face the minute they manifest themselves because.. Frank does know what it's like to feel the way you do. He’s just still in the dark about it.

"Hey, hey. You can tell me what's going on. I may or... may not have any experience on what you're going through."

Then the realization sets in that he's probably felt the way you do his whole life.

It's at that moment you decide to trust him. You close the book over, and look Frank in the eye.

"Okay, but this stays between us. Promise?"

"Of course."

A sigh leaves your chest and you begin to tell him how you feel about a certain one of your smuggling partners.

"Tess saved me... however many years ago it was... I can't remember how long it's been now. I've just always been around her since then. She's done things for me and- and I've done things for her... But I never knew why I always wanted to be around her.. until one night when I had a really, really rough day and she comforted me. I never wanted to leave her arms, and that's when I realized.. I liked her. She's my best friend, Frank.. What would I do if she doesn't feel the same? I don't think I could live with myself if I ruin our friendship because of some stupid fucking crush."

You finished speaking, letting out another sigh like you'd just thrown up all the thoughts reverberating in your head the second you made it out of the QZ walls.

Frank's silent until he speaks, analyzing and connecting dots in his head about this afternoon and the way you'd been acting.

"All that... doesn't sound just like a little crush to me, hon. You love her.. and you want what's best for her. Protecting yourself from the hypothetical hurt of her not feeling the same is valid.. but you're not gonna know how she feels about you if you don't tell her. Take the night, and think on it. Or... go ahead and keep on reading your classic literature while the love of your life goes to sleep upstairs. I'm just saying, if you don't try, then what's the point?"

The next time you look Frank in the eyes, they're filled with kindness, and you can tell he sees you for who you really are. There's no hiding your true self around him, he reads you the same way he read Bill the day he fell in that hole in the ground.

"You know what, you're right. I'm gonna take the night to think about it, thanks, Frank. I don't know what I'd do if I was alone in this."

Frank places his hand over yours in a compassionate and friendly way. He understood where you'd been coming from, especially with the way you both were.

The rest of your night is spent cuddling up under a blanket Frank had placed over your legs before he headed up to bed for the night. The wine drunk put you in an exhausted state, eyelids as heavy as weights until you ended up falling asleep curled up in the chair, fire dwindling away to nothing but embers.

A nudge to your arm slightly pulls you from your slumber, wine bottle abandoned on the floor from earlier. The next thing you feel is a strong grip lifting your body from the chair. With a groan, your arms flail weightlessly to the side, as you're picked up bridal style, the creaking under the wood indicating you were being carried up the stairs.

It's probably Joel who's lifted you like this with no effort at all, no chance it was Frank or Bill. Tess was already asleep too, and once she rested her head, there was no waking her. She slept like a rock.

You figure you're finally up the stairs as the steps steady, pushing the door open silently to the dark bedroom. Finally, you're placed down onto the soft bed, boots being tugged from your feet and placed on the floor. Rolling over a bit, you groan at the comfortable state of the bed.

Already comforted by the blankets, the heat of your body diminishes in the cool, dark room, as you doze off to sleep for the night.

As morning peeks through the shades of the cool bedroom, a pounding headache rammed behind your skull as your eyes inch open. Fluttering profusely, your pupils adjust to the rays of sunlight slowly, head still spinning.

Groaning at the pain, your eyes shift from the window to the side table, where there'd been a glass of water and two pills of Tylenol placed next to a small piece of paper. You sit upright in the bed, truly unable to recall the events of the previous night. The only thing you remembered vaguely was that second bottle of wine, one you regretted even picking up.

You reached for the note, headache only pounding harder as you attempted to read it.

For your head, since you really thought that second bottle of wine was a good idea. We've got breakfast made when you feel well enough. - Frank

It's at that moment you realize your mouth is bone dry, concluding on the fact that you hadn't drank one drop of water last night. As if a desperate plea for the quenching of your thirst, you drop the note in your lap abruptly, gravitating towards the very full glass of water sitting just a foot away.

The liquid slides down your throat as you desperately gulp it down, only stopping for a moment to pop both Tylenol into your mouth. After finishing the glass of water, you look down at the note again.

Signed Frank, but I've seen this handwriting before. Somewhere.. My hungover brain cannot remember right now for the life of me.

A yawn breaks through your chest, your hand instinctively going up to cover your mouth. When the smell of your breath hit your nose, it became apparent to you that you should probably take advantage of the hot and running water in the home.

Quickly, you threw the covers to the side, glancing down at your legs, body covered in the same clothes as yesterday. You didn't even dare attempt to sniff those articles of clothing, knowing how sweat stained they had become on the hike yesterday.

Yeah, you really needed to shower.

Standing from the bed now, you reach over to grab your bag, when you realize you've left it downstairs. Only when you look around the room is when you see a plain grey t-shirt sitting on the arm of a chair.

Tess's shirt, no doubt.

You pick it up and hold it in your hands, the scent of her sure enough surrounding your head.

As tempting as it would be to head back to sleep, you walk over to the bedroom door, opening it to the hallway. It seemed there was nobody remaining upstairs, evident due to the light conversation coming from downstairs. Your socked feet patter across the hall, peeping around a corner before b-lining straight for the bathroom.

Placing the clothing on the countertop, you reach into the shower and start the running water. As it slowly heats the small room, you stride over to a closet, pulling it open to find an abundance of everything you could've ever needed to bathe in the world before. Shampoos, conditioners, body wash, shaving cream and razors.

Wow, these guys really know how to keep inventory. They won't mind if I make use of some of this stuff, I definitely need it more than they do right now.

Steam fills the bathroom as you pull each article of sweat-stained clothing from your body, landing all together in a pile. As you pull the curtain back and step in, the warm water washes over your work-weathered body, goosebumps rising at the comfortably warm liquid.

It was euphoric, the temperature of clean, filtered water paired with the privacy of the shower.

You can only stand still as the dirt and other liquids patter to the tub floor, bringing you lighter in mood and vibrance as well.

As you scrub your scalp with the shampoo, the events of last night finally return to you.

Reading Little Women, admitting how you felt about Tess to Frank- the decision you told him you'd take the night on and think about.

You caught your head in your hands as embarrassment for yourself washed over you, much like the warm water of the shower.

"Ughh, I can't believe I told Frank that stuff.." Although you didn't regret it, not completely. The chat you had actually made you feel better, getting it off your chest after so long of holding it in.

You just wished it would be that easy to tell the person of your affection.

The spray of water from the shower ceased as you turned it off, stepping out onto the bath mat and wrapping a towel around you.

Regrettably, you had no other clothes to change into, so you pull on everything you'd worn the day before, except for your shirt. You put on the grey one for now.

Yep, it definitely smelled like Tess.

Pulling your cargo pants on, you stride out of the steam-filled bathroom, and your feet lead you into Bill and Frank's room.

Though you feel it's trespassing on an already stepped-over line, you head towards their closet, quickly opening the door and taking in the massive amount of flannel shirts hanging there.

Frank had impeccable taste in clothes, deciding to yank one or two of the darkly colored button ups from their hangers. You took a pair of socks as well, since yours had holes in them from their constant use.

You thought about not telling Frank about your thievery, but it's going to become imminent when you walk down the stairs with his shirts in your arms. So you shove them in your bag once you find it resting next to the bed.

Heading back into the guest bedroom, you pull the fresh pair of socks onto your feet, beginning to reach for your black boots sitting on the floor. Reaching down for one, you hear a knock at the door before you can grab it.

Quickly, you stride over to the door, expecting to see Frank or Bill on the other side with a message from your partners about hurrying to leave or something along those lines.

To your surprise, the face on the other side of the door is Tess.

Shit, Tess. The person you promised Frank you'd confess to last night over a drunken conversation.

She looks well rested, wearing a different shirt than the one from yesterday. It's a dark green, that compliments her eye color and the wisps of her caramel hair framing her face. Her hair is in that half up-half down bun, the rest of it resting behind her shoulders.

She looks fucking perfect, and you look like a wet dog, hair still damp from your shower.

"Hey, morning. How'd you sleep? I uh-" Tess is pulling at her collar awkwardly, standing in the same fashion as your eyes finally trail down to what she'd holding in her hands.

She had a plate in her grip, covered in freshly made, very appetizing breakfast foods. Some so freshly made, there was still steam coming off of it.

You're thankful in this moment to have taken those Tylenol earlier, or else the smell of any food whatsoever would've sent you hurling over the toilet like a hungover sorority girl.

"Oh my god, Tess. What is all this?" Your eyes widened in surprise, the smell catching your attention even before you had seen the plate of food in her hands.

"Well, you need a big breakfast for the journey back to Boston today, and I figured you could use it after last night.." A chuckle breaks through her chest, head dipping downwards before looking at your freshened state.

"Come- come in." You move aside for Tess to enter the bedroom, assuming you'd slept alone in here for the night. As she places the tray down on the bed, you sit down, Tess standing a few feet away.

"Tess, did you make this? What the hell- This looks amazing.. Eggs, sausage, hash browns? These are all my favorites.. Seriously, thank you. Wh-what can I do to make it up to you?"

"Well, first of all, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And second of all, don't thank me, thank Bill and Frank, it's their food I cooked. Consider it a hangover cure. Once I get so drunk that I fall asleep in an armchair with a classic book in my lap, then you can pay me back. It better be a damn good breakfast." She chuckles again, in that low voice that keeps you up at night when you think about it.

The way it says your name, her low tone when she curses under her breath, the way she sounds in the early mornings when the sun still hasn't risen and she's drowsy enough to not make any sense in her muttering.

Tess went through all the trouble of making everything she knew you favored, the mere thought of her thinking about you as she cooked it all only made your enamor for her grow stronger, a fire of love burning behind your chest for the woman in front of you.

It's then she takes a seat on the bed with you, watching as you poke into the eggs and begin devouring the food on your plate. She wasn't leaving, by the looks of it.

In the middle of chewing your food, you speak again.

"Did Frank tell you I passed out down there?"

Her grin becomes larger now as her eyes move from the plate of food to your face as you consume your breakfast.

I wonder what else he told her. Hopefully nothing I haven't yet...

"No, I'm the one that found you, silly. Carried you up the stairs and put you to bed myself."

You continue chewing as your eyes widen, another realization from last night coming back to mind.

It wasn't Joel carrying you, it was Tess.

"You carried me up the stairs? Wow, I'm gonna have to start lifting weights if I have to do the same for you."

While you speak, you're enjoying every morsel of this delicious food Tess has made you, and you're grateful for her in so many more ways than you could express presently.

"You better," Tess says with a scoff. A couple more minutes pass by as you're finishing up the food on your plate. You notice that she's still sitting in the room with you, taking your silence as a sign of comfortability around her.

"So, what's up, Tess?" You say, shoving another fork full of hash browns into your mouth.

"Well, I came to check on you, since last night Frank told me you were drinking a whole 'nother bottle of wine by yourself.. and reading classic literature? For fun?" She laughs.. "I figured you might be hungover this morning and wanted to bring you something to fill your stomach. I can't have you fainting on me when we hike back to the QZ, now can I? Gotta keep your strength up, hun."

The name melts your heart a little and you smile. It was such a simple thing, one that indicated she cared about your wellbeing and didn't want to see you unwell.

"Yeah, always gotta be nourished and shit. Just human things, I guess. Though, a meal like this never gets old." You said with a smile.

It became more difficult to hold back the thoughts of holding and kissing the woman before you, her green button down shirt just aching to be pulled in order to kiss her. Those perfect hazel eyes of hers that resembled gems when they hit the sun just right, getting effortlessly lost in them every time they locked with yours. Her hands that completed her daily tasks so beautifully, with such care and concern in everything she did making you think she'd hold you the same way, love you the same beautiful way she did everything in her life with.

"I'm guessing you're feeling alright, then? Tylenol helped?" It was cute that Tess was still worrying about how you were feeling from the night before. Putting the fork down finally, you looked up at her.

"Yeah I- Wait, how'd you know I took Tylenol?" You hadn't mentioned anything to her about taking medicine.. so how did she know?

"Well I uh- I just.." She scoffed lightly before continuing, "I asked Frank to leave some by your bedside earlier and I was really worried about you, since yesterday. You don't drink like that unless something's bothering you."

Her eyes focused on you, hair lightly spilling over her shoulder, and she's in the moment with you now more than she had ever been. It's almost like she's reading you when you glance up again, pulling at the collar of your shirt.

"I know, Tess. It's just-" you sigh, thumbs fiddling with each other, palms beginning to prick ever so lightly with sweat.

"You can tell me anything, you know that right?" Her voice was sweet and soft, lowering a bit to hopefully ease your worries. One of her hands grabs yours, and the sensation is enough to make the breath in your lungs hitch.

If there was any perfect moment to confess, this was it.

"Tess, there's something I need to tell you." A slight quiver of your voice tells her that this thing that had been bothering you clearly meant a lot. You keeping things from her wasn't a common occurrence, which only happens when something was beyond frustrating for you to talk about.

"Okay, what is it?"

You're infuriatingly beautiful and I want to kiss you right now.

"It's the fact that I'm over here pining like an idiot for you and you can't even see it.." You mutter, not wanting to look Tess's way for fear of judgment or rejection. She notices, and in that very moment she longs to see the fire in your eyes burn its brightest. "It's the fact that- that I love you, and you probably love someone else.."

"Someone else?" Tess scoffed, "And who do you think that is, huh?"

"I don't know.. Joel, maybe.." Head still hung, your hands shake slightly, chest filled to the brim with uneasiness and anxiety.

Was it just you, or did the temperature in here get hotter?

"Y/n, look at me." You hesitate for a moment, then slowly your eyes move from their locked position on your hands.

Tess's hands are fidgeting in her lap too, you notice.

The second you lift your head, the glossy state of your eyes catches her attention, and her face eases once you're looking directly at her. Tess's bottom lip catches between her teeth for a moment, and she glances down swiftly, then back up at you.

"Joel and I are nothing but friends, you understand? I don't want him, never have." The words hit your ears and it's as if a weight lights off your shoulders.

It's the most clarifying moment that makes you giddy to spill everything onto her lap.

"Tess.." you breathe, closing your eyes for a moment and making a decision, "Please don't shoot me for this..."

You begin to lean in towards her, eyelids hooded as you glance down to her lips, watching intently as she does the same. It feels like an eternity before you're close enough to pick up on her natural scent, consuming your brain and going fuzzy upon the close proximity.

A warm tingling fills your hands as they brush over Tess's thighs and hover just over the dark denim covering them.

Once, twice, three times you glanced down at her lips, pausing to drag your eyes across her flawless face.

"Are you gonna kiss me, or what?" Her snarky tone pulls your eyes back to gaze into her hazel ones, almost getting lost in them before getting the courage to do something you couldn't come back from.

"Shut up," You say, before your hands grab onto her collar, and pull her lips to yours. Her kiss takes your breath away, crawling into her lap, collar of Tess's shirt still in your grip. Sparks flicker in your chest, and they're coming off of Tess's as well, deepening the kiss with another push of your lips against hers.

The weight of you in her lap pulls a groan from the woman opposite you, separating your lips from hers. You almost couldn't pull away, but the thought of hurting her made your worry jump a mile high.

"Shit.. Are-are you okay?" Tess gives you another peck on your lips, before trailing her eyes down your face and neck. The smirk on her face makes the heat from your cheeks travel down your torso.

"Oh, I'm better than ever... you wanna know why?"

Nodding your head fervently, her hands trail up your shirt to your collar, watching as her pupils dilate around the hazel in her eyes. The grasp on your shirt is tight, even tighter when she beckons you impossibly closer to her. The next moment, she's pulling your lips to hers in another passionate kiss. Your lips are pressed together for so long, it feels like you're out of breath by the time she pulls away.

"It's because I love you." The three words fall from her lips like a siren beckoning you with its song. Her voice has never sounded more perfect, and when she says those words to you, it's an indescribable amount of joy that fills your chest.

Her panting is an indication of not being able to breathe, but she doesn't fucking care if she got to kiss you like that.

"You love me, too?" Out of curiosity, you ask again, just to make sure it registers in your brain. Disbelief makes your heart jump, even though you've just kissed her, and you never wanted to stop.

Even though she told you she felt the same way, it was still a dream.

"Of fucking course I do. Ever since I took care of you, those few months you were living in my apartment. How could I not?" One of her hands trails up your face, brushing some stray hairs obstructing her view, so she could look at you fully.

The woman you've pined after for years has loved you all the same, and the realization feels a lot like you've wasted so much time behind a closed door. Sleepless nights went by with you writing about her in your journal, detailing all the ways you would love her if she only loved you back.

Tess adored you, she just hadn't let herself show it or feel any other way than a friend, and she'd been terrified to lose you if she fucked any of that up. The years and years of pining built to this very moment, tension in the room thick as you gazed at her lovingly.

"Tess.. kiss me again..."

It was a desperate plea for that fucking woman to press your lips to hers so you could taste her even stronger than you thought you could handle.

"I don't think I'll be able to stop if I do." Her low voice made your legs tremble, a new kind of desire growing due to her.

"Then don't." Your lips clashed together with hers, tongues exploring each other's mouths in a feverish attempt to taste even more of you than she already had.

The truth was, she had all of you for a long time, and now she couldn't imagine needing anything more.

A soft moan is pulled from your chest as Tess's teeth nip at your bottom lip. The both of you seem breathless as you pull away again, but every time you glance down at her swollen lips is when you want to just press them to yours over and over again.

"God, you're so beautiful, it's hard to look directly at you sometimes." Her words catch you off guard, feeling your eager hands travel up her neck, one resting on her shoulder while the other sneaks your fingers between her soft strands of hair. Twirling a lock of it, the blush on your face makes her smirk.

"Stop it, I mean just look at yourself. You're so hot and intimidating and perfect and-"

"You saying you're not those things?" Her brows furrow in distaste, because how dare you suggest otherwise.

"I'm saying you are. Pretty girl." A giggle erupts from your chest, raking your fingers through her hair with appreciation.

"If you don't say you're all of those things right this second, love, I'm just gonna have to prove it to you. And you know I will."

Your eyebrows raise, wanting to pull a little sneaky trick on her.

"Say that I'm what?" The smirk on your face makes Tess blush a little, chuckling to herself because she knows exactly what you're doing.

"Say that you're..." One of her hands goes to the top button of your shirt and unbuttons it as she places a quick peck on your cheek, "Perfect, intimidating, hot, everything I want.. God, fuck. Look at what you do to me.."

Her nimble fingers trail down your shirt, undoing each button carefully, letting the shirt fall open to your sides. Hands rest on the skin of your sides, just under the shirt you're wearing. Her shirt you're wearing.

"Tess.." You sigh breathlessly, still trying to gain back whatever air was pulled out of your lungs just a moment earlier.

"Hmm? Tell me what you want, baby." She tilts her head ever so slightly, the smirk on her face only enlarging when she sees the desire in your lust-blown eyes. Her pet name all but pulls a squeal from your chest, scrunching your nose upon hearing her low words.

"I want you, Tess. God, I want all of you.. But we can't-" Your hands run up and down her sides, shaking ever so slightly at her intimidating smirk.

"We can do anything we want, sweetheart. I've got you, now. No one's gonna take you away from me, ever. And no one's taking me from you. Got it?"

It's so warm, so Tess, such a loving and nurturing side of her that spills those words into your chest like a goddamn golden light, and it brings tears to your eyes. Sniffling, you try to blink them away every second they threaten to fall from your eyes.

The close proximity of her immediately pulls you into a safe hug, tears dropping on the cloth of her shirt, dampening the fabric bit by bit. Her hand rubs up and down your back, comfort surrounding you in the moment like nothing else in the world.

"So-sorry, Tess, I didn't mean to get your shirt all wet," You say, pulling back from her embrace, "I'm just.. so fucking happy because I love you and- and you're finally mine."

The words come out like the easiest thing in the world, like you could tell her your deepest darkest secrets and she'd still love you completely as you are.

"Aw, you look so pretty when you're in love. 'Bout the most perfect thing in the whole world to me, pretty girl."

"Well, yeah. It's all your fault that I'm crying like a sap, dummy." You playfully punch her shoulder and wipe your face, tears finally ceasing their descent from your eyes.

"You love me that much, huh?" This time, Tess's smile is sweet, intimate and all but this time your eyes lock with hers in a deep gaze.

"Love you even more than that, Tess." A giggle erupts from your chest as her lips press ever so lightly to your neck, ghosting feather light kisses across your skin. Before she pulls back, she attaches her lips to your skin and sucks obsessively, in the same spot. A particularly sensitive spot she gets to pulls a whimper from your chest, the sound making her pull away from kissing you, eyebrows raised with curiosity.

"What was that, baby?" You whimper again, embarrassment washing over you while your cheeks are being painted with a blush.

"Need you, Tess. Need you so bad.." The last word comes out rather quickly, hips rolling against hers ever so slightly.

"I'm right here, honey. Tell me what you need from me, and I'll give it to you." Her words come out like a plead, work-worn hands and fingers trailing over the waistband of your pants. "Come on, we don't have much time. Joel wants to get on the road soon.."

Oh God. Joel. Bill. Frank.

Your thoughts freeze and think to the three other men in the house, or probably somewhere nearby, if not lingering just a few feet away down the stairs.

"Shit, should we-"

"Yes, my love, we should. After all this time, we should."

"But the door-"

The bedroom door; it was swung almost completely open.

"Guess you better be quiet then." She mutters, voice low with lust and the need for you to fall apart for her just once before their travels.

"Tess-" You whimper breathlessly, and before you can speak another word, her lips attach to yours again. Her hair smells like lavender, and her lips taste like strawberries.

"Do you trust me?" She asks, wanting to know you're okay with her going further.

"You know I do. I trust you with my life." You reply, almost immediately. Her soft eyes gaze into yours and she nods.

It's the most perfect vision of Tess you've had your entire life, and nothing in this world could tear you away from that.

Once you feel her hands unbuckling your pants successfully, one of her hands slips down under the fabric, bypassing your underwear right down to where she knows you need her.

Her middle and ring finger slide through the arousal between your legs, and the second she feels you throbbing against her, is when her kisses trail from your mouth to your neck.

"Tess, fuck-" You whimper out, as her fingertips swirl around the most sensitive part of you.

"Needy girl, aren't you? So gorgeous..." The smirk on her face turns devious when her eyes meet yours again, catching how your face contorts with pleasure under her doing.

Another mewl leaves your chest, nodding fervently once again.

"Shit, all wet for me? You really know how to make a woman happy.." The slight laughter from her chest makes you clench around nothing. Nothing, until her fingers pursue lower than your sensitive bundle of nerves. Deep breaths of air make your chest heave, and Tess is only relishing in the way you're falling apart completely for her.

Before you feel her fingers prodding at your entrance, your hand grabs her forearm and she halts her movements.

"What about you?" Your eyes seem to beg for her without saying another word more, and she hesitates for a moment, until she speaks.

"You don't have to, love. You feeling good makes me feel good and-"

She pauses her words, because your doe eyes make whatever was left of her resolve break, the instant she looks into them.

"Alright, baby. Go ahead, touch me.. I need you, too." A smile breaks out onto your face, hands gravitating towards her belt, undoing it as fast as she can complete her sentence to satisfy you.

One of your hands slips down between her legs, watching as her eyes close in bliss at the first light drag of your fingers down her heat.

"Fuck.." Her head gets thrown back while her eyes shut at the amount of pleasure and love you have for her in that very moment. Tess curses under her breath as you begin slow circles on her most sensitive part of her body, goosebumps trailing all over her skin.

"Now who's the needy one?" She glances back up to your eyes, and just like that, her intimidating demeanor returns.

You almost yelp aloud when she pushes a finger inside of you, but her lips press against yours before you could do so. The fervent exchange of moans between each swirl of your fingers, and each thrust of Tess's fingers inside of you makes the moment feel infinite.

Everything you've ever wanted, you finally had.

She was yours to touch, to hold, to please. Tess gave you all of her, completely and irrevocably.

"Tess.. fuck, I love you.. I- never wanna be with anyone else but you.." Your tone of voice is pitched higher, submerged in the pleasure she brought. She could tell you were inching closer to release with every swirl of her fingers.

"I love you, baby. With everything inside of me. It's you. Only you.. Now be a good girl and come with me."

"Are you gonna-"

"Yeah, I am. Fuck- keep going, just like that. Cmon, baby." The hand that wasn't inside your pants snuck up to your hair, grabbing a handful and pulling in silent demand.

Sighing dreamily, Tess pulled her fingers out of you and rubbed incessantly at your precious bundle of nerves, triggering your hips to rock against hers.

"Tess.." You moan out loud, almost too loud for the people downstairs to hear, but at the same time, you don't care. Not when Tess is giving you the most pleasure you think you've ever experienced in your life.

"I love it when you moan my name.. Say it again." Her fingers swirl to no end, feeling a jolt of pleasure wash through you as your high began to rush towards you.

"Tess, fuck. Oh my god Tess- baby I'm gonna come.." Your sounds are uncontrollable now as your release is beckoning you further.

"Yeah, hun? Gonna come for me?" Your hand speeds up your movements on her sensitive bud of nerves, another low moan leaving her chest, dripping with desire.

"Oh, baby, I'm-I'm.."

"Me too baby, yeah..." Tess calls out, her movements on your clit pushing you over the edge, her high washing over her intensely.

A few more filthy moans leave your chest, release crashing over you like a wave, running throughout your body with relief, your partner helping you ride it out before you finally look back up at her.

Sweat adorns her skin, chest heaving as she pulls her fingers from your pants. You do the same, only watching as she licks her fingers seductively. Another wave of pleasure threatens to overtake you, just by watching her do that.

"Holy shit... that was amazing. I knew your hands were good for more than just holding a gun and punching people." Your head tilts back the slightest bit as you try to catch your breath after the immense pleasure washed over you only moments ago.

"For our first time, that's nothing compared to what I've been thinking about doing to you for months now.." The smirk on her face threatens the rise of arousal again, though you're too exhausted now to even think about doing that, with what a long journey you've got ahead of you.

"You-" Tess raises an eyebrow at your speechlessness, "are the most beautiful woman in the whole world, and you chose to love me. Isn't that something."

Your words make her blush again, leaving a few small pecks on your cheeks, before pressing one to your lips again. Then, Tess's hands reach to your pants once more, doing the zipper up and buttoning them so she could do the same to hers.

"Well, I don't think we choose who we love. But if it was.. it's because you're the most perfect person in the world. Isn't that something.."

You look to Tess with a soft smile, one that makes both of you appreciate the domesticity of your conversation at hand.

"Yeah, it is," You say, taking her hands in yours and interlocking your fingers together, "So, what does all this make us?"

You catch Tess staring into your eyes again, and it takes a second for her to respond.

"Well, I'm already in love with you, so whatever you want, I want it too. I'm all in, for you. That sound good?"

God, you've waited forever to hear those words.

Attaching your lips with hers, it's a slow, soft kiss, almost stopping time with how you craved more every second that went by. As you pull away, Tess looks radiant in the sunlight that's pouring through the window even more now.

Her words turn you speechless, already knowing you called her 'mine' but hearing it from the velvet voice of your lover made your heart swell ten times bigger.

"It sounds wonderful, Tess." You lean in for another kiss, soft and sweet, until you pull back again, "You'll have to teach me how to open wine bottles, though."

"Nah, I think I'd rather just keep doing it for you." Your lips locked in another kiss, one you wished would last forever.

"Oh, one more thing," Tess goes digging in her back pocket, pulling out a blue tube, "Deodorant. You stink like sex."

"And whose fault is that?" You quip, grabbing the tube from her and rubbing it under your armpits.

Tess shrugged, almost pulling you in for another kiss, until the sound of a male voice from downstairs snapped both of you out of the daydream.

"Shit, Joel. He's gonna be mad that I took so long up here.. that-that we took so long-" You begin to speak, pulling yourself from the bed, reaching down to slip your boots on.

"Joel Miller is not gonna say anything when he sees that hickey." Tess mumbles, standing from the bed as well, adjusting her shirt from where you'd grasped it before.

"What mark? Oh, Tess.. you didn't.." You rush over to the mirror hanging on the wall, and pull your collar to the side abruptly to see the darkening purple bruise on your neck. You scoff, only buttoning up your shirt with haste to get out the door.

"I did. Couldn't help myself, you know. You're all mine now, had to make sure everyone in Boston knows you're spoken for."

She walks up behind you, placing her hands on your hips as you continue buttoning the flannel up. You scoff, flipping your head around to kiss her on the lips again.

"Yeah, well did you have to make it so dark?" You questioned, knowing she could've gone lighter but didn't.

"You already know the answer to that. Now c'mon, let's not keep the man waiting." Tess pulls you by your hand to the door, looking back once more as you exit the room and walk down the stairs with her hand in yours.

Just as you thought he'd be, Joel was pacing downstairs with his pack already on his back.

"There y'all are.. was starting to get worried about- Oh." The tall, Texan man clears his throat when his eyes spot the mark on your neck, eyes immediately avoiding yours.

"Yeah.. I'll grab our packs and meet you outside. Cool?" Tess says, before sharing a look with Joel, not saying anything more as he turns to walk out to the front yard. Her hand slips from yours every so slightly, and you already miss the warmth and love in her contact the second it drops from you.

"Hey, wait- where's Frank?" You call out to Joel, but he's already to the gate of their yard before he can hear you.

"In here!" Frank's voice comes from the living room, and you saunter over to him.

"Hey, morning. Listen, I wanted to thank you for everything. What you said to me last night, and just your hospitality and all you're gonna help us with when we start working together. I mean it- I'm really grateful."

Frank looks up from the vinyl he's sifting through, and meets your eyes with a compassionate smile.

"I take it this morning went... well?" He gestures to the mark on your neck, one of your hands going up to sheepishly cover it, a bit embarrassed that you let her go that far.

"Oh, um. Yeah, very well. I did that thing we talked about." As soon as the words hit his ears, he's grinning from ear to ear and throws his arms around you with a tight embrace, one that caught you off guard, but you hugged back, nonetheless. The smile is still beaming on his face as he pulls away.

"I knew it would go well. You two.." He shakes his head, hands on his hips, "Sparks were basically flying over lunch yesterday, every time one of you looked at each other.. Wait- Is that my shirt? Nevermind, keep it. Looks better on you anyway."

Frank laughs at the realization that you didn't have fresh clothes after showering, so he understood.

"Seriously, thank you. For everything, again."

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm such a matchmaker. Now go, run to your lover, and never let her go, okay? She's one special woman."

"Yeah, that she is.." Your gaze shifts from Frank to Tess appearing in the doorway with your pack in her hand.

"Oh, one more thing." Frank hands you the books you'd taken down from their shelves last night, Little Women and Pride and Prejudice. "Don't worry, Bill said it's alright. He doesn't read classics, anyways. You'll come back, and we'll trade."

That's the last thing Frank says before Tess beckons you back to her.

"You ready to go? Joel's gonna lose his marbles if we make him wait any longer, so.." Tess asks you, standing a few feet away, but it felt like miles before you could get back to her.

"Oh, God forbid a man wait on two fine ladies, such as yourselves." Frank says, turning Tess's way as you walk towards her, grabbing your pack from her hand and putting the two books into it, before slinging it onto your back.

"You make a good point, but he's gonna be grouchy the whole hike. He'll be done with our lovesick asses once we get back to the QZ." You say with a giggle, pressing a quick kiss to Tess's lips.

"Well, it's been lovely having you here, I'm not sure where Bill's run off to, but I'm sure he says goodbye as well. I'll walk you to the gate, since there's an idea I have as to how we can communicate back and forth on the radio.. I'll tell you on the way."

Frank follows you both out the door, spotting Bill already at the gate, the same holster with his pistol sticking out from his otherwise plain outfit.

As Joel finally spots the three of you coming from the house, he darts right out of their front yard, b-lining for the gate.

"Guess he's got a new friend..." You mutter to Tess, Joel's steps bringing him towards the gate faster than you three were walking.

"Maybe he just doesn't wanna look at the huge hickey on your neck." She retorts, her reasoning better than anything else you came up with.

Chuckling, you nudge her side, hands falling beside each other's before locking your fingers together again.

Frank catches up, walking alongside Tess as he begins to explain his idea for communication back and forth.

"So, I had this idea that we should use codes for the radio, in case anyone's listening."

"That's a good idea. Like, with what?" Tess tilts her head over to the man in curiosity.

"I was thinking, like, the decades. Like- 80's, trouble, of course." Frank states, as if he's put immense thought into something as simple as this.

"Yeah..?"

"70's- for when we get new stuff to trade with.. and 60's for not having anything new. Sound good?"

"Yeah, Frank. That's actually really clever. I mean, I wouldn't have thought of that. Right, babe?" It's the first use of any pet name around people, and you can tell it puts Tess in a lighter mood just by hearing you say it.

"Right. Well, radio back to me when you guys are ready to start our business together." He reaches out to shake Tess's hand, "Otherwise, it has been lovely having you three here, and I'm so ecstatic to have you back whenever." Frank stood still, watching you all walk ahead.

The sound of Joel's boots on the pavement approaching you all force you to turn your heads towards the third partner in your group.

"What are y'all lookin' at? Let's head out, already. Whenever you lovebirds are done.."

Grumpy exterior, but an ally, all the same.

"What are we gonna do with him..."

"Yeah, he's not nearly as much fun as you." Nudging her shoulder again, your bottom lip catches between your teeth for a slight moment. Tess's hair is blowing in the wind slightly, and you can't help but smile at the beauty of the woman you called the love of your life.

You share a look between Tess's eyes and your own, before tugging her along as you walk ahead, attached by a soul tie at your hands, linked together for a lifetime.

#ryesff #devnmon writes #tess servopoulos #tess servopoulos x reader #tess servopolous x female reader #tlou fanfic #tlou #lesbian #lgbt #other characters for exposure: #Joel Miller #Ellie Williams #The Last of Us fanfiction #tlou smut #The Last of Us #anna torv #tlou hbo #pedro pascal #bella ramsey

[imsailorpluto]

So I've finally finished Bloodhounds (+ ahjussi collection)

...and I have no idea where to start and what to say and how to feel.

No, wait, please hear me out.

It was b l o o d y and at parts a very difficult watch, as it has lots of explicit fighting scenes, which look extremely realistic and cruel. So cruel that I had to close my eyes and not watch, I even skipped many & i'm not sorry. However, there are also parts so heartwarming that it makes you forget about all the crimes and gore for a moment. So, it's up to you to decide if it's worth the struggle. Since the violence could be a bit too much for many, let's just say I do and don't recommend this one at the same time. Personally, one of things I greatly enjoyed is the subtle comic tone of Gun-woo's and Woo-jin's interactions with each other and their characters which represent people doing sports professionally so well, the purity of their hearts and lack of malice in everything they do, since they truly do live for the sports. Then there are two absolutely powerful and skillful young women, Hyeong-ju and Da-min, playing such important roles in the entire series, each of them individually contributing so much to the entire plan of bringing the bad guys down and saving what could still be saved. And also, one of the most enjoyable parts were definitely the bonds that came out of these newly formed friendships. Younger acting crew did an amazing job. In comparison to the older and experienced ahjussi crew (I'll get to them in a bit), they've got some serious talent. It must have been a huge undertake for both Woo Do-hwan and Lee Sang-yi to live up to the expectations of the entire team behind this drama. And they did it. They absolutelly slayed.

If you still haven't watched this drama, trust me when I say these two cinnamon rolls will instantly win your heart right at the beginning of the first episode. They're like the most perfect two besties you'd want to be besties with too. And yeah, you'll suffer thru all the horrors just to see them win the biggest battle of their lives. Gosh, every time I tried typing something coherent about them it just ended up being lots of crying shaking throwing up. They're the best, ok? And this is best I can do. ╥﹏╥

And while our marine boys scratched so many itches around this platform, I have to mention the absolute gentlemen that starred in this series and swept me off my feet *deepest sigh ever*

So many great actors took part in Bloodhounds, it's hard to believe my own eyes at times. Whoever was in charge of the casting did a killer job. I couldn't even take the bad guys seriously because they're freakishly handsome. Well, at least not until Kim Myung-gil brutally ended my favourite ahjussi trio damn you ep 6

What started as an obsession over two young marine guys and their bromance ended up as a hole in my heart over downfall of three middle aged criminals men and a will to trade all the money and gold bars for their lives. And more importantly, a huge appreciation for Korean actors over the age of 40.

No, let's be real. They're handsome and talented and great at their job and deserve all the love and support. With that in mind... here's a tiny screenshot dump because it would be a shame not to post it:

And I want to be normal about them and move on in peace but *internal screams* I've already mentioned Lee Hae-young in one of my earlier posts, addressing my obsession with the character he portrays, the sushi restaurant owner Hwang Yang-jung. And I know many people are obsessed with him too. But no one is speaking up. Which is silly. And tbh I really thought there would be more gifs of him and other men but...there's close to none? Can we talk about how fine this man is? How fine this whole ahjussi crew is? Can we... can we just acknowledge they sliced us all in tiniest pieces possible and burned us all till we turned into charcoal? Can we make a mess of kdrama side of tumblr by excessively posting about them? Pretty please?

It's true, I came for the boys, but stayed for these men. I'm not even joking when I say kdrama has me in a chokehold again, but this time for a whole new reason. Dropping everything just to watch series and movies these guys took part in sounds like the best idea at the moment. I even forgot about the new releases I started watching, which makes me laugh at myself, but... it is what it is. At some point, a girl just has to obsess over her favourite ahjussi, and that's okay.

#bloodhounds kdrama #bloodhounds netflix #bloodhounds #kdrama #woo dohwan #lee sang yi #heo joon ho #park sung woong #lee hae young #hwang yang jung #ryu soo young #ha soo ho #park hoon #jo wan ki #jo wan gi #kdrama recommendations #imsailorpluto #someone back me up here

[aumarchive]

Interview with Nakayama Hisashi, former member of Hikari no Wa (Aum Shinrikyo branch)

cw: cults, domestic violence, sexual manipulation, conspiracy theories, verbal abuse

Do not harass anyone mentioned here. I'm only citing Mr. Nakayama's name and website because he let me do so.

Do not tag as true crime

Originally posted on Reddit by me

Matryoshka dolls are a well-known symbol of Russian arts and crafts; a majestic doll that, by the hands of others, is forced to reveal itself smaller and smaller until, finally, its tiny, hollow interior becomes visible.

Though they have dozens of tales attached to their creation and meaning, none of it is grounded on reality: these dolls were invented pretty recently with fully comercial purposes. Matryoshka aren't exactly meaningful for their land's mythology, nor original. But at least they're cute and saleable.

So is Fumihiro Joyu, ex-spokesman and executive of Aum Shinrikyo.

Joyu is the kind of person who will never run out of stories to tell about; graduated from Waseda University, one of Japan's most prestigious institutes to this day, he quickly lost interest on the labour market and used his knowledges in a new, weird yoga classroom, which would later become the infamous Aum Shinrikyo. And Aum surely got Joyu busy; he served as a spokesman, public relations representative, head of Aum's russian branch and almost as one of its men of action: in 1993, he attempted to spread anthrax in Kameido, Tokyo. It failed miserably.

But he only became infamous in 1995, when he defended the cult against allegations that they were responsible for the subway sarin attack at all costs. His devotion didn't earn him any prestige, just a lot of fans willing to steal and auction off his dirty socks and a saying attached to his name: ああいえば上祐 (Aa ie ba Joyu, which roughly translates to "If you say so, Joyu"). After being sentenced to three years of prison in late 1995 due to charges of perjury and forgery of private documents, he declared that "Master Asahara is a guide, a savior, and everything to me". It seemed unlikely that his adoration would be shaken.

But after being released from prison in 1999, it seemed that Joyu had a change of heart. He didn't leave Aum (in fact, Joyu became its De Facto representative under the name Aleph), but tried to reform it, reflect on its multiple incidents and eliminate Asahara Shoko's influence. In 2007, after a series of conflicts with Asahara's wife, children, and other executives, Joyu announced he was going to leave Aleph and launch a new organization: Hikari no Wa. According to its website:

Hikari no Wa is not a religion. This is a classroom where you can learn the wisdom and philosophy of happiness from the East and the West, including Buddhist thoughts, meditation methods, and modern psychology, without believing in a specific guru, god, or sect.

The classroom, of course, was met with protests and doubts. The U.S Department of State only lifted its designation as a terrorist foreign organization (TFO) as late as 2022, and Japanese police still surveils it.

Since then, despite still being considered a controversial figure, Joyu has made attempts to clear his image; according to Hikari no Wa's website, the classroom pays compensation to the victims of the subway sarin attack, deprogramms Aleph believers and apologises for its representative's former criminal activities. Joyu also seems to have invested in unusual methods of self-promotion, such as taking part in a hiphop EP where he sings while an edit of the 1995 subway attack plays in the background. He also published a book on how to identify dangerous cults despite his status as a potential cult leader.

There is very little information about Hikari no Wa in English. Its only known activities are events and speeches about spirituality held by Joyu himself, its alleged "Aum liquidation" and its "Pilgrimage to Sacred Places".

However, around February 2024, I stumbled upon a fairly obscure site: stop-hikarinowa.com. According to itself, its purpose is to:

Ask Hikari no Wa to disband.

Promote the exchange of information and people-to-people exchanges on the issue of Hikari no Wa.

Provide support for Hikari no Wa members to withdraw from membership.

Disseminate information to society about the problems of Hikari no Wa.

In addition, we will carry out all activities that we deem necessary for issues related to Hikari no Wa and Aum Shinrikyo.

It also claims Hikari no Wa is, in fact, a cult:

Just like Asahara in Aum Shinrikyo, I think it boils down to the fact that Joyu is in control of everything in Hikari no Wa. It's true that Hikari no Wa changed its doctrine because it wanted to get rid of probation, and it also said that it was a philosophy and thought class. All of the reforms that have been carried out over the past 10 years have been carried out at the discretion of Joyu. This fact proves that it is possible to return to the doctrines and operations of the past with the sole intention of Joyu. As long as he's under inspection, he can't do anything as crazy as Aum (and this is the same for Aleph), but if it were to be removed, no one would be able to stop him from running wild like he did with Aum. The guru becoming a dictator is common to other cults, but if a cult that has crossed the line in the past is allowed to go unchecked, it will be a different danger than other cults. The danger of Hikari no Wa varies greatly depending on what happens to the government's surveillance, but at least it seems that it is an organization that cannot guarantee even safety without national surveillance. * On "Frequently Asked Questions"

I contacted its representative, Nakayama Hisashi who's both a former Aum believer (from 1996 to 2007) and a Hikari no Wa one (from 2007 to 2016) and managed to interview him on March 30, 2024.

The interview go as follows:

Q: Tell us about yourself. You joined Aum to find out more about its practices, but what made you stay for such a long time? A: It was cosy. Aum believers are serious and selfless, so it was really healing to talk to such people.

Q: From what I have read, despite precarious living conditions, including poor diet and cockroach-infested flats, Aum believers formed a strong sense of community. What was daily life like when you joined the organisation? A: Food was considered a bother, and the idea was that it was good if you could get the minimum amount of energy. Even cockroaches were souls that were trying their best to live, and we looked after them with compassion. Such different values from the world were fresh and a strong sense of community existed. It was a similar life in Aum and in Aleph. In Hikari no Wa we secularised, so the ordained people remained Aum, but they disliked the filthy environment.

Q: When did you first come into contact with Joyu? What was your first impression of him? A: Around 2005. My first impression was that he was a hard-working practitioner.

Q: Were you aware that he was at odds with the Asahara family? Were there any tensions within Aum in the late 2000s? A: Initially I did not know that there was a conflict. Inside Aum, the explanation was that Joyu was in training, so I didn't think there was a conflict. Believers like me were not informed of anything. When Joyu came out of prison and the Group Regulation Law was passed, believers though Aum was going to be destroyed, so there was a sense of tension, and although there were people who opposed Joyu's methods, none of us thought that there would be a split later on.

Q: When Hikari no Wa was formed in 2007, why did you join it instead of staying with Aleph? What convinced you? A: Because they sympathised with the idea of social reconciliation by acknowledging the incident. And I was banned from Aleph for having contact with Joyu.

Q: What were the first days of Hikari no Wa like? I have seen a video from around 2009[1], and it seems that many people protested its existence. A: Hikari no Wa was not trusted at all, even if they said they were reflecting on Aum. I thought that if I reflected sincerely, society would one day understand me. Perhaps it was only the believers who were deceived by Joyu's words that he had reflected on his life.

Q: What was your daily life like? Did you go to work or interact with normal society? Did you talk to family and friends? A: I moved from one job to another and worked on construction sites for a long time. I told my family about it, but my wife was vehemently against it, so I didn't talk much about being a believer. Once I mentioned that I was a member at work, but I was discriminated against so quit my job. Since then, I stopped talking about Hikari no Wa to my friends. But I did have normal social interactions outside of the classroom.

Q: I assume you are familiar with the B.I.T.E model, which lists cult behaviour. Let's use it to ask some questions. To what extent was your personal life regulated by Hikari no Wa? Was your diet, social or sex life regulated by the cult, or did you need permission to make major decisions? A: I was a noisy believer [laughs], so I was never dominated by the cult. But they were giving detailed instructions to other people on how to spend their money. I would immediately announce it on social media, so I guess the cult was also cautious. It seems that I was treated differently from the others.

Q: I watched some videos from Hikari no Wa's Youtube channel[2] and they seem to travel frequently. At the same time, they pay compensation to Aum victims. I wonder if a tremendous amount of money is being taken from its believers, or if Joyu is making money in other ways. A: The pilgrimages are a means of collecting large sums of money from believers. Devotees are desperate to join in (laughs). "Why is it so expensive?" I asked him, and he excused himself by saying, "Because I'm compensating them". Compensation is the excuse for the high participation fees. But we couldn't operate on that alone, so some of our staff went out to work, and I think we took a lot of money from the rich and quiet believers.

Q: Hikari no Wa page claims to be a place to learn psychology and natural doctrine, without any religious elements. Is this true? Joyu is not licensed to talk about psychology, and he seems to be getting increasedly incoherent. A: I was confused too. In the classroom, I was reading sutras and doing zazen[3]. And then they said, "It's not a religion", so I thought they were deceiving the world. I think that Joyu himself probably doesn't know what he is doing anymore (laughs).

Q: I saw you accuse Joyu of still being an Aum believer and simply hiding Asahara. Can you elaborate on that? A: When I left Aleph, Joyu said to me: 'I will surely share my reincarnation with the Venerable Master (Asahara). So if you follow me, you will surely meet the Venerable Master again." In other words, following Joyu means that no matter how much you deny Asahara, you are recognised in the doctrine of Aum. Joyu still does not deny reincarnation; if there is reincarnation, then Joyu and Asahara will meet again, and people who are closely related to Joyu will meet Asahara again. The only way to deny this is to deny reincarnation or to dissolve the organisation and live modestly. Because of this idea, everything that Joyu says and does to get people to recognise him is to hide Asahara. There's no retraction or apology to his followers for what he said at that time. I don't think he is remorseful at all.

Q: Wait, that's big! Do you have evidence? A: It was just my experience because it was in a private conversation. I've told the public security authorities and I also think it's evidence for the renewal of my observation, but it's just my testimony, I don't think it's evidence.

Q: That is unfortunate, but I still think it stands out. From reading various discussions of yours, it seems that there is sexual manipulation going on within Hikari no Wa. Can you tell us a bit more about it?" I saw terms such as "sexy business". A: It's a technique known in Japan as 'shirokoi business'. In Aum, love was also an affliction, but having romantic feelings for the Venerable Master (Asahara) was considered a good thing. Intense romantic feelings of wanting to be recognised by the Master and to keep him to oneself were considered to be a form of faith. Joyu frequently appeared in the media during the Aum Affair, which gave rise to a group of fans called "Joyu Gals". Such Joyu fans started coming to Hikari no Wa. Not only 90s Joyu fans, but also new fans are still coming to Hikari no Wa through YouTube and events. They are taking money by cleverly utilising such fan psychology and romantic feelings. The method is to stimulate women's romantic feelings and dominate them by saying, for example, "I have a connection with you from the past". In Japan, there are 'host clubs' where men entertain women, and the sales method is similar to this. Although there was only one victim, I was consulted by a victim who said she actually had sexual relations with Joyu. But at the strong request of the victim, we don't really take it up.

Q: I have also read that Joyu is prone to domestic violence, please elaborate on this. A: Joyu has a strong desire for control, so he would yell at staff and others when he didn't like something, and sometimes beat them up. When I asked someone who was actually hit, he said that he had his karma taken away (laughs). I think this is a typical example of Aum thinking, which is pro-violence. I criticised him a lot, so I don't think he does violence now, but I think he still uses words to corner his opponents. Joyu has a male-dominated mindset, so his desire for domination over women is particularly strong, and I think it tends to lead to violence.

Q: Have you witnessed physical or verbal violence? or have you been subjected to violence? Again, there is no intention to invade your privacy. If you do not wish to answer, you do not have to. A: I have never been hit directly. However, when I quit, I was verbally abused. I saw him shouting at staff on many occasions. Old believers know this all too well. He didn't have any anger control at all (laughs).

Q: Why did you start to leave Hikari no Wa? Did other members also quit? A: I loved Hikari no Wa, not Joyu, so I wanted society to be a comfortable and secure place for the followers who gathered there. In reality, however, the believers were only paying money and being used. I wanted to reform that, but I couldn't do it and was forced to quit. I was also exhausted, so it was probably just as well. There were more than 100 staff members at the time of the Aleph Joyu Faction, but by the time Hikari no Wa was established, there were only about 60, and now there are less than 10. Those who had survived Aum and Aleph gave up on the Joyu and quit. Originally, Aum was a cult with two sides of the same coin, and only those close to them would have known the true nature of the guru, but as it became smaller and smaller, I think the number one reason is that the true nature of Joyu could not be hidden and came to the surface (laughs). The same is true of Aleph, as the closer to Asahara you were, the less you remain in Aleph. The only people left in Aleph now are people who don't know Asahara directly. The same is true of Hikari no Wa, who fled as they learnt about Joyu's character. People who found out that he was the king of the naked left. Conversely, the staff who remain now are people who don't want to admit that Joyu is naked, so they may no longer run away. It's pitiful.

It's important to note that, in July 11th 2018, it was revealed Joyu witnessed the murder of a female believer[4] back in 1991, though he didn't say anything until he could no longer be charged for it, and he still avoids this topic. Nakayama says:

After I left, it was revealed after Asahara's execution that Joyu had left female followers to die during his Aum days and had been covering it up for a long time. When I found out about the incident, all the slight remaining feelings I had for Joyu were gone. I thought that everything I had been working on with hope, saying that I would reflect on the incident, was a lie. I now seriously hope that the cult will be disbanded.

Moving on.

Q: Sorry to digress, but I was very interested in Hikari no Wa's instance on science. Joyu often talks about psychology, even if he's not licensed to talk about it. And he apparently gathered at events without masks during the pandemic. A: Right. What the Joyu says publicly, he says it with an awareness of what society will think of him. He pretends to be a sensible person. But in his true feelings, he thinks completely differently, and what he says and what he does are completely different. If you look at what he does, not what he says, you can see what he really thinks.

Q: Sorry to be too straightforward, but is Joyu a conspiracy theorist? I'm not talking about extreme and flash cases like Qanon. It's about things like "this disease can be cured with X, Y and W" A: He has not been vaccinated. This may be because he believes that vaccines are not desirable from a parrot doctrinal point of view and that if he practices, he will not get infected. I don't want to call it a conspiracy theory, but I think he thinks that practising is a better way to fight infection than vaccines or medicine.

Q: That's bad. Do believers have the freedom or critical skills to get themselves vaccinated? A: It might be different for different people. Maybe many people think the same way as Joyu. That is, that practice is more effective than medical treatment. If Joyu would be asked by his followers, he would not deny the vaccine, but he would not dare to recommend it either. Since many people are dependent, I think many of them would not take the vaccine themselves if Joyu had not taken it.

Q: Sorry to change the subject again, but there is one more thing I wanted to know. I browsed through some of the accounts and posts and found screenshots of Joyu himself talking about and endorsing Vajrayana[5]. One of them was yours[6]. Is it authentic? A: I always think about the risk of a court case when I send out screenshots, so I don't fake it. Hikari no Wa always say it'll go to court and then ask me to delete it.

And, then, the interview ended. I had more to ask, but it was 3 AM and I didn't want to waste more of Mr. Nakayama's time.

It's important to note that all of this is simply alleged and I'm solely giving voice to a former member. Joyu has still a large platform, with around 17k followers on Twitter, and appears on documentaries and interviews as an cult expert of some sorts. It's not uncommon for former cult members to study about it later on, but Joyu didn't go through any deprogramming initiative, not even during his time in prison. And, of course, it's certainly unusual for an ex-believer to establish a "non religious' (though with holy pilgrimages) and "non guru centered" (though he's the only member with an online presence) organization.

Do not track and harass former Aum/Hikari no Wa members. Mr. Nakayama gave me permission to say his actual name and site, but this experience has been traumatic to many people.

During my research, I found a quote associated with Joyu in some foruns and websites, but couldn't find any proof it was actually his nor the context in which it was supposedly said.

A snake that doesn't shed its skin will die

Matryoshka are self aware, I guess.

#aum shinrikyo #interview #spiritual abuse #cult mention #organized abuse #pipeline #cw antivax

[venusfalling]

I’m Sorry If I Scared You

summary: You deal with the fallout of going to Madripoor with Bucky.

warnings: Reader has long term injuries from previous battles, talk of injuries, canon typical violence

notes: part 3.3 of Where You Go, I Go. Based on Ep. 3 of TFATWS

      Sam did his best, really, but criminals are a paranoid bunch. It was lucky that someone shot Selby through the window the moment Sam’s (and your own) cover was blown, otherwise you would all have been killed.       When the first shot was fired, Bucky ran to you, taking out the two gunmen near you before you could.       “Let’s go,” he commanded as he grabbed your hand and pulled you forward. Another guard stands in your way, firing off three shots. Bucky holds his metal arm to block the bullets, but they never find their target. The guard stares in confusion as the bullets hang still in the air three inches from Bucky who turns around to look at you. Your face is serious, your eyebrows turned down in concentration. You wave the hand you’ve held up to stop the bullets to the side and the tiny projectiles follow the same path. Then you raise your hand up. This time, it’s the man’s gun that flies upward and is quickly ripped out of his hands. With a wet crack of bone breaking, Bucky knocks out the formerly armed gunman with an easy right hook.       Bucky’s eyes look you up and down for injuries, and god you wish he would stop treating you like you were so fragile you’d break at the slightest effort.       “I told you I could take care of myself,” you say. Internally, you run a quick scan: your chest hurt, but not much, and you were still breathing relatively normal. You figured that as long as you leaned on your powers and not physical capabilities you no longer had, you’d actually make it through this mission alive.       “We gotta go,” Sam says making his way over to you, a gun from one of the guards in his hand. Bucky and Sam, in sync in ways only military men can be, take stock of the situation. Sam clears a path towards the exit with you and Zemo following while Bucky brings up the rear, carefully sweeping the area with the scope of his semi-automatic rifle for any more threats.         The four of you stop at the exit, trying to think through next steps.       “We may have a real problem now, so leave your weapons and follow my lead,” Zemo says. Before Bucky and Sam can argue, he adds, “If we arm ourselves now, we’ll be shot on sight.”       You make your way out onto the street again, nearly stumbling on the wet asphalt. Bucky steadies you with his arm and you don’t let go. Around you, phones begin to ping, and eyes underneath neon lights follow you wherever you turn.       You can feel in your bones what’s coming. So can the others as the four of you begin to walk faster.       “This is not good,” says Zemo just before the bullets start flying.       Zemo takes off in the opposite direction, but you don’t have a chance to stop him as Bucky pulls you low, then into a sprint. You ignore the way your feet hurt and your lungs burn as you struggle to keep up.       “Come on!” Bucky yells over his shoulder to Sam.       “I can’t run in these heels,” Sam yells back, sprinting to catch up and taking the spot to your right.       Tell me about it, you want to say, but your breaths are coming in harsher now, and speaking would only waste more of the precious air in your scarred lungs. Running had been the most difficult thing to do since you were injured in the fight against Thanos, and even with your best effort, you were slowing them down.       The rumble of motorcycles begins to follow you as you continue to race down abandoned railroad tracks. With a flick of your hand, you make spikes out of the rusted metal, causing the motorcycles to veer off course. It slows down your pursuers, but not by much as they begin to chase you on foot. The three of you duck into an alleyway, and the shots are fired so quickly, you almost miss what happens. An armed man had been standing at the end of the alleyway, and was shot by Zemo before the he could even aim. Then two shots came from an open window in the graffitied brick building lining one side of the alley. Both shots landing squarely in the chests of the two men who were chasing you.       The second those bodies hit the ground, you double over. You cough so violently you think a lung might come out, and you just can’t seem to catch your breath.       Distantly you can hear Zemo and Sam saying something, but it’s hard to make out what over the sound of your own gasps for air and the pain in your chest that makes your head dizzy.       “Sweetheart, you need to slow your breathing,” Bucky whispers in your ear. “Just like we practiced.” You can feel his hand on your back, drawing soothing circles. You take a moment to catch your breath.       When it feels like the ground beneath you is finally still, you straighten up, Bucky’s arm tight around your waist to help keep you steady.       “You good?” Sam asks, but all you can do is give him a small nod.       “Well this is too perfect,” someone speaks from behind you as they make their way up the alley. You know that voice. You fought alongside the person to whom it belongs to. Sharon.       “Drop it, Zemo,” she demands, pointing her pistol at him. He does as he’s told and puts his arms halfheartedly in the air. “You cost me everything.” Not once does she lower her gun, and you realize that she might not be talking just to Zemo.       “Sharon, wait. Someone recreated the super-soldier serum and Zemo had a lead,” Sam explains quickly.       “That explains why you guys are here. And Selby’s dead.” Sharon cocks her head to the side, blond hair swishing slightly in the wind. You can tell by the look on her face that she’s not had an easy go of it, and you berate yourself for not checking in on her after she had helped save Bucky.       “So what are you doing here?” Bucky asks.       “I stole Steve’s shield, remember?” she tells him, then turns her attention to Sam. “I also took the wings for your ass, so that you two could save Bucky’s ass from him.” She nods to Zemo, regarding him with more venom than you do. “Unlike you, I didn’t have the Avengers to back me up, so I’m off the grid in Madripoor.”       “Hey, don’t blow that smoke at me, I was on the run, too.”       “Was. Is. Big difference,” she pauses, voice rising a bit when she next speaks. “I don’t talk to my family anymore. I can’t. My own father doesn’t know where I am.”       “Sharon,” you cough, throat still sore from your run through Lowtown. “Sharon, we’re sorry, but we need your help.” She laughs at that. “Please,” you plead. She looks you up and down. You’re hunched over, cradling your ribs with an arm wrapped around yourself. You’ve not had it easy either. Two sides of the same damned coin of pain and suffering.       “This isn’t over,” she says. “I have a place in High Town. You’ll be safe there for a while.”       Sam pushes Zemo ahead, and the four of you follow her. —       The drive to High Town is tense. Sharon gives no further details of her life since stealing Steve’s shield and Sam’s wings. Not even Zemo dares to make a comment.       He was right about the stark difference between High Town and Lowtown, though. The neon lights still prevailed, but the further you drive away, the less guns you see.       Sharon’s place is nice, even by High Town standards. Art work lines the walls and is scattered throughout the room in well lit, secure glass cases. Sam makes a crack about how breaking the law has made her quite successful, and he’s right. This is stolen art. Not a route you ever expected her to take, but with her talents, you’re not surprised that she seems to excel at this life.       She leads you into a living room, offering fresh clothes for the party she’s hosting in an hour. One that serves as much as an auction as it does drunken dance hall. The first thing you do is change into more comfortable shoes.       “Karli Morgenthau and at least seven others have taken the serum,” Sam begins to explain.       “You guys really should steer clear of all of this, for your own safety.” Sharon gives you a pointed look.       “We know it’s a risk, but we’re not gonna leave until we find the one who cracked the code.” Sam is confident the group of you will succeed. These things had a way of working out in your favor, but what would success look like? You would all surely be in trouble for breaking Zemo out of prison, and handing over someone who could make super-soldier serum to the government sounded disastrous.       “We got a name. Wilfred Nagel,” Bucky offers up the information.       “Nagel works for the Power Broker,” Sharon replies, standing to pour herself a drink.       “We need your help, Sharon,” Sam says.       After a bit of back and forth between them, Sharon agrees to a deal: she helps the four of you find Nagel and Sam will get her name cleared so she can move back to the States.       The party is the perfect place for her to start. Sharon is well connected, and she would be working those contacts all night while the three of you have a short reprieve. Sharon sure knew how to throw a party.       Booze and drugs flowed freely as people danced among priceless works of art. Bucky leads you through the crowd. He’s wearing a simple black suit and a fitted blazer, why Sharon had such clothes, you didn’t ask, but if you weren’t in Madripoor on an exhausting mission, and you and Bucky weren’t currently in a fight, this could be a fun date. Instead, the three of you take turns keeping an eye on Zemo, and when it becomes Sam’s responsibility, you leave the crowd to find a quiet corner to sit in.       There is a laundry room in the back of the building, beyond the crowds and works of art. You lock yourself in, and you get a few minutes of peace before there’s a knock on the door. You know it’s Bucky before you even open it.       “You okay?” he asks.         “Just needed some air,” you answer. Bucky reaches his right hand up to touch your cheek, then leans in to place a soft kiss of your forehead.       “I’m sorry,” he whispers when he pulls away. “I shouldn’t have said what I did on the plane.”       “Well, maybe you’re right, maybe I shouldn’t have come.” You hate to admit it, but that chase through Madripoor made you feel so weak.       “How are you feeling?” he asks, hand still softly touching your cheek.       “It still feels like something is sitting on my chest,” you tell him, rubbing the spot over your heart with your hand.       “This is what I was worried about.” Bucky pulls his hand away and places both of his on his hips, as if to scold you.       “I know, Buck, but I’m fine, honestly.” He gives you a disbelieving look, so you change the subject. “How are you?”       “You’re worried about me?”       “I’m always worried about you, Buck. You make it hard not to.” You reach out to touch his chest, feeling his heartbeat under your palm.       He sighs, “I promise, I’m alright.” It’s your turn to give him a look. He meets your eye and concedes. “Pretending to be the Winter Soldier again was… hard, especially with you there. I was worried I’d scare you.”       “You could never. I know you’re still my Bucky.”       “I am glad you’re here. I just wish it was safer for you.” His hand returns to your cheek.       “Well, I can’t go back home now,” you say, holding onto his arm to keep his hand in place. “I’m sure by now they know it was us that broke Zemo out of prison. The second I take a step back in the States, I’ll be locked up.”       Bucky lets out a long frustrated groan. To him, there were no good options here, but he’d rather have you there with him where he could protect you than anywhere else.       “We’ll fix this, together,” he decides. “And I promise, I’ll tell you all of my plans from here on out.”       You lean up to kiss him, and Bucky slides his arms around your waist to keep you there. Your worries melt away as Bucky deepens the kiss, teeth gently biting on your bottom lip. You pull him further into the laundry room, and he kicks the door shut behind you. Your back hits the washer. Bucky’s hands move from your waist to the backs of your thighs, then he lifts you onto the washing machine. You giggle as he sets you down, tugging on the hem of his shirt to untuck it from his pants. Bucky’s hands continue to wander, finding the back of your top and beginning to undo the ties that kept it in place. Both of your shirts are already off when the door opens.       “Really, guys? Couldn’t wait until after the party?” Sam chides.       “Get out, Sam,” Bucky yells, covering your body with his own as you laugh.       “Sharon has something for us, so hurry up and finish,” he calls as he closes the door.       “Guess we better go then,” you whisper. You touch your forehead to his. “I love you, Mr. Barnes.”       “I love you, too Mrs. Barnes.” He smiles.

------

Thanks for reading <3 Tags!!

@my-patronus-is-a-raptor​

#TFATWS!Bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #tfatws!bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you

[visualtaehyun]

Of knights and sunflowers

This started as mostly translation detail bits from ep. 6 but turned into a whole meta along the way when I started seeing a theme so strap in!

Disclaimer: I'm still learning Thai so feel free to correct me 🙏

The subs in part 3/4 point out that Joke is using the polite male ending particle ครับ /krub/ with Zo but it's not the first time - ever since the first scene of this episode, he's been using it on and off, clearly in an effort to sound more sweet and polite, but still in combination with the rude informal pronouns กู (guu)/มึง (mueng) that they use with each other, which makes it sound a bit funny but cute.

Now, there's kind of an important through-line in this episode, related to this, that gets a bit muddled without knowing what the article Zo read on his laptop was talking about, so here's my attempt of a translation:

" You are currently reading: 'Friend Zone' You've done so much good/done so well, why can you only be a friend?

Sometimes we might have an equation (*an exact, algebraic match as in '=', equivalency) in some things concerning a relationship but when it comes to matters of the heart and feelings, equation (*) might be more complicated than that

In the world of 'friends secretly in love with friends' being a young man who's really good/nice, being someone who keeps being right beside (you)/close-by, keeps secretly and quietly smiling to himself when the other party is happy, keeps being someone who is ready to do anything for the other party to be happy - it seems to come naturally. No matter if it's someone secretly in love with a friend in POLYCAT style (a Thai band with several songs about being in love with a friend, site in Thai), as in being a friend who will gladly be 'secretly' in love forever, or if it's in the category of lamenting that 'I'm being everything for you' but why have you never been anything to/for me like Room 39 (another Thai band, the song referenced is เป็นทุกอย่าง (Everything For You)). Deep down then, the motivation that makes young men become such good 'friends' (hurts like hell, right?) probably lies with thoughts/ideas and plain equation (*) that [...] "

I'm not 100% on this article's tone/stance. But the songs referenced and some of the way the article is worded make it sound the same way Zo describes the meaning of sunflowers to Nita this episode:

ความมั่นคง /kwaam man khong/ = subbed as steadiness; also security, stability

เฝ้ารอ /fao raw/ = subbed as patience; เฝ้า means To watch over/guard/protect/keep vigil, it's actually the word Joke uses when Pat comes to stir the pot and Joke says he's not jealous, just keeping an eye on Zo! รอ means To wait, stay, remain

ภักดี /pak dee/ = subbed as loyalty; also allegiance, devotion

อยู่เคียงข้างกันแบบนี้ตลอดไป = subbed as commitment to always be there; "stay side by side/beside each other like this forever"

The words Zo uses here are all applicable to the teeny-tiny words in the URL of that article up there: a white knight. They're all related to being chivalrous!

Throughout this episode we see Joke taking care of Zo in various ways, being attentive, respectful, patient, loyal:

But Joke is also like a sunflower the way the page Zo searches up suggests: ความมีชีวิตชีวา = energy, vitality, vivacity, liveliness ความสิ้นหวัง = hopelessness, despair

He often only focuses on Zo, like a sunflower always facing the sun, he tends to pay no attention to people around him as well as himself.

Sidenote: The fight with Kot was a prime example of this tunnel vision but that scene struck me as super odd with how personally Kot took a harmless quarrel that Joke and Zo have had countless times over trying to get Zo to taste new foods. Not that Kot knows that but still - considering how ใจเย็น /jai yen/ (lit. cool mind/heart; Calm down, Take it easy; Compose yourself) is so ingrained in Thai culture, that was quite the outburst on Kot's part, and I'm not sure if there's actually more to it than we've seen so far. I mean, Pat too just suddenly showed up next to Joke all buddy-buddy and knew exactly which buttons to press. Keepin' my eyes on these two - and Jeng too, saying he's single and giving his IG to those freshmen!

It didn't surprise me one bit that he's the jealous type because it fits right in with that image of a steadfast loyal guard.

Joke said "I'm trying to be better, for myself and for you" and I can definitely see that in the way he flip-flops between respecting Zo's boundaries and giving him space vs. clearly wanting to push and prod those boundaries, a thing he's been doing ever since the first episode but has dialed back on now that he wants to make Zo see just how much he cares about him.

I think wanting to push is honestly just in his nature but what factors into this struggle is Zo's behavior, in my opinion. Joke is watching him closely and sometimes Zo doesn't verbalize what he wants but his body language makes it clear anyways so Joke naturally follows and pushes.

Just look at Zo wordlessly letting Joke into his dorm, all he says is Joke's name, then opens the door wider for him:

Zo sitting basically in the middle of the couch, legs crossed in Joke's direction, so Joke pushes his leg up against his:

Zo moving the pillow over closer after Joke pulled his away to give Zo more space:

Zo smiling and wordlessly turning around to be spooned which Joke assesses for a moment and then reacts to:

ไม่ตอบแบบเนี้ย แปลว่าโอเคใช่ป่ะ = (You) not replying like this means (it's/you're) okay, right?

He makes sure to check in verbally and yet! Zo doesn't reply to that in words either.

Joke often second-guesses himself now so we see a lot of Joke responding to what Zo is putting down and thus pushing -> Zo suddenly looking like a deer in the headlights, always accompanied by the heartbeat sound to remind us that he's out of his depth with how fluttery-nervous he gets -> Joke reacting yet again by pulling away and repeating ค่อยๆ คิด (= Take it slow, Consider it carefully, Think it through step by step) which-- at this point I'm not sure if he's saying it to Zo or himself lol

Next week's gonna be interesting, linguistically! From the preview I already heard some Chinese-Thai specific words and Teochew/แต้จิ๋ว (the largest group of Chinese-descendant Thais, and their dialect) when Joke is talking to his grandmother (อาม่า /aa maa/ = grandma in Teochew/แต้จิ๋ว). I'm out of my depth there but if there's anything I love it's finding out more about Thai language and culture~

#hidden agenda the series #joke x zo #jokezo #joongdunk #thai bl #local woman harps on about linguistics

[the-prsc]

Day 3: 

Previously in PRSC... 

The boys in Genesis, Rush and King Crimson continue to progress and gain a tiny bit more comfort in their… difficult conditions.  

Tensions within the Yes and ELP camps reach an all-time high. Steve Howe does a runner and reaches ‘The Court of The Crimson King’ by midnight. (Keyboard wizard) Rick Wakeman and (Fish) Chris Squire plan their well-needed escapes... 

Death count: 0 

In The Court of The Crimson King...  Steve reached the camp late last night and has since been welcomed by all members of it (except Broof, who tries to ignore him following his awkward exit from Yes). He is put to work with John and David in doing various dull, laborious tasks overseen by Fripps right-hand-percussion-men, Bill and Jamie Muir who are ‘keeping them in check’. Although Steve feels tired, he also finds the structure, safety and sense of community that he felt was lacking with Yes. We cannot say the same for John and David.

Meanwhile in ‘Epping Forest’...

This is the supper of the mighty one! Genesis eat well tonight as (during a particularly long prance around the woods) Peter found nice, ripe fruit on the forest floor (little does the band know that Jon dropped it earlier that day, made clumsy by his consumption of the mushrooms). Tony is spending hours a day perfecting each detail of the entrancing face of his Etch-a-Sketch recreation of the Mona Lisa.  Phil, Steve and Mike have managed to make primitive fishing rods out of the spare guitar strings that Steve forgot he brought (also forgetting to bring his guitar). Good one guys!

Rushing over to another camp…

Their fishing may be less effective (standing in the river and lashing out at any passing fish. In the event that one is caught, the band all stress out as to how to kill the thing) but, the three companionable Canadians of Rush continue their hygienic progress. The band have exhausted their camping supply of bottled drinking water and sadly, in the wilderness the band cannot dine on honeydew or drink the milk of paradise. Luckily Neil remembered a 7th grade science lesson he had where he was taught that boiling water kills all dangerous microorganisms and disinfects it. He removes the camping stove and small pot from his bag, fills the pot with water from the cleanest part of the river he could find and begins to boil…

Close to the Edge, Down By the River…

Near the ‘pretty view’ of the river Jon selected, Yes are crumbling to some extent. Steve asked Jon if he could go over to The Court yesterday and Jon reluctantly agreed and let him go. Steve didn’t mean it personally but I think Jon took it that way (poor guy). Meanwhile, Rick is getting fed up with waiting around for Jon and Alan to get vegetarian food when he could eat as much meat as he likes (though in reality, he is far too lazy to do so). Chris isn’t a fan of Jon’s leadership style. Its a sort of strange hotchpotch between Hippy and autocratic that he doesn’t like. All the while, it doesn’t help that Jon has found some magic mushrooms and spends quite a lot of his time in ‘dreamland’. He and Rick have planned to leave the camp to find ELP next time Jon and Chris go out gathering together.

In the ELP camp... 

The last few hours have been somewhat monotonous at the ELP camp. The band’s relationship is fractured (particularly Keith and Greg’s). Morale is dipping sub-zero, and Carl still hasn’t figured out the drum part for Karn-Evil 9 so instead of making useful progress to prolong their lives, the half-starved threesome chose to discuss new project ideas for ‘when all this forest crap is out of the way’. One could call this a useful conversation to keep up hope and distract them. They could also call it valuable time and energy wasted that will eventually lead to their doom. Either way, in their hungry, delirious state discussion is getting heated quickly. Carl leaves early to actually try and help them survive, and is also hurt by the two of them calling him a ‘shit Buddy Rich knockoff’. 

The issue on the table currently is Greg’s suggestion, ‘Love Beach 2 (Electric Boogaloo)’. This thought seems to be sending Keith into something of a violent frenzy. 

I will spare the details of the real-time commentary for the next few minutes. This passage is written in retrospect: Keith and Greg got into a physical confrontation which included a lot of punches from Keith and in the process, Greg hit his head on a large protruding rock in the wood’s undergrowth and by the time Carl returned from his mission of trying to keep them alive, and managed to pry Keith away from his friend, it was too late. 

The two of them aren’t talking as they submerge the body into the dark, cold river water. What he has done is beginning to dawn on Keith and he has been battling with his tears since they left to the water. All Carl can think about is that his friend and bandmate is a ‘fucking murderer’. He must negotiate a way away from this knife-wielding maniac. Luckily, upon return to the camp, he recognises two new, trustworthy silhouettes, CHRIS AND RICK!!! He is currently having a private discussion with the two of them featuring sentences like, ‘Guys please get me out of here. He’s a crazy madman with a knife. I’m gonna die’. Chris sensibly responds in a hushed voice, ‘We could always give those Canadian kids a go?’. And that is the plan for the three of them... 

That’s all for today, so we’ll see you tomorrow for... 

The Prog Rock Survival Competition!

#progrocksurvivalcompetition #prsc #progressive rock #prog rock #prog #rock #elp #genesis band #king crimson #rush #yes band

[moononmyfloor]

New Life Begins ep 1-14 Review!

Before even a minute could pass I immediately loved the intro, and worldbuilding of nine regions. I straightaway made a list so I can keep track of the backdrop.

On to the actual episode, I did like some parts about it but mostly I thought this is too much character introduction for a drama opening. Too many things to keep track of. But it was funny and cute so I kept watching.

By ep 4 I started feeling like...

This drama felt like something written by me (I have ocd and am extremely detail-oriented)

Except that's not a praise. It felt like written by a delulu me out of control 😂

▪︎There are 9 provinces in this universe. You need to remember facts and points about all of them whenever the drama name drops them.

▪︎ There are girls from these different provinces and about 5 princes. You need to remember all their characteristics.

▪︎One Prince has 24 consorts, I kid you not, that he named based on 24 solar terms

A me 10 yrs ago would write something like this, I thought. (Now I have better control 🤭) It was highly amusing to watch in the sense you are reading your childhood diary rambles lol.

I have no idea how the drama makers kept track of who is who. Viewers can watch it with no problem if they don't think too hard, but for someone like me who had to hog on every detail, this was simply overload. It looks like a detail oriented person's catnip on surface, but is actually nightmare.

And once I stopped being pulled in all 8 directions by the various character flocks in this drama, I started noticing tiny loose-plot things about it. Once again, it felt like the scriptwriter/author was too focused on the number-game-nerding with as much as characters possible and making them interact in this wild network, so they didn't have time to work on finer details that would make a story sensible.

I thought I was gonna drop and was like "maybe let's watch today's eps too".

And boy, am I glad that I did.

Like a switch turned on, I suddenly started liking it from ep 6. And I only became more enamoured onwards! I have no idea what caused this, maybe I got used to the numerous background details of the story. Maybe the story *itself* chilled down a bit with its worldbuilding and started on with what it came to accomplish.

It is incredibly feminist! 😍 I realised this by ep 7, which delivered ABOVE and BEYOND and woah, I was suddenly in love.

I was supremely impressed with the portrayal of feminism in Danchuan. When I first saw the summary of the 9 regions, I liked Jichuan the best (obviously) and was hesitant about Danchuan because it sounded like just another stereotypical attempt at toxic feminism where it is not at all different from patriarchy except with genders reversed. Aka what a lot of people imagine feminism to be as shown in Romance of Tiger and Rose.

But Danchuan.... their logic, their values..all so sensible, considerate and extremely progressive. They do not seem like a group of women who terrorised a province and took men for slaves, rather they are a bunch of chill ladies minding their own business and if the men are humbled and mature enough to not be offended by that, they get to stay! There was no unnecessary belittlement to men. Rather they just cared very much (as they should) about equality, consent and self respect and would not settle for anything less.

(The following two lines by Madam Danchuan stuck with me. It really spoke for their core belief: that they would never force a woman to do anything against her will and choice.)

And from that moment it became THE feminist Chinese costume drama of the year! What is it about November? Last year it was Marvelous Women 💕.

*eyeing 2023's November. You better plan on your game starting now on, if you already haven't.

.

And it did not stop at the Danchuan arc!

I already was liking how New Life Begins touches on various ideologies (patriarchy, polygamy, monogamy, matriarchy) all at once. But I didn't expect a 100% satisfying outcome as that is simply too much deep topics for a single simple Web drama.

A complaint I always had about historical dramas' typical portrayal of women is that they always make it look like the ladies had no other use of their time than scheming how to bring the other ladies down so they can have the man's affection to themselves.

And I was like... surely in a society where polygamy was the norm there was at least one or two examples of functional and peaceful families where the ladies were smart, knew their worth and didn't care for a man who didn't care for them in return?

.

Last year's Marvelous Women was a gem that set the bar high on this front, where the women joined forces instead of torturing each other pointlessly. When such nuanced portrayals are a rarity even in the "serious historical" genre, I did not expect any at all in a simple fluffy costume drama like New Life Begins.

But it has already blown my mind with how nicely the ladies are written! How they value themselves first and foremost, how mature and intelligent they are with independent personalities that do not revolve around a man. They are capable of thinking for themselves and change the world and its expectations of them by their own will. Even if there were one or two characters that started too narrow-mindedly, they also eventually flipped a new page by working their own brains!

It is not even halfway aired, but New Life Begins has already set a new high bar, because it is showing how to write cool women in all family dynamic genres, all at once!

Be it an ideal monogamy, or a fantastical matriachy, or even a traditional polygamous society, smart and sensible women can exist in all these genres! If they don't then it is laziness of noone's but the writer.

Good job, New Life Begins writer!

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What is feminism? For me, it means treating women as the intelligent creatures they are. Accepting that even in the most patriarchal and oppressive societies, women did have their own agency and are not unnecessarily victimised. Letting them own up their decisions and choices. That they did not fall over each other at men's feet all the time and were in need to be rescued and "educated" by a "modern-thinker". This is the narrative a lot of "feminist" dramas/movies push, which is actually disguised savior complex that feeds male supremacy more than they'd like to think.

It is sad just how much viewers are used to crappy female charcter designs in period dramas to the point if we see a woman behaving progressively we start thinking it's unrealistic.

I always wanted a period drama where marriages of convenience happen, but instead of raising a mess of unnecessary misunderstanding and drama galore about it, the characters are level headed and respectful to each other while they use the situation to their benefit. I am not at all mad about the addition of Yuanying's role, because honestly in the overall picture of C costume drama land we have too little of sensible non-toxic AND powerful main wife characters.

This has so far been a VERY satisfying experience because this is everything I dreamed of, and you know how exhilarating it is when you get this very specific headcanon for a fanfiction and then you actually DO manage to find a one that is already written? Yeah, exactly like that.

It is so funny that at the beginning I thought "this feels like something I have written, except 10 years ago and more delulu" because my now revised opinion means I can praise myself! 😂 Now I really want to meet and chat with this writer over tea about our shared delulu and also quite good tastes! 🤭😌

Oh and I forgot to add, I really like that Li Wei hesitates a lot about whether to stay or leave, despite her loving Yin Zheng.

This indecisiveness of her wasn't frustrating to me. I completely get it. She respects other people's lifestyles, but she also has boundaries about what works for her. Also she's homesick, she loves her parents and brother and wants to be with them too!

On the other hand I find it unrealistic when a character falls in love they are suddenly willing to leave everything behind just so they can be with this new person. I never understand this (except in cases where that character's past life sucked and family members were toxic so they wanted to leave).

I'm someone who'd be like: If you want me, you'll have to come live at my place🤣

.

Last but not least, New Life Begins did wobble on its feet a lot as there are too many eggs in the bucket from the get go, but no matter how not 100% strong the writing may be, the drama's heart is in the right place and it will not dissapoint you. At first it might feel like it is quite touch-and-go on various worldviews and ideologies, but it is actually very thorough and raises a number of "Why not?" questions. Quite unexpectedly so for a fluffy costume rom-com. I have literally zero complaints about any character. Do give it a chance!

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More posts by me

#New Life Begins #Cdrama #Chinese drama #Feminism #Feminism in dramas #卿卿日常

[silent-sanctum]

Storytime about Why I Personally Like Jotaro's Character

I think it's safe to assume that 90% of us ocean man simps (and/or the 11k followers of the joot tag) had to have hated the guy in the beginning, only to watch p4 and say "hold on wait a minute I'm feeling sumn" and then go back to p3 and say "oh shit hold up".

'cause when i first started p3, i remember jotaro calling holly a bitch and that led to my first impression of him: "Oh so if jonathan was the gentleman jojo and joseph is the wacky jojo, this is the edgy jojo. I'm sure I won't like him at all with that attitude".

let me tell you... i hate assholes. antagonists. absolute douchebags. the too obnoxious men, and edgy men for the sake of being solely edgy.

and i kind of had the same feeling of him throughout the first few episodes, and then the more the plot went, the more I got to see bits of his subtle heart of gold personality come through and I thought to myself "no way but he's still an asshole, why am i beginning to not hate him at all?"

but I couldn't bring myself to hate the guy when in certain moments he brings up his dorky one-liners, the tiny curl that forms his seldom smiles, his general badassery. So at the very least I now respected the dude by the end of p3.

And then p4 happened.

Oh man. Did 4taro do something because damn, this version of him was what got me simping for the man.

Idk what happened but right at the beginning of ep 1, I see him in that taxi in his white fit and immediately, I disregarded the sudden art change and already vibed with the first scene of jotaro in that moment.

and i was greatly confused to say the least. I've been keenly aware of my tastes in fictional men and so far before joots, they were often very.....

let's just say... "young anime boy" visuals.

LISTEN. Don't ask why Kirito is here; I was still in middle school when he became my fictional crush eye-

anyways-

soon after, even if i was enjoying josuke and his friends in their slice of life shenanigans, i admittedly looked forward for scenes where joot would be in it, got excited when he does something cool and badass, and just appreciate him just vibing silently in the background, probably thinking a million things at once- the murderer, his thesis, the stand arrow, his job etc.

cue to the end, and I really like like jotaro at this point. As in the "holy shit... my new fictional mans?" like.

I was in denial. Because no- Just no??? How did this happen?

Was it because he grew out of his angsty rebellious teen phase, and into this now mature professional, Stand expert, and mentor who's learned how to not be excessively rude while still keeping true to himself as seen in his stoicism, intelligence, and badass nature?

and then to realize he was a DILF in p6?? And a divorced man??? And that he explicitly shows the audience his feelings towards his family for the first time???

Oh man. I was never too into dilfs... but-

So I rewatched p3 scenes again and there I was able to like 3taro as much as 4taro and 6taro. I grew to notice more of his very subtle character amidst the rebellious façade- using that big brain of his in fights, the way he has fun with the crusaders by doing party tricks, the more amount of smiles he does that i failed to notice at first watch, understanding why he shouts at certain women, the utmost care and love he has for his friends and family and how much he'll go through just to keep them safe.

I even grew to love the rugged, buff design of 3taro, which I now admit is kind of a favorite now along with 4taro.

Ultimately, I like jotaro because even though he gives off a very bad first impression, you get to watch his character go through a bunch of events throughout the parts, and see how other bits of his sides and personality surface, develop, and change the more he grows in experience and age.

Idk if it's just me, but I am a sucker for quality character development and jotaro shows exactly that- from being a rebellious delinquent who walled his vulnerabilities behind a rude mask, to a wise mentor-figure who knows better than to be impulsive and rash, to a caring father who'll sacrifice the universe and himself for his only child to live.

holy shit this was l o n g but I needed to get this out of my system because my god, I love this man sm.

and i know i have ranted about this before, but istg, the dudebros be literally seeing jotaro's personality as nothing but a man who's misogynistic and simply punches his enemies to a pulp to solve the issue, without realizng that he has to think of ways of getting closer to the enemy in the first place. Hence why yall shallow mfers think he's a bland protagonist with the emotions of a brick wall smh.

#jotaro kujo #jojos bizarre adventure #mijin ramblings

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - KISSES galore

Jan 20232 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My School President (Fri YT) 6 of 10 - The mutual squealing and kicking and rolling over in bed was v cute. Tiw might actually be the greatest BL wingman of all time, yes better than Namgoong. Friend zone? Cute GMMTV, very cute. Elevator kiss, on the other hand = you little shits. Also, I’m mad you made me watch the MV because there was no way to skip through it without missing stuff. Tricky bastards. GMMTV = cute, shitty, & tricky all in one ep. Guess that’s why they’re the top of the Thai BL food chain. 

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) 5 of 12 - We knew that this pair kisses really well, but for the characters that was a pretty stellar first kiss. I liked that we got to see Palm really want something for a change. Up until now, he’s been a pretty passive character, constantly told what to do by others, this is the first independent choice his character actually makes in this narrative. Meanwhile the action part of the bodyguard plot has begun, which makes me happy. Let the forced proximity cohabitation trope commence! With probably at least one running through the woods holding hands to come.

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 9 of 12 - Basically a filler ep with in-your-face backstory we already sussed. Prem is doing a good job tho. WATCH ALONG HERE.

609 Bedtime Story (Fri WeTV) 8 of 11 - There was no GamesVee. I’m sad. 

Cutie Pie 2 You (special) 2 of 4 - Awwwww, how sweet they tried to give it a plot. Operative word being: tried. 

I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) 9 of 12 - Stuff in tents. Lots of cringing blushing maiden bullshit. Noey = v bold and into public claiming. I’m not wild about this one. 

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 14fin - Honestly, they were branded pairs so we knew ManTitle were goona kiss, but I kinda wish they hadn’t bothered. These characters just didn’t work for me as a couple. Marriage equality stinger* on this puppy. Still, what a slog. I’m only binging stuff from this studio henceforth. (Next one: Buddy Line Y Animal). Whatever. Frankly that’s my review of the show: whatever. 5/10 

* I do like that this drama teased a marriage and then intentionally never gave us that marriage on screen. For all romance genre fans, this would've felt like a slap in the face. Instead they put in a stinger that essentially said “if you want a marriage scene between men, legalize marriage in Thailand, you fuckers.” And ya know, I’m here for that. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The New Employee (Korea Weds Viki) 4 of 8 - Ooo first date. Omg they are SO CUTE. There was a lot of squealing and flapping of hands on this side of the screen with the show. Also two out gay boys! Korea how far you have come in just a few short years! If adorable our baby boy’s 2 fag hags don’t get together by the end of this show, I will be a touch disappointed. (It has to be said. I’m not expecting it because this is still Korea doesn’t do sides in BL. But hope springs eternal.) Meanwhile, I like that there was actual desire expressed with these two. This is definitely one of the gayest BLs to have come out of Korea in recent years. If you’re confused like I was, that pen has the initial of baby’s ex crush from uni on it. 

HIStory 5: Love in the Future (Taiwan Weds Viki) 3 of 10 (or 6 of 20) - Classic that Taiwan has finally given us a femme character in a BL and he is predatory & evil. The secondary couple is the most adorable thing, I even forgive them a pratfall kiss, because there was a 3 piece suit involved. I am starting to like the main couple a little bit more, mostly because of the rich kid character. I love domesticity, and Taiwan always does it so well. The main character time traveler whatever remains a bit annoying, I prefer a sunshine archetype that is not intentionally naïve to the point of stupidity. Still, I’m invested. This is classic HIStory franchise. 

Candy Color Paradox AKA Ameiro Paradox (Japan Fri Gaga) 4 of 8 - It’s a bit too much second hand embarrassment and cringe for me. I hope Japan someday gives us a BL like Eternal Yesterday, where both characters are cool and no one dies. Incidentally, if you’re playing a game of spot that BL actor, the one playing the “actor character” is Izuka Kenta  (from The Novelist and Absolute BL2). WE LOVE HIM. 

The Director Who Buys Me Dinner (Korea Weds iQIYI) 9-10fin - I honestly don’t know how I feel about this one. It was more of a red thread fated mates who are fated to repeat the mistakes of the past. Shall we call it faded mates?  And I’m not sure, even though the ending is somewhat optimistic, that I am actually optimistic about it or them as a couple. So I wouldn’t call it HEA. 

Final review? Featuring a gorgeous & stellar cast, TDWBMD should have utilized them less for melodrama and more for chemistry. This BL is a unique twist on an office romance if NOT a unique twist on a doomed red thread trope, resulting in it feeling less than the sum of its parts and ultimately unsatisfying. Possibly this had to do with the fact that this was one of those KBLs where I felt how short it was the whole time, like I was missing something constantly, in every episode. No HEA. Worth watching for some but seriously flawed. 6/10

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

The Star Always Follow You (Vietnam YT) - same Team RL peeps we have seen before (Sunshine, Stupid)

GMMTV’s Midnight series - first segment has begun bit it’s not the EarthMix messy gays. I’m so not interested in messy hets, so I’m waiting until they grace my screen. Moonlight Chicken (Weds YT) 1 of 8 eventually.  

Gossip

I’m gonna hold off on The Warp Effect and binge it later, after I know for sure if the BL couple makes it. 

I will be taking everyone‘s advice and not watching Till the World Ends sorry not sorry. Protecting my squishy center (also I HATE xmas carols.) 

In Case You Missed It

I posted a meta of all my 2022 wraps, top picks, industry stats, etc..

I ALSO posted the 2023 forthcoming BL master post.

Coffee Shop shorts series with the adorable couple from Ghost Host, Ghost House have a WONDERFUL new installment with "BLACK COCONUT". You should watch it. Also... try the drink. 

Love Bill (Vietnam Sat YT) starring Bah Vinh ended its run and IT’S SAD. I am so glad I waiting because now I’m not gonna watch it. So there. 

Adorable KGL Girlfriend Project, basically a very short lesbian version of Love Class. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Jan 19: Individual Circumstances (Korea Thurs Viki) 8 eps - A reunion romance between a movie director who was once promising and a writer who disappeared due to past wounds. Stars JunQ (main rapper of 2nd gen group MYNAME) and Han Jung Wan (Mr International Korea winner).

2023 forthcoming BL here

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

The LOOK in his eyes. I really hope we get more than crumbs from Satang Kittiphop in the future. 

Also, that outfit, definitely an instrument of hope. (Mark is going to be in Moonlight Chicken, Cooking Crush, Last Twilight, & Only Friends this year. Apparently GMMTV’s directors like him a lot. So ALL the hope. Plus more sweater vests without shirts, please and thank you.) 

Relatable. 

FINALLY! (all are My School President, it was a GREAT ep this week) 

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Well Monsta X released a new single, Beautiful Liar, so yeah, THAT! 

#this week in BL #BL news #BL gossip #upcoming BL #best BL #new BL #BL reviews #Thai BL #Korean BL #Taiwanese BL #Japanese BL #live action yaoi #Rakutan Viki #gagaoolala #GMMTV #My School President #Never Let Me Go #Between Us #609 Bedtime Story #GamesVee #Cutie Pie 2 You #I Will Knock You #Remember Me #The New Employee #HIStory 5: Love in the Future #Candy Color Paradox #Ameiro Paradox #Izuka Kenta #The Director Who Buys Me Dinner #Coffee Shop

[lutawolf]

hi luta, i just want so slide by and say thank you

for bringing kind metas (posts) on lita/prapaisky , and mame's a bit too. i am forever grateful.

--

im a tumblr user for bl stuff in 2020, followed some huge blogs & learned a lot about bl cuz im fairly new. i had forgotten about it until i rejoined a couple months ago for prapaisky' lita -- expecting to share the same excitement / reading wonderful metas / learning things again

i ... im pretty perplexed to read the blogs i used to read for info / metas im looking forward to ... expressed mean, mean, things.

i felt nauseous. i didnt realize the people whose metas i used to love can be so. cruel. i had hoped i can find some articulation of what I felt, as a shared feelings, but not only i didnt find it, i, felt ashamed to even had my feelings from the first place. i had to dived in the tag rabbit hole and finally found blogs that expressed the opposites, and thank god i did. thank god i did.

(followed them right away, n unfollow thw prev blogs that i now, see, as ... no)

this tho, had me actually ignored the whole tag whlist it airs, and put notif on for the ones i now value, yours included. it got me thru the whole journey of ep11-13, especially, Especially, 12. the special ep tho, the special ep got me branched out again towards the tag and see people bashing it again undermining it as the sex ep. and kinkshaming rain. is it so bad to have a happy, mutual, consent sexual relationship? i thought we dont kinkshame now

i . i dont know what to think. i am sorry to barging in like this. i just. all these upsetting experience piled up and i just. had to. express my gratitude that u at least shown me the kind side of this perspective.

i apologize for the incoherency, english is not my first language, i wish this isnt too rude..

no need to answer this if u dont want to, i just, had to say it to you. all the love, anon.

Hey Hey lil 🐇,

First, let me say welcome back to Tumblr! I'm actually pretty new. I reached a year anniversary this month. Though I am not new to bl at all. I'm OG there.

Negative reviews are a part of life. However, there is a difference between being hateful and writing a neg review. There is a difference between cancel culture and I don't watch this or participate in this type of art. I think that people are failing to see the differences. Life is not white and black.

There will always be kink shaming. It's not from men though. It's from women. These same women that are talking shit, reading romance on their kindle when no one is looking and wouldn't think twice about their boyfriend asking them to wear a French maid costume. As an amazing friend once told me, this is your room and you cultivate it the way you need to. He blocks people left and right, creating the atmosphere that he wants on Tumblr. I've learned to do the same. I may end up in a bubble but it's a tiny community of people I truly enjoy and love.

Never apologize for English being your second language. Being bilingual is an accomplishment that should only get love not judgement. You guys will never and I mean NEVER see me criticize the way someone writes, from spelling to commas, to anything. I'll never do it. I might ask for clarification but there will never be criticism. We are all here to learn and better ourselves and that is not accomplished by sitting in judgement.

I really appreciate that you read my blog and enjoy it. It means the world to me that you guys reach out to me. All the love. Wishing you the best. Thank you, 💜💜💜

#luta question and answer

[simslegacy5083]

NSB (Straud Legacy) Gen 8 Ep. 152: The Beginning of an End

Shortly after the youngest Lawborne aged up it was time for the final birthday of the oldest: Papa Jack would soon be an elder.

He woke up that morning with a vivid memory of his dream the night before. He had been one of the family ghosts at the homestead, able to interact with the family he loved so dearly but no longer a part of their daily lives. He’d even dreamt of their grief and the feeling of being ripped away from them by the rising sun. Those feelings haunted him as he showered, changed, and followed his nose to his living family in the kitchen.

Peachy had taught Luigi the birthday song to sing along with the others at Jack’s party that evening, but the little man couldn’t wait. He belted out the tune while they had breakfast, and both Papa Jack and Dada Peachy smiled and clapped for their proud little performer when he finished.

---------------------------------------------

The party wasn’t until the evening, so the boys enjoyed their rainy day off in Brindleton from the warmth and comfort of their living room.

Luigi served Peachy imaginary doughnuts from his “food truck”, telling his dada that they would be just as delicious as one of his cakes. Jack enjoyed watching his two best guys bond, staying on the sidelines and entertaining Marmalade with a laser pointer. He loved quiet family time like this.

He didn’t feel ready to be an elder yet, but he took solace in knowing he still had many more days to enjoy with his family as a retiree.

---------------------------------------------

That afternoon their old friend Valentina brought her family over for a visit. It was hard to believe little Kelsie was already a teenager, but their younger son Scott was the perfect age to play happily with Luigi while the grown-ups watched TV and chatted.

The ladies were curious if the men had any plans to expand their own small family. Jack’s eyes seemed sad when he told them that no, it didn’t make sense to have another child when he would soon be an elder. Secretly Peachy hoped to change his husband’s mind about that when he presented his magical birthday gift that evening. Once Jack ate the kelp and turned, he’d have a long and active elderhood to look forward to, fishing and fathering.

---------------------------------------------

When the ladies left Jack put Luigi down for a nap and trudged upstairs to get ready for his last birthday. He found Peachy waiting for him, a present in his hands. Jack opened the tiny box and stared in confusion at the contents. Why was Peachy giving him with a scrap of what looked like seaweed?

Peachy quickly explained his gift. Jack simply needed eat the salty snack, immerse himself in water, and he’d transform into a merman.

With a big smile he excitedly told his bro that as a merman, Jack’s elderhood would be long enough that they could raise Luigi to adulthood together, maybe even have another child, and Jack wouldn’t have to compromise his principles!

It was the perfect solution to their age difference problem!

-----------------------------------------

Want To See More? View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

#sims 4 #sims 4 challenge #sims 4 legacy #sims 4 nsb #sims 4 not so berry #sims4 #sims4nsbstraud #sims 4 let's play #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 lets play

[heartlessfujoshi]

Hi! :3 I'm so happy to see you back on Tumblr, and that you're taking requests! You're one of the first fic authors I engaged with way back when and I always enjoyed talking to you and reading your works.

Can you please do first snow + Promnis, if interested? :>

I hope you have a really nice holiday and that life is treating you well 💚

Hi!!! <3 Oh my gosh, thank you. It's good to be back. Feels like a bit of normal is returning to my daily life, which is good. And of course I can do that for you!! I hope you'll like what I came up with for it.

Winter Prompts - First Snowfall

Title: Reconnecting Fandom: FFXV Pairing: Promnis (Prompto Argentum x Ignis Scientia) Rating: General (Feels & Fluff, Minor Angst, Post-Ep Ignis V2) Word Count: ~2,055

Summary: With the rebuilding happening in Insomnia, Prompto returns to feeling like an outsider. Ignis is there to remind him that he's more than that.

---

Prompto stares out his window, the paperwork he’s neglecting still sitting right in front of him on his desk. In the background, he can hear heavy machinery being used, as well as the sound of a jackhammer breaking apart debris. A constant barrage of auditory mayhem. It’s a sound he’s become accustomed to since taking residence in the Citadel after the ten long years of darkness. They’re slowly getting the city to the grandeur it had been at prior to Niflheim’s assault on the capital. The sounds of the machines working are like a dulcet tone in his ears - progress is progress.

A soft knock on his door turns his attention back to his desk, an almost guilty look on his face appears. He knows that knock. He’s heard it for the last ten years - always a tiny, gentle knock that happens three times. Three times in quick succession. The knock brings a smile to his face, as it seems old habits die hard. “You don’t have to knock, Iggy. You know you’re always welcome in my office.” 

The door slowly opens, and shows his friend’s face - the small scars around his eyes making them look greener in the limited light in Prompto’s office. “It is decorum to knock, Prompto. I’ve told you as such so many times.” 

“I guess we’ll always be at an impasse, then.” Prompto pushes his chair back, and walks over to Ignis. He wants to throw his arms around him and hug him, but things have been a bit strained since they’d successfully taken Ardyn down. Gone were the days of friendly touches, hugs, and the like. “How’re you? What brings you here?” 

“His Majesty is wondering if you've finished the report.” The expression on Ignis’ face is unreadable, at best. He doesn’t look at Prompto when he speaks, nor does he look in his direction now. “Is it finished?” 

A nervous laugh leaves Prompto’s mouth. “Ah, ha, no. I’m still working on it. Does he need it right now?” Prompto looks at the piece of paper that’s mocking him. “I can go and see him, Iggy. I don’t mind. I could use the exercise.” 

“No, that won’t be necessary.” Ignis pushes his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose, the scar going across it catching Prompto’s eyes. Really, though - Ignis’ scars are now as much a part of him as the scars on Gladio’s face are. They exist - pure and simple. “I’ll go and let him know. Do try your best and get it finished soon.” 

The guilt returns, as Prompto watches Ignis head back towards the door. “I will, Iggy. Hey - thanks for stopping by.” 

“It is my job, Prompto.” It’s all that’s said when Ignis leaves his office, closing the door behind him. 

He goes and stands at the window, and lets out a deep sigh. Since they’d become part of the King’s task force, things had felt different between all of them. And Prompto doesn’t like it, one bit. He misses being able to joke and have fun, but now with Insomnia needing to be rebuilt, all of that has been taken away from him. 

Placing his hand on the window, he sees two men laughing with each other. When had he laughed last? Prompto can’t remember. It had probably been before Noctis had returned - which he doesn’t know is a good thing or bad thing. Pulling his chair out, he sits back down and looks at the report that Noctis wants. He can get through it - but then again, if he doesn’t, maybe that means Ignis will return to his office. 

Not wanting to deal with that guilt, he picks up his pen and gets to work. 

--- 

Prompto heads to the elevators, calling it a day. He’d finished the report and sent it over to Noctis, and now is going home. He gets into the elevator, then hears someone call out, “Hold it, please!” Prompto puts his finger on the ‘door open’ button, making sure that the person makes it. The person comes to a halt at the door, then looks at him with a wry smile on their face. “Thank you.” 

“No problem, Iggy.” He takes his finger off the button, then steps back to the back of the elevator. “Did Noctis have any issues with my report?” 

“None at all.” Ignis shakes his head. “Are you heading home?” 

“I am. Are you off on an errand for the King?” 

Ignis shakes his head. “I’ve been released for the day. I was told I need to go and have some fun. My attitude isn’t conducive to working in the environment the King wishes to be in currently.” 

“That bad, huh?” Prompto reaches for Ignis’ arm, but then stops short as it hasn’t been something they’ve done since returning to Insomnia. While the King had been asleep in the Crystal, the two of them had become closer. Nothing too serious - with both of them worried about Noctis, the two of them kept things platonic. But, as they’d dealt with the world in Darkness, there had been many nights when the two of them had shared a bed together, needing the reassurance from each other that they were on the right path. 

As he pulls away, Ignis begins to offer his arm towards him. “You know what kind of mood he gets into.” Ignis comments in a dry, offhanded way. Prompto laughs, taking Ignis’ offered arm. As soon as he does, he feels a weight being lifted off of his shoulders. It feels good to be with Ignis like this again. It feels good to laugh.

“I sure do.” He can’t keep the smile off of his face, the two of them now heading in the direction of Prompto’s apartment. “Are you going to walk me home, Iggy?” 

“I thought I might.” Ignis nods his head, then puts his hand over Prompto’s, the warmth of his leather gloves on top of his skin has Prompto biting back an inappropriate noise. “Why aren’t you dressed warmer? It’s freezing, Prompto.” 

“It’s not that bad.” Prompto looks up at the sky, then stops walking as he notices something peculiar. “Hey, Iggy? Um, are you seeing what I’m seeing?” 

Ignis comes to a stop next to him, and tilts his head back. “If you’re asking if I’m seeing snow, the answer is yes.” 

“But, it’s never snowed in Insomnia before.” He turns to look at Ignis, who has already turned towards him. “Iggy?” 

Undoing the buttons on his coat, Ignis holds the lapels open, and pulls Prompto to be against his chest. He doesn’t fight it - he gloms onto him as Ignis’ coat now covers his back, the two of them standing on the middle of the sidewalk, hugging each other. “The barrier is no longer a factor, Prompto.” He points his head towards the sky. “The Crystal no longer is protecting the city, and as such, the weather is now appropriate to the region.” 

“Huh.” Prompto doesn’t want Ignis to explain any further, as snow begins to stick to his head. “Iggy - as great as this is, we should probably get out of the snow.” 

His protection against the cold disappears as Ignis steps backwards. “Right. Let’s go.” Ignis grabs his hand, and begins to jog towards Prompto’s building, which is only about a block and a half away. 

Prompto laughs as they run, the giddiness coming from out of nowhere. By the time they make it up to his apartment, they’re both wet from the snow sticking to them. He grabs a towel and tosses it to Ignis, then grabs another for himself, and starts to towel dry his hair. “I don’t have a ton of stuff here, Iggy, otherwise I’d offer you something to drink and eat.” 

“It’s alright.” Ignis sets his damp towel on the rack to dry, then grabs the towel from Prompto’s hand and begins to help him dry his hair. Prompto stands still - more memories of their time together. Similar stances where they’d helped each other after a turbulent rain in Alstor Slough. Huddling to keep warm as they routinely went to Niflheim to make sure that the enemy wasn’t trying to do anything stupid again. Sun kissed shoulders touching as they sat on the sand, looking out at Angelgard, keeping their eyes on the resting King. 

He turns around, and sees there’s a flush on Ignis’ face. “Do you miss it?” He asks, knowing that he doesn’t have to clarify what he means to Ignis. 

“Sometimes.” Ignis nods his head, then lifts his hand towards Prompto’s face. He closes his eyes, waits for the touch to happen. He drops his head forward when Ignis’ palm touches his left cheek, emitting a soft sigh. “Everything changed when the King returned.” 

“I know.” Prompto mumbles quietly, his stomach beginning to churn in an unpleasant manner. “You should probably go home, Iggy.” 

The hand on his face remains, then Prompto feels Ignis’ other hand touch the nape of his neck, drawing his head to look up. “Do you want me to leave?” 

“You know the answer.” 

Ignis’ head comes closer to his, and then he feels the weight of his head pressing against his forehead. “I’m sorry, Prompto. I know this isn’t easy for any of us.” 

“You seem to be handling the changes pretty well.” 

It’s clear by how he speaks that he’s letting his bitterness show. He doesn’t know how either Ignis, or Gladio, manages to handle these changes with no complaint. He knows he shouldn’t complain either, but he misses his friends. He feels like an outsider, when he knows it shouldn’t be like this. 

Ignis’ thumb rubs his cheek with careful, slow caresses. “I’m going to do something that I should have done a long time ago, Prompto. Forgive me for taking so long.” 

“What do you mean, Iggy?” 

But the answer never comes, as Ignis’ lips touch his own with a tender kiss. Prompto gasps, then sinks into the kiss, Ignis’ arms now wrapping themselves around his body, holding him close. He parts his lips, then feels Ignis’ tongue sweep into his mouth, the touch of his tongue against his own sending sparks throughout his entire body. Prompto waits for Ignis to end the kiss, then takes a few deep breaths. But once those are done, Ignis’ lips are crushing over his, Prompto’s back now pressed up against the bathroom sink as Ignis takes full control of the kiss, his knees and body weak from the kisses. 

This time, Ignis ends the kiss and returns his forehead to his own. “I’ll ask you again. Do you want me to leave?” Ignis’ voice is slightly breathless. 

“I want you to stay. Stay with me, Iggy.” 

“I will.” 

They leave the bathroom and go into Prompto’s living room, where they sit down on the couch, and look out the window at the falling snow. It’s going to be cold tonight, and it will no doubt stick to the ground and will make tomorrow another cold day. But that doesn’t matter right now. What matters right now is that Ignis has his arms around him, the two of them are cuddling on the couch, sharing kisses every few minutes. Ten years of making up for lost time. But, there’s no reason to rush either. 

Later that night, Prompto rests his head against Ignis’ naked shoulder, exhausted from the activities they’ve just partaken in, his hair damp with sweat. “Why now?” He asks. 

“Because I was afraid I had waited too long.” Ignis’ lips brush against his forehead, as Prompto heaves a content sigh. “I didn’t, did I?” 

“No. Because I would have waited forever.” Prompto admits. “I’m glad I didn’t have to.” 

“I’m glad you didn’t either.” 

He shares another kiss with him, then returns his head to Ignis’ shoulder. The snow is still falling, but Prompto is as warm as he can be. Warm from the blankets, the heat in the room, and the heat that both his and Ignis’ body are generating together. It’s enough heat to make him fall into a deep sleep - the deepest sleep he’s had since returning to Insomnia. Where things will go from here, he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care. Because right now, everything is perfect and right in the world. 

xXx

Cross-posted to AO3

#promnis #my writing #fanfic #drabble request #i hope you like what i came up with for you ;A;