#also didn't use her normal hair here because her eyes are integral

[multiphandommess]

Help Leads To Something More - Chapter 1 - The Case

Nicky helps out the BAU with a murder case involving her former dealer. When she flirts with one of the agents, will she get her number? Or will she get told off?

I didn't know what to title this thing, so sorry that it sucks, but I will change it if I get a better idea.

Olivia POV

This case was not easy to stomach or solve. 4 dead, no leads, hot NYC summer, this one was brutal. Even sweet JJ was fed up. We spent as much time as possible in the NYC police station and FBI building to stay out of the heat. It was me, Derek, Spencer, Emily, and Rossi all sitting around a conference table trying to put at least something together. Emily and JJ had just got back from one of the scenes and the body was decomposing so rapidly, we couldn’t get anything from it. All we got was an ID and a phone number that traces back to a burner phone. All hope was lost. That is until a junkie was arrested and also had the same phone number on him. After a lengthy integration (we had to wait a while for him to sober up enough for us to even ask his name) he revealed that the number belonged to his dealer. We didn’t have a name, but at least we had an occupation. After putting the number into the police database (their computers were conveniently down when we first got the number) we got a hit on another drug user case from a few years prior. A woman was picked up and only had an ID and the dealer's number on her. Luckily for us, she was in a women's prison in upstate New York, so me and Morgan went to pay her a visit. We drove almost 3 hours to Albany to visit Litchfield Women’s Facility. We walked in, showed our badges, went through the normal procedure, and walked down to a meeting room where inmate Nichols would be waiting for us. We walked in to find a very attractive woman with wild blonde hair, sitting in a chair in front of the table she was cuffed to.

“Miss Nichols? I’m Agent Morgan and this is Agent Brown, we’re with the FBI and we have a few questions about your former drug dealer.” Morgan said.

“Ah, do you now? Well as long as the hottie talks instead, I’m all ears,” Nichols replied.

“Alright well, can you confirm your name for us?” I asked.

“Nicole Nichols, but everyone calls me Nicky,” She answered.

“Thank you. Now what can you tell us about your former dealer?” Morgan asked.

“Ah, ah, ah. I said that the agent hottie can talk but not you,” Nichols stated. Morgan rolled his eyes.

“Alright, well can you at least tell me his name?” I asked.

“We called him Stephen King, but I don’t know his real name. We called him that because on his car was an IT and a Pet Sematary stickers, and that's how we knew it was him pulling up,” Nichols replied.

I turned to Morgan, “Wasn’t the card his number was identified as a page out of the IT book?” I asked.

“That makes more sense now,” He replied.

I turned back to Nicky, “Can you give us a description of Mr. King?”

“Sure, cutie. He’s about six feet tall, got short blonde hair, wore a black hoodie and jeans every time I saw him, white, and I think blue eyes,” She told us.

“Would you mind talking to a sketch artist?” I asked her.

“As long as I get something out of this,” She requested.

“Your sentence has 5 years left, right?” I asked. She nodded. “I think we could take a couple of those off as long as you tell us the location where you always met him as well as the sketch,” I suggested. Morgan agreed.

“Well you get that in writing, and bring the sketch man in here, and you got a deal,” She replied.

We walked out of the room, told a guard to keep inmate Nichols in the meeting room, and called Hotch. We explained the deal with Nichols and after the deal was typed up and sent to us, we called the sketch artist. 45 minutes later, Nichols, the artist, and I were in the room with me and the artist sitting opposite Nicky. Morgan was called back to a new scene in NYC, leaving me at the prison with no car. After the contract was signed, the sketch drawn, and his usual location received, the artist left. I decided to make use of my being stranded and I decided to continue to ask Nicky about Stephen.

#nicky nichols x reader #nicky nichols #oitnb

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Undiagnosed Autism-spectrum disorder in The Michells Vs The Machines

I'm sure that more well educated people have put two and two together in this film but I really, really want to put my own spin on it from my experience. For me, as an aspie, film is one of my biggest interests. I love studying and more than anything I love watching and rewatching films. My latest favorite movie was one that I just watched last night for my family movie night, The Michells Vs The Machines. I also went 17 years of my life asking myself the same question that both Rick and his daughter ask each other, what is wrong with him/her?

Well, I'll tell you, in my firmly undiagnosed autistic opinion for far too long, that this family is full of people with undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. When I was watching it with my parents my mom made the comment that "the dad was a jerk" and maybe "he just didn't love his daughter enough to let her be her own person." I thought that was so not seeing the bigger picture even though it was only fifteen minutes into the film. I have felt like Katie so much with my own dad. My dad is a computer nerd and a physics major for those of you that don't talk to me very often. That means in laminas terms that he's extremely smart. Way smarter than I will ever be in my entire life. Both of my parents are insanely smart in their own rights. My mom is a CPA accountant. But that isn't what I wanted to talk about here. I want to discuss the effect of undiagnosed autism and what it can do to a whole family when they all have it and just don't know that they do. This will probably go on for quite some time so you may stop here or read below the cut because this also has the probablity of getting super, duper personal.

We'll start with Katie! To me, Katie is one of the most relatable characters that I have ever come across. She's a film nerd, which alone has made her supremely relatable as somebody who is thinking about going into a degree in film studies. I am more of a critic of film than somebody who wants to make her own film but nonetheless, there were SO many little moments that I related to. The first thing that I personally noticed and related to was the stimming technique that Katie has. She chews on her hoodie strings. As somebody who has chewed on the drawstrings of hoodies far too often long before I was officially put into the Aspergers box. Aspies are also known to stick with one "special interest" for the rest of their lives if it's one that is wide enough and varied enough to make it applicable. For Katie, that's film. For me that's animation. I appreciated that little detail of most of her dialogue being references to other films because as a lover of films and movies in general I could go for days on just fumes and movie references that nobody else understands. The little things from her hair being perpetually messy (same that's a whole ass mood like I just learned over quarantine how to tye my own hair back), only having one earring in her ear at all times, the way that she dresses and draws on her own hands, this was just me when I was first in high school. I was one of the few people that wore shorts underneath all my skirts/dresses. Everyone who knew about looked at me like I had grown a third eyeball.

Aaron, the younger brother, also just oozes spectrum lil buddy out of his every pore from his being. I do think that they should have picked somebody capable of doing a bit of a younger sounding voice (I know what they were going for, but like Ben Schwartz has become a huge deal in both voice acting and live action before switching mediums.) His special interest is actually quite a common one, he loves dinosaurs. I've met a bunch of people on the spectrum that are fascinated by dinos and what they meant for the world as well as the universe as a whole. To me, there was one scene specifically that was the scene where Katie was lightly teasing him when they were going to the half assed dinosaur extravaganza. For me, this was SO relatable because both of my parents will mess with me about my interests most of the time it's when we go to Disneyland, they'll tell me that we actually aren't going to land of magic but to Timbuckto (hopefully one day they'll say some place else just to switch things up.) I related so hard to Aaron's protesting and whining in this scene since that is always my reaction to doing something that I want to do but get told that I can't do that thing.

Linda is more of your traditional mom but I think that she's on the spectrum as well. Just a more... normalized version as opposed to her family. She's able to be a teacher, she's able to interact somewhat normally around her neighbors. If anything, she reminded me of my own mom. This independent, takes nobody's trash (especially not her husband's), strong minded, and amazing mother who is completely in control of everything. She knows the special interests of her children and is constantly thinking of what will make them happy. Whether it be taking a detour for something dinosaur related, reminding her daughter that her dad loves her no matter what, and even something as simple as watching something that her daughter made and put her heart and soul into. I can't tell you how many times my mom has watched something with me. She watched my first anime Soul Eater with me when I was 12 and ever since then has been trying to get me to watch other shows with her. She's a lot like Linda, your loving, but firm mother who just wants her family to work things out.

Whew boy. This one is going to be probably where I cry. Comparing my dad to Rick is... something that I did consistently when I was watching the film. He's the strong but silent type usually, unless your me and he's just this constant annoyance when I'm trying to do something. He could be seen as just a "Jerk" but I think that is the undiagnosed aspie talking. Rick and Katie just struggle so hard to see eye to eye because their special interests can't intersect to save their lives. This, this hurt me because so often I struggle to relate to my dad. Especially when he talks to me about computers or physics. Now I took physics but without having been in quarantine and having him as my live in tutor I would have failed, not gotten an A. This has resulted me in saying things that I don't mean in the heat of the moment when we do argue. It doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to back when I was in middle school but when it happened it was because of one thing. I lied. I used to lie a lot because I felt so unworthy of being his daughter because on my best days I am not technically smart. You want to know how many nations of the world there were in 1991 when the original Animaniacs was airing? You want to hear my Dot Warner impression? Did you ever wonder how to recognize a specific voice when your watching anime? Have you ever had to watch a panel of your favorite anime voice actor just to laugh at something? No, well I did. But ever since I have started taking a quarter off from community college I have realized something. I am not technically smart. I struggle at learning the rules for math. My dad can do this with his eyes closed but me, I struggle and look like a complete moron. It took years for my dad and I to see eye to eye. Sometimes I still wonder if I was the product of some laboratory experiment of what would happen if two intelligent people came together, fell in love, and expecting that the daughter was smart I was the reject. Watching this movie with my dad I saw so much of my relationship with him on the screen. Struggling to relate to one another, fighting and getting into arguments about petty things, and not being able to be in the same room as one another without heated words because I didn't get him.

The scene that I related to the most when it was in terms of how much Katie just doesn't understand her dad was after he was nabbed by the machines. When Aaron asked her why she said those things to their dad and her simple answer was "I don't know." This. This right here was when I saw me. So many times I've gotten into heated arguments with my dad when he has simply annoyed me at the wrong time and I've just blown up in his face. Then I regret my actions and not know how to apologize for losing my temper with him because "I don't know" just doesn't seem like a nearly acceptable answer. I felt this in my soul because it happened especially often before I was diagnosed.

When I was diagnosed, things started to get better with my dad and I. We haven't had a fight in nearly four years now. He watches cartoons with me now to try and relate to me, it's mostly Pinky and The Brain but it's more than I could have ever asked for. I love my dad so much, more than anything in the entire world. This movie is so, so good at telling a story about how a family of undiagnosed aspie's and people on the spectrum struggle to relate to one another because their special interests are different.

Special interests and family's are especially difficult and I applaud this movie so loud because of the way that it was able to treat the subject matter with integrity and honesty. I'm sorry if this analysis got a little bit long in the toof but thank you for sticking with me! I really hope that if you watched the film you loved my analysis.

#the mitchells vs the machines #aspergers #movie analysis #denki shut up #nobody cares about your emotional backstory #long post #this took me over an hour because I kept crying

[shivershill2]

Say hello To Mariko(right)

Shading will be done later.

About under cut

Hana and Mariko arrive in Jubilife at the same time. While Akari meets Hana after Lilligant, she does not meet Mariko until she helped Arcanine. Mariko joins Galaxy team with her partner Togepi, while Akari and Adaman helped Hana find her partner Eevee, who will later turn into a Sylveon.

The way Akari and Mariko meet is a bit comical. Akari returns to the Galaxy Hall, put of one of the open windows a Togepi jumps out and the doors open. A young woman runs out and runs into Akari.

Akari meets Mariko, who is really shy and tends to stutter a lot. Akari helps Mariko find her Togepi and learns that Mariko is joining the Medical Corps.

Mariko, a young woman in her mid 20 is from Kanto. Her family was always big in healing and helping human and Pokémon. Mariko learned a lot from her family and now wants to help in Hisui. Togepi is a freshly hatched Pokémon, with big attitude. She loves to run, fight and do what she is not supposed to do. Mariko is trying her best with her partner, but they both care a lot for each other.

What I forgot to mention for Hana, the red band aroun her waist and hips is added to her satchel. She used this band back in Jotho, so she wanted to integrate it in her uniform. It's practically just the main band wrapped in the red band.

And Mariko does not wear the head piece, but a modified headband made by Anthe. Mariko also buys a lot from Tuli for her medicine and documents everything she makes.

Hana gets a few notes from Mariko about the berries she studies and writes them down in her berry book. She loves to document and draw pictures of the berries, a hobby of hers she does in her free time.... Or when she should do her job as a member of the Survey Corps.

Notes to add about the picture

I realised that Togepi is quite big, so maybe it's an Alpha, but who knows if they hatch as Alphas or not. And a hatched Togepi react different to the first human it sees than a wild one.

Yes Togepi is shiny. At the beginning she was not, but that was when Mariko was still an idea and didn't even had a name. Also it fits the Medical astethic.

It's not intentional that both have purple eyes. Hanas first version has pink hair and green eyes(and Ava Blond and purple. I switched it, because I didn't like it on Hana). But Mariko was always planned to have white hair and purple eyes. I like the combi.

Both are around the same height. Hana at 1.64m(5'3 ft). Mariko at 1.65m(5'4 ft).

I know not that different. Maybe Mariko is 1.66m(still 5'4ft)

While Hanas sister is Mortys ancestor(Making Hana related to Morty), Mariko has no one, or no one planned.

I choose purple as a background because of their shared eye colour.

Ava, who is not on here, dotes on all of the younger members. Rei, Akari, Hana, Mariko. She loves them as if they where her own children. She is also a member of the Medical Corps, but does not wear the uniform. She actually was able to widstand a while against Kamodo, giving her the right to wear her normal clothes, unless it's for official business.

When Akari is exiled, Kamodo also exiles Ava for the same reason. Them being outsiders that fell out of the rifts. Because Hana follows Akari through Hisui and stays with her, Kamodo also distrusts her and exiles her too.

First Akari gets exiled, after a while Hana gets woken up by Cyllene and has to learn that she too is being exiled. She does not take it that well and runs away into the wild, later to be found by Adaman, while helping Akari with the red band. While they go to Lake Valor, Adaman and Hana make a stop and he let's her stay in the settlement.

Ava is helping out the Perl Clan with medical care and stays hidden with them until everything is cleared. She was supposed to return that day.

Neither Ava nor Hana forgive Kamodo for what he has done, but Ava is willing to work for them in Jubilife. Hana stays with the Diamond Clan for a longer time, until she is allowed to continue her work for the team, while being now a part of the Diamond Clan. This gives the members of both Clans the chance to help out the Galaxy Team, while being part of their Clan.

Mariko, throughout the exile chapters, never leaves the Medical Office or her home. The day of the exile she had witnessed everything, including Akari leaving the village. She was the one who first told Volo about what happened, as she was standing in front of the front gate for a while.

Their typical daily routine changes in 'all three/four stages' (Quelling the frenzied Pokémon, Exile/Red Band, After Red Band and After the last story segment/collecting all plates)

Hana teaches Maya(who is around the age of Rei and Akari) about berries, resulting in Maries big interest in berries.

I make my characters because I want to self insert with other characters. I made Hana for Adaman and Ava for our lovely Professor. Mariko is my personal secret and neither Midori nor Maya are made for anyone. Midori is just the ancestor of my Sinnoh Character Jade(Made for Roark) and Maya the ancestor of Keith and Marie(mase for no one, but my whole love of Pokémon Ranger and how much I would love to be a ranger, if I was sent in the Pokémon world)

Also ages and affiliation:

Ava: mid 30s / Medical Corps/Assists Laventon

Hana: early/mid 20s / Survey Corps

Mariko: mid 20s / Medical Corps

Midori: mid/late 20 / Security Corps(was first planned to be part of the Agriculture or Construction Corps, but was to dumb to find the uniform)

Maya: 14/15/16 / Diamond Clan

#pokemon legends arceus

[burningember0802]

Someone Like Me

summary : first, once again, i suck at summaries. Kaz meets a friend of Nina’s that he didn’t know about who is more like him than anyone else he’s ever met and that scares him more than he’d like.

It's a relaxing evening at the slat, or at least as much as it can be in Ketterdam. All the crows were sitting around a table talking and having a great night, even Kaz. He won't show it but he enjoys nights like this more than he'd like to admit. Nina and Jesper were laughing and talking about who knows what while Matthais sat with a loving smile on his face, Wylan and Inej sat talking about his newest tests, and Kaz sat just listening and watching, enjoying the time with his friends; his family. "Oh, Kaz! My friend is supposed to stop by tonight and drop off some things I asked her for so don't be surprised if we get a knock soon." Nina mentions. "You have friends?" He sarcastically said. "For a matter of fact, I do. She's amazing, I think you should meet her. She'd be a great addition to the crows. She's a fabrickator, both a Durast and an Alkemi. She is also the smartest person I've ever met, and the best fighter too. I've watched her and Matthais spar and she took him down in seconds easily. She's insanely good, Kaz. She'd be a great asset to the team. I think you'd like her too, she has similar interests among other stuff." She explains. Kaz thought for a moment before responding. "We'll see if I agree with you once I meet her." Nina thanks him with a smile and goes back to her conversation.

Kaz wasn't sure how he felt about the thought of bringing someone else onto the team. It was another person who could betray him, another person he could get attached to, another weakness. Not just anyone can join the crows, they had to earn it.

About half an hour later there was a knock at the slat door. Nina excitedly hopped up to get it. "It's her!" The heartrender almost squealed. The door opened to a girl, probably about 5'6 who has (H/L), (H/C) hair. She was gorgeous with a button nose that supported her thin-rimmed glasses, full lips, striking (E/C) eyes, and a curvy figure. She was wearing a tight green turtle neck, black pants, boots, and carrying a satchel on her shoulder. Kaz swears he almost felt himself stop breathing. The feeling he got when he saw her, despite not knowing her, scared him in a way he didn't like. He decided to push it down and continue on with the night.

Nina invited the girl inside with a smile that was returned by her. The girls walked back to the table where the rest of the group sat. "Y/N, the crows, the crows, Y/N." She introduced them all. Multiple greetings were heard around the table from everyone except Kaz of course. Y/N shyly waved with a soft smile. "I brought those things you asked about," Y/N said quickly changing the subject. She opened her bag and pulled out 3 boxes and set them on the table. She opened the first one which held a seemingly normal knife. "Here's the knife you asked about with the poison injection abilities. There are three vials in the box and there's one in the handle already. It injects a few drops upon impact, it’s potent so it will kill someone with just a few drops." Y/N said showing how to open the handle and where the vial was. She proceeded to open the next box that was full of bullets. "These are the bullets that explode upon impact you asked about." She said before setting them back down. You could see Inej eyeing up the knife and Jesper doing the same to the bullets. She finally opened the last box which revealed 7 sets of earpieces. "These are the earpieces, they have microphones in them to communicate from long distances." She almost mumbled, obviously nervous around all the people. Kaz had been watching the girl in shock the whole time she spoke. Nina didn't lie, she was insanely talented and would be a good asset.

"You're the best Y/N!" Nina exclaimed, making a quick movement to go to hug the girl. She quickly stopped when Y/N flinched slightly. No one else besides Y/N, Nina, and Kaz had realized it with everyone else too busy looking at the new gear. "Shit, fuck I'm sorry Y/N it was a mistake." Nina started apologizing profusely. "Nina, it's fine. Mistakes happen. I'm just a freak anyway." She said quietly. Kaz felt his heart clench at that. She was like him, she was anything but a freak though. "Anyway, I should probably get going." She said, staring at her feet. "You should stay for a while, meet everyone." Nina tried to convince her. Y/N was obviously apprehensive. "You should stay," Kaz said before he could stop himself. Both Nina and Y/N turned towards him quickly. Nina had a shocked look on her face, surprised that Dirtyhands would ever suggest that he wanted someone to stay. She thought for a second and smiled slightly and nodded.

The girl sat down at the last empty chair at the table, which happened to be next to Kaz. She immediately pulled into herself out of habit, bringing on her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around it, making herself as small as possible. Jesper and Inej immediately started asking questions about their new tools to which Y/N answered gladly. Kaz watched them contently, especially Y/N. She looked really happy talking about what she loved. Soon the conversations turned away from solely her after the crows had their fill of integrating. "Kaz, Y/N is the most knowledgeable person I've met about books, you guys have that in common," Nina mentions. Y/N glances at him with a soft smile. Everything about her made Kaz's fight or flight kick in. She was weirdly comforting but at the same time kicked on every instinct he had. He felt the need to run but also never move again. "What's your favorite genre of books?" Y/N asked the boy. Kaz missed having someone to talk to about interests like this, the rest of the crows weren't into things like this. Trying to make him comfortable she answers first. "I tend to read realistic fiction or fantasy." Kaz studied her face constantly looking for any signs that she wasn't genuine. "I like fantasy or mystery books." He answers. She gets a huge smile. He liked that, she had a genuine smile, that's rare in the barrel. Her smile was slightly lopsided and full of joy. "Mysteries are the best, I'm always on the edge of my seat. Sometimes I feel like I can't put the book down even when I have stuff to get done." She laughs. Kaz almost felt himself smirk. "Those are the best ones." He answers genuinely. "I just finished this amazing book, it's about the story of Achilles but from the point of view of Patroclus. It's called the song of Achilles and it's amazing." She says with a smile. "I'll have to borrow it sometime." He says. At that moment the two of them weren't even paying attention to the crows around them anymore, so they didn't see the knowing look from Nina.

The group all continued to talk and have a good time. Everyone liked Y/N a lot. Nina was accurate in her description of her. She was super smart and sweet. At one point they were talking about combat strategies and she was asked "What's the quickest way to win a fight?" by Jesper. Matthias let out a loud snort at that question, knowing the brunette's skills. "Are we talking immobilizing or killing? Those are two different answers." She says with a smirk. The girl had come out of her shell within the past hour and had grown more comfortable around the group. "Both?" Jesper said, confused. "For immobilization, the quickest way is to slice their Achilles tendon on the back of their ankle, if you do that they're not moving. Also, you always go for the eyes, nose, and groin, and if you use the bottom of the palm of your hand you can shatter someone's nose since that's the strongest part of your hand. Besides the Achilles tendon, the other easiest way if you know how to do it is there's a nerve on the side of your neck that if you squeeze right, knocks them out. Then if the purpose is killing you go for the neck, wrist, or thigh because that's where your main arteries are." She said matter of factly. Kaz almost laughed at how the girl said it.

That was the start of it all. Shortly after this first meeting Y/N started coming around more and more and everyone loved her, including Kaz. Kaz had started having more than friendly feelings towards her a couple months after meeting. The crows were eventually able to convince her to join so she was now living at the slat, making Kaz’s life a living hell. He felt like his heart was beating out of his chest constantly, and he knew that Nina knew this too with her heartrender skills. Nina was constantly giving him knowing looks and all he did was glare back at her. Kaz was drawn to her like no one else.

The two of them had become close over the last year, closer than most. They would often sit and talk for hours, a lot of times about books or anything else that came to their minds. Y/N was often like lightning in a bottle, constantly moving and going a million miles an hour. She seemed hyper and impulsive on the outside but Kaz knew she was very strategic and methodical. She was insanely smart, which she often used to her advantage to beat Kaz in chess to his dismay. Both parties had developed feelings for each other but both were too scared to tell the other because they’re idiots but the universe was going to find a way to get them together.

The heist the crows had tonight was insanely important. The group was supposed to go to a merchant party because while the merchant and everyone else was distracted they were going to steal a necklace that was held in the wife’s vanity room. The necklace was worth an insane amount of money so the crows took the task right away.

The only problem with the heist was that Y/N and Kaz had to be the two who had to fake being a couple at the party to keep the merchant distracted so the others could get the necklace. “We have to do what?” Y/N exclaimed when she found out her role. She felt her chest clench at the thought of being around that many people. “I need Inej on the roofs, Jesper on the ground as backup, Wylan as a waiter ready to cause a distraction if need be, and Nina and Mattaius getting the necklace so we’re the only two left.” Kaz grumbles, obviously not happy about the situation either. Both of them sucked it up for the money.

The night of the heist Y/N was the last to be ready since she had to wear a dress and makeup. She stepped down the stairs to where the crows were waiting. As soon as she stepped into the room there were joking whistles and screams from all the crows except Kaz. Kaz stood there in shock, his breath taken away. Emma was wearing a black dress with stars on it, a simple pair of black heels, several pieces of silver moon and star jewelry and finally topping it off with a few moon and star hair pins pinning back some of her hair. She looked gorgeous.

As they got closer and closer to the party both Y/N and Kaz became increasingly more nervous. “We don’t have to touch.” She says breaking the silence between them as they were dragging behind the group. “We have to and we both know it. If we don’t touch like a couple they’ll become suspicious. I know neither of us like touch but we’ll have to deal with it.” Kaz quickly responds, his voice rigid. She just nodded, not wanting to make this night worse.

Everyone got in their positions as soon as they made it to the house, leaving Kaz and Y/N near the entrance. Kaz hesitantly grabs her hand; he was shocked when he did. He didn’t panic as much as he thought. Kaz’s aversion was worse than Y/N’s for sure since hers was mainly quick movements and things related to abuse but Kaz’s was any kind of touch. All he felt was Jordie when he touched anyone, the stench of the air, the cold water around him, the stiff body he was clenching on to. He didn’t immediately drown touching her though, he felt the waters come up but they stopped, going no further.

As the two of them continued through the night the touches became easier and more frequent, it almost felt...real. Both of them deep inside wished it was. They wished the other loved them back. The two of them got many compliments throughout the night on how cute they were and questions about how they met among other things. The way Kaz would wrap his arm around her waist made her heart stop, the way Y/N put her hand on his shoulder and smiled at him did the same to Kaz.

Once Nina and Mattaius got the necklace everyone made their way back to the slat. Everyone was happy and ready to celebrate a successful heist except for Kaz and Y/N. They had a tension that wouldn’t go away. Both knew they’d have to talk about it or it’d ruin further heists but neither wanted to make the first move. So once they got to the slat both of them lingered at the door after everyone else. “Can-” “We should-” they both went to say at the same time. They couldn’t help but laugh at how in tune they were. “We need to talk about things.” Y/N says. “I know.” Kaz says, anxiety in his voice. “I like you Kaz.” the girl states plainly, shocking the bastard of the barrel. He couldn’t say the words he wanted to but he had to say something. “Yes.” was all he could manage out. It would sound stupid to anyone else but to Y/N and Kaz they both knew what that meant. “I can never touch you like you might want though.” He says anxiously. “Kaz, I have just as much of an issue with touch as you. Physical affection isn’t something I need in a relationship. If we really want to, we can work on our aversions together.” She answers with a comforting smile. Kaz nods,knowing she's right. “So together?” Kaz questions, trying to confirm that she is his and he is hers. She nods with a smile.

That was the start of it all. The start of the King and Queen of Ketterdam, taking it over together.

[famous-aces]

Marilyn Monroe

Who: Marilyn Monroe (born Norma Jeane Mortenson) 

What: Actress, Model, and Singer

Where: American-Jewish (active largely in US)

When: June 1, 1926 - August 4, 1962

(Image Description: a photo of Marilyn Monroe by Richard Avedon from 1957. It is a black and white image showing Monroe on a sparkly dress from the waist up. It almost feels weird to describe her, her face is so famous. She is a white pale woman with an oval face and heavily lidded eyes with long lashes. She has full lips with a beauty mark beside them. She is wearing makeup and has her trademark short, curly, blonde hair. She has her arms hanging limply at her side. Instead of posing sexily she looks to be lost in thought, looking somewhere off camera. End ID) 

Marilyn Monroe is The Hollywood Beauty. The quintessential sexy starlet. Even if you have never seen a movie with her in it, you know who she was, a bit like possible aces I have covered before Andy Warhol or Sir Isaac Newton, you can picture her in your mind just by existing in Western popular culture. She has become a part of our communal consciousness. Her life was brief and marked by tragedy below the glitz and glamor. Her biggest role was playing Marilyn Monroe.

She was intelligent, warm, and a gifted actress, but she is rarely remembered for that. She is far better remembered for singing Happy Birthday to her sometime beau President Kennedy and for the scene in The Seven Year Itch when wind from a subway grate blows up her skirt. You've seen it. Really her whole persona was often created rather than who she really was. She was an actress in her real life, unfortunately.

Monroe actually came into the spotlight in the Second World War when she posed for photos for the boys on the front. From there her modeling, singing, and acting career skyrocketed. Until her tragic death at the age of 36 she was among the go-to actresses for those sexpot roles especially in comedies. Her death by potentially intentional drug overdose (discovered by her psychologist) is just one piece of the evidence of how much of her life was hidden, like her struggles with substance abuse and mental health.

She was famous for playing Blond Bombshells and Dumb Blonds.  She was all beauty, glamor, and sex appeal and it earned her millions of dollars. She always wanted to be more though, unfortunately she never really got it. "Please don't make me a joke," she told a journalist, "End the interview with what I believe...I want to be an artist, an actress with integrity...I want to grow and develop and play serious dramatic parts. My dramatic coach tells everyone that I have a great soul, but so far nobody's interested in it." 

She is best known for as an icon and emblem of the popular culture of the 1950s and early 1960s, but her most definitive/important roles include All About Eve (1950) (a small role that would lead to her "discovery" and contract with 20th Century Fox), Monkey Business (1952), How to Marry a Millionaire (1953), Niagara (1953), Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953), The Seven Year Itch (1955), Some Like it Hot (1959), The Misfits (1961), and her final film, released posthumously as a short, Something's Gotta Give (1962). She also sang "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" and the very sexually charged "Happy Birthday Mr. President" (just the song here). 

(Image Description: the poster for Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. It shows drawings of Jane Russel and Marilyn Monroe in red costumes the size and shape of one piece bathing suits that are sheer or pink on top. They have on red top hats and long black and white necklaces. They have black canes and are dancing with one leg upraised. Behind them is a busy Paris scene done in a more cartoony/simplified style. There are musical notes around them. Their names are above their heads in blue.  Below them on a black rectangle it says (in white and orange) "in Howard Hawks' Gentlemen Prefer Blondes [in] Technicolor" below that rectangle but above the studio info in blue it says "co-starring Charles Coburn". End ID) 

Probable Orientation: Mspec Ace

Oh, I am going to get a lot of hate for this one.

And a lot of people are going to show a lot of misogyny and aphobia, be it overt, unintentional, or internalized.  Indeed the first thing the first (allo) person I told these findings to said "but she had a ton of sex!" Yes, that is true, she did, and so do some other aces.

Not to mention that Monroe's relationship with sex was a complicated one. A very complicated one. Monroe had a deeply traumatic childhood (mentally ill mother, tossed between foster homes and orphanages) and married extremely young -- she had turned 16 just two and a half weeks earlier -- to prevent her from becoming homeless and returned to the orphanage after her most recent foster family planned on moving out of state and leaving her behind. Then while working a munitions plant in L.A. she became a model for the troops in World War II, aged 18. From her teen years she was made aware that sex was expected from her, thrust into adulthood and positions she might not have been comfortable with. She was a beautiful woman and people wanted her and she accepted that because it did get her what she wanted.

(Image Description: the 1944 factory photos that launched Monroe's modeling career, taken by David Conover for Yank Magazine at the Radioplane Munitions Factory in which she worked. Interestingly the commanding officer that sent him to take the photos was Ronald Reagan. The photo shows an 18-year-old Monroe. She is holding a small propeller and is beside some kind of red machine. She is wearing a simple green top and gray bottoms with a photo ID badge at her waist. She wears a wedding ring. She has much frizzier brown hair. She is smiling broadly. End ID)  

Over the course of her life she was in love with and had sexual relationships with many different men and women. That doesn't mean she was sexually attracted to them. Indeed throughout her life she had a lot of difficulty with sex. She didn't like it. She thought she must have been doing it "wrong" and stated that a lot of her sex appeal was applied to her rather than something she felt. She was playing to the crowd. Which makes sense, Monroe was a people pleaser. She desired closeness, she romantically loved many people, I have no doubt, and from the time she was a teenager the best appreciated way to show it was by being sexual. The fact that later in life she had a sexual encounter with a literal 16-year-old when she was 30 shows she had a pretty fucked up understanding of what was appropriate sexually. The 16-year-old was the leader of her fan club, she also had an affair with her acting coach, her first husband was her neighbor who was kind to her. She was loving the people who loved her and was showing it the way society told her to. (On her being mspec, there were several women she had affairs with, including the fan and acting coach mentioned above, indeed it has been speculated she was more attracted to women than men).

No matter how she appeared on screen, she voiced fear that she was broken and frigid to her psychologist (who agreed with her) because she didn't really enjoy/want sex.  The desire of wanting to fix herself and wanting to please the people who loved her and who she may have romantically loved in return. She probably romantically loved some of these people but didn't know how to separate that from the sexual aspect or didn't want to lose them if she did. She was giving them what they wanted and expected and what culture told her was essential to normal loving relationships.

Her sexual "failure" was a subject she returned to often in therapy throughout her life. She had only one sexual encounter she actually said she enjoyed and it seemed to be more of a relief because it made her normal than what she got from the sex itself.

She said again and again that she wasn't the sexpot people thought she was, nobody listened.

(Image Description: a series of photos from a photoshoot from Life Magazine. It shows Monroe at home in 1953, a huge year in her career. The photographer is Alfred Eisenstaedt [a photographer of whose work I am extremely fond]. They show Monroe wearing a dark turtleneck and checkered trousers. She is in a bunch of different positions and wearing different expressions. Some of these appear candid and others posed. I am especially fond of one in the middle in which she appears to be trying to stop herself from laughing or sneezing. I like to imagine it is the former. It is very human. End ID)

“People had a habit of looking at me as if I were some kind of mirror instead of a person. They didn’t see me, they saw their own lewd thoughts, then they white-masked themselves by calling me the lewd one.”

-Marilyn Monroe

"I never quite understood it, this sex symbol. I always thought symbols were those things you clash together! That's the trouble, a sex symbol becomes a thing. I just hate to be a thing. But if I'm going to be a symbol of something I'd rather have it sex than some other things they've got symbols of."

—Monroe in an interview for Life in 1962 (both of these quotes illustrate that her "sex appeal" was manufactured and applied rather than her own natural state. Her audience made it clear what they wanted and she played to it.)

"A man who had kissed me once had said it was very possible that I was a lesbian because apparently I had no response to males - meaning him...I didn't contradict him because I didn't know what I was... Now, having fallen in love, I knew what I was. It wasn't a lesbian."

-Marilyn Monroe in her autobiography My Story (written 1954, published 1974). (Note that she has "no response". She loves a man, this one or another, but she has "no response" to men physically. That is the only response he could comment on, her physical one. Clearly she feels some kind of attraction to someone eventually, but not sexually/physically. It is the difference between romantic and sexual love. It also shows that homosexuality and asexuality have always overlapped.)

"Primary frigidity" 

-the diagnosis from Monroe's therapist Dr. Ralph Greenson, he worked to "cure" her of this "frigidity"

“Maybe I’m a sexless sex goddess.” 

– Marilyn Monroe to Life magazine journalist Richard Meryman, 1961

(Image Description: a photo of Marilyn Monroe behind the scenes on the set of The Misfits in 1960, photographed by Inge Morath.  She is leaning across a table and smiling at someone to the right of the frame. She has tired eyes. End ID) 

#queer #lgbtq #asexual #ace #history #20th century #american #usa #entertainers #bio #mspec #jewish #actors #musicians #models

[lady-snavely]

Sands of Time: Part Two

Year in Review

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsuro x Fem!OC

Warnings: mentions of death, swearing, mutual pining, all the fluff

A/N: reblogs are super appreciated

Time ticked by at an agonizing pace for Jade after that. The world changed, in some ways for the better, in others for the worse. She traveled because she had to. Faerie rule dictated she had to. She kept her heritage a secret because she had to.

After they became civil again, Nyra tried setting Jade up with a number of different Fae men. Jade, though she didn't have an interest in seeing anyone, humored her sister and at the very least would meet the men Nyra raved about. But her heart still yearned for Tetsuro.

Jade's latest story was that she was a part time college student, working full time at the local library. She still loved reading even after all this time. She'd only been working for a handful of weeks before the first term started. Online courses allowed her to easily complete classes for a degree she didn't need. It was more to pass time anyway. Jade insisted on taking the closing shifts, they weren't exactly the greatest shifts as they were typically slower, but she didn't mind.

The start of term brought on an increase in activity. Students of all walks came in to study, both on their own and in groups. It was on one slower day, in the middle of the week that a rather large group had come in, ten in total. They were all first years, not that it bothered Jade any, she was considered a first year in the eyes of the university as well.

They were a curious bunch with a number of subgroups making up the larger group. It was obvious rather quickly that some of the members had known each other for a long time, while others had only recently been acquainted. Regardless of the differing dynamics they all got along well and, outside of general questions, stayed out of Jade's hair.

They quickly became regulars over the term. They met three times a week, sometimes it was just two or three of them, but usually there were at least five of them who came. It was rare that all ten showed up on the same night.

By the time midterms rolled around she'd learned all of their names and how they knew each other. She caught on to some of their quirks as well. Like how Oikawa Tohru would whine to his boyfriend until he got his way which sounds annoying, and usually was, but Iwaizumi Hajime adored his boyfriend to no end even if he could be a bit harsh at times. Sawamura Daichi could be scary when he got mad but those moods were few and far between.

Kozume Kenma, a quiet boy who often had his phone or some handheld video game in his hand, had warned Jade to not mention Yaku Morisuke's height. Not that she would've without the warning seeing as he was just as tall as her when she was in Fae form.

Then there was Bokuto Kotaro, possibly one of the most energetic Humans Jade had ever come across. It wasn't uncommon for Jade to hear his voice bursting with energy when he came into the library. Akaashi Keiji had a preternatural ability to calm him however and after a couple of weeks Jade quit rushing towards the noise entirely.

The quietest of the bunch was Shimizu Kiyoko, she was also the only female in the group. She and Sugawara Koshi were exceedingly observant for Humans. Lastly, there was Kuroo Tetsuro. He didn't boast about it, but he was incredibly smart and had a knack for reading people.

Jade didn't care how it came to be that they had all come together. All she knew was that somehow, she and Kuroo were brought together again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was between her first and second term that Jade had to go home to her people. Her father was finally receiving a place on the Faery Council. It was something he'd been striving for for some time now. She stood with her siblings and mother, proud in the navy blue and sea foam green that were her family's colors. Around her were the families of other Council members, painting the floor in a splattering of colors.

The ceremony itself was routine and quick, Jade's father was given his pendant, he swore to uphold the rules of the Fae and drank from the ceremonial chalice with his fellow Council members.

Afterwards there was a banquet as well as music and dancing. Jade had humored her brother, the only son and youngest of the four siblings, and danced with him for a while before finally returning to her chair with a sheen of sweat on her brow and her heart racing in her chest. The table was vacant, not that it bothered her any, as she settled into her seat.

As much as the Human world intrigued Jade even after all of this time, it was freeing being home and surrounded by her own people again. Here where she didn't have to maintain her Humanoid form; here where she could be her true self. Even still her mind wandered to the Human boy who was probably hard at work on his summer assignments, if they weren't already completed that is.

With her mind elsewhere Jade didn't initially see her sister when she sat beside her until she cleared her throat. "Fawna, I apologize." Jade shook her head quickly to hide her embarrassment. Normally she would've seen her sister coming.

"Not necessary," Fawna grinned. "It must have been nice, whatever it was you were thinking of. You had a pleasant looking smile on your face. What were you thinking about? Or should I say: who?"

Jade gave Fawna a soft smile that was filled with guilt. "You caught me."

Fawna returned Jade's smile with one of her own. She was about a century older than Jade and did her best to understand the fixation with the Human boy. Fawna had been there to console Jade when Nyra had berated her for choosing to marry outside of their people so many years ago. "He's come into your life again, hasn't he?" The blush that colored Jade's cheeks was enough of an answer though Jade herself said nothing. Fawna held her hands out, palms up, and nodded her understanding. "What's he like this time?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jade's brother kept her company during her week-long stay. He did his best to keep her busy enough that she didn't have time to let her thoughts wonder but that didn't stop it from happening now and again. Sitting up late with her one night he was finally pulling together enough courage to say something when she spoke first.

"You probably think I'm weird too, don't you, Lark?" She asked as she turned her glass in her hands absentmindedly. "For having feelings for someone who is only here for what amounts to seconds of a Fae's life."

"Mother says you've always been intrigued by Humans." Lark shrugged after a moment. "I can't pretend to know what it is that draws you to them or what it is that keeps bringing the two of you together. Whatever it is, I know it's real, what you feel for him. I see it in the way your eyes shine when you talk about him; the way you always blush at the mention of him. You seem whole when he's around you again. But, no, I don't think you're weird, Jade."

Jade smiled across the table at her brother but said nothing. She stared at the glass in her hand, thinking. She and Lark, as the two youngest siblings, had always been the other's confidant. They told each other everything, so when she decided to integrate herself further into the Human's ways of living it had hurt both of them. She wasn't able to get away as often as she'd like since she had to keep up the life she created for herself. Lark had only visited her once since she started working at the library in the city and this was the first time she'd been home in years.

"You should come back with me," she said suddenly.

Lark gave her a dumbfounded look. "Excuse me?"

"I want you to see the city, Lark," Jade sighed, a content smile lighting her features. "Humans outdo themselves and they don't even realize it. Please, even if it's just a day or two."

He pondered the idea for a few silent moments. He had gotten lost twice the one time he'd visited her before, having gotten off at the wrong bus stop when he was looking for her apartment and then taking the wrong bus entirely when he was leaving. Despite those instances he'd enjoyed what he'd seen of the city even if it was just in panicked passing. Lark finally nodded. "After things settle down here," he decided.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kuroo Tetsuro was a wanderer when he needed a break from his studies. Jade would often see him looping the aisles of books, stopping on occasion to look at something that had caught his attention before he continued. She did her best to stay out of his way when he was doing this but there were times when the restocking had other plans and she would have to weasel past him with her cart.

He wouldn't admit it to anyone, though it wouldn't surprise him if Kenma or even Sugawara were already aware, but sometimes he ventured into an aisle for no reason other than that Jade was already in it. More than once he'd heard her humming a tune he recalled his mother used to sing him when he was younger.

The first time he'd heard it, the familiarity of it alone had drawn him into the aisle. Jade had smiled politely when she spotted him coming towards her. "Looking for something?" She wondered.

"Just taking a break, Miss Meadows," he replied with a shake of his head.

To his delight, Jade had laughed, shaking her own head as she slid a book into place on the shelf in front of her before she corrected him. "It's Jade. How was your vacation?"

"Relaxing." Kuroo glanced at the books on her cart and picked one up just to keep his hands busy. "I imagine it was pretty nice not having the study group here."

Jade's nose scrunched in a grimace as she shook her head. "I like having you guys around," she defended. "It gives me something to look forward to. But I actually took a week off to go home and see my family," she explained. "Nothing fancy but it was nice to see everyone again."

"Been a while had it?"

Jade had remained quiet for a moment as she pushed her cart a few paces to continue her work before she answered. "Yeah, a few years. It's my own fault," she added with a shrug when Kuroo's eyes widened in shock. "I like the city life and they don't."

Kuroo leaned against the shelving behind him with a small sigh. "That's too bad," he decided to say.

"Everyone has their preferences." Jade shrugged again. It was something she did a lot when talking about her family. "Well, don't let me be too much of a distraction. You're here for a reason, remember?"

"Yes ma'am." Kuroo grinned when she smacked his arm with a book. He was only a few steps away when he stopped. "Actually, that tune you were humming not too long ago, what was it exactly?"

"Just something my mom used to sing us when we were little," Jade answered without turning from the shelves in front of her.

Though she hadn't seen it, Kuroo had nodded before finally retreating back to his friends.

"Took you long enough," Yaku teased when Kuroo sat beside him. "Where'd you go this time?"

"Around," Kuroo answered simply. His mind was elsewhere, the tune from his childhood replaying over and over in his head. Sometimes it was his mother's soft singing that graced his memory and others it was Jade's quiet humming.

Iwaizumi was the first to say something when he heard Kuroo humming the tune. His ears perked at the familiar piece of music before his mind played catch up and his head snapped up suddenly. "What is it?" Oikawa wondered with a frown.

Ignoring his boyfriend Iwaizumi stared hard at Kuroo. "Why are you humming that lullaby, Kuroo?"

"Hmm? What?" Kuroo turned his gaze up from the book he was taking notes from.

"The lullaby mother's sing to their kids to get them to fall asleep. Why are you suddenly humming it?"

Kuroo frowned then. "I didn't realize I was."

"I see I wasn't the only one who noticed then," Sugawara noted with a faint smile. "It is kind of odd though Kuroo."

"Did going home over break remind you of it?" Yaku pressed.

"No, I heard Jade humming it when I was walking around."

The group shared looks of confusion. It was Oikawa who spoke first, his voice a hushed whisper that only they could hear. "Why on Earth would she know that song?"

M.List | Next

#haikyuu x oc #kuroo tetsuro x oc #kuroo tetsuro #haikyuu!! #snavelywrites #sands of time

[ganymedesclock]

sorry if this is something you've gone over before, I went through your BD fusion tag but didn't see it - what do you think it "means", for Homeworld, that one of their leaders is a fusion? HW doesn't seem to have a place for heterogeneous fusion, so I'm wondering about the finer details of it. who knows, how the real BD felt, how her stand-stand-in must feel, etc. I'm curious about how this would all work, socially/psychologically/societally, I guess!

Hello! Just for context, I’d like to first link my theory of how the Diamonds got started.

Moving on from there:

I think that a big part of it is that Blue was kind of grandfathered in. It’s a scenario where the Diamonds are in general kind of oddballs- not as uniform and perfect as they’ve come to present themselves. Because my model of the Diamonds puts them very close to where the Crystal Gems were at the beginning of the series.

They weren’t picked, necessarily- they were the survivors. In a context where all they had was each other, they came together and were eventually able to rebuild from what happened. So the only “place” they ever thought to eke out for themselves, even when they created and rigidly defined structure for other Gems, was with each other.

So Blue ends up in a funny place. Much like Garnet, Blue has every intention of living together forever. She doesn’t create a permanent place for her components; maybe places for them to hide, failsafes to protect them, but the only permanent place they need is as Blue. She doesn’t set out initially with the idea that it’s essential to hide her nature, but an element of distance encroaches between her and her subjects.

Part of it is simply Blue’s sensibilities as kind of a private person. Much like Garnet, I think Blue is drawn inwards. Her veiled eyes very much imply the same thing Garnet’s mirrored glasses do- a sense of inscrutability that is something that comes and goes. Sometimes she opens up, and sometimes she closes off.

I think another part of it is, there would likely have been some kind of inciting incident that led her to draw inwards and specifically obfuscate this part of herself. That was the case for Garnet as we see in Three Gems And A Baby. It’s hard to say what exactly Blue’s incident was, since we know very little of pre-war Gem history, but this could well have factored into her rejecting Garnet rather than embracing her for their similarities. A part of Blue, who might not be willing to open up about her own honesty, might be threatened, rather than sympathetic, to another fusion that does things the way she does.

Because I do think Blue was surprised by Garnet, in a different way than her court. Her components would probably consider themselves special- issuing before the caste system, they’re more alike for their age and power than they are different for their gem types. It’s very well that she assumes only Gems that have a deep sense of similarity can combine- and overgeneralizes that to, outside of herself, only homogeneous fusion can occur.

But then Garnet comes in. Garnet- who isn’t Ruby or Sapphire, who has three eyes. And Blue sees an element of herself.

We don’t know all of how Blue reacted. We know initially, anger- and this is something I think is incredibly Lapis-like about how Blue responds. Both of them are entirely too comfortable playing judge, jury, and executioner. They are not bullies who relentlessly hunt for a victim, but, when they feel justified, they respond with the speed and force of a guillotine. Lapis in Alone At Sea comes to realize that entirely outside of what Jasper did to her, that she felt like she could take out everything on Jasper- the mirror, being struck down by Bismuth, her loss of status- things Jasper wasn’t even aware of, much less deliberately the source of.

Blue pins losing the rebels, hurting Sapphire, and Garnet’s formation all on Ruby. It’s very likely she also took out other stresses- the loss of Pink Diamond, the encroaching unrest, the failing of her attempt to draw this all to a single neat resolution, the injured people in her court who now came to harm for what amounted to nothing, feeling guilty for fleeing the scene when her intervention might’ve been more needed than she led to believe- and threw that all at Ruby.

It’s not fair. This isn’t a way you preside over people. And it’s not an inherent flaw of the Diamonds’ leadership as much as the obvious consequence when you take flawed, complex beings, and set them up as Perfect and Never To Be Questioned. 

Other things I think at work here.

If I’m right that things like the Sea Spire that would be occupied by Blue’s court contain a lot of symbolism to her fused nature: Blue was really  not being subtle about it. Basically her refuge is just that nobody thinks it’s possible and that one of her gems is very easily hidden (Lapis’s back gem, with Blue’s hair and cloak; if we’re going off the moon mural, than original Blue had even longer hair than Light Blue)

But heterogeneous fusion at this point in Homeworld’s society has become normalized. The reason why Blue’s still escaped detection is Light Blue is a singular gem and she’s just plain a different person than Blue- she wouldn’t value and maintain the same things that Blue did. Fusion wouldn’t be important to Light Blue in that same way.

And I think this is part of Yellow’s… frustration? With Light Blue. In a way that’s not completely fair, in a way that Yellow knows is not her fault- Yellow is trying to replace someone she lost, but the replacement is not the same person. Doesn’t respond the same way. And Yellow is trying to encourage her in that direction, but on some level, she realizes it doesn’t work. But she doesn’t have any way, as far as she knows, to get Blue back; fighting the sense of futility, she just keeps trying. 

What’s The Use Of Feeling, Blue? rapidly turns from an attempted pep talk to revealing how upset and cut up YD is- but what’s the point? What can she do? She feels helpless in the situation and in that sense of helplessness, she feels guilty for still being torn about things that she can’t change. She wants to only focus on action- on fixing the situation but I think at this point, Yellow is focusing much more on busywork than she is on actually making progress.

This is I think, an interesting context to how exhausted Yellow is. Because she’s trying to run herself like clockwork to escape the “noise” in her own head. But she can never actually stay busy enough to forget about all of her own pain. And it reaches a point where she’s actually creating new problems by overexerting herself to a really unhealthy degree- and refusing to stop and rest because stopping for any amount of time means being alone with all of her thoughts.

People have talked about how YD isn’t acknowledging her own grief, but I haven’t heard people point out that YD is basically advocating “just say no to feeling bad. If you say no loud enough, you will stop feeling bad” while also making it painfully obvious she has zero capacity to actually do that. YD is trying very hard to convince herself and others that she’s got her feelings perfectly under control while her emotions are basically running around her life smashing everything like a rottweiler being chased by bees.

Getting back towards Blue’s side of things, and Light Blue/”fake” Blue- I think that the fact that Blue withheld an integral part of herself from people damaged her relationship with Light Blue.

The expectation of living for someone- literally only living as their double, being there when they need it, to the extreme of not really having your own life outside of being their double- would be stressful. It’d be frustrating. Especially when you don’t even feel like the other person really trusts you and wants to let you in. Hovering more or less just on the edges of this incredibly long-established deeply-entrenched family group of the Diamonds. I think part of her relationship with Pink is- and this is basing on the Rose Diamond theory- that Pink took an interest in her and was charmed by her, so Light Blue had a much stronger relationship with Pink than she did with the “real” Blue Diamond. 

So on the one hand… with Blue gone, it’s technically her city now. She can actually do things how she likes rather than just matching Blue. She has actual authority of her own rather than just power-by-proxy. On the other hand, it’s because Blue is gone and I don’t think she’d be exactly cheerful about that, especially because it comes at a very steep cost. And her newfound freedom is hampered to a degree by… she’s technically a Diamond now and could technically challenge YD but that’s not an appealing idea, and she knows that YD would probably rather she acted more like original Blue, even though YD is in an awkward place to actually come out and say that because YD is trying very hard to pretend nothing has gone wrong and she hasn’t lost anyone- which feeds right back into her issues with Light Blue’s very obvious grief. 

#Steven Universe #Blue Fusion theory #Blue Diamond #Yellow Diamond #theory #readmore /

[mama-ghostie-61542]

A Thousand Lifetimes

Rating M++--language and themes

If you recognize it--IT AIN'T MINE

Sorry for OOC-ness.

Chapter 3

Kihyun

Later that night, after I had the kitchen cleaned, and had gotten ready for bed, I grabbed out the next chapter.

Joey PoV--

It had been several days since I got to Podunk, the first of which I slept, mostly. I did get woken up a few times. Once was when her oldest punched her in the nose and she woke me up for a little help. Let me tell you, if not for his issues I would have went off. As it was, she just handled it.

'Aww, Hell Naw. No punching Mom, little Dude.'

The second day wasn't too bad. We went to the local museum. I really liked the hologram room, and could have spent all day there. But the view from the observation deck was crazy. You could see all the way to the river and almost all of the nature reserve that backed up to the museum property. Bryn bought me a t-shirt and a canned, plush eagle, telling me it was an emergency stuffy. She grabbed herself a wood flute. She said she always wanted to learn to play one.

I laughed, 'Emergency stuffy, eh.' I knew she had a flute but her ex had smashed it one night in a drunk rage.

On the third we went to the wildlife park. I had heard bison were big, but seeing them from the overlook, they are huge. As we walked through that park, I realized that the animals were a lot bigger than the pictures in the books and shows made them look. I also realized that my sister was in her element, with the trees overhead. The wolves greeted her like an old friend, which would be weird, if I hadn't been told that these wolves had adopted her. I also saw my first bald eagle up close. Well, it was in a cage, but still, those birds are HUGE.

The fourth day, however, held a shouting match and Clark storming out the door, as Bryn stood there. Once again his friends were more important. I got the impression that, in his eyes, what he wanted was always more important than what her or the kids needed.

When the door slammed, she was doing her absolute best to reign in her temper.

"C'mere, Sis," I said as I held out my arm. She fought so hard. She just stood there; fists clenched white, rage tears pouring down her face, and fighting to get ahold of the monster in her blood. I slowly walked up to her. It wasn't until I hugged my sister that she broke. She is so strong. I thought I was tough, but I am coming to understand that this woman, is far stronger.

She is. She is stronger than anything. And if he had her THAT pissed off, he should have just stood there and taken whatever punishment he had dished out. That asshole's constant disrespect pissed me off to no end. I used to get so frustrated with her for letting him do that.

I woke up suddenly to heard her crying in her sleep. But it wasn't normal crying. It was how a woman sounds when she is trying her best not to cry, to choke back all her tears so they don't hurt anyone else. I got up off of the air mattress to check on her, knowing she had slept on the couch the previous night.

"Sis," I whispered as I reached for her shoulder. But before I could touch her, I felt a mans hand close over my wrist with bone-breaking force. There was nothing physically there, so I let my eyes unfocus for a moment. Following the spirits hand up to his face.

It was unmistakable. Kihyun. But this side of him was one I hadn't seen before. He was wild and feral, unpredictable. Indeed, this way he looked like a warrior king, ready to kill to protect what was his.

'Mine,' He growled.

I nodded. "I know. I know she is yours. I'm not going to hurt her. Please, let me check on her."

That spirit nodded.

I could not stop the chuckle, 'Yeah, I tend to get that way when it comes to her and the kids. Mess with mine... That's what pissed me off about him so much.'

Again, I reached towards my sisters shoulder. I saw a scene that would shake my beliefs to the core. See, I had never even thought about the implications--what if 'six degrees' was really all that separated us from each other. Therefore, everyone on the planet is a friend of a friend. I just didn't expect to see what I saw in her dream.

She is standing in a dark room, with only light being that which surrounds an old man in expertly tanned, white buckskin. He has 3 fingers on his right hand and long white hair. His face was grandfatherly; wrinkly and aged, but with a softness to his eyes that spoke of great love and compassion. In a second, he was handing a carved staff off to a girl at the edge of the dim light. As she stepped forward and into the circle of light, I could see it was Bryn.

Then he said, "Does her appointment meet with the approval of the Council of Elders?"

The drone of a thousand voices surrounded us. They all said one word, 'Yes'.

After less than a second, the staff began to glow, a subtle blue. I could see that it was growing heavy in her small hands. I could see her start to struggle with the weight of it.

The Elder spoke into the darkness, "Is there one here who will assist her in her appointment?"

This is what freaked me out-A voice I have heard for years called out of the darkness, "I will."

My knees started to turn into jelly as he stepped up behind her. Kihyun.

'Wow. Mine would have too, Honey. She had dreamed of me without knowing it.'

He gently touched the staff, cradling it on the outside of her hands and when he touched it, it GLOWED! The bright blue light being given off by the staff resembled the sky or water, and soon after, there began to grown corn and beans from one end and potatoes and squash from the other.

I saw him lean over her shoulder to whisper something in her ear, but I couldn't hear what was said.

'I told her I would find her soon.'

The only thing she would have been able to see was his hair as it fell down in her line of sight

Then the Elder spoke again, "Does this meet with the approval of the Spirits?"

Again the drone of a million voices murmured together, "Yes."

I was suddenly thrown back into my own body and onto the floor.

Bryn quieted back down and fell back into a restful sleep as I snuck off to grab my phone and call Kihyun. It was almost 2 in the morning here, so it would be around 5p in Seoul.

"Hey, Honey. What's up? How is the vacation?"

"Kihyun! It's her. I found her for you!"

"Who?"

"HER! SHE is my sister!!! Bryn. That lady. It's Bryn."

"Send me a pic to confirm, please."

"I can do you one better. Have all the guys around at four, her time, about seven our time. I will set up a facetime with all of us. You can talk to her."

"No, send me a picture. NOW."

I took a picture of her laying there, on the sofa, completely unaware and oblivious to the connection. As I sent the pic, she shifted and wrapped the blanket back around herself, only to fall back into a healing sleep.

Meanwhile--in Seoul--

Kihyun

I had been meditating when I suddenly got the pit of my gut feeling she was in trouble. I could not help it, but somehow, that part of me that I work so hard to keep caged was loose and bounding through our connection to her. That part is feral and unpredictable. He's a wild thing that, to be honest, scares me a little; mostly because when it comes to protecting her, that old battlefield bloodlust returns. That side of me will brain a mother fucker and not think twice.

I used to be scared of it, of my temper. But, I have worked really hard to overcome it. In all truth, I had a blue green eyed catalyst for the integration it required.

After I got off of the phone with Honey, I waited patiently for him to send that pic. It seemed to take forever, but all told was about two minutes. As I opened the image, I saw her, exactly how I had seen her in my dreams, albeit fast asleep. I tried my best to keep from being excited as the day wore on, but it was near impossible. As I crawled into bed that night, I hoped for an easy nights sleep, but ended up laying there, tossing and turning, unable to do much more than doze.

I was amazed at that point. How had she known exactly my reaction to finding out she was real.

Back to Joey.

I tried to lay back down, but her dream and it's implications kept running around in my head. It seemed all I could manage was some light dozing. After fighting to sleep until almost four, I decided that maybe my subconscious wanted me to pick apart her dream. I settled in to meditate on the images and feelings I had picked up from her.

I slid into my own memory of her dream and set to going back over the whole thing, slowly. I focused on the carvings on that staff. After some time, I was pretty sure I had the translation right. It read, 'Hope, Faith, Love, Generosity.' But I noticed that this was only on one side.

On the other sides, there were written other things. Facing them, it read, 'Community, Gifts, Wisdom, Grandmother Moon.' Pointing at the Elder, it read, 'Endurance, Courage, Training, Grandfather Sun'. I could not read the side that was facing the floor.

As I came out of my meditation, I felt a hand on my shoulder, accompanied by petrichor and the smell of newly shorn fields at dawn. A Grandmotherly voice whispered, "You would do well to watch over this Sister, my Grandson. She will need you in the months to come. So will he. Guide them back together so that their souls may finally know peace."

#original writing #original fiction #twin souls #soulmate #soul connection #past life #monsta x fic #kihyun fic