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nalyra-dreaming · 25 days

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"... And of course there are some really juicy parts in "The Tale of the Body Thief" that Jacob commented on wanting to do with Sam :) ..."

For people who haven't read books and only watch the series. Can you please tell me what this means? And what was Jacob talking about?

Sure :) "The tale of the Body Thief" deals with Lestat spiraling and deep in depression (which leads to a suicide attempt that fails because he is simply too powerful for the sun to kill him anymore), and being presented a way out, namely a (supposedly temporary) body-switch. Which… everyone warns him not to do, of course, and which he actually does, of course.

Louis and Lestat are… in a weird relationship at that point. They cannot live with each other, but not without each other, and so they live separately, but visit the other regularly. Their own chairs in the other's house, literal "Netflix-and-chill" routines, and so on. They see each other often. Louis of course warns Lestat not do that switch.

(sorry, couldn't indent or quote this, the post wouldn't save, lol)

__________________

"You're out of your mind," Louis said. "Don't be so hasty," I answered.

"You quote this idiot's words to me? Destroy him. Put an end to him. Find him tonight if you can and do away with him." "Louis, for the love of heaven . . ."

"Lestat, this creature can find you at will? That means he knows where you lie. You've led him here now. He knows where I lie. He's the worst conceivable enemy! Mon Dieu, why do you go looking for adversity? Nothing on earth can destroy you now, not even the Children of the Millennia have the combined strength to do it, and not even the sun at midday in the Gobi Desert-so you court the one enemy who has power over you. A mortal man who can walk in the light of day. A man who can achieve complete dominion over you when you yourself are without a spark of consciousness or will. No, destroy him. He's far too dangerous. If I see him, I'll destroy him."

"Louis, this man can give me a human body. Have you listened to anything that I've said."

"Human body! Lestat, you can't become human by simply taking over a human body! You weren't human when you were alive! You were born a monster, and you know it. How the hell can you delude yourself like this."

"I'm going to weep if you don't stop."

"Weep. I'd like to see you weep. I've read a great deal about your weeping in the pages of your books but I've never seen you weep with my own eyes."

"Ah, that makes you out to be a perfect liar," I said furiously. "You described my weeping in your miserable memoir in a scene which we both know did not take place!"

"Lestat, kill this creature! You're mad if you let him come close enough to you to speak three words."

__________________

(This also refers to the contested NOLA meeting right here.) Jacob called their … bickering "petty and in love". They're both not ready yet at that point.

Of course Lestat ignores the warnings and actually does the body switch, and as could be imagined the person takes off with Lestat's immortal body.

Lestat get's sick (as a mortal), and then goes to Louis to ask to be turned, so he can hunt down the thief, which then leads to one of the most raw exchanges (and iirc that power switch is what Jacob would really love to do), because Louis rejects him, though he is mightily tempted.

__________________

"I bare my soul to you and you use it against me!" "Oh, I do not, Lestat. I seek to make you look into it. You are begging me to drive you back to Gretchen. Am I perhaps the only guardian angel? Am I the only one who can confirm this fate?" "You miserable bastard son of a bitch! If you don't give me the blood . . ."

'He turned around, his face like that of a ghost, eyes wide and hideously unnatural in their beauty. "I will not do it. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. Go back to her, Lestat. Live this mortal life." "How dare you make this choice for me!" I was on my feet again, and finished with whining and begging. "Don't come at me again," he said patiently. "If you do, I shall hurt you. And that I don't wish to do."

"Ah, you've killed me! That's what you've done. You think I believe all your lies! You've condemned me to this rotting, Stinking, aching body, that's what you've done! You think I don't know the depth of hatred in you, the true face of retribution when I see it! For the love of God, speak the truth."

"It isn't the truth. I love you. But you are blind with impatience now, and overwrought with simple aches and pains. It is you who will never forgive me if I rob you of this destiny. Only it will take time for you to see the true meaning of what I've done."

"No, no, please." I came towards him, only this time not in anger. I approached slowly, until I could lay my hands on his shoulders and smell the faint fragrance of dust and the grave that clung to his clothes. Lord God, what was our skin that it drew the light to itself so exquisitely? And our eyes. Ah, to look into his eyes.

"Louis," I said. "I want you to take me. Please, do as I ask you. Leave the interpretations of all my tales to me. Take me, Louis, look at me." I snatched up his cold, lifeless hand and laid it on my face. "Feel the blood in me, feel the heat. You want me, Louis, you know you do. You want me, you want me in your power the way I had you in my power so long, long ago. I'll be your fledgling, your child, Louis. Please, do this. Don't make me beg you on my knees."

I could sense the change in him, the sudden predatory glaze that covered his eyes. But what was stronger than his thirst? His will.

"No, Lestat," he whispered. "I can't do it. Even if I'm wrong and you are right, and all your metaphors are meaningless, I can't do it." I took him in my arms, oh, so cold, so unyielding, this monster which I had made out of human flesh. I pressed my lips against his cheek, shuddering as I did so, my fingers sliding around his neck. He didn't move away from me. He couldn't bring himself to do it. I felt the slow silent heave of his chest against mine.

"Do it to me, please, beautiful one," I whispered in his ear. "Take this heat into your veins, and give me back all the power that I once gave to you." I pressed my lips to his cold, colorless mouth. "Give me the future, Louis. Give me eternity. Take me off this cross."

In the corner of my eye, I saw his hand rise. Then I felt the satin fingers against my cheek. I felt him stroke my neck. "I can't do it, Lestat."

"You can, you know you can," I whispered, kissing his ear as I spoke to him, choking back the tears, my left arm slipping around his waist. "Oh, don't leave me here in this misery, don't do it."

"Don't beg me anymore," he said sorrowfully. "It's useless. I'm going now. You won't see me again."

"Louis!" I held fast to him. "You can't refuse me." "Ah, but I can and I have."

_________________

…. Lestat burns down Louis' little hut after the refusal in a fit of disappointment and anger after. (Not before saving the paintings in it though coughs)

When Lestat finally gets his body back he meets Louis again in NOLA, in a church. Lestat is bitter, and jaded, Louis is just so relieved to see him.

__________________

We sat there in silence for many long moments, and then he spoke. "You burnt my little house, didn't you?" he asked in a small, vibrant voice.

"Can you blame me?" I asked with a smile, eyes still on the altar. "Besides, I was a human when I did that. It was human weakness. Want to come and live with me?"

"This means you've forgiven me?"

"No, it means I'm playing with you. I may even destroy you for what you did to me. I haven't made up my mind. Aren't you afraid?" "No. If you meant to do away with me, it would already be done."

"Don't be so certain. I'm not myself, and yet I am, and then I am not again."

Long silence, with only the sounds of Mojo breathing hoarsely and deeply in his sleep.

"I'm glad to see you," he said. "I knew you would win. But I didn't know how."

I didn't answer. But I was suddenly boiling inside. Why were both my virtues and my faults used against me? But what was the use of it-to make accusations, to grab him and shake him and demand answers from him? Maybe it was better not to know.

"Tell me what happened," he said.

"I will not," I replied. "Why in the world do you want to know?" Our hushed voices echoed softly in the nave of the church. The wavering light of the candles played upon the gilt on the tops of the columns, on the faces of the distant statues. Oh, I liked it here in this silence and coolness. And in my heart of hearts I had to admit I was so very glad that he had come. Sometimes hate and love serve exactly the same purpose.

I turned and looked at him. He was facing me, one knee drawn up on the pew and his arm resting on the back of it. He was pale as always, an artful glimmer in the dark.

"You were right about the whole experiment," I said. At least my voice was steady, I thought.

"How so?" No meanness in his tone, no challenge, only the subtle desire to know. And what a comfort it was-the sight of his face, and the faint dusty scent of his worn garments, and the breath of fresh rain still clinging to his dark hair.

"What you told me, my dear old friend and lover," I said. "That I didn't really want to be human. That it was a dream, and a dream built upon falsehood and fatuous illusion and pride."

"I can't claim that I understood it," he said. "I don't understand it now."

"Oh, yes, you did. You understand very well. You always have. Maybe you lived long enough; maybe you have always been the stronger one. But you knew. I didn't want the weakness; I didn't want the limitations; I didn't want the revolting needs and the endless vulnerability; I didn't want the drenching sweat or the searing cold. I didn't want the blinding darkness, or the noises that walled up my hearing, or the quick, frantic culmination of erotic passion; I didn't want the trivia; I didn't want the ugliness. I didn't want the isolation; I didn't want the constant fatigue."

"You explained this to me before. There must have been something . . . however small. . . that was good!" "What do you think?" "The light of the sun."

"Precisely. The light of the sun on snow; the light of the sun on water; the light of the sun… on one's hands and one's face, and opening up all the secret folds of the entire world as if it were a flower, as if we were all part of one great sighing organism. The light of the sun … on snow."

I stopped. I really didn't want to tell him. I felt I had betrayed myself.

"There were other things," I said. "Oh, there were many things. Only a fool would not have seen them. Some night, perhaps, when we're warm and comfortable together again as if this never happened, I'll tell you."

"But they were not enough." "Not for me. Not now."

Silence.

"Maybe that was the best part," I said, "the discovery. And that I no longer entertain a deception. That I know now I truly love being the little devil that I am."

I turned and gave him my prettiest, most malignant smile. He was far too wise to fall for it. He gave a long near-silent sigh, his lids lowered for a moment, and then he looked at me again. "Only you could have gone there," he said. "And come back."

I wanted to say this wasn't true. But who else would have been fool enough to trust the Body Thief? Who else would have plunged into the venture with such sheer recklessness? And as I thought this over, I realized what ought to have been plain to me already. That I'd known the risk I was taking. I'd seen it as the price. The fiend told me he was a liar; he told me he was a cheat. But I had done it because there was simply no other way.

Of course this wasn't really what Louis meant by his words; but in a way it was. It was the deeper truth. "Have you suffered in my absence?" I asked, looking back at the altar. Very soberly he answered, "It was pure hell." I didn't reply.

"Each risk you take hurts me," he said. "But that is my concern and my fault." "Why do you love me?" I asked. "You know, you've always known. I wish I could be you. I wish I could know the joy you know all the time." "And the pain, you want that as well?" "Your pain?" He smiled. "Certainly. I'll take your brand of pain anytime, as they say."

"You smug, cynical lying bastard," I whispered, the anger cresting in me suddenly, the blood even rushing into my face. "I needed you and you turned me away! Out in the mortal night you locked me. You refused me. You turned your back!"

The heat in my voice startled him. It startled me. But it was there and I couldn't deny it, and once again my hands were trembling, these hands that had leapt out and away from me at the false David, even when all the other lethal power in me was kept in check.

He didn't utter a word. His face registered those small changes which shock produces-the slight quiver of an eyelid, the mouth lengthening and then softening, a subtle clabbering look, vanishing as quickly as it appeared. He held my accusing glance all through it, and then slowly looked away.

"It was David Talbot, your mortal friend, who helped you, wasn't it?" he asked. I nodded.

But at the mere mention of the name, it was as if all my nerves had been touched by the tip of a heated bit of wire. There was enough suffering here as it was. I couldn't speak anymore of David. I wouldn't speak of Gretchen. And I suddenly realized that what I wanted to do most in the world was to turn to him and put my arms around him and weep on his shoulder as I'd never done. How shameful. How predictable! How insipid. And how sweet. I didn't do it.

We sat there in silence. The soft cacophony of the city rose and fell beyond the stained-glass windows, which caught the faint glow from the street lamps outside. The rain had come again, the gentle warm rain of New Orleans, in which one can walk so easily as if it were nothing but the gentlest mist.

"I want you to forgive me," he said. "I want you to understand that it wasn't cowardice; it wasn't weakness. What I said to you at the time was the truth. I couldn't do it. I can't bring someone into this! Not even if that someone is a mortal man with you inside him. I simply could not."

"I know all that," I said.

I tried to leave it there. But I couldn't. My temper wouldn't cool, my wondrous temper, the temper which had caused me to smash David Talbot's head into a plaster wall.

He spoke again. "I deserve whatever you have to say."

"Ah, more than that!" I said. "But this is what I want to know." I turned and faced him, speaking through my clenched teeth. "Would you have refused me forever? If they'd destroyed my body, the others-Marius, whoever knew of it-if I'd been trapped in that mortal form, if I'd come to you over and over and over again, begging you and pleading with you, would you have shut me out forever! Would you have held fast?"

"I don't know."

"Don't answer so quickly. Look for the truth inside yourself. You do know. Use your filthy imagination. You do know. Would you have turned me away?"

"I don't know the answer!"

"I despise you!" I said in a bitter, harsh whisper. "I ought to destroy you-finish what I started when I made you. Turn you into ashes and sift them through my hands. You know that I could do it! Like that! Like the snap of mortal fingers, I could do it. Burn you as I burnt your little house. And nothing could save you, nothing at all."

I glared at him, at the sharp graceful angles of his imperturbable face, faintly phosphorescent against the deeper shadows of the church. How beautiful the shape of his wide-set eyes, with their fine rich black lashes. How perfect the tender indentation of his upper lip.

The anger was acid inside me, destroying the very veins through which it flowed, and burning away the preternatural blood. Yet I couldn't hurt him. I couldn't even conceive of carrying out such awful, cowardly threats. I could never have brought harm to Claudia. Ah, to make something out of nothing, yes. To throw up the pieces to see how they will fall, yes. But vengeance. Ah, arid awful distasteful vengeance. What is it to me?

"Think on it," he whispered. "Could you make another, after all that's passed?" Gently he pushed it further. "Could you work the Dark Trick again? Ah-you take your time before answering. Look deep inside you for the truth as you just told me to do. And when you know it, you needn't tell it to me."

Then he leant forward, closing the distance between us, and pressed his smooth silken lips against the side of my face. I meant to pull away, but he used all his strength to hold me still, and I allowed it, this cold, passionless kiss, and he was the one who finally drew back like a collection of shadows collapsing into one another, with only his hand still on my shoulder, as I sat with my eyes on the altar still.

Finally I rose slowly, stepping past him, and motioned for Mojo to wake and come.

__________________

It's all… very emotional and very raw.

The power dynamics are inverted. There is history between them. Petty and helpless love, too. Desire, passion, anger, love, hate, you name it.

Just thinking about Sam and Jacob doing this gives me the shivers.

(As a side note, we have "artful glimmer in the dark" here as a description for Louis, calling back to "spark in the dark".)

Louis moves in with Lestat (and David) once more after this, into the renovated Rue Royale.

It's where he lives until the events after Merrick, after which they abandon Rue Royale, and Louis goes to Armand to New York for a while until the court is created in the Auvergne.

#Anonymous #asks #ask nalyra #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #loustat #vc #the vampire chronicles #the tale of the body thief #spark in the dark #artful glimmer in the dark #book quotes

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ineffectualdemon · 11 months

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Hi there! Just curious because I've seen it so much on your blog but am ignorant of it; what is SVSSS? Novels? Set in China? Fantasy China? I don't know and wish for context :3

Oh you're on for a wild ride

SVSSS stands for Scum Villain's Self-Saving System. It's a Danmei (gay) novel set in fantasy China and is an isekai

Basically this guy Shen Yuan reads a very hetero harem novel called Proud Immortal Demon Way that's essentially Toxic Masculinity: The Novel and immediately dies because he fails at eating and in a fit of rage over how bad the book was

The only things he liked were the monsters and the protagonist Luo Binghe who is a dark protagonist who starts off the book going through trauma after trauma and finishes it as emperor of the world with hundreds of wives

Anyway so he's dead and still ranting about the book when a System shows up, dares him to do better, and then yeets him into the body of the Scum Villian of Proud Immortal Demon Way. Luo Binghe's teacher

So he has to fill in plot holes, make the story better, and not be tortured and then killed by the Protagonist

What he succeeds in doing is is making the protagonist Hella gay for him along with a bunch of other dudes who are now Hella gay for him

Also the author is also in this world having been transmigrated (also due to failures in eating) into cannon fodder that is destined to be killed by the author's favourite character who said author is blatantly gay for

Oh and the homophobia in the book is almost entirely what Shen Yuan brought with him because he is an unreliable narrator with a ton of internalised homophobia

It is very funny, the relationships are not even a bit healthy but in a "it's probably better they're together rather then fucking up other people" kinda way, and the sex scene in the main body of the text is terrible on purpose

I do recommend it but with the caveat that if suggestions of force or obsessive relationships and body horror are things you struggle with then maybe give it a miss

And yeah there is body horror. The author MXTX is fond of putting horror elements in her writing which I am actually a huge fan of

You could start with her more popular work The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation which is also really good though again; heavy on the body horror

You might have heard of that one as it was made into a very popular live action called The Untamed but I personally recommend the book over any of the adaptions

The author has another work Heaven Official's Blessing which is also really good but I haven't finished that one as I'm slowly getting the official translations

Hope that helps and I haven't just been super confusing

#svsss #i got an ask

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ae-neon · 1 year

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Throne of Glass Rant - chapter 34 is actually so vile

This might be early since I haven't finished the book yet but

SJM is a misogynistic mastermind, like to the point that her work should be studied to understand it

This last chapter so perfectly encapsulated the hierarchy of misogyny and white supremacy

500 black freedom fighters are murdered by the oppressive colonial regime

The black Princess of that kingdom comes to her white friend, the FMC, crying and seeking comfort

This is summed up in two paragraphs, saying the Princess cried then went back to being a Strong Black Woman™ "tears dried and shoulders squared once more."

The narrative then shifts completely to the white FMC but instead of sitting with what has happened and resolving to kill the head of the regime.

The focus is on the fact that she's having her period and it's particularly painful. Already her personal pain eclipses the horror of the systemic oppression of black people and the grief of her friend.

The Male Lead #2 comes along and tries to talk about his own disillusionment with his country after the horrific event but FMC vomits to shift the audience's attention once again. It's played off a little humourous, what a dopey guy - he realises she's on her period, blushes and leaves.

Enter Male Lead #1 : first, he must flirt correctly by ignoring her discomfort and downplaying her pain, staying when she asks him to leave.

Then when she has snapped and become the bad guy for reacting to him, her guilt eases the way for her to ignore her pain to accommodate him.

She is on the back foot but he saves her by reaching out a hand to put them on a more equal and intimate ground - "don't call me by my title, call me by my name"

(The narrative will ignore that he is in her bedroom while she's on her period and therefore it has been quite the intimate setting all along because that's not sexy, it's just an invasion of personal space)

Now that they've slipped into this intimacy he reaches for the go to "you probably hate me🥺" knowing damn well she has every right to not like him. In this case his father invaded and conquered her country only 10 years ago, she was enslaved in a mine only 3 months ago and now she's forced to fight to earn her own freedom

Still though, the guilt of her earlier outburst and his sudden vulnerability will soften her

He carries on about how he's ashamed of his father and afraid to act out against him.

"I have no choice 😔" says the prince to the prisoner

And she eats it up - look how soft and lonely he is in this palace, thinks the girl with whip scars on her back, guards outside her door and no family left living. She forgets her cramps and suddenly it's her heart not her vagina that's bleeding

a white man's emotional pain >

a white woman's physical pain >

the murder and grief of black people >

The perfect hierarchy of misogyny + racism

FUCK THIS FUCKING CHAPTER AND FUCK SJM FOR REAL

#anti tog #anti sjm #ae rant

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farcille · 1 month

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9 people you'd like to get to know better

tagged by @healen -- omg i am SO sorry i did not see this; I just found your tag from going through my email notifs haha. thank you though this was super fun!!

Three ships:

farcille: like ok iconic as fuck and my username so obviously i have to talk about this one first. dungeon meshi is my favorite manga ever and marcille is my favorite character and i love her relationship with falin so much ;-; i think the plot point of marcille being afraid of losing people she loves due to the difference in how she ages compared to other people is super interesting and adds a really thought-provoking and tragic aspect to their relationship. i also love the difference in their personalities that shapes their dynamic; marcille is extremely neurotic and inside of her own head and "by-the-book" and falin is very in touch with her surroundings and intuitive and accepting of disorder but they're close anyway because the things that make them different are things that they admire about each other. i looove that marcille gets jealous of other people showing falin attention and that shes insane about saving her and that she would do anything to get her back. they get married in my head after the end of the manga

jaime/brienne: i've been so into rereading asoiaf lately and this has been on my mind nonstop. the dynamic of like this super big/strong very gender nonconforming ugly woman whos internally very kind and empathetic and has one of the strongest moral compasses of anyone in the series but struggles internally with her self image and her perceived inability to "fit in" anywhere due to misogyny and general cruelty and societal prejudice over her looks and like the antihero privileged evil prettyboy who seems to have everything granted by society that brienne doesn't at the beginning of the series but goes through a dramatic character shift after losing his ability to physically fight and is not actually quite as evil as you're initially led to believe but has become disillusioned and morally dark due to contempt and judgement and expectations from people in his life is kinda unmatched like no one was doing narratives about social expectations like them. the way that both of their character arcs rely on what they learn from each other about honor and judgement and what it means to be a "true knight" is also my fave. in my head where theres a universe where asoiaf is finished they finally confess their feelings 4 each other

doctor/master: haha ok time to be cringe and post doctor who on main again. but like hear me out this ship was so iconic LIKE they are the last 2 living members of their species they're childhood friends they know each other better than anyone in the universe they've known each other for 900 years but they are doomed to be mortal enemies forever because of a fundamental difference in their respective ideologies and who they are as people. like they love each other they hate each other they have to kill each other they have to save each other its so . mwah (im doing the cheff kiss gesture rn) my only criticism of it is that there's never been a f/f iteration of it that could definitely exist it's just that the dw writers hate women so it hasn't happened in the like 60 years of this show running but it exists in my mind

First ever ship: rosemary from homestuck 😭 i think they were the first pairing that i ever looked up fanfiction for when i was but a child. i still love them btw and they're still my favorite homestuck characters their dry humor and the way they bounce off of each other in their pesterlogs is still something i adore

Last song: ignorance by paramore!!!

Currently reading: ........................asoiaf...

Currently watching: game of thrones with my buddy april. we are suffering together

Currently consuming: a latte from the nearby coffee shop i like to go to on the weekends!!

Currently craving: hmm maybe sushi, I haven't had it in a long while

not tagging anyone but thanks for reading if u got this far <3333

#yeah i took this as an excuse to write paragraphs about ships i like what about it #something something text post tag

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andmaybegayer · 9 months

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Last Monday of the Week 2023-07-24

Back in the saddle.

Listening: I am not a huge fan of true crime, not because I find the subject distasteful but because the way people go about it grates on me as an annoying blend of unrealistic fearmongering and misinformed wannabe vigilanteism. I do however also admit that I haven't really engaged with true crime in many years, so I asked my brother to recommend his favourite true crime podcast or whatever and he pitched me on My Favourite Murder.

Starting from E1, I've been through two or three episodes. Mostly my opinions continue to hold true, every now and again one of the hosts says something that is the kind of batshit thing normal people say about crime and it blows a fuse in my head. I will stick to it long enough to form a real opinion.

Reading: Finished Seven Surrenders, on the train back from Zurich, this morning. Once again I immediately want to start the next book, I'll probably buy The Will to Battle after this posts.

The world of Terra Ignota is so engaging to read about, it's big but with a tiny cast, futuristic and archaic. It must have been so hard to pull off these reveals and ideas without them just seeming kind of stupid because on the face of it, they are.

Watching: Nothing, I've been traveling until this morning.

Making: Made a cool tomato/chickpea/coconut curry based on Adam Ragusea's recipe, modified for scale, what I have available and my tastes, which included use canned chickpeas, frozen green beans, swapping tomatillos for small vine tomatoes, and working with my usual spice blends.

youtube

Oh, I also completely ignored the step of passing the sauce through a sieve because I've been eating the cheapest prepared bakery sandwiches I can find while traveling for the past week and I feel like I need to eat a lot of whole vegetables this week.

The application of very heavily browned vegetables is a nice trick, and with the addition of sugar and coconut cream makes for a very pleasant and rich flavour even though I kind of overshot the chili heat because I'm still not used to the extra-hot chili powder I have now.

Playing: Nothing, due to The Travel.

Tools and Equipment: I gotta pitch the 1kg or less laptop. I've mentioned Calcite, my personal laptop, plenty of times, but this past week of traveling has really shown how handy something this light is. Calcite complete with my 65W GaN charger and various dongles lived in my backpack as I hoofed it around several cities and it was so light that I barely noticed.

It's worth it to be able to use a full size computer when trying to compare accommodation and travel arrangements on the go, rather than trying to fiddle it out on a phone, but if your laptop weighs much more than a kilogram it can quickly become a slog to carry around.

Calcite is a 13 inch HP Envy x360, but the new 14-inch model and the HP Pavilion Aero 13's are both really good and relatively affordable compact laptops that I recommend frequently to people who want light laptops. Lenovo makes their 13 inch family of thinkpads but they're much more upmarket. If cost is no object there's of course ultralights like the LG Gram, and ultracompacts like the Onemix One Netbook 4.

If we're honest, an iPad would probably fit this role well, but I don't have one of those.

#last monday of the week #Youtube

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t3tr0m1n0 · 10 months

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the merlin-mars meetup. set somewhere within the broader hhvcd canon/multiverse/whatever we want to call it, and in a library. features very little foreboding content. keyword: mundane.

will be available to read on ao3 once they get their pussy-ass servers back, and just below the cut once you click on it. enjoy.

Merlin hopes they aren't taking up too much space in the isle as they pop the book open to read its inside cover. The other guy in the stacks is there, and that's about all xe can think to observe about him.

"…Fourth wall breaking…" shy almost unconsciously comments aloud, once finished reading the blurb. Their instincts will take them next to maybe flip it open to a random page or just put it back on the shelf, neither of these possibilities capable of rhyming or reasoning with the other, conflicting in time-static limbo until the stranger intercepts the present.

"Hey, um, I've read that book before. I liked it a lot. Do you want me to recommend it to you?" He might be speaking nervously, it's not like ze's ever been able to tell.

Merlin's mind tries working fast. "Sure." There you go. "Uh, I guess, start with the philosophy stuff?" Working the book back to being cover-open takes 2nd priority as ey speak. "Like what is there to this? This is nonfiction, so I guess it's a bunch of exposition, or…?" They leave that openness to their dialogue in the hopes that their meaning gets across.

He's quick to pick up the conversation, at least. "Oh, yeah, it's kind of a primer on the schools—the history of western philosophy."

"Not the eastern and the whatnot."

"Ha, yeah, more the stuff that started in ancient Greece."

"Yeah, I," hy takes a second to really get the words ready for execution, "I'm not familiar with philosophy much at all, but that doesn't mean I haven't had a debate in a forum before, at least."

Fingers crossed, he can breeze through the non sequitur and keep with the topic of conversation— it's what Merlin always hopes for, even though it feels like it has little reason to expect it from people.

"Yeah, well," he continues, "there's more to it, also. Because the book has sort of a main character, who interacts with a lot of the exposition-ing—"

"Expositing?" He ignores them.

"There's kind of a philosophical debate that happens about all the philosophical debate."

"Ah, well, nonfiction with a- a narrative character, I know that can happen. I've seen it before." It's really something of a nothing response, and also, again, one ze hopes he doesn't inquire towards.

"Yeah, because the main character has, I guess, her own opinions and her own life and things, that's where the 4th wall-messing with reality stuff comes in. It gets really weird."

Merlin thinks such a description seems a little incongruous with the picture of nonfiction text that exists in their head, and that's a good thing. "'Kay then. I think that was what was gonna get me to try out this book, if anything."

This may be the moment when xey become the dominator of this conversation. What an odd thing to reflect on; they continue, "So are you, like, a librarian, anyway? Do you work here, I mean." He laughs a bit. "I don't mean that in a bad way," ve follows up, just to be polite.

"No, but like— I am a librarian, I just don't work here." He comes off like he could live his entire life between these shelves.

"Oh."

"I work at one of the Universities of Maryland," he speaks on with a tone that's fully shaping up to be earnest.

"Out of state. I, uh, 'm also not from here— I'm from California."

He stays receptive. "Ah, well, if it were the case that we were both locals, then we could see each other again; you could tell me how you liked the book."

"Normal librarian and patron stuff." It meant for that to come out as a question. "Um, however, we could," Merlin shifts the book around in their hands, closing it, then pulls their drawstring back to the front, "well, okay, give me a sec— don't mind me."

Ze pushes on, backing out of the stacks and planting the bag & book firmly on the nearest table. Their modus operandi is to waste as little time as is necessary; as soon as a notebook is lifted from, they're flipping it open, grasping for a pencil from their pockets and talking again.

"This paper has stuff on it, but, eh, I don't mind. You have email, right?" Truly, xe pauses for a response, sparing a couple looks at him as xe rips out the leaf of paper.

"Ah, damn," ey mutter carelessly with it tearing unevenly.

"Yeah, okay. This has my email address on it. So you can get ahold of me."

He takes it with one hand and then trades it for the other's cane. "Oh, sounds good." Reading it before getting straight into the file compression & storage shows him the patient stranger is merlinenilrem @ inself.net.

If he were to keep up reading while he folds it, he'd get even more incomprehensible, self-justified things, but instead he chooses dialogue. "Sorry about making you take out a page from your notebook."

"Eh, no. I've got plenty. Notebooks, I mean."

"I'm Mars, by the way."

"Oh. And I'm Merlin. Good to know, uh, your name."

Mars nods, a soft affirmation. "So, I think I'm going to go back to looking for a book," he says in all good faith.

"Right," replies Merlin, "then I guess I'll get to reading this one."

A beat, so it's clear Mars & Merlin can't stop the other from going off on their own lives. "Thanks, by the way."

"No problem." Merlin doesn't see him exit and he's not exactly gone.

#prose for pun and profit #<- best writing tag #that i could come up with #hhvcd #i wanted to get some writing out before i left so enjoy folks #rbs encouraged & all at this point #merlin auernheimer #mars rodriguez

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wisteriannotes · 1 year

Text

November 2, 2022

Life has been... fair. Considering the fact that I haven't posted since Saturday, it's obvious that I was trying to keep myself busy so I can somehow ignore the empty void of loneliness that engulfs me. Honestly, my parents have been staying at home since my last entry and that's probably why I wasn't sick with melancholia for the whole weekend. Does that mean I could never live alone in the future because I always want to be constantly surrounded by somebody else? Hmm.

School has roughly started and I'm trying to get back into the mood, although I was never really in the mood before the break anyway. I'm trying my best to get ahead of the class just so I wouldn't feel that shitty about myself, but it's very hard to do that honestly because I don't have that much motivation to begin with. I wish I can yield my discipline, though, and I'm looking forward to reading and writing I guess (not so much as academic reading because dear god academic essays are boring). I told myself last night that I was going to run today, because I haven't been in a healthy place lately -- physically (who are we kidding, I'm not healthy overall: physically, mentally, or emotionally) but I literally just turned off my alarm and went back to sleep... which gave me about 10 hours of sleep time, too much is not good so I feel bad for that.

One thing that has been good in my life lately is the good books I've been consuming! I read this fun romcom over the weekend and oh gosh, when I tell you I am beaming over the moon! It's absolutely lovely to be lost in a fictional world where love can be everything you want it to be, but of course it sucks when you go back to the real world and realize that you'll never really find anything like that. It's sad but hey, if I can live out that fantasy for at least a few hours through reading, why not, right? I'm also currently reading a very intoxicating book by none other than Taylor Jenkins Reid, and I'm so excited to finish it. I hope I get to be as good a writer like her, lacing my own skills (that I have yet to hone) into the pages that will make readers read every single chapter with absolute scrutiny and joy. I tried writing my short story again today, I'm only halfway done but I had no luck. I'm stuck because I'm on the part where I want my characters to have a conversation, but I suck at writing conversations. It's been tough. I'll try again today.

I also just watched a good movie we were tasked to watch for our Ethics class (my ethics prof has such good taste) and oh boy was it good! It's called "The Farewell" and it delved into the complicated world of familial grief and trauma, which are very relevant to me thank you very much. The dialogues in this film were so realistic and I honestly want to write something as good as that. I hope I get to recite on our Friday class and overcome my social anxiety. I'm also currently into this show called "Atypical"! I think it's nice so far and it depicts a realistic and eye-opening image of people with autism. I guess it's nice that I get to feel excited and happy over the media that I'm consuming, even though I can't say the same for my own life. Still, I have something to look forward to, and sometimes that constitutes everything else.

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fullyjenanigans2 · 2 years

Text

WHAT DAY IS IT?

I haven't key in any word for quite some time because I've been mastering the complacent jerk in me these days. I also been letting shitty things be and been allowing them to just pour in front of me like a heavy rain making me squishy and all soaked up. But I didn't ignore writing. I'm actually reminded of it everyday. I just couldn't draw out the starting point of my thoughts. I can't even put them in order. They sometimes run like they are in a race and I'm always unsure which one wins.

My plate's too full today that I took notice of my ebooks downloaded in my phone and decided to add one. I know in my heart that I've been dying to finish a book even if it's just paperless. I like the tangible ones better because it's really a joy to hear and feel the paper as I leaf each page. I miss reading. I miss how it feels. But in my current state, I am too preoccupied with a lot of things that I can no longer have time to succumb to the luxury of reading.

I find it difficult to write at times because every time I try, they sound painfully sharp and shallow at the same time. I've been an arse not to defy my exasperation to people. They get so tiresome most of the time that I feel like I'm getting done with a lot of them lately dahil sa sobrang labo nila.

I survived years at work by feeding my mind that I am where I am supposed to be and telling myself that I am blessed to still have work despite the pandemic. The latter holds true, though, so please don't get me wrong. I slept at around 4am today because I fell asleep after dinner. This is how your life is when you lack the privilege to slack off. You have to embrace how hideous your work-life balance can be.

The worst of this reality is that my demons come along wild whenever I decide to budge into to these evanescence. I feel vulnerable that crying won't suffice.

I just hope I never wake up feeling tired from a pseudo rest again. It's just that I'm exhausted because I'm pressed and stressed from fulfilling what the universe wants from me. I sometimes can't find adequate ways to calm the storms inside my head.

What's prolly good about aging is that through the years, you're actually learning to be unapologetic. Not because you're indifferent towards others, but you just learn how to just be even with their uncomfortable presence. Not because you aren't affected with what others say, but because you learn how to live with them.

I sometimes think if I was really lucky enough to not experience the hurt that people pen in their songs and poems. I've read and heard countless of tales and the pain really is a heavyweight dumbbell on the chest. I often wonder if it makes me or it already made me a shallow person.

Trish went to Singapore last Tuesday to attend a summit. Our room feels empty and this whole unit seems messy. What else is there to do? As darkness dominates the light, all I could think of is veg out on the bed and drown myself with social media shenanigans. All feels weird. I know that I've been craving for this stillness but it really is lonely and sad without her here. She'll be home tonight and I can't wait for everything to finally hit home.

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witheringvoice · 2 years

Text

Thoughts

I don't know what to do right now so I'ma just talk about random shit.

My leg was bouncy because I have too much energy, really wanna go on a late night walk right nowwwwww BUT I CANNTTTTT.

Living in a shit neighborhood and being a miner (IN MINECRAFT DUH) and a biological female really fucking sucks sometimes.

Reminds me of this story one time-

TW: Mentions of near kidnap, knives.

So one time my sister went on a late night walk and she was walking forever and got lost. She started getting nervous so she started messaging me, right? The sister in question is four years older than me, I believe this story was...Two years ago? Or so? I don't remember exactly, but anyway, so she was walking around she was lost, it was really late at night. But she did bring a knife with her, she has a knife for self defense purposes. And so, as she was messaging me, she told me she saw a van and she's seen it multiple times already driving past her. And she started getting really scared and I started getting really worried because- THAT IS MORE THAN A HORROR MOVIE/CRIME SHOW BEGINNING SCENE THAN ANYTHING IF I'VE SEEN ONE- And well, I kept trying to keep her calm and asking her about where she was and if there was anybody around, there wasn't. There was also no like businesses or anything around so, this was a scary situation. Eventually, she said the van was slowly driving up towards her, so she put her knife in her hand. And to this day, we assume the glint of the knife or whatever scared that van off because they sped off and didn't bother her the rest of the night, or ever again as far as I know. She got home safe. True story.

~~TW END~~

What else can I talk about?

Oh!

I'm the kind of person who talks about how broke they are and shit and complains about it (because it's funny), and then if someone tries to buy me something, I will immediately refuse and get really guilty. Unless it's consumable. I fucking love food and sweets and drinks, okay? I'm a sucker for them, though it still might take some convincing sometimes.

Very few people actually know this, but when I was little, before I got asthma (which was in first grade), I actually loved sports.

Especially soccer, or football depending on where you're from lol.

Anyway, I actually lowkey wanted to play soccer for school or something if that was somehow possible or if I could.

Because I really loved running and soccer was just so fun.

Then, my mom ignored the fact I'm allergic to cigarettes and smoked in our house quite a lot.

Got asthma, no longer enjoy physical activity, started loathing most sports, and yeah.

I love hiking and swimming though. Except I can't swim, true story.

I also like rollerskating but I haven't been very much so I'm not too good.

Basketball and volleyball are the only interesting sports to me now, but I don't bother actually learning how to understand it soo....Yeah

I am to this day pissed that Allegiant literally didn't explain about the shipwreck that was in the other two Divergent movies (divergent and insurgent), and I specifically read the books to figure out WHAT THAT SHIP WAS ABOUT. And you know what? IT DIDN'T EVEN MENTION A FUCKING SHIP IN ANY OF THEM. I'M PISSED. WHAT WAS THAT SHIP ABOUT HUH??? HUH???

To this day I can't get over it, it's been years (2-4) since I finished the movie series and it's only been a year or so since I finished the books but still- Fucking pissed.

My two favorite flowers are flowers and roses but I love dandelions and just about any flower.

I've had a baby minecraft pig stuffed animal for as long as I can remember and named him Porkins in respect of the Yogscast series playing on the adventure map: The Last Potato but am planning on figuring out how to make a crown and renaming him Porkins-Blade or something in dedication to Techno as well because I was never able to afford his merch and I don't know if it's still possible to get, or if I'll ever have money to afford it if it is. Because the little drawing I did was not enough respect in my opinion.

My favorite youtubers when I was younger were Jacksepticeye, Markiplier, Pewdiepie (but mostly when he was playing with Marzia), the Yogscast (mostly Lewis & Simon), and I think that's all I really watched? My brother tried to get me to watch Soot House, but he always dissed anything I liked (unless we both liked it), so I spite the things he tries to show me most of the time, to this day. It took me so long to finally watch Wilbur Soot because of that, Quackity too.

I spent most of my elementary school days playing Minecraft (first the demo over and over, then the Xbox360 version), Skyrim, Oblivion, and a few other games...While also watching Minecraft videos (Sky does Minecraft, stampy long nose, captain sparklez, dantdm, popularmmos, Minecraft parodies), mostly Minecraft parodies though. I loved Minecraft parodies with a passion, it was scary.

I still watch Markiplier and Jacksepticeye, and the Yogscast occasionally, but Markiplier is my favorite now. It used to be Jacksepticeye, and before that the Yogscast because Minecraft was my life and I loved their adventure maps and yoglabs and shit.

I didn't really understand social media for the longest time, not really knowing it existed because, I just didn't have a phone or an iPad for the longest time and didn't care for social media. I still don't care for it too much, but I do indulge in it now.

In elementary school my favorite class was math, when sixth grade happened, I no longer thought that.

My favorite food is potatoes (most kinds), and my mom thinks that's because I have a lot of Irish blood from both sides of my family, but I was born in America so I disagree, believing it is just because potatoes are holy and delicious.

When I was little I wanted to be a singer not realizing that I'd have to be famous for that and when I did I no longer wanted to be a singer

Nowadays I want to be a music writer/musician, content creator, photographer, artist, and mostly writer. But I don't want to get big, just big enough to inspire people. That's what I really want to do, help people and bring beauty to their world.

I also want to be a psychologist/therapist/counselor or English teacher, but they're mostly backup plans.

I plan on getting a PhD/doctorate in psychology and maybe English (at least what a BA in creative writing), but not just for a backup plan, also because I like the idea of being called a doctor and I really like psychology + I like writing so I might as well know a lot about English, right?

When I was little I wanted to be a profiler or private detective but when I thought harder about it I decided against it because I don't think I'd handle that kind of thing well

I've always hated blood and I don't know why, I hate that specific monthly occurrence with a burning passion.

My favorite fruits are grapes and apples but I only like certain apples because some taste gross and I can only explain it as they taste/feel bubbly and it's just disgusting, and I don't like super sour grapes or grapes with seeds.

My favorite vegetable is corn + potatoes but I always forget potatoes are a vegetable, I just think of them as their own thing.

I joined the DSMP community around the time of Tubbo and Ranboo's meetup, and when the benchtrio meetup, that's when I decided I wanted to check out the community.

I have always wanted to watch Minecraft Manhunt's after seeing an edit and not knowing who it was about, but I spite things that are popular for no reason in particular.

My first contact with the DSMP fandom either technically came with Wilbur or Quackity before the fandom existed but their content wasn't entertaining to me at the time because I can never focus on things for long, even though I can totally do that, I honestly don't know why they didn't entertain child me. Maybe I just preferred other content back then.

I jump from thing to thing as a coping mechanism and my "obsession" never usually lasts more than a year but the DSMP has already lasted a little over that, so I have a feeling that this is going to be like Markiplier, Jacksepticeye, Skyrim, and Minecraft. They'll stay for good no matter how much I might end up hating it (I won't).

I love(d) ds games, specifically drawn to life, but the second game was the one I finished and am still yet to finish the first because it is much harder, and I will always love the games.

One of my favorite cartoons (before I got to watch adventure time/gravity falls) was team umizoomie or whatever the fuck, the freshbeat band, and that yogabagaba one. Umizoomie one because of the math, the band one because of the music, and the gaba gabba one because it was funny.

I have always had a slight interest in burning things, but you'd never be able to tell because it was usually quenched by making smores. Now it is quenched by randomly burning things with bad memories or with a lot of emotion (poems, pictures of my father, etc)

My father shortly left my mother after my first birthday because he was threatened by my grandfather to pay rent because they were living in his basement at the time. He sends a lot of child support from time to time, or none at all. He is supposedly the worst person my mom has dated before and that makes me feel like I might become a terrible person.

I always got really good grades, still do for a matter of fact, but my biggest weakness was always homework. Not even forgetting, sometimes it would be finished and in my fucking backpack, and I'd just never take it out. LIKE WHAT THE HECK MINI ME???

I've always struggled with sleeping for as long as I remember. When I was little I'd wake up before the fucking sun to do whatever that day, and I'd always struggle with restlessness when trying to go to sleep + jumpiness, which I'd try to quell with reading, or doing workbooks or playing, or staying up watching youtube videos or playing games, but my mom assumed it was just me trying to stay up late. it was in fact, not, it was me not being able to fucking sleep.

In second grade the thing I obsessed over ended up being the titanic and i'd fall asleep watching documentaries about it because it was so fascinating to me, I don't even know why. I could state multitudes of facts about it, but I can no longer.

I love frogs and toads and geckos.

My favorite animals are cats.

I love foxes, trash pandas, pandas, and red pandas, and just animals.

The chromebook is about to die so I guess that's all for tonight Tumblr, hope you enjoyed lmao? I was bored.

#random #thoughts #stories

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yndigot · 2 years

Text

god i miss rp

I really do need and want to rp right now, but IDEK what I'd put in an ad to try to find someone. I've scanned ads and I don't see anyone looking for something that really draws me in. So I need to create my own ad, but I also don't know what I want.

I'm not sure there's a fandom I want to play in. I've done Lost, Harry Potter, LotR, MCU, Downton Abbey, something RPF adjacent (lifting actors who were in a project together and had good chemistry, making one a rockstar and one a photographer and creating what were essentially OCs with their names and physical appearances), a BBC Sherlock inspired take on Sherlock Holmes which pulled more from the books than the series by the time it got going (BC and MF were the faces we used, it borrowed some from series 1, and then ... ignored everything else about the show). I'm not sure I'd circle back to any of that right now except for literally just ... restarting the same line again where it left off with either the Holmes partner or the Downton partner. If they were interested, I would jump. (Holmes partner and I had a newer line that was MUCH more AU from either the book or TV series that I would love to see continue and may eventually jumpstart again.) Some of these lines were canon up to a certain point and then jumped off from there, some were wildly AU from start to finish and just borrowed characters or worldbuilding.

I've also done lines that were built entirely of OCs with plots like "the cute guy who lives in my dorm is secretly a prince!" and "I'm in love with my fuckbuddy but can't admit it, but I'm going to try to destroy his current relationship by encouraging him to cheat with me" and "I don't actually want to get divorced, but I cheated and now the woman I cheated with his pregnant" and "she's a nurse and he's an orderly who's a conscientious objector"... etc.

I MIGHT do Downton if it were AU, but also .... sometimes I wonder what the point of AU Downton is because the setting is so integral to who the characters are and how their lives are twisted to fit these roles.

I could see myself going back to a Potter line if people weren't incorporating the past 10+ years of "canon" into their takes on the characters (I literally dngaf about anything that wasn't in the original 7 books and will not consider it in my interpretation of the characters) and if JKR wasn't JKRing all over the place making all enjoyment of the fandom feel toxic.

MCU similarly feels like I just don't have the energy to know what's gone on in canon post-Endgame, and all I'd want to play is Avengers hanging out as a family and either Steve and Tony falling in love or Steve and Bucky finding their way back to each other c. CATWS and the first Avengers movie.

I would also probably do Tolkein again, but my knowledge feels a little stale and I'm not sure how many other people would be interested in ... probably a post-war Shire based romance story, which is what I think I'd be most interested in writing. Literally fuck the rest of Middle Earth, I want Merry and Pippin thrust into the middle of like ... a Jane Austen novel.

I like Star Trek, particularly AOS, but my knowledge of the larger canon is "background noise from my childhood" and "haven't had time to watch the newer series" so ... I'm not comfortable wading into it right now.

I really enjoy Schitt's Creek, Our Flag Means Death, Young Royals, Red White and Royal Blue, and Love Victor. I have written/would write some fic for (some) of them (and I've dipped into occasionally reading fic for the others). I don't really identify with a particular character enough to want to fully embody them, though, or I'd like to write a take where I can control all characters, and I don't think I'd enjoy surrendering half the story to someone else, which has been the absolute joy of role play in most lines.

Someone tell me what I should look for in a role play line/partner right now. I have such solid ideas of what I don't want at the moment, but figuring out what I do want seems unreasonably hard.

I guess an OC line would be the easiest thing? Just come up with a scenario and start from scratch with original characters, but sometimes that's way harder to make successful with a partner you don't know because you don't have the shared shorthand of canon. I've done OC lines with a longterm partner in the past, and it was very enjoyable, but that's because we already had such a rapport and knew what the other liked, and that made it SO much easier to shape the line into something fun and interesting.

#role play

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sweetdevillydia · 2 years

Text

May 5th 2022 Dear Diary

So hm, yesterday I think, Dante finally removed me from the rpg group, and I couldn't be happier, now I won't have to participate in his boring rpg, and I'll have more time to do what's really important, like vocal training, dancing training, acting lessons, literally anything that isn't a rpg that harpyz live in deserts and wear ancient Greece clothing

He also removed himself from one of my friends *** group, which I couldn't care less about, because it's my least favorite group. Even though that *** group is mine, I wanna leave it

He still watches my status, which I think is pretty weird, but I won't block him cause I have nothing to hide.

Btw he's acting like that because we had a fight last monday (5-9), after he didn't go to school for weeks, and I was working alone in a project that we were supposed to do together, he was more fucking around than actually working, veeeery annoying, and so I started giving him shit for that since me asking wasn't working, and then he had the balls to stop working completely, started watching tik tok or some shit, of course, we fought again, because omggg what a annoying guy, then the teachers talked to us and he spend the rest of the class talking to one of them, at recess he had already told everyone how much of a bitch I am or something, idc tho, I never really liked him, he was never worth anything, he's the one who is missing stuff acting like this

We haven't talked since, which feels like a blessing frrr, guy was always sooo annoying and a hypocrite, put his trivial desires over my important stuff, wanted me to make rpg stuff while I was trying to talk to teachers about something important ughhhh

I feel like some of my friends, like Penny, are ignoring me, but idc, I'll still talk to them whenever I damn please, what they gon do? Not answer? Bleh, they still kinda answering, I'll make em talk to me more than they need, guess they're the kind of people that only understands someone's value once they're gone, that's gonna suck for em, cause when I "lose" a friend, I make 10 more, soooo, I won't be the one who is sad :)

Musicals I wanna watch:

Heathers

Newsies

Six

LSoH

DEH

Hadestown

Mean girls

Waitress

Mamma mia

Hairspray

Chicago

Wicked

Les mis

Book of Mormon

Black Friday

The prom

Something rotten

The producers

More to be added, I accept suggestions

Musicals I wanna finish (today hopefully):

Hamilton

Musicals I wanna watch again:

Beetlejuice

#vent #dear diary #5-15

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your-nanas-house · 2 years

Note

Heyy!! How much time! I was longing to do some imagine order, but now I'm back. Well, I thought of a picture where the reader is mad at Jerome and he tries to apologize in a cute way and with cute puppy eyes. Thank you very much for your attention.

Hello!!! I am happy to receive your requests again!💓😂

Apologies

Pairing: Jerome Valeska X Reader

Warnings: fluff, slightly angst

Words: 908

Summary: In the request

Note: Sorry for the mistakes and the English.

.................................................................

It was always a challenge to live with Jerome Valeska but Y/n did it.

She was and had been his best friend despite his difficult personality and different...hobbies; before his death they didn't live together but they spent a lot of time together, the Maniax members teased them about looking like a old married couple and they always made Jerome notice the so obvious effect Y/n had on him.

But it wasn't something the ginger had to notice since he knew well that she wasn't like the others and no one person could make him behave and feel that way.

The fights in their relationship weren't always frequent and most of the time it was Jerome who stayed sullen like a baby and waited for his doll to apologise; but it wasn't always like that, the ginger had a short temper and no patience, Y/n on the other hand was calmer and with more patience but when she ran out of it she was like a bomb that exploded.

In those cases it was Jerome who had to apologize and his apologies, every time, were always the same, divided into stages:

Stage 1 'it's not my fault'.

Jerome continued walking around in the big room, with furrowed brows "it's not my fault, she made me do it and she's selfish if she thinks she can only think about herself... I'm here too! And I'm the boss! …She can't say when the discussion is over or tell me what to do!" he ran to her room slamming the door open "WE HAVEN'T FINISHED THE DISCUSSION!" he closed the door realizing that she was ignoring him as she left to take a hot bath, locking the door.

Stage 2 "ARRABBIANCE and THREATS"

"OPEN THE DOOR! our discussion is NOT over!" the ginger continued to knock and hit the door "Y/N! OPEN! NOW!" he huffed "I'LL BREAK THE DOOR IF YOU DON'T OPEN IT!" no response "Y/N?! don't make me even more angry!" still no response.

Fortunately Jerome managed to calm down over the time and when she came out of the bathroom she found him still in her room waiting and watching her as she changed into some clothes and fixed her hair "do you have new plans for us, doll?" he purred "because I'm rock hard right now" nothing, she continued to ignore him without even laughing at his comments or jokes.

Stage 3 "REALIZATION"

"Dolllll! stop ignoring me!" he frowned cutely as he tried to get her to notice him, following her around the house and sitting on her lap when his attempt to get her to stroke his hair failed.

He grabbed her face and pecked her lips, as they always did, but without her returning it; remaining just still while reading her book as best she could "dolllll! return it!" Jerome pouted as he looked into her eyes trying to get her to do the same as he kissed her again, pressing his lips hard against hers without her reciprocating him "DOLL!" he huffed again thinking of another way, starting to smirk before licking her face receiving no reaction in response though.

Stage 4 "Whining"

Jerome continued to whine trying to get cuddled, stopping when he heard a male voice "you're pathetic" the ginger turned slowly towards Greenwood shooting him in the foot as he went back to seeking Y/n's attention.

Stage 5 "MENEFREGHISM"

"I don't care about anything, dolly!" he gave her a quick look hoping it would have some effect on her "...if you ignore me I'll do the same to you then!".

It didn't last more than fifteen minutes..as usual and of course he went back to annoying Y/n again to get her to stop ignoring him.

Stage 6 "GIFTS AND SURPRISES"

It was the tenth bouquet of flowers she found around that day and the fifth expensive gift..not to mention the little cards and drawings that looked like they were made by a child….but she didn't mind, she kept them every time, she had also a box full of Jerome's drawings.

Stage 7 "PUPPY EYES"

Stage seven was always the last one, Jerome didn't know why he didn't do it sooner since he knew he could win her and make it up to her every time by only doing his puppy eyes.

The ginger knocked softly on the door as he entered her bedroom making puppy eyes and pouting a little; he knew it was working as Y/n quickly looked away trying to ignore him and not look at him "Dolly?...I'm sorry" he climbed on the bed managing to pin her down on the mattress as he sat back on her lap looking at her like that while stroking her belly like a sad puppy; finally managing to get her to break and burst into laughter "Alright! Alright! You win, Jerome!" the ginger grinned happily back, giggling and pecking her lips, happy to be reciprocated again.

"I didn't even have to use the secret weapon" she raised her eyebrows while studying his face with her eyes "it's nothing dirty, is it?" Jerome began to smirk when he realised what she'd realised "no..it's not my cock, doll...but it could be if you want" Y/n snorted, hitting him playfully on the shoulder, smiling as she looked into his eyes "give me the ice cream and shut up, ginger".

Taglist:

@gabile18

@mrsfullbuster500

@trainer--taylor

@elizamalfoyy

@eovjjj

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cavehags · 2 years

Note

Sorry if this is demanding or something you're not interested in doing- please feel free to ignore it! You seem very widely read and I haven't read any fiction in ages due to life stuff and was wondering if you'd be interested in recommending some books you've read that you would consider a good place to start for someone who wants to feed that part their brain again! Many Thanks

for sure! here are some books i've read relatively recently (like, in the past couple years) that i enjoyed:

the atmospherians by alex mcelroy - i just finished this last night! it's this wild satire about a "cancelled" wellness influencer who narrates the story of her downfall and her eventual rebrand as a cult leader. it's about storytelling on social media, what it means to trust any narrator but especially someone who has a brand to maintain, gendered expressions of loneliness, and legacy. the prose is kind of so-so but i liked it for the extremely unreliable narrator pov and the startlingly funny twists and turns.

we play ourselves by jen silverman - another book about a lonely woman who had a very public breakdown. contains toxic and competitive female friendships, magnetic leaders, the moral lines people start being willing to cross just to feel valuable, the genius myth, and the murky difference between exploitation and art.

nevada by imogen binnie - one of the best coming-of-age novels i've read, ever. it's a small, simple story about a trans woman from new york and a new friend she meets on the road, someone that she immediately recognizes is a trans woman too. the absolutely gorgeous prose brings you through themes like the dangers and rewards of emotional detachment, when you can lie to yourself and when you can't, taking care of someone else when you aren't able to care for yourself, and that most tumblrina phenomenon, self-recognition through the other. it's hard to come by since it was out of print and is now awaiting republication in the summer, but you can find pdfs floating around online (i even have one if you need).

such a fun age by kiley reid - the story of a black woman working as a babysitter for a wealthy white family during a time in her life when she's not sure what she can do with her life. it's about the narratives people make up about women of color and what it is to live with them, and it's also about the heartbreak of domestic work, how painfully transactional it is to be paid to love a child. really good book.

with teeth by kristen arnett - another book about motherhood, this one focuses on a lesbian mom who is spiralling out as she struggles to care for her very challenging son. this is one of those books that depict just a snowball of catastrophe that builds and builds even though it is, at the end of the day, just about this one family and their little lives. themes include generational trauma, the futility of measuring up to any kind of perfect mother image, living with loneliness when you're part of a family, and what it looks like for a mother to put herself before her child, grim as it is.

our wives under the sea by julia armfield - ohhhh this book was good! it's a creepy, vaguely fantastical horror book told in a dual pov: one woman who went on a submarine expedition that went very wrong, and her wife, who received her when she returned and had to deal with the fallout. some very unsettling body horror imagery from this book has lingered with me (in a good way). contains repressed and unspeakable trauma, facilitating a partner's coping mechanism as an act of love, doubt, faith, what no communication does to a mf, and the brutal horror of the ocean.

manhunt by gretchen felker-martin - 10 OUT OF 10 STARS I LOVE THIS BOOK! i had to end with this because it's almost this book's pub date and i am hell-bent on inventing this book for the tumblr audience. an insane horror romp that follows a group of trans and disabled protagonists as they try to find a safe place to live after a plague turned everyone with enough testosterone in their system into a cannibalistic monster. but the monsters are almost the easy part--the remaining cis women are no easier to evade, with super-rich wellness heiresses, chasers, and of course TERFs putting the protagonists in a more subtle danger. the big themes are inter-community harm (what women and queer people will selfishly do to each other), how survival scenarios bring out the worst and most honest core of who you are, and how at the end of the day, whether you're on the side of good or evil, community will be the deciding factor in whether you survive. this book is so darkly funny, sexy, and just so fucking good. i can't wait for more people to read it.

i hope that's a wide enough list to get you started! i'd love to know what you think about any of these books. lmk how it goes :)

#manhunt #our wives under the sea #with teeth #such a fun age #nevada #we play ourselves #the atmospherians #lit

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ta0ken · 3 years

Text

LITTERA SCRIPTA MANET (the written letter lasts)

❝𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮❞ — atticus.

have you ever felt what it was like to dream? to even vividly remember the dream? how does it feel; does it feel nice? you wonder and wonder, but the dreams are always there (only with a few changes). you're only reliving a dream.

in books, freedom →

TAPPING RESOUNDED THROUGHOUT THE ROOM, yet there's a silence that fills the room you sat in as well. It's noisy, yet it's not. It's quiet, yet it's not. It's contradictory, in your opinion, as you leaned onto your chin, resting it on your fist. You hummed, unsure of what would happen. A small huff left your lips, blowing out strands from your hair, continuously bothering you from your work (though, you weren't really working).

Your pen scattered dots all around your lined paper, yet nothing was written on it. "This isn't some connect the dots game..." you softly sighed to yourself, raising a brow at the paper, disappointed and obviously unamused.

Glancing out the window, you stared, watching the sun rays light up your dim-lit room. You closed your eyes, reminiscing the times you were in high school (were you?), not really having any friends, only focusing on smarts and academics, though you weren't weak.

Too bad you had gotten into too many fights that caused your school record to drop at the lowest of low.

The dreams you've had were weird. You, at first, thought that you had grown older, done different things, lived a different life, but all of those were dreams; lucid, but merely dreams (but they only occurred two times, so, perhaps they don't count). Your eyes scanned the dots once more, still unimpressed with what you've gotten. Head drooping down, you let out another sigh, one full of frustration and exhaustion - you wouldn't be able to write a poem at any rate, would you?

"Oh, how this wounds me," you said to yourself. "Woe is me, woe is me... I guess."

Leaning back in your seat, you stared at your ceiling, blinking. The ceiling remained the same, nothing had changed. Maybe, I can just write about dreams or something... Gah! I hate this... You sulked and sulked and sulked, but nothing would change the fact that you couldn't write anything—

Ah. Now you know why. Someone had been murdered, you remembered. Not someone you knew, but for some reason, you felt like you recognized the person who had murdered the random nobody. Still, you weren't sure, and it didn't matter.

"...Weird," you muttered, balancing a pen between your lips and nose. "Really weird."

You closed your eyes, letting out a soft sigh, slowly sinking into your seat without a care. You felt tired, and you didn’t want to do any more work, though you weren’t doing any work anyway.

“Oi, [Name]!”

Your eyes open, and you blink. Slowly taking the pen between your lips and nose, you stare at the ceiling that shouldn’t have changed, yet it did. You slowly lower your head, still blinking, and looked at the person in front of you that had long hair, yellow eyes, and sharp teeth (though, that was his original appearance; the one you weren’t used to seeing).

”…Baji,” you acknowledge, expression forming into one of boredom. “What do you need, more tutor lessons?”

He gives you a scowl, before grinning, jutting his thumb behind him, exclaiming, “Nah, I wanted to hang out with ya. Me, you, and the others!”

A grim expression replaces your bored one, and you wave your hand in the air, other hand in your pocket. Leaning back into your seat, you twirl the pen in your hands, and you simply tell him, “No.” You didn’t want to hang out; there was no need to. “We’re not friends, Baji; I’m only your tutor, or whatever.” You ignore the feeling that this wasn’t a dream (but you wished it was).

The boy lets out a breath, crossing his arms. “Man… You’re a guy, ya know that?”

”I… I’d hope I’m a guy—“

”That’s not what I meant!” he barks. He turns his head, a frown appearing on his face. Upon your expression, he frowns even more. “Listen, I’m only asking you anyway because of you helping me out with school and shit.”

Your hand twitches and your brow furrows, a crease forming. This scene feels like it’s repeating, going on and on and on and on—why? You didn’t realize you were staring at him, until he waves a hand in your face, obviously impatient. “…Uh,” you blink, “sorry—No, I don’t… want to go.”

A small huff.

You only shrug in response, slowly getting up from your seat. You glance down at the floor, noticing your bag beside the leg of the chair. Why? You stare at it with narrowed eyes, distressed, but you hid it; the boy before you didn’t need to know what was happening, anyway. Grabbing your bag, you slung it across your shoulder, sparing Baji a glance. “…Why are you still here?” you ask, raising a brow, “Don’t you have your gang to go to?”

“Anyway, I’m going home. Bye,” you mutter, shuffling past the long-haired boy.

✎______

“You’re very selfish, Baji.”

”Huh? And you’re acting like you’re not?”

You rest your chin on your hand, lips in a thin line. You were with Baji and Chifuyu, who was technically his underclassmen, but he got held back a lot of times. You cock your head to the side, slowly gazing over towards the blonde, “How d’you manage to hang out with him? He’s a brute.”

”The hell did you say?!” Baji’s hand slams down onto the table booth you all sat at, glaring at you. “I’m no brute!”

You give him a blank stare. “…I can assume that your ma said you were a ‘handsome fellow’ or somethin’?”

Chifuyu coughs at that, hiding his snort. “C’mon, [Name], do you really think a guy like him is handsome?” He has a grin on his face, leaning back into his own seat, amused by the bickering (or maybe exhausted, who knows?).

You raise a brow, glancing over at Baji, who was fuming. Rubbing your chin, you hum in thought. “He’s pretty…” you say, trailing off, ignoring the suspicious look from Chifuyu and the arrogant look from Baji, and continued, “…for a girl.”

”Wh- I’M NOT A GIRL!”

”PFFFT—“

You grin, amused. Leaning back into your seat, you look back up to the ceiling, the grin dropping slowly. As fun as it was, can this dream end? Your hand raised up towards your face, pinching it as hard as you could, but it only left a mark.

It left a mark.

You lower your head once more, eyes staring at the wooden table that seemed too polished for its own good, the light showing your reflection. You were back in your 15-year-old body, still in middle school, though it made no sense. Shifting, your eyes darted towards the other two, one older, one younger, and they seemed the same from middle school; laughing, smiling, joking around.

Your hand clenches, gripping your uniform pants.

”…Am I dreaming?” you whisper to yourself, “Is this nothing but a mere illusion, to hinder my dob- doubts—? Fuck.”

“Did you stumble over your words again, [Name]?” Baji teases, leaning over towards you.

Your face flushes red, and you narrow your eyes at him. “No,” you say indignantly, “I did nuh- not. I did, not.”

”But, you did, just now,” Chifuyu points out. “Right, Baji-san? He just stumbled over his words?”

”…I said—“

”No, yeah, he did.”

”I SAID I FUCKING DIDN’T—“

✎______ [Name] occasionally stumbles over his words, despite knowing so many. And he ends up getting mad over it.

You rest your head on the table, grumbling profanities. Despite being smart, despite all of this, you were still foul-mouthed, and you were still a ‘child.’ You muffle out a small, “One day, I’ll kill the both of you, just you wait.”

Baji lets out a snort, patting your back harshly, “Sure you will.”

“I will.”

Chifuyu nods sarcastically, finished with his noodles. “Yes, of course, you will.”

You roll your eyes, muttering, “Well, fuck you guys, too.” You glance over at the pair, before you looked away, not wanting to deal with them. But, you continued to pinch your arm, not caring about the pain, for you just wanted to go back to your regular life.

"Hey."

I want to go back. Let me be a poet, once more, you sigh wistfully, leaning onto your fist, zoning out. I need to be a poet, once more; I graduated, did I not? I did, I did, so then why, why can't I wake up?

"[Name]."

This is all a dream.

"[Name], wake up!"

You blink, eyes wide. Turning your head towards the pair, you stare for a few seconds, before blinking once more. "...Sorry, what?" you say with a smile, ignoring the aching pain in your arm now, "Did you need something? Or were you guys planning on bothering me again."

Chifuyu narrows his eyes at you, suspicious of how you were acting. "...No, you were just pinching your arm really hard and not saying anything about it," he remarks, crossing his arms. "Are you some sort of masochist?"

Baji raises a brow, checking you out as he leans forward, "...I wouldn't put it past him to be a masochist. He gives off that sort of vibe, you know?"

"Oi, what's that s'posed to mean?" you scowl, pushing yourself away from the two. "I'm no fuck—I'm not a masochist." Despite you saying all of that, Baji only laughs, hand ruffling your hair.

"...I hate you all."

"Sure you do."

✎______

You weren't sure if you had this feeling that you were going to insane or if you were lucid dreaming (it was probably both), but it was slowly getting to you. Each step felt like it was pulling you towards the ground, keeping you there from moving on, from trying to back to the present (or was it future?). But was it even the present if you're you now?

It didn't occur to you, that you were back in the past. Every dream, every time you close your eyes, every time you open your eyes, there's a new view.

But there were no views this time, as you stared, blankly wandering around on your own. Baji left to do his own thing, as did Chifuyu. You weren't sure what they were doing, but you didn't want to get involved with gang fights anyway.

Instead, you chose to go back to the store nearby your old apartment (well, technically, your current one, huh?). You haven't met the rest of the Toman members except for the 'Founding Members', but even then, you didn't want to join. They weren't your friends (well, in the past, you didn't consider them friends, but they probably considered you a friend), and you didn't want to be their friend.

Well, maybe you did.

It gets lonely, anyway. Having to repeat life over and over again, without knowing who's the cause (once you find out who's causing it, though...).

You look at the cashier, hands in your pockets as you slump over, eyes drooping due to exhaustion. You could feel yourself beginning to tire throughout the day, yet it was only the afternoon still, almost evening.

"Can I have one pack of cigarettes?"

✎______

You lean back against the wall, looking off into the distance, sighing. You had the pack of cigarettes in your hand, glancing around the area, putting a cancer stick in your mouth, letting it hang off from between your lips. Tilting your head, you let out a huff. You were only 15-years-old, yet you were originally 26-years-old at the start (or was it at the original? You weren't sure, too many things ran through your head, really).

Drip.

Ignoring the dripping sounds that slowly grew into pitter-patter, you didn't bother to light the cigarette, simply satisfied with the feeling of it on your lips. A small sigh was drawn out, your eyes gazing at the droplets of rain that splattered on the cement, sometimes getting onto your boots.

Drip drip drip drip drip drip drip—

Rubbing the back of your head, you glanced away, pushing yourself away from the wall. You begin to walk, not caring about the rain that made you damp, your hair flattening on your head. Ignoring it, you clench and unclench your fists, trying to still wake yourself up from this dream that seemed all too real (you wish you could wake up, but you never will).

You look up at the rain, humming, sometimes squinting due to the droplets hitting you straight in the eye. Your face twitches, but you shrug your shoulders.

"Rain's a bad sign, ain't it? Especially if it's heavy like this..." you say to yourself, walking on the sidewalk. "August 3rd... Huh. The day of the festival... Hm."

You close your eyes, shrugging once again.

Looking up at the rain once more, you say to yourself quietly, voice barely near a whisper, "...Is this a dream that I can wake up from, or is this a dream that I'm stuck in forever? Hm... I wonder..." you look back towards the road, "...if the world just hates me after all."

A small laugh left your lips.

"Yeah. The world hates me, for sure."

#tokyorev x reader #male reader #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #yuureoo

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lavendersugarplum · 3 years

Text

☂︎ZEROᵗʰᵉ ʳᵉᵈ ᵘᵐᵇʳᵉˡˡᵃ

(Umbrella Academy x Sibling!Adolescent!Reader)

❝00.00❞

☂︎ᴢᴇʀᴏ: ᴛʜᴇ sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ɢɪʀʟ

─━━━━━━⊱☂︎⊰━━━━━━─

ZERO GRACE HARGREEVES fixes her gaze out the window of Umbrella Academy staring out looking at the dried-out leaves moving across the ground and the grass swaying with the wind. You see, Zero had never been out of the house before. Reginald always told her it was bad for her to go outside. That it was a horrendous place. Even though the Elder man has passed, the rule just seemed to stick with her.

She found herself always confined in her room, Reginald had told her not to come out of. Though Sir Reginald was deceased, she still stayed in her room for most of her time, just without locked doors.

~☂︎~

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, AND SIX were heading out for another mission. Zero watched as they left, unconsciously starting to follow after them, wondering where they're going. Zero inched closer and closer to the door, as her ruby red flats went across the cardboard floor. As soon as she felt the coolness of the outside, a force pushed her back. She came to see the hostile eyes of her father.

Zero pointed outside the door where her siblings left, curious eyes facing her father. Reginald just shook his head in disappointment and kneeled to her height grabbing both of her shoulders; eye contact stern.

"Listen to me Number Zero. You must never go outside. The outside is a bad place not meant for you. Do you understand?"

Zero nodded in comprehension, but she was puzzled. Why couldn't she go with the others? Seconds later, Grace came over reaching for Zero's hands. Zero got scared and quickly snatched her hands away. Though resented, Grace kept her usual smile on her face.

"Come now, I'll make supper for you and Number Seven. Okay, dear?" Zero took one last look at Sir Reginald who still had his eyes still fixated on her with a severe gaze before walking away.

~☂︎~

HOURS HAD PAST. By this time all eight of the children were asleep. Reginald was occupied in his office fixing his monocle, before checking his watch. "Pogo! Grace! Come here at once."

Pogo, an advanced chimpanzee and Sir Reginald Hargreeves' assistant and friend at The Umbrella Academy, and Grace, the primary caregiver and adoptive mother of the eight children, materialized into his office . "Yes, Master Hargreeves?" Pogo said bowing. Reginald turned to the two of them as soon as they appeared.

"When I have no time left, I want you to watch over Number Zero. Make sure she stays quarantined in this house. You two will be her two companions. Make her feel as though you two are the only ones she can depend on. Now, do I make myself clear?" Reginald narrowed his eyes at the two.

"Is this really necessary? After all, she's just a chi—" Grace protested, but was silenced.

"Do I make myself clear?" Reginald repositioned, but in a more cold, hostile tone. Pogo looked up to Grace with a knowing look, as she held a hesitant expression.

"Yes, sir." The two said at the same time.

~☂︎~

ZERO SAUNTERS DOWN THE HALLWAY of the living room looking at the portraits. Paintings would fill every inch of the academy. All kinds of portraits would be sprawled out across the walls. The girl ceased at a portrait where it shows her brother Five Hargreeves, recalling the very moment of him going missing.

She remembered when she would always looked out her window on the porch, seeing if he would come back, but he never did.

~☂︎~

IN THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY RESIDENCE, the morning started just like any other with the Hargreeves'. The sound of a ring of a bell echoed through the Academy as the uniformed Hargreeves' children walked in a single file to the breakfast table. Once they got there, they waited patiently for their father to arrive, standing behind their chairs, quietly doing so.

After a few minutes Reginald came in alongside Zero who had her hands tucked tightly behind her back. Once they destinated to the table, the two departed wit Zero taking her seat beside Number Six, and Reginald positioning himself behind his own chair.

"Sit."

At the sound of the command, the children quickly reacted by pulling up their chairs and taking their seats. The children individually proceed to do their own things, with Herr Carlson playing in background. With Number Two scratching his knife into the arm rest of the chair, trying not to be caught by his strict father or snitch brother Number One who was eye flirting and exchanging smiles with Number Three, reciprocating. Number Four fiddled with some paper under the table, alongside Number Six who leaned over showing Zero a page in a book he liked by Anton Chekov, knowing Zero liked to read as well. Number Seven was at the right end of the table, quietly eating her meal.

But there was one certain Hargreeves that had trouble sealing his anger and irritation; And that Hargreeves was the prideful and mastermind Number Five. You see, Five had a burning desire to be able to test his ability to time travel and it ate him up inside that his father wouldn't allow him with a loathing passion. Instead of eating he stared down his father from the opposite end of the table, in vaxation; anger and frustration building up inside him. When his anger finally boiled over he grabbed his knife and jabbed it into the table. The loud sound caused everyone to turn his attention to him, with Zero’s frightened shoulders hoping.

"Number Five?" Reginald questions.

"I have a question."

"Knowledge is an admirable goal, but you know the rules. No talking during meal times. You are interrupting Herr Carlson." Reginald replies.

Unsatisfied with his father's educated response Five forcefully pushes his plate forward and stands up.

"I want to time travel." Five said.

"No."

"But I'm ready. I've been practicing my spatial jumps, just like you said." Five got up from his seat and demonstrated him doing a spatial jump, appearing next to Reginald. Five's power was Spatial Jumping, which gives him the ability to teleport both short and long distances.

"A spatial jump is trivial when compared with the unknowns of time travel. One is like sliding along the ice, the other is akin to descending blindly into the depths of the freezing water and reappearing as an acorn."

Five's hands balled up in his pockets.

"I don't get it."

"Hence the reason you're not ready."

Zero peers around the table at everyone's gaping facial expressions. But her eyes specifically trained on Number Seven, who gave a shake of the head no to Five, trying to get him to sit back down and stop pushing the issue.

"I'm not afraid."

"Fear isn't the issue. The effects it might have on your body, even on your mind, are far too unpredictable. Now, I forbid you to talk about this anymore." Reginald demanded, but Five still set up above everyone challenged at his father's utterance. The last thing Zero remembered was him running off outside, never to be seen again.

"Number Five. You haven't been excused! Come back here!"

Zero knew what he was going to do as she got up from her seat.

"Number Zero. Sit. Back. Down."

Zero didn't listen as she kept looking towards the door. Number Six tugged on her uniform sleeve a little, trying to get her attention. Number Six, observed her expression. It looked like she was trying to focus on something.

"Number Zero. Sit down. NOW!" Reginald yelled, making Zero snap out of her trance. She sat back down, hoping Five didn't do anything rash.

Number Six put his hand on Zero's shoulder, trying to make her feel better.

Therefore Number Five was never seen again, leaving his father, Grace, and his siblings behind, not aware of the consequences he would have to face.

~☂︎~

ZERO LOOKED AT the portrait a little longer, before turning away. She then trailed to the various family portraits that were displayed. Well, Zero wouldn't exactly call it a family portrait. Not everyone was entirely included. She and Vanya were not allowed to be in family portraits.

To Zero, these portraits weren't just any kind of portraits with her family just posing. To her it captured the emotions of her siblings trying to hold it together year after year as they evolved.

Zero would always look to the side at Vanya, seeing her with a downcast look on her face whenever she was not included. She remembered that she would always look away to the side, whenever she felt like she disappointed Reginald. Zero would just have a blank facial expression, being the most disciplined, that she became like a mindless zombie, always obeying when she was told to do something. She would only simply nod when spoken to. That's what caused her to get more mute over the years. So you can't expect a whole conversation with her, just a few conversations, never really speaking to anyone besides, her dear brother.

Number Six

~☂︎~

EVERYONE EXCEPT ZERO was gathered in Luther's room.

"S-she's kinda weird, right? I mean think about it." Number Two said.

"I don't think she's weird." Number Seven said quietly that no one heard.

"Yeah and she's always going off with Dad somewhere. It's like she's getting more and more mindless every day." Number Four said.

"You don't understand." Five suddenly said. This made everyone look to Five.

"You can't call her weird because you don't understand her. We don't know what she's going through. Don't judge something you don't understand." When Five finished everyone got quiet, taking into consideration what Five just said.

Number Three looked around to see Number Six gone.

"Hey, where's Six?"

~☂︎~

NUMBER SIX WENT OUT OF LUTHER'S ROOM to see Zero’s door wide open. He walked quietly to the door with a book in hand. Six peeped around the corner of the door to see Zero reading a book. He was kinda overjoyed to see that Zero had the same interest as him.

Six slowly started to walk in. When he took another step, the floor creaked, making Zero go stiff and turn around slowly. She looked to see Six, standing just outside her door. Zero was slightly surprised to see one of her siblings at her door. Usually, everyone would just ignore her as if she wasn't there. As if she was nothing. As if she mattered 0%. At least that's what Reginald told them to do.

"U-uh hi."

Zero just stared at him in surprise.

"Um, I got this book for you. I've noticed how much you like to read, s-so I thought it would be nice. It's really good. I promise." He handed the book over to her. Zero hesitantly looked at him and then the book She hesitantly took it and looked at the cover. Zero always liked hardcover books.

"Well enjoy the book, okay? Bye." Six started to exit the room, but before he could the unbelievable happened.

"T-t-thanks." Zero managed utter out quietly enough for Six to hear.

Number Six's eyes widened, then his expression slowly turned into a smile before walking away.

Zero looked to see if he was gone before opening the book.

~☂︎~

ZERO GAVE A SMALL SMILE at the memory, but not before remembering that he doesn't exist now. He passed years after Five’s disappearance. She didn't even get to attend the funeral. She could only watch from her secured shut window. The two were best friends ever since that day. Zero always thought Six was a little weird at first, but she started warming up to him day by day. He was truly a real brother to her.

~☂︎~

EVERYONE WAS IN the dining room eating dinner except Zero who just staring down at her plate. Everyone kept giving occasional glances at her, with concerned glances. Zero glanced at the empty seat next to her. The seat that would never be filled again.

"Number Zero, stop staring at your food and eat, this instant.

"I.......I..

All of a sudden the building started to shaking uncontrollably. Causing everyone to be frightened.

"Number Zero, control yourself!" Reginald demands. But Zero just keeps staring at her plate.

"Number Zero."

"Number Zero!"

Suddenly the shaking came to a stop. Everyone was staring at Zero wide-eyed. None of them knew what her powers were. It has always been a mystery. Not even Reginald Hargreeves himself knew, which is why he had to keep her contained.

" .......I'm....sorry..."

"Perhaps it's best if you go back to your room, where you belong." Reginald said with disappointment written on his face.

Zero simply nodded and headed back to her room that felt like a prison she could never escape.

Seven and Four watched sympathetically as Zero walked to her room.

She heard the sound of her door locking, signaling that she couldn't go back out.

~☂︎~

ZERO WAS IN HER ROOM looking in the mirror at her 13-year-old body. Why is she still young? Zero ages very slowly. Reginald gave his blood to slow down Zero's aging process. Even though she is technically 29, because of her slow age process she's still just a kid. Zero rubbed the eye bags under her eyes on her pale (s/c) skin from lack of sunlight. As she did this, she thought about how her life is now.

One had to leave for his mission on the moon. And Zero knew it wasn't for any important reason.

She doesn't know what the rest of her siblings, besides Seven are doing. Which is kind of sad if you think about it. Zero was so trapped in her own house all her life that she didn't realize how isolated she is from everything.

From everyone, shielded from the world.

Seven became a writer and a violinist. Zero would always read her book about what it was like for her in Umbrella Academy. She couldn't grasp why Vanya was right such a thing like this in the first place. Giving up the family secrets just like that. She still remembered when she was getting ready to leave.

~☂︎~

Zero looked to see her sister heading out the door.

"You have to go?" Zero said making Seven turn around.

"Yes, I have to go. I have no place here anymore. I'll try to come to visit okay." Seven said going over to hug her, but Zero quickly backed away shaking her head. Seven looked at her sympathetically. She knew Zero wasn't used to touch.

"You'll be okay, right?"

There was a long pause before Zero nodded.

Seven smiled and headed to the door. The truth was that she didn't want to leave Zero at that hellish place, but Zero was still in Reginald's custody.

"Bye, Zero," Seven said before she left, leaving Zero alone, waving goodbye at nothing. Her hand slowly came down as Reginald lead her back to her room.

~☂︎~

ZERO BRUSHED HER HAIR, fixing her tied up, red headband, getting ready for the funeral. What she didn't know was that her family was coming.

And that this day was going to change her life.

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