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residenthughes · 11 months

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square one

pairing: leon kennedy x gender neutral reader

word count: 1.6K

tags/warnings: fluff, domestic fluff, some angst, leon's dealing with some insecurities (acne) :(

summary: leon's always struggled with acne. a recent flareup brings up more than he bargained for.

notes: think i saw a post about the texture of leon's skin in the re4r, as well as a headcannon that he sometimes picks at his skin and idk, just felt compelled to write this. i struggled (still do) with hyperpigmentation from acne, so this was low-key self-indulgent (and me projecting, sorry leon 😭) so enjoy(?) the fruits of that! one more exam and i'll be active again (in between celebrating any chance that i get that exams are over) hope you enjoy! :)

He feels like a teenager again.

Full of angst and riddled with insecurity. There’s so much curiosity in his eyes, fingers gingerly grazing against the scarlet surface of his cheek with inflamed pimples. Leon thought he outgrew this. Despite the occasional picking at his skin when submerged in the anxieties that live rent free in his mind, his skin remained relatively calm rain or shine. It’s worst was when he was in high school, so awkward and unsure of everything. Redness dotted against his face, he felt like puberty brought out the worst in him, forced him to grow in a body now foreign to him, navigate the unknown territory that were his new feelings. It’s a time that isn’t all that nostalgic for him and when he stands in your shared bathroom, long into his adulthood - 27 years old - staring into his reflection, his life flashes before his eyes. He’s right back where he was. Nerdy and hesitant.

He feels so small.

“Hey,” your call for his attention is soft, doused in all gentleness you can muster as you quietly observe your partner from the door frame. “You ok? Tea’s getting cold.”

Leon huffs in annoyance, not meaning to but when his eyes catch sight of how inflamed his skin is, it takes him gnawing inside his cheek to stop himself from spiralling. It’s so silly, insignificant even. Leon never really cared much for his appearance as an adult. Reminded fairly neutral in regards to himself, stance never swayed despite those that fell to his feet bewitched by his devastatingly good looks. His stance shifted when you two met. Suddenly, he was a teenager again, but in a good way. Do I smell good? Is my hair ok? Am I overdressed? All these little curiosities combated by the love you embrace him in. He doesn’t become confident - your love is not a fix-all remedy for years of trauma and insecurity. But he becomes more sure of himself, reassured and loved wholly. He picks up his own pieces, slowly but surely. You simply steer him in the right direction. A beautiful thing, a lovely thing.

In spite of this beautiful thing, Leon can get in his own way sometimes. Stares at his reflection too long when he’s been spiralling and simply meets your gaze with a vulnerability reserved only for you. “Skin’s been acting up.”

“Honey,” you approach him cautiously, like he’s made of porcelain and Leon leans into the gentleness without a care in the world. Your hands never make contact with him, knowing any touch might open the floodgates of emotional turmoil that slowly seep into his bloodstream, poisonous and harrowing in nature. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

He grimaces, eyes avoiding yours as he shrinks into himself. “Been a stressful week is all.”

Leon flashes an unconvincing smile, puffing out a beat of laughter that is all but amused. “Guess this is the result of it, huh?”

Your heart sinks. You remember when this came up early in your relationship. You were often seeing each other, whether it was to go out on the town dressed to the nines or lounge around and snack on whatever junk food (of which there was very little in Leon’s apartment) you two could find. He refused to see you, citing long work days and the lack of energy they left him with as his reasons. You respected his wishes, giving him his space and all the time he needed before finding his way back to you. However, you couldn’t ignore the voice at the back of your head, nudging you towards him with pleas of assurance. Reassurance that he was ok and wasn’t deserting you for reasons you could help with.

You bumped into him on his way back from the grocery store.

Against his better judgement, Leon needed to restock his shelves with leafy greens to rid himself quickly of the acne against his cheeks. He knew you were at work, so he took his chance and sped ran through the isles, mask pulled up to his eyes as he simply went about his business. Packing his grocery bags quickly and making big steps towards his car, only to run into you in the parking lot.

He expects you to drop your belongings. Dramatises the whole scene in his head, imagines your face twisting in disgust and murmuring a half-hearted excuse to leave the conversation early to block his number because his insecurities have gotten the best of him and he can’t think any worse of himself than he is now.

It’s all fiction, the tragic story he paints in his head. Sees you give a small smile, cautious and coy.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” he muses, the awkwardness of his predicament leaving him with nothing but the desire for the ground to swallow him whole. “Would have dressed up a bit.”

You laugh a bit, easing the pain but Leon still wants to leave regardless, foot pointed away from you with his body slightly turning towards the direction of his car.

You take note of his body language and make the conversation flow as casually as possible. “Yeah, I got off work early and was actually gonna pick up some things to come see you.”

“See me?”

“Yeah, think it’s to be expected to want to see your partner.” you joke lightheartedly, eying the tension that leaves Leon’s shoulders as they relax back from his ears.

“That’s sweet of you,” Leon starts. “But, I’ve gotta head back to the office…printer’s jammed.”

“Again?”

It ‘jammed’ last week. Along with some other atrocities that left Leon MIA all last week and this week too. It’s not too long to question, but the distance between you is growing unlike times before. It unsettles you.

“Can’t work that thing to save my life. So, it’s my obligation to fix it.”

“Leon,” you’re seeing through his act, calling for the denouement to the charade Leon orchestrates. He feels sickly doing this - this isn’t what you deserve, he knows that. But, during one of scarce times in his life that he’s self-conscious, is it so horrible to want to be left alone? “You’ve been a bit MIA recently. You sure you’re holding up alright?”

He questions for a moment telling you. Disclosing his recent flare up because he knows it isn’t a bad deal, especially with you who nurtures a safe space for him to call home. And he does, he goes to tell you, but in a desperate attempt for closeness, you step forwards and he’s stepping back and suddenly there’s a deafening silence between the two of you.

“I didn’t mean-”

“It’s ok,” you reassure, time and time again. His heart hurts from the constant push and pull that plagues your relationship. It wasn’t something you had to deal with. “Just talk to me. Please?”

It’s different seeing you like this. Over text, it’s easier (but not impossible) to tap away at the screen and desert his phone, submerging himself in work to fend off any thoughts that attempt to crawl into his brain. But you’re here, right in front of him. Eyes soft and so unbearably honest with your state of being. It tears him up inside. Makes him acknowledge every attempt to distance himself from you and never do it again if the same circumstances arose.

Leon makes the situation right. Approaches you despite the screams at the back of his head and heads back to his apartment with you sitting in the passenger seat, describing the acne flare ups that in spite of the demons he faces on his missions, makes him react like no other. You comfort him as best as possible, listening to every word he says and not bothering with unsolicited advice or shallow comments that won’t help the situation. You simply craft an evening filled with distractions, all his favourite in-home activities whilst showering him with all the affection he’s missed. And when it comes time to wash up and settle into bed, you make light of the situation, giving him one of the Sanrio headbands you had left in his apartment as you two clean up for the night, the space and comfort you give him enough for him to crawl into your arms under the covers and never let go. It’s an act of service, a day, that he’ll never forget. One that allows him to bare himself to you, years later, and let you take the reins because this, on top of the travesties he’s encountered far too often lately, have made him feel like a shell of himself.

“It’s hard to keep up with everything when you’re so busy, isn’t it?” He nods. “You’ve been working hard, always have. Saving the world isn’t an easy feat, you know?”

He laughs, this time around humoured. “I wouldn’t exactly say that.”

“Well, whatever you do,” he laughs again and you can see him slowly coming back to you. You flash him a smile, a smile that holds timeless tales of your love story and his heart begins to warm. “It’s perfectly normal to get some R&R afterwards. It’s well deserved, especially in your case.”

He simpers, now having worked up the nerve to look into your eyes and in them, sees that dazzle. The same dazzle from your first glance, from your first confession. Even at his lowest, the dazzle remains. Your love, unwavering. There isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for you, all of which he does when he feels like himself again. Showers you in abundance and more because that’s what you deserve and more.

“How about I run us a hot bath? You can tell me all about the printer jamming whilst I wash your hair, yeah?”

He feels like a teenager again. This time, abundant in all the love he has for you.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy #re4r #leon kennedy fanfic #resident evil 4 remake #leon kennedy fluff #leon kennedy imagine #re4r leon #resident evil #resident evil 4 fanfic #resident evil fanfic #leon s kennedy #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy imagine #my fics

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somber-sapphic · 1 year

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HIII IT'S ME OMG IM SO EXCITED COULD YOU POST THE NEW FIC ALL IN ONE PART??? CUZ I CAN'T WAIT TO READ IT EEEHHEHEH I LOVE LONG FICS ALSO IM KINDA NEW TO TUMBLR SO IDK HOW TO USE A LOT OF FEATURES AND THE ONLY WAY IVE FOUND TO MESSAGE PPL IS THE REQUEST PART LOL - 🦊

I'VE GOT YOU 🦊!! Sorry it took so long to upload, I thought of something else so I added and then had to edit that part :) I hope you enjoy!

Everything's Just Fine

You get sick and Emily is away with the team on a case. You were frustrated that you weren't able to help, so instead of resting you decided to do all of the paperwork that you could find. A great decision, right?

Word Count: 3k

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You sniffled and rubbed your bleary eyes, trying to focus on the pile of paperwork you were trying desperately to get through. Hotch had deemed you ‘too sick’ to go with them on the case, but he wasn’t there, leaving you to your own devices. You’d helped solve it by working through Garcia, who you had threatened into silence (in reality, you’d begged her to let you help and flashed the best puppy dog eyes you had) and your team would be home in three hours.

Penelope had agreed to stay silent, but only if you drank the gallons of tea she shoved down your throat. You were sure that she’d laced it with some sort of medication, so you just pretended to drink. It wasn’t that you didn’t appreciate her attempts to coddle you, it was just that you didn’t want her to see you so vulnerable. You didn’t want anyone to see you like this, it was embarrassing.

Your nose was running practically nonstop, your chest ached, you couldn’t stop shivering and every five seconds was filled with painful coughs or gross, wet sneezes. Every cough and sneeze tore through your already sore throat, making it feel like you had swallowed glass. The pressure in your sinuses made it feel like your head was about to burst. There was a good chance that the next fit of coughing would send your brain exploding out of your buzzing ears.

“Sweetie, that really doesn't sound good.” Penelope said, startling you after a particularly rough coughing fit that brought up a wad of mucus and left you seeing stars. You swallowed hard, a little disgusted with yourself, and forced a little smile onto your dry, cracked lips. Judging by her raised eyebrow, she didn’t believe whatever you were about to say next.

“I’m fine Garcia, just a little cold. Plus, they’ll be back soon.” You rasped, not realizing just how far gone your voice was until you had started to speak. It was a minor miracle that you had even gotten those two sentences out. You sniffed hard and coughed, turning your head into your elbow to avoid spreading your germs all over the innocent tech analyst.

“Uh-uh, no way. Come on, come lay in my office for a little while. I’ve got everything nice and cozy for when Reid has a migraine, it’ll be much nicer than sitting out here in the cold.” The blonde coaxed, her voice like butter. She was lulling you into a false sense of security, smiling kindly and offering you a space in her Batcave.

All you wanted to do was curl up and let out all of your stupid pent up emotions, you wanted to cry into the plethora of pillows that you knew she had and just fall asleep to escape all of the pain raging through your body. Every movement sent needles of agony through your bones, even your eyes hurt. You had forgotten that fevers could do that to a person.

“I’m almost done here, I’ll put my head down when I finish.” You ducked into your elbow with a barely stifled sneeze and lifted your head with flushed cheeks. This whole thing was humiliating, no one was supposed to see you sick. You weren’t supposed to be sick. You were a fucking FBI agent, FBI agent’s didn’t succumb to simple colds.

Penelope frowned and reached out to touch your cheek, rolling her eyes slightly when you slapped her hand away.

“I’m telling Emily. How do you think she’ll feel about all of this?” She gestured to your sickly appearance as if she hadn’t just threatened you as one would a toddler. You clenched your jaw, but parted your lips when you realized that your nose was too stuffed to breathe, and decided to just glare at her instead.

“Penelope Garcia. I am not a toddler, you are not my mother, you are not my girlfriend and my physical wellbeing is none of your fucking business. Leave. Me. Alone.” The hurt expression that flashed across her face made you feel guilty, but you just wanted her to go away. Everything about this was wrong, her being able to see you at your weakest point was ever worse.

“Alright, I’m going back to my office. Come find me if you need anything.” She murmured, bowing her head in understanding. You looked away, resurfacing to meet her gaze, you knew that if she said one more nice thing you’d probably break down. It would be so easy to just start crying. Or it would be if you had enough fluids left in your body to cry out.

Sniffling back tears you went back to your work, the words blurring through your tears and the general haze that came from what had to be a fever over 102 degrees. You could practically see the look on Emily’s face when she’d come back, the disappointment and concern written in the worry lines across her forehead. She worried too much, especially about you.

You scribbled your name at the bottom of the page inquiring about who was interrogated, accidentally scrawling your signature into the place where Hotch was supposed to sign. That was it. You were done. That was the straw that broke the exhausted, sick, miserable camel's back. You were absolutely done.

You stumbled up the stairs and into the first office you could find, intending to fall onto the couch where you would sleep until your girlfriend got home. She would be so disappointed in you. You made it halfway into what you assumed in your hazy mind was JJ’s office before falling to the floor, too dizzy to stay upright anymore.

Part of you thought to call out for Garcia as you lay on the uncomfortable tile, your cheek pressed on the rug. The world went black with one final gasping cough as you slipped into unconsciousness. That was nicer than being awake with the pain.

Unfortunately, unconsciousness was not exactly better. It was uncomfortable, too hot, sometimes too cold, like someone had dunked you in an ice bath which was then set on fire. Your disturbing, terrifying fever dreams were interrupted by a distant sound and the feather light touch of a hand on your shoulder. Both felt a mile away, but they saved you from the nightmares of being drowned in an icy ocean with no one to hear your screams.

“Y/n! Fuck, EMLIY! Get in here!” You clung to the voice, whimpering as you struggled to pull yourself out of the void. She must’ve noticed your struggle because the owner of the voice combed fingers through your hair, coaxing you into the real world.

“Hey, hey you. Can you open your eyes?” Sudden panic flooded over you and you shoved yourself away, ignoring the stars brewing in your eyes. For a moment you were pretty sure that you’d throw up, but you managed to curl yourself into the corner, cowering away from the touch.

Your breaths were harsh and painful, they probably sounded that way to the blonde as well. The world was blurring around you and standing wasn’t probably the best idea, but you were already halfway to your feet.

“Woah, Y/n,” JJ rushed toward you, raising her arms as you swayed, prepared to catch you. You pulled away again, trying to force out some semblance of words.

“Go!” You yelped, tears filling your eyes. Everything was spinning, the woman’s face warping and bending in your vision. Something slammed and you looked up to find another blurry faced woman rushing into the room, wearing the same expression.

“Y/L/N!” The second woman, Emily, barked, making you freeze. In different circumstances that tone would’ve sparked a flutter in your chest, but this was just scary. She raced to your side and grabbed your elbows, managing to keep you upright. You sniffled and met her chocolate brown eyes, searching for anything that could be construed as anger or unhappiness. All you saw was loving concern.

“Shit, you’re burning up. Honey, why?” The brunette breathed, cupping your cheeks with strong, soft hands. You whimpered in response, doing everything you could not to just fall into her arms.

“C-can you make t-the room stop s-spinning?” You managed, stumbling forward until your head bounced against her shoulder. Emily wrapped an arm around your waist and helped you over to the couch, murmuring gentle words that you couldn’t quite make out. Everything was fuzzy, you weren’t sure how much longer you could stay conscious.

You didn’t realize you were crying until you were sitting up against her and she was brushing the tears off of your cheeks. You didn’t fully understand what was happening, but you knew that she was holding you, providing you with the love that you had so desperately needed.

“Morgan, we’re going to need some help getting her to the car.” Emily murmured, stroking your hair as you leaned against her chest. Part of you was a bit concerned, the deal was no displays of romantic affection at work and here she was, holding you close, cuddling you like she would at home. This was bad. You were going to get fired.

You pushed her away, little whimpers building in your throat. You slid back onto the floor, confusion and anxiety flowing through your mind. She was by your side in an instant, grabbing your hands as she tried to fix whatever was happening in your mind.

“No, no no. No, They’ll be mad. They’ll be so mad.” You shook your head and pulled back, a harsh cough wracking your body. Your lungs were beginning to sound like crinkling wax paper, worrying everyone.

“Come on honey, please get off the floor. No ones mad, we just want to help.” She soothed, inching back so as not to startle you further. Not even you understood the back and forth of your mind, it was scary just how many things were happening and all you wanted was to be somewhere dark and quiet.

“Everything hurts…make it stop, please make it stop.” You begged, covering your ears, hiding from everything. It was odd, you were just so damn overwhelmed.

“Okay sweetie, alright. Breathe for me. It’s all going to be okay. Does it hurt when I do this?” She asked gently, probing at your arm. You had apparently bruised it when you’d fallen and it had quickly turned a dark purplish black color. You nodded slightly, removing yourself from your shell so that you could talk to her.

“We’re going to get you home and all cozy, but you’ve got to trust me. Will you let me?” Morgan and Hotch were in the room now, with Rossi hovering in the doorway. Penelope was attached to Morgan's arm, a panicked expression on her face. This was all because of you. It was both humiliating beyond belief and…almost wholesome?

“M’kay.” You finally whispered, your voice basically gone at this point. She gave you a small, caring smile and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Can Morgan carry you?” You were too tired to even consider fighting it. You wanted to be home and if that's what it took, that's what it took. Emily moved to the side and the man stepped forward, nearly blocking your view of her.

“Don’t leave me!” You yelped, grabbing for her hand. You refused to be away from her, no fucking way would she leave you alone again, it wasn’t happening. She clasped your fingers in hers and shushed you softly.

“I’m right here, he’s just going to pick you up and everything will be okay.” She was being so understanding, so wonderful. You loved her so damn much. You nodded again and allowed Morgan to hoist you into a bridal carry, your head falling on his chest; you were just too physically weak to hold it up anymore.

“Shit, Princess, your fever’s really high. Emily, you’ve gotta get that down.” He said, concern radiating in his words. She nodded quickly, still holding onto your hand. You glanced at Hotch as Morgan carried you out, disappointment shining in his eyes. Garcia looked mildly betrayed and you hated that you’d made her feel that way. You opened your mouth to say something, but she shut you up with a shake of her head.

“Just get better, lovely. I’ll be by with some soup and Disney movies tomorrow.” You smiled at her, your eyes slipping closed as exhaustion took over. You heard a murmur of ‘goodbyes’ and ‘feel better soons’ as you were whisked away by your friend and girlfriend, falling asleep with your head bouncing against Morgan’s chest.

When you woke up you were laying in your own bed, Emily grumbling softly as she tried to peel the sweat covered clothes off of your body. You whined softly at the touch, curling away from her icy hands. You sniffled thickly and pulled your knees to your chest, well aware that you were no longer wearing a shirt.

“Look who's up.” The brunette cooed, reaching up to stroke your fevered cheek. You squirmed again, utterly unhappy with how much being touched hurt you. All you wanted was cuddles from the woman you loved but her gentle touch caused you so much pain.

“My skin hurts.” You rasped, giving her a watery pout. Tears were rolling down your cheeks again, for what felt like the 10th time that day you were crying. You hated it, you hated your damn body and you wanted a hug.

“Okay love, we can get that taken care of. If you sit up for me I can get some medicine in you and get something much more comfortable on.” She smiled, tucking a strand of hair back behind your ear. You shrugged, fully intending not to do anything. She rolled her eyes at your uncooperative behavior and lifted you into a sitting position, making you yelp in pain. She reared back at your pained sound, concern flooding her expression.

“I can’t it, it hurts too much!” You sobbed, wrapping your arms around your knees and pulling them to your chest. You held that position for probably fifteen minutes until you finally managed to cry yourself out and looked back up at Emily who had a broken expression on her face.

“How do I help?” She whispered, sounding as desperate as you felt. Your beautiful strong girlfriend was breaking just because you felt sick. You took a shaky, chest squeezing breath and forced yourself to calm down.

“Um…will y-you help me change…and then maybe hold me?” The profiler gave you a kind smile and nodded, reaching out to stroke your cheek again. This time it didn’t hurt so much, the contact actually felt quite nice.

It took a bit longer than either of you expected to get you changed, you were practically incapable of moving any of your limbs, meaning that she had to do all of the work. She did it without complaint, checking in every few moments to make sure that she wasn’t hurting you.

“Okay baby, take this really fast and we’ll get you some sleep.” You didn’t fight when she handed you the cap of blue medicine, well aware that the Nyquil and fever would take you out in minutes. The goop tasted absolutely awful, so bad that even with your poor sense of taste and smell it burned the back of your throat.

You coughed heavily into your blanket, a sound which made Emily’s face contort in worry. She patted your back as you hacked, helping you to release some of the mucus from your lungs.

“We’re going to the doctor tomorrow if that doesn’t sound better.” She determined after a few minutes of listening to your exhaustive breathing. You nodded in agreement, well aware that the cough was worse than it should be for a simple cold or mild flu.

“Stay with me until I fall asleep?” You asked, your body sagging as the medication sunk in. Emily slipped into the bed beside you, sitting a few feet away so as not to invade your personal space in a way that you weren't comfortable with. You hesitated a moment and looked over, feeling suddenly shy.

“Um…will you hold me? Maybe? P-please…” She smiled kindly and pulled you into her arms, cradling your head against her chest as the two of you snuggled under the covers. You stifled a sneeze, but she just made a worried sound and kissed the top of your head

“Don’t worry about that. Just sleep, okay? I’m right here, you’re safe. I’ve got you.” You sniffled quietly and grabbed the fabric of her shirt, grateful for her saying that. Fevers always made you edgy, but she had this way of fixing it every single time. She was your rock. She never failed to make you feel better, even at your worst times.

“Love you Em.” You mumbled, your words slurred by sleep.

“I love you too Y/n/n. Now hush, sleeping time.” Never one to disobey an order from your girlfriend, you closed your eyes, falling into a warm void of unconsciousness in the arms of the woman you were in love with.

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e-vay · 27 days

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Hello hello! How are you? I hope you're well! First of all I must say that I am a huge fan of your art, and you are my greatest inspiration, thank you for that. ❤️

My question is: Do you have any advice for those who are starting to post their art online or are afraid to do so? I have been drawing for many years, literally everyone tells me to share my drawings but it terrifies me! These days I'm drawing a lot and I want to start posting, but I'm still a little afraid. Do you have any good advice?

Thank you so much! That means so much to me ❤️

I think the most important thing to determine for yourself is why you're afraid of doing something (in this case, posting your art online). It's natural to feel nervous about doing something new and worrying about if people will judge you, so that's a totally normal fear and something you can overcome if you choose to address it. But if there's something else in your gut telling you not do something, then you should trust yourself. Don't put yourself or your work online if you aren't comfortable with it, no matter what anyone says!

If you're only feeling nervous because you're worried about what people will think of your drawing skills, I don't think that should hold you back. We tend to be our own worst critics and a lot of people out there (myself included) don't always focus on the technical skills when we're looking at art online. Sometimes we just enjoy great stories or ideas or simply just being able to see the joy that it brought you to draw it. Some of my favorite posts are just little doodles people have done but I can tell they had so much fun with it, it just lights up my heart.

There are always going to be people on the internet with negative things to say just because they have the anonymity to do so. It's hard to shake mean comments off, especially if it's about something you worked really hard on, but it's best to just ignore them and let it go. Chances are it's not actually about you or your work at all, it's just something stupid that the anon did because they were bored.

Personally, I've really thrived as an artist and as an individual since I started posting online back in my deviantART days (god i'm old lol). The good FAR outweighs the bad for me. I get to gush about my hyper-specific interests with people who are just as fascinated by those interests as me, I've made some lifelong friends and I've learned a lot about how to better my art, too. It gave me the courage to share my talent with the world, to the point where I even ended up tabling at several comic conventions and selling my art at local comic shops. I don't think I would have had the confidence to do those things if I hadn't been in the habit of sharing my art online for years.

Again though, if something feels off to you and there's a reason you are avoiding posting, then don't do it. You should never feel pressured to put yourself out there if it risks your mental/emotional health and safety.

Take care and if all you needed was a little encouragement, I hope this helped!

#ask me #evayqa #advice #long post #art advice #life advice

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8turning · 8 months

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HII can u do a 8turn headcannon abt how they r like crushing on the reader and what they do to show the reader their love for them ?

thank you for this request!! apologies that it took me so long 💔

☆⠀⠀8TURN — when they're pining for you !

hyung line + jangshinz (separately) x gn ! reader ★ fluff. mutual pining. ★ headcannon

warnings: swearing. physical affection. let me know if i missed anything!

n. i have a similar headcannon here about how they'd show their love; this fic will focus more on how they pine for reader since a lot of my thoughts are already shared on that post!! ♡ also this derailed a bit,,, there's implied confessions HELP sorry 🤒

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀〈 REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED ! 〉

⁰⁰¹ : JAEYUN.

wouldn't realize he liked you until someone pointed it out to him 1/2 🤕

^ he would regret thinking deeper about what yoonsung had told him: "are you sure you don't feel anything for them?" . . . queue a montage of every single memory he has with you where his stomach did a "weird flip" that he never chose to acknowledge.

basically. jaeyun was fucked LOL

BUT despite his revelation, he managed to keep himself composed pretty well. he was never overly affectionate with the members so him suddenly getting lost in his thoughts a lot wasn't exactly foreign.

what was foreign, though, was his very apparent distance.

to be fair, he wasn't fully aware he was doing it. it was more so "when i'm around them i get this Feeling. i cant handle that Feeling right now," then he kinda just. goes somewhere else for the time being.

you'd realize it, overthink it all, and text him on a whim that you needed to talk to him.

he'd get so nervous and only then would he really think about his behavior and . . . yeah you deserved an explanation, even if it resulted in rejection for him :(

he wouldn't speak first. he'd want you to feel welcomed to let out any emotion you were feeling; you were the one who wanted to talk, it wouldn't be right of him to take over.

he'd know that no matter his reason, him suddenly avoiding you and saying "i didn't realize" wasn't going to cut it, so swallowing whatever anxiety he had, he confessed then and there. it wasn't too in depth, of course, but it didn't feel right for him to hide it any longer - especially after everything.

but, the silence that followed his confession made all the anxiety bubble up again, only for you to speak about your reciprocated feelings.

in an unknown way, him pulling back from you is what brought you two together in the end; strange how that works.

⁰⁰² : MYUNGHO.

he's not shy in the slightest LMFAOO 💀 it'd be more shocking if you didn't know he liked you.

it doesn't even matter if you two were hanging out with other people either, he'd make a point to sit by you during a movie. even if it wasn't a horror movie, he'd still tell you that if you're scared, you can cling to him (as if he is any better with scary movies . . . his arm ends up around your shoulder anyways).

he's not usually one for talking during a movie, but he cant help but crack jokes here and there, using that as an excuse to lean in closer to you and watch as you try to hold your laughter in, his eyes watching you adoringly.

myungho would pull you into your own little world when you're with one another,,, he'd literally be so obvious about his feelings for you i'm crying.

openly flirting and complimenting you non-stop,,, holding eye contact if you ever caught him looking at you,,,

myungho would literally tell you how much he liked you straight up 🤭 "i like you a lot, y'know that?" "i'm so glad i met you." "you'll let me stay with you, right?"

the only time EVER he'd get shy if it was you who initiated something. he'd actually lose his mind.

it'd be such a stark contrast to the myungho you knew previously that you couldn't help but laugh a bit whenever you caught him like that.

holding his hand out of nowhere or leaning your head on his shoulder is a surefire way to make heat rise along his neck and make him go speechless.

he's so open about it and talks about you so much. his members are SICK OF HIM!!!! /j

minho probably threatened that if he doesn't make a move soon that he'll ask you out himself . . . you'd get a message from myungho the next morning ♡

⁰⁰³ : MINHO.

bye he's so so playful and he'd be able to cover up how he truly felt pretty well, which was both a positive and a negative for him.

positive: he'd be able to hug you nonchalantly or tap his cheek asking for a kiss and you'd think nothing of it.

negative: you'd think nothing of it.

since minho often acts this way with his friends as well, he slowly becomes self-conscious of his actions, worrying that that's all you saw him as - a friend.

he'd probably slowly try to either a: be more forward with you, or b: reserve certain actions for you only.

minho would stop blowing kisses to myungho and asking seungheon to kiss his cheek. he might even go as far as to not be as physically affectionate with his members anymore.

slowly letting you come to the conclusion yourself that the way he treats you is different from his members.

if you weren't the type to fight against him when he acted this way, if you suddenly started reciprocating the same actions towards him, his head would start spinning.

if it was a normal occurrence for you to return his energy, he'd start to wonder if you treated your friends like this as well.

but . . . he never saw you cling onto jaeyun's arms like you do with him . . . and you don't look at haemin the same way you look at him . . . hm . . .

minho crushing on you would be hard to detect until he made more of an effort to let his guard down about it.

you'd pick up on his behavior change pretty quickly which only opened the conversation of "why are you suddenly treating me like i'm special?"

(hint: its because you are special to him).

⁰⁰⁴ : YOONSUNG.

he is taking this to his GRAVE!!! he'd try to be so so so secretive and discreet.

yoonsung falls hard and doesn't want to overwhelm you with how he feels and everything :( wants to try and soak in the feeling of crushing on you but every time he sees you he just gets so overjoyed and just wants to confess right then and there.

which is why he feels he needs to take this to his grave 😭 he's not sure if he will ever be able to fully "calm down" around you enough to properly confess to you the way you deserve to be confessed (he thinks you deserve the world).

tries to act as Normal as he can around you, but most of the time i think he'd fall kind of silent.

whether you're with a group of friends or just talking one-on-one, he'd get so wrapped up in his thoughts and become uncharacteristically quiet.

it was a constant internal battle for yoonsung. he wanted to be near you but also knew he likely couldn't hide how he felt for much longer.

unlike minho, yoonsung wasn't going to hug you or hold your hand out of no where. he did this with his friends, sure, but he didn't see you as just a friend, which made physical affection towards you that much harder.

the lines would get blurred in his brain and he feared if you reciprocated, even if it was platonic, he'd make an assumption that could end up hurting him.

of course, yoonsung was unaware of your feelings towards him as well, and seeing him seemingly pulling away from you, you subconsciously do the same :(

he doesn't realize just how different he was acting towards you until that moment, and as if his heart took control over his brain, he'd spill all of his feelings for you, doing his best to explain away his behavior.

and it worked - who could stay mad at him for too long?

⁰⁰⁵ : HAEMIN.

wouldn't realize he liked you until someone pointed it out to him 2/2 💔

everything would be going perfectly fine for haemin,,, until minho jokingly commented about how much he liked you. then that became all he thought about.

begin haemin's internal debate of if he liked you romantically or not! and if it was true (it was), how long? upon actually giving it a lot of thought . . . he's liked you for a while without really processing his feelings effectively.

and now,,, he cannot properly face you!! at least, not in the beginning.

everything hits him so fast and he's forced to process his emotions at a rapid pace now. he does a decent job at hiding his inner turmoil about the topic, but he eventually confides in kyungmin about it (though it wasn't on purpose),, kyungmin just caught him while he was dazed!! totally not like he went to kyungmin stressing about possibly ruining your friendship hahaha . . .

once he was able to fully "recover" and process everything, he's a goner. heart eyes are permanent.

just so absolutely infatuated with everything you do and say. comes around more often and always manages to take the spot next to you if you're with a group of people.

always always always joking around with you because he loves the sound of your laugher and how happy you seem when you smile, especially when you smile because of him.

in a twisted ending, haemin is grateful that minho made him fall into a crisis. if he hadn't, he wouldn't have been able to have these moments with you.

once you end up together, minho rightfully takes full credits for the relationship starting, kyungmin taking credit for helping haemin get over his fear of ruining everything between you two.

so - albeit his disagreement - haemin accepts that they should get some credit for their help.

but how it all came to be doesn't matter much, as long as in the end, he ended up with you.

⁰⁰⁶ : KYUNGMIN.

i'm not usually fond of the trope of someone who brings up the person they like every time they can but,,,, kyungmin does exactly that. his members get so tired of him for it too HELP (he's gotten into the practice of just,, thinking of you instead of verbally bringing you up so often).

his members' anger (/j) doesn't stop him though!! every chance he gets he talks about you,, the only time that stops is when you're around 🧍‍♂️

you BET the members are gonna poke fun at him for that too LMFAO

when you're around, he'd be much more into listening rather than speaking himself.

"platonic" kisses on the backs of your hands. "platonic" hand holding. (nothing about it is platonic).

kyungmin would love love love to rest his head on your shoulder!! whether he's standing behind you while talking with a group of friends or sitting next to each other watching a movie, he just likes the feeling (bonus points if his arm is looped under yours to play with your fingers).

he'd be in his own head a lot,,, daydreaming and such,,, even though you're right next to him 🧍‍♂️

if you were to nudge him while he was like this, he'd look at you with the most love-filled gaze.

he didn't have to say anything to you, just from the way he looked at you and the light blush forming on his cheeks, you knew. the way your stomach filled with butterflies as you held his gaze was also a great indicator that his look meant something more.

it was then when he saw how your gaze changed too - it changed to one that matched his own. with a deep breath, he'd squeeze your hand before a smile spread across his face.

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hersweetrevenge · 3 months

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corey commentary: the official making of h40 🎃🔪

honestly i feel like this book really helped me refocus my thoughts on corey and brought me back to basics for the first time in a while.

i've split this post into a few specific topics based on my own thoughts and the book details that i found most interesting. a lot of this i've talked about before but i'm bringing it back with evidence babyyy.

WARNING for suicide and suicidal ideation, murder, manipulation, mental health issues and crises, and passing mentions of child abuse.

costume

corey's costume was developed in reverse (pg. 176), starting with his final look, the leather jacketed bad boy, and working backwards to the opening scene look, the good boy on his way to the sock hop.

i love that this was the process, i think that's so interesting from both a design and character perspective. taking him from what he became to what he was? it feels sort of like they were centring nostalgia in a way, starting with who corey became and then looking back to who he was (and who he will never be again). it kind of makes his downfall even more heart-breaking to me.

rohan mention's wearing coreys clothes in his real life and how no one even looked at him (pg. 184). in the commentary he also mentioned wearing corey's glasses a lot to get into the character mindset.

very interesting that we have tried and tested proof that corey can literally fade into the background and go unnoticed. it must be a combination of trying to be visually more plain but also a very quiet demeanour. but then you have the angle of corey being forced to reduce himself to as small and quiet and invisible impossible. i like the way corey both wants to be invisible (to avoid confrontation) but also desperately wants to be seen and heard and believed and understood by someone.

frame of mind/suicidal ideation

rohan mentions that there's an element of corey having not been able to kill himself before, because it was too hard to do, but looking into michael's eyes he realises he can just "call it quits" and let michael do it. then, after he is spared by michael, it gives him "permission" (pg. 198)

i think it makes a lot of sense though that michael letting him go is what tips corey over the edge, maybe reinforcing his own buried guilt (if michael let him go, he must be evil, right?) and making it feel a lot easier to make horrific choices (murder) while also making his emergency exit plan (suicide) feel easier too, if he wanted to.

corey being "tainted" by the shape because he's so close to being that anyway (pg. 172).

i don't personally believe in evil as an actual supernatural force in these movies, but corey is definitlel portrayed as more susceptible to michael's influence, even if michael does actuall demand anything of him.

i think @/slutforstabbings was the one who mentioned this to me. but when corey meets michael he is mentally and physically more susceptible to reacting irrationally in a very real-world sense. he has a history of abuse, experienced a major trauma (the accident), been under intense stress (the party), and had a recent head injury (the fall from the bridge and smacking his head in the sewer). these factors all contribute to a mental health crisis and drastic change in personality.

i feel like this confirms that corey was likely headed for (possibly another) breakdown in the future, but the events of the party/meeting michael just triggers it sooner.

emotional control

rohan mentions corey purposely doesn't feel anything since the accident (pg. 188).

this might have been my favourite detail that gets mentioned. i've always thought that corey's way of surviving post-accident was to just shutdown completely and switch off all his emotions. it's interesting to know that rohan was playing him that way.

and also a lot of the time when corey does feel strong emotions, they are turned in on himself to try and keep them private, like his anger at terry results in him hurting himself (accidently) with the milk bottle, or him regularly climbing over the bannister at the allen house but not being able to let go while during the day he thinks about some outward expression of rage through the blowtorch at the garage.

the mirror scene symbolises the first time corey feels in control (pg. 198).

i've written about this a lot before, but i very much agree that the mirror scene is a moment of processing both "what the fuck just happened?" but also "this is what control feels like". corey's whole breakdown, starting from killing nelson, is about regaining control over his own life, even if it means un-restraining himself and doing horrific things.

killings

ryan turek (exec.) and paul logan (writer) specifically state how ends is essentially a revenge movie, with corey's kills start as revenge killings, but if he survived the kills would get more random (pg. 167).

i feel like this highlights the way that corey's connection with the shape is cut short, unlike michael who had it for decades. the shape (or the idea of it) lets corey get his revenge, but after that he could keep going, he'd pick up momentum and he wouldn't be slowing down.

this seems like this is pointing towards killing being corey's method of control rather than some more direct desire to kill.

he becomes "addicted" to violence and he knows it (pg. 191).

"addicted" is a super interesting word choice and i feel like it fits perfectly. corey starts with revenge, he has his reasons, but as time goes on he could find a reason for anyone if he wanted to.

if corey survived ends and got away, he'd be living his own life for the first time ever. i think there are a lot of things he'd over indulge in, and killing being an addiction plays heavily into that -- there would be nothing to tell him to stop.

high priest!corey

rohan specifically describes corey leading doug to the sewer as him bring michael a "sacrifice" (pg. 206).

vindication !! @/slutforstabbings once said to me, while we were talking about the ritualistic nature of corey and michael's relationship and killings, that corey replaces nelson as michael's high priest, as the person who brings the sacrifices and channels michael to the outside world.

manipulation

rohan says that corey "plays" at being the shaking little boy again when he jump scares laurie while waiting outside for allyson (pg. 204).

i love this, because i fully believe corey thrives on manipulation. i think corey is fundamentally a good person anyway, but in dealing with joan he knows how to make himself inoffensive and agreeable, and i think he knows that that "character" is a safe bet to keep people happy.

and the novelisation confirms that this almost works !! laurie thinks he's just awkward and still upset from the night before. the thing that makes laurie doubt how genuine he is, is that she can see how he changes -- she can see the way he switches from one demeanour to another. proof right that he can play at being who he needs to be in the moment.

but then, by the time laurie shoots him, corey really is just a scared little boy who is in way over his head and unequipped for the situation he finds himself in (pg. 226).

corey is unprepared and unpractised -- he doesn't have the experience that michael has in bouncing back. he isn't michael. he's fucked up big time, his plan has fallen through, and he's backed himself into a corner. all the terrible things he's done, everything he's been through, the taste of control -- it's all for nothing is laurie can get the upper hand on him like this.

he's scared and out of his depth but he's dangerous, but corey ends the film the same way he starts it, in a situation he has no control over and with only himself to blame. only this time he's having the last word, he's going to do what he could before and he's going to take laurie down with him.

relationships

rohan said ronald is "the loveliest thing" in corey's life, and that the gesture of giving the motorbike is "beautiful [but] manly and detached" (pg. 182), which is a way more sympathetic view than i have.

this is a wayyy more sympathetic view of their relationship than i have. i do like this angle though, the idea that corey and ronald did have some sort of relationship but that neither of them can express it very well, that they're taking the stereotypically masculine route of small gestures and not a lot of words. which seems at odds with what corey really needed from the only male role model in his life, but it's kinda sweet that corey must like ronald enough for him to be a good part of his life, rather than just neutral.

maybe the takes about ronald being a good stepdad aren't wrong 👀

corey falls for allyson most deeply when he sees how she is on the edge just as much as he is (pg. 215).

this made me wonder if allyson and corey could have ever been together without the events of the movies? if they still met by chance, would they get along? would the attraction still be there?

their relationship is based on parasocial affection and shared similar traumas, there's a certain emotional intensity there that translates to them making rash decisions and commitments that i don't think they would otherwise.

joan's last words (in an even more extended death scene) are begging "michael" not to hurt corey (pg. 222).

joanne baron has talked about joan's motivations and perspective in some interviews, so this scenes lines up very well with what she's said previously. joan has never treated corey like a person, he's an object for her to control, but her two moments of concern for him (when he comes home the morning after the party and her death scene) come from a seemingly natural and genuine place.

also, the biggest factor that made me loose my mind over this: she doesn't know it's corey killing her. she begs this masked murderer not to kill her son, not know that it is her son beneath the mask 💀

she's begging someone not to hurt corey after years of being the one who has hurt corey. it's too late to turn back, it was always going to end like this, but can you imagine what went through corey's mind in that moment? that his momma wanted him to be safe but never made him feel safe when she had the chance.

me whenever there is a direct quote from rohan in this book:

#corey cunningham #h40 #halloween ends #halloween movies #lets not count how many times my evidence consists of ''well rohan said'' 🤡 i have no backbone #he could tell me chuck e cheese had been appointed director of the fbi and i'd eat it up no questions asked #corey reminds me of girl inter/rupted when susanna talks about how killing herself became her go to solution --#-- for any inconvenience. which makes the concept itself less serious and more easily doable #i dont think corey would do it even if he thinks about it but i think he liked having the thought there --#-- that if he really had to then he has an emergency exit plan #also something i didnt include but need to put out there. it mentions that the motorbike ron gives corey is ?? corey's dads ??#i feel like there might have been some miscommunication on that fact ?? or its true --#-- and therefore the most important detail for lore/character/plot in this whole goddamn franchise

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gunilslaugh · 7 months

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hii first of all i would like to say that everyday when i wake up i open tumblr and see if you made anew post or not cause i love how you write stuff about the members. As my request i want a Gunil x reader where the reader and gunil were a happy couple then something bad happens (it could be anything) that affects the relationship so they think about taking a break. And then if you want you could add a happy ending where they apologize and forgive each other! 🌸🌸

Thank you! That's so nice to hear, I hope you enjoy your request :)

Goo Gunil

Summary: Yours and Gunil’s relationship was flourishing…until it wasn’t.

WC:~1.6k

Warning:grammar, angst (happy-ish ending)

photo not mine credits to owner.

A happy couple, a very happy couple. A couple so in love with one another that it was sickening. That’s the type of couple you and Gunil were. Everything about your relationship was healthy. “All Sunshine and Rainbows” that’s how Gunil’s members labeled your relationship. Yes, when they said it it had a bit of a mocking tone to it, but they were secretly glad that Gunil found himself in such a beautiful relationship.

Alas the saying “All good things must come to an end” seemed like it was gonna ring out to be true. Yours and Gunil’s relationship started to go downhill. The new hire at your work turned out to be your, “What could have been?”, “The one who got away”. Yes, you were happy to meet him again, but you no longer had any romantic feelings towards him. You were wholeheartedly in love with Gunil. When you told Gunil about this he was not so happy. How could he be? You just told him that you reunited with an old flame of yours. Ok, yes, he knows the guy is technically not an old fame since the two of you never dated. However if life didn’t get in the way, if things worked out, it very well could be him who you are dating right now and not Gunil. That brought out a deep sense of insecurity within Gunil. He started to fear that he could lose you to this guy. That you would fall out of love with him. To discover what your “What could have been” could be.

“Why do you have to have dinner with him?” Gunil snapped.

“Gunil I told you a bunch of my coworkers are having dinner together, it's a group thing,” you tiredly explained, again.

“He’s still gonna be there though?” Gunil stated bitterly.

“What’s your problem? Even if it was just me and him. It’d just be two friends having dinner. I can’t have dinner with my friends?” Your voice grew angrier with each sentence.

“Not when they have feelings for you!” he shouts.

“Guni it’s not like that. Yes we liked each other in the past but not now,” you say. Your heart began to feel heavy in your chest.

“Am I really supposed to believe that? You told me he was the one who got away. Now he’s back. You’re telling me that you feel nothing towards him? I don’t believe it. How could you not?” You could hear the insecurity in Gunil’s voice and he’s avoiding eye contact with you now.

“Because I love you.” You tried to reach for Gunil’s hands, but he pulled away from you and you felt your heart crack.

“Are you sure?” He finally looks at you again. There’s so many emotions in his eyes, but you can’t read them.

“I don’t know when you stop believing me, trusting me, but since you don't, maybe it’s best we take a break.” You had to fight the words out as your throat tightened up.

“Y/n that’s not- I didn’t I don’t,” he fumbled over his words.

“I do. I’ll stay at y/f/n’s in the meantime. I’ll come get my stuff when you’re at practice tomorrow,” you tell him, beginning to walk away.

“Y/n please don’t go,” Gunil begs you, latching onto your wrist.

“Gunil,” you try to pull his hand off, but he grips you tighter, not enough to hurt though. His hold is still gentle somehow. “We both need some time. All we do is fight about this whenever we’re together. I’m tired. Please.” Gunil’s hand loosens up and you slip out of his grasp. Then you walked out of the door, not knowing when or if you’ll come back.

Gunil slumps down on the floor. He was so scared about losing you to another man that he drove you away himself. He might have lost you for good and it was all his own doing. He has no one to blame, but himself. A part of him wants to run out that door after you and explain. That all this happened because he was scared of losing you. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe you or didn’t trust you. It was that he didn’t believe or trust that he was good enough. That he was better than your old flame. His own insecurity was the problem, not your what could have been lover. Although even if he wanted to run to you he doesn’t even know if he can feel his legs. Not over the shattering pain in his heart. He knows that you need time and space, so he’ll give it to you. He can only hope that you’ll come back to him. That the two of you can make-up. Gunil doesn’t move from his spot on the floor. Delusioning himself that this is all a dream and he’ll wake up in the morning with you beside him.

You arrived at your friend's house all shaken up. Trembling with anger and sadness. Your friend encased you in their arms, not asking any questions. They could easily tell that you were upset, so their main priority was comforting you. They will let you tell them about it in due time, whenever you are ready.

You didn’t tell them about it the next morning. Both of you are sitting on the couch, drinking tea.

“Gunil and I are taking a break,” you informed them. Your friend knew that the two of you had been fighting and what you were fighting about, so you didn’t really have to go into detail about why.

“Just taking a break or are you gonna breakup?” they asked slightly hesitant.

“I really don’t know right now,” you told them. Your chest hurts. You look down into your half empty tea mug as tears prick your eyes.

“Do you want to breakup?” they questioned. You sighed. It was a hard question, but the one that needed an answer. The one you need to find the answer too. The reason why you’re taking a break with Gunil.

“I love him, but if he doesn’t trust me….” you trailed off. Your friend nodded.

“Take a few days to clear your head, weeks even. I like having you hear. Like the old days.” They tried to lighten the mood a bit. Reminding you of your time as roommates before you moved in with Gunil.

After finishing your tea you went to pick up your things. You told your friend that they could wait in the car, that you’d just quickly pack your things into a bag and be right out. You did exactly that until a folder piece of paper lying on your pillow caught your attention. It had your name written on it. It was a letter from Gunil. You unfolded it, sitting down on the bed.

Y/n,

I know I messed up. Messed up horribly. I know you need time, so take as much time as you need. I just wanted to apologize and explain. I’m sorry for acting out. I’m sorry for causing all of our arguments. I’m sorry for making you think that I don’t trust or believe you. I do trust you. I do believe you. It was actually me who I don’t trust or believe. I didn’t believe that I could be better than him. I was sure that he was much better than me. So much better than me that you would fall in love with him and out of love with me. He’s your one that got away and I was hyper fixated on that. Hyper fixated to the point that I was sure I would lose you to him. I never even met him, but he managed to bring out so many insecurities in me. Everything that I feel inadequate about in our relationship came bubbling up the surface. Instead of communicating with you about it I lashed out. I can’t make any excuse about it except that I’m an idiot. An idiot that was so scared about losing you that I ended up hurting you. I’m really truly so sorry. I can only hope that you’ll forgive me and come back to me. I love you y/n. Love you so much. I don’t want to breakup, but if that’s the decision you come to I’ll accept it. Just know that I love you always.

Gunil

You didn’t realize you were crying till you saw the tear drops on the piece of paper. His letter helped to put things into perspective. What he did wasn’t right, but you know that he knows that too and he owns up to it. You wiped the remnants of your tears and grabbed your bag. You still wanted to take a few days to think over everything. A lot happened over the past month. You placed the letter into your bag and headed back out of the car. This time leaving felt different from the previous time. You didn’t feel unsure. There was no uncertainty, you knew that’d you’d come back.

When Gunil returned back from practice that day he returned to a note on his pillow, it was from you.

Keep my side of the bed warm, idiot

Y/n

The note was passive aggressive, but it brought much needed relief to Gunil. You’d come back to him. He didn’t lose you and when you return he was ready to do everything to make it up to you. Whatever he had to do to keep you by his side. He loves you and doesn’t want to risk losing you ever again.

#xdinary heroes #xdh #xdh imagines #xdh x reader #xdinary heroes imagines #xdinary heroes x reader #xh gunil #gunil x reader #goo gunil #koo gunil #gunil

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amysubmits · 1 year

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The Never-Ending Honeymoon?

A while back someone on my Facebook posted a meme about how if you want a relationship last, you have to always do your best to make the other person feel like you’re still in the honeymoon phase. They added their commentary when sharing the image...something about how this is why she’s never been with anyone very long, is all the men she’s been with stop trying to give her butterflies after they get comfortable in the relationship. For some reason, it’s a concept I’ve thought back to a few times since reading it.

It got me thinking about how I’ve never really romanticized that early stage in relationships. I assume my anxiety may be to blame for that...but I like feeling comfortable with people way more than I like that awkward & excited first phase. And yet, I think effort absolutely matters a lot. It’s just...I don’t think comfort and effort need to contradict each other at all.

If you wanted to really break it down, I think it would be fair to say that our D/s could be described as us discussing and agreeing to ways to show each other effort, essentially. And yet, there’s so much comfort and familiarity in it, too.

A few days ago we were having rough sex, CD was behind me and he slowed down and brought his face up so it was just behind one of my ears. “You’re mine.” he said softly but firmly and I felt his breath on my ear. I feel a shiver over my whole body, and the emotional response was greater than the physical one. A mixture of euphoria, love, calmness, a sense of belonging and purpose, washed over me. I think you could call some of those feelings butterflies - but it was so much deeper than those early-dating butterflies.

That moment felt so good that I kept thinking back to it, and I was still thinking back to the Facebook memes about the honeymoon phase. Almost like that moment was answering the thoughts I had been mulling over about the honeymoon phase.

CD saying “you’re mine” to me now means so much more than it possibly could have early on. It overwhelms me with emotion when he tells me I’m his now, because it feels so true.

He knows me so incredibly well, we’ve been through so much together. We watch each other learn, grow, change, and age, too. We’ve focused on communication for so many years that we’ve learned so much more about ourselves and each other over the years. We’ve added layers of intimacy that I didn’t know were possible when we first got together. It seems to just keep getting deeper, too. The intimacy we have now, is different than it was even two years ago.

I think that instead of striving for a never-ending honeymoon phase, or specifically trying to give him butterflies, even - my goal is to always work to learn him even better. There’s a Jason Isbell lyric “There’s a couple in the corner of the bar, they’ve traveled light and clearly traveled far. She’s got nothing left to learn about his heart, and they’re sitting there a thousand miles apart”. To me, that’s what we want to always work to avoid. We don’t need to resist getting comfortable or familiar. Quite the opposite, really.

#writing #d/s #24/7 d/s #relationships

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basuralindo · 6 months

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You'll Have Me Rise ch.19 is up!

Content warnings for nongraphic discussion of animal death, relatively graphic arachnophobia, mentions of family death and funerals.

Editing by @kamikazequail

And as always, commentary under the cut

-Yeah Jamil just walked straight into that pickup line completely unaware… Jade's never gonna let him live it down, if anyone ever tells him.

-Jade hides his emotions as well as he wants to when he's prepared, but have you noticed he's totally transparent when caught off guard in canon? I think he'd be more obvious than expected if something he wasn't prepared for made him uncomfortable.

-Yugioh voice: "You've activated Jade's special interest! You must stand by and listen to nature facts for a full hour."

-Yeah Jade totally picked blue for poison specifically because it's such a universally innocuous color

-Jade: "Yeah I got whosits and whatsits galore" *opens door to reveal a horde of roadkill and mold*. Rizz game like no other

-tbh I just love slime mold and wanted to bring up slime molds because they're so fucking cool <3

-Oh btw, another fun psychology thing: If someone has a lot of stressors that they can't control or afford to be afraid of, the repressed terror can manifest as really intense irrational fears to things that are safer to avoid. For example, Jamil can't do anything about his situation and the risks and pressure involved, but he can absolutely obliterate a bug with very little repercussion. I feel like that phenomenon explains the level of fear he has with bugs in canon tbh.

-I also just really love bugs and didn't want Jamil killing them for character accuracy, so I've inserted Jade as protection.

-I might go into this more in some other post but like, I love the contrast of classic fishtail mermaids in their reef environments vs deep sea monster mermaids. There's just so much room to build on the potential cultures surrounding that.

-Did I need to go on a tangent about mermaid funerals? Will the details ever be plot relevant? Probably not. But hey, world building. (I'm considering Azul keeping a locket with his stepdad's teeth)

-!!! I've been waiting to drop more info about the tweels parents! Anyway, it's a personal headcanon that the twins' social issues developed in response to being involved in mob violence early on. Too much ugliness to handle as kids, and they both kinda broke in opposite ways. Also kinda ties into their unique magic imo: Floyd being expected to handle himself in a fight and needing a defense, and Jade needing a more efficient way to extract info from people.

-I could go on a whole ramble about my ideas for the Leech parents, but the short of it is that I think Jade and Floyd each picked up some personality quirks from the parent they were around more, but mostly developed emotional responses to balance out each parent's behavior (ie: reserved, observant, and meticulous in response to unpredictable emotional outbursts, vs emotional instability and exaggerated emotional reactions in response to emotional neglect and under-reactivity), hence the two comparing each other to opposite parents last time it was brought up. It also resulted in them balancing out each other's dispositions, leading to the kinda codependent dynamic they have as adults. I think they'd both feel like they specifically came out wrong as a result too. Like, Floyd believing he should be more pragmatic and levelheaded like Jade (like his mom wanted), and Jade feeling like he's too far gone and distant to connect with other people the way Floyd does.

-Mind games can be a form of foreplay, if you're tedious enough.

-I think Jade and Jamil would have similar ways of showing insecurity, Jamil's just more flexible about it. Jade, meanwhile, has ensured a position where he doesn't have to relinquish control unless he chooses to

-Will these people ever make out with Jamil in a normal location? The world may never know.

#jeijami #octaviper #jade x jamil #twst fic #yhmr #yhmr fic #you'll have me rise you'll have me fall #chapter babble

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cowboycharmac · 10 months

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(okay reposting bc tumblr autosave deleted a lot of my post </3 rip) on a slightly more depressing note do you ever think about how terrible mac is at taking care of things specifically in a parental context and get so sad because i do. mac as a person isnt inherently bad at taking care of things, he's fairly good at taking care of dennis (although his own insecurities and paranoias do negatively impact the relationship) and from what we see in the show he does the majority of homemaking work in the macden household and is generally pretty good at taking care of their apartment (unless it's on fire). but as soon as he reframes a relationship as a parental one he cant seem to figure it out.

the most obvious example of this is when he and dee take care of D.B/dumpster baby. now, character conflict is pretty par for the course for shows doing the "two characters adopt a baby" trope. however, in most shows ive seen it done, the progression is typically slower and/or more natural, from either a disparity in labour between maternal and paternal figures (often with the paternal figure slowly checking out and doing less and less work), or from one character being shoved into a role they didnt want. "the gang finds a dumpster baby" uses both of these, but what makes it interesting to me is how quickly and deliberately mac incites that conflict.

he seems eager and excited to take care of the baby and volunteers immediately, but as soon as he and dee get home from baby shopping he shoves everything off on her and becomes emotionally distant and angry when she tries to ask for help. this change in attitude is sudden and seemingly brought about by nothing in particular, he hasnt yet experienced anything that might make him realize that taking care of a baby is actually a pretty demanding job that he might not be interested in, and to me, at least, it doesnt read like he's genuinely annoyed at her or rejecting his self imposed paternal role. instead, he's still just play acting at what he thinks fatherhood should look like. he's still trying to give D.B his version of a "biblical" nuclear family, like he says he wants to when he pressures dee into taking on the maternal role, but he's using his own parents as a model for this and deliberately recreating the toxic environment he grew up in because he thinks that's how you're meant to raise a child.

it's also really interesting to me that he chose dee for this. mac and dee don't team up a lot, and when they do, it's typically because everyone else is off doing something else. sure, he's adamant that D.B needs to be raised by a man and a woman, and dee is the only woman in the gang, but he doesn't even consider trying to find D.B a mom outside of the gang.

given how he seems repulsed by dee in both a romantic and sexual context and in a nuclear family the dynamic between the mother and father is typically both, and given their platonic dynamic is strained as it is, this is odd. there are plenty of single women in philadelphia, and there are other women in mac's own life he gets along with a lot better (and who do/would make better mothers), like carmen (who hes on good enough terms with that they engage in a relationship just a bit later in the season).

to me it seems like he chose someone like dee, who he doesn't get along with very well, who has both anger and emotional intimacy issues, and who emphatically rejects motherhood when he thrusts it upon her, not because he thinks she's his only option, but because shes the person he thinks is most likely to behave like his own mother in that position. (little bit of gay mac meta here, it also feels like maybe he chose a woman he had a distinctly platonic dynamic with and who wouldnt expect anything else from him so as to avoid needing to have a sexual or romantic relationship with his female partner in this constructed family)

theres also of course the dynamic between dennis jr, mac, and dennis in mac and dennis move to the suburbs. admittedly this one is a lot less interesting to me because the parallels to his own parents are less intentional on mac's part, however i do have some thoughts about it. here, he takes on the maternal role. dennis, from his own and the audiences perspective, isnt helping "raise" dennis jr at all and isnt really involved here. however, from macs perspective, dennis is taking on a paternal role, not necessarily because of, but also not in spite of the fact that he's away for most of the day, emotionally distant, and doesnt seem to be helping take care of or even interacting with dennis jr on a regular basis.

granted, mac isn't taking care of dennis jr either. despite seeming excited to "raise [the dog] like [his and dennis'] own son", he's despondent and neglectful, much like his own mother, and dennis jr. starves to death. from what we see of his mother on the tape from mac's childhood in "a very sunny christmas", she, like mac, wasn't always dull. although we dont really see her interact with mac and i have no doubt that she was a subpar mother and person for all of mac childhood (she is more than complicit in the robbing of peoples homes in this same episode), she has more normal emotional responses to things like receiving a gift, and she appears to genuinely like luther. i dont think its too much of a stretch to assume that she, like mac, let her emotional issues with an absent or distant partner interfere with her role as a parent. the only difference is that mac, unlike dennis jr, is a human child who is presumably old enough to do the bare minimum to keep himself alive by the time she checks out.

anyways sorry this post kind of got away from me. it just makes me so sad. mac wants to be a parent but he has no real frame of reference for that, he wants so badly to take care of something but he cant help neglecting it because to him it seems normal that parents shouldnt need to take care of their child, that children should have to care of themselves. hes so adamant that his relationship with his parents is normal, healthy, and loving that he'll ruin even a pale mimicry of a family trying to recreate it.

#iasip #mac mcdonald

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idontunderstandchemistry · 1 year

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Uncomfortable - Tim Drake (2/3)

Summary: [...] "Are you saying you are afraid of me?" "I wouldn't say afraid" Dick said, trying to sound casual "It's just the way you've been talking about everything these days. It makes everyone feel..." "Uncomfortable?" Tim asked, with a bitter grin, finally turning towards Dick "The probable consequences of what you all say and do to me make you uncomfortable, Dick?" [...] Extremely hurt Tim Drake living out of coffee and spite.

Wordcount: 930

Content Warnings: Angst; Deeply depressed Tim having deeply depressed people thoughts.

Notes: Sorry for the delay in posting, i feel like I'm almost selling my soul to finally get into college... Anyways, hope you're enjoying for now. Reblogs and likes are very much appreciated ❣️

Be careful and stay hydrated!

P.S.: Don't judge Timmy for being an asshole, specially about his "I'll simply close my eyes and ignore Cass" because, guess what, deeply tdepressed people ignore their loved ones quite oftenly.

Part 1 - Part 3

CHAPTER TWO - THE SOFA

Tim hated when Steph wasn’t around.

She and Cass were the only ones he wouldn’t ever deny to be in the presence. Steph knew her limits and always made sure to be whatever Tim needed her to be, and for that, he was very grateful. Cass too. Maybe it was part of her naturally silent nature. Tim could simply enjoy being silent alongside her, and, even if she tried to communicate with him through sign language, he could simply be an asshole and close his eyes, turn away or pretend he didn’t see.

He found himself being quite an asshole to them recently, and for that, he felt bad. Unfortunately, he couldn’t do anything about it. Tim simply hadn’t had the energy to try.

So he decided to spend more time alone. Good thing the Manor had more than enough rooms for him to hide. Obviously, he had to avoid the closets and the kitchen. Alfred somehow had a spider sense about them and appeared immediately after he felt in his bones that someone dared to get inside his beloved kitchen. So now he was seated in the sofá of one of the living rooms with his laptop, working on a case.

Everything was fine, until Bruce stealthy got inside the room and sat beside Tim, who pretended not to care.

Some years ago, he would be thrilled by his appearance - Bruce's emotional intelligence range was equal to a teaspoon, so when Tim was still little, every opportunity he had to try to win a piece of Bruce’s attention was unique. Tim could remember every frustrated bonding attempt he made towards Bruce.

He remembered how much he tried to break Bruce’s walls down and how everytime he got some success, Bruce was quick in building up some more. It took him some years to realise that no matter how much he tried, he would never be like Dick or Jason to Bruce. He wasn’t chosen by him, he didn’t try to be his father figure, Tim already had a father. His relationship with Bruce was purely professional.

Batman needs a Robin, and Tim was willingly going to do the job.

Just so all that he ever worked for was taken away from him by Mr. “I don't want to be THE Batman anymore” and given to an entitled brat who tried to kill him.

Tim could hear his teeth grinding against each other in anger. He hated this fucking family.

— Are you going to tell me what's going on, Tim? — Bruce asked, hearing his son’s jaw clench and his eyes stare at the screen in a cold peace.

— No, I am not — The young man said, slowly, feeling his guts filling with rage.

It was simply too convenient for Bruce to choose when he was able to care about the children he brought into his life and decided to call his children. Simply too convenient to choose when he was going to be an available father figure and when he was going to be distant, when he was going to suffocate you with his uneasy stare because of his inability of simply taking conclusions about what was in front of him. Best detective in the world my ass.

Bruce let out a deep sigh. He was tired.

— Tim, when you have a problem, you need to talk about it. We are your family, we want to help. — He said after some time.

— Well, it seems like my family gets “uncomfortable” when I talk about the problems, so I decided I simply won't talk about them at all — Tim answered, not caring about how bitter he sounded. He didn’t care that Bruce was tired. He didn’t care about any of that shit anymore — If I need help, I'll hire a therapist. I'm pretty sure I can afford It.

Bruce sighed again.

— I love you, Tim. Don't forget that.

Tim laughed bitterly, what scared Bruce. Once again, Tim found himself being an asshole. He had this particular laugh that freaked the whole family: a laugh mastered during the time when he was Joker Jr. He could see Bruce flinch in discomfort and his pupils filled with fear. They were afraid he was going to snap at any time. Good. They had reason enough to be afraid.

— You don't love me, Bruce — He simply said,closing the laptop angrily and getting up — Jason was dead, Dick was pissed and nobody else was stupid enough to try to get through your emotional walls. You had nobody else. You chose to keep me because you had nobody else. Batman needs a Robin and I were there to do the work, I got it. You don’t have to be a genius to know that.

— Tim, that's absolutely not true...

— I'm going to my chambers — Tim simply said.

— I am not done, Timothy!

— If you try to stop me, this will be the last time you'll ever see me around apart from patrol.I’m already emancipated, I’ll move out and Timothy Drake will never willingly cross paths with Bruce Wayne or any of his children again — The words came out of Tim's mouth like water from a tap. Absolutely fluid and cold. He had nothing else to lose, anyway, and he had already lived away from the Manor for many months before. He surely could do this again. Bruce couldn't say a thing. He was too shocked by his son's attitude — Do both of us a favour and stop pretending to care. We both know you don't.

Bruce was too shocked to even let out a sigh.

#timothy drake #tim drake angst #tim drake wayne #tim drake #red robin fanfic #red robin #batfamily angst #angst #i refuse to believe that bruce simply don't try to be a good parent #he is just a tired dad of six

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garbinge · 7 months

Text

Things I Should Have Said

Javier Peña x F!Reader For the @narcosfandomdiscord October Prompts. Day 5 - Day of Visual Art: Write about a character interacting with a piece of art (e.g. buying decoration for a new home, stealing a piece, hitting on a stranger at a gallery, creating art themselves, etc) Word Count: 2k Warnings: All my fics are 18+, regardless of content. Angsty af. Heartbreaking lowkey. A/N: This was the first fic I wrote for this challenge <3

Taglist: @drabbles-mc @justreblogginfics @narcolini @hausofmamadas

The white lights were meant to illuminate the artwork on the walls but it felt like they were a spotlight on you. In a way they were, the pieces on the wall were an extension of your brain, of your thoughts, of the things that were too hard to say outloud but were so easy to put on canvas. It was fitting for your showing title, The Things I Should Have Said But Never Did.

The gallery was beginning to fill up, mostly of people you had never met before. Strangers made it easy to explain your work, there was no judgment, no weight in what you said. If anything, they were fellow artists who were impressed and intrigued by your style, your process. It also helped that you had a couple glasses of champagne before making your way to mingle.

As you moved around the room, your feet became glued to the ground. The playlist you had running in the background faded from your ears and a ringing filled it’s spot. That was the thing about pouring yourself into your work, sometimes when you saw it right in front of you it brought back all those emotions, all those things you thought you had worked through, and suddenly you were right back in the situation that brought all those thoughts to your head in the first place.

The smallest canvas in your whole showing was being viewed by someone. The irony in the fact that you chose the smallest canvas to express one of the biggest thoughts in your head for the last 4 years, although there was probably a deliberate choice in that, the avoidance in admitting the thought outloud.

The emptiness inside me that never vanishes, is a constant reminder of all the things I’ve destroyed just trying to fill a void.

Those were the words painted over the film photo you had transferred onto the canvas. The film photo that was the memory marker of the start of things destroyed just to fill a void. There were two people in the photo, but they were scratched out, only their silhouettes were visible to the eye now, but it was clear where they were. It was a horse pen outside, one person was sitting on the bottom rail of the fence, comfortable, arms wrapped around the middle rail. The other person was leaning on the post, where the opening of the pen was, there were a few horses in the background. It was funny how you could still pick up body language even from a silhouette, it helped that one of the people in the photo was yourself, so you knew that it was a moment of content, of peace, of what could have been.

You took a deep breath before finding the courage to take the steps necessary to approach the person staring at the photo. It was literally 10 steps to get there but mentally you needed to get ready to talk about it.

“Penny for your thoughts?” You asked, not bothering to look at the person but stare at the artwork on the wall as you spoke to them.

You felt their eyes on you, it lingered for a moment before they went back on the piece.

“Maybe I’ll just buy it.” The man let out a chuckle, there was a slight country Texan twang in his voice that brought you back to your hometown and put a smile on your face.

“You’ll pay more than a penny.” You answered him, eyes still on the artwork in front of you.

“But then I don’t have to share the thoughts.” His point was matter of fact even though you could tell he was trying to be funny.

“Too close to home?” You asked, now turning to look at the man for the first time.

“Yea, you could say that.” He let out another chuckle at that. “Feels like I’m looking into a mirror.”

“Well the people are siloed out.” You looked back at the work.

“And yet they’re still so recognizable.” His response was immediate and it held a weight to it.

“I bet you a lot of people in here have destroyed something trying to fill a void.” You tried to make the man feel a little better.

“But how many of them broke a heart in the process?” His hands were in his pockets, his eyes were back at the painting almost like he was reminicensing as he stared at it.

“I think you’d be surprised.” You let a small chuckle out before scanning around the room at the groups of people looking at the work on the wall, gathered by the bar, and some scattered alone throughout the gallery. “I’d say heartbreak comes easy to half of the people in here.”

“I don’t think there's an easy way to break someone's heart.”

“It’s as easy as wrong place wrong time, I’ve learned.” You were now looking at him, both of you seeming to be having a deeper conversation between the two of you now.

The man chuckled again, you were really killing it with your words tonight.

“You look good.”

The statement threw you for a loop based on how the conversation was going.

“And here I thought you came just to compliment the art.” You felt the heat rush to your face and your heart beat a bit faster from the comment he made.

“I can’t compliment both?” The smile on his face was one that would make someone melt at their feet, that would bring butterflies to anyones gut.

“I don’t think you drove all the way to New Orleans from Laredo to compliment the art or me, Javi.” You crossed your arms and looked directly at the man you knew so well for 10 years out of your life.

“Drive? No way. But fly?” He kept the jokes coming.

“Frequent Flyer Javi.” You teased back. “All that back and forth to Colombia and all it earned you was a trip to see little old me.”

The mention of Colombia brought a certain vibe over on Javi, it wasn’t one that could just go missed or unanswered. But you knew better than to press for information especially when it was probably something to do with emotions and feelings.

“And the art, don’t forget the art.” Javi pointed to the walls, still trying to joke but this time to mask the pain that just got brought up to the surface.

“I haven’t heard from you in 5 years, Javi. I know you didn’t come here to look at some fucking art.”

“Hey, give yourself more credit than that.” He spoke up to defend you.

“Javi, I’m being serious.” You spoke like you weren’t in a gallery full of people, like it was just the two of you chatting over coffee.

“I’m back home.”

3 words but you knew what it meant.

“I saw the news. Saw that they caught him.” You didn’t need to get into detail, especially around all these people.

“Yea, well, actually, I got sent home a little earlier.” He shrugged and was staring at the artwork on the wall now.

There wasn’t anyway for you to know what happened but you could tell that it wasn’t exactly good.

“I’m sorry. I know how much the case meant to you.” That was true, you knew that all too well. It was the reason things were the way they were between you.

“Ouch.” Javi joked, deflecting his way through this entire conversation with you. “Not sure what hurts more, that statement or this photo.” He pointed at the photo. “You might have crossed out the people but I know that photo. That’s me and you. On the ranch.”

You didn’t say anything, it was true, it was a photo of you and Javi on his father’s ranch. The horse pen was where you both spent so much time together, talking, venting, not talking, kissing, falling in love.

“You really think that?” Javi nodded towards the words.

The emptiness inside me that never vanishes, is a constant reminder of all the things I’ve destroyed just trying to fill a void.

“I do.” You nodded.

“How come you never told me that.” He was genuinely asking, you could tell.

You let out your own chuckle and gestured around the room, referring to the whole gallery of The Things I Should Have Said But Never Did.

“I’m being serious.” His voice got firm.

“Fuck you, Javi.” The words were quick to come from your mouth. “This shit is serious.” You felt offended. “Typical fucking Javier Peña. 5 years and you haven’t fucking changed a bit.” Despite the tone of your voice, you weren’t yelling. He might have been ruining this moment for you, but you weren’t going to ruin it for yourself by causing a scene.

“I’m sorry.” Javi said, now bringing his hand up to his face before dragging it down in stress.

There was a silence between the two of you, out of trying to keep occupied, you both stared at the photo of the two of you on the wall. Both remembering that day, remembering what happened later that night.

“I didn’t write that about you.” You spoke up, still not having the desire to look at him. “I wrote that about myself.”

Javi’s eyes quickly fell on you and then back at the artwork before shaking his head confused.

“I know you think you destroyed us by leaving for Colombia, but I didn’t exactly beg you to stay either. I wasn’t ready, Javi.”

“We were in a relationship for 4 years.” He frowned, confused by what you were saying.

“That was barely any different than our friendship the 6 years prior.” You continued. “I was never meant to be there, on that ranch, in Laredo, I’ve always been a passing ship, everything I do is to fill the void of well, being alone. Not having family. Not having friends.”

“I was your friend.” Javi brought his hands into his pockets.

“And it still wasn’t enough for me, Javi. Because then you were my boyfriend. And that wasn’t enough. I was–am, lonely and empty.”

That sentence was heavy, and it was clearly something Javi never thought about, he was always wrapped up in his own destroying of relationships.

Quickly, with a deep breath you cleared your throat, “But hey, it makes for great art. What can I say.” It was an attempt to clear the tension in the air. You turned your head to look at Javi and you let out another sigh as you took in the sight of him. “You staying in town? Maybe we could grab dinner, or something?”

“I’m leaving tonight. I, uh, I’m going back.”

The smallest smile filled your face. You were both so alike, the work being the only thing that you could depend on in life.

“Good, that’s good.” You nodded.

“I’m gonna get going, but it was good seeing you.” He reached out and squeezed your arm before taking a few steps in his effort to leave.

Everything in you wanted to say something, tell him to stop, tell him something more than what you originally said but you were at a loss.

Javi turned around, quickly pulling something out of his wallet and handing it to you. It took you a minute to register was what in your hand even though you were just staring at pretty much the same thing for the last 20 minutes.

“I love the piece, I love all of this. But– keep that, stare at the people in that photo for a little bit tonight, I think they both deserve to be cut a little slack, especially the one sitting on the pen.” And with that, he was waving goodbye quickly, leaving you there with the original film photo of the two of you, two people who you thought were empty and good at destroying things just to fill a void, but now that you stared at the original photo, it got you thinking that maybe you were just two people who were emotionally fucked.

Either way, it was fitting that this happened here. Because now that Javi was gone, you suddenly had a million things in your head you wished you said. But instead of saying it, you flipped the photo over and took a pen out from your pocket and wrote 3 words on the back of it and tucked it safe in your pocket.

“I love you.”

#Narcoctober #narcos #narcos netflix #javier peña #javi peña #Javier Peña x Reader

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hawkinsschoolcounselor · 10 months

Note

Hi! Happy lukewarm Tudum day, I hope you're having an okay one :) all things considered... If you're taking asks right now I'd love to hear your thoughts. I've been reading again about attachment styles (secure, avoidant, anxious, and I think another I'm forgetting right now) and it got me wondering about ST characters and how they might fit in these categories. I remember kaypeace21 mentioning attachment style in an old post (the one about parentification) but it wasn't a focus. Any thoughts? Thanks either way! ^_^

I haven't really been keeping up with Asks, to be honest. The past school year was very rough, as I keep getting additional responsibilities as I'm there longer (without decent pay, of course). Now that it's summer, though, I suppose I have no more excuses. I think I knew I'd never be able to just walk away from this community.

So, attachment styles. This is a difficult thing to really get into since we know very little about most characters' early childhoods. Attachment styles are rooted in the attachments developed with caregivers in infancy, though they develop from there. That is to say, someone who forms an insecure attachment in infancy isn't doomed to treat all social relationships that way forever. These initial bonds do often tend to influence later bonds, though.

This is going to be a long one, so the rest of the post is under the break.

The attachment styles you mentioned go back to the work of Ainsworth in the late 70s. She devised the Strange Situation observational experiment, which involved an infant child being introduced, separated, and reunited with a caregiver and an unfamiliar adult. Attachment styles are determined based on how the child reacts to these situations, demonstrating how much security they derive from their caregiver. What constitutes a caregiver can vary based on culture and individual circumstances, so it need not be a parent/guardian.

The four attachment styles based on this theory are as follows:

Secure Attachment: To the child, the caregiver is a secure base from which they feel safe to explore unfamiliar situations. The child is upset when the caregiver leaves, but the bond isn't damaged, and the child is fine when the caregiver returns. This is the result of a healthy bond between caregiver and child. Funny story, in grad school my classmates and I got a look as to what this might look like in dogs when my professor brought his dog to class. The dog enjoyed coming up to all of us as long as my professor was there, but he left the room for a minute to fetch something, closing the door behind him. His dog stopped sniffing around all of us and immediately went towards the closed door. My professor walked in a moment later, and the dog's tail was rapidly wagging. I'm not aware of any research into whether this theory holds for dogs or other animals, but it was an interesting thing to watch given that we just learned about attachment styles.

Insecure Avoidant Attachment: The child avoids the caregiver, interacting little with them, and not being upset (or even noticing) their departure. The child may avoid eye contact when the caregiver returns. The bond, if it was ever there, is not re-established on return. This is generally the result of a caregiver not being emotionally available to the child. It's can be, but is not necessarily the result of abuse or neglect, as an emotionally reserved caregiver can unintentionally withhold affection. These children often come to see attempts at bonding as being met with hostile or dismissive reactions. A child like this could grow up to see self-sufficiency as the only way to go, as they don't expect emotional reciprocity, and will avoid getting too close to people, favoring more casual relationships.

Insecure Anxious-Ambivalent (originally Insecure Resistant): The child becomes very distressed upon separation, clinging to the caregiver, usually while crying. However, upon return of the caregiver, the child resists reattachment, sometimes to the point of kicking and yelling. This can be the result of inconsistency in the caregiver-child relationship, resulting in the child being confused as to how to navigate it. The child essentially never knows when anything will be ok, resulting in great distress whenever a situation is unfamiliar. A child with this attachment style may be afraid of abandonment, and could continue carrying that fear with them as they grow up if the situation continues that way. They may feel unworthy of love and need regular reassurance.

Insecure Disorganized: The child appears confused and/or afraid. The child shows some aspects of both avoidant and resistant styles, but there's a marked difference in intensity. The child may actively fear their caregiver, and it can be a sign of an abusive caregiver and/or childhood trauma. As a result, there's a real lack of any clear pattern of behavior relating to the child's relationship with caregivers. Survival could be a matter of reacting to individual situations without any real underlying schema having been formed. A child with this type wants love, but has no idea how to get it.

I dare say that most of the cast probably has a Secure Attachment style based on their behavior in the show. There are some exceptions, however. I will not be trying to classify El, as her, ahem, unique socialization complicates matters.

Mike Wheeler: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he has an Anxious-Ambivalent style. He can be very emotionally reactive and sullen, and he does seem to have a fear of loved ones leaving him. This could potentially be the result of Ted's lack of emotional reciprocity. Karen was likely a very loving mother during Mike's infancy, but Ted being closed-off could have resulted in a lot of confusion for Mike. Mike gets clingy, suspicious, and jealous with loved ones when he suspects things aren't going well. This comes from his fear that he's not good enough for their love, and, as a result, he's deeply touched by Will's reassurance in the van, likely owing to his low self-esteem.

Will Byers: He's a tough one. He doesn't seek out relationships, which suggests Avoidant, but he has one loving parent and one asshole (later absent) parent, which suggests Anxious-Ambivalent. At best, Lonnie was emotionally distant, if not outright abusive. However, we know Will has great bonds with Joyce and Jonathan. I suppose it could be argued that there is still a lack of consistency, as a result of Joyce having to work a lot and Jonathan being a kid himself, but we don't know enough about how that worked in Will's early childhood. He does lack the emotional reactivity that goes with Anxious, though. I'm going to lean towards Avoidant, though, as Will does seem reluctant to get too close to anyone. His first friendship was with Mike, and Mike made the first move there. We don't know how he met Lucas and Dustin, but I can't see him taking the initiative based on what we know about him. He also befriended both Max and El because his friends did. He seemingly made no friends in Lenora, and, unlike El, he didn't seem to care much. His focus seems to be more on not losing his current relationships, particularly Mike.

Jonathan Byers: Insecure-Avoidant. He's very similar to Will, only he's had to serve as the caregiver for Will, which might complicate things. I'd say he's definitely Avoidant, though. He has no real drive to form relationships. His relationship with Nancy developed only because he spent a couple very traumatic weeks with her where they pretty much had to bond to survive. He did genuinely like her, but he likely never would have attempted to get into a relationship with her under normal circumstances. Now that he's in it, he's terrified. He's in too deep, and he has no idea how to handle that. He's afraid it's going to turn out like his parents' relationship. He's friends with Argyle, but it seems to be a largely casual friendship (up until recently, anyway). Argyle being an outcast stoner is probably what made him an appealing friend for Jonathan, as he doesn't have to worry about emotional closeness.

Steve Harrington: Insecure-Avoidant. We know he doesn't have a good relationship with his parents, who never seem to be around. He's confident and easy-going, likely the result of having to learn to fend for himself emotionally. He's had several shallow relationships, both platonic and romantic, owing to his fear of getting too close to someone. We only see him get close to three people: Nancy, Dustin, and Robin. All three of those relationships we can see Steve get antsy about being too close. He fears that Dustin is choosing Eddie over him. He was devastated by Nancy saying their love was "bullshit." And he's almost afraid as he confesses to Robin that he developed feelings for her. When he pushes through his fear, he's able to really click with people, but it always requires a real feat of courage from him.

Ok, I can't do anymore than that, I don't think. There's others who would be interesting to look at in regards to attachment, but, like El, have too many complicating factors. Hopper has had trauma in his past with Vietnam, his daughter dying, and his marriage collapsing. We don't know how he was growing up. Max has dealt with divorced parents and an abusive stepbrother, so it's hard to determine what might be the result of attachment style and what might be the result of her own traumas.

I do enjoy your thought-provoking Asks, though. I've missed doing these types of psych analyses, which is a bit ironic considering it's largely what I based the blog on when I originally created it.

#stranger things #attachment styles #mike wheeler #will byers #steve harrington #byler #jonathan byers

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lindendragon · 2 years

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We need a filler episode where the Derby trio (Gus, Willow and Hunter) goes on their first solo trip to the grocery store. Most of this was discussed with @sergeantsporks and they added some stuff to the idea.

Gus had avoided going out the house cause he didn't want his first human realm experiences to be embittered by his situation, but by now he's recovered enough to be okay with distracting himself a bit and try to enjoy himself. Willow just wants to get out the house and also support Gus through this. It's no use constantly fretting over something you can't change, she can try to live life a little, right? At least as a distraction. Hunter is also here as support, but he is also treating this as an important mission to repay Miss Noceda and he cannot mess this up. Also he will protect his friends from danger.

• On the way to the store they come across an intersection they have to cross and they have to mentally prepare for it like "We can do this. We can DO THIS!" And Gus makes sure they wait for the green light and look both ways like Camila showed them and they're all strategic about it and they all take each others' hands and Hunter takes the lead like "On my mark- GO GO!" And they run across the not at all crowded road screaming and when it's all done they breathe huge sighs of relief and cling to each other like "Oh my Titan we made it! We're alive!"

• Hunter ends up having a mini breakdown cause the one of the items on the list just says "pasta" and he doesn't want to pick the "wrong" one and fail Camila

• Gus and Hunter end up having multiple "they are smart individually but share a braincell when together" moments

• Gus: "Get the corkscrew pasta. They probably double as gears in a machine."

Hunter: "Oh yeah!"

• Hunter does end up beating up a man at the cheese aisle that they assume is some kind of guardian that they have to defeat every week to earn the right to the cheese.

• It's actually just Jacob in cosplay trying to prevent their "evil plans" (why he assumes groceries are involved is beyond me). But the trio comes back very proud of having defeated the guardian and completing their task.

• The staff doesn't do anything cause they don't get paid enough for this shit and Jacob was harassing customers anyway.

• Despite Hunter most often trying to take charge, Gus is the one everyone looks to for guidance since he is the human expert. A lot of "You used the wrong formula but got the right answer" moments ensue.

• Both Willow and Hunter are trying to cheer Gus up by pointing him to human realm trinkets and while Gus is captivated by the office supplies section, there's still an underlying exhaustion and worry that dampens it.

• Willow takes some time for herself at the potted spices section. The plants here don't respond to her as much, even the demon realm seeds she brought over in her pockets are not growing too well in the human realm soil, and Willow struggles to adjust to keep them alive, and she feels weaker for it. She knows that her power isn't everything, but it's still sonething she worked very hard on and is very important to her.

• Hunter cracks a little due to the stress at some point and Willow has to take charge.

• Hunter and Gus reassure Willow that she is a brilliant captain and friend no matter what, and they all trust her capabilities. Hunter was just trying to do the brunt of the work here to take away the burden for everyone else.

• But all of them have gone through a lot, and trying to hold it all in for the sake of the others won't help.

• On the way back they discuss how everyone's been holding in their own emotions so they wouldn't burden anyone and agree to lean on each other more and work together, rather than someone trying to take charge all the time.

Just throwing the ideas out there and conpiling them into a single post. Too bad season 3 got shortened so we won't get this kind of episode.

#toh gus #toh hunter #toh willow #the owl house #we need human realm shenanigans #toh season 3

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myreygn · 3 months

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kny modern au couples doing the you are out of my league tiktok trend

this is the only tiktok trend that matters to me because it's disgustingly adorable. if you haven't seen it because maybe you have an actual life unlike me, here's a video. (and here's another one because it's my favorite but doesn’t really work well as an example.) also ig i'm spoilering the ships for this au but you know what i'm fine with that, there'll be a more detailed post on these at some point.

taglist: @kokupuffs @rachi-roo (for taglist purposes) @giggly-squiggily @trans-ace-lee @mystwrites (for modern au purposes)

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸¸♫·¯·♪¸¸♩·¯·♬¸¸

SANEKANA

you know it takes a WHILE for Kanae to convince Sanemi to do this with her

he's not super comfortable showing his face on social media anyway and doing that trend? with Kanae? so everyone can look at it and go "how tf did this ugly bridge troll pull that gorgeous angel"? thank you but no thank you

Kanae of course is outraged at this; "did you just call yourself UGLY [insert long rant about how pretty Sanemi is on the in- and outside and how he should never speak like this about himself ever again]"

he finally caves in because she's so excited about doing it and she gets him his favorite take out to make up for it

OBAMITSU

Obanai avoids social media like the plague and he's not aware of the trend until Mitsuri starts sending him links, hoping that he'll get the hint (he doesn't)

when she finally brings it up to him he's SO reluctant but he agrees to it on the condition that they don't do it in a public spot

they do a few versions of it in the living room of Mitsuri's family when no one's home and he actually ends up having fun

in the end they don't post anything because Obanai just isn't comfortable with it but Mitsuri has all the drafts saved to her phone and rewatches them every day (her favorite is one where she susprised Obanai by scooping him up and he spasmed so hard that he threw her off balance and they both came crashing down on the couch)

SABIGIYUU

Sabito doesn't even ask Giyuu if he feels up for it, he just barges into the room like "hey we should try something" and doesn't wait for an answer

Giyuu has no idea what's going on, he just gets the instruction to walk backwards and he's so confused when Sabito... crashes into him?? starts making out with him??

the video goes viral and people online start gushing over how adorable Giyuu is which prompts Giyuu to lock himself in his room for three days because he can't fathom that internet strangers are calling him cute

he only comes out when Sabito takes the video down (which he did just for Giyuu and definitely not because he was getting a teensy bit pissed off at random people thirsting after his boyfriend)

UZUIWIVES

an absolute catastrophe of a video

Suma is the one who discovers the trend first and the others are on board with it obviously but turns out the trend was not designed for more than two people at once

all of their attempts end in a massive crash and tangled limb chaos on the floor and Tengen fractures a rib (he can take a lot but having three adult women fall on the same bone has to do something to a man)

they upload the fractured rib draft and it's a giant hit with the baby would you peel an orange for me community

RENKAZA

yes Akaza found the trend and yes Akaza sneakily brought it up to Kyojuro and yes Akaza already had a cute spot to film at in mind which they both had a deep emotional connection to but just for the record he thinks it's stupid

he grumbles about how they turned into a corny couple throughout the whole thing but also he's gonna need a second take just to make sure they get it right

Kyojuro happily goes along with the farce, nodding and agreeing in all the right places to make him feel better

they can't decide on a draft to upload because the one where Kyojuro laughs so beautifully doesn't have Akaza's eyes lighting up so marvelously and vice versa and in the end they just say whatever and post both because they've been filming all afternoon and they really need a snack

MUIGEN

the video is cute and all but what really resonates with the audience are the outtakes

take 1: Genya walks backwards from the camera and bumps into empty air. Muichiro forgot his cue.

take 4: Genya starts the video. Muichiro can be seen walking past the camera, so determined that the viewer might actually be tricked into assuming he has somewhere to be.

take 28: Muichiro stands in front of the camera, trying to figure out whether it's already filming. Genya can be seen laughing hysterically in the background and it's unclear whether his outbreak stems from amusement or desperation.

TANOSUKE

NEZUSEN

not much to say, except that Inosuke gravely misunderstands the whole idea behind the trend

Tanjiro barely manages to take a step away from the camera before he gets tackled to the ground from the side

he gets a few bruises, but Inosuke looks so happy about the "surprise hug" that he can't even be mad

also the video shows the aftermath of the tackle™ with Inosuke happily blabbering to him and if that's not Tanjiro's favorite thing in the world then what is honestly

SUSADAKI

honestly these two get together so long after the current point in the timeline and i highly doubt tiktok will be around for that long but let's pretend it is

Nezuko loves the trend and Senjuro asks suggests to do it like the attentive boyfriend he is

he puts so much thought into it too, he literally crafts a whole date night around ending up in that one spot where they had their first date just so he can smoothly pull out his phone like "hey you wanna do that you're out of my league thing"

after the camera has stopped filming he proposes and she says yes and they live happily ever after bye i love them

Susamaru is actually the one who suggests it and it takes a little while for Daki to agree

(she loves her girlfriend but people can't know she has an image to lose)

Susamaru doesn't give a shit about Daki's mean girl image and literally sweeps her off of her feet when she comes rushing into the frame

Daki's so flustered by how blatantly her adoration shows on her face but she insists on posting the video anyway because HELL YEAH THAT'S HER GIRLFRIEND AND EVERYBODY NEEDS TO KNOW THEY'RE AWESOME TOGETHER

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #headcanons #demon slayer headcanons #kny headcanons #demon slayer modern au #kny modern au #kny modern au ships #sanekana #obamitsu #sabigiyuu #uzuiwives #renkaza #muigen #tanosuke #nezusen #susadaki

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eddiernunson · 11 months

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Trapped | Eddie Munson | Epilogue

Prev Part | Master List | Prequel

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader (reader grieves Eddie)

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: a lot of talk about grief.

Author's Note: I didn't think I'd get emotional while preparing this post, but boy did I. I had a lot of joy writing these characters. But, guess what? I'm not through with them! I have a prequel planned that takes place when she works at Scoops Ahoy and I have a long form sequel planned (that is very different from this but an intriguing concept nonetheless.)

I gave the story an ending that could either A) Lead you right into the sequel or B) let her story finish on a higher note.

If you enjoyed this story enough to keep reading thank you, I appreciate you.

As you close the door to your apartment behind you, tossing the keys onto the counter, the sound of the TV on in the living-room greets you. You weren’t expecting it, your roommate out of town for the week visiting family in Florida. When the bathroom door from down the hall opens and Steve Harrington walks into your line of sight everything clicks.

Steve greets you with an open smile on his face, opening his arms as you walk into them comfortably. “Don’t you have a home you don’t have to pay rent for?” You mumble, half joking.

Truth is, you weren’t looking forward to spending the night alone.

“Don’t you?” Steve shoots back as he always does.

You sigh, the polyester of the grocery store uniform shirt feeling gross against your skin. You make your way to your room, a downsized version of the one you had sitting at your parents’ house. You quickly get dressed into some pajamas as Steve waits for you on your couch. Having given him a key, you supposed you should be used to him coming and going as he pleased.

It still startled you every time, though.

You land onto the couch right next to him, watching an episode of The Golden Girls. “How was work?” He asked, and you notice one of your bags of chips right in front of him, nearly empty.

“Shitty.” You comment, snatching the bag from him. “You know, for someone with a full pantry at home you sure steal my chips a lot.” You glance into the reflective bag, only a few handfuls and some crumbs left.

“Good thing I brought more.” Steve says, gesturing to some of the grocery bags on the floor.

The same one you worked at. “When did you go to Kroger?”

“This morning before you worked.” Steve says dismissively. “Vickie asked me to pick up something for a surprise for Robin.”

Your stomach grumbles, and you get up to make some instant noodles, too tired to make anything else.

“Why was your day shitty?” He asks you tentatively. For the record, a shitty day sometimes meant your grief overwhelmed you out of nowhere while restocking shelves. Sometimes, it meant you had a panic attack in the bathroom. Sometimes a shitty day just meant shitty people. Luckily, it was the latter.

You gulp, filling the cup of noodles with water. “Uh, there some girls talking in the break room today and one of them said the uh…” you pause, you can say it, “Munson Murders.” You place it into the microwave, the beeps loud in the silence that follows.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks you, absentmindedly eating the rest of the chips.

“I’m used to them, by now.” Unfortunately, with this job came new coworkers. Some of whom believed the media when the ‘truth’ of the earthquake came out. You’ve gotten used to attempting to ignore them, but they had their moments when they got to you.

As you take the noodles out of the microwave, Steve says something, and the conversation is like clockwork. “You know a way to avoid that—” he starts.

“Don’t say it.”

“The way to avoid his name or reputation altogether—”

“Steve.” You plead with him, your mind tired.

“Is to move, yeah?”

He tells you to leave town at least once a week at this point.

“As soon as you’re able to tell me that you guys have successfully gotten rid of Vecna.” You answer him, a version of what you say to him every time.

“If—” Steve sighs, running his hand through his hair. “if you left town you wouldn’t have to be the girl with the dead boyfriend anymore. You could talk about him without any fear of someone asking his name.”

“And what, be okay with Eleven risking her life on a semi-regular basis? Nancy? Robin? You? Dustin? Mike? Lucas? Erica? Will? Jonathan? Hopper and Joyce, for Christ’s sake? You guys are out there, fighting the good fight and trying to prevent Vecna’s vision to Nancy from coming true, while I’m working at a cash register and restocking aisles every day. I’m on desk duty. Worse. You won’t even tell me what’s going on anymore.”

“Last time you convinced us you were ready you had a panic attack.” Steve emphasizes, his voice stern. “You’re clearly still affected by it.”

You look down to your right hand, the ring Dustin had managed to grab for you providing a great deal of comfort.

He relaxes into the couch, his heavy heartbeat calming down. “If the panic in your eyes when I say his name out loud has any indication, you need the distance if you want to be helpful.”

You roll your eyes to this, ignoring the gnawing feeling you’ve had for about a month that distance from Hawkins might’ve been exactly what you needed.

Problem was, it was already September of 1987 and colleges weren’t accepting any applications until the spring term. Another problem was that it’s October next month, and last October was so hard for you that you could barely recall it.

Memories of Robin, Nancy, and Steve finding you with a tear-streaked face surrounded by tissues and a tape inspired by his taste in music was playing on your stereo. You were fast asleep on your couch, polaroids you’ve been too scared to look at finally seeing daylight again.

You had cried yourself into a coma that night.

This upcoming October had you apprehensive about your tendencies to self-destruct that you’ve developed over the last seventeen months.

“Get out of Hawkins for a bit. When you can say his name, or better yet, tell a story about him without crying, you’re good to come back and help us out.” Steve tells you, rubbing your shoulder absentmindedly. “We want your help and trust me when I say I wish I could tell you about what we’ve learned but.” Steve stops suddenly, and it doesn’t need to be said.

You thank him for attempting to speak it into existence for another try but let him know you weren’t going anywhere. At least, that was the plan as you showered and made your way over to your bed that night.

The next day you had plans to go to your mom’s house to see her, a rare visit back home. You sat at the kitchen island, watching her cook as she continues to ask about your life. She really attempts to hide the fact that your life is killing her from the inside at the moment.

You weren’t going to school. You weren’t planning to, as far as she knew. No plans for the future, and she was sure if she wasn’t careful you would end up working at Kroger for over 30 years and become a shell of the girl you once were.

“Are you sure you want to stay in Hawkins?” she asks, her voice soft as she leans forward to you on her elbows against the island counter.

Usually, a resounding yes would’ve left your mouth. This time, however, you hesitate in your answer.

Something about what Steve had said finally started to get through. Truth is, you were tired of feeling like this. All of your emotions, everyone’s voices, the weight still sitting on you, pulling you down and denying you energy to even muster the want to care felt like you were stuck under water. You weren’t sure if it was your body telling you the grief had become too much to carry or if Steve had finally gotten through to you but something about yourself felt different…like you…wanted to get better.

“Where would I go?”

You knew you shouldn’t have let her talk you into this. You sit at a restaurant from down the block to your dorm, twiddling your thumbs as you wait for the person your college dorm-mate set you up with to walk in. The pictures she’s shown you were…decent. He wasn’t a bad looking dude, but you found yourself comparing him to Eddie, anyway.

Getting into college and into normalcy felt like coming up for air after being stuck underwater for so long. It felt so nice you wondered why you didn’t want to in the first place.

Grief had a hold on you that you finally managed to wring yourself out of, and now it’s just a creature on your shoulder. Sometimes the creature is loud and obnoxious, but most of the time he just sits on your shoulder swinging his legs.

Finally, someone pulls out the chair, bringing you to the present. “Hi! You must be y/n.” He says sitting without so much as a handshake.

“Hi. Nice to meet you. Mark, right?” He nods his head politely, the brown curls reflecting a shine in the overhead light. “So how do you know Nadine?” you start the awkward small talk.

Mark gets into it, describing how he met Nadine on his first tour of campus, and they just seemed to be kindred spirits. He goes on to describe how Nadine showed a picture of you to him and he begged her to set up a date for the two of you.

As this was your first date in over two years, it took a lot of convincing to get you to even consider a date.

“So, what brings you all the way to Montana State?” he asks you, starting up the conversation with some small talk.

“I needed some space.” You answer, and you knew the only reason you haven’t gone to Washington was the rainy weather it was notoriously known for.

“Shitty break up?” He asks you, and you’re nearly surprised Nadine didn’t disclose it to him already.

You take a minute to consider how to respond. “Is it considered a shitty break up when one ends up six feet under?” You ask, your hand fiddling with the black ring that found home on your right hand.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” He apologizes, and it’s nice that you can tell he genuinely feels bad.

You shrug. “Honest mistake.”

The small talk continues, Mark talking about growing up in New York and why he had chosen to be a teacher instead of a doctor like his dad had planned for him. You listen to him, slowly finding comfort in his expressive story telling.

Something catches your eye and you flicker to it and you suddenly wished you hadn’t, the little demon on your shoulder now shouting in your ear obnoxiously. You attempt to blink back the tears threatened to fall and Mark falters out his story, worry invading his features. “It-it’s ok” You breathe, wiping away the one tear that succeeded.

You exhale slowly, and close your eyes, allowing yourself to sink into the memory that was triggered by the happy couple in the faraway booth sitting a little too close to one another.

An image of Eddie flashed across your face, the vague reminder of the nervousness you felt just being so close to him, and the knowledge that he wanted you to be there with him and his dimpled smile.

It’s a quick memory, but you find the more you allow yourself to think them through than push them down, the less likely you end up in a full-on meltdown.

You open your eyes again, now relaxed, and the sight of the happy couple didn’t make you want to throttle them. Progress.

Mark is staring at you, and you can’t decipher the expression on his face. You smile closed mouthed. “Sorry. If I don’t process the emotion in the moment, it just gets worse.”

“Does it have to do with—”

“Yeah.” You interrupt him, wanting to move passed it.

“You want to tell me about it?” Mark asks, and you give him a bewildered look. The fuck?

He laughs, taking a sip of his water. “You’ve been letting me talk about myself this whole time, and I’ve come here to get to know you.” He starts fiddling with his napkin. “It seems this…loss you feel is something you’re still dealing with and therefore a part of you. I want to get to know you, so tell me about it.”

You squint, afraid to give in to his bizarre request. “Isn’t talking about an ex on the first date a bit of a red flag?” You ask, and it occurs to you this is the first time you’ve ever referred to Eddie as an ex.

“On the normal occasion, yes. But this doesn’t seem normal. Tell me about it.”

You sigh, and for the first time in over 2 years, you tell a story about Eddie Munson that doesn’t end in tears.

In fact, you were laughing at his antics with Mark, remembering his dimples as he laughed and the animated movements of leading his club in another night during Hellfire.

The date with Mark does end on a good note, him still asking questions about Eddie conversationally. As he walked you back, Mark insisted he didn’t mind talking about him. “I think you needed to talk about him more than you needed a date, if I’m gonna be honest.”

You smile gratefully to him, a relief hanging on your chest. It might’ve felt crazy, but the demon on your shoulder felt smaller. “I don’t think I’m ready for dating yet.” You admit, and Mark accepts it so gracefully, you felt bad for thinking he looked like he would’ve bullied Eddie earlier in the evening.

As you close the door to your dorm room Nadine pounces on you, asking how your date went. “I think it went pretty good. It established I’m not ready to date again, yet, but Mark was so sweet it was worth it.”

Her face breaks out in a smile, ignoring what you said about not ready to date yet. “That’s so amazing! Tell me how it went!” You open your mouth to tell her when the phone rings, a personal landline for your room. Nadine answers it, closest to the phone. “Oh, yeah she’s right here.”

Nadine’s eyebrows waggle as she passes you the phone, and you know who it is before she even tells you. “Hi, Harrington.” You answer, all love in your voice.

“Hi, there, y/n.” He responds, sound of laughter in your voice. “Hows it?”

“Actually,” you put the receiver away from your phone, asking Nadine to go for a quick walk so you can tell Steve something. She nods her head quickly, leaving the room with the door closing quietly. “Sorry, I just wanted to say I had a really good night. I just got back from…from a date.” You admit out loud.

You could hear his jaw hitting the floor. “Oh shit. How-how’d it go?” Steve was failing to hide how excited the prospect of you going on a date apparently made him feel.

“It was ok…at first. We talked about him for a good first part because the moment someone decides to ask about me I have not much to say except I’m dealing with a loss that has affected every day of my life until about three months ago.” You pause, pursing your lips. “Then I saw this couple, and they looked just like me and him back at the fucking Chef’s Table on our first date and I just…” you inhale, the same feelings bubbling up to surface. “I let myself feel it, think about it, then I was ok.”

“How did he react to that?”

“Better than you would think.”

“Oh? Explain?”

“He insisted if I didn’t talk about myself then what I had gone through must’ve been enough to be who I was for a bit. Which, granted, feels reductive to amount me to my grief but he was right.”

“Damn.”

“I’m not finished. I talked about Eddie, Steve. I told him probably about six stories I haven’t thought about in years and I didn’t shed a single tear.” You find yourself tearing up right now at the mere prospect of being able to remember Eddie happily. “Mark is a good guy because he said at the end of the date, I was clearly not ready to date again but I did need to talk about him. He was right. Steve, I want to talk about Eddie again.”

“Holy shit. If I knew sending you out on a date would’ve pulled that trigger, I would’ve taken you out years ago,” he jokes.

There’s a knock on your door, Nadine wanting to know if she could come back in. You call her in and turns out she had a package. “Hey, this just came in the mail for you.”

“I actually called to talk to you about that. I found something I’ve been looking for and I sent it to you the moment I got my hands on it. Take good care of it, will ya?”

“But Steve, you haven’t even told me what it is.” You protest, holding the package delicately, noting it was compact but had some weight to it.

“You’ll know.”

He hangs up, letting the mystery of the package settle in. “What did he say?” Nadine asked, already had checked the return address from Steve.

“Just that he’s been looking for it and I’ll know when I see it.”

“Then open it!”

You shrug, following her orders, using the tab at the top of the plastic to rip it open. As soon as you pull the light blue denim out, you’re hit with a wave of emotions.

Holy shit. His vest he lent to Steve. “For your modesty.”

You hold it out in front of you, and the brown tint to it tells you Steve didn’t even wash it. You breathe it in, and a smell you have long forgotten hits your nose, and you wondered how it stayed all this time. “Smells just like him.” You mutter, giving Nadine a teary smile. “I thought I’d never be able to smell him again.”

That night, you end up exchanging funny stories from high school. The relief cascaded you as you both laid on your beds staring at the ceiling because you were finally able to tell stories about it without feeling like the earth was being ripped open. Thank God.

Spring Break was right around the corner, and as you told everyone you were coming home, most were hesitant on your decision, wondering if his death anniversary was a good time.

For once, you knew it was the right call. In fact, if the situation still seemed dire enough, you had no plans on returning to school and planned on giving Vecna the hell he deserved for wringing you through the grief that he did.

The road trip is a long one, but you had wanted to take it regardless.

Maybe you could even stop by Eddie’s grave. Visit Wayne. Whatever the occasion, you were somehow finally ready for it.

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