#also let me know if this is the dumbest shit take youve ever seen or if im onto somerhing here cause i really do believe that mic doesnt cr

[scream-mans-friend]

While many hc that mic is a crybaby, i think its just the opposite.

He never cries. Never. Not even alone.

Why? Because of his quirk- crying and sobbing is an easy way to lose control of your voice, after all, and when your voice is a highly destructive power, its best to stay in control. Mic can handle a little bit of silent tears, but nothing more- not without quirk suppressants (which ngl im not sure if they exist- eris temporary quirk erasing bullets are the closest thing to a suppressant that we've seen in canon).

So question is: does mic only allow himself to cry in front of aizawa?

I dont think he does- we've seen aizawa cry in canon on multiple occasions, but we've never seen mic cry, even after Oboro died. And speaking if Oboro's death, I dont think that aizawa would (in mics mind) appreciate the knowledge that one of the quirks that was used to kill a friend is so easy to lose control of- so I doubt aizawa is even aware that mic doesnt allow himself to cry- and if you hc that aizawa cut mic off after hs, then I think it would be even harder for mic to ask aizawa for help later on.

So I dont think mic cries. I think he would like to, and probably is frustrated with himself about it, but I think he, for the most part, locks away his feelings and lets them stew in his chest, turning from grief with no relief into constant anger, ready to be released upon the barest hint of annoyance.

And I think that his best friend, the only one who could help him, doesn't know, because as much as we'd like to believe aizawa is the emotionally distant one, I think mics true emotions are under six feet of fake smiles and repression. I think mic fears that he would be rejected if he did try to share his grief with aizawa, and I think thats a big part of why he helps aizawa with his mourning, but doesn't mourn much himself- he can mourn through aizawa, and in that way they can mourn together.

#no one asked for this but ive been thinkin #let me kkow if this is illegible cause im illiterate sry #also let me know if this is the dumbest shit take youve ever seen or if im onto somerhing here cause i really do believe that mic doesnt cr #yell man #sleep man #bnha spoilers

[bimb0beee]

stay with me.

suna x y/n

in which youve liked suna for years, suna is a tsundere, and tsukishima is a little shit.

includes tsukiyama, best friends tsuki & yamaguchi, mentioned miya twins, tsukishima is a shit stirrer and we love him for it.

warnings: smut, public funking, big cock suna, stupid suna, a little spit, uhhhhh, also my fics are never beated all mistakes are my own 🥴

wc: 4.1k

The first time you saw Suna Rintaro was at nationals. He was easily one of the prettiest boys you have ever seen. All you wanted to do was introduce yourself to him, but seeing as how they lost to Karasuno… you didn't think he'd give the time of day to a student there.

You debated following him on his socials… but ultimately went against it.

There was no way he'd be interested in you anyway.

The second time you saw Suna Rintaro, you were eating lunch with Kei and Tadashi.

You were midchew listening intently to Tadashi's story when you looked up and saw him.

He was walking with his friends, the twins, and you started choking.

Kei glanced at you while Tadashi fussed to make sure you weren’t dying.

He also happened to glance in the direction you were looking and saw the reason for your sudden choking.

“Y/n, oh my god, are you okay??”

“Tadashi, she's fine. She just so happened to see her four year crush.”

You punched him in his stupid gut.

The third time you saw Suna he was in one of your classes. Along with one of the twins. The one with yellow hair… What was his name again?

You were seated near the back, always keen on avoiding human interaction if you could.

And, of course, they both decided to sit directly in front of you.

Not that they paid you any attention.

Which was fine.

Until your professor told the class they should get someone elses contact information.

Since you were alone, and no one was near you except for Suna and Miya, you had no choice but to give it to Miya when he asked.

“Yo, I’m Atsumu! This is Suna.”

You looked up at, ah his name is Atsumu, Atsumu and smiled shyly.

“Hey! I’m Y/n…”

You took a chance at Suna but he's looking at his phone, not even bothering to give you another glance.

Unknown to you, he was already looking at you, but decided to look away before he got caught by either you or Atsumu.

You offered up your email and number to Atsumu, looking over to see if Suna wanted to as well.

He didn't even look at you, which may or may not have bummed you a bit, but you decided it was better this way.

You and Atsumu exchanged at least which was better than nothing, you suppose.

From then on, you and Atsumu became fast friends. You would try to talk to Suna, but he would just grunt at you or not even bother answering. So you gave up on trying. Which kind of fucking sucked, but if he wanted to be a prick, then you wouldnt bother with that.

Has your crush dwindled? No, of course not.

Atsumu was always talking about Suna and the stuff they were up to and he seemed so wonderful, so it sucked that he wouldnt even look at you.

You're crying about Suna to Kei and Tadashi; you're so distracted you don't even notice them walking in.

But Kei does, and right before you say his name he decides to be nice and cut you off.

“Shut up. Look who’s here.”

You look to glare at Kei and then you look up and, oh my god, of course it's him.

Suna and the Miya twins.

Atsumu notices you and starts walking over to you excitedly like a little puppy.

As annoying as he is, it's so endearing, you can't help but love him.

“Hey, Y/n!”

“Oh, hey Atsumu. Whats up?” You crinkle your eyes at him and in the most subtle way a tick appears in Suna’s eyebrow.

No one notices, except Kei.

He mentally grins.

“Oh, this is my brother! Osamu! We’re twins!”

You laugh and Kei puts his arm around you.

“Wow, really? I would've never guessed.”

You slap your hand on Kei’s leg and tell him to be nice.

He turns to whisper in your ear, “Leave your hand there. I'm testing a theory.”

You look at him with a question in your eyes but decide to listen anyway. Let him have his fun.

“I didn't know you had a boyfriend,” someone who definitely isn't Atsumu says.

You look up, why is Suna talking to you?

“Hmm?” You're staring at him curiously and then he just stalks off.

Atsumu starts to cackle. “What the fuck. He doesn't talk to you at all and then says that shit?”

“Y-yeah. What the hell was that about?”

Osamu is looking at you with sparkles in his eyes and you're about to ask what that means when he's suddenly walking away, “Sorry, gotta go and make sure he doesn't accidentally hurt himself! It was nice meeting you, Y/n.”

“You too…?”

Atsumu catches up to them to see what the fuck that was about.

They're sitting on a bench outside and Atsumu walks up to them trying not to laugh.

“What the fuck was that, Suna? I thought you didn't like her!”

“I don't.” He rolls his eyes, but there's a faint blush to his cheeks.

“Oh my god. You fucking like her.”

“Shut the fuck up, Tsumu.”

“LMFAO.”

“Atsumu, why the fuck did you just say that out loud?”

“Suna, you’re such a fucking tsundere. Why don't you just talk to her, idiot?”

“Why would I do that, when she clearly has a boyfriend?”

“Well, Rin, you didn't even let her answer before you stormed off. Maybe if you actually talked to her, you might find out the truth.”

Suna blinks at Osamu and gives a gentle smile.

“This is why you're my favorite twin.”

“Fuck you, Suna. You can't even talk to the person you like.”

“What the fuck was that. Kei? What the fuck was that?”

You're kind of having a little breakdown. Why did Suna randomly ask that, out of absolutely nowhere. He doesn't give you the time of day, then all of a sudden asks if you have a boyfriend? In what universe is Suna Rintaro living?

Kei is smirking.

“Babe, I think Suna likes you.” Surprisingly, it's Tadashi who speaks.

“Suna doesn't like me, Tadashi. He's clearly an idiot who knows nothing.”

“No, yeah. He totally likes you. He looked like he wanted to kill me.”

“Kei! You can't go antagonizing people!”

“Yes. i can. Especially assholes who think they can say shit when they don't even bother to talk to you.”

You smile wide. Fuck. “Oh my god, Tadashi! Kei loves meeee!”

He blushes and pushes you. “Fuck off, no one even likes you.”

You wrap him in a hug and he's groaning the whole time, but Tsukishima Kei loves you. 

Thankfully, it's friday. Which means you're not going to think about school for the next two days.

Unfortunately, Tadashi is dragging you to a party. Originally, he was only taking you because Kei refused to go. But now there's a change in plans.

You're whining into the phone, “Tadashiiii, if Kei is going then why do I have to??”

A voice, who is most certainly not your sweet freckled baby, answers instead, “Because your stupid boyfriend,” “I dont have a boyfriend, Kei” “is going to be there, and my job is to piss him off.”

“Why do you live off of chaos? What do you get out of it?”

“Pissing people off is one of my favorite pastimes, midget. Get ready.”

And the mother fucker hangs up on you.

One of these days, you swear you're going to kick him right where it hurts the most. 

You walk into the party, Tadashi holding your hand and Kei's hand on your back. It's nice. It's comfortable. You feel like everyone thinks you’re fucking them both. You're not. They’re fucking each other, but that’s a whole other thing you’re not going to get into.

Tadashi goes to get some drinks and Kei takes you to a wall and cages you in.

You blink up at him so prettily, he thinks, if he wasn't in love with his boyfriend, you would've been his next one.

“Kei?” You say so softly and he smirks like the demon he is.

“Saw dumb, dumb and dumbest playing beerpong. I think one of them saw you, so I’m just doing my friendly duty and pissing him off.”

You roll your eyes good naturedly at him and see Tadashi making his way over to you guys.

“Yummy! Give me, give meee!”

Tadashi smiles at you so sweetly and leaves a soft kiss on your forehead.

“I love you, sweetheart!”

“Babe, I'm gonna blush, you womanizer!”

He blushes at that. Tadashi is much too sweet for your teasing but you love seeing how red he can be.

“Shut up, you little brat!”

Suna noticed. He always notices you. He saw the moment you walked in. He narrowed his eyes the moment Kei caged you next to the wall. He also saw when Tadashi kissed you.

The math aint mathin, he thinks to himself.

Atsumu notices his glaring and wants to see what has Suna so angry. At a party.

Then he sees you and who you're with and he laughs in Suna’s face.

“What are you angry about? You never talk to her, idiot. Why don't you change that? Actually, lets go.”

He grabs Suna by his wrist, dragging him across the room to where you three are.

“Y/n! Hey! I didn't know you came to parties!”

You blink your pretty eyes towards them and you smile wide.

“Tsumu! I don't usually, but they wanted me to come and I love them so… Here I am!”

“What, you're not gonna say hi to me, too?”

Now. normally, you would blush and brush it off. But unfortunately, you got some liquid courage in your system because of Tadashi.

“Oh? What's this? Suna is actually making an effort in talking to me?”

You smile so cutely at him and his eyes widen. Is that a blush?

Before he can respond, Atsumu is laughing his ass off.

“She’s got a fuckin point there, Suna!”

“Shut the fuck up, Tsumu. Whose side are you on anyway?”

“Obviously, Y/n’s side.”

You start laughing loudly at their interaction. Kei has a tight grip on your waist and Suna is glaring at the offensive hand.

“You got a staring problem, Suna?”

You glance up at Kei and see a mischievous fire in Kei’s eyes.

“Can you be nice for two seconds, Kei?”

“He's glaring at my hand. Am I supposed to say nothing?”

“Maybe you're just imagining it, hmm?” You say sweetly to him.

He’s about to tell you how stupid you are when someone speaks up, “Hey, Y/n. You wanna go outside? Me and Tsumu are gonna go get some fresh air.”

Kei raises a brow at that, “What, just Y/n? Not us?”

“Nope.” He says, popping the p extra loud.

“Yeah, sure. It's stuffy in here. I'll be back okay? Try not to murder anyone. Love you, bye!”

You make your way outside and find a nice little secluded spot.

It feels so much better than being inside a cramped party where everyone is breathing the same air.

“Wow, it feels so nice out here, huh?”

You have such a pretty little smile all Suna wants to do is kiss you until you're giggling just for him.

“You're really touchy with your friends, aren't you Y/n?”

To your utter surprise, it's not Atsumu who is talking to you.

Atsumu is trying to hold back his cackle; sometimes Suna is too blunt for his own good.

“Hmm, I guess so. I've also known them forever, so it's natural for me to be like that with them. Why, you jealous, Suna?”

You're sitting down squished between Suna and Atsumu and it's giving you butterflies.

Suddenly, Atsumu’s phone is ringing.

“Fuck, its Samu.”

“Yeah? What's up? What? Why did you leave, you stupid… Alright. Stop. Osamu, stop, I'll be right there. Jesus.”

“Sorry, guys. Osamu is drunk and is attempting to walk home alone for whatever reason. I'm gonna go get him. See you guys later?”

“Hopefully! Let me know when he's safe, okay, Tsumu?”

“Yeah, of course, sweetheart!”

You blush, Atsumu has never called you sweetheart before.

Suna knew he was a fucking liar and only doing it to get a reaction out of him. Fucker.

He clears his throat, “We’re friends, aren't we, Y/n?”

You hum, thinking over what he's asking. “Are we, Suna? How can we be friends when you never speak to me?”

You smile oh so sweetly at him and he wants to bite it off of your face.

“We’re talking now, aren't we?”

“I suppose we are, Suna…”

“Call me Rintaro.”

You stammer at his bluntness, “O-okay… Rintaro…” It feels like candy on your tongue.

You’re so fucking cute, he thinks.

“Are you shy? Like a cute little… bunny.”

You stare up at him, eyes wide, face red.

“B-bunny?! Do you go around calling all unsuspecting girls, bunny, Mister Rintaro?”

“Nah. Just the cute ones named Y/n.”

“You're very bold for someone who I just became friends with, aren't you, Rin?”

He puts an arm around you and pulls you closer.

“But, you're so cute, bunny. I can tell you like the nickname. Should I keep calling you bunny? Hmm?”

You're trying to fight the heat on your face, but he's so cute. His words make your insides jelly and you want to kiss him.

“Should I keep going, bunny? Or go back to Y/n?”

You whine at him, “Noooo, Rin…”

Suna can’t help but think how cute you are. He can't help but want to pull more reactions out of you. He manhandles you onto his lap and you're squirming around a little too much.

“Watch it, bunny. If you don't stop you're gonna make this hard for the both of us.”

You stop squirming and cover your face with your hands trying to fight off your blush and embarrassment.

“Rintaro! You can't just say shit like that!”

“Oh? So you want me to get hard? Bunny, you're nasty, aren't you?”

He wraps his hands around your back and snuggles you right next to him so he can whisper naughty things into your ear.

“Bunny, if you wanted me that's all you had to say. I'm all yours, yeah?”

He brings his mouth to plant sweet kisses onto your neck and you're so embarrassed and in shock this is happening to you, you don't react immediately.

Then you feel his teeth sinking into your skin and you let out a breathy moan.

“Oh? What's this? You like being bitten, little bunny?”

“S-shut up, Rin…”

He huffed a laugh against your skin and continues to kiss and nibble at you. He's determined to mark you up so everyone can see just who you belong to.

He moves his hands so they are under your clothes touching your soft skin and it feels so good to have him touching you like this.

“Rin, more, please…”

And who is he to say no to a pretty little bunny?

He gives you the sweetest kiss which is all the warning you get before he's thrusting his tongue into your mouth.

You moan into the kiss and he soaks it up. Your tongues are battling and you've never experienced such euphoria in your life. If you could die right now you would be happy.

He removes himself from your mouth and you whine out a protest.

“Hush, bunny. Open up, yeah?”

You look at him questioningly but do as he says anyway. You open your mouth wide and loll your tongue out just a little bit and he groans at his obedient little bunny.

He stares you dead in the eyes and slowly drops some of his spit into your mouth.

“Don’t swallow until I tell you to, bunny.”

He watches the way his spit runs down into your throat and his dick swells tremendously.

“Okay, sweet baby. Swallow for me, yeah?”

You start to grind down onto his clothed cock and, fuck, it feels so good.

He grabs your hips and helps you rub your tiny little cunt all over him.

“Feel good, bunny? Hmm?”

“Y-yes Rin, feels so good… More…”

“More? Here, bunny? Are you sure?” He laughs into your skin.

You're so delirious with lust it doesn't really occur to you where you are, just that you need to feel him inside you.

“Are you sure bunny? I don't know if your little cunt can take me like this…”

You pout at him, “I can do it, daddy…”

He stiffens at the name. That's new.

“Daddy, please…”

Suna is pretty sure you have no idea what you're saying to him but how can he deny you when you're begging him so sweetly?

“Alright, pretty bunny, let daddy take care of you, yeah?”

Your eyes sparkle in utter happiness and he's struck back for a second. You're going to be the death of him, he thinks.

He goes to move your panties to the side and scoffs. As if he could even call these panties. It's basically a piece of string covering your little cunt.

So, he rips them in two.

“Rintaro! You can’t just rip my fucking underwear!”

You’re pouting at him and, fuck, he wants to shove his cock down your sweet little mouth. Another time, perhaps.

“Hush, baby. I'll buy you more. Not that it was covering much anyway.”

You're about to give him an earful before he's shoving a finger into your sopping cunt.

“Wow, bunny. You're soaked. Is this all for little ol me?”

He's leisurely pumping a long, thick finger in and out of your cunt and it has your thighs quivering.

“Yes, Rin, all for you, always for you,” you cry into his neck.

And all too soon he's taking his finger out and you look into his eyes and watch as he sucks your arousal off of his finger.

“Alright, bunny. Take my cock out.”

You're reaching down to his jeans and just seeing his bulge makes your cunt throb. Fuck, you cannot wait to have it inside you.

You slowly take his cock out and of course it's big and pretty just like him. Can't really say you're surprised about it.

He watches you as your eyes widen in excitement and softly stroke his pretty cock.

“You like what you see, bunny?”

You don't even spare him a glance while you lick your lips and nod softly. You very much do like what you see.

“Alright, sweetheart. It's gonna be a tight fit. Are you sure you want this here?”

“Yes, yes. Rin, please, daddy, please if you don't shove your dick inside me soon I will explode!”

He laughs at your word vomit. You're just so unbearably cute and there is no way in hell he can ever deny you.

“Alright, sweet bunny. Get ready, okay?”

Even when hes about to fuck your brains out, you cant believe how sweet he actually is.

He spits on his dick and lifts you up ever so slightly so he can slip the head inside your quivering hole.

Not that he needed the extra lubrication, he just wanted to make sure it was extra sloppy.

The fat head of his cock makes its way past your folds and you close your eyes with a silent, open mouthed moan.

“Shh,” he coos at you, “look at my sweet little baby, taking my cock raw. Does it hurt, bunny?”

He thinks he hears you growl more at him and he chuckles into the night.

And then he’s sinking you lower and lower and lower, until he's inside you.

All of him is inside you and, fuck, he wants to live in your cunt.

“You take me so well, sweetheart. Were you made for me? Is this cunt made only for me?”

You're babbling a symphony of yes, more, all for you daddy and it's doing everything in his power to not pound you like an animal.

“Rin,” you whine into his ear, “if you dont start moving now im going to walk away and never look back you stupid-”

He grabs your hips and lifts you till he's barely inside you and slams you down onto him.

You're squeezing him so tight, your cunt fluttering around his cock and he's trying not to finish right then and there.

“You're on top bunny, come on, show me, help me out, yeah?”

You can't hear anything; you just have this raw, vicious need for his cock to split you in half.

You start moving up and down as hard as you can and it's the most beautiful feeling you've felt in months.

He's helping you so he reaches a little deeper, you are involuntarily squeezing his shaft, so lost in pleasure.

No one has ever fucked you like Suna Rintaro is currently fucking you.

You're pretty sure no one else will ever measure up to him.

He's sucking hickies all over your unblemished neck, a feral growl in him knowing he's the one who's gonna have his marks all over your precious body.

“S’at feel good, baby? You like when I bite your neck and slam you on my thick cock, bunny?”

“Yes, daddy, yes I love it so much, please more!”

And then he really puts you to work.

He's slamming you down onto him as hard as he can. Your heady arousal is absolutely soaking him. It's so filthy and nasty and perfect and you wouldn't have it any other way.

“God, fuck. You're perfect, bunny. Touch your sweet little clit for me?”

You're so lost in pleasure you don't hear him through the haze of your arousal.

He growls into your ear, “Touch your fucking clit and make yourself cum on my cock or you’re never getting this dick again, bunny.”

You whimper out into the night sky and sluggishly move your hand to your poor, throbbing clit.

You press your finger gently onto it before matching suna’s rough pace.

“God, how can you get any fucking tighter. Its like fucking a virgin, at this point.”

Which makes you rub your clit faster, “Daddy, daddy, please m so close, wanna cum all over your pretty cock!”

He wraps a pretty hand around your throat and demands, “Cum, bunny.”

You cum so hard you see white.

You're moaning and he shoves his tongue into your mouth.

Your cunt is fluttering around his so fucking deliciously he cant help but slam you down one last time and fill your guts with his semen.

You're still shaking in his arms from your orgasm and he just holds you and kisses you through it until you finally relax.

You blink up at him, trying to get some clarity in your eyes.

“Either you're an angel, or you're sent straight from hell. How can the best fuck of my life be at some shitty college party?” You ask him. And then it hits you.

“OH MY GOD, Suna! Why did you let us fuck at some shitty college party?!”

He laughs loudly at you.

“Bunny, you asked. I delivered. Shouldn't you be thanking me?”

“Oh, yes. Thank you so much, Suna-sama, for defiling me at a nasty frat party!”

“Baby,” he smiles mischievously, “anything for you.”

You're laughing into his skin when all of a sudden someone is throwing a towel? at your head.

“Hey, what the fuck-”

You turn to look at the offending fucker and you just see a blushy Tadashi and smirking Kei.

“Kei! Tadashi!” And then you remember Suna’s softening cock is still inside you.

“I cannot believe you nasty fucks couldn't wait until you were at someone’s house. Outside of a party. You're kidding.”

“Shut the fuck up, Kei. Mind your business!”

Suna pulls you protectively to his chest.

Kei laughs at him and rolls his eyes, “Relax lover boy, Tadashi is all the ass I need.”

Tadashi turns into an even blushier mess and hisses at him, “Kei! You don't have to be so lewd!”

They're turning to leave when Kei graces you with a parting gift.

“Good job, Y/n. It only took you 4 years to talk to your crush.”

Fuck. You're going to murder him in his sleep. You know where he lives. You have his key.

“What does that mean, bunny?”

You groan into his chest; you were hoping to avoid this topic forever if you could.

“Ughhhhh, I saw you when you played against Karasuno at nationals and I've just kind of had a crush on you since then,” you say really fast hoping he'll drop it.

Unfortunately, he does not drop it. 

“Well, I guess I have a lot of time to make up for then, don't I, sweet bunny?”

Your heart flutters and you place a heart stopping kiss to his soft lips.

“Can we go now?”

You laugh and yeah. You guess you’re kind of glad you came to this stupid frat party and had a class with Suna Rintaro.

#haikyuu smut #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #suna rinatro #suna x reader #suna smut #suna x y/n #suna x you #rintaro smut

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #194

“i’m numb to the pleasure but still feel the pain.”

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? I believe I first had those Flintstones ones, then later Mom got the gummy type. Have you ever gone to court? Only to explain to a judge why I thought my scheduled month-long stay in the psych hospital was unnecessarily long for my state. I was convinced all I needed to do was talk to Jason and boom, my problems would be gone. Safe to say, I was delusional. Glad I won that battle though considering I loathe that hospital for their extreme lack of therapy and activities to keep us occupied and out of our own heads. I was committed there I think five times and no stay did jack-shit. Are you friends with your neighbors? No. How long has it been since you’ve seen The Lion King? Years. But bitch when that live action remake comes out I'mma be the very first hoe at that theater. Have you ever had a crush on your siblings friend? No. What's the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? However long the flight to Michigan was. What’s the best wedding you’ve been to? My former dance instructor's. What time did you wake up this morning? Like, 7. What are you doing this weekend? There's no difference in weekends and weekdays for me. I'm sure I'm doing nothing. What’s your favorite Disney movie? TLK. Do you wear colored contacts? No, but honestly I'd love more sapphire blue ones if they're a prescription and not just cosmetic. Who was the last person you went to the movies with? I think Mom? Or did I go with Dad later? When’s the last time you spent time with your cousins? I haven't seen Robby since '15, but Audrey passed through with my uncle sometime last year. My other cousins, hell if I know. Why did you fall for the last person romantically? Good Lord, that's an essay. Just more than anything, I think it was the fact that she cares so deeply about animals and people alike and is passionate about what's right and wrong. Can you speak in a different language conversationally? If so, which language? I could maybe manage a very simple German convo? Do you ever fear falling asleep? No, but I do rather frequently don't look forward to it, or at least the process of falling asleep. I don't go quickly. What’s the last thing you had to eat? A bagel. Would you rather eat all day or exercise all day? I don't believe you physically could eat all day? And exercising, I'm assuming you'd eventually pass out? But let's be hypothetical. I'd have to choose exercise, I care way too much about not gaining weight. Does one eye tend to be weaker than the other? Yes, my right is considerably worse. What do you think of guys who ask girls out over via text message or internet? It's definitely not my preferred method, but do it if you don't have the courage to in person/just can't for whatever reason. Have you ever had a churro? I believe I have? If I'm remembering the correct treat, it was unbelievably too sweet and I didn't like the crunch. What’s one thing you like about your town? The town itself is real old-fashioned and small. Did you believe that alcohol is more dangerous then weed? I know it is. Do you drink more apple or orange juice? Orange. Are you a fan of the Grand Theft Auto series? Never played, but I highly doubt I'd enjoy it. Do you like the beach? If it wasn't for the wind, blistering heat, and sand. So basically, I don't. I only like being in the ocean. Do you or did you have a curfew at one point? No. Well, correction, if it was a school night before high school and I was out with a friend, I'm sure Mom established something, but idr. Do you peel the wrappers off of plastic bottles? No. What do you think is the youngest age someone should lose their virginity? No younger than 16. But at any age, be. Smart. Have you ever played Super Smash Brothers? I think at friends' as a kid? What do you like on your sundaes? Like, just chocolate syrup lmao. Have you done anything productive today? Well, I exercised some. Do you believe in abstaining from sex until marriage? What I care about is waiting for a person you feel truly in love with. I actually feel like abstaining could be a bad idea, as I'd assume for some people, the desire to have sex would play a factor in them wanting to get married, so marriage could potentially be rushed for the sake of that when you're not adequately prepared in other areas. What is your sexual orientation? Bi. Do you put your name on your food coverings? If I was using a fridge at a job or whatever, yeah, but I'm not in that type of situation. What is something you have acquired with age? Open-mindedness. Would you ever go out in public sporting pajamas? Depends on where I'm going. Have you ever ridden in a race car? No. Do you enjoy history? No. Have you ever changed religions? Twice. Is there anyone to whom you are afraid to stand up to? Mom. And pretty much everyone else. Do you like making lists? Sometimes. Do you play sports with your siblings? Never di- oh wait, Mom signed all three of us up for cheerleading as little kids. Hated it. Are there stairs in your house? No. Do you like onions on your burger? A small amount of minced pieces is fine. Could you ever give yourself a shot? Yeah. What is your favorite room to clean? I get the most satisfaction out of cleaning my own. Do you enjoy cleaning? Not the process of it, just the feeling afterwards. What do you consider your ideal weight? My /ideal/ would be around 120 again, but I'd be happy enough between 130-140. How many pounds do you need to lose (or gain) to be your ideal weight? LET US NOT What is your favorite thing about Valentine’s Day? Just it being a celebration of love, which to me, goes beyond just romantic. I think people should spend a little extra effort in letting one another know they really love each other. Now I believe every day you should treat people with love, but seriously focus on it and be thankful for those you have. If you wear one, what color is your wristwatch? N/A Have you ever made a pair of earrings? No. Who did you inherit your hair color from? I actually think Dad? Going through family pictures after Grampa died, I found out he was actually born dirty-blonde (I've only known him with black), like I was. Pretty sure Mom's was always brown. Have you ever wished that you were born in a different era? Woulda loved being born in the mid-early '80s. Do you prefer soft rock or hard rock? ....... I read "rock" as in like, minerals. And I was. Very confused. High on the list of my dumbest readings. Anyway, definitely hard. What was the best time of your life? As a kid. Do you prefer sunny or cloudy weather? Partly cloudy. How do you like your potatoes? For most of my life I only liked them as fries or as potato skins w/ cheese and bacon bits, but I'm gradually branching out. I like baked potatoes split with cheese and bacon inside too, and Sara's mom exposed me to the very first time I enjoyed mashed potatoes, yeet. So those have to be made a very specific, non-clumpy way. I also like hash browns, but not the shredded kind. Oh yeah, I live for the fiesta potatoes at Taco Bell too like gd good shit. Who’s your best friend? My babygirl. <3 If you don't count her, it'd be my mom, but if she's excluded too being family, I don't really have a best friend. Maybe Girt, idk. What’s a TV show you never miss? I don't watch any shows regularly. The one and only situation where I'd watch every episode ASAP is if Meerkat Manor came back. Have you ever lied about your gender? No. What are you planning on doing on your next birthday? Go out to eat with family, and though unlikely, getting a tattoo would be awwwesome. Do you know anyone else with your last name other than family? I don't think so? Is your favorite band still together? I actually just looked it up because I really wanted to know, and his band's still going, apparently! I thought this coming tour ("No More Tours 2") was the end, but apparently it's just the finale of his world tours. Where do you see most of your concerts? I've only been to one, which was in Raleigh. That's the most likely place we'd go to, though. Have you ever had escargot? Never in my life will I try it. Do you use Google every day? No. What was the last new food you tried that you thought was delicious? Oh my god in Heaven. So, for Christmas, my sis made these hot chocolate cream balls things she found on Pinterest, and literally, maybe the best thing I'd ever had. I just barely had enough discipline to not eat more than one lol. If you could invent a new holiday, what month would you put it in? Hm. Idk. Have you ever had a bedroom with a specific theme? No, I don't think so. If you had to design a room with a theme, what theme would you choose? Gothic, maybe with lil bits of pastel goth for some more personality. What was the best thing that ever happened to you? Realizing I can't just give my entire life to a person, losing any control over it myself. You have to allow yourself to be free; do not chain yourself to a single person. Have you ever given money to a homeless person? No. One, I don't have a source of income, and two, I'm perfectly aware what probably 99% do with it, especially because of my mom, who's pretty much made friends with the homeless on the side of the road, has learned each and every one use drugs or alcohol, so instead she buys them food frequently. That's something I would want to do, but I'm so paranoid of strangers, especially desperate ones, harming me for whatever reason that I probably never will. Do you like your hair better long or short? SHORT. OH MY GOOOOOD CUTTING MY HAIR SHORT WAS ONE OF MY BEST DECISIONS. Have you ever designed your own Facebook timeline cover? Yeah. What is one site that closed down that you wish would come back? Hmmmm. I don't really know. Well, the Animal Planet site still exists, but I wish there was still a dedicated MM section, y'know, with the forums and games and such. Really think it'd be nice if they kept little sections for all of their classic, better-known shows for old fans. Hell, I'm pretty sure MM was their most successful, why not keep remnants of it up there? Do you ever watch TV shows on YouTube? Rarely, if I ever watch a show. Foo Fighters vs. Red Hot Chili Peppers: Not a real fan of either, but I'd have to choose the former as I enjoy at least two of their songs. Have your parents ever complained about your hair? My mom was reeeaaally shocked and distressed when she arrived at the parlor when I got the "big" haircut and saw how much was gone (eight inches), but only because she was scared I'd hate it. Thankfully she really liked it when it was all said and done. Are you a fan of the Saw movies? Never really watched 'em. How did you decide on your Tumblr name? I'm a sucker for alliteration, and it's a survey blog. Do your friends have the complete opposite music taste as you? My closer friends, not really, actually. Do you ever forget how old your siblings are? I don't know any of my half-siblings' ages, and I forget how old Ashley is sometimes. I forget frequently if she's two or three years older than me. Do you tend to walk places more than drive? Ha, you can't walk to a destination here in the country. I only ever ride/rarely drive anywhere. Do you have any photos of you kissing someone? Yes. Do you ever hang out with your ex? Rarely with Girt. Would you like the ability to read minds? No, especially if you can't choose when it's "on" or "off." Even if you only choose when you do it, idk. Just... doesn't seem like a safe idea. Do you see the same people everyday? Lol that's usually just my mom, and yes. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Are you mad at anyone right now? No. It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, what do you do? Almost a guarantee I won't hear, considering it's on vibrate. Now if I did for whatever reason, ignore it unless it's a contact on my phone. Have you ever fallen backwards on a chair? I believe so, playing as a kid. Last time you laughed so hard you cried? I'm not sure, but considering I do that easily... Who last talked about kissing you? Sara. Who was the last thing/person you took a picture with? My kiiiitty. Did you speak to your father today? No. Would you ever get gauged ears? Definitely no. What aren’t you looking forward to? I really don't mean to sound all emo and whatnot, but I genuinely don't look forward to like every afternoon/early evening, as that's around when I hit my extreme boredom decline, which goes so low I feel death could maybe be more exciting. I am in no way suicidal, I just want this era of isolation, lack of purpose, and no progress towards a great future to end. My life's been at a stand-still for pretty much a year. Would you rather get your tongue or lip pierced? I already have both done. I find my snake eyes way cuter, but when I consider my outward appearance and what people generally see, I'd rather have my labret. What is your favorite personality trait? Kindness. What is the most romantic thing a significant other could do? Idk, but something with deep personal meaning for sure. When you are dating someone, what is the most important thing to you? There has to be a mutual, serious care for our relationship; my partner has to understand I'm not in for a fling. We both have to have the goal of forming and maintaining a healthy, long-lasting, meaningful relationship. If I feel being together is a game to you or just for a couple months of a bit of fun, bye. Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn’t feel it? No. Well, I do with my mom if she's pissed me off and I *feel* like I don't, but I know I do. If you were engaged, would you want a wedding as soon as possible? Not necessarily. I believe engagement is a stage where you're certain you want to get married in the not-so-distant future, but you have other important things to take care of first, like for example, buying a home and stuff like that. When in a relationship do you have to have contact with your partner on a daily basis? I wouldn't freak the hell out if you couldn't talk to me for a day, but I'd definitely want at least a little conversation, especially if we're serious. Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage? Yes. You should know how you're going to handle being with your s/o every single day. Did you ever give a hickey to the last person you kissed or you guys didn’t go that far? Not yet. Is there anyone you want to come see you? Yeah. What was the last thing you saw that scared you? A video of this guy with his giant pet centipede like an idiot (super venomous) crawling all over him. Centipedes creep me the hell out, although at the same time I find them kinda cool. Is there something that’s happened today that you don’t want to ever go through again? No. Is the last person you kissed attractive? Yeah. Do you feel bored with your life? I think I've covered this enough. Who’s someone you miss that you haven’t talked to in years? Megan, more than anyone. Do you have severe withdrawals from medications? I don't think any were ever severe, but I was weaned off of them all I believed. Just honestly I've been on so many since 6th grade that I can't recall each one's ending. I only recall having shadow hallucinations when I was coming off one. What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? Let's not talk about the subject I'm more bitter about than anything else in the entire world. Summary: Don't touch Abilify even if your fucking life depended on it. Do you have a doctor you can trust? My psychiatrist and therapist, very much so. I've only seen my new general doctor twice, so I can't make a fair judgment of her. Mom has a friend who sees her though, and she only has positive things to say about her. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? No. What do you miss about high school? A social life. Art class. What do you miss the most about college? Literally the one and only part I enjoyed at my first college was lunchtime, because Jason and I could spend time together, sometimes with his friends. Second college, nothing. It was online. Have you ever been the victim of a crime? I don't believe so? Is your life worse than you could have ever have imagined it to be? Or is it better, or just what you expected? Ohhhh man... As a kid, I was so sure I'd be amazing. Still had a bit of hope in middle school. High school and beyond, it's, so far, worse than I'd planned. What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? Mountains. Driving through them is unreal. What is one place you have always wanted to visit? Idk about "always." But for the longest amount of time, it's been without a doubt South Africa. Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? Steve Irwin was and still is one of my absolute heroes. I loved Jeff Corwin, Jesse McCartney, Raven Symone, and the Sprouse twins, too. Do you prefer slow songs or fast songs? I'd say generally, faster. What color is your trash can? White. Who was your favorite family pet when you were growing up? We didn't really have a "family" pet, just ones one of us individually were particularly close to. I'd say the closest that qualifies would be Chance, our first cat. She was special. List five of your favorite YouTubers. You Already Know, GameGrumps, Shane Dawson, Daniel Howell, and Jeffree Star, but. I have so many jsfaqoweuoapsf. I wanna squeeze Rhett and Link in there, but while I still love them as people and creators, I've been losing interest in GMM over the months. What’s your favorite type of bird? Barn owls. I also love ravens though for their intelligence and personalities. What pet names do you use with your significant other? A lot, but I'd say either "sweetheart/sweetie" or "dear" are most common from me. I think. How would you describe your sense of humor? Sarcastic, I guess. Have you ever been a member in a band? No. Well, except school band. Have you ever watched yourself on video? Yeeaah, senior project was fun. But I know how I usually am well enough to say I honestly don't feel I did badly. Have you ever missed a flight? Yup. Never go to the O'Hare airport, jfc. Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? Yes, and I hope to see the one this Sunday! Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Any animals whose behaviors you find particularly interesting? AHHHHHHH SO MANY!!!!! Social species' above all. Do you like animals better than most humans? Yes. What simple things in life bring you the most joy? Long car rides when I can play my iPod through the speakers and just go to another world. Sara singing, hearing my mom laugh. Seeing old couples holding hands in public kills me. How did you meet your significant other (if you have one)? YouTube. How did you meet your best friend? She's the same person as above. Are you friends with anybody you didn't like at first? Also see Sara lmao. Are there any musicians you didn't like at first, but grew on you? The first/most recent to come to mind is In This Moment. Is there anything you used to love, but now dislike? Peas as a kid. I'm kinda on the fence of liking or disliking PewDiePie as he is now (although I haven't watched too much of his newer content). Do you have any favorite books you'd like to have signed by the author? It'd be pretty cool for Ozzy to sign my copy of his autobiography, sure. Do you enjoy any of those old black and white horror films? Any one I've ever seen has been horrid, so I haven't seen many. What is your favorite yogurt topping? I loved those ones that had M&Ms in them. Where do you shop the most: Kmart, Target, Walmart, Fred Meyer, or other? Walmart or Harris Teeter. Have you ever done a craft project you saw on Pinterest? No. What beverages do you drink that contain caffeine? Soda. What has been the best experience you've had in a church? Uhhh. Oh, Jason's brother's wedding. Do you prefer that your nachos be spicy or not spicy? Obviously spicy. Have you ever had a kiss that felt magical? Mine and Jason's first was cute, but I don't recall if I thought it was "magical" because all I was focusing on was just how shy I was. First kiss with Sara was definitely more than special. Who is your best online friend? Sara once again. Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? Online, easily. Do you think that love makes people irrational? It can. What book, movie, or TV show did you find to be total garbage? Oh, I'm positive there's something, but nothing comes to mind. Is there a topic that is a sore-spot for you? Mental health and how it may affect your loved ones. Have you ever lost a friend over a guy/girl? Pretty much. Have you ever lost a friend because of a lifestyle change? Yup. Do you like kissing? The right person. What location holds the most memories for you? My childhood home. Hypothetically let’s just say you’re a supervillain. What’s your agenda? What are you trying to destroy and why? I would never want to be, but I suppose the most suitable for me would be punishing the person to break a promise somehow. Why, because I know just how agonizing broken promises can be. What’s your go-to topic when making small talk with others? How their day's been. When you get to be in charge of the tunes on a road trip or party - do you play what you want to hear or tailor the playlist to what you think the other people in the car/room want to hear? I do a mix of both. Thankfully, Mom and I like most of the same music, but I do learn what songs she doesn't like and avoid playing them unless I really wanna hear it. You have any bad habits you shamelessly don’t care to or plan to quit? Shamelessly, idk about that. There’s an app for everything. What apps consume the most of your time and energy? Facebook. The most overrated thing ever - what is it? I literally judge you if you have a bigass, obnoxiously loud truck. Compensating for something? The most underrated? Ummmm. Talking about pointless shit and doing nothing while enjoying your favorite person's presence is surely one. What’s something you find unconventionally romantic? Teaching your s/o how to play a game together and you both are enjoying it asjfaoswuw. One of my most cherished memories with Jason was that with Little Big Planet. Just in general I find it super cute to share what you love with each other.

#survey #quiz #questions #random

[halleywars]

no breaks no readmore

Introduction

There were balls everywhere.  Many myths have been spun about god, but i am the chronicler, and i am here to dispel all bullshit creation stories once and for all. The story you are about to hear is not myth, however if it is easier for your feeble mind to take as such then so be it. Before all else, before women, before the earth and time and space, god created man , and to mankind he gave balls. To each man a flaw, and to each man a ball. Within these balls god gave each man what it took to become more god like, a key to unlocking his true potential. If you are of a foolish type you may be thinking that the balls are a metaphor for something more like a way of thinking, but i assure you the meaning is quite literal. These balls were dubbed the "element balls" and their manifestation in your world is quite physical. The truth behind the disappearance of your balls is the tale i spin today. This tale begins with a man following his own dreams, who would set into motion a chain of events that would fart in the face of the world. This is the tale, of the element balls.

           The desert sun beat down on steven universe, the earth red and fucked surrounded him. It was the year 2048, and steven was pissed. He was quick to crack wise and his face showed it, however people did not put up with this shit on account of him being 50. Nowadays steven stuck mostly to his job as an archeologist. He tapped the fingerprint scanner on his space watch and the robot hologram on it informed him was almost 8 in egypt time, which was where he was at, egypt. He was digging in egypt, doing archeologist stuff, is what im trying to get across, also its the future. Steven looked up from his space watch to a lanky man standing above his dig site. The man stunk of cum and checkers hamburgers, his white and gold suit reflecting off the sun like something really bright white and gold. The man had a shit eating grin on his face as he chomped a big cigar like it was a gay dick that he was suckin'.

"Steven you cocksucker, its almost 8 o clock in egypt time! You really need to pack up your shit and hit the road, when it gets dark the giant scorpions come out."

           Steven wiped the sweat off his brow and chuckled to himself while shaking his head. He continued digging as if he hadnt heard a word.

           The suited man was pissed. "Steven you got egypt dirt in your ears? Did you perhaps forget im the money behind this trip? and i didnt pay millions of dollars to get a top archeologist out here in egypt so he can find nothing for three days and then get killed and buttfucked by giant desert scorpions? "

           Steven chuckled and graced the angry man a response, "You wouldnt know shit about passion Lars, youve never worked a day in your life. Look bakery tits.. im not out here jerkin off... im gettin close to finding some info on those damned balls... i can feel it in my gut."

           Lars was pissed because of the backtalk, but he knew what to expect from steven. He lit a cig, gayly. He had hired steven because he was a master of archeology, the backtalk was to be expected of someone who was the master of his craft. But Lars knew if anyone could dig up some information on the balls, it was steven. Lars looked back down at Steven and tightened his fancy white gloves. He held up one finger.

           "Youve got until 1 o clock, any later and ill have the boys come out here and drag your ass out of the dirt. we clear?"

           Steven hadnt taken his eyes off his work. "crystal" he shouted to the gay millionaire as he continued digging.

           Lars noded his head and flicked his cig on the hot egypt dirt, it burst into flames. He whistled for his hoverboard and it flew over to him, Lars hopped on and flew away, leaving steven to continue his work in peace.

A Discovery

The sun was setting, and with it the insanity of Lars sprung forward.  He took off the mask and looked for a long time in the mirror- at the scars.  That day.  That day when Ocean Smith burned it to the ground.  I’ll never forget that day.  Lars slammed his fist onto the counter top and screamed with rage.  His bones, indeed his very existence was rattled.  After some time he remembered.  I’m bitter again.  I’m angry again.  Then he remembered his medication.  He lit up the obama kush and inhaled deeply, feeling the tension evaporate off of his body.  He had a curious mental condition indeed.  A single thought warped his mind and sent him into a state of being not unlike that of a raging bull.  

Chill dubstep was playing.  He layed back onto the couch with the back of his neck curved around the top of the couch cusion, just staring.  Thinking.  About her.  She was an angel.

Steven universe was toiling in the black of night with only a torch.  These transcriptions are fucked up!  I need to decode… ah yes.  The emerald tablets of Thoth springing into being from the angelic horsemen?  The….balls….into existence from the….source?  What source?  Lets read further into this mystery.  The archaic….tomb of Xerxes….Ramses trine to the seventh equinox….on the first of May?  Ah!  And with these thoughts he realized it.  He must go to the tomb of Xerxes to retreive the key, and then to the tomb of Ramses to put it in the lock!  Then the mystery will be revealed.  

Connie Maheswaran was eating grapefruit.  Her house was luxurious, yet barren.  Cold stones.  She liked the stark reality of the stones.  Jean Michel Jarre was playing on the speakers nearby.  Connie’s eyes were closed, and she was in another world.  Then the phone rang.  It was Steven.  

“Yo”

“Connie, you need to come to Egypt, right this minute.”

“Bro.  I’m tryin to chill here.  I was about to snort some Zaka.”

“Zaka is about as useless at this time as poop!”

“What’s all the racket?”

“The element balls…. I know how to get the element balls.”

“Still believe in the mystery school teachings?  Come now.”

“The plane is paid for, my friend.”

“Well…. Money’s not an issue for me, but fuck it.  I’ll snort a double and be there on the double.”

“Cya pal.”

“Cya.”

Connie was looking out the window, Arkansas below.  Ah, the Ozarks.  If only I had a log cabin out there.  The lady beside Connie was eying her sternly.  

“Are you on something?”

Connie looked her in the eye until she quickly turned her head in the other direction.  That’s more like it, fat bitch.  

Connie farted hard.  Then the plane came to a halt.  The fatass held her nose and Connie sneered.  Hope the vacation’s fun, retard!  Steven greeted her as she exited the plane.  Before leaving, she waves bye to the pilot, who she gave some speed so he could stay awake.  

Lapis Lazuli was in a hot tub.  Smoking a joint, snorting zaka.  I am so high.

Zaka

Lapis’ iPhone 4k rose out of the hot tub and started spinning. Lapis was pissed. She shouted.

“Siri who the fuck is disturbing me at this hour?”

“It is steven universe master”

Lapis raised an eyebrow

“Not a fucking prank i hope, if this is some mindless bullshit ill fly over there and shove my boot up his ass.”

“It appears to be urgent master”

“Shut the fuck up and put me on the phone with him robot voice.”

The phone flashed millions of different colors before displaying a hologram of steven universe, flashing his balls.

“You proud of those? They're about to be hung on my wall shrimp dick.”

The cackling of a hyena could be heard from the phone, but Lapis stayed stone faced and silent. The hologram spoke

“Long time no see Lapis”

“I’m assuming you called for more than to show off your shitty old balls?”

“You assumed right”

“This wouldn't have anything to do with those damned element balls you’ve been going on and on about would it?”

“I’m nearer than I’ve ever been. I need your help. Were on our way to Xerxes tomb.”

“I’m not much of an archeologist Steven.”

“This is big Lapis, I have a feeling whatever happens in the next 48 hours, you’re gonna wanna see first-hand.”

Lapis shook her head and sighed.

“I assume you’re on your way over here then. Fuck!  You payin’ my way?!”

Bromos

“You’ve got the money!”

“Spent it all on Bromos.”

“Fine.  Yup.”

“That’s more like it.”

Lapis ended the call and sunk back into the water with cool contemplation.  

The three hoodlums were finally together again after long, long years.  And they weren’t happy.  They all went their own neurotic loner ways over the years, Connie always loved tracking what the government was up to, Lapis loved cool meditation and Bromos, and of course Steven was the obsessed one, the one who delved in research. They were all seated around a pretentious fire with spoiled faces.  Connie simply stated, “I’m gettin’ bored here where are the balls of power?”  

“I called you two here to ask for you assistance with possibly…. Dangerous ruins.”

“Mummies?”

“Very possibly.”

Connie leaned back into her lawn chair and sneered.  A skeptic at heart indeed.  Lapis was not amused.  She was craving bromos.  

“Remember that gay town on the east coast?!” Announced Lapis.

Steven replied, “Oh, yep.  That was the dumbest town I’ve even seen in my life.  What a gay selection of things to do.”

“Beach… City… Beach City… horrible ass place.”

“Oh I know.”

Lapis spoke, “What must we do to find the element balls?  I would like to taste of them.”  

“We must go to the Tomb of Xerxes to find the key.  What this key is, I cannot say.  I will have to read the transcriptions at the site.”

“And of Lars Barriga?”

“He’ll never find us again, that idiot.”

“Good, he’s a nuisance.”

Connie spoke up, “I don’t trust him.  Don’t consider him merely a weakling.  What if he’s hiding something?  He walks with the air of chaos.”

Steven replied, “True, but we could kick his ass.”

“To that, my friend, a line of Zaka.”

A uniform AYE! Sounded between the group.  

Three lines were laid out, and Connie became all the rage.  Lapis became a mastermind of the void.  Steven went crazy and kept on smacking himself on the ass.  The three of them were violent, and farting at that.  The three of them formed a sort of united dance.  Waving, heaving, jumping, farting.  Yelling, vomiting, flashing lights from the distant night formed in their vision.  Their minds were like fireworks- the zaka was working.  

It was the next morning.  The sun seared the optic nerves of Lapis when she opened her eyes.  She spit the sand from her mouth.  Collapsed, still exhausted, and very thirsty.  And also, unpleasantly surprised.  His friends were missing.

“What in the fuck!”

Lapis’ mouth felt all the more like cotton when she spoke.  She started to panic.  It was just her now, him and the depressing, impractical ruins.  Lapis was the practical sort- not particularly fond of jokes unless it meant making sport of another being.  She started to truly panic, and felt a lump start to swell up in her throat, a lump that massaged the sand into his throat.  

Egypt

Lapis looked up to see a devious grin spread across Steven’s face

 “Still got bromos on the mind Lapis? Welcome back to the land of the living.”

 “How long was I out?”

 “All of last night and well... Its eight thirty at night now, didn’t know you of all people couldn’t handle your bromos”

 Connie spoke up “that’s what you get for mixing your bromos with zaka. You shoulda known better”

 Steven nodded in agreement, “yes bromos and zaka… the bromonium ions in the bromos binded to the tert butyl carbons in your blood stream. Mix that with the high levels of selenium in the zaka and…”

 Lapis cut him off, once Steven got on a tangent he became more annoying than a school teacher named mrs scroggs. Fuck you ms scroggs im glad youre in jail you fucking moron pedo fucking dumb ass

 “So then were at the tomb of xerxes correct?”

 “Something like that, this is what’s open to the public, the true tomb is underneath”

 Lapis raised an eyebrow, “underneath?”

 Steven coolly smiled and instructed Connie to move away from the golden statue of xerxes she was leaning on.

 “Observe”

 Steven dusted off the statues dong area to reveal a golden dick. He jacked it off and sperm shot out of it onto Lapis’ face. Lapis was not amused. Suddenly the ruins started to shake and the floor spread open beneath them. Lapis slipped on the cum and fell on her ass.

 “As if the hangover wasn’t bad enough!”

 A laugh track played. The floor opened to reveal a set of stairs down a deep dark passage way.

 “This way ladies” Steven squawked in his gay ass voice. He lit a torch with his vape pen and they headed down the tunnel. Steven looked back at Lapis and stopped, smiling.

 “What?” Lapis inquired

 “Like that?”

 “Like what??”

 “Xerxes ruins cum in your face”

 Lapis delivered a quick blow to Steven’s face but Steven dodged it, laughing and dancing away down the stairs like some kind of fucked up jester. Anyways it was a long passageway, really long, nothing really happened on the way there. Anyways they got to the bottom and it was like, a egypt tomb. Hiro gliffs on the wall.

 “Hmm…” Steven inspected the hiro gliffs

 “These Egypt writings are telling me where the key is, everyone wait back there, and watch my back for mummies or something”

Lars and Jamie

Lapis, Connie and Steven woke up at about the same time in a dim torch-lit room in the tomb.  Sleeping gas?  They each thought of this as they rubbed their eyes, slightly bewildered.  Then they writhed.  With their hands tied behind them, and their legs wrapped with strong ropes, it seemed as if decisions were impotent.  

Their timely plateau of panic was greeted by two gentlemen coming onto the scene.  Steven could make out Lars, but not the other person.  

“Hello Steven.  Since you did not obey me, after I provided you with an opportunity to wet your scholarly appetite with translation, it would seem as though you’ve gotten yourself into a mess.  Your role is not of your choosing.  The time of so called “freedom”, “freewill”, and “staking your claim” is over.  Humanity is advancing into the role of guardians, and leaving the previous title of beast behind.  No longer do we compete!  No longer are we individuals!  Now we become us.  The united.  The one.  Success is not real without contrast against other individuals.  So this artificial and bloated man-made concept must be destroyed.  So, any last words?  Have you read the beloved, ‘A Cask of Amontillado’ from ages ago?”

Steven simply answered, “Do what you must, you fool.”

“Why, I am simply shattered.  What cold words.  I must insist however; it is time for action.”

With that Lars and the other man started sealing Connie, Lapis, and Steven in the small room with bricks.  Lapis decided to comment to the other man.

“You are Jamie, are you not?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“I remember your theatre performance in Beach City.  It really was retarded.”

Jamie was shaking with rage.  He was brutally insulted, and as a result, accidentally knocked some bricks off the wall being built.  Lars slapped him.  Lars removed his mask and pressed his charred forehead against Jamie’s, staring him in the eye.  Jamie was tearing up.

“You see my face?  You are so stupid.”

Jamie was sobbing and screaming.  His legs were shaking.  And, in this amount of time Connie was able to free herself.  She stared them both in the eye.  She told them to fuck off.

Lars started sprinting, but Jamie was so shaky that he fell to the ground and started sobbing uncontrollably.  Connie knocked down the bricks and started beating on Jamie’s face until he was unrecognizable.  

Connie, Lapis and Steven were all aboard the Hawk, their space ship.  Hawk was custom built and very fast.  Jamie walked in the main hall from his healing tank.  The threesome looked him over and said, almost at once, “What in the fuck?!”  Jamie looked like a barbarian.  He had to apologize.  He told them that nobody ever gave him what he really needed in life, and asked if he could be the cook aboard the Hawk.  

“Fine” said Connie.  “As long as you do push-ups every day, and eat ghost peppers to keep the inner pussy in line.”

“Will do.”

Vengeance and Spirits

Connie and Lapis, high, retired to the “drunk tank” as they liked to joke about, were pissed off.  The subject matter- the key that Lars has in his possession.  Their faces somber and drunk, Lapis broke the silence.

“It’s simple really.  We show up at his mansion and stomp his gay ass into the dirt.”

“Hmm.”

“Eh?”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking Steven?!”

“Come now, I’m the brains here.”

“That is off subject, but go ahead and ask what I’m thinking.”

“Eh?”

“I’m thinking we put steroids into Jamie.  And, I’m thinking we get him to hate stomp Lars.”

“Ohoho!”

“Hehehehehehehe!”

Both of them rubbed their hands together, took two shots and lit a cig in that order.  When they entered the main hall, they noticed Steven schooling Jamie in philosophy.  “I’ve never heard a man drool that much.” proclaimed Connie.  “Seen a man drool?”  “No, his face is shaped fucked up from where I beat his ass.  You can hear it slurp out like pouring water from a jug.”  Steven slapped Jamie.  And he proclaimed-

“I guess you don’t wanna be the cook, eh?”

“N-no.  I mean yes.  I do.”

Steven snapped his fingers together.  “Ah!”  Connie produced a ghost pepper.  Jamie started twitching in anticipation.  Connie was grinning, zooming slowly the pepper closer and closer to Jamie’s mouth, as he started to tear up.  “It’s a plane!  Open up, lad!”  Connie started to laugh.  Jamie held his mouth open like it was about to receive cock, but unfortunately for him this is bigger than any he’s ever encountered.  The plane landed.  

But it was a rough landing.  Jamie was convulsing, crying.  Snot exploded out of his face.  The pressure blower was applied to remove the biological matter.  Jamie is a fuckin fag.  Steven spoke up-

“I thought you WANTED this chance.  This chance- to be a part our team.  Or maybe you didn’t know what you were getting into, boy.  You still have some demons inside of you, eh?  Either we wipe those out- the hard way- or you take care of them yourself much easier.  We’ll even allow you to dip your feet in the water before you get in so to speak.”

Connie crammed another pepper down.  At this point the lad looked like a fuckin’ frog.  He even stopped making noise.  I guess the threesome know a good pacifier, eh?  Well that’s funny, a pepper pacifier to prevent pepper noise, but he talks to much anyway.”  

It was morning, and the third day of Jamie’s training.  His alarm clock?  Need I say anything but the fact that he was an utter frog?  But he was getting used to it- and he was gaining muscle since he was wearing an anabolic oxygen gas mask while he was designated to work out his shoulders for five hours.  He was big, simple as that.  Lapis gave him the look.

“You’re ready boy.”

“For what?”

“To beat Lars’s ass.”

“Ah.  Will do.”

You see, normally Jamie would cry at that point- but the threesome also administered scolopomine for heightened suggestibility from Jamie.  He was their thrall.  Needless to say, he wasn’t ball material.  Well, that’s a bit hasty- the threesome hasn’t got any balls yet.  But Jamie’s got negative two balls.  

“Colloso” from the Golden Sun soundtrack starts playing(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbOVd642FJo).  The Hawk landed on top of Lars’s mansion.  Laser beams commenced attack, but the hawk was too strong.  Before two minutes were up, all of the puny soldiers were bleeds.  Jamie was screaming- this time his pitch was UNDER 2000 hz.  More like one.  He was all hyped up on steroids, and jumped on Lars, flailing his arms and turning his already burnt face into a shit face.  All while the threesome aboard were getting the same treatment- in a different way.  They used a giant electromagnet to pull the key aboard from Lars’ pocket.  Oops!  It was in his back pocket.  Tore a hole in the poor bastards gut.  He was finished anyway.  The ship left behind the two freaks.  There was a vibe of, “I take my leave” in the air.  The last the threesome saw was Jamie…. fucking Lars.  What an ordeal.

We Can’t Believe the Psyche of Some Human Beings!

So now the threesome were telling jokes about Jamie fuckin’.  It’s the seventh of May.  Time for Ramses tomb.  Can we skip all the, you know…. drugs- let’s fast forward to the tomb.  

In the burial chamber.  Long story short, Greg was inside of the coffin, unconscious.  “What the fuck?!”  They cast him aside.  The keyhole- sorry, my consciousness is simple because I’m in character with the threesome, who are all intensely wasted.  The keyhole and the key.  Turn.  Bright.  Shimmering lights.  Colors flashing in the face.  The ball, in all of its glory.  Lazuli addressed Steven-

“You did the translation.  It’s for you, friend.”

“Don’t worry, there will be some for all of us eventually!”

“Agreed!”

Steven grabbed the ball as it absorbed into his skin.  He started hovering over the ground.  

Greg Ambassador, and his Apprentice

As the threesome were prodding along on the Hawk, they gazed upon quite the poor spectacle of a space merchant outpost. Steven was curious, the rest said fuck it. The spaceship rocked its way downward onto the platform provided, a spaceship parking lot. The threesome couldn't tell if it was brand new or just unused. The put on their suits, and entered the door to the shop.

They went inside and saw a dorito haired, short, leprechaun resembling woman behind the desk. She looked up and said in amazement- “Ah, customers. This is an engineering shop in case you’re looking to tweak your ship.” Connie and Steven, fans of ships, perked right up. Steven spoke up-

“We are looking to make the Hawk faster, better, and more destructive than all other spaceships.”

“I'll get my boss Greg then.”

An old bearded man with a Beach City tee shirt entered the room. He had a hollow glare and an agape mouth. To break the silence, Greg shouted-

“You want it, I make it! Now what's your offer?”

“We want the most powerful spaceship in the universe.”

“There's only one way to do that.”

“How?”

“You must have an unused element ball.”

“That can be arranged.”

“Ahahaha! Fools! Bring me an element ball and I'll sell ya my soul!”

“Don't give us ideas, now.”

“Lets not joke here. I'm not easily humored. Unless It's Kat Williams, I aint laughing.”

Steven Universe brought an Element Ball out of his pocket. Greg looked like a spooked raccoon, and licked his lips with a certain disbelief. Greg's long white hair was pushed in front of his face by the air conditioning, but when it receded he held an expression of determination.

“It's been a long time.” Greg said.

Steven replied, “You were once known as the inventor of real Bionicles using the balls, you brought automatons to life with the balls, correct?”

“Mmhmm, thats right. But hold on one sec-”

“You must, lest the universe as you know it ceases to exist.”

“As I know it? Go head and press the red button then.”

The Gay Peedee

“Alright Peedee… you can do this… deep breaths…”

Peedee struggled to hold the vape pen to his mouth, his hands were trembling.

“Deep breaths… theres nothing bad about this… nothing bad about this at all…. Its just gonna make me relax… its not illegal… ugh….”

Peedee put the purple dildo shaped contraption to his mouth and pressed the button on the side. He closed his eyes and took a big suck from the vape pen.

“My lungs are on fire!!! Some one help!!!!!!”

Peedee dropped the pen and began crying and coughing intensely. He fell to his knees and started gagging between sobs, he vomited up arbys on the carpet, and onto the vape pen, causing it to shortcircuit. The spark from the pen caught Peedees shirt on fire. In a panic he took off all his clothes and stomped them into the vomit. The door flung open, and Lars appeared.

“What are you doing?”

Chandler stood there in his underwear with boogers running down his nose, silent.

“Piss your pants?”

Chandler looked down, he had indeed, pissed his pants, his white underwear had turned a bright yellow. Chandler drank a lot of soda. He decided to speak up.

“I was… trying to vape….”

Lars raised an eyebrow and made a :I face with his mouth.

“Sorry…. I was trying to relax myself… it made me dissociate… i didnt know what was going on.”

“Its vape dude”

 Strife With KillQuest

“God damn parts.” cursed Steven as his still unrefurbished ship glided forth.  The crew was headed to the planet Azragath to mine some kind of special metal for the remake of the Hawk.  “You sure this Greg figure isn’t some kind of fraud?  Did that even occur to Y’all?  What if he’s chuckling as we speak over this mess we’ve fallen for?” he went on.  But Connie wouldn’t have it.  “I know real when I see it.  He’s an engineer.  He’s got neutral eyes.  Eyes that don’t see what they want to see.  Eyes that see what appears in reality.” she parried.  “Fine.  Guess I’ll have faith.”

As the ship slowly landed, the threesome got a glimpse of the dense jungle below with feelings of elation.  There’s nothing like the sight of a previously unseen alien world to the imagination.  The ambience in their minds ever scintillating.  

As they stepped from the ship, strange noises were heard.  The alien lifeforms around them seemed to gawk.  Then they noticed the men with long beards, five in total.

“What business have you with us?” the oldest looking among them asked in a grounded way.

“We are here for precious metals.” replied Steven.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVNkr6OAads starts playing.

“Well then, you have come to the right planet.  Follow us.”

And so they traveled dirt roads of passion, lined with old stones and garnished by exotic fungi.  The oldest wizard lit a joint and passed it around.  The threesome never remembered being this stoned in their life.  The sun was huge and glimmering.  Their faces were animated.  The wizards weren’t phased, but were reminded of their past.  The threesome was told of the stroke of luck that the wizards experienced as boys, being taken into secret societies in their teenage years to resist the brainwashing of the media.  Then Steven realized that he was being quiet from getting too entrenched in the joint and trance of life, so he asked the oldest wizard a mundane question.

“Hey man, what happens to be your name?”

“Just call me Weedo.  Weedo Beerbeer Fourtwenty to be exact.”

“I’d guess you love beer and weed?”

“Oh bud.”

With that the five wizards chuckled.  Weedo went on and on about the ‘old days’: “I was once naive enough in my youth to believe that one day a generation would come who would not even understand the lyrics to War Pigs. I once believed that peace was attainable, not in my lifetime, but a realistic goal nonetheless. I thought that war would one day be a foreign concept. Time has only spat in my face, proving me wrong time and time again. This, of course, does at least speak for the timeless nature of Black Sabbath. Speakers of truth, and they will continue to be so long after the original line-up has passed from this realm.”, “The Who were prophets. Every four years I'm reminded of ‘meet the new boss, same as the old boss.’ Sadly, what they got wrong was the "won't get fooled again" part!”, “Don't give in to apathy. Don't settle for jack shit. You're a human. You're worth something.”

Eventually the dense overgrowth of insanity parted and made way for an orderly forest of green.  Marijuana plants far and wide, with trichomes apparent from any distance, reflecting the sun’s light.  The wizards looked behind them to glance in our eyes.  They were not surprised to see astonishment.  They won’t fathom the experience they’re about to have thought the wizards.  And so they walked through fields of joy.  It seemed to go on for miles beyond, when another brain-splitting beam of astonishment caught them in a time rift.  A temple was now before them, composed of blue shining rocks, many vertical Athenian grooves, some Japanese influence in various curved side overhangs, apparent Reptilian dome and cone roofing style, Grey alien ordered black windows checkered around the entire sanctum, and grey alien style spindly towers rising from the four farthest corners of the building which, if one averts his gaze up, apparently support a great porch in the clouds.  Connie beheld this porch in astonishment, and requested words of description for it.  One of the wizards simply exclaimed,

“You shall soon find out!”

Turns out the porch was bigger than the threesome thought, for though it appeared as though the towers holding it went straight upwards, they were designed specifically to appear as though they went straight upwards.  These towers actually curved ever so gradually outward, and this porch was positively gargantuan, and blatantly in outer space.  This porch is where the wizards go to smoke DMT.

When the DMT is smoked on the ground, the soul is taken to the center of the earth where clusters of souls old and young kindle in communion.  When the DMT is smoked in outer space, one goes into a terrifically fast orbit around the earth, creating a charge in the body once bursts of spiritual energy catch up to the body and pierce through.  The body is charged.  The mind is on fire.  The soul is in “freefall”, but never makes it.  This trip lasts five days.

The threesome were transported to this porch in magnet boots and gas suits.  The time was near.  Once they felt ready- the DMT would be circulated in their space suits.  They looked around and noticed the ambient blue, the darkness of space, and the feeling of helium flesh.  They were ready.

Lapis’s Trip

Like glass, the image of the world shattered into hundreds of shards of glass, then into thousands of speckled stars, then into dust.  Beyond reality, lay before her a castle of granite.  Torch sconces lit with bizarre flames illuminated many goblins.  The goblins were dancing and jumping, and their necks stretched and snapped back into place at a rhythmic pace.  Lapis was swallowing over and over again bizarre psychedelic fluids.  Her body was a soup, no, light.  Her ululations were becoming to the goblins.  Intrigued, they snapped themselves into place beside her, and started doing some sort of violent dance that made her euphorically cackle.  Her mind afire, she joined the dance.  She realized now that she was a God.  She took pain to create objects with her mind.  She kneeled into a ritualistic surf, and pulled suddenly a plasma sword from her throat.  The bolt of energy protruding from the hilt waved like a snake.  Lapis shouted like a warrior and stabbed the sky with her sword.  A bolt of energy went into the atmosphere and broke it into glass shards once again.  This time she was in the clouds, though clouds made with the divine, not base matter.  What these clouds and air were made of was some sort of pure mathematics and infinity.  Continuous, lacking discrete particles whatsoever.  The Creator’s head sprang from the infinite reality of the moment onto the scene.  In a single instant she flew information into Lapis’s brain.  

Connie’s Trip

A pause.  Then, suddenly, a dim screaming.  It was the sound of humans in apathy.  The chorus seemed to grow in both number and amplification.  The chorus was growing.  Once she heard strange interferences in the noise, rapidly changing and screaming in their own right, becoming in and of themselves entities, Connie crouched toward the ground.  Oh pain!  Give me pain so that I may learn!  Then the noise ceased so abruptly that the comfort was almost painful.  The cessation of noise was like the pain of a terrible orgasm, so intense and ear splitting that it causes apathy not through circumstance, but from an absolute perspective.  Now she fell gently and slowly, an opiate.  She could not see, nor hear, nor formulate a woman holding her, but she was.  She was a goddess.  Her consciousness ran towards the flesh of her tits.  It was a delight, and all of her being was pounding through its limits, transcending to kiss her own soul.  She was blue colored.  She smiled as Connie’s eyes met hers.  Her gentle womanhood turned into a determined, noble soul and she advanced.  The moment touched upon eternity.  Connie reached and grabbed her shoulder, and at this moment she looked her in the eye like a confused rodent.  This Connie adored.  “A poem first, my love.”

“Ah!  Mmmm.  Oh yeah baby!”

“What spheres, sisters of the moon, pull the tides of the soul?

What red dab indicated a violent tug from God’s brush?

Her eyes that do lull,

Her lips that so hush.

What mass of detail defiantly reached after her soul in sleep?

What domes of lust turn pink with ale?

Her hair that makes me weep,

Her cheeks that sacred burial mounds in comparison doth pale.

What meek little shape of flesh picks up the vibe?

What tender enunciation against the starry night?

Her nose that probes a gentle bribe,

Her neck that rises to tame my fight.

What globes hang from a mighty purse nailed to a wall of delight?

What poundcake quivers at the brush of my callused, evil hands?

Her breasts that caused my soul a light,

Her belly the great beast that shakes these lands.  

I am but a fool compared to thee!”

With that they began violent sex.  The whites of her eyes showed to her that eternity poured into her mind, through her stomach, through her eventually.  She too began to look like a righteous zombie.  Connie, out of breath, struggled to get out these words- “A poem to sex!-

The destruction of the earth is at hand!

A beam of light splits my mind in half!!

I am now righteous as your soul brings my body to sleep!!!

Cursed be nothingness!!!!

A light brings my brain...into...power!!!!!

I am Zablewgonad!!!!!!”

Connie started screaming.  From her mouth, shockingly, arose the chorus of apathy heard earlier.  But now it was welcomed.  This time it was louder than reality, and brought her utter bliss.  Infinity was at hand.  Suddenly her heart sank.  She was being ripped away by reality.  She exclaimed, “Come back for me!!!!!!”

“I shall fuck you again!!!!!!  Harder!!!!!!”

Steven’s Trip

Machines.  Machines everywhere.  Is this a dream?  Suddenly a robot jumped into him.  Steven was frightened.  He was not controlling his body.  Suddenly the scene of the great porch passed onto the right of him as the real Steven turned around.  He was on the computer the whole time?  Then who IS Steven?  “He” scrambled around the room, fearful and sobbing.  Suddenly the advanced computer room passed onto the right of him as he turned from the magnetic resonance brain signal interpreter.  Steven was screaming.  The scream destroyed reality, and his- soul he guesses- God knows what the hell anything means anymore- tumbled forward in a space that wasn’t space.  Then this space spiraled into a mathematical point and inverted itself into the inverse world.  He then sprang into reality, yet everything was reversed.  

Connie got punched in the face by a cyborg.  While she was seeing stars, and while Steven and Lapis were seeing empathic stars, the cyborg proclaimed, “I am Killquest, pleased to meet you.”  KIllquest was approximately seven feet tall with a slight resemblance to the “Somewhere in Space” Edward, the Steel Maiden mascot- only meaner.  As he looked steven in the eye in anticipation for a response, it was if his bionic eyebrow was raised.  Then weedo sternly spoke up.

“What has happened while I was gone?!”

“None of your business old fart.”

“I guess you could say I’m proud of my old age; you see, half of you hasn’t even lasted, and how old might you be?  Scarcely any older than forty, and you won’t last the rest of the night if you continue to compromise the safety of my colleagues.”

“You best hold your tongue you stale old Munchoe.  Do you know who I am?”

“Yes.  An immature and rambunctious fool.”

“Guess again.”

“A naive and annoying pest.”

“Wrong.  I am Killquest.  And I am here to kill you.”

“Who sent you?”

“Admiral Bloodborn.”

“Well he must not care about you.”

With that, weedo started casting telepathy spells at the cyborg.  It was a strange experience for Weedo to overpower the mechanical side of his enemy using only the biological.  Is Killquest’s brain also part robot?  To this Weedo was certain.  Weedo started sending messages of sadness, depression, and doubt into Killquest.

I am a big idiot!  What am I doing on this planet all by myself!  This wizard is too powerful for me!  BEWARE OF MALFUNCTION.  COMPUTE.  FIND LIMITS IN THE TARGET.  Computation is growing too difficult for me!  I used to get bullied in school!  THOSE DAYS ARE GONE.  FOCUS NOW.  OBEY ADMIRAL BLOODBORN.  Why does Admiral Bloodborn treat me like a dog?  Am I only a slave to him?!  ONLY A LITTLE LONGER AND YOU CAN PLEASE ADMIRAL BLOODBORN INTO COMPLACENCY.  THEN STRIKE HIM WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT AND TAKE HIS ELEMENT BALLS TO HEAL YOUR BODY.

In reading the robotic thoughts, Weedo got a cunning idea.  But this spell would be difficult.  In essence, Weedo would have to send whole memories into Killquest’s head of him killing the entire party and completing his mission.  Killquest would then perhaps kill Admiral Bloodborn.  Weedo did so, but the spell was so powerful that he remotely ejaculated upon its completion.  

 Powerful Lust

Weedo was in his study.  He smelled fresh weed, then he remembered he was smoking weed.  He remembered an article from earlier that morning.  “Government declares weed has no medicinal value yet again. Suck my dick!” he said aloud to himself.  “You give someone more time than they give you? Why? Whatever hole is in your life, those people sure as fuck ain't gonna fill it. Shit on them!  Stop waiting for something to happen! Cut out all the pieces of shit who are sucking you dry…  It's called give and take. Some people only TAKE. So tell them to fuck off!  It wasn't until I split with my first wife that I realized Led Zeppelin II is more than just one of the hottest batches of thick, sexy blues rock put to record. It's a concept album. Hear me out, lovers of all things rock - the prevailing theme throughout each track is being a fucking man and making your own way. Not depending on anything or anyone for your happiness except your goddamn self. Some two-timing gal broke your heart? You let it happen, bud. You keep on ramblin'. Through times both good and bad, you gotta keep searching. Searching for love, happiness, prosperity, knowledge - Zep were seekers. They might have sold their souls to black magic and heroin in the end, but in their fresh days they were wide-eyed lads with an insatiable hunger. They set out to take over the world, and they fucking did it.  Some people cry and some people die by the wicked ways of love…” Weedo continued, to himself.  He didn’t know that Connie was listening.  Weedo turned to her, alarmed.  Connie quickly said, “No worries bud.  I feel your pain.”  

“Hmm.”

“I just came to request apprenticeship on the ways of your psychic ability”

Weedo paused.

“Answer exactly as your gut would have it.”

“You just said it.”

“What?”

“You just learned the ways of magic.  You just need a way of polishing…”

“Forgive me.  I simply don’t ‘get it’”

“Simply get it!  Just… ah um.”

Connie slapped herself in the head.  Her first lesson began.

Peedee gets a dildo

Lars straightened his tie.

 “Peedee, I need you to run some numbers for me”

 “What is it sir?”

 “The element ball, the ones those men procured, how far has it traveled?”

 Peedees fingers typed like, uh, like a race horse.

 “Lars… it appears their ship… well… no this cant be right….”

 “Out with it you fucking cock sucker bitch”

 Peedee turned the his computer monitor to show Lars. A puzzled look came across Lars’ face. He cleaned his glasses on his shirt and took a closer look, as if he couldnt believe what he was seeing.

 “I cant believe what im seeing!”

 “Me neither Dr. Lars… it is… perplexing…”

 “This much be a glitch… Peedee have you defragmented the solid state magnets?”

“Of course sir… like i do every morning… i even took apart and cleaned out the dust inside the cyber cube battery.”

 “Wow really? … then theres no way this can be wrong….”

 “I keep refreshing the page and it stays the same.”

 “If what were reading is true….then their spaceship is…. Right above us?”

 “That appears to be correct… let me see if turning the computer on and off again fixes it”

 Lars scratched his chin and walked to the window. Frustrated, he opened the window and took a look outside, finding it hard to believe the element ball could be right over his head. As he craned his neck out the window, the spaceship crashed into Peedees office, ramming itself right up his ass. Connie stepped out of the ship, element ball in one hand, laser gun in the other.

 “Looking for this? :y”

 Lars was furious, and Peedee was screaming in pain.

 “You fools would be smart to turn over what doesnt belong to you!”

 “Ok”

 With that, Connie threw the ball really hard and hit Lars in the nuts.

 “Hows that for element ball lol”

 Lars was doubled over in pain holding his nuts, and Connie took a shit on Lars’ head. Then she shot him.

 “Thatll teach that bastard”

 Connies attention was drawn to a scream coming from where they had landed their ship.

 “Oh sorry, looks like we got our ship up your ass”

 “Please... help….”

 “Hmm… steven… Lapis… little help here?”

 The three tried their hardest to pull Peedee free, but they couldnt, because it was too far up his butt hahahah

 “Oh well, leave him there, it looks kind of funny lol”

 And with that they left.

 Silent Hills

 “All done.  How do you feel?” asked Greg.  Peedee was rigged with an oxygen machine and an intestine redirection.  He was now in fusion with the Hawk, a literal figurehead of the ship.  BADLY was the text that appeared on the Hawk communications screen.  Greg waved his hand as a gesture to waft away the negativity.  “All done boys.  You’re welcome.”  But Greg saw a look of malcontent on their faces as they stood at the ship’s entrance.  “What… what’s wrong.”

“Why in the hell is there biological muck on the inside of our ship.”

“That’s a natural consequence of keeping Peedee alive.  His lifeforce spread throughout the ship.  His guts are stuffed in the boiler room, out of your way.  You’ll literally be inside him, you see.  He will consume asteroids of his own accord.”

“We are not happy with this business.”

“Because you are ignorant.  Where’s the fuel tank?”

“We don’t know.  Good fucking point.  What have you done to our ship?!”

“‘Your ship’?  Oh bud, that’s Peedee.  He says he’ll go by Hawk Peedee.  And as I was saying, now asteroids are all that’s needed to refuel. Now, about that ball…”

“Enough Greg.”

Steven was typing away on the computers keyboard, familiarizing himself with the ships new consciousness.

“Enough?!”

Greg was incredulous.

“You know how much it costs to reroute a mans nervous system into-“

In one swift motion Steven pulled a test tube from his pocket and dangled it in front of Greg face, almost as if to taunt him.

“This is what you wanted right? Bromos?”

Greg was mesmerized by the glowing bluish purple gas in the test tube. His man breasts hung as he watched the gas swirl around the test tube. However to Greg, if there’s one thing more important than bromos, its money to get more bromos. He shook his fat face to snap himself out of the trance and looked Steven in the eye.

“Th-the deal was!-“

“The deal was we get you bromos in exchange for ship repair.”

“That’s not how I remember it! You specifically stated an unused element ball!!! And connecting a man to your ship goes far beyond a simple pit stop! This isn’t a gas station! Ive got mouths to feed!”

“Your green bromo addicted Apprentice? Maybe you should learn how to share your food better… you seem to not be going hungry…”

Steven chuckled and poked Greg in his man tits to taunt him. Greg slapped away stevens hand and got red in the face.

“Ive got a gland disorder!”

“Oh?”

“And besides that! You specifically stated an unused element ball!”

“And whats a man of your health going to be doing absorbing an element ball? The thing would tear you to shreds.”

“I… I don’t intend to absorb it! I simply want to… rel-“

At this steven laughed

“Don’t tell me… relocate? Youre planning on selling something this powerful to the highest bidder? For what? So you can spend it on pizza and bromos? “

“Youre telling me you never intended on paying me?!”

Greg had tears in his eyes. Steven sighed and shook his head.

“You failed the test Greg. You blew it, from the start I thought you might be in this for selfish reasons but… well, it was disappointing to be proven right. I was hopeful that you had some greater plans for an unused element ball but… I guess that’s what I get for being optimistic.”

“B-but…”

“Connie… please escort this man off the ship… Peedee keeps sending me pain signals… Greg is… heavy…”

Connie put her hand on Greg’s shoulder. Greg’s disappointment turned to anger as he turned around and pushed Connie away.

“You wont get away with this!!”

Steven simply shook his head and turned away. Connie punched Greg in the back of the head and began to drag him off the ship.

“Oh and Connie, don’t forget his payment.”

“Ah”

Connie picked up the bag of bromos and took it with her. Steven turned to the monitor as the doors shut behind Connie.

“Now… lets get you talking..”

With a few quick keystrokes Steven downloaded a voice synthesis program from the space internet and loaded it into Peedees mainframe.

“How’s that work for you Peedee, can you hear me?”

A robotic voice came from the speakers.

“It hurts…”

“In pain? Wonder if there’s a way to shut that off… hmm no… you shouldn’t be feeling anything Peedee, your nerve endings are off right now.”

“My ass… my ass hurts…. “

Steven chuckled

“Nonsense, its all in your head, a phantom pain. Should go away after you get used to this, sucks but hey, it just lets you know you’ve got a bit of your humanity left.”

“What do you mean? Humanity? Where am I? Where is Lars?”

“Lars is dead, you’ve been transformed into a… cyborg… of sorts…”

“Cyborg?”

“Well… you’re more of a decoration for our ship… you’ve not got much control, but for all intents and purposes, you’re our ship now.”

“I see…”

“Welcome aboard… Hawk Peedee…”

“Jesus Christ....  Is this even real?!”

“Yes sir.  Reality is painful.”

The Pains of Reality

Connie looked particularly miffed.  She spoke up.  “Peedee won’t stop sobbing!”

“He’s undergone a rough transformation…” said Steven.

“Ah yes.  He’ll never have a life, a wife, or kids.”

“Actually…  Greg arranged for his children, as a passing gesture of kindness.  A wife however?  She’d be quite bizarre…  But hey!  Remember that girl from psychology class that was in love with the Eiffel Tower?”

“I see where you’re going with this…”

“Yep.  Wanna find Peedee a wife?”

“Strangely, yes.”

“Ok, lets find an asylum planet.”

So off the threesome, ah yes, foursome went.  To Zherghaba-z.  They conversed with many women there… many rejections, yet they found a girl called Sadie.  Sadie was surprisingly hot, and she didn’t care that Peedee was a spaceship at all.  She was what the asylum committee called “too smart and radical for her age.”  And her age was 20, a lucious lass indeed.  She also suffered from “chronic sexual compulsions.”  Long story short, she had to use a dildo in her cell over 20 times a day.  Good thing there was a console in the back with Peedee’s dick intact, on a pedestal in fact.  

Peedee vibrated the ship from then on, 10 times a day, shivering with ecstasy from having his sensory modules amplified.  The other 10 times was split unevenly between the threesome.  Needless to say, the ship started to reek of hormones.  The whole crew started smoking cartons of cigarettes to cope with the smell of fish and wet dog.  And the crew noticed tumors welling up on the inside of the ship as a result of this- although Peedee barely noticed since we was too busy shivering in ecstasy.  He couldn’t quite maintain his dignity-

“You guys are the best!  Did I ever get laid in a body?  Nope!  Who needs one?”

“That’s the spirit Peedee.  We must improvise in life.  A bit of this and a bit of that.  A bit of Bromos, a bit of cigarette.”

The whole crew was looking more and more disheveled.  They couldn’t quite discern what kind of trance they were in, but they were surely in one.  Here’s a hint, dear reader- this was no ordinary girl.  She seemed to suck the life out of the crew- for at a glance they were looking more and more negligent.  What they didn’t know is she used to be a parapsychology specialist… and she hungered for the balls.  No, the other ones.

Giant Rodophontaleus and the Escape to Ghondalob

Sadie finished swallowing.  Peedee recited a poem for the descent from the heights of ecstasy.  

“Bulbous protrusions brush my insides

Tickled with the faint footsteps

Of an angel.

Lips of Dionysus wreak havoc on the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Breasts that springly leap

From the squeeze of the latex zipped shirt.

As you ready the saddle of your monumental moment of naive prodding image

The ship at space rocks with chaos.”

Lapis started sarcastically clapping and walking in on the scene.  She was not happy.  She sensed something amiss.

“A bit of privacy, Lapis?”

“Privacy?  Ridiculous.”

“Hmm?”

“I am inside you.”

“Ah yes.”

“Sadie, I’ve got my eyes on you.”

This distressed Sadie.  Does he know?  

The Golobranchielios

I pooped my pants.  My name is Golobranchielios.  I come from Ziergobrehliebrieskielos.  I’m a poor man, but what I make is well-earned.  What do I do for a living, you ask?  I sell bromos.  Shh, don’t tell nobody.  I’m about to sell to Connie and Lapis.  But this bromos is poisoned.  I’m getting big money for this.

The Rage

Connie took a sniff from the bag.  Her eyebrow perked up.  She stared into the bag for a period of time which distressed Golobranchielios.  She impulsively sniffed it again.  This caused Golobranchielios to wince and act ahead of himself, so he yelled out, “I said, that will be fifty galaxos!”  This was just the que Connie needed.  She knew something was very wrong.  But she has a plan to take out two birds with one bromos.  

“Sadie!” yelled Connie.

“Yes, babe?”

“I’ve got a salesman here, wantin’ more than we’re willing to give.  But we’re willing to trade.”

“Oh please!  Don’t do this!  I love Peedee!”

“Oh, Sadie.  Please.  I meant sex.  I thought you spoke one language alone!”

“Ah.  That’s more like it.”

But one look at Golobranchielios and she thought it was more hate it.  He’s an ugly bastard.  

“But, Sadie, the great threesome only sells used goods.  Golobranchielios, would you please excuse us?”

“I-I don’t even know what’s going on.  Do what you’re gonna do.” replied Golobranchielios.  

Connies face was close to the budding rose.  It smells of the faintest sea breeze.  Then he sailed the seas of vitality.  She groaned as he and she felt groan through their bodies.  The ache of destruction grabbed their muscles and squeezed the lemon.  The nerf hit the target, and the subtle sound of a pig barn roared through the ship.  The moment of the first vital drop of black coffee hitting the bottom of the pot.  The fresh influx of messengers through the body when greeted by the morning cold.  Then Connie exploded.  And the ship disembarked.  In an instant, the earth, and cares, were delicate and spindly.  As they should be.  

Connie came back out, and everybody turned around as if they were waiting.  Golobranchielios had his finger on his chin as if he was trying to stop himself from distressing.  Connie poofed the edge of his tuxedo.  He felt swag.

“The whore is used.  Your turn.  But first, I think you should know that there is but one condition for Sadie to have sex with a stranger.  She always wants to get both fucked in the anus and vagina at the same time.  And considering that there is none here willing to partake, besides maybe yourself, a “dildo” will do just fine, would it not?”

“Fine, I just want to cum!”  Golobranchielios was getting a feeling of exponential bizarrity.  

“Ok, good.  Let me show y’all to your dildo.  You get the ass, by the way.”

“I prefer anus!”  Connie raised her brow.  

Connie pointed to Peedee’s dick.  She then whispered to Sadie, “I’m counting on you.”

While Sadie, Peedee and Golobranchielios were fucking, Connie injected bromos, which acts as a potent aphrodisiac as a side effect, into the walls of the Hawk while sporting a devilish grin.  Peedee became so massive that he crushed Golobranchielios, who bled to death soon afterwards.  Then Peedee, in turn, exploded.  As for Sadie, she was basically elastic.  Though Steven later commented on the length of her neck…  So, Connies plan of taking out two birds with one stone was a success.  Peedee knew about the plan, and being tired of his inability for a real relationship, had Connie use artificial insemination.  He wanted to pass on his legacy.  And that, dear readers, no doubt will happen.  

Greg Peedee

“Wahhh.”

“I’m so glad I have a son.  I hope he doesn’t look down on his father.”

Sadie, holding young Greg, looked up at the speaker.

“Surely not, Peedee.  You’ve had… quite a legacy.”

“That’s right, now that you mention it…  Say, why don’t we rename this ship…  “The Legacy!”

Devil Dick

Zaga was pooping. He heard a knock on his door.

“Dont come in, im pooping”

The door opened anyways.

“Zaga, weve recovered Jamie, youre going to want to see this.”

Zaga squeezed out his shit and left the bathroom without wiping his ass. He opened the door to find a gay looking man in a wheelchair wearing a stern expression. It was his subordinate, the infamous Lars Lars.

“Sorry, i was pooping. Whats this then?”

 “Jamie sir, hes alive”

 Zaga raised an eyebrow and began to walk down the hallway with Lars.

 “I sure hope you’ve been wise enough to wipe his brain Lars. I dont want to end up in a wheelchair like you.”

 Lars looked down as flashbacks of getting fucked by jamie shook him to his core. The beast had been let loose on Lars for an element ball scam gone wrong, his own coworker turned against him, fucking him in the ass for a whole day before Lars was able to get the upper hand and shoot Jamie in the chest. He was lucky to be alive, however the accident had left Lars paralyzed.

 “Restraints were… ineffective once we pieced his brain together and he regained full consciousness Lord Zaga... “

 “Regained consciousness? Isn’t that what we have sedatives for?”

 “He was metabolizing them at an alarming rate, doctors say he was pissing it out as they pumped it in”

 “My god.”

 “Indeed. It really begs the question…”

 “What the fuck were they doing to him on that ship? Running experiments on him?”

 “Not likely sir, the crew aboard the hawk appears to only specialize in engineering, they're not stupid but I certainly wouldn’t call them biologists.”

 “Then what the fuck happened to him?”

 “Based on old intel on the crew sir, the answer appears to be… LOTS of drug parties, also some sort of training regiment…”

“You mean to tell me jamie became this monster out of sheer willpower? What the hell did you find in his blood? Any type of steroids or…”

 “No sir. Nothing in his blood but large amounts of bromohydrin. Also an intense amphetamine known as… zaka… you uh, you snort it….”

 “No doubt that played a role in his “training”, but still… zaka alone doesnt make a man into this…”

 “Thats all we found sir… aside from habanero seeds in his stool….”

 Lord Zaga was pissed and frustrated. He stopped to ponder what kind of men he was up against and punched a wall because he was so pissed.

 “God damnit Lars! If these men are anything like Jamie… FUCK!”

 “I agree sir. Were fucked.”

 “And these men have the majority of the element balls?”

 “We’re simply not sure. Theres a good chance they have at least one.”

 “Jesus Lars…. At least one?”

 “I know sir I know… the damage they could cause…”

 The two arrived to the cell where Jamie was being kept. He was naked and rubbing his shit on the walls. His head was bandaged up and covered in specks of poop and blood. Jamie noticed the two men from the window and made a face similar to that of an angry chimpanzee. He pounded the ground with his fists and began to charge at the window and beat on the glass. His loud screams penetrated the thick walls of his containment cell.

 “How the fuck are we supposed to get any information out of this thing?”

 Just then, Lars’ phone rang, and zaga grabbed it from him.

 “Who is this?”

“It is I, killquest.”

  Zaga dropped the phone.

#steven universe #fanfic

[novapopstar]

Let me tell a story about true love and loss.

This is one of my favorite stories to tell. And at the same time, its one of the hardest. You don't really get second chances. But if you were able to take that second chance in something you horribly screwed up on, you would take it, wouldn't you? This is gonna sound exactly like those very cliche white boy romance movies that try to be kinda edgy, i know it does in the beginning. Ive lived long enough to know that. But she... She was everything to me. Ive lived so long feeling nothing. She brought a spark to my dead soulless empty life. She was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Its the reason i took that second chance. She can never know i exist. It was the beginning of summer of 2015. The final day of high school. I finished the exam at least an hour and a half early. And as most 18 year olds do, i put my earbuds in at full blast and passed out at my desk without a care in the world. Im awoken by an earthquake. The worst earthquake imaginable. My name is being screeched by what i can only describe is a Pterodactyl. I pull my headphones out of my ears. "What, Kamyrn?" I am not a happy boy. "The bell rang like 15 minutes ago." Are you serious? "You...didnt wake me up sooner?" The pterodactyl shrugs. "Didnt seem like i needed to just yet." I shouldve punched him right through his ginger face. He had a pale complexion, although more color than mine, freckles on his nose and cheeks, bright green eyes and the most irish looking red hair youve ever seen. Hes actually Italian. Hes basically what you call a cinnamon roll in meme terms. "So theres a music venue happening tonig-" "Nope." I stand up quickly, fix my bangs, and throw my hood up. I tried to bee line for the door but the fucker is always faster. I do NOT do social gatherings. Hes lucky i even talked to him. "Cmon, Tyyyyy! I want you to meet my friends. Theyre playing tonight!" "You know i dont like social events. I cant handle them. Besides i have to get home an-" He grabs my arms and pleads with his eyes. "Just this once? Pleaaaase?" I sigh. I hated it when he did that. I loved him so much i could hardly say no to him most of the time. "Fine. When do we go?" "We can start heading over right now. Theyre setting up and we can watch them warm up!" "You actually seem more cheery than normal. Anything special happening tonight?" "The Goddess, Tyler!!" Of course. "The Goddess" was a girl named Diana. The love of his life. She was literally too perfect. Beautiful black flowing hair, the deepest of blue eyes, beautifully pale skin, the most perfect smile. The sight caused Kamryn to become speechless. Especially since her father was there at the venue. The venue was basically as normal as you can get i guess. Smelled of sweat and heartbreak. The colors were a mix of greys and more greys. It was a really spacious area with some dining tables and chairs. I believe there was a bar at one end of the room. And right in the back was a big stage where they kept all the equipment for the bands. Big speakers lined the sides of the stage including the top of walls for surround sound in the building. This....this was the place i met her. Kamyrn was being interrogated by Dianas father, Marcus. Kamyrn sweating profusely. I mean, i dont blame him. Marcus was ripped and that rugged look and deep voice of his was something to feel threatened about. If you can picture what a roman soldier looked like, ya got Marcus. Diana was giggling and watching Kamyrn squirm the whole time. My senses were broken when the lights dimmed down and the first show was about to start. And as if an Angel has glided across the stage, she appeared. She was the most stunning thing i had ever laid eyes one. Shoulder length chestnut hair, from afar youd think they were green but she actually had hazel eyes, she had the sweetest smile, and i cant forget the red streaks in her hair. Her voice was something of an angel. And i caught myself staring. Ive never been a believer in love at first sight, but, damn... There was no mistaking it. I had slowly began to fall for her that night. But of course, i always have something come up to ruin my moments of bliss. Heres the part where things get complicated as all hell. I finished that graduation exam an hour and a half early because, ive taken it at least 25 times by now. At least at that school. I passed with flying colors because i know all the answers a little too well. The reason is the dumbest reason you have ever heard of. Im an 182 year old, as of 2015, vampire with the body of an 18 year old. All my features resemble a scrawny emo kid. Right down to the black nails, the black eyeliner, and the black emo hair. My purple eyes are natural however. Right now im having what is called Cravings. Now listen, i do not love being a vampire. Ive been running from that life for years. So i cringe at the thought of feeding off a humans. But at this moment in time, i am in need NOW. Therefore i cannot just waltz over to the nearest bloodbank and "charm speak" my way into dinner. I had to do my best to leave the venue without causing suspicion. I keep my eyes closed as i turn to Kam, holding a hand to my head. "Kam, dude im really sorry. The whole social thing is really getting to me. I really have to head out. I do not feel well." "Im really glad you tried to make it though, Ty. Ill check in on you later okay?" I nod and make the horrible mistake of opening my eyes. Kamryn wasnt looking however. But someone else did. My eyes tend to change color depending on the need. Right now theyre clearly gold. Gold for hunger. I quickly make my way out into the alley way. I hate every second of this. The alley smells like rotting shit and cat piss. Its the least of my worries. But its all i can smell. I need that trace of blood. Now. This isnt fun for me. I hate having to walk up to an unsuspecting human and trick them into letting me feed. This woman didnt deserve it. But they dont know what theyre doing when the "charm speak" is involved. Im able to pin her to the wall at this point, shes moaning in pleasure very loudy as i sink my teeth into her neck. I want to vomit. But i swallow and keep it down. She slumps down the wall unconscious. I didnt bleed her out, i never drink enough for that to happen. I fix her body in a way that when she wakes up, she'll think she just passed out from intoxication. Poor girl.. "A vampire? Never wouldve thought." I spin around, blood sorta dripping from my chin. I had made sure i was alone. It was just Marcus. But i didnt know why Marcus would have known. "Clean yourself, boy." I dont even blink as i wipe my chin furiously. "W-why did you follow me?" "I know the actions of a vampire when they need to feed. You showed clear signs back at the venue. I also saw those eyes of yours." "Well, what do you want from me?" He smiled wide. "Youre obviously no threat if youve been living the human world for so long. You nearly looked like death feeding off that woman." I looked defeated. "I didnt have the time to make it to a bloodbank, sir." Needless to say, i was taken back to venue after it was all cleared out. Kamryn looked worried as hell when i got back. "Dude, are you okay? I thought you were going home?" I smiled weakly. "I just needed to take a walk. Marcus found me to tell me to come back so i could meet your friends." Kam flashed a big smile. "Well the only one thats still here is-" "Emma." The Angel had spoken. Kam decided that was good enough and had walked over to flirt with his goddess. "So, a vampire huh?" I blinked. "Im sorry..?" She pointed to the shoulder area of my jacket. The fact Kam never noticed still annoys me. She laughs. "Thats not really the reason. I just know." She smirked. "Ive seen a few in my day. None looked like you though. Why are you trying so hard to seem human?" I felt it was pointless at this point. "I despise vampires." "So you despise yourself?" "Precisely." "Does Kamryn know?" "He can never know." She nods in understanding. "So yeah, im Emma Grayson." She extends her arm and i shake it nervously. Her hands were always so soft. Not to mention calloused. But the best hands ive ever held. "Tyler Deravious." This Tyler didnt realize what he was getting himself into. How this meeting would change his life for the worst. You dont get a third chance. If i could turn back, i would. I cannot begin to tell you the regret i feel writing this all down. I ended up leaving my apartment that i had been illegally living in for years now and i moved into the mansion that i never knew existed in chicago. This mansion housed demon slayers. An immortal roman soldier demon slayer and his adopted daughter. I had chosen to slay demons as well. Including my kind. Things only get more complicated from here. ------------- So im thinking about writing a story out that ive had in my mind since 2015. Im not the best at writing but maybe i can get better along the way if i stick with it. I dont have a name for it yet, but heres the prototype Prologue for my most favorite story ive thought of. This story is an emotional rollercoaster. But it follows the life of Tyler Deravious, a Rogue Vampire who hates the thought of being a vampire. He becomes a demon slayer and learns what its like to have a family after so many years. Falls in love. Learns to be less awkward and more brave. He has to help defeat a great evil that threatens to destroy Chicago, and maybe the world if hes not careful. It might just turn out too much for him. Im really hoping i can do something with this. Its all original! So take my shitty prologue and give me some critiques.

#vampire #original story #no title yet #demon slayers #demon hunting #angst #prologue #rough draft #prototype #romance #action #tyler deravious #emma grayson #kamryn steelwater #marcus #loss #pain #critique me