#WHY DOES THIS TURNED INTO ME RAMBLING

[lvminisciel]

You are a god, and i am your scales.

not even close to a compliance, 

i am but mere scales, flocked around

bits of me will soon fall into the abyss

as you soared with your grace

amidst grayish hue

dutifully, every single being within me

shall worship you with no argue, unquestioning, unyielding.

not even close to an envoy, 

i live on day by day

believing that i am covering you, safeguarding, protecting—

even when Your might is greater than all of us combined 

i am but a mere mortal devoting my insignificant existence to you, 

an omnipotent immortal who shall rule this bountiful land 

dutifully i tread my path

whatever appeal you shall i serve

i am more than grateful to be alive within your grasp

please do use me to your heart's desire

a being dedicated to you and only you

if it is death you adore,

my carcass shall be handed to you on a silver platter

if it is life you crave,

then i shall travel between realms

even if it meant trapping my soul in the process

if it is love you yearn

then i repent, my Lord,

for i have none to give

nor do a temporal frame such as i

deserving of such decorum 

please forgive my incompetence, your Highness

you may have my skull in exchange, if you wish

#tw // implied gore #tw // implied suicidal tendencies(?) #when i tell u sebek would've gladly sell his soul for his lord #ths man knows no bounds #n hes truly passionate of his loyalty #sebek zigvolt #malleus draconia #twst #twisted wonderland #miè writes ✍️ #miè's poems #notice how the 'i' are written in lowercase; whereas any term referring to his Lord begins w/ uppercase? #its cz he deemed himself as a lowlife compared to his Lord the almighty #idk ive always seen sebek yelling out 'humans!!' even if hes half human himself as some form of insecurity of his #bc hes not as great as those of a full-blooded fae #even tho thats not true #alas; hes still a boy. hopefully he'd soon realize that he's just as worthy with the way he is #WHY DOES THIS TURNED INTO ME RAMBLING #miè rambles.. i guess

[caruliaa]

just bc im a lesbian doesnt mean tht i wont at times become deeply entranced with the beauty of male actor or character. it just means i wld rather be locked in a room with a man with a knife than do anything romantic or sexual with one

#NO OFFENCE TO MEN AS PEOPLE THAT EXIST. but also i shldnt have to say tht after saying this yk #also b4 u say ooh ur aro tho why do u need to specifcy u wldnt do anything romantic w a man when i wldnt with a woman either #i am actually pretty romance favorable. like i would be in a romantic relationship with a woman if it wldnt ruin my life #with how it is rn . i think i like and want all the parts tht make up a romantic relationship i just dont experince romantic attraction #but anyway i was here to talk abt my sexuality not my romantic orientation #this post was originally like 'im remembering why there was such a huge overlap with my og major starkid hyperfixation #and me identifing as bisexual' but the thing is is the main main guy from starkid i remember being attracted too #was infact . rob. and thats aged badly bc of it being revealed that hes a fucking creep since then #but also just now not that we should ignore tht but regardless of that i just. dont see it at all #maybe it is that news subconsiously turning me off him but i really dont see that much what i liked abt his appearance #but who rly inspired this post to me is infact . jeff blim ? which is suprising just from the fact tht i dont ever remember #having tht big of a crush on him with that og starkid hyperfixation. but well he is a very beautiful man . giggling a little bit. sorry . #also becoming a bit obsessed with joey richter but thts just standard lesbian obssesion with a weird little man #not attractive to me im just obssesed with him. hi #also posting this now so when i finally watch the fnaf movie i can rb it abt josh hutcherson #anyway. does anyone read these tags do these long rants i go on like. turn ppl off of my posts. sometimes i wonder #flappy rambles

[bbyboybucket]

I was thinking about how Bucky just shows up places without being invited or letting the person know ahead of time, he just kinda puts people on the spot and completely imposes on them. And I was gonna say how it’s funny (bc it is) but now I’m actually thinking about it. And I headcanon that Bucky does this bc he’s scared of being rejected when asking permission to come over or meet up. So he’d rather impose himself on Sam (and whoever else) and come across as a careless douchebag. To Bucky, it’s easier to have Sam be annoyed that he rudely showed up unexpectedly, than it is to grapple with the possibility of Sam saying no and not wanting Bucky around at all. It’s a double layered defense mechanism, where he first protects himself from being turned down. Then, Bucky puts on the facade of “Idgaf I just do whatever I want” and pretends that’s why he’s there, to hide that being around Sam is something he genuinely cares about. Which of course Sam sees right through bc Bucky’s reasons are very thinly veiled and he’s actually not as good at hiding his feelings as thinks.

#anyways just some thoughts #and basically I’m rambling and this is prolly incoherent and badly worded #I swear every time I laugh at how weird Bucky is #it turns into me analyzing why #I’m still gonna laugh at him tho bc he’s a weird ass man and does so much weird shit #bucky barnes #sam wilson #also could really talk about how absolutely terrible Bucky is at trying to be stoic and how Sam is actually the one who successfully #hides his feelings but that’s a convo for another day

[dilfsuzanneyk]

am i just insane and paranoid or is it horrible that so many websites need you to sign up to use their stuff now? especially with so many websites asking for not just your email but phone number too?? some get even more personal than that?? i don't want to give that information to random websites just to use something, but for some reason this is just normal now and everyone treats it like an okay thing to do.

#like please am i genuinely just finding a problem with something small and meaningless or #does anyone else feel the same way. #my parents didn't get why i was so turned off by a website asking me to give my email real name phone number and postal code #like that is not a good thing right. that is not a normal thing. #and yet they told me that is?? “it's not that bad” they said?? #am i going insane??? #vex rambles

[jellybeanium124]

#I feel like I've seen a lot of polls and posts that seem to indicate #that the average tumblr user doesn't wear shoes in their house but does pee in the shower #which seems super hypocritical to me lol #like 'shoes are gross don't wear them inside! i'm ok with turning my shower into a pee box tho' #like do you care about cleanliness or not #I know one of these things is also just cultural so maybe that's why it's so skewed and weird? #or maybe my assumption is wrong!! excited to find out #nina rambles

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

would love to know why my family keep making me give directions when we're in the car considering it's been established multiple times that i am not good at it.

"how do you keep mixing up your left and right?"

im dyspraxic, matthew.

"thats the road we came down on the way here, are you sure we're going in the right direction?"

are you asking me or google maps? because me? no. my sense of direction is as gain as a glass eye, mom, i get lost going down a straight road.

"is it an island or a t-junction?"

"whats a t-junction?"

"how do you not know what a t-junction is?"

i dont drive, ive never had a driving lesson, why would i know what a t-junction is?

"okay so you keep following this road until right after youve gone straight over the double carriageway."

"what do you mean? theres no double carriageways near here."

"well, you go over something that has two roads on either side. the roads are yellow on the map, i dont know what that means."

"do you go over it as in go straight over a roundabout or go over it like its a motorway?"

"..."

you know, this was today and ive already forgotten everything i didnt know about that road.

"it says the fastest way is to go through [hometown]"

"what do you mean?"

"what do you mean?"

"which way through?"

"..."

"the library, sainsburys or poundland?"

"sainsburys."

"okay."

"thats the way to where nan lived, right? where you go by the church?"

"no. that takes you down [name] hill. you mean poundland."

i spent the first 18 years of my life living here, realistically, theres 5 or 6 proper roads here.

"okay, when you see foxbury park on the right, its the second righ- second left after that."

"okay."

"wait, theres also oak park. okay when you see oak park, its the third left. but still the second left after foxbury park."

"cant you just tell us how many lefts it is instead of this park nonsense?"

"theres way too many lines on this map to do that."

"really? come on, arent you supposed to be the maths genius?"

im good with numbers, matt, i am categorically not good at looking at fiddly little lines on maps where i keep forgetting which way is left or right.

"what exit is it on the island?"

"...fourth?"

"are you sure about that?"

"well, its definitely not the first, second or third exit on the roundabout; i just dont know if this is an exit or not?"

"what does it look like?"

"a road, but smaller."

"youre not very good at directions, are you."

what gave it away?

#kai rambles #why does this keep happening #my mother owns a satnav #why am i being designated satnav when at least three times today i said ''turn left'' and only realised i meant right as we got to the #turning and vice versa? #my brother was in the car #he could have done it #why is it always me #im bad at it #dyspraxia #actually dyspraxic #neurodivergent #neurodiverse stuff

[autisticlee]

I know I need to "just do things by myself" like literally everyone tells me, but I really wish I had someone I can always ask to go places with me even if it's just to one store for one quick thing.

I barely have the ability to function enough to take care of myself daily. leaving the house for any reason is basically impossible most days. I don't have the energy and ability to drive, find the thing I need at a store, interact with people, and do the checkout dance, then drive home, all while acting "normal" (or appropriate/presentably human enough) in public with the added bonus of sensory overload. for most people, going to the store is one single task. that's all it is. for me, it's hundreds of simultaneously occurring steps I need to remember to do and maintain the entire time....

it's so hard to explain this to people. no one gets it. but i need someone else to do the human-ing for me and I just follow along. they drive, answer or ask questions and let focus be on them, lead me to the thing I need, let me copy them so I dont stand out with my weirdness...so many times i'll go to a store to get a few things alone. the sensory cacophony of everything hitting me at once makes me forget what I'm looking for, tunnel vision on the offending sensory input and can't see where i'm going, can't find things even if they're in the same place they've always been, i've run into people and things, knocking stuff over, because my body disconnects from my brain and it's hard to control. if people talk to me, I can't process their words or respond. I can't ask questions if I need to. i'll wander lost for way longer than I want to be there.

this whole time, i'm trying my best to put on a mask and appear "normal" so I can blend in, but i'm struggling and it's probably obvious because idk how to act "normal" or as expected when alone. so many times I come home without one or more of the things I needed from a store even if I had a list in hand.

I completely space out and dissociate way more often than i would like. not even stores when i need to go in and out quickly, but anywhere. if I try going to a thing that's supposed to be fun, like say a festival or aquarium or anything else, and I go alone because I don't have a friend to go with, I spend the whole time in a sensory overloaded, dissociative state, while being required to perform "normal human" rituals and masking. then get home, realizing I didn't enjoy it or retain much of it because my brain was overworking and i got exhausted as soon as i got there. i didnt get to relax and enjoy any of it because it was so much work and my brain shut down while there to try protecting itself. it's a whole brain exercise that exhausts me beyond belief. this whole time. i'm trying my best to put on a mask and appear "normal" so I can blend in, but i'm struggling and it's probably actually very obvious because idk how to act "normal" when alone and don't have someone to copy and follow.

if I have someone familiar with me, especially someone comfortable who i dont have to lead or entertain, I can ground myself better and focus more on them. I follow and copy them so I dont have the try as hard to be a human and think about doing human things. it's easier to copy someone doing the things than to try to think of the hundred steps you probably forgot and perform them alone. they always answer people so fast before I even processed half the words that were said to me.

it always surprises me when people do that. they'll answer a question before I even processed it was a question! I always need someone to be there for me to answer for me because i'm too slow, they get impatient, and/or I answer incorrectly, if i'm able to speak at all being semi-speaking. at least half the time if I do get words out, they don't hear me or mishear me. for example, just yesterday, I made my mom go to a new sushi restaurant with me. the waiter apparently asked if I was ready to pay, my mom was gesturing to me ans asking if im ready or something and the waiter was looking at me, but my brain couldn't make any of it out at all. I was staring between them like ???????? and gave up and just shook my head no. my brain was trying to figure it out and process anything at all, but i got incredibly confused and completely froze up. my mom answered "not yet" and they left. I was like, what was that about ? She said "they wanted you to pay now. you're ready to go right? now we have to wait again." I didn't get any of that, and if I was alone, that would have been even worse because I wasn't able to figure out anything or even say words. I need someone with me at all times to cover my perpetually lost and confused ass lmao

but it's also a struggle when the other person is like this too, puts too much attention on me, or expects me to lead us both. it causes the same effects as if i'm alone, plus the added bonus of needing to entertain and/or advocate/answer for and lead THEM, when I can't even do it for myself! I had a friend like that and it was annoying and immediately exhausting every time we hung out.

I don't know if any of this is making sense. i'm sure at least one person's gets it, though, right? how it's hard to consciously and appropriately act human in public when alone, but copying or hiding behind another person makes it easier than thinking about it all yourself, while sensory overload! if i can I just exist along with them and the focus isn't all on me like it is when i'm alone, it's a lot easier.

acting "normal" like a human, or basically what's "appropriate" in public spaces around others takes so much brain power that most people don't have to even think about! because it's automatic for them. so they can't fathom how much i'm struggling and it's so easy for them to say "just do it/you don't need help/you don't need someone to do it with or for you/you're being lazy!" plus adding on sensory overload you can't ignore, while everyone else is able to completely tune out and ignore the horrible lighting, the squeaky cart wheels, the crying babies and screaming kids, the 50 different conversations, the loud phone ring tone a few aisles over, the annoying music playing, someone dropping a box of something, crinkling of wrappers, the cash register beeps, the air being a bit too chilly, the annoying seam on your socks, the scratchy material of your jacket, the overly bright display of products, etc. everything all at once in great intensity. people who can ignore this don't know how lucky they are. they also don't understand what it feels like. it's exhausting.

i'm like a cave gremlin seeing light and the world for the first time ever, every time I leave my room. everything is confusing and overwhelming, but because i'm human shaped, everyone expects me to have the expected human behaviors and they freak out when i dont meet those standards. they don't care how difficult it is for me and how much i'm struggling. they won't help or accommodate me. it has to be my fault I made them uncomfortable.

exposure doesn't make it any better and arguably makes it worse because more sensory overload and more need to use my brain to overthink every word and movement I do, leading to a very deep exhaustion immediately 😫

this is why functioning labels or comparing me to my "good" days/experiences sucks and shouldn't happen. I often need help/support and people expect me to ~do it myself~ and refuse to help me so I struggle and fail to exist correctly.

#autistic #autism #lee rambles #actually autistic #neurodivergent #audhd #autism things #sensory processing disorder #sensory overstimulation #sensory overload #i copy pasted this from where i first typed it and somehow pasted it in the incorrect order because tumblr app is a nightmare #it kept jumping as i was trhing to paste so things pasted jn the wrong spots. but i *think* i fixed it. apologies if not lmao #its one of those days. where i wish to go a place and do a thing but have no one to ask so i will not go #i need a dedicated beat friend i can always ask who preferably has the same work schedule as me or flexible time #or become rich and hire someone to do things with me l m a o #why is tumblr app such a nightmare though why is it jumping around while i type #and why does it turn a whole paragraph italics when i only highlighted ONE WORD. #and dont even get me started on trying to rearrange pictures in a post lmao #this has been a rant within a rant #autism stuff

[oh-meow-swirls]

everything involving robonyan and b3-nk1 is so hilarious if you think about it. yea in the future jibanyan is a gay ass robot with a robot boyfriend. but also robonyan keeps being retconned out of existence so who knows anymore honestly-

#puppy rambles #yo-kai watch #robonyan #b3-nk1 #first shadowside retconned his existence and then y-school heroes did. y-school heroes esp did #haven't watched shadowside but i mean. if meeting amy again made jibbers turn into his og series form for a bit #i feel like meeting nate again also would realistically (potentially for longer) and nate dying is why jibanyan became robonyan in the dub #so who knows. shadowside confuses me greatly. and y-school heroes also does i know it's meant to be canon but i just #can't see it that way. what is up with it

[shadow-ren]

Obey Me Nightbringer - Theory

Obey Me Nightbringer! Spoilers and Thoughts undercut

It is kind of long and rambly.

I was in the middle of going through Lesson 11 and 12 thoughts, but nope, our devs decided to drop Lesson 13 instead and leave it on a cliffhanger, like usual.

The first thing is damn you Barbatos. You know what the hell is going on and you refuse to tell us because you need us to do our own thing. I need to say that before I go on. I love him, but I wanna make him eat Solomon's cooking right now.

That screenshot is just one of those several times where he gets very quiet, knowingly quiet. I've said it before and I'm pretty sure that Barbatos is Nightbringer. Everything is just pointing to Barbatos being Nightbringer and if it is not him, then it is a demon we have yet to meet.

I have many thoughts and theories of what is happening and what is going to happen. I'll try to simplify them, but one is that Nightbringer did not bring us down there with malicious intent. They truly wanted us to be happy as they said,

The main thing that I can think of, it is just a theory, but I believe this is the beginning of our story. What we have gathered from hints and tidbits is that Nightbringer can see the future, and past and is very powerful which is why it makes sense to be Barbatos. It gives them the ability to see what will or could happen. I don't believe there was a time when it specifically said that it was a concrete thing. The future will be based on our choices. We are a wildcard that has great power.

Diavolo compared our power to the level of a grimoire, that book that makes a demon obey you without a pact. That high-level magic. We are always told we are powerful, but we truly frightened Lucifer when we got that grimoire. All the more impact it made when we gave him the book instead of using it. A choice that Solomon didn't realize we would do. We are always surprising the others to no end which is amusing, but again, we are a true wildcard. I am getting kind of sidetracked. Back to my point, our power gives us the ability to choose. We were told our choices would make an impact in this game and I believe others have stated it as well- we can choose how the future will change. It is a running theme of just how unhinged we are, of how our choices keep shocking those around us, time and time again.

So why am I bringing all that up? Simple, we are at the center just like Solomon was before. Being forced to pick a side- one of 3: Celestial Realm, Devildom, or the Human World. Solomon picked. We know what he picked, but Solomon also didn't have any real attachments to the up or down. We do.

We've made friends with angels, demons, and even a neutral party. We have a connection with all three worlds, strong connections and we could go anyway which is very dangerous. Our connections made a new thing called 'The Ring' that make chaos in all three worlds. It was so powerful and unstable that it could've killed us and everyone if it wasn't severed or we got to stabilize it with the ring of light. We are powerful and are a threat. That is why Diavolo tried to send us back to the human world(which wouldn't work anyway) and why the mystery voice decided to warn us.

Who do I think this is? Simple, Michael. It makes the most sense. Let's talk about Michael aka the Sugar Jellyfish for a second. He is a very interesting character to me. We have yet to actually physically meet him in-game, but he sure does know a lot about us. It is quite possible he heard everything from Luke and Simeon after all, but Raphael tells us that he learned a lot of MC from Michael.

Michael is such a strange existence for me. He is a powerful being like Diavolo and of course, Lucifer. He is Diavolo's counterpart at this point more than likely since they are the de-facto rules of their respective realms. He shares a similar personality to Lucifer - they were like "twins" as Satan has put it. He was known to talk to out and not use violence as that was Lucifer's goto.

"Michael is calm, yet stern, when he is angry. He prefers to talk rather than use physical discipline, in contrast with Lucifer." - Obey Me Wiki (Michael). That is a great way to put it, but he wasn't above physical discipline.

Now, what about that sentence about the Celestial Realm being less tolerable regarding our behavior? That could be from the original game. We were getting very close to the Devildom. It is shifting the power too much for the CR's liking.

Barbatos said it all in the first game. After all, this is a continuation of the first game. When you finish lesson 80 the door will instruct you to go to Nightbringer to continue the story. When we were in the coma, the voice brought up the fact that they saved us before.

In the first game, there are only 2 separate events that the voice could be referring to. The event when we received the ring of light(38-17) OR when we got sent back in time in a dream from eating Solomon's cooking(44-18). I believe they are referring to when we were sent in the past. The Ring of Light saved us, not the voice in the ring event, but the voice did send us back to our own time from the food event. They also have the same tone.

Plus time wise- it makes sense. We were sent back when the brothers were still angels. So this event of us promising and falling under the curse technically happened after this. It makes more sense for the voice to refer to that than the Ring of Light event. If this is Michael, it makes sense he is still on edge. The war just ended, and the wound is still fresh. Time hasn't passed enough that he has come to regret his actions because he does. He has thoughts of what ifs and could haves. Luke tells us this about Michael looking at where the brothers' pictures used to be, about he's always asking about them, he kept so much stuff of Lucifers. He loved the brothers and misses them.

So if go by that, the event the voice has to be referring to is during Lesson 8 when we helped Adam. We opened the gate. We weren't supposed to open the gate. No one should be able to do that, yet we did. We did the impossible. We did it to help Adam. It wasn't meant to be a threat, but the CR sure saw it like that.

After all, no one knows us. We are in the past before we could make the friends we already have. We only have Solomon. The brothers and others aren't the ones we know. While Barbatos (probably) knows, he can't say anything. He has to let us do our own thing.

Nightbringer = Barbatos

New/ Old voice = Michael

I'm sure they are the same people that were talking to Solomon (10-A).

So again, I don't think Nightbringer brought us there with malicious intent. I think they brought us there for a reason- that reason is for us to be happy. And how are we happy?

We are happy where we were, with our friends that we made from all 3 worlds. The only way to have that is to get the ball rolling to where the story we know of will begin. When we are summoned to a certain council room as the new human exchange student.

So I think this is the beginning of our story and to start that, we have to make the world stable enough for us to be brought down in the first place.

There are still holes in this theory and will change as the lessons are released I'm sure since Candy(Thirteen's sister) might play a part in this since she keeps getting mentioned. There are bits that refer to Nightbringer as a demon and not a demon, but honestly, I think that is just meant to confuse the reader. Plus I like the fact that when Nightbrigher talks, the background is dark like the devildom, but when the other voice talks, we get light like the CR and when we were in the curse, first we spoke to NB then the other voice before we woke up. The reflection of the two is amusing to me.

#ren is rambling again #obey me nightbringer #obey me nightbringer theory #obey me #obey me theory #obey me spoilers #obey me nightbringer spoilers #this was a lot #my brain wont turn off #why am i so obsessed suddenly #let me marry solomon #satan is my fave tho #but solomon is best for my mc #she does all the cooking tho

[surprisemoose]

It never ceases to shock me how people can watch the same piece of media and come out with such different opinions about the characters.

#like I truly don’t understand why people are so obsessed with Jeremiah on The Summer I Turned Pretty #maybe it’s just cause I tend to internalize stuff more like Conrad does #so it’s easier for me to understand his motivations and thought process #but like I just don’t get the Jeremiah hype #lauren rambles #tsitp

[bitegore]

god i really forgot that every business management professor specifically is the most unpleasant human being alive for no good reason. i have two business classes with like econ and accounting professors respectively and those look fine and then oh my god if i have to go back to this class with this professor i think i might actually kill myself

#red rambles #she's not. *mean*. she is. um. fucking. i think condescendiing is the word #she made us do a kahoot in class on questions we didn't know explicitly because she knew we didn't know them. i hate kahoots #she went through the syllabus like we were children which. fine whatever every professor does that it's why i hate the first class #but she also kept going off topic to give us life advice. never give me life advice ill fucking kill you #im really not sure what else was my fucking problem but i genuinely felt like i was being psychologically tortured #also i have done one of the several assignments for the class already and they're babyshit but its going to be one of my most #busywork heavy classes and she wants us doing discussion questions every fucking week #and i have to download yet another fucking app for her class #and i need it for my degree plan but oh my GOD. i need to get the fuck out of it #im gonna try and find a different session of the class taught by a different professor and switch in #do you know how much i have to hate a class if im willing to eat two entire finished homework assignments to get out of it #eta. i take it with this professor or i take it with a different professor i know and already know i cant stand #who is also going to work us like dogs unlike this prof who is going to apparently treat us like we are 14 years old #i guess its not college if i'm not being forced to experience psychological torment for an hour and a half every couple days lol #ill just have to like eat something before that class and do my best to fortify myself before i go in and turn evil

[kjzx]

I've been thinking a lot about my sexuality these last few years, I'd even say sometimes obsessing to an unhealthy degree, and I think I've come in terms with the fact I almost certainly am bisexual and denying that is pretty lesbophobic and frankly dumb in many ways, and mainly cruel towards myself. Gonna be reading up on internalized biphobia and whatnot

#Turns out men around me just suck #And men that are thirsted over most of the time do too #Alright they don't meet my preferences** #No toxicity here everyone's valid #I have had my reasons to think I'm gay and I don't think I was that 'delusional' (idk a better way to say it) thinking that I am gay #But the more I move forward the more I realize I'm just lying to myself #I don't have to date men or be interested in what most people think is attractive in men to be bisexual and that's alright #I am a little disappointed in the way bisexuals are treated in certain lgbt+ spaces specifically chronically online ones #Is it cringe to admit that the thing that broke the camel's back was a fandom meta post where the author said that people in fandom #can't tolerate bi characters/HCs because the idea of a character having history is repulsive to younger fans that want there to be one and #only love interest. Or smth along these lines. That resonated with me. I have no clue why tho. I don't have much history with anyone myself #Aside from a homoerotic childhood friendship or two (celibacy sweep) #Not just that there were a lot of good points made but yeah. Fun things #I have a feeling I'll continue obsessing over this stuff #Obsession grind never ends babyyy 💯💪 #It does feel nice to admit to things I like without feeling like I have some sort of reverse religious trauma #the center of it being one ultimate queer experience and if you've straighted you're condemned to be seen as a straight by gays #for all eternity #Bisexual #Bi pride #//rambles

[theygender]

I've been trying to figure out and justify why I've been experiencing so much fatigue lately. At first I thought I may have developed anemia from my endometriosis making me bleed for 8 weeks straight but my blood tests came back fine. Maybe I'm just exhausted bc I had to work that entire time while actively sick? But I had quite a few days off to rest this month and I haven't been as sick recently, so what gives? Turns out I didn't need to look for an outside source. Apparently fatigue is one of THE most common symptoms of endo and it's just not mentioned often bc most doctors underestimate the impact fatigue can have on people's lives 🙃 The call is coming from inside the fucking house

#endometriosis #just decided to google if endo itself can cause fatigue and uh. turns out it fucking can! #one study im reading here had ~85% of participants with endo report pain. ~50% report heavy bleeding. and 100% report fatigue #that would make fatigue a more common symptom of endometriosis than the symptoms that DEFINE endometriosis #WHY have i never seen fatigue mentioned on any other resource before 😭 why did my DOCTOR not mention it #jk. one of the articles literally says that its under-discussed and under-researched bc most doctors dont think fatigue is a big deal #tell that to me sleeping through all of my fucking alarms missing class missing appointments and being late for work #rambling #at least i know now i guess #ive been having to explain myself to my professors and my boss and ive been correcting myself #to say 'fatigue from my chronic illness' instead of 'chronic fatigue' bc i didnt think this counted #but. looks like it fucking does. endo can cause chronic fatigue. fuck #can i just get this fucking hell machine taken out of me already #its not like im using it. and a month or two of recovering from surgery would be better than a forever of pain and gi issues and fatigue #menstruation tw

[llumimoon]

(me sitting here seething) ITS FINE its fine ITS FINE . I'LL GET MY LICENSE SOON ITS FINE

#cal rambles #HATE DRIVING WITH MY MOM. SHE IS INFURIATING #girl why are you acting like letting someone else go first at a four way stop bc im unsure #is EQUALLY as bad as running a red light #HELLO? HELLO ? HELLO ???? #LITERALLY. WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO WAIT IF U ANSWERED MY QUESTION ABOUT THE TURN BTW #ALSO WHAT EHY CANT I FUCKING WAIT FOR A PEDESTRIAN TO FULLY CROSS THE STREET BEFORE GOING ISNT THAT SAFER ??? ESP IF THERES A KID OR DOG??? #WHAT JS UR PROBLEM. GOD. #sorry im mad <3 #im literally sitting here like. i jusy need to go out driving this weekend and do the route and them i'll be ready to take my teat #test #ive been putting it off but i KNOW im ready. im a good driver #i do a sudden stop one or twice on accident and apologize after ive done like 50 soft stops #and then she does a sudden stop and goes LOL I pulled a [Cal] !!! FUCK YOUUUUUU #cannot wait to go places without her in the fucking car #this is the same woman who took me out driving with other cars on the road for my FIRST TIME EVER BEHIND THE WHEEL #and was SURPRISED when I almost got into an accident

[boy-armageddon]

YES my username on yt is a blood bros reference :33 i need to go to crimes world again i know in my heart and soul that i love her but i seldom show her attention .. i need to care her more ..

HOOFRAY!!!! also pretty please do!!!!!!! for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#such a good album it is Insane that like. you never really see it talked about outside of certain spaces #and even then it was originally derided for being much less heavy than its predecessors #such a smart album lyrically and even in just like certain songs like peacock skeleton with crooked feathers #which btw is my go-to song to introduce people 2 them #for obvious reasons. the way the vocals play off each other #the keyboard #aforementioned lyrics because man they’re good at writing political lyrics that are simultaneously very pointed and relevant to this day #and also just plain fun. the way they word stuff rolls off the tongue very well #which I suppose is very much in part to Whitney being a very literary guy from what I’ve read up about him #SPEAKING OF!!!!! Jesus Christ the vocals. the vocals #(positive) #very very powerful for a guy who was like…. 21-22 at the time of recording I’d reckon? #I know whitney’s vocals are a turn off for the band for most people but imo? it’s one of the main appeals. 2 me he is like an insanely good #vocalist. almost jealous that he can hit those notes as a cis guy and I can’t cause omfg in like. wolf party near the end #HOW DOES A GUY MANAGE THAT….. #I love how they incorporated elements of other genres in it. like I don’t see them as indie rock like people #for whatever reason #like to describe them as in that album #but you can hear the elements. bringing up wolf party again cause nick zinner did some of the guitar in that and he’s in an indie band no? #yeah yeah yeahs or whatevs. they’re cool seeming I should check ‘em out #ALSO sorry I kind of glossed over Blilie. he’s really fucking good in the album obvs!!!! #pretty sure he did the album art which. omfg it’s had an aesthetic chokehold on me as of late #and also just. he has a nice voice #the sort of warbley thing he has and also his screams… goated #contrary to my posting #I’m actually a bliliegirl I’d consider myself lol. Whitney happens to also have a psychic chokehold on me #this is obvious. I go by Johnny and want to go blonde HMMMMM I WONDER WHY.. #my bad for rambling in tags I just. I love that album so deeply #it’s very meaningful to my identity and songs like the title track and beautiful horses just. get me right at my core #evil neighing compilation

[mysticfemme]

I feel like I need a full body massage at this rate, my back, neck and legs hurt so much from how stressed and burnt out I am 😭

#need a butch to make me a cuddly den of pillows and blankets then turn the lights down and give me a massage #why does my lower back hurt??? why does my pelvis hurt??? bruh??? #✨autism✨💅🥲🫶 #rants n rambles