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victorckk · 3 days

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Advice for my fellow folks that are considering getting an autism/ADHD diagnosis whenever possible / self diagnosers who want to track their potential symptoms for whenever needed :

MAKE A GOOGLE DOC !!!

Put down any and all symptoms that you’ve noticed, that other people have noticed, etc.

Put down any childhood memories that could potentially have been symptoms, but were overlooked for whatever reason.

Color code that shit in any way you want. I personally color code by How Bad Said Thing Fucked Me Up -> How Bad Said Thing Caused Me To Mask Even More and so on.

Also add notes to different categories that you think might need some explaining (this could just be me overthinking things 9999 times worse than what I already do but it’s worth a shot). Highlight those things so they stand out from the questions.

Copy and paste Autism / ADHD assessment questions with the checkbox format and check off each one that fits you.

Put down how many you got out of total for each category.

Separate the pasted questions by Autism, ADHD, etc.

This way, you have proof that you can show your doctor, therapist, etc.

It also helps you understand yourself better along the way, and can also help you realize that a lot of things that you thought were normal kid things actually weren’t.

A few examples from my own Google Doc below (that took HOURS to make look less atrocious and clunky)

Feel free to make yours however you want, though!!! It’s entirely up to you as it’s YOUR Google Doc which also counts as a space just for you.

I just have a tendency to organize things in a way that aren’t messy or over decorated because it’s too much on my brain and eyes

Created this post to distract myself from a massive migraine that’s been torturing me for the past few days,, ghggghdbfbfbsgdvfbfbfb

#undiagnosed neurodivergent #undiagnosed adhd #undiagnosed autism #undiagnosed autistic #autism #adhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #self diagnosis #self diagnosers #self diagnosed #putting as many tags as I can cause this will probably help a lot of people

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 8 months

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Hey 👋

I’ve been thinking for a while about the potential of me having autism or Asperger’s—

But I’m having the awkward feeling that I’m wrong, and I’m only saying it because I want to be part of it.

stupid, I know.

Im trying not to contradict myself to claim that I have something like this— And k feel like if I do have it, people would be dissatisfied and expect higher things.

…yeah.

Hi there,

It sounds like you are dealing with something called imposter syndrome.

I found an article talking about it.

Why do we have autistic impostor syndrome?

1. We spend our whole lives adapting to what people think we should be. We are human chameleons. In essence, we are empathic metamorphs (a being from an episode entitled The Perfect Mate, from Star Trek: Next Generation), a being that can sense what people around her desire and react accordingly. It is telling that at age 22, I identified heavily with this character. An often misunderstood trait of autism is internal empathic accuracy. This means we make superb social psychologists or are astute in predicting another person’s thoughts and feelings. We are agile in these insights because of our pattern recognition. When we find out we have the traits of autism, we then wonder if this is just another one of our adaptations.

2. We are lateral thinkers. Our superior lateral abilities generate multiple relevant possibilities for any problem. So we hypothesize what we might actually be and come up with many alternatives. Even if autism perfectly describes us, we may still have doubts because some of our behaviors can be attributed to other conditions.

3. Medical professionals do not recognize adult autism, especially late-diagnosed adult autism. Many people I assess describe being turned away by assessors, mocked by health care practitioners when they propose the possibility of autism. There is an acute absence of understanding that our preferred job choices tend to be actors, healthcare workers.

4. Some conditions often co-occur with autism, such as ADHD and alexithymia. This can cause confusion and feelings of being an impostor post-diagnosis since we may not neatly fit the description of autism. Quite possibly, it’s more than just autism that will comprehensively account for our behaviours and feelings. Until we find out what that is, we can still have doubts about our diagnosis.

5. We don’t fit the stereotypes. Sheldon Cooper, Spock, and The Good Doctor are popular TV characters that have greatly influenced the public perception of autism. Yet we often don’t fit these stereotypes. I identified with Deanna Troi, an empath from Star Trek, more than anyone else. Her job was to inform the captain of what other people were feeling and predicting their actions. Research shows that we excel at that. Yet most people will choose Spock—not Deanna Troi—as the most likely autistic on Star Trek.

6. With 90% of funding and websites focusing on autism in children, people do not know our traits. We are not children. People don’t understand how we make it to adulthood without being identified. I can tell you. We act and simulate neurotypical behaviour. We learn from the looks on people’s faces, and we alter our behaviour.

7. Our loved ones tell us that we cannot be autistic. In my journey of processing and understanding, I failed to understand that everyone close to me was also reevaluating their perceptions. They, too, were going back in time and having similar revelations. While we often turn to our loved ones for validation, this is an impossible thing to ask of them. More beneficial is to talk to other autistics or an autistic therapist.

8. Until recently, autistic females without an intellectual disability were often misdiagnosed or overlooked. Irrespective of gender, autistic people without high support needs or who otherwise defy the public or even clinical perception of autism are frequently misdiagnosed. It can obviously create a lot of doubt when medical professionals you assume understand these conditions, tell you that you are something you are not.

The full article will be below:

I hope this helps. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

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neanderthyall · 6 months

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Ok i would normally wouldn't seek advice on the internet but i have a problem and could use some help (especially from neurodivergent people):

Earlier this year I got assessed for adhd and autism (and got diagnosed with both this week). The problem i have is with the actual assessment. Going in, i was pretty convinced i didn't have either and decided to not get assessed for autism because i didn't want to spend the money to get assessed when i felt the odds were slim. The psychologist forgot I asked for it to be cancelled and still carried out the assessment (which I'll touch on later). When I asked about the cost with the dropped assessment (after i had paid), she realized her mistake and apologized, and is now offering to rescind the autism/asd diagnosis and refund me.

Now, I wasn't unhappy to recieve the asd diagnosis, but i was conflicted because the actual assessment was just a few of those online test things and then a two page questionnaire, which i felt was not very thorough, especially since I had very mixed thoughts/feelings about my own behaviours/ASD symptoms. There was no in person interview or discussion. Before the psychologist realized her mistake, i was fine with with the diagnosis because i thought it was an informal thing to sus out any red flags/potential symptoms. I was originally planning on getting a second opinion in the future once i get a job with insurance. But now knowing that it was an official assessment, I don't know if i should take the refund/rescindtion because, on one hand, it still means something to me to have that diagnosis even if its not as thorough as I'd like, but on the other, if I don't take the refund, I'm basically paying a lot of money to still not feel like I've actually been diagnosed properly.

If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, it would be greatly appreciated! (I also recognize the irony of being a woman who gets diagnosed with autism when she thinks she's allistic when there's so many autistic women/nb people struggling to get an official diagnosis - i hope y'all get the support you need as well!)

#autism #autism diagnosis #asd #adhd #audhd #neurodivergent #neurodivergence

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mono-red-menace · 17 days

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before moving from home my attitude was "i'm not disabled im not i'm not i'm not i just hurt a lot all the time and i struggle to get out of bed and standing is extremely painful and i collapse a LOT because my knee just gives out and i have painful snaps and pops as i walk, especially when i turn, but im not physically disabled im just a whiner it's actually not that bad."

and then i moved here and i started using a cane so i would stop collapsing and i realised HUH. this helps. and my gf kept saying "you're literally physically disabled. please stop pushing yourself to perform at the level of an able bodied person" and like. yk i started to realise. maybe i am disabled.

but i LOATHE being disabled yk. i hate that i can't do things that i like to do yk. i hate that cooking is hard on me and i LOVE to clean the house but its physically painful. i struggle to do anything other than lay in bed a lot of days bc im in a lot of pain and its just.

i want to push past the disability and be able to operate the way others do yk? i want to do things i enjoy and feel accomplished and worthwhile and stuff. but im disabled and it makes me mad.

i'm like SUPER ableist but only toward myself bc like that's just how my family was yk? like i have ALWAYS had a lot of pain from my waist down, from since i was a little kid, but i was always told that i'm just a baby and it's not that bad and i'm just faking because i don't want to do things, yk?

and i wasn't allowed to go to a doctor about the pain or anything i was just supposed to deal with it and work through it and if i didn't i was being lazy and bad.

but then i went to a doctor when i got here and he's like.

"damn you've got some pretty bad degeneration in your hips, and a hip impingement caused by these can deformities in the ball of your hip joint. like this could potentially be early onset osteoarthritis"

and i'm just like. "😰 wait so i do have a physical disability?"

i'm in physical therapy to try to make it manageable and it's helping me a lot, but it's not helping me to be like. Able-Bodied, yk? it's going to help me get to a point where i am not constantly at a like, 5/10 on pain. and the goal is to get me to start operating at a point where im close to able-bodied level, but i will always be physically disabled.

and that's not even touching on the mental disabilities yk. i refused for a very long time to acknowledge that my mental disabilities were disabilities bc i was abused for not being able to perform at the level im supposed to. because im "really smart," so obviously me "not trying" in school is because im lazy, not because im disabled. i was literally offered to move on to like, college when i was like 7 because i was excelling so far beyond my level in the state standardised tests and stuff (they would do like, assessments and stuff, and my math assessment i was already on high-school level when i was 7, and my reading level was Beyond College.) and i turned it down as a kid because i had made my first friend. i'm wondering if i should've taken it now yk, but i think i would've instantly been made aware of exactly how debilitating my ADHD is. but also maybe it would be more one-on-one and would be easier on me, who knows.

anyways.

i'm physically disabled.

and i'm mentally disabled.

and both of these things affect me severely in day-to-day life.

and i'm finally starting to admit it to myself.

but i still haven't fully gotten over the hump, bc i often feel like im a failure, and worthless, literally just because im disabled.

and. i feel like if i don't try to perform beyond my capabilities at all times, im being lazy, and letting the disability win, yk?

and PT is helping me like, mentally get to a point where i'm like, okay. it's okay that i can't perform at the same level as others my age.

but it still sucks bc it doesn't just affect the things i NEED to do, it affects the things I WANT to do.

#long post

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vicekillx · 4 months

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UPDATE: 2024

Usually I make these kinds of post around New Years, but this year I didn't really have anything to say. But now we're a month in and I definitely do.

I feel…different, this year. In a good way, I think. I feel like I'm tired of being complacent and riding coattails. This month has been a whirlwind of getting my shit in line. So far I:

handled two serious family crises smoothly and picked myself back up quickly from both

called my health insurance (phone calls have historically been an hours-long meltdown-inducing debacle for me) twice to switch my PCP because the previous one was consistently booked 3-6 months out and she just forgot to mention the inhaler I pulled out of my bag to show her at my first appointment so I couldn't get a refill on it or my nebulizer when I had COVID; that's been getting put off since August of last year

made an appointment with said new PCP for Feb 1, and I'm hoping they'll be able to refer me to a dentist and optometrist because I desperately need both

got back into therapy with an autism/ADHD specialist who can help me manage those specifically after my previous therapist didn't understand why I couldn't just Do It™; also have assessments lined up for both to get diagnoses

pay more attention to my health in general, including diet and exercise. I'm already down about 10 lb

restructured my planner to include a mood tracker and sleep tracker, and have been better about staying on top of it

got Trello up and running and so far it's working really well for me

have been doing my house chores more consistently, namely cleaning litter boxes and taking care of my snakes and tarantulas (roommates have been picking up my slack but they shouldn't have to, they're my animals)

am able to work more consistently on my designated work days; before it was a lot of chipping away and putting things off rather than sitting down and making actually decent progress

am finally starting a tattoo sleeve I've wanted for a very, very long time as a belated birthday gift to myself

am consistently filling stream sketch slots, which means I can actually make money and pay my bills on-time (and a huge, huge thank you to everyone who signs up, I'm pretty sure this is the primary reason I've been able to pull myself out of the hole. Financial stability is a hell of a drug)

This year I wanna try really hard to keep the train moving along this track. If things keep going the way they are, I could potentially make some pretty big changes in the not so distant future. Some things I'm brainstorming:

UnholyFans

merch other than stickers (seriously I have so many designs in mind, I just haven't had the drive to work on them or the upfront capital to order inventory)

more monster/demon adoptables

I would really like to collab with some other artists, it's been too fuckin long

website restructure

picking up my side business (I did literally zero pieces for it last year oof), ideally with a rebrand

get back into conventions and try some new crowds: reptile/exotic expos, tattoo conventions, oddities expos, sex conventions, BDSM groups…

push the stream setup to be more professional

rekindling the spark for my personal stories and headworld projects

more I have written down somewhere but can't think of off the top of my head

And to be clear, I'm optimistic, but also a realist. I know from experience that shit changes and I could hit a massive depressive slump in a month or two and be back to where I was for most of last year. I'm still not going to promise anything I'm not confident I can deliver. However, that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.

I already got sidetracked with this post, so I'm gonna make a second to get to my original point and I'll come back and add a link to this one when I do. But suffice to say I want to try - again - to breathe some kind of life back into my SubscribeStar. I have some ideas in mind, but I want to hear yall's opinions on it too.

Watch this space ♥

#vice says #update

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uncloseted · 5 days

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what does regulation your nervous system even mean? how important is it to mental health and healing, does it relate to being stuck in a “freeze” mindset? how do we even regulate it?

This is maybe a hot take, but I think that "nervous system dysregulation" is a term that scammy life coaches on the internet came up with to sell people courses they don't need and that aren't really evidence based. I know that seems kind of harsh, but let me explain.

To understand why I think that, we first have to understand how our nervous system actually works (sorry, but I promise it's important!). The autonomic nervous system acts unconsciously and is responsible for things like regulating heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, pupillary response, urination, and sexual arousal. Our autonomic nervous system is split into two main parts (for the purposes of this discussion): the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic nervous system's main function is to activate the arousal responses that occur during the fight-or-flight response, which increases blood flow, especially to the muscle, heart, and brain tissues. The parasympathetic nervous system is in charge of "rest and digest" activities, such as salivation, lacrimation (tears), urination, digestion, and defecation. These systems work together to keep us alive, but there are a few different ways that those systems can go haywire.

Dysautonomia, or disorders that disrupt the automatic nervous system, is one way that our nervous system can stop working properly. Dysautonomia is when your body isn't automatically regulating things that should be automatic, like blood pressure, body temperature, breathing, digestion, heart rate, and sweating. People can develop dysautonomia as a result of a number of different medical conditions, including MS, Lyme Disease, POTS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Vitamin B12 deficiency, and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (my people!), among others.

Emotional dysregulation , a symptom of mental health conditions where a person has trouble regulating their emotions, is also a Real Thing. People who have a difficult time regulating their emotions may have trouble altering their moods, become easily frustrated, be impulsive, have mood swings, or struggle with anger and irritability. PTSD, personality disorders, OCD, depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, autism, and ADHD can all cause difficulty regulating emotions. This isn't necessarily a nervous system problem per se, but it's what we might think of as run of the mill "dysregulation" that people experience.

Hypervigilance, a symtpom of mental health conditions where a person is constantly assessing potential threats around them, is also A Thing. This, I think, is closest to what people mean when they're talking about a "dysregulated nervous system". There's still debate about what causes PTSD from a neuroendocrinology standpoint, but the thought is that PTSD develops when a person has an over-reactive adrenaline response to a traumatic event. Their brain essentially stores things that are related to the traumatic event as "reasons to go into fight or flight mode", and as a result, their sympathetic nervous system puts the body into flight or fight mode more frequently than it should. The parasympathetic nervous system eventually kicks in and restores the person to homeostasis, but it may take longer for people with PTSD than without. This is all very simplified, but you didn't come here for a lecture on neuroscience, so I'm not going to bore you with more details.

So. This is pretty much where the scientific literature on nervous system regulation and dysregulation ends. You'll notice that "freeze" as an alternative to "fight or flight" doesn't come up. While "freeze" is a response to threats, it's mainly observed in prey animals, and it seems unclear if or how that behavior is present in humans, although some scientists speculate that a freeze response is present (at least from what I could find). So where does this idea that the average person has a "nervous system" that is "dysregulated" and "stuck in freeze mode" come from?

My best guess is that these ideas are based on something called "polyvagal theory" that was proposed by neuroscientist Stephen Porges in 1994. This theory suggests that the parasympathetic nervous system actually has two parts: a "ventral vagal system" which supports social engagement and self-soothing behaviors, and a "dorsal vagal system" which supports immobilization behaviours- not just "rest and digest" as we typically think, but also "defensive immobilization" (what we might call "freeze"). Other neuroscientists took this idea a step further, and made the claim that for people who have experienced trauma, their vagal system is dysregulated.

That all sounds reasonable, right? But the issue with it is that it just... doesn't appear to be the case. In a 2023 review of this theory, it was stated that, "there is broad consensus among experts […] that each basic physiological assumption of the polyvagal theory is untenable. Much of the existing evidence, upon which these consensuses are grounded, strongly indicates that the underlying polyvagal hypotheses have been falsified." It is, of course, possible that further research will validate this theory, but as it stands now, it appears to just not be the way that our brains work.

However, polyvagal theory is something that sounds like it would be true. It has a lot of science-sounding explanations behind it and a lot of high-profile proponents. There are even some therapists that have incorporated it into their work. And there are lots and lots of people online who want to teach you "how to regulate your nervous system" for the low low price of $675 USD.

Taking off my snarky hat for a second here, I do genuinely think that the people who are proponents of polyvagal theory think that it works. As I said, it sounds scientific and it intuitively feels like it makes sense. I think it's also reflecting something that a lot of people feel right now, which is a general unease with the world and a feeling like they don't know how to let themselves rest. I think a lot of the things that polyvagal therapists or coaches teach are probably valid strategies, and the polyvagal bit is kind of a "purple hat therapy". Things like "getting 7-9 hours of sleep", "deep breathing", "exercising", "taking tech-free time", "meditation", and "walking on grass" will probably make you feel better, whether they're "regulating your vagus nerve" or not. So in that sense, I don't think that it really matters why people are doing these things as long as they're doing them.

I will also say that regulating your nervous system when you're in the middle of a fight-or-flight response is a real thing with its own techniques. Especially for people who struggle with anxiety disorders or PTSD, having those regulation tools is incredibly important, and even for the average person, these tools can help us calm down when we're angry, frustrated, or upset. Emotional regulation tools can include things like deep breathing, using distraction techniques (like the 5-4-3-2-1 method), or using an intense sensation (like holding an ice cube or eating a sour candy) to jolt your brain away from the thing you're anxious about.

But if you're experiencing symptoms of "nervous system dysregulation", it's important to see a medical doctor and then a qualified mental health professional. What worries me about things like "nervous system dysregulation" is that people will write off serious concerns as something that can be solved by tapping on their vagus nerve and taking cold showers as opposed to something that needs attention from a medical professional. For example, if you're experienced something traumatic that has made you hypervigilant, that's something that you need to process with a mental health professional. If you're experiencing cognitive symptoms like difficulty concentrating and forgetfulness, that's something to bring up with a doctor in case there are other issues causing those symptoms, like a vitamin deficiency. If you're experiencing symptoms like lightheadedness upon standing, high blood pressure, or a fast or irregular heartbeat, that's something to bring up with a doctor in case there are other issues causing those symptoms, such as a connective tissue disorder. I could have easily written my symptoms off as "nervous system dysregulation" and never have known that I had a genetic connective tissue disorder until it was too late.

So, I guess the TL;DR here is that 1. the definition of nervous system regulation depends on who you ask and the context in which you ask it, but it generally means using techniques to calm down when a person is in a heightened emotional state, 2. it's important to mental health and healing in that these techniques can help you manage your emotions, especially if you deal with anxiety or PTSD, 3. nervous system regulation is related to a "freeze" mindset if you are a proponent of polyvagal theory, where they believe that regulating your nervous system will get you out of the "freeze mindset", and 4. you can regulate your nervous system by generally taking care of your body, practicing relaxation, and learning how to interrupt the "fight or flight" mode when you're in the middle of it.

There are other things to say on this topic, but this post is getting kind of long and I'm afraid it's getting kind of dense, so I'll stop here. I also want to make a quick disclaimer that I tried to make this as easy to understand as possible, but in doing so I may have messed up the science a bit. Please let me know if you see any errors. This is adjacent to what I studied at school, but it's been a while since I was last in a neuroscience class.

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abucketofweird · 2 months

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Neurodivergence and processing disorders:

I learned about processing speeds recently and let me tell you I have NEVER felt more comfortable with how I am

“Processing speed is the time that lapses from when you receive information until you understand it and start to respond.”

Neurodivergent people typically have a slower processing speed than neurotypical people (due to how much information we take in and other things) which causes us to “learn” at a slower rate

But we are still intelligent and can pick up these things! I am worthy of learning and being taught!

There are many different types of processing disorders such as visual, auditory, and sensory are common!

A great article:

More information and resources below the cut!

I recently had a tough emotionally hurtful moment after a professor asked me to stop asking so many questions because I was slowing down the class. And I get it! We have 50 minutes and a LOT to cover! She offered me so many resources and support! That helped but I was still embarrassed and kind of hurt and I can’t stop thinking about it.

The neurotypical set up for schools and other jobs is unhelpful for our learning. And we need to let people learn at their own pace with resources and support from those around us.

Anyways that comfort of knowing really helped me understand myself and how to go about my classes in a way I never have before! I hope some of you can relate to this and feel better about yourselves!

Some things I experience that can be attributed to this sometimes:

- I need things repeated in many ways

- I can’t memorize 50 things in a week (spelling is also difficult for me which affects the next one)

-I can’t copy notes from the board quickly because I forget the words almost immediately

-I can’t ever do math quickly, and have trouble recognizing patterns as quickly…

- when learning new things in a lecture setting or in a conversation I miss other information trying to process the first thing or what they said.

- underestimating the time a task will take for me which is typically longer than others.

- exam anxiety because I freeze and need to reread instructions or questions more time

- making decisions because it takes me longer to focus on all of the information

Some other articles that I found:

This one is specific to children (because adult neurodivergence is rarely studied) but thinking back to my childhood these were my experiences:

An article that discusses ADHD and slow progressing speed more specifically in an office job setting and some suggestions on accommodating it:

A reputable study done in 2018 that focuses on young adults that suggests autistic people do experience this:

#nerodivergent #nerodiversity #sensory processing disorder #auditory processing disorder #visual progressing disorder #adhd #autstic #autism #disability advocacy #processing speed #actually autistic

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thelightofthingshopedfor · 1 year

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actually I’m moving this to a new post because fuck it

okay so I finally looked at the reply, and

Even though there is no good way to prepare for a neuropsychological evaluation, other than to get a good night sleep and avoid feeling hungry, it is not unusual to feel as though you could have done something more. In regards to the self-assessment tests you took on-line, research has demonstrated that some of them result in high false positive rates, which decreases the validity of the results (Sara Jones, Maria Johnson, et al Autism Research and Treatment; Bram Sizoo, EH Horowitz, et al Autism journal). Other psychiatric diagnoses besides autism can result in elevated scores on these self-tests. Neurocognitive discrepancies and deficiencies frequently associated with autism were not part of your pattern of test results. As I mentioned in the report you have symptoms consistent with autism but there isnt enough to reach the severity of an autism diagnosis. The results in my opinion are more accurately described by social anxiety, ADHD, and a persistent anxious mood disturbance. I appreciate your desire to better understand yourself and the test results and hope you are also able to discuss these questions with your therapist as well.

a) maybe I’m overly sensitive (...fine, I’m almost certain I’m overly sensitive) but this feels patronizing b) part of my entire point in sending self-test results and discussing additional things that didn’t come up in the interview was to point out, hey, I have potentially new information that didn’t come up in the interview so maybe the evaluation should be reconsidered, at least a little bit, in light of that new information? and this basically sounds like “no, I’ve already decided your social difficulties are based on anxiety and new information doesn’t affect that because the cognitive tests don’t indicate autism.”

in some ways, I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t find this upsetting because it’s not like they came back saying I’m neurotypical, they did confirm the ADHD so that’s something, especially because it's been pretty destabilizing the way my prescriber has always been kind of half-hearted about it (”yeah you fit the criteria but also it’s not a severe case, everybody forgets things sometimes, hmm wait you’re not responding to stimulant meds so maybe it’s not ADHD after all and I should change my diagnosis, idk”). and since there’s so much symptom overlap between ADHD, anxiety, and autism, maybe it shouldn’t matter that I only have a diagnosis for two of the three.

but it feels like--if it’s social anxiety, it’s on me to fix it. I have to work on it, and expose myself more, and put myself out there, and do exhausting shit that kind of makes me want to cry just thinking about it, and maybe if I work hard enough and burn myself out learning every social cue ever, I’ll eventually stop fucking up and manage to be normal, and maybe friends will stop ghosting me. I’m sure the healthier way to look at that is that it’s fixable and I should feel empowered to do something about it, but I don’t, I just feel exhausted and overwhelmed because I’m being asked to do something I don’t have the energy to do.

if I’m autistic, I’m...never going to be normal. I have to mask in certain settings, but the healthiest thing is to not mask as much as possible, to try to be authentic, whatever that ends up meaning. That’s...not necessarily good, because as I understand it a lot of people only like the mask, but at least that might mean it’s not my fault that people keep ghosting me, you know?

I don’t know, I’m probably looking at this all wrong because I just do that, because at this point my brain is so fucking rewired by depression I don’t know how to fix that either, but it feels like if it’s all social anxiety, any problems I have are my fault unless I put in the effort to fake everything, using energy I don’t have...whereas if I’m autistic, at least then maybe it’s not my fault, maybe I’m not already automatically wrong because it’s just how I am.

oh. and I did cancel my appointment with my prescriber. but I for sure do need to reschedule that one, because unlike my therapist I have her assistant actually calling back to arrange rescheduling something, plus you know I need to keep having appointments to keep refilling my prescriptions. only I still don’t want to. and I don’t really want to reschedule with my therapist either. probably I need to find a new therapist but just the thought of starting that process also makes me want to cry, so that’s not super great either

#brains behaving badly #autism #actually adhd

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 8 months

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hi there! i've been professionally diagnosed with ADHD for what has been my entire life, and i've never felt too bad about this. however, i'm starting to get confused. whenever i read posts that talk about both the similarities and differences of ADHD and autism, i find that i fit the autistic side ... all of the time. not kidding. i went back and checked and i barely relate to the ADHD issues. i'm beginning to doubt my own diagnosis now and if i was potentially misdiagnosed. since this is a blog about general neurodivergencies, i found this the best place to ask if you may have any advice for my dilemma? thanks in advanced!

Hi there,

ADHD and Autism often cooccur together, as there is quite the overlap. Here’s a Venn diagram showing the similarities and differences between them.

Have you considered getting assessed for Autism too? You might have both. I’m more on the autism side too, as I’m diagnosed with it, but I also have some ADHD symptoms. But I was never diagnosed with it.

If you’d like, you can try to get an assessment to be sure. There’s also misdiagnosis too, so keep that in mind. Also, if you’re female, the symptoms appear to be different due to masking.

Sorry for the rambling there. Maybe my followers can offer thier opinions too.

Thanks for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

#inbox #inbox ready #inbox is open

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hannahsassessmentjourney · 7 months

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Hi! Edited this page to change my name because I was trying out a different name and have since discovered that no, actually, I do like Hannah, Han or simply H (all have their own charm to them).

This blog is supposed to chronicle any thoughts and feelings and observations I may have that are relevant to my upcoming assessment. I'm not entirely sure what's being assessed, but I do know it's over the course of four sessions, is quite expensive, and ought to be comprehensive - at least, that's what the doctor described it as. And ultimately it's for suspected ASD. I and some others also suspect ADHD, whether AuDHD or simply ADHD on its own. I remember first looking down the diagnostic checklist and thinking, 'Well, this explains my entire life.' So I think it's very likely I have ADHD, whether or not I have ASD or not - but the doctors seem to be focusing on the potential ASD aspect.

It's pretty clear I have family history of ASD, despite what some family members may say. *side eyes my mother who is convinced it doesn't exist in our family* So I'll be very curious as to where this journey leads me.

I invite you to join me.

#autism #asd #neurodivergent #autistic #I'm not going to use the 'actually autistic' tag until I know for sure.#adhd #adhd inattentive #The first assessment is 14th Nov. Then 24th. Then December first. Then feedback five weeks later or so.#You may know it's me from my main since this profile pic is one I've shared on my main before.

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lightandwinged · 1 year

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SO. I've been trying for a hot minute to get an autism diagnosis because even though I'm 99% sure I'm autistic, you can't really use that if you're requesting accommodations somewhere (like a place of employ or a school or what-have-you). I'm self-diagnosed, in other words, which is a thing I used to hate, but I've obviously changed my mind there because (a) who fucking cares, and (b) getting an actual diagnosis as an adult woman is a bit like trying to run a marathon in swim flippers. Like you might get there eventually, but you've been given such an absurd handicap that it's easier to just give up about a hundred feet in and take a cab.

The tl;dr is that I finally had an appointment and while I didn't get an autism diagnosis (because, as it turned out, the neuropsychiatrist I saw literally could not do that without my insurance then charging me several thousand dollars wtf), it was not ruled out; and I did get diagnosed with inattentive-type ADHD (which tracks) and nonverbal learning disorder (which is new).

With the ADHD, I am not surprised because apparently the latest version of the DSM categorizes a lot of women's autism cases as being funky ADHD. But it also tracks with the way my life has kind of worked to this point, so even though I don't think ADHD explains everything, it does at least track with my shitty homework doing abilities, my failure to pay attention to literally anything by itself no matter how much I want to do so, and a whole host of other WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS, BRAIN, things. I have no idea what the next steps will be there--typically, I'd be like sure, let's try drugs, but apparently all the ADHD meds that exist are rare to find these days, so we're just going to put a pin in that and come back to it some other time.

And then there's the NVLD, which is.

Okay.

It's not a new diagnosis as a whole because it's been talked about since ages ago and thrown around as a diagnosis for people since at least the 80s, BUT it's really coming into prominence lately since Asperger's Syndrome was correctly removed as a potential diagnosis. The name is stupid because it makes it sound like I'm nonverbal completely, which I am the opposite. What the disorder actually entails is struggling with literally everything that isn't verbal learning; or not even struggling but it doesn't come as easily as verbal learning. Like part of my diagnosis was an IQ test, and I'm apparently a literal genius when it comes to verbal intelligence, but everything else was in the normal range, which isn't BAD but also when you're REALLY good at one thing and then everything else is just normal, it feels like you're bad at everything else.

Anyway, it's basically marked by exactly that, being really good at verbal intelligence and then having struggles of varying levels in other areas, especially visual/spatial and social. It's typically comorbid with at least one other neurodivergence (ADHD, autism, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc.), but it's not a diagnosis in the DSM just yet, so it's the kind of thing where knowing you have it helps with recognizing that no, it's not my fault that I trip over thick clumps of air and can't do math or socialize to save my life BUT I also can't really go into a workplace and be like "you need to allow me this this and this accommodation because NVLD" because without DSM recognition, it's not necessarily legally protected, which is bullshit.

But I guess that's what the ADHD is for.

IN ANY CASE. I've also decided not to give up on an autism diagnosis because it's possible but it's an uphill battle. I have to find the funds for it (because insurance won't cover the assessment), and then I have to find a neuropsychiatrist who won't take insurance so that I can actually get assessed, and THEN I have to get an appointment, but I want to have it on record, one way or another.

And also this basically has me pretty solidly certain that once I've figured out the fibromyalgia pain and fatigue, writing A Lot needs to happen because like... if you're Very Gifted With Words and not writing, maybe you should change that, or maybe just I should, idk.

#autism #adhd #nvld #abby has brain things

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witchy-fennec · 9 months

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Psychiatrist at appointment to re-dx my ADHD: “You’re too social to be autistic. You score high on a lot of autistic traits, but you’re not autistic according to the old DSM criteria based solely on what I observed in very specific situations.”

Congrats, you’ve only seen me on good days where I was likely masking and totally ignored the small cracks in my masking ability. Newsflash, I love stuff to do with psychology, which makes it easier to interact despite your shitty bright lighting.

On report: says good hygiene

Reality: I literally have not brushed my teeth in weeks and most of my morning showers equate to just letting the water run and getting warmth from it, but okay.🙃

On report: many mentions of social anxiety

Reality: It’s not social anxiety. I have GAD, but I do not have social anxiety; I have no idea how the fuck you got social anxiety, especially when saying how apparently social I am.

On report: patient denies aggression and thoughts of aggression

Reality: I never denied thoughts!!! It’s not my fault the self assessment thing doesn’t distinguish between action and thought.🙃

This is an old white man who very vocally said to me “The DSM criteria went from 8 criteria down to 3” as if that meant the latest DSM is wrong for making the autism spectrum more of an actual spectrum. He’s also basing whether I’m autistic or not by my symptoms/traits compared to his 8yo daughter who happens to be nonverbal. As if lower support needs autistics don’t exist. But hey, at least I got my ADHD dx that I needed for stuff. Also very interesting how he was all “Diagnosing autism really blew up in (year)”, but conveniently didn’t do the same regarding ADHD.🤔

I was also diagnosed with PDD-NOS years prior to this, which is on the autism spectrum. I’m also not nearly as social as he thinks I am, especially with how he wasn’t actually listening when I informed him of how I interact normally and my utter disinterest before my first ever friend, who was my only friend for a while and only because she approached me. He seems to think the criteria being updated to accommodate the merging of what used to be called Asperger’s in older DSM criteria somehow allows over half of the human population to meet said criteria, which, no??? That’s not how that works? That’s not what the criteria says. He also got very smirky when he commented whether I knew the diagnostic codes, which wtf does that have to do with symptoms/traits and the actual diagnostics? I liked him when I was in high school getting dxed solely for ADHD because he actually genuinely listened back then. Now, it just feels like he’s on some power trip and not willing to let go of old biases because there was a lot of stuff he didn’t listen to me on throughout everything and seems to think my stimming is solely for the sake of concentration when there’s way more to it than that, there’s the aspect of doing it for the sensory input, during times I’m not focusing on anything at all with no need to focus. He clearly is one of the types of people who doesn’t acknowledge the differences in presentation between ADHD, autism, and AuDHD, and has bias for The Old Ways. Of course I don’t seem autistic to someone like that. I have enough traits that are strong to be confirmed autistic, but his reasoning just seems to be “Can speak and look social on the few days I spoke with them, so any and all possible social issues can only be social anxiety” and that just doesn’t seem right? He never bothered to go in depth with any of the testing, just redid the stuff for ADHD and the self-assessments didn’t have nearly enough questions that could potentially detect autism in someone who can mask with all of it being exactly the same as from when I was originally dxed with ADHD, so absolutely no digging further to be certain nothing was missed. He definitely already made his decision on whether I was autistic or not before we even started. Even though I never made eye contact, even though there is enough overlap in symptoms between ADHD and autism, especially in someone who’s both, that it can be overlooked. There was absolutely no attempt to truly rule out autism beyond assessing ADHD and anxiety, which he dxed me with social anxiety when I am definitely not that, I have GAD because that’s how my brain works and things that have nothing to do with social interaction make me anxious. Like, yes, of course there are gonna be inevitable social things that prod my anxiety; there’s no avoiding that in a society, especially when forced to socialise. But because he’s so set in finding reasons to say I’m not autistic, he refused to listen when I explained, repeatedly (and not exactly all that well because verbal communication and on the spot attempt), why it wasn’t specifically social anxiety of the type of anxiety I have. I’m also apparently very needy of social interaction while at the same time being of “normal” social neediness. I’m pretty sure I was more happy alone in my room than socialising for all my life, but okay.🙃

He really just refuses to acknowledge that I don’t care to socialise because I don’t feel a need to beyond minimum necessity, such as for a job, and with a few select people face to face, the rest preferably being DMs/text only. Socialising is exhausting and I just want to get away from society with the few people I actually want any social interaction from. Also, the first times he saw me, I was more than old enough to have learned from observation what is and is not socially acceptable, especially given my “intelligence”, strong interest in words/vocabulary/grammar/etc., and ability to mask traits apart from certain types of pain as well as experience. He still doesn’t know that my issues with eating have to do with sensory sensitivities. He never asked. I’m guessing that, like my mother, he just assumes it’s related to my sleep troubles? I’ll never know because there’s no point in asking that when he treated me the way he did, especially since I’m never seeing him again.

He was also smug enough to make a comment about how other doctors could have dxed wrong. As if he’s immune to being wrong himself. So sayeth the man who would rather go with outdated criteria as if a lot of research didn’t go into updated portions of the latest DSM. Lost my trust entirely right there.

He also had the nerve to tell me “every action has a reason” as if I said anything otherwise when explaining that my being in verbal shutdown (worded it as not being able to speak) wasn’t an anxiety thing. The reason is my vocal chords just don’t wanna work some days and it’s something other than anxiety because my anxiety was almost nonexistent that day.

#autism #autistic #asd #dx #diagnosis #autism dx #autism diagnosis #ableism #actually autistic #pdd-nos #autism spectrum #low support needs #autism is a spectrum

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