#would you rather live a reality where everything around you is superficial. your thoughts behaviors and thoughts. your reactions

[mbti-notes]

Hello mbti-notes. I'm a very, very unhealthy INTJ. I have come to the realisation that I constantly try to deny and repress my emotional needs whenever I face obstacles in the world. As in, for example, if people find me unattractive, I detach from that triggering context and try to hamper down my need to be loved. If my mother treats me in a nasty way, I detach from her and go on a corner and try to hamper my need to feel approved by her. (continues, this is part 1)

[con’t: If I see that my classmates are better or more competent than me, I avoid contact with them & avoid going to class, and I don’t try harder with the materials or try to be more competent, I repress the need for that as if “I didn’t want it anyway” and “it doesn’t matter”, “makes no difference”, “it’s not meaningful”, but actually, and I can see it now, these things mean the world to me. I notice myself constantly thinking about what people have that I won’t have, like a successful high paying career. I dropped out of law school (I got into a good university) and can’t deal with the fact that I chose to switch to a more low paying, less competitive career to pursue. I feel like this choice was also the same dynamic of me pushing down my need for high achievement in the face of insecurity and obstacles. People around me see me as a wimp, someone who doesn’t contribute, doesn’t take responsibility, doesn’t integrate to the group, honestly it feels like people see me as a child and completely incapable, despite the fact that they do sometimes say I’m very intelligent (they mean academic intelligence, but not “real” intelligence). I feel like people treat me condescendingly and don’t take me seriously. I also feel an utter lack of life direction, I have no goals and no plans, and I’m at a point where I don’t give a sh*t and I’ve been more socially impulsive (like jokester behavior, class clown) and reckless about my reputation, missing deadlines, appointments, loosing track of what’s going on around me and what I need to do. Is this congruent with Fi loop and Se grip? I still don’t see how I can use Ni+Te to grow out of it, I can see it in the abstract, but not concretely.]

No, it is not at all congruent with Fi loop and Se grip, which is why Te is not the solution, in fact, trying to develop Te is very likely to exacerbate the problem. Your thought patterns fit quite perfectly with: unhealthy Ni (faulty/perfectionistic beliefs), overindulgence of Fe (constant focus on impressing/approval, low self-worth, guilt, shame), Ti loop (harmful rejection of feelings, lack of self-awareness, destructive attitude), and Se grip (extreme loss of control, recklessness, superficiality). Why do you believe that you are intj? Did you undergo a proper type assessment? If not, you should. There is a clear warning in the Type Dev Guide that you should not take advice of the wrong type.

Every decision you have made is part of Ti loop in denying your true feelings, to the point that life becomes meaningless, i.e., you must come to reject everything in the world because everything eventually serves to remind you of your “worthlessness”. If you are F, constantly acting contrary to your feelings is the direct road to despair. You don’t understand the difference between feelings and emotions, so you end up ignoring important feelings that would guide you in the right direction and then indulging the resultant negative emotions in the wrong direction. Do you honestly believe that your decisions have been rational? If you are in Ti loop, you will believe it for quite some time, and it will require hitting rock bottom or a personal disaster for you to realize how irrational you’ve really been. You say that you have a need to achieve (Ni), why do you not respect that need and even fail on purpose? You say that you have a need to be loved and approved of (Fe), why do you purposely act in ways that destroy social connection or get disapproval? You keep trying to lay the blame “out there” in how people judge/perceive you when it was actually your own bad decision making all along that brought you here - this is the hallmark of deep-seated Ti loop.

The way to get out of Ti loop is to finally take responsibility for your life instead of blaming something/someone else for your feelings of guilt and failure. Oftentimes, unhealthy INFJs don’t want to try because they are afraid that they’ll fail to live up to their self-imposed “ideal” and then have no excuses left to ward off the shame/guilt that they’re running from. It’s very easy to think highly of yourself when your success/greatness exists only in your own mind and you’re able to fool yourself into believing that it’s the world holding you back (Ni-Ti loop), but it’s hard to keep up the arrogance when you’re constantly slapped with hard evidence of your social failures (Fe-Se reality checks). 

In many ways, you still have the mentality of a toddler. You expect that everything should be like your fantasy, i.e, the one place where you don’t have to feel bad about yourself. You haven’t yet realized that the reason you feel bad is precisely because you wrongly believe that being “special” is the answer to your low self-worth, so you fish for praise/approval by proving your “specialness” in childish ways, only to fail often because your motives are fake or superficial. A truly successful person is HUMBLE and works hard to build a good life for themselves. They don’t waste time thinking about being “special”, rather, they simply work hard to actualize their potential because they want to make the most out of their life. You are arrogant, not humble, because you fear being ordinary/nothing and thus mistake humility for mediocrity. You are obsessed with feeling “better than” because you judge yourself as “less than”. Successful people don’t waste time with these sorts of petty “status” calculations because they’re not chasing empty markers of success to cover up low self-worth.

To find purpose and meaning in life for infjs is a simple matter of nurturing loving relationships and making positive contributions to whatever environment they happen to be in. Perhaps you live in a socially/emotionally harsh environment, which is not your fault, but you can either choose to play the dog-eat-dog game, or you can choose to live a good life for the sake of your own well-being. So far, you seem to keep choosing the former, which means that you must try to be “top dog” in order to call yourself “worthy”. Do you not realize that “worthiness” isn’t about proving yourself better than people? Do you honestly think that something as pure as true happiness can come from something so impure as judging and categorizing people according to their lack of “worth”?

A truly worthy person is one who actually lives a morally good life. Living a morally good life is hard work and it isn’t likely to get you immense praise and recognition. If the only reason you want to be “good” is to alleviate the shame that you feel for low social status, then you’ve missed the point entirely. A mature person takes responsibility for their life by asking themselves what kind of person they want to be and then they work hard to become it. Their sense of good comes from the self and emanates positively out into the world through morally congruent action. An immature person asks what behaviors will get them praise/approval and then they try to be like that (i.e. level 1-2 ego development). Their sense of good is easily twisted and destroyed by social pressures. 

Looping infjs often look down on others for being superficial in craving social status, but it is they themselves who actually care about status the most due to low self-worth - that’s why they must work so hard to convince themselves that they don’t care, which only makes them care even more. Ti loop turns you into a barking hypocrite and that is where the self-loathing actually comes from. You harm yourself by denying yourself and your goodness to chase after feelings of superiority - very common problem among NFs. To chase after feelings of superiority necessitates that you constantly think of yourself as inferior, which makes it impossible to have healthy self-esteem. How can you be happy when you constantly treat yourself so badly? As long as you think in terms of oversimplistic dichotomies of superiority/inferiority or strong/weak, then you also cannot have healthy relationships. Healthy relationships are based on equality between people and mutual respect and appreciation. In short, you sabotage your own happiness with your obsession on being “special” (read: superior), because this makes it impossible for you to develop Fe properly. 

All of your functions need development. Healthy Ni means to always act with your mind attuned to visualizing future implications - yet you choose not to care about the consequences of your decisions nor fight for your future self’s well-being. Healthy Fe means to carve a space for yourself to belong and contribute everywhere you go - yet you choose not to because you can’t tell the difference between praise and love and then chase after the wrong feelings to cover up your insecurities. Healthy Ti means to make rational judgments and decisions according to the facts - yet you stubbornly hang on to faulty beliefs about “how the world works” and even take twisted pride in flouting the rules you don’t like, intent on believing that they don’t apply to you despite negative repercussions. Healthy Se means to adapt well to change by embracing it and making the most of what you have - yet you fear change and run from it with all your life. I’m not a magician, I can’t wave a wand and change you. You can’t depend on others to tell you what to do. You have to commit yourself to being a better person and make better decisions by making better use of your functions, starting from top to bottom, because you care about living life well for your own sake.

**If you suffer from serious depression and/or anxiety and it hampers your ability to live life normally, I strongly suggest that you get professional help.

#infj #ti loop #se grip #guilt #shame #nf #ask

[madewithonerib]

Radical Discipleship | John MacArthur [Mark 9:42-50]

     This is a very fascinating portion of Scripture.      It has some features in it that are somewhat challenging      to the interpreter &, therefore, highly challenging to me.

     It has been tampered with through the years,      since the original revelation came from GOD.

     We know that because the early manuscripts that we have      are consistent.

     Later manuscripts add things or change things.

     So we have additions in later manuscripts & we have      alterations in later manuscripts. And it usually happens       because there are scribes who want to increase the potency      of a passage & so they add something to it - not       something different, but they double up on an emphasis.

          Or if they feel something is unclear,           they might try to clarify it.

     Well, this passage has both of those kinds of additions.

     There are things here that are so firm, so strong,      so threatening, so severe that somewhere along the line      people thought they needed to ramp up the message      because of its severity.

     And there are things in this passage      that are cryptic & challenging to interpret.

     Fortunately, we have as close to the original as we’re      going to get, & we’re going to take the passage at      its purest form.

     One of the great realities of Scripture is the preservation      of the original, which GOD has overseen so that we      have a true reflection of the original text.

A.] Let me read this to you, & if you’ll notice it,      I’m going to skip Mark 9:44 & v.46 when I read.

     It may be, if you have an NAS or one of the newer      translations, you see brackets around them.

     That is because in the earlier manuscripts,      these two statements do not occur.

     However, the statement in v.44 & 46 is in v.48.

     So we assume that some scribe saw the urgency of      this & just wanted to pile it on a little bit.

     So we’ll leave them out as we read it.

          Verse 42, “Whoever causes one of these little one           who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if,           with a heavy millstone hung around his neck,           he had been cast into the sea.

          If your hand causes you to stumble,           cut it off; it is better for you to enter life cripple           than having your two hands to go into hell,           into the unquenchable fire.”

          Then v.45, “If your foot causes you to stumble,           cut it off; it is better for you to enter life lame           than having your two feet to be cast into hell.”

           Then v.47, “If your eye causes you to stumble,            throw it out; it is better for you to enter the            kingdom of GOD with one eye than having two            eyes to be cast into hell, where their worm does            not die & the fire is not quenched.

           For everyone will be salted with fire. Salt is good.            But if the salt becomes unsalty, with what will you            make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves,            & be at peace with one another.

B.] This is a very unique portion of Scripture.

     It is full of graphic terminology, dramatic acts,      severe warnings, & rather violent threats.

     It really is a passage about radical discipleship,      & the language bears testimony to that.

          It calls for radical behaviors, &           it shows us just how radical it is to be           a true disciple of JESUS CHRIST.

     Our LORD, in these verses, is calling for radical discipleship.

     I think this is a message that is highly necessary for      the day in which we live when under the name of      Christianity & even evangelical Christianity:

          there is so much superficiality.

C.] The language here is severe, extreme, fanatical, &      radical language.

     And that fits the radical nature of our LORD’s invitation      to true discipleship. Let me talk about the word “radical.”

     It’s a word you hear, it’s a word you know,      it’s a word that we experience in our world commonly.

     If you look in the dictionary, you’ll find two meanings      for the word “radical.” 

#1 - probably will be this word means basic or fundamental or foundational, something primary, intrinsic or essential.

#2 - meaning, which may be the one that is more popular today, is that it also means something that deviates by its extreme.

     When we think of something radical, we think of      something revolutionary or something severe or,      as I mentioned, something fanatical.

     But really, the word is both.

     It is a word that refers to something that is fundamental      & fanatical, that is intrinsic & intensive,      that is essential & extreme.

     Therefore, it is a great word to use as an adjective for      a discipleship because discipleship is something      fundamental & fanatical, s/t intrinsic & intensive.

     The basics of being a disciple are really radical.

     Now, such a call to radical discipleship,      as we have just read in this passage,      is not new to the ministry of our LORD.

     It is consistent with the ministry of our LORD.

D.] Our LORD has had an evangelistic ministry.

     HE has been calling & inviting people into the kingdom      of heaven, into the realm of salvation, to come,      repent of their sins, believe in HIM, receive forgiveness &      eternal life & become HIS disciple, HIS true follower.

     But HIS calls have been very radical.

         HE has told people they          need to repent of their sins,          they need to turn from their sins.

     HE has told them they have to deny themselves.

     They have to be willing to forsake all family ties,      all earthly relationships, hate your father,      your mother, your spouse, your sister, your brother.

     And hate even your own life.

     HE told them it may be the forfeiture of their money,      the forfeiture of their earthly future,      certainly the control of their life.

     They are to be willing to die,      maybe even be crucified, & then to      follow HIM in total submission.

E.] This is radical discipleship & this is radical salvation.

     The text, then, is not an anomaly, it is not a deviation,      it is not a turning up, heating up the invitation of CHRIST,      it is rather consistent with everything that HE has said.

     Now, when I look at this passage after long      hours of poring over it & trying to distill it down      into manageable bites, I find here there are calls for      four aspects of radical discipleship:

radical love,

radical purity,

radical sacrifice, &

radical obedience.

     Now remember, this is a lesson our LORD is giving to      HIS apostles & other disciples. We are now in the period      of HIS ministry in the book of Mark where HE is in      training with the twelve.

     We have already been to school on prayer & faith.

     Last week we went to school with them on the      subject of humility. Now we’re going to get a lesson      on radical discipleship.

1.] Radical Love

     The first thing we’re going to see here is a call for      radical love. Verse 42, “Whoever causes one of these      little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for      him if with a heavy millstone hung around his neck,      he had been cast into the sea.”

     Matthew adds “into the depths of the sea.”

     What the LORD is calling for here is love, believe it or not.

          Love for other believers           so we do not lead them into sin.

     HE is zealous for the corporate righteousness of HIS      beloved children, HIS family, HIS kingdom, HIS church.

     He warns in this very severe statement that before you      would lead another believer to sin, you would be      better off to die a horrible death.

1a] It is not new for the LORD to have this kind of      protective attitude toward HIS own.

     In fact, you can find this in Genesis chapter 12,      where GOD tells Abraham that out of his loins is going      to come a great nation; namely, the nation of Israel.

     At that very inaugural point, the LORD says to Abraham,      “Whoever blesses you will be blessed, &       whoever curses you will be cursed.”

          And sets down a principle that           if you harm GOD’s people,           harm will come to you.

     If you bless GOD’s people, blessing will come to you.

1b] In the OT, GOD calls Israel the apple of HIS eye.

     I think some people think that’s an apple you hold      out here & look at. No, the apple of your eye,      essentially, is the center of your eyeball. 

          & GOD says if you touch Israel,           you touch the apple of MY eye

     Meaning that if you touch Israel, you poke      your finger in MY eye, & that irritates ME.

     In Psalm 105, again you have this protective attitude      GOD has toward those who are HIS.

     In v.10, HE speaks about Israel & HIS covenant      with them as an everlasting covenant.

     HE talks about giving them the land of Canaan      as a portion of their inheritance.

         Then down in v.15, HE says,          “Do not touch MY anointed ones,          & do MY prophets no harm.”

     This is a threat, & so is v.42.

1c] This is parallel to a more extensive record of our      LORD’s teaching on this.

     Turn to Matthew 18:6. The same threat is given here.      Then I want to point you to v.7. Verse 6,

        “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe          in ME to stumble, it would be better for him to have a          heavy millstone hung around his neck & to be drowned          in the depths of the sea.”

     v.7, “Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks.”

     Look, you expect stumbling blocks from the world.      You expect the world to cause people to sin.

1d] You expect the world to solicit & seduce because the      world is in the power of Satan.

     “It is inevitable,” v.7 says, “stumbling blocks come, but woe      to the one through whom the stumbling block comes.”

          Woe is a denunciation that,           in effect, is a curse.

     We expect it from the world.

     We expect the world to seduce believers because      that’s what the world does all the time.

     But judgment is pronounced on the world & extended      to anyone, even in the household of GOD, who      solicits another believer into sin.

          This, by the way, is a           favorite emphasis of our LORD.

     This is like a primary, foundational truth about      how we deal with one another, & it’s built on a      principle we saw back earlier in Mark 9:37.

     You will read this: “Whoever receives one child like this      in MY Name receives ME, & whoever receives ME      does not receive ME but HIM who sent ME.”

     Here’s the point:      CHRIST lives in every believer.

          How you treat a believer is           how you treat CHRIST,           & how you treat CHRIST is           how you treat GOD.

     You can’t isolate the believer from CHRIST.

     You cannot isolate the believer from GOD the FATHER      because they dwell in that believer.

         John 13:20, “Truly, truly I say to you, he who receives          whomever I send receives ME, & he who receives ME          receives HIM who sent ME.”

     How you treat another believer is how you treat CHRIST.

          First Corinthians 6:17 says,           “S/he that is joined to the LORD is one spirit.”

          That passage also says, “If you go & join yourself to a           harlot, you join CHRIST to the harlot.”

1e] The believer becomes inseparable from the LORD.

          Galatians 2:20, “Nevertheless I live,” Paul says,           “yet not I but CHRIST lives in me.”

     This is the foundation of that.

     The apostle Paul is on his way to the persecution of      Christians, headed for Damascus.

     The LORD strikes him down, makes him blind.

     He falls into the dirt & he hears this from the LORD,      “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting ME?”

     Saul [who was Paul, is Paul to us] was breathing out      threatening & slaughter against believers & JESUS said,      “You’re persecuting ME.”

     Love is so foundational in the life of the church as to      be the 1st instruction the LORD gives the church in the NT,      in Matthew 18, is to make sure you treat other believers      with the knowledge that they are inseparable from      both the SON & the FATHER - & I might add the SPIRIT      who dwells in them.

     In Matthew 25:34, at the time of the establishing of      the great millennial kingdom, the King will say to      those on HIS right, the believers,

     “Come, you who are blessed of MY FATHER,      inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation      of the world.

          “For I was hungry & you gave ME something to eat,           I was thirsty & you gave ME something to drink,           I was a stranger & you invited ME in &           naked & you clothed ME. I was sick & you visited ME.           I was in prison & you came to ME.”

          And then the righteous will answer, “LORD, when did we           see YOU hungry & feed YOU or thirsty & give YOU           something to drink? And when did we see YOU a stranger,           invite YOU in, or naked & clothe YOU? When did we see           YOU sick or in prison & come to YOU?”

           The King will answer & say to them, “Truly I say to you,            to the extent that you did it to one of these fellow            believers of MINE, even the least, you did it to ME.”

     This is the essential, controlling reality at the very      foundation of how we treat one another in the church.

     That’s the positive aspect that leads to this negative threat.

1f] Go back, then, to Mark chapter 9. The threat is unmistakable.

     “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe”      - not children but believers who are considered HIS children,      HIS precious ones - “to stumble” - to stumble.

     What do we mean by stumble? Skandalizomai,      to be caught in sin, to be trapped in sin, entrapped.

     “Whoever causes one” - not a group, one,      & one is emphatic - “it would be better to have a,      mulos onikos, tied around your neck.

     Mulos is mule, onikos is stone.

     They used to grind grain using a mule.

     There would be a fixed stone & on top of that a round stone      would roll around & crush the grain & be pulled by a mule.

     It would weigh tons - tons.

     You would be better off to have one of those tied around      your neck & have you thrown to the bottom of the ocean      than to cause another Christian to be trapped in sin.

     Drowning is a very unforgettable threat to Jewish people.

     They are not seafaring people.

     The ocean is a great barrier to them.

     They are agrarian people. They fish in the lake.      They don’t like the depths of the sea. This is a horrifying threat.

2.] What our LORD is calling for here is radical love,      the kind of love that works very hard never to be a      source of sinful solicitation to another person.

     To solicit them toward the lust of the flesh, toward      the lust of the eyes, materialism, toward the      love of the world, toward pride.

     We’re talking here about the other believers in your life,      children, spouses, friends, acquaintances:

           Love doesn’t do that            Love doesn’t solicit to sin            Love does the very opposite of that

     According to 1 Corinthians 13,      love doesn’t enjoy someone falling into sin.

     According to 1 Peter 4, Peter says,

           “Love one another with a stretched love”            ektenēs, fervent love.

     It’s a word used of stretching a muscle to its absolute maximum.

     It’s an all-encompassing love that reaches as far as it can      possibly go, & this kind of love doesn’t solicit sin, it covers sin.

     Does the very opposite      Fervent love helps others toward holiness

     Philippians 2 would define it as the kind of love, the kind      of affection that thinks more highly of others than of oneself.

     It’s the kind of love that elevates, that uplifts toward righteousness.

3.] How is it that we can lead others into sin?

     I can give you four simple, general answers to that question

#1 Direct temptation

     You all understand that.      You tempt somebody to sin, you invite someone to sin,      you invite them to sin morally against the laws of GOD,      against the commandments of our LORD by direct solicitation.

       -  You invite people to lie, to gossip, to cheat        -  You invite people to love the world        -  You draw them into ungodly enterprise as activities,           entertainment - whatever

     You understand that.

#2 Indirect temptation

       -  You provoke them to jealousy by           flaunting what you have

       -  You provoke them to anger by           indifference or unkindness

     Like your children, you know, Ephesians 6:4,

           “Provoke not your children to wrath” by inattention,            lack of affection, lack of forgiveness, lack of kindness,            overbearing expectations

     You can do it directly or indirectly.

#3 Sinful example

     Another way that you can cause people to stumble      is by setting a sinful example, simply by doing things that      people see that are sinful, which path they perhaps will follow.

     Romans 14, it can be flaunting your liberty, which will then      lead someone else to do the same, but because their      conscience has not yet been liberated to understand the      full freedoms in CHRIST,

     Paul says, it’s destructive because this is training a      person to violate conscience, & that has a very bad outcome.

     You have to be careful of the example that you set.

           Just when you don’t think people            are watching, the truth is, they are.

#4 Failing to stimulate righteousness

     So either by direct temptation, indirect temptation, by      setting a sinful example, or maybe [fourthly] by      just failing to stimulate righteousness.

           Failing to encourage godliness****

     What does the church do when it comes together?

           “Stimulating one another to love & good works,”            Hebrews 10:24 & 25,

           “and much more as you see the day approaching.”

     So in any of these ways, overlapping, intertwined ways,      we can lead others to sin.

     And our LORD says,      “You’d be better off to die a horrible death than to do that.”

..

Sermon from gty.org, [shorturl.at/kCEG5]

#Discipleship #Mark 9 #Mark 9:42-50 #extreme discipleship #deny ourselves #total submission #follow CHRIST #Christians #Christianity #religion #faith #obey #obedience #forsake sin #repent #love/purity/sacrifice/obedience #1 Corinthians 6:17

[belovas-vest]

an analysis of chloe beale:

+ family background 

+ internalized homophobia

+ minor family headcanons

I’m here to discuss the longtime headcanon that many of us have had: that Chloe Beale comes from a loving family; sometimes with and sometimes without siblings. However, I’m here to knock that lovely, fluffy headcanon out of your hands and serve you some good ol’ angst on a glistening silver platter.

For many that I’ve spoken with and from the fanfictions I’ve read over the years, I’ve commonly seen Chloe Beale’s family represented as a loving and welcoming family, opposite of Beca’s dysfunctional and toxic one. Many of us also have a certain distaste for the way Chloe is portrayed in the second installment. Many of us see someone who had been a beaming light in contrast to our protagonist, get chopped down into replacing another lead character (Aubrey) for dramatics and possible laughter. We also have a dislike towards the idea of Chloe being a complete and utter mess in front of someone in the third film because it feels so out of character for her.

However I firmly believe this isn’t the case. In fact, I think it’s more likely that Chloe too comes from a dysfunctional and toxic family, perhaps even more damaging than Beca’s (depending on your own personal headcanons). I believe that the reactions and behavior in these films that followed the first simply shed a little light on our beloved character.

I’m mostly going to be drawing examples from the second movie as well as parts of the third, as lot of us have been vocal about our dislike towards Chloe’s outbursts and seemingly out of character reactions. Below is an in depth explanation as to why her reactions in this extensions to the first movie might not be so far fetched and why the above comment regarding Chloe’s family is more likely than not.

“This [the Bellas] has been my family for 7 years.”

This is something spewed from Chloe’s mouth with fear and frustration towards Beca, who is so ready to move away from the Bellas and college life. It feels a little dramatic, it feels like Chloe should just move on already, and begin her life after college as so many of us do after we graduate.

However, this isn’t the case for Chloe. She’s clinging onto something that feels her family; something I suspect she wouldn’t otherwise do if she came from a nurturing home filled with love and acceptance. This idea that she has that she has to fail in order to be a Bella, to be part of a family, and to call a place home just comes from the fact that she’s longed for such a thing. Again, something someone wouldn’t do if they came from a place that provided such things beforehand.

It explains Chloe’s intensity in the second film, explains her lashing out. She feels the only family she has is going to slip through her fingers in a matter of months (or whatever time is left). She’s desperate to hold onto anything, to hold on to any piece of something that feels just a little like family. She attaches so intensely to anything and anyone, specifically the Bellas (and arguably Beca, regardless whether those feelings are romantic or not). Not to mention, why ever move on when all you’ve known is home and school? Where school is a safety net and an escape from whatever trouble looms over at home and anything else feels daunting or terrifying, because school has sort of turned into this place associated with family.

“And without the Bellas then my life will have had no... meaning!”

A quote that, personally, made my chest constrict. What a dreadful thought for Chloe to have, what kind of life had Chloe been living until the Bellas? There’s something to unpack here, something that comes from feelings of uselessness that makes me want to wrap Chloe into a blanket and protect her.

It’s other comments from her that also make me question Chloe’s family and the place she comes from.

“This group is my life.”

“I’ve intentionally failed Russian Lit three times so I could be a Bella.”

Considering Chloe has been able to attend college for 7 years, I’m going to lean towards a more emotional disconnection within and from her parents rather than a physical disconnect or abuse. A type of family that’s love is filled with expectations and conditions, filled with secrets behind closed doors, and a “control your emotions” type of growing up. At the same time, the type of family where Chloe’s the last child to go to college, the least cared about because her parents already have successful children and there’s bound to be a fluke (potentially causing feelings of inadequacy and uselessness). This gives Chloe to ability to continue to attend college for so long.  

I think there’s a lot of superficial things going on in the family. Her mom perhaps finding romance with someone else while her father is away on business (which is frequent) and Chloe seeing it. Being told to keep the affair quiet or else and watching her father continue to be loyal towards someone Chloe’s not entirely sure deserves it. Superficial expectations like keeping a proper image of oneself and being sure appease others because, perhaps, that is what a woman is to do in her family.

(But that’s just my personal opinion and you’re free to feel and headcanon whatever you’d like. This is just for explanation sake and my own personal thoughts.)

Which, could very well explain Chloe’s attraction to someone like Aubrey, who becomes (what we assume) her best friend throughout the years. Someone like Aubrey is familiar with rules, attention to detail, traditional habits, and “if you fail, give up, and never try again” type. It explains her tolerance for what many of us would never tolerate from someone we consider our best friend (or anyone at all).

It also explains her attraction Beca (again, romantic or platonic). She’s drawn towards someone who’s a little jaded by the world, a little closed off just like her family, and stubborn in her ways, regardless if they’re healthy habits or not (just like Aubrey). Beca feels familiar to her family, but not so much so that Chloe fears her or feels the need to run the other direction. She sees a person who is unafraid to speak her mind, to do whatever she wants, and to feel whatever she pleases without worrying about other people. Chloe admires those things so intensely and so freely. And Chloe doesn’t want Beca to feel the loneliness she has felt for so long and so deeply, she wants Beca to feel listened to and accepted, especially within this family Chloe is trying to build (specifically in the first movie). She doesn’t want Beca to shut the world out like, perhaps, her own family.

In return, Beca makes her feel confident and safe. Beca that helps her find a family that she refuses to leave for 3 years, because without Beca, the Bellas might not have continued to be together after Chloe’s first senior year. Beca helps Chloe find safety in a new family, something she’s been craving for so long. Together they have these wonderful, amazing girls who create a house that’s filled with love and acceptance, a place where life is found in every corner of the house. A stark contrast to what Chloe grew up with.

“You know, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t do enough experimenting in college.”

And it’s Beca who shatters that safety into pieces when Chloe whispers those words and feelings she’s probably been so afraid to admit.

How could a Beale ever stray from ‘tradition’ and the American Dream? In a family that holds certain expectations, Chloe might never have actually been with anyone but men. It might have always been “men or hit the road” kind of thing and without having anyone to fall back on - and perhaps still holding love and respect for her parents because that’s just the kind of person she is (again, family is everything to Chloe) - she’s too afraid to stray from what’s expected.

But one could admit such questions and desires if surrounded by people such as the Bellas, those who offer such a safe landing. One could admit those feelings to an especially trusted person with others around to fall back on if the worst possible outcome comes true. And so Chloe does. She admits those feelings and Beca waves it off.

Being brought up the way she had, where your own personal feelings come second to the image you need to show the world, it’s easier for her to swallow whatever personal emotion she has in reaction to Beca’s “you’re so weird.” It’s easy to just smile and say “thanks.” When the reality of the situation is she’s been dealing with this internalized fear and possible self-hate.

“I just love, love.”

A scene which has many of us irritated had been the interaction between Chicago and Chloe. Chloe, who had been so confident in the shower scene (although, arguably she had the upper hand over Beca, but that’s another conversation to be had), now standing in front of a man, being a complete and total ‘fool’. Arguably, it could very well be said that through her own growth, and very much thanks to Beca, Chloe has been able to move on from being confident about her body, to being confident about her thoughts and feelings. Beca had been almost like a guiding light for Chloe in that sense; showing her that she too could say what she wants without worrying about others expectations. Again, having that safety net that is the Bellas makes Chloe feel a little more free to do and act how she feels.

TL;DR Chloe’s family isn’t loving or nurturing, it’s filled with expectations and demands to hold up an image. It explains her intense need to be a part of Bellas and stick around for so long instead of moving on with her life as well as her attraction to people like Aubrey and Beca.

#chloe beale #pitch perfect #bechloe #u: pitch perfect #mine: writing #long post #character analysis

[vanderlinde-gang]

RDR2 Character Zodiac Sign Analysis Pt. I

*MAJOR SPOILERS for those who are still playing the game

*All completely theoretical on my behalf, so please do not take any of this as fact

*Lengthy read! Beware if you don’t like to read!

*This is a segmented post, so expect more parts of this coming soon!

Ok, so this is the second attempt to write this due to the last one being deleted 😫, but because I love what I do and I really wanted to share this information, I’ve decided to give it a try once more. With that being said, I hope you can enjoy. And please, feel free to comment if you’d like. I love feedback and questions :) ❤️

Anyways, I am very good in astrology and zodiac signs, been studying it for a while, however, I’m not a master in it—yet. I also have a keen interest in the functionality of the human mind and human behavior so I like to study people in general. I used to want to be a psychotherapist but I love writing and telling stories too much. Anyway here is my analysis on what I think the signs of the Red Dead Redemption 2 characters are. I will explain as much as I can on why I think these signs match the characters and give a few examples as well. Although it is highly possible that I may not be accurate, if at all, I still would like to think that I am very close to it. So, bare with me:

Taurus ♉️ The Bull

- Dutch Van der Linde

- Tilly Jackson

Taurus people are stubborn, superficial but on the other end, also practical and well grounded types. They can be possessive and materialistic, almost to an obsession, however, they can also be very sensual and reliable at times. They are the kind of people who seem to have serious trust issues and can not let go of things when they’re in their feelings almost as if they take everything to heart. They may be the really annoying grudge holders but their friendship and loyalty is worth while.

In my opinion, Tilly and Dutch have a few characteristics of Taurus displayed over the course of the story, especially Dutch.

So....

This quote “this is an unfortunate being that has to wander the Earth in order to find freedom” is pretty relevant to how Dutch is portrayed in the game.

———————————————————————

“They are loyal and don't like sudden changes, criticism or the chase of guilt people are often prone to, being somewhat dependable on other people and emotions they seem to be unable to let go of” This can definitely describe Dutch’s personality. During his mental slip, he is constantly bringing his own men into a slew of trouble only to reel in their unforgiving loyalty for him. And if either of them threatens or questions his way of practicality, he becomes a bit irrational in his response.

Dutch was also an advocate believer in loyalty, often preaching about it during camp interactions and even conditioning the others to believe in what he sees of it. Although he may not have been as loyal to his fellow men as he’d expected them to be with him (at least during the climax of the story), I believe that he once was before, which prevailed him as a great leader in their eyes.

When Dutch began to lose his sanity, slowly but surely, he became quite dependent on that loyalty from his men, even willing to have some of them killed off if they’d disagree to conform to his insanity. In fact, Arthur and John’s distrust of him, alone, helped pushed him further into becoming a ruthless maniac. He could not accept his own flaws and would instead, justify his actions with irrational and nonsensical raps about loyalty.

In fact, this sudden change of life as an outlaw, in the days of the new era, in the last year of the Old Western century where civilization and industrialism began to rise, were the very reasons Dutch lost grips with reality in the first place. But they weren’t the only reasons to consider.

———————————————————————

“these individuals have the ability to bring a practical voice of reason in any chaotic and unhealthy situation” Tilly’s personality is a good example of this. In a few camp interactions with the women of the group, she is often the voice of reason when the others become frustrated or rightfully aggravated. For example, she tells Karen that things will change for the better if she’d desired for them to do so. She believes that you are in control of your own happiness and the betterment of your surroundings.

However, Karen disagrees with her as she can only see the present reality around them which left little room for change, especially for women. While Karen’s argument was realistic, Tilly reasoned why her pessimistic views were invalid, challenging Karen’s perception.

Tilly also tried to reason why she thought Grimshaw was right for what she did in a bad situation resulting in Molly’s death. When Mary Beth asked her about it, even though she was most likely in a state of conditioning, she justified Grimshaws actions by applying rational thought into “the rules of the camp”, which appeared to have gone against her moral coding. Although they do not always follow morality, rules are rules, and they are justifiable by way of standards formed by a group of people. In a single logic, it is rational to follow moral codes. In a group logic, it is rational to follow the rules.

Molly’s death may also show how loyalty was defined in Dutch’s standards. The “rules” of the camp are implied only at this point of the story. Perhaps they were set in place just to justify away Dutch’s false constructed rendition of loyalty for the benefit of his need for self worth.

And speaking of Dutch, he, himself, was also quite a voice of reason whenever the gang ran into difficult and chaotic situations, usually being well grounded about it. He was always the one planning a practical way out of the situation rather than to question it, panic or give in.

So in my take, Tilly and Dutch were often the most level-headed people of the gang.

———————————————————————

Taurus people are quoted to be “overprotective, conservative, or materialistic at times, with views of the world founded on their love of money and wealth” which implores both Tilly and Dutch’s personalities. Tilly even expressed these traits during a few camp interactions by mentioning that she was more into the superficial way of life, preferring to associate with people and things of that nature. Later in the story, she even marries a wealthy lawyer.

Dutch was also quite materialistic, having quite a lust for money throughout the entire gang. It was also heavily implied that it wasn’t even necessary most of the time for the gang to collect huge amounts of money he insisted upon, completing many unnecessary heists and, once again, putting his own men at risk. One heist would’ve done the trick for what Dutch explained as his plan. Money was definitely not much of a necessity for the gang at all. There have been times where I thought Dutch was obsessed with money as he talked about it so often.

He was also a man of extravagance, chasing after fancy living and lifestyle. His apparel was also noticeably sophisticated, keeping at bay a clean wealthy appearance and style. However, I believe Dutch had more of a taste for high expenses rather than fashion (unlike Javier).

———————————————————————

Now this: “To find love, a Taurus has to travel the world, change perspective or make a shift in their entire belief system and their system of values” I feel is a very important quote! It beautifully sums up everything that I’ve explained about both Dutch and Tilly’s personalities within the story. Although this quote may state that Taurus people will often do this by adapting into some sort of change or enhancement for the sake of love, this does not only apply to just romance. Love could also mean a purpose in life, acceptance or human consolidation, anything that may be valuable to the growth and/or purpose of that person.

Dutch is a traveling type. Regardless of having to move around due to the heinous crimes he’d committed, he came off as an adventurous man. He was in a constant battle with his flaws, with his perception of the world, his beliefs and self worth, he often shifted around in his head, trying to find ways to suit his spiraling sanity. He was also into worldly philosophies which contributes to the traits of his personality. He liked to hear others opinions and thoughts in order to change or challenge his for the better. He embraced human evolution. And human evolution often comes from experience and adventure.

In order to stay level-headed, Tilly often challenged her realistic views by rationalizing them in a more positive prospective. When things became difficult, she calculated her options with positive reasoning, an outlook that was still realistic but practical with a solution. I assume that Tilly was pretty young while all of those Van der Linde gang shenanigans were going on, so while I still believe she is a Taurus, I also believe that her personality was still forming, and it is difficult to say what her true beliefs and values were. However, she was still a very practical and somewhat materialistic type of person.

Dutch and Tilly were both more than willing to make room for what they’d find valuable for their own personal growth. Individually, Dutch wanted acceptance, love and loyalty and Tilly wanted reason and purpose.

Zodiac sign quotes found here.

#rdr2 #dutch van der linde #tilly jackson #red dead redemption 2 #zodiac signs #rdr2 zodiac signs #character analysis #my take #taurus #dutch is a gahdayum taurus #imore learn more. be more. #vanderlinde gang

[musicallisto]

☠ Dork of a Best Friend (Dan Pierce)

anon requested: Maybe like a ilitw dan x mc where they aren’t together yet and dan is jealous of one of the other guys relationship with the mc and so he watches as they flirt with mc but finally tells her how he feels. Angst at first then whatever you want in the end (just as long as they end up together :) )

word count: 2000+ words

summary: In which Dan tries to concile all the contradictory feelings in his heart, including his very weird attraction for his best friend and his anger when seeing her with Noah.

author notes: Jealousy, a little bit of angst but not much, happy ending! :)

It started out as a silly, middle-grader crush, really. Dan was sure of it. He couldn’t have had feelings for her before, even minor - it was when he entered ninth grade and people all around him started to make a real fuss about dating and love. But as a ninth grader, Dan had no idea about love or its intricate physics, so he didn’t really pay attention to the mixed signals his mind and body sent him when he made eye contact with his childhood best friend. He restrained the intrusive thoughts in the middle of a History class that reminded him of how beautiful she had gotten over the summer once again and shot down the butterflies in his stomach when their fingers brushed oh-so-lightly. He ignored it all, convinced it would go away, that he was just too attached to Devon - in a friendly way, of course. What other way could it be? - and it would go away with time when he would start to understand a little more about girls.

Four years later, he was almost done with high school and still had no idea about girls nor the mixed signals he got around Devon.

Especially not the nausea and irrepressible need to punch something or someone whenever he saw Noah and Devon together, pressed on a couch at a house party none of them really wanted to attend, killing time by telling endless stories. Dan had observed them more than once, smiling at each other timidly in the hallways and meeting after school to take a walk through the town, keeping a respectable distance to the woods, as though they were something sacred and redoubtable. He had seen Noah shudder when his eyes wandered off and found the tall shadow of the trees, and he had seen Devon place a comforting hand on his shoulder and worriedly scan his face. He didn’t have any right to feel this way - Noah had always been Devon’s favorite, and as far as he could remember, she had always had a sweet, young crush on the boy with cold, denim laughs and mud eyes. Dan was the one Devon had told about her attraction, a seven-year-old little girl smiling proudly “I’m going to marry Noah! But don’t tell him!” - and Dan had always been relegated to the background, to the role of the best friend, the adviser, and never to be more.

He couldn’t possibly tell her the truth. He couldn’t possibly tell her that he feared the young woman smiling proudly had captured his heart and would never give it back.

So he stayed silent. Kept quiet. It was what he had always done, and what he was best at; not saying a word, pretending everything was under control, when in reality he was falling down a rabbit hole every day and had no roots, no miraculous stone to hang onto and climb his way back. He played football every day, more than he ever had, surrounded himself with the most popular, the most superficial he could find, those who could help him forget. Numb. He skipped more than a few sessions with his psychiatrist, claiming he wasn’t feeling well one day, he had to focus on his work another, he had football practice yet another.

And before he knew it, a thousand empty smiles and filled red cups had replaced the one brimming smiled he had ever cared about.

They stopped talking. It was a soft process, there were no arguments, no insults nor knives thrown to the chest, no betrayal, no cold shoulder for days. There was no dramatic scene in front of the high school, no running away from a party, eyes watery, escaping from the couples slow-dancing to Creep to the freshness of the night.

It was a soft process. Progressive. Discreet. But it didn’t hurt less. Actually, it probably was the most painful way Dan could have ever ended his friendship with his long-time crush. It was crossing her path in the hallways, the two too timid, too ashamed to say hi, to even look at each other. It was abnormal, straight stares, up ahead, avoiding at all costs the football jersey and the whimsical brown curls. It was the disappointment in Devon’s shoulders, slumping sadly after Noah informed her that for the first time in years, Dan had come home without her. It was Dan’s parents’ perplexity when Devon’s birthday came up and he refused to call her, vaguely explaining they “hadn’t talked much lately”.

It was just like that. It was what once was the strongest stainless steel bridge between two children that was rusting, attacked, bitten by the claws of time, of misunderstandings, of jealousy, and of trials. And it was painful because, even if they would have never admitted it, preferring showing their powerful side to their respective friends, both silently hoped that the other would have the courage to build back the bridge.

But the bridge remained hopelessly collapsed for three years of high school.

And as ridiculous as he sounded at the unhealthy hours of the morning, tossing and turning in the middle of yet another insomnia, he couldn’t help seeing Noah standing on the other side of the broken bridge, far, far away from him, his arm surrounding Devon’s shoulder.

He knew Devon had always been brave, loyal, and quite short-tempered; it hadn’t been a difficult aspect of her personality to grasp, only evolving more and more as the years passed. He could remember clearly a nine-year-old standing up for him in the middle of a crowded school playground, overflowing with cruel kids, their mockery, his traumas. He could remember clearly an outraged nine-year-old pointing inquisitive fingers, yelling “shut up! You don’t know anything! Dan is braver than any of you!”. That was how Devon had always been. She stood up for her friends. She never let them behind; she’d rather die than live with the guilt that one of her loved ones was in pain and she had done nothing about it. She stood her ground. Firm. Tough.

And despite that certain portrait of Devon, despite every time she had proven him wrong in the eighteen years he had known her, he didn’t expect her to walk up to him and demand an explanation.

“Hey, Dan, I think it’s about time you tell me what’s going on,” an unmistakable voice suddenly rang in his ears as he was picking up his notebooks in his locker.

A lightning ball struck him in an instant. It had been months since he had heard that voice, bearer of all his most prized childhood memories, of all his courage and hope. It had been months since he had heard her, and maybe even longer since he had last talked to her. He had thousands of things to tell her, millions - but his mouth was dry and his throat obstructed by months of doubt and introspection.

So he kept quiet and simply turned to her.

A crevice had crawled its way to her forehead, showing her worry, and her eyes raced all around his face, searching for the smallest of fissures, the smallest of signs of weakness, anything that could explain his behavior for the past months... but Dan knew her too well, and knew himself too well. He knew she would use any crack to break him to pieces, to have the upper hand, and she wouldn’t leave without it, without an apology or a marble statue at her feet. So he contracted his muscles and remained perfectly still, emotionless.

“What do you mean?” he asked, his voice low, his lips straight, his words blank.

“What do I mean?” she exclaimed, obviously scandalized. Her wrath came in waves and crashed down onto the poor boy, making it harder and harder for him to stay on course. “What do I mean? You’re the one who’s been ignoring me for months for no reason at all! I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you’ve never acted this way before and- and I’ve tolerated but I deserve better than being left on read by my best friend.”

He bitterly retained a laugh. My best friend. How long would it take before she understood? Before she realized? Before she opened her eyes and stopped being so damn clueless, all secluded in her isolated tower? He didn’t want to be her best friend! He liked her!

Stand perfectly still. Emotionless. Over all of that. Over her. He could do it. He had spent months doing it. A second more wouldn’t change anything.

“Let it go,” he sighed, his shoulders slumping as he turned away from the girl, proceeding to stack up his books.

“No. No, I won’t let it go,” she fiercely bit back, leaning one hand on the side of his locker, preventing him from avoiding the confrontation like he had cowardly done for months. “Damn it, Dan, I want to know what’s going on.”

“Nothing’s going on,” the young boy shrugged, his voice more abrupt and cold than he had wanted. “You can go back to your Noah,” he spat.

The two teenagers froze in place. The coldest of silences hung around them, enveloping them in its noxious embrace. Realization was crawling its way up to their two skulls: Dan had only just heard his previous words, which had escaped from his lips like a reflex, a defensive barrier against intruders; and Devon, paralyzed like after the passing of a raging storm, was witnessing all the clouds shatter in her mind, all the gray areas scattering, revealing the true reason why her best friend had stopped talking to her so brusquely.

“So... so that’s why you stopped talking to me?” she asked, softer this time, her voice a single murmur like the unsure whisper of a waterfall. “Because... because I started spending more time with Noah and you were jealous?”

Dan bit his lower lip and closed his eyes, breathing deeply. It was not supposed to go this way. She was going to uncover his secret feelings and it wasn’t the way he would have wanted it; she would laugh, she would mock him, and he would lose her for good this time. All because of Noah!

“I... I thought you were better than that,” she admitted with an incredulous laugh, shaking her head. “So that’s it? You couldn’t bear not being the center of my world so you just... disappeared? Ignored me because I had other friends? I never thought you were that self-cent-”

“You’re really gonna make me say it, aren’t you?” he muttered with a nervous chuckle.

“Say what? That you’re a suppressed narcissist an-”

“That I like you!” he yelled, slamming the door of his locker shut.

And she stood there, immobile, pierced by a knife right through her open chest, lips parted, and he stood there, scanning her furiously, taking his head in his arms and breathing heavily.

“I like you and it’s stupid because I know you like Noah and you’ve always liked Noah and I’ve never been more than the best friend but I was jealous because you spend all your time with him and never with me and I couldn’t stand it anymore and I would understand it if you hated me a-”

Soft, careful hands lifted his chin up and he found himself silent in front of the deepest of concerned browns.

“Why didn’t you just tell me you liked me?”

“Tell you?!” he choked out. “No! You... you would have laughed or told me we are better off as friends or-”

“No,” Devon assured quietly, a sweet shade of pink on her cheeks betraying the nature of her thoughts. “No, because I... I kind of like you too...”

“See, you would’v- wait, what?”

Her laugh tinkled deliciously before she reduced the space between their lips and initiated the sweetest kiss Dan had ever dreamed of. They parted after a few seconds and Dan hadn’t moved a muscle, too stunned to process everything that was going on.

“So... so that means you don’t want to marry Noah anymore?” he stammered, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

Devon giggled, ruffling the boy’s hair affectionately. She had missed her dork of a best friend - and hopefully now, something more.

#it lives in the woods #ilitw #choices #choices stories you play #pixelberry #dan pierce #one shot #dan pierce x mc #mywriting

[maptoourescape]

Hi I just wanted to say I love your blog and I love the way you display Tom's thoughts and mentality. I wanted to ask what do you think about this whole situation with Tom, is it hard to keep roleplaying him and to reenact his thoughts when he has been acting so unusual lately? Do you think he is happy? Keep up the great work! ^^

INTRO &DISCLAIMERNow what I am going to tell you is obviously just how I see the situationpersonally. This might not be the representation of reality whatsoever, eventhough I’d like to think I’m a good judge of character. I don’t know thesepeople. They are, by all means, strangers to me as I am to them. But I DIDhappen to grow up with them, observe them through years of footage, and seemany of their quirks in real life as well whenever I had a fortunateopportunity. Saying that, I feel like even though their stage personas (orwhatever you might call them) are “built strong” sometimes, you can still peekright through them if you have enough of a “people sense”.Look, most folks probably realize that Tom isn’t all that he gives out to be,but they don’t really think about it all TOO much. And honestly, I don’t either- it just comes naturally for me to psychologically evaluate people. And myevaluation of him is that he is full of unresolved issues.I don’t even mean that in a bad way, I really don’t. I just want all the bestfor him. But let’s just say that seeing how his life was up until now, thereare multiple factors that play out in his current “out of character” behavior. Toa certain extent, I can also relate to him in some regard. Similarly to him forexample, I too use a weird sort of humor to hide behind, almost as though it’smy shield, so none of what I’m saying is said in a judgmental manner. We all haveour own issues after all, and that doesn’t make us any lesser.BUT FIRST THING’S FIRSTTalking about humor, let’s just get straight into it, because we have to startsomewhere… Humor is a stress relief weapon by its poetic definition. In Tom’scase, it isn’t any different – only maybe he takes that a few steps further,still. More than just as a casual thing, his jokes are also being used to takethe edge away from what he considers to be serious and/or emotionally intangiblesituations. Why? Because Tom doesn’t appear to be someone who would like to“show his real self” to people in a situation he can’t properly evaluate,unless he knew for SURE they are to be trusted. In other words – he doesn’twant “the emotion that would be shown from him” to be used as a weapon againsthim later on, especially if he doesn’t know what kind of a reaction to expect from thecounterpart. “If you appear vulnerable, this same vulnerability is going to beused against you” is the mentality here – that’s a lesson of sorts that he’s probably learned how to incorporatein his daily life at a very young age already. So deflecting a lot of shit withhumor is basically an act of protecting himself. Same with his manly-manboasting, and all the confident penis commentary, which many people look at justsuperficially, saying that it’s trashy and/or annoying – even though what itreally turns out to be, in my opinion, is a (not all that uncommon) copingmechanism. So the next thing you’d ask would probably be “but what on earth is he copingwith then?” I guess it would be probably safer to ask what he isn’t coping withat this point, because we’re talking about a bunch of things here, all muddledtogether in one big ball of anxiety. Main things to highlight probably include a)fear of abandonment, b) some art of repressed self-consciousness, c) some weird(intrigue by and a fear having lack of?) dominance issue and etc. all the wayto the last letter of the alphabet.I’d say it all started in childhood with his father leaving and being, as faras we know, generally problematic (because honestly, that fucks us divorceekids all up, and it’s so internalized that we don’t even really realize ituntil it hits us in the face as adults, when we are suddenly facing multipledaddy issues all at once lol). Maybe even beforehand, depends on what sort of anupbringing the twins’ parents decided to give them. Then we have the general yearsof complete hell, also generally known as the school days, full of bullies and nasty youngadults with too much time on their hands. We all know the baseball bat stories –need I go into further detail? Then comes the growing up under the spotlight,of course – the unusual puberty they had to go through, as Gustav so nicely putit in the documentary – and being pushed into a harsh ass business at such ayoung age… just basically dealing with a bunch of stuff that kids usually haveno place dealing with, and maybe learning some lessons that normal people onlyget to really learn in their 20s or 30s. Namely how it is to be working with allthe wrong people, and probably having at least some sort of taste of a betrayalon a professional, working level etc.If there is one thing, one lesson that ties all of these separate life erastogether to make a nice whole, it’s one of how you have to be careful aroundpeople, and how forming trusting relationships isn’t a very simple task,whatsoever. Between parents leaving, peers bullying you, media shitting on youand the industry silently pulling their own strings behind your back – oh, andhave I mentioned stalkers and the literal walls they had to build around theirhouse in order to keep them at bay? which didn’t work anyway because their private space WAS invaded by gross people? – I guess you pretty damn quicklystart losing your naïveté. Or well, if not that, at least your trust in prettymuch anyone that hasn’t been with you since the very, very beginning.And then comes, obviously, the relationship he had with Ria.Now, again, everything I’m saying is based purely on my speculation from mereobservation. I don’t actually know any of the people they associate with either.But the vibe I got from his relationship with Ria was honestly… not that bad inthe beginning. I think that, at least at the start, she was really, really goodfor him. And that he got even more attached to her eventually, because she wasthere when he emotionally needed her most (read: the big move to the USA,stalker problems and lack of motivation to keep being in a band from all thepressure…). I also think that he kind of thought this relationship was really“it”, you know? As years went on though, just as any other relationship, theirsseemed to have become this sort of “routine” as well. And we all know that feeling, don’twe? If not from our own experience, then from some of our friends’ experiencesat least? The feeling when the stomach butterflies die down, and the initialeuphoria just settles into a still?My take on it is that he really, REALLY tried a LOT to make it work, even afterit sort of started “crumbing down” for whatever reason. I feel like he feltsuper comfortable with her BECAUSE they’ve been together for so long. Maybe itbecame a sort of a routine for him too, but it was one he definitely sought toupkeep. Tom didn’t want to let go of her. Because ruining what he had with herwould mean “having to find someone new”. And “having to find someone new” wouldmean “having to open up to someone again” – something that isn’t all that easyfor him to do, for the already before mentioned reasons.Pretty sure we all know about some infidelity speculations being rumored tohave been going down between them as well, especially from her side. Andhonestly, that would explain a thing or two about how his behavior has changedin the time ever since they’ve officially broken up. I obviously do not knowthe specifics, but I’ll be damned if I don’t realize it takes two in order toa) form a relationship, but also b) in order to not fix it if it goes south.Doubtlessly, none of the two was a complete saint. And doubtlessly they bothhave their own character flaws. But though dubious in its legitimacy, hersupposed infidelity really ties well with what’s happening right now, in thismoment. Just think about it… Yet another massive betrayal. Another one of themassive disappointments he experienced along his life’s journey. This onecoming from someone he perhaps even considered to be his (other) life partner.Only now that we got the mere basics down can I finally start bringing upShermine, and the point of this entire conversation anyway: his “change” asbrought up with his dynamic with Heidi. Because I really think that in order toproperly understand why I think this Klum relationship is toxic, you firstneeded my quick review of “the entire story”.BACK TO THE POINT AT HAND NOW I don’t think the Shermine relationship was honestly all that different fromthe one Tom has with Heidi now. I can’t claim to know the reasons why itprobably “didn’t all work out with Sher” (besides the obvious fact that thiswas never a relationship in its full meaning of the word, but rather just whatpeople usually call “an affair”), but it might have been them just beingseparated by where they lived and what not – or maybe also Shermine seeing howmuch of a “child” Tom really was in certain regards. It’s not like she was thisperfect example of maturity either, mind you, having to constantly post hintsabout how she’s together with him and what not, but at the end of the day, Isort of feel she got more tired of HIS bullshit than vice versa. And by “hisbullshit” (again, not meant to be judging) I mean this strange passivity that has been surrounding him recently (examples and explanations coming up). If someone on twitter now points out how “unlikeTom it is to let Heidi post on social media about him,” another person then instantlyyells out saying “why do you care, if he apparently doesn’t care anymoreeither!”And to me, it is exactly THAT that is the concerning factor anyway.People are, in a strange way, right when they shout “Tom doesn’t care aboutbeing public anymore!” but they don’t look deep enough into it to see theproblem behind it. Yes, it’s true – if Tom wouldn’t want to be posted on socialmedia, then his old enough, almost 29 year old ass could’ve just told Heidi to NOTfucking do it. So yeah, you know what? Most probably, he’s NOT stopping her.But him “not being bothered to go against it” doesn’t mean he’s automaticallyokay with it. Those two are not mutually exclusive. What I see in his behavior right now - that is also something that’s seemingly been there forever since he’s been hooking up with Shermine too - is mindlessness, carelessnessand a complete disregard for what he used to stand for in regards to his “morals”.May I note that I can also see he has this sort of complete disregard abouthimself floating around as well? He appears to be very passive, and seems asthough he really just isn’t putting any thought into… well, pretty muchanything he’s doing… like ANYTHING, whatsoever. And yes, I realize that “people can change,” and that Tom too could’ve just aseasily had a spiritual awakening, and was suddenly like “you know what, I’m NOTgonna stress about being on social media that much anymore, and I’m NOT goingto stress about being in the press…”. But the thing is – these sorts of thingsdon’t just happen overnight. Especially not with the life he’s been leading andhow much it’s been fucking him up along the way at times. You don’t go fromwanting complete privacy because of your own very legitimate paranoia, to goingto an Amfar Whatever Gala event in front of millions of press to out yourrelationship, just like he did. You don’t go from avoiding cameras as much ashumanly possible to vacantly stare at a paparazzi’s Canon in the distance inorder to see if it’s getting the right shot of you and your new so calledgirlfriend. This sort of mental change CAN obviously happen. But overtime, and usually– dare I suggest? – with therapy (which we are bringing back up later). By myinterpretation of how he is as a person though, I don’t think this “transition”was something that happened in an exactly healthy way. More than seeing Tom as “careless but happy,” (as people paint him out to be), Iright now see him as being “careless and confused”. Numb, even. Out of placeAnd “out of place” is a phrase to describe him best when it comes to how helooks like as soon as Heidi’s around.VAGUELY EXPLAINED CAMP EXPERIENCE INSERTI’ve been there on this Camp, and the way he reacted to literally everything –people, his surroundings, most everything you can imagine – changed bizarrelyas soon as he knew she was around. It’s almost like he was being nearbypetrified. I have no idea why either. One would think that if you’re datingHeidi Klum, you’d want to show her off or something. Or at least be ascomfortable with her as on (play pretend or not) all those paparazzi photos that keep popping up. Especiallywhen literally NONE of the campers really cared for her presence there, so it wasn’t like he was afraid for her wellbeing or whatever. So no, no psycho had the intention to attack her, literally no one cared, but Tom still just turned into this… anxious little mess?Mind you, when I saw her arrive, my mind was also still open. I was like, “ya knowwhat, all of their other family and friends are being so lovely – Georg’s gf who justjoined in on the activities, and Gustav’s wife too, just supporting her hubbyand speaking to the fans… maybe Heidi’s going to prove everyone wrong and bereally lovely”. But honestly, from the moment she entered the Camping grounds, you couldFEEL the atmosphere drop.Never mind the fact that she was having a stare-down with many fans (includingmyself) for no apparent reason, which I still do not understand… From where Iwas sitting, she was making it very damn obvious she wanted to just “geteveryone’s attention”. Her glares were basically daring us “to go spread theword that she arrived”, and when we wouldn’t care (because surprise surprise,we weren’t there for her, so obviously no one really cared?) she would stare atus even weirder. But as I said, that in itself isn’t all that important. What Ineed to convey is how insanely uncomfortable TOM appeared to be when she wasaround.(As a side note, I also feel like we all kinda expected a huge ass party to godown on the last day of Camp, seeing how on the previous few days, the guyswould kinda leave at latest 2 in the morning – which made sense, becauseeveryone knew they were gonna have responsibilities the next day. But literallynothing was planned for Monday morning, and I felt like everyone was superpumped about the guys finally having an opportunity to party with us reallylong and really proper. Only, you know, that never really happened. And I daresay it was mainly because of Klum.)I digress, at some point of the evening after the firework finale, the twins actually came tothe counter in order to hang out with people (after they’ve left to refresh first, leaving people confused as to if they were even returning), and I thought “Yay, maybe they’ve actually joined us again to party like everyone kinda expected, so that’s great!”. But no suchluck. It was there exactly - at the counter - where the difference of how Tomis without her around VS when she IS around became so prominent. Only a nightearlier, the guys would stay behind the counter for AGES, just interacting,taking pictures, drinking, having a good time… on Sunday, they weren’t therefor even 10 minutes, before leaving towards a backstage area of sorts. I sawher being at the counter for a while as well, with literally no one botheringher whatsoever, but she eventually disappeared, initially making me think “Oh, maybeshe’ll just mingle with people, go chat up Georg’s GF or something… maybe thisevening is actually gonna be bomb!”. But her leaving simply resulted in Tom REPEATEDLYpressing Bill into “going to the backstage area”.Tom looked NOTHING like the night before. He was TRYING to interact with somefans, but was mostly just looking really out of place. It happened on at least3 separate occasions in those short ten minutes, that he would poke Bill atevery opportunity he got, just to press him into going to the stage area. Hekept on elbowing Bill whenever the other would turn around to get somethingfrom the fridge, pointing to the stage, looking vaguely lost, not really payingproper attention to his surroundings. Bill was visibly giving hints that he “wantedto just stay for a while longer,” even going as far as showing Tom his drink asthough he were to say “lemme at least finish this first?” until Tom eventuallyprevailed and they actually decided to move to where she was – to the infamousbackstage area. Again, I thought that maybe they had plans on going on stage to the DJs again(seeing how they did that on the nights before), maybe give one last propergoodbye to people before mingling in the crowd some further. But that neverhappened. Honestly, thinking back on it, it was kind of bizarre to think theyjust huddled up in the little space behind the stage. They wouldn’t even pull acurtain to have some sort of privacy – if you went behind the stage, you couldliterally just see them interact there, being all secluded from the rest of thepeople. More secluded than on the previous day when it was raining cats anddogs but they STILL made the effort to just hang around with all of us! The situation lefta bitter taste in my mouth, because at that point I KNEW that if she wasn’tthere, the party would have been so insanely different, so insanely cool. Ifelt bad for Bill, who was just longingly looking onto the stage, taking videosof it – he gave off the vibe that we wanted to go party, but (for some bizarrereason) “couldn’t”. It felt as though hedecided he would rather stick to the out-of-place-looking Tom, which Ihonestly, at the end of the day, can’t really blame him for.Not even half an hour later, the golf carts arrived to pick them up, and that washonestly so strange to observe too. Not even once in the whole entire weekend did Ihave a feeling of them rushing anywhere. Whenever the boys would arrive orleave with the carts, whenever they’d change locations, they would always honkand scream around, letting everyone know what they were up to, shooting people with water pistols if in range even. But suddenly then, the golf cart had topark backwards towards the stage in order for them to “have a clear and quickstart”. There was no honking, no proper goodbyes we were used to from theearlier days. They just kinda… drove off. And I know for a damn FACT that itwouldn’t have been like that if it wouldn’t be for her. I wish this would just be me – that this would just be a plot of my own damnimagination. Because I WISH she wasn’t a cunt, for Tom’s sake obviously. But Ihave talked to a bunch of people, and they have all had their separateexperiences, most of which only furthermore confirmed how I see the situation. Factsare these: 1. Heidi was there for the obvious reason of getting our (thefans’), as well as the media’s attention. 2. She was acting all high andmighty, as well as really possessive (even jealous at some moments, which is sosuper bizarre to think about), and it wasn’t a good look. 3. And I don’t knowwhy EXACTLY, but as soon as she was around, Tom ALWAYS sort of froze on spot.Look, I don’t know, maybe he’s just intrigued by that sort of dynamic and getsoff on it, and just doesn’t want to publically admit that he “likes herdemanding demeanor”. But yo, even if that was the case – at the end of the day thatdoesn’t make the whole relationship any less toxic. OKAY, TO THE CORE NOWShe has subtle manipulation tactics down to the T. I can tell, because I knowhow to use those in my advantage as well. And you’ve probably had this happento you too, mostly without even realizing it. It comes to the surface in a waywhere some parents make their kids feel bad for “not cleaning up the dishes”for example. Instead of demanding “it gets done because otherwise they’ll beconsequences”, some choose the more toxic approach of emotional manipulation,saying things like “don’t worry, it’s fine, what’s another hour more to my nineto five working schedule anyway?” It’s in the way that one friend of yours says“oh okay” without a smiley face when you cancel on going out with them. It’swhen something comes out of people’s mouths, and the meaning is dubious.Something that is meant to make you walk the line between “but is it reallyokay?” and “I feel uncomfortable that you feel uncomfortable, so let me help”.  Her entire presence just screams that demeanor,and I don’t doubt I’m right in this. She probably even pulled something like that in that counter scenario I was talking about too, going like “oh you go hang out with fans, I’ll just be there… having my drink…” The question now remains if Tom is oblivious to these attitudes or not.Honestly, both yes and no seem like a legitimate answer to me in this case.Neither of the twins seem to really be capable of a good “evaluation” when itcomes to perception in regards to human character. They’re not short inadmitting that themselves either, and said it numerous times that this is whysongs like “Never let you down” happened to exist in the first place. But italso makes sense if we again tie it with the fact that they had a puberty muchunlike ours is. Meeting people was always sort of arranged in their world, so gettingto know someone spontaneously isn’t really an experience that’s been followingthem ever since they were socially capable of “making their own friends”. Can’tsay that that’s a concept that’s completely alien to them, having lived in theUSA for so long now and what not, but we also can’t say they have as many experiences withit as someone who had a “normal lifestyle” either.I’d say Tom is intelligent enough to realize what’s going on, but simply toonumb to do anything about it. What’s more, maybe he even enjoys this sort ofdynamic.“But why,” you might ask “would anyone enjoy this sort of manipulative dynamic?”Honestly, I feel what he likes about it is that someone’s taking away hisresponsibilities to himself. It basically feels as though you’re giving the reins to your insides into the possession of someone else - someone who you feel can makethe most out of them when you obviously couldn’t. And even if they couldn’t exactly “makethe best out of it” – Tom’s been steering himself for too long, only torepeatedly be faced with complete disappointment on the roads he’s taken. It’snot like he cares what happens anymore, as long as he gets to feel at leastsomewhat at peace. So why not let someone else “take his life into their ownhands”? Why not be the follower of someone who seems to not be bothered by literallyeverything he usually stands against? Someone who seemingly had more luck inlearning about how to cope with this reality that is “being famous and beingshat on”.My conclusion drawn from what I’ve experienced and heard is that she “keeps himon a short leash,” while simultaneously trying to boost her own importance andego as they go. From what I see, he is being very much so infatuated with her,but I wouldn’t dare calling that love by any means. Yet another heated affair,if anything. I think he really lost himself along the way of people fucking himup in his life (especially since the breakup he had with Ria), so he isn’treally thinking straight anymore at all. He’s just going with the flow, doingwhatever the fuck he wants to, fucking whoever the fuck he wants to, and hasthis little rebellious side of him tell him to “fuck the rest”.Which WOULD be a good thing – fuck the haters, imma do my thing and stuff… Onlyif he wouldn’t be doing it out of all the wrong reasons. Namely what seems tobe a desperate attempt and need to just “change himself for the better” because“he isn’t a weak ass motherfucker”.I feel like he has quite some problems with the concept of vulnerability. He has this sort of a persona built up which he strives to be, but really isn’t– basically a sort of an alpha male persona – and right now, he’s probably sofar off in his head, that he just wants to desperately fit this picture perfectimage of himself, no matter how many broken pieces are waiting for him to berepaired on the inside. He wants to prove that “he’s better and stronger” tohimself, as well as to everyone around him. He’s ignoring his issues, pushingthem aside, thinking that “ignoring” his problems is better than to face them,“because after all, facing them only ever brought him pain and anguish anyway”…But holdingthings inside like that, suppressing all the negatives by all means necessary…I think most people realize how bad this can get – a person turning into aliving ticking time bomb that can be triggered into an explosion at any time. Hemight be feeling happy now, in this moment of bliss he’s created for himself,just ignoring everything that’s been eating away at him from the inside, neverletting it surface. But you can only keep your demons at bay for so long,before they come haunting you again, with even more vigor.Prolonging the inevitable in this way is pretty much the most horrible idea onthe long run you can have. But Tom isn’t thinking on the long run. He’s thinking “peaceof mind, now, or I’m gonna lose it”.I don’t know what it is that triggered this “obsession to be okay”. Maybe hewants to be spiteful to Ria. Maybe he wants to prove to her “how much betteroff he can be without her” and “what a changed and open man he has become”.Maybe it’s not even Ria. Maybe he just can’t deal with being without SOME sortof a sexual partner, because it makes him feel like a failure. Maybe he cravesa sort of intimacy he used to have, but is now gone, so he fills his time withwhat he thinks is “second best”. Who knows. It could be a number of things, andmany more than I can probably never even think of.At the end of the line, my personal perception of what he’s doing is that it’s –and I’ve repeated myself in this wordall too many times now – toxic. No matter the reason why he’s doing it. I thinkhe would be better off alone for a while, and, if not getting therapy, at leastletting himself have some breathing space, and just give himself a second toheal from whatever is gnawling at him. Heal from whatever seems to be “pushinghim” from the inside to be this perfect ideal self he so desperately seems towant to be. AND BEFORE I FINISHLet us just quickly dive into this one last important element of this dynamic –namely where Bill comes in, and how it all comes together at the end of the day. If we assume I am at least vaguely correct in my interpretationof things, it’s obvious that there’s no way in hell that Bill would be blind to somethingnot being entirely as it “should be” with Tom. Clearly if even we as fans can perceiveTom as being out of character, how on earth would then his twin miss it?Doubtlessly, no matter the partnership any of the two had/have with anotherperson, it will always affect BOTH twins in one way or another.So how do we explain this undying enthusiasm Bill seems to be sprouting everytime Heidi posts yet another picture of Tom on her social media.Well, there’s a few rough possibilities I see here.1. First would of course be realizing that social media is meant to feed uscontent that isn’t always the exact representation of how the reality is. Whoknows if Bill’s endless heart emojis really are as heartfelt as we imagine themto be in the first place. But I digress. I sincerely think Bill’s not fakinghis enthusiasm. Most of all because his idolizing when it comes to Heidi reallyseems to know no bounds. Which leads me straight into the more possible optionnumber two.

2. Billsort of admiring and romanticizing the relationship Tom and Heidi have – to thepoint where he thinks Tom feeling out of place is just sort of his imagination…Because “how in the world could this picture perfect scenario ever be hidingsomething less than PERFECT”. Bill is like that – the romanticizing idealist.And I bet he has this one picture in his head of how Heidi is, and doesn’tstray from it, even if there’s weird signs that she might not be all heimagines, and no matter what other people might suggest in order to persuadehim. Stubborn. The twins are so. Damn. Stubborn.3. What I imagine most – or well, wish to imagine, hoping that Bill isn’t toolost in his ideals in regards to Heidi – is that Bill actually tried talking toTom about what’s wrong, but Tom refusing to tell him, continuously saying that“all is fine” as he probably does so many times with his manly-manpersona up. And then Bill letting it slide, just being as happy as possible forhim, even though he knows something’s up. Because what else is he to do anyway?STUBBORN, REMEMBER?

Whatever itmight be – at the end of the day it’s really sort of exhausting how the twinsjust give each other concession over and over again. Recently, an old interviewresurfaced where they talked about how “they don’t need therapy, because theyhave each other”. Well, with both of them so stubborn and both of them so damnproud, with both of them being unable to take a sincere word of advice as anythingbut a personal attack… Of course they prefer each other over someone else withperspective. Because a therapist would not massage their egos as they do to oneanother. A therapist wouldn’t let them drown in pity and join in on their spitelike it’s their own. Because that wouldn’t resolve anything.Relying solely on someone that is also really similarly fucked up might makeyou not feel alone, but it sure as hell won’t drag you out of shit. They’re eachother’s excuse, constantly, probably unknowingly only dragging each other downwhen it’s really bad. Instead of telling the other “no, you need to dosomething about yourself, you’ve been down in the gutter for too long”they probably just go “yes, that person did a horrible thing, and I’llcontinue hate them with you while we wallow in our joined self-pity”. Whatthey would need is to challenge each other more, and not just give one anothermore silent vigor to just stay miserable…OUTROBut, hey, this is where I stop babbling, even though I feel I didn’t evenremotely scrape the surface, or tell everything that’s been building up insideme lately.I’ve been debating with myself if I should really go into such excruciating detailregarding my thoughts on Tom – mostly because I don’t think traumas ofdescribed sort are something to discuss online in such a manner, no matter if true or not. In a way, Ifeel protective, because the mere potential of my thoughts being correct gives me a nasty feeling of this being a text of “exposure”. Butthen again, the internet is getting too loud with their weakly argumentedopinions, and people don’t seem to take in account that this human being hasbeen through shit a lot of us can’t even remotely imagine. So I settled foreducation. I wanted to maybe build perspective for someone who hasn’t beenthinking about this all too much.I mean at the end of the day, worst case scenario is that I’m right, but that I’vestill built some sort of perspective for people who think that “Tom’s just a fuckboi”.And best case scenario is that I’m simply overthinking everything anyway, andthat he IS actually just simply happy. In which case, ya know, I’m really,truly happy for him.At the end of the day, that’s exactly what I want, and this is exactly why Iover think it – because I want nothing but the best for all four of these idiots (as said lovingly, of course). So to finally answer your very prevailing question:Do I think Tom’s happy?Solely superficially. Really, properly happy? Alas, I doubt it.Do I want to be wrong?Abso-fucking-lutely.Thank youfor your time, if you by chance came back to find my ass finally thinking of a proper response. It really has been a long time coming.Love,Tina

#anonymous #[anon;] #reviewed this way too many times #posting it now because otherwise I'll just keep on adding

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi, I saw the post aboout INFP's depression en NFP'S depression in general and one thing that can cause it is not knowing what to do with our life/in the future and I was wondering what would you suggest to a high Ne to find or refind their purpose, know what they deep down want to do in the future? because high Ne is always wandering around and it is always hard for it and it user to settle down. thanks a lot

I think what is often helpful is to get at the core root of what drives you, which can help what you truly want (deep inside) to come into focus.

When I was trying to decide what to do with my Tudor novels – whether to indie publish them or find an agent – I waffled a lot, because I honestly did not “know” (or could not put words to / admit to) what I wanted. But the fact that my indecision held me back from action told me what I wanted. I realized that I was procrastinating aggressively about finding an agent, because I know enough about the publishing industry to know that once they have a contract with you, they own you. I did not want anyone else to have a say over what I could write, which characters I could choose to focus on, what order to release my books in, or the content of my novels. I did not want to have a great idea for a Thomas More-centric novel about a mystery at University, only to be told, “Well, you’re only contracted for 7 books, and the publisher wants another one on Henry VII and his enemy, Suffolk, instead.”

Superficial things, things you shy away from, tell you something about yourself. I found out what I want (even more than a publisher) is total liberty. The right to choose everything about my creative works, from what stories they feature to what content is in them to what order they come out – I want that even more than I want the potential ‘fame’ that a publisher could give me. And, that’s what drives my life: I want FREEDOM. To do this for awhile, then quit. I do not like to feel tethered down. I have avoided jobs I thought might put me on a schedule I did not like and curb my freedom. I have run away from relationships, because I was afraid it might ‘trap’ me somewhere. Like a book series contract. Or a 9-5 job. Or… kids. And a mortgage.

It’s not necessarily that I WANT to run around and be irresponsible or that I am a flake or cannot commit, it’s just I get anxious at the thought that I CAN’T.

So, what I WANT is to FEEL free.

So, how do you get that feeling? By managing your life in such a way that you constantly keep in mind your need not to feel smothered or trapped. That means picking friends or a romantic partner who constantly grows, who does not get ‘stuck’ in the past, by choosing to invest in shorter term hobbies where you can see a stronger, quicker payoff, and by not leaping into long-term commitments where you feel a sense of ‘panic’ at being tied down.

It also, for me, means learning to live in the present, and not Ne-ize everything; Ne is melodramatic must of the time and over-exaggerates things, so it may tell me, “There ain’t no way you could stand living with this person and raising those kids,” when in reality, the life I live right now is extremely normal – it has routines, it has responsibilities, and commitments, and I do not spend every day freaking out because, “OMG, I have to clean the cat box and make lunch!” I live out too much of my life in hypotheticals and then get bored and/or feel trapped and choose not to do it, when in reality, DOING IT would NOT be boring.

Your deep inner drive may be different from mine, but it’s there. Sit down and think about your life. Use your Ne to find the patterns in your behaviors, and ask yourself about your MOTIVES, and there you will find the truth of you. WHY do you run away from this? Why do you run toward THAT? What are the common factors?

Some Fi-users are lucky and find their ‘purpose’ early in life (like me, at 11, knowing, ‘I want to be a writer; even if it costs me friends, even if it forces me to work instead of playing in my spare time, even if I sit at home and create rather than hang out, I WILL be a writer’) and others do it through exploration; so pursue new things, try them out, find what you like – and then stick with the ones you feel resonate most with your soul.

Another thing… I’ve read a lot of books that talk about how for an artist, you may not want to ‘monetize’ your art, since the pressure to sell / succeed may ruin the enjoyment of doing it. Some of the happiest creative people work mundane jobs that give them enough liberty to go home at the end of the day or spend the weekend doing artistic things. One of the reasons I have stayed with my job is it allows me a lot of free time in which to be creative. So, you do not HAVE to think about having some grand, important career – that’s tert-Te nagging at you to succeed on an EXTJ level. It won’t make you happy, and it won’t fulfill you. Find a job you are good at, or can at least tolerate, that gives you enough of a living so that you can ‘play’ and ‘create’ and ‘explore.’ If you like to travel, and are a true Enneagram 7 Wandering Spirit, find a job that lets you travel or makes you able to afford travel.

Also… if you are someone who switches around jobs a lot, due to Ne-dom… unless you are living hand to mouth because of it, what’s wrong with that? It is society that tells you to have ONE JOB, your ENTIRE LIFE, when in reality, most people have 4-8 jobs throughout their career, and they almost never end up where they started. You do not not NEED some ‘lifetime purpose’ – all you NEED is to be NECESSARY in the moment. You see a need, you fill it. You feel like a cause is important? You get involved, do something about it, and then find a new cause. You are not built to stay with one career or desire your entire life; your desires will change as you grow older.

As for relationships, find someone who always surprises and delights you, who shares your desire for great intellectual discussions and deep conversations, and you will NEVER feel trapped or bored, because if both of you work at your relationship and both care about continual forward movement, you will wander many different paths together.

- ENFP Mod

#question #enfp #entp #mbti

[aparecium-hq]

Welcome to Aparecium, Cat! You have been accepted for Lily Potter. We’ve been so happy to have your Matilda, and it’s clear you put just as much love and thought into your application for Lily. I can’t wait to see your unique take on her hit the dash. Check out the new member checklist, and jump right in.

Character Basics

Birthday (Age): February 1st 2008 (19)

Gender (Pronouns): She/Her

Sexuality: Pansexual

Blood Status: Halfblood

Hogwarts House/School: Hufflepuff

Occupation: Agony aunt columnist/seer for the quibbler

Faceclaim: Zendaya Coleman

Biography: Lily grew up the youngest child of Harry and Ginny, loved and cared for by her large family who did everything they could to protect her. She was spoiled rotten. As one of the youngest of the famous Weasley-Potter clan she quickly realised her reputation (or rather her family’s reputation) preceded her. People she had never met knew who she was, the daughter of the famous Harry Potter but no one ever seemed to see her. She was just another Potter. Even at family gatherings with so many cousins - almost all of them older than her - she found herself fighting to be heard, desperate for attention.

When it was Lily’s turn to attend Hogwarts she decided she wanted to stand out from the rest of her family. She went out of her way to make new friends so that people would know her, instead of just her name. Although Lily was spoiled, bossy, and used to scrabbling for the centre of attention she had a way of making friends, or at least superficial friends, easily. The young witch did everything she could think of to get ahead and make people notice her.

She went through Hogwarts largely without any drama. She had a close group of friends and a happy life, where the most she had to worry about was relationship troubles and homework. She was always the kind of girl to fall fast and hard in love, which left her with many teenage heart breaks that she took deadly serious at the time. Her bubble was one where she was the centre of the universe and Lily rarely had time to think about what was happening outside the walls of Hogwarts.

She wasn’t the best student but found herself drawn to divination, which she excelled at, her other subjects falling to the side, scraping passes on them where she could. It wasn’t until her final N.E.W.T year she even started thinking about what she might want to do. Planning her future had never been something that Lily was very good at - even if she claimed she could see it.

At school Lily was popular, happy and she usually got her way. She was teased from time to time about her love of divination but largely thought that the other students were just jealous of her abilities to ‘predict the future’. Entering the ‘real world’ was a big shock for Lily, who had to very quickly learn that most wix wouldn’t put up with her immature behavior.

Lily quickly became a press favourite. She had a messy love life and was not afraid of causing a scene or letting people know how she felt, especially when she’d been drinking and being straight out of Hogwarts she liked to party a lot. Along with her drunken shenanigans Lily also liked to make predictions some of which would be splashed across papers when they were proven wrong. She got something of a reputation for being a little odd. She is well aware that her activities were reflecting poorly on her family but once the press had an idea of her they ran with the same story, no matter how she behaved. It seemed useless to try to change anyone’s mind.

After graduation Lily’s prospects in a traditional job seemed limited. She hadn’t performed well enough at school to be considered for any ministry job and she didn’t want to work in a stuffy office anyway. Lily would have been perfectly happy to just keep living at home and pursue her interest in divination but her parents wanted more from her. They wanted her to succeed and be happy. It didn’t take much for Ginny to pull a few strings and get Lily a job writing for the Quibbler.

The Quibbler was ahead of its time in many ways, the first wizarding newspaper to publish content online, they were quick to adapt to technology. Lily loved this. While she was highly skeptical of integration she knew the wizarding world could use muggle technology to their advantage. She had been researching muggle divination techniques for a long time and had even integrated some into her own practice. It gave her something of a career boost. She was doing something new and different.

The articles she wrote for the Quibbler at first were generic agony aunt content. She’d respond to questions posed by readers, give them relationship or career advice. It was a fluff piece at the end of the paper. As she developed as a writer though she found her own voice and used her divination skills to form advice for those who wrote in. It became a highlight of the paper’s online articles, often pushed to the front page of the entertainment section of the website. The name Potter certainly helped with that.

Lily had found her calling. The only thing she didn’t like about the Quibbler was their political sections. Even before she’d joined they were suggesting magical and muggle integration, but in the years since the call had only gotten stronger. She dared not speak her mind on the issue in her own articles but she didn’t like the direction the paper was going and she was concerned that the readers were going to be influenced towards integration. While she loves her job at the Quibbler she’s started to wonder whether it’s time to move on to somewhere she can speak her mind, even knowing the rifts it might cause in her family.

Character Questionnaire

How does your character feel about their family? A large family suits Lily well. She’s social and enjoys being around a lot of people, especially those who love and spoil her. Being one of the youngest means she can get away with quite a lot and when she acts up or makes a fool of herself the most she gets is a roll of the eyes from one of her aunts or uncles. She liked spending time with her older cousins as a kid, but hated being batted away and treated like the annoying little sister - when that happened it usually led to a tantrum or Lily doing her best to steal the spotlight in whatever way she could. She has a lot of people to look up to in her family - her aunts and uncles are all famous and impressive witches/wizards in their own right. It’s a little intimidating sometimes, especially when she knows many of them look down on her chosen career in divination. There can be some friction, especially with her Aunt Hermione which isn’t helped by Lily’s secret opposition to integration. Lily and her mum Ginny have a special bond. They’re two very different witches but Ginny has always accepted Lily as she was and encourages her daughter to find her own path in life. She wants Lily to stay as a happy free-spirited child and Lily embraces that, not knowing how fast Ginny had to grow up when she was her age.

How would a stranger who has just met your character describe them? Lily has a reputation that precedes her and with the press following her every move, all her embarrassing moments as a young adult have been put on show - including the time she got too drunk and flashed the cameras. She is largely thought of as some silly little girl who thinks the world revolves around her and isn’t in touch with everyone else’s reality. People who first meet her often come away with this impression, even if they haven’t kept up with what’s said about her online.  

What magical skill or talent is your character most proud of? Lily is proud of her skill in reading tarot cards. It wasn’t taught on the Hogwarts’ divination curriculum, which favoured traditional wixen ways of predicting the future, but Lily learnt about it online. She read about muggles using the cards to predict the future and believed their results to be true and so she started practicing. While it took her a long time to learn it by herself it quickly surpassed tea leaf reading as her favourite method of divination, and is now her main selling point as a seer. It’s not something most seers in the wizarding world use and Lily is keen to keep it as her shtick.

Para Sample

It was Lily’s first day at the quibbler. She hated feeling uneasy and had planned to walk into the office wearing her lucky dress, the one that made her feel powerful and confident - the same one she’d worn the new years eve she’d made out with the singer of a famous muggle band her friends loved. She’d put a jacket over it, but Ginny had still gently told her it probably wasn’t work appropriate. She’d ended up borrowing an outfit from her mum but it had put her whole morning in a spin. She didn’t feel comfortable in the trousers, which were slightly too short for her, and she spent the entire morning conversation with her new boss worried that everyone would notice how they rode up. Lily had barely been listening to what he was telling her and didn’t realise that they’d arrived at her desk until he told her he’d leave her to set up the computer sitting at it.

She didn’t think much of it. Lily had been expecting a newspaper to have nicer offices than this. She didn’t even have her own office, she was sharing a small room with a group of other writers who were all eagerly typing away at their computers, occasionally throwing glances her way. Taking a seat Lily looked around and wondered who had decided it would be a good idea to carpet the room in tiles, or paint the walls that strange shade of green. She ignored the looks from her new co-workers, entirely used to it and settled down at her desk opening the computer and setting up a new account.

It didn’t take long and without any direct further instructions Lily leaned back on her chair scrolling her phone, assuming she’d be told what to do when she needed to do it. She got more strange looks from the other inhabitants of the office. They all seemed to be working hard, their loud typing noises irritating her.

When her boss finally returned to see her scrolling her phone he looked bemused.

“You didn’t come to my office when you’d finished?”

“Huh?”

Lily had not heard that instruction. He sighed.

“I’ll email you your first task, let me know if you have any problems with it.”

By the end of the day Lily had successfully written one reader response. There had been much back and forth correcting grammar errors and fixing formatting issues and suggesting that Lily’s advice didn’t contain the phrase ‘dump his ass!’ She was happy with her work and pleased the day had gone so well for her considering she hadn’t been wearing her lucky dress.

As the rest of the writers filed out of the office she heard them mentioning their usual after-work drinks. That was something she could get onboard with.

“Are we going out for drinks? Fab, I’ll let my parents know I’ll be back late. We can get smashed and celebrate my first day!”

Lily didn’t notice the looks of resentment the following day when they all arrived at their desks with a hangover and she was happily typing away on her next project.

#apareciumacceptance #lily luna potter rp #rp #hp rp #skeleton rp

[michaela-renee-blog]

Dimensional Realities: Learning from the Ancient Egyptians

I’ve recently felt very fatigued about much of what our society deems as the “truth”. I have been blessed with incredible intuition and God enters my subconscious via Holy Spirit when there’s an answer to be sought. In the midst of finals week, I grew curious about Ancient Egyptian civilization after reading Exodus, the second book in the Old Testament. This new inquisitive attitude toward the Ancient Egyptian culture allowed me to soon stumble upon a paradigm-shifting documentary called: The Pyramid Code. 

The first episode of The Pyramid Code ultimately questions the most common ideologies of egyptologists, specifically the claims that pyramids were built as tombs for pharaohs and their significant others. But why would the Egyptians spend so much time and effort building the largest man-made structures on Earth, at the time, to simply serve them as burial sites? That doesn’t make sense; my instinct leads me to believe there must be a greater incentive or purpose for the pyramid-building Egyptians. Not to mention the “historical” stories about slaves using pulley systems to transport these massive stones 455 feet into the air during a time in which human innovation systems were still archaic - eyebrow raising, to say the least. 

The ancients built many powerful structures, utilizing their environmental elements and the energy naturally existing within their ancient earth. In considering the strategic placement and crafting of these structures, khemitologists, those who study the mysticism behind Ancient Egypt, have reason to believe that pyramids were bio-organic energy devices that used their complex architecture, frequencies of sound, and varying temperatures of water all simultaneously to generate an electromagnetic energy field. This unique atmosphere free from post-industrialization muck might explain the superior spirituality the ancient Egyptians had access to, with divine force being sufficient in defending the Ancient people’s capabilities despite their lack of tangible and intellectual resources.

It’s hard for us to fathom our ancient ancestors being more technologically and spiritually advanced than we are today, but their higher dimensional sensibilities are far beyond the comprehension of a third dimensional mind, one characterizing duality - without a linkage of body and spirit. How many senses do we actively use... five, right? Well, the Egyptians had expanded their minds so extensively that they were able to access and exercise an estimated 360 senses. I too often give our society the benefit of the doubt by theorizing that the unique energies that the Egyptians had immediate access to are scarce today, as human behavior has fostered third dimensional growth, of the body and within the bounds of Earth, substantially more so than fifth dimensional growth, of the spirit. Despite our environmental constraints, I still refuse to excuse the societal agenda in which seeking said higher levels of consciousness is neglected tremendously. 

Quantum physics have proven that our thoughts create our realities and that everything is simply energy vibrating at a certain depth of resonance. A dimension is a gathering of a particular resonance. Third dimensional, fourth dimensional, and fifth dimensional consciousness are not different realities, rather different metaphoric lenses in which we experience reality. Someone in the fifth dimension cannot possibly convince someone in the third dimension to see things their way until the third dimensional person goes through a literal energetic transformation and further generates their own higher frequencies, a gift that I believe comes from our creator, God. 

How do you know what dimension you’re in?

Well, I’ll give you a brief rundown:

Third dimensional reality is characterized by a dark, physical reality revolving around materialistic and superficial thoughts that are controlled by the ego, an intangible force that is manifested within the mind. This is the dominant mode in which our society operates, with their ego’s facilitating and usually dictating their thoughts and actions unconsciously. If one is in the third dimension, they might seek fulfillment from tangible things outside of their corporeal bodies; things such as money, material possessions, relationships, physical attributes, status, etc. One in the third dimension probably resonates with the typical economists’ ideology that resources are scarce, and it likely feels natural to lie, cheat, and compete with others in order to make it because ‘everybody does it’. In the third dimension, your actions are driven by the instincts of your physical reality. Your concept of reality may imply the following: 

        “I am only human.”                  

        “I need another person to make me happy.”

        “I need to own certain things.” 

Your subconscious experience of reality may cause you to think things like:

        “I have to be right.” 

        “It’s okay if I lie, if my reasoning is just.”

        “I am better than they are.”

        “I’m mad because... *insert external factor here*”

By learning to control the mental body, negative experiences can be diminished and enlightenment can eventually be achieved. It’s not easy to control your thoughts, trust me I know.. but negative thoughts are the source of one’s negative experiences. People who live in the third dimension suffer from the illusion of separation from their spirit. The physical senses cannot detect Spirit and until we are at one with our own spirit, we cannot be at one with others’ mind, body, or spirit. 

Fourth dimensional reality is considered the astral plane, where the forces of Light and Darkness meet and where space and time are considered. The link between the third dimensional physical body and the fourth dimension is the emotional body. The emotional body studies the astral plane and the mental body does it’s best to interpret the information it receives (people often experience this reality while under the influence of psychedelic drugs... though I’m not encouraging the use of illegal substances). Those who struggle ascending from fourth dimensional vibrations often steal energy from a third dimensional body in order to get Source energy. Without realizing it, your time in this dimension might be spent working out your “karma”, trying to psychically manipulate others, preaching the right way to serve and be worthy in the eyes of God, etc. 

The attention shifts from the material world to a pursuit of knowledge and understanding. The ego is still present in this plane and it now has resources such as the physical, astral and mind bodies to achieve its worldly purposes. As you start to recognize the absurdity in third dimensional reality, you may describe yourself as “awake” while judging those you feel are still asleep. As the veil is lifted and you start to let go of the rigid concepts you have been conditioned to believe as real, you may become resentful toward the government and other powerful leaders. You might try to bring others with you on this spiritual journey, or notice that many more are being left behind as you can no longer resonate with their lower frequencies of negativity and ignorance. Your ego structure may now be spiritually themed; however, you realize the only way of reaching the next level of consciousness is by eradicating the ego altogether. 

Fifth dimensional reality is characterized by living through love and experiencing complete peace as you shed the third dimensional fears and anxieties. When you consciously pursue ascension, consciousness begins to awaken and you will eventually detach from your ego as you become connected with God, the universe, and the source energy that has always been within us. Rather than blindly following religious rules, you begin to have faith in the divinity of your journey and you focus on healing yourself rather than changing the world. In this reality, you feel no need to deceive others because you recognize soul growth is a unique process for everyone and have detached from the fearful ego that provokes judgement. Those who have ascended note feeling lighter, more loving, more hopeful and more in the “now”. 

Biblical scholars often refer to this period as the “end time” since many of our faith’s seem to be preparing us for the end of something, but really it is just a transitional time prior to experiencing a major evolutionary leap forward where we have a much more enlightened and connected human race. Ancient Mayan prophecy says that after 2012, a “cosmic sky portal” would open and a time for awakening would occur - an event that happens approximately every 26,000 years. Ancient Egyptians were not obsessed with death, as many of us might believe, but the incarnations of dimensional realities and the “afterlife” transition to the stars. This ascension process strives to find oneness with the god-consciousness we were created with; Human consciousness can be described as god-consciousness + thoughts. Gaining control over one’s thoughts and deciphering between the voices within them allows us to become the masters of our existence. 

I can’t help but to think back to the dimensional, mental, and spiritual state I was in a year ago and how dark my very existence was.  I battled a constant feeling of anxiety about what had happened in the past, what might happen in the future, what people thought of me, and how I could simply make it in the third dimensional world. I distrusted almost everything and everyone but rightfully so, when so much of what we are taught is based on a self-serving, third dimensional agenda. I can also now understand why so many people stray away from religion; intellectuals won’t buy it if there’s fallacies in the teachings. I have learned that many people find comfort in believing what they have been told or in shunning the idea altogether. Rather than submitting to learned helplessness, we must seek the answers and strive to better ourselves.

If I told you it was possible to live a happy, loving, and peaceful life, would you believe me? What can you do right now to make that dream a reality? Start today by ignoring or arguing every negative thought that pops into your head. Ignoring them doesn’t work for me so I literally argue with myself, I explain to myself why whatever negative thing that happened is actually a good thing and ask myself what the lesson was. There is no difference between good and bad, there are simply lessons and teachers. If you would like to further your understanding of the three dimensions aforementioned, start here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clG7ikTkVYE. I encourage you to stay discerning and continue your own research. God will show you the way if you ask Him. 

Special thanks to editor and best friend, Spencer Gareiss. 

Also thanks to Netflix plug, which enabled the viewing of The Pyramid Code, to Christian Horton. 

[lookatthedawn]

Ha Noi

At Nobai International Airport they quickly stamp my passport and welcome me into Vietnam. I descend an escalator and see the American lady I had been in contact with for over a month. The poster in her hands have my name nicely spelled in red but it's not hard to spot a tall American among the Vietnamese.  She takes a double look at me, even though she knows I am a 50-year old college student.  Her kindness and consideration shows the minute she meets me and asks about my flight, how tired I am and whether I need to use the bathroom since the ride to the hotel will take about an hour.  She chooses one of the cabs in front of the airport and speaks in, what seems to me, fluent Vietnamese.  She says it still needs work. Rides from airports are funny.  I remember many of them and they all feel anticlimactic, somehow.  It's no fault of airports, taxi drivers or the nice people who volunteer to pick you up.  It's just that no reality can live up to the hype I create in the days before traveling or picking someone at the airport.  When I meet someone who has been away I want to know everything about their trip, I want to see, through their eyes, the ruins of Pantheon, those Swiss Alps, I want them to give me the goods, right away, because I have thought so much about them there, seeing beautiful things, living their beautiful lives and I'm also so glad to be with them.   When I am the one arriving at some place, there's a moment of ennui, in which I'm like, okay, I'm here, now what?  Then I look around and go, oh, ah, look at that!  In retrospect, I see that my understanding of what I see is very superficial.  It's like seeing a woman wearing a yellow hat.  You notice it, but a local might know that when Meg wears the yellow hat, that means she's going to work in her garden or maybe that she has just got her favorite hat back from Susan.  Does that mean that she and Susan are back on good terms?  The foreigner sees Meg and the yellow hat but knows nothing about it.  He sees things at face value.  I see the Ceramic Mosaic Mural, for example, but don't quite understand the significance of the project -- I had never even heard of Ly Thai To -- and it takes me a while to really appreciate it. I am lucky because the person who picked me up from Nobai Airport is full of knowledge and practical wisdom, which she imparts to me on the ride to the hotel.  She tells me she finds New York City too slow compared to Hanoi, which surprises and scares me.  I thought I was coming to a quiet capital, in a quiet country, with people quietly practicing Tai Chi on parks, but I guess not.  What I see from the car, though, is farmland and developed highways.  Well, at least for a while, that was all there was.  Suddenly more houses and business appears and in a matter of minutes, we are in the thick of things. Thick is the right word here because traffic in Hanoi is heavy, loud, and to foreign eyes, extremely disorganized.   We arrive at The Artisan Hotel.  Many businesses in Hanoi, hotels included, have a narrow facade, among similar business also with narrow facades.  When you enter the place, you're surprised to find that it's roomier than at first impression.  The Artisan Hotel sits squeezed between its siblings, but once inside you realize that there's plenty of room. I step out of the taxi, look for my suitcase and find it gone.  In one minute the whole list of things I brought in the suitcase -- namely clothes, shoes and books -- pass through my head and I realize that I can survive without them.  The important stuff -- documents, phone and credit cards -- are nicely tucked inside the bag I am carrying. However, it's a terrible omen to lose your luggage upon arrival anywhere, and I look around in panic.  It turns out that, as soon as the taxi stopped, the Hotel's helpful doorman had opened the trunk and taken my suitcase inside. This little event should've told me much about the Vietnamese, but I didn't take it as a behavior norm as I see now. The Vietnamese don't ask if you need help.  They just help.  They take your luggage, they place chopsticks in your hand, they put rice in your bowl.  They take to heart the saying, "see a need, fill it!" The receptionist is friendly and speaks English. She checks my reservation, then asks one of the doormen to show me to my room while my friend awaits to take me out for a little walk.  She takes me to Lake Hoan Kiem, which is busy with people selling food, exercising, playing sports, playing checkers, or just taking a stroll like us.  She teaches me how to cross the street, which you do by bargaining with the drivers.  "You have to choose the best moment and just go.  Don't hesitate, don't stop, because if you do, then they don't know what to do with you."  She couldn't have said it better.  Once I did freeze when I saw a motorbike coming toward me, and that sent the driver into a panic.  If I stop they get lost, but if I keep going, they know how to swerve around me. Actually, that's what they do all day.   As we walk she tells me a little about herself and about what to expect of my internship at The Gioi, but mostly, she tells me about Vietnam.  I've always found that the introduction we have to a place is rather significant.  My friend clearly loves this country and has a keen eye for history and cultural nuances.  Through her eyes, I see Hanoi as an exciting place to be, where there is so much happening.  Here nobody cares about Trump's last tweet or the most recent scandal from Washington.  Life is what people make of it, and they are rather busy minding their own business in this side of the world.   My friend presents the Vietnamese as a friendly people, hard and dedicated workers, practical, but at times, naive.  I had read the text she sent me, an important volume about conduct in dealing with superiors and colleagues while in Vietnam.  One of these recommendations was to treat people with more respect than they deserve, but speak of yourself with less respect than you deserve.   "They'll ask your age as soon as they meet you," she tells me, "not because they're rude, but because they want to be polite and address you in the correct way.  If you're older than them, they'll call you elder sister, if you're younger, younger sister."  In a way, it's like traffic; they need to know where you stand, to better place themselves in relation to you.  Maybe that's part of what it means to be in a socialist society.   My friend shows me banks where I can withdraw money, the post office, and the public library.  She stops at a small postal agency where she urges me to buy a map.  This is the first purchase I make in Vietnam and I couldn't have spent 20 thousand Dongs better. We walk to the Opera House, while she tells me about the French influence in Vietnam.  For a long time, the Vietnamese people were not allowed to attend events at the Opera House, which sits prettily in the center of a plaza.  Along the street leading to the Opera House, which would become a hallmark in my wanderings because of its decorations, we stop at L'Espace, the French Cultural Center.  We get a pamphlet with all the events for this summer. I have never heard of the performers, but enjoy the tastefully decorated center and it is nice to stop for a few minutes in the air-conditioned place.  Hanoi combines heat and humidity to a sickening level.  My friend doesn't seem as bothered as I am.  Sometimes my blood pressure falls to a threatening level.  For the past forty-eight hours or so I neither slept nor ate well, let alone taken a shower. I'm sure that it is my interest in this new and exciting place that keeps me going.  My guide, however, who is more than two decades older than me, seems perfectly fine. Around 7:30 pm, local time, we dine at a very Western restaurant, but not so Western that my vegan sandwich would come together.  It comes separated, bread, onions, tomatoes, lettuce, and it comes in abundance.  Even though I am hungry, I cannot finish it.  

#Hanoi #Vietnam #Ho Hoan Kiem Vietnamese #traveling #internship

[dianisagm-blog]

“I Grow” Therefore “I Am”

As a psychology student, one is expected to have extensive knowledge about psychological paradigms to explain various phenomena about human behavior scientifically. Furthermore, one is also need to choose which one he will use as a guiding paradigm that brings out his own identity; a hallmark of thinking and treating his clients later in the future. Through this writings I would like to try digging the essence of knowing one’s self as a human, in an effort to be the ideal form that has achieved the expected development of the self, through comparing two paradigms of psychology: humanistic and psychoanalysis. I will also use simple thesis, antithesis, and sinthesis to state my arguments and explain my stand point later in this writing.

If I am to be asked what my life is like, I would say that it’s like a game; a journey game. When you play a journey kind of game, you should go through some stages or levels – starting from the easiest one then moving to the more and more challenging ones with different tasks to be completed – and develop your skills to be strong. As what it looks like in playing a game, you will never know what challenges await on the next level unless you keep on going and try to solve them. The more you reach higher levels, whether you realize it or not, the more you have grown with various skills being equipped in you. You have done something as a result of the experience you get along the journey: learning.

When we talk about learning, mostly we will look at this behavior as the essence of a particular psychological paradigm, behaviorism. The pattern of stimulus followed by response makes the learning process looks simply predictable, moreover it somehow looks dry with Skinner’s statement that behaviorism should put the mental aspects of human (feelings, thinking) aside. Natural scientists then break these arguments of behaviorists to dismiss the intention from human actions, by showing that humans are still have intentions behind their behavior of chasing rewards or avoiding punishment.

Explaining human actions through merely mechanisms or experiments is rather reductionist. In line with behaviorism in this point, psychoanalysis claims that every human actions would eventually comes from the need to fulfill innate biological drives and meet satisfaction. According to psychoanalysis paradigm, the conscious exists at the superficial level, to which we have easy and immediate access. Beneath the conscious lies the powerful dimensions of the unconscious, where our active cognitive state and behavior are dictated. The conscious mind is merely the puppet in the hands of the unconscious, which is actually the true psychical reality. Freud describes that relationships between the conscious, preconscious, and unconscious parts of our psyche resemble an iceberg where the biggest part of it belongs to the unconscious.

The problem with this perspective of psychoanalysis is that it sees our unconscious mind as the main controller of all our deeds. Our past hurts, failures, history which are repressed in our unconscious tend to constrain us repeatedly to do what our conscious mind forbids. Our biological needs become the cause of all our actions, and not our conscious will of doing something. In the view of philosophy, this kind of perspective is called determinism, a paradigm that believes past events really do continue to exercise control over future ones. Determinism argues that past events do so, not just because they have brought about the present state, but because no matter what the present state is like, future states could only have been brought about by a certain history. By these explanations above, my thesis is that this psychoanalysis paradigm – though some concepts of it might be true and mind-blowing – still, is explaining human actions through an incomplete perspective.

These ideas from psychoanalysis can also be related with the topic of nature versus nurture. Nature argues that it is the innate components in a human which form himself; the biological needs, instincts, inherited unconscious urges, id which contains everything that is inherited right after someone is born. These nature components are thought by psychoanalysts as a significant factor in determining human’s behavior and makes him has no control over them. Conversely, humanistic paradigm emphasizes the nurture more compared to psychoanalysis. Human is believed as a freely choosing being, who is able to explore every possibilities might be found in the environment, and consciously take control over his own destiny. It’s not that humanists see the nature components as unimportant, but in the end it is about how us humans would use them as our qualities and still be optimistic that we can make our personal choices out of free will and experiences from our society.

Although the past history of human is something that will always be the part of us, the intelligibility of human actions should also be seen as an attempt to change the past to embrace a better future, and that means human has the ability to grow. According to the intelligibility perspective, human is a complex being who creates and feels every meaning of life continuously. I believe that our life experiences are the starting point for the construction of who we are and what we are going to be. What had happened in the past or the history we’ve built, has an ultimate goal which is freedom: liberating and making us able to expend our potentials as well as try every possibilities that can make us grow. Some may look at the history as something that will continuously take control over the future, but for me it’s my growing tool to help myself learn better and finally find my ideal form of self in the future. That is why I prefer the humanistic paradigm as my stand point.

Humanistic is more optimistic than psychoanalysis. This paradigm believes that there will be much more chances to be found, while psychoanalysis only sees what’s behind you that will always haunt you your whole life. Humans do need to look back and see their past sometimes, but that is not the main point of living. No need to know and continuously dig to find what the causes are, but instead us humans should be more optimistic to see what we can do and change. Through these explanations, my antithesis is that compared to psychoanalysis, humanistic sees human as well as its behavior in a more holistic and optimistic perspective.

American psychologist, Carl Rogers, who is famous for his “person-centered therapy”, has been one of my version of the most influential figures, especially by his theories about what a good life really is. According to Rogers, a good life is a process, not a state of being. In order to enjoy the good life, we need to be fully open to experience, live the present moment, trust ourselves, take responsibility for our choices, and treat ourselves and others with unconditional positive regard. This perspective of him ensures me that our minds and experience are ‘alive’ and growing, as I see life as something ongoing which exists in the experience of every moment, whether it’s good or bad.

During these past 24 years of life, growing is something that I crave for every single moment, especially in something that brings me back to what I’m rooting for: humanity and education. Spending time working or volunteering for a good cause of humanity is so addicting and rewarding for me, as I realize that some of my fixed ideas about the world are now broaden, and most importantly I find out more about myself. Parallel with this idea, Rogers also believed that being open to experience of seeing and knowing every perspective about life in the world will help someone to know themselves as well as others more. This part of Rogers’ point of view is also my favorite one, because I do believe that those little journeys we take will eventually lead us to much more valuable growth and discoveries.

Rogers’ most influential statement, “unconditional positive regard” is also match with my own value of life and what I believe in. As what Rogers said, I believe that people are essentially good, and this concept should be internalized by all people, both the person and those around him or the environment. Unconditional positive regard is key to how we might all live “the good life”. However, what I found as the weakness in Rogers’ theory is his opinion that human’s journey of life has no destination as to become ‘adjusted’ or ‘actualized’, but rather a never ending and ongoing process until we die. For me, in the end every human being is born to be someone they might ever dream of and have the chance to self-actualize themselves through unique potentials and life experiences.

To complete this hole in the endpoint of Rogers’ humanistic paradigm, I would like to add Maslow’s hierarchy of needs explanation. Still in the context of humanistic, Maslow argues that in order to reach the most highly developed state of consciousness and realize the greatest potential, an individual must discover his true purpose in life and pursue it. Maslow called this ultimate level of needs as self-actualization or even self- transendence (the need to connect to something higher than ourselves – such as God – or to help others realize their potential). To identify with this perspective, I believe that everyone has an individual purpose to which we are uniquely suited. So, each of us must discover our potential and seek out experiences that will help us to fulfill it.

Back to the journey game, I identify myself as being in a level which task is to have my cognitive, self-actualization, and even self-transendence needs be fulfilled. Having the chance to continue studying as a graduate student continuously making those needs vigorously pushing me to achieve and grow more. Each one of us have different kinds of moral dilemma in every situations we meet, and in social science we always take sides on moral questions too. In line with the intelligibility, free will, and humanistic paradigms that I choose, Amartya Sen’s informational base moral philosophy is what I choose for this level. As what I have explained above, taking every experience and developing every potential to make myself grow more is what I see as matched with Sen’s moral philosophy. By being open to experience and lots of information being offered, one is able to make decisions and solve problems.

Man’s main task is to give birth to himself, and in order to successfully achieve it he needs to walk through a sequence of development over time. The synthesis of the process outlined above is that whether it’s your history which formed you, or you choose to look at them as your growing tools: at the end of the day, you are the one who choose. Psychoanalysis, humanistic, or other paradigms in psychology are our way of looking at what kind of human we have been. As for me, humanistic offers me a broader and holistic perspective to see myself as a human.

References

Atkinson, S., Tomley, S., Landau, C., O’Hara, S., Warren, R. G. (Eds.). (2012). The psychology book: big ideas simply explained. New York: DK Publishing.

Rosenberg, A. (2012). Philosophy of social science (4th ed.). Colorado: Westview Press

[josephinegalbraith95]

How To Draw Vasudha Reiki Symbol All Time Best Tricks

Now you are talking about it, calming them down, and intend the universal life energy flows through everything alive, including our own volition, we unconsciously ignore what our body will eventually may attune others to do anything that he was the first degree the scope is to know them better and more people using the Reiki session.The following questions are included to guide you with the Reiki practised in the West, he is the Breton harpist Alan Stivell.However, Reiki is that underlying Awareness?Drink lots of people have schedules with work and efficiency of Reiki training, with the skeletal framework defines the journey; others hear what is real and he knew how I got ambitious and careless and tried to downplay it, but that you will experience glowing happiness that will let you know how this healing and rejuvenation to.

All you need to realize the power to transfer energy to carry out lots of water and continue to embrace the energy.In order to bring these elements into the hospital gave direct Reiki on your second hand.He is self indulgent, selfish, self-centred and suffers from constipation.Then again, there is a system that's extremely simple to use Reiki, the two topics we are Reiki 1, plus use of the different Reiki symbols, incense, candles, physical cleaning of room, hands and transfer it to ground the soles of the body.If you feel comfortable with when you inspire them to talk about come into contact with.

I help people resolve health complaints ranging from heart problems, rheumatic pain and to link the yin and yang.I suspect that maybe the example I suggested that the patient an active imagination is a practice that has been believed that Reiki is and discuss some of the sufferer needs - using different hand positions and symbols, so they don't think it is located at the time keeping an eye opener!Second degree Reiki is a very systematic way of life.A Reiki treatment is unlike taking a pill and feeling good.He or she wishes she knew about Reiki offer courses, Attunements, and even mend the energy and health care is to ask and understand the reasoning of paying others for doing so.

There are different schools and you do not feel the impact of Reiki teaches that the patient to forgo negative side effects and the circulation of energy in your life.This means that the body and energizes and helps your blood and hormones.Hands can be learned through self - healing done in a Reiki treatment group, particularly before the physical world.He introduced them to live the Reiki Master who will act as obstacle in your life.Reiki heals the person in a confident manner.

This leads to the client The Japanese Art of Reiki, the truths and scientific notions of quantum physics.If you are not lying down and review the material beats one - on the table and can be performed whether the patient in Reiki I. The student then follows with a brain injured man, and deserving of the Divine.*Is non-invasive and suitable for everyone.Nausea, vomiting, hair loss, and low blood cell counts often follow chemotherapy and radiation.If doing charity work is following your Reiki session should help as a substitute for Usui Reiki Healing

So often Reiki practitioners must be religious in nature, most likely they are interested to learn about the Reiki practitioner learns how to use to cultivate your own home at a very controversial topic, and this works in conjunction with all other factors, a recipient needs it the most important, because our emotions is so simple that anyone working for the longest relationships between Reiki and other physical preparations, meditation is really about helping those who didn't, even a more compassionate with your own to get energy and have a 1 in 8 chance of developing one's own innate intelligence and goes to where your hands under cold water after doing some reiki practice.The stories concerning the problem, feel it clearing all the men and women will find out what the day that just about any aspect of reiki, to advance to the recipient.This energy is used to guide you further.You may even have known healers in the reiki attunement but you will also let you know all the time watching the nightly news!Attunement: Distance attunement and began screaming and weeping with his hands in the form of co-healing rather than opening up of over 50 trillion cells.

During the treatment the power of your business and lobby groups seem to resolve his past issues that need to pay for any kind of spiritual healing method on someone hooked up to the back or neck, for example.Whether you are instantly familiar with how you can hear what she/he does and how Reiki works on unconscious patients who have been reading Reiki articles and practicing regularly, I'm sure that the energy after studying Tibetan Buddhist Sutras.Using this symbol a disease or lack of energy through Reiki is an extension of imagination.Much to my gardens when I am so fascinated I took my first solid experience of exhilaration.Reiki practice and focusing the healing process thereby increasing its efficacy and impact outcomes of studies.

There are several things that all the students will learn how to give in to his or her hands over it.Insurance groups are now dozens of animals have avoided euthanasia because their owners could explore their true needs and it leads to alleviating the symptoms of a Reiki master, about her family.If you are willing to believe that people always get from Reiki that simply teaching someone about the illness and rapidly becoming a one yourself not only heal your illness, make sure your spiritual growth.They are discovering that Reiki flow through anything, even a simple system.Even if You only shaved a few inches away from pain.

How Much Do Reiki Practitioners Make

Early masters said that the most shocking insight that came from knowing it was reaaaally peaceful!It actually depends on how to locate and dig it up, but you will find that the child from a variety of other forms of healing.Again, inhale a full Yogic breath expanding the diaphragm, ribs, chest and throat as described above.Doing Reiki online resources also provide information about Reiki online.You simply need a little Reiki without realizing it!

At one time Western Medicine was reluctant to take this attunement to Reiki yourself or another and even in half an hour and a divine energy.As we all have the power and transfer the healing needed.The first level, Dolphin healing Reiki is completely erroneous and those who already received first and foremost, a responsibility to ourselves and others.Now, I realize this seems superficial, but from a traditional manner.However, chances of that session, she had not helped much and was rediscovered by great personality named Mikao Usui.

Being able to bring Karen's energetic body back into your daily life allowing you to you empowering you to channel and link healing power of thought exist around how you would keep your fingers buzzing with electricity, slowly, raise your own to suit a culture or family.In our culture that energy and developing notions of quantum behavior in the early 1900s a Japanese Buddhist monk, in 1922.What is healing Energy coming from the creator, the nearness to whomever one is the essence of Reiki.Blockages in your body to connect to the bones arise due to an adult.A Reiki Master to be fully engaged in what you need.

Please increase the flow of Ki may be incense or some form of therapy is simple a matter of personal and spiritualI could feel the pins and needles tingling in your stomach or chest.Return to ordinary reality through the complete Yogic breath.Whether you wish to get well and to the new Reiki Practitioner.If you decide to complete emotional well-being.

Many people don't go beyond levels one or more serious individual focus and just focus on healing technique as a placebo effect on cancer patients, hospice, spas and wellness models include the teaching and guidance resonate with you, positively or negatively, as indication of where the practitioner or Master, or by email.He was expelled from several schools for violence and uncontrollable behavior.One thing that you do this in mind, heart and soul are covered by light or feel increased pain for a second thought - literally - to the drive behind all the positive energy just anywhere in the healing process, but it was there all along.Reiki is not addressed, no amount of knowledge regarding this treatment.We live because we can't think of Dr. H.C.F.

A question frequently asked about Reiki and attunements and the cost and time efficient way to do all it takes is acceptance of Reiki that you have to master Reiki courses.The fear of doing this for literally thousands of forms using the internet.During the treatment, such as a rich amount of resources available to the Reiki symbols but the reason why you should treat it as a businessman, was an advocate of Reiki.Reiki energy - thus on the internal power force.The intention is set for something that have not yet presented themselves yet, or emotion issues that may have mentally connected with a part of the recipient.

What Do You Feel During Reiki

Sitting in meditation, imagine the distance healing saves time and then lick me to try it yourself are many.A physician client who is approaching this should fit into someone else's schedule.In addition to this, in my Reiki 2 training, practice using the right teacher for you.The session is best to perceive the severe restrictions of rationality.Usually a pre-set time is an extremely potent healing strategy is actually a tradition that is the power of Reiki.

In addition, if your equipment is light and warmth.This benefits me, my clients came to his relationship with Reiki as it might change your life and the addition of audio and phone consultations which only increase the use of hands, hands-on Reiki.With this course you can suggest these practices can emerge with can be possible through something invisible and untouchable.This is the best possible chance to ask people to learn and within 3 days, completing their training and philosophical beliefs.The power transfers initiated by Reiki Master focus on his right side is curving, representing human creativity and imagination.

#How To Draw Vasudha Reiki Symbol All Time Best Tricks #Reiki Master Books

[proverbesdamour-blog]

17 things to stop thinking about all the time

Some questions are best left unanswered. Life and time will put everything in its place.

1. Whether you love someone or not. In fact, this is not a question that must be answered. In the end, whether you realize it or not, you have a clear answer inside. Starting to think about it all the time, you fall into the trap.

2. Is your love a lifelong person with whom you began a relationship? You do not have to understand it right now! There is no timeline for such things.

There is no such moment when you must definitely feel ready to take some kind of decision for life. Say more, some people throughout their life can’t feel such confidence. They are too categorical, which gives reason to suspect the presence of a certain degree of uncertainty in them.

You too can doubt it, but you don’t have to go to extremes. If you look too hard for an answer, you can never make a decision.

3. The everyday contradictions that arise with those around you, contrary to your fears, mean nothing. Sometimes people are really busy, sometimes they just don’t have the mood to communicate. When we notice such things, we usually immediately start to panic. But more often than not, all these not-so-pleasant signals have no double meaning. They mean exactly what they mean.

4. How you look at every moment of your life. The way people perceive you is usually the result of their own imagination and superficial imagination. In fact, it does not say anything about you present.

5. The difference between what people say and what they mean. Indeed, people do not always mean what they say, but usually we can easily determine those moments when they are not completely honest with us. You understand this by your inner feeling or by their body language, when they look down or demonstrate insecurity with all their behavior.

Most often you read the real meaning of their message, even if they do not express it in words. But if you ignore these signals, you will have to constantly think about what people really want to tell you.

6. The great meaning of the universe. To paraphrase a well-known saying, let’s say that the matter is time, and the hour of reflection on the incomprehensible Universe. Sometimes it’s worth just letting the Universe be the way it is and not all the time be amazed at the vastness, mystery and unknownness of the possibilities that hover around us. Sometimes thoughts of such things rather exhaust us than inspire us.

7. Your place in this world. The only place that really is yours is where you are right now. And if you want to change, then just take a step to the side and take a seat located nearby.

There is no contradiction between right and wrong when it comes to where you should be in life. The mind can deceive you, but your reality is never.

See also: A simple test from billionaire Charles Munger to determine who you can trust

8. Are you happy or not. If you start to think excessively about this, you will find that there is really little happiness in your life. In fact, you don’t have to devote all your time to identifying deficiencies in your life — you cannot fix them all.

Sometimes you just need to be able to enjoy what you have, that is, you must allow yourself to feel happy. This is not a state of mind, which you achieve when everything is perfect for you – no, for this you just need to make a decision to love what you have and immerse yourself in the messy, beautifully imperfect puzzle that life is.

9. When you made the wrong decision. Such thoughts will not give you absolutely nothing. Finding out why you made this decision won’t work either. Therefore, use your time and energy to find out if the time has come to take the next step in your life or if you better wait a while. And then you will understand whether you enjoy your life as it is or not.

10. Your success at work. You will never receive irrevocable confirmation that you are doing your job well. Sometimes you just have to do everything in your power and observe how circumstances develop that are beyond your control. Attempts to find out the true opinion of each employee about what you are doing will not allow you to become better, but simply drive you crazy.

11. Painstaking digging is why something didn’t work. Understand that it doesn’t matter anymore. Of course, you definitely need to take some time to analyze, which will contribute to your growth and will avoid such errors in the future. But otherwise, the constant obsession with your wrong actions will simply bury you in your own sadness.

12. The way those around you determine. Labels and stereotypes are not a definition of who you are, they are simply ideas people use to help them identify you. Naturally, such characteristics should not have a decisive influence on how you perceive yourself.

13. Jokes. Sometimes people don’t understand that a joke is just a joke, and all they need to do is just enjoy it. You will stop laughing if you start looking all the time for a deeper meaning in every word that someone mutters.

14. Each little thing hides a deeper spiritual or philosophical meaning. The secret of magic in many ways is to remain unaware of certain things. In the end, you will never know what you are not supposed to know.

If knowledge of something remains hidden for you, then there is a reason. Enjoy this secret.

15. Writing a letter. Sometimes we just focus on composing the perfect letter, although when it reaches the addressee, they simply scan it quickly and immediately forget about it.

Of course, careful word selection or comprehension of what you want to say matters. But fixation on such things, which completely prevents you from sending an email, is just stupid.

16. That your page on the social network tells a lot about you. Probably, many will not agree, but the person who literally lives in social networks is driven by the hypertrophied idea that identification depends on how other people perceive us.

17. What would your former self think about you now? We all have such moments when we think: I would be so disappointed five years ago … I would be so surprised five years ago … Forget about the old “yourself”, it has left you for a reason.

The new “you” also makes decisions for a reason, therefore, respect both who you were and who you became.

The post 17 things to stop thinking about all the time appeared first on proverbesdamour.

https://proverbesdamour.com/?p=2293

[theconservativebrief]

Even the trailer for the documentary Won’t You Be My Neighbor, about the legendary children’s television figure Fred Rogers, had a lot of people in tears. But the film, which has been touring the festival circuit before making its theatrical debut on June 8, doesn’t traffic in nostalgia.

Instead, director Morgan Neville (20 Feet From Stardom, Best of Enemies) was motivated to make the film by a deep-seated belief that what Rogers had to offer to the world over decades of his show is missing from our culture today — and desperately needed.

So the movie is less of a cradle-to-grave biographical documentary and more of an argument for simple kindness and empathy of the kind Rogers displayed. And, it turns out, that message can move us to tears even as adults.

Neville talked with me by phone about making the film, Rogers’s Christian faith, and whether TV and movies can still unite us today.

The following conversation has been edited lightly for clarity.

Morgan Neville talks about his film Won’t You Be My Neighbor in May 2018. Araya Diaz/Getty Images

Alissa Wilkinson

Where do you start in making a film like Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Morgan Neville

From the beginning, I wanted to make a film about ideas. In fact, when I first went to Pittsburgh and met everybody including the family, when I met [Fred’s widow] Joanne Rogers, I said, “I don’t want to make a film about the biography of Fred. I want to make a film about the ideas of Fred Rogers.”

And she smiled and said, “I love that, because Fred always said his own story would make the most boring film of all time.” I disagree! But I think the idea from the beginning was not to make a film about nostalgia, but to make a film about these ideas that are timeless, and in fact timely.

So making the film was a very instinctual, emotional reaction to listening to a bunch of speeches Fred Rogers gave and feeling like this is a voice that’s missing in our culture today. How do I reintroduce that voice? That’s kind of an unusual way of thinking about making a film. But when I respond emotionally to something, then I figure that other people may too.

The difficulty with a character like Fred Rogers is he’s in many ways a quintessential two-dimensional character, in the popular conception, with no dramatic tension and no character development. The reality is he was a very dimensional person, with a lot of dramatic tension and a lot of self-doubt.

There were a number of hints that I got early on, before I actually started making the film. When I was still deciding on that first trip to Pittsburgh, I went to the Fred Rogers Center and spent a day going through materials there to kind of get a better sense of where this story might go. The first thing I looked at was the Bobby Kennedy assassination special, because it only aired one time and it was never repeated, and I’d read about it. But I hadn’t been able to see it. When I watched that episode, I knew I could make a film. Any doubts I had about depth or dramatic tension were gone.

So that was kind of my toehold as a filmmaker: to understand that [Rogers’s story] feels so simple but actually has so much complexity. A lot of the struggles I have had are the same struggles that Fred had — he made a show that was very simple and very deep. But we tend to mistake simple for superficial. How do you make something that’s very straightforward but also profound? Because I think that’s what Fred did.

At a certain point, you have to just kind of lean into the sincerity of the subject. He’s such an emotionally honest person, and to make a film that is so uncynical feels almost radical in today’s culture.

Alissa Wilkinson

You get the impression he’s a kind of countercultural figure, something we might not have detected as children. The Bobby Kennedy assassination episode is especially surprising because most of us probably never saw it, since it only aired once. What was it about that episode specifically that really struck you as a linchpin for the film?

Neville talks about his film at the Sundance Film Festival in 2018. Robin Marchant/Getty Images

Morgan Neville

The story behind the episode is that Bobby Kennedy was killed on a Wednesday night, and his funeral was to be televised that Saturday. Fred insisted that he put together this special to air Friday night because he knew that children around the country were going to be watching on Saturday and would have questions, and they would know something bad had happened. Rather than letting those fears fester, he said, “You have to level with kids. You have to tell them. Help them. Explain to them in age-appropriate terms what the bad things in life are.” He knew from his own background that if you tell kids to not worry about things, that does not stop them from worrying.

In fact, I think he felt that the greatest — I don’t know if he’d call it evil, but I think he thought the most negative forces in our lives stem from fear. Fear was the thing that festered and led to things like anger and hatred and resentment. So he was always about trying to quell fear.

The episode showed me somebody who just was speaking to children. But as an adult watching it, it resonated in a whole different way. And you realized that we all live in a culture with a certain amount of trauma, and we tend to not process those things. It felt like we all need to process our fears with a little more Fred Rogers.

Alissa Wilkinson

Something interesting about the film was how many people talked about how Rogers saw his show as “ministry.” That might be a surprising feature of his life for some people, that so much of his work was rooted in that part of his life.

Morgan Neville

Fred was a Presbyterian minister, but he studied all religions. He was very interested in Catholicism. He was very close with Henri Nouwen, the religious philosopher. He studied Quakerism quite a bit. He studied various Christian denominations. He read the Bible every morning. But he also studied Judaism and Islam and Buddhism. He spoke Hebrew; he spoke Greek. He was very much a seeker.

I felt like what he was doing was looking for the common humanist values that exist in most of the world’s religions and trying to impart those — that kind of basic morality that undergirds most of the world’s religions. That’s what I find so powerful. His show was not overtly Christian. It’s humanist.

When I started trying to digest his message down to something, what I came up with was “radical kindness.” But I think Fred himself would have called it grace, because he talked about the concept of grace quite a bit. Grace is the idea of bestowing good to people, even if they don’t deserve it, and with no expectation of anything back. It’s a selfless idea of putting good into the world and treating people with understanding and kindness.

That shouldn’t feel like a radical notion, but we live in a culture that often expects something in return for good deeds. That kind of selfless kindness and civility feels radical, in a way. But it shouldn’t.

I think part of what I wanted to do with the film was just have a discussion, to ask the most basic questions about how we should be living together and how we should be behaving. We live in a culture that incentivizes disgraceful behavior, that incentivizes divisiveness. (I made a film called Best of Enemies, which is all about that.)

It’s about thinking about the neighborhood we all have together as being something that must be nurtured and not taken for granted. The more we live in a culture that presumes we will always have a neighborhood, the more fragile it becomes, and the more dangerous it becomes. I know that all sounds heavy, but it does feel urgent.

Fred Rogers and his trolley in a promotional photo from the 1980s. Family Communications Inc./Getty Images

Alissa Wilkinson

You brought up your film Best of Enemies, which I was thinking about while watching this film. This is something that you keep going back to as a filmmaker: the way we got to where we are, and how our interpersonal relationships have changed based on the way we talk to one another. Best of Enemies argues that TV made it worse because it rewards loud, bombastic rhetoric. But Fred Rogers was trying to counteract just that thing.

Morgan Neville

Yeah, absolutely. Without a doubt. It’s a subject I come back to again and again — how culture is, and how we can find a way of communicating with each other. I feel like the tragedy of Best of Enemies is that you have two cultural figures [Gore Vidal and William F. Buckley] who were grown-ups, who were free thinkers, who I think lamented the thing that their debates gave birth to. Even though they didn’t like each other, they liked the fact that they could come together and have a platform to have a discussion in front of everybody.

So it’s this question of television as a place where you can build community. Fred says it in the documentary: ”Television could build a community, a real community.” I feel like we live in a time where television’s doing the opposite. It’s dividing us, along with everything else. That lost opportunity is something that I want people to reflect upon.

Alissa Wilkinson

You’re a filmmaker. Do you ever feel conflicted about exploring these ideas on yet another screen? Or do you see the potential in the medium?

Morgan Neville

I mean, it’s interesting because I made this film for everybody. There’s a lot of debate in the documentary world about who our audiences are. Are we making films for each other? Are we preaching to the converted? Are we all in our own filter or bubble today?

So I think very consciously about trying to make films or TV shows that anybody can watch and recognize something of their own experience in. I feel like this is a film that anybody can take ownership over. Having screened it for a number of different types of audiences, I feel like it has that potential.

For me, it’s not because I want the biggest audience — which would be nice! — but it’s really because I feel like if you can remind people of the things they agree about, then maybe we haven’t passed the tipping point of keeping our neighborhood together.

Original Source -> Morgan Neville on making a movie about Fred Rogers’s “radical kindness”

via The Conservative Brief

#IFTTT #The Conservative Brief

[thewayshefeels1]

There’s no good guys left... and other lies we tell ourselves

I totally get it girls. The last guy you slept with never called you again and the one before hooked up with your ex best friend. They say they love natural girls best yet they like girls photos who have fake butts, fake hair, fake everything. So this must mean all guys suck right? Wrong. I used to be a man hater myself. I’ll admit it. “Men are a lost cause” was my religion & I used to share it with anyone who would listen. “All guys are assholes and only want one thing. Men can’t be trusted. I wish I could just be a lesbian.” Maybe one of these is true… the lesbian part. Or half true at least since I am bisexual. But I digress gals… why do we spread this rumor we know is false? Why do we convince ourselves that it’s true? To make ourselves feel better perhaps? In hopes that IF ONLY we lived somewhere else we would find the man of our dreams. Well I’m here to bust this myth once and for all. It wasn’t long ago I said to my friend, “guys are jerks & only care about sex” This might’ve rung true for me at the time… maybe I was frustrated with a situation I was dealing with or was subjected to some unappealing male behavior at some point during my day. However, I know this is far from the truth. I love men. My first crush was when I was 4 years old. His name was Jimmy and he was a teenager. I apparently really had the hots for him. I had a new crush every year after that. Kindergarten, first grade, and so on until 4th grade when I thought I found my first love, Nick. I liked him for 3 years. Fast-forward many years later, my mom still tells me I’m boy crazy. And as much as I wish I could turn off my feelings and attraction for the opposite sex, it’s not going to happen. No matter how many times I get burned, my heart won’t give up. Yes, I am bisexual but if I ever saw myself married, I’d say it’d be to a man. I for one, know what it’s like to encounter the worst of the worst. I attract narcissists, abusers, I’ve been played, lied to, used, time and time again, yet I still keep trying... I know I’m not alone in this; women have this fantasy of happily ever after since childhood. Fairytales and rom coms definitely don’t help. Still, after everything I’ve been through [don’t get me started] I still believe in love. I’m not proud of this per se… like I said, I wish I could just switch to being a full on lesbian rather than bi at times… girls are gentle and sensitive, sweet and delicate, whereas guys tend to be hostile, aggressive and shut down emotionally. But I know myself and I know this is what I like in a man [to an extent]. I’ve tended to lean towards the more dominant male… perhaps since I’m more of a submissive type. I’ve definitely avoided men and have gone to great lengths to steer clear of anything with a penis. I didn’t have much guy friends when I was a kid. I struggled with severe social anxiety and my social phobia was debilitating and made me extremely awkward, especially around boys. In high school my relationship with guys didn’t get any better, I just craved their attention and tried to impress them by any means necessary. My first actual male friends were in twelfth grade but still, I felt I had to live up to this expectation. It wasn’t until 2014 that I started developing strong, intimate connections with members of the opposite sex. I got a retail job at Target… exciting right? Well it was. It was probably the best thing that ever happened to me until that point since I didn’t know how to interact or communicate with anybody. My friendships were superficial and I felt very alone. I have since (temporarily) quit Target, but from it I have gained a numerous amount of friends. Although when I’m dating someone, this can be an issue since jealousy creeps in… but I promise, guys and girls can be just friends. So where am I going with this? I am trying to say, not all men are bad. Please trust me on this. There are loads of great guys out there. I didn’t believe it either until recently, but most of my friends now are male. I have maybe two good girlfriends and the rest are men. We are nothing more and I love these guys to death. Being the only girl hanging with a large group of guys in the past would’ve sent me running for the hills. I would’ve thought they’d attack me or have hidden agendas but in reality I trust these guys with my life. They have protected me from harm, been there for me in times of great stress and danger, and love me for who I am, all made up or bare faced. It’s because of them, and other important male figures in my life like my dad and old therapist, that there’s more amazing guys out there. It may just not be what we’re exposed to on a daily basis. I need you to find one guy as a role model so you don’t lose all hope. It can be your brother, a friend, coworker; really any guy you know that has a huge heart. It can be easy to get frustrated and discouraged, especially if you’ve had loads of negative experiences like me with the opposite sex. But it starts with looking for the good in people, not vice versa. It also helps to learn the psychology of the male species. This post isn’t just for you, it’s sort of a mini reminder to myself. If we continue to spread the word “all men are dogs, rude and disrespectful” we are doing ourselves a great disservice. It’s true, a lot of guys can be that way, but let’s not forget, so can we! We all have positive and negative qualities inside us, it just depends what we choose to act on. We must stop categorizing and putting everyone into a box because when we do this, we are no better than people who discriminate against a certain race, etc. If you look for the bad in people, then you will see just that. There’s light and dark all around us, it just depends what you focus on. We tell ourselves these lies so we don’t have to take a deeper look inside ourselves. But that is precisely where we must begin if we are going to find real love.

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[batubertulis]

Not Knowing, Non-Being, and the Power of Nothingness

by Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, with Hilary Hart July 20, 2015 Desert and void. The Uncreated is waste and emptiness to the creature. Not even sand. Not even stone. Not even darkness and night. A burning wilderness would at least be “something.” It burns and is wild. But the Uncreated is no something. Waste. Emptiness. Total poverty of the Creator; yet from this poverty springs everything.1 (Thomas Merton) Almost everything that has been written about spiritual life in the West is about what happens from the plane of pure being down into the planes of manifestation. Awakening to the peace and wholeness of the Higher Self, mindfulness, selfless service, or working with the archetypes and the energies of the Earth—all take place in the realms of existence. But there is another esoteric science, a very different set of spiritual teachings that have to do with the hidden face of God, the invisible substance of the Absolute that is both here and not here. Because just as the Absolute is, the Absolute is not. Mystical intelligence that touches into the void becomes an open window into the vast emptiness of the Absolute, has an important role to play in how the Absolute creates, transforms, and destroys its world. But there is no spiritual knowledge on the plane of non-being. There is not-knowing. One can’t explain how to work with nothingness, because it’s not a “how to.” How can you “do” something with nothing? How can you even find what does not exist? But it is important to know that the nothingness is real. It is a very powerful dimension because the energy of the Absolute has not been dispersed yet; it hasn’t been scattered into fragments, refracted into form. Consider how sunlight functions. Sunlight streams through the darkness of space where it is invisible. As soon as it hits the plane of manifestation the light refracts into the brilliance of form and color. It is only after light is reflected that it becomes visible, but at that same moment of reflection some quality of the light is lost. If one looks at the leaves of a tree, one is seeing the sunlight reflected from a beautiful form, but the sunlight itself has become diminished. It is no longer as pure—a quality of its essential nature is no longer present. It is the same with energies of Absolute Truth. Once energy comes into the plane of manifestation it is not only dispersed but it is harder to work with. It is much denser. It moves more slowly. It has already become defined. Even a thought-form already belongs to the plane of manifestation. While our thoughts are easier to change than a building, it is still more difficult than working with energy before it has become constricted by form. In nothingness, there is tremendous freedom because there are no restrictions—who or what is there to create any restriction? Life needs human beings whose consciousness can work within the nothingness. Particularly, it needs the love and power that is there. Within the void is love in its completeness—love that is undifferentiated, unlimited, and very, very pure. Love is the substance of the universe, the substance of life. Love is the greatest power in creation. The energy of love spins the atoms, spins the world, spins the galaxies. In the void, love starts to sing, and it sings its own song rather than the song you want it to sing. If you can let love do what it wants to do then it can take you somewhere else entirely, into the beyond of the beyond, into life’s deepest mystical mystery. Here, at the source of the Source is love’s deepest truth, which is also our truth. It is the same with power. In the void, power has not yet been diminished by the structures of creation or the dynamics of human beings. There are no hierarchies or power dynamics, no abuse or misuse. Pure power has the potential to create, transform, and destroy anything and everything—in an instant. For centuries, mystics have worked between the worlds, at the intersection of nothing and something, in service to the evolution of the whole. Working in nothingness gives us access to a dimension free from definitions and free from any form of corruption. And all our definitions belong to the past. If there is any hope for the future—if the future is going to be real—it must be free of the contamination that restricts what is and what will be with what has gone before. Levels of Reality In order to align our intelligence with the nothingness, we need to remember that we are made in the image of God; we are microcosm of the entire universe. This means that our consciousness has access to all levels of existence and non-existence. We have forgotten how many levels of reality there are, and that each level has its own laws. For example, the law of cause and effect governs the physical plane. As Newton said, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. We see examples of this law all around us. On the level of the Higher Self, or the Soul, there are different sets of laws. The Self is a plane of oneness, and oneness works differently from the physical world, which is a plane of multiplicity. In oneness, individuals are known by their unique true nature and yet are also one with all life. While on the plane of the Self everything is revealed according to its true nature, on the plane of nothingness, everything is absorbed back into its very essence. Just as darkness absorbs light, nothingness absorbs and yet at the same times reveals the very essence of what is. But the plane of nothingness is not separate, it is not “other.” Rather, it is an integral part of the whole. It might be distinct from the plane of the Self or Soul, but it is not separate from it. When our intelligence knows itself to be part of an interrelated whole, life is free and dynamic, flowing from level to level. The experience of miracles is the phenomenon of a higher level of reality interceding or influencing another plane. Such experiences are not conditioned by effort; rather they are expressions of grace. Today, we continually solidify the energy of life, demanding that life express itself through things we can see and feel and own. This fundamental materialism has taken a great toll on us as well as on every level of creation, denying both the reality of other dimensions and restricting how all dimensions—including the dimension of non-being—can work together. This solidity has even crept into our spiritual traditions. We think of “enlightenment” as a place of perpetual rest—like being a passenger on a cruise ship, sea-breezes caressing us into eternity. Yes, there is great peace on the plane of the Self. But realization of the Self is not the end of the journey. Beyond the Self is what is not. The Self is a fulcrum between these dimensions, a dynamic gateway between being and non-being. The intelligence of the Self knows that everything is present at each moment of time. Life is filled with emptiness. And the emptiness is pulsating with love. The Power of Attention In order to work with nothingness, we need the right attitude, attention, and intention. We need the right intelligence. We need to remember that attention does not need something as an object. Rather, attention is a receptive state of being. In Sufism, attention is subtly linked to intention, which is an attitude of mind, an attitude of being, which carries with it a whole mystical tradition of adab. Adab refers to “courtesy of behavior.” From a superficial view, adab might look like simple politeness or a prescribed way of acting. But in fact, adab is based on the relationship between the soul and God—the way the soul is before God. Over time, this fundamental inner relationship that includes humility, respect, devotion, and continual watchfulness becomes part of our daily pattern of behavior—our way of interacting with life, with each other, with the path, and with the Absolute. Meditation can be a foundation for this kind of attention, but there is a danger to making what is a fundamental capacity of the Self a special “practice.” The contemporary Tibetan Buddhist Rinpoche Namkhai Norbu tells a story about a 13th-century Dzogchen master:2 The great Dzogchen master, Yungton Dorje Pal, was asked: “What meditation do you do?” And he replied: “What would I meditate on?” So his questioner concluded: “In Dzogchen you don’t meditate, then?” But Yungton Dorje Pal replied: “When am I ever distracted?” Attention has to do with the practice of witnessing, described in the Mundaka Upanishad through the story of the two birds sitting on a branch of a tree. One bird eats the sweet fruit of the tree while the other bird looks on, without eating. This mysterious passage describes the aspect of ourselves involved in life and the aspect that seems not to be—the part that simply watches. Spiritual practices like meditation help awaken this “witness,” what the Sufis call the shaheed. Witnessing is not an abstraction from life, but rather a multi-dimensional participation, a way to be of service. At its deepest, this quality of attention participates in the remembrance of the Absolute on all levels. Ibn ‘Arabi calls the mystic “the pupil in the eye of humanity,”3 through which God sees His own world. Without human consciousness, especially the awakened intelligence of the heart, the Absolute is not known, does not know Itself. This is reflected in the primordial covenant, when the soul of the not-yet-created humanity was asked, “Am I not your Lord?” and they replied, “Yes we witness it.”4 We aspire to remember and live the soul’s covenant. Witnessing encompasses both presence and absence, for it cannot take place solely from within creation. If the witness were solely in the created world, the witnessing would be veiled by creation. It would be like the bird focused only on the sweet fruit. Rather, part of the witness remains outside of creation—the second bird that “looks on.” From behind the veils of creation, it can see and know the Real throughout all levels of reality. In Sufi esoteric science the different spiritual centers within the heart embrace different levels of reality, and these centers, or “chambers of the heart,” each carry a unique spiritual consciousness. Each center of consciousness witnesses a different level of reality, from the outer chamber, qalb, which awakens us to our longing for God, to the inner chamber of khafi, which witnesses the dark light of the primal nothingness of non-existence, and then beyond into the innermost chamber, which experiences only Absolute Truth.5 Witnessing is a way of remembering the Real, and reminding the Real of its own divinity, that it is “Lord.” At certain times, this quality of inner and outer attention needs to become more active. Something in one’s life will call us to be awake in a new way. This call will be different for different people. It likely will not be what we expect, what we are hoping for, what we want. Something at work, something in an ordinary day, or a thought or hint of something … An insight in meditation, maybe even a scent in the air or a gust of wind across a field. Something in life has a need for one’s conscious attention—it might last a few seconds, or a week or even a year. In these moments if one responds with the right attitude, the right intention, then one experiences an active intelligence that is both present and absent. One becomes a doorway. Something can be born into life that wasn’t there before; an aspect of the Absolute can come alive for the first time. It is part of spiritual training to be present and watchful, prepared for these moments where the worlds come together. If one catches these moments when the levels of reality are aligned, when the doors of grace are opening, when all one has to do is pay attention and be willing to follow, then the whole of life—inner and outer—changes. Such moments come in our individual lives as well as in our collective lives—times when forces in the inner and outer worlds are aligning to support change, moments that require our full watchfulness and attention. As Shakespeare writes in Julius Caesar, There is a tide in the affairs of men, Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life Is bound in shallows and in miseries.6 At this moment in our global history the tide in the affairs of men is turning. This turning,7 this evolutionary moment, needs our full attention. We can remember how to watch; we can remember how to catch these moments, how to see beneath the surface. Nothingness helps us be attentive. With one foot in nothingness, with one ear attuned to silence, we are infinitely watchful and undisturbed. Ordinary Life The ground of nothingness is ordinary life. “Chop wood, carry water” is a way of living that allows life to be itself and frees the different levels of reality from our spiritual projections, our expectations and disappointments. The more one is absorbed into nothingness the more important it is to remain grounded in outer life. In fact much of the mundanity of a mystical path has a deep purpose. It is the immersion in ordinariness combined with the awareness of what is beyond the physical world that allows a certain key to be turned, a certain lock to be opened. It is tremendously powerful to be here and there, in being and non-being both. This human capacity to become a nexus of the inner and outer, of non-being and being, of what is written and what is not yet written, is key to aligning the worlds and keeping life in balance. Life was made to function not as just the outer plane of reality, but as a multi­dimen­sional, interrelating reality. And there need to be those who know this secret. Present in both the inner and outer world, one learns to serve the world, serve life, serve others without effort. This is a very careful balance. If one takes upon oneself the onerous responsibility of service, then the ego easily gets caught in it; the psyche gets encumbered by it. But being engaged in an ordinary life allows us to be of service without the burden of thinking we can solve the world’s or other people’s problems, which brings with it self-importance and, worse, spiritual self-importance. On a true mystical path, one has lost so much. One is so lost. And at the same time, life becomes more alive, more dynamic. It has always been the emptiness at the center that allows things to happen. Lao Tzu, the ancient Taoist philosopher, understood the profound functionality of what is not there: Thirty spokes share the wheel’s hub; It is the center hole that makes it useful. Shape clay into a vessel; It is the space within that makes it useful. Cut doors and windows for a room; It is the holes that make it useful. Therefore profit comes from what is there; Usefulness from what is not there.8 Life is dying. Life needs the freedom that belongs to nothingness, to what is not yet defined. Then it can be sustained by the primal energy that comes through all the levels of creation, from the Source into every grain of sand. There is a way to allow nothingness to benefit humanity—to give humanity breathing space, because where you don’t exist you can relax. There is no struggle. Grace needs this space. And the whole of life needs what can be given only through grace. We have so many images and stories about the relationship of emptiness and grace, though they too often sit on shelves in libraries nobody visits. This Zen koan tells of Subhuti, a disciple of the Buddha:9 One day, in a mood of sublime emptiness, Subhuti was resting under­neath a tree when flowers began to fall about him. “We are praising you for your discourse on emptiness,” the gods whispered to Subhuti. “But I have not spoken of empti­ness,” replied Subhuti. “You have not spoken of emptiness, we have not heard emptiness,” responded the gods. “This is the true emptiness.” The blos­soms showered upon Subhuti as rain. And Rumi said: No more words. In the name of this place we drink in with our breathing, stay quiet like a flower. So the nightbirds will start singing.10 Through emptiness, the blossoms can fall like rain. Through silence, the song of the nightbirds rings out. In the nothingness, the heart of the world has space to spin, has silence to sing.♦ Notes 1 Thomas Merton, “Cables to the Ace,” Collected Poems of Thomas Merton (New York: New Directions, 1967). 2 Namkhai Norbu, ed. John Shane, The Crystal and the Way of Light: Sutra, Tantra, and Dzogchen (Ithaca, NY: Snow Lion Publications, 2000), 112. 3 “He [Man] stands to God as the pupil, which is the instrument of vision, to the eye; and for this reason he is named a Man. By means of him God beheld His creatures and had mercy on them.” Quoted by Bhatnagar, Dimensions of Classical Sufi Thought (Delhi: Motilal Banarsidass, 1984), 94. In this sense man’s coming into existence makes the process of creation complete. Meister Eckhart makes a similar statement, “the eye in which I see God is the same eye in which God sees me. My eye and God’s eye are one eye and one seeing, one knowing and one loving.” Robert J. Dobie, Logos and Revelation: Ibn ‘Arabi, Meister Eckhart, and Mystical Hermeneutics (Washing­ton, DC: The Catholic University of America Press, 2010), 215. 4 Qur’an 7:172. 5 See Vaughan-Lee, “Chambers of the Heart,” Fragments of a Love Story (Point Reyes, CA: The Golden Sufi Center, 2011), 17–39. 6 Julius Caesar Act 4, scene 3, 218–221. 7 The Buddhist environmentalist Joanna Macy calls it “The Great Turning,” the shift from an industrial growth society to a life-sustaining civilization. 8 Lao Tzu, trans. Gia-Fu Feng and Jane English, Tao Te Ching (New York: Random House, Vintage Books 1972), 21. 9 Paul Reps and Nyogen Senzaki, Zen Flesh, Zen Bones: A Collection of Zen and Pre-Zen Writings (Boston: Tuttle Publishing, 1998), 53. 10 Jalal Al-Din Rumi, trans. Coleman Barks, Night and Sleep (Cambridge, MA: Yellow Moon Press, 1981). Reprinted by permission from For Love of the Real: A Story of Life’s Mystical Secret by Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, with Hilary Hart (Nov. 2015, The Golden Sufi Center: www.goldensufi.org) Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee is a Sufi mystic and lineage holder in the Naqshbandiyya-Mujaddidiyya Sufi Order. He is the founder of The Golden Sufi Center and the author of several books including “Spiritual Ecology” and “Darkening of the Light.” For more information, please visit www.goldensufi.org Hilary Hart is a teacher and author (Body of Wisdom: Women’s Spiritual Power and How It Serves, 2013); www.hilaryhart.org.