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wingsporkhalo · 4 years

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He’s Mine: A BakuDeku Fic Spork- Chapter 3

Eyyy it’s time for chapter 3! Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Last time, Katsuki attempted to confess his “love,” Izuku was forced to dress as a girl, Shoto kidnapped Izuku, I ranted about people uke-fying my favorite characters, and Kirishima offered some terrible advice! In today’s installment, Shoto makes terrible jokes and lies to Izuku’s mother, Izuku and Shoto go on a date, and our helpless damsel protagonist gets attacked by a villain!! Also, I provide several of my own takes on the pairing! Special thanks as always to @kittykatz009, @the-wizard-l, @satsuneade, and Phos! Thanks especially for the art, Satsu! LOL

Me: Thanks for the summary, Izuku, but wouldn't your time be better spent experiencing new events?

"OH WELL AS LONG AS THEY SAID SORRY, MY SUFFERING IS RENDERED MEANINGLESS! EVERYTHING'S GOOD!!"

Wiz: OH JOY Me:

My mum shouted me

That's right. She just... threw her head back and screamed MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE as loud as she could One of our neighbors thumped on the wall. "MAKE HER STOP DOING THAT!" I heard a muffled voice roar on the other side. "I'm sorry!" I shouted back. "I don't know why it keeps happening!!" Wiz: JTRHSDGF

Satsu: Oh god Phos: Jeez Me: Wow, okay, sure, just declare yourself someone's boyfriend without asking them first. Wh... Where's Inko going? cOME BACK! WE NEED AN ADULT PRESENT Satsu: Okay but why isn't Inko questioning Deku about this!??? Me: FOR REAL THOUGH "Also, I found some girls' clothing in your bag... Honey, you know you can tell me anything. Is... everything all right? You know I love you no matter what, right?" "mOM STOP YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME" Satsu: HER ONLY SON HAVING A BOYFRIEND FOR THW FIRST TIME SHOULD BE AN IMPORTANT MATTER Ndvdkfbfkfbksbd Phos: "Truth is I got dressed up in it against my will." "Did they apologize?" "Yes" "Then that’s all right!" Me: I'd love to say it's completely out of character for Shoto to respond to a question with a shitty pun he's no doubt spent hours coming up with... but I could definitely see him doing that, actually but not THIS shitty pun Not THIS one this one... is uNBEARABLE SAVE ME lskjfslkdj pHOS I like how there's a lone quotation mark there, like that line was so fucking bad that even the punctuation is trying to separate itself from it Satsu: SKBFKWBGKDBSKDJIDBFJD 😂 😂 Me: AFTER THE PARK?? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THERE? WAS THAT JUST NOT IMPORTANT??? AREN'T YOU WRITING ABOUT THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE RELATIONSHIP?? WHAT THE FUCK Wiz: tjdafgfdhgfhg Me: THIS PERSON'S WRITING!!! IS SO FUCKING BORING!!! PLEASE, GIVE ME SOMETHING!! THE CLOSEST WE EVER GOT TO DESCRIPTION WAS THE LOST CAT THING AND EVEN THAT WAS COMPLETELY INANE Oh boyyyyy the next part

Satsu: They just got there and went back lol Me: I wish this author could be stoped Satsu: Omg she had FANS XDDD Phos: She has tiny electrical fans in her mouth. They’re completely shorted out by now, but that’s what you get. Me: "I'm glad I'm here with you, Tod--I mean, Shoto-kun." "Me too, Izuku." [silence. A crow flies overhead. Crickets chirp.] "Well, this was nice, Izuku, but I should be getting home." "Wh...what? But we just g... uh. O-Okay...??" Satsu: KDBDKFBFJX Me: [throws some rabbits in the air] Two high-up buns I mean, you ain't wrong, Toga DOES have lots of fans, but how could you tell that from looking in her mouth?? A Japanese girls uniform? Uh... is... is there a uniform that all Japanese girls must wear? That sounds like some kind of dystopian hellscape??? Wiz: Not wearing your japanese girl uniform? sirens start up Me:

(Guessed who it is ;))

Yeah, as with everything in your writing, it didn't take a genius to figure it out. It may take a psychologist, however. Satsu: Poor Deku, can't really defend himself even though he has One for all's power and has defeated so many villains already :( Me: I KNOW LIKE WHAT THE FUCK 😂

"Your cute come with me!"

Okay like... if you're going to bother putting an actual yandere into the story, let alone one who is canonically in love with Izuku/wants to murder him, don't you think her dialogue should be a little more characteristic?? Like, uhhh, "I've been waiting to see you again, Izuku-kun! Did you miss me?? I missed you. But it's okay. You'll never go anywhere without me again~" Y'KNOW SOMETHING SCARY AND UNSETTLING Satsu: "hey cutie ;)" Phos: That’s really good dialogue on short notice, Mom Me: WHAT THE FUCK IS AN ALIWAY [someone points to a girl named Ali] "about 140 pounds" aww, thanks Phos!! <3 Why would Izuku follow her though?? He KNOWS what Himiko Toga looks like!! He has fought her before!! Good lord!!

When I saw it my body trembled and I backed up to the wall

Bitch!! This kiddo faced down the League of Villains, The Hero Killer Stain, a humongous freakshow four times his size with prehensile muscles, a performance-enhanced metalbender, several morons in plague masks, and a terrifying maniac who had rearranged his body into a titanic monstrosity with four arms, and didn't back down!!! What the fuck show are you watching???

She cut my cheek

And Izuku just... stood there, I guess, with a bit of drool escaping his semi-open mouth as he stared at nothing vacantly. Wiz: :’)))))) Me: And then he just passes out for no reason?? I?? I don't get it! Was it because of the explosion? Did he get cut a bunch more times (but we never knew because the author was incapable of describing it to us) and pass out from blood loss? Or is he just so frightened of this admittedly-terrifying girl that he just swooned onto the ground???

Sure. Because visiting Deku is something he does all the time I guess. This is so pointless, so bad, so unbelievably boring, oh my god author I've met trees with more personality than your writing. Literally I read a book where a tree was the main character and it was one of the most interesting books I've ever read Wiz: y e p Me: also, there's the "my deku" again [rolling eyes] Satsu: oh god

Satsu: Did Kacchan seriously stalk him for more than two hours Me:

I ran to wards

I hope it was to a psych ward; that's where I'm headed after reading this. Satsu: was it really two hours because nothing happened there apparently Me:

And hit her in the face with my quirk. When I was done beating her up

Oh my god you idiot. You fool. You are like a little baby. Himiko Toga is not so easy to defeat. She's a notorious killer who's wanted for dozens of murders, and she's also a master of deception, extraordinarily quick-witted, and really good at knowing when it's time to skedaddle. >:C Satsu: Two things: He didn't recognize her even though she's from the league of villains Also, he just... Left her there..... Jaz: I'm so offended that they butchered Toga's characterization like this Me:

"Deku?" I asked while shaking him a bit. But he didn't respond

Oh god, he's finally succumbed to shaken baby syndrome from all these people infantilizing him Wiz: fdghjDSFGHJ Me:

I checked his puls

His what now? Wiz: his puls Me: gOD STOP SHAKING HIM OH MY GOD Bridle style. I can only assume this means he wrapped Izuku around the muzzle of a horse Wiz: oh my god Me: Oh, so suddenly Inko is back at the house again?? "A crazy girl tried to kill him with a knife" "IS HE OKAY??" "...I mean, obviously not. Did you not hear what I just said" Satsu: The puls 😂 😂

Jaz: Bakugou. What. The. Fuck. Me: I went up stairs. Just... some random stairs. I went up them. Yo but for real though... WHY DID IZUKU PASS OUT I don't think more intense stalking is the answer, Katsuki So like... how do you say "had of" but then later use the correct "would've"??? I? Maybe don't rub your finger in his fresh wound, Kacchan?? Wiz: o w Me: "Deku... who did this to you?!" "Oh that? Don't worry about that. I was chasing a stray cat and it, uh, got a little temperamental" "...were you shirtless during this?" "Yeah!" "........why??" "I had just gotten out of the shower." "................look, never mind. My fault for asking." I like how Katsuki's like "I'll make her pay for hurting Deku" but for the past decade it has in fact been him who has been hurting Deku Wiz: OH RIP Satsu: OH LORD Me: I don't get it; why is he just rubbing all these scratches? I can understand if he like, gently traced them with his finger? but you keep saying RUBBING and I'm like, what kind of strange fetish is that??? Wiz: That sounds ow fjcmv Me: So he just intently stares at his childhood "friend" until he himself loses consciousness. Sure. Makes sense. Inko pokes her head in later like "Boys, I made you some sna--oh. They're asleep. Uhh, I guess I should call Mitsuki and let her know Katsuki's staying over... that's nice. He hasn't spent the night since they were four" Satsu: Aww that's actually cute, but very impossible in canon 😂 Jaz: Lol it really is Me: that reminds me of a tiny something I wrote thanks to one of these badfics that I should share with y'all

Jaz: Hey look, it me Me: When u stan two characters becoming friends instead of becoming boyfriends Satsu: Omg 😭 😭 😭 😭 Jaz: FRIENDSHIP Me: YEP I friend-ship them so hard (': Satsu: SLOW-BURN FRIENDSHIP Me: SLOW BURN FRIENDSHIP ALSKDAJ;FKLD I LOVE IT Jaz: Hey, that is AMAZING Me: Katsuki: Fuck that. [holds up his hands, which are sparking] I burn everything fast Kirishima just puts a hand on his shoulder like "whoa, slow down there, ya little pyro"

OKAY, WHAT THE HELL! TOGA INTRODUCES HERSELF TO IZUKU WHEN THEY FIRST MEET, AND LATER WHEN THEY MEET AGAIN HE REMEMBERS HER BY NAME (and Toga looks... uhhh, a little too happy about that). HE KNOWS WHO SHE IS Satsu: Kzbdkfbjejdbd I'm crying at the had placed his head on his chest Me: I'm crying at the fact that apparently Bakugou is able to wrap his hand entirely around Izuku, because I guess he suddenly has Kendou from class 1-B's Quirk now And also "I tured my head" like oh really? Did you need a ture guide? Was it like, an Inside Out thing?? The idea of Izuku sleeping with his head on Katsuki's chest is cute, but I don't think they would willingly arrange themselves like that. It's more of a "we happened to pass out like this after being smashed out of the sky by a villain" pose, and when one of them wakes up they'd be like "aAAAH OH CHRIST OH FUCK [scrambles away like they just woke up cuddling a giant spider]" "he moanded" oh my god save me 😂 Wiz: moanded Satsu: Oh nooooooooo

Wiz: wh Me: "as soon as he [let go of me] I got away from him" Hey look, the first in-character thing that's happened THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME I like how Inko only exists when the author needs her to

"Coming!" I shouted back

Already? He only moanded once WHY WAS THAT ALL YOU HEARD FROM YOUR MOM? IS SHE LIKE, FADING OUT OF EXISTENCE AGAIN? MAYBE ASK HER WHAT SHE MEANS BEFORE SHE BECOMES MIST? "HEY MOM, DO YOU MEAN HE HAS YOUR BLESSING TO CONTINUE TO ABUSE AND TORMENT ME LIKE HE'S BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST 11 YEARS OR SO??" Wiz: :'))) Me: plus, is she forgetting that a DIFFERENT attractive teenager claimed to be Izuku's boyfriend yesterday?? Jaz: my head hurts from this

Wiz: There is so much happening but also nothing, I'm just. what. Me: Izuku is so fucking dumb in this story that he, to use a phrase I saw in a post today, "wouldn't know how to pour water out of a boot if there were instructions on the heel" Wiz: I freaking love that phrase Jaz: "but Kacchan was already finished.... I guess we have that in common" WHAT THE FUCK Me: And again, he only moanded once. Pitiful Jaz: get these bois to a doctor Satsu: And that's why they have to marry Because they have so much in common Me: Also, why is Izuku clutching his chest? Did he sprout boobs because the author has feminized him so fucking much?

He scoffed his breakfast down.

Okay. "You call yourself a waffle? Pathetic. Eggo, you say? More like, Egad, this waffle sucks." Jaz: WING OMG

Me: Without the umbrella? I suppose it's just as well. Even if it was raining, the author would never tell us Jaz: THEY SPELLED “DAMNED” RIGHT OH MY GOD Me:

while walking

oh my god, for real? couldn't you at least tack that onto some dialogue? Like, I asked while walking??? Jaz: too much work. they had to put all the effort into spelling damned right Me: PFFFFFFFFF The last line there is so depressing because it means the author IS aware of how Katsuki acts in canon... and has chosen to write him this way regardless

"I'm... mm [struggles to speak]" "Kacchan?? Are you okay??" "Yes, it's just that whenever I try to say something in-character my mouth snaps shut and I MMM-MM [flails around desperately]" "[panicking] oH NO! WHOSE QUIRK IS CAUSING THIS" Satsu: Ldbdkdbdkf Me: I like how the author makes Katsuki delay telling him The Big Important Thing until after school... which adds like a whole 6 sentences to the story instead of being a "haha, you'll have to wait for it, readers!" thing And I like how Izuku is self-aware enough to tell people where he's going and who he's hanging out with, but not self-aware enough to realize that he's in a love triangle apparently. Satsu: Of course this is the thing I decided to do to finish my art block lmao

Me: lKJF;LGKSEJRG;AWLKJGD;LKJE;GIJW;EGJS;LKJS;GLSKGJF Wiz: oh my god beauty Me: IM GONAN FUCEKN CRY OMGGGGGG Satsu: THEBIMAGE WAS STUCK IN MY HEAD, I AH TO DO IT LOLLL Me: I LAUGHED SO HARD THAT I CHOKED ON MY OWN SPIT AND COUGHED A LOT [WHEEZES] Phos: Oh my GOLLY THAT’S SO GREAT Satsu: I'M SO SORRY MOM DLVDKDVDKD Me: "Close your eyes!" "Uhhh, Kacchan? Last time you held something behind your back and told me to close my eyes, you threw an angry squirrel at me and then recorded me running around trying to get it off me" "Psh, that was a long time ago, nerd. I'm different now." "That was last week, Kacchan"

"Is it--" "It's not a fucking squirrel, all right! Just do it!!" "o-okay!" Jaz: that picture is so beautiful omg Kacchan isn't going to be happy you dropped those roses Me: Mkay so if Bakugou suddenly kissed him, I think Izuku would leap back and be like "WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING TO BE KACCHAN" "No, it's--listen, it's really me, okay?" "LIAR! WHERE IS THE REAL KACCHAN?!" "I'm right here, you moron! [puts both hands on his chest] I'm Katsuki Bakugou! Cross my heart!" "AHA! YOU'VE SLIPPED UP! KACCHAN DOESN'T HAVE A HEART TO CROSS!!" "Wow, that was kind of fucking uncalled for, but I guess I can see why you'd say that" Jaz: lmao oh my god Wiz: DPESN'T HAVE A HEART TO CROSS Satsu: Kdbsjdhdbd I love that when you write them it's like they go back to normal, oh my babies ;-; Maybe the're just actors on a very bad romance series Me: And then yeah he would absolutely yell at him for dropping the flowers and Izuku would be like "[squints suspiciously] .......Kacchan?" "YES, for the three trillionth time. Jesus, I knew you were an idiot, but I didn't know you were THIS dumb. Now pick up those fucking flowers before I blast a hole through you" "[clutching his own head] wHAT IS HAPPENINGGGGG" Jaz: now THAT'S the Kacchan he knows! Me: What a beautiful greeting for a heartfelt love letter

Wiz: they spelled damn right :oooo Me: I know; it's almost as amazing as their utter disregard for canon Jaz: oh jesus Me: Izuku would stare at that letter for ages and find a hidden message in it Izuku, reading the note: "Hey, damn nerd... Even though I didn't get to tell you yesterday, I was trying to say that I'm in Love with you. I want to go out with you. Let me know what you think. PS- Tell anyone else and you're dead." [long pause] "...............oh my god... the first letter of each line... HE'S IN TROUBLE!! I HAVE TO SAVE HIM" Jaz: Afudshgoudshuigdsh

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Next time: The last installment, in which Katsuki and Shoto fight over our damsel!

#mha #my hero academia #badfic #bad fanfiction #hes mine #izuku midoriya #katsuki bakugou #shoto todoroki #bakudeku #tododeku

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myotishia · 5 years

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Masquerade part one

Fandom: Torchwood. Trigger warnings: None as far as I know but feel free to suggest. Characters: Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper, Elise Carter (oc) Rating: Teen and up

Blurb: The police and Torchwoods relationship had calmed in recent months but one officer just can’t seem to let it go. Meanwhile the team get a second chance to defeat an old foe.

Sergeant Farrell grumbled as he found another redacted file pertaining to a case linked to this mysterious Torchwood. The most he’d gotten from his research was that Gwen Cooper used to be a police officer and she moved on to being a police liaison, but even her current residential address had been struck from the record. And as for this Elise Carter there was even less. The only thing he could find for her was that she had a current drivers licence. It was ridiculous. All he knew was wherever the name Torchwood appeared people died and he was certain these people were not special branch. To him it felt more like organised crime. No legitimate law enforcement branch would have two women in from what he guessed were their twenties sent to a murder scene. Just because the rest of his department were frightened of this group didn’t mean he was.

Ianto flinched as Owen examined the healing bite on his neck. The bruising had gone down a lot but it was still there. It just didn’t need painkillers anymore.

“Looks fine. I’m happy to clear you to go back to general duties if you’re ready.” Owen said, all business.

“I am… I’ve started to remember more of what happened.”

“Yea?”

“Mm… I was going to die, wasn’t I?”

Owen paused. “You were close to it. How’d you guess?”

“You called me by my name. You only do that when someone’s dying or practically dead.”

“You lost about 38%. I wasn’t sure if we were going to get you stabilized in time. Elise risked space jumping with you to get you here faster. We’re lucky it worked.”

“Shit… I don’t even know how long I was down there.”

“Neither do we, that’s the problem when you disappear all day.”

Ianto pulled his shirt back on and buttoned it up. “I’ll have to check in more often.”

“Yea, I don’t plan on starting to make my own coffee now. Got that tea boy?”

“Definitely not dying anymore then.” He rolled his eyes.

Gwen sat next to a tearful woman, trying to console her.

“I just don’t understand. Was it something I did?”

“No, no of course not.” She soothed, , knowing the woman would never get the answers she wanted. Her husband had found a device while metal detecting which was essentially a teleporter. Sadly it was a one way device and there was no way to reverse it. Gwen was having to tell the woman that though they didn’t know where he was he had bought tickets to fly to Egypt one way. Sometimes lying to someone's face was part of the job. Jack was waiting in the SUV having secured the device. Years ago he would have just left the whole thing as a missing persons case but Gwen insisted on giving the family closure. He understood why but it meant a lot of waiting around. As if feeling his boredom on the air he got a call from Tosh.

“Calling me in secret? That’s pretty scandalous.” He smiled to himself.

“We just intercepted a party invitation.”

“I think we could throw our own parties if we wanted to.”

“No, a very specific party, complete with an auction.”

“I suppose they didn’t learn their lesson from the last time we crashed their little get together. Where is it being held this time?”

“I’m not sure yet. It looks like they’re being more careful this time.”

“Keep at it. I’m kind of interested what this years theme’s going to be.”

“I’m sure it’ll be over the top.”

“You liked the designer dress you got to wear last time.”

“Yes and it cost more than my car, that’s insane. Owen’s not going to be happy.”

“One day of wearing a suit won’t kill him. I’ll tell everyone when I get back.”

“You just want to see the look on his face.”

“Just like last time.”

The party had been more than lavish last time they attended. It had been a black market auction of alien technology, attended by a huge group of wealthy collectors. The man running the event had escaped the last time but this time Jack was sure he was going to catch him. He couldn’t let it continue and those working for the host had become bolder and more aggressive over the years. Especially towards Torchwood. Just before the last event he’d been essentially mugged for an item, and he never liked reviving in a damp aliway. There was always a chance of waking up to a rat gnawing on your fingers.

Elise picked up a small box that had fallen from one of the storage cases she’d been helping to move, blowing the dust away from the surface. Tarot cards. All the items she’d been moving were very old and completely safe, they’d just been there so long it would be a pain to sort them. Plus sometimes they came in handy.

“You’re already finished?” Ianto asked, arriving in the archive room.

“Oh, hi. Yea, all done.”

“What did you find?”

“Old tarot cards. Every played with these?”

“Not that deck but I had a friend who was into that kind of thing once. You?”

“I have no psychic skill whatsoever. I like the art though.”

“You can keep them if you want. None of this is particularly important so better you have them than leave them to collect more dust.”

“Thanks. Hey, I was wondering. I know when an agent passes they don’t usually get buried, but what happens to their things?”

“Storage usually. General items get sold or disposed of, anything that was important to them gets put into storage and clothing gets stored for a time just in case anything was left in the pockets. Apparently around fifty years ago an agent left an object in his coat. The coat got sold off and the next owner ended up with their brain trapped in a feedback loop.”

“Lovely. No wonder this place can get so cluttered. No offence.”

“None taken. Any part of this place I’ve had control of is in perfect order. I can’t say the same for my predecessors.”

“Are there any interesting pieces stored?”

“I wish there were. For now it’s pretty dull.”

“Aww, shame. If we’re all done here want to go play with these until we’re needed?”

Gwen slumped down into her chair.

“Rough morning?” Asked Tosh sympathetically.

“I didn’t even know what to say to her. Her husband’s gone and she’s a stay at home mum.”

“Poor thing.”

“How’s your morning going?”

“I found a couple of things but Jack wanted to look them over before we go ahead with anything else.”

“Fun. How’s the house search going?”

“We found a place we like. We’ve just got to get the lock modifications approved. It should take too long.”

“Just ask if you need a hand moving boxes or anything.”

“Thanks.” She looked over at Elise and Ianto, sitting playing with the tarot cards. “It’s funny, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ianto that relaxed or happy.”

“I suppose they’ve spent a lot of time together. I wonder what it was like here is her timeline.”

“From what she’s told me it was depressing… And gone by now.”

“Gone?”

“Only you and Jack left. Even then with the hub gone things weren’t as they should have been.”

“What does it take to give up your entire life for people you’ve never met.”

“Isn’t that what we do every day?”

“I honestly hadn’t looked at it that way.”

“It looks like our gracious host has returned and plans to throw another auction and we all know what that means.” Announced Jack, a little more enthusiastically than he probably should have. Owen sighed, looking exasperated.

Elise and Gwen looked over at each other, confused. Gwen was the first to speak up. “This feels like something I missed.”

“It’s some jumped up rich arsehole that collects alien junk and auctions it off at a posh do for other rich nobs.” Owen grumbled.

“So we stop it before it happens?”

“Not exactly. They’re careful and have the cash to keep themselves off our radar so we have to infiltrate the party. That means…”

Tosh giggled. “Owen in a suit.”

“Oh fuck off.” He groaned. “It was bad enough last time. And now we have to make sure none of us go out alone because they get stabby when you tell them no.”

“What are they, the mob?” Elise asked.

Jack shrugged. “Close enough. Last time we managed to confiscate everything from the back of the auction room before they could sell them all off. I’m thinking of spiking the wine this year. They all do the opening toast, everyone claps, everyone passes out. The host won’t escape this time.”

Owen smirked, coming out of his strop. “Taking it personally Harkness?”

“He was in my grasp and one of his servants tazed me. It won’t happen again.”

Elise paused. “And they let you just walk in?”

“It’s a masquerade ball, no one knows who anyone is.”

“Won’t they be expecting us?”

“They always do. While I’m thinking about it. Ianto, I need you to send out a warning message to all of our refugee status citizens. Last time we had some of our hosts workers scoping them out.”

Ianto nodded.

“Refugee status?” Elise asked.

“If there’s no way for a being to get back to their planet or if they don’t have a planet to go back to they can sometimes be granted refugee status on Earth. They’re relocated into a Torchwood safehouse and essentially have to stay out of sight unless they can pass for human. It’s very rare but it does happen.” Ianto explained, noting down what he needed to do and finding the address list.

“How did I not know about this? That’s brilliant.”

“You should have seen my face when I found out. It would have helped my first impressions of the job if I had.” Gwen smiled nostalgically.

Owen crossed his arms. “You don’t get to know the good stuff until you deal with the shit the rest of us had to first.”

Sergeant Farrell stood at the scene of a burglary. The stately home had been ransacked. The owner had died only a week before of complications involved with his heart, leaving the place with no owner. The house had sat still full while the late gentlemens lawyers were sorting out who his estate would go to. It was a huge scene and though the sergeant didn’t need to be there he suspected it was just the type of scene this Torchwood institute would be involved with. Sadly they had not made an appearance yet but it didn’t change the fact that he was there so he just went back to doing his job. Something at the far side of the room caught his attention. It seemed to be some kind of gemstone, perfectly spherical, with a liquid suspended inside. The light shining through it looked blue at first but the closer he got the more purple it seemed to be. He shouldn’t touch it, he knew that, but it didn’t stop him wrapping his fingers around it. He couldn’t help it. It felt like it belonged with him. As if it had been waiting for him. No. He put it back on its small pedestal and turned to walk away but found his feet didn’t want to move. No, he couldn’t leave it for just anyone to manhandle. He gently picked it up and slid it into his pocket, feeling warm and safe. Yes, it was his. It had always been his. For a moment he couldn’t remember what he had been doing there but seeing the police car from the window seemed to clear his thoughts. A burglary, that’s what he was attending. He didn’t need to be there and couldn’t quite remember why he’d come along. It didn’t matter. He needed to get home where it was safe.

Elise patted Janets head gently and handed her a chunk of raw beef as a treat. The weevil took it and retreated to the corner to chew on it. Owen had sent Elise to give the implant to Janet as she was the only one who could just walk in there and do it without sedating or pinning down the creature. It had gone smoothly. Most weevils cowered in Elises presence but Janet had reached a point where she could be content with just bowing. Still, no one knew exactly why they did that but for now it was at least helpful.

“If only everything was as easy as this, eh? Maybe I can teach you to fetch things some time.”

She looked back to see Janet holding out a glove Elise had dropped.

“Did… Did you understand me?”

The weevil tilted her head. Elise took the other glove and gently tossed it to the corner.

“Can you fetch that for me?”

Janet looked back at the glove before retrieving it.

“Good girl.”

Janet let out a trill like noise and slowly blinked.

“Huh… Sit down.”

Janet sat on the floor and trilled again awaiting another request.

“Is it just you that listens to me or will the others listen too? What am I doing, it’s not like you can answer me even if you understand.”

She nodded then bowed, her head almost to the floor.

“All of them?”

She nodded again.

“Ok. Let me go and test it ok? You did really well. Here.” Elise handed Janet the other cube of meat she’d been keeping hold of for when she left. She left and closed the door behind her before heading back up.

“Hey, guys? Does Janet ever listen to you or do what you say?” She asked.

There was a low murmur as everyone shook their heads.

Jack decided to get more information. “Why?”

“I was just down there giving her the implant to test and she was listening. Like I was practically playing fetch with her. I thought it was a fluke but I told her to sit and she did. Then I asked her if the other weevils would listen too and she nodded. There was actual recognition there. Look on the camera for yourself. It was surreal.”

Owen wandered over and pressed the back of his hand to her forehead. “No fever, so you’re not delirious.”

Elise brushed his hand away. “I’m serious.”

“Owen she’s not joking, look at this.” Tosh said, waving him over to see what was on her screen. Jack marched over to join them and see, even turning up the sound so everyone could hear. It seemed to confirm exactly what Elise said. There was recognition of her words. Not just a vague link between a word and an action like telling a dog to fetch a stick, actual sentient recognition. They’d never seen that in a weevil before. They were base creatures, vicious and relatively untamable.

“Do we have any other captive weevils right now?” Jack asked.

“Not since Elise has been shooing them off.” Owen shrugged. “Not sure where the nearest nest is anymore. We cleared the last one out completely.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever actually wanted a weevil to turn up before but here we are.”

Sergeant Farrell locked his front door and closed the curtains, taking the gem from his pocket. The light it gave out was a lavender colour that shimmered and shone, illuminating the room. He sat in the living room, ignoring the phone ringing. It was most likely his wife who still lived in their old home. She called every night after work and he always looked forward to hearing her voice but he couldn’t drag himself away from the light. It was too beautiful. Too warm. He had to eat. Yes. The grumbling in his stomach distracted him momentarily. It could wait, he had to keep looking at the light. What if it changed? He couldn’t miss that. The light from under the curtain seemed to dull the stone to almost nothing. What time was it? Six? It was morning already? He couldn’t remember if he’d slept or not but he had to go to work. He walked unsteadily on legs that had gone quite numb past the phone, seeing a red number four flashing on the tiny screen. He’d check his missed calls later.

Jack was not impressed that he’d heard of the burglary so late. Due to there being barely anything left the police hadn’t flagged it as strange. Not only that but the death had been registered extremely late. It was a perfect storm and now almost everything was gone. Thankfully there was a safe that the burglars hadn’t gotten into and Jack had one thing that the burglars had not. Tosh. She had plugged her laptop into the digital lock for the safe and only taken five minutes to get it open. Inside the safe sat a full casing from a dalek that had made Jack jump and rattled him more than he’d like to admit. He made the excuse of seeing what was taking Gwen so long with the officers outside just to pull himself together. When he reached the door he saw one of the officers that had been posted at the entrance almost shrinking next to their superior. Said superior looked like he hadn’t slept in some time and it was hard to tell if he was glaring or just trying to keep his eyes open. Gwen looked like she was definitely glaring.

“Is there a problem officers?” He asked as he strode out towards them.

Gwen turned and smiled softly at the offer of backup. “Jack, this is Sergeant Farrell.”

“Ah yes, I’ve been told a few things about you from my staff.”

“You’re the one in charge of this outfit are you? Well you can tell all of your minions to vacate the premises. I will not have my scene contaminated by people who think they’re above the law.”

“Not above, outside the law. I thought you were informed of our status last time you tried to hinder our investigation.” Jack pulled himself to his full height, his stance as solid as possible.

“I don’t care how you put it, no one is outside of the law. You might have paid off or blackmailed everyone else but I won’t be corrupted.”

The captain laughed. “If I tried to intimidate or pay off every lawmaker in the country I’d never have time to do my job. Anyway, I prefer charm to intimidation. I can see you don’t follow the same ideology. Now, why don’t you stop wasting both my time and yours and go.”

“This isn’t over.”

“I think you’ll find it is. Unless you want me to make a few calls.”

“Was that a threat?”

“I don’t make threats, I make promises.”

“Holy fuck!” Gasped Ianto, clipboard in hand to note down the inventory from the house. He’d snapped the pencil he’d been holding in half when he’d seen the dalek casing.

“It’s dead and hollowed out. It’s even been decontaminated at some point.” Said Tosh, pointing to a tag hanging from its eye stalk. “Are you alright?”

“You’ve clearly never faced one of these things.”

“Thankfully no. I thought it looked like an upside down bin.”

“Maybe when they’re dead. They’re a nightmare alive… I’m going to have to archive this thing. Maybe I can convince Jack to have it deconstructed.”

“I don’t think that would be too difficult. He looked rather spooked when he saw it too. You can bond over shared trauma.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary somehow. I hope the other items in here aren’t as terrifying.”

“I’m sure they’re all horrific in their own unique ways.”

“Owen’s sense of humor is rubbing off on you.”

“Sorry, I think it’s contagious. Did you see the skull?”

“Skull?”

“Middle shelf, on your left.”

Ianto turned his head and looked into the hollow sockets of a weevils skull. “At least it isn’t a whole weevil. Why’s it in the safe?”

“No idea. Maybe he was trying to get hold of the other parts of the skeleton and didn’t want to display it until he did.”

“This is starting to feel more like a tomb than a safe. Nice chunk of moldavite in here at least. I’m sure someone’s going to want that.”

“I always prefered a quartz.”

“A good Earth woman. None of this meteor glass nonsense.”

Tosh chuckled. “Well, you have to support your home planet.”

“Well, he was charming.” Jack said dryly as he closed the front door behind him.

Gwen sighed.“Oh yea. Absolutely lovely.”

“It could be worse. You could be working with him.”

“Just don’t. I think I would have quit. Did Tosh get the safe open?”

“Yea. You’ll have to take a look in there for yourself. The contents were a shock I didn’t need this morning.” He stopped to look at one of the empty displays. The small gold plaque said it was a ‘deaths scythe’ that had been found in Afghanistan in the thirties, killing twelve of the archeologists that had been part of the dig that unearthed it. Next to it was a very small display that had once held a ‘sleeping stone’ that had to be kept a certain distance from any living being to prevent it latching onto them, lulling them into an almost comatose state and eventually killing them as they stop eating and drinking just to stay with the stone. The final display was more than large enough to hold a suit of armor. The plaque said it had contained a ‘complete cyberman’. Jack shuddered at the idea.

“Do you think this was linked to the auction?”

“I’m pretty certain it was. The funds you’d need just to move all of this in one night point right to our host.”

“Does this host have a name?”

“Not that we know of. His whole family have spent decades carefully defending their anonymity.”

Owen rolled his eyes thinking there was no chance this weevil whispering thing would work. The building he stood in had been bought and squatters had been evicted but the owner had not counted on weevils moving in. He wasn’t sure what way they were getting in but it was hard to mistake that smell for anything else. Janet was pretty calm for a weevil and he’d managed to at least get her not to instantly try and attack him so he didn’t expect a wild weevil to be nearly as calm.

“Looks like they’ve gone.” He said, watching Elise look around.

“Shhhh. I can hear one.”

“Well then just call it out like a dog if you think it’ll work.”

“Fine.” She turned down the hallway where she’d heard the movement. “Excuse me.”

“Do they react better to you being polite?”

“Oh hush… If you can hear me I want you to come out and show yourself.”

For a moment there was nothing, but then a young male weevil loped out, it’s head down. It wasn’t one they’d caught before as it wasn’t dressed in the usual blue overalls that the captured ones were given.

Owen studied it. “He’s definitely scared of you.”

“It’s ok little guy. Can you understand me?”

It nodded slowly.

“Can you understand him?” She pointed at Owen as the weevil looked up. It tilted its head and huffed then turned its attention back to Elise. “I guess not. Ok… What do I call you… Urm… Steeve. Ok Steeve. You tell all of your friends, family, whatever that they can’t stay in the city. No attacking people. Understand?”

Steeve the nodded slowly.

“Ok, off you go then.”

It plodded off again, disappearing down into what was likely a basement.

“You called it Steeve?” Asked Owen.

“What would you have called him?”

“That’s the difference, I wouldn’t have named it.”

“Like hell you wouldn’t have… So, being as we’re done here you can tell me what the last party was like.”

“Party?”

“The masquerade auction thing.”

“I’ll tell you about it on the drive back, this place stinks.”

“Dogon fourth and fifth eyes. Two sonic screwdrivers because why have only one. Six pages of psychic paper. One Sycorax helmet. One Vashta nerada farm. One Hath respirator. Two Judoon horns. One pair of Menoptra wings. Two Ogron stun guns. Six gemstones of unknown origin. One feline skull of unknown species. Three unidentified items of alien design. Four unidentified items made from materials found on Earth. One decommissioned Dalek. One weevil skull. One six by six inch piece of moldavite. Three bags of mixed currency of unknown origin. Have I missed anything?” Ianto asked, double checking his list.

“I think that’s everything in here. Where’s your PDA?” Tosh folded her laptop and wrapped one of the cables over her arm.

“It won’t work inside the safe. It won’t take me a minute to write it up afterwards. Have you seen Jack?”

“He popped by but he’s doing a final sweep of the house in case anything was missed. Apparently he had to deal with the police outside.”

“The officer Gwen told us about?”

“Yep.”

“I looked him up but he’s as squeaky clean as someone can be. Not even a parking ticket to his name.”

“That’s to be expected with his position. It’s not as if we can simply retcon him like we used to.”

“Well, we could but it wouldn’t have too much of an effect. I’ll see what I can do about contacting his superiors later.”

“Shouldn’t you hand that off to Gwen?”

“Gwen’s the good cop.”

“And you’re the bad cop? You?”

“On paper I’m terrifying.” Ianto smiled.

With all of the items collected and stored safely away the team were free to try and get ahead of this group. Even with all the money in the world there had to be a paper trail. Especially when organising a large event. The more expensive an order the more details a company will want just in case they aren’t paid and that was good news for Toshiko. The last time she had tried to track them they were mostly still using cash but this time he seemed to have joined the twenty first century and started using multiple offshore accounts. They were all under different names but that wasn’t going to be an issue. It never was.

“Got him.” Tosh smiled to herself. Steven Oliver Fayfall the third, the current head of a very old and prestigious family. He owned many buildings around the country so it wasn’t clear where his usual residence was. It was a start. She found a few photos from throughout time and could recognise the family but there was always another figure. A pale female, around her teens with long curled hair. Her face was blemish free, like she was wearing a mask. Her face wasn’t flagged on the system to be any being they’d met before. She sent the images over to Jack, wondering if he’d met her in his long life. In the meantime she could start thinking about the theme. Tarot. Each guest had to be dressed as one of the major arcana.

Elise leaned on the back of Toshiko’s chair.

“What you up to?” She asked.

“I found the theme for the party, plus the full dress code.”

“Nice. Who’s going?”

“Last time it was all of us. It’s a huge operation and we never really know what we’re walking in to.”

“Think they’ll let me wear a suit?”

Tosh laughed softly. “Sorry. The dress code is gender specific. It’s a floor length dress and heels for you.”

“Heels? Um… I can’t walk in heels.” Elise stood back.

“You’ll be fine. We probably won’t be doing any running.”

“No. I don’t mean I can’t run in heels I can’t walk in heels. I can barely stand in them.”

Tosh turned to her. “Really?”

“Seriously. I look like a baby giraffe. Also, if there’s dancing I can’t dance.”

“Of course you can. You just need a couple of lessons.”

“For the heels or the dancing?”

“Both. I can teach you to walk in heels. You might be lucky, me and Owen usually hold up the wall at these things. And if all else fails we could ask Ianto to teach you.”

“I’m going to fall on my face I just know it.”

“Let’s see how awful you are.” She took Elises hand. “Jack, I’ve send you a few things to look over including the theme of the party. High heels are mandatory for the ladies so I’m going to teach Elise how to not fall over in them.”

“I’ve been informed I’m not allowed to wear a suit.” Elise pouted.

Jack nodded in recognition. “They’re very old fashioned, a little over obsessed with gender norms. At least until everyone gets drunk.”

“I’m hoping we don’t have a repeat of that this time.” Tosh sighed.

“That? What happened?” Asked Elise, looking between them.

“We were doing a last sweep before we left and behind one of the doors there was an orgy going on.”

Jack crossed his arms. “And they didn’t even invite me.”

#Torchwood #jack harkness #ianto jones #gwen cooper #toshiko sato #owen harper

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