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cattatonically · 1 year

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Want You Bad - Day 4

This is part of a series for #sterekvalentineweek - I would suggest reading them in order.

What you can generally expect - hilarity, chaos, mishaps, slow burn, strong language, and vague descriptions of some minor criminal activity.

I hope you have as much fun on this adventure as I did!

Day 1 Day 2 Day 3

It really should have been a routine sort of day. Stiles and Danny were at the Sheriff’s station, going over some paperwork for a joint investigation.

It wasn’t often that his dad, or his deputies, asked for his help, but when they did Stiles made sure to do everything by the book. Well. As by the book as he could. And what the others didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. He hoped.

Danny was going over the finer details of his particular skillset, while Stiles was trying to maintain an air of professionalism. Which, admittedly, was rather difficult given his current state of general disarray.

Stiles and chaos often went hand in hand. However, this time, it really hadn’t been his fault.

Peter really knew how to bring out the worst in Stiles, and between their bickering, and Stiles missing the alarm he’d set on his phone, he’d been late picking up Danny for their meeting at the station.

And being late resulted in flailing. Which resulted in tripping over a crack in the sidewalk. Stiles hadn’t had time to change, which thus resulted in meeting with Danny, and then Chief Deputy Jordan Parrish in torn jeans, a dusty-looking flannel shirt, and some nasty scrapes along his forearms.

All in all, they’d seen Stiles in worse situations, so really, he was doing okay. Except for the look of distaste that Derek had thrown his way when he’d seen him walk into the station. That would stay with Stiles for a long, long time.

As it was, going over the details of the joint investigation meant that Stiles could keep Derek at his back, which was both anxiety-inducing, and a small blessing.

“Delivery for you, Deputy Hale,” Stiles heard from behind him. This also seemed to catch the attention of everyone in the room, including his father. Stiles turned in time to watch Derek open a box cautiously. A balloon popped out of the box, emblazoned with the words “I WUV U!”. And Derek. Well. He looked flabbergasted.

Turning back to the task at hand, Stiles set about concluding the meeting as quickly as possible, and left the station without even saying goodbye to his father.

Whether or not he bought nearly a week’s worth of wine on his way home was a secret he would take to his grave.

— — —

“Stiles.”

“Fuck off, Peter.”

“Why are you throwing up your emotions all over my gorgeous, expensive, Italian leather sofa?”

“Fuck. Off. Peter.” So, Stiles hadn’t quite made it home. Despite Peter’s general, well, Peter-ness, he really was one of the only people Stiles wanted to see right that moment.

Stiles was saved from Peter’s reply by the door to Kira and Peter’s home opening, and the sound of voices floating from the doorway. Stiles sat up from his flopped position on the couch, and watched Kira and Derek walk into the living room. Thankfully, Kira had a bottle of vodka in her hands. A very, very large one. It would go well with his wine.

“My my, nephew. You’re not one to go for the hard stuff. Are we celebrating something?” Leave it to Peter to salt Stiles’ wounds. Derek glanced quickly at Stiles, then sat in the armchair across from the couch as Kira continued on through the living room and into the kitchen.

“I guess you could say we’re celebrating something,” Derek mumbled back. Now that Stiles was looking at him properly, he could see how exhausted Derek looked. He hadn’t seen him that tired since the four day stakeout the summer before when he’d arrested of a financially abusive cult leader.

A few moments later, Kira returned to the living room carrying a tray of drinks which she set on the coffee table. She handed out the drinks, then gave Peter a quick kiss on the cheek before settling on the couch, between her husband and Stiles.

“Well, nephew. Please do enlighten us.”

“We were finally able to arrest my stalker today.” Stiles blinked. Wait. What? By the tension Stiles felt in Kira, and the look of pure rage on Peter’s face, they were just as affected as he was.

“Wait. What?” he asked. Someone had to. Derek rolled his eyes.

“My stalker, Stiles. The one who sent the balloon to the station.”

“The balloon. Confessing their “wuv” for you?”

“That would be the one.”

“I feel like we’re missing some pertinent details, Derek.” Peter was livid. Derek chose that moment to down his drink in one swallow.

“For months now, someone has been sending very direct confessions of love and devotion to the station, addressed to me. These advances have been extremely unwanted. This time, the courier who made the delivery was able to trace the purchase back, and the company the order was placed with was more than willing to assist in light of the warrant they were presented. My stalker is no longer my problem.”

“And you didn’t come to me as this was happening? You didn’t tell anyone?” The rage had slipped off of Peter’s face, only to be replaced with distress. Distress Stiles was feeling in spades.

“It wasn’t your concern. It was my problem to deal with.” Then, Derek stood, took his glass, and the tray, and wandered in the direction of the kitchen.

“I beg your ever-loving pardon!” Peter followed quickly, and Stiles could hear their continued bickering from his seat on the couch.

“Jesus. Fucking. Christ.” Stiles sighed, then slumped.

“I take it you witnessed this gift being delivered, and that’s why you’re here?”

“I really thought I’d lost my chance, Kira. I was nursing a broken heart!”

“By wallowing all over my Italian leather?”

“Oh my god, you are so Peter’s wife.”

Still bickering, Derek and Peter returned to the living room with a fresh tray of drinks. Well, if Stiles was committed to getting sloshed, at least now he wouldn’t feel quite as pathetic about it.

#sterekvalentineweek2023 #Teen Wolf #Stiles Stilinski #Derek Hale #Peter Hale #Kira Yukimura #Under a read more for length #Stiles is a bit of a disaster #sterek is endgame #Slow burn #Catt writes

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ceruleanmusings · 2 years

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formidable: rip her to shreds

This idea kept floating around my head ever since you made a comment about Mickey fighting anyone that would come between her and Squid if CGL went co-ed so I had to get it out before it drove me insane. This is all your fault @theblerdbox.

For someone bestowed with the nickname Mouse, Mickey sure had a knack for talking herself into trouble. Her jaw snapped shut, a swift blow to her hope and dream that she actually hadn’t said anything. She shrunk back beneath the hard, piercing glare coming from across the tent which was quickly accompanied by the baring of teeth. Viper certainly lived up to her name.

“What’d you say?” Viper asked.

Mickey’s fingers stilled in Giggles’ mane of corkscrew hair. Giggles sat stock still, hands clasped over her mouth lest her nervous habit get her within Viper’s crosshair too. “I, um, I didn’t— ”

“No, please, by all means, speak up.” Viper crossed her arms, her fingers nestling in the perfect indents between her rounded delts and triceps. “Share with the class.” One sweep of her palm around the small tent brought the other girls into the storm clouds gathering between them.

It wasn’t the suppressing heat of the camp that made it difficult for Mickey to breathe but the heavy silence following Viper’s words. The thrum of a threat lingering behind made MIckey’s mind race for an escape plan. But with a name as apt as her bite, Viper would make sure she wouldn’t get out of this alive either way. “I don’t think you should treat them like that.” Mickey’s quiet words bounced off the mattress they were directed towards and, beneath her lashes, she saw they had little effect on Viper’s stance.

One thin eyebrow popped above Viper’s steely gaze. “So you’re an authority on the boys now, huh?”

“No, I didn’t say— ”

Viper held up her palm. “Exactly. Just ‘cause you were here first doesn’t mean you own them.”

Mickey sighed. This again? She never said to have any sort of claim on the guys of D-Tent but...she did like to think she knew them better than anyone else. And, yeah, they could do what they wanted, but that didn’t mean she didn’t worry about them. “I know I don’t. It’s just...they’re people too. It’s not really fair to them.”

“Who cares?”

“I do.”

Viper’s sneer slowly switched over to a patronizing smirk. No matter whose face it sat on, Mickey had seen enough of them to recognize it right away. Sighing quietly, she steeled herself for whatever poison she prepared to throw her way. “Oh, that’s sweet.” Viper’s eyes widened and her lips puckered and she took on a tone so saccharine it made Mickey’s head hurt. “The itty bitty mouse wants to protect the boys and their fragile feelings.”

“Look, it’s just not cool to treat people like that. They’re not toys.”

“You only care because it’s Squid. So, tell me, which part about it bugs you? That he keeps coming back to me? That he practically begs for it? That I have him at my beck and call. ...Or that it’s not you?”

Mickey’s eyes darkened, like the shadow of a cloud stalling over bright waters. “We’re just friends.”

Viper snorted. “So you say.”

Mickey threw her arms in the air and rubbed at her temple. “I’ve known him since I was five! Don’t you think if i wanted to be with him I’d be with him by now?”

“I think you’re upset because you know you can’t give him what I can.”

“No, I’m upset because Squid deserves someone who actually cares about him!” The shout came out of her like a gunshot, shattering the still air around them. Giggles gasped, Lolly’s jaw hung slack allowing them a look at the massive wad of gum molded to her lower set of teeth, and Domino’s eyes widened so much they could’ve popped out her head and rolled along the floor. Mickey cleared her throat and let out a slow breath and when she spoke again, her voice returned to its usual soft tone. “Look, he can do what he wants with whomever, it doesn’t matter to me. But his feelings should be taken into consideration.”

Viper rolled her eyes. “Oh please. He has no feelings.”

“You have him thinking that you’re going to be together after all this!” Mickey scrambled off the bed and got to her shaky feet, keeping her eyes pinned on Viper. “That you’ll...you’ll be with him and everything will be wrapped up in a little bow with a picket fence with, like, promise rings!”

“How’s that my problem?” Viper’s question was as dull and distracted as the look in her eye.

“For giving him false hope. Y’should at least be on the same page so y’know what you’re both getting out of it. It’s common decency.” She heard her accent slowly slipping back in, ratcheting up the more she spoke.

“It’s stupid. He knows what this is about. He’s not fragile and he’s not yours.”

God! This wasn’t about her! This was about him! Why did they always make it about her? “I never said he was.”

“And I’ll make extra sure you know that.” Viper stepped forward, tilting her head downwards to ensure the tip of her nose came close to Mickey’s. “He loves all the things I can do with my tongue, you know,” she continued, her voice dropping to a slow crawl. “He’s a little eager but he knows what he wants. Always trying to please me. It’s a little pathetic sometimes, really, but I always get my fill.” She turned away, her hair nearly whipping Mickey in the face. The heavy clomps of her boots on the wood beneath their feet matched the heavy thuds in Mickey’s heart. “It’s a fun ride, Mouse. At some point we all need to get off.” She chuckled, pleased with her own joke. Little pinpricks of pain throbbed in Mickey’s palms where her nails pressed crescent moons into the fleshy heel. “And that’s all this is.” Viper sat on the metal frame at the foot of Domino’s bed, crossing one ankle over the other. “In fact, I was thinking of taking Zig for a spin next. He seems like a wild time.”

“That’s not right,” Mickey said, slow, words dropping to a wavering whisper.

“So what?” Viper’s eyes rolled and her shoulders dropped as if the weariness of the conversation had an affect on her. “Squid’s nothing but a lowlife, pathetic, urchin. All men are. He won’t even notice when I put him back where he started. Trash knows where it belongs.”

The tears swimming in Mickey’s eyes turned everything hazy; it took the throbbing pain in her hand and the frenzied shrieking and rapid movement for her to realize why. Viper doubled over, holding her eye, Domino looked as if she didn’t know whether to leave or help, head swinging from the girls to the tent flaps, Lolly’s hands were pressed against her ears, eyes squeezed shut as she hummed, and Giggles fluttered by Mickey’s side, trying to take her rapidly reddening hand.

“What the fuck!?” Viper snapped upright, murder flashing like a neon sign in her eyes. Or eye. Because the other one was as red as Mickey’s hand and beginning to swell.

“Oh god, they make this look so easy in the movies!” Mickey groaned, cradling her hand. Was it supposed to hurt this much?

“So, the mouse has some bite, huh?” Viper got to her feet, shaking off Domino’s attempts at holding her back, A large grin slowly split her lips. “Well then, eat this!”

Mickey’s head snapped backwards, taking the blow where Viper’s fist connected with her face. More tears sprang to her eyes, pouring down her cheeks, mimicking the trail of blood seeping out her nose. The sharp metallic splashed on her tongue and mixed with the saliva pooling in her cupped hands.

“You can have him when I’m done, you know,” Viper said between haggard breaths. She drew up some air and spit. The saliva and mucous mixture landed with a wet splat on the ground. “I hear that’s where you’re comfortable, on your back with your legs spread with an open invitation. Just don’t cry rape afterwards if he doesn’t satisfy you, okay?”

Mickey lowered her trembling, pale, blood dotted hands. Her chin went with it, big puffs of air ejected with forceful blows between her lips. Her hand and nose throbbed, her chest ached under the onslaught of her heart ramming against her ribs, and she wanted to experience the satisfying elation of having pulled Viper’s head off.

So she tucked her chin, charged into Viper, and tackled her out of the tent.

#inconsolable au #formidable #holes fanfic #holes 2003 #snippet #ficlet #my writings #under a read more for length #tw: victim blaming #tw: mention of rape #tw: blood #tw: nosebleed #tw: fighting

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starrystevie · 9 months

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eddie knows his crush on steve harrington is a hopeless cause, okay?

he's somehow been friends with steve long enough to know what he looks like when he's flirting, what he looks like when he has a crush, when his sights are set on someone very non-eddie munson shaped. he also now knows how to hide his jealousy in a fake smirk that he flashes steve's way when yet another pretty girl walks their way with her sights set on him and a smirk of her own.

eddie always watches as steve reaches out a hand just so to gently brush it against a lovely lady's arm with that charming fucking smile and sees how that lovely lady will always melt at the touch. and who could blame her? certainly not eddie, the same eddie who's had his own sights set on steve harrington for what feels like a life time. if anyone knows how painfully a heart can beat when it sees him from across the room and imagines a date and a future and a life with steve, it would be eddie.

but that's where it ends. steve harrington, the ladies man that he is, always stops things there with a smile and a wave thrown in the woman's direction as she walks away. it throws eddie for a loop every time. he would watch the two flirt for minutes that that felt like torturous hours for him only for it to end with a disappointed look on her face and steve turning his attention back to eddie like nothing had happened.

it makes no sense.

"i don't get it, man," he says one day as steve lets yet another girl walk away down to the opposite end of the grocery store aisle they're in. steve's turned back to staring at the shopping list in his hand and is muttering to himself instead of watching her walk away like eddie is, disbelief coloring his face.

"don't get what?" steve asks back, not bothering to look up until the silence goes on for too long. his eyes land on eddie's and he frowns slightly, shaking his head slowly. "... did i miss something?"

eddie reels back, eyebrows furrowing together and motions his arms every which way, from the girl's retreating form to the empty space around them.

"steve, you're just going to let her walk away and not get her number? she was obviously hitting on you, dude."

he watches as steve's face crinkles slightly before smoothing out and shrugs his shoulders, turning back to grab the cat food eddie feeds to the strays off the shelf. he lurches forward and places his hands on steve's shoulders to face him, watching as his eyes go wide.

"what do you want me to say?" steve shrugs again and eddie can feel the movement under his hands. "i guess i wasn't feeling it."

eddie sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face before returning it back to steve's shoulder. "wasn't feeling it... steve, i'm gay, not blind. you two obviously were hitting it off with your fucking charming lines and flirty eyes. you always do this and it makes zero fucking sense-"

"-you're gay?"

steve says a bit too loud for eddie's liking even if they are currently hidden in the pet food aisle. heat floods his cheeks and he throws a hand cover steve's mouth while shushing him to keep him from saying it again. he sees steve's eyes go even wider and feels warmth spreading under his fingers.

is steve...

"you knew this!" eddie accuses in a whisper and tries to breathe evenly while steve's gaze travels all over his face. "we talked about it with robin that one time!"

... is he blushing?

there's a sudden pressure at his side and he looks down to see steve's fingers curling over his waist. eddie takes in a stuttering breath and brings his own wide eyes up to meet steve's. it's like looking in a fun house mirror, seeing his flush creeping up steve's neck and watching steve blink in time with him. he can feel when steve tries to say something, his lips ghosting over his palm and eddie pulls back like he's been burned, but steve's hand stays right where it is on his side.

"i absolutely would have remembered if you told me that before," he says and his voice is a little breathless. "there's no way i was there when you guys talked about it."

eddie thinks back to the party when he and robin were huddled up on their couch together. argyle and nancy were dancing in their socks on the living room floor, bouncing around to some experimental track that had been badly recorded on a cassette. jonathan was sitting at the coffee table snapping photos of them, joint hanging from his lips and easy smile spreading on his face.

eddie's trying to pinpoint where steve is in this memory and that's usually the easiest thing for him to remember, but he can't...

until suddenly he can, because steve walked in through the sliding door with his shirt over his shoulder and his swim trunks low on his hips and water dripping down his chest and a cigarette behind his ear and the sunset bleeding in through the windows was painting him golden and he was walking over to dance with nancy with a wide grin pulling at his cheeks and-

"god, i'm gay," eddie had breathed out. robin followed his line of sight and nodded because she gets it like she has a steve problem of her own and that was that.

eddie focuses back in on steve while they stand in the fucking pet food aisle, focuses on the shrill jingle pouring out of the grocery store speakers and not on the way he can hear his heartbeat in his ears, focuses on the way steve can look good even in harsh fluorescent lights.

"well, now you know," is all he can breath out.

steve smiles, all white teeth and crinkled eyes, and his fingers curl even tighter around eddie's waist as he takes a half step even further into his personal space.

"you're why," steve says back easily and eddie reminds himself to breathe as the other side of his waist suddenly has a hand covering it, too. "i don't take their numbers, i don't give them mine, i don't go on the stupid dates they ask me out on because..."

the fingers dance up his side and eddie can't breathe.

"... they're not you, so why would i?"

eddie sends up a silent thank you to whoever is listening that they're hidden away from prying eyes in the pet food aisle so he can lean it and learn for the first time what steve's smile tastes like.

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asgardian--angels · 6 months

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Izzy Discourse Masterpost

Hey all, given the amount of awful splintering and wank happening in ofmd fandom rn regarding Izzy's death, including the flat-out immature and unacceptable harassment of David Jenkins and Co, I wanted to just make this one all-encompassing post to address the various grievances and complaints I've seen (almost entirely on Twitter). If I've missed anything, please feel free to add on. I'm putting most of this under a read-more for length.

Please be aware, I say all of this as an Izzy fan. I've loved his character since season 1, and while I was sad to see him go, I completely understand and support David & Co's reasons for concluding his arc, and I think it was done respectfully in a way fitting to his character. So let's break down some of the takes I've seen. I am not referencing specific posts or people here, I just want to address the general themes that I keep seeing about why some people are upset.

Izzy's death served no narrative purpose.

Look, this is one that I'm sure fans will debate for the rest of the hiatus. It's completely within your right to disagree with this writing choice, but Izzy's death did serve a narrative purpose in the story that David Jenkins is telling - and he has spoken to this end in several interviews already. I can only summarize here, and fans may find other perspectives in time as well. What we need to remember is that Our Flag Means Death is, at the end of the day, Ed and Stede's love story. That has been made abundantly, explicitly clear. The show has been fantastic at fleshing out the other supporting characters, but that's what they are - supporting characters. They often have their own subplots but ultimately the narrative seeks to move Ed and Stede's story forward and they are tools to spur Ed and Stede's growth or mirror their struggles. Izzy has been a wonderfully complex, multifaceted character but we must remember that all characters are vessels through which stories are told, lessons are imparted, and metaphors are established. He's not a real person who 'deserves' any particular fate. David said he's always intended for Izzy to die at the end of his arc.

Firstly, Izzy (now canonically, through his own dying words) represents part of Blackbeard. He enabled and encouraged Ed's darker side, they were mutually toxic forces to each other. Ed is attempting to cope with and move on from this phase of his life, and like Stede in season 1, set out a free man, unshackled by expectations and loose ends of those he's hurt and been hurt by (though we realize this is an ongoing process that takes time). This lovely gifset sums it up nicely, with Izzy being the Mary parallel, and making s2 mirror s1. Blackbeard is both Ed and Izzy; Ed cannot be free of Blackbeard while Izzy is in his life, and when Izzy is gone he will never truly be Blackbeard again. They are each other's rotting leg!! Yet, they love each other - and David has said that for Ed, this has developed into a mentor and father relationship, and where Ed has previously despised his father figures (his actual father, Hornigold) he does not want to lose Izzy. This time, Izzy brings out Ed, not Blackbeard - and that's where we get the callback to 'there he is', bringing their impact on each other full circle, freeing Ed, getting approval of sorts that he never had, to be soft, to be loved (and there are parallels to Zheng and Auntie here as well that others have made) from that force that drove him to stay in line all this time. David has said in multiple interviews now that he was going for the idea of the mentor/father figure dying and the hero living on and trying to do justice to them.

From Izzy's side, Izzy cannot be free while Edward remains either (Mary cannot find peace while Stede remains). The scar never truly healed, the leg will always be a reminder. At this point the argument becomes 'yes, but why did he have to die? Why not just sail off with the crew of the Revenge?' David has stated that he feels they've done everything they can with, and for, Izzy; he's come leagues from season 1, he's found community, he's found hope, he's found new parts of himself, and he's made good memories. He's found worth outside of what he can be to others. That's more than most pirates could hope for. Where would his character go from there, when the Golden Age of Piracy he belongs to has burned to the ground? Would he stay around and whittle on the Revenge? If he were a real person, yes, that would be lovely, and he'd deserve all the quiet peaceful happiness in the world. But as I explain several points below, he's not interested in being a captain. He's not up for the hard physical labor of regular crew, and he's extremely overqualified for that besides. He has served his narrative purpose, and symbolically, to enter a new age, everything must go. He's connected to the old age of piracy, to the Republic of Pirates, that is now demolished. To him, fighting for what he believes in, for the family he's found, bringing down an army of British twats in the process, is how he should go. It's a pirate's death, and as Izzy's said, he's a pirate - unlike Blackbeard who's succeeding in breaking away from piracy, Izzy never wanted to stop being a pirate, throughout his arc. To me, that's why Izzy remains trapped in the narrative, trapped in history, whereas Ed and Stede will escape history. They leave piracy, and canon, behind, while Izzy was content to remain a pirate and face a pirate's fate.

Burying him on land, right next to Ed and Stede's beach house, shows that his sacrifice was not in vain - they start this new life together, thanks to Izzy's mentorship, his role in their lives that sometimes for worse, sometimes for better, made their love what it was and made their breakaway possible. The new age is built on the foundations of the old age, and is stronger for it.

As we're well aware by now, David tweeted that there's no version of ofmd without Izzy. Whether that's literal or not, symbolically it's true. Izzy's arc of growth affected everyone on the Revenge. Jim fondly remembered fighting for a time when life meant something on that ship; the crew helped give Izzy new meaning in life, and he helped them in return. When he dies, they mourn and have a funeral; that wouldn't have happened under Blackbeard's watch in episode 2. His life meant something to them. He influenced Ed and Stede immensely, and they will take that with them. As David's said, they're all a family, and Izzy was a part of that family, and his loss unites them and brings them closer to continue to fight for that family they've built. It's a tragic, sudden death of someone they've all grown to care for, and that steels their reserve to keep the torch lit. They literally sail off into the sunset to hunt down Ricky to avenge Izzy; he will always be a part of this show. And, of course, with the brief appearance of seagull Buttons, the door is left open for anything.

If this was The Izzy Show, then sure, we'd be content to see him simply engaged in shenanigans every episode. But the plot, and therefore the characters, need to keep moving forward, and Izzy got his growth and development. He got what he needed for his character to have closure, and he served his symbolic narrative purpose in Ed's (and Stede's) story. You may have your own ideas and perspectives, and that's great - that's what fandom is for. But we cannot say his death was pointless when David Jenkins and the writers clearly had a well-defined motive for pushing the narrative in this direction. I actually think the narrative around Ed and Izzy is the most well-developed in the entire show. I for one am so happy we got such an interesting and complex character, and had the brilliant Con O'Neill to portray him.

Izzy's growth & healing arc was rendered pointless by his death.

As this post so eloquently puts it, it's pretty bleak to have the outlook that taking steps to heal and find meaning in life is worthless if it's later lost. Seeking happiness and self-actualization is worthwhile for its own sake; no one knows what's down the road, and we all die eventually. Find meaning in life now. Would you rather have had Izzy not miss with his bullet in ep2? He was given the chance to experience joy, freedom, and hope for the first time in potentially a long time, and when he died he did so with those happy memories. As mentioned, Izzy's death was decided long beforehand given the narrative, and the point of storytelling is to make you feel emotions. We were given impetus to connect and relate to Izzy's character through his process of healing, so when he did die, we felt it keenly. That's how stories work actually! We felt what Ed felt. It moved us. It's not a bad thing that Izzy's arc made him more likeable to fans before his death. It's not a bad thing to lose a beloved character - guess what, it happens constantly in stories - and it's not bad to grieve over it either, but to say that it made his journey pointless is just not true. People saying that Con must be upset that they snatched his character away from him after getting to develop him so much - again I say, would you rather him have died in ep 2 before he had the chance to grow? Or how about in s1, when the crew tried to mutiny? How'd you feel when Stede killed him in his dream, in the very first scene of the season? I think Con's probably glad for the opportunity to have explored this character so much in season 2. Ask him if he thinks it was pointless.

Killing off Izzy was bad for queer rep/burying your gays/"Izzy was the queer heart of the show"

I'm putting 'bury your gays' on the top shelf so people can't use it when it doesn't actually apply. Most of the main cast of characters in this show are queer, and it's a show about pirates with a good amount of violence. Ergo, chances are a queer character will die in the course of Things Happening In Stories. Izzy didn't die because he was queer, and he wasn't the token queer rep. Please turn your attention to the boatloads (literally) of queer characters that are happy and thriving (how about the LuPete wedding immediately afterwards??). As for Izzy being the "queer heart of the show," this is literally the Ed and Stede show. You know, the two queer leads whose queer love the show revolves around, per David Jenkins himself. I'm glad folks connected with and derived joy from Izzy's growth and especially his performance in Calypso's birthday, but he is not the main character of the show. The queer heart of the show is in fact, the entire show, all of their characters and the community & found family they create aboard the Revenge. Not to mention the fan community as well. Izzy was never carrying the show's representation on his back, and frankly that's an absurdly wild take to have (esp when he spent most of s1 actively working against the main queer relationships in the show, attempting to maintain the oppressive status quo of pirate society).

It was bad and irresponsible to have a suicidal character die

Are we forgetting the entire first half of the season where Ed, who was suicidal, kept trying to passively kill himself because he felt he was an unlovable monster, only to be shown that he is in fact loved unconditionally and it gives him the strength to fight for life and triumph against his own self-doubt? The show has spent quite a lot of effort telling viewers that despite feeling damaged or broken you are worthy of love and that you are loved even if it may be hard to see it when you're in a bad place. That you don't need to be fully healed to deserve love and care, and that love and support will help you along your journey. It's incredibly wild to disregard this major plot point and fundamental message of s2 to try and spin this the opposite way for Izzy's character.

Secondly, where are people getting 'Izzy is suicidal' from? Are we going back all the way to episode 2, when he's at his lowest point and fails at his suicide attempt, only to be figuratively reborn after removing the metaphorical rotten leg? By the time of the finale he's shown to be in a good place, thanks to the arc of healing and growth he's gotten, through the support of the Revenge crew and his 'breakup' with Blackbeard allowing him to find his own way in life, realizing he doesn't need a purpose to have value and enjoying his time on the Revenge and the bonds he's made with Stede and the crew. He is, in the words of Ivan, "the most open and available I've ever seen him" by the finale. To take episode 2 as evidence he's suicidal is to erase his whole season of growth, which is an ironic thing to do in the context of these arguments. There's no canon evidence Izzy Hands was suicidal post-'Fun and Games'.

As for 'irresponsible,' once again I say, David Jenkins is not your therapist, he's not 'Dad,' and has no responsibility to tell his story any other way than he intended to tell it. Please find media that gives you what you want or need, and if the death of a fictional character causes you this much distress please seek help. I mean this kindly but seriously.

Killing off Izzy was ableist/bad for disability rep.

I point once again to the rest of the characters, several of which are disabled in varied ways. There are literally multiple other amputee characters specifically. It's not good storytelling to wholly avoid killing off any character that is disabled/queer/poc/female or [insert marginalized group here], especially when a) it makes sense narratively, and b) there's plenty of representation of these groups in the media in question. The answer isn't making such characters invincible and immortal, it's increasing the number of these characters in shows so it's not devastating when some do die in the course of natural storytelling.

OFMD was my comfort show/safe space show, now it's ruined for me

I am not trying to be insensitive here when I say that's a problem that is yours and nobody else's. David Jenkins created this show with a three-season vision and a story in mind, and he is telling that story to the best of his ability the way he wants to. It's already been said that he and the crew did not anticipate the fandom becoming as large and passionate as it has. The plot of the show was never intended to be 'fan service,' and it's ironic that there were people complaining this season that there's been too many fanservice tropes, up until David and the rest of the writers room made a narrative decision they did not like, then the complaints changed to not coddling the fans enough.

We as viewers can derive joy from this show, it can be a comfort to us, it can be important to us. But it was not designed specifically for that purpose, therefore it cannot fail in that respect. We do not have the right to harass writers for not steering the ship in the direction we want - it's their work of art, and we can choose to either come along for the ride or not. It's rare to see creators actually given the chance to tell their story the way they intend (budget cuts aside), so let him do that. He should not cater to fans, or cave and change the story to appease us. Respect his right to create his art, and remember you have the right to create your own. That's what fanfiction is for - write fix-its to your heart's content, but keep these realms separate. David Jenkins and Co hold zero, and I mean zero, responsibility to you. He could not please everyone no matter what he did, it would be fruitless to try, and it would certainly compromise the quality of the story he set out to tell.

You are absolutely allowed to dislike choices made in any show. Curate your media experience. If this show no longer brings you joy, stop watching. But it was never David's purpose nor responsibility to juggle the mental health of millions of fans. Trying to put that on him will only make him less enthusiastic about interacting with fans or continuing to make this show. This isn't rocket science. You're responsible for yourself, not this guy you call 'Dad' that you've developed a parasocial-therapist relationship with.

Izzy should have become captain of the Revenge.

Really?? Firstly, we did actually get that already in s1. He was tyrannical and the crew mutinied. But even if you think 'well after his character arc he'd be better suited to it,' it goes against the point of this arc. He's found value in not having a distinct role or purpose on the ship, decoupling his worth from the job he's expected to perform. He's found his place amongst the crew, not commanding it. There's no narrative reason to put him in charge when he's expressed no further interest in slotting himself back into a role full of pressure and expectations.

Con O'Neill was only told halfway through filming, it's cruel to just kill off the character he loves so much.

Guys, he's an actor. More than that, an actor with a theater background. I think he's used to characters dying. You don't need to look out for him. Con and David spoke one on one about it at length so they were on the same page, and David even said that Con took it well. I'm sure Con had input, just as other members of the cast have influenced their characters' stories, costumes, backstories, etc. Do you really think David Jenkins hurt Con's feelings or something? The writers (remember, it's not just David, it's a whole team of hard-working people coming up with these ideas) gave Con such a chance to shine this season, really developing Izzy beyond what he was given in s1 and letting Con show off his full acting range. Why are you only focusing on the destination rather than the journey? Sure, Con's probably sad to see Izzy go, but please do not project your distress onto him or try and accuse David & Co of being 'cruel' to their cast. That's really ridiculous. It's constantly evident how close they all are.

More importantly, do you actually, seriously think that Con O'Neill would want fans to harass each other or the writers over his character? The man who preaches being kind above all? There is no better way to make an actor uncomfortable about a show and its fanbase than to start treating fictional characters like they're more important than real people. He would not want you to bully people over Izzy Hands, and it's mind-boggling that some of you have convinced yourself otherwise.

Lastly, I just want to talk about the fact that some people are holding OFMD to absurdly high expectations.

Our Flag Means Death has been a pioneer series for its diverse representation, earnest storytelling, and themes of hope, community, and love. It's fine to discuss aspects of the show with a critical eye, but so much of the discourse has truly felt like folks are trying to find fault in a show that is leagues ahead of the average tv series that we still enjoy. How many fan favorites are killed off all the time? How many plotlines are scrapped, or drawn out without closure, or contradicted the very next season? How many shows are indifferent or actively hostile towards their fanbase? How many have any queer characters, or actually do bury them? The bar's so low, and OFMD has risen above to give us so much. Some are holding the show to astronomical expectations, waiting for it to fall from the pedestal it's been placed on. If something you don't like happens in the show, it's not suddenly ruined or demoted to being ~just as bad as those other shows~. Give them some breathing room, have some perspective on how progressive the show is, and that perfection is impossible, especially meeting every single viewer's idea of it. This is basically a repeat of the recent Good Omens drama, with an absurd number of people harassing Neil Gaiman for breaking up Aziraphale and Crowley and leaving the second of three acts on a very predictable cliffhanger. Let stories be told, let them unfold as they may, and you are free to leave anytime. It's so wonderful that more queer love stories are becoming popular and even mainstream, but let's not shoot ourselves in the foot by tearing them down when they don't go exactly the way you want it, which often seems to mean no drama, no character deaths, and therefore no conflict or even plot!

Just, please be civil human beings, and while this seems to be a difficult thing for so many fandoms to do, just keep your fan opinions in the fan space. Never bring your grievances to the writers, never bully them and persecute them for telling a story that you opted into viewing. That's something that goes entirely against everything this show, and this cast and crew, have imparted onto us - the importance of kindness, support, community, and love. I'll say it again because it bears repeating: the fate of a fictional character is never more important than how you treat real people. Just be kind in real life, which includes the internet. Thanks.

Now please, let's work together to ensure we get a season 3. There's so much more story to be told, and if you want to see Izzy back, whether that's as flashbacks, as a ghost haunting the inn, or in the gravy basket, we'll need more episodes! #RenewAsACrew

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #and after this i will speak of it no more ok #now once we're all calmed down i am really looking forward to meta about izzy's role in the narrative #i truly think izzy's one of the most well written characters on not just this show but on tv lately in general #suicide mention tw #I tried to put a read more under the first bullet point but tumblr's formatting basically deleted it #by automatically overriding it with an Expand #so sorry about the length and such

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joz-yyh · 5 months

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Another Bounty Hunter x Flagellant Comic

Oh no, BH let it slip!! 😳 🫣 🤭 (Figured I might as well share this since I hardly ever finish stuff. There's a lot of backstory so if any ya'll are interested in the build up, just ask and I'll make a separate post. :>)

#bounty hunter/flagellant #bhf #dd bounty hunter #dd flagellant #darkest dungeon #bounty hunter #flagellant #my art #my bhxf art #darkest dungeon bounty hunter #darkest dungeon flagellant #flaghunter #tarmian #long post #the last comic I did I put under a read more #this time I am trying full length #let me know which you prefer #bounty hunter x flagellant #my darkest dungeon art

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aroaceleovaldez · 1 year

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I actually have a very specific headcanon for how Will Solace ended up at CHB that I don’t really talk about much in-depth (besides some little inklings of it on Deadangelos here and there) because of how he’s only introduced in TLO, so I figured i’d get into it.

Because we know Will isn’t a camper in BoTL but is in TLO (and was made counselor because he literally only had two siblings left), I headcanon that he joined camp in the off-season the winter after BoTL.

Basically, I figure Will got into a fight with some bullies at school, not necessarily because they were bullying him (because people tend to just kind of generally like him) but because he’s the kind of person who calls people out on their BS, and he got so mad that he accidentally caused some kind of minor plague. Either a plague of rats or locusts or just plain old weird case of like The Black Death. Whatever happened, obviously nobody assumed it was him because that seems physically impossible, but his school ends up closed down for a bit so Will has to find a new school. And cause he’s twelve and his powers are starting to ramp up more and he has to find a new school anyways (and maybe Naomi is about to go on tour and isn’t able to help Will find a new school at that moment) they decide it’s time for him to go to CHB and that he’ll be a year-round camper unless he gets sick of it and really wants to come home in the off-season. So Will goes to CHB in the middle of winter and immediately it sucks. It’s that kind of sleet weather where all the snow is grey and wet and keeps freezing and unfreezing. It’s annoyingly cold but not really cold enough for a heavy jacket and it’s cloudy and dark and the sun sets by like 4. And Will’s from Texas and an Apollo kid (never seen snow before and solar-powered) so he’s immediately miserable and Argus has to basically drag him from the airport to camp.

And then when he actually gets to camp it turns out he’s the only Apollo kid there. Because year-round Apollo kids are basically unheard of (given their powers are generally mellow enough that they’re fine going home for the off-season and Apollo kids are notorious snowbirds anyways) (and canonically there were no year-round Apollo kids pre-TLO). And it’s the dead of winter between BoTL and TLO so camp is particularly empty with like probably a dozen or so campers total. So Will is stuck in an empty cabin feeling miserable and there’s barely any other campers to make friends with (and even fewer his own age, since he’s at that point one of if not the youngest kid in camp). He tries to make friends regardless and Drew immediately adopts him as her best friend (and he doesn’t really get a choice in the matter) and Chiron ends up taking Will under his wing as a medic apprentice, which Will enjoys and it helps brighten his spirits a bit, which makes everyone else in camp feel a little bit better in turn because seeing a little happy sunny twelve year old Apollo kid running around healing people really helps takes their minds off their impending doom, especially while camp is the most barren it’s been in decades.

Then the other Apollo kids start trickling back when the weather turns and it’s a little awkward because Will has to get used to having siblings and not being in an empty cabin and the other Apollo kids have to get used to having a new sibling right after they all just lost Lee Fletcher (which Will is very mortified to learn about). And it’s even more awkward because they’re not used to siblings arriving to CHB while nobody’s there, so Will’s already used to camp and knows everybody except the summer-only kids so they don’t have to show him the ropes or anything, but also Will’s been doing everything by himself so it’s odd for him to adjust to having to listen to his older siblings. Weird feelings all around. (And extra bonus points if we’re also going with the headcanon that plague children of Apollo are considered bad luck, so Will feels extra bad about showing up right after the old cabin counselor died and right before the major battle of the war, and so refuses to tell anyone about his plague powers.)

It gets better for a bit when Kayla and Austin join camp a little before the Battle For Manhattan, cause Will isn’t the youngest in the cabin anymore and they’re both also year-rounders, but then it immediately turns sour when after the war suddenly those three are the only ones in the cabin. So now Will is traumatized and has to be in charge of his also traumatized barely-younger-than-him siblings, and he’s in an (almost) empty cabin again, and he’s only been at camp for less than a year and is still one of the youngest kids at camp. And he still doesn’t like winters in New York and he misses his mom.

Things turn up for him a bit after the war when there's the sudden huge influx of new campers, so he’s not the youngest anymore and he has something to busy himself with and camp is bustling even in the off-season. But for that first year Will just has an absolutely cruddy time, because man it must have sucked to be a campers joining in the middle of the Titan War.

#pjo #riordanverse #will solace #headcanon #headcanons #long post #long post //#might edit to be under a read-more later who knows #this is one of my weird posts that's long enough to warrant the long post tag #but not really long enought to warrant a read-more? liminal post length #anyways i think a lot about titan war era chb and how empty it was #especially in the winters #and how we KNOW that Will cant have joined earlier than BoTL so he has to have joined at like. the worst time possible #and we know from TTC that there were no year-round cabin 7 kids #so Will joining between books being one of the youngest kids and alone in his cabin in an empty camp must have SUCKED #and then on top of it all. he's also from texas and stuck in his first NY winter

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chuplayswithfire · 2 years

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stede, inadequacy, and the perpetuating cycle of self-hate and low self-esteem

i've been pondering making a post on this ever since i started my live re-watch (which. no one ask how that's going) because that "i am adequate" moment of stede's is just. exquisite.

the surface layer of this moment is that it shows that stede's self-esteem is clearly in the toilet, because his pep-up talk to himself, his power-pose serious-face getting-himself-together moment, is saying something as underwhelming as "i am adequate". it's heart-warming that he's realized this about himself, and heart-breaking that this is as far as his self-confidence can take him.

but as i've considered the series, and stede, on further rewatches, what i've started to notice is... that statement is correct. mostly.

stede is adequate. stede is fit for the task at hand. stede is, in this moment, capable.

and the part that i've been chewing over is: this may be one of the very few moments in stede's life where this is true.

think about it: stede has been told all his life that he is a lily-livered little rich boy, that he's a coward, that he's useless, that he has nothing of worth and value to the world. now, obviously these are horrible, cruel, and objectively terrible things to say to any child, and it's hellacious that these things were repeated to stede by his father and peers, and that his mother appears to have played absolutely no roll in counteracting that message, and people come out of that kind of confidence-destroying, self-esteem crushing experience with, generally, one of two responses:

they make themselves the best thing since sliced bread often accompanied by a brutal perfectionism streak

they stop making real efforts and withdraw because nothing they do will ever be good enough

stede's pretty clearly fallen into that second category. by the beginning of the series we can see that pre-the revenge stede (and honestly, even captain of the revenge!stede) has retreated primarily into a life of fantasy and fiction, withdrawing into reading and his own thoughts and barely paying attention to or really interacting with the world around him.

he reads at the dining room table, able to completely block out the sounds of his children running and shouting, fails to hear mary even when they're having direct conversations (buddy she hates the ocean-), has hired lucius to record fantastical versions of his life as a pirate for what appears to be the specific purpose of turning them into a memoir...

stede has checked out completely. and the thing is? you cannot be "useful" or "helpful" or "build meaningful relationships" when you are that checked out.

at that point in his life, post-childhood and pre-piracy, stede had checked out of being an active participant in his own life. he marries the woman his father found for him, he and mary have the children that are required (i don't think it's a coincidence that the writing team chose to give them only two children, and make the youngest the boy), and they live the very bare-bones version of the life they're supposed to and it is not enough. they are rich and comfortable and have family dinner nightly and stede is so miserable that he cries alone in the dark.

and part of that is because he hates his life. part of that is because this life doesn't fit him and it's not what he wants. part of it is that he's about as straight as an ouroboros.

but a big part of it is that stede still feels as useless and unwanted and incapable as he was made to feel as a child, only this time, the reason he feels that way is because he's internalized how horrible he is at everything, so he doesn't even really try.

sure, we don't see a lot of stede and mary's married life, but what we do see speaks volumes: mary seems to be the principle minder of the children, the one who knows about their nightmares, the one who asks them about their favorite animals, the one who enjoys raising them. mary also seems to be the active partner in the marriage: mary makes an anniversary gift that represents their marriage and wedding day, crafted from her very own creative pursuit that she wants to share with stede.

the primary interaction we see stede have is playing pirates with the children right after mary has asked him not to because it's caused nightmares, and using the moment where mary has asked alma and louis about their favorite horse to interject with his favorite horse.

and like, i'm not here to say stede was a horrible useless father or anything like that, but as a father, stede was clearly not successful - louis is absolutely old enough to remember his father, but he doesn't, even though it can't have been more than a few months since stede left, a year at the absolute maximum. and that could be interpreted as louis being passive aggressive, but i think that would be a very loose interpretation; it's much more likely that stede was genuinely not a strong presence in louis' mind, because he wasn't a very involved parent.

the primary interactions we see between mary and stede are equally distant - stede barely touches her for their engagement/wedding portrait, is also distant in the family portrait (which is one reason he can be so easily painted out of it), appears to regularly ignore mary during conversations or at the very least quickly forget about them (the ocean.... bro the ocean -), and provided an anniversary gift that was entirely focused on his own wants and needs, aka, the desire to retreat further into those fantasies by running off on a boat. to break up the monotony - which he's clearly never spoken to mary about feeling, because she's shocked to hear that he finds their lives monotonous.

and like, domestic life can be very monotonous - but it can also be dynamic and exhilarating, especially when you have young children and you're helping them grow and change and transform into actual people. it seems very likely that one of the reasons that stede finds life with his family so monotonous is that he's not actually participating in it.

and this is probably part of why he cries at night. this is definitely part of why he feels useless, and its absolutely why he thought he could just walk away from his family without a real word to them about it. to tie this back to the thesis statement:

stede has been "inadequate" his entire life, and that was initially due to the abusive and unrealistic standards he was held to by his father and peers, but that continued into his adult life because of stede's own internalizing of that abuse. stede is inadequate because he doesn't try, not in ways that would leave him emotionally vulnerable, and he doesn't try because he's been told all his life that he's useless and inadequate and a failure. it's a perpetuating cycle that doesn't break until stede finally walks away.

the idea came to stede to escape further into fantasy and build that boat - and he had it built, without speaking about it to mary until it was far enough along that it was either completed or nearly so, depending on how much time you think passed between the anniversary scene and the "we only have one life" scene. the idea was initially one where he was accompanied by his family, but it doesn't seem like stede actually considered the details of actually having his family aboard the ship, not the way he considered the details of having it entirely crafted to his preferences and desires and interests. his family being aboard the ship with him was not the central focus of the fantasy - the fantasy was running away and starting a new life as someone cool, someone adventurous, someone people respected.

stede was inadequate as a father and husband, because he was too convinced of his own worthlessness to *try* to be a good father and husband. he was no longer being psychologically and emotionally abused at home, but it didn't matter, because his mindset was such that his own unpacked trauma was doing a fine job of carrying out the abuse in absence of people eager to inflict the abuse for him.

and then we get to the revenge, and stede is, as we all know, entirely inadequate as a sailor, a captain, and a pirate.

he has great ideas, he has a people positive management style, and plenty of money to throw around, but he doesn't know how the ship works, he doesn't know how to help on the ship, and he doesn't know how to engage with his crew in a way that earns their respect. they don't hate him, but even lucius is on board for the mutiny, and even oluwande, who actually seems to like him first, thinks he's going to get them all killed. everyone except stede knows he's bad at this, and then, stede knows he's bad at this.

and it's pretty crushing! it hurts his confidence, a LOT, and then in walks nigel badminton, a living representation of that internalized self-hatred and all stede's low self-esteem... of course stede whacks him over the head once nigel starts in on the bullying and the rhetoric. of course he does! there's only so much a person can take.

this is when things start to turn around a bit for stede. first: the guilt and the horror set in, the emergence from fantasy back into something like reality: stede realizes that there is no going back. there is no return to his old life. he is a pirate and being a pirate is not like the fantasies he had - it is killing and blood and his childhood bully's corpse on the ground in a puddle of blood, a sword through his head. it is taking hostages and realizing his crew wants to torture them and trying to gently ease away from that. it's losing his hostages and again realizing - i might be bad at this. i might be terrible at this. i might once more be as useless as everyone has always said i am. it is freaking out, and then it's gathering himself once more and saying -

"i am adequate"

it's trying. it's actually trying, earnestly. that plan to steal the hostages back from izzy might be silly and ridiculous, but it's thought out, and most importantly, it takes advantage of stede's only strength - everyone underestimates him. everyone thinks he's useless.

he wins his men back because izzy turns away from him even though stede has a knife drawn, because he never thinks enough of stede to imagine he'd do something with it.

in these first two episodes alone, we see stede put forth more significant effort at being a pirate than he ever seems to have put being into a father or husband. he's engaging. he's sharing his interests in a way that invite others to develop their interests. he's sharing vulnerability and seeking counsel and guidance. he's putting himself out there, and the show rewards him for this with success: with getting his first hostages, and then with stealing one back from a trio of actually dangerous pirates. episode three actually continues this trend, despite the fact that stede is tricked, betrayed, and stabbed - episode three shows us that by trying, by putting forth efforts, by not withdrawing but being active, stede has captured the attention of blackbeard himself - leading to stede's rescue in his great time of need, by blackbeard himself.

and episodes four through seven feature stede rising to still greater heights - the more effort he puts in, the more he's rewarded. it's a pretty simple point but it's there: the less stede withdraws from the world, the more effort he puts in, the more effort he puts in, the more adequate and confident he feels, the more adequate and confident he feels, the more he bonds with other people -

to the point that in episode eight, stede has enough confidence to stand in front of his crew and ed both and tell jack to get off his ship. even after an entire episode where he was pushed back into those feelings of inadequacy and helplessness, he takes his newfound confidence and sense of self and he sets a hard boundary and tells jack to get off his ship, and just as importantly, he does not take it back even when this causes him to lose ed.

yes, he spends the entire night spying on them like a creep, but stede does not go chasing after ed, he doesn't lower the boundary, he doesn't trample over his own newly-gained sense of self-worth by frantically backpedaling. even in the face of a break up, he holds fast.

that's really fucking good. that's incredible, for a guy with such terrible self-esteem, and i would wager that most of you reading this felt as proud of him as i did.

which is also, by the way, probably the same reason most of us felt so damned disappointed in episode nine, when stede falters under chauncey badminton and the re-traumatization of seeing him die, and the horrible, soul-destroying spew of words spat at him.

stede goes back to his family in barbados not because he actually wants to be with them, but because he wants to punish himself. because he feels that he is a plague upon the earth who has ruined ed, and that by leaving he somehow unbalanced the universe and caused destruction to his family. he is resigning himself to a life he hates (and resigning his family to living with him and his misery) because the trauma of that experience - from the kidnapping all the way down to chauncey's accidental death - has eviscerated his burgeoning self-confidence and newly grown sense of self-esteem. in that moment, stede is lower than any other moment in the present course of the show, because by the time the show started, stede had decided he deserved happiness, no matter how inadequate he might be. end of episode nine stede has relinquished that.

he is making his house a prison again, a place of misery and pain, again. because stede's house could have always been a better place. his relationship with mary would have never been romantically loving, but it could have been friendly, it could have been warm. his relationship with his children could have been close-knit and essential, instead of a bond so thin Louis has already forgotten him. all stede would have needed to do is meet them halfway, and he couldn't. he was too miserable, too-filled with self-loathing, too consumed by other people's judgements of his worth, and now he's pickling in that toxic cocktail of self-hate and self-doubt all over again - and where stede was expressing it all via withdrawal and sadness before, now he expresses it through anger.

he's angry that he came back and no one seems to have missed him. he's angry that mary replaced him. he's angry that mary won't give up the "dishonest title", won't give up the life she made for herself the way he gave up the life he made for himself. he's hurting still and he's sad still, but he's expressing it through anger, and that's why he's snide and cutting and passive-aggressive, and eventually, violent. stede's angry that he gave up everything to come back here and fix what he "ruined" and the sacrifice isn't appreciated or wanted.

and then you know, he's nearly killed and the shock of that bursts his bubble, and the tension between he and mary. they talk, finally. mary gets what she wanted, which is a conversation, which is stede meeting her halfway, and between the two of them and in a newly safe space, stede can admit that this isn't working, and he can admit what will work, and he can admit what he wants, which is to be in love with ed and go after him.

but he was only able to get to that point because he started trying. he was only able to reach out and find closure and peace and love and happiness and friendship because he stopped checking out, stopping punishing himself, and started trying.

the only way out is through. wherever you go, there you are. the only way for stede to begin overcoming his trauma and grappling with his low self-esteem and endless cycle of misery was to invest in his life and engage with it and do something, anything, about it.

that's one of the many points of stede's narrative: that you have to try. you have to reach out. stede was a participant in making his own misery, and mary's misery, and his kids' misery, all because after years of emotional and psychological abuse he had withdrawn into himself and stopped reaching out - which meant that he couldn't have meaningful connections - which hurt - which made him withdraw, and so on, and so on.

the point of stede being a middle-aged man when he finds love and gets his first tastes of real happiness is to show that it's never too late to start over. it's never too late to try. it's never too late to be an active participant in your own life. it's never too late to choose happiness.

tldr: you can't feel adequate or confident or happy if you don't become an active participant in your own life.

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd meta #stede bonnet #father bonnet #mary allamby bonnet #blackbonnet #i worked on this for a few hours while i was at work just. thinking about HIM #stede is a really great example of the way misery comes to roost in your brain and keeps you pinned in until you DO something #even when that something is wild and radical and everyone around you thinks its insane #initially this was not under a read more but i irritated MYSELF having to scroll past it #so under a read more for length it goes

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landoftheway · 11 months

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With the latest GG Strive patch I’ve seen a lot of takes on Happy Chaos’ new dialogue with Baiken boiling it down to him just not finding her to be a good source of drama, and while I think that’s an element of his discomfort around her I also think the real source of it runs deeper.

We know from Another Story, Baiken’s arcade run, and her theme song that she and her blade have effectively become “mirrors” for the people she faces. One of Chaos’s new intros with also refers to this:

Chaos: "I've never seen an eye like that before."

Baiken: "That's 'cause I've never seen one like you before."

In this case, her eye as Chaos perceives it is different (and from his tone of voice some degree of uncomfortable) specifically because of what Baiken is seeing with it when she looks at him. And I think this is precisely where Chaos’ discomfort lies: having to look at himself. He outright says to Asuka in one of their intros that “You know I have no interest in myself”, and in the Main Story when driving with I-No he tells her that “I don’t even have a self to lose sight of.” That last statement is of particular importance because it’s more or less the crux of his character: The Original was so buried under all the combined information of the Backyard that he was warped into what he is now, a being composed of nothing but the sum total of humanity’s collective desires.

But here’s the thing: Chaos DOES still have a sense of self. As muddled as his memories are he can still recall specifics of his past with Asuka and clearly has a particular attachment to him as his student, and even if his methodology has drastically changed he’s still ultimately working for what he considers the benefit of humanity. The Original is still there underneath all the noise, but Chaos clearly doesn’t want to acknowledge that presence. As for the why of that, I think Baiken says it best with three of her unique taunts against him, the first two being in the game and the third being cut content you can only find by digging through the files (you can hear it and other special dialogue here for those curious):

“Forgetting’s your thing; feelings, memories, everything. But what’s left of you when they’re gone? Forgetting’s the only way to embrace the chaos inside you. Can’t fathom what that’s like. But I bet I’m the last one you wanna meet.”

“Scared of yourself? Huh, same here.”

“My blade can’t touch those who don’t doubt themselves. But you... you’ve rejected yourself entirely. But your reason for being holds firm. Something keeps you tethered, but what? How can you possibly win? What do you hold in your heart? Atonement, salvation, ruin? Hope, desire, equilibrium? You’re prepared for all of it? I hate to admit it, but you’re fighting your own battle. That can’t be easy, being nobody’s friend or foe, not having anyone to rely on. You didn’t choose your path, so why accept it? Why take on this eternal curse? Don’t tell me I’m the only one who can save you...”

So all of that is still kinda vague, but I think it paints a clear enough picture of why Chaos doesn’t like or even want to acknowledge himself: his self as The Original is to some extent incompatible with his existence as Happy Chaos. Maybe it’s the former’s guilt at the more extreme and reprehensible actions of the latter, maybe it’s that their interpretations of what’s best for humanity have just drifted that far apart, or maybe it’s just fear at what looking back at how much he’s changed might do to him. Either way, it seems pretty clear to me that the big reason Chaos wants to stay far away from Baiken is because whenever he looks at her he has to look at himself, and as he says if he beats her in a fight, “Win or lose, there's nothing in it for me. This is the worst.”

#under a read-more for length #hey what a shock i have a fair bit to say about my 2 favorite gg characters #guilty gear #happy chaos #baiken

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macroglossus · 1 month

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HER ASS IS BACK IN COLLEGE 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡

wait also want to clarify re: minor learning disability that it affects my life in other ways and im truly horrific at any math past basic algebra bc i cannot comprehend it but i was in geometry when i was 15 so in the time that i took the Comprehensive Test and it's funny that i read the sheet that said NVLD, probably googled it, and then went Huh :) won't think about that one again :) and proceeded to weep nightly over math homework and go WHY ME WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. baby girl what news did you get one month prior

#YIPPEE college time. hope i dont fucking flunk again #accidentally wrote a homer-length epic about frustrations with mental health diagnoses so just screenshotted it and added under a read more #because this blog is my diary

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azure-steel · 27 days

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❛ i don't care if someone sees us. i need you, now. ❜ // :3c

𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 - No longer accepting

@speedchasing

It was always the same after a fight; the roaring euphoric high claimed with the victory, the wild thump of the heart against heaving ribs, the raw burn of each breath dragged into the lungs. There was no other feeling quite like it, any wonder that volatile acts of violence would lend themselves so well to the scorching swell of arousal.

The line between the two was so dangerously thin, as Cloud would notice the very second he was pulled back into the remnants of his most recent fray via a hard yank of the wrist, swiftly followed by a violent arm about the waist as his most recent assailant pulled him close, flush against a broad chest. The blond would offer very little resistance, he hasn’t the mental capacity to react at all right then except to stare back stupidly. To blink up at this man once again commanding every ounce of his attention as he had done each and every time they had crossed paths; a deer caught in headlights as it were, and how it would appear to anyone on the outside looking in.

The epitome of tragic star-crossed dancers frozen in time amidst the carnage of their own creation. A macabre celebration of death and destruction.

“I don't care if someone sees us. I need you, now.”

Cloud heard the words forming in the bowels of Roche’s throat, could see the harmony of each sound flickering off the tongue and shaped by the lips, and emphasised by that trademark grin - the kind which reached the eyes, each framed by those obscenely long lashes. He could feel everything all at once, the way this man would breathe against him, the sound of his voice, the heat of his body bleeding through his clothes.

The way in which he looked at him; a beast suddenly overcome with a bout of insatiable starvation.

And he understood those words for what they were, could even return the sentiment with words of his own were it not for the heavy distraction of that hot swell of fresh blood filling the deepest most intimate parts of him, flooding the gateways of his most rational thoughts. A whole new misery Cloud was unlikely to forget any time soon.

Bright eyes wide he merely stood and drank it all in, the once dizzying clarity of the world around them fading into obscurity, as he felt himself sinking, drowning in that touch while the very corners of his mind would tilt and send the clutter of his own reality spilling over his own serrated edges.

But that blazing inferno he could feel where their bodies met, the muscle of their chest competing for space where there was simply none to have, it was not how Strife had imagined it. Perhaps he'd imagined that subtle flutter of figurative moths in his belly, not this raging fire threatening to burn through his skin. This was something else, not just a deep rooted case of casual lust cast aside and mistaken for something else awakening in the dazzling heat of this moment, but accompanied by a white-hot seething rage frothing into the base of his gullet.

A hand would rise, gloved fingers twisting viciously into the cloth of Roche’s overshirt and finally a verbal response, hissed between the teeth of a clenched jaw.

“What are you doing?”

Cloud cares not for the SOLDIER’s answer, he doesn’t bother to even wait not when every ounce of strength he had left began to pour into every limb, forcing the body of the taller man backwards with a brutal velocity that it was any surprise if the smaller blond didn’t actually wind the man the moment he lost his footing and fell onto his back. The Third was fast, much faster than he even without the vehicle, as nimble on his feet as any cat, but Cloud was stronger, and honed far less honour and grace when it came to wielding that strength. So much so, more often than not it would send him blind.

Though where this raw power was coming from right then was anyone's guess; the anger, the violence, it didn’t feel like his own. As though he could be somebody else at that moment. As though he was looking on from above and witnessing this strange display playing out in slow motion.

But that carnal desire resting heavy in the very pit of his gut, that was his burden alone to bear, to cultivate and nurture it until it grew into a monster all of its own. Perhaps it was that very monster attempting the break free right here in this pseudo battle field.

Cloud followed suit as Roche collided with the floor, diving after him, straddling that lithe waist and grabbing the other’s collar, lifting the dead weight of the SOLDIER’s shoulders from the cold hard floor, their faces so close he could feel the rapid flow of Roche’s breath rushing against the flesh of each cheek. And his shadow would cast long across the one beneath, looming and threatening in every sense of the term.

“You chat so much shit, you know that?!” his tone was sharp, vicious and accentuated with the rough shake of the other’s body rag-dolling along with Cloud's rhythm in his grip.

“If you want me so bad then prove it!! Prove it to me!!”

With that said, the heat had spiked and reached its peak, burning away whatever fragments of his good sense Cloud had left to ashes when their mouths would meet. A savage clash of lips, teeth and tongue, ragged breaths and a coquettish moan rumbling from the throat. So very far removed from a battle to be won but a moment of unadulterated desperation where anguished cries were reduced to little more than simpering whimpers, where the world around them dissolved leaving nothing left in its wake but they, right there amidst the burning carcasses of war machines and their pilots.

If there was no place for them on this dying planet, then the here and now was it. In that moment there was no where else, only this, they, and the thirst quenching release of an intimacy a long time coming.

But it wasn’t enough. It was never, ever going to be enough.

“Stay…” a quivering whisper when that kiss finally broke, fingers releasing the jacket in favour of cupping the others face before going in for a second, softer, chaste -

“...stay…”

And then a third.

“...stay.”

#speedchasing #Not Interested - answered asks #not smutty #but stuck it under a read more anyway for length #This... got away from me though #I'm dead sorry ;;

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cattatonically · 1 year

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Want You Bad - Day 1

This is part of a series for #sterekvalentineweek - I would suggest reading them in order.

What you can generally expect - hilarity, chaos, mishaps, slow burn, strong language, and vague descriptions of some minor criminal activity.

I hope you have as much fun on this adventure as I did!

When Stiles and Kira had first discussed their post-college plans, returning to Beacon Hills had not been at the top of Stiles' list. Coming from the east coast, Kira had never been, and Stiles rather intended to keep it that way.

But she’d convinced him otherwise - he'd grown up there, his father was still there. Hadn't he missed him all these years? And well, if Kira knew how to do one thing, it was tug at Stiles' heartstrings. Besides, her parents were happily travelling through their retirement, and Kira didn’t want to go back to an empty house.

And so off to Beacon Hills they went.

While Stiles had studied criminology, he'd figured out early on that a career in law enforcement wasn't quite his speed. So, he worked part-time as an administrative assistant (his dad's personal assistant, really, let's be honest), as he studied for his private investigator's licence, while Kira went right into office administration at the most prestigious law firm in town - Hale & Whittemore.

Which was how they'd met (well, Stiles had been re-introduced to) Peter Hale. The sparks between Peter and Kira were undeniable. But nothing happened - not for the longest time. Not until Stiles had passed his licensing exam, and established his own office, taking Kira with him. With ethics out of the way, Stiles knew the inevitable was coming.

Stiles loved Kira dearly, and he always would. But she and Peter fit way better - complimented each other way better. There were no hard feelings when Stiles and Kira broke off their romantic relationship. Especially not when she was a master of business administration, and Stiles was, well, not.

The wedding of Peter Hale and Kira Yukimura was the event to end all events. And Stiles couldn't have been happier for his best friends. What he'd lost in a romantic partner, he'd gained in a true friendship, and a new friendship with Peter, which was both a blessing and a curse, as Stiles had never met anyone who could keep up with him like Peter could.

Moving back to Beacon Hills had also brought up a whole new set of complications for Stiles in the form of one Deputy Derek Hale.

Stiles, of course, had known Derek through Cora at school. But he hadn't anticipated Derek growing up to be so... Well. So hot. And the small crush that Stiles had harboured all those years ago? It wasn’t so small anymore.

Five years since coming back to Beacon Hills, four since establishing his office, and three since Peter and Kira's wedding, and things had not gotten a whole lot better for Stiles. In fact, if he didn't know any better, he'd think that the universe was dead set on conspiring against him. And Peter laughing his ass off at him from the other side of the booth at their favourite hole in the wall bar was not helping matters.

“You’re a dick, you know that right?” Stiles asked, finishing his drink.

“If anyone’s the dick here, isn’t it you?”

“Ha ha, private dick jokes, real classy Peter.” Stiles rolled his eyes at Peter, and then indicated that he was about to go to the bar for another round.

As Stiles stood and turned, he crashed right into a chest. A very firm chest. A firm, uniformed chest. As Stiles realized these things in quick succession, he also realized something else - he was wet. And so was the uniformed chest.

Stiles took a step back, only to look up at the unamused raised eyebrow of Deputy Derek Hale. Who was now holding a very empty wine glass. When Stiles looked down, he realized that both he and Derek had matching, red stains across the front of their shirts. Stiles looked up, and said the first thing that came to mind: “Uh…”

“Smooth, Stiles,” Peter teased from behind him. Stiles looked over his shoulder long enough to throw him a glare. Then he turned back to Derek, who still looked unfairly hot despite the annoyance in his eyes.

“Uh. Let me get you another?” Stiles smiled sheepishly, and reached for the glass in Derek’s hand. Stiles stilled when Derek took a step back.

“I’m just going to go home. And shower. I smell like office supplies and a vineyard. See you, Stiles. Uncle Peter.” With a nod, Derek turned and walked out of the bar. Stiles watched him go, sinking back into the booth.

“Well, as far as attempts at buying my dear nephew a drink go, I’ve seen worse.”

“You have?” Stiles turned to look at Peter, not really registering the smirk on his face until it was too late.

“Not by much. But yes.” Stiles growled, turning fully back into the booth to face his asshole best friend.

"Peter, when you told me I could come talk to you about anything, I really did not sign up for mocking and humiliation."

"It really should have been implied, sweetheart."

"What happened to a little care and empathy!"

"If you wanted that, you should have asked my wife out for a beer, not me."

"You're so mean to me."

"You wouldn't have me any other way." Stiles draped his arms over the table, and then laid his head down on them, groaning into them.

At this rate, he’d never even get Derek to smile at him, let alone agree to a date. As if reading Stiles’ thought process, Peter patted Stiles on head. He really, really hated his asshole best friend right now, but he was right. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

#sterekvalentineweek2023 #Teen Wolf #Stiles Stilinski #Derek Hale #Peter Hale #Slow burn #Stiles is a bit of a disaster #Peter is here for it #Under a read more for length #sterek is endgame #Rest assured #Catt writes

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impishsensei-a · 6 months

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@jikoku asked: "please don't go... don't leave me." angsty prompts pt. 1 || accepting

satoru doesn't really remember much about the moment it happens. one second, he's floating atop the world. he hasn't felt this good since he finally figured out how rct works and mastered both his red and hollow purple abilities. he's grinning wide, blood coursing through his veins as he stands proud over his victory. he's won — all that's left is to get megumi back, give suguru a proper burial, and work toward truly restructuring jujutsu society... if it could even be called that anymore.

and then he's on the floor.

he can't even process what happened. he doesn't even feel pain — he can hardly feel anything at all, really. he hears sukuna's words, and he manages a bloody smile. it sure was fun. when he blinks next he's not even there anymore. he's at an airport of all places, and all his old friends are there. it hits him then what really just happened and damn. he's conflicted. he thinks the joy of seeing them all again, of having the fight of his life, it keeps his spirits high. he does believe in his students, he knows they will pull through just like they did before. they're stronger together. the others all take their leave, and satoru's alone with his thoughts. does time pass here? is this even really the afterlife or some figment of his imagination? is his soul just floating in some sort of abyss, trying to conjure up some sort of reality? is it time to start getting philosophical?

he's conflicted. he has full faith in his students, but there's still this sense of guilt that gnaws at him. his remaining friends will caryr on, his students will prevail, he's not married, no significant other, he doesn't have any children — megumi. because he knows that yuuji will get the other boy his body back, all that's left is megumi. damn. he scratches at his hair, frustrated. he never did get to tell megumi about scumbag father. he'd always wanted to see megumi grow strong, on his level. he wanted to see megumi graduate and maybe become a teacher like him.

he always wanted to tell megumi how he felt, too. it was often on the tip of his tongue, but he never quite knew how to get the words out. how do you even tell someone you view them as family? do you need to? deep down, satoru knows he doesn't. megumi knows. he has to know. he's done everything a parent could do with what little time he's had. megumi's a perceptive kid, so he had to realize somewhere along the way, right? but still, satoru never told the kid he loved him as his own. megumi was always a bit of the insecure type — a given considering he was abandoned along with his sister. he might not have wanted to assume...

the stars must have aligned perfectly, because he suddenly hears the sniffling of a small child, and those cries sound eerily familiar. he turns, and sure enough, there's a small megumi standing in the middle of the terminal, small frame shivering as he rubs at his eyes with one hand, a small teddy clutched to his chest with the other.

megumi? what is he doing here? did he also...?

satoru's lower lip trembles then, fists clenching at his sides as he moves to stand. his hair hangs in front of his face, and he shakes it out, trying to recompose himself. maybe he didn't feel so sad about his own death, but megumi? he's just a kid. he had his whole life ahead of him. was this... his own fault? he walks over to him then, managing a smile as he kneels to his level.

❝ megumi-chan? it's me, satoru. y'know? your satoru-nii? tell me what's wrong, ❞ he speaks softly, far more adept at dealing with a small child than he was when he'd first met megumi. 9 years sure flew by, huh? somehow, in his eyes, he never quite stopped seeing megumi as that little boy he'd first met and took under his wing.

megumi looks up at him then, eyes bleary with tears and his whole expression twisted in a sob. the water works really start flowing then as little megumi starts blubbering. it's hard for satoru to even make sense of, but he gets bits and pieces here and there.

❛ tsumiki is... ❜

❛ it's all my fault. ❜

❛ i wasn't strong enough. ❜

❛ i saw everything. ❜

❛ it's my fault he killed you. ❜

❛ i'm so sorry. ❜

❛ please don't go... don't leave me. ❜

it's all so devastating to hear, and satoru's honestly at a loss for words for a moment. he hadn't even considered how heavily it might have all weighed on megumi, and he feels guilty for it. even when trying so hard to protect him and ensure he could enjoy his youth, satoru still...

❝ it's okay, megumi. i'm not angry. it's not your fault, and i could never blame you. i know you tried your best. i'm sad that you're here too, because i wanted you to live on with your friends. at the same time, i feel kind of relieved to see you. is that a bit selfish? ❞ he's wiping at megumi's tears, smiling up at him as he brushes the small boy's hair out of his face. megumi seems to be calming down a bit as satoru speaks to him, so he continues.

❝ i never got to say it before, but you mean a lot to me, megumi. like a little brother — a son. a long time ago, i resigned myself to this idea that i'd never have a family. i couldn't bring myself to put that weight onto others, and i'd never be able to prioritize them. i was alright with being lonely. i figured being the strongest was the trade-off, ❞ he says, and megumi's stopped by now, just snifflinf softly as he listens to satoru speak.

❝ but then i met you, and you were this huge brat that was mean to me and seemed so ungrateful and always kept me at arm's length. i was annoyed but endeared, too, because i could tell you were hesitant to let anyone in — a lot like me. we were both lonely in our own way, but i met you at the perfect time. you were a blessing. you are a blessing. even now. i never once regretted taking you in, not even when i had to face that villain in your body. ❞ finally, satoru pulls megumi into a firm hug, his own shoulders shaking a bit as he'd finally gotten all of that off his chest. he doesn't know if it's what megumi needed to hear, but it's what satoru's wanted to say. his fingers affectionately cradle the back of megumi's head, soothingly ruffling his hair as he hugs him tight and buries his face into his shoulder.

❝ i love you, kid. i never needed any of my own because i had you. my blessing. we've got the rest of forever ahead of us now. you, me, and tsumiki too. so please don't cry, megumi-chan. i won't leave you ever again. i promise. ❞

#( answered. )#// hmm... since u wanted to fuck around now ur gonna find out #cw character death #under the read more for length omg...#i may have gone overboard...#( you can count on me; v: babygumi and dadjo. )#( my baby here on earth; jikoku. )#jikoku

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