#it turns into me analyzing why

[bbyboybucket]

I was thinking about how Bucky just shows up places without being invited or letting the person know ahead of time, he just kinda puts people on the spot and completely imposes on them. And I was gonna say how it’s funny (bc it is) but now I’m actually thinking about it. And I headcanon that Bucky does this bc he’s scared of being rejected when asking permission to come over or meet up. So he’d rather impose himself on Sam (and whoever else) and come across as a careless douchebag. To Bucky, it’s easier to have Sam be annoyed that he rudely showed up unexpectedly, than it is to grapple with the possibility of Sam saying no and not wanting Bucky around at all. It’s a double layered defense mechanism, where he first protects himself from being turned down. Then, Bucky puts on the facade of “Idgaf I just do whatever I want” and pretends that’s why he’s there, to hide that being around Sam is something he genuinely cares about. Which of course Sam sees right through bc Bucky’s reasons are very thinly veiled and he’s actually not as good at hiding his feelings as thinks.

#anyways just some thoughts #and basically I’m rambling and this is prolly incoherent and badly worded #I swear every time I laugh at how weird Bucky is #it turns into me analyzing why #I’m still gonna laugh at him tho bc he’s a weird ass man and does so much weird shit #bucky barnes #sam wilson #also could really talk about how absolutely terrible Bucky is at trying to be stoic and how Sam is actually the one who successfully #hides his feelings but that’s a convo for another day

[shutupineedtothink]

I’m still s h o o k that people do not see exactly what’s going on with Moiraine throughout s2 and people are dragging her and dismissing her without an ounce of empathy for what she’s been through, so I’m bringing the full character analysis for y’all (and my own sanity). So this is a big ol in defense of Moiraine (and Lan) rant, so if that’s not your thing, scroll down now. Here we go.

I just… The AUDACITY some people have to look at Moiraine and be angry and pissed off at how she acts in S2. To not feel any sympathy and empathy for her and the monumental weight she’s under every goddamn day. There’s a reason we start with that bath scene in 2x01 – it shows you everything. How she’s just going through the motions. How she only lets herself cry when she’s alone in the water. How she literally curls into the fetal position and looks reproachfully devastated over her knees as she hugs them to her chest in a futile attempt at comfort. Not to mention the direct comparison/callback with the bath scene in 1x01, where she has both her power and Lan still, and now she’s lost her connection to both of them.

How is it not painfully obvious that every interaction she has after that bath scene is infused with a trauma response? Let’s tally up the devastation she’s been through. At the end of S1, she was 1. banished from the sisterhood of the white tower (they literally turned their backs on her), 2. was separated AGAIN from the love of her life fully expecting to never see her again, 3. was cut off from the other love of her life (that would be Lan, for the record) which is all the worse bc it’s her own fault for masking the bond, 4. was fully made to believe she’s been stilled from the one power aka an integral part of her being, AND 5. she’s “failed” her mission at the eye of the world – the one goal she’s had for the last 20 years, her life’s purpose – because instead of locking away the dark one she’s directly caused Rand to set Ishamael free.

You don’t think it's justified to be a little pissed off and standoffish after all of that? You don’t think the weight of that guilt, grief, pain, and loss is a reasonable cause to be distant, cold, harsh, having a little bit of a death wish? That’s TRAUMA, baby! She is absolutely wrecked, and it’s coming out in the worst way in her interactions with others (especially Lan because we’ve seen how they should be), but it’s absolutely not because she actively wants to hurt the people around her. In fact after almost every moment she lashes out at someone, we see an equally sad/grief-stricken/devastated moment from her and THAT’S the real emotion hiding underneath the anger. This woman needs therapy and understanding and patience, and does not deserve to be judged at the worst time of her life.

Ok fine, you say, but Lan IS patient and understanding with her! And she’s still an asshole to him! You’re right, Lan is absolutely trying his best and doing just about everything he can to be there for her in 2x01/2x02 (with a little help from Verin and Tomas). But 1. It’s STILL not about him, Moiraine is not obligated to respond in a certain way to her grief and pain that makes him feel better, and 2. This is Moiraine goddamn Damodred and even her trauma response is also a front to protect him, to push him away from her and what is now certainly a suicide mission to fight the dark without her powers.

This is SOOO important to really get Moiraine’s character — y’all gotta understand this: Moiraine truly loves only TWO people on the whole fucking planet: Siuan and Lan. They are also the only people who truly love her, unconditionally, with all of her flaws and imperfections. Please please ingrain that into your brain, especially for Lan, in this context. (Siuan is a whole other conversation I won’t get into at the moment.) Moiraine loves Lan, he loves her, deeply. That’s the foundation of everything they go through with each other in this season, despite what’s happening on the surface.

Once you accept that as fundamental truth, everything makes a whole lot more sense. She is a dick to him to push him away. Literally tells him he failed her to put the final nail in the coffin of driving him away, which is his worst nightmare. On the surface it seems egotistic at best, plain cruel at worst. But look underneath. Moiraine always has reasons 2, 3, 6 layers deep for everything she does.

With everyone else she’s mean to this season, namely her sister and her nephew, it’s born out of distrust (and the aforementioned trauma response). She can’t afford to trust anyone because anyone could be a dark friend. (And if they’re not a dark friend, then they become a liability and endangered.) Anything she lets slip could be used to hurt/control Rand and push them all one step closer to eternal darkness. Oh and when we see Barthanes’ true nature that turns out to be fucking justified, by the way. But I digress.

Right so why is she an asshole to Lan then? Because she doesn’t trust him? I don’t believe that for a second. These two have been on the same page, literally sharing the same headspace, for the last 20 years – she knows he’s the best person she’s ever met, the least likely to ever turn to the dark, ever. It’s an actual impossibility. So it’s not that she doesn’t trust him. She literally marvels at how courageous he must be to fight the dark with only a sword.

The true reason is: she does trust him, she does love him, and she KNOWS him. She knows that he will never leave her like this, in her darkest hour. He is both honor-bound to her (which he takes very seriously) and deeply cares for her. The problem is that now his life is in serious danger by staying with her. But there is no calmly explaining to him that he should return to the white tower for his own good and bond to another aes sedai who can actually channel, who can actually hold up her end of the partnership and protect him and heal him in return for his loyalty and sacrifice. Or better yet, find Nynaeve, who is not only ridiculously powerful and has probably the best chance of protecting him out of anyone, but who also loves him.

If Moiraine loves him and wants him safe, the ONLY option she has to protect him, the one good thing left in her life even if their bond is masked, is to drive him away. To make it so that he’ll stay far away from her of his own free will, and never come after her and her suicide mission to defeat the dark. Because she has already lost everything, she has no control over her fate anymore (if she ever had any to begin with), but the ONE thing she can still try to do is keep him safe. And hopefully, maybe he’ll be happy, one day. Her reasoning is directly confirmed for us in the last thing she says to him in 2x02 before she leaves: “Light protect you, al’Lan Mandragoran.” That was her goal all along, to protect him.

That’s the true reason she’s Like That to him. It’s all out of her love for him, and a desperate desire not to drag him down with her when she’s sure she’s destined to die on this mission. Is her strategy misguided? On the one hand yes, because she does need people to help her and she needs to trust someone, as he points out. On the other hand, she’s absolutely fucking right because look what happened with the Fade fight at the end of 2x01. Both her and Lan would have died without Verin and Tomas, and it would have been because she couldn’t channel. He is factually, logically, physically better off without her as long as she’s “stilled.”

This is why it makes sense how Lan eventually responds the way he does. He initially sees right through what she’s trying to do, he literally says he won’t let her push him away. He knows her too, better than anyone, including Siuan at this point. But he isn’t expecting her to go as far as she does, and it shakes him to his core. She tells him he failed her, has his worst fears confirmed, and then hears the words “we were never equals” and hears that she thinks she’s better than him, when she means the exact opposite. Tomas tells him to really listen but he can’t, in that moment.

But then he gets some distance, and some perspective thanks to Ihvon and Maksim, and he remembers: he loves her. He believes in her and he knows her and he knows what she’s doing to push him away (although maybe not why, when it comes to protecting him, because he doesn’t see himself as someone who needs protecting). Even better, he realizes that her situation is actually not what she thinks, that she’s shielded not stilled, and he can do something about that.

I LOVE Lan in 2x07 because he’s got Moiraine’s number now, and he will not be swayed by any further attempts (rather weak attempts at this point) to lash out at him. He just takes all the shit she throws at him, and calmly asks her what he needs to know and tells her what she needs to hear (“hopefully everything we’ve lost” and “that’s what I thought” and “you need to trust someone, Moiraine”), and is truthful with her even if she is still putting on this act with him in her fear and grief. He isn’t having any of it, he sees straight through it to the fear and pain underneath. And he literally DECIDES they are going to be okay, and then he fucking. Follows. Through.

He is not a doormat to her rage, he is not her servant, he’s not going back to her with his tail between his legs. He SHOWS UP for her in her darkest hour, when NO ONE, not even Siuan, can see what’s going on with her. That’s a true friend, a true hero, and absolute king behavior.

In conclusion, Moiraine’s behavior in s2, while not cute, is totally justified given the trauma, circumstances and everything she’s dealing with (jfc the lack of sleep alone) and makes sense in light of her ultimate goal to protect the world, which includes protecting Lan. And Lan’s response, once he figures out what to do, is the absolute correct way to handle the situation and is not weakness at all but strength in the highest order.

I’m so glad we got the payoff of all that with their conversation in 2x08 and reconnecting the bond. It was so beautiful, so earned, and reminded us of the level they’re on with each other — which is a soul connection way beyond what any of us can imagine.

#well this kind of turned into a ‘why I love Moiraine and Lan so much’ post #I could literally analyze every conversation they had in this season for days #it’s so layered and so well done #not to mention the body language/facial expressions #like if you think Moiraine is just being a bitch this season you are’t paying attention #like at all #but seriously it’s the lack of empathy that kills me the most #do you people see what she’s been through??? #make this a learning opportunity bc god forbid something traumatic happens to anyone you love #and your response is to dismiss them if they react in a way that’s not ideal for you #Lan is teaching us all how to show up for the people we love #and I love him for that #wheel of time #the wheel of time #moiraine damodred #lan mandragoran #wot #wot on prime #moiraine and Lan #wot season 2 #wot s2

[buddiebitch]

WHY are BT shippers so vehemently against actually analyzing the symbolism and choices made for this show?

i mean i saw multiple people saying we were overthinking the vertigo poster. they were saying that it was weird to assume that Buck would fill the pining best friend role that Midge did in the original movie??? (haven’t seen the movie, i just read a few synopses)

i’m sorry, so you agree that he put Ryan Guzman in the main character and Devin Kelley as the love interest because they’ll fill those roles in the storyline, but we’re overthinking when we point out what role he put Oliver Stark in?

or when i bring up the possible symbolism of Tommy always calling him Evan, the only response i get from BT stans is “well he would tell him if he didn’t like it” or “i think it’s because he was introduced that way and that’s why” or even “i think he probably likes that Tommy calls him Evan” (all real responses i saw) and it’s like, yeah that’s cool, those are great headcanons for you, but that actually isn’t what i was talking about. nothing wrong with having a headcanon, but it doesn’t explain anything about the show or answer any of my questions.

i mean in s4 he corrected his PARENTS and told them his name was Buck, and in s6 it was used to emphasize the strangeness of his coma dream, how everyone was calling him Evan, the whole show him being called Evan has almost always been used to emphasize that someone doesn’t know him very well, how are y’all convinced that it’ll mean something different this time? i get that some people think it’s supposed to be growth, that he’s cool with being called his first name, but if that’s the goal it definitely isn’t reading that way to me.

like i wish i could see things through the same lens as these people so it could make sense to me, i just don’t get how you can willfully ignore SO many hints just so you can ship what you want.

no hate to the ship or the shippers obviously, i’m just baffled by the lengths they’ll go to in order to convince themselves that plot device man is endgame for Buck.

#buddie #i know now that i’m not allowed to tag this bucktommy #i still feel like i should but i know they’ll get mad at me #911 #911 on abc #evan buckley #eddie diaz #tommy kinard #and like it’s fine to ship what you want but why do you have to try and convince everyone it’s endgame? #like just ship it and be happy you get content #you actually don’t have to convince us to ship it as well #you don’t have to try and stop buddie fans from shipping what we want #you are actually allowed to ship what you want without trying to discredit everyone’s theories #plus like even if i’m wrong theories are still fun #even if the show turns out nothing like i’m predicting it will(it most definitely won’t turn out like my predictions) #i still had fun speculating #even if it is all over analyzed (it probably is) it’s still fun #also didn’t tim minear say this season would parallel s4? #in s4 it was HEAVILY emphasized in buck begins that his parents calling him Evan made him uncomfortable #if this season really does parallel s4 (not seeing it yet but idk) then that choice HAS to be intentional

[dostyaak]

[YTTD Spoilers/Theory] So a few days ago I was in a Discord call with my friend, and we started doing a "YTTD Character Tier List", and we got stuck on Megumi for a few minutes

We were discussing whether she was a good person or a bad person based on the little to no information there is about her

I mean, of course she is a bad person, with the whole thing about being avoidant when talking about "Why Mr. Redhead Policeman was fired?" and the "background deal", but we were discussing if she did that beacause she wanted to or if someone forced her to it, if she had ill intentions or not

Now this is where the fun begins, my friend's theory below:

He shared a theory he have about Megumi's wish and how that's directly connected to Redhead officer's death, the theory being that: Megumi's wish was to kill him.

He explained that maybe when Redhead discovered "the secret dark side of pollice", Megumi didn't like that and promptly fired him, but getting him out of the force wasn't enough since he could still somehow find more information about said "dark side", which led Megumi to make a deal with Midori, to kill Redhead with the Asunaro vow (I guess some could argue that we're making a bit of a stretch with a theory like that, but still what isn't a stretch in a game with almost no information)

Supposing we're right, this part of Megumi's victim video could mean 2 things:

She was following the demands of another higher up, leading to her wish with the Asunaru vow being to kill Redhead, which means that the isn't that bad

She was straight up lying in hopes that if pretending to be a victim herself, Keiji would give in and save her, which means she was a bad person all along

My thoughts? I'll go with 2, I like the ideia of her just being an asshole, we need more mean women in this game! /j

Jokes aside, it's the idea of "Good cop/Bad cop" and "The only good cops are fired cops", good cops are those who aren't on duty anymore (Keiji) and bad cops are those who are still on duty (Megumi), since she's already a bad cop for still being on the force even after knowing about the "dark secrets", why not commit to the fullest and be a bad person too?

Everyone (And by "everyone" I mean the participants) in this game is "an asshole but with somewhat good intentions", I think it would be cool to have a change, to have a character who was a dick with ill intentions all along

Anyway, I would love to know what you guys think about my friend's theory! All kinds of comments are welcome, I'm eager to know if you agree or disagree and why! :D

#Your Turn To Die #YTTD #YTTD Theory #Megumi Sasahara #Mr. Policeman #Officer Tazuna #Joe's dad #HOW DO I TAG A CHARACTER WHO HAS NO CANON NAME?! #Hope you guys like this theory #Because I sure do #I used to think that Megumi was a victim of ASU-NARO and all that but the idea of her being just as bad as them just makes me SO EXCITED #I can't explain why... #I just really like complex and mean characters #Like as in “I love to analyze them” and not “I love them” #I fucking hate them #But making analysis? Super cool

[rata-novus]

okay first marwa literally getting unmade into freddie and basically ceasing to exist, THEN guillermo being so distraught at seeing freddie and freddie2 dating.....

why the fuck was this episode so upsetting lmao ????

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #why. #please bring marwa back and have her be a current time astronomer like she deserves #like how fucking great would it be for one of the characters to be like 'oh marwa?' #'she left to play with some telescope or whatever' and turns out shes like #a scientist analyzing data from jwst #PLEASE I BEG #her character intro and astronomy background lined up perfectly for the jwst first pics #i know its been pre filmed and whatnot but it would have made Me happy

[atlantis-just-drowned]

Brain: Hey what if I told you we'll be starting to develop a crush on that random human being?

Me: Okay! *distance myself from that person and make the relationship seem impossible in my mind until my feelings disappear*

#ways to cope with your feelings: drown them. #in a pool full of piranhas preferably. #just analyzing my own way of functioning and it turns out i have problems #*starts singing the brobecks while running away from my crushes* EEEEVERYONE ISSSS BEEEEETTER THAN MEEEEEE I THINK #no but fr i went from 'doing the unthinkable to be liked back' to 'they won't like me ever let's just drop this shit and run away' #that's why i relate to thins song yes i renounced to my own identity for a guy once #don't recommend it wouldn't do it again if you ever think about doing this slaps yourself ten times in the face and think again please #anyway that's it don't crush on real people they will break you down and let you die alone thank you goodbye #feelings #crush #crushes #being in love #mental health #mental illness #whispers from atlantis

[gobstoppr]

and btw im in my hater arc rn. as time goes on the more i find a lot of 'fandom' stuff insufferable (i like art n stuff. just the way that fandom refits every media to fit a single mold and set of boring archetypes is exhausting.)

i just get really easily annoyed lately. and have been unfollowing people on a whim a lot. its not personal i promise

#fandom culture has made me actively dislike shit i was fixated on a year ago. looking at your ninja turtles #its not even like what they were doing were particularly offensive it was just exhaustingly boring #im sorry i just really dont care about ur 2 million fics about leo being a sadboy. or one million seperated aus. #theres definetly a part of the whole situation in general which has been me coming to terms with my own internalized misogny #actively re-examining my tendencys to gravity towards male characters #idk maybe its making me dislike art more. but idk. ive always analyzed why i react certain ways to certain things. this isnt new for me #anywaays. i had been following a bunch of ninja turtle blogs and they sorta kept messing around with shows like ninjago too #and at some point i was just like. i dont know if these shows are actually that good guys. i think youjust like shows for little boys #and fandoms tend to shaft female chars so it sure helps that their casts are 98% male . #maybe theyre not your blorbo maybe theyre just Guy McAverageMan. thats not inherently bad but you have to consider it. #guys rottmnt is isnt even that good . its not that good ok. its alright/pretty good. and the movie does a few neat things #i feel like ive become one of those people that turn 18 and then immediately go 'minors dni'. im not there yet but i just. #we're watching kids shows. its ok . you can say it. #you may have noticed ive been reblogging a lot of dungeon meshi stuff. i read it all over the past week. #but here's the thing. i thought it was mid/good for like 70% of it. #i think its got some really really cool worldbuilding ideas and stuff #but i think a lot of the writing was sorta. uninteresting to me. #my discord friends have been raving over izutsumi for months. #but i found her presence in the story to be weird and underdeveloped. she felt out of place and her introduction felt clumsy #i felt when the story was ramping up the manga got a lot better. because again theres some rlly cool ideas at play #all the shit with the lion? incredible. the way all the infighting led to more problems bc the elves refuse to explain anything? rlly good. #marcille landing in power? reallly good shit. (i still thought it was a lil undercooked still tho) #i cant stop thinking about laios in that climax scene. i think he shouldve been feral a lot more often #uhh. i got distracted. fandom bad and annoying. #saw a post talking about marcille realizing izutsumi is only 17 and then describing how 'omg shes a mom now' and i wanted to throw up #im done. i swear. im done talking for real. aagh #text

[yuridovewing]

honestly leave it to wc to use a plotline that usually has me cheering and clapping just have me go “…. alright then”

#in theory barley and violet dissing hoot and jumper is a good concept. they turned on them and tried to kill them #and they continued to torment them. they almost beat their sister to death #violet and barley dont owe them a single thing and im glad they told them to fuck off when they tried crawling back #‘’help us!’’ ‘why? you didnt help us.’’ is a good exchange i gotta stress that #but……. man the backstory and narrative choices in the entire series just kinda drags it down for me #like for one. if bloodclan is so abusive and scourge hated families. shouldnt that mean hoot and jumper are also victims? #actually why can they live together as brothers and no one cares and scourge can have them as his besties #(……. its almost like that rule makes no sense and is just a half assed way to make bloodclan seem eeeeeevil compared to the clans) #and second. wc is so anti redemption man. the only time we really and truly got one was fucking skystar #and even then. it was fucking skystar. #hoot and jumper are eeeeevil child killing kidnapping rogues who are not worth analyzing or considering oughhh #i stg btw this does not mean im defending them or wanted the siblings to instantly forgive them #but given the context of how bloodclan is treated as a whole as ‘’ewwwww those atheist monsters think theyre a CLAN’’ #and barleys called a warrior just for this battle. idk it feels off #wc comics lb

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

.

#pickle pontificates #girl help is the lilyorcharddungeonmeshi video gonna be what finally drives me to make a video essay now that school's over #or am i just gonna watch it and rant to my sister and then forget about it as usual #OR am i gonna decide to be normal and not watch things i know are gonna make me mad #i barely know anything about The Discourse surrounding her and i do not care #i just know i saw the steven universe video and another one awhile back and i kept watching because i was hoping in good faith #that there would be A Point #but there never was #it's just a really weird anger and vitriol and attempt to justify not liking something by arguing that it's bad #and a stubborn insistence on analyzing the separate parts of a thing without even attempting to see whether there's anything #in how the parts fit together. like that's media analysis 101. you see what's there. you see how it fits together. you interpret it #you turn it around and play with the interpretations #you try to figure out what the author was trying to convey and then you look at what you got out of it and what others got out of it #you acknowledge that stuff can be good and you can still hate it. or you acknowledge that stuff can be bad and you can still like it #and you acknowledge that sometimes stuff is just neutral and may have different effects on different people #not just ''raaaaaagh this character did bad things and is therefore bad and irredeemable and there is no other option'' #newsflash babe. most characters are like that #and like. i acknowledge that there may be ragebait at play here #but i do like engaging with weirdo opinions sometimes because it gives me a chance to articulate my own feelings and investigate why #i feel that way #but i do have to be careful to make sure i'm not just getting off on being mad and falling down the hole for no reason so. we'll see #edit: i remember what it was now it was the writing tips video #it's the weird black and white there's only one way to do art and i'm right about it all the time attitude

[leohtttbriar]

the movie that doesn’t exist jokes are funny but it also reminds me of every grad school seminar out there in which being able to present as clever or profound is more important than the actual content up for discussion. like if you follow the form, you can sound interesting, whether or not you’ve actually read the book. as long as you can bring it back to own your own master’s thesis, then you’ve done a good job of ‘being Smart’ and contributing.

#suddenly remembering why academia frequently makes me want to scream #turns out i get the same level of ‘what the hell are you TALKING about’ #with real students discussing real things and funny girls in tumblr analyzing a movie that doesn’t exist

[essektheylyss]

Because it's the first song on my afternoon daylist, sometimes I just idly remember how Castle put its eponymous character intro to "Everybody Loves Me" by OneRepublic, and honestly, what an utterly correct choice.

#for the record the title is 'main character castle wednesday afternoon' #castle NOT in reference to the show obvs. it informs me i listen to 'nostalgia' and 'medieval' on Wednesday afternoons. #whatever the FUCK that means #this is after 'heroic role playing game wednesday morning' and 'heroic horror movie afternoon' #honestly i just wanna track all of my daylists for a month straight and then analyze them. see what that says about me. #here's my thing. if you only listened to your daylist ever would it then turn into a positive feedback loop of the same things? #since it's designed to fit exactly in the time before it next changes #on another note I did go looking at Spotify taxonomist job descriptions today. for funsies. #not cuz I want to work for Spotify but cuz i am BEGGING them to let me see the guts of this fucking classification scheme. #supposedly a portion of this is a CV! TO WHAT EXTENT IS IT CONTROLLED I GOTTA KNOW #HOW DO WE GET TO 'MAIN CHARACTER CASTLE' #HELLO #i imagine the titles are only semi controlled if at all but the 'genres' probably are #but like. even then. what the FUCK is 'nostalgia' #honestly looking at the playlist of nostalgia is actually fucking WILD why is DNCE on here. with patd and mcr. and omam. #CLOSER. WHAT THE FUCK. ALONG WITH BRITNEY'S IF YOU SEEK AMY. HELLO. #anyway I'm once again ranting about spotify's recommendation algorithms what else is new

[caffeinatedopossum]

Events of last night:

Me: *crying*

My girlfriend: what's wrong?? :(

Me: *struggling to form words* intrusive thoughts are bad... I don't want to talk about them because then I'm scared that they're true and you might think I'm awful

My girlfriend: ah I actually get that. I have those a lot. It doesn't mean anything though, intrusive thoughts are just like dreams. Like the things you do in them aren't really things you want to do, it's just stuff your brain comes up with.

#we then very heavily related over having the same intrusive thoughts and now I'm suspicious #thinking about when i told her i might have ocd and she said i didnt #and starting to feel like thats because... what if we both have ocd #it seems like she was basing her entire knowledge of conditions on people shes known with those conditions. which makes sense #but the person/ people with ocd had severe cleaning compulsions and the like #where as me and her obsess much more over morality #like its very clear we think about it so much. and idk what to do with that information #we both feel like the intrusive thoughts and obsessive ruminating are the only things that keep is from being bad people #or that prevent us from being bad people i guess. idk why that wording is just slightly more accurate #like people who dont think about these things (apparently all 'normal' people since this could be *an actual disorder*) #they're not constantly analyzing. trying to be aware. asking themselves questions about their true nature. judging those answers #theyre not really doing that with other people either. of course i could be wrong since im very clearly not a normal person. #but this is what i mean! im speculating about other people and acknowledging the ways i could be wrong and just trying to figure it all out #but it seems like no one does that and it doesnt *make them* bad people. it just doesn't prevent them from that happening either #like theyre just as likely to hurt people as the 'bad' person thats thinking the same way they are #and i cant ever be comfortable with me living that reality even when *this reality* is a waking nightmare #sure im tearing my skin off (good ole skin picking disorder) when im thinking about these things. sure im crying. sure i can't sleep. #sure it makes me feel like im constantly a horrible person and need to attone for everything ive done and havent done #sure. but then i turn around and say its helping me. because why else would my brain torture me? isnt it always about protecting me? #i don't know. all i know is who i dont want to be and what i dont want. so that exactly what my brain convinces me is real #i guess what it kinda comes to do is #would you rather live a reality where everything around you is superficial. your thoughts behaviors and thoughts. your reactions #all of them are things youre never aware of. you could be hurting people or you could be helping themm #you could even be hurting yourself. but you would never know. its a comfortable reality that youre never really aware of #OR would you rather live a reality aware of all those things. seeking answers and sometimes finding them. #trying your hardest to help others and better yourself and fix the broken things in this world #your reality is one where you recognize every threat that no one else does and it kills you inside because they wont always listen #theyre comfortable and you're stuck in a reality where you try and try and try but even when you succeed #your brain forms its own reality. a metaphorical jail. where you never get to experience the reality you fought so hard for #instead you exist in this sort of purgatory where you live out your own worst fears and the worst ways you could have failed

[willandmichael]

the more i realize i relate to mike the more insane i get about him as a character

#byler #just thinking about the shit i was going through when i was his age and the way i acted 💀 #a while ago my friend said to me i was acting really weird during that time and oh boy weird is putting it lightly lmao #i guess i just repressed those years so bad i can't really think back on it unless i really sit down to reflect #honestly my brain seems to not want to go back there at all #so i'm sitting here analyzing and thinking about mike as a character and going Jesus Christ that's me in 2015-16 fucking hell #i guess that's why i project so much onto him and why i see him only turning out to be a certain way

[defsiarte]

after seeing the replies of a truly horrific AITA. Need to say this again here:

If you unironically use the phrase “fandom police” in any form, get mad at the idea of applying moral analysis to fiction, or anything along those lines I’m blocking your ass.

#also if you’re white and do this. please know that you are soooo susceptible to racist propaganda #bc like. bro look at me. fandom is for fun right? why does any sort of deeper analysis than ‘omg I ship these characters XD’ piss you off? #the stance that media should not be analyzed or critiqued is one based in privilege. #I genuinely feel that if you are such a person I don’t want you in my circle bc you’ve never had to defend yourself or loved ones from— #the damage that racist/otherwise bigoted propaganda can do to one’s community. #if you cannot understand that every action has an impact. however small. I genuinely want nothing to do with you #and no this doesn’t mean I hate any morally dubious characters/media. anyone who knows me knows I like weird shit #HOWEVER! I also focus a lot of my time in academia on media analysis. I spend a lot of my time in therapy on character analysis. #bc if I watch a show about a guy who kills people. I want to also think/talk about why he’d want to kill people and what the greater meaning #of that would be. #you dumb fuck. #anyway lol lmao turning off reblogs bc I don’t want to bait people into arguing #honking

[bandsanitizer]

.

#alison speaks? #to be deleted probably #not to like be weird about things people are already pretty weird about #but like beyond the absolute turn of ‘aCTUALLY this dude we liked for the past six years was a VILLIAN in her story’ #it’s the fact that some people have an audacity to look at the relationship they were in for six years #and go ‘yknow what? it was all just so she could get here. it was all about the healing’ and granted yeah #good people can help you be better. a safe person and a safe place can allow yourself the time and safety it takes to grow and heal #but honest to goodness they did NOT commit to their six year long relationships and endure all their hardships #he did NOT support her during some of the worst moments in her career #just for y’all to reduce him to some stepping stone in her story #to view him as if the whole universe revolves around her like #like imo he deserved way fucking better #and honestly unless the relationship ended in a way that i really really really could not believe it did #it’s pretty fucking shitty that he had to put up with all the shit he got from the internet after the split went public #it’s pretty fucking shitty that y’all act like she can’t really do wrong in a relationship #that y’all STILL are unable to see it as anything other than sure humans make mistakes but men are absolutely terrible #like the need to analyze the fuck out of a song yall call deep and sad and so telling #that really just sounds like ‘why couldn’t you read my mind?’ makes me want to YELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL #anyways that’s enough and maybe the last thing i’ll say #bc honestly if the current relationship ends up not lasting (not that i wish that on them #don’t get me wrong) but like if it doesn’t? just wait for everyone to come up with all the reasons why #this guy who brought her back and made her so happy and blah blah blah was ACTUALLY? a shitty guy the whole time #okay yeah that’s all that’s it #i think the reason this makes me so angry is bc y’all would not tolerate this if the situations/reactions were reversed #and honestly the amount of disrespect for a relationship that did not go burning down in flames between two people together for six years #that shared a life and a home … to get this disrespect i just…. #i wish healing and happiness and growth for both of them #but damn

[scaryfilm]

Hi. good lord.

#Hi do u ever have a dynamic in something that means so much to u. like it means so much to u in ur heart #and it is just SOO important to u. ok yes this is MEE this is me rn #but like.. i get RLY nervous talking abt it because it IS something i care abt very deeply and it definitely goes BEYOND just a general #interest. like i have put genuine TIME and THOUGHT into analyzing this.. and its kind of become my HEARTT and SOULL!!!!!! #and like i want to talk abt it with friends but i feel kind of IDK vulnerable doing that?idk my brains weird #like.. id love to talk abt but the thought of the person im talking to NOT rly understanding why i feel the way i do abt it..ERM like. #turns me off abt it I GUESS... #so often times i wont talk abt this thing. because i am very passionate abt it and if the other person isnt as passionate abt it as i am #i get like. weird.....Idk im a freak #idk this is a vent but not rly a neg one? #just me spilling my thoughts