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cissyenthusiast010155 · 3 months

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She’s Been to Hell And Back ~S13!Alex Cabot xFem Wife!Reader(feat. Casey, Rita, Liz, Liv & Amanda)

Summary— Alex is kidnapped and tortured. That’s pretty much it. It’s a very long and indulgent fic of Alex x Reader.

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: [MATURE], explicit torture, violence, kidnapping, humiliation, implied torture, angst, anxiety attacks, knife, guns, torture devices, branding, cigarette burns, burning, begging, crying, and so much more mature content, Rita being an aunt and a boss bitch, Liz losing her shit, Munch being munch, Amaro being an asshat, Casey barely keeping it together, read at your own risk!!

Enjoy (;

You stepped into the SVU squad room, looking around at the major bustling and chaos of the room. You fidgeted with the hem of your shirt anxiously, biting your lips and nails as well. You were frozen. You couldn’t process it all. Your eyes then landed on a person who you knew could help.

Casey.

Casey had been the one to call you. She hadn’t told you much, only that you need to come to svu immediately. You had dropped work for this. Left straightaway. It all made you extremely anxious. Why would they need you…? Unless…

You shook the terrible thoughts coming up out of your mind, instead springing into action. You walked up to Casey in the middle of the chaos.

“Hey Case!” You called to the redhead who was swiftly fluttering through pages.

Casey jumped at her name and her eyes shot up to you. Suddenly her gaze softened and she looked at you with concern.

“Y/N’s here!!” Casey shot across the room, and everyone practically stopped in their tracks and looked at you.

You gulped and looked around anxiously, pulling your bag closer to you defensively.

“Case… what’s going on…?” You stammered.

Casey couldn’t meet your gaze. Olivia suddenly came out of the Captain’s office and walked through the squad room, followed by Cragen peeking out of his office, telling everyone to get back to work. The shuffling and bustling immediately picked back up again. The noise wasn’t helping you one bit.

You suddenly felt a hand on your back shoulder, and you jumped slightly. You turned around, relaxing a bit to see it was only Olivia with a warm and caring smile.

“Y/N, let’s go into Cragen’s office, yeah…?” The brunette gently suggested.

After you slowly nodded with parted lips of confusion, Olivia led you by her hand on your back to the Captain’s office. She opened the door for you and closed it behind the two of you. Both SVU members looked tense and concerned.

“What exactly… is going on…?” You tensed out through partially gritted teeth, frustration now hitting you in waves.

Olivia guided you to sit down with her, before she but her lip and explained,

“Y/N… Alex didn’t show up for court a couple of hours ago… We… don’t know where she is. She’s not answering her phone, we can’t track it, it’s dead.”

Your heart sunk. And there was now a limp in your throat. Your heart only raced faster and you suddenly felt dizzy.

Olivia could tell that this was a lot to take in, so she gently held you on both sides of your arms.

“That’s not all…” Cragen sighed.

You looked up at the Captain with glossy eyes and a trembling lip.

“W-what…?” You stammered, bringing your arms into your chest and holding yourself.

“We think Alex was… taken.” He explained slowly.

“W-why would you think that…??” You exclaimed, the anger in you now swelling.

Cragen and Olive exchanged looks. Cragen nodded and relented into the brunettes insistence.

“Come on, let me show you something.” Olivia softly spoke.

She led you outside to the squad room and the media corner. Next to all the screens there was a board. A board of at least 100 photographs. And they were all of Alex. Alex and all the people she interacted with. You were on there, and so was Olivia, and Casey, and Rita, and Liz, and Amanda, and so on.

The pictures were practically Alex’s entire life since she’d been with you. This was years of photos. Some of them looked like they could have been snapped by a news reporter outside the courts. But others, much more intimate pictures of the two of you, could have only been captured by active camera surveillance.

You gasped, bringing your hand to your mouth, as you let out a choked sob that you couldn’t contain anymore. Your stomache sunk. You proceeded to collapse on the floor, and were lucky that Amanda was right by you. The Southern blonde was quick to scoop you up and guide you to take a seat in her desk chair.

She then tried to talk to you, but your mind was spiraling. Suddenly a big boom of stacks of paperwork falling across the squad room brought you back to reality with a jolt.

“Y/N? Y/N, there you are, ‘hun. Hey. Heyyy. It’s going to be okay, alright…?” Amanda reassured you.

“But h-how… do you know that…?” You choked out, the tears continuing to pour out.

At that, Amari and Fin walked into the squad room.

“It’s out lucky day! Perp’s blood was at the scene, that girl put up a fight…!” Amara exclaimed, not having realized that you were there.

You immediately stood up and turned to face Amaro. Nick’s eyes went wide and his face struggled to give away the fact that he knew he had fucked up.

“What scene? What…?? What happened??” You exclaimed with a gasp, frustration and anger running through your veins once more.

Amanda pulled you towards her and into her embrace. Her touch calmed you a little, but right now, you really needed it to be Alex’s touch. After a minute, her hug actually and surprisingly helped.

“Thanks…” you muttered.

Amanda shrugged and smiled lightly, as if it was nothing.

“Learned that in Atlanta, had a partner who had anxiety attacks.” The blonde told you, “It’s a grounding thing.”

You listened and nodded along. But your mind quickly started to wander back to Alex again.

“Wait what scene? Do you know where she was taken…??” You asked.

Amanda sighed and stood up, telling you to wait here. She checked in with Cragen in his office, before coming back to you and grabbing her keys.

“Come on, let’s go for a ride.” Amanda told you, indicating for you to follow her.

You gulped and nodded, silently following the Southern blonde with your wobbly legs. You two got into her patrol car, and she began driving. The ride was silent. You had now become numb, your feelings too much to bear. You didn’t want to go down the rabbit hole of what could go wrong… So you stayed in the ignorance of feeling numb.

After about 15-20 minutes, Amanda pulled up to you and Alex’s shared brownstone. You gulped as your eyes widened as it began to click for you.

“This is…” you stammered, trying to find the words.

“Come on, Darling. I’ll explain inside.” Amanda gently reassured you, squeezing your left hand caringly, before getting out of the car.

You followed the blonde detective up the steps of your brownstone and inside. No one was here anymore. But it was a mess, all taped up with crime scene tape and marked with evidence markers and such. It made your stomache flip upside down when you saw blood on the kitchen doorway.

“What Amaro said, that asshole… was that Alex didn’t go down without a fight…” Amanda explained, taking your hand in reassurance as you walked through the torn apart apartment.

“Alex managed to make her kidnapper bleed.” Amanda breathed out.

At that you looked at the woman with wide eyes.

“So you can find out who they are?” You immediately asked.

Amanda bit her inner cheek and looked way slightly.

“Yeaaa ideally yes… but we already ran it, and he’s not in the system…” she explained.

Any and all hope that you had just gained was lost all over again. Amanda squeezed your hand again in reassurance.

“So what’s next…? What can I do?” You asked, desperate to do anything, to get her back, to see her again.

“First, we are going to walk through your place and go through the events, at least what we know. See if any of it jogs your memory of like someone who would want to harm Alex…” Amanda breathed out.

You shuttered and nodded slowly.

“Then when Olivia and Cragen give the go ahead, I’ll take you back to svu and Olivia will properly interview you…”

You gulped, yet nodded again.

“Ok, let’s do it…” you breathed out.

Amanda nodded and guided you by your hand, walking you through the scene. All your feelings came crashing back as the blonde detective walked you through the theory SVU had of what happened.

Alex hadn’t even left for the office yet, having not needed to go in as early that day… You and already left for work, when someone had come to the door. Alex must have known the person, because she let them in (or they had a gun). The main struggle was in the kitchen. SVU assumed that Alex had most likely tried to reason with whomever the perp was, but it went south in the kitchen. Alex’s blood was on the counter, in a circular mark that upheld that the assailant had violently cracked Alex’s head down upon the counter. There were also blood splatters of Alex’s going from the kitchen and out the door, by the amount and pattern of the blood, it was assumed that the assailant had shot Alex somewhere in the leg, but hadn’t hit a major artery or vein. Luckily, on the kitchen doorway, there was Alex’s bloody partial print, but there blood wasn’t hers. The theory was that before the shooter had incapacitated her, she got a swing or two in, and then when he dragged her out, she made one last attempt to grasp the doorway, leaving the perps blood.

Your heart was pounding in your ears three times as fast as earlier. Tears were pouring down your face and you hadn’t even realized it. Amanda squeezed your hand tighter, as she asked you if it sounded like someone you knew or if it triggered any memories.

“N-no… Mm sorry…” you gasped out in between sobs.

The Southern blonde now came in front of you and took both of your hands.

“Don’t be, you did so good, Y/N.” Amanda comforted you, before receiving a ding on her phone and checking her notifications.

It was Olivia telling Amanda to bring you back. You spent the car ride opposite of the last, filled with all the emotions. You were distraught, and sad, and afraid, and angry, and infuriated, and so much more. Your head was swimming, no drowning it it all. You just wanted a break. You wanted Alex safe in your arms.

Amanda led you back into the squad room, passing you off to Olivia with a reassuring smile. Olivia took you into the family interview room, one that was less jarring than the brick and mortar perp interview/confession rooms. She had you sit on the couch next to her.

“Y/N, Amanda told me that you couldn’t think of anything at the crime scene…”

“Don’t… call it that…” you sputtered, having cried yourself out in the car and now hicupping instead.

Olivia sighed, “Of course, I’m sorry— At your and Alex’s home…”

You had your hands clasped in your lap and you were rocking back and forth anxiously. The brunette detective reached for your hands with her hands and tried to physically comfort you, but you jerked in response, starting to hyperventilate. The brunette detective was quick to retract and stick with her interview questions.

“Besides what you didn’t think of at the crim— your and Alex’s place— Can you think of anyone who would want to hurt you…?” Olivia prodded gently.

You shook your head and then hiccuped. Alex had her hair share of criminals who didn’t like her, but nothing she ever found concerning enough to share with you.

“Alright, what about anyone following you recently…? Notice any reoccurring faces…?” She asked.

You thought about it, going through your last months, if not years in your mind.

“I… don’t think so, no…” you stammered, with two more hiccups.

“Alright… Can I get you some water?”

“Yes please…” you whispered, not being able to handle the eye contact, so you simply shut your eyes.

Olivia muttered something with a hum, letting go of your hands, and leaving the room with the door ajar. You just sat there, with your eyes closed and shaking in your boots. You could hear the noisy clamor of the squad room from the ajar door. It was still just as chaotic, if not more. Tensions were high, and fuses were short.

Before Olivia could come back with your water, a familiar voice boomed while entering the squad room.

“Who the hell didn’t inform me about Alex going missing, and why the fuck did I need to find out like this?!”

You immediately stood up with a jolt, scrambling into the squad room to see Rita standing furiously in the middle of the room, while holding up a manila envelope with her name on it. Calhoun’s determined scowl faltered as she noticed you in the corner. She immediately lowered her mask of defense lawyer and rushed over to you.

Her hands were all of over you, checking to see if you were okay. They landed on each side of your face, as her concerned gaze looked at you.

“Hey Baby… How are you holding up…?” She asked, her eyes still scanning you up and down, before landing on your gaze when she expected an answer.

But all she got was a choked sob from you, your tears now back in full swing. The older woman immediately pulled you in for a hug, which you happily accepted. She hugged you tight and with fierce love, you could feel every fiber of her being that cared through the embrace. When Rita let you go, you wheezed and little and whipped your tears away.

Olivia had by now gotten your water and caught wind of the commotion, now coming up to you and Rita. Rita sent daggers to the brunette detective, making Olivia stop a couple feet away from you.

“What’s in the envelope…?” Olivia quipped, before extending her hand with your water in it.

Rita took the water, examined it, then gave it to you, instructing you to drink, before she considered answering Olivia. When she did, her eyes went sad. The main SVU members had surrounded the two of you, all curious as to what Rita had brought. She opened the envelope and pulled out a hard drive.

“Aha! My area of expertise…!” Munch exclaimed, taking the hard drive from Rita and going over to the media corner to open whatever files were contained within the stick.

You went to follow the rest do the team to see what was on the file, but Rita grabbed you by your arm before you could get too far. You turned back to Rita and looked at the woman who had been your mentor, aunt, mom, practically everything with confusion and glossy eyes.

“ ‘Hun, you may not want to see that…” Rita sighed with deep sadness in her eyes.

She had already seen it.

Your eyes hardened and you frowned. You quickly pulled your hand out of Rita’s grasp.

“Like hell I won’t…” you exclaimed, then turning around and walking up behind the team who were all gathered around Munch who was about to click play on a video file.

Rita came up behind you, her eyes staying on you the entire time as the video played. She watched your face whiten, watched your face wash over in horror, then a wave of anger. She watched your shock, then followed by uncontrollable sadness and tears.

Alex was in the centre of the screen, tied up and hanging by her wrists around a rusty metal bar running along the wall. Her head was hanging low. Her hair frazzled and tired. Her clothing was dirty, torn, and bloody. There was a light sway of her body as it hung from the beam. Her shoes had been discarded. The bottom half of her her stomache was on display, as her shirt was being strained from the position. Her left lower leg was bleeding, presumably from the gunshot from the struggle at the brownstone. Her forehead was all bloody from the blow to the counter.

Suddenly, a person stepped into the frame. They were wearing all black and had their face and voice masked. He had some kind of black colored weapon, almost baton looking in his hand. He laughed wickedly into the camera, before turning his attention to Alex.

“As I can’t torture all of you, unfortunately… One will have to do…” The man tilted his head as he turned on the stick and plunged it against Alex’s exposed side stomache with a cackle.

Alex’s body convulsed and jolted uncontrollably as she was she was hit with volts and volts of burning electricity. She let out a desperate groan, which turned into a silent scream as tears poured down her face, as she fought against her restraints and against the volts. After a couple solid seconds of this, the man finally retracted the insane taser torture. As he moved the torture device back, Alex’s freshly burned skin could be seen, a fresh branded circle on the side of her stomache. The man proceeded to repeat this process for multiple rounds. And the whole time, Alex fought and screamed and convulsed, as tears ran down her face and shirt. Finally, after five burning rounds, Alex passed out. And the man stopped, looking to the camera with a grin.

“No point if the bitch isn’t awake…” He chuckled wickedly, “And that was only Act 1… Dedicated to Detective Olivia Benson…”

Rage was quick to take over your enter being, all the sadness quickly forgotten. You nearly assaulted Olivia right then and there. But Rita saw this coming, and she was quick to hold you back as you attempted to pounce on the brunette detective across from you.

You scowled and fought back, the team all taking a step back from you, all of them just as shocked as you were. But Rita held you firm.

“Shhhh, Baby, it’s okay… Calm down…” Rita cooed into the shell of your ear, “It’s going to be okay, it’s not Olivia’s fault…”

After a couple seconds, Rita managed to get you to promise to not punch the older brunette detective in the face. So she let you go. You huffed and didn’t know what to do. You were hit with another wave of sudden sadness.

As you were having your life crisis, the team began speculating and conversating about what they could learn from the video and how they could find Alex. You weren’t able to focus on them or anything anymore, everything started to just fade away into black.

When you woke up, you were in Rita’s lap, back in the family interview room. For a split second, you felt at peace’s and then reality smacked you back in the face. Rita was beginning to tell you that you had passed out when you began to freak out.

“Hey, Hey. It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re safe, it’s okay.” Rita comforted you, as you sat up startled and distraught.

“N-no it’s n-not… Alex my Lex she’s… she’s…” you choked out, hyperventilating.

Rita was quick to take you into her arms on the couch and comfort you. She ran her fingers through your hair, she rubbed your arms and hands and side, calming you as best as you could.

“Hey. We are going to find this sycko who did this… ok? The team is on it…” Rita insisted and ensured you, “Take some deep breaths for me, Baby…”

You nodded shakily, your entire body shaking in Rita’s arms, as you took some deep breaths. You began to doze off in the woman’s arms, Rita was quick to encourage you to not fight it. And so you dozed off…

You awoke startled once more by a shriek echoing through the squad room and into where you and Rita were. You practically fell off the couch and scrambled out to the squad. Rita was swift behind you. Your eyes fell on Casey, who now had a Manila envelope in her hand with her name on it.

“Where did you get that??” Olivia questioned the redhead.

“I… a junior officer dropped it off… I don’t know, sorry” Casey stammered, handing it off to Olivia who opened it.

“Fin, Amanda, go find that junior officer, maybe he can give us a lead on this guy.” Cragen told his team.

Fin and Amanda nodded and left the room at once. Olivia had found another hard drive, having passed it to Munch to analyze. Rita’s eyes widened as Munch went to press play, and she tried to pull you away once more, but you only pulled away from her and to the screen with more ferocity. With a click from Munch, the video began…

Alex was still in the same position. She was awake again. But barely. Drool was coming from the sides of her mouth as her head lolled down. Her breathing was heavy and labored, affecting her entire body as it hung from the rope attached to her wrists and around the beam.

The man then came back into the camera screen. He held a knife in his hand this time. After taunting the camera, he stalked up to Alex, his free hand roughly grabbing and wrenching her blouse open. The buttons clattered to the floor as the perp moved the torn blouse aside, showing off Alex’s black bra and exposed chest and stomache.

Alex seemed to barely register anything until the knife began slicing her chest. She let out a howl at the pain, deep enough to hurt, but not deep enough to kill. He continued these slices, along her stomache, along her clothed arms as well, and all the way up to her shoulders and neck. He seemed to only be egged on by Alex’s groans and cries, which very quickly turned into begging and pleading for him to stop. Once the man reached her neck, he held the knife firmly along her throat, before speaking. The dozens of cuts all bleed into one another, practically covering Alex’s entire upper body in blood.

“Act 2 is not as bad, because you just sucked at your job…” The man sneered, “But trust me, the next one… I’d be surprised if the bitch doesn’t die… Dedicated to Rita Calhoun.”

Your knees buckled and you collapsed on the floor as Alex let out a particular blood curteling scream in the video. Tears streamed down your face as you couldn’t bring yourself to watch the rest of the video, the audio already taunting you enough. You felt your body go limp and you began to slouch and fall from your knees to the ground completely.

“Turn it off! Off!!” Rita yelled enraged, before dropping to the ground with you and comforting you.

Munch turned the video off, but not before the man was able to dedicate the video to Rita. Rita’s eyes widened and her throat went dry. The whole team stared at the two of you. Rita was dumbfounded at what this had to do with her, but she was quick to spring into action over it.

“Novak. Take Y/N to the diner down the street. She probably hasn’t eaten all day.” Rita commanded the room.

Casey’s eyes widened, and she immediately nodded in understanding.

“Of course, Rita.” Casey said, hurriedly coming over to the two of you.

You tried to protest as Rita handed you over to Casey, but Rita was stern and quickly silenced you, not that you could say anything right now with how overwhelmed you were. Casey was quick to file you out of the room.

You didn’t even remember leaving SVU or getting to the diner, all you remember is suddenly sitting with Casey looking at the late lunch menu. You were shaking and fidgeting like crazy.

Casey reached her hand across the table and squeezed your balled up fist reassuringly. You looked up to the redhead with your stained and now completely dried out eyes, having cried it all out for the second time today.

“Hey. Let’s get you some food, huh…?” Casey hummed.

You nodded slowly. The waitress came, but you couldn’t hear a thing. Casey looked at you with care and understanding, ordering for the both of you. Then once the waitress had left, her attention was on you once more.

“C-Casey…?” You whispered.

Casey leaned in and softly spoke,

“Yes…?”

“How… how are you okay…?” You whispered, a single tear rolling down your cheek as you blinked, “She’s… she’s like your best friend and you hers…”

Casey sighed and squeezed your hand again.

“Y/N, look at me.” Casey hummed, her tone breaking in a falter.

You finally looked at Casey again, and took in her appearance. You suddenly noticed the tear stains on her face and how crazy her long, normally well curled hair was.

“I am not okay. I just… suck at showing my emotions…” Casey explained gently, her own eyes beginning to gloss over as she became more vulnerable.

Your lips pressed together and you smiled lightly, nodding in understanding. You gasped slightly as you felt your phone vibrate once in your pocket. You then felt another vibration. Then one last final third vibrating. You pulled your hands into your lap, away from Casey. The redhead looked at you concerningly.

“Everything okay…?” Casey asked.

“Mm yea… just… need the restroom…” you muttered, before getting out of the diner booth and going to the back where the bathroom was.

Casey nodded, watching you leave, before getting on her phone and updating the team, as well as getting updated by what they had figured out. She let the team know that you were doing okay and that she was about to feed you. She sighed and let out a light groan, trying to process the weight of what was happening, while reading the update from the group chat.

Munch had analyzed the background of the video, having figured out that Alex was being kept in some warehouse. Which one, they had no clue.

Fin and Amanda had gotten no leads from the junior officer, apparently the envelope had been given to him by a homeless looking guy who disappeared as soon as he dropped off the package at the precinct.

Rita, Olivia, and Nick had been spending their time looking over old case files and anything that connected Olivia and Rita along with possibly Alex, in hope to find a perp or bad guy who got away somehow and wanted revenge.

When Casey was done being caught up, the food had come. But you were still in the bathroom… The redhead grew suspicious, getting up from the table and walking to the back of the diner to the bathroom. She knocked on the door, but received no answer. Quickly, she tried your cell. Straight to voicemail.

As you stepped into the bathroom, you couldn’t shake the terrible feeling about the texts, so you locked the door and immediately opened your phone. The texts were all from one unknown number.

Y/N L/N.

Then a video link.

Act 3. Elizabeth Donnelly

You didn’t even click or see the video. Not yet. You saw Liz’s name and couldn’t think of anything else. Liz would know what to do. She always knew what to do.

You carefully escaped from Casey’s gaze and hold out of the back of the diner, rushing to catch a cab to the DA’s office where Liz would most likely be. The ride wasn’t too long, but you still couldn’t bring yourself to press play on that video. Liz would know what to do. She always did.

Once your reached Liz’s office, you didn’t even knock, simply barging in. Liz was talking with a few DA’s, and she was about to dig into whoever interrupted them, but then she saw your state.

“Leave. All of you, now!” Liz ordered, shooing the attorneys away.

You quickly shut and locked the door behind you. Liz looked you up and down.

“Y/N, what is going on…?” The older woman spoke firmly.

You were hyperventilating again. You could sit, you were pacing. But you had to tell her something. And you tried, but you couldn’t bring yourself to explain. Liz stood up, recognizing the signs of an anxiety attack, and coming over to you in concern. She guided you to sit with her on her office couch, asking you again, more softly this time,

“Honey, what’s the matter…?”

You let out a choked sob, bringing out your phone and clicking the video. That was the only thing you could think of. Liz watched your every movement. You pressed play.

Alex was hanging as in the last video, but her blouse was completely gone. Her breathing was shallow and barely there, but she was still alive.

The man showed back up, coming up to the camera to say hello, before quickly turning his attention to Alex once more with the same knife as before in his hands. He grabbed Alex’s chin and pulled her face to meet his gaze. Alex tried to growl and fight back, but the exhaustion on her face was evident. He had probably drugged her up real good so that she didn’t stand a chance… While the man held her face rough with one hand, his other with the knife sliced her bra into pieces. He then let her face go with a smack! before tearing the bra off her body. The vulnerable whimper that Alex let out was distinct. And it only fed into the man’s fantasies. He then bent down to her bottom half and ran the knife down her side, followed by his hands ripping her skirt open. He wrenched that off her as well, throwing it aside. Alex was now left only in her panties. She closed her eyes and went limp, as the man trailed the knife in between her legs and up against her clothed core. He then moved to her thigh and ripped her underwear off with a snap! until she was fully nude, hanging for everyone to see. Another hopeless whimper left Alex as the man suddenly smacked her ass.

Before the video could finish, Liz slammed the phone down onto the ground, effectively pausing it. Your eyes went wide and you looked at the older woman with an open mouth. She looked horrified. But Rage was quick to replace the shock.

“What?! Liz wait—!!” You exclaimed as the blonde stood up and shook her white knuckle fists.

Liz turned back to you, looking you directly in the eyes.

“What in the actual fuck is going on, Y/N?!Why in the hell are you making me watch my daughter be tortured by some psycho???” Liz shrilled.

“Lower your voice!!” You harshly whispered, swiftly standing up and getting in her face, and effectively shutting Liz up for a second with how stern you and suddenly become.

“Then you better goddamn tell me what is going on…” Liz growled.

“OK—” you exclaimed, placing your hand on your forehead and sighing.

You say down again as the overwhelming sadness hit you once more.

“Lex… was taken… didn’t show up in court…” you stammered, “Guy’s been sending… videos…” you choked up.

Liz then picked up the phone from the floor, sitting back down next to you in silence for a moment.

“How many?”

You were jolted out of your grief by her words.

“W-what…?” You stammered.

“How many videos… did he send…?” Liz spoke, trying to sound in control but her own tone faltering and cracking a little.

“This is the third. He usually talks about it in the video…” you said quietly.

This made Liz look at you and then back to the phone. She turned it on and clicked play again. You both sat in anticipation as the video continued.

Alex’s bloody, bruised, and now completely exposed body came back on screen, right where it had left off. Alex flinched as the man smacked her ass a second time.

“Shut up Bitch!! Take it, We all know you want it!!!” The man jeered, before smacking her ass a third time and then grabbing and fondling her tits.

Alex tried to pull away from his touch, she tried to yell or cry or shout, but she found that her body was not taking orders from her mind anymore. Her body had gone limp. But she could feel everything. She could see everything in her line of sight. She could hear everything.

When she went completely silent, unable to protest anymore, the man cackled again, louder and more taunting than ever. He then proceeded to come up to the camera.

“Now, I’m not gonna show you this next bit… I’m going to save that for when you find her dead body… But Act 3 is dedicated to that bitch judge, Elizabeth Donnelly…” the man jeered.

The video then went static for a second. Then the camera came back on and showed an unconscious Alex Cabot, swaying lightly back and forth. Where her body wasn’t sliced and cut, it was bruised. Where her body wasn’t bloody, it was covered in dirt, like it had been thrown at her. The faint and small outlines of cigarette burns were trailed across both of her arms and thighs. Her mouth was filled with an oozing her own blood, as if 100 fists had hit her. And her right tit was branded with a symbol, difficult to make out. All of this and so much worse would be discovered had been done to her…

The video ended and silence took the room. Suddenly you heard crying. You looked over and Liz was hunched over and crying in her lap. You weren’t sure what to do, haven’t ever seen the powerful, older woman so vulnerable before. You just instinctively wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

“I… I’m sorry. I didn’t… didn’t know what to do… I thought if I came to you…” you rambled, now feeling guilty for having brought this to Liz.

“Hush… none of that… ssnot your fault.” Liz breathed out in sniffles, accepting your embrace and pressing into you even more, “I know she’s not… my real daughter but if anything happens to her… I… I don’t know what I’d do…”

You two sobbed in each other’s arms for a while. It was only when someone came banging on Liz’s office door with no sudden warning that the two of you jumped apart and off the couch. You went to unlock the door and storming in came a furious Rita.

Rita wouldn’t even hear it from you. She took your phone immediately. All the way back to the squad room, the car was silent between the three of you.

Casey had figured out that you had run away, and she had immediately called SVU. They had divided and conquered all the places they thought you’d go. And the second Liz wasn’t answering her own phone, Casey knew that was where you had gone.

Back in the squad room, Munch began analyzing your phone. You sat in one of the detectives chairs, fidgeting and bouncing your leg, under Rita’s intense gaze. She had made you tell the team everything that had happened. She was not going to let you slip away again. Over her dead body.

Liz immediately threw a fit and started ordering people around. After looking at the files that Olivia and Amara had compiled, it took her five minutes to put it together. Liz found a perp who had escaped jail, whom Olivia had interrogated, Rita had represented and lost, She had judged, and Alex had prosecuted and won.

The second the team had their perp, they began canvassing possible areas. The man leased a piece of warehouse property near the river as it was discovered, so that’s where everyone rushed to go to.

Everyone was on edge.

“I’m gonna go!” You exclaimed to Rita.

“No you are not!!�� She shrieked back.

“Why not?!! She’s the love of my life!!!” You yelled, tears running down your face as you screamed.

“Because she might be dead, Y/N!!!!”

Practically the entire squad room went silent at this. They all stared at you and Rita. But quickly, they all began their work again, and the team ran out to the location to find Alex. Both Rita and Liz held you back as you fought to get outside and in a squad car. But they held the upper hand. You collapsed in both of their arms, desperate and exhausted, completely out of energy.

The team did indeed find Alex, although she was barely breathing. They immediately sent her to Mercy’s, where Rita and Liz already had you there waiting. You sat in the waiting room, in between the two woman, shaking and fidgeting restlessly.

Hours went by with no update. Eventually, it was all too much for you. You leaned against Rita’s shoulder for some comfort and before you could stop yourself, you were falling asleep.

“Y/N, love, wake up…” Liz gently woke you, making you snort lightly as you came back to reality.

She was offering you a hand, which you eagerly took to stand up. The nurse came up to you.

“You may see her now. One at a time please.” The nurse told the group of you.

Everyone looked at you and pretty much all agreed in unison and with mere looks that you would be the person going in to see her first.

You entered the hospital room, and immediately came up to Alex’s bedside. You felt relief wash over you that she was here with you and that she was okay. You held one of her hands as she came to.

“Mmm heyyyy…” Alex said in an extremely scratchy and hoarse voice, her head turning slowly towards you.

Tears of joy began to spill out and down your cheeks. You squeezed your wife’s hand lovingly.

“Hi Lex…” you whispered, “How are you feeling…?”

“Like someone pumped an entire pharmacy through me…” Alex groaned lightly, “mm pretty sure I was drugged… most of the time I couldn’t move or speak…” her tone got sad and overwhelmed, as tears started to form on her sapphire eyes.

“Hey hey, it’s okay.” You comforted Alex, who met your gaze again, smiling at the sight of you, “You’re safe with me now, that’s all that matters…”

Alex lightly squeezed your hand now as she smiled. It would be a long road to recovery, but the important thing is that you would be with her every step of the way.

Her squeeze on your hand faded, which you just attributed to the blonde being tired. But then her eyes closed… and then you couldn’t hear her breathing. You jolted when the heart rate monitor started going off.

Suddenly, there were 4-5 hospital staff members in the room, pushing you aside. You stood in the corner of the room, with your hands over your mouth, silent tears flooding down your face. You heard the designated coding sound come from the machine, and you collapsed onto the floor. Everything went numb.

You could vaguely hear a nurse giving you her condolences. You didn’t even reliaze that you were walking out of the room until you stood in front of the group that loved Alex the most. You were violently shaking, you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

Liz was the first own to come up to you, to see what was wrong. And Liz was the first one to understand… You fell to your knees and cried into your hands, not caring anymore. You’d lost the love of your life, your wife, your everything.

Liz looked more emotional and out of control than she’d ever been. She kept stammering that it couldn’t be true, but once a doctor came out and told the entire group the news, Liz let out a distraught wail, covering her face in her hands as she sobbed. Casey immediately buried herself in Liz’s embrace which Liz of course accepted. The last thing you remember about that day was Rita coming up to you and embracing you on the floor…

~~~

Alexandra Cabot Masterlist

Olivia Benson Masterlist

Casey Novak Masterlist

Elizabeth Donnelly Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

Rita Calhoun Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

Amanda Rollins Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

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altsvu · 4 months

Text

more than just my intern

pairing: sonny carisi x fem!reader

wc: 1.3k

summary: sonny was eager to take you under his wing when he suddenly realizes he was eager for more…

tw: none i can think of 😅

a/n: y’all PLEASEEEE don’t be mad at me but this was sitting in my notes for ALMOST A YEAR bc i wanted to add smut but it was HARD. so i got rid of it, but if y’all want a part 2, i can definitely do it! also this gif is just *chefs kiss*💋 its so fitting for this lowkey

law and order svu masterlist! ✯ taglist!

✯✯✯✯

“I like you so much, I wish you were more than just my intern.”

“Well, those arrangements can be made.”

You enjoyed being a detective, but you wanted more. You followed in Sonny’s footsteps for as long as you could imagine and now it was your time to shine. You and Sonny had been partners for about 4 years when he announced he was applying to law school. You were there for Sonny when he got his acceptance letter, and when he had mentioned before his acceptance that he was applying to Fordham night school to become an ADA, it had become a surprise to you because you were actually looking at that school, among many others in the area. A few years after Sonny finished law school, you got one of the best news of your life.

“Sonny, you need to come over ASAP.” You said over the phone.

“Why, are you okay?”

“I just have something here that I’d like you to witness.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in 20.”

When Sonny came over, the both of you curled up on your living room couch staring at your laptop.

“I got an email from Fordham.”

The clock ticked slow from the time you opened up the email to the time you clicked on the link to log into the portal.

“Is that what I think that is?” Sonny said.

After you logged in there was another thing you had to click on in order for you to see your application status. Then, a whole bunch of confetti popped up on your screen.

“OH MY GOSH I GOT IN!” You screamed.

You and Sonny screamed and laughed for a few moments, living in the moment. You got accepted into law school!

“I’m so proud of you Y/N. You deserve it.” Sonny said, pulling you into a hug.

“Aww thank you.” You beamed. “And look at you, thriving as an ADA already. If anything I’m proud of you!”

Sonny also had a wide smile on his face. “It’s no easy thing, so thank you. These accomplishments deserve a little celebration, dont’cha think?”

“Oh yea,” You agreed.

And with that, your life changed.

•••

Fast forward a few months, you went through orientation and all those get to know you stuff and you were now taking your official classes. Sonny on the other hand was doing great as an ADA and you were extremely happy for him. Juggling law school and working as a detective, not to mention you got promoted, was something you were learning to handle one day at a time. You didn’t know how Sonny did it.

Throughout the semester, Sonny occasionally popped by to check on and see how everything was going, and he even helped you with some of the classes that he previously took. When you had your spare time on the job you went to visit Sonny to see how he was handling Hadid and the cases he had to work with. On the days he had to work late to prep for trial, you were reluctant to leave him, you were curious about this aspect of being an ADA. He gave you advice and other words of wisdom that you kept with you throughout your time in law school.

A year and a half passed by and Sonny was taking off with his career and you were still in school, doing everything you could to get high grades in your classes. On top of that, dealing with all the changes Manhattan SVU was going through was taking a toll as well. It was about that time for you to start gaining experience. Sonny let you sit in cases, live cases, in the courtroom, as you took notes on his techniques, just as he did when he learned from Rafael.

“You know, you might as well be an ADA now with all these cases you’ve sat in with me.”

“Not yet, Counselor. Give it about two more years. For now, I’ll be your little intern.”

That brought a smile to Sonny’s face. “Intern, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“If you’re serious about it, I can make arrangements with the DA… it can be your part time.”

Your eyes widened. “Sonny…”

“I know, I know. You don’t have to act on it right away, I just want the best for you. I didn’t get the chance to do this, but I want you to have it.”

You didn’t know what to say, so you hugged Sonny.

“Thank you. Seriously, for everything.”

“Of course. Anything for my partner.”

•••

After many conversations with the DA’s office, the bureau chief, and even Benson, you got your official position as ADA Sonny Carisi’s intern. Part time internship kind of situation. It was needed as one of the requirements for one of the classes you were taking so it fit.

Your days consisted of looking over some of the cases Sonny had on his docket, taking notes for your own practice, as well as observing during cases. You did get paired with other ADA’s on the eighth floor, but you always drew yourself towards Sonny.

•••

One night, you were in Sonny’s office looking over a case with him when he decided it was best for the both of you to have a nightcap.

“Hey, you’ve been taking notes on that case file for a while. Unwind with me.”

You looked up and saw Sonny pull out a bottle of wine and glass cups. You watched him pop the bottle open and pour the red liquid in both of the cups. He handed one of them to you, hoping you would accept it. You sighed, plopping the case file on the table. Taking the glass with a smile on your face, you followed Sonny to the couch he had in his office.

“You know, I don’t think I ever told you this, but it’s beautiful how dedicated you are to becoming an ADA.”

“Aww, you think so?”

“Yes.”

“I appreciate it a lot. I think a part of it was also your doing. You inspired me to go further in my career. Further helping victims of all walks of life that don’t have a voice of their own, victims that want to be free from the shackles of their toxic situations, victims that are tired of their bodies being used forcefully for sexual desires.”

“Maybe I did inspire you. You’ve really been a great advocate for everyone that walked through those precinct doors and it shows.”

“Cheers to that.” You smiled, raising your glass.

Sonny clinked his glass with yours and smiled. “Cheers.”

“I’m glad you’re my intern.”

You raised an eyebrow, setting your glass down. “Oh?”

“Yeah. I get to spend more time with you, for starters.”

“Mmm, yeah, I miss you at SVU sometimes. It’s not the same without you.”

Sonny nodded. “I get that.”

There was a moment of silence between the two of you, just completely comfortable silence and long looks.

“I like you so much, I wish you were more than just my intern.” Sonny admitted to break the silence.

You were startled at first, but then a smile crept on your face as soon as you knew what he meant.

“Well, those arrangements can be made.” You whispered. You took one more sip of your wine and scooted closer to Sonny.

“Oh yea?” He said in a hushed tone, moving closer to you as well. At this point, the both of your thighs were touching each other. You felt a major spark between you and him. You were feeling a certain type of way and it wasn’t from the alcohol.

“Yea.” You whispered.

Sonny gently took your face in his hand and kissed you.

After the kiss, the both of you were smiling, holding each other’s faces in hands and touching foreheads.

“I want more,” you said. “That was beautiful.”

“Beautiful indeed, my little intern.”

✯✯✯✯

taglist: @detective-giggles , @lapaquerette , @itsjustmyfantasyroom , @ssaic-jareau , @averyhotchner , @blackbeautifulqueen , @redlipstickandplaid, @storiesofsvu , @hotchsbabygirl-blog, @deiondraaa, @wandas-wife , @ellevandeberg

#altsvu #altsvu oneshots #law and order svu fandom #law and order fic #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #sonny carisi #sonny carisi x reader #ada sonny carisi #detective sonny carisi #sonny carisi fanfiction #sonny carisi x fem!reader #ada sonny carisi x reader #law and order special victims unit #svu #svu fanfiction #svu fic

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goddessxeffect · 9 months

Text

I AM IS PLAYING ALL THE PARTS

A few weeks back, when I (thought that I) understood what Neville meant by that phrase I was, no shit, in rush hour traffic at a crowded train station with hundreds of people around me. Shortly before that, I had heard some audio recordings of him in the car, which may have triggered this epiphany. I recommend that, by the way.

And just when I was thinking about the fact that I haven't written or really dealt with the whole topic "There is no other but You (awareness)" for a really long time since this former revelation, I got this new thought or actually is it's much more than just a thought. I guess this time I really understood what "I AM is playing all the parts" means but let me explore.

You continue to fall for the illusion of being a person living in a world with things separate from them. There is nothing that exists. Only you do. Not his reality, not hers, only you(rs). @4dbarbie

Basically we start with the true fact that future and past do not exist and the only "time" is the present moment. This means that all experiences (that you have had or everything that you are now and can be in the future) exist in consciousness at this moment. But we all already know that, because that's the core message behind creation is finished.

If I want to have a pet, for example, and currently know or identify with an ego that does not have any pets then this does not mean that the experience of owning a pet does not already exist in consciousness. It has to or else Ego wouldn't or couldn't have the desire for it. But what I don't have is that condition selected for my currently embodied ego, since we know that if I know or believe something (of myself) then I (ego) "see" it.

So what really happens now when you experience that "others" have things or experiences that you don't but want to have? It's really easy. To remind you, all things already exist in consciousness. This means they are visible but not as an attribute or state of your ego, the character you currently identify with. They are visible in a sense as "others" in your (egos) environment show that quality or state that you currently want to embody e.g. you see a woman walking past 'you' with the very pet that ego wants.

Your problem arises from identifying with an ego that currently does not acknowlegde or embody that quality as truth for itself. Your current ego then cannot accept that trait or state, but because that experience already exists in consciousness (belongs to you), and everything has the same source (awareness) and is already being aware of, the trait or state is visible in the ego's life. Because you have already become aware of this quality or state, you are being it, you know it exists, therefore ego wants it.

It's like Groundhog Day. Again, this is just a misidentification with the ego, an illusion really, or ego's assumption that this quality or state is not belonging to you, that is, it is not visibly embodied in ego's life. Speaking in the name of Law of Assumption, this means that the assumptions of the ego override your very state of self, possession or source of all things. Because you identify yourself primarily with the ego, you fulfill this assumption more than your actual state, which includes everything. You are that powerful, imagine!

The world you are seeing now is just awareness appearing as form so if you are awareness at your core the desired reality (= desire, thing, experience, person/ego) you want is not seperate from you. The paradox: the more you try to make something happen "physically", the more you identify with ego.

I really hope this all makes sense! You know what you have to do now. Stop identifying with the ego. Stop pretending that there are things that aren't yours or qualities that aren't part of you. This is not the truth but just a distorted image created by You because You think you're the ego.

Ada, I know you're out there. I hope you are proud of your student, who has now become a teacher herself - especially in her own life. All of your students daily help to make this knowledge understandable and spread it, but all thanks to you!

#consciousness #non dualism #non duality #law of consciousness #non-dualism #non-duality #nondualism #law of assumption #neville goddard #tribute to ada who finally made me understand this #goddessawakening

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sinsiriuslyemo · 5 months

Note

Could you do a crash into me part 2? Something along the lines of Barba says you're cute or that and she is surprise. He tries to apologize, and they admit their feelings to one another, and have office sex?

He was perfect. That was just the end of the story. Rafael was absolutely, flawlessly perfect. Well, you were aware that some may have been able to find some flaws in him, but you couldn’t. You never had. Even the things about him you typically found obnoxious, you thought were perfect because they were just so perfectly him. From the moment you stepped foot onto the sixth floor — the floor where ADAs went to become rockstars — and saw him talking to the woman just outside his office, you couldn’t take your eyes off of him.

Dark, perfectly coiffed hair, intense eyes though their color escaped you, and an air of sophistication you normally found pretentious, but somehow he carried it with so much grace that you wondered if he was perhaps a prince that had renounced his throne to come work in the office of the Manhattan District Attorney. His confidence was palpable, and when he moved it was like he was doing so to the sounds of a solo violin playing a majestic composition.

He looked up as you passed by and gave you a polite nod, which you promptly returned, adding a smile just for the hell of it.

Then, he spoke. And while his voice was quite appealing, his words were not so much.

“'That must be the new ‘rockstar.’”

You had already made it past his office, towards your shoe-box that had been labeled an office when the words were spoken. And in truth, had it not been for his tone, you might’ve taken the words as a compliment. But alas, you heard snark beneath the syllables and your jaw had clenched though you weren’t about to make your remarkable hearing known just yet. In fact, as you walked into the small, square room with only a desk and a bookshelf near the sole, tiny window, you vowed to make his life hell.

Why? Because you had clearly had a chip on your shoulder. Sure, you were the youngest ADA to ever make the sixth floor and yes, your experience in the courtroom amounted to the equivalent of a pile of shaved parmesan cheese — thin but bold — but that didn’t mean that you couldn’t hold your own with the big boys. And Rafael Barba had certainly revealed himself as a ‘big boy’ that day.

Especially when, at lunch, he came sauntering into his office with sushi — again passing you in the hall and again bestowing upon you a polite nod — and another lawyer from across the hall asked, “I heard you nailed that bastard Tomlin in cross. Is there any case you can’t handle?”

“None,” had been his answer.

If he was the best, then you would take care to measure up to his stature.

That first day of observing Rafael Barba had been eight months ago, and you had more than proven your worth. You’d always been talented — the fact that your work reflected such was of no shock to you. What did come as a surprise, however, was that the man you’d initially found annoying with his expensive and colorful three-piece-suits and his undeniable wit would become the star of all your fantasies.

It began with finally noting the color of his eyes — a warm and enticing green that you could’ve stared into for hours and in which you could often see a glimpse of sadness beneath the bravado. Then his hands became a fascination of yours, large with thick, prominent veins running over in just the right places and long fingers that you often imagine buried in the depths of your core. That stupid smirk that was often more condescending than playful and yet still managed to be charming regardless of its context.

How did he do that? How was he able to make you feel foolish and horny at the very same time?

A vow to make his life hell had quickly become an adolescent form of flirting where you would do or say things that you knew got under his skin. It had quickly become a pass time for you, and you had found amusement in ruffling his feathers, especially when he would express his aggravation by shooting a glare in your direction. The fire in his eyes would set your skin ablaze, making a shiver trickle down your form and a tickle bloom in your stomach.

When you had been tasked to sit second chair on a big case he was trying, you had taken the opportunity to double down on your efforts to be taken seriously. He seemed to be somewhat receptive to your assistance, but had mainly relegated you to the role of secretary, which had irked you beyond belief. Convinced he hated you, you had all but given up your flirting tactics. It wasn’t until yesterday afternoon, while you were reorganizing your bookshelf, that your hope had been reignited.

There you were, in your joke of an office, moving books here and there with Dave Matthews Band playing from your IPod when you glimpsed his reflection in the window beside the bookshelf. You half-expected him to announce his presence, but when all he did was stare, you decided to show off a bit. At most you expected him to make a quick getaway once you started taking the advice of Dave Matthews to ‘hike up your skirt a little more’ but instead he stayed. He stared. And from what you could tell from his reflection in the window, he had frozen. The only thing was that you had no idea if it was because he was interested or that he had simply been caught off-guard.

“Y/N?” you heard from your doorway, and turned to see none other than the man himself, a resigned expression on his face. “Great job this morning. I never would’ve thought to ask about his fantasy football team.” He inhaled slowly and deeply, his chest inflating noticeably. “It won us the case,” he said in his exhale.

You arched a brow, unable to help yourself. “Did that hurt?”

He squinted at you. “I’m trying to pay you a compliment.”

“I know, I’m only asking if it hurt,” you replied, the corner of your lips curling into an amused smirk.

He snorted, tilting his head down to look at his shoes for a moment before looking back up at you. “Maybe a little.”

“Well, thank you for the compliment. Maybe now you’ll acknowledge that I can do this job just as well as any of you.”

His brows knitted for a moment as he answered, “I was never under the impression that you couldn’t.”

“Weren’t you?”

He shook his head. “No. I just find you a little insufferable at times.”

“Oh-Em-Gee,” you replied with a feigned offense.

“See — that right there, that’s obnoxious, and I think you know how I hate it, which is why you do it.”

“I’m sure I have no clue what you even mean, Barba,” you answered in a gentle laugh.

He narrowed his eyes, but you clocked the way he was trying to suppress a smile, and your cheeks grew hot.

“Okay, fine. Maybe I find it amusing that you get all bent out of shape over an acronym.”

“Several,” he replied. “Not just one, and not just every once in a while either.”

“Fine.”

“You’ll stop?” he asked hopefully.

“Sure.” There were plenty of other ways you had identified to get under his skin, you could afford to lose one.

“And the humming? You’ll stop humming obscure songs in the halls that later get stuck in my head?”

“Oh no,” you replied, shaking your head. “Absolutely-the-hell-not. I like my taste in music too much not to share it with the entire office.”

He snorted, shaking his head as his arms crossed in front of his chest.

You bobbed your shoulders. “Sorry.”

“Man, you’re lucky you’re so cute,” he replied. His face froze immediately after, his eyes the only changing feature as they widened in surprise.

He wasn’t the only one taken aback by his slip. Your heart, apparently finding hope in the remark, began to beat wildly against your chest. A thrill flourished in the pit of your stomach and your mouth went dry as you waited for him to speak again.

Cute. He thought you were cute!

He thought you were cute? Suddenly his starring the day before came into sharp focus. He wasn’t merely frozen in place from getting a glimpse of what you were like outside the context of legal work, he was interested. In you!

“You think I’m cute?” you asked, needing to hear it again from him, and in much clearer language.

“I…” He seemed at a loss, and you began to taper your expectations yet again. “Yes. I think you’re attractive.”

You licked your dry lips, teeth catching your bottom lip.

“Does that, um…” He cleared his throat and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Does that bother you?”

The smile that bloomed on your face seemed to put him at ease, even more so when you replied, “No.” You ran a hand through your hair nervously. “Actually, I think you’re attractive too.”

He blinked, taking a few steps forward into your office. “Wait, really?”

Whether it was a surge of energy from hearing that your attraction was reciprocated or merely a result of how sexy he looked standing in the doorway with that hopeful look in his eyes, you couldn’t be sure. Whatever it was had you taking long strides to throw the door closed behind him as your lips pressed firmly against his.

Your moan buzzed against his lips when his hands pulled you flush against him by the waist, and you both stumbled for a few steps until he had you pressed against the wall. His tongue flicked against your lips, seeking entrance while one hand cupped your jaw as his head tilted. As his lips ventured to the pulse point in your neck, your hands made work of loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt.

“Wait! Wait!” he exclaimed between kisses. “Maybe we shouldn’t. Not here, we’re at work.”

You knitted your brows. “Seriously? I’ve thought about doing it specifically here at least seven times.”

“Seven?”

“Lucky number, I’d never think about it more than seven times,” you answered, kissing him again.

“That’s a little weird,” he whispered in a chuckle, his lips taking yours again as the hand on your waist fell to your hip.

“It’s not that weird.”

“What if someone walks in?” he asked, though, like you, he hadn’t moved in the slightest, his body still propping yours against the wall.

“That’s kinda kinky,” you replied, taking his lips again.

He groaned. “We should lock the door.”

“Yeah, we should,” you whispered, fingers resuming their task of unbuttoning his shirt while his lips found your neck again. “Or not.”

“Not?”

You stopped unbuttoning his shirt. “I mean, we can just keep most of the clothes on, that way if someone walks in, we can say we’re…” You couldn’t think of a valid excuse that would explain why you were both pressed up against the wall.

Looking up at you, he furrowed his brows as a smirk grew on his lips. “Yeah, I don’t think that’ll fly.”

“Probably not,” you mumbled. “Okay, you lock the door, I’ll bend over the desk.”

He stared at you for a moment, as though he was wondering if he’d heard you correctly. When you nodded is when he moved, going straight to the door to lock it as you made good and bent over your desk, lifting your skirt in the process.

“Fuck,” he groaned when he turned around and walked up beind you. “You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this.”

“Hopefully no more than seven,” you said, wiggling your ass enticingly.

“No, no more than seven,” he muttered as he got to his knees behind you and bit down on one ass cheek while his hand swiftly came down on the other.

You yelped and moved your hands to grip the other side of the desk, biting down on your lip as he moved your soaked panties to one side. Rolling your eyes to the back of your head, you shuddered when his tongue slipped through your folds, teasing your entrance.

Arching your hips to give him better access, you let a moan fall from your lips as your muscles clamped, trying to trap his hot tongue with no success. Cool air touched your pussy as he moved back to pull your panties down your legs, and you wiggled your legs anxiously.

He didn’t leave you waiting long, licking you with the flat of his tongue in broad strokes from your clit to your asshole. Pulling your labia between his lips, one at a time, he took his time licking and sucking on every inch of your vulva before dipping his tongue between your folds, flicking against your opening. He moaned against you and lowered his tongue to play with your clit.

“Oh fuck!” you exclaimed, gasping, pushing yourself back against his face. “Oh my god, that’s so good!”

Rafael moaned, sucking your clit deeply, both hands grasping your ass, holding you open for him. “You might wanna keep it down, a locked door doesn’t mean a soundproof room.”

You whined and pressed your lips together, bringing one of your hands down to cover your mouth. A gasp caught in your throat as one of his fingers sank into you, his head tilting to make room. Bucking back against him, you rode his finger, needing more but afraid that your please would alert your office mates elsewhere in the building. As another finger joined the first, your fist came down hard on the desk, shoving your files and phone right off the smooth surface.

“Please,” you managed to squeak, a moan stopped short at the back of your tongue when his fingers curled and began to massage your g spot. The pressure deep inside you quickly tightened until you were holding your breath, anticipating the release that inched closer… closer…

He stood suddenly, and you nearly sobbed when one of his large hands pressed down on your back. The clinking sound his belt made as he loosened it made your muscles flutter urgently, the promise of him filling you sending a fresh wave of energy through your body all the way down to your core. You suddenly became incredibly aware of how empty you were and widened your stance slightly, eager to feel him inside you. Your muscles twitched desperately, seeking out something to grip when he pressed himself against your entrance. Reflexively, your hips arched again, the small of your back dipping to present yourself fully to him. A moan caught in the back of your throat as he slid past your opening, and in one long, leisure stroke was buried to the hilt inside you.

Your muscles hugged him, as if to never let him go and it pulled a satisfied groan from him, keeping him still. He stayed that way until you began to squirm again, needing him to move.

Rafael pulled out just as slowly as he’d entered until just the tip of him remained before he surged forward again, his hips pressing mercilessly against your ass.

“Oh God, you feel amazing,” he groaned, repeating the acting again, his hands moving to gently hold your hips in place. After a few slow yet firm thrusts, he started moving faster, harder until his hips created a beat that cracked over your skin. The sting of it on your ass kept you present, feeling every ridge and vein along his thick, long cock.

“Oh fuck, that’s so good,” you sighed, resting your head against the desk and letting him use you for his pleasure. The tickles between your thighs were so delicious and intoxicating that it was as if he had always been this way with you. As if he knew every inch and quirk and need of your body, and had fine-tuned himself to be perfectly in sync with you.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this,” he mumbled, one hand stroking over your spine while the other kept hold on your hip, pulling you back into him.

“I-Is it as g-good as you imagined?” you asked between shuddered breaths.

“So much better,” he groaned.

Your muscles clenched around him, and you began to move back against him, looking over your shoulder, meeting his eyes.

“Fuck!” He pulled out.

“No!” God dammit, you were so close!

“Hang on, I just wanna look at you,” he replied, turning you around and pushing you back down onto the desk with a kiss as he slid back into you.

Whimpering against his mouth, you wrapped your legs tightly around him, your heels digging into his ass and using the leverage to drive him harder into you. From this angle, his cock dragged over your gs pot again and again, building the tickles in your pussy until it was all that existed for you. You looked up at him, hoping the look in your eyes was enough to convey your need to come.

He didn’t disappoint; with a smirk, he snapped his hips and reached between you with one hand circling your clit while the other hand clamped over your opened mouth. Your screams were muffled as the orgasm rushed over you like a tidal wave finally reaching land, drowning you in pleasure and all things Rafael. A moment later, he throbbed inside you, heat spurting against your insides and his cock flexing with each burst of his release. Body trembling, you undulated beneath him, savoring each after shock as it hit as a sting fell in your eyes, your skin on fire.

When you began to come back to Earth, you realized that your hair was stuck to your forehead, sweat had fallen into the corners of our eyes, and your body was ultra sensitive, even responding to his fingertips as they dragged over your ribs. His weight felt so good on top of you, keeping you present with him as he slowly lifted his upper body to look down at you.

“Fuck, that was amazing,” he groaned, kissing you deeply and moving your hair off your forhead with one hand.

“Better than amazing,” you answered, kissing him again, your fingers sliding through his soft, damp hair. “Question,” you said as he carefully pulled out of you, and helped you sit up. “Is this a one time, get-it-out-of-our-system kinda thing or is this a let’s-give-this-a-go kinda thing?”

He blushed a bit, fixing his pants while you pulled your panties on, muscles clenched to keep any of his essence from dripping onto the floor. “I mean, I’d like it if it was a let’s-give-this-a-go kinda thing. Are you alright with that or…?”

You grinned, biting your bottom lip as he started to drip out of you and onto the seat of your panties. “I am definitely okay with that.”

#rafael barba #law and order svu #raul esparza #raúl esparza #ada rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #ask

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